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Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's The Velvet's

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Speaker 1: Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson. I was just telling you

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Speaker 1: when you messaged me last week about doing another podcast.

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Speaker 1: I was like, and you said, I think the last

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Speaker 1: moment it was right after my mental health break, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, wait, what's a mental health break? Because

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Speaker 1: maybe that's what I need in my life right now.

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Speaker 1: I think it was definitely a universe thing. I was.

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Speaker 1: I just hit a wall finally, I think, and kind

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Speaker 1: of the world felt like it was collapsing, and I

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Speaker 1: have had a hard time working. I am just like completely,

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Speaker 1: it's like almost feeling like brain dead in some capacity. Um,

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Speaker 1: so will you just share with us? And I mean

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Speaker 1: I told you too. I was like, I just want

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Speaker 1: to record our phone conversation and if it's good, I

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Speaker 1: want to I want to put it out to the

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Speaker 1: listeners because I'm about to take a mental health break.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that was the name of it, but

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Speaker 1: that's what I'm gonna be doing. And thank you for

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Speaker 1: giving me that burbage. Um. And I didn't really know

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Speaker 1: what to say to people about where I'm going, Like

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Speaker 1: I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to be in

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Speaker 1: Nashville at my house doing some inner work. But I

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Speaker 1: need to take a break period. That's just relations Thank you,

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Speaker 1: You're giving yourself a gift. And when I found myself

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Speaker 1: feeling very much like what you described, I didn't really

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Speaker 1: have a game plan either. I didn't know it was

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Speaker 1: something we were allowed to do. Like, wait, what You're

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Speaker 1: allowed to stop because you don't feel good? Like it's

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Speaker 1: not something we are taught to allow ourselves, Like God forbid.

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Speaker 1: If I had been diagnosed with some physical ailment, maybe

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Speaker 1: then I would have given myself permission sooner and like,

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Speaker 1: oh no, I'm sick, I have to stop. But when

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Speaker 1: it's your mental health that's suffering, I think we all

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Speaker 1: quietly endure as long as we can until one day

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Speaker 1: we can't, and that's when the break comes in. And

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Speaker 1: for me, it's change my life for the better in

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Speaker 1: so many ways. But it takes a lot of courage

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Speaker 1: to even just say those words like I'm taking a break. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I mean you are a business owner. You've been

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Speaker 1: on the podcast before. Everyone knows about my peaker ring.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe I forgot to put it on for

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Speaker 1: this podcast, But obviously I'm going to break, so I

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Speaker 1: don't even I don't even get dressed anymore. Um, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: I wear it all the time. It's become kind of

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Speaker 1: one of my staples that everyone knows. It's my little

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Speaker 1: diamond peaky ring a word on TV, everyone was like,

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Speaker 1: where'd you get that? Are you engaged? I'm like, no

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Speaker 1: to myself, but um, you have an amazing company called

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Speaker 1: Friend and Far, and you've also you're an author, and

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Speaker 1: you've written all these amazing words about self love and

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Speaker 1: the ABC's of self love? Like how do you do that?

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Speaker 1: And to me, when I hear about achieving like that,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you don't take a break like that? That

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Speaker 1: that is what we're programmed to believe, right, Like when

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Speaker 1: you were just talking, I was thinking to myself, I

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Speaker 1: literally still don't know that it's okay to take a break.

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Speaker 1: And that is such an odd feeling, and especially like

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Speaker 1: when you tie it into business, because you're just afraid

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Speaker 1: it's all going to go away. Yeah, and and for me,

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Speaker 1: we I looked up the date you and I did

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Speaker 1: our podcast episode at the beginning of January. I think

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Speaker 1: it was January eighteen at that time. During that call,

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Speaker 1: I knew I was burnt out, but I had no

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Speaker 1: plans to stop, because who stops. Nobody stops. So we

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Speaker 1: had this amazing podcast episode and if people go back

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Speaker 1: and listen to it, they'll be like, no, she sounds

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Speaker 1: perfectly normal, like full steam ahead. I had plans. I

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Speaker 1: had all these things we talked about. I was so

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Speaker 1: proud of everything that this self love movement has accomplished

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Speaker 1: so far. I had no plans of stopping. And then

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Speaker 1: later that month, it was a full moon and it

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Speaker 1: was like a super moon or something, and I don't

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Speaker 1: know why. That night I went outside and I sat

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Speaker 1: under the moon with my journal, something I've never ever

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Speaker 1: done before in my life, and I said, please tell

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Speaker 1: me what to do, like I can't continue like this anymore.

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Speaker 1: And I'm crying right now because that feeling is still

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Speaker 1: in my body. And I just was looking for permission,

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Speaker 1: I guess, and that night, in the light of the moon,

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Speaker 1: I gave it to myself. And the next day I

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Speaker 1: went into work and I decided, I'm going to sell

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Speaker 1: all my inventory, whatever I have, and come hell or

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Speaker 1: high water at the end of March, I'm taking a

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Speaker 1: break and I'm not going to explain anything to anybody.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to say when I'm going to come back.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if if I'm going to come back.

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Speaker 1: All I know is I need a break. And that's

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Speaker 1: exactly what I did. I sold whatever I could. I

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Speaker 1: was very transparent with everybody, like I'm going on a

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Speaker 1: mental health break. And then I allowed the wheels of

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Speaker 1: my life to stop turning at a million miles an hour,

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Speaker 1: and I started creating space for myself to be in

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Speaker 1: my body, to rest, to heal, to not have an

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Speaker 1: agenda every single minute of the day. And you know,

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Speaker 1: part of the reason I wanted to have this call

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Speaker 1: with you is to share, like how much was born

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Speaker 1: during that time period. And you know, I've written several

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Speaker 1: books and I'm working on a new one right now

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Speaker 1: that's coming out in the fall. And this poem, I

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Speaker 1: haven't even written the poem yet, but this is the line.

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Speaker 1: Right to pause is power. Pausing is your power. And

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Speaker 1: I have experienced that firsthand, and I hope that for you, Kelly,

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Speaker 1: like what comes of this period is exactly that. Recognizing

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Speaker 1: that you pausing isn't weakness, it's exactly the opposite. I'm

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Speaker 1: like losing so much not but um, everything you're saying

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Speaker 1: is exactly what I'm feeling, you know, Like it's been

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Speaker 1: this a whole three years of just shit and like

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Speaker 1: a lot, and I don't think I realized for how

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Speaker 1: many years I've been just gripping and trying to hold

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Speaker 1: everything up. And it's so hard because externally, a lot

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Speaker 1: of times that's when people think, oh my god, you're

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Speaker 1: killing it, you know, and look at this, look at

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Speaker 1: all the stuff you've built, or oh my god, look

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Speaker 1: at this podcast that's doing amazing, or look you're on TV, like,

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Speaker 1: look at all this stuff. And for me, it took

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Speaker 1: it all kind of crashing to the point where I

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Speaker 1: and the pandemic and things that I literally genuinely couldn't control.

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Speaker 1: I went through fertility stuff, and that's been the first

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Speaker 1: time in my life I have not been able to

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Speaker 1: work hard enough to get something. I don't know what

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Speaker 1: that means, like that I didn't realize that that I

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Speaker 1: will do whatever I need to do, regardless of my health,

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Speaker 1: in order to achieve the things that I want. And unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: it feels like our culture just applaudse that, you know, like,

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Speaker 1: and it's just the scariest thing for me. But then

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Speaker 1: last week happened that I got to the is where

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I've had some feedback from some podcast stuff

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Speaker 1: that I did, and um, someone said, I just didn't

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Speaker 1: even that was so funny. You said that I didn't

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Speaker 1: even like recognize that in you, And I thought to myself,

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Speaker 1: I don't recognize that in me, Like I don't even

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Speaker 1: know who I even anymore. I'm doing things out of

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Speaker 1: emotion or like like going through the motions, knowing certain

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Speaker 1: things too that like numbers wise can work, or you know,

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Speaker 1: following a storyline or trying. It's just like there's so

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Speaker 1: much out there that you just start going with the

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Speaker 1: things that you know people. It's what what's going to

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Speaker 1: get people. And that's not who I am from what

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Speaker 1: I used to know of me at least. But I've

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Speaker 1: gotten so off track that I'm having a hard time

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Speaker 1: even getting in touch with what I enjoy doing, what

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Speaker 1: it fills me up? What is my purpose? Like why

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Speaker 1: am I here? I I have no idea, And so

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Speaker 1: it literally just I woke up one morning and had

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Speaker 1: a hard conversation with someone who was listening the podcast.

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Speaker 1: And it was the perfect conversation though, because it finally

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Speaker 1: got me to the place of like, I can't do

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Speaker 1: this anymore. I just can't. I set in my backyard

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Speaker 1: all day and listen to a playlist, Um, like that's

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Speaker 1: really soothing for me. And I just sobbed and stared

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Speaker 1: at nature and I was like, yeah, this, I'm unwell,

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Speaker 1: this is not good. Did you ever have just like

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Speaker 1: a moment like that. Oh yeah, I'm telling you. It

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Speaker 1: was under the moon. I lost my ship. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: literally lost it. And what I have learned, at least

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Speaker 1: for me, and it's your echoing it right back to

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Speaker 1: me right now, is that ego driven productivity. Like productivity

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Speaker 1: that's driven by your me to achieve and to validate

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Speaker 1: your worth through some external means. It kills your intuition,

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Speaker 1: Like it literally dulls it to the point where you

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Speaker 1: no longer know who you are, why you're here, what

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Speaker 1: you're supposed to do, or how to feel good. Like

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Speaker 1: your intuition is the answer to all of those things.

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Speaker 1: Your intuition helps you know who you are, why you're here,

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Speaker 1: what you're supposed to be doing, and how to feel good.

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Speaker 1: And when you fill up all the space in your

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Speaker 1: life with this conquest of like more likes, more follows,

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Speaker 1: more episodes, more sales, more networking, more and more and more. Um,

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Speaker 1: you're actually giving up a lot and you end up

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Speaker 1: with a lot less because you end up with no

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Speaker 1: space for yourself. And what you did in the backyard

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Speaker 1: listening to music and looking to nature and allowing yourself

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Speaker 1: to feel it's probably like the most intuitive thing you've

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Speaker 1: done in a really long time. And even though it's hard,

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Speaker 1: like that's you being reborn and coming home to yourself

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Speaker 1: and I think that's so beautiful, like for you to

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Speaker 1: share that with me, Well, the truth is it had

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Speaker 1: on the phone with my best friend. I'm sorry, my

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Speaker 1: voice is so shiky. This is very emotional for me,

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Speaker 1: but um, she was like, you know everyone, it was

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Speaker 1: the middle of the work week. It was like a Wednesday,

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Speaker 1: and she said to me like, okay, could you just

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Speaker 1: maybe put on your shoes and go for a walk,

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Speaker 1: try to clear your head, like, and let's figure out

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Speaker 1: like next right stuff kind of stuff, you know, Like

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Speaker 1: I had a podcast scheduled that day and she was like,

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Speaker 1: first things first, you gotta cancel that podcast, like you

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Speaker 1: can't do this to yourself today, and then cancel the

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Speaker 1: one you have tomorrow. And for me, you know, I

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Speaker 1: had an artist book too, and I just was like,

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Speaker 1: I can't, I can't do that, Like I just and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, that's how I've been operating though, is I'm

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Speaker 1: literally having what I would call a somewhat nervous breakdown.

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Speaker 1: And I was so concerned about losing that guest or

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Speaker 1: offending someone's schedule that I couldn't even formulate that. And

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Speaker 1: she was like, no, you're doing that, and then call

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Speaker 1: me back and then she's like, Okay, now maybe you

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Speaker 1: should go for a walk or something. And you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm lucky that I have really good friends like this,

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Speaker 1: but I realized it was almost two in the afternoon

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Speaker 1: and I hadn't eaten a bite of food and I

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Speaker 1: couldn't even get the energy to go on a walk.

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Speaker 1: Like that's how out of touch I had gotten. And

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Speaker 1: that just like for me when she said that, I

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Speaker 1: was just again hitting these places and so the best

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Speaker 1: I could do was go sit in my backyard, and

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Speaker 1: like you said, it was it did bring me peace,

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Speaker 1: and eventually a couple of my friends showed up at

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Speaker 1: my house. Um, I felt like an episode of the

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Speaker 1: Intervention or something, but in some ways it it is

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Speaker 1: you know, and I don't. Again, I think it's a

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Speaker 1: hard saying this achieving piece and this perfectionist peace, and

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Speaker 1: especially in a culture that's just so driven by success

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Speaker 1: and like you said, the likes and all of that stuff,

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Speaker 1: to set it down or to say to yourself, maybe

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Speaker 1: this needs a pause, Maybe this needs something, it needs

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Speaker 1: to shift it and not to have the answer yet

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Speaker 1: and just to sit in this stillness can be both

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Speaker 1: extremely freeing and extremely terrifying all at the same time.

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Speaker 1: Because and by the way, like you said, the name

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Speaker 1: of my book that's coming out in September, the shift.

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Speaker 1: That's what this everything I do now is about that,

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Speaker 1: like how to create the shift, like you are in

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Speaker 1: my brain and it's crazy. We've always been that way crazy.

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Speaker 1: Here's the thing. The reason taking a pause is scary

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Speaker 1: is because from the minute we're born, we are taught

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Speaker 1: to focus on what comes next. At least for me,

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Speaker 1: like it was like, Okay, I'm going to be an

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Speaker 1: elementary school, but then I'm gonna apply to prep school,

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Speaker 1: and then from there, I'm going to apply to college

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to pick a major, and then I'm

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Speaker 1: going to go to graduate school and then I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: have a career and then I'm gonna get married and

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Speaker 1: get a dog, get a house, and have kids, and

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Speaker 1: like everything is already planned. It's all about what is

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Speaker 1: the next step. We've never allowed for the next step

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Speaker 1: to be joyfully unknown. It's always fearfully planned, like that's God,

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Speaker 1: that's so good, that's us right, Instead of joyfully unknown,

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Speaker 1: it's fearfully planned. And we chain ourselves to these like

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Speaker 1: hamster wheels, and we just think if we run fast enough,

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Speaker 1: then we will prove that we're going to get everything

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Speaker 1: we deserve. And we lived up to our potential and

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Speaker 1: we were perfect enough, and we made an impact enough,

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Speaker 1: and we were liked enough, and we were generous enough,

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Speaker 1: and so on and so on. What I am curious

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Speaker 1: about is like, what if we all just collectively decided

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Speaker 1: that being here, alive, in this moment and breathing is enough.

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Speaker 1: Like what if that's what the past two years we're

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Speaker 1: here to teach us that we can plan and we

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Speaker 1: can be strategic, and then something can come and take

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Speaker 1: it all away from us. And if we are not

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Speaker 1: in tune with ourselves, if we are not joyfully present

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Speaker 1: in the here and now, there will be nothing for us,

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Speaker 1: because everything can get taken away. And that happened, right like,

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Speaker 1: and we're all still living the stress of it. I

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Speaker 1: went to a restaurant last night and everyone around me

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Speaker 1: was eating and drinking and joyful, and all I could

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Speaker 1: think was, like, am I going to get COVID tonight?

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Speaker 1: Like I could not get that thought out of my mind.

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Speaker 1: And we all live with that collective trauma of feeling

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Speaker 1: totally unsafe. Um, But there is a liberation in it,

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Speaker 1: right Like, there is also this great awakening that like

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Speaker 1: a lot of the things that we thought mattered really didn't.

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Speaker 1: A lot of the stuff we were accumulating we didn't

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Speaker 1: really need, And maybe it's time for us to be

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Speaker 1: ourselves and choose to be deliberate about how we spend

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Speaker 1: our time and live our lives without it being in

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Speaker 1: design to achieve something like maybe it's about reclaiming that

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Speaker 1: space for ourselves. And that's what the pause is, right

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Speaker 1: It's reclaiming your space, your time, your energy, your attention,

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Speaker 1: your love. And it's I mean, it's ironic, Like I

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Speaker 1: started a self love movement in twenty is when I

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Speaker 1: came up with this idea for the self love pink

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Speaker 1: hering because I had this idea back then that like,

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Speaker 1: shouldn't I be a priority in my life, shouldn't I

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Speaker 1: make space for my mental health and my physical health?

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Speaker 1: And here i am, like over five years later, and

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Speaker 1: I'm still struggling with the same thing because it is

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Speaker 1: so hard to do. You know. I get met all

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Speaker 1: the time with this outpouring of applause for being a superwoman,

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Speaker 1: and I cringe now when people say that I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be a superwoman. There's a huge toll that

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Speaker 1: I am experiencing, being a mom of three kids, writing

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Speaker 1: these books, having this company, having very little help, carrying

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Speaker 1: all this around. Like I don't want to be super

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Speaker 1: I'm like crumbling over here. Like this morning I had

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Speaker 1: a thyroid ultrasound because my thyroids totally messed up. And

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Speaker 1: it's for nothing, Like we run ourselves into the ground,

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Speaker 1: and even though we seem like perfectly polished and capable

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Speaker 1: and everything's going great, and I got a three book deal,

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Speaker 1: and that that was my greatest ambition in life, by

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Speaker 1: the way, Like I am faced with my mortality now

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Speaker 1: every single day because for so long I completely neglected

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Speaker 1: myself in service to my ambition and now I have

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Speaker 1: to pay for that. And I see you're paying for that,

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Speaker 1: Like how much have you sacrifice? And service to ambition

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Speaker 1: myself would be my answer. I mean, you said so

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Speaker 1: many good things in there. I want to touch on

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Speaker 1: two of them that really popped out to me. But

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Speaker 1: speaking of the pandemic, when you said, you know, there's

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Speaker 1: so much that we realized we didn't need that for

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Speaker 1: me in in a very startling way, was my job.

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Speaker 1: And my job was one of the ones that disappeared.

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Speaker 1: You know, the music industry went away so that that

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Speaker 1: aspect of my job disappeared. I was not on TV anymore.

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Speaker 1: There was a whole falling out with the show that

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Speaker 1: I was on UM and then like even Instagram going

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Speaker 1: down the other day. But I mean it was like

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Speaker 1: the silliest things, right, But I thought to myself in

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Speaker 1: the four hours that it was down, I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, all of a sudden, that blue check

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Speaker 1: mark means nothing, Like who cares? All of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: you know, swipe up is even different now, like nothing

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Speaker 1: is the same. And I can't control it. I can't

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Speaker 1: control the algorithm. I can't control that a show might

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Speaker 1: get canceled on the weekend, and my artists aren't going

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Speaker 1: to be doing the same things they were doing. And

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Speaker 1: all of it happened all at the same time to

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Speaker 1: this to push me to this place where I didn't

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Speaker 1: have the things that I used to grip to, like

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Speaker 1: like if I would be going through a breakup, I

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Speaker 1: throw myself into work, you know, and it was like

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Speaker 1: I got the validation I needed to feel what I

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Speaker 1: thought back to myself looked like. And the truth was,

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Speaker 1: amongst all of that, I created this false self. Like

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Speaker 1: I mean, sure those are parts of me, and there

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Speaker 1: are things that I love, but the reality of all

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Speaker 1: of that is that I've gotten so lost from myself

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Speaker 1: that now I feel like I'm going through my life

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Speaker 1: chasing like you said, and and also just like filling

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Speaker 1: it with all these things that in the root of

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Speaker 1: all of it are really not mine to hold onto,

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Speaker 1: and they're just for me to create this ego version

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Speaker 1: of myself so that I look really, you know, nice

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Speaker 1: and cool on the outside. And sure I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: do good in there too, because that is my heart.

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Speaker 1: I try. But like the reality of all of it

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Speaker 1: is it's the chasing and the striving and and sure,

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Speaker 1: I mean, like maybe those things can come back, but

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Speaker 1: like I just have realized that that is not who

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Speaker 1: I am ultimately. It can be things that I do,

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Speaker 1: but like, if I'm missing the piece of who I

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Speaker 1: am and in that connection to myself, it's always going

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Speaker 1: to end this way for me with the meltdown, you know.

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Speaker 1: I mean I literally wrote when I was sitting in

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Speaker 1: the backyard, I took a journal out there to see

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Speaker 1: if I wanted to write anything down, and all I

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Speaker 1: wrote on this one piece of paper was who the

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Speaker 1: funk am I? And I just stared at that for hours,

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Speaker 1: and I could not answer, like I have. I think

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Speaker 1: I've gotten to a better place in a week of

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Speaker 1: where I could answer a few more questions, but it

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Speaker 1: was just so jumbled in my head and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't I don't even know. So anyway, there was

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Speaker 1: that What was the other thing you said? I wish

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Speaker 1: I should have taken notes, but you said so many

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Speaker 1: good things in there, and I do, like I do

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Speaker 1: really appreciate hearing about the fact that you're still on

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Speaker 1: a journey, like you started in this place five years

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Speaker 1: ago where you were like or six years ago, almost

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Speaker 1: like where you had this idea, but that doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: that like we do it perfectly or that it just

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Speaker 1: gets figured out. Because you started a business around self love,

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Speaker 1: you're like the master of self love. Now no quite

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Speaker 1: the opposite. And and like that break I took was

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Speaker 1: proof of that back in Like I took six months

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Speaker 1: off um and then now here we are like a

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Speaker 1: few years after that, and like I might need another one,

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Speaker 1: Like I I feel overwhelmed, like there's just too much.

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Speaker 1: There's too much. I don't think I give myself even

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Speaker 1: an hour a day of like quiet reflection. And that's

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Speaker 1: also because I've developed some really bad pandemic habits. I'm

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Speaker 1: like super addicted to my phone. It's almost as though

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Speaker 1: like if I'm like reading a news article or going

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Speaker 1: on Facebook or doing those things, like I'm constantly searching

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Speaker 1: for something that i know I'm never going to find.

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Speaker 1: I'm like kind of scratch an itch that i know

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Speaker 1: I'm never going to scratch. But it keeps me from

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Speaker 1: being lonely. And I think that's why I do it,

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Speaker 1: Like I keep filling my space because I I feel

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Speaker 1: so alone sometimes even though I'm surrounded by a lot

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Speaker 1: of people, And like that's just a bad habit, Like

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Speaker 1: I need to have a digital detox and just commit

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Speaker 1: to creating space to like think, to breathe, to move um.

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Speaker 1: But it's not easy when your world is moving like

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Speaker 1: a bullet train and you feel like either you have

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Speaker 1: to stay on it or the opposite of staying on

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Speaker 1: it is like giving it all up. Um. And that's

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Speaker 1: been my challenges. I was very peaceful during my break.

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Speaker 1: I was so intuitive doing that. During that period, like

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Speaker 1: crazy magical things started happening. I would have like visions

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Speaker 1: of things they would happen. I mean, I felt like

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Speaker 1: a witch. I was so in touch at myself. But inevitably,

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Speaker 1: like the wheels started moving again and me being me,

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Speaker 1: I started doing like way more than I should have.

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Speaker 1: And here I am again, like all over again, another

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Speaker 1: three years later, trying to figure out how do I

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Speaker 1: maintain that beauty that I was able to nurture when

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Speaker 1: I was still and bring that stillness into what it

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Speaker 1: is like an incredibly busy life. And that's a formula

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to probably keep working on for the

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Speaker 1: rest of my life. But I will say that the

404
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Speaker 1: difference between how I used to carry it before and

405
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Speaker 1: how I carry it now is now I'm learning to

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Speaker 1: course correct a little bit sooner. Like my therapist said

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Speaker 1: this to me last week. I hadn't had a session

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Speaker 1: with her in a couple of years, and my husband

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Speaker 1: and I were having like a very hard week and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I need therapy, like I need to

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Speaker 1: go and figure this out. And she said to me,

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Speaker 1: God bless her. She goes, melody, here's what I've learned

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Speaker 1: about you. You wait too long to course correct, like

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Speaker 1: when something feels off, you wait until like the building

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Speaker 1: is on fire to do something about it. And she's like,

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Speaker 1: that's what I want you to work on. It's only

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Speaker 1: been a week and it's still very fresh, but she's

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Speaker 1: kind of like blown my mind with this idea that

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Speaker 1: I can course correct sooner and if I feel off

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Speaker 1: in my body, if I feel off in my mind,

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Speaker 1: like I can start making changes sooner and it doesn't

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Speaker 1: need to get to such an extreme place before. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I deserve an hour of my time every day,

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Speaker 1: which really I wasn't even getting an hour and even

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Speaker 1: for you, like you're going. And then the other thing,

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Speaker 1: sorry I was gonna say, is I used to be

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Speaker 1: really fearful about what was on the other side of everything,

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Speaker 1: and now I'm like curious and even for you when

429
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 1: you stare down at that page that says who the

430
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 1: funk am? I like, maybe there it's like a who

431
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:47,680
Speaker 1: the funk am? I Like, there's a little like curiosity

432
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 1: and joy and willingness to like embrace this opportunity for

433
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: self discovery, Like I have a feeling you're gonna like

434
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:59,199
Speaker 1: what you find. Thank you for saying that, because the

435
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 1: truth is you is the person that I am has

436
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:07,680
Speaker 1: evolved and changed, and especially through some pretty tough situations

437
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,680
Speaker 1: the last couple of years. And so like you said,

438
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,640
Speaker 1: you're getting better at the course correction even in a week.

439
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 1: And you know, I've noticed with myself, I'm such a

440
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 1: perfectionist that it's hard for me to give myself any

441
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,720
Speaker 1: credit because I'm like, oh, I'm not doing this right,

442
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,880
Speaker 1: or like, oh, I still don't have this figured out,

443
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 1: you know, and instead of looking at oh wow, in

444
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 1: the past, this would have taken me five years to

445
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,639
Speaker 1: figure out, and now it's taking me a year or

446
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like it's just it can

447
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:36,920
Speaker 1: be even the small things like that or noticing, oh,

448
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 1: you know what I'm doing that thing again, or just

449
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:42,199
Speaker 1: kind of like having the progress be the goal versus

450
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,879
Speaker 1: the perfection is typically where I can get when I'm

451
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,240
Speaker 1: in a better place, But when I am in my

452
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 1: other head space, the striving headspace, it is like, no,

453
00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 1: you better be perfectly, better be perfect, You be got

454
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,320
Speaker 1: to do this, You've got to do this, and it's

455
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,879
Speaker 1: it's where I just end up losing myself. And so

456
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 1: maybe it is it's like a new awakening to a

457
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 1: deeper version and it myself even or a version I

458
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 1: haven't met yet, and exactly like there's so much they're

459
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,359
Speaker 1: waiting for you. And I'll say, like what helps me?

460
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,200
Speaker 1: And I think part of the reason why I write

461
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:14,480
Speaker 1: is because having little like mantras really helps me get

462
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 1: my head right when i'm spinning. And so for you,

463
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 1: like one of the things that I've learned that's really

464
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 1: helped me because I'm also a perfectionist, is I have

465
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 1: kind of put perfectionism on one side and I've put

466
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,119
Speaker 1: authenticity on the other. So when I'm facing the choice,

467
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 1: I'm in a moment I asked myself, do I want

468
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,720
Speaker 1: to be perfect or do I want to be true?

469
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:40,160
Speaker 1: And when you have something really simple and clear like that.

470
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 1: You know, like, I don't want to be perfect when

471
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,720
Speaker 1: I'm faced with that choice, I would much rather be real.

472
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 1: And that's why I like even in talking to you, like,

473
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,400
Speaker 1: I'll tell you I'm I had marriage struggle. I'll tell

474
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:56,960
Speaker 1: you I have a thyroid health issue. I'll tell you

475
00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 1: like that, I'm scared about the future of my business

476
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,159
Speaker 1: because I really don't know like what it's going to

477
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:07,359
Speaker 1: look like. It's been such a brutal, brutal year. Um.

478
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 1: But the old me wouldn't have shared any of that

479
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 1: with you. I would have passed over it. I would

480
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,159
Speaker 1: have been like, you know, I'm like married to the

481
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,920
Speaker 1: love of my life. We've been together for over ten

482
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 1: years with three kids, and it's so amazing how supportive

483
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 1: he is of my self. Love and all of that

484
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 1: is true, but it's not the whole picture. It's the

485
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,679
Speaker 1: perfect of the picture. The best thing when of my

486
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:34,120
Speaker 1: therapist told me was to use the word and instead

487
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,879
Speaker 1: but you know and like, because they can both be true.

488
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,639
Speaker 1: It's like, you're married to the love of your life

489
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,400
Speaker 1: and it's a relationship and there's two people with two

490
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 1: personalities and there's going to be issues. Yeah, that's just

491
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,879
Speaker 1: a reality though, you know, and I don't think we

492
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 1: do each other any sort of service by doing this

493
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,239
Speaker 1: half version of ourselves. And I think that's been one

494
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 1: of the things that I've learned about social media is

495
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,520
Speaker 1: I really do want to try to be this authentic

496
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 1: version of myself, and that's really hard publicly, and especially

497
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 1: when you've been um exposed or shamed publicly or any

498
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,359
Speaker 1: sort of like negativity has come your way, I think

499
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 1: that it makes it even harder to be like, wait,

500
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 1: but no, here's the real me, because I think we

501
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:24,159
Speaker 1: all ultimately really do just want acceptance and validation and

502
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,400
Speaker 1: connection with people, and those things can be really hard

503
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 1: when you're in your vulnerability completely because we're all human. Yeah,

504
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 1: and I think especially as women, shame is such a

505
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,639
Speaker 1: big part of the equation. Like I grew up in

506
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:43,360
Speaker 1: a very shame based culture. Yeah, And the great irony

507
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,159
Speaker 1: is that like all the things I was ashamed about

508
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,879
Speaker 1: back then, like being young and like curious about sex

509
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:53,439
Speaker 1: and having sexual feelings and being told like have to

510
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,520
Speaker 1: say a virgin until I'm married, and you can't even

511
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:57,400
Speaker 1: use a camp on because you're going to be damaged,

512
00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 1: Like these were very strong messages I was growing up

513
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:03,879
Speaker 1: with and I had so much of vivaciousness and sexual energy,

514
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:09,000
Speaker 1: and like what I wouldn't give for a vile of

515
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 1: what I had in me in my twenties And now

516
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,160
Speaker 1: that I'm approaching forty, and it's because now I'm shameful

517
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,680
Speaker 1: about the opposite. And now I'm like, like, why don't

518
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 1: Why don't I want to have sex anymore? Like why

519
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 1: is this part of me broken? Like I spent half

520
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 1: my life being ashamed for having it. Now I'm feeling

521
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 1: ashamed for not having it. And I are often put

522
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 1: in these really terrible positions where you're you're damned if

523
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,920
Speaker 1: you do and damned if you don't. Like my whole life,

524
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: I thought like the end all be all of my

525
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 1: identity was having a family, and now I have this

526
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 1: beautiful family. And there are some days where I cry

527
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 1: because I'm like, who signs up for this? To give

528
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:49,600
Speaker 1: up your life and identity for twenty years and not

529
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 1: belong to yourself? Like I literally I could cry because

530
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:56,239
Speaker 1: it's something I'm really struggling with because I live and

531
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 1: breathe for these other people and they're the best thing

532
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 1: that ever happened to me. And to use your therapist word,

533
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 1: and I feel like this complete loss of autonomy and

534
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:12,960
Speaker 1: identity and fun and youth because I'm constantly worried about

535
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 1: them twenty four hours a day. I don't know how

536
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 1: to reconcile those things I feel like. And I'm not alone.

537
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 1: Everyone has these dualities that they're faced with where they

538
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 1: are shamed one way and shame the other way. And

539
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 1: if we all were as brave as you're being today,

540
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 1: because this is for your audience, like they all know you,

541
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 1: they all know the absolute knockout, gorgeous, lawless, funny, caring

542
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 1: person you are, right like, this is what you present

543
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 1: to the world. For you to be brave enough to

544
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:50,719
Speaker 1: show them that you're also struggling, especially now when you

545
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 1: have so much that you've built, right, it's so scary

546
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 1: to be like, okay, like I'm not even though you

547
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 1: think I'm perfect, I'm not. There's a lot of risk

548
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 1: in that. But they're gonna love you for it even more.

549
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,000
Speaker 1: I promise you, you're going to save a life because

550
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 1: there is a girl somewhere who's been watching you and

551
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:13,080
Speaker 1: every day thinking like am I ever going to be

552
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 1: that perfect? And today she's going to realize that you

553
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 1: and her are both whole, and wholeness requires embracing even

554
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 1: the hard parts. And she's going to feel better about

555
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:28,960
Speaker 1: herself today because she will stop pursuing perfection that was

556
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 1: never attainable for either of you, nor should it have been,

557
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 1: because you're far more special than perfection could ever afford you.

558
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:43,959
Speaker 1: Thank you, and I actually like I'm starting to get

559
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,080
Speaker 1: to this place. First of all, thank you for saying

560
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 1: all that stuff, But um, I'm starting to get to

561
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 1: this place where I'm like, I don't want to be

562
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 1: that that person that puts that out there, you know,

563
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 1: Like I have a lot of programming to maybe untangle

564
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:03,240
Speaker 1: to get out of that role, but in to really

565
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 1: fully embrace authentically who I am, maybe which first takes

566
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 1: getting to know that version of myself. But um, I

567
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 1: do think that there's something in me and I'm actually

568
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 1: feeling it on a bigger scale, maybe happening a little

569
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 1: more in our society of just like we're all sick

570
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 1: of that, like we're all sick of this like picture perfect.

571
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 1: And especially I love hearing your version of like talking

572
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 1: about a family, because as a woman, you are immediately

573
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 1: programmed from a little girl. I was reading this meme

574
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 1: today that was like all these Disney princesses, and it

575
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 1: was this like picture of a cartoon therapist being like, wait,

576
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 1: so you gave up your entire life, like to you

577
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: completely neglected who you were to fit into his life

578
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 1: like he was talking to maybe like Cinderella or something.

579
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:56,760
Speaker 1: And it's just like all these versions of things that

580
00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 1: we are programmed from like Burr basically to believe that

581
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 1: unless we do those things, than we are not successful.

582
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 1: And I mentioned the infertility stuff earlier. The biggest thing

583
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,600
Speaker 1: I faced with that was like I feel like a

584
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 1: failure as a woman, and it's not anything I can control.

585
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 1: I mean, it is like the universe is playing in

586
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 1: that and maybe I have a baby one day or

587
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 1: maybe not. But I know that, like I did everything

588
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 1: I could do, and I'm still, you know, doing the

589
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:27,960
Speaker 1: things that I can do, but like at some point

590
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 1: that's okay if that's not my my journey or my path.

591
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 1: And it's been a huge process of letting go and

592
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 1: letting go of that feeling of being a failure or

593
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 1: just like to even say that out loud. You know

594
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 1: a lot of people would never say, like I love

595
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,880
Speaker 1: being a mom, And there are days where I'm like, ah,

596
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:50,800
Speaker 1: I don't I feel trapped and that's but why why

597
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:53,360
Speaker 1: are we not talking like that with each other? Because

598
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 1: we're all terrified, We're all living in perpetual fear um

599
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 1: of what lies on the other side of asking questions.

600
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 1: And I really think that right now is a time

601
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 1: like and I keep coming back to this like joyful curiosity,

602
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 1: like maybe it's good for me to have these feelings

603
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 1: and honor them because it will allow me to create

604
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 1: more space to do what I need to do to

605
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 1: feel really good, you know, like I want to plan

606
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: a writing retreat and go and get some words on

607
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 1: paper and that makes me feel really like connected with myself,

608
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: and then I can come back and be like a happier,

609
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 1: less burnt out version, like they will be fine if

610
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:37,239
Speaker 1: I leave for a week I mean even, I mean like,

611
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 1: let's to drill it down. This weekend, I was I

612
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 1: had plans to take my kids to this like farm

613
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 1: thing with my husband. I got tickets for all of us,

614
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 1: and then my best friend had a baby and she's

615
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 1: having a celebration on Sunday. At the same time, I've

616
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 1: been running circles in my brain like how am I

617
00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 1: going to do both, like I can't miss a farm

618
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 1: thing and my husband and was like I can take

619
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 1: them by myself. I'm like, no, what if one of

620
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 1: them needs something and you're stuck with the other two,

621
00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 1: Like you can't do it? And then finally I was like,

622
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:11,359
Speaker 1: why am I doing this? I can miss the farm thing.

623
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 1: He can be with the kids. I cannot break myself

624
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 1: in a million pieces to make everyone else comfortable, Like

625
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 1: I don't need to plan it for him, the grown man.

626
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:24,760
Speaker 1: My kids will be fine. They see me every day.

627
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 1: But I carry around guilt every day that I'm not

628
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:30,880
Speaker 1: doing enough for the people in my life. But for

629
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,480
Speaker 1: some reason, I never carry that guilt around not doing

630
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 1: enough for myself. And that's the shift. Like I don't

631
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:38,920
Speaker 1: want to want to feel guilty. I don't want to

632
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 1: ever feel guilty, but I do think it's time for me,

633
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 1: for you, for anyone who's listening who feels burnt out,

634
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:49,960
Speaker 1: to embrace the fact that you do actually deserve your

635
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 1: own love and attention and that there's nothing wrong to

636
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 1: carve out it with, carving out time to pause, to

637
00:34:56,719 --> 00:35:01,279
Speaker 1: be filled, to reflect, to redirect, to rediscover, and to

638
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:05,759
Speaker 1: really ask herself like this this very simple question, like

639
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:10,360
Speaker 1: who the funk am I? What is this life I'm living?

640
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,280
Speaker 1: We only get one like how often do we stop

641
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,319
Speaker 1: and recalibrate and ask yourself like is my life in

642
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 1: service to me? Or am I in service to my life?

643
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 1: Oh God, that's so good. I'm going to write that

644
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 1: one down. It seems like that's what you're doing, you know,

645
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:30,800
Speaker 1: and only good comes from that. I love that you

646
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:36,280
Speaker 1: brought up the shift of the mindset going into more curiosity,

647
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,120
Speaker 1: because you know, that was one of the things my

648
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:40,359
Speaker 1: best friend said to me. She was just like, I

649
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 1: think if you pause for just a second, and first

650
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 1: of all, even ask yourself these questions like what in

651
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,560
Speaker 1: my life do I enjoy doing when some I don't

652
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:51,799
Speaker 1: even know when the last time I asked myself that was,

653
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 1: you know, like I just do at this point. Um,

654
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 1: And it's become such a survival mechanism, especially with the

655
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: pandemic happing. I think, you know, I've always worked for myself,

656
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 1: so that was a survival thing. I've also never been

657
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,359
Speaker 1: married or had you know, any anyone else to rely

658
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:12,480
Speaker 1: on financially, and um so I've just you know, I've

659
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 1: gotten into this mentality of wealth. I'm gonna just if

660
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 1: I want this kind of life, like I'm gonna have

661
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 1: to make it happen myself. And so I've been in

662
00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:22,279
Speaker 1: that program for so long that I think I was

663
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 1: like a yes person to yes, this looks like a

664
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,400
Speaker 1: good opportunity for X, Y and Z. But it's like,

665
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,880
Speaker 1: do I actually want to do that or is that

666
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 1: in line with who I am? I have not asked

667
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,959
Speaker 1: myself those questions. I can't even remember the last time.

668
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,399
Speaker 1: And I mean, I'm ashamed to say that, but that's

669
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,920
Speaker 1: just the truth, because it's it has become such a

670
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,880
Speaker 1: survival thing of if I'm going to make this work,

671
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:46,880
Speaker 1: you know, just the pressure that I put on myself

672
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 1: for that, or like if I'm gonna buy the house

673
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 1: that I want to buy, or if I'm gonna be

674
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:51,920
Speaker 1: able to go on these trips that don't you know,

675
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 1: all the stuff just stuff. And that was one thing

676
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:56,879
Speaker 1: in the pandemic. I was like, all of this can

677
00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 1: get stripped way down, and I last how little I

678
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 1: actually need to live with and I still was able

679
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 1: to pay my bills and you know, it's like I

680
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:11,239
Speaker 1: still have plenty of clothes, Like I'm good. You don't

681
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:13,760
Speaker 1: need that extra pair of shoes their sister like, there's

682
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 1: just a lot, yeah, and it's and it's also did

683
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 1: it for me that the extra pay? I like literally

684
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 1: threw up one day because I saw I had two

685
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,480
Speaker 1: three pairs of boots next to each other in the entryway.

686
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,120
Speaker 1: They were all black, and their boots I bought like

687
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 1: over the course of ten years, so it wasn't like

688
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 1: an extravagant thing. But I almost got sick. I'm like,

689
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 1: why do I need three pairs of black flat boots?

690
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,799
Speaker 1: It makes no sense? Like when did this happen? I'm like,

691
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 1: I feel stifled by all the stuff around me, and

692
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:48,120
Speaker 1: I didn't feel that way before because stuff my eco

693
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 1: feel good, right, you know, the more the better, or

694
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:54,120
Speaker 1: like the newer the better, or let me get that

695
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:57,400
Speaker 1: new version of that, or like the new black boot,

696
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 1: anything like that. I mean, I even I remember, Um,

697
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 1: we first started like cooking at home, and I did

698
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 1: not realize how much I enjoyed food from home, like

699
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,759
Speaker 1: I actually know what's going in my food, or I

700
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:13,760
Speaker 1: feel better, like I feel healthier. Um Postmates is really

701
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:19,120
Speaker 1: fucking expensive. After a while, you just don't realize it.

702
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:20,880
Speaker 1: And it's like I don't want to put those companies

703
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 1: out of business either. But at the same time, I

704
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 1: think when you break it down a little bit, yes,

705
00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:27,319
Speaker 1: it is lovely to get to go to dinner with

706
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 1: friends every now and again. Do I need to be

707
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 1: doing it every night? No? And do I need to

708
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 1: be eating, you know, at these extravagant places every night. No.

709
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 1: It's like you can just strip it all down so

710
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:42,520
Speaker 1: much more, And for that I've been very grateful. But

711
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:46,200
Speaker 1: I think it's just now that it's shifting back, it's like, wait,

712
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 1: I can't, like I can't actually go back. I've learned

713
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 1: too much. It's like once you know, you can't know something,

714
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:56,439
Speaker 1: and like there's too much that I know now yet

715
00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:58,920
Speaker 1: I haven't quite figured out the new path. And so

716
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 1: hence as a my nervous breakdown because it's just not

717
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:06,279
Speaker 1: in line anymore. It's so hard, it's so hard to

718
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:10,080
Speaker 1: it becomes almost like a side hustle, right, Like everyone says, like,

719
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 1: have a day job, but then also have a side hustle,

720
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:15,239
Speaker 1: And I'm like, people have more hours in the day

721
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:18,880
Speaker 1: than I do. Because that's not really a recipe for success.

722
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:21,319
Speaker 1: It's a recipe for putting yourself into the grounds, and

723
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 1: why aren't we instead saying to people like if you

724
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:26,919
Speaker 1: are financially able. And I know that this comes from

725
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,719
Speaker 1: like a very privileged place, because not everyone can take

726
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 1: a break and not everyone has the means to get

727
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,760
Speaker 1: off the hamster wheel. But assuming that you do, assuming

728
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 1: that you've worked hard enough and you have a little

729
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 1: nest sag like why instead of saying get a side hustle,

730
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:45,719
Speaker 1: do we not say like you've earned time and not

731
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 1: be doing two things at once, Like why not just

732
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:50,759
Speaker 1: try taking care of yourself for a little while and

733
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 1: see what's born of that space, instead of urging everyone

734
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:58,840
Speaker 1: to like find their purpose and have their income and

735
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:02,880
Speaker 1: you know, present perfectly to the outer world like it's

736
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:06,759
Speaker 1: everything is always multitasking. And for me, at least, my

737
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 1: brain used to operate really well as a multitasker. It

738
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 1: would be I would have said, like on my life resume,

739
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 1: like top five skills, one would be googling what would

740
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:23,840
Speaker 1: be multitasking? Um, I can't do it anymore. The gears

741
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 1: are not grinding the way they used to. I need

742
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 1: to do one thing at a time in order to

743
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:34,279
Speaker 1: feel safe and sane and peaceful, and that sometimes that

744
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:37,279
Speaker 1: comes out as at an expense, because that train of

745
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,839
Speaker 1: yes is that you were describing earlier, where something came

746
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,160
Speaker 1: in you said yes to it, Like I operated from

747
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:46,359
Speaker 1: that place for a really long time, and now I'm

748
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:49,239
Speaker 1: claiming a lot more of my power by being like no,

749
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 1: Like I'm saying no to this so that I could

750
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 1: create space for myself. And I think that's really hard

751
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,359
Speaker 1: for people. It's hard for people to set boundaries because

752
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:01,600
Speaker 1: they're always can get at it through the lens of

753
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:04,640
Speaker 1: like what am I saying no to? For me, one

754
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,960
Speaker 1: of the big shifts has been like, boundaries aren't about

755
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 1: what you say no to, They're about what you make

756
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 1: space for. And I think we all deserve, especially after

757
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 1: the past few years, to really make some space for

758
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 1: ourselves and as you said, like re calibrate and achieve

759
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:24,839
Speaker 1: a new alignment within ourselves with our world, because it's

760
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:26,879
Speaker 1: not the same world any want more and we are

761
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:30,320
Speaker 1: not the same people, So don't we do in a minute?

762
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:41,960
Speaker 1: I think. So it's also like we've all had so

763
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 1: much trauma in some capacity in the last couple of years,

764
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:49,520
Speaker 1: and so anything that I know from doing trauma work

765
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:52,840
Speaker 1: in my past is like that's exhausting, and the grief

766
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,759
Speaker 1: that comes from that alone is such a weight, you know,

767
00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 1: And so like we again, we're doing ourselves disservice by

768
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 1: being like, well, let's just get to normal, let's just

769
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:03,800
Speaker 1: like go back, and it's like whoa, but like let's

770
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,640
Speaker 1: what about the processing, like what happened to you? And

771
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:09,440
Speaker 1: like how did that affect how you operate now or

772
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,280
Speaker 1: like how you see the world or how you see people?

773
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 1: And I mean, I've lost friendships over all the political stuff,

774
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,879
Speaker 1: I've lost relationships at work. I've lost like all these

775
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:23,400
Speaker 1: things that they really hurt. And there's a lot that

776
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 1: goes into that. And I am a type of person

777
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:28,640
Speaker 1: where I want to kind of look into the wise

778
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:32,960
Speaker 1: and I know not everybody operates that way, but that's exhausting.

779
00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:36,879
Speaker 1: And so I've been trying to do that and heal

780
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:40,839
Speaker 1: myself and and get back to work in the multitasking

781
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 1: way that you're talking about. And um, I should be

782
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 1: clear to like, I still have to work, and I'm

783
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:48,360
Speaker 1: still gonna go do my day job, which is you know,

784
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:51,080
Speaker 1: hair and makeup and styling because I have to pay

785
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:54,360
Speaker 1: my bills. But it's the side hustles and all that

786
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 1: stuff that I'm like, do I have to do this

787
00:42:57,280 --> 00:43:00,480
Speaker 1: right now? Yes? They bring an income. Yes, it scares

788
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,080
Speaker 1: the funk out of me to put it down, And

789
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:05,359
Speaker 1: like what if I come back and everyone's like, wait, who, why?

790
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:07,279
Speaker 1: Why do we care what you say anymore? You know,

791
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 1: that's really scary to me because I've worked really hard

792
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 1: to build this. But I also have to say to myself,

793
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:17,720
Speaker 1: if you're performing at this like less than half capacity

794
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:21,160
Speaker 1: that you have been and continue to do that, um,

795
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 1: what kind of product are you even are? Like what

796
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 1: are you even giving people? Because I'm not That's what

797
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:27,960
Speaker 1: I was going to say, Like, there's a lot of

798
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 1: integrity and what you're doing right now, this decision you're

799
00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 1: making comes from a place of integrity. And people these days,

800
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:39,880
Speaker 1: especially consumers, whether it's consumers of products or services or content,

801
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 1: they can sniff out when someone's not being authentic and

802
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:47,680
Speaker 1: their off it and in the same vein and like

803
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 1: when they see that someone's acting from a place of integrity,

804
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,920
Speaker 1: they celebrate it, they support it, They hold you up,

805
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:57,920
Speaker 1: and they wait for you. That's like, that's what I

806
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:02,040
Speaker 1: experience with my business is Like I just didn't sell

807
00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:05,239
Speaker 1: anything for six months and I would get emails from

808
00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 1: people saying like, I'll I would tell them, I'm not

809
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:12,359
Speaker 1: selling the self love pinky ring. Why don't you go

810
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,320
Speaker 1: buy a ring from someone else and make this commitment

811
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,359
Speaker 1: to yourself. It's about the commitment, it's not about the ring.

812
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 1: And they would literally say to me, no, it's okay,

813
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:25,919
Speaker 1: I'll wait. I'll wait just in case you open up again.

814
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 1: I want one of yours. And I attribute that to

815
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 1: the fact that I acted with integrity, Like it takes

816
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:36,000
Speaker 1: integrity to pause, it takes integrity to tell somebody like

817
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:39,920
Speaker 1: go get it from somewhere else, and people feel that.

818
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:42,880
Speaker 1: And I think for you, as long as you're honest

819
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:45,200
Speaker 1: about what's going on to the degree that you want

820
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 1: to be, like, you don't owe anybody anything. You don't

821
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:53,520
Speaker 1: owe anybody this explanation, but you know they're The future

822
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 1: holds unlimited and infinite possibility for us, and the only

823
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:00,440
Speaker 1: thing that stands in the way of that is our fear.

824
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:04,600
Speaker 1: Like when we are fearful and limited in our thinking,

825
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:09,240
Speaker 1: uh doors closed that we otherwise may have had open

826
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:12,319
Speaker 1: for us, but we can't even see them because we're

827
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:17,279
Speaker 1: so fearful. And I think that's you know, it's all energetic, Like,

828
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:20,040
Speaker 1: if the energy you put out is no one's gonna

829
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 1: wait for me on the other end of this, then

830
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:24,200
Speaker 1: no one will wait for you. But if the energy

831
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,920
Speaker 1: is like the right, people will reconnect with me when

832
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 1: I'm ready. Um, they will reconnect with you when you're ready,

833
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 1: and what you will create will be even more profound

834
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 1: because it will come from a place of wellness and

835
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 1: truth instead of burnout an obligation God. The fear place

836
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 1: is definitely the place I think I've been operating from

837
00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 1: for I don't even know how long anymore. So I

838
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 1: think that that is completely accurate. And when I really

839
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 1: think about it, I'm like that goes for relationships, like jobs,

840
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:59,719
Speaker 1: I've taken, things I've undertaken, just in general, and it's like,

841
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:03,839
Speaker 1: you're right, I think the universe always does for me,

842
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:06,240
Speaker 1: maybe what I can do for myself until I finally

843
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 1: get the picture of like, oh that wasn't meant for me,

844
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:12,319
Speaker 1: and it feels so harsh at the time. But I

845
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:15,799
Speaker 1: think that when I'm making decisions out of fear, I

846
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 1: will always bump up against this isn't in line, Like

847
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,520
Speaker 1: it's just not in line, and so that door is

848
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,439
Speaker 1: going to close because the foundation is faulty, like it's

849
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:28,520
Speaker 1: not actually rooted in something that is meant for me

850
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:32,000
Speaker 1: and in line, and just like the flow is not there,

851
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 1: and I can't even remember the last time I felt

852
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:37,760
Speaker 1: the flow because I've been operating from fear for so long.

853
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:40,640
Speaker 1: Because of the flow. It's like I said earlier, like

854
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:43,799
Speaker 1: that flow, that creativity, it's born of your intuition. And

855
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:47,799
Speaker 1: right now your intuition has no breathing room. You know,

856
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 1: all the oxygen in the room is being sucked up

857
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:56,960
Speaker 1: by fear or ego or burnout. You know. The good

858
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:59,440
Speaker 1: thing is like you never lose your intuition, the same

859
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:02,000
Speaker 1: way you never lose your true self. It's always there.

860
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:04,680
Speaker 1: It's just hidden right now under a lot of dust.

861
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 1: And what you need is, you know, some joyful spring cleaning.

862
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:13,800
Speaker 1: And I think that I don't know, I am happy

863
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:17,920
Speaker 1: for you. I know it's really scary to like you've

864
00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:20,959
Speaker 1: put your heart and soul into and you've done really

865
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:24,960
Speaker 1: well with because even you're like operating at fift is

866
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:27,839
Speaker 1: so incredible, Like I don't think anybody would have known

867
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:34,839
Speaker 1: that that you were not operating at um. But you'll

868
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,640
Speaker 1: never know, like how good you can feel, like how

869
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:40,160
Speaker 1: much better you can feel than the way you feel

870
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:42,840
Speaker 1: now if you don't create space for that. Well, we

871
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:45,839
Speaker 1: keep using the term mental health break, which actually you

872
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:47,759
Speaker 1: gave me and you didn't even know you give me,

873
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 1: but um, you said that in a message and I

874
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 1: was like, oh, that, yes, that is what I need.

875
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:56,040
Speaker 1: And I was actually listening to a podcast today. I

876
00:47:56,080 --> 00:47:58,760
Speaker 1: was on Oprah podcast. I'm always such a fan of hers.

877
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:00,839
Speaker 1: But they were talking at out just kind of what

878
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:02,799
Speaker 1: you mentioned earlier. Maybe this was the point that I

879
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 1: forgot to mention, but you had said something about when

880
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:10,160
Speaker 1: it's a physical ailment, like we go to the doctor,

881
00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:13,239
Speaker 1: we pause, if you're not feeling well, you get in bed,

882
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 1: and you nourse yourself back to health and why they

883
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:20,720
Speaker 1: were saying like, we never consider that with our mental health,

884
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:23,399
Speaker 1: and like the reality is is when your mental health

885
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:25,720
Speaker 1: starts to go, we don't even realize how many physical

886
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:30,120
Speaker 1: ailments are tied into that. And so I mean, if

887
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:31,799
Speaker 1: a break is what you need, that's what you need.

888
00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 1: If you need therapy, that's what you need. Know, it's

889
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,239
Speaker 1: like figuring out what it is that you need to

890
00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 1: get in touch with what you're feeling so that we

891
00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:41,759
Speaker 1: can perform at our higher capacities. But I wanted to

892
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:45,759
Speaker 1: ask you, like, what does a mental health break look like?

893
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:48,319
Speaker 1: Like what you know, because that's such a vague term,

894
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:51,440
Speaker 1: but like what does it look like for you? Um,

895
00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:54,040
Speaker 1: I'll tell you. I'm someone who it's really easy for

896
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:56,240
Speaker 1: me to get in a cycle where all I do

897
00:48:56,520 --> 00:49:01,400
Speaker 1: is chuck emails, work in this like very matrix like

898
00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:06,359
Speaker 1: existence where I'm not moving my body, I'm not disconnected

899
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:09,800
Speaker 1: from electronics. I'm like, just go, go go all the time.

900
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:12,880
Speaker 1: And so for me, a mental health break me meant

901
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:16,480
Speaker 1: getting off the computer, getting off my phone, not having

902
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:20,640
Speaker 1: emails to check, not having work that was due to

903
00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:23,560
Speaker 1: other people where I felt like this pressure like someone's

904
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:29,240
Speaker 1: waiting for something, um. And then being a therapist eating

905
00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:33,400
Speaker 1: completely differently. Um, And I can we can do a

906
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:36,640
Speaker 1: whole episode about the food piece of mental health because

907
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:40,880
Speaker 1: I have recently been diagnosed with hashimotos, which is an

908
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:45,279
Speaker 1: automommune disorder. And I thought that all these years that

909
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:49,200
Speaker 1: I had slight depression or brain fog or body pain,

910
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:53,239
Speaker 1: like I just thought like that's just my status quo.

911
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 1: And I'm realizing now that I've been making myself sick

912
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:58,719
Speaker 1: because of all the food I've been eating. So like

913
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:01,120
Speaker 1: all those comfort food that I thought were making me

914
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 1: feel better, like a cheeseburger or spaghetti boulonnaise, were actually

915
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:09,080
Speaker 1: like slowly like robbing me of my zest for life,

916
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:13,919
Speaker 1: my energy, my joy, my sex, drive, my mental acuity.

917
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:16,160
Speaker 1: And I think so many of us have probably eaten

918
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:19,399
Speaker 1: really poorly recently, And I wonder if that's another reason

919
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:23,000
Speaker 1: why we all feel like shit is we're all inflamed,

920
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:27,839
Speaker 1: and we're all sluggish and not just about waking like

921
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:31,560
Speaker 1: I'm happy to gain weight if I'm happy, but I

922
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:34,839
Speaker 1: just feel like heavy and my soul and ever since

923
00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:38,360
Speaker 1: I've changed my diet because of this diagnosis, I feel

924
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:42,480
Speaker 1: like the electricity is starting to come back and my

925
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:46,439
Speaker 1: brain and my body, like even my desire, like it's

926
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 1: all waking up. So for me, I did this back

927
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:54,080
Speaker 1: in ten when I went on that mental health break,

928
00:50:54,239 --> 00:50:57,600
Speaker 1: like I ate better during that time, I walked more,

929
00:50:57,880 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 1: I started working out with a trainer. I never invested

930
00:51:02,320 --> 00:51:05,799
Speaker 1: in my wellness the way I invested, for example, in

931
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 1: my house, Like if my sink breaks in the kitchen,

932
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:12,600
Speaker 1: you better believe the plumbers here within two hours. If

933
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:16,279
Speaker 1: I feel like I've lost my mobility after giving birth. Like,

934
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:18,080
Speaker 1: how long do you think it took me to actually

935
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:21,239
Speaker 1: go see a doctor to talk about the fact that I,

936
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 1: like have lost mobility, Like it didn't even dawn on

937
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:27,279
Speaker 1: me until I took that break to like do it

938
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 1: just like a head to toe assessment and be like,

939
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:33,279
Speaker 1: how am I doing? Am I happy? Do I even

940
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:36,120
Speaker 1: know what makes me happy? I I literally had to

941
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:39,400
Speaker 1: start writing a list in my phone called my joy list,

942
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:43,440
Speaker 1: so that when I felt even sparks of happiness, I

943
00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:45,719
Speaker 1: would write down what caused it because I could not

944
00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:49,120
Speaker 1: answer the question at that time, what makes you happy?

945
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:51,840
Speaker 1: What makes you joyful? I'd be like, crickets, I have

946
00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 1: no idea. So I started this list, and it's something

947
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:57,359
Speaker 1: you could do to my joy list, and it would

948
00:51:57,360 --> 00:52:02,120
Speaker 1: be things like my ripped means like one that made

949
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 1: me joyful, or uh, having someone give me a cup

950
00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 1: of coffee in the morning, like that made me joyful?

951
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:13,440
Speaker 1: You know, really mundane things. But there were glimmers throughout

952
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:15,680
Speaker 1: my day where I did feel moments of joy, and

953
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 1: until I documented them, I didn't even know that they

954
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:22,240
Speaker 1: were happening for me. My mental health break was being

955
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 1: here now, in my body, in the present moment, and

956
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:28,799
Speaker 1: feeling what needed to be felt, and healing what needed

957
00:52:28,840 --> 00:52:32,880
Speaker 1: to be healed, whether it was emotional or physical or spiritual.

958
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 1: And I started writing and honoring that, like honoring what

959
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 1: I was feeling in the moment and getting it on

960
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:44,799
Speaker 1: paper is what has truly changed my life in a

961
00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:47,279
Speaker 1: way that I never could have anticipated if I had

962
00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:51,919
Speaker 1: stayed on the hamster wheel forever um. And I think

963
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:54,920
Speaker 1: my hope is that by sharing all of this and

964
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:57,400
Speaker 1: like being candid about what I've been through and what

965
00:52:57,520 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 1: I've discovered, I can help other people take the pause,

966
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:05,719
Speaker 1: like take that powerful pause, make that shift, and reclaim

967
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:08,560
Speaker 1: themselves and feel at home in their bodies instead of

968
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 1: feeling like in prison. Yeah, well you're already helping me.

969
00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 1: I mean, it was just I'm telling you, these are

970
00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:25,719
Speaker 1: the moments where you're like, thank you, Universe, and I

971
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:28,319
Speaker 1: remember that someone else is working for me and I

972
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 1: don't need to work so hard, Like it's it's literally

973
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:35,319
Speaker 1: I was having that moment. My friends had convinced me

974
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:37,480
Speaker 1: finally that I needed to take a break and a

975
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:40,279
Speaker 1: pause and it was gonna be okay. Um, But I

976
00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:42,319
Speaker 1: was like, maybe I'll just do like a week or

977
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 1: two or you know, like I don't know, I didn't.

978
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:46,840
Speaker 1: I just didn't. And then you messaged me out of

979
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 1: the blue like I haven't talked to you in a while,

980
00:53:48,960 --> 00:53:52,319
Speaker 1: and it just was the exact right message for me

981
00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:55,520
Speaker 1: to get to let myself off the hook and be like, wait,

982
00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:59,720
Speaker 1: Melody has this business and it's amazing, and she comes

983
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 1: back and like you, you left, You leave it for

984
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:05,799
Speaker 1: a minute, and you come back and it's there as

985
00:54:05,840 --> 00:54:09,520
Speaker 1: far as I know, and still thriving. And then you've

986
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 1: got another book that you wrote and it doesn't like

987
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:15,279
Speaker 1: I even just in the hearing of what you did

988
00:54:15,400 --> 00:54:18,840
Speaker 1: during your time, I'm intuitively or instinctually doing those things.

989
00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:20,520
Speaker 1: Like someone asked me this morning, what does your day

990
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:24,720
Speaker 1: look like? And I actually, for the first time felt

991
00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:26,920
Speaker 1: really great to be like, well, I'm gonna go to

992
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:29,160
Speaker 1: this yoga class. And then I was like and then

993
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:30,880
Speaker 1: I'm talking to a friend later, like I had this

994
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:33,680
Speaker 1: call scheduled and that was pretty much about it. A

995
00:54:33,719 --> 00:54:36,000
Speaker 1: couple invoices I still need to send out, you know,

996
00:54:36,080 --> 00:54:38,800
Speaker 1: but like, I'm going to do those throughout the week,

997
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:42,120
Speaker 1: and I don't feel this like my day isn't so

998
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:44,719
Speaker 1: stacked back to back to back. And I used to

999
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:47,799
Speaker 1: feel shame about that, Like if someone would ask me

1000
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:50,560
Speaker 1: and I didn't have a lot going on, I felt embarrassed.

1001
00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:55,319
Speaker 1: And it's like we just glamorized that or just praise that,

1002
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 1: like it's so great that you're so back to back

1003
00:54:58,000 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 1: to back that you don't have a chance to eat

1004
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:01,640
Speaker 1: or you're eating in your car between meetings, And I'm like,

1005
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:04,439
Speaker 1: why why are we saying that that is the way

1006
00:55:04,440 --> 00:55:06,759
Speaker 1: to live, Because it's the way to get a lot

1007
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:08,919
Speaker 1: of stuff done until you get to where I got

1008
00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:11,279
Speaker 1: or where you sound like you got, and you can't

1009
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:17,480
Speaker 1: do anything anymore you because you you you don't take

1010
00:55:17,600 --> 00:55:20,480
Speaker 1: up space in your life, your life will kick you out.

1011
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:24,560
Speaker 1: And that's kind of what happened to me. I felt like, okay,

1012
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:28,160
Speaker 1: like I've constructed this beautiful world, and then I woke

1013
00:55:28,239 --> 00:55:30,640
Speaker 1: up one morning and I didn't see myself in it.

1014
00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:33,640
Speaker 1: And I keep having this happen like every few years,

1015
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 1: and I have to do the work and I have

1016
00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:37,240
Speaker 1: to do the check in. So, like you said earlier,

1017
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:40,480
Speaker 1: it's a journey. And it doesn't mean like self love

1018
00:55:40,880 --> 00:55:45,719
Speaker 1: is not a destination. It's not something you've suddenly recognize

1019
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:48,960
Speaker 1: you feel and then you're healed forever. But for me,

1020
00:55:49,200 --> 00:55:52,360
Speaker 1: like the words self love have become like a compass,

1021
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:56,200
Speaker 1: and as long as I remember those that phrase, like

1022
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:59,480
Speaker 1: am I practicing self love? That's how I know? Like, okay,

1023
00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:02,920
Speaker 1: like am I taking up space for myself? Am I joyful?

1024
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:05,839
Speaker 1: Am I enjoying this very limited time we have on

1025
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:08,840
Speaker 1: this planet? Or am I just going through the motions

1026
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:11,040
Speaker 1: and then waking up two years later? Because that's what

1027
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:14,960
Speaker 1: I don't want. I'm also someone who like when I

1028
00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:18,439
Speaker 1: am experiencing trauma, I forget, like that's how I heal,

1029
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:23,239
Speaker 1: as I just like shut off those memories. And there

1030
00:56:23,239 --> 00:56:26,719
Speaker 1: are so many years that I just are hazy for me,

1031
00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:29,080
Speaker 1: and I don't want to go through that anymore, Like

1032
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:32,480
Speaker 1: I want to course correct sooner to use that phrase again.

1033
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:35,480
Speaker 1: And it sounds like for you like this might be

1034
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:38,799
Speaker 1: the first time you're doing this. Now that you've done it,

1035
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:42,080
Speaker 1: maybe next time you'll be like feeling a little off,

1036
00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:45,040
Speaker 1: I'm gonna like plan a week off and maybe at

1037
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:49,839
Speaker 1: that time even just having a finite week off will

1038
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:52,920
Speaker 1: be enough. Um, But for now, like I would urge

1039
00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:56,560
Speaker 1: you not to put endmark on it, like, don't say

1040
00:56:56,600 --> 00:56:58,719
Speaker 1: this is for a week, or for a month or

1041
00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:03,600
Speaker 1: for two months. Allow yourself the opportunity to go into

1042
00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:09,040
Speaker 1: the unknown with joy and see what happens. Yeah, thank

1043
00:57:09,080 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 1: you for giving me that permission. Sometimes I need it

1044
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:14,440
Speaker 1: for my friends. I need y'all to say at first,

1045
00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:17,720
Speaker 1: so that I can go, wait, oh, that's an option,

1046
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:20,520
Speaker 1: you know, like I just won't give myself those options.

1047
00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:23,480
Speaker 1: But okay, tell us about because you mentioned you wrote

1048
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:26,200
Speaker 1: a new book, and he's got really excited, can you

1049
00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:28,600
Speaker 1: tell us? So I'm going to give a very abbreviated

1050
00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:31,200
Speaker 1: version and working. I have to pick this up because

1051
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:35,400
Speaker 1: my son's school gets out in one minute. Figured um.

1052
00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:39,200
Speaker 1: But the story is that during that time in when

1053
00:57:39,240 --> 00:57:41,320
Speaker 1: I took that time off, I got I was really

1054
00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:43,360
Speaker 1: drawn to write poetry. When I was a kid, I

1055
00:57:43,440 --> 00:57:46,120
Speaker 1: always wrote poetry, and I you know, after I went

1056
00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:48,960
Speaker 1: to law school and I started working, like that part

1057
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 1: of me kind of died and it was during the

1058
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:54,440
Speaker 1: break that it was reborn. So I started writing poetry.

1059
00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:58,040
Speaker 1: And then when the pandemic started at that same time,

1060
00:57:58,080 --> 00:57:59,520
Speaker 1: I thought, you know what, I'm going to turn this

1061
00:57:59,560 --> 00:58:01,920
Speaker 1: poetry I've been writing over the past few years into

1062
00:58:01,920 --> 00:58:05,080
Speaker 1: a book, and that book is called Self Love Poetry

1063
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:08,120
Speaker 1: for Thinkers and Feelers. It's a hundred pairs of poems,

1064
00:58:08,720 --> 00:58:11,200
Speaker 1: each on a central theme related to self love. And

1065
00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:13,600
Speaker 1: what's cool about the book is that the left side

1066
00:58:13,600 --> 00:58:16,520
Speaker 1: of every page is for left brain thinkers and the

1067
00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 1: right side of every page it's for right brain feelers.

1068
00:58:20,360 --> 00:58:24,880
Speaker 1: And so you get this like dual experience. Um And

1069
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 1: I self published this book a year ago in October,

1070
00:58:28,280 --> 00:58:30,560
Speaker 1: and it did so well that a publisher reached out

1071
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:33,760
Speaker 1: to me and acquired it along with two other books.

1072
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:37,160
Speaker 1: And we just republished Self Love Poetry this past week.

1073
00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:40,760
Speaker 1: Um And it's a dream come true, Like I'm gonna

1074
00:58:40,800 --> 00:58:43,240
Speaker 1: be able to go into a bookstore and get my

1075
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 1: book off a self So I'm pinching myself. But the

1076
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:50,640
Speaker 1: true gift in it is that this is the truest

1077
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:54,000
Speaker 1: version of me, like what you see on these pages.

1078
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:57,120
Speaker 1: And even the dedication in the book. I'll read you

1079
00:58:57,160 --> 00:58:59,280
Speaker 1: the dedication because it kind of tells you everything you

1080
00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:03,920
Speaker 1: need to know. It says, dedicated to my childhood self,

1081
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:07,320
Speaker 1: a thoughtful, heart forward girl who wrote poetry to make

1082
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:10,320
Speaker 1: sense of her outer and inner world's melody. We did it.

1083
00:59:10,440 --> 00:59:14,760
Speaker 1: We did it. I'm gonna cry. I'm like Garry because

1084
00:59:17,040 --> 00:59:19,160
Speaker 1: and you know, when I wrote this book, like I

1085
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:21,600
Speaker 1: really there was no ego in any of it. Like

1086
00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:24,280
Speaker 1: I didn't really care anymore, Like I didn't wait for

1087
00:59:24,320 --> 00:59:26,800
Speaker 1: a publisher. I didn't care who was going to buy it.

1088
00:59:27,520 --> 00:59:31,760
Speaker 1: I was so proud of the parts of me that

1089
00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:33,920
Speaker 1: are reflected in this book that I just knew I

1090
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:36,040
Speaker 1: had to get it out there. And the universe was

1091
00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:38,800
Speaker 1: kind of like high five, like you did this for

1092
00:59:38,840 --> 00:59:41,160
Speaker 1: the right reasons, and we're going to reward you. And

1093
00:59:41,240 --> 00:59:43,440
Speaker 1: now like the publisher is going to come to you.

1094
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:46,000
Speaker 1: Because ten years ago, when I wrote my first book,

1095
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,560
Speaker 1: it was a spy thriller. I sent it out to

1096
00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:52,080
Speaker 1: seventy five agents and publishers and no one cared. And

1097
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:54,840
Speaker 1: because no one external validated me, I thought that that

1098
00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 1: chapter of my life was over, Like Okay, well, I

1099
00:59:57,760 --> 01:00:01,880
Speaker 1: guess I'm not a writer. And this my self love

1100
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:04,560
Speaker 1: journey has been about realizing like I don't need anyone's

1101
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:08,040
Speaker 1: validation to write, like I do this for me and

1102
01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:12,560
Speaker 1: this book, um, you see it right, it's just like

1103
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:15,920
Speaker 1: a heart forward like it's my heart and two hundred

1104
01:00:15,960 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 1: pages and My only hope is that when people read it,

1105
01:00:19,760 --> 01:00:23,720
Speaker 1: it brings them home to themselves. And I am really

1106
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:26,000
Speaker 1: excited because the A. B. C's of Self Love, which

1107
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:28,640
Speaker 1: I had also previously self published, a new edition that's

1108
01:00:28,640 --> 01:00:31,880
Speaker 1: coming out in January. It's illustrated, it has it's a

1109
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:35,680
Speaker 1: full journal. It's so beautiful, and it's like the fullest

1110
01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:38,479
Speaker 1: realization of what I tried to do when I first

1111
01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:41,960
Speaker 1: wrote it in Tight. And then The Shift, which I'm

1112
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:45,680
Speaker 1: currently writing, is a poetry book that's all about the

1113
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:48,120
Speaker 1: old way of thinking versus the new way of thinking

1114
01:00:48,160 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 1: about all different things, um. And and the Pause. You

1115
01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:55,080
Speaker 1: know something that I am definitely gonna be talking about

1116
01:00:55,120 --> 01:00:57,240
Speaker 1: in there, that's going to come out in September. So

1117
01:00:57,440 --> 01:01:02,200
Speaker 1: three books in one year. Who Step Ember? Okay, The

1118
01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:06,160
Speaker 1: Self Love Country is out now. These comes out in January,

1119
01:01:06,160 --> 01:01:07,920
Speaker 1: and then that one will come out next year. But

1120
01:01:08,480 --> 01:01:10,480
Speaker 1: the totality of all of that, and the reason that

1121
01:01:10,520 --> 01:01:14,880
Speaker 1: I share it, um, is that it was all born

1122
01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:19,760
Speaker 1: during a time of incredible stillness and authenticity. It was

1123
01:01:19,880 --> 01:01:23,240
Speaker 1: only when I was willing to give up everything that

1124
01:01:23,320 --> 01:01:26,520
Speaker 1: I thought I needed that I discovered what I actually

1125
01:01:26,560 --> 01:01:31,040
Speaker 1: have within myself. And I think That's my parting message

1126
01:01:31,040 --> 01:01:33,440
Speaker 1: to you is you have a lot right now that

1127
01:01:33,480 --> 01:01:35,360
Speaker 1: you've built that you think you need, but you don't

1128
01:01:35,440 --> 01:01:40,320
Speaker 1: have yourself and that is the true gift is can

1129
01:01:40,360 --> 01:01:44,000
Speaker 1: you give yourself to you and see what you can

1130
01:01:44,040 --> 01:01:48,400
Speaker 1: create from that space of self love and wholeness. M

1131
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:52,080
Speaker 1: That's what I need to thank you. Thanks for listening

1132
01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:54,840
Speaker 1: to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson, where we

1133
01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:57,640
Speaker 1: believe everyone has a little velvet and a little edge.

1134
01:01:57,880 --> 01:02:02,240
Speaker 1: Subscribe for more conversations on lie style, beauty and relationships.

1135
01:02:02,440 --> 01:02:06,320
Speaker 1: Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts. M h

1136
01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 1: m hm