1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:22,240 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. 5 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,440 Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 6 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:30,520 Speaker 2: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in 7 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 2: the world, it is so great to have you here. 8 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,199 Speaker 2: Back for another episode as we, of course break down 9 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,239 Speaker 2: the psychology of our twenties. A subject I'd like to 10 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 2: talk about a lot is agency and the fact that 11 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,519 Speaker 2: I think in about eighty percent of instances in our lives, 12 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,400 Speaker 2: we get to control our reality and what we're experiencing. 13 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,959 Speaker 2: I think so much about how we operate and how 14 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,600 Speaker 2: we function our daily lives is actually within our power. 15 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 2: But a lot of us choose to live quite passively, 16 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 2: and we let this thing happened to us, rather than 17 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:06,839 Speaker 2: actively choosing who we are, our outlook, our experiences, our behaviors, 18 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 2: who we spend time with. We say it all the 19 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,280 Speaker 2: time on the podcast, but I think sometimes the easiest 20 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 2: and most convenient choice is not always the best for you, 21 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:20,000 Speaker 2: And this is especially important to recognize in our twenties, 22 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:22,959 Speaker 2: when we are at such a formative juncture and in 23 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,000 Speaker 2: the midst of really deciding what we want long term, 24 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,800 Speaker 2: what we want with our careers, with our health, with 25 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,520 Speaker 2: our finances. I don't think that we can actually afford 26 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 2: to be passive. It doesn't mean that we have to 27 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 2: be constantly kind of finding for the next big thing 28 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,480 Speaker 2: and overworking ourselves. We don't always have to be focused 29 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,839 Speaker 2: on achievement. But I think more so that we need 30 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:44,600 Speaker 2: some kind of structure to how we think about our future, 31 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,520 Speaker 2: but also about our present and what kind of life 32 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,840 Speaker 2: we are creating for ourselves. And I thought who better 33 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 2: to bring on for this episode than the wonderful hosts 34 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 2: of Girls with Goals to have kind of a discussion 35 00:01:56,280 --> 00:02:00,200 Speaker 2: and informative conversation on how not to be passive when 36 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 2: it comes to creating a happy and fulfilling life. Sir 37 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,320 Speaker 2: Carolyn and Catherine, Welcome to the show. 38 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,399 Speaker 3: Hi, thank you so much for having us. I'm Caroline, 39 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:13,080 Speaker 3: I mean Catherine. We are where twin sisters. We're based 40 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:15,920 Speaker 3: in Boston in the US, and we host the show 41 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 3: Girls with Goals. We talk so much on our show 42 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 3: about health and wellness, but mostly in the sense of 43 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 3: how it fits into our lifestyles and ultimately building your 44 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 3: own most confident life. However that's going to look. And 45 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,840 Speaker 3: you know, every topic we dive into is something that 46 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,399 Speaker 3: we're actively navigating at the same time. And I think 47 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 3: figuring out how to have that right balance of control 48 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,760 Speaker 3: over your lives while at the same time being kind 49 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,840 Speaker 3: of trusting in the path and not trying to get 50 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,280 Speaker 3: too overwhelmed with the control is something that we're always 51 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 3: working to figure out. So I think hopefully we'll be 52 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 3: able to come and bring some good advice on how 53 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 3: to stop being passive in your life and take more 54 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:59,960 Speaker 3: control without it being too overwhelming of a feat today 55 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 3: On Yeah, I love the word control in a good 56 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 3: way is what we're what we're getting at here controls 57 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:07,200 Speaker 3: and you're in the power of your life, which I 58 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,359 Speaker 3: think is really important when we're talking about whether or 59 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:13,840 Speaker 3: not you're living passively. So we love you know, like 60 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:17,120 Speaker 3: Caron said, this is a time that we're navigating actively 61 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 3: ourselves and that's what we talk about. So you know, 62 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 3: we're working on trying not to be passive or being 63 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 3: aware of that and knowing how to be confident within that, 64 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 3: and you know, actively work towards moving away from passive 65 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 3: life and taking more control and feeling empowered in our 66 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 3: lives is what we talk about all the time. So 67 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 3: this is a really great episode. Thank you so much 68 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 3: for having. 69 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,360 Speaker 2: Us absolutely well. I feel like that's something I really 70 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,760 Speaker 2: admire about you guys. Firstly, you're in your twenties, which 71 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 2: I think is like obviously the psychology of your twenties, Like, 72 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 2: I like talking to people who also kind of get it. 73 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 2: But I really admire how you're both like quite intentional 74 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:55,800 Speaker 2: in how you live, right. You really like prioritize the 75 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 2: good parts of life as much as you can, even 76 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 2: when it's difficult. You guys are full time students, you're 77 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 2: running your own businesses. When it comes to that, what 78 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 2: do you think it means to be intentional, especially when 79 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:11,520 Speaker 2: we have like so many other things on our plate 80 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:15,440 Speaker 2: that can make it really difficult to focus on bringing Like, 81 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 2: I feel like being intentional sometimes gets compared to putting 82 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 2: in more effort, right and having to give more energy 83 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,160 Speaker 2: when you don't actually have it. But what does it 84 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 2: mean for you guys? 85 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's definitely not just straight up putting in more energy. 86 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,919 Speaker 3: And I think we've all been there where that is 87 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 3: our default because it's the simplest, seemingly simplest solution before 88 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:38,760 Speaker 3: you actually you know, try out some solutions. It's kind 89 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 3: of our default, our go to just if things aren't 90 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 3: working out or they're not working out as you want them, 91 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:47,919 Speaker 3: to just throw more effort in, like do more things 92 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,760 Speaker 3: work harder? Not the answer all the time, because that 93 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:54,479 Speaker 3: almost pushes you further into that, you know, passiveness. Anytime 94 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,840 Speaker 3: I've felt like I'm in a state of passive myths passiveness, 95 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,480 Speaker 3: First of all, I don't realize it until like a 96 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 3: month or two or even more down the line, and 97 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:05,600 Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my god, I've been living on autopilot, 98 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,560 Speaker 3: Like I couldn't even tell you what happened these past 99 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 3: four months. But having the you know, ability to acknowledge 100 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,360 Speaker 3: that and pull yourselves pull yourself out of that is 101 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,120 Speaker 3: a really intentional thing. And it's not to say that 102 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,000 Speaker 3: you're never going to have times of feeling passive or 103 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 3: you know that you have to throw yourself an autopilot, 104 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:28,039 Speaker 3: but when you do notice it, being able to, you know, 105 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,120 Speaker 3: pull yourself out of it. And sometimes that means not 106 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 3: throwing more more gas on the fire, but taking a 107 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,719 Speaker 3: step back and going back to those foundations and so 108 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,640 Speaker 3: knowing that there are a bunch of different options and 109 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 3: that maybe not putting all your effort in and losing 110 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,880 Speaker 3: all of your steam and absolutely burning out is the 111 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,840 Speaker 3: best answer. Sometimes it's taking a step back and going 112 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,520 Speaker 3: back to your you know, foundations, the things that you 113 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 3: absolutely have to do. 114 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, I totally agree. I read this article actually like 115 00:05:56,560 --> 00:06:00,600 Speaker 2: today by The Atlantic called like the Status of being busy, 116 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,960 Speaker 2: which is that like in this day and age, being 117 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:09,000 Speaker 2: busy is seen as like as being successful, as being popular, 118 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:13,760 Speaker 2: as being like a go getter, when actually busyness really 119 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:17,520 Speaker 2: just demonstrates yes, obviously like a period of just having 120 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 2: a lot odd and chaos, but actually it represents an 121 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 2: inability to set personal boundaries in a way because you 122 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,960 Speaker 2: don't and you haven't been intentional and putting time aside. Right. 123 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,359 Speaker 2: I think you made a really good point. Like we 124 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 2: talk about not being passive, not being passive doesn't mean 125 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:40,479 Speaker 2: being active, right, Like you would think that that's the opposite, right, Okay, 126 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 2: if I don't want to be passive, I better be 127 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:46,159 Speaker 2: doing things all the time. But it's actually being intentional, 128 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:50,240 Speaker 2: it's actually being like Okay, wait is this really I 129 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,520 Speaker 2: think I really liked the example of you being like, okay, 130 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,240 Speaker 2: feeling the need to spend every single night with friends, 131 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 2: feeling need to go out to go out to dinner. 132 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:02,680 Speaker 2: That is the easiest thing, because saying yes is the 133 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,000 Speaker 2: easiest thing, but saying no is the hard thing, and 134 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:08,159 Speaker 2: it's sometimes the riving. So how do you think we 135 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 2: can shift our outlook and our behaviors to be more intentional? 136 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 2: What do you think like kind of being in the 137 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 2: passenger being in like the driver's state, not the passenger state, 138 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,880 Speaker 2: really like mains in our twenties. 139 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, Ironically, some of the times that I've felt most 140 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,160 Speaker 3: passive in my life have also been times where I'm 141 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:30,840 Speaker 3: most busy because I am filling my plate with all 142 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 3: of these things while I'm being avoidant to maybe more 143 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 3: of the personal goals and the personal things that are 144 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 3: actually going to fulfill me. Busyness does not always equal fulfillment, 145 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 3: And sometimes I think the hardest thing is to slow down, 146 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 3: be honest with yourself, spend time just with yourself and 147 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 3: like doing those slower things and figuring out kind of 148 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 3: what your next step is and deciding what step to 149 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:55,880 Speaker 3: take forward, rather than being so busy that you can't 150 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 3: even make that choice. You're just always moving. Sometimes for 151 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 3: me that that busyness actually is the passiveness, because I'm 152 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:05,360 Speaker 3: being avoidant to my own life, and so I think 153 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,120 Speaker 3: the first thing that I would do if you find 154 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,600 Speaker 3: yourself being passive is to try to figure out why 155 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 3: that is happening. Is it fear of not being able 156 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,960 Speaker 3: to reach a goal that you have in your mind. 157 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:19,000 Speaker 3: Is it a lack of self confidence to spend time 158 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,360 Speaker 3: with yourself and to step up, because maybe you've never 159 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 3: been very comfortable just being alone with yourself and being 160 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,440 Speaker 3: accepting of yourself and working on yourself. Or maybe it's 161 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 3: even just being kind of overwhelmed and unsure of which 162 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 3: direction to go, because especially in our twenties, when nobody 163 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 3: has their lives figured out at all, and we see 164 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 3: all of these people around us in our own lives 165 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:42,760 Speaker 3: and then also perpetuated on the internet going in all 166 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 3: different directions all at once, it can be really overwhelming 167 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,160 Speaker 3: to decide which direction we even want to go in, 168 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 3: and then how do we even take that first step 169 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,599 Speaker 3: forward if there's one hundred options and we don't know 170 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,600 Speaker 3: which one to do. So being able to take that 171 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:57,319 Speaker 3: step back first rather than filling our lives with more busyness, 172 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 3: and see why am I being passive? Is it fear? 173 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,200 Speaker 3: Is it self confidence? Is it that I'm overwhelmed? And 174 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 3: then what is that first step forward for myself that's 175 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 3: actually going to work, not just what everyone else is doing? 176 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 2: And I think that comes down to values, right, That 177 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:15,959 Speaker 2: is such a precious and personal thing for each of us. 178 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,160 Speaker 2: But when we're really caught up in comparing ourselves, that's 179 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,240 Speaker 2: a big one. Seeing what everyone else is doing and 180 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:25,440 Speaker 2: feeling like we're coming up short. Your motivation is not 181 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,760 Speaker 2: the same as theirs. You have no idea why they're 182 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:32,120 Speaker 2: doing what they're doing, why it's important to them, their stamina, 183 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:36,679 Speaker 2: their energy reserves, whether they're actually sitting back at the 184 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 2: end of the day and being like, Wow, nothing I 185 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:42,079 Speaker 2: did today was intentional. This was all just like clutter 186 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 2: that I felt compelled to do. So I think taking 187 00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:48,520 Speaker 2: time to be like, Okay, I don't actually need to 188 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:51,320 Speaker 2: know what I want exactly, I don't need a five 189 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 2: year plan. I don't need to have it all worked out. 190 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 2: I think having it all worked out is actually a 191 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,760 Speaker 2: bad thing because you have no room for flexibility and 192 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 2: for surprise and for exac It's mainly being like, what 193 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:04,600 Speaker 2: are the values that I want to guide my decision 194 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,440 Speaker 2: making by. Is it that I want to be like 195 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 2: guided by creativity and I want to be exploring ways 196 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 2: to be creative? And that means that no, I can't 197 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,760 Speaker 2: say yes to all my social plans because I do 198 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,400 Speaker 2: need space for rest and space for my imagination. Is 199 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:23,440 Speaker 2: it okay, I'm really motivated by growth, and I'm really 200 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 2: motivated by intelligence, or I'm really motivated by whatever it 201 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:31,040 Speaker 2: is that is like, oh, I think independence. Maybe that's 202 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:35,120 Speaker 2: like the value that drives your kind of financial goals 203 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 2: and how active you are and your financial goals. Right, 204 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 2: it's like, stop trying to pursue things from a place 205 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,280 Speaker 2: of wanting to please others or wanting to do what 206 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:47,200 Speaker 2: others are doing. That's what makes you passive. Do it 207 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,920 Speaker 2: from a place of once again, when you're intentional about 208 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:54,160 Speaker 2: your motivations, your inspiration, your mission, I think everything becomes 209 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,160 Speaker 2: a lot easier. Have you guys kind of found that. 210 00:10:56,800 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 3: Exactly something that has always grounded me in my own 211 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,400 Speaker 3: life because it can definitely be overwhelming for me to 212 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 3: think about, like where do I want to see myself 213 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,760 Speaker 3: in five years? What do I want my exact career 214 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 3: to be, because for me, that's never been something that 215 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:15,920 Speaker 3: has come naturally picking one path. But what really grounds 216 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,439 Speaker 3: me and helps me be more stable and be more 217 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,280 Speaker 3: active in my life regardless of that, is to think about, Okay, 218 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,679 Speaker 3: I don't know exactly what the tangible thing is that 219 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:27,560 Speaker 3: I need. I don't need to know exactly the tangible 220 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 3: path and that career and whatever the relationship in the timeline. 221 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 3: I don't need to know that. But what really matters 222 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 3: to me is to know, like what my values are 223 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:38,360 Speaker 3: that are always going to be there, and what the 224 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,640 Speaker 3: feeling that I want in life is. Because your twenties, 225 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,800 Speaker 3: and I say this as someone who's just basically started 226 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,640 Speaker 3: my twenties, I'm only twenty one, but I think it's 227 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:50,360 Speaker 3: such a good time to experiment because nobody knows exactly 228 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,560 Speaker 3: where they're going. And like you said, I don't think 229 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 3: you should. I think that's kind of a bad thing 230 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 3: because you're gonna put yourself on a path and you're 231 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,360 Speaker 3: not going to let yourself change your mind. You're not 232 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 3: going to keep yourself open to other opportunities that might 233 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,480 Speaker 3: come up. And so when I try to focus on 234 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 3: the feeling that I want out of my life instead 235 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:11,120 Speaker 3: of those tangible things, I can really keep myself open 236 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,400 Speaker 3: to opportunities that come up and all of these things 237 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,319 Speaker 3: that might bring those feelings for me. So, for example, 238 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:20,359 Speaker 3: if we're talking about that feeling of independence and freedom, 239 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 3: you can find different ways to get that out of 240 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,080 Speaker 3: your life on big levels and on little levels throughout 241 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,760 Speaker 3: your day. So maybe that financial independence or just that 242 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,800 Speaker 3: feeling of freedom in general. On the grandest scheme you 243 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,640 Speaker 3: can think of is owning your own business and working 244 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 3: for yourself. But maybe that's not a tangible, reachable thing 245 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:39,680 Speaker 3: for you in this moment, but you still want to 246 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:42,679 Speaker 3: have that feeling. So maybe a lower level of that 247 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,640 Speaker 3: is doing some traveling or maybe reading books and just 248 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,840 Speaker 3: educating yourself on things that you're interested in and taking 249 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:53,679 Speaker 3: that sense of agency and independence in your life. And 250 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,960 Speaker 3: maybe even on a day to day level, it's just 251 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,839 Speaker 3: doing activities by yourself. So when you know what those 252 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 3: values are and what those felseelings are, I think that 253 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,559 Speaker 3: it helps you to be active in your life from 254 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,000 Speaker 3: day one, because it doesn't need to be I'm jumping 255 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,960 Speaker 3: right to the finish line right now, but there are 256 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,120 Speaker 3: things that I can find today, this week, this month 257 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,440 Speaker 3: that still give me that feeling, and things can really 258 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 3: snowball from there. Sometimes it's kind of silly. Our show 259 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 3: name is Girls with Goals, But in the recent I mean, 260 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,040 Speaker 3: we've been doing this for almost three years, and the 261 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:25,079 Speaker 3: reason i'd say two years or answer to the question 262 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,600 Speaker 3: like what are your goals or what do you want 263 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,760 Speaker 3: to do with your life? Are healing, we have an 264 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 3: answer like we just want to chase improvement and chase 265 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,000 Speaker 3: feeling good, and that is I don't think it's the 266 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 3: answer that we would have said three years ago when 267 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:41,160 Speaker 3: we started this show. I probably would have given you 268 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 3: a list of like five thanks that I want to accomplish, 269 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,120 Speaker 3: and you know, maybe I did accomplish those five things. 270 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 3: But doesn't stop when you accomplish them. And life also 271 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,240 Speaker 3: doesn't stop if you don't accomplish your goals or if 272 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,440 Speaker 3: you have some failures along the way. And so I 273 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,240 Speaker 3: think a massive, massive point that we've learned in the 274 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,600 Speaker 3: past couple of years that this has been something that 275 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,600 Speaker 3: we've you know, had to art take you over and 276 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:04,040 Speaker 3: over again, the concept of goals and in our frame 277 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 3: of mind, what are our goals or that we don't 278 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 3: have any or at least not tangible ones necessarily, but 279 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:13,080 Speaker 3: we do have a direction. We have a kind of 280 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 3: quality that we expect of ourselves. And I think that 281 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 3: is a really big point that's taken us. I mean, 282 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 3: speaking for myself, but taking me at least into a 283 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:29,480 Speaker 3: more you know, controlled and intentional and like really self 284 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 3: aware journey into improvement and whatever that may be literally 285 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 3: every aspect of life. So I can't tell you I 286 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,840 Speaker 3: go to the gym every day. I'm not gonna sit 287 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 3: here and tell you I have a gym goal because 288 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 3: I couldn't tell you that. I don't want to style 289 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:49,080 Speaker 3: right like you do a continuous thing exactly. And I 290 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 3: mean three years ago, I was like, I want to 291 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 3: hit one hundred and fifty pounds squat. I don't know 292 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,520 Speaker 3: who my squad weigh is, right, and I couldn't tell 293 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:57,880 Speaker 3: you how much I squat. Right now, I would go 294 00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 3: to the gym because I want to continue showing up 295 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,120 Speaker 3: myself and I want to feel strong and I want 296 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,880 Speaker 3: to be healthy, and like that's why I do it. 297 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,640 Speaker 3: And of course things come in and out. You have 298 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:10,480 Speaker 3: different mini goals in your life, but and it's really 299 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,280 Speaker 3: fun to set many goals along the way, but that's 300 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 3: not like the end all, be all goal. And sometimes 301 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:20,400 Speaker 3: when you do set those really tangible and really specific goals, 302 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:23,320 Speaker 3: that's when you feel the passive if passiveness come in, 303 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,000 Speaker 3: because that's all you're working towards, your kind of tunnel 304 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:30,760 Speaker 3: vision towards that, and everything else falls behind or isn't 305 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,920 Speaker 3: front of mind. You're not really putting intentional effort towards it, 306 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 3: and then you get into this rut where things feel 307 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,240 Speaker 3: so much like clutter. I'd love that word that you 308 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,920 Speaker 3: said earlier, that even the goal you're working towards feels 309 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,600 Speaker 3: a little bit like clutter. And then you're gonna get 310 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,640 Speaker 3: to a point really what am I even doing? And 311 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 3: I mean at that point you're in the passive era 312 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,400 Speaker 3: and you're I guess snapping out of it. But that's 313 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,760 Speaker 3: how you kind of in my mind, that's in my experience, 314 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:56,720 Speaker 3: how I've become passive is almost by getting too specific 315 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 3: on what I want in an overwhelming sense. 316 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:03,680 Speaker 2: That's actually so interesting because one of my questions was 317 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 2: was going to be how is your relationship to your 318 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,160 Speaker 2: goals changed as you get older? 319 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 3: Oh? Wow? 320 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,880 Speaker 2: And I was like, that's like such a good answer. 321 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, well, dely is like a maturity thing too. I mean, 322 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,280 Speaker 3: I know you're so fan, I know Karen's heir so fan, 323 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,880 Speaker 3: but the like please please yell at me if I 324 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 3: get the lyrics wrong. But eighteen and nothing else? How 325 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 3: do you know everything at eighteen and nothing at twenty one? Oh? Yeah, 326 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:35,720 Speaker 3: that was right. I feel like that. That that's me, Thanks, guys. 327 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,920 Speaker 3: I mean that's obviously something that a lot of people 328 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,440 Speaker 3: can relate to. You kind of feel like you have everything. 329 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:44,000 Speaker 3: And maybe those really specific goals work well when you're 330 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,360 Speaker 3: around eighteen because you're you don't have to act on them. 331 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:50,080 Speaker 3: I don't act them on them right away, dream and 332 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 3: if you do act on them, like Kroen said, it's 333 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,520 Speaker 3: not I'm going to own my own business. It's like 334 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,440 Speaker 3: I go to work. I work my minium wage job 335 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,320 Speaker 3: in high school, and that's me with financial freedom. That 336 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:06,720 Speaker 3: satisfies that craving, I guess, whereas once, yeah, the stakes 337 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,879 Speaker 3: are much lower. It's kind of it's exponential, whereas a 338 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:13,840 Speaker 3: few years later you're twenty one. World of possibilities. Yeah, 339 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:17,480 Speaker 3: I think how my relationship with goal setting has changed 340 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:20,320 Speaker 3: in the more recent years. Is that a lot of 341 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:23,800 Speaker 3: my goals are more of these continuous goals versus end 342 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:28,399 Speaker 3: game goals, because it in for my mind and the 343 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,520 Speaker 3: way that my mind works. I am very future and 344 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:35,440 Speaker 3: forward thinking, and if I tell myself that I need 345 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,480 Speaker 3: something and want to do something, I get so one 346 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:41,520 Speaker 3: track minded with it that it tends to lead me 347 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,600 Speaker 3: down this like anxious path of having to get somewhere 348 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,119 Speaker 3: as fast as I can and like on that track, 349 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,240 Speaker 3: and then I'm pretty avoidant of other things around me. 350 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,480 Speaker 3: And then obviously that is not good when you don't 351 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:55,800 Speaker 3: get exactly there. And I think something that really showed 352 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:57,720 Speaker 3: me that I actually like have matured in that and 353 00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:00,800 Speaker 3: done that well recently is I was looking for part 354 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,240 Speaker 3: time internships and things to do with this next year 355 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,480 Speaker 3: ahead of me because I have one year of college left, 356 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,760 Speaker 3: but I actually only have one semester worth of classes 357 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,399 Speaker 3: to do, so I have a much lower schedule. And 358 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,720 Speaker 3: I was like, Okay, well, I maybe I want to 359 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,680 Speaker 3: work for a startup in Boston and kind of fill 360 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,320 Speaker 3: more of my time. And I was really excited about 361 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:20,200 Speaker 3: this one opportunity. It was like sports marketing seemed really 362 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,760 Speaker 3: up my alley, you know, had some social media aspects 363 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 3: and fitness and marketing, and I was one month, three 364 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,920 Speaker 3: interviews deep in this company and they turned me down, 365 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:34,960 Speaker 3: and which, yeah, sad, but honestly, I was so shocked 366 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,960 Speaker 3: that I got that, and I was like, huh, okay, 367 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:39,760 Speaker 3: well they must not be what I was supposed to 368 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 3: be doing. And like myself a couple of years ago, 369 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 3: having been rejected to something that I was, you know 370 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,520 Speaker 3: a little bit emotionally involved in and like starting to 371 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,680 Speaker 3: think forward about it, I would have been so much 372 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:55,119 Speaker 3: more destroyed by that, whereas I was able to like 373 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,040 Speaker 3: move on and forget about it than a day because 374 00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:59,760 Speaker 3: I have my podcast going for me, and I still 375 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,520 Speaker 3: have school, and I know that the other opportunities are 376 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,120 Speaker 3: going to come and open up. And so I think 377 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:07,280 Speaker 3: that being able to have more of these continuous goals 378 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,680 Speaker 3: of like I just want to feel successful, I want 379 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 3: to feel independent, I want to feel healthy, versus I 380 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:14,879 Speaker 3: want to feel successful by getting this exact position at 381 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:19,879 Speaker 3: this exact time, really keeps me moving forward because I 382 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,520 Speaker 3: think that in later years, if I had gotten rejected 383 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:26,240 Speaker 3: or something, then I might have just stopped installed right there, 384 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,119 Speaker 3: and I wouldn't have kept moving forward. And so I 385 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,000 Speaker 3: think specifically in your twenties when you're navigating these paths 386 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:32,720 Speaker 3: and like, what am I going to do? If you 387 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,840 Speaker 3: can set out to do things without the pressure of 388 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 3: them having to be endgame, then taking that path forward 389 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,680 Speaker 3: is so much more exciting and you're able to learn 390 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,639 Speaker 3: and evolve and grow along the way rather than you know, 391 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,400 Speaker 3: seeing something as a hard stop. And I think that 392 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:55,000 Speaker 3: kind of the really tangible, really specific, big goals that 393 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,280 Speaker 3: are almost too far out of reach in the current moment, 394 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:00,959 Speaker 3: because I will never tell that nothing is too far 395 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:04,440 Speaker 3: out of reach, but in the current moment, something is 396 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 3: probably too far out of reach if you're setting a massive, 397 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:11,119 Speaker 3: massive goal. The way that that becomes passive, I think, 398 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:14,720 Speaker 3: just listening to Caroline talk, this is my concept on it. 399 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 3: This is what my brain's doing while I'm listening to her. 400 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:22,119 Speaker 3: When you get those really really big goals, the reason 401 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:23,800 Speaker 3: I know they don't work out for me, and I 402 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,080 Speaker 3: know a lot of people probably have the same experience, 403 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:30,360 Speaker 3: is you're almost doubting yourself. And self doubt is something 404 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,480 Speaker 3: that we talked about a lot, or the inverse self confidence, 405 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,320 Speaker 3: because we want self confidence, of course, don't really want 406 00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 3: self doubt if it's debilitating but in the passive sense, 407 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,480 Speaker 3: it self doubt is debilitating. And so when you set 408 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:46,480 Speaker 3: these really really big goals, it's like you kind of 409 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,040 Speaker 3: self sabotage. And I'm sure you've talked about this on 410 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,080 Speaker 3: your show before too, but you kind of self sabotage, 411 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:57,480 Speaker 3: and that default into the passive zone is, in my 412 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,240 Speaker 3: mind one hundred percent that self sabotage because you're like, 413 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,240 Speaker 3: kind of I'm not even gonna try. I'm just gonna, 414 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:06,600 Speaker 3: in the back of my mind hope that this massive 415 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,360 Speaker 3: goal that I think I want for myself worked out, 416 00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 3: but I'm really not gonna put like tons of effort 417 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 3: towards it or like intentional effort. And that's not a 418 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 3: zone that we want. 419 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 2: To be in because it feels like you have so 420 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,680 Speaker 2: much time, right because it is such a big thing, 421 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:20,160 Speaker 2: But I also think so. 422 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 3: Much space for excuses exactly. 423 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:25,040 Speaker 2: I also think that like with big goals that are 424 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 2: like numbers, for example, you talked about like one hundred 425 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,160 Speaker 2: and fifty pounds squad or like I don't know, a 426 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:34,479 Speaker 2: huge milestone, a marathon that's another one something like that, 427 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:37,119 Speaker 2: it's like, Okay, once you hit that, you lose steam 428 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:40,840 Speaker 2: because it's not sustainable because your goal is one point 429 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,479 Speaker 2: in time. It is before you reach the goal, and 430 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:45,480 Speaker 2: it is when you reach the goal, and the afterward 431 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:47,359 Speaker 2: is you don't have anything for that. And I was 432 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 2: talking to my friend who did a marathon recently, so impressive, 433 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,280 Speaker 2: and she was like, yeah, I don't want to run 434 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,119 Speaker 2: anymore because that was so freaking exhausting. She was like, 435 00:21:56,160 --> 00:22:00,600 Speaker 2: that was awful, Like I'm I was working. She basically 436 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:04,720 Speaker 2: recreated her whole lifestyle around this huge thing that she, 437 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:06,760 Speaker 2: I think thought was going to bring her a lot 438 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,440 Speaker 2: of other things. It was going to bring her confidence, 439 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,600 Speaker 2: it was going to bring her control, it was going 440 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,720 Speaker 2: to bring her empowerment. Yes, those things did happen, but 441 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,600 Speaker 2: she wasn't thinking about how running was going to promote 442 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:20,320 Speaker 2: those things as a lifestyle. She was thinking about how 443 00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:22,640 Speaker 2: she was going to get to this goal. And what 444 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,480 Speaker 2: that meant was that once the goal had been obtained, 445 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:30,600 Speaker 2: all of the habits, all of the processes, all of 446 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:34,960 Speaker 2: the attitude adjustments that she'd had in that process were suddenly, 447 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,080 Speaker 2: you know, no longer useful for her. And so I 448 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 2: think that that's like a really important part about when 449 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:44,359 Speaker 2: we think about goals and you think about being active 450 00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:47,760 Speaker 2: in your life, not being a passive agent. Immediately, your 451 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,720 Speaker 2: mind might go to, Okay, well, I need to set 452 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,240 Speaker 2: like the biggest goal possible because that's going to give 453 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 2: me focus. But really, your time kind of ends when 454 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,160 Speaker 2: that goal is reached and you're not thinking about how 455 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:02,439 Speaker 2: you actually want to create a good life around that 456 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 2: thing and beyond that thing. If that makes sense. 457 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, that makes so much sense. I love that. Yeah, 458 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,960 Speaker 3: because you kind of shorten your life. You stop thinking 459 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,480 Speaker 3: about your life in terms of like I'm gonna live 460 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:18,440 Speaker 3: till forever and me running is gonna make me healthy 461 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,480 Speaker 3: and like get my muscles up and build my bone 462 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:24,639 Speaker 3: strength and get my heart pumping, and that's going to 463 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,320 Speaker 3: help me live forever, and like have so much time 464 00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:30,440 Speaker 3: to enjoy life and experience so many new things, like oh, 465 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,639 Speaker 3: my marathons in six months, Like my life now only 466 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:37,200 Speaker 3: exists six months out in my head. And then nothing 467 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 3: else is really important to you anymore, or nothing else 468 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,000 Speaker 3: is at the forefront of your your brain. It's not 469 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:49,200 Speaker 3: you know, career longevity, maintaining friendships super heavily, anything else 470 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:54,560 Speaker 3: beyond just that marathon training example falls into the passive zone. Yeah, 471 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,280 Speaker 3: you know, that's actually very interesting because I had never 472 00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:00,760 Speaker 3: thought about somebody having that experience. You know, you don't 473 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 3: see people talking about kind of the aftermath of achieving 474 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,639 Speaker 3: great goals like that, but you do see it so 475 00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 3: often in you know, business, where somebody it takes off 476 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:13,920 Speaker 3: and is so successful and then all of a sudden 477 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 3: there's bankruptcy the next day, and it's like, oh my god, 478 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:19,000 Speaker 3: how did that happen? And it's maybe because we're not 479 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:23,600 Speaker 3: planning for longevity and sustainability and so not to say, 480 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,879 Speaker 3: don't go out and set the big goals of the 481 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:29,080 Speaker 3: marathon and things like that, but maybe make it a 482 00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:31,520 Speaker 3: longer journey and take the baby steps to get there, 483 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,600 Speaker 3: or plan ahead for like, Okay, how do I want 484 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,800 Speaker 3: to continue to do this after the fact instead of 485 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:40,679 Speaker 3: making a kind of that end game. Maybe that taking 486 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 3: more action in your life is thinking ahead towards how 487 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,920 Speaker 3: am I going to manage this afterwards and not fall 488 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:48,480 Speaker 3: back into a passive state after it. 489 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:52,919 Speaker 2: Because goals are important, Like that's the I feel absolutely obviously, 490 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:56,119 Speaker 2: like we're sitting here being like, no, goals are super important. 491 00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,040 Speaker 2: They are so valuable. Like even last night I was 492 00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:01,399 Speaker 2: journling about it. I mean, like, this is what I 493 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,479 Speaker 2: want out of the next six months of my life. 494 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,359 Speaker 2: But the things that I wanted were not like specifics. 495 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,440 Speaker 2: They weren't like the I feel like there's this thing 496 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 2: of like smart goals where they have to be like specific, measurable, actionable, 497 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 2: something are realistic and timely. Yeah, that's great, love that, 498 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,639 Speaker 2: but and I get that there's like a lot of 499 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:26,359 Speaker 2: research behind that. I really actually don't agree. Yeah, I 500 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,080 Speaker 2: get that it's like a really nice idea, but I'm like, actually, no, 501 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,199 Speaker 2: those are things that once you do, you tick them 502 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,360 Speaker 2: off and you actually aren't invested in as a lifestyle change. Yes, 503 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:39,879 Speaker 2: whereas when you have goals that are like personal sustainable 504 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:45,160 Speaker 2: and like about attitudes and beliefs and lifestyle like, those 505 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,919 Speaker 2: things are so much more valuable for actually changing your life. 506 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:52,680 Speaker 2: And I was listening to this ted talk, which I love. 507 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:57,560 Speaker 2: It's the Elizabeth Gilbert one on like success, and she 508 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,919 Speaker 2: basically said that all her life she had been she's 509 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:04,439 Speaker 2: an author, she'd been waiting for success, and she'd been 510 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,480 Speaker 2: waiting for a book to be published and for a 511 00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,560 Speaker 2: book to become a best seller. And then she wrote 512 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:15,280 Speaker 2: a pray love which everybody knows cultural phenomena. And afterwards 513 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,679 Speaker 2: she was like, oh, hey, that's all I ever wanted. 514 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:20,119 Speaker 2: I'm like at the top of the mountain. Now what? 515 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:24,320 Speaker 2: And she had to actually really relearn to love the process. 516 00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:27,000 Speaker 2: And it's called learned industriousness, which I love. It's like 517 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,919 Speaker 2: a psychology term that's kind of in opposition to learned helplessness, 518 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:34,359 Speaker 2: where it's like, learned industriousness is about not being too 519 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:38,240 Speaker 2: overly invested in what Obviously you care about the outcome, 520 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,000 Speaker 2: but actually you care more about enjoying the process. It's 521 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,480 Speaker 2: kind of like the age old question of like what's 522 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,320 Speaker 2: better the destination or the journey? And this thing, this 523 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,639 Speaker 2: this idea says no, the journey one hundred percent, because 524 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,240 Speaker 2: how you meant to get to the destination if you 525 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,760 Speaker 2: hate the journey? Right, Like, how are you ever going 526 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,920 Speaker 2: to care about all that time where you're not going 527 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,480 Speaker 2: to see results if you don't actually love the thing 528 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:00,240 Speaker 2: that you're doing? 529 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:03,359 Speaker 3: Yeah, talking about you know all the time that you 530 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,840 Speaker 3: don't see results. I think with anything we want in 531 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,359 Speaker 3: our life, it can seem daunting that so many of 532 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:13,560 Speaker 3: these things that we might want to achieve are not 533 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,679 Speaker 3: things that are going to come to us overnight. And 534 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 3: I think that's a huge reason we might be passive 535 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:22,480 Speaker 3: in starting something, because we know that our effort tomorrow 536 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:25,640 Speaker 3: is not going to be seen tomorrow. You know it's 537 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,600 Speaker 3: going to take our effort tomorrow in the next day 538 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:29,960 Speaker 3: and the weeks after before we really start seeing things. 539 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:34,639 Speaker 3: And I think that that fear, or that not immediate 540 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:38,760 Speaker 3: satisfaction is a huge reason why we might be passive 541 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:42,919 Speaker 3: in things. And when it comes to anything great. You know, 542 00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:45,960 Speaker 3: it's so cliche to say consistency is key, but I 543 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,439 Speaker 3: do think that it really is, because you know, it 544 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:51,080 Speaker 3: could take ninety nine tries at something and then the 545 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,439 Speaker 3: one hundredth one works, But because you showed up for 546 00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,720 Speaker 3: those hundred days and you did that, that one hundredth 547 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,560 Speaker 3: one being a success makes up for everything else that 548 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,959 Speaker 3: you've worked for. Says you know, those hundred days, those 549 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,879 Speaker 3: hundred tries, whatever it is, those are going to go 550 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:07,320 Speaker 3: by anyways. And you could have those go by being 551 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,959 Speaker 3: passive and never trying, or you could have those go 552 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:14,199 Speaker 3: by trying and learning and learning until it works, or 553 00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:17,440 Speaker 3: just being consistent over and over until your results compile 554 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:21,200 Speaker 3: enough to really see it happen. I mean, taking podcasts 555 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,640 Speaker 3: for example, yours and ours. I'm sure we both had 556 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 3: many episodes or even iterations of the podcast and the 557 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:32,119 Speaker 3: content before we really felt like we had something like 558 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,159 Speaker 3: oh that was an episode and a topic that I 559 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,160 Speaker 3: was super proud of, or oh wow, that just reached 560 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,280 Speaker 3: a lot of people that went viral. Like it doesn't 561 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:44,080 Speaker 3: nothing that you do is going to be an immediate success. 562 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:48,960 Speaker 3: And so being able to accept that and understand that, 563 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:54,080 Speaker 3: like nothing worth having really is going to be like 564 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:57,120 Speaker 3: an immediate success or give you that immediate gratification, I 565 00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,960 Speaker 3: think is a really big step in not being passive, 566 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 3: because that is something you have to accept in order 567 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,560 Speaker 3: to step into the activity of whatever it is you 568 00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,800 Speaker 3: want to do. It is kind of a cool thing 569 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,760 Speaker 3: when you think about how you perceive time, at least 570 00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:13,120 Speaker 3: for me, in terms of passive versus active or you know, 571 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:17,520 Speaker 3: passive time versus a successful venture. Say something takes like 572 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,720 Speaker 3: a month and you choose not to do it because 573 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 3: it's scary and it's going to take a lot of 574 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:24,720 Speaker 3: effort and you don't have the energy or whatever you 575 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,680 Speaker 3: don't want to commit to it. That month is going 576 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,920 Speaker 3: to go by, and it's going to go by pretty quickly. 577 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,480 Speaker 3: Compared to if you're putting the effort in, but then 578 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,680 Speaker 3: after the month, you're going to look back and say, 579 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 3: oh my gosh, I just wasted this home it started 580 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,960 Speaker 3: that thing, where would I've been right? And that one 581 00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:43,600 Speaker 3: month is going to feel like an eternity, whereas the opposite. 582 00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,040 Speaker 3: You start something at the beginning of that month and 583 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:48,960 Speaker 3: it takes about a month and then it's in your 584 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,360 Speaker 3: eyes deemed successful and you feel really good about it 585 00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,160 Speaker 3: and you're proud about it and things are going well. 586 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,360 Speaker 3: That month may have been ruling. The month itself of 587 00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,320 Speaker 3: work may have felt like an eternity. But once you 588 00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:00,840 Speaker 3: get to the you know stage where you're feeling like 589 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,680 Speaker 3: this is successful, this is feeling good, like I'm proud 590 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:07,440 Speaker 3: of this, the month is gonna feel like it happened overnight, 591 00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:11,880 Speaker 3: like you're gonna forget about all of the immediate hard times, 592 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 3: like how many times have you been up until way 593 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:18,240 Speaker 3: like past midnight, like you're fighting a deadline to get 594 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,480 Speaker 3: an episode in, or like you're you're doing work. Everyone 595 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,800 Speaker 3: has had times, whether it's school, whether it's work, whether 596 00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:28,000 Speaker 3: it's whatever, you're overworking yourself getting work done, and then 597 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:29,960 Speaker 3: you submit the thing you're done with the thing, it 598 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,440 Speaker 3: feels successful. You're like, I'm proud of myself. I did that. 599 00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:35,360 Speaker 3: That was Let's do it again. Like that looked good, 600 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,959 Speaker 3: Like this feels good. Whereas the opposite, if you were 601 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:40,400 Speaker 3: in the passive zone, sure, that's the easy choice in 602 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:44,480 Speaker 3: terms of you know, effort exertion, but that's so frustrating 603 00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:45,640 Speaker 3: when you get to the end of it and you 604 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,680 Speaker 3: realize I didn't do much. 605 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,400 Speaker 2: It's like a momentum thing, right, And it's like, I 606 00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,400 Speaker 2: think this comes back to the at the end of 607 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:57,480 Speaker 2: the day. Is everyone This is such a cliche. Everyone 608 00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:00,959 Speaker 2: has twenty four hours in the day, right, passive person 609 00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:05,040 Speaker 2: will I think look at those hours and be like, Okay, 610 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:07,880 Speaker 2: they're empty, and so I'll just fill them with whatever. 611 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:09,880 Speaker 2: Like I'm just going, you know, I'm gonna do it 612 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:13,520 Speaker 2: hour by hour. I'm gonna do my life week by week, 613 00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:18,080 Speaker 2: month by month, year by year. And you just end 614 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:20,960 Speaker 2: up looking back and being like, Okay, but there was 615 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:24,479 Speaker 2: all these opportunities for me to actually change something. There 616 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,920 Speaker 2: were all these opportunities for me to make a small 617 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:31,120 Speaker 2: change one day, a bigger change than next, and see 618 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,760 Speaker 2: a completely different path myself. Whereas I think somebody who 619 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:37,240 Speaker 2: is like actively choosing what they want for their life 620 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,360 Speaker 2: sees time not a space, but as opportunity to be 621 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:43,200 Speaker 2: like great, Like, this is what I want to do. 622 00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:45,040 Speaker 2: This is who I want to be. This is like 623 00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:47,360 Speaker 2: what I want to work on. This is like I 624 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:49,880 Speaker 2: want to do better by my health. So like there 625 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,240 Speaker 2: are all these hours in which I can go and exercise, 626 00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:54,840 Speaker 2: and all these hours in which I can like choose 627 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,560 Speaker 2: to eat better foods, in which I can go to 628 00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:58,880 Speaker 2: the doctor and I can like take care of myself 629 00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,600 Speaker 2: and I can stretch, whereas a passive person is like, well, 630 00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:03,560 Speaker 2: this is empty space too. If that comes up, maybe 631 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:06,600 Speaker 2: we'll do it. So I think it is about being like, yes, 632 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:08,680 Speaker 2: it's not all about long term goals. It's not always 633 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:12,400 Speaker 2: about overworking yourself. It's not always about using every single 634 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:16,160 Speaker 2: hour to be the best version of yourself because eventually 635 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,600 Speaker 2: you will burn out. It's about being like, this is 636 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:20,360 Speaker 2: what I want for my life. Where does this fit 637 00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,680 Speaker 2: into my day? And where can I make space and 638 00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:28,000 Speaker 2: time for this, so that this isn't just whatever happens, 639 00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:30,680 Speaker 2: This is like a day that I have created, because 640 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,239 Speaker 2: like how you choose to live your days is how 641 00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:33,800 Speaker 2: you live your life right at the end of the 642 00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:36,600 Speaker 2: like at the end of your life, at the end 643 00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:38,000 Speaker 2: of your month, at the end of the week, Like 644 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:41,040 Speaker 2: all of that comes down to these small units and 645 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:43,360 Speaker 2: these small decisions that we need to make. And it's 646 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:46,120 Speaker 2: kind of like you're choosing the decision that you're going 647 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 2: to look back on and either a not remember or regret, 648 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:50,959 Speaker 2: or you're choosing the decision that you're going to be like, oh, 649 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,120 Speaker 2: really glad I did that, and I'm really proud of myself, 650 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:54,680 Speaker 2: even if it was hard. 651 00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:55,160 Speaker 1: You know. 652 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,240 Speaker 3: Sometimes it's even just like changing your narrative and how 653 00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:01,440 Speaker 3: you speak to yourself. I think there is huge power 654 00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,600 Speaker 3: in the shift from saying I want to be something 655 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,520 Speaker 3: versus I am something, even if it's like a fake 656 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,680 Speaker 3: it till you make it kind of thing. Your mindset 657 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:12,920 Speaker 3: and your self belief drives everything, and I think that's 658 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:16,160 Speaker 3: on our show, that's something that almost every topic we 659 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:19,240 Speaker 3: can find a way to drill back to your belief 660 00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:22,760 Speaker 3: in yourself, your relationship with yourself, because it's the difference 661 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,520 Speaker 3: between like, oh, I like I want to be healthier, 662 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:29,280 Speaker 3: but that is putting it as like a future thing, 663 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:31,719 Speaker 3: like oh, that's something that I have to I have 664 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,480 Speaker 3: to start someday, I have to achieve, versus saying like, oh, 665 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:37,480 Speaker 3: I'm healthy, I make healthy choices. Even just saying that 666 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,680 Speaker 3: now you're like fifty percent of the way there, because 667 00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:42,480 Speaker 3: you've already gone over the hurdle of your mind just 668 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,240 Speaker 3: by saying that now you can do it, like saying like, 669 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,280 Speaker 3: I'm confident, I'm healthy, I'm a good friend, I'm hardworking. Like, 670 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:53,040 Speaker 3: think about how much more powerful it is instead of saying, oh, 671 00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,320 Speaker 3: I need to stop procrastinating, and then you're telling yourself, oh, 672 00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:57,960 Speaker 3: that's a task I have to take on in the future, 673 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,040 Speaker 3: is to teach myself how to stop procrastinating, And so 674 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:03,200 Speaker 3: then you just stay in that same passive zone procrastinating, procrastinating, 675 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,920 Speaker 3: versus being like, I'm hard working, I'm gonna get this 676 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:09,040 Speaker 3: done and make myself proud. Like just that shift of 677 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:10,800 Speaker 3: the narrative in the way that you say things is 678 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,960 Speaker 3: enough to take the same activity and change it from 679 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:17,000 Speaker 3: a passive thing to an active thing. So it kind 680 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,480 Speaker 3: of comes back to how we started this episode, whereas like, 681 00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:23,600 Speaker 3: it doesn't mean I'm adding more into my life and 682 00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,480 Speaker 3: making it as busy as possible, but It's like, how 683 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,680 Speaker 3: am I being present in my life and taking these 684 00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:31,720 Speaker 3: same twenty four hours, these same necessary tasks, this same 685 00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:37,080 Speaker 3: free time and just making it my own versus letting 686 00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:37,759 Speaker 3: it happen to me. 687 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,440 Speaker 2: It's such a I can't play game honestly. Yeah, get 688 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:45,160 Speaker 2: as you said, it's mental more than it is material 689 00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:45,880 Speaker 2: in many ways. 690 00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:49,240 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. Well, Jemmy, you said the word momentum earlier, 691 00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:52,279 Speaker 3: and that I think is really huge, because there's so 692 00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,839 Speaker 3: much to be said about the momentum of doing one 693 00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:58,239 Speaker 3: active thing in your life and how much that can 694 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:02,160 Speaker 3: completely shift to your presence and change everything else you do. 695 00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:05,640 Speaker 3: I think for everyone listening who wants kind of that 696 00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,320 Speaker 3: first step forward of being more active, It's like, what's 697 00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:11,080 Speaker 3: one thing that you can do first thing in the 698 00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:13,560 Speaker 3: morning to make yourself feel more active? Maybe do you 699 00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:15,640 Speaker 3: roll out of bed and immediately look on your phone 700 00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,399 Speaker 3: and get sucked into everyone else's life and everyone else's world. 701 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:20,399 Speaker 3: Maybe the first thing you can do is like put 702 00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:22,719 Speaker 3: your own literally, like put your own feet on the 703 00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:24,879 Speaker 3: ground and like drink a glass of water, or just 704 00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:27,319 Speaker 3: stand up and turn your own light on, like some 705 00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:29,960 Speaker 3: action that just makes you feel like you're doing something 706 00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 3: in control, or maybe you have like an hour before 707 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,239 Speaker 3: the day and you can take a shower, or you 708 00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:37,040 Speaker 3: can make yourself a good breakfast, you can get out 709 00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:38,879 Speaker 3: for a walk. I think if you can do one 710 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,719 Speaker 3: thing in the beginning of the day that makes you 711 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:46,279 Speaker 3: feel active, then the rest of your day you're gonna 712 00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,759 Speaker 3: feel so much more confident and you're gonna feel so 713 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:51,120 Speaker 3: much more present in it that Like, I even think 714 00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:54,680 Speaker 3: about the difference between a day where because you know, 715 00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:56,360 Speaker 3: every day is a little bit different for me. Sometimes 716 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:57,799 Speaker 3: I'm up and I'm Adam and i have a super 717 00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,319 Speaker 3: productive day. Sometimes I'm sleeping in and I'm feel kind 718 00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:02,480 Speaker 3: of lazy. If I'm having a day where I like 719 00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,560 Speaker 3: sleep in, I'm lazy in the morning, don't really get out, 720 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:07,959 Speaker 3: then I feel like when I do get out, I'm 721 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,680 Speaker 3: just kind of like trudging through my day checking the boxes. 722 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,000 Speaker 3: Versus if I have a day where, like, you know, 723 00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:16,359 Speaker 3: the first thing I do is, you know, get some 724 00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:18,239 Speaker 3: fresh air outside or do something good for me. Then 725 00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:20,760 Speaker 3: suddenly I'm like, you know, I'm walking down the street 726 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,400 Speaker 3: feeling like I'm literally running the city. Even if I'm 727 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:25,360 Speaker 3: doing the exact same things that I'm doing in the 728 00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:26,960 Speaker 3: other day. If you can build a little bit of 729 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,520 Speaker 3: momentum with taking control of one small aspect of your 730 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:33,920 Speaker 3: life in the beginning, it really just gives you this 731 00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:37,000 Speaker 3: sense of authority over your life. Even if you have 732 00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,640 Speaker 3: boxes you have to check for work or for school 733 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,719 Speaker 3: or for anything else. It just makes you feel like 734 00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:44,920 Speaker 3: you know you're doing it. You're not just getting through. 735 00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:48,279 Speaker 2: It, And that's the thing you're doing it. This is you, right, 736 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:51,160 Speaker 2: Like that's the thing that we keep coming back to. 737 00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:53,520 Speaker 2: And I feel like as we kind of like wrap 738 00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:55,839 Speaker 2: things up, like that's the center of all of this 739 00:36:56,120 --> 00:37:01,920 Speaker 2: is your choices, your time, your decisions, your values. That's like, 740 00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:05,000 Speaker 2: that's that's what it is at its core. It's about 741 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:10,399 Speaker 2: not doing things for anybody else but yourself, Not doing 742 00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:15,840 Speaker 2: things for anybody else's expectations, not doing things from the 743 00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:19,000 Speaker 2: place of kind of your worst self or the self 744 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,680 Speaker 2: that you don't really like, doing it from the best 745 00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,680 Speaker 2: version of you and your like ideal self. So I 746 00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:27,560 Speaker 2: want to say big thank you to both of you 747 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:30,120 Speaker 2: for coming. I'm going to say back on the show. 748 00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:34,640 Speaker 2: This is the first episode people will be hearing, thank 749 00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:36,920 Speaker 2: you for joining me again and for kind of talking 750 00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:39,880 Speaker 2: through this. I feel like this is such like a 751 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:44,319 Speaker 2: very liberating and like inspiring, motivating topic to cover. Where 752 00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:46,640 Speaker 2: can the listeners find you if they want to hear more. 753 00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:49,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, well, they can check out our show Girls with 754 00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:53,319 Speaker 3: Gals on Spotify, Apple, wherever you listen to podcasts. We 755 00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:55,600 Speaker 3: also have an Instagram page at Girls with Gals Pard, 756 00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:58,760 Speaker 3: but our personal accounts are going to be Caroline Kenneyan 757 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:03,239 Speaker 3: and Katherine Kennee and that's both Instagram, TikTok. Thank you 758 00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:07,719 Speaker 3: so much for having us on again. There's been we 759 00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:11,480 Speaker 3: recorded back and forth a few times, and this every 760 00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:13,960 Speaker 3: single time has been great. So this is awesome and 761 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,080 Speaker 3: we really appreciate it. Yeah. Yeah, I love the way 762 00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,160 Speaker 3: that you approach your episodes and you always have so 763 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:26,160 Speaker 3: much great tangible advice. But it's also very like comforting 764 00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,279 Speaker 3: and approachable for everyone who listens, and so I'm glad 765 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:31,279 Speaker 3: that we were able to come on and share this 766 00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:34,040 Speaker 3: topic with you. I think it was a great conversation 767 00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:35,000 Speaker 3: from both ends. 768 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:37,200 Speaker 2: Thank you so much. Yeah, I'm a big fan of it. 769 00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:39,799 Speaker 2: So I will leave all of the links in the 770 00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:42,760 Speaker 2: description of this episode so you can go and follow 771 00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,600 Speaker 2: along with what Girls with Goals are doing. It's an 772 00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:49,080 Speaker 2: amazing show. I personally really enjoy it and if you 773 00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,120 Speaker 2: like what we talked about today, you'll find so much 774 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,560 Speaker 2: more of it there. So thank you so much for listening. 775 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,560 Speaker 2: Make sure that you are following along on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, 776 00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:59,680 Speaker 2: whatever you're listening, and if you enjoyed this episode, share 777 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:01,480 Speaker 2: it with the friend or leave a five star review. 778 00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:04,080 Speaker 2: It really does help the show to go and reach 779 00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:07,600 Speaker 2: new people. As always, we will be back next week. 780 00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,520 Speaker 2: Until then, stay safe, be kind, and we'll talk soon