1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:06,120 Speaker 1: Frank Man, there is. There is just red flags all 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:08,520 Speaker 1: over your email, brother, and I want to help you. 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:14,720 Speaker 1: Any girl that says that she can't marry you or 4 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:18,119 Speaker 1: accept a proposal because it's not the exact ring that 5 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:22,600 Speaker 1: she wanted, is not the exact girl that you need. 6 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 1: What's up, everybody, Welcome back in Thanks for listening to 7 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:42,560 Speaker 1: the podcast. I've been running like crazy. This is typical 8 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:44,879 Speaker 1: this time of year, doing a lot of fairs and 9 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:48,199 Speaker 1: festivals and concerts around the country that are not just 10 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 1: on the weekends. But we've been playing a lot of 11 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: Tuesdays and Wednesdays and Thursdays, and so finding time to 12 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:59,120 Speaker 1: do the podcast has been interesting. But I still absolutely 13 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 1: love coming in here and answering y'all's questions. It's one 14 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,200 Speaker 1: of my favorite things to do of all the things 15 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: that I do. If you want your question answered, email 16 00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. We'll put it in 17 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:14,080 Speaker 1: the queue. You could ask about any topic and we'll 18 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,399 Speaker 1: talk about it in long form like we're just sitting 19 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 1: around a campfire. I have a few requests. Don't send 20 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,840 Speaker 1: the same quest question twice it'll get deleted, And don't 21 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,920 Speaker 1: make it too much longer than a phone Lenk otherwise 22 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:29,280 Speaker 1: it makes it more difficult to read. But other than that, 23 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:33,400 Speaker 1: it's open game. You could ask me about anything, and 24 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:37,319 Speaker 1: we have heard over the last one hundred episodes or 25 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:42,120 Speaker 1: so that that subjects are very, very different, and I 26 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,280 Speaker 1: love them. So I'm going to dive in here before 27 00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 1: I say anything else, because that's not what this podcast 28 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 1: is about. It's about you. First question, subject line says healing. 29 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,160 Speaker 1: It says, Hey Granger, my name is Connor. Today, exactly 30 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 1: one year ago, my wife left me. No explanation or reason, 31 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: she just left. We were high school sweethearts and together 32 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,240 Speaker 1: since sixteen years old. I'm twenty six now. It's been 33 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 1: the worst year of my life. I've struggled mentally and physically. 34 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,920 Speaker 1: Within one month, I lost thirty pounds. I didn't want 35 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,399 Speaker 1: to live anymore, tried hurting myself, tried to give up, 36 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:16,400 Speaker 1: but God kept me here. I know God's timing is 37 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,760 Speaker 1: perfect and to stay patient, but every day, especially today, 38 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,639 Speaker 1: is so hard. I'm trying so hard to heal. I've 39 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,960 Speaker 1: moved from West Virginia to Florida to start my life 40 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,679 Speaker 1: over again. I'm making new friends, plugging myself into a 41 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 1: church as much as I can working so hard on 42 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:33,639 Speaker 1: my relationship with christ but it feels as though I'm 43 00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 1: just going in circles. I want to move on, but 44 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,079 Speaker 1: I'm afraid that I won't be able to love someone 45 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:41,040 Speaker 1: the same or more than I ever loved her. Any 46 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 1: advice would be appreciated. Love what you do. This question 47 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:49,919 Speaker 1: comes from Connor Connor Man, thank you for emailing. I'm 48 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 1: so sorry that this is the day. This is the 49 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:58,200 Speaker 1: anniversary of the toughest day of your life. And it's 50 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 1: not a surprise that you know. As humans, we look 51 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 1: at the calendar and we start relating things to good 52 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:08,320 Speaker 1: and bad events in our life, and you could, for instance, 53 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,240 Speaker 1: you could be as I'm reading this, it's the month 54 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 1: of June, and you could look at the month of 55 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,519 Speaker 1: June and say, you know, the weather's getting hot, the 56 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:21,080 Speaker 1: trees look a certain way, there's certain things going on 57 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 1: in work. I'm wearing the similar clothes that I was wearing, 58 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 1: all relating back to the day that she left, And 59 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:33,239 Speaker 1: so it's easy to see that you could make those correlations. 60 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 1: As opposed to colder weather and it's snowing outside, there's 61 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: not as much of a of a correlation there. So 62 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,240 Speaker 1: I say that in a way to validate that. Of 63 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 1: course this hurts. No one's gonna blame you. Of course 64 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: you're having these feelings on this day. Of course you're 65 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: still struggling. This is someone you you made a vow 66 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,600 Speaker 1: to spend the rest of your life with, and you 67 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 1: knew her for ten years and that is over. You 68 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:11,440 Speaker 1: are grieving that loss. This heartbreak is equal to grief 69 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:16,720 Speaker 1: for you. It's just as though she died, and no 70 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,599 Speaker 1: one is going to deny that, and no one is 71 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 1: ever going to take that away from you. So your 72 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 1: pain and your hurt and your heartbreak is valid. But 73 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 1: what I want to dive into, just from reading your 74 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:31,120 Speaker 1: question one time, I want to dive into something here 75 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:35,880 Speaker 1: that's interesting, And anyone listening could take this with a 76 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:38,320 Speaker 1: grain assault for their own situation that they're in. But 77 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:45,160 Speaker 1: there's one sentence you said that's interesting. It says, I'm 78 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:48,880 Speaker 1: working so hard on my relationship with christ but it 79 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,200 Speaker 1: feels as though I'm going in circles. I want to 80 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 1: move on, but I'm afraid. Let's just take that little 81 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:59,719 Speaker 1: piece right there. This is this is normal for you 82 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 1: to say. I'm not surprised that you said it, but 83 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 1: I want to point out that this is not Christianity. 84 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:13,120 Speaker 1: This is not what the Bible says. Interesting, right, you're like, 85 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,160 Speaker 1: what what do you mean, That's not what the Bible says. 86 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,120 Speaker 1: I'm working so hard on my relationship with Christ it 87 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,560 Speaker 1: feels like I'm going to circles on them. That's not 88 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:25,840 Speaker 1: what it says to us. There is nothing in your 89 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 1: relationship with Christ, with God is It's never about working works, 90 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:42,800 Speaker 1: acts effort at all. Your effort is irrelevant. Right, We're 91 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: talking about your salvation. We're talking about your peace and 92 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:49,599 Speaker 1: joy and hope. We're not talking about the result of 93 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 1: your relationship. So as the relationship is established, the result 94 00:05:54,920 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 1: of that is going to convict you to walk into 95 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:04,480 Speaker 1: the good works that have been prepared for you. But 96 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 1: it is not the requirement of the relationship. Jesus says, 97 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:16,920 Speaker 1: no one comes to me unless the Father draws him, 98 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 1: meaning nothing you could do work related is going to 99 00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 1: draw you to Jesus. That's God. The Father will do that. 100 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,680 Speaker 1: It's an interesting concept. And the reason I say it 101 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,479 Speaker 1: because you might be saying, well, what do I do? 102 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,560 Speaker 1: So now I tell you so here it is, get 103 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:41,119 Speaker 1: a pen and paper, write this down. There's one word 104 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,200 Speaker 1: I have to tell you that that's going to relate 105 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:47,600 Speaker 1: to you in your situation, in this terrible divorce, that's 106 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 1: terrible suffering, and in any kind of hardship or anxiety, 107 00:06:54,600 --> 00:07:01,279 Speaker 1: or tribulation or adversity of any kind, there's one word 108 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:10,240 Speaker 1: for you. Surrender. Surrender it, give it to God. God. 109 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 1: This is what this is what a prayer would look like. God. 110 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 1: I am hurting. I am in so much pain. I've 111 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:20,760 Speaker 1: tried this, and I've tried this, and I've tried to 112 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 1: get closer to you, and I've tried to establish my 113 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,840 Speaker 1: relationship with you, and I've tried to go to church, 114 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:29,160 Speaker 1: and I've tried to gain some of the weight back 115 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,840 Speaker 1: that I lost, and I'm trying to eat healthy, I'm 116 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,200 Speaker 1: trying to exercise it, and I'm trying to meet other people, 117 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,680 Speaker 1: and I'm trying to meet other girls. And I'm trying. 118 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:38,000 Speaker 1: I'm trying. I'm trying, and guess what, I can't do it. 119 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:44,440 Speaker 1: I can't. My heart is still attached to her. I'm hurting. 120 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 1: There's nothing I can do anymore. So God, I can't 121 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: do it. Take this from me. I surrender all of 122 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 1: this to you. It's like it's like you're going down 123 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:59,000 Speaker 1: a river Connor, and you're in a raft and you're 124 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 1: hitting rapids and you're just paddling, paddle and paddle and 125 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: paddle and paddle, and sometimes it works. Sometimes you get 126 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:09,120 Speaker 1: around a boulder and then there's a tree that fell 127 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 1: down in the water and it's causing these rapids and 128 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,240 Speaker 1: you come up to the tree and you're like, you'd 129 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 1: use all the strength you can with your oars, and 130 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 1: you barely make around it, get it. And then here 131 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:21,640 Speaker 1: comes a curve and it's it's really sharp, and you 132 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 1: make it around this cliff and you're you're still paddling, 133 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: you're getting tired, and you're just fighting, fighting, fighting the current. 134 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 1: And then guess what, around the next curve, there's a 135 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: waterfall and nothing you can do could stop you from 136 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:37,319 Speaker 1: getting to that waterfall and going off, and your boat 137 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 1: is done, your oars are gone. That's what's happened to you. 138 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:45,240 Speaker 1: You've tried to control your boat. And let me tell you, 139 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:49,480 Speaker 1: I'm telling you this from experience. I'm actually writing a 140 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:53,720 Speaker 1: book about this. Right now. You're listening to a guy 141 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 1: that has tried so hard his whole life to guide 142 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:01,320 Speaker 1: his boat with his oars and his own strength, including 143 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 1: my relationship with God, thinking that I could paddle. If 144 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 1: I paddle hard enough, I'll get close enough to God. 145 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,960 Speaker 1: As though I'm trying to get to him, it's like 146 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,720 Speaker 1: he's off in the distance and I've got my boat 147 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,960 Speaker 1: and my paddles, and I'm like, if I could just 148 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,960 Speaker 1: get closer to God, if I could just get through 149 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: these rapids and all these obstacles and around these corners 150 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,079 Speaker 1: and these twists and turns, if I could just get 151 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:28,839 Speaker 1: closer to Him, then I'll feel peace, and I'll feel 152 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 1: less anxiety, and I'll feel hope. And that's just not 153 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:36,080 Speaker 1: I'm telling you from experience. That's not what the Bible says. 154 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:42,560 Speaker 1: And it also doesn't work. One word surrender. I'm talking 155 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 1: on your knees, Connor, God. I can't. I can't do it. 156 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:49,320 Speaker 1: I've tried. I can't move on. My heart is still attached. 157 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 1: Detach this heart or enlarge it to you. Make you 158 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:58,200 Speaker 1: my desire, not her. I can't seem to get my 159 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:02,800 Speaker 1: heart away from her. What do I do? God? Take it. 160 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,760 Speaker 1: You built my heart, You created my heart. My heart 161 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,960 Speaker 1: is in your hands, So twist it and turn it 162 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:12,160 Speaker 1: back towards you. Make her memory seem like poison to 163 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:16,440 Speaker 1: me because I can't take it anymore. That's the prayer, 164 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 1: over and over and over again, Connor, every night, on 165 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: your knees, sincere, and as he starts to do it, 166 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 1: as he starts to take your heart and remold it, 167 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 1: because guess what, guess what he wants this surrender. He 168 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:38,200 Speaker 1: wants you at a place where you're so broken you 169 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 1: can't save yourself anymore. And then he comes in and goes, oh, 170 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,800 Speaker 1: did you try to save yourself? Now you need a 171 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:50,520 Speaker 1: savior because you couldn't. Now I got you. Now you're 172 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 1: in the place I could work with you. Now your 173 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,960 Speaker 1: heart is in a position when I could use it 174 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 1: to worship me. And when you worship me, when you 175 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:01,240 Speaker 1: praise me, when I saved you and you praise me, 176 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:08,720 Speaker 1: You'll finally understand joy. You'll finally understand gratitude and love 177 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 1: and peace. I'm telling you, Connor, from experience, surrender. Stop trying, 178 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:20,760 Speaker 1: Stop working, working on friends, working on church, working on 179 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,720 Speaker 1: forgetting her, working work and working and on a side, 180 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:28,000 Speaker 1: little side thing you're praying. Give it to him now. 181 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 1: The result of that, the result of that surrender, is 182 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:36,679 Speaker 1: your works, not the beginning not the start of it, 183 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,760 Speaker 1: the result, the end result of this surrender. You're gonna 184 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:46,440 Speaker 1: notice yourself craving church, craving godly things, craving to want 185 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,720 Speaker 1: to read the Bible, craving want to want to obey 186 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 1: the commandments of the Gospel. But you can't do those 187 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 1: things because you're a sinner, and so am I. And 188 00:11:56,440 --> 00:12:00,640 Speaker 1: that's the way we're wired. We're rebels. But once you surrender, 189 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:05,120 Speaker 1: now you're ready to then live a life according to 190 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:09,080 Speaker 1: the Gospel. Give it all to him. I'm so sorry 191 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:13,280 Speaker 1: for your loss. I cannot personally relate to that loss, 192 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:17,920 Speaker 1: but I know it hurts man, and I awesome know 193 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 1: after the surrender, on the other side of that surrender, 194 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:25,280 Speaker 1: there's a new girl. There's a new life, there's hope, 195 00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:29,400 Speaker 1: and yes, to answer your last question, there is someone 196 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 1: that you will love more absolutely. Let's go something else here. 197 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,840 Speaker 1: This is a subject line question finding the right person 198 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,240 Speaker 1: to marry. Hey Granger, I've been listening to your podcast 199 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:41,880 Speaker 1: for a while now, and the question I have that 200 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 1: I struggle with is this, How do I know this 201 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,240 Speaker 1: is for sure the girl I want to spend the 202 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,760 Speaker 1: rest of my life with. I'm twenty years old, I've 203 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,240 Speaker 1: been dating this girl for coming close to a year now. 204 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:55,120 Speaker 1: We have a lot of great times that we've had together, 205 00:12:55,559 --> 00:12:57,320 Speaker 1: but there are some small things that still make me 206 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,040 Speaker 1: unsure if this is who I want to spend the 207 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:02,360 Speaker 1: rest of my life with any advice. The question comes 208 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 1: from bo Bo. Thanks for the email, Buddy. Great question, 209 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,360 Speaker 1: and it's a really good question to be thinking about 210 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:14,440 Speaker 1: because this means this tells me that you're not so 211 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,920 Speaker 1: involved with your heart and thinking with your heart. You're 212 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:20,120 Speaker 1: actually using your brain. And it's a really good time 213 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,079 Speaker 1: to be using your brain right before you're thinking about 214 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:29,520 Speaker 1: making a really big decision about getting married. So, first 215 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:32,319 Speaker 1: thing is you're twenty. I'm assuming she's around the same age. 216 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,960 Speaker 1: That's young. Things are going to change by the time 217 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 1: she's thirty. If you're seeing things you don't like right now, hey, 218 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:45,640 Speaker 1: there's a chance that those could get fixed. There's also 219 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,960 Speaker 1: a chance equal amount of chance there that those things 220 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 1: that you don't like are going to be ten times 221 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 1: worse by the time she's thirty and you're thirty. The 222 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 1: fact that you're seeing red flags, it's not a deal 223 00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 1: breaker that you're seeing red flags, but it's something to 224 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,240 Speaker 1: think about and so you need an action for this. 225 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:05,160 Speaker 1: And I would say me, I like to I'm a 226 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 1: visual guy. I like to write things out. So I 227 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 1: would say, BO, make a list of the top unnegotiable 228 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:18,719 Speaker 1: things that you want from a wife, and then make 229 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:23,920 Speaker 1: another list of the unnegotiable things that are deal breakers 230 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: for a future spouse. And these things are up to you. 231 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 1: And I can't put these words in your mouth. Only 232 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:36,320 Speaker 1: you know you. But it's things like children, you want children? 233 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,240 Speaker 1: How many do you want? And how important is that 234 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:42,360 Speaker 1: on your priority list? That's a big deal. To talk 235 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 1: about your faith? Where are you and your faith? Is 236 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,400 Speaker 1: that important to you? Should that be important to her? 237 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:56,160 Speaker 1: It's a big, really big conversation piece your career. What 238 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,880 Speaker 1: are you expecting her to be accepting of your ca 239 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 1: and what do you expect from her out of her 240 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,120 Speaker 1: career or not a career? Do you expect her to 241 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,000 Speaker 1: be a stay at home mom or a stay at 242 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 1: home nothing? Or do you expect her to bring home 243 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 1: half of the income? Do you expect her to bring 244 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:15,200 Speaker 1: home all the income? I don't know, that's up to you. 245 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:20,040 Speaker 1: But these are things to really think about before engagement. 246 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,640 Speaker 1: And you got to think with your brain and not 247 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,360 Speaker 1: your heart. The fact that your twenty means you have 248 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 1: a lot of time and it's not a big deal 249 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 1: if you want to separate from her for a little 250 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:33,920 Speaker 1: bit and say, hey, I think we need a break. 251 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,000 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, what do you mean? Yeah, just I 252 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 1: need a break. I'm stepping into a time in my 253 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 1: life when I'm gonna have to make some really really 254 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 1: big decisions of spending the rest of my life with someone. 255 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,160 Speaker 1: And I'm by no means saying this isn't you, but 256 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 1: I really want to kind of go over some things 257 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,400 Speaker 1: in my life and make sure I'm ready for that person, 258 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 1: which is hopefully you. You know, you could do anything 259 00:15:56,360 --> 00:16:00,200 Speaker 1: you want, but I would write it out, and I 260 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:04,680 Speaker 1: would I would ask some of your friends, like your friends, 261 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,800 Speaker 1: the council around you is so valuable and we rarely 262 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,680 Speaker 1: use it in a relationship. Since I would go to 263 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,360 Speaker 1: your parents, I'd go to your friends and say, what 264 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 1: do you think about her? Be totally honest, shoot me straight, 265 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 1: what do you think about her? Do you think she's 266 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,440 Speaker 1: she's my wife? My future wife? And let them tell 267 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:26,440 Speaker 1: you and make them be honest. And then when they 268 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:30,440 Speaker 1: start saying things like man, bo i didn't ever want 269 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:34,800 Speaker 1: to tell you, man, but I don't know, Like there's 270 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,480 Speaker 1: some red flag she has and she says some things 271 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 1: when you're not around, and I've seen her doing this 272 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,640 Speaker 1: and that when you're out of town, and bo I 273 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 1: just don't I don't think so. Man, Then you got 274 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 1: to listen to them. You don't have to make a 275 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,840 Speaker 1: decision because of them, but you have to weigh their 276 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 1: opinion deeply into your decision. And then maybe some of 277 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 1: them are gonna say, man, she's great. Dude, you're stupid 278 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 1: if you don't wrap this up right now. Put her 279 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 1: ring on the finger. You are stupid if you don't 280 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,040 Speaker 1: do that. They might say that, but you need a consensus. 281 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 1: Wise counsel is so important. Let me know how it goes. Brother, 282 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 1: Thanks for the email. Next question, subject line says monster 283 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:17,040 Speaker 1: in law. Hey Granger, I've been with my now fiance 284 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,240 Speaker 1: for over seven years. We have three kids together. Let 285 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,879 Speaker 1: me start over together. We have three kids, two of 286 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:27,320 Speaker 1: them are my stepdaughters, and his mom is evil, but 287 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 1: only towards me. She's a phenomenal grandmother and mother to 288 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,679 Speaker 1: my fiance, but she's rude to me blatantly makes me 289 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:37,159 Speaker 1: feel bad for just existing and makes it known that 290 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,919 Speaker 1: I come last to everyone. I've tried talking to her 291 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,720 Speaker 1: about it and many other things, but finally I told 292 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:46,239 Speaker 1: my fiance that I'm just gonna avoid her altogether. I 293 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,880 Speaker 1: have told him that I don't expect him to cut 294 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,960 Speaker 1: her out of his life, but I'm just going to 295 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,840 Speaker 1: keep my interactions with her minimal. I've prayed about this 296 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,840 Speaker 1: for years, and I'm just unsure of what to do 297 00:17:56,320 --> 00:18:01,440 Speaker 1: or how to handle the situation. Thank you, Caitlyn. Tough situation. 298 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:06,399 Speaker 1: What makes this tough is that you have uh sounds 299 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 1: like you guys have a child together and two of 300 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 1: them two other children that are his, and you've been 301 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:18,439 Speaker 1: together seven years. This makes it just complicated, complicated, And 302 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,200 Speaker 1: this is if anyone's listening that's not in the situation. 303 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:24,560 Speaker 1: This is why, this is why, this is why you 304 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:28,439 Speaker 1: it's so hard to have baby Mama's out there and 305 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:34,639 Speaker 1: baby daddy's. I have to say this, and Caitlin, this 306 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,719 Speaker 1: is not this is not directed towards you, but I 307 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,080 Speaker 1: have to say that. You know, when we read the 308 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:43,119 Speaker 1: Bible and we see we see guidelines laid out for us, 309 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 1: it's not so that we don't have fun or we 310 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,879 Speaker 1: have a miserable life, or we have to we have 311 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 1: to be this this religious robot that just follows this 312 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:55,040 Speaker 1: this ridiculous structure. It's just not that it's for our 313 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:58,560 Speaker 1: own good. It's for our own well being because we 314 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,920 Speaker 1: were created by by a being that knows us better 315 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,639 Speaker 1: than we know ourselves. And so these these guidelines are 316 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 1: laid out. If you want to have a life that 317 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:13,360 Speaker 1: isn't that, that isn't suffering beyond what normal life would be, 318 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 1: follow with these guidelines. And when you get out of 319 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:21,959 Speaker 1: the guidelines you get monster in laws and and but 320 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,359 Speaker 1: this is your past, this now, Caitlin, you know. So 321 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 1: that's that's why this this is not on you. I 322 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,800 Speaker 1: don't say that to you at all, and it's that 323 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:32,000 Speaker 1: comes without any judgment. I have my own problems, for sure. 324 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:36,240 Speaker 1: But but the reason I bring it up is because 325 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:40,400 Speaker 1: you need to understand your story is very, very complicated, 326 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,560 Speaker 1: and there's not an easy fix to this because there's 327 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,639 Speaker 1: a lot of kids involved. Usually when you see a 328 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:51,359 Speaker 1: monster in law, that's being a monster towards the new girl, 329 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:55,080 Speaker 1: the daughter, not the she's the mother of the son, 330 00:19:55,480 --> 00:20:00,680 Speaker 1: I should say. Usually you see that because there is 331 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:06,320 Speaker 1: this is crazy. I'm willing to bet Caitlin that this 332 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:11,040 Speaker 1: monster in law has had man problems in her life. 333 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:15,280 Speaker 1: I'm willing to bet she's gone through multiple divorces, or 334 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:21,200 Speaker 1: she's been cheated on and or abused physically, verbally, something 335 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:25,400 Speaker 1: in that world. I'm willing to bet that she has 336 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:31,080 Speaker 1: been hurt by a man and she feels worth with 337 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:35,600 Speaker 1: herself through her son now because she is now raising 338 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:40,520 Speaker 1: a sun and she feels the love that she needs 339 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:44,359 Speaker 1: from a man. She fills that with her the relationship 340 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:48,200 Speaker 1: with her son. And you are coming in and she 341 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 1: has grown jealous of you because you're gonna steal her man, 342 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,840 Speaker 1: the man that the only man, her son, that hasn't 343 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,840 Speaker 1: let her down in her life. Could be wrong on this, 344 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 1: but I would bet money that I'm right. You are 345 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,480 Speaker 1: coming in to steal the only man that hasn't left 346 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:13,320 Speaker 1: her yet, or that hasn't abused her or or treated 347 00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:17,879 Speaker 1: her with less dignity in some way. It's wild, this 348 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:22,560 Speaker 1: wild psychiatry, and I'm not I'm not qualified to be 349 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:26,920 Speaker 1: speaking into psychiatry, but if you look at it from 350 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,080 Speaker 1: that lens, it'll change a little bit of the way 351 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:33,080 Speaker 1: that you react to it. But the way that you 352 00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:37,320 Speaker 1: shouldn't react to it at all is by showing hostility 353 00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:42,120 Speaker 1: back to her. She is a wounded animal and she's cornered, 354 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,880 Speaker 1: and when you she of course she's gonna bite back, 355 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,360 Speaker 1: and she's gonna scratch. And if you continue to keep 356 00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:52,680 Speaker 1: her cornered and be aggressive back to her, to her, 357 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:56,440 Speaker 1: it's never gonna fix anything. It's never like she's never 358 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,640 Speaker 1: gonna wake up in a couple of years and go Caitlin. 359 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,040 Speaker 1: After you guys have been arguing, Caitlyn, I just want 360 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,680 Speaker 1: to say I'm so sorry that I treated you wrong 361 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,520 Speaker 1: for so many years. I was wrong like that would 362 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:09,080 Speaker 1: be very very rare for her to come to that realization. 363 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:11,760 Speaker 1: It's more likely for that to happen if you back 364 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:16,960 Speaker 1: off and you say, I am I'm so sorry that 365 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,920 Speaker 1: I've been intruding into this family. And I just want 366 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,320 Speaker 1: to let you know that I love you. I think 367 00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:27,080 Speaker 1: you're an incredible grandmother, phenomenal as you said, and just 368 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:31,000 Speaker 1: such a great mother to my fiance. And I understand 369 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,840 Speaker 1: that you don't like me, and I just want to 370 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:37,439 Speaker 1: tell you that I forgive you and I love you, 371 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,760 Speaker 1: and I hope that one day you could love me back. 372 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,440 Speaker 1: That's that's my biggest hope. And if that's I don't 373 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 1: know how long that'll take, but I just want to 374 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,000 Speaker 1: let you know I'm here for the long haul, like 375 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,679 Speaker 1: I'm here for your son, and I'm here for our 376 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,200 Speaker 1: three kids, two of them are step kids, and I'm 377 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,880 Speaker 1: here for I'm here for them. I'm not going anywhere. 378 00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:58,560 Speaker 1: You could trust me on that. And when you say that, 379 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,639 Speaker 1: when you see you better be serious when you say that. 380 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:03,480 Speaker 1: When you say you could trust me on that, you 381 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,000 Speaker 1: better not back out on that. That would be bad. 382 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,320 Speaker 1: But that's the only approach you could take. That's it 383 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:12,280 Speaker 1: you have. You have one route, and that's it. There's 384 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:16,360 Speaker 1: no other way. There's no way that you could mentally 385 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,679 Speaker 1: beat her at a challenge or punish her enough and 386 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,640 Speaker 1: make her finally realize that she's wrong. The only thing 387 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,359 Speaker 1: you can control, because you can't control her, is the 388 00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:28,159 Speaker 1: way you react to her. How will you react to 389 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:34,359 Speaker 1: her with love and forgiveness or with h with aggression 390 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:36,720 Speaker 1: back I'm not saying you have to hang out every 391 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:38,200 Speaker 1: day with her, and I don't think it's a bad 392 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,000 Speaker 1: thing that you're backing off a little bit, but don't 393 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:45,160 Speaker 1: make it too obvious. Like, don't say, where's the Christmas party? Oh, 394 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:49,040 Speaker 1: it's with her, I ain't going. Don't be that. But 395 00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:50,440 Speaker 1: you don't have to go to the Christmas party and 396 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,199 Speaker 1: be lovey on her the whole time. You could go 397 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:56,760 Speaker 1: and be cordial and polite and gracious and thankful, but 398 00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,760 Speaker 1: you don't have to sit next to her on the couch. 399 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:07,920 Speaker 1: If that makes sense, Let's take a break. Be right back. Hey, 400 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,960 Speaker 1: it's Granger Smith. Thank you for listening to my podcast. 401 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:12,959 Speaker 1: If you want to get a hold of me and 402 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:16,000 Speaker 1: get a personal video message from me, the best way 403 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,879 Speaker 1: to do it is cameo dot com slash Grangersmith. You 404 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 1: can get a birthday shout out, maybe an anniversary, an 405 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:26,120 Speaker 1: uplifting message, whatever you need, for whoever you need it. 406 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:29,159 Speaker 1: It's super easy. You can either download the cameo app 407 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,680 Speaker 1: and search for Granger Smith, or just go to your 408 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:35,879 Speaker 1: URL and type in cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. 409 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:40,160 Speaker 1: I'm always available to send you a personal video message. 410 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,480 Speaker 1: It's really easy. You type in exactly what you need 411 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:44,520 Speaker 1: me to say and for who you need me to 412 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,879 Speaker 1: say it too, and I'll get it shot over to 413 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: you just in a few days. That's cameo dot com, 414 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:53,200 Speaker 1: slash Grangersmith, or download the cameo app on your phone 415 00:24:53,400 --> 00:25:01,359 Speaker 1: and search for Grangersmith. Okay. Question subject line says how 416 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,640 Speaker 1: do we make friends? It's an all captain. It has 417 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:08,720 Speaker 1: three explanation exclamations, exclamations excuse me, I don't talk for 418 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:13,160 Speaker 1: a living. The question says, Hey Granger, how long? I'm 419 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,480 Speaker 1: a long I'm not really good though on this break 420 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,080 Speaker 1: am I Hey Granger. I'm a longtime listener, fan of 421 00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 1: the Smith's channel and watcher for three years. My name 422 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,439 Speaker 1: is Chris. I'm twenty eight years old. We moved our 423 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 1: family from Indiana to Bowling Green, Kentucky last year for 424 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:30,600 Speaker 1: a dream job as a trust designer. Our biggest downfall 425 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,800 Speaker 1: is making friends, and after a year, we still don't 426 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,680 Speaker 1: have a friend that we could just go to dinner 427 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,359 Speaker 1: with or have a game night with. How do we 428 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:42,800 Speaker 1: approach that in a new environment? Yeah, Chris, First of all, 429 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:46,600 Speaker 1: thanks for listening and watching and checking out the Smiths 430 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 1: and being a fan. And you are the heart and 431 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,239 Speaker 1: soul of the Yege nation. Man, So I just I 432 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,280 Speaker 1: appreciate you so much, and I think it's a great question. 433 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:57,959 Speaker 1: It's a valid question. You took a dream job, congratulations 434 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:01,320 Speaker 1: on that, and you got to move and you get 435 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:05,280 Speaker 1: to experience a whole new life. You get a reset, 436 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:11,040 Speaker 1: and that's that's amazing, and it's understandable that you know, 437 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:13,240 Speaker 1: you reset your whole life. You're like the new people 438 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:17,080 Speaker 1: in town and you're trying to make friends and you're 439 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,359 Speaker 1: twenty eight. That's great, you're not fifty eight. That's a 440 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:23,960 Speaker 1: little bit different. Twenty eight. This is this is this 441 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:28,000 Speaker 1: is very doable. So I'm trying to think you said 442 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,760 Speaker 1: my family, I'm assuming you have kids because you said 443 00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:36,080 Speaker 1: we moved our family. Yeah, so I'm assuming there's kids involved. Man. 444 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,679 Speaker 1: Kids are a great way to make for parents to 445 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:44,359 Speaker 1: make friends with the other parents through sporting events or 446 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:50,520 Speaker 1: leagues or school or theater and plays and clubs and 447 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,640 Speaker 1: whatever the kids are involved with. You show up and 448 00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:57,320 Speaker 1: you're kind of forced into these environments where you're with 449 00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:01,239 Speaker 1: other parents that have something very much in common with you. 450 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,159 Speaker 1: A kid the same age as your kid at the 451 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:08,640 Speaker 1: same school or at the same sporting thing. Like that's 452 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,119 Speaker 1: you got something in common. It's a really good bond. 453 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,719 Speaker 1: And you're wanting more than that. I understand, and you're 454 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:18,800 Speaker 1: probably thinking we do that, and you're wanting you're wanting 455 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:26,119 Speaker 1: this to elevate into dinner and game nights. So another 456 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,440 Speaker 1: way to get to that is through the kids and 457 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,960 Speaker 1: having them. Maybe your kids are too young because you're 458 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:36,119 Speaker 1: only twenty eight, but you're getting close. But having the 459 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,680 Speaker 1: kids when they become friends and you invite people over 460 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:42,680 Speaker 1: to your house for the kids to play, but then 461 00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:45,359 Speaker 1: you have some adult things to do too. So it's like, hey, 462 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:48,360 Speaker 1: did the kids come over and play on Friday night? 463 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:51,240 Speaker 1: And we got to slip and slide set up and 464 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,560 Speaker 1: we're gonna have some ice cream and pizza. And for 465 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,040 Speaker 1: the adults, you know, we got some we got a 466 00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 1: movie and some wine and you know whatever. And so 467 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,879 Speaker 1: it creates this environment where the kids come over and 468 00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,720 Speaker 1: they're eating pizza and ice cream, and then the adults 469 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:12,080 Speaker 1: are having adult conversations and then friendships grow from there. 470 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:19,240 Speaker 1: The other thing is your hobbies, like what do you do? 471 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:22,159 Speaker 1: Do you do you like to hunter fish, or play golf, 472 00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:26,919 Speaker 1: or or play tennis or whatever, play flag football or 473 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:32,800 Speaker 1: softball like whatever you might do. Go do that stuff 474 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,960 Speaker 1: with you and your wife or alone. And as you 475 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 1: go into finding these hobbies, you were going to meet 476 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:45,880 Speaker 1: people instantly with your same same cravings, you know, like 477 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,600 Speaker 1: people you show up and you go, hey, man, how 478 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 1: long you've been doing skeet shooting. I've been doing it 479 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,880 Speaker 1: for the last six years. How about you? I've been 480 00:28:56,880 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: doing it about the same time. And I come here 481 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,440 Speaker 1: on Wednesdays. Man, me too, Hey we should we should 482 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,240 Speaker 1: do something other than this one night. You know, what 483 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,040 Speaker 1: does your wife like to do? You guys like to 484 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:12,560 Speaker 1: see movies. We can get a movie and get one 485 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,600 Speaker 1: on Amazon and watch it on Friday if you want 486 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:18,080 Speaker 1: something like that, Like it's it just starts off super casual, 487 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:20,520 Speaker 1: and then you might you know, and the wife might 488 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:22,240 Speaker 1: come over and then meet your wife and they don't 489 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:26,000 Speaker 1: like each other. That's okay, that happens, but it's a 490 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:29,360 Speaker 1: good start, right you know. Me. You know, I'm gonna 491 00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:31,800 Speaker 1: say church is a great way to make friends, finding 492 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:35,600 Speaker 1: the local church that you like, getting involved, plugging into 493 00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:40,520 Speaker 1: that serving with the church. So you're you're in Bowling Green, Kentucky. 494 00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:44,280 Speaker 1: So say there's a there's a big storm, that a tornado. 495 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,680 Speaker 1: There was just a tornado, right, a big tornado in Kentucky. 496 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:50,480 Speaker 1: So say a big tornado rolls through and our church 497 00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:55,880 Speaker 1: here in Austin actually sent a crew to and some 498 00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:00,600 Speaker 1: money to help with the Kentucky tornado. And so as 499 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,719 Speaker 1: that happens with you and you get together and you 500 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:06,240 Speaker 1: serve the community. Say there's there's a tornado comes through 501 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,240 Speaker 1: and there's there's limbs down everywhere in a neighborhood, and 502 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:12,920 Speaker 1: there's old ladies, widows and that, and a tree trees 503 00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:15,640 Speaker 1: have gone down in their yard. And you're gonna get 504 00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,239 Speaker 1: out there with some chainsaws with your church and you're 505 00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,640 Speaker 1: gonna cut up some of these limbs that fell down 506 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,760 Speaker 1: in the old lady's yard that needs help. And she's 507 00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:26,360 Speaker 1: out there crying and saying thank you. But guess what. 508 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,600 Speaker 1: Guess what a result of that too. Like a side 509 00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,760 Speaker 1: thing that's happening while you're doing that, is you're making 510 00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,280 Speaker 1: a buddy like this, this other guy over here with 511 00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:37,320 Speaker 1: the chainsaw. Like this other guy, Mike, I just met 512 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:40,760 Speaker 1: him and he only lives five minutes down the road. 513 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:42,800 Speaker 1: But I just found out that we got a lot 514 00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,160 Speaker 1: of things in common. We both like the same music, 515 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:48,560 Speaker 1: or we've got kids about the same age. And I 516 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,840 Speaker 1: met him. How'd you meet him? A chainsaw on this 517 00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:54,120 Speaker 1: old lady's house after the tornado, and then now we're 518 00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:57,000 Speaker 1: gonna we're gonna end up doing a dinner with the 519 00:30:57,040 --> 00:31:01,200 Speaker 1: whole family like that. That's this is the beginning of friendships. 520 00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:04,120 Speaker 1: And so lean into all that stuff if that's important 521 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:08,120 Speaker 1: to you, Lean into all this stuff heavily, and keep 522 00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:11,360 Speaker 1: your eyes open. The other last thing I'll say is 523 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:15,800 Speaker 1: we should always lower our expectations of what we expect 524 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:20,440 Speaker 1: from friends, because if we come in with these high expectations, 525 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:24,720 Speaker 1: like any friend of mine that I just meet is 526 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:28,280 Speaker 1: going to invite me to dinner, or they're gonna if 527 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,760 Speaker 1: I say we're doing game night at our house, they'll 528 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:35,120 Speaker 1: say yes every time. That's what I expect from a friend. 529 00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:39,440 Speaker 1: Lower the expectations because we're talking about personalities here. We're 530 00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:42,960 Speaker 1: not talking about genuine friendships. Sometimes you're just talking about 531 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:46,320 Speaker 1: a personality that's like maybe they're shy, maybe they don't 532 00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:48,520 Speaker 1: like to go to game night, they don't like games, 533 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:52,920 Speaker 1: they like movies, and you won't know that until you're 534 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:56,000 Speaker 1: farther down the road with this person. So lower the 535 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,200 Speaker 1: expectations at first of what you need them to do, 536 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,400 Speaker 1: and then raise raise your own expectations of how you're 537 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,920 Speaker 1: gonna pour into them like I'm going to be the 538 00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,920 Speaker 1: one pouring in. I'm not expecting them to do anything back, 539 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:11,719 Speaker 1: but I'm going to pour into them. This is a 540 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:16,160 Speaker 1: way to build lifelong friends. I appreciate the question, Chris. 541 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:20,880 Speaker 1: Here's a gosh, there's a lot, there's so many. Here's 542 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:25,680 Speaker 1: one subject line, meaning of life. Hey, grain Drum Nathan 543 00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,000 Speaker 1: from Southern Illinois. I love your podcast, By the way, 544 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:31,520 Speaker 1: can't seem to be happy. I just graduated college with 545 00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:34,239 Speaker 1: a wildlife management degree, and all I want to do 546 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:36,880 Speaker 1: is stay in bed and be alone. I have no 547 00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:40,680 Speaker 1: friends and I'm single. I just don't see the point 548 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,080 Speaker 1: of doing anything anymore. I just want to work and 549 00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,400 Speaker 1: come home and go to bed and stay there. I'm 550 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,760 Speaker 1: a Christian and I do go to church, but I'm 551 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:51,480 Speaker 1: just losing hope. The biggest struggle is being single, and 552 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,560 Speaker 1: I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel 553 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,479 Speaker 1: like You're the only person I could ask any advice. 554 00:32:55,640 --> 00:33:00,640 Speaker 1: Thank you, Nathan. Shout out to Southern Illinois. Thanks for listening, buddy, 555 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:05,240 Speaker 1: thanks for emailing. And I want to kind of take 556 00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:07,120 Speaker 1: you back to the very first question I did on 557 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:10,600 Speaker 1: this episode, where I said, you're sounds like you're doing 558 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:15,320 Speaker 1: a lot of work here from from a Christian perspective, 559 00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:18,600 Speaker 1: but there's not a lot of surrender. It's like, I'm 560 00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:20,360 Speaker 1: I'm doing this and this and this and this, but 561 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,920 Speaker 1: I'm not getting anything back from God, and so I'm 562 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:28,880 Speaker 1: just ready to give up, and and God goes, yeah, yeah, 563 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,320 Speaker 1: give up. That's what That's what I need you to do. 564 00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:34,480 Speaker 1: I need you to surrender it to me. So everything 565 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,160 Speaker 1: I said in that first question, apply this to you. 566 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 1: I also want to say that you're depressed. This is depression. 567 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:48,240 Speaker 1: And a lot of times when you're clinically depressed, it 568 00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:51,080 Speaker 1: sounds like you're clinically depressed. You're saying, you're saying all 569 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,239 Speaker 1: the things that would lead me to believe that's you know, 570 00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:55,440 Speaker 1: all you want to do is be in bed and 571 00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:59,120 Speaker 1: be alone, and you don't see a point of anything anymore, 572 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:02,560 Speaker 1: and you can't seem to be happy. These are all 573 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:08,960 Speaker 1: the definitions of depression. And so sometimes you got to 574 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:12,279 Speaker 1: see a doctor because because sometimes there's things that are 575 00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:17,640 Speaker 1: chemically mixed up and a doctor can go, yep, got it, 576 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:21,160 Speaker 1: we could we could fix this. And it's something that 577 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:25,880 Speaker 1: it's not about therapy or you know, you don't have 578 00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,200 Speaker 1: to see a shrink or anything. Sometimes it's just like, oh, yeah, 579 00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:32,799 Speaker 1: you're you're doing this, you know. I was thinking about 580 00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:39,799 Speaker 1: this today. I flew last night from I can't even 581 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:43,880 Speaker 1: remember where I was. I was in North Lawrence, Ohio, 582 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:47,440 Speaker 1: and we drove this morning. We had a three am, 583 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:52,400 Speaker 1: four am lobby call in our hotel, and that's an 584 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,759 Speaker 1: Eastern time, so we were our bodies felt like it 585 00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,799 Speaker 1: was three am. And I had an early flight the 586 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:02,000 Speaker 1: morning before that, and then we drove from North Lawrence 587 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,960 Speaker 1: to Cleveland to jump on a plane for a five 588 00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:07,919 Speaker 1: point thirty flight, and we came home and all day 589 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,279 Speaker 1: I'm just so tired, like I couldn't do anything. All 590 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:13,480 Speaker 1: I wanted to do was be in bed and be alone, 591 00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:15,319 Speaker 1: and there was no meaning, and I wasn't happy. I 592 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:18,640 Speaker 1: was kind of saying your same email today, and I 593 00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:21,200 Speaker 1: was just thinking, man, sleep is such a big deal, 594 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,480 Speaker 1: Like sleep, sleep is such a big deal for me 595 00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,880 Speaker 1: and you. And I've known this for as long as 596 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,920 Speaker 1: I've been touring and having early flights and up all 597 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:35,080 Speaker 1: nighters driving home or whatever we're doing. I've learned over 598 00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:38,560 Speaker 1: the years that why am I feeling this way? Oh yeah, 599 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:42,880 Speaker 1: I didn't sleep last night. Boom one good night's sleep 600 00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,480 Speaker 1: fixes it. I don't think that's what you're gonna say. 601 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:47,560 Speaker 1: I don't think that that's gonna fix it. But I 602 00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:50,520 Speaker 1: do want to bring up that sometimes there's things that 603 00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:54,640 Speaker 1: are that are impairing our sleep in some way that 604 00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:58,239 Speaker 1: we don't know about, Like maybe you have a sinus thing, 605 00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:02,040 Speaker 1: or you have a snoring thing, a tonsil problem, or 606 00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:05,319 Speaker 1: there's something underlying that's going on. Maybe you just don't 607 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:08,080 Speaker 1: have a good mattress. I know that that sounds petty, 608 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:11,719 Speaker 1: but if you're not getting enough sleep, or consistent sleep 609 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,280 Speaker 1: or deep sleep, and you're sleeping lightly, or you're tossing 610 00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:17,680 Speaker 1: and turning, maybe it's anxiety, whatever it might be. If 611 00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:20,319 Speaker 1: you're not getting enough sleep, your days are going to 612 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,920 Speaker 1: suck and you just don't see things with a clear 613 00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:28,800 Speaker 1: lens and everything seems bad. I'm telling you that feeling 614 00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:31,600 Speaker 1: like that right now, Like that's why I'm fumbling through 615 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,600 Speaker 1: this podcast because I feel that now. But but I've 616 00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:37,600 Speaker 1: done it long enough to know myself and know that 617 00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:41,279 Speaker 1: I'm just that. You know that they say that when 618 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:46,680 Speaker 1: you when you're missing sleep to so many degrees, it's 619 00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:50,520 Speaker 1: equivalent to being drunk on alcohol. Like your brain is 620 00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:55,680 Speaker 1: functioning so slow and so numb. It's equivalent to however 621 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:58,360 Speaker 1: many hours of sleep you miss is like equivalent to 622 00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:02,360 Speaker 1: how many drinks of alcohol you could have had. It's crazy, 623 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,799 Speaker 1: and yet we drive like this. But it's just like 624 00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:10,839 Speaker 1: drunk driving when you're going on no sleep, everything else 625 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,319 Speaker 1: in your life is the same. So I've thrown a 626 00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:16,279 Speaker 1: lot of information at you, Nathan, but I think the 627 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:19,000 Speaker 1: most important thing I could say is, if you're really 628 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,720 Speaker 1: at the end of your rope here, surrender it to God. 629 00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:25,239 Speaker 1: Stop trying to work through it because you can't. God 630 00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:28,680 Speaker 1: take it. Take it, and make sure that that is 631 00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:32,680 Speaker 1: you're on your knees and you're just face down, just 632 00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:38,440 Speaker 1: throwing it up at him. Yeah. Next question, subject g 633 00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:41,800 Speaker 1: line says how to fall in love? Hey, Grangeerd like 634 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,960 Speaker 1: to stay anonymous. I'm twenty two. I recently started dating 635 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,920 Speaker 1: a boy who I have been close friends with for 636 00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:50,200 Speaker 1: a while, and I've always liked things about him, but 637 00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:53,719 Speaker 1: I was hesitant to date him due to distance. He 638 00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:55,960 Speaker 1: has many great qualities and he's helped me grow closer 639 00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:59,279 Speaker 1: to God during our friendship. I find myself struggling with 640 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:01,959 Speaker 1: the idea of love than marriage. He seems so sure 641 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:05,400 Speaker 1: about me, but I struggle with consistency. How do I 642 00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:07,800 Speaker 1: know if I love him? I've been a listener for 643 00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:09,680 Speaker 1: a while now, and I know that you say that. 644 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:13,440 Speaker 1: I know you say someone can know if they get 645 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:17,319 Speaker 1: married in one year. I think what you mean is 646 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:20,600 Speaker 1: by one year of dating, you could know if you're 647 00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,759 Speaker 1: going to marry him. Do you think that that still 648 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,759 Speaker 1: applies for long distance? We communicate all the time and 649 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:30,200 Speaker 1: we try to see each other monthly. I'm very thankful 650 00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 1: for you and your camp fire conversations. God bless thanks. 651 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:43,719 Speaker 1: Anonymous twenty two dating, long distance and not sure. Here's 652 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:51,719 Speaker 1: the thing, Anonymous, love love is something you said. Let 653 00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:55,399 Speaker 1: me focus on one sentence that you wrote, how do 654 00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:59,239 Speaker 1: I know if I love him? Let's just we could 655 00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:03,280 Speaker 1: we could really throw out everything else, long distance, the time, 656 00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:08,040 Speaker 1: your age, who he is, what he's done for you, 657 00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:11,399 Speaker 1: how he's gotten you closer to God. We could throw 658 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,960 Speaker 1: all of that out and focus on one sentence. I'll 659 00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:19,680 Speaker 1: highlight one thing, how do I know if I love him? 660 00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:24,399 Speaker 1: And that question is thousands of years old and it's 661 00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:30,719 Speaker 1: always answered the same way over thousands of years. If 662 00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:36,080 Speaker 1: you know you know. That's how you know you'd never 663 00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,880 Speaker 1: have to ask a question of do I love him? 664 00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:45,799 Speaker 1: Do I love her? The answer always is I know 665 00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:49,880 Speaker 1: I do. My knees are weak, I can't eat, I 666 00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:53,880 Speaker 1: can't sleep. It's all I think about. I crave this person. 667 00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:57,360 Speaker 1: I just want to be around him. I would do anything, 668 00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:02,160 Speaker 1: I would lay my life down for them. I want 669 00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:05,520 Speaker 1: their well being over mine. I want them to be 670 00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:08,680 Speaker 1: happy more than I want to be happy. I get 671 00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:11,759 Speaker 1: choked up just thinking about this person because because I 672 00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:15,359 Speaker 1: want If they ever got sick, that's way worse than 673 00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:17,880 Speaker 1: me getting sick. I want them to get better, faster 674 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:22,680 Speaker 1: than I ever would want to get better. That's when 675 00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:25,120 Speaker 1: you know, you just know. You don't have to ask. 676 00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:29,960 Speaker 1: There's not a list or a checklist or a bunch 677 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:33,520 Speaker 1: of boxes you got to click off. You just know. 678 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:37,920 Speaker 1: And if you ask the question. Always, if you have 679 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:41,200 Speaker 1: to ask the question, how do I know I love them? 680 00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:46,440 Speaker 1: The answer coming back to you is you don't. You 681 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:51,200 Speaker 1: don't love them because you're asking the question, because if 682 00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:57,200 Speaker 1: you did, you would say I am in love with them. 683 00:40:57,320 --> 00:41:02,120 Speaker 1: Just the way it is doesn't mean anonymous that you 684 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,160 Speaker 1: can't grow into love from where you are now. So 685 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,719 Speaker 1: I'm not saying quit it, because you could grow into it. 686 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:14,040 Speaker 1: I'm just saying it's a pretty pretty bad sign if 687 00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:17,640 Speaker 1: you don't know yet. And it's been a year, and 688 00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:23,680 Speaker 1: it's long distance, so although it's not done, it could be, 689 00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:26,359 Speaker 1: and you could easily walk out, walk away right now 690 00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:29,640 Speaker 1: and go I think I need some time. I think 691 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:33,359 Speaker 1: I need a break. And the honest, honest answer would 692 00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:35,840 Speaker 1: be I'm just not sure if I love you. You You 693 00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:39,359 Speaker 1: are you're sure, and I'm not sure if I love 694 00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:43,040 Speaker 1: you back, And that is wrong for me to drag 695 00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:46,680 Speaker 1: you along like this and make you make you stay 696 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:50,080 Speaker 1: working on this relationship long distance when I'm keeping you 697 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:53,319 Speaker 1: away from life because to be honest with you, I 698 00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:56,759 Speaker 1: just don't know if I love you. And it's so 699 00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:59,440 Speaker 1: hard to tell somebody that. But that's the best thing 700 00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:02,719 Speaker 1: you could tell. That is the most beneficial thing they 701 00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:07,920 Speaker 1: could hear. It's also very hurtful, but it's very good 702 00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,360 Speaker 1: for their well being to be able to stop it 703 00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:12,920 Speaker 1: now and say good, got it, moving on. Thank you 704 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,840 Speaker 1: for being honest. You didn't drag this out any longer. 705 00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:20,520 Speaker 1: That's my answer. Thank you for the question, Anonymous. All Right, 706 00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:23,200 Speaker 1: let's hit another one here. Subject line asked her to 707 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,680 Speaker 1: marry me, and she left my girlfriend for over a year, 708 00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:29,399 Speaker 1: ghosted me, and I asked her to marry me. After 709 00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:31,360 Speaker 1: I asked her to marry me. It's been two weeks. 710 00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:34,520 Speaker 1: She hasn't texted me since I asked her to marry me. 711 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,680 Speaker 1: It's been very hard, and I've had lots of stress 712 00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:41,360 Speaker 1: and anxiety. I come from a hard childhood and I 713 00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,279 Speaker 1: never wanted to marry anybody until I met her. But 714 00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:46,279 Speaker 1: we've been having a little bit of a rough patch. 715 00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:47,640 Speaker 1: And when I asked her to marry me, she said 716 00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:50,680 Speaker 1: she just thought it wasn't the rest the best time. 717 00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:53,960 Speaker 1: She told me the ring wasn't the one she expected, 718 00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:56,319 Speaker 1: and I knew that, and I explained that I would 719 00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:59,680 Speaker 1: buy her the exact ring that she wanted whenever I 720 00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:03,400 Speaker 1: had more money. And I had other financial hardships that 721 00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,040 Speaker 1: needed my attention. That's why I couldn't buy her the 722 00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,880 Speaker 1: exact one at the moment. I haven't heard from her since, 723 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:11,200 Speaker 1: and I haven't said any of this out loud until now. 724 00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:15,960 Speaker 1: I need help, brother much love. Question comes from Frank 725 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:23,400 Speaker 1: and frank Man. There is there is just red flags 726 00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:26,279 Speaker 1: all over your email, brother, and I want to help you. 727 00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:29,400 Speaker 1: I want to help you, and I'm going to go 728 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:34,799 Speaker 1: straight to it, straight to the point. Any girl that 729 00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:39,839 Speaker 1: says that she can't marry you or accept a proposal 730 00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,400 Speaker 1: because it's not the exact ring that she wanted is 731 00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:48,840 Speaker 1: not the exact girl that you need. Because a girl 732 00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:50,759 Speaker 1: that truly loves you and sees the vision in you 733 00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,239 Speaker 1: and sees who you are and who the husband that 734 00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:57,080 Speaker 1: you will become. That girl that sees that and loves 735 00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:00,640 Speaker 1: you will take a wooden stick on her finger, She'll 736 00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:04,200 Speaker 1: take a rubber ring, it doesn't matter. She doesn't need 737 00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:08,160 Speaker 1: the perfect diamond right now, because she sees who you are. 738 00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:12,040 Speaker 1: She knows, she should know that, yes, you're going through 739 00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:16,000 Speaker 1: financial hardship, and yes you can't afford the exact ring, 740 00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:18,200 Speaker 1: but she also believes that you will be one day. 741 00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:21,799 Speaker 1: You're not him yet, but you will be one day, 742 00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,520 Speaker 1: and she believes in you, and she sees that, and 743 00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,160 Speaker 1: she loves you for who you are right now, and 744 00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,480 Speaker 1: she loves you for who you will become because she 745 00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:32,560 Speaker 1: believes that you will be, and she wants to trust 746 00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:34,399 Speaker 1: you with that. She wants to trust you with her 747 00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:36,799 Speaker 1: heart and trust you with children that you might have, 748 00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:39,680 Speaker 1: God willing and trust you with the rest of her life, 749 00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:44,640 Speaker 1: regardless of the ring, regardless of financial hardships, regardless of 750 00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:48,880 Speaker 1: your hard childhood that you grew up in. And you 751 00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:51,640 Speaker 1: will find a girl like that and this isn't her. 752 00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:56,920 Speaker 1: So although it's tough, she ghosted you, she dumped you, 753 00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:59,480 Speaker 1: she left you after you asked her to marry you. 754 00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,960 Speaker 1: Good on you because now you know, now you know 755 00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:07,719 Speaker 1: it wasn't the right girl. It doesn't make it. This 756 00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:10,000 Speaker 1: heartache isn't gonna be easier because I'm telling you this, 757 00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:14,319 Speaker 1: but it should help you understand why you're hurting and 758 00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:17,719 Speaker 1: why she left and more importantly, why you're gonna be 759 00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:22,000 Speaker 1: better without her. So it's gonna be tough right now. 760 00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:23,799 Speaker 1: But a little bit of time goes by and you 761 00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:25,759 Speaker 1: go as you start thinking more with your brain and 762 00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:29,400 Speaker 1: not your heart. Time goes by and you think, man, 763 00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:32,799 Speaker 1: I'm glad I got out of that one. I'm glad 764 00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:35,680 Speaker 1: I'm not with that girl anymore. And you'll meet a 765 00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:39,680 Speaker 1: girl it's a heart of gold, sweetheart loves you, and 766 00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:42,759 Speaker 1: she's like, maybe I just I would marry you no 767 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:44,680 Speaker 1: matter what kind of ring you gave me. You don't 768 00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:50,000 Speaker 1: have to give me a ring. We'll go to Toys 769 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,279 Speaker 1: r Us and get I don't even have toys r Us. 770 00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:53,920 Speaker 1: We'll go to Chuck E Cheese and we'll go to 771 00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,440 Speaker 1: the machine and get a rubber ring. I don't care. 772 00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:59,920 Speaker 1: Give me a plastic ring, and you're gonna think, Man, 773 00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,759 Speaker 1: I'm lucky to get past that old that other girl 774 00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:05,759 Speaker 1: I had because that's not her, And you'll be more 775 00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:10,120 Speaker 1: grateful for the new one too. You'll be good, Frank, 776 00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:13,880 Speaker 1: You'll be in a good place. This is all happening. 777 00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:17,800 Speaker 1: This kind of suffering is not meaningless. It has a purpose. 778 00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:21,440 Speaker 1: In fact, all suffering has a purpose. It's a lot 779 00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:23,600 Speaker 1: of times we fail to see it. But this has 780 00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:25,640 Speaker 1: purpose in it. This has meaning. I feel it. Things 781 00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:27,960 Speaker 1: are gonna be good for you, brother. Thanks for the email, 782 00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:30,439 Speaker 1: and thanks thanks for all the emails. Guys. I love 783 00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:32,600 Speaker 1: doing this, even when I'm going on no sleep. I 784 00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:35,680 Speaker 1: love doing these podcasts and I love y'all. And we'll 785 00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:38,040 Speaker 1: see you next Monday. Yeek. Thanks for joining me on 786 00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:41,240 Speaker 1: the Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys. 787 00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:44,200 Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. 788 00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:47,560 Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that 789 00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:51,000 Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never 790 00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:54,480 Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a 791 00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:56,520 Speaker 1: question for me that you would like me to answer, 792 00:46:56,920 --> 00:47:08,880 Speaker 1: email Granger Smith podcast It, gmail dot com. Y H.