WEBVTT - THE DISCORD GIRLFRIEND

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<v Speaker 1>Hello.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi. What's your name?

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<v Speaker 1>My name is John.

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<v Speaker 2>What's up John? How's life?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm living the dream? How are you doing? Gek Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>What's the dream?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh? I'm I'm studying geology right now. I used to

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<v Speaker 1>be in the US Army and I get paid to,

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<v Speaker 1>uh look at rocks.

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<v Speaker 2>Has that always been your dream? To look at rocks?

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<v Speaker 1>Uh? No, not really, just the preface, And I don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to be rude. I was esoteric Bush in the chat,

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<v Speaker 1>which you might have noticed. I have seen many of

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<v Speaker 1>your edited podcasts, but this was the first live stream

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<v Speaker 1>that I uh called into and I wanted to talk

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<v Speaker 1>to you.

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<v Speaker 2>For those who are currently listening to the edited podcast

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<v Speaker 2>to give some context. And I don't actually remember why,

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<v Speaker 2>but I yelled at you in the chat. You chatted something,

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<v Speaker 2>and I yelled at you for what you chatted something.

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<v Speaker 1>I said something to the effect of you sound like

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<v Speaker 1>you're saying something that you're actually saying about yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh. I don't know why I was lying to you.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know why I yelled at you, but we

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<v Speaker 2>can we can move that.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I apologize, and I I meant no offense. I

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<v Speaker 1>this is my first live stream. I I wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>talk to you about a couple of things, mainly substance abuse,

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<v Speaker 1>and I wanted to tell a story.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, do you want to tell the story first, or

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<v Speaker 2>is the substance abuse related to that.

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<v Speaker 1>I think the substance abuse is preliminary to the story.

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<v Speaker 1>Growing up, my mother was a hoarder and she was

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<v Speaker 1>very neglectful of me. My father was around, but he

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<v Speaker 1>worked twelve hour shifts. He was never around. And starting

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<v Speaker 1>around the age of twelve or thirteen, she started giving

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<v Speaker 1>me hydrocodone unprompted. She would just like put a pill

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<v Speaker 1>in my hand and tell me to take it. And

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<v Speaker 1>that went on for a few months, and after a

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<v Speaker 1>while I became physically addicted to it. And she would

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<v Speaker 1>entice me to do chores around the house by saying,

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<v Speaker 1>if you do this, I'll give you a hydro. This

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<v Speaker 1>worked the way up to oxy cotton. She started giving

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<v Speaker 1>me oxyes around the age of sixteen. I remember I

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<v Speaker 1>would dig through her bag and she had like three

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<v Speaker 1>bags that she constantly carried with her. She had like

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<v Speaker 1>two purses in her medicine bag. She had a bag

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<v Speaker 1>full of medicine, and she entrusted me with the medicine

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<v Speaker 1>bag because she had never caught me going through it.

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<v Speaker 1>She had caught my father going through it, because she

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<v Speaker 1>would do the same thing to my father and let

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<v Speaker 1>me know, if I'm going.

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<v Speaker 2>On too long, just say whatever you want.

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<v Speaker 1>So I became heavily addicted to opiates at a like

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<v Speaker 1>mid teenagers age. I started stealing them from her and

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<v Speaker 1>dealing them at my high school. That's the thing I'm

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<v Speaker 1>actually least proud about. I only did that twice, and

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<v Speaker 1>eventually one day I owed the I didn't die. It

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<v Speaker 1>was a mild od and I remember thinking that I

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<v Speaker 1>was about to die, and I was cool with it,

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<v Speaker 1>like I wasn't worried. I was like, yeah, I'm about

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<v Speaker 1>to die, that's fine. And then I woke up. That's

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<v Speaker 1>when I swore off opiates. I didn't let her give

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<v Speaker 1>me any more opiates after that, I refuse them. I

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<v Speaker 1>had sears after that. I started smoking Kobe's amounts of

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<v Speaker 1>weed at the age of eighteen. It was about three

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<v Speaker 1>months after I turned eighteen. I moved in with my

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<v Speaker 1>older half brother. He was nineteen years old when I

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<v Speaker 1>was born. My mother was forty one when she had me.

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<v Speaker 1>I moved in with him He was also abusive, albeit

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<v Speaker 1>less so and in a different way. He was more

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<v Speaker 1>so physically abusive, and I was the only other really

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<v Speaker 1>male in the household that posed any threat to him,

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<v Speaker 1>and he would antagonize me. Fortunately I was bigger than him,

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<v Speaker 1>so it was more so just depressing and stressful. I

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<v Speaker 1>moved back to my hometown in Louisiana at the age

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<v Speaker 1>of nineteen, stayed there for six months, joined the army.

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<v Speaker 1>I was in the Army for four years, and I

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<v Speaker 1>became an alcoholic there. I became an alcoholic because that's

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<v Speaker 1>just what you do in the army. I remember I

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<v Speaker 1>had a military ball where I was on flag duty,

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<v Speaker 1>flag guard, color guard, excuse me, it was color guard,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was holding the American colors and I was

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<v Speaker 1>so drunk on returning the colors that I stabbed the

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<v Speaker 1>spade of the American colors into the sea feeling above,

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<v Speaker 1>and we had dry wall rained down upon us, and

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<v Speaker 1>everybody just laughed because they thought I was just a mistake,

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<v Speaker 1>but it was actually because I was drunk. Ever since then,

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<v Speaker 1>I've struggled with alcoholism. There was a time where I

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<v Speaker 1>was prescribed opiates when I was in the army. I

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<v Speaker 1>took some and I remember the way that I felt,

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<v Speaker 1>and I flushed the rest down the toilet, which I

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<v Speaker 1>know is not good practice, but it was just immediate.

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<v Speaker 1>It was an immediate reaction. Continuing onwards, I am studying

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<v Speaker 1>college right now. This is my last semester, and I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>I guess the main impetus for this story is I

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<v Speaker 1>had been single for four years at the age of

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<v Speaker 1>twenty six. I had a girlfriend, a long term girlfriend

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<v Speaker 1>in the army. Actually, I had a fiancee in the

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<v Speaker 1>army that i'd been with for a year and a half.

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<v Speaker 1>We broke up because their family didn't like me and

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<v Speaker 1>I was an alcoholic. I had a long term girlfriend,

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<v Speaker 1>two year long girlfriend, whom we broke up with, less

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<v Speaker 1>because of my alcoholism and more because we moved apart.

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<v Speaker 1>I was actually in a good place at that time.

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<v Speaker 1>I went to college and for some reason I started

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<v Speaker 1>freaking to an extreme amount because my very second semester

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<v Speaker 1>was when COVID began. I started college and the fall

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<v Speaker 1>semester of twenty nineteen, and then COVID began in March

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<v Speaker 1>of twenty twenty, so on and so forth. I've been

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<v Speaker 1>single up until that time. I met a woman that

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<v Speaker 1>had been ten years older than me on discord on

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<v Speaker 1>a comedy server that I was absolutely smitten with. And

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<v Speaker 1>this had nothing to do with them.

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<v Speaker 2>What kind of comedy server, comedy podcast server?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, I don't want to be too specific.

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<v Speaker 2>That's right, all right? So you met this woman on the.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and this this is all leading up to, like

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<v Speaker 1>basically the most embarrassing moment in my life. I uh,

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<v Speaker 1>I met this woman on a comedy discord server podcast

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<v Speaker 1>discord server, and I flew out to California to go

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<v Speaker 1>meet her. And the first two days when outstanding. We

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<v Speaker 1>were talking about getting married and this this is way

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<v Speaker 1>too soon, but it was.

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<v Speaker 2>How long had you how long had you been talking?

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<v Speaker 2>How long had you been talking with this woman before

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<v Speaker 2>you two met?

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<v Speaker 1>About a year? Okay, it was it was stupid. It

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<v Speaker 1>was no, I admit it was very, very stupid, and

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<v Speaker 1>it was foolish on my part. But here's the kicker.

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<v Speaker 1>On the third day, when I was supposed to wake

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<v Speaker 1>up early to take an uber to the airport, I

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<v Speaker 1>woke up and there was sun beaming in through the

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<v Speaker 1>uh like the blinds, and I immediately knew I fucked up.

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<v Speaker 1>And it was too late. I checked my phone. It

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<v Speaker 1>was five thirty. Uh five thirty was the exact minute

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<v Speaker 1>my flight took off. And then I noticed something. I

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<v Speaker 1>had been drinking bud light with her the night prior,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was wet and I realized I had pissed myself.

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<v Speaker 1>I pissed myself and I I found her awaken her

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<v Speaker 1>guest room. She was furious at me, and I spent

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<v Speaker 1>the rest of the day trying to make amends. I

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<v Speaker 1>cleaned everything up, I uh, I tried to make her dinner.

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<v Speaker 1>I tried to do everything I could good and she

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<v Speaker 1>told me after I had basically fixed everything, and she

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<v Speaker 1>said that she was okay with me, and I kind

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<v Speaker 1>of buried the lead. The night prior, I I made

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<v Speaker 1>a she like trauma dumped on me, and then I

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<v Speaker 1>trauma dumped on her and I cried in front of her,

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<v Speaker 1>and she told me that she could never be with

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<v Speaker 1>me because I cried in front of her. So simultaneously

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<v Speaker 1>I'm asking, like, how do I deal with substance abuse

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<v Speaker 1>and how do I handle like a statement like that,

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<v Speaker 1>Like I I don't know what to think about it,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't know how much I know. I have

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<v Speaker 1>some no large amount of guilt because I fucked a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of things up. But her main point wasn't that

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<v Speaker 1>I got too drunk. It was that I cried in

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<v Speaker 1>front of her. Was sorry, I know that's a lot.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey man, you're all good, You're all good, all right,

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<v Speaker 2>all right, this was this the first time you'd gotten

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<v Speaker 2>drunk in a long time.

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<v Speaker 1>At that time, yeah, yeah, I had been sober for

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<v Speaker 1>a while. I remember she picked me up from the

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<v Speaker 1>airport and the very first thing that we did was

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<v Speaker 1>we went to a Trader Joe's because I said that

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<v Speaker 1>I wanted to cook for her. I wanted to make

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<v Speaker 1>her Jambaliah. And she knew I had been sober for

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<v Speaker 1>a while. And I immediately saw while I was there

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<v Speaker 1>that she bought like whiskey and like cut water, Marguerita cutwater.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was nervous about it. And we got there

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<v Speaker 1>and she said like, like, you're on vacation, let loose.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm not blaming her, because ultimately it was my

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<v Speaker 1>own inability to remain sober.

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<v Speaker 3>But I.

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<v Speaker 1>Just thought, I'm gonna have a good time. And then

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<v Speaker 1>I I didn't realize how much of my tolerance I

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<v Speaker 1>had lost, and.

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<v Speaker 3>I was an idiot, How long goes this?

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<v Speaker 1>This was in May of last year?

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<v Speaker 2>May have last year? Okay, so May twenty.

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<v Speaker 1>Two, twenty twenty three, twitch.

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<v Speaker 2>They okay, and you're twenty seven, right yeah, okay. So

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<v Speaker 2>you said, how do I deal with that statement? Right?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah? That? And it's a two part combination, because I

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<v Speaker 1>know I told you my little backstory, I in combination.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know how to handle moving on past that statement,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't know how to handle a life remaining

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<v Speaker 1>sober again. Because so.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's tackle this one thing at a time, because the

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<v Speaker 2>substance abuse thing is a uh whole other issue that

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<v Speaker 2>I certainly do not have a full answer for. But

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<v Speaker 2>I'm down to talking that. It's not but I'm down

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<v Speaker 2>to talk about it. I'm down to talk about.

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<v Speaker 1>It with you.

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<v Speaker 2>But let's start with let's but but let's let's start

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<v Speaker 2>with the first one. And you said, how do I

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<v Speaker 2>deal with that statement? So, I mean, I have a

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<v Speaker 2>ton of thoughts about that statement, But first I want

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<v Speaker 2>to understand your interpretation. I want to understand how that

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<v Speaker 2>made you feel. And and and and she and this

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<v Speaker 2>is you know, many months ago, and it still sounds,

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<v Speaker 2>it still stings, and you're still embarrassed by it and

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<v Speaker 2>you still feel it, and I want to and I

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<v Speaker 2>and I just want to and before I give you

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<v Speaker 2>my thoughts, I want to know why. And I want

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<v Speaker 2>to know what your reactions to that statement are. About

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<v Speaker 2>her saying that she couldn't love you because you cried.

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<v Speaker 1>I would say, at first, it made me, It made

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<v Speaker 1>me feel worthless, like it made me feel like I

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<v Speaker 1>could never It was always a fear of mine. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>like I like my ex fiance, I had a long

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<v Speaker 1>term girlfriend. I cried in front of both of them

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<v Speaker 1>and they never brought it up. But I was always

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<v Speaker 1>scared that they viewed me lesser because of it. And

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<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm not some stallwart bastion of masculinity, like I

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<v Speaker 1>know when to hold down the fork for lack of

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<v Speaker 1>a better term. But to me, that's part of a

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<v Speaker 1>relationship is that you can be emotional with one another.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was always scared that you couldn't be because

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<v Speaker 1>you were viewed as staying non masculine. But no, I

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<v Speaker 1>so that was always a fear of mine. It was

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<v Speaker 1>just a lingering fear, and no woman had ever mentioned

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<v Speaker 1>that to me. And then suddenly I know it sounds weird,

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<v Speaker 1>but this woman was much older than me, and she

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<v Speaker 1>was very attractive, and she was like in She wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>famous herself, but she was friends with like celebrities. I

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<v Speaker 1>know that sounds stupid, but she was like prestigious and

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<v Speaker 1>she had taken a liking to me, and I had

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<v Speaker 1>such a high regard for her that when I heard

0:21:16.440 --> 0:21:19.960
<v Speaker 1>her say that, it just totally demolished my self worth.

0:21:22.080 --> 0:21:27.520
<v Speaker 1>Almost a year from now, I realize it. Oh no,

0:21:27.680 --> 0:21:33.800
<v Speaker 1>she's not a good person, because I've seen other instances

0:21:34.160 --> 0:21:41.240
<v Speaker 1>of her behavior harming others. But it's still lingering.

0:21:41.480 --> 0:21:48.640
<v Speaker 2>You know, Hey, folks, this is Lyle. I am very

0:21:48.680 --> 0:21:51.840
<v Speaker 2>excited to announce that I am going back on tour

0:21:52.200 --> 0:21:55.800
<v Speaker 2>in twenty twenty four to do Therapy Gecko Live all

0:21:55.840 --> 0:21:58.119
<v Speaker 2>across the country. If you've never been to one of

0:21:58.119 --> 0:22:01.919
<v Speaker 2>my live shows before, they are extra dreamingly fun, unpredictable,

0:22:02.280 --> 0:22:06.479
<v Speaker 2>wild evenings that involve a mix of group Gecko therapy

0:22:06.600 --> 0:22:11.720
<v Speaker 2>sessions as well as some material and presentations from myself.

0:22:12.080 --> 0:22:14.199
<v Speaker 2>And if you've been to the show before, I have

0:22:14.280 --> 0:22:18.479
<v Speaker 2>new presentations and will of course be interviewing new people.

0:22:18.760 --> 0:22:20.840
<v Speaker 2>If you're a fan of the podcast, you're gonna have

0:22:20.880 --> 0:22:23.200
<v Speaker 2>a great time at the live show, so I hope

0:22:23.200 --> 0:22:26.520
<v Speaker 2>to see you guys there. Go to therapy geckotour dot

0:22:26.560 --> 0:22:29.800
<v Speaker 2>com or check the link in the episode description for

0:22:29.880 --> 0:22:32.760
<v Speaker 2>a full list of cities where tickets are available. Also,

0:22:32.840 --> 0:22:35.400
<v Speaker 2>if you don't see your city on the list of cities,

0:22:35.560 --> 0:22:38.640
<v Speaker 2>please still click the link and RSVP with your phone

0:22:38.720 --> 0:22:41.320
<v Speaker 2>number so I can contact you when tickets go on

0:22:41.400 --> 0:22:44.320
<v Speaker 2>sale for your city, because I'm going to announce a

0:22:44.359 --> 0:22:52.480
<v Speaker 2>bunch more dates very soon. Geck Bluss, John I, I

0:22:52.480 --> 0:22:57.080
<v Speaker 2>I I have so much that I want to say,

0:22:57.200 --> 0:23:00.680
<v Speaker 2>and I'm trying to find the right way to properly

0:23:00.760 --> 0:23:09.840
<v Speaker 2>express it to you. First and foremost, a hm hm

0:23:14.400 --> 0:23:18.880
<v Speaker 2>in a relationship like a like, especially somebody who is like, hey,

0:23:18.920 --> 0:23:24.440
<v Speaker 2>let's fucking get married. Yeah, you know, if you're gonna,

0:23:24.480 --> 0:23:32.159
<v Speaker 2>if you're if somebody loves you, you know that that

0:23:32.560 --> 0:23:43.120
<v Speaker 2>sharing of of your emotions purely and openly is necessary.

0:23:44.280 --> 0:23:48.320
<v Speaker 2>You know, this idea that you're in a relationship with

0:23:48.400 --> 0:23:51.479
<v Speaker 2>somebody that you love and you trust and they're your

0:23:51.560 --> 0:23:55.200
<v Speaker 2>person and you can't cry in front of them, that's wild,

0:23:56.280 --> 0:23:58.560
<v Speaker 2>that's wild. And I don't know what's up with this woman.

0:23:59.440 --> 0:24:01.240
<v Speaker 2>I don't know why she said that to you, And

0:24:01.320 --> 0:24:06.119
<v Speaker 2>I think it's mean. It's really mean to go to

0:24:06.320 --> 0:24:15.960
<v Speaker 2>somebody into an emotional exchange and then look down upon

0:24:16.000 --> 0:24:22.480
<v Speaker 2>them for opening up. And I think in a relationship

0:24:23.000 --> 0:24:24.920
<v Speaker 2>you got you. You try as hard as you can

0:24:25.000 --> 0:24:32.520
<v Speaker 2>to be open and vulnerable emotionally, and the idea that

0:24:32.640 --> 0:24:39.919
<v Speaker 2>you would try to hide that from somebody who claims

0:24:39.920 --> 0:24:42.960
<v Speaker 2>they love you is wild.

0:24:43.080 --> 0:24:43.280
<v Speaker 1>Man.

0:24:43.960 --> 0:24:50.320
<v Speaker 2>And so I know that this is not going to

0:24:50.359 --> 0:24:53.760
<v Speaker 2>be a band aid, but if you're asking me, I

0:24:53.840 --> 0:25:00.600
<v Speaker 2>just want you to rewire your brain to unlearn whatever

0:25:01.000 --> 0:25:08.359
<v Speaker 2>low self esteem this woman has given you, because it's

0:25:08.440 --> 0:25:14.760
<v Speaker 2>from a it's not from a real place. Do you

0:25:14.760 --> 0:25:15.520
<v Speaker 2>know what I'm saying?

0:25:17.320 --> 0:25:18.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I am.

0:25:20.640 --> 0:25:25.359
<v Speaker 2>You shouldn't ever you shouldn't ever feel like you can't cry,

0:25:25.440 --> 0:25:29.240
<v Speaker 2>or like you can't life is so fucking short, John.

0:25:30.119 --> 0:25:35.719
<v Speaker 2>You shouldn't ever feel like you can't express yourself, like

0:25:35.800 --> 0:25:39.560
<v Speaker 2>you can't express your emotions to somebody that you love

0:25:39.800 --> 0:25:42.120
<v Speaker 2>and trust. And if you feel like you can't, then

0:25:42.160 --> 0:25:47.600
<v Speaker 2>that person doesn't love you.

0:25:46.119 --> 0:25:55.880
<v Speaker 1>You know, I no, I.

0:25:54.080 --> 0:25:58.479
<v Speaker 2>And and that's not and John, and John, and and please, dear, please,

0:25:58.520 --> 0:26:02.919
<v Speaker 2>if you can get anything out of this phone call, like, dude,

0:26:03.000 --> 0:26:09.280
<v Speaker 2>please don't. I don't know if this is how you're thinking,

0:26:10.200 --> 0:26:14.800
<v Speaker 2>but please don't let this be a knock to your

0:26:14.840 --> 0:26:17.960
<v Speaker 2>self esteem. Please don't run around thinking, oh, I'm not

0:26:18.680 --> 0:26:23.720
<v Speaker 2>a man because I cried, or oh I fucked that up,

0:26:24.880 --> 0:26:29.480
<v Speaker 2>you know, or like, don't do you. I don't know

0:26:29.480 --> 0:26:31.000
<v Speaker 2>if you I don't know if that's how you're feeling.

0:26:31.040 --> 0:26:33.240
<v Speaker 2>But just like and I don't, I don't. I don't

0:26:33.240 --> 0:26:34.760
<v Speaker 2>know if I can get you to not feel that

0:26:34.800 --> 0:26:38.640
<v Speaker 2>way by saying this, but like, don't feel that way.

0:26:40.480 --> 0:26:43.399
<v Speaker 1>I understand where you're coming from, and I agree with you,

0:26:43.520 --> 0:26:49.320
<v Speaker 1>but there's like a difference between like knowing something and

0:26:49.400 --> 0:26:50.679
<v Speaker 1>realizing something.

0:26:51.000 --> 0:26:53.040
<v Speaker 2>What do you mean by what does that mean?

0:26:54.440 --> 0:27:01.920
<v Speaker 1>Like I know in my heart of hearts that I'm

0:27:02.000 --> 0:27:07.760
<v Speaker 1>not lesser because of that, but like I don't realize that,

0:27:07.960 --> 0:27:14.880
<v Speaker 1>like I still feel lesser than and it's hard getting

0:27:15.440 --> 0:27:18.520
<v Speaker 1>That's been the hardest thing in my life, Like I've

0:27:18.600 --> 0:27:21.760
<v Speaker 1>mentioned it, Like I know alcohol is bad for me.

0:27:22.680 --> 0:27:27.359
<v Speaker 1>I know I should quit drinking, but getting to that

0:27:27.520 --> 0:27:33.879
<v Speaker 1>point where like I'm capable of realizing that it's just

0:27:33.960 --> 0:27:41.640
<v Speaker 1>so difficult because I I think I can make excuses,

0:27:42.000 --> 0:27:43.200
<v Speaker 1>So I mean do me.

0:27:43.160 --> 0:27:45.639
<v Speaker 2>A favor for a second. If we take the alcohol

0:27:45.640 --> 0:27:47.320
<v Speaker 2>out of it and we just focus on, like the

0:27:47.359 --> 0:27:50.600
<v Speaker 2>self astume part, why do you feel lesser.

0:27:50.320 --> 0:27:59.480
<v Speaker 1>Than I don't? Because I had invested so much in her?

0:28:00.040 --> 0:28:06.920
<v Speaker 1>Uh huh I And this sounds stupid. She was one

0:28:06.920 --> 0:28:13.480
<v Speaker 1>of the only organic relationships that I had, And what

0:28:13.520 --> 0:28:16.240
<v Speaker 1>I mean by that is that even though we had

0:28:16.280 --> 0:28:23.480
<v Speaker 1>met online, it wasn't for a dating app. Practically every

0:28:23.520 --> 0:28:26.720
<v Speaker 1>woman I've been with has been through a dating app.

0:28:27.359 --> 0:28:29.040
<v Speaker 1>This was just a woman who liked me.

0:28:29.520 --> 0:28:36.199
<v Speaker 2>Okay, But so let me ask you this, and you know,

0:28:37.200 --> 0:28:41.080
<v Speaker 2>there's no shame in this answer, whatever it is, if

0:28:41.080 --> 0:28:44.120
<v Speaker 2>you want to share it. But why do you feel

0:28:44.160 --> 0:28:47.360
<v Speaker 2>like you invested so heavily in this woman? What were

0:28:47.400 --> 0:28:51.800
<v Speaker 2>you What was driving that investment? What did you feel

0:28:51.800 --> 0:28:56.080
<v Speaker 2>like she was gonna help you with or fail in

0:28:56.120 --> 0:28:58.680
<v Speaker 2>your life that caused you to invest so heavily.

0:29:00.960 --> 0:29:06.640
<v Speaker 1>That because she was older than me, I would somehow

0:29:06.880 --> 0:29:18.280
<v Speaker 1>feel compelled to get my shit together. And this sounds stupid,

0:29:18.960 --> 0:29:23.240
<v Speaker 1>But I knew that she had wanted kids, and she

0:29:23.440 --> 0:29:29.880
<v Speaker 1>was thirty six. I was twenty six, and I thought, well,

0:29:31.280 --> 0:29:33.240
<v Speaker 1>if I'm going to be with this woman, I have

0:29:33.360 --> 0:29:41.280
<v Speaker 1>to get my shit together now. And I was thinking that, well,

0:29:44.320 --> 0:29:46.760
<v Speaker 1>if I invest myself in this woman, I could have

0:29:46.920 --> 0:29:56.760
<v Speaker 1>like some reason to live like very soon, which I

0:29:56.840 --> 0:30:00.240
<v Speaker 1>know sounds silly.

0:30:00.240 --> 0:30:02.320
<v Speaker 2>I want I want to stop you real quick, because

0:30:02.360 --> 0:30:06.480
<v Speaker 2>you keep saying this sounds stupid, This sounds silly, And

0:30:06.520 --> 0:30:10.200
<v Speaker 2>when you say that stuff, it it like a lot

0:30:10.200 --> 0:30:14.959
<v Speaker 2>of the A major theme I'm playing armchair therapist. A

0:30:15.000 --> 0:30:19.320
<v Speaker 2>major theme I'm picking up in our conversation is this

0:30:19.480 --> 0:30:26.520
<v Speaker 2>like shame over vulnerability, right, like you like especially like

0:30:26.560 --> 0:30:28.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, you share yourself to this woman and she

0:30:28.720 --> 0:30:31.840
<v Speaker 2>called you up for crying, and that causes like, oh,

0:30:31.880 --> 0:30:34.880
<v Speaker 2>I feel ashamed of feeling this way, and so you

0:30:34.880 --> 0:30:39.040
<v Speaker 2>you you like preamble your statements by I know this

0:30:39.080 --> 0:30:42.719
<v Speaker 2>sounds silly. I know this sounds stupid because you're like,

0:30:43.320 --> 0:30:45.000
<v Speaker 2>and I just want I just want to tell you,

0:30:45.040 --> 0:30:47.160
<v Speaker 2>and I don't. I just want to tell you you

0:30:47.160 --> 0:30:52.640
<v Speaker 2>don't have to feel ashamed of your feelings. This is

0:30:52.680 --> 0:30:55.800
<v Speaker 2>just this is just your truth, man, You know what

0:30:55.880 --> 0:30:58.560
<v Speaker 2>I mean. This is this is your truth. It is

0:30:58.600 --> 0:31:00.760
<v Speaker 2>what it is. But you can be open about it.

0:31:00.800 --> 0:31:04.560
<v Speaker 2>You can share it without having to hate yourself for

0:31:04.680 --> 0:31:07.840
<v Speaker 2>having felt the way that you felt like, you don't

0:31:07.880 --> 0:31:09.400
<v Speaker 2>have to hate yourself. You don't have to think you

0:31:09.480 --> 0:31:13.600
<v Speaker 2>suck because you felt this way. You know, so you

0:31:13.640 --> 0:31:17.000
<v Speaker 2>don't have to keep saying this sounds silly, this sounds stupid.

0:31:17.040 --> 0:31:19.520
<v Speaker 2>I know it's ridiculous. It's just the truth, man, this

0:31:19.640 --> 0:31:23.040
<v Speaker 2>is how you felt, and you don't have to beat

0:31:23.040 --> 0:31:28.120
<v Speaker 2>yourself up about it. Yeah, now I help you understand that.

0:31:29.160 --> 0:31:32.560
<v Speaker 1>No, Like when I was a kid, like when I've

0:31:32.560 --> 0:31:37.200
<v Speaker 1>gotten better about doing this individually, like I would always

0:31:37.200 --> 0:31:41.680
<v Speaker 1>say that I'm sorry, Like I would say I'm sorry

0:31:41.960 --> 0:31:48.360
<v Speaker 1>for like somebody would say, oh, like I missed lunch

0:31:48.440 --> 0:31:51.200
<v Speaker 1>and I would say I'm sorry, or like somebody would

0:31:51.200 --> 0:31:58.080
<v Speaker 1>say like, oh, you misunderstood me. I'm sorry. So I

0:31:58.120 --> 0:32:01.040
<v Speaker 1>think I've stopped doing this, and I think that's been

0:32:01.120 --> 0:32:05.440
<v Speaker 1>the natural evolution of that. It's just like I preclude

0:32:05.480 --> 0:32:11.440
<v Speaker 1>all of my statements by saying like, yeah, I don't know,

0:32:12.120 --> 0:32:19.520
<v Speaker 1>Like I just don't feel like my feelings are legitimate and.

0:32:22.120 --> 0:32:23.120
<v Speaker 2>That I.

0:32:25.200 --> 0:32:31.000
<v Speaker 1>Should be more intellectual. I think, I I don't want

0:32:31.000 --> 0:32:33.680
<v Speaker 1>to sound autistic as shit, but it's just like I

0:32:33.840 --> 0:32:40.440
<v Speaker 1>try to function entirely like intellectually, and I just forget that,

0:32:40.640 --> 0:32:44.880
<v Speaker 1>like I have feelings, and like when I have feelings

0:32:44.880 --> 0:32:51.520
<v Speaker 1>that counteract what I know, I just I preamble.

0:32:52.240 --> 0:32:54.880
<v Speaker 2>So so John, I mean so okay. So just to

0:32:54.920 --> 0:32:59.040
<v Speaker 2>go back to, like you felt an investment in this

0:32:59.080 --> 0:33:01.320
<v Speaker 2>woman because you've like it would compel you to get

0:33:01.360 --> 0:33:11.640
<v Speaker 2>your ship together. Yeah, listen, men, here's the thing. I'm

0:33:11.840 --> 0:33:15.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm no addiction specialists. I'm not a I'm a dude

0:33:15.120 --> 0:33:18.560
<v Speaker 2>in a Gecko costume. I don't know anything about any

0:33:18.560 --> 0:33:21.720
<v Speaker 2>of this ship, about the psychology of it, I don't,

0:33:23.160 --> 0:33:28.840
<v Speaker 2>but I have a pretty solid gander of the idea.

0:33:29.800 --> 0:33:34.520
<v Speaker 2>And by the way, I have no uh master and

0:33:34.680 --> 0:33:40.600
<v Speaker 2>understanding this concept. I'm really not, but I know it's there,

0:33:41.640 --> 0:33:43.880
<v Speaker 2>and I know it's proven itself to be there time

0:33:43.920 --> 0:33:46.840
<v Speaker 2>and time again in my own life. And I'm sure

0:33:46.880 --> 0:33:51.320
<v Speaker 2>everyone knows what I'm talking about. But the getting your

0:33:51.360 --> 0:33:54.280
<v Speaker 2>You're never You're never going to be compelled to get

0:33:54.280 --> 0:34:00.280
<v Speaker 2>your ship. Relying on other people to get your shit

0:34:00.400 --> 0:34:08.400
<v Speaker 2>together is it's not going to work, even if they're great,

0:34:08.719 --> 0:34:11.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, I mean, other people can be helpful, but

0:34:11.320 --> 0:34:16.640
<v Speaker 2>the end of the day, you know, you're responsible for

0:34:16.760 --> 0:34:23.239
<v Speaker 2>like solving your own problems and so and so all

0:34:23.239 --> 0:34:27.239
<v Speaker 2>this stuff. And I think all this stuff is good

0:34:27.840 --> 0:34:32.440
<v Speaker 2>because it puts the agency back in your hands. And

0:34:32.520 --> 0:34:35.200
<v Speaker 2>I hope you understand that, and I hope you feel

0:34:35.239 --> 0:34:38.640
<v Speaker 2>empowered by that because the agency is back in your hands. Right,

0:34:39.160 --> 0:34:42.440
<v Speaker 2>nothing that this woman has said or done to you

0:34:46.200 --> 0:34:49.280
<v Speaker 2>can stop you from getting your own life together.

0:34:50.560 --> 0:34:53.560
<v Speaker 1>You know, right, You're right, and you.

0:34:53.520 --> 0:34:57.600
<v Speaker 2>Should feel really good about having that agency in your

0:34:57.640 --> 0:35:02.359
<v Speaker 2>in your hands. You should feel happy about that, and

0:35:02.400 --> 0:35:04.120
<v Speaker 2>you should feel optimistic about that.

0:35:07.000 --> 0:35:12.839
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, do you know I I don't know.

0:35:14.239 --> 0:35:17.480
<v Speaker 2>Let me ask you this, and well, how often are

0:35:17.520 --> 0:35:19.560
<v Speaker 2>you drinking these days? And by the way, I don't

0:35:19.600 --> 0:35:22.759
<v Speaker 2>know shit about alcoholism and all this stuff, but I'm

0:35:22.800 --> 0:35:24.600
<v Speaker 2>down to talk talk it through with you a little bit.

0:35:24.680 --> 0:35:27.480
<v Speaker 2>How often are you drinking? I?

0:35:27.760 --> 0:35:29.439
<v Speaker 1>Uh, every other day.

0:35:30.560 --> 0:35:35.759
<v Speaker 2>You ever been to a A? No, You've never been

0:35:35.760 --> 0:35:36.080
<v Speaker 2>to a.

0:35:37.640 --> 0:35:37.680
<v Speaker 1>No?

0:35:41.640 --> 0:35:46.520
<v Speaker 2>She got a A I've been to. I've been to

0:35:47.960 --> 0:35:51.360
<v Speaker 2>I've been to o A before. I've been to a

0:35:51.400 --> 0:35:59.120
<v Speaker 2>few a's and there, there's there, there, there, they're good stuff.

0:35:59.160 --> 0:36:00.200
<v Speaker 2>You should give it a try.

0:36:02.200 --> 0:36:04.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I just always been kind of weary about the

0:36:06.360 --> 0:36:07.319
<v Speaker 1>like cult tea.

0:36:07.880 --> 0:36:09.920
<v Speaker 2>No, no, no, no, no, it's really it's really I'm

0:36:09.960 --> 0:36:16.279
<v Speaker 2>not fucking religious. No, it's uh, it's not particularly it's

0:36:16.320 --> 0:36:19.439
<v Speaker 2>not like religious or anything. It's really just a room

0:36:19.520 --> 0:36:21.719
<v Speaker 2>full of people who have the same problem as you,

0:36:23.040 --> 0:36:24.600
<v Speaker 2>which is incredibly helpful.

0:36:28.520 --> 0:36:31.840
<v Speaker 1>No, man, No, I'm sorry. I know I've dragged on

0:36:32.400 --> 0:36:34.160
<v Speaker 1>my call for way too long.

0:36:34.600 --> 0:36:37.359
<v Speaker 2>John, You're all good. If I wanted to hang up

0:36:37.360 --> 0:36:39.800
<v Speaker 2>on you, I would have. But I've been enjoying talking

0:36:39.800 --> 0:36:40.800
<v Speaker 2>to you about this stuff.

0:36:42.320 --> 0:36:46.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well, thank you. Before I go, can I tell

0:36:47.200 --> 0:36:50.120
<v Speaker 1>a mildly inappropriate story from the army?

0:36:51.520 --> 0:36:55.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I guess I just before you do that. I

0:36:55.160 --> 0:36:56.920
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, man. I know I'm not a real therapist,

0:36:57.000 --> 0:36:58.920
<v Speaker 2>and I know that one phone call is not going

0:36:59.000 --> 0:37:02.080
<v Speaker 2>to change your life. But yeah, dude, is there any

0:37:03.800 --> 0:37:07.439
<v Speaker 2>thing else in this situation that you wanted to talk

0:37:07.480 --> 0:37:11.560
<v Speaker 2>through or any other way? Like I can. I can

0:37:11.200 --> 0:37:14.359
<v Speaker 2>as another human being on the earth, I can can

0:37:14.400 --> 0:37:15.920
<v Speaker 2>be helpful to you over the phone.

0:37:17.239 --> 0:37:20.120
<v Speaker 1>There's an additional aspect to this story that I don't

0:37:20.160 --> 0:37:27.160
<v Speaker 1>feel comfortable talking about, like a live stream. Uh. I'll

0:37:27.239 --> 0:37:32.120
<v Speaker 1>let you take that as you will. And that was

0:37:32.400 --> 0:37:37.920
<v Speaker 1>in conjunction with that woman. She trauma dumped on me,

0:37:38.440 --> 0:37:43.239
<v Speaker 1>I trauma dumped on her. I'll let you guess what

0:37:43.400 --> 0:37:50.280
<v Speaker 1>I dumped on her because I didn't mention it. I

0:37:50.320 --> 0:37:56.160
<v Speaker 1>am mostly okay now, mainly because my mother is dead.

0:37:59.520 --> 0:38:07.640
<v Speaker 1>So I h that was like a lot of release

0:38:07.760 --> 0:38:21.360
<v Speaker 1>of tension. Beyond that, Uh, I don't know, you know, would.

0:38:21.160 --> 0:38:22.920
<v Speaker 2>You and I'll want I don't want to. I don't

0:38:22.920 --> 0:38:26.480
<v Speaker 2>want to keep bothering you. I really don't. I have

0:38:26.520 --> 0:38:27.759
<v Speaker 2>a lot of by the way, I just want I

0:38:27.800 --> 0:38:31.920
<v Speaker 2>want you to know. I I tying back into the

0:38:31.920 --> 0:38:34.759
<v Speaker 2>theme of of of or I made one of the

0:38:34.760 --> 0:38:38.400
<v Speaker 2>themes of this whole call is I appreciate you being uh,

0:38:38.960 --> 0:38:42.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, open and honest and vulnerable about all this stuff.

0:38:42.120 --> 0:38:43.680
<v Speaker 2>And I don't think you should stop doing that, and

0:38:43.719 --> 0:38:46.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't think you should feel shamed for doing that.

0:38:46.920 --> 0:38:48.200
<v Speaker 2>But I want to ask you this, and I won't

0:38:48.239 --> 0:38:51.600
<v Speaker 2>bother you again about it, but I would you consider,

0:38:52.600 --> 0:38:56.319
<v Speaker 2>you know, seeing a specialist of some kind or at

0:38:56.360 --> 0:39:00.200
<v Speaker 2>least going to AA or doing making some kind of

0:39:01.040 --> 0:39:03.160
<v Speaker 2>you saw a specialist, I.

0:39:03.600 --> 0:39:08.239
<v Speaker 1>Saw a specialist. I saw like four while I was

0:39:08.280 --> 0:39:15.239
<v Speaker 1>in the army. The only guy that actually helped me

0:39:15.280 --> 0:39:21.480
<v Speaker 1>out at all was a dude that he admitted to

0:39:21.600 --> 0:39:26.600
<v Speaker 1>doing acid to me and his no like he was

0:39:26.600 --> 0:39:30.640
<v Speaker 1>a therapist, and he was like, I've done acid, and

0:39:30.920 --> 0:39:36.520
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I've done acid too, and we talked

0:39:36.560 --> 0:39:41.960
<v Speaker 1>about it at length, and we just talked about being

0:39:42.000 --> 0:39:46.960
<v Speaker 1>on acid for entire first like meeting, and then I

0:39:47.000 --> 0:39:48.680
<v Speaker 1>trusted him entirely after that.

0:39:50.480 --> 0:39:52.480
<v Speaker 2>Was he helpful in helping you with the alcohol?

0:39:55.239 --> 0:40:00.319
<v Speaker 1>It was actually less extreme at that point. And I

0:40:00.440 --> 0:40:03.400
<v Speaker 1>wasn't open about my alcoholism while I was in the

0:40:03.520 --> 0:40:08.920
<v Speaker 1>army because being open about alcoholism in the army, I

0:40:09.440 --> 0:40:12.120
<v Speaker 1>had a clearance. I don't want to say what kind,

0:40:13.160 --> 0:40:17.360
<v Speaker 1>But if I had even mentioned having an out like

0:40:17.440 --> 0:40:23.280
<v Speaker 1>a clearance in mentioning alcoholism, I would have lost my job.

0:40:24.360 --> 0:40:26.200
<v Speaker 1>So I never talked about it.

0:40:29.080 --> 0:40:35.600
<v Speaker 2>So well, I'm rooting for you, man, whatever you decide

0:40:35.600 --> 0:40:36.600
<v Speaker 2>to do, I'm rooting for you.

0:40:38.440 --> 0:40:44.279
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well I don't know. I well, thanks man. I

0:40:44.320 --> 0:40:47.839
<v Speaker 1>know I probably took up a significant amount of your

0:40:49.480 --> 0:40:50.480
<v Speaker 1>podcast time.

0:40:50.920 --> 0:40:53.040
<v Speaker 2>No, I don't go to fuck What was anyone else

0:40:53.080 --> 0:40:56.400
<v Speaker 2>going to talk about? You know, someone is your I

0:40:56.400 --> 0:40:59.959
<v Speaker 2>would rather listen to you than someone telling me about,

0:41:00.160 --> 0:41:02.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, pooping their pants for the thirtieth fucking time.

0:41:02.760 --> 0:41:08.080
<v Speaker 2>So your no apologies necessary? Did you wanted to tell

0:41:08.080 --> 0:41:09.759
<v Speaker 2>a story? Real quick before we go.

0:41:10.960 --> 0:41:14.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's mildly inappropriate. You can just hang up on

0:41:14.280 --> 0:41:21.000
<v Speaker 1>me if like it's nothing gory or violent. It's funny

0:41:21.400 --> 0:41:29.840
<v Speaker 1>and shameful. When I was in the Army, I was

0:41:29.880 --> 0:41:34.080
<v Speaker 1>an officers driver. I was twenty years old, and I

0:41:34.280 --> 0:41:40.120
<v Speaker 1>was driving this captain around like for three weeks straight.

0:41:41.080 --> 0:41:48.880
<v Speaker 1>I was never out of sight, and I eventually, after

0:41:48.960 --> 0:41:57.200
<v Speaker 1>two weeks, being a new bial twenty year old, my

0:41:57.360 --> 0:42:01.640
<v Speaker 1>ball started to hurt really fucking from like lack of

0:42:01.800 --> 0:42:07.959
<v Speaker 1>use and driving a humby because I had barely any

0:42:07.960 --> 0:42:12.000
<v Speaker 1>cushioning and I was sitting down all the time. It

0:42:12.000 --> 0:42:15.480
<v Speaker 1>st me if I'm going in a weird direction. It

0:42:15.640 --> 0:42:17.400
<v Speaker 1>was just this funny anonymous story.

0:42:17.440 --> 0:42:19.719
<v Speaker 2>I go ahead and finish.

0:42:21.280 --> 0:42:27.479
<v Speaker 1>So I decide that I had I had to jerk

0:42:27.600 --> 0:42:32.400
<v Speaker 1>off Like it wasn't a matter of like pleasure, it

0:42:32.480 --> 0:42:36.400
<v Speaker 1>was like a biological necessity because it hurts so fucking bad.

0:42:37.200 --> 0:42:39.680
<v Speaker 1>So I elived at this captain. I told him I

0:42:39.719 --> 0:42:43.040
<v Speaker 1>was going to go take a shit behind a sand dune.

0:42:43.440 --> 0:42:47.680
<v Speaker 1>In reality, I walked out like two hundred meters and

0:42:47.760 --> 0:42:51.480
<v Speaker 1>I walked out behind the sand dune in the deserts

0:42:51.480 --> 0:42:55.560
<v Speaker 1>of El Paso and I sat down and found this

0:42:55.680 --> 0:43:01.160
<v Speaker 1>perfect shrine of sin and rubbed the one out. I

0:43:01.280 --> 0:43:04.440
<v Speaker 1>squose my hog, and as soon as I was done,

0:43:05.360 --> 0:43:10.680
<v Speaker 1>the sound registered to me like a fucking lawnmower. And

0:43:10.760 --> 0:43:14.160
<v Speaker 1>I pull up my trousers real quick, and I do

0:43:14.280 --> 0:43:18.120
<v Speaker 1>a three sixty in search of the sound, to no avail.

0:43:19.480 --> 0:43:24.759
<v Speaker 1>I can't find it. I give up, and I go

0:43:24.880 --> 0:43:28.600
<v Speaker 1>back to my little coum throne and I sit back down.

0:43:29.239 --> 0:43:33.280
<v Speaker 1>And I sit down. I look up. There's a quad

0:43:33.360 --> 0:43:36.759
<v Speaker 1>copter up there with its camera pointed directly at me.

0:43:38.960 --> 0:43:46.120
<v Speaker 1>So somewhere in the government archives it's a drone video

0:43:46.280 --> 0:43:51.040
<v Speaker 1>of me jacking off in the middle of the desert.

0:43:55.400 --> 0:44:01.000
<v Speaker 2>John, I think I think you should write a memoir. Man.

0:44:03.640 --> 0:44:12.560
<v Speaker 1>Well, thank you. I hope that story wasn't too inappropriate.

0:44:15.200 --> 0:44:17.600
<v Speaker 2>No, that story was perfect. Thank you for sharing that.

0:44:19.200 --> 0:44:22.239
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Well, thank you for your time. This is my

0:44:22.320 --> 0:44:28.239
<v Speaker 1>first time tuning into one of your streams. I hope

0:44:28.280 --> 0:44:29.799
<v Speaker 1>you have a good rest of your day.

0:44:30.560 --> 0:44:32.279
<v Speaker 2>You too, Man, I'm sorry I yelled at you in

0:44:32.320 --> 0:44:33.120
<v Speaker 2>the chat earlier.

0:44:34.120 --> 0:44:36.880
<v Speaker 1>No, it's fine, I criticize you. It's okay.

0:44:38.560 --> 0:44:39.719
<v Speaker 2>Take care John, and good luck.

0:44:41.000 --> 0:44:46.120
<v Speaker 1>All right, have a good one.

0:44:45.680 --> 0:44:48.040
<v Speaker 2>Man, tricking off in the middle of the desert. Huh.

0:44:48.200 --> 0:44:50.360
<v Speaker 2>I've tripped off in the middle of a field before,

0:44:52.000 --> 0:44:59.160
<v Speaker 2>but never a desert. Maybe I should try that. I

0:44:58.520 --> 0:45:01.399
<v Speaker 2>hope I hope that after that forty five minute phone call,

0:45:01.440 --> 0:45:03.399
<v Speaker 2>that's not what I that's not like the only thing

0:45:03.480 --> 0:45:11.360
<v Speaker 2>that I picked up, you know. I would hope I

0:45:11.400 --> 0:45:15.560
<v Speaker 2>would hope that I thought about. I would hope I

0:45:15.600 --> 0:45:18.080
<v Speaker 2>got better takeaways from that phone call. I would hope

0:45:18.160 --> 0:45:23.200
<v Speaker 2>we all got better takeaways from that phone call. Then

0:45:23.480 --> 0:45:26.520
<v Speaker 2>I should jerk off in the desert. But you know what,

0:45:26.560 --> 0:45:34.120
<v Speaker 2>if that's all you got, that's fine too. Hello, Hey,

0:45:34.160 --> 0:45:34.600
<v Speaker 2>what's up?

0:45:35.440 --> 0:45:36.879
<v Speaker 3>Oh Hey, how's it going?

0:45:36.960 --> 0:45:41.680
<v Speaker 2>I want I call you John? John? Hey, John, would

0:45:41.680 --> 0:45:44.800
<v Speaker 2>you want to would you want to talk about today? Dog?

0:45:45.080 --> 0:45:48.600
<v Speaker 3>Yeah? So I wrote, I've uh, you know, I've done,

0:45:48.880 --> 0:45:50.520
<v Speaker 3>you know, some drugs here and there in my life,

0:45:50.520 --> 0:45:53.160
<v Speaker 3>and you know, I pretty much got past the heavy

0:45:53.160 --> 0:45:55.479
<v Speaker 3>phase and all that stuff, and I'm you know, older now,

0:45:56.440 --> 0:45:59.400
<v Speaker 3>but occasionally, I, you know, look online and get some

0:45:59.400 --> 0:46:03.120
<v Speaker 3>something different and I don't know what came over me,

0:46:03.200 --> 0:46:09.880
<v Speaker 3>but I decided to try steroids and uh, just on

0:46:09.920 --> 0:46:15.839
<v Speaker 3>a whim. So they're like, it's a mild one. It's oral,

0:46:16.840 --> 0:46:19.960
<v Speaker 3>and I started taking it five days ago. I don't

0:46:20.000 --> 0:46:22.319
<v Speaker 3>work out, I eat junk food, I drink too much

0:46:23.239 --> 0:46:25.480
<v Speaker 3>just to see what would happen? Is that weird? Like

0:46:25.520 --> 0:46:27.960
<v Speaker 3>I'm wondering, like should I be concerned?

0:46:29.440 --> 0:46:32.000
<v Speaker 2>You started taking steroids just for no reason?

0:46:33.800 --> 0:46:37.520
<v Speaker 3>Kind of yeah, Like, well I will I get kind

0:46:37.560 --> 0:46:40.080
<v Speaker 3>of kind of ripped or whatever just by doing nothing

0:46:40.120 --> 0:46:40.759
<v Speaker 3>and sitting around.

0:46:42.000 --> 0:46:42.640
<v Speaker 2>Did that work?

0:46:44.040 --> 0:46:48.360
<v Speaker 3>It's only been like five days, and honestly, like I

0:46:48.400 --> 0:46:53.240
<v Speaker 3>can feel like a difference for sure, But uh uh,

0:46:53.280 --> 0:46:55.120
<v Speaker 3>it's not like super visible or anything.

0:46:59.160 --> 0:47:03.160
<v Speaker 2>Do you anticipate any side effects to doing this?

0:47:04.640 --> 0:47:06.439
<v Speaker 3>I mean I've read about some you know, you can

0:47:06.640 --> 0:47:11.160
<v Speaker 3>you know that can you know your your your balls

0:47:11.160 --> 0:47:15.000
<v Speaker 3>can get small? You can you know like have a

0:47:18.120 --> 0:47:21.480
<v Speaker 3>you know, get angry or whatever. But you know, I

0:47:21.520 --> 0:47:22.400
<v Speaker 3>haven't noticed anything.

0:47:24.800 --> 0:47:26.359
<v Speaker 2>How long do you intend to do.

0:47:26.280 --> 0:47:28.760
<v Speaker 3>This for thirty days?

0:47:29.760 --> 0:47:31.160
<v Speaker 2>Why did you pick thirty days?

0:47:31.880 --> 0:47:33.719
<v Speaker 3>I looked online. I guess some people do it for

0:47:33.760 --> 0:47:35.560
<v Speaker 3>a while and then they stop. Like if you just

0:47:35.640 --> 0:47:37.839
<v Speaker 3>do this all the time, it can be really fucked up.

0:47:37.880 --> 0:47:43.920
<v Speaker 3>So I'm just gonna give it a little shot.

0:47:46.920 --> 0:47:49.520
<v Speaker 2>Okay, do you are you afraid of anything that might

0:47:49.560 --> 0:47:51.600
<v Speaker 2>happen to your body as a result of this test.

0:47:52.560 --> 0:47:54.320
<v Speaker 3>I'm not too afraid. I was just kind of wondering

0:47:54.320 --> 0:47:57.200
<v Speaker 3>if you were a chat new of like anything else,

0:47:57.200 --> 0:48:00.239
<v Speaker 3>because I'm not too scared, but like, shit, like, it's

0:48:00.320 --> 0:48:02.000
<v Speaker 3>kind of weird if.

0:48:01.840 --> 0:48:04.680
<v Speaker 2>You're asking you're asking me a get on the internet,

0:48:04.719 --> 0:48:07.960
<v Speaker 2>if I know about any health negative health effects that

0:48:08.040 --> 0:48:10.560
<v Speaker 2>might come as a result of you taking steroids from No.

0:48:11.680 --> 0:48:14.160
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and fair enough, I'm not shooting like you know,

0:48:14.239 --> 0:48:16.239
<v Speaker 3>that's like I draw a hard line there, but like

0:48:16.320 --> 0:48:25.360
<v Speaker 3>you are doing mild mild mild oral steroids.

0:48:25.000 --> 0:48:31.080
<v Speaker 2>Okay, yeah, I mean probably. I mean if you asked

0:48:31.080 --> 0:48:33.440
<v Speaker 2>me my professional opinion, I would say that's probably not

0:48:33.480 --> 0:48:38.319
<v Speaker 2>a good idea to do that. I mean, yeah, though,

0:48:38.320 --> 0:48:41.120
<v Speaker 2>this is uh, this might be one of the stupidest

0:48:41.160 --> 0:48:41.960
<v Speaker 2>things I've ever heard.

0:48:46.000 --> 0:48:47.160
<v Speaker 1>Drink that's pretty funny.

0:48:47.360 --> 0:48:49.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, this might be one of the stupid and and

0:48:49.560 --> 0:48:51.479
<v Speaker 2>you know me, I've heard a lot of stupid things,

0:48:51.520 --> 0:48:53.680
<v Speaker 2>and this is up there the stupidest things I've ever heard.

0:48:53.880 --> 0:48:59.440
<v Speaker 2>Why are you doing this? It's you text the me no, no, no,

0:48:59.520 --> 0:49:02.440
<v Speaker 2>hold on, ask me that you texted me. You said

0:49:03.080 --> 0:49:05.960
<v Speaker 2>I started taking steroids because I thought it would be funny.

0:49:08.080 --> 0:49:10.200
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I just like, you know what happens if

0:49:10.200 --> 0:49:12.560
<v Speaker 3>you do nothing. You just keep like, you know, being

0:49:12.640 --> 0:49:14.920
<v Speaker 3>kind of a piece of shit and like eating whatever,

0:49:15.120 --> 0:49:17.160
<v Speaker 3>and like would it make an effect? Like would it

0:49:17.200 --> 0:49:18.239
<v Speaker 3>have a difference? I don't know.

0:49:18.719 --> 0:49:20.600
<v Speaker 2>This is so dumb. Okay, this is the dumbest thing

0:49:20.600 --> 0:49:22.239
<v Speaker 2>of her. So you're just trying to get it. You're

0:49:22.239 --> 0:49:24.280
<v Speaker 2>trying to get in shape. You're trying to change your body,

0:49:24.280 --> 0:49:26.480
<v Speaker 2>trying to lose weight and get in shape.

0:49:28.800 --> 0:49:30.200
<v Speaker 1>Just to see if it would make an effect.

0:49:30.200 --> 0:49:32.720
<v Speaker 2>I guess yeah, yeah, okay, but it's gonna make an effect.

0:49:32.800 --> 0:49:35.120
<v Speaker 2>It's gonna make your dick smaller, it's gonna make you irritable.

0:49:36.160 --> 0:49:39.319
<v Speaker 2>It's gonna be bad. Why don't you just why don't

0:49:39.360 --> 0:49:42.560
<v Speaker 2>you fucking just eat some lettuce and go to the

0:49:42.600 --> 0:49:45.520
<v Speaker 2>gym instead of taking steroids for no reason?

0:49:46.440 --> 0:49:48.000
<v Speaker 3>That's probably a much better idea.

0:49:48.160 --> 0:49:51.239
<v Speaker 2>Fair enough, don't do the thirty day? Are you gonna

0:49:51.239 --> 0:49:52.719
<v Speaker 2>do the thirty days?

0:49:53.360 --> 0:49:54.719
<v Speaker 3>You got me second guessing it?

0:49:55.000 --> 0:49:57.960
<v Speaker 2>Okay, good, So I'm glad that I've achieved the effect

0:49:58.040 --> 0:50:08.960
<v Speaker 2>for you. Yeah, okay, what is that? Jesus Christ? Uh,

0:50:09.080 --> 0:50:11.279
<v Speaker 2>you don't do it? I do it? Why not see

0:50:11.320 --> 0:50:13.719
<v Speaker 2>what happens be a human guinea pig.

0:50:18.040 --> 0:50:21.160
<v Speaker 3>Oh you know what? All right? You know you got

0:50:21.160 --> 0:50:22.520
<v Speaker 3>me there? Okay, yeah, you know we'll be bad.

0:50:22.560 --> 0:50:28.160
<v Speaker 2>Well, okay, good Jesus Christ. What's what's John? John?

0:50:28.640 --> 0:50:28.839
<v Speaker 1>Oh?

0:50:28.960 --> 0:50:29.160
<v Speaker 2>Man?

0:50:29.560 --> 0:50:29.799
<v Speaker 1>Uh?

0:50:29.880 --> 0:50:31.319
<v Speaker 2>Where do you even where do you even get these

0:50:31.360 --> 0:50:32.200
<v Speaker 2>steroids from?

0:50:33.440 --> 0:50:33.640
<v Speaker 1>Oh?

0:50:33.800 --> 0:50:36.600
<v Speaker 3>You know the people that you take. Chad knows where

0:50:36.600 --> 0:50:39.560
<v Speaker 3>they get whatever you'd name and you know where it's at.

0:50:41.360 --> 0:50:46.040
<v Speaker 2>Well, John, Okay, if this phone call has resulted in

0:50:46.080 --> 0:50:49.319
<v Speaker 2>you not doing this, I'm I'm happy, Uh that we

0:50:49.520 --> 0:50:52.560
<v Speaker 2>that we did it?

0:50:52.680 --> 0:50:55.279
<v Speaker 3>Excellent? Well, it very well? May so?

0:50:55.360 --> 0:50:56.480
<v Speaker 2>An think I just want to say to the people

0:50:56.480 --> 0:51:00.879
<v Speaker 2>of the computer before we go, I'll bellow I love

0:51:00.920 --> 0:51:04.000
<v Speaker 2>you too. And I don't say that very often because

0:51:04.280 --> 0:51:06.640
<v Speaker 2>it feels weird, but I'll say it to you if

0:51:06.640 --> 0:51:08.719
<v Speaker 2>it will get you to stop doing the stupidest thing

0:51:08.719 --> 0:51:09.839
<v Speaker 2>I've ever heard of anyone doing.

0:51:10.760 --> 0:51:13.960
<v Speaker 3>Sir, I'm glad that I've reached some kind of peak

0:51:14.000 --> 0:51:14.239
<v Speaker 3>for you.

0:51:15.000 --> 0:51:21.320
<v Speaker 2>Take care, man, you took goes on the line taking

0:51:21.320 --> 0:51:22.839
<v Speaker 2>your phone calls every night.

0:51:23.239 --> 0:51:26.319
<v Speaker 1>Every Beacond goes to his eye. He's teaching you loud

0:51:26.360 --> 0:51:29.920
<v Speaker 1>in memory life. He's not really an expert