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Speaker 1: Hello.

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Speaker 2: Hi. What's your name?

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Speaker 1: My name is John.

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Speaker 2: What's up John? How's life?

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Speaker 1: I'm living the dream? How are you doing? Gek Oh?

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Speaker 2: What's the dream?

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Speaker 1: Oh? I'm I'm studying geology right now. I used to

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Speaker 1: be in the US Army and I get paid to,

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Speaker 1: uh look at rocks.

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Speaker 2: Has that always been your dream? To look at rocks?

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Speaker 1: Uh? No, not really, just the preface, And I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be rude. I was esoteric Bush in the chat,

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Speaker 1: which you might have noticed. I have seen many of

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Speaker 1: your edited podcasts, but this was the first live stream

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Speaker 1: that I uh called into and I wanted to talk

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Speaker 1: to you.

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Speaker 2: For those who are currently listening to the edited podcast

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Speaker 2: to give some context. And I don't actually remember why,

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Speaker 2: but I yelled at you in the chat. You chatted something,

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Speaker 2: and I yelled at you for what you chatted something.

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Speaker 1: I said something to the effect of you sound like

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Speaker 1: you're saying something that you're actually saying about yourself.

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Speaker 2: Oh. I don't know why I was lying to you.

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Speaker 2: I don't know why I yelled at you, but we

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Speaker 2: can we can move that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I apologize, and I I meant no offense. I

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Speaker 1: this is my first live stream. I I wanted to

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Speaker 1: talk to you about a couple of things, mainly substance abuse,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted to tell a story.

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Speaker 2: Okay, do you want to tell the story first, or

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Speaker 2: is the substance abuse related to that.

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Speaker 1: I think the substance abuse is preliminary to the story.

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Speaker 1: Growing up, my mother was a hoarder and she was

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Speaker 1: very neglectful of me. My father was around, but he

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Speaker 1: worked twelve hour shifts. He was never around. And starting

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Speaker 1: around the age of twelve or thirteen, she started giving

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Speaker 1: me hydrocodone unprompted. She would just like put a pill

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Speaker 1: in my hand and tell me to take it. And

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Speaker 1: that went on for a few months, and after a

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Speaker 1: while I became physically addicted to it. And she would

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Speaker 1: entice me to do chores around the house by saying,

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Speaker 1: if you do this, I'll give you a hydro. This

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Speaker 1: worked the way up to oxy cotton. She started giving

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Speaker 1: me oxyes around the age of sixteen. I remember I

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Speaker 1: would dig through her bag and she had like three

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Speaker 1: bags that she constantly carried with her. She had like

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Speaker 1: two purses in her medicine bag. She had a bag

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Speaker 1: full of medicine, and she entrusted me with the medicine

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Speaker 1: bag because she had never caught me going through it.

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Speaker 1: She had caught my father going through it, because she

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Speaker 1: would do the same thing to my father and let

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Speaker 1: me know, if I'm going.

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Speaker 2: On too long, just say whatever you want.

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Speaker 1: So I became heavily addicted to opiates at a like

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Speaker 1: mid teenagers age. I started stealing them from her and

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Speaker 1: dealing them at my high school. That's the thing I'm

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Speaker 1: actually least proud about. I only did that twice, and

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Speaker 1: eventually one day I owed the I didn't die. It

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Speaker 1: was a mild od and I remember thinking that I

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Speaker 1: was about to die, and I was cool with it,

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Speaker 1: like I wasn't worried. I was like, yeah, I'm about

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Speaker 1: to die, that's fine. And then I woke up. That's

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Speaker 1: when I swore off opiates. I didn't let her give

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Speaker 1: me any more opiates after that, I refuse them. I

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Speaker 1: had sears after that. I started smoking Kobe's amounts of

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Speaker 1: weed at the age of eighteen. It was about three

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Speaker 1: months after I turned eighteen. I moved in with my

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Speaker 1: older half brother. He was nineteen years old when I

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Speaker 1: was born. My mother was forty one when she had me.

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Speaker 1: I moved in with him He was also abusive, albeit

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Speaker 1: less so and in a different way. He was more

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Speaker 1: so physically abusive, and I was the only other really

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Speaker 1: male in the household that posed any threat to him,

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Speaker 1: and he would antagonize me. Fortunately I was bigger than him,

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Speaker 1: so it was more so just depressing and stressful. I

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Speaker 1: moved back to my hometown in Louisiana at the age

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Speaker 1: of nineteen, stayed there for six months, joined the army.

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Speaker 1: I was in the Army for four years, and I

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Speaker 1: became an alcoholic there. I became an alcoholic because that's

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Speaker 1: just what you do in the army. I remember I

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Speaker 1: had a military ball where I was on flag duty,

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Speaker 1: flag guard, color guard, excuse me, it was color guard,

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Speaker 1: and I was holding the American colors and I was

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Speaker 1: so drunk on returning the colors that I stabbed the

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Speaker 1: spade of the American colors into the sea feeling above,

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Speaker 1: and we had dry wall rained down upon us, and

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Speaker 1: everybody just laughed because they thought I was just a mistake,

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Speaker 1: but it was actually because I was drunk. Ever since then,

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Speaker 1: I've struggled with alcoholism. There was a time where I

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Speaker 1: was prescribed opiates when I was in the army. I

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Speaker 1: took some and I remember the way that I felt,

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Speaker 1: and I flushed the rest down the toilet, which I

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Speaker 1: know is not good practice, but it was just immediate.

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Speaker 1: It was an immediate reaction. Continuing onwards, I am studying

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Speaker 1: college right now. This is my last semester, and I mean,

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Speaker 1: I guess the main impetus for this story is I

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Speaker 1: had been single for four years at the age of

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Speaker 1: twenty six. I had a girlfriend, a long term girlfriend

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Speaker 1: in the army. Actually, I had a fiancee in the

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Speaker 1: army that i'd been with for a year and a half.

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Speaker 1: We broke up because their family didn't like me and

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Speaker 1: I was an alcoholic. I had a long term girlfriend,

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Speaker 1: two year long girlfriend, whom we broke up with, less

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Speaker 1: because of my alcoholism and more because we moved apart.

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Speaker 1: I was actually in a good place at that time.

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Speaker 1: I went to college and for some reason I started

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Speaker 1: freaking to an extreme amount because my very second semester

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Speaker 1: was when COVID began. I started college and the fall

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Speaker 1: semester of twenty nineteen, and then COVID began in March

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Speaker 1: of twenty twenty, so on and so forth. I've been

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Speaker 1: single up until that time. I met a woman that

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Speaker 1: had been ten years older than me on discord on

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Speaker 1: a comedy server that I was absolutely smitten with. And

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Speaker 1: this had nothing to do with them.

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Speaker 2: What kind of comedy server, comedy podcast server?

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Speaker 1: Okay, I don't want to be too specific.

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Speaker 2: That's right, all right? So you met this woman on the.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and this this is all leading up to, like

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Speaker 1: basically the most embarrassing moment in my life. I uh,

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Speaker 1: I met this woman on a comedy discord server podcast

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Speaker 1: discord server, and I flew out to California to go

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Speaker 1: meet her. And the first two days when outstanding. We

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Speaker 1: were talking about getting married and this this is way

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Speaker 1: too soon, but it was.

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Speaker 2: How long had you how long had you been talking?

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Speaker 2: How long had you been talking with this woman before

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Speaker 2: you two met?

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Speaker 1: About a year? Okay, it was it was stupid. It

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Speaker 1: was no, I admit it was very, very stupid, and

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Speaker 1: it was foolish on my part. But here's the kicker.

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Speaker 1: On the third day, when I was supposed to wake

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Speaker 1: up early to take an uber to the airport, I

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Speaker 1: woke up and there was sun beaming in through the

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Speaker 1: uh like the blinds, and I immediately knew I fucked up.

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Speaker 1: And it was too late. I checked my phone. It

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Speaker 1: was five thirty. Uh five thirty was the exact minute

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Speaker 1: my flight took off. And then I noticed something. I

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Speaker 1: had been drinking bud light with her the night prior,

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Speaker 1: and I was wet and I realized I had pissed myself.

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Speaker 1: I pissed myself and I I found her awaken her

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Speaker 1: guest room. She was furious at me, and I spent

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Speaker 1: the rest of the day trying to make amends. I

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Speaker 1: cleaned everything up, I uh, I tried to make her dinner.

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Speaker 1: I tried to do everything I could good and she

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Speaker 1: told me after I had basically fixed everything, and she

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Speaker 1: said that she was okay with me, and I kind

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Speaker 1: of buried the lead. The night prior, I I made

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Speaker 1: a she like trauma dumped on me, and then I

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Speaker 1: trauma dumped on her and I cried in front of her,

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Speaker 1: and she told me that she could never be with

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Speaker 1: me because I cried in front of her. So simultaneously

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Speaker 1: I'm asking, like, how do I deal with substance abuse

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Speaker 1: and how do I handle like a statement like that,

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Speaker 1: Like I I don't know what to think about it,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know how much I know. I have

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Speaker 1: some no large amount of guilt because I fucked a

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Speaker 1: lot of things up. But her main point wasn't that

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Speaker 1: I got too drunk. It was that I cried in

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Speaker 1: front of her. Was sorry, I know that's a lot.

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Speaker 2: Hey man, you're all good, You're all good, all right,

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Speaker 2: all right, this was this the first time you'd gotten

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Speaker 2: drunk in a long time.

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Speaker 1: At that time, yeah, yeah, I had been sober for

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Speaker 1: a while. I remember she picked me up from the

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Speaker 1: airport and the very first thing that we did was

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Speaker 1: we went to a Trader Joe's because I said that

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Speaker 1: I wanted to cook for her. I wanted to make

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Speaker 1: her Jambaliah. And she knew I had been sober for

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Speaker 1: a while. And I immediately saw while I was there

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Speaker 1: that she bought like whiskey and like cut water, Marguerita cutwater.

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Speaker 1: And I was nervous about it. And we got there

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Speaker 1: and she said like, like, you're on vacation, let loose.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not blaming her, because ultimately it was my

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Speaker 1: own inability to remain sober.

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Speaker 3: But I.

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Speaker 1: Just thought, I'm gonna have a good time. And then

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Speaker 1: I I didn't realize how much of my tolerance I

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Speaker 1: had lost, and.

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Speaker 3: I was an idiot, How long goes this?

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Speaker 1: This was in May of last year?

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Speaker 2: May have last year? Okay, so May twenty.

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Speaker 1: Two, twenty twenty three, twitch.

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Speaker 2: They okay, and you're twenty seven, right yeah, okay. So

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Speaker 2: you said, how do I deal with that statement? Right?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? That? And it's a two part combination, because I

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Speaker 1: know I told you my little backstory, I in combination.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to handle moving on past that statement,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know how to handle a life remaining

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Speaker 1: sober again. Because so.

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Speaker 2: Let's tackle this one thing at a time, because the

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Speaker 2: substance abuse thing is a uh whole other issue that

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Speaker 2: I certainly do not have a full answer for. But

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Speaker 2: I'm down to talking that. It's not but I'm down

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Speaker 2: to talk about it. I'm down to talk about.

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Speaker 1: It with you.

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Speaker 2: But let's start with let's but but let's let's start

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Speaker 2: with the first one. And you said, how do I

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Speaker 2: deal with that statement? So, I mean, I have a

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Speaker 2: ton of thoughts about that statement, But first I want

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Speaker 2: to understand your interpretation. I want to understand how that

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Speaker 2: made you feel. And and and and she and this

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Speaker 2: is you know, many months ago, and it still sounds,

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Speaker 2: it still stings, and you're still embarrassed by it and

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Speaker 2: you still feel it, and I want to and I

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Speaker 2: and I just want to and before I give you

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Speaker 2: my thoughts, I want to know why. And I want

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Speaker 2: to know what your reactions to that statement are. About

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Speaker 2: her saying that she couldn't love you because you cried.

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Speaker 1: I would say, at first, it made me, It made

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Speaker 1: me feel worthless, like it made me feel like I

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Speaker 1: could never It was always a fear of mine. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like I like my ex fiance, I had a long

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Speaker 1: term girlfriend. I cried in front of both of them

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Speaker 1: and they never brought it up. But I was always

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Speaker 1: scared that they viewed me lesser because of it. And

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm not some stallwart bastion of masculinity, like I

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Speaker 1: know when to hold down the fork for lack of

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Speaker 1: a better term. But to me, that's part of a

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Speaker 1: relationship is that you can be emotional with one another.

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Speaker 1: And I was always scared that you couldn't be because

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Speaker 1: you were viewed as staying non masculine. But no, I

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Speaker 1: so that was always a fear of mine. It was

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Speaker 1: just a lingering fear, and no woman had ever mentioned

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Speaker 1: that to me. And then suddenly I know it sounds weird,

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Speaker 1: but this woman was much older than me, and she

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Speaker 1: was very attractive, and she was like in She wasn't

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Speaker 1: famous herself, but she was friends with like celebrities. I

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Speaker 1: know that sounds stupid, but she was like prestigious and

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Speaker 1: she had taken a liking to me, and I had

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Speaker 1: such a high regard for her that when I heard

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Speaker 1: her say that, it just totally demolished my self worth.

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Speaker 1: Almost a year from now, I realize it. Oh no,

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Speaker 1: she's not a good person, because I've seen other instances

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Speaker 1: of her behavior harming others. But it's still lingering.

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Speaker 2: You know, Hey, folks, this is Lyle. I am very

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Speaker 2: excited to announce that I am going back on tour

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Speaker 2: in twenty twenty four to do Therapy Gecko Live all

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Speaker 2: across the country. If you've never been to one of

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Speaker 2: my live shows before, they are extra dreamingly fun, unpredictable,

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Speaker 2: wild evenings that involve a mix of group Gecko therapy

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Speaker 2: sessions as well as some material and presentations from myself.

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Speaker 2: And if you've been to the show before, I have

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Speaker 2: new presentations and will of course be interviewing new people.

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Speaker 2: If you're a fan of the podcast, you're gonna have

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Speaker 2: a great time at the live show, so I hope

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Speaker 2: to see you guys there. Go to therapy geckotour dot

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Speaker 2: com or check the link in the episode description for

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Speaker 2: a full list of cities where tickets are available. Also,

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Speaker 2: if you don't see your city on the list of cities,

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00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:38,640
Speaker 2: please still click the link and RSVP with your phone

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Speaker 2: number so I can contact you when tickets go on

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Speaker 2: sale for your city, because I'm going to announce a

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Speaker 2: bunch more dates very soon. Geck Bluss, John I, I

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Speaker 2: I I have so much that I want to say,

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Speaker 2: and I'm trying to find the right way to properly

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Speaker 2: express it to you. First and foremost, a hm hm

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Speaker 2: in a relationship like a like, especially somebody who is like, hey,

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Speaker 2: let's fucking get married. Yeah, you know, if you're gonna,

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Speaker 2: if you're if somebody loves you, you know that that

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Speaker 2: sharing of of your emotions purely and openly is necessary.

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Speaker 2: You know, this idea that you're in a relationship with

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Speaker 2: somebody that you love and you trust and they're your

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Speaker 2: person and you can't cry in front of them, that's wild,

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Speaker 2: that's wild. And I don't know what's up with this woman.

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Speaker 2: I don't know why she said that to you, And

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Speaker 2: I think it's mean. It's really mean to go to

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Speaker 2: somebody into an emotional exchange and then look down upon

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Speaker 2: them for opening up. And I think in a relationship

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Speaker 2: you got you. You try as hard as you can

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Speaker 2: to be open and vulnerable emotionally, and the idea that

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Speaker 2: you would try to hide that from somebody who claims

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Speaker 2: they love you is wild.

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Speaker 1: Man.

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Speaker 2: And so I know that this is not going to

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Speaker 2: be a band aid, but if you're asking me, I

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Speaker 2: just want you to rewire your brain to unlearn whatever

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Speaker 2: low self esteem this woman has given you, because it's

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Speaker 2: from a it's not from a real place. Do you

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Speaker 2: know what I'm saying?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I am.

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Speaker 2: You shouldn't ever you shouldn't ever feel like you can't cry,

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Speaker 2: or like you can't life is so fucking short, John.

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Speaker 2: You shouldn't ever feel like you can't express yourself, like

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Speaker 2: you can't express your emotions to somebody that you love

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Speaker 2: and trust. And if you feel like you can't, then

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Speaker 2: that person doesn't love you.

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Speaker 1: You know, I no, I.

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Speaker 2: And and that's not and John, and John, and and please, dear, please,

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Speaker 2: if you can get anything out of this phone call, like, dude,

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Speaker 2: please don't. I don't know if this is how you're thinking,

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Speaker 2: but please don't let this be a knock to your

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Speaker 2: self esteem. Please don't run around thinking, oh, I'm not

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Speaker 2: a man because I cried, or oh I fucked that up,

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Speaker 2: you know, or like, don't do you. I don't know

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Speaker 2: if you I don't know if that's how you're feeling.

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Speaker 2: But just like and I don't, I don't. I don't

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Speaker 2: know if I can get you to not feel that

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Speaker 2: way by saying this, but like, don't feel that way.

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Speaker 1: I understand where you're coming from, and I agree with you,

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Speaker 1: but there's like a difference between like knowing something and

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Speaker 1: realizing something.

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Speaker 2: What do you mean by what does that mean?

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Speaker 1: Like I know in my heart of hearts that I'm

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Speaker 1: not lesser because of that, but like I don't realize that,

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Speaker 1: like I still feel lesser than and it's hard getting

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Speaker 1: That's been the hardest thing in my life, Like I've

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Speaker 1: mentioned it, Like I know alcohol is bad for me.

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Speaker 1: I know I should quit drinking, but getting to that

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Speaker 1: point where like I'm capable of realizing that it's just

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Speaker 1: so difficult because I I think I can make excuses,

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Speaker 1: So I mean do me.

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Speaker 2: A favor for a second. If we take the alcohol

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Speaker 2: out of it and we just focus on, like the

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Speaker 2: self astume part, why do you feel lesser.

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Speaker 1: Than I don't? Because I had invested so much in her?

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Speaker 1: Uh huh I And this sounds stupid. She was one

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Speaker 1: of the only organic relationships that I had, And what

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Speaker 1: I mean by that is that even though we had

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Speaker 1: met online, it wasn't for a dating app. Practically every

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Speaker 1: woman I've been with has been through a dating app.

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Speaker 1: This was just a woman who liked me.

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Speaker 2: Okay, But so let me ask you this, and you know,

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Speaker 2: there's no shame in this answer, whatever it is, if

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Speaker 2: you want to share it. But why do you feel

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Speaker 2: like you invested so heavily in this woman? What were

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Speaker 2: you What was driving that investment? What did you feel

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Speaker 2: like she was gonna help you with or fail in

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Speaker 2: your life that caused you to invest so heavily.

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Speaker 1: That because she was older than me, I would somehow

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Speaker 1: feel compelled to get my shit together. And this sounds stupid,

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Speaker 1: But I knew that she had wanted kids, and she

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Speaker 1: was thirty six. I was twenty six, and I thought, well,

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Speaker 1: if I'm going to be with this woman, I have

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Speaker 1: to get my shit together now. And I was thinking that, well,

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Speaker 1: if I invest myself in this woman, I could have

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Speaker 1: like some reason to live like very soon, which I

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Speaker 1: know sounds silly.

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Speaker 2: I want I want to stop you real quick, because

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Speaker 2: you keep saying this sounds stupid, This sounds silly, And

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Speaker 2: when you say that stuff, it it like a lot

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Speaker 2: of the A major theme I'm playing armchair therapist. A

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00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 2: major theme I'm picking up in our conversation is this

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Speaker 2: like shame over vulnerability, right, like you like especially like

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Speaker 2: you know, you share yourself to this woman and she

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Speaker 2: called you up for crying, and that causes like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I feel ashamed of feeling this way, and so you

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00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 2: you you like preamble your statements by I know this

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Speaker 2: sounds silly. I know this sounds stupid because you're like,

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Speaker 2: and I just want I just want to tell you,

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Speaker 2: and I don't. I just want to tell you you

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Speaker 2: don't have to feel ashamed of your feelings. This is

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Speaker 2: just this is just your truth, man, You know what

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Speaker 2: I mean. This is this is your truth. It is

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Speaker 2: what it is. But you can be open about it.

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00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 2: You can share it without having to hate yourself for

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00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,840
Speaker 2: having felt the way that you felt like, you don't

357
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 2: have to hate yourself. You don't have to think you

358
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 2: suck because you felt this way. You know, so you

359
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 2: don't have to keep saying this sounds silly, this sounds stupid.

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00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 2: I know it's ridiculous. It's just the truth, man, this

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00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 2: is how you felt, and you don't have to beat

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Speaker 2: yourself up about it. Yeah, now I help you understand that.

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Speaker 1: No, Like when I was a kid, like when I've

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00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 1: gotten better about doing this individually, like I would always

365
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 1: say that I'm sorry, Like I would say I'm sorry

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00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:48,360
Speaker 1: for like somebody would say, oh, like I missed lunch

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Speaker 1: and I would say I'm sorry, or like somebody would

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00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:58,080
Speaker 1: say like, oh, you misunderstood me. I'm sorry. So I

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00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 1: think I've stopped doing this, and I think that's been

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00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 1: the natural evolution of that. It's just like I preclude

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Speaker 1: all of my statements by saying like, yeah, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: Like I just don't feel like my feelings are legitimate and.

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Speaker 2: That I.

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00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:31,000
Speaker 1: Should be more intellectual. I think, I I don't want

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00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 1: to sound autistic as shit, but it's just like I

376
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:40,440
Speaker 1: try to function entirely like intellectually, and I just forget that,

377
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 1: like I have feelings, and like when I have feelings

378
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:51,520
Speaker 1: that counteract what I know, I just I preamble.

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Speaker 2: So so John, I mean so okay. So just to

380
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 2: go back to, like you felt an investment in this

381
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 2: woman because you've like it would compel you to get

382
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 2: your ship together. Yeah, listen, men, here's the thing. I'm

383
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 2: I'm no addiction specialists. I'm not a I'm a dude

384
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 2: in a Gecko costume. I don't know anything about any

385
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 2: of this ship, about the psychology of it, I don't,

386
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 2: but I have a pretty solid gander of the idea.

387
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:34,520
Speaker 2: And by the way, I have no uh master and

388
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 2: understanding this concept. I'm really not, but I know it's there,

389
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 2: and I know it's proven itself to be there time

390
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 2: and time again in my own life. And I'm sure

391
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 2: everyone knows what I'm talking about. But the getting your

392
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 2: You're never You're never going to be compelled to get

393
00:33:54,280 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 2: your ship. Relying on other people to get your shit

394
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:08,400
Speaker 2: together is it's not going to work, even if they're great,

395
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 2: you know, I mean, other people can be helpful, but

396
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 2: the end of the day, you know, you're responsible for

397
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 2: like solving your own problems and so and so all

398
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 2: this stuff. And I think all this stuff is good

399
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 2: because it puts the agency back in your hands. And

400
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 2: I hope you understand that, and I hope you feel

401
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 2: empowered by that because the agency is back in your hands. Right,

402
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 2: nothing that this woman has said or done to you

403
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:49,280
Speaker 2: can stop you from getting your own life together.

404
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 1: You know, right, You're right, and you.

405
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 2: Should feel really good about having that agency in your

406
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:02,359
Speaker 2: in your hands. You should feel happy about that, and

407
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 2: you should feel optimistic about that.

408
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:12,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you know I I don't know.

409
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 2: Let me ask you this, and well, how often are

410
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:19,560
Speaker 2: you drinking these days? And by the way, I don't

411
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 2: know shit about alcoholism and all this stuff, but I'm

412
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 2: down to talk talk it through with you a little bit.

413
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 2: How often are you drinking? I?

414
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:29,439
Speaker 1: Uh, every other day.

415
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:35,759
Speaker 2: You ever been to a A? No, You've never been

416
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 2: to a.

417
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 1: No?

418
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 2: She got a A I've been to. I've been to

419
00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:51,360
Speaker 2: I've been to o A before. I've been to a

420
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 2: few a's and there, there's there, there, there, they're good stuff.

421
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:00,200
Speaker 2: You should give it a try.

422
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just always been kind of weary about the

423
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 1: like cult tea.

424
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no, it's really it's really I'm

425
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:16,279
Speaker 2: not fucking religious. No, it's uh, it's not particularly it's

426
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:19,439
Speaker 2: not like religious or anything. It's really just a room

427
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 2: full of people who have the same problem as you,

428
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:24,600
Speaker 2: which is incredibly helpful.

429
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,840
Speaker 1: No, man, No, I'm sorry. I know I've dragged on

430
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 1: my call for way too long.

431
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,359
Speaker 2: John, You're all good. If I wanted to hang up

432
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:39,800
Speaker 2: on you, I would have. But I've been enjoying talking

433
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:40,800
Speaker 2: to you about this stuff.

434
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:46,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, thank you. Before I go, can I tell

435
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 1: a mildly inappropriate story from the army?

436
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess I just before you do that. I

437
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:56,920
Speaker 2: I don't know, man. I know I'm not a real therapist,

438
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 2: and I know that one phone call is not going

439
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 2: to change your life. But yeah, dude, is there any

440
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:07,439
Speaker 2: thing else in this situation that you wanted to talk

441
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 2: through or any other way? Like I can. I can

442
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:14,359
Speaker 2: as another human being on the earth, I can can

443
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 2: be helpful to you over the phone.

444
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 1: There's an additional aspect to this story that I don't

445
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 1: feel comfortable talking about, like a live stream. Uh. I'll

446
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 1: let you take that as you will. And that was

447
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:37,920
Speaker 1: in conjunction with that woman. She trauma dumped on me,

448
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:43,239
Speaker 1: I trauma dumped on her. I'll let you guess what

449
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:50,280
Speaker 1: I dumped on her because I didn't mention it. I

450
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:56,160
Speaker 1: am mostly okay now, mainly because my mother is dead.

451
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:07,640
Speaker 1: So I h that was like a lot of release

452
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:21,360
Speaker 1: of tension. Beyond that, Uh, I don't know, you know, would.

453
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 2: You and I'll want I don't want to. I don't

454
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 2: want to keep bothering you. I really don't. I have

455
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 2: a lot of by the way, I just want I

456
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:31,920
Speaker 2: want you to know. I I tying back into the

457
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 2: theme of of of or I made one of the

458
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 2: themes of this whole call is I appreciate you being uh,

459
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 2: you know, open and honest and vulnerable about all this stuff.

460
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 2: And I don't think you should stop doing that, and

461
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 2: I don't think you should feel shamed for doing that.

462
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 2: But I want to ask you this, and I won't

463
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:51,600
Speaker 2: bother you again about it, but I would you consider,

464
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 2: you know, seeing a specialist of some kind or at

465
00:38:56,360 --> 00:39:00,200
Speaker 2: least going to AA or doing making some kind of

466
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 2: you saw a specialist, I.

467
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:08,239
Speaker 1: Saw a specialist. I saw like four while I was

468
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:15,239
Speaker 1: in the army. The only guy that actually helped me

469
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 1: out at all was a dude that he admitted to

470
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 1: doing acid to me and his no like he was

471
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 1: a therapist, and he was like, I've done acid, and

472
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: I was like, I've done acid too, and we talked

473
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 1: about it at length, and we just talked about being

474
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 1: on acid for entire first like meeting, and then I

475
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:48,680
Speaker 1: trusted him entirely after that.

476
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,480
Speaker 2: Was he helpful in helping you with the alcohol?

477
00:39:55,239 --> 00:40:00,319
Speaker 1: It was actually less extreme at that point. And I

478
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,400
Speaker 1: wasn't open about my alcoholism while I was in the

479
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 1: army because being open about alcoholism in the army, I

480
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 1: had a clearance. I don't want to say what kind,

481
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:17,360
Speaker 1: But if I had even mentioned having an out like

482
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:23,280
Speaker 1: a clearance in mentioning alcoholism, I would have lost my job.

483
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,200
Speaker 1: So I never talked about it.

484
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 2: So well, I'm rooting for you, man, whatever you decide

485
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 2: to do, I'm rooting for you.

486
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I don't know. I well, thanks man. I

487
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:47,839
Speaker 1: know I probably took up a significant amount of your

488
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 1: podcast time.

489
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 2: No, I don't go to fuck What was anyone else

490
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:56,400
Speaker 2: going to talk about? You know, someone is your I

491
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,959
Speaker 2: would rather listen to you than someone telling me about,

492
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,640
Speaker 2: you know, pooping their pants for the thirtieth fucking time.

493
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:08,080
Speaker 2: So your no apologies necessary? Did you wanted to tell

494
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 2: a story? Real quick before we go.

495
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's mildly inappropriate. You can just hang up on

496
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 1: me if like it's nothing gory or violent. It's funny

497
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:29,840
Speaker 1: and shameful. When I was in the Army, I was

498
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:34,080
Speaker 1: an officers driver. I was twenty years old, and I

499
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 1: was driving this captain around like for three weeks straight.

500
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:48,880
Speaker 1: I was never out of sight, and I eventually, after

501
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 1: two weeks, being a new bial twenty year old, my

502
00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:01,640
Speaker 1: ball started to hurt really fucking from like lack of

503
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:07,959
Speaker 1: use and driving a humby because I had barely any

504
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 1: cushioning and I was sitting down all the time. It

505
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:15,480
Speaker 1: st me if I'm going in a weird direction. It

506
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:17,400
Speaker 1: was just this funny anonymous story.

507
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,719
Speaker 2: I go ahead and finish.

508
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:27,479
Speaker 1: So I decide that I had I had to jerk

509
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:32,400
Speaker 1: off Like it wasn't a matter of like pleasure, it

510
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:36,400
Speaker 1: was like a biological necessity because it hurts so fucking bad.

511
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:39,680
Speaker 1: So I elived at this captain. I told him I

512
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 1: was going to go take a shit behind a sand dune.

513
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 1: In reality, I walked out like two hundred meters and

514
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 1: I walked out behind the sand dune in the deserts

515
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: of El Paso and I sat down and found this

516
00:42:55,680 --> 00:43:01,160
Speaker 1: perfect shrine of sin and rubbed the one out. I

517
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:04,440
Speaker 1: squose my hog, and as soon as I was done,

518
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 1: the sound registered to me like a fucking lawnmower. And

519
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:14,160
Speaker 1: I pull up my trousers real quick, and I do

520
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 1: a three sixty in search of the sound, to no avail.

521
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:24,759
Speaker 1: I can't find it. I give up, and I go

522
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 1: back to my little coum throne and I sit back down.

523
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:33,280
Speaker 1: And I sit down. I look up. There's a quad

524
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,759
Speaker 1: copter up there with its camera pointed directly at me.

525
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 1: So somewhere in the government archives it's a drone video

526
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 1: of me jacking off in the middle of the desert.

527
00:43:55,400 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 2: John, I think I think you should write a memoir. Man.

528
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 1: Well, thank you. I hope that story wasn't too inappropriate.

529
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,600
Speaker 2: No, that story was perfect. Thank you for sharing that.

530
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,239
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, thank you for your time. This is my

531
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:28,239
Speaker 1: first time tuning into one of your streams. I hope

532
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 1: you have a good rest of your day.

533
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:32,279
Speaker 2: You too, Man, I'm sorry I yelled at you in

534
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 2: the chat earlier.

535
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,880
Speaker 1: No, it's fine, I criticize you. It's okay.

536
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 2: Take care John, and good luck.

537
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:46,120
Speaker 1: All right, have a good one.

538
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 2: Man, tricking off in the middle of the desert. Huh.

539
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:50,360
Speaker 2: I've tripped off in the middle of a field before,

540
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 2: but never a desert. Maybe I should try that. I

541
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:01,399
Speaker 2: hope I hope that after that forty five minute phone call,

542
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,399
Speaker 2: that's not what I that's not like the only thing

543
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:11,360
Speaker 2: that I picked up, you know. I would hope I

544
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:15,560
Speaker 2: would hope that I thought about. I would hope I

545
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 2: got better takeaways from that phone call. I would hope

546
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:23,200
Speaker 2: we all got better takeaways from that phone call. Then

547
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:26,520
Speaker 2: I should jerk off in the desert. But you know what,

548
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 2: if that's all you got, that's fine too. Hello, Hey,

549
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 2: what's up?

550
00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:36,879
Speaker 3: Oh Hey, how's it going?

551
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 2: I want I call you John? John? Hey, John, would

552
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:44,800
Speaker 2: you want to would you want to talk about today? Dog?

553
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 3: Yeah? So I wrote, I've uh, you know, I've done,

554
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 3: you know, some drugs here and there in my life,

555
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:53,160
Speaker 3: and you know, I pretty much got past the heavy

556
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:55,479
Speaker 3: phase and all that stuff, and I'm you know, older now,

557
00:45:56,440 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 3: but occasionally, I, you know, look online and get some

558
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:03,120
Speaker 3: something different and I don't know what came over me,

559
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:09,880
Speaker 3: but I decided to try steroids and uh, just on

560
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:15,839
Speaker 3: a whim. So they're like, it's a mild one. It's oral,

561
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,960
Speaker 3: and I started taking it five days ago. I don't

562
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 3: work out, I eat junk food, I drink too much

563
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 3: just to see what would happen? Is that weird? Like

564
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:27,960
Speaker 3: I'm wondering, like should I be concerned?

565
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:32,000
Speaker 2: You started taking steroids just for no reason?

566
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 3: Kind of yeah, Like, well I will I get kind

567
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 3: of kind of ripped or whatever just by doing nothing

568
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 3: and sitting around.

569
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:42,640
Speaker 2: Did that work?

570
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:48,360
Speaker 3: It's only been like five days, and honestly, like I

571
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:53,240
Speaker 3: can feel like a difference for sure, But uh uh,

572
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 3: it's not like super visible or anything.

573
00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 2: Do you anticipate any side effects to doing this?

574
00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:06,439
Speaker 3: I mean I've read about some you know, you can

575
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:11,160
Speaker 3: you know that can you know your your your balls

576
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 3: can get small? You can you know like have a

577
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:21,480
Speaker 3: you know, get angry or whatever. But you know, I

578
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:22,400
Speaker 3: haven't noticed anything.

579
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:26,359
Speaker 2: How long do you intend to do.

580
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:28,760
Speaker 3: This for thirty days?

581
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 2: Why did you pick thirty days?

582
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:33,719
Speaker 3: I looked online. I guess some people do it for

583
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 3: a while and then they stop. Like if you just

584
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:37,839
Speaker 3: do this all the time, it can be really fucked up.

585
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 3: So I'm just gonna give it a little shot.

586
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 2: Okay, do you are you afraid of anything that might

587
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:51,600
Speaker 2: happen to your body as a result of this test.

588
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:54,320
Speaker 3: I'm not too afraid. I was just kind of wondering

589
00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 3: if you were a chat new of like anything else,

590
00:47:57,200 --> 00:48:00,239
Speaker 3: because I'm not too scared, but like, shit, like, it's

591
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 3: kind of weird if.

592
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 2: You're asking you're asking me a get on the internet,

593
00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:07,960
Speaker 2: if I know about any health negative health effects that

594
00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 2: might come as a result of you taking steroids from No.

595
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, and fair enough, I'm not shooting like you know,

596
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:16,239
Speaker 3: that's like I draw a hard line there, but like

597
00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:25,360
Speaker 3: you are doing mild mild mild oral steroids.

598
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:31,080
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I mean probably. I mean if you asked

599
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:33,440
Speaker 2: me my professional opinion, I would say that's probably not

600
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:38,319
Speaker 2: a good idea to do that. I mean, yeah, though,

601
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:41,120
Speaker 2: this is uh, this might be one of the stupidest

602
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:41,960
Speaker 2: things I've ever heard.

603
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 1: Drink that's pretty funny.

604
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, this might be one of the stupid and and

605
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,479
Speaker 2: you know me, I've heard a lot of stupid things,

606
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:53,680
Speaker 2: and this is up there the stupidest things I've ever heard.

607
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:59,440
Speaker 2: Why are you doing this? It's you text the me no, no, no,

608
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,440
Speaker 2: hold on, ask me that you texted me. You said

609
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:05,960
Speaker 2: I started taking steroids because I thought it would be funny.

610
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:10,200
Speaker 3: I mean, I just like, you know what happens if

611
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 3: you do nothing. You just keep like, you know, being

612
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:14,920
Speaker 3: kind of a piece of shit and like eating whatever,

613
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 3: and like would it make an effect? Like would it

614
00:49:17,200 --> 00:49:18,239
Speaker 3: have a difference? I don't know.

615
00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:20,600
Speaker 2: This is so dumb. Okay, this is the dumbest thing

616
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:22,239
Speaker 2: of her. So you're just trying to get it. You're

617
00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:24,280
Speaker 2: trying to get in shape. You're trying to change your body,

618
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:26,480
Speaker 2: trying to lose weight and get in shape.

619
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 1: Just to see if it would make an effect.

620
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:32,720
Speaker 2: I guess yeah, yeah, okay, but it's gonna make an effect.

621
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 2: It's gonna make your dick smaller, it's gonna make you irritable.

622
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:39,319
Speaker 2: It's gonna be bad. Why don't you just why don't

623
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:42,560
Speaker 2: you fucking just eat some lettuce and go to the

624
00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:45,520
Speaker 2: gym instead of taking steroids for no reason?

625
00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:48,000
Speaker 3: That's probably a much better idea.

626
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:51,239
Speaker 2: Fair enough, don't do the thirty day? Are you gonna

627
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:52,719
Speaker 2: do the thirty days?

628
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 3: You got me second guessing it?

629
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 2: Okay, good, So I'm glad that I've achieved the effect

630
00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:08,960
Speaker 2: for you. Yeah, okay, what is that? Jesus Christ? Uh,

631
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:11,279
Speaker 2: you don't do it? I do it? Why not see

632
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:13,719
Speaker 2: what happens be a human guinea pig.

633
00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:21,160
Speaker 3: Oh you know what? All right? You know you got

634
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:22,520
Speaker 3: me there? Okay, yeah, you know we'll be bad.

635
00:50:22,560 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 2: Well, okay, good Jesus Christ. What's what's John? John?

636
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:28,839
Speaker 1: Oh?

637
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:29,160
Speaker 2: Man?

638
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:29,799
Speaker 1: Uh?

639
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:31,319
Speaker 2: Where do you even where do you even get these

640
00:50:31,360 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 2: steroids from?

641
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:33,640
Speaker 1: Oh?

642
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 3: You know the people that you take. Chad knows where

643
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:39,560
Speaker 3: they get whatever you'd name and you know where it's at.

644
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:46,040
Speaker 2: Well, John, Okay, if this phone call has resulted in

645
00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:49,319
Speaker 2: you not doing this, I'm I'm happy, Uh that we

646
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:52,560
Speaker 2: that we did it?

647
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:55,279
Speaker 3: Excellent? Well, it very well? May so?

648
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:56,480
Speaker 2: An think I just want to say to the people

649
00:50:56,480 --> 00:51:00,879
Speaker 2: of the computer before we go, I'll bellow I love

650
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 2: you too. And I don't say that very often because

651
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:06,640
Speaker 2: it feels weird, but I'll say it to you if

652
00:51:06,640 --> 00:51:08,719
Speaker 2: it will get you to stop doing the stupidest thing

653
00:51:08,719 --> 00:51:09,839
Speaker 2: I've ever heard of anyone doing.

654
00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 3: Sir, I'm glad that I've reached some kind of peak

655
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:14,239
Speaker 3: for you.

656
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:21,320
Speaker 2: Take care, man, you took goes on the line taking

657
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:22,839
Speaker 2: your phone calls every night.

658
00:51:23,239 --> 00:51:26,319
Speaker 1: Every Beacond goes to his eye. He's teaching you loud

659
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:29,920
Speaker 1: in memory life. He's not really an expert