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Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This

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Speaker 1: cold Stratton here filling in for Kevin Pollock, who is

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Speaker 1: recording voiceover for the American Tail reboot The Marvelous Mr. Fible.

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Speaker 1: It's Christmas Eve, guys, and uh, you know, it's the

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Speaker 1: best time to listen to a podcast, break away from

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Speaker 1: your family for a little bit. I think, why not

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Speaker 1: play it for the family. I mean, some of it

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Speaker 1: can be offensive, but Grandma's got a great sense of humor. Well,

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Speaker 1: Joey's not here, so we're probably okay this week. We're

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Speaker 1: kind of a ragtag team this this week, I think,

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Speaker 1: because it's Christmas Eve, everybody's already back with their families. Well,

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Speaker 1: let's meet our alchemists, shall we? In no particular order,

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Speaker 1: He keeps telling everyone to look to the skies. Craig Kaikowski, Craig,

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Speaker 1: what's out there? Man? More than you? Everything? And I'm

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Speaker 1: not I'm just sorring, not just talking about aliens and spacecraft.

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Speaker 1: I think we're in a matrix situation where what you

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Speaker 1: think is reality is not reality. Um, but I'm still

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Speaker 1: going to record the podcast and do a good job.

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Speaker 1: Appreciate that he's been so busy thinking about whether he could,

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Speaker 1: but not whether he should. James, he need, he need?

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Speaker 1: What technology do you for the most? Which is funny

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Speaker 1: considering we just had a long I'm not afraid of technology.

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Speaker 1: I will replace bit by bit every piece of my

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Speaker 1: body until I want to keep my brain. But if

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Speaker 1: I can upload my brain to the cloud and then

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Speaker 1: just I'm not afraid and I know I should and

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Speaker 1: I will. Does that make sense? Yeah, it totally does.

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Speaker 1: Totally does cloud computing instituture. And finally, he's an expert

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Speaker 1: at knowing when to hold them and when to fold them,

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Speaker 1: but not when to walk away. Chris Alvarado, Chris, what's

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Speaker 1: the most fun for you to gamble on UM slot machines? Frankly,

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Speaker 1: I just did a quick trip to New Mexico and

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Speaker 1: I had to stopover in Vegas. I went to the

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Speaker 1: same slot machine on my way to New Mexico and

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Speaker 1: on the way back the same one at UH Southwest

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Speaker 1: Terminal C twenty three. There's a Wheel of Fortune. It's

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Speaker 1: my favorite slot there and I won both times there

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Speaker 1: and back. Just pull boom out. That's funny because I

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Speaker 1: tend to do best at airport wheel of forging machine

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Speaker 1: and I was reading about it, and they say that

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Speaker 1: they're actually not as good as casino ones because they

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Speaker 1: don't need return customers and they're not competing with other casinos.

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Speaker 1: Yet you and I have found success, I guess. So

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Speaker 1: there you go, get a game of zero skill. There's

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Speaker 1: so many better you'd be better at gambling, whether or

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Speaker 1: not you could flick a penny. And it took me.

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Speaker 1: It took me twenty seconds to win sixty dollars because

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Speaker 1: I was timing it because I wanted to see how

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Speaker 1: fast I can repeat that, repeat that again. I can

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Speaker 1: go into a poker match and walk away with extra

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Speaker 1: sixty bucks every time. You're there for hours. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: I'm there for hours five dollars an hour at HAP

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Speaker 1: and then I cash out and I walk away. I

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Speaker 1: guess the cash out button is to get it. But

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Speaker 1: we'll have fortune is fun because when you land in

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Speaker 1: that spin and also lets the entire airport know that

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Speaker 1: you're about the spin. This will fortune. It's kind of

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Speaker 1: the best thing ever. Maybe I'll play a slot. I

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Speaker 1: hate slots Alchemy. This is brought to you by we

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Speaker 1: all have Fortune slots. Well, we'd like to invite you

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Speaker 1: to become a v I P member on our new

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Speaker 1: Patreon page. There's bonus episodes not available to non members.

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Speaker 1: There's a phone number left just for our vaps where

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Speaker 1: you can leave us a message, be at a request, question, whatever,

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Speaker 1: and we'll reply at a regular video Q and as

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Speaker 1: with the Alchemists over at Kevin's Place, which are only

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Speaker 1: available to v I p s. It's all kinds of

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Speaker 1: cool ship, so please join our super core fans by

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Speaker 1: going to Patreon dot com slash alchemy this. That's Patreon

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Speaker 1: dot com slash alchemy this all right. All today's scene

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Speaker 1: suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails. If you'd like

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Speaker 1: to submit yours, please write to the podcast at your

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Speaker 1: name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name

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Speaker 1: here at alchemy this dot com. Hey Alchemists, my name

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Speaker 1: is Attila and I live in Transylvania. But I'm not

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Speaker 1: a vampire Records. Sadly, I used to listen to your

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Speaker 1: podcast when I play on my computer, but I couldn't

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Speaker 1: get my full attention. Now I only listen while driving

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Speaker 1: this one. I can fully concentrate on your hilarious scenes

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Speaker 1: and absolutely nothing else. Maybe driving here's my scene suggestion.

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Speaker 1: A bunch of drunk hunters are bragging about the greatest prey,

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Speaker 1: always trying to top one another by making up new

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Speaker 1: species and monsters. Many thanks for existing. Attila definitely not

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Speaker 1: a vampire. Yeah that's fresh. Let me see pack that

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Speaker 1: up here, smell that. I know it's poop. Yeah, that

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Speaker 1: is fresh. It's probably you can't be much longer, so

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Speaker 1: we see it in person. Yeah. Here, take a sip

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Speaker 1: of this. Oh that's strong. It's fresh. It's fresh, and

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Speaker 1: it's strong. Is that you're in? No? Who it's moonshine? Oh? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: for sure. Would you really think I was? Oh? I

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Speaker 1: you thought I was? Awye? No? Do you have any

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Speaker 1: urine to splash on ourselves? Not to waste? Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: I got I have a couple of pumps and just

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Speaker 1: let me put some on my neck a couple are well,

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Speaker 1: let me do it for you. All right now, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna spray into the air and then you walk the root. Okay,

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Speaker 1: are you sure? Yeah? Just I'm gonna spray two pumps

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Speaker 1: and then you just walk through it. You don't want

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Speaker 1: to be doused in it? All right? All right? There

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Speaker 1: we go, there you go, there you go. Here, let

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Speaker 1: me spear your neck. Okay, yeah, did you get out there?

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Speaker 1: Come closer. I'm as close as I can, but I

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Speaker 1: need to bury my face right in your neck here

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Speaker 1: this yeah, here, I mean when we're safe. I mean,

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Speaker 1: what are your girls hunting for? Oh? We're not first girls. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're mad and we're not since you know, just regular hunting.

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Speaker 1: I think we're sniffing each other. Well, I mean it's

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Speaker 1: it seems weird because you didn't see the context, but

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Speaker 1: I just we put on dear ear and staggurin yeah,

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Speaker 1: Stagg currant. Yeah, what you all hunting for? Well? Probably

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Speaker 1: probably Stagg probably from but also like we're not against

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Speaker 1: like if we see like a rabbit, right or something.

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Speaker 1: I'm kind of new at hunting. He's showing me around

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Speaker 1: and this is my third time, so i've been here before.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, your third time, yes, sir, So I think

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Speaker 1: I know a thing or two about the woods. He's

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Speaker 1: been showing me around and it's working good. Can you

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Speaker 1: smell the dear yearine I put on myself. Now you

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Speaker 1: wreak of it. There you go, thank you, There you go? Right, um,

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Speaker 1: And as you know, you seem to be a grizzled man.

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Speaker 1: You probably spent some time out here. I've been literally

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Speaker 1: holding his hand. You know how that goes when you

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Speaker 1: hold someone's hand. Yes, I like to hunt alone. Oh wow, wow? Yeah, sorry, boys,

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Speaker 1: I've probably bagged every twelve point buck in these woods.

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Speaker 1: Well we're not a post. That's okay, there's probably I

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Speaker 1: was hoping to get something. We get a ten point.

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Speaker 1: I got the ten points as well. Okay, Well, I

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Speaker 1: mean listen, I don't know five point six point. I

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Speaker 1: can't go home with nothing. What can I get you something?

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Speaker 1: And hey, you're going home with an experience? Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: just I've never shot anything. Look at this rag tag

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Speaker 1: team a hunters. Hey, foul, that's how you're doing there? Hey, hi,

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Speaker 1: hello Campbell. Hey, what's going on? Mitch? Find anything good

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Speaker 1: this afternoon? Now? Just these guys, what's your hunt for?

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Speaker 1: Stag dear? Ten points? Well, honestly, any points at this point? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you guys know each other. Yeah, we've been hunting these

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Speaker 1: same ones for many years. That right, not together, no, no,

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Speaker 1: apart apart. Got a little bit of a healthy competition,

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Speaker 1: if you get what I'm saying. That's right. Oh wow,

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Speaker 1: we we don't. We don't compete really, No, I just

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Speaker 1: I'm just trying to learn. Then, what's the gun? Damn

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Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. That's right. You gotta push each other though,

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Speaker 1: that's all we do. I just thought it was safer

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Speaker 1: to go out with somebody, and I've never fired. Don't

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Speaker 1: let them tell you otherwise. One of us got shot.

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Speaker 1: And what if you get cold? You know? Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: can warm you up. It's pretty cool. Whoa Jim, Jim, Jim?

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Speaker 1: Just look over the ridge. Look over the ridge right there.

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Speaker 1: You're still good? What is it? What's a ridge? You

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Speaker 1: see it? It's like the mountaintop, but it's not quite

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Speaker 1: a mountain. First of all, you're looking you're looking down.

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Speaker 1: Look up, look up. Okay, you're so smart. Sorry, I've

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Speaker 1: just I've felt you see that? Oh my god? What

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Speaker 1: is that? What is it? Um? What do you see?

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Speaker 1: I see the tree? I see trees between the trees.

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Speaker 1: What do you use the thing that's moving? I don't know.

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Speaker 1: It looks like a dog body, but it's got a

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Speaker 1: long neck. I mean, I'm just sorry. Is it a dog?

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Speaker 1: Is it a dog body with a long neck? I

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Speaker 1: don't know what that is. It's okay, it's cold, it's cold.

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Speaker 1: It's getting cold. That boys, is a fox sorine? What

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Speaker 1: half fox half wolverine? That's right? Wait what a fox sorine?

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Speaker 1: And the fox is already on to you and moved on.

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Speaker 1: That's right. And you know what, it doesn't forget it

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Speaker 1: felt your fear. It will be when you least expected.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't. I wasn't afraid. It felt it. It knows

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Speaker 1: your face, it knows your smell, it knows you're coding

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Speaker 1: and deer yurine, I'm not coddox Yeah, okay, alright, so

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Speaker 1: first four pumps at least? Okay, Look, I didn't I've

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Speaker 1: never heard of a fox arene. I didn't know those

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Speaker 1: existed out here. Is there anything else that we should

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Speaker 1: be aware of? Anything? Maybe you've shot that's a little odd?

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, man, this also it's a wonderful creature here

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Speaker 1: in the wood. Ut odd. I'm trying to think pretty

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Speaker 1: much standard stuff. Fox Ane. That's not standard y to

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Speaker 1: every zoo in California. I've been to the zoos in

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Speaker 1: Chicago Land area and one in in North Dakota. I've

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Speaker 1: never heard of a fox marine fox serene. Yeah, fox

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Speaker 1: fox ane, fox Ane. I mean, you guys are clearly

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Speaker 1: new to hunt, you would have bagged a bunch of

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Speaker 1: fox just like. Well, one time I caught a squirrel

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Speaker 1: in a in a cage, but I kind of squirrel

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Speaker 1: and a raccoon, and I was thinking like, oh what

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Speaker 1: if what if they made it, then it would be

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Speaker 1: a squirrel? Can you tried to get them to mate

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Speaker 1: for a long time? I know? Well, no, my pets,

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Speaker 1: so it worked out. Okay, squirrel coon, that's just silly.

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Speaker 1: Don't make up. There are skucks out here, that's yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a squirrel duck hybrid. Have you seen those everywhere?

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Speaker 1: Haven't you? Have you ever seen the scut I don't

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Speaker 1: even know what that is? Squawk, squawk, squawk? Well no, okay, wow,

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Speaker 1: so all right, all right, well hold on, you want

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Speaker 1: to see one. I got a squawk call. I can

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Speaker 1: do that. Oh my god? Yes, what's this guy called

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Speaker 1: a squawk? An? What's that? S guy? What is that? God?

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Speaker 1: That looks like a chart? He's rather they're flying overhead, gosh,

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Speaker 1: right next to the ridge. Now you bet already yourself

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Speaker 1: to fire, because once again, these they can know faces

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Speaker 1: and they will follow you home. What they're so aggressive?

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Speaker 1: They're smart too. Well, look, we appreciate all your help

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Speaker 1: and let me just Steve, I don't want to come

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Speaker 1: across offensive. But there's two of them. I've got a

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Speaker 1: couple hundred dollars. Don't say I've got a couple hundred dollars.

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Speaker 1: Stop by the buffet on the way home. What if

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Speaker 1: you took what if you each took one of us

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Speaker 1: under your wing? I mean, Steve, I know that you're

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Speaker 1: much better than me, but look at these guys have fun.

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Speaker 1: I don't know squaws, fox sernes. I want to get

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Speaker 1: something to show my wife. Why do you keep bringing

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Speaker 1: her up? By the way? Is we get it? You're

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Speaker 1: in love? Well, I'll take this hundred and camera. You

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Speaker 1: take that, Oh man, it's kind of a coin flip.

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Speaker 1: I'll take the one and coded in all the year

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Speaker 1: and thank you. Well bye. I guess I mean we're

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Speaker 1: going to meet back up. It's not like maybe maybecents happen.

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Speaker 1: Don't accidents happen? Not if you plan well, shouldn't. Well,

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Speaker 1: all right, I'll take the one the pink shoes. Can

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Speaker 1: I get a hug? Of course you can. I don't

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Speaker 1: care if we're abandoning each other. I wouldn't be here

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Speaker 1: if it wasn't for you keep telling yourself about Okay,

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Speaker 1: keep them alright, alright, kiss on the cheek. It's like

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Speaker 1: European thing. We'll meet back here in this meadow right

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Speaker 1: next to the ridge and say ninety minutes. Yeah, let's

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Speaker 1: say a hundred and thirty hours. What wait what hold on?

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Speaker 1: Hold on, hold on, hold on. That's military time. Oh oh,

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Speaker 1: I don't even actually okay, all right, that's ninety minutes

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Speaker 1: from now. Okay, great, great, So right now it's two pm,

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Speaker 1: so we're don't you worry about. My watch has no signal.

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Speaker 1: We'll get you back here forest time. We understand it,

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Speaker 1: all forest time. Okay, alright, well, good luck, all right, ready,

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Speaker 1: of course, come come quiet now, alright, don't don't step

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Speaker 1: on all that. You gotta keep quiet, all right, trying

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Speaker 1: to keep quiet. I'm tiptoeing. Oh get dun, get up,

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Speaker 1: get up. Okay, look a look at the right behind

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Speaker 1: that tree. You see that, huh you see that? It

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Speaker 1: looks like it could be a person. That's a Barrett.

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Speaker 1: Are you sure? Yeah, it's staff Ferrett. It's a Barrett

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Speaker 1: all right. Now. It's cute, but it is vicious. Al right, well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: of course, but here's how you buy one of these

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Speaker 1: things to get super low. Then you get up and

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Speaker 1: then you talk about your favorite book that one trigue it,

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Speaker 1: and then use a little bit of buckshot here, right,

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Speaker 1: just take your shot, don't. I don't have a gun

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Speaker 1: that uses this kind of AMMO. Here he's mine, Okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: all right, quality, Now get up? Favorite book you got.

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Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of the Barrenstein Bears. Uh, you

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Speaker 1: know what, that's a lie. That's a kids book. I

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Speaker 1: was just trying to communicate with you. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: make it his favorite book. John tys at the end

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Speaker 1: it's that's a really good book about it all. Uh,

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Speaker 1: there's a different world of shadows and you can get down.

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Speaker 1: What do we do it? Catholic like the book, and

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Speaker 1: capolic like the book. Basically, I don't want to spoil anything,

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Speaker 1: but John ties at the beginning, and it turns out

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Speaker 1: he was actually alive and it's more dimensional travel. I

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Speaker 1: think I bored him. You keep going, you want some

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Speaker 1: beavens and jerky h half beaver half medicine? Is that

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Speaker 1: safe to eat if you take antibiotics? Yeah, of course

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Speaker 1: I'll get you at safety. Yeah, okay, great, Wow, pretty good.

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Speaker 1: Jerked it myself? Oh wow, Oh, jerked it. That's the

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Speaker 1: that's the process on the jerking. We're gonna be up

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Speaker 1: here on this blind for a while. Look, I gotta

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Speaker 1: come clean. This is my first time hunting. Uh yeah,

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Speaker 1: I knew it. You could tell. Yeah, you said three times,

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Speaker 1: you don't have the dead look in your eyes that

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Speaker 1: somebody who's only three times would have. Well I might

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Speaker 1: not have dead look in my eyes, but my heart

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Speaker 1: doesn't feel so great. Yeah, what's the matter? Hung up

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Speaker 1: on your boyfriend? I wish, I wish we were friends

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Speaker 1: in high school and we didn't talk much in college

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Speaker 1: and reach out to him via Facebook rekindle things. But

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Speaker 1: turns out he's happily married. And what was that noise?

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Speaker 1: What is it? The mic? It sounds like crying. Maybe

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Speaker 1: it's a crying Maybe it's like a crying coyote. It's

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Speaker 1: kind of crying coyote. Okay, there's no crying coyotes of

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Speaker 1: this place. Okay, Well, maybe it's laughing. Maybe it's a

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Speaker 1: laughing a laughing bear, laughing bear, laughing bear. Okay, there

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Speaker 1: are laughing bears in these parts, but not this time

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Speaker 1: of year. What the hell could that be. I can't

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Speaker 1: place it. It sounds like it's mocking you. Okay, good

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Speaker 1: hind a mocking bird. It feels two on the nose. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's two on the nose. Um a sarcastic. Now you're

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Speaker 1: just making sure I don't know. My heart is not

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Speaker 1: in the right place right now. Hey, you think if

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Speaker 1: I think, if I took off all my clothes and

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Speaker 1: right into the woods, I'd be Okay. What if you

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Speaker 1: have to live here for a while, No, you wouldn't

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Speaker 1: last two hours. I might know you wouldn't hear that.

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Speaker 1: I could follow the sound, follow it forever. Somebody's aunts,

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Speaker 1: the maiden call of what what is the what? Why? What? What? Why?

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Speaker 1: Do you come out here? Just a hunter? I'm hoping

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Speaker 1: to murder Cameron, the other hunter? Hunter? Are you guys enemies?

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Speaker 1: Didn't you hear where? Rivals? But rivals but not like

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Speaker 1: you want to kill each other. No, I want to

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Speaker 1: kill him. Would you jerk him? What? Would you would

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Speaker 1: kill him and jerk him? Yeah? Look, I can't predict

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Speaker 1: the future, but I make there's a good likelihood if

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Speaker 1: I did kill him, I'd have to jerk him. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that makes sense. Alright, let's take this kill back to

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Speaker 1: the rist. I'm so excited to show you a friend.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe this. This is great. It's a fair

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Speaker 1: Faret Barrett. Yeah, oh cool. I don't know how we're

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Speaker 1: going to carry this. This is yes, but it's not you. Look,

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Speaker 1: I'll get the front legs here, you take them back. There,

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Speaker 1: We got this. It's fine. I'm I'm so proud of you.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever shot a fairer? Barrett? I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 1: I'm just their first faret, second Barrett Barrett. Okay, it

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Speaker 1: just seems like it would be better if it was

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Speaker 1: a fair bear. It sounds like, oh look who things

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Speaker 1: on and out. I'm sorry, it's faret. I didn't name

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Speaker 1: the genis it did? All right, okay, all right, here

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Speaker 1: we are. Oh it's about time they should be here

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Speaker 1: at a moment. Now. I don't understand why they're they're not.

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Speaker 1: Do you think you could wear this as a Onesia

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Speaker 1: type thing? I've seen as long as you eat the meat,

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Speaker 1: you gotta respect to kill. Of course, what part of

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Speaker 1: this do you eat? Okay, you got your sights on him. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: now you're telling me this is going to say my friend. Alright, alright,

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Speaker 1: but I just want to make sure that if I

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Speaker 1: do this, it's gonna send the man of my dreams

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Speaker 1: into my arms. Look, this man is a world class hunter.

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Speaker 1: He's gonna be on us in seconds. Okay, okay, steady, steady.

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Speaker 1: Had you been down there and go ahead and start

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Speaker 1: skinning the beasts of your friend? I thought he did that,

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Speaker 1: you son of a bitch. I see what's going on

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Speaker 1: on me. You're okay? Okay, So I got a gunshot

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Speaker 1: wound the chest. Yeah, but that's that's that's you know,

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Speaker 1: you know what's in the chest of the heart, and

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Speaker 1: you know the heart is the strongest muscle in the body. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: The tongue, no, no, no, it might be okay, what

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Speaker 1: do we do? What do we do? I'd say make

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Speaker 1: peace with each other? Peace with each other, because he's

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Speaker 1: leading out right now. All right, I want you to

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Speaker 1: take care of my wife. I can't do that for you.

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Speaker 1: What I'm not doing that. Okay, we'll bring back this

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Speaker 1: this barrot, give it to her is my life. He

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Speaker 1: did I shot it. Good job, kid. If you mention

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Speaker 1: your wife again, I can't do anything for you. What

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Speaker 1: can you do otherwise? I don't know? If you tell

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00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:24,760
Speaker 1: me you love me on your way out. Maybe that

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Speaker 1: would give me the courage of the inspiration to go

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Speaker 1: out and do something for you in your name, on

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Speaker 1: your behalf. But right now you mentioned her again, and

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Speaker 1: I'm never gonna say it. We lost you. No one's

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Speaker 1: gonna know you died. Okay, that's it, You're dead. Oh

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Speaker 1: perky ahead? What that half puma, half turkey. And that's

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Speaker 1: the first seen that doesn't have the Christmas ending? I

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Speaker 1: thought it would well had turkey. Some species made it alright.

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Speaker 1: Second scene, good biddings, alchemists, listeners since day one, and

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Speaker 1: I and always a riot in a nice break from

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Speaker 1: the real world to dwell inside. You're sick and twisted,

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Speaker 1: yet genius minds. My name is Laban. How would you

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Speaker 1: pronounce it? Actual pronunciation is and it's l A B

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Speaker 1: A D. And with the name like that, it's always

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Speaker 1: been fun when telemarketers call on me, and as you

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Speaker 1: can imagine, I get many other pronunciations on my name

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Speaker 1: to go as far as one calling me David, which

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Speaker 1: is just plain lazy to be honest. So seeing suggestion

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Speaker 1: is as follows. A group of new telemarketers are gathered

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00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,359
Speaker 1: for a tutorial on protocol and then set free on

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Speaker 1: the phones to sell some quacky and weird shit, all

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Speaker 1: the best Leman, Charleston, South Carolina. Okay, take a look

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Speaker 1: at your scripts. You will have scripts ahead of you,

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Speaker 1: all right. Now, we want to encourage you too. We

365
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Speaker 1: have to say all these things, yes, all of them. Okay.

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Speaker 1: As a matter of fact, we want to want to

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Speaker 1: encourage you to refrain from making it your own. Don't

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Speaker 1: make it our own. That's right. Just follow us, stick

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Speaker 1: to the script. That's what we gotta do. That's right. Now.

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Speaker 1: I know you three your hot shots. You say you

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00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:10,520
Speaker 1: are hot shots, not a lot of community theater, remember, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we got you from the theater. Yeah, David, we got

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Speaker 1: you from NPR. I think it was the Pledge drive. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I had a real hot couple of days. Yeah. And uh, well,

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Speaker 1: I mean you're use your name speaks for itself. I

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Speaker 1: mean you are the cold calling criminal that's never convicted.

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Speaker 1: That's all right, all right, Listen, the product here is simple. Okay,

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00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 1: We're selling them things they don't think they need but

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Speaker 1: definitely want. Right, So that's our angle in Well, there's

380
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Speaker 1: a lot of things I want I don't need exactly.

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Speaker 1: Boom now you're onto it. That's and that's what we're asking.

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Speaker 1: We're asking you to be comfortable with the materials so

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Speaker 1: that when you relay it to the people it feels good. Yeah. Okay, Now, um,

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00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,359
Speaker 1: I would like to just take turns all just the

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Speaker 1: very first line of the script, the very first line

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Speaker 1: of the script. Why don't we start with you? All right? Hi,

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00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,639
Speaker 1: my name is good good. Do you have a moment

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00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,600
Speaker 1: of time to share with me? Very nice? David? Hi,

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00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 1: my name is Phil in the blank? Do you have

390
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,600
Speaker 1: a moment of time to share with me? Who frets

391
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,359
Speaker 1: an MPR. I didn't get your name. I just know

392
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Speaker 1: you as the cold called in criminal. That's my name,

393
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 1: my given name. Oh wow, c C C C C

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00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,200
Speaker 1: C c C alright, triple cee give it to us. Hi,

395
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:29,159
Speaker 1: my name is c C C. Do you have a

396
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 1: moment in time to share with me? Wow? Well, do

397
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:35,520
Speaker 1: we feel that everybody that what he used his real name?

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Speaker 1: That's okay, that's okay. I was going to use a

399
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 1: stage name. Oh and you can. You can't as long

400
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,200
Speaker 1: as it's as long as it's registered with either SAG

401
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,720
Speaker 1: after it or equity. Oh oh, I didn't. I am

402
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,880
Speaker 1: not I'm not remember. Oh, we're gonna have a stick.

403
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,400
Speaker 1: What is your real name again? My real name, real

404
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 1: real name, my real real name, Jacob. Okay, that'll work, Jacob.

405
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,440
Speaker 1: I want to go as Charlie Sheen. Understood, understood, it's

406
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:01,640
Speaker 1: not registered. How about this if you ring that best?

407
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:05,119
Speaker 1: She never registered his name with SEGA after. I have

408
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 1: no idea. I didn't know there was already a Charlie Sheen.

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Speaker 1: It's just my stage name, Charlie. There is an after name,

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00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:15,080
Speaker 1: Charlie Sheen. All right, come on here. This isn't it

411
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Speaker 1: meant the best show ever. I'm sure there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of Charlie's and this isn't the IMDb forum. Gentlemen, yeahs

413
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,480
Speaker 1: young guns too much better. Yeah, but he wasn't in that.

414
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:35,399
Speaker 1: It is okay, all right now, I want to direct

415
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 1: your attention to what I feel might be one of

416
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:39,880
Speaker 1: the most important lines of the script. If you look

417
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 1: at the third paragraph, first line, say in bold, it's

418
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 1: in bold, it's in bold. Actually a matter of fact, David,

419
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:48,800
Speaker 1: why don't you go ahead and hit us with that line,

420
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 1: where was the last time you had a snow globe?

421
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:57,200
Speaker 1: So imagine that, where when was it? Where was the

422
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,640
Speaker 1: last time? When? When was the last time? It says when?

423
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:08,879
Speaker 1: Where would seem weird? My script says when? Okay, I

424
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 1: think it would be interesting to know where they were,

425
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:16,640
Speaker 1: but maybe when. It's good for sales tactics, and that's

426
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 1: why we brought you here. So when was the last

427
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 1: time you had a snow Charlie? She I've never had

428
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:29,400
Speaker 1: an Okay, we don't tell them. That's that's one here

429
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 1: I can have so that I can really that's a

430
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 1: great question, And what help if there was a sample

431
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:38,719
Speaker 1: here that we can look at? Absolutely not, absolutely not.

432
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 1: Not all the products shall enter the sales room. Okay,

433
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 1: it's gonna be hard to really pitch this if I

434
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:46,159
Speaker 1: don't know what it's like to hold a snow glow. Listen, Charlie,

435
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:50,440
Speaker 1: have you heard of the saying snow globes are for closers? Yeah? Okay,

436
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:54,920
Speaker 1: very common saying what I'm saying. So let's apply that here.

437
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:58,040
Speaker 1: How many do I have to close? Just one? If

438
00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:00,919
Speaker 1: you bring that belt three times in one week, your

439
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 1: life's gonna change. And I bring it every time I

440
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:05,640
Speaker 1: go to Wait a second, we're only going to average

441
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 1: three snow globes a week? How much are these store

442
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:13,160
Speaker 1: clob Well, that's for us to know and for them

443
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:14,680
Speaker 1: to find out. And if you go to the very

444
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 1: bottom line, the very last line, oh boy, that's expensive.

445
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: But it's got real snow, real snow. Really, how does

446
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:32,160
Speaker 1: that work? It doesn't melt in the wall. It certaly does. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

447
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 1: So it's snow that's been converted water form, but at

448
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:39,679
Speaker 1: one point it was snow exactly. We are bringing a

449
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:43,639
Speaker 1: genuine experience here. Well, with Christmas coming up, we should

450
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: be able to soli of these. That's what I'm thinking.

451
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,960
Speaker 1: I'm thinking three a week. I don't want to be

452
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 1: a downer on the Christmas season, but tomorrow's Christmas. If

453
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,400
Speaker 1: they order them, how are we ever going to get

454
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 1: it to them. It's a good time to be called

455
00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:00,840
Speaker 1: calling people right now. They're with their families, are distracted,

456
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,840
Speaker 1: sitting around waiting for a call. Well, if you guys

457
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,120
Speaker 1: are filling up to it, what if we go ahead

458
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,879
Speaker 1: and make our first call right now? Why do you

459
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 1: keep looking at me? You want me to make the

460
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:17,000
Speaker 1: first call? I see potential in you look triple see.

461
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 1: His name speaks for himself, David David David npr over here,

462
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 1: I mean he raised by himself. How much money was

463
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:33,479
Speaker 1: that pledge from NPR listeners? So there you go. All right,

464
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 1: So this book here is just all of these numbers

465
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:40,040
Speaker 1: are viable. Yes, yes, well that's the other thing. Um,

466
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 1: not only other either, they are they viable. They are strong,

467
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:47,919
Speaker 1: strong leads because I personally know everybody who you're going

468
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 1: to call. This is from my content. Oh no, oh no,

469
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,199
Speaker 1: you know a lot of people. So this is pretty

470
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:59,359
Speaker 1: warm here, pretty warm. Now, some ex girlfriends, some people

471
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 1: I'm currently dating. My dad's on that list. So I

472
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 1: know these people. I know what's inside their mind. Sure

473
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 1: we let them know that we know you? Or is

474
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,560
Speaker 1: that a secret? I think it's a secret. Wow, I

475
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 1: think you're an actor. Yeah, so hold that secret inside

476
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 1: and that's going to inform the way you deliver these lines.

477
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:21,119
Speaker 1: Will wow. Okay, I'll just pick up the phone, all right,

478
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 1: don't no, don't don't do that stuff. I was starting,

479
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,399
Speaker 1: don't do that, but I like to makes don't hang

480
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:34,919
Speaker 1: the phone, hanging the phone, I don't just starting Okay,

481
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 1: called hung up. But there was clearly somebody on the line,

482
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: which is good. So now that you've piqued the curiosity,

483
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 1: is that what you were alluding to. It definitely call

484
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 1: that same number back. Okay, just this time. No, none

485
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 1: of the sounds. Okay, it's hard because I got this. Okay, okay,

486
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 1: see so you still made noise? I ringing most it's ringing. Okay, Christmas?

487
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: Hang alright, wants to spend Somebody answered and said Merry Christmas.

488
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 1: They seemed like they were in the spirit. But you're

489
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 1: not in this spirit. Don't make the noise and you dial?

490
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 1: I can't do it. Could somebody dial for me? All right?

491
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 1: Same number? Trip'll see you're on a shareth Here we go. Booooooopoo.

492
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 1: You don't have to make make any noise. I were celebrating.

493
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:36,560
Speaker 1: Somebody else doing it for me. Watch this m H.

494
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: Franklin residents, Happy Holidays. Hi, this is Charlie sheen At.

495
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 1: Do you have a moment of time to spend with me? Yeah?

496
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 1: I am the actor. Do you know of me? Yeah?

497
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 1: My god? What what I'm I'm not cut up on

498
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 1: two and a half men? How does it turn out?

499
00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 1: What are you talking? I've never I don't know what

500
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 1: that is. Anyways. Uh, it's it's nice to meet a fan. Um.

501
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:07,040
Speaker 1: I'm I'm currently working on guys and dollars. But that's

502
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 1: not going to come out until next Anyways, masters, I'm

503
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 1: just part of the course line. He's on the phone.

504
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 1: It's a telemarketer. Look, I'll be honest. I I'm an actor.

505
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 1: I'm an actor. But you're trying to sell me something, right. Yeah.

506
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 1: Actually that's a good thank you, that's a great transition

507
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,959
Speaker 1: my script. Actually, my oldest son is in telemarketing, and

508
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 1: so you know, he's he's done nothing with his legs.

509
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 1: He's really pathetic. But your oldest son, yeah, he's a

510
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:43,240
Speaker 1: he's a he's pathetic. Yeah. Oh well, I'm really sorry

511
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 1: to hear the real snow. Okay, so here's the thing.

512
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:50,320
Speaker 1: We've got snow globes. Have you ever had when's the

513
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:54,040
Speaker 1: first time you had a snow globe? The first time? Where?

514
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 1: Where is where? Where's the first snow globe you've got?

515
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 1: Where is it? Where did I get it? Or where

516
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:01,960
Speaker 1: did I have? Where is it? Now you have it with?

517
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 1: You know? Well it look tomorrow is Christmas. Like, if

518
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 1: you're gonna send me a snow globe, tomorrow is Christmas.

519
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 1: Merry Christmas, Happy holidays, thank you, and thank you. Look,

520
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 1: if you're gonna sell me a snow globe. You should

521
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 1: have got me two weeks ago, because I've alred, We've

522
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 1: already decorated the place. I've already bought all the gifts. Yeah,

523
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 1: this is gonna be good next year because it's got

524
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 1: real snow. Can drive it to him tonight, and we

525
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 1: got a guy here that can drop it off at

526
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 1: your at your house. Don't clog up the line. I'm

527
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,920
Speaker 1: expecting a call from Amelia Estevez. Okay, my my son's

528
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 1: expecting a call from your brother. So I don't have

529
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 1: a brother. What what are you talking about? That's why

530
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: you have different last names. Huh Okay, I gotta go bye.

531
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 1: I think he's gonna get it. He'll probably call back later.

532
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,360
Speaker 1: Great sales call. That was pretty good. I didn't even

533
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 1: need the script. That was nice to have because it

534
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 1: made me. He went off script the bad I did

535
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 1: notice that. I noticed that too, But you know what

536
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 1: it was working for him. It's probably that community theater train. Yeah,

537
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:01,280
Speaker 1: I think so. Yeah, I'm proud. You know. It was weird.

538
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 1: Apparently his son was already in our seame type of

539
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 1: job and it's a complete failure. What that's me? You're

540
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 1: his son? Yeah, that was my dad. I'm so sorry,

541
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: he said his dad was on the last He did

542
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 1: say that, I guess I should have put it together.

543
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 1: What are the odds at the first call there straight

544
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 1: to his dad? Well, the odds are pretty good because

545
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 1: it's the only number on that list. I noticed that

546
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 1: you're not dating several people at all, are you. I've

547
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 1: never dating anybody in my life, So wait a second.

548
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 1: We're all just gonna take tarret's calling your dad. But

549
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 1: you hard to sell three globes a week when our

550
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:57,480
Speaker 1: client list is literally just your dad. But think about it.

551
00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 1: If you sell your dad free, so that almost nine

552
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:05,479
Speaker 1: hundred parts, why did you print it so many times?

553
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:13,560
Speaker 1: I don't call him. I can't. I can't triple bring

554
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:16,240
Speaker 1: the magic? Okay, get my culture say. I don't think

555
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 1: I could call it. I think uh holidays Franklin residents. Hey, Hi,

556
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 1: this is Triple C. Do you have a few minutes

557
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 1: to spend with me? Your two Triple C R the

558
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: wrestler c C C. Okay, is this there's another sales call,

559
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 1: isn't it. I wouldn't call it a sales call as

560
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 1: an opportunity for you to get something wonderful. This holiday

561
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 1: c snow globe. Right, that's right, and not just any

562
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 1: snow globe. This globe has real snow in it. Did

563
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 1: wait before you ask, how does that work? We're not sure.

564
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:59,280
Speaker 1: That's why it commands the price of two Jesus Christ. Seriously,

565
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 1: but it's real snow. We've reduced the price. It's Black Friday,

566
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:14,879
Speaker 1: so we're peeling back prices. It's not before, it's not black,

567
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 1: it's Christmas Eve. Well for us in the telemarketing community,

568
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:24,160
Speaker 1: it's Black Friday. When where where we're When was the

569
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 1: last time you enjoyed a snow globe? Where? Uh? And when? Um? Look,

570
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 1: I I probably have not thought about snow globes and years.

571
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:38,279
Speaker 1: Let me add another debut. Why? Well, I guess it

572
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 1: is fun to turn them upside down and watch the snowfall.

573
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,880
Speaker 1: This has no snow falling because it just the snow

574
00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 1: has already fell. This is a post apocalyptic snow globe,

575
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:53,280
Speaker 1: and it's a warning side that if we don't fix

576
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:56,440
Speaker 1: our environment, things will change. People will see this on

577
00:34:56,520 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 1: your mantel and Guilt's conversation starter. Okay, Well, I would

578
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:03,279
Speaker 1: think even if you're doing a post apocalyptic snow globe,

579
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 1: it could be like nuclear ash that's falling instead of snow.

580
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 1: That's true. Look, that's I know. It's Christmas time. You're

581
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 1: gonna be visited by three telemarketers. Jesus right, did Brandon

582
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:17,880
Speaker 1: put you up to this brand? Did? Whose brand? Did

583
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 1: my son Brandon like? He? He did? Boy? Does he

584
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 1: have your best interests at heart? Because this snow globe

585
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 1: is one of a kine. Okay, I can deliver it tonight.

586
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: They can be delivered tonight. That's extraordinary on Christmas. Eat. Look,

587
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 1: my son is expecting a call from the more talented

588
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 1: Sheen sibling. Okay, a medios. Yes, he was so good

589
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:47,480
Speaker 1: in Young Guns too. Yeah, and uh and the Mighty

590
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 1: Ducks series. That's true. Quack quick quick, Okay, Well, you

591
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 1: consider my offer, and the third telemarketer will close the deal.

592
00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:03,759
Speaker 1: Clost the deal, I do. Wow, Wow, great sales call.

593
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 1: Set it up for you, David. Now you go, I've

594
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 1: got to close the deal. I've never sold anything about

595
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 1: forty bucks in my life. This is this is, this

596
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 1: is laid out for you right here, right now. All right,

597
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 1: all right, hey, can we give him a little, a

598
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 1: little a little picktile four? No sounds or never mind

599
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 1: never mind, David, before you call, you've all gathered. This

600
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 1: is my father who doesn't want to see me. Is

601
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:40,520
Speaker 1: that right? Yeah? I got bad. So really, whether he

602
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:42,920
Speaker 1: buys a snow clobe or not, it would just be

603
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:45,240
Speaker 1: nice if he wanted me to come to the house tonight.

604
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 1: So what's that Listen, Brandon? Why don't we just go

605
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 1: right to his door with these? Why not just go

606
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 1: to his house? I have nowhere to go for Christmas Eve?

607
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:06,240
Speaker 1: Hello Brandon, Um, Hello sir, My name is him, Mr

608
00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 1: Franklin person. I'm Charlie Sheen. If you want any Charlie Sheen,

609
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 1: I can see that, Charlie Sheen. Hi, Hi dad, Um,

610
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 1: it's me Brandon and I brought some brands along and

611
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:24,279
Speaker 1: we would like to know if you wanted to buy

612
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,200
Speaker 1: a snow globe tonight. Like I don't want to buy

613
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 1: any snow globes. Okay, but your mom did seat four

614
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:33,359
Speaker 1: extra places at dinner tonight expecting that you'd come by

615
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:36,280
Speaker 1: with your three friends. I do this every year. Almost, Guys,

616
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 1: we're not as friends, yes you are? Yes? Yes, yes,

617
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:41,799
Speaker 1: yes these are my friends. These are these are my friends? Um, Dad,

618
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:46,359
Speaker 1: I promised us commission commission you can write, you're well,

619
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 1: you only get commission on sales, so well we're all

620
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 1: part of this sale exactly, Dad. I don't feel comfortable

621
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,560
Speaker 1: stepping inside this house until until you've told me that

622
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 1: you're proud of me. So my friends and I will

623
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 1: sit out here in the cold, and well maybe we

624
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,879
Speaker 1: could wait inside for that. My friend I will wait.

625
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 1: It's fine, you guys go inside, go ahead, and I

626
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 1: won't come. Wow, nice place, a really nice place. You

627
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:13,319
Speaker 1: could put snow gloves all over this. Look at the

628
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:17,320
Speaker 1: snow clubs. There's fifty snow clubs. You said you couldn't

629
00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 1: remember with the last one. We've decorated the place with

630
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,959
Speaker 1: dozens and dozens of snow gloves. He buys my snow

631
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 1: gloves every year. The snow snow in them, not even any.

632
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 1: But there is a in there. There's a family holding

633
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 1: hands around a tree. There's a family holding hands around

634
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:39,839
Speaker 1: the tree. It's really beautiful. Thanks, are you proud of me? Dad?

635
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,839
Speaker 1: Come on and Brandon get some need and that's our

636
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:52,360
Speaker 1: seconds Christmas Christmas? So we had people shooting things and

637
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 1: snow gloves added to the Christmas cannon. There. It is

638
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,399
Speaker 1: all right? Are last seen today? Hello? Alchemists. I want

639
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 1: to start by saying how grateful I am to have

640
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:07,200
Speaker 1: discovered this hysterical podcast. You guys make my cross country

641
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:09,799
Speaker 1: trips so much more enjoyable than it already was, as

642
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:11,719
Speaker 1: well as distracting me from the fact that I was

643
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 1: almost completely broke most of the time. I gotta say,

644
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:16,040
Speaker 1: when I looked at pictures of you all, I was

645
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 1: surprised to see how attractive everyone looks in real life

646
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,360
Speaker 1: as opposed to how I pictured everyone based on their voices.

647
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 1: Cole looks exactly how I imagined him. I do love you, Cole. Thanks.

648
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:32,439
Speaker 1: I don't know what that means. I got a face

649
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:36,279
Speaker 1: for radio. I used to run a chainsaw crew, so

650
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:38,560
Speaker 1: I'm not remember mind. I'm good with whatever you did.

651
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:43,359
Speaker 1: Uh So my suggestion is this an ill prepared fell

652
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:46,120
Speaker 1: boss is given charge of a group of children slash

653
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 1: tweens who have no idea what they're doing. By some miracle.

654
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:51,440
Speaker 1: You pick my email. I will be so happy and

655
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,959
Speaker 1: probably shout with joy when I hear it in my car.

656
00:39:54,080 --> 00:40:23,279
Speaker 1: Thank you, you beautiful, beautiful, nutty people. Eli. We all

657
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:27,319
Speaker 1: fired up, guys, Uh yes, sir, Yeah, I fired up.

658
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:33,440
Speaker 1: I'm fired up A mile chainsaw seems to like pretty

659
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:37,600
Speaker 1: low on either gasoline or electricity. I don't know, Wolf,

660
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:39,480
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be able to go all the way through it.

661
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:42,799
Speaker 1: Don't run on electricity, run on gas. I didn't see

662
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,720
Speaker 1: a plug, but I don't know. I don't I also

663
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:47,719
Speaker 1: want to be a plug. I've never filled this thing

664
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:51,879
Speaker 1: with with with any electricity. I've never filled it with

665
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 1: gasoline for that matter of reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

666
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:59,919
Speaker 1: me either. Well, we gotta cut down these trees, big

667
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:03,759
Speaker 1: one Christmas trees. Right, we're doing a good work for everybody.

668
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 1: Well not for the trees, but no, not for them

669
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 1: the dying Jesus. You took this job, you knew what

670
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:16,319
Speaker 1: it entailed. Well, I don't have to like it. Well,

671
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 1: let's get those chainsaws primed. Well, what if we were

672
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,919
Speaker 1: to use considering that it's better for the environment. I've

673
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:25,960
Speaker 1: got a hand ACKs. I like that sound of that,

674
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 1: and it doesn't need electricity and it doesn't need guess lad, Well, uh,

675
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 1: hand acts will do the job, but it will take

676
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 1: about ten times as long. Yeah, we don't need a

677
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:42,680
Speaker 1: hipster lumberjack out here, your analog. Come on, cut it

678
00:41:42,719 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 1: down with the tools you are giving. Go, go, go,

679
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:52,279
Speaker 1: go go. I don't know. I just um, something about

680
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:56,280
Speaker 1: this doesn't feel right. What the trees are alive, aren't

681
00:41:56,280 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 1: they Well, they're living things, but they don't have feelings. Well,

682
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 1: if we just looked for trees that already fell, Oh,

683
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:05,360
Speaker 1: I like that idea. That would save a lot of

684
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 1: time and chop them. Well, good luck. If you can

685
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:10,480
Speaker 1: find some trees that already fell. They're waiting to just

686
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 1: go out there for the Christmas tree lots, and by

687
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:15,680
Speaker 1: all means do so. There's one right here. It's not

688
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 1: very big. It's really just more of a brand. It's

689
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:20,840
Speaker 1: like a Charlie Brown tree. There. It's but if you

690
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 1: prop it up right and put some ornaments on it,

691
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 1: it's a Christmas tree. Did you bring ornaments with you?

692
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 1: I mean I had a couple. I didn't specifically bring

693
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:33,080
Speaker 1: him for this, But it turns out that they seem

694
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 1: to be in the right place at the right time.

695
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:40,799
Speaker 1: How do you know the trees don't have feelings? Uh, look,

696
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 1: we don't think about that, all right, you guys A

697
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 1: better suit if a snow globe marketing? Alright, why don't

698
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:49,000
Speaker 1: we think about that? Why don't we think about that?

699
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:56,200
Speaker 1: Because then it would make our job near impossible. Honestly,

700
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 1: I think he raises a really good point, like, I

701
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 1: don't know how a cat feels, but I certainly wouldn't

702
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 1: chop one in half ornaments on it. But if you

703
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,399
Speaker 1: found a dead cat in the alley, you'd be fine.

704
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:12,120
Speaker 1: Stuff it, do whatever you want with it. But these

705
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 1: trees are still up, and I don't know how they

706
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:19,319
Speaker 1: feel about being cut down. Look, this forest is overgrown anyway, right,

707
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 1: we gotta gotta clear some room. Overgrown, says who. I

708
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:27,319
Speaker 1: don't know the forest boss. I don't know about that.

709
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:30,799
Speaker 1: Have you have you ever asked the trees how they

710
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:34,399
Speaker 1: felt about this whole situation? Well, no, I haven't. Well

711
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:36,799
Speaker 1: it seems like a good place to start. Well, why

712
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 1: don't you go ahead? Well, maybe I just will turn

713
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:47,680
Speaker 1: him off, turn him off, let me talk to him. Okay,

714
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:56,080
Speaker 1: can you guys hear me over there? Hello? Mr or mrs.

715
00:43:57,520 --> 00:44:00,040
Speaker 1: Don't assume gender. That felt weird. I felt weird. I

716
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:01,759
Speaker 1: feel like I'm off to the run nothing. I'm got

717
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:05,239
Speaker 1: to just come up with the perfect idea. Instead of

718
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 1: chopping days down, we invite families to come to the

719
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:12,720
Speaker 1: trees and decorate them. And when they bring Santa Claus

720
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:15,839
Speaker 1: isn't real. When they bring the presents out at night,

721
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,680
Speaker 1: they hide them under these trees, and each family goes

722
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:21,640
Speaker 1: to their designated trees and they just celebrate outdoors where

723
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:25,400
Speaker 1: the trees are. We're at least twenty miles from any development.

724
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 1: All the better at night it gets to like thirty

725
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 1: below out here. Okay, well they won't be out there

726
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:36,920
Speaker 1: at night. Maybe we'll get a separate delivery service to

727
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:38,719
Speaker 1: put the presents there and in the morning it will

728
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:44,719
Speaker 1: warm up once the sun rises. No, really, it's just

729
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:49,840
Speaker 1: get down the trees. Hold on, hold on, hold on,

730
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,920
Speaker 1: hold on, hold on. Can we at least can we

731
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 1: at least think about which tree is the worst tree?

732
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,359
Speaker 1: Maybe which one is the bad tree? You know, got

733
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:01,000
Speaker 1: a bad attitude. I don't want to say, because it's

734
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 1: going to complicate things a lot. But this tree has

735
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 1: a family of birds in it. Well, no, I think

736
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:08,160
Speaker 1: that's great, So I think it would be a good tree.

737
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:10,919
Speaker 1: We should chop this one down. At the very least,

738
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:15,279
Speaker 1: we should move on to we're cutting down the tree

739
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 1: that has the birds in it. No, No, that's where

740
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:22,960
Speaker 1: we're standing now. Look up? Whoa I mean, I mean,

741
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 1: just like a human being. Surely some of these trees

742
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 1: deserve to die. I agree. I mean there's a lot

743
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:32,279
Speaker 1: of humans we know that deserve to die. Well, I

744
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:34,239
Speaker 1: mean there's that one over there that had some fire

745
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:40,800
Speaker 1: damage from the fire that, yeah, kill me. It almost

746
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:44,799
Speaker 1: seems to be whispering, please kill me. I'm getting a

747
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:47,280
Speaker 1: sense you're getting that. I am hearing a little something.

748
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:51,760
Speaker 1: You don't. Let's take that burnt tree and cut it down. Okay,

749
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:53,640
Speaker 1: although I wonder if this people will want to buy

750
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:56,759
Speaker 1: a burnt tree. Of course they will. It was an

751
00:45:56,800 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 1: evil tree. Please kill evil tree. You got burned? Oh?

752
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:05,800
Speaker 1: I was good? Yeah, you're right. This tree looks evil

753
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:16,720
Speaker 1: as fuck. Oh my god, Dad, what is this tree?

754
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:21,960
Speaker 1: I don't know, son, but something bad is vibrating off

755
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:26,120
Speaker 1: of it. Well, why did you bring it home like that? Here?

756
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:29,800
Speaker 1: Take the ornaments? Put those down, Sarah? What are you doing?

757
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:34,360
Speaker 1: The tree? Chose me two eyes. I'll call up a lass.

758
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:42,920
Speaker 1: What are you bidding? What do you want for Christmas?

759
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:46,759
Speaker 1: If you've been a good boy? Oh boy, yeah, I

760
00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 1: guess tree? What shall I do? Start with them? Take

761
00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:56,880
Speaker 1: the world by storm? Sarah? Uh, you're caring me. I'm

762
00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:59,160
Speaker 1: gonna be honest, you broke a lot of glass ornaments

763
00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 1: and my feet are I must start with you. I

764
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:06,359
Speaker 1: think he's possessed by the tree. That can't exactly right,

765
00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:11,839
Speaker 1: that's exactly right. Okay, Well what happens? The tree can't

766
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 1: be violent, but I can be. What's like? Look angry? Okay?

767
00:47:19,719 --> 00:47:22,280
Speaker 1: Why don't we just get out the chocolate covered pretzels?

768
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:29,319
Speaker 1: I'm hungry. Don't put it, Sarah. I think goodness year

769
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:32,319
Speaker 1: back to normal. I kind of like you better when

770
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:38,400
Speaker 1: you're possessed by the tree. Tree. I think that might

771
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 1: be a phone call. I think the tree's phone is right. Hello, Hi,

772
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 1: this C C C. Do you have a few minutes

773
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:52,000
Speaker 1: to spend with me? What's this regarding when was the

774
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:55,480
Speaker 1: last have you enjoyed a snow globe? I don't know

775
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:59,640
Speaker 1: what that is? Well, it's it's a globe. Let me

776
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:03,439
Speaker 1: hand you off to my colleague, Charlie Sheen. Hi, it's

777
00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:07,239
Speaker 1: me Charlie Sheen. Why would I know you from? Well?

778
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 1: I was in last year's Well, I was in last

779
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:15,040
Speaker 1: year's Oklahoma. I played one of the farmers. Uh. This year,

780
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:17,640
Speaker 1: I'm going to be a chorusman in Guys and Dollars

781
00:48:17,640 --> 00:48:27,040
Speaker 1: at the Community theater a chorus man. Well, that burnt

782
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:30,319
Speaker 1: tree shirt did sell, sure did sell. Yeah, yeah, that

783
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:32,960
Speaker 1: was wrong. It sold right away, Yeah, right away. It

784
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:36,320
Speaker 1: would have thunk, but it worked. Well. I mean, I

785
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 1: don't know what do we do now. Well, I know

786
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:43,640
Speaker 1: that this is probably just rumor. But I was told

787
00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:51,040
Speaker 1: that the whole forest here's fucking haunted. Uh well, I'll

788
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: tell you what I told my wife. It wasn't the

789
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,480
Speaker 1: forest boss. I think he's trying to hode it from us. Honestly,

790
00:48:57,280 --> 00:49:00,279
Speaker 1: it was my my kids said that, oh, all the

791
00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 1: kids know that this forest is haunted, which the kid larry,

792
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 1: there is a little fucking liar. That's not true. Well,

793
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:11,319
Speaker 1: oftentimes a lot of kids live. He told me he

794
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:15,080
Speaker 1: caught a Barrett once that you know what, Okay, he

795
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:22,440
Speaker 1: was lying there. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's true,

796
00:49:22,719 --> 00:49:25,879
Speaker 1: so many suns. I'd be fine cutting down all these

797
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:28,160
Speaker 1: evil trees. In fact, I think that it might be

798
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:30,600
Speaker 1: good to just burn the whole bunch. Want to burn

799
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:34,560
Speaker 1: the whole fucking forest? Tunes change, Well, I know it

800
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:38,480
Speaker 1: was an evil forest. I didn't know either. Again, our

801
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:41,799
Speaker 1: job was to provide Christmas trees for the town. I

802
00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:44,440
Speaker 1: don't know how burning the whole forest is gonna out. Well.

803
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:48,319
Speaker 1: In some ways, we're saving Christmas because we're getting rid

804
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:51,560
Speaker 1: of the evil and making room for joy. But maybe

805
00:49:51,640 --> 00:49:55,200
Speaker 1: we can do both provide Christmas trees and cutting down

806
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:56,960
Speaker 1: these trees. But then we're back to square one. How

807
00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:58,640
Speaker 1: do we know which trees are evil? I think that

808
00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:01,839
Speaker 1: they're all tainted if they cut under our plan. We've

809
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 1: gotta be careful. The evil trees can't possess people. Yeah,

810
00:50:05,239 --> 00:50:09,400
Speaker 1: that's true. I never heard that. That's vere that's established

811
00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:13,719
Speaker 1: for shore. Yeah, oh my god, that's cannon. Yeah, it's

812
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:38,399
Speaker 1: half your no Christmas trees. I have cut down two

813
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:44,239
Speaker 1: humans for us to celebrate under with four together. I

814
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:47,600
Speaker 1: want to open them and see the presents they have inside.

815
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:52,360
Speaker 1: Not till tomorrow morning, but I'm excited to see what's inside.

816
00:50:52,640 --> 00:51:03,960
Speaker 1: Let's sing with joy. Uh Stanning bombs. Stanning bombs are trees.

817
00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 1: That feels good. That did feel good. Now let's go

818
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:10,759
Speaker 1: around and say one thing we're looking forward to in

819
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:17,160
Speaker 1: the new year, the thaw. Oh yes forward. Do you

820
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:21,800
Speaker 1: have any personal resolutions? Resolutions? I would like to get deeper.

821
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 1: I would like deeper roots. Yeah, that's good. That's good.

822
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:28,320
Speaker 1: That's good. I'm looking forward to shedding some pine needles

823
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 1: and releasing some sap. You say that every year, you

824
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:34,719
Speaker 1: say that every year, and yeah, I always do well.

825
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:36,279
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think you could shed a little more.

826
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:38,359
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be rude here. Oh I need

827
00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:41,040
Speaker 1: to shed a little more, A little fluffy. You're a

828
00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:44,359
Speaker 1: little fluffy. I'm looking forward to in the spring when

829
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 1: the squunks get their funk on on my branches. Oh,

830
00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:54,520
Speaker 1: you dirty fuck. It's so erratic, you're that's a dirty fuck. Well,

831
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:57,880
Speaker 1: you know what my wishes every year, then I'll be

832
00:51:57,920 --> 00:52:01,319
Speaker 1: cut down. That's my a shore every year. And nothing, uh,

833
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:06,200
Speaker 1: nothing's happened so far. One day, one day, one day.

834
00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:08,319
Speaker 1: I just want to I want to be a yule log.

835
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:11,480
Speaker 1: I want to be a Christmas tree. I want to

836
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:15,880
Speaker 1: be a branch in someone's Honda Civic to make it

837
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 1: smell a little more piney. You know, dad, what's this tree?

838
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:22,960
Speaker 1: Is there gonna be any better? Yeah? Hopefully. And I

839
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:26,200
Speaker 1: just want to apologize for the way I acted, although

840
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:28,239
Speaker 1: it doesn't seem to affect you one way or the other.

841
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:31,800
Speaker 1: Whatever did they get me an oculus? Okay? Well, before

842
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,759
Speaker 1: we go there, can we appreciate this tree for a moment?

843
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:38,520
Speaker 1: Want at an oculus for Christmas? Okay, we don't have

844
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 1: room for an oculus. There's no room for fire. You

845
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:44,359
Speaker 1: would have to be stayed on. We'd be tethered, you'd

846
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:47,880
Speaker 1: be you know your mom's you'd be. How do you

847
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:49,759
Speaker 1: wanna get that? I don't I'm not expected. Just go

848
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:53,800
Speaker 1: go come in the door. Okay, okay, okay, Hello Mary

849
00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 1: Holidays delivery. Got a grateful of snow globes. We didn't

850
00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:01,879
Speaker 1: order any. It says right here, It says right here,

851
00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 1: tree ordered these snow globes. Oh well that that I do.

852
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:10,360
Speaker 1: Recall you know what I do. Recall a treemaking in order.

853
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:13,400
Speaker 1: Where do I sign? I sign right here? Oh my god,

854
00:53:13,560 --> 00:53:16,160
Speaker 1: that's a lot of money. Charlie Sheen is gonna be

855
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:19,759
Speaker 1: grateful for the commission three worth the snow globes. Oh

856
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:22,479
Speaker 1: my god. We can't afford this. Well we can if

857
00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:26,640
Speaker 1: we don't get the oculus. Yeah, I'm sorry. No, here

858
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:31,160
Speaker 1: we go, Thank you? Mr. How it is? Well? I

859
00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:34,879
Speaker 1: say these are all yours? But oh so this is good?

860
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,959
Speaker 1: Is like three sixty degree virtual reality? Well you're certainly

861
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:40,560
Speaker 1: not tethered. Isn't that right? You're not tethered, and it's

862
00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:43,360
Speaker 1: like two hundred and seventy degrees all except the bottom.

863
00:53:43,360 --> 00:53:46,960
Speaker 1: You can explore, put your put your face up really

864
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:49,440
Speaker 1: close to it. There's no they're not even snow in these.

865
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:52,920
Speaker 1: There's not snow in these. Okay, hold on, go get

866
00:53:52,960 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 1: the door. Can I go? Marry Christmas and happy everyone?

867
00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:12,759
Speaker 1: That's our show. Uh, let's see what everybody's up to

868
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:15,920
Speaker 1: on this fine holiday. Chris Alvarado. Oh, I'm just feeling

869
00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:19,240
Speaker 1: grateful and thankful. I love you all, Thanks for listening.

870
00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:21,840
Speaker 1: Happy holidays, everybody. Follow me at Chris Alvarado for some

871
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:26,480
Speaker 1: really rich holiday stories on I G. Yeah. Craig Katkowski,

872
00:54:26,680 --> 00:54:30,360
Speaker 1: Merry Christmas everyone, Uh, follow me on at Kikowski on Twitter,

873
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:34,040
Speaker 1: see Kikowski on Instagram. Yeah, James Any, Happy all the

874
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 1: holidays to you. I just want to take a moment

875
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:39,920
Speaker 1: to say sometimes reviews aren't intricate and heart that you

876
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:42,480
Speaker 1: can just get them done in seconds once it's hilarious.

877
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:46,280
Speaker 1: I really enjoy this podcast. That's mince Millie via Apple Podcast.

878
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:49,040
Speaker 1: She's from the United Orki's from the United States or

879
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:52,319
Speaker 1: something else. Really simple. Just love you all cheesy way

880
00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:55,080
Speaker 1: see via Apple Podcast. Oh that was it so just

881
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:57,719
Speaker 1: It seems like the comments are simple, but the names

882
00:54:57,760 --> 00:54:59,560
Speaker 1: are a little more difficult. The names are difficult, but

883
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:01,640
Speaker 1: I'm not going to complain about the names understood. The

884
00:55:01,719 --> 00:55:04,480
Speaker 1: go ahead and for your holiday season, fill your your

885
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:08,520
Speaker 1: heart with warmth by making a nice, simple review. Yeah

886
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:11,080
Speaker 1: that's a gift you could give us that costs zero money,

887
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 1: only costs a tiny bit of time unless you pay

888
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:17,080
Speaker 1: by the by the killer bite of James. All right,

889
00:55:17,239 --> 00:55:18,520
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was trying to. I'm trying to

890
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:21,239
Speaker 1: be the devil's advocate cabin eiser. What about you? Where

891
00:55:21,239 --> 00:55:23,160
Speaker 1: can we find you? Cole? You can find me at

892
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:25,920
Speaker 1: Stratton Cole or at Cole Stratton depending on the social

893
00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:28,600
Speaker 1: media service. I can find me a West Side comedy

894
00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:31,320
Speaker 1: theater a lot pretty Pretty Pony which involved several of

895
00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:33,719
Speaker 1: us here the first Thursday of the month at ten

896
00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:36,719
Speaker 1: o'clock pm. And uh, since it is Christmas, maybe get

897
00:55:36,719 --> 00:55:39,919
Speaker 1: the president's tickets to s F Sketch Fest just coming

898
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:43,680
Speaker 1: up January nine. Through alchemy, this will be there as well,

899
00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:47,960
Speaker 1: so check that out. Yeah, let's thank our engineer Doug

900
00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:54,240
Speaker 1: may Our post sound design artist Raphael Brito and lastly,

901
00:55:54,320 --> 00:56:02,000
Speaker 1: I Heart Media. We encourage you all to write a review,

902
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:04,200
Speaker 1: tell everyone you've ever met, and write to us at

903
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:07,680
Speaker 1: your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your

904
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:12,200
Speaker 1: name here at alchemy this dot com. Until next time,

905
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:13,800
Speaker 1: Alchemy this