Speaker 1: Hell I Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio Podcast. Hello and welcome to an
Speaker 1: all new episode of Help I Suck At Dating. My
Speaker 1: name is Jared Haven Not joined today by Dean. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we should take attendance a little light. Jared havan here,
Speaker 1: Vanessa Gribaldi, Dean Anglert. Actually this might be a better
Speaker 1: one when I say bueller Vanessa Grimaldi. Ah, that's a
Speaker 1: better one. As you guys have probably guessed, Vanessa will
Speaker 1: be on the line, but she's just taking a little
Speaker 1: break right now. She'll be back here in a second. Um,
Speaker 1: But we had an airport. She's at an airport like
Speaker 1: she just landed. She just landed somewhere. I think she was.
Speaker 1: I think she might be in New York now. I
Speaker 1: don't know if she's traveling from Montreal or to Montreal.
Speaker 1: You know, I gotta say what she's doing right now.
Speaker 1: It's something she likes to talk about a lot, so
Speaker 1: you know, with some people this would be inappropriate to say.
Speaker 1: Bit she is using the bathroom, which she loves talking about.
Speaker 1: I have trouble after an air after a long flight, uh,
Speaker 1: using the stopped up for a while. Yeah, well, there
Speaker 1: are a few things that hurt me more than using
Speaker 1: a public bathroom at the airport. It takes me about
Speaker 1: ten minutes just to get the stall ready for everything,
Speaker 1: because I don't I don't just put toilet paper down.
Speaker 1: I put about seven layers of toilet paper down. Sometimes
Speaker 1: the things they give you know, because that's the worst
Speaker 1: invention I've ever seen. Have you ever tried to use
Speaker 1: one of those plastic covers for the toilet? They always rip,
Speaker 1: They're so flimsy, and like sometimes I feel like they
Speaker 1: just they get wet. They soak up the water from
Speaker 1: the toilet, because no matter what public bathroom you're in,
Speaker 1: it's soaked. For whatever reason, people just can't use the
Speaker 1: toilet or the urinal or the sink correctly. I always
Speaker 1: assume I'm using it wrong, and that's why I'm ripping
Speaker 1: it or doing because I was. They were taught how
Speaker 1: to use those that I am always alone when I'm
Speaker 1: using them, so I must not know how to use these.
Speaker 1: But Sysony from the Seacrest Show had a theory that
Speaker 1: that flap, what the hell is that she thinks that's
Speaker 1: supposed to go over the front of the bowl to
Speaker 1: stop your underpants from touching the bowl. There's no not
Speaker 1: that whatever company creates those did not invest that type
Speaker 1: of money for your underwear. I think it goes in
Speaker 1: the water to ensure that it gets pulled down when
Speaker 1: you flush. But that's disgusting. Well, it's all disgusting, but
Speaker 1: I know, but when I can't, Like when I see
Speaker 1: the flap, I'm like, all right, we're gonna get a
Speaker 1: little bit t m I. But I think to myself,
Speaker 1: not only is that flap in the water, but it
Speaker 1: will be in the midst of also something that is
Speaker 1: entering the water. As I said, no, but I just
Speaker 1: feel gross because then it's just it's all connected, right,
Speaker 1: because that flap is connected to the paper that I'm
Speaker 1: sitting on, and then you know, my poop is going
Speaker 1: to be hitting the flap, and then I'll be sitting
Speaker 1: also on the other part. It's just today when I
Speaker 1: do that ripping thing, and I ripped the whole thing apart,
Speaker 1: I wondered. I wondered, at one point in my life,
Speaker 1: am I not supposed to rip it? Is my natural
Speaker 1: bodily function going to rip it automatically? Well, I think
Speaker 1: that's a theory you should test out next time. They're traveling,
Speaker 1: the holidays are around somewhere. Things. I think they're more
Speaker 1: trouble than their word. So are you do you use
Speaker 1: toilet paper? Use nothing? You just go Yeah, you think
Speaker 1: less of me, not that I respected you, And I thing.
Speaker 1: There's bacteria galore on that seat. It's the only going
Speaker 1: to touch the back of my thigh, and I'm I
Speaker 1: don't have any way of ingesting that bacteria into my
Speaker 1: body through my thigh. I'm not gonna lick the cover
Speaker 1: of the seat. I'm just gonna sit on it. And
Speaker 1: so I've decided that's okay. I've rationalized it. That's fair.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's crazy. Man, We're really getting some
Speaker 1: good content. I'm just talking about toilet seat covers. Found
Speaker 1: attaches it to your to your rear end like a
Speaker 1: paper machet, almost like you're like wallpaper like, and then
Speaker 1: it's just on there forever, I'm wearing one right now,
Speaker 1: you have about seven. I can see they're coming through
Speaker 1: your pants. Try or again would So we're currently calling Vanessa.
Speaker 1: Vanessa is traveling either to or from Montreal as she
Speaker 1: does Dean. Have you seen his Instagram? He's traveling all
Speaker 1: around the world yet again, this man. I don't know
Speaker 1: where he is, but it's a beautiful location. I wish.
Speaker 1: Do you guys travel Have you guys ever really traveled alone? No? No,
Speaker 1: never really alone. I mean a little bit with for work. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But have you ever just gone to a location by yourself?
Speaker 1: I don't think I have either. It takes a certain
Speaker 1: kind of person, and I think to say I respect it.
Speaker 1: I respect that kind of person. I envy it. I
Speaker 1: wish I had that type of personality. I I like
Speaker 1: going places, but only like a few years ago. First
Speaker 1: time ever went to Los Angeles, I traveled by myself,
Speaker 1: but I had a friend here that I stayed here with,
Speaker 1: And so I do travel alone. But I wouldn't say
Speaker 1: I travel to places and then stay by myself and
Speaker 1: then really just make friends on a whim. I don't
Speaker 1: think I have that type of personality either. Eastan, could
Speaker 1: you travel by yourself? Oh? Yes, I do lots of
Speaker 1: stuff by myself. Where's the craziest Well, hold on, there's
Speaker 1: a difference between doing things by yourself and traveling by yourself.
Speaker 1: Because I like someone like Dean. I mean he's traveling
Speaker 1: from country to country to country by himself and not
Speaker 1: meeting friends there. He's just going to these places on
Speaker 1: his on his lonesome. I haven't traveled outside the country
Speaker 1: by myself, um, but I have. Like I used to
Speaker 1: live in Northern California, I would come down to southern
Speaker 1: California by myself to see music, and I wouldn't meet anyone.
Speaker 1: I would just go to the show and what what
Speaker 1: type of music. There's this female rap group that I
Speaker 1: like quite a bit that no one else likes. They're
Speaker 1: called The Millionaires. They were on in a season of
Speaker 1: Bad Girls Club. But I like the Millions quite a bit,
Speaker 1: and no one else wanted to go see them with me.
Speaker 1: So I came down to Annaheim and I saw the show,
Speaker 1: and I took myself out to the ESPN Zone and
Speaker 1: then I stayed the night in the Motel six and
Speaker 1: drove them the next day. You gave yourself a nice
Speaker 1: little date night. But I'm sure you well deserved. Yes,
Speaker 1: I like to think, so, well, look what's the cat
Speaker 1: drag gag Vanessa? We need some information? What air part
Speaker 1: are you in right now? So I'm at LaGuardia New
Speaker 1: York City, in New York, and you had Yeah, I
Speaker 1: love New York, but I don't you guys know that
Speaker 1: I have, like you were, um luck when it comes
Speaker 1: to traveling. So of course my flight was delayed. I
Speaker 1: was hosting a radio show for Virgin Radio, which is
Speaker 1: part of my Heart Radio family, and I like sat
Speaker 1: out of there, and of course my flight was in
Speaker 1: May for like an hour and a half or two hours.
Speaker 1: We're just like silling on the on the airplane for
Speaker 1: forty five minutes flight. So I'm just hanging out here
Speaker 1: talking to you guys before I have to cut off
Speaker 1: into a cabin to my hotel. Must have been an
Speaker 1: emergency to use the LaGuardia bathroom, Mark. I told you
Speaker 1: I was stuck on an airplane for like three hours,
Speaker 1: so yes, you know I had this supporting and just
Speaker 1: needed to at least the piece. Do you use a
Speaker 1: toilet feed cover? Squad? Oh even for that interesting, That
Speaker 1: is a lot of effort to put into the bathroom.
Speaker 1: Just put a cover on and put some TP on there. No,
Speaker 1: I could see sitting squatting for number one is reasonable.
Speaker 1: I think squatting for number two that that's some thigh
Speaker 1: action going on. That's a commitment that is that's going
Speaker 1: to burn. It's not that terrible because you go when
Speaker 1: you have to go, You're not I'm not going for
Speaker 1: fifty minutes like reading articles. Actually I did. When you
Speaker 1: sent me the articles free today, I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: well that's a nice little segue to the article. Anyway. UM, so, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: we wanted to talk to you a little bit about
Speaker 1: the article that was released I believe on US Weekly
Speaker 1: about Lauren bush Now, Now, have you ever met Lauren Bushnell?
Speaker 1: I love her. Yes they have. Okay, I've only met
Speaker 1: her a couple of times, but she was very sweet.
Speaker 1: She was actually the first person I reached out to
Speaker 1: one Um Nick and I got engaged, and she was
Speaker 1: with Ben at the time, and we spoke on the
Speaker 1: phone and she was very supportive and inderstood exactly what
Speaker 1: I was going through. UM and we kept in contact
Speaker 1: even after the breakup. And uh, we've seen each other
Speaker 1: a few times. So quick backstory and Lauren bush Now,
Speaker 1: for those of you don't know, Lauren was on Ben
Speaker 1: Higgins season to The Bachelor. She ended up winning. Ben
Speaker 1: Higgins and her were engaged for a little while before
Speaker 1: they called the engagement off and Ben was the bachelor
Speaker 1: prior to Nick, whose Vanessa was on that season and
Speaker 1: Vanessa ended up getting engaged to Nick. So, Vanessa, you're
Speaker 1: saying you reached out to Lauren Bushnell just for some
Speaker 1: advice to kind of figure out what was coming, I'm
Speaker 1: assuming yeah, exactly. Okay, did she have any good advice
Speaker 1: for you? Yeah, you know, send me to cancel out
Speaker 1: all the noise, the outside noise. Um. So she's very
Speaker 1: supportive and so Ben, we actually went on a date
Speaker 1: and that was the first time I've been I love then.
Speaker 1: Lauren's a very sweet woman too. Yeah. Um, but there
Speaker 1: was an article released about Lauren Bushnell. She is dating
Speaker 1: Chris Lane, who is a country singer. I believe that's correct. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's definitely a country singer. I was just asking the
Speaker 1: group to see if you guys at all, but apparently not,
Speaker 1: um so Lauren bush Nell. Actually he is. He's a
Speaker 1: good looking man. I'm currently looking at a at a
Speaker 1: picture of him right now. Um, very good looking man.
Speaker 1: And apparently Chris Lane was dating Lauren Barr before he
Speaker 1: started dating Lauren bush Now, Novena, do you know who
Speaker 1: Lauren Barr is? Lauren Barr was on Ben season of
Speaker 1: The Battler and I'm not sure how far he made
Speaker 1: it on. I'm not sure about how far she made it.
Speaker 1: I believe she may have been on Paradise too. I
Speaker 1: don't remember exactly, but she was. She was one of
Speaker 1: the many Lauren's on Ben season. She was known as
Speaker 1: lb um and so aparently Lauren bushnell Um. Before they
Speaker 1: went public with the relationships, she reached out to Lauren Barr,
Speaker 1: who kind of talked about their relationship for a little while.
Speaker 1: So this guy, Chris Lane has dated a couple a
Speaker 1: couple of Bachelorurettes, which is very interesting. Um so you ye,
Speaker 1: I was in Nashville when it was right after we
Speaker 1: finished airing, sorry filming Art season. I was in Nashville
Speaker 1: and I saw him. Think Claire, I don't remember last name.
Speaker 1: Oh Crawley, Yeah, Claire Crawley. Hold on, So you're telling
Speaker 1: me that he's dated Lauren to Laurence from Ben season's Claire,
Speaker 1: And then did you just say one more? I think
Speaker 1: that's wow. This guy should just be on the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I think he just wants to be
Speaker 1: a Bachler, but he standing off the free One's a
Speaker 1: great person. I've ever met Claire, Claire's sweetheart as well. Lauren. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've met Lauren a couple of times. Super sweetheart. I
Speaker 1: think it was very nice for her to reach out
Speaker 1: to LB before they came out. So apparently, as Weekly
Speaker 1: it goes on to say Chris was dating LB Lauren
Speaker 1: Bar right before he was dating Lauren Bushnell. Lauren Bushnell
Speaker 1: called LB. God, there's so many Laurens. I'm already so confused.
Speaker 1: So let's get this right. So Lauren Bushnell called LB
Speaker 1: also known as Lauren bar a couple of days ago
Speaker 1: to tell her that they were together. So Lauren Bushnell
Speaker 1: called LB to say, Hey, listen, I'm currently dating Chris.
Speaker 1: I know you guys used to date. We're gonna go
Speaker 1: public with our relationship. Just wanted to give you a
Speaker 1: heads up. Do you think Lauren needed to do that? Bushnell? Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that's the noble thing to do. I I mean, also,
Speaker 1: all depending on how close they were. If it was
Speaker 1: obviously they were close enough for her to reach out
Speaker 1: to her and let her know if it's news before
Speaker 1: she found out through the internet. I think there's nothing
Speaker 1: more than a slap in the face and finding something
Speaker 1: out through an online article or through Instagram or you know, um,
Speaker 1: through Lord of Mouth. So I think it was the
Speaker 1: respective respectful things of Lauren to do, for Lawrence to
Speaker 1: do Lawren the last names to make life easier. And
Speaker 1: so yeah, I mean it's tough, right because you can't
Speaker 1: forget that you're in a public relationship. And for me personally,
Speaker 1: when when Ashley and I came out and announced our
Speaker 1: relationship back and in May, um, I was kind of
Speaker 1: going back and forth in my own head whether I
Speaker 1: should reach out to one particular ex girlfriend and let
Speaker 1: her know that I am now dating Actually we're going
Speaker 1: to announce our relationship. And I was talking to my
Speaker 1: sister about it, and uh, you know, I was talking
Speaker 1: to a couple of friends about it. Some are saying,
Speaker 1: you don't owe her anything, there's really nothing you need
Speaker 1: to say, and then they're saying, if you wanted to
Speaker 1: reach out More importantly, I was nervous to reaching out,
Speaker 1: not for her sake, but for Ashley's sake, because I
Speaker 1: didn't want Ashley to think that I was putting my
Speaker 1: ars girlfriend's feelings over her own in any way. So
Speaker 1: it's kind of a fine line. Um. And so I
Speaker 1: ended up reaching out. But I reached out, I felt
Speaker 1: like too late, and I wish I could have redone
Speaker 1: that I think I would have done it. I think
Speaker 1: I could have done a better job than I did,
Speaker 1: which I I regret. Unfortunately, I can get some whenever.
Speaker 1: Like you know, if I I date a guy and
Speaker 1: he starts by seeing anything negative about his ex girlfriend,
Speaker 1: to me, that's a huge red slag that many next. No,
Speaker 1: no, no no at all. I'm thinking. I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: give a comparison here. So if like someone has something
Speaker 1: negative to say about their x X whatever boyfriend or girlfriends,
Speaker 1: it's the red slag for someone that wants to um
Speaker 1: that that thinks highly of their significant other. After they
Speaker 1: break up, it's a sign that they moved on and
Speaker 1: they're on neutral terms. So I think if you would
Speaker 1: have done it a little bit sooner, I don't know,
Speaker 1: if I don't know fastly would I mean, I don't know,
Speaker 1: ask you that well, but I don't think. I think
Speaker 1: if I were to put myself in asty shoes, she
Speaker 1: she may have thought that was would have been a
Speaker 1: respectful thing for you to do UM, because it's like
Speaker 1: it so like um a soft spite to you. You know,
Speaker 1: still decide that you're carrying and you're you consider other
Speaker 1: people feeling. No, I think I think I was just
Speaker 1: overthinking the situation, if I'm being honest and not also
Speaker 1: the COMPARI the comparison here is that we're if Ashley
Speaker 1: were to call this person your X, and that's a
Speaker 1: little weird, isn't Well she did? Yeah, yeah, yeah she called.
Speaker 1: It wasn't you have the call? It was actually the call? Well, no,
Speaker 1: she called somebody, uh, an X of hers a couple
Speaker 1: of days before he came out and said, you know, hey,
Speaker 1: this is happening. But the Lauren's situations, it was with
Speaker 1: the new girlfriend called the old girlfriends, So it would
Speaker 1: be actually calling your AX and maybe you calling Ashley's act.
Speaker 1: I think it's a litt different because I'm assuming the
Speaker 1: reason Bushnell reached out the bars because they were friends,
Speaker 1: because they were on the same season in the Batchelor.
Speaker 1: So I'm assuming that they knew each other and she
Speaker 1: wanted to be respectful. Yeah. Now do you think it
Speaker 1: would have been more appropriate for Christical? Um? I think
Speaker 1: it depends on what their relationship. Mean. Yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: like it's a girl code. Is this a cety? Well,
Speaker 1: mostly it's a celebrity thing. But I think it might
Speaker 1: be just becoming a modern day thing with Facebook, right
Speaker 1: before you go social media official, do you need to
Speaker 1: warn excess before you do that. I don't go. I
Speaker 1: don't know. It depends. It really depends because there is
Speaker 1: a difference between because there's a difference between a public
Speaker 1: relationship and a non public relationship. Because someone like Lauren
Speaker 1: bush Now and this guy Chris Lane, like they're going
Speaker 1: to be in articles and some of their inside relationship
Speaker 1: stories will be brought to the public, whereas if you're
Speaker 1: not in a public relationship, it's really just going to
Speaker 1: be about whatever you put on your social media. So
Speaker 1: for the other ex partner, boyfriend and girlfriend, they can
Speaker 1: just unfollow. I think it's very difficult for somebody who's
Speaker 1: in a public relationship for their exod they're just in headlines.
Speaker 1: I don't mean I agree, but I also disagree. It's
Speaker 1: so easy nowadays to find out which friend to stay
Speaker 1: firth and which friends like you don't have to be
Speaker 1: following them. Someone else could be a friend, a mutual
Speaker 1: friend of yours, could be following your ex or uh,
Speaker 1: the person that they're dating. Listen, I dated this guy,
Speaker 1: and um, it's the craziest story. I dated this guy
Speaker 1: and then a friend came out to visit me in
Speaker 1: Montreal and then uh, they go back home to their
Speaker 1: hometown and they're like, oh, I saw that you hung
Speaker 1: out Vanessa this weekend and they're like yeah. And that
Speaker 1: person was like, oh's following the boyfriends And that person
Speaker 1: was like, what, Vanessa doesn't have a boyfriend. This guy
Speaker 1: that I casually dated posted pictures of me on his
Speaker 1: Instagram seed, but I deleted all of my mutual friends
Speaker 1: so that I couldn't find out. But it just so
Speaker 1: happened that we had a mutual friend in common and
Speaker 1: it came back to me. I don't think it's because
Speaker 1: like I was in the public eye just because he
Speaker 1: this person was following this a mutual friend of ours.
Speaker 1: So I think the universe will always pray in your favor.
Speaker 1: You don't have to bump searching for sure, will come
Speaker 1: out of the closet or whatever the expressionist and it'll
Speaker 1: like expose itself before you have to go out it maybe,
Speaker 1: But I also don't advocate that everybody should reach out
Speaker 1: to the X before they start dating someone new, Like
Speaker 1: that's just the way life goes. Unfortunately, I think that
Speaker 1: um if you're going to start to date someone that
Speaker 1: a friend of yours had dated, then it's the proper
Speaker 1: thing to do. Reach out and just start your relationship
Speaker 1: on a good note and like karma is not gonna
Speaker 1: come and butt you in the ask later on. All right,
Speaker 1: let me ask you a different question. Should Lauren Bushnell
Speaker 1: have contacted Ben Higgins and told him no, why house
Speaker 1: Ben Higgins? What does he have to do with them?
Speaker 1: But that's that's my point. So like for everybody that's
Speaker 1: not in a public relationship, but Lauren Barr dated Chris Lane. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but our conversation earlier was do you think somebody needs
Speaker 1: to reach out to their ex when they're in a
Speaker 1: new relationship before they like post some thing on social media?
Speaker 1: And for somebody that's not in a public relationship, I
Speaker 1: don't think it's necessary to do. I'm not think might
Speaker 1: have even reached out to Bed. She might have it
Speaker 1: and said, hey, by the way, heads up, this is
Speaker 1: going on and this is gonna be public, just so
Speaker 1: you know, because the key is how do they find out?
Speaker 1: You don't want your ex to find out from friend
Speaker 1: of a friend, from rumor mill, from entertainment tonight, whatever
Speaker 1: the situation. Maybe you'd rather hear from them, right, Yes,
Speaker 1: I agree, but no, But I mean if if I were,
Speaker 1: if I would to start dating someone, I wouldn't call
Speaker 1: it Nick and be like, hey, heads up dating someone?
Speaker 1: Like I agree. Just conversely, Nick wouldn't call you, and
Speaker 1: I don't think neither one of you needs to do that. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: well I think we are all Yeah, I think we're
Speaker 1: all agreement on that one. We have a guest here.
Speaker 1: I want to bring her in. Vanessa, you gotta get
Speaker 1: in your cab. Thank you for coming on. Yes, guys
Speaker 1: have the worst less of travel, but enjoy the rest
Speaker 1: of the episode. Thanks Vanessa. All right, was you guys
Speaker 1: know the holidays are coming up, which means it's probably
Speaker 1: getting colder where you're at, which means I just want
Speaker 1: it from me Personally, I want to stay in and
Speaker 1: watch TV all day. And the cool thing is now
Speaker 1: there's a lot of streaming services out there, and one
Speaker 1: of the greatest streaming services is Amazon Fire TV. It
Speaker 1: brings all the live and streaming content that you love
Speaker 1: to the biggest screen in your house, also known as
Speaker 1: the television. You can watch everything you love with access
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Speaker 1: can even watch YouTube videos and access websites like Reddit.
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Speaker 1: fire TV. Watching YouTube is all about you, and when
Speaker 1: it's on the big screen with fire TV, it's the
Speaker 1: ultimate ultimate mix of entertainment and relaxation. I've been binge
Speaker 1: watching The Good Place with Kristen Bell. Obviously that's Ashley's choice,
Speaker 1: not my own. But the cool thing is I'm gonna
Speaker 1: make her start watching Barry, which is on HBO right afterward.
Speaker 1: Is a good show. You gotta admit that's a funny show.
Speaker 1: It is a funny show. I'm very excited to start
Speaker 1: Barry though, because I'm a big Bill Pater fan. Um
Speaker 1: and so that would be coming up soon. Again, that's
Speaker 1: all on Amazon fire TV. All you have to do
Speaker 1: is say Alexa, open YouTube and I can watch my
Speaker 1: favorite YouTube channel. Um. Everything is on the TV. Like
Speaker 1: we said, it's better, uh, watching on the TV than
Speaker 1: on your laptop or at work or squinting into your phone.
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Speaker 1: What a great website. Check it out today. Also, with
Speaker 1: the holidays coming up, guys, a lot of people unfortunately
Speaker 1: are getting sick. We are in the midst of the
Speaker 1: flu season. Ashley is actually having a little bit of
Speaker 1: a cold right now, but she's trying to do her
Speaker 1: best to stay healthy and one of the things that
Speaker 1: she can do is take vitamins, and so she's been
Speaker 1: trying the Ritual vitamins, which are all for women. UM
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Speaker 1: Then I didn't know what this new. Oh it's like
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Speaker 1: Well in studio. We have a very lovely guest. We
Speaker 1: have Brittany Louise Taylor and I'm saying that right. Brittany,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us today. You are
Speaker 1: a very special guest. Um. So, Brittany, tell our audience
Speaker 1: this is the help us stuck, a dating podcast. So
Speaker 1: it's all about dating. You have a little bit of background,
Speaker 1: a massive background in that I thoroughly suck at dating,
Speaker 1: So I I belong here. This is my moment. You're
Speaker 1: in the right place. So tell our audience a little
Speaker 1: bit about yourself. Um, I make videos on YouTube and
Speaker 1: I have for the past. It was eleven twelve years.
Speaker 1: I'm really tall and skinny, so it's kind of hard
Speaker 1: to book me in acting. So I saw you six
Speaker 1: but I like heels too, so that makes me like
Speaker 1: six four. So I'm the one you notice when you're out,
Speaker 1: like not in a good way, because like that's the
Speaker 1: girl in line subway, Like you know, are you wearing
Speaker 1: heels right now? Okay? Because I noticed I was, like,
Speaker 1: you look taller than six ft but I mean when
Speaker 1: you when you're six ft, like, what's the point? What's
Speaker 1: another like three or four inches? Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: Like it doesn't matter you're already six ft. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: might as well just rocket rocket four. So I'm sorry. Continue,
Speaker 1: um no, So I make videos on YouTube. I have
Speaker 1: my son will be two this week because I have
Speaker 1: a two year old son, single mom, and I went
Speaker 1: through one of the most horrific dating experiences, Like my
Speaker 1: life was like a lifetime movie. Yeah, And you have
Speaker 1: a book coming out, I do coming out, Yeah, And
Speaker 1: it goes into how I met him on Tinder and
Speaker 1: all the I fell in love, had a baby, and
Speaker 1: kind of my whole entire world went crashing down around
Speaker 1: me and the things that I discovered when I left
Speaker 1: him that are just bone chilling and still kind of
Speaker 1: scare me at night. But I'm just being a voice
Speaker 1: for every woman that's ever been abused and never spoken up.
Speaker 1: This is what we call a cautionary tale. It's a
Speaker 1: cautionary tale exactly in the name of it, don't do
Speaker 1: what I did. The name of it is a sucky
Speaker 1: love story overcoming unhappily ever after. And now you're on
Speaker 1: the help. I Secon Dating podcast, So it does come
Speaker 1: full circle, it really does. Um, so how did you
Speaker 1: meet this particular person that's I swept right on Tender? So?
Speaker 1: I mean I think I kind of in my gut
Speaker 1: knew we weren't going to be right for each other
Speaker 1: because you know, he had this like one photo was
Speaker 1: him like without a shirt on, holding a great fruit
Speaker 1: and knife in it, and he kind of like he
Speaker 1: had like interesting but they were like professional photos on
Speaker 1: his tender profile, which is pretty normal in l A,
Speaker 1: like you know that people are actors or but he
Speaker 1: was a doctor from Europe and it just seemed a
Speaker 1: little stage. But he was so cute I couldn't resist.
Speaker 1: Was that a professional photo? The one all of them? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was a professional. He was like like knifeing a
Speaker 1: set dress like with like only blue jeans on. But
Speaker 1: he had a nice body. So I'm sorry, Like it's
Speaker 1: still I'm female and somewhat shallow, Like the packs got me. Listen,
Speaker 1: it's an online dating app, Like the first thing you
Speaker 1: see is the physical appearance of somebody, but it's always
Speaker 1: visual and then flags that draws are the things that
Speaker 1: should be pushing us away, but we can't help ourselves.
Speaker 1: If only had a time capsule, our time machine, I
Speaker 1: could go back and talk to myself about this. But yeah,
Speaker 1: um and so, so it's a questionary tale about what
Speaker 1: happened with you and everything that happened. So how long
Speaker 1: were you guys dating for almost two years? Okay? So yeah,
Speaker 1: and then this is the father of your child. Yes,
Speaker 1: and you are very open about these things. I don't
Speaker 1: want people to think that like I'm pressing you with
Speaker 1: you know, I want to talk about it. Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: seen it. I've seen a lot of your videos on YouTube,
Speaker 1: which is very successful in congratulations on your success with that,
Speaker 1: and they're very entertaining. And I've seen videos of what
Speaker 1: is your son's name, Rex Rex? I think just a
Speaker 1: little t Rex Dinstre t Rex Yes, um and department
Speaker 1: adorable um and so uh. He is the father every
Speaker 1: child and he kind of went through a difficult time.
Speaker 1: But he said and one of your videos I remember
Speaker 1: you saying it was it was very fast. How how
Speaker 1: everything he can't yeh family marriage like this was in
Speaker 1: the first couple of months, like within the first few
Speaker 1: dates he was talking marriage. And I was gonna like
Speaker 1: slow down, buddy, because of the coo do I asked
Speaker 1: for permission, like your mom, I'm like, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: like this was only date number two, and he already
Speaker 1: told me, like within like a week that it was
Speaker 1: like love first sight. He thought I was the most
Speaker 1: beautiful woman he had ever seen. He came on really
Speaker 1: strong and fast, and then from there he kind of
Speaker 1: isolated me from my friends and family because you know,
Speaker 1: he had to keep up whatever he had going on
Speaker 1: or whatever his motives were, so he kept me. You know,
Speaker 1: anyone that I was hanging out that wasn't him was
Speaker 1: not okay. So and then he started to be where
Speaker 1: he always had sob stories about things. So I started
Speaker 1: financially supporting him because he said he was a doctor
Speaker 1: from Europe, but he just needed to pass his board
Speaker 1: exams because when you come from Europe you need to
Speaker 1: go through a process and take tests and make sure
Speaker 1: that you know you are ready to practice medicine the
Speaker 1: United States. So he's like, I just need two months.
Speaker 1: So I was like, okay, I will financially support you
Speaker 1: for two months. You get your boards done, and then
Speaker 1: you know, you'll be able to help me a lot
Speaker 1: of a partnership. But two months turned into four turned
Speaker 1: into six before I knew it. I found out I
Speaker 1: was pregnant. I also had a girl come out of
Speaker 1: the woodworks and say that you know, they were having
Speaker 1: an affair. He told me. He told me that she
Speaker 1: was a call girl and trying to get money from
Speaker 1: him because his family was wealthy. And then also the reason,
Speaker 1: it's just she had dirt on him because he was
Speaker 1: already married. So he told me when he met me
Speaker 1: that he paid his last hundred and seventy thousand dollars
Speaker 1: to this Russian woman so she would marry him for
Speaker 1: a green card whause the U S citizen. So I
Speaker 1: believed him. He was just that, like it's so hard,
Speaker 1: Like I'm he's still I like, no, I think it
Speaker 1: was my first time ever being in love. And anyone
Speaker 1: in love will tell you like when you're in love,
Speaker 1: you do have love goggles and you don't see things correctly,
Speaker 1: and you want to believe people's excuses. You don't want
Speaker 1: to believe that you're you don't want if they are
Speaker 1: giving you legitimate facts. How he's like, he showed me
Speaker 1: on a computer how you can generate text messages. He's like,
Speaker 1: she's making this up. Look these photos are from my friend,
Speaker 1: and she's like writing you know my name, and you
Speaker 1: can put the battery power and the date and the time.
Speaker 1: He showed me how she could have legitimately done this,
Speaker 1: but when I got on the phone with her, he
Speaker 1: was facetiming her at my mom's house. So she described
Speaker 1: in detail, like my mom's furniture and like the lower level.
Speaker 1: And I was like, if I only would have talked
Speaker 1: to her, I would have known that he was lying.
Speaker 1: But thankfully I got out when I did. But how
Speaker 1: long were you together? Um? It was almost almost two years.
Speaker 1: But the yeah, about about two years. And did you
Speaker 1: guys get married? No? He he said one day was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're basically like my wife. And I'm like yeah, He's like,
Speaker 1: well we should get married. But he never got me
Speaker 1: a ring, so we were engaged without a ring. And
Speaker 1: I just wanted a cheap like I Um, I always
Speaker 1: wanted a vintage rings. So we started looking in downtown
Speaker 1: because you know, there's some really cool like ring shops
Speaker 1: where you can get like vintage jewelry. I just wanted
Speaker 1: one that was like, you know, maybe that was in
Speaker 1: dollars or something. But he insisted that you know when
Speaker 1: he got his ten billion dollars out of the bank
Speaker 1: that he was gonna get me this like massive rock,
Speaker 1: and I it's not what I wanted. But we started
Speaker 1: looking at like high end property and like Malibu and
Speaker 1: ranch of Santa Fe and San Diego and whatnot. And
Speaker 1: then he told me that the banker ran away with
Speaker 1: the money. And at that point, I had already been
Speaker 1: pregnant for five months, not working because of morning sickness,
Speaker 1: financially supporting him, put my house on the market and
Speaker 1: then ended up having to sell it just to cover
Speaker 1: my debt, and you know, because I'm about to have
Speaker 1: a baby. Holy crap. How long were you guys together
Speaker 1: before you get pregnant? Um, I think it was a
Speaker 1: year and a year and a half. I don't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it wasn't It was that was fast. And also too,
Speaker 1: he was a doctor, so he insisted that we don't
Speaker 1: use any kind of birth control or whatever. He's like, oh,
Speaker 1: if I pull out, you won't get pregnant, he said,
Speaker 1: And I believed him because he was a doctor. And
Speaker 1: I mean, like part of me kept saying, well, and
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, statistically it's not possible, And yeah, I
Speaker 1: get the that there's my book is Everything not to
Speaker 1: do in a relationship For our listeners out there, the
Speaker 1: pull out method is not scientifically proven to be proof.
Speaker 1: And even if a doctor tells you that it is,
Speaker 1: it's not like trust me, I got pregnant. But wait,
Speaker 1: he wasn't a doctor. We don't know. I wasn't able,
Speaker 1: Like it's so complicated, Like even during our trial, the
Speaker 1: judge said, do I think he went to medical school? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But are you a doctor? I think that's a technicality
Speaker 1: because his time here. He didn't even know in my
Speaker 1: trial like a W nine like a W two was
Speaker 1: or ten ninety nine, or he had never practiced medicine
Speaker 1: in the United States. And during my birth he didn't
Speaker 1: know his glove size and didn't know certain things like
Speaker 1: if you're a doctor, you know you're like small, medium
Speaker 1: or large, like in a glove. And he was like,
Speaker 1: She's like, but he may have had a PhD. We don't.
Speaker 1: We just I don't know. I just And then even
Speaker 1: within investigator, there's no like there's so many things that
Speaker 1: I just don't know. But I know a lot of
Speaker 1: our relationship were really artful lies. It's it's fascinating scrolling
Speaker 1: through the the just kind of a timeline of your
Speaker 1: YouTube videos. Yeah, fun, happy song parodies, parody videos, and
Speaker 1: then with him it looks like some of these yeah,
Speaker 1: I um, it was his idea. He but it was
Speaker 1: his idea when I was sick because I couldn't do
Speaker 1: like my normal, like um, high production value videos. So
Speaker 1: He's like, let's start vlogging. And I was like, I've
Speaker 1: never been someone who wanted to put my life out
Speaker 1: like that, because you do open yourself up to a
Speaker 1: lot of criticism when you start vlogging and whatnot, because
Speaker 1: this is your life, so people can question even which
Speaker 1: just like dish stipy, it was like that people judge
Speaker 1: anything and everything and you have to have a really
Speaker 1: thick skin for it. But I started doing it and
Speaker 1: then they took off. Like people loved it. It was
Speaker 1: like a Lucy and Daisy kind of thing, like, you know,
Speaker 1: this cute foreigner with an accent and we had a
Speaker 1: giant bulldog that was a ham and me and people
Speaker 1: ate it up, but they didn't really know like all
Speaker 1: the abuse that was happening in the background and even
Speaker 1: some of my video titles. I was trying to like
Speaker 1: tip people off, like I feel trapped or whatever, but
Speaker 1: it would have nothing to do with the video. But
Speaker 1: I so badly wanted to tell people what was going on.
Speaker 1: Why didn't you feel like you couldn't spear? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: mean he used a lot of like scare and fear
Speaker 1: tactics and probably will continue my entire life to do so.
Speaker 1: But like any like victim will tell you, when they
Speaker 1: get away and they get into a healthy environment, you
Speaker 1: get your strength back, and then you get your voice back,
Speaker 1: and then you get angry and you're still scared, but
Speaker 1: you like you have this need to want to share
Speaker 1: what happened and protect other people from your pain. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and is this what the book is about? It's all
Speaker 1: it's the I I literally wrote it like a narrative
Speaker 1: where I don't it's not a normal memoir. Why this happened?
Speaker 1: Here's my thoughts on that, here's the lessons I wrote
Speaker 1: it like from start to finish as I was living it.
Speaker 1: This is the story of our relationships. So people can
Speaker 1: figure out what they want to take out of it.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to tell people what to think. They
Speaker 1: can figure out what I did wrong just by reading it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it seems like a questionary tale. A tale on a
Speaker 1: few different levels. Yeah, one on online dating and then
Speaker 1: for the more with a more serious issue, which is
Speaker 1: domestic violence. Yeah, and also just like doing your homework.
Speaker 1: You know, it's not I think that you know, I
Speaker 1: was just so trusting. I think that was my biggest mistake.
Speaker 1: And you know, I don't want to tell people not
Speaker 1: to be trusting, but you really do need to do
Speaker 1: your homework, like see if people work where they say
Speaker 1: they work, or know who they say they know. And
Speaker 1: you know, if if you know four or five six
Speaker 1: times it all lines up, then you probably can trust them.
Speaker 1: But you can't just believe everyone everything that everyone says
Speaker 1: at face value. No, I completely agree. Actually, there was
Speaker 1: an l A l A Times article that came out
Speaker 1: I think it was it was last year, and it says, um,
Speaker 1: seven safety tips to remember for online dating. Um, but
Speaker 1: it's it's I'm so single forever now. Well, it's just
Speaker 1: more so like like you said, questionnaire tales of doing
Speaker 1: your homework junior research. For example, number one is tell
Speaker 1: someone tell someone that you're going on a day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's smart and it's very smart, right, so your friends
Speaker 1: know where you're at that you're supposed to be here
Speaker 1: at this certain time with this particular person, because I
Speaker 1: advocate online dating using apps. Yeah, all too busy, like
Speaker 1: all too busy. I was just I would have never
Speaker 1: like I would have never been with anyone. I was
Speaker 1: just sitting in my house working all day like a troll,
Speaker 1: with my my curtains, clothes and editing like I. You know,
Speaker 1: I didn't see people sometimes for a week, like I.
Speaker 1: You know. Technology is not a bad thing. No, not
Speaker 1: a bad thing at all, but you have to use
Speaker 1: it smartly. Right. And then it's says number two, go
Speaker 1: easy on the alcohol. Sorry for the buzz kill, but
Speaker 1: they advised making the first day alcohol free, which I
Speaker 1: always advocate a coffee day. Anyway, I'm alone, I regress.
Speaker 1: I never drink so like I become five. So I
Speaker 1: am always the d D. So I go along and
Speaker 1: tell im they call me the librarian. I tell everyone
Speaker 1: what happened the next day, and I have a ton
Speaker 1: of fun because I'm witning, like witnessing all the shenanigans,
Speaker 1: but I'm never participating. It's always better witnessing the shenanigans
Speaker 1: than being a part of the um. It says three,
Speaker 1: limit the personal data you reveal um so it says,
Speaker 1: goes this goes beyond a tender day. Practice a little discretion.
Speaker 1: You don't want personal details, such a true address, as
Speaker 1: precisely where you plan to be on Saturday night, things
Speaker 1: that are very specific. They say, stay away from that,
Speaker 1: specifically on the first day, because while you're meeting someone,
Speaker 1: they are still strangers, says number four. Do a little
Speaker 1: online sleeping. So google pretty much the person you're meeting,
Speaker 1: which I I think so too. I googled him, But
Speaker 1: there were websites that may or may not be legitimate,
Speaker 1: so you can't even trust that. What do you mean,
Speaker 1: Like there were things where he was on like a
Speaker 1: vape board as a doctor, like you know, who know this?
Speaker 1: This company went out of business and it has a
Speaker 1: picture of him like his you know cousin if it's
Speaker 1: his cousin took it and yeah, I know that now.
Speaker 1: But like just because he's a doctor on a website
Speaker 1: for vaping doesn't mean it's actually a doctor totally. And
Speaker 1: they say, I was, I don't know if it's this
Speaker 1: article another one, but the same thing when you look
Speaker 1: up somebody on social media, just be smart if they have,
Speaker 1: you know, one picture with zero followers or so on,
Speaker 1: like just you know, become your own a little investigator,
Speaker 1: you know, go a little deeper because it is a
Speaker 1: little scary. Number five is they say talk actually talk
Speaker 1: before the first date. So that's another question that we
Speaker 1: brought up, talk about like either face timing before a
Speaker 1: first day or calling them making sure that this is
Speaker 1: an actual Yeah. I I probably save you some from
Speaker 1: some like weird dates too, because you know there's those
Speaker 1: ones that are really pretty and then you get around
Speaker 1: and we're like, oh no, no, no, yeah, yeah, that
Speaker 1: probably would would help. Um. And then number six says
Speaker 1: they're safety in crowds. Always meet up with somebody, um,
Speaker 1: you know, at a bar. Never go to a hotel,
Speaker 1: Never go to and I even like even at a
Speaker 1: bar at a hotel, I'd probably stay away from because
Speaker 1: that's just I'm with you on coffee or a lunch.
Speaker 1: Say something's like safe. I agree, because I completely advocate
Speaker 1: using online dating, but you just have to use it
Speaker 1: smartly and make sure that you know, like we talked
Speaker 1: about being in a public place, make sure you tell
Speaker 1: your friends where you're gonna be. Um. And then it
Speaker 1: says number seven go home alone. Uh, you know, try
Speaker 1: to do your best to not have this turn into
Speaker 1: an overnight date. Um. But it's all true, you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's it's it's the modern world we live in,
Speaker 1: you know, and it's it's one of those things. I
Speaker 1: feel like we either adapt or we die. Um and
Speaker 1: in this case, we either adapt or we die alone
Speaker 1: exactly because it really is just everybody's meeting each other
Speaker 1: online and there's nothing wrong with that, but you have
Speaker 1: to just like yourself, you know. It's just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but if someone's coming on really strong, if like you know,
Speaker 1: they're saying it's first sight, if they want to marry
Speaker 1: you right away, if they're controlling you, if they're isolating you,
Speaker 1: there are things that are just behavior people that are
Speaker 1: going to be toxic. It reminds me of the Dirty John,
Speaker 1: you know. What's so funny because it's very similar but
Speaker 1: not like you know, no one tried to kill me
Speaker 1: in the end, Like what's a dirty jomp? Oh, you
Speaker 1: need to listen to it, but it's it's it's very similar,
Speaker 1: but it's we always say it's like a younger European
Speaker 1: Dirty John, like but like you know, listening to hers,
Speaker 1: there are some similarities and what's even Yeah, but what's
Speaker 1: even creepier is my my ex was in Newport Beach
Speaker 1: for a while, So I'm like, didn't you know this
Speaker 1: styre liked? He like? Was that his mentor? I don't
Speaker 1: know if you don't know. It's a great podcast. The
Speaker 1: Only Times put it out. It's about a truth story
Speaker 1: and Orange County of a guy who pretended to be
Speaker 1: a doctor between to be all these things and scammed
Speaker 1: this woman out a whole bunch of money and she
Speaker 1: supported him for a long period of time, ended up.
Speaker 1: Don't give away. Yes, it's really good and now it's
Speaker 1: a series on Bravo. Yeah, I think it's on Bravo. Yeah,
Speaker 1: with Connie Britain. Yeah, there's there. Yeah, there's some because
Speaker 1: it's people that are like that, that are Connorist or whatever.
Speaker 1: They do have certain taxs you can't stay because I yes,
Speaker 1: but there are certain things like he definitely, you know,
Speaker 1: faked an illness at one point and try to get
Speaker 1: my bank account information and there was definitely a lot
Speaker 1: going on or like you know, tricked me into giving
Speaker 1: him like our all our pernent documents like social Security
Speaker 1: cards and whatnot because he said he was dying and
Speaker 1: wanted to put land in our name, like for my
Speaker 1: son and I. But now I'm like, yeah, you're just
Speaker 1: like covering your head. Yared, No fixed my head. I thought.
Speaker 1: I thought you're going like, oh God, So, like you know,
Speaker 1: I've had to freeze my credit and all that stuff.
Speaker 1: So but people like John and Dirty John or my
Speaker 1: guy me lotion in my you know, life, they all
Speaker 1: kind of operate the same. And I think the more
Speaker 1: that people come forward, it educates everyone because there's only
Speaker 1: certain tactics that work. Like if if someone comes and
Speaker 1: thinks you are the you know, the besknees from the
Speaker 1: start and comes on strong and you are perfect, something
Speaker 1: that's wrong, but exactly that they know that. They know
Speaker 1: that that's what women fall for it or or men,
Speaker 1: because like one in four women in their lifetime will
Speaker 1: experience domestic violence and one in nine men in our
Speaker 1: lifetime will experience some form of it. So, like, you know,
Speaker 1: if if everyone is aware of the tactics these people use,
Speaker 1: they're not gonna be able to do it because there's
Speaker 1: only so many things that work. What are some of
Speaker 1: the tactics, Like I said, come on strong, you're perfect.
Speaker 1: They want to marry you. Let's say, like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: was saying isolation. Um. They also figure out a way
Speaker 1: for you to take care of their problems all the time.
Speaker 1: They'll they'll give you a sob story like in crying,
Speaker 1: and you feel the need to have to and a
Speaker 1: lot of times ends up being money. So it's always
Speaker 1: like I can't pay for like my car because of whatever.
Speaker 1: And then you're like, okay, well I'll take out a
Speaker 1: car loan so you won't pay on your interest because
Speaker 1: i'm you know, an immigrants and they have no you know,
Speaker 1: he said he had no credit so it would have
Speaker 1: been like through. So I was like, okay, Then I
Speaker 1: took out a car loan in his in my name,
Speaker 1: and then before you know what, I was paying the
Speaker 1: car payments too when he was to pay the car payments.
Speaker 1: I feel like I hear these stories all the time
Speaker 1: from a catfish standpoint, where it's a lot of online
Speaker 1: meeting up chat rooms, and then it's somebody who's fallen
Speaker 1: in love with this person and then it ends up
Speaker 1: being a scam and they're just trying to get money
Speaker 1: and they're like, no, I need money to come to
Speaker 1: the United States, and can you please send me ten
Speaker 1: thousand dollars and I can come to you blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: But in you're a case, this was very personal. But
Speaker 1: mine makes no sense too because the the you know,
Speaker 1: the woman that he was married to, she was a
Speaker 1: trust fund but baby with a ton of money. I'm
Speaker 1: not like you know, I've done okay for myself, but
Speaker 1: like she before she took down her social media had
Speaker 1: you know, pictures of her on a yacht and private planes,
Speaker 1: and like the car he was driving, and all his
Speaker 1: luxuries that he had when he met me were probably
Speaker 1: purchased by her. So why me? Like he left that
Speaker 1: to be with me. So I don't know if he
Speaker 1: just found me more of a challenge and more interesting,
Speaker 1: or was sick of sleeping with someone who was twice
Speaker 1: his age, or or what. I still don't understand why
Speaker 1: he because he used to tell me all the time,
Speaker 1: I had everything when I met you. I had everything
Speaker 1: when I met you, and I kept thinking it always
Speaker 1: put the blame on me and made me feel like
Speaker 1: I had to work harder or give more because he
Speaker 1: lost so much being with me. Do you know why
Speaker 1: you were a target for him? And because I know
Speaker 1: you all you would blame yourself in this situation, and
Speaker 1: of course there's no reason to do that, of course,
Speaker 1: but do you know what about you, because like you said,
Speaker 1: you're not on yachts on social media. Why he targeted you?
Speaker 1: Because somebody has all these followers on YouTube, they must
Speaker 1: exactly what. I was a billionaire because but he he
Speaker 1: knew even then, he knew my finances and she was like,
Speaker 1: like a multimillionaire if not billionaire, and I'm not. I
Speaker 1: had one little cute house in Highland Park that I
Speaker 1: busted my butt to buy that was square feet like.
Speaker 1: I wasn't rolling in the dough. I had a Mini
Speaker 1: Cooper like, it wasn't like you know, but people, I
Speaker 1: feel like people see YouTube celebrities, YouTube stars with a
Speaker 1: big following and immediately assume that they're famous and rich,
Speaker 1: you know, and some are, but I feel like even
Speaker 1: you really have to get to an extreme level though,
Speaker 1: to get to that point, because like even the brand
Speaker 1: deals were usually just keeping the lights on and paying
Speaker 1: the production value absolutely, and furthermore, even not just YouTube
Speaker 1: stars but reality TV stars, Like you're seen on people like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you're famous and rich, and it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, you don't know how this works, because it's
Speaker 1: the complete opposite. I remember when I first went I
Speaker 1: went back to work right after the show, and people
Speaker 1: are like, what do you what are you doing here?
Speaker 1: Why are you working here? I was like, what do
Speaker 1: you mean? Why am I working here? I need to
Speaker 1: pay the bills. They just immediately assume. If they see
Speaker 1: you on TV or if you have a big following
Speaker 1: on YouTube or social media, it's like, oh you are
Speaker 1: You're set for life. But she had millions? Why leave
Speaker 1: that for me? Maybe she started catching on. It's a
Speaker 1: lot of unanswered questions. I finally could be a fly
Speaker 1: on the wall. I feel like, you know, talk to
Speaker 1: me twenty years from now, and I'll probably have more information.
Speaker 1: I guess I'm a little confused too, because throughout this timeline. So,
Speaker 1: what was the first time he started really showing red
Speaker 1: flags like this? Yeah, the first indicator that he's not
Speaker 1: what you think he is. The first indicator was I
Speaker 1: think when, and I think I knew in my gut
Speaker 1: is when? Um. I mean I knew from the start
Speaker 1: that something was not right, but he was just so
Speaker 1: pretty that I was like, really, like, men got crushes
Speaker 1: on him more? If I went all my guy friends.
Speaker 1: Like when he let me hang out with people in
Speaker 1: the start, I would just want to like, boy, bru,
Speaker 1: let's go play basketball, Like they all got a crush
Speaker 1: on him. He was just extremely good looking and charismatic.
Speaker 1: And um, I think that when I he the woman
Speaker 1: sent those messages. I remember I was doing a branded
Speaker 1: job for a big TV show and I just shoot
Speaker 1: that night and I got these emails, you know, come
Speaker 1: in from this woman named Bunny with all these screenshots
Speaker 1: of their stuff, and she's like he's lying, don't believe
Speaker 1: eve him. And then that's when he's like, you know,
Speaker 1: she's trying to blackmail me. I couldn't let it go
Speaker 1: because I was actually I booked a job for a
Speaker 1: big car company, so I was flying to Detroit the
Speaker 1: next day and I was on deadline to get this
Speaker 1: video finished. And I remember milo she was just sitting
Speaker 1: on the floor crying, and I'm like trying to edit
Speaker 1: and process everything. And then on the plane ride to Detroit,
Speaker 1: I just kept obsessing about the messages and I couldn't. Like,
Speaker 1: even my mom said, you know, let it go. He
Speaker 1: didn't do it, but I would check her Instagram because
Speaker 1: it made sense. Like she looked like someone who Milosh
Speaker 1: would go after if that even like she was completely
Speaker 1: opposite from me, like I'm more like sweet girl next door, quirky.
Speaker 1: She was like like busting and like bub boom, like
Speaker 1: Jessica Rabbit type. So I understand it's it's believable that
Speaker 1: he could have had an affair with her. Does that
Speaker 1: make sense? So about it was about March of that year,
Speaker 1: I was ready to break it off with him, and
Speaker 1: that's when I found out I was pregnant. So I
Speaker 1: didn't talk to him for five months when I found
Speaker 1: I was pregnant because you know, I I've always wanted
Speaker 1: to have a family that I wanted to be on
Speaker 1: my own terms. And I felt like he kind of
Speaker 1: tricked me because you know, I wasn't using anything and
Speaker 1: he's attack then I was listening to him his advice,
Speaker 1: but um so it was like, you know that was
Speaker 1: that was the biggest red flag was her. And then
Speaker 1: when I finally got to where I sold my house
Speaker 1: we moved to San Diego, then things started to just
Speaker 1: not add up where I was like, this doesn't make
Speaker 1: any sense, but what is he doing all day? Who
Speaker 1: is he talking to? Like and his mom was just crazy,
Speaker 1: and when the moment my son was born, they wanted
Speaker 1: to get my son like Bosnian Serbian citizenship, and then
Speaker 1: they kept talking about going to Serbia when he was
Speaker 1: six months old, and I'm like, wait a minute, I
Speaker 1: won't have citizenship. We go there, he can stay, the
Speaker 1: baby can stay, what about me? And so I tried
Speaker 1: to block it. I emailed like their consulate and whatever,
Speaker 1: and they weren't cooperative at all. But I put on
Speaker 1: like his passport, O noticed, so if anyone tried to
Speaker 1: apply for a passport for my son that I would
Speaker 1: get notified. So I've done everything to like protect myself.
Speaker 1: Like now my son's complete. His name is completely changed
Speaker 1: because he was born Misha robert A Highlovich because my
Speaker 1: you know, my fiance at the time insisted that he
Speaker 1: have a Serbian name, and I never got to pick
Speaker 1: his name. So the moment I left him, I just
Speaker 1: started calling it. I just couldn't handle anymore. I started
Speaker 1: calling him Rex and he loved it. He was just smiling, giggle.
Speaker 1: So now it's legally changed. We went went through the
Speaker 1: process and a judge is like after I presented all
Speaker 1: the evidence, was like, yep, you have do yep, Okay,
Speaker 1: like signed off right away about it? Stant the Rex Rex?
Speaker 1: It is, yeah, but but I mean the every police
Speaker 1: officer we've talked to says, don't get your son a passport,
Speaker 1: don't leave the country. Don't like. Yeah, I'm still terrified,
Speaker 1: but like you know, for me, I'm like, do I
Speaker 1: live my whole life and fear No, Like I I
Speaker 1: talked about in the book, I'm like their safety and numbers,
Speaker 1: and I feel like it's better for everyone to know
Speaker 1: what happened to me, and when I'm out in public,
Speaker 1: know what Rex looks like, what I look like. Then
Speaker 1: only a few handful of people know what happened to me.
Speaker 1: So and women like me should not have to be
Speaker 1: quiet about this, No, absolutely not. I should always be
Speaker 1: able to speak up. How did you? I mean, it's
Speaker 1: your book, I don't You may don't want to give
Speaker 1: away anything. Well, let's let's see. Let's go there. And
Speaker 1: I want to know how you escaped. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I did this finally once and for all, when I
Speaker 1: finally decided to leave him. That's always the hardest part.
Speaker 1: Like you need a plan, especially when you're with someone
Speaker 1: who's abusive and controlling like you can't because if you've
Speaker 1: been beat down a lot a lot of times, they
Speaker 1: can convince you to keep to stay. And you know
Speaker 1: that about yourself. You're like, if he talks to me
Speaker 1: for three or four hours, I will probably give in
Speaker 1: and not leave. So we we basically tricked them. My
Speaker 1: mom came over for her. She used to antique buying trips,
Speaker 1: so it was a legitimate reason. I'm like, my mom's coming.
Speaker 1: And then I was switching to new management here in
Speaker 1: l A. I had a meeting about a clothing company
Speaker 1: that was going to do like I had legitimate meetings.
Speaker 1: So and my son was still on breast milk. So
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I can't leave him, you
Speaker 1: know there, he has to come with us. So my mom,
Speaker 1: my son, and I came to l A and I
Speaker 1: had the first day that I let him back in,
Speaker 1: so I was trying to fix things he was out
Speaker 1: of I didn't tell you guys this. He didn't live
Speaker 1: with me from my son being four or five days
Speaker 1: old till he was a month and a half, and
Speaker 1: he would just come back and scream at me because
Speaker 1: I basically kicked out his mom because his mom kept
Speaker 1: calling my child his like my baby. I kept taking
Speaker 1: it from me, and it was really and wanting to
Speaker 1: bind his hips, which is like put multiple diapers and
Speaker 1: like all the doctor said, no, this is barbaric. And
Speaker 1: she also wanted to put like a coin around his
Speaker 1: belly button because he had an Audie like belly button.
Speaker 1: It's any now, but like all these really strange thing
Speaker 1: it's and I don't know, it's a European thing. It's
Speaker 1: it's it's dated. Like they basically put multiple diapers on
Speaker 1: and they tried to get the hips in a certain position,
Speaker 1: and I was and every doctor, every pediatrician said don't
Speaker 1: do this. So when he finally had come back in
Speaker 1: the first day that I let him back in because
Speaker 1: I was I was like, this is the father of
Speaker 1: my child, and there were some circumstances going on. I
Speaker 1: need to let him back in and try to fix things.
Speaker 1: Then he was crazy and screaming at me in the
Speaker 1: car and we had an altercation and he hyper extended
Speaker 1: my pinky when I was trying to call nine o one,
Speaker 1: So my son had split up on me. When I
Speaker 1: went into the closet, I took my phone and I
Speaker 1: snapped a couple of pictures. So our plan was get
Speaker 1: to l a file a police report about the domestic violence.
Speaker 1: Even though it had been a month, it took a
Speaker 1: little bit to get this plan where my mom could
Speaker 1: come back and what we were going to do. She
Speaker 1: was on board. She was not like her and my
Speaker 1: adopted brother Robert were the like the masterminds. So but
Speaker 1: they said you have to like you have to report
Speaker 1: it in the county of the crime. So then I'm
Speaker 1: in l a like finally leave him, and then I
Speaker 1: have to go back to San diego back to the
Speaker 1: apartment and file a police report. And then like his
Speaker 1: friends kept hanging out outside of our apartment like I kept.
Speaker 1: I feel like expected like a van just to pull
Speaker 1: up at any moment and just take us. So I
Speaker 1: got a temporary restraint order first, and then we had
Speaker 1: to go through a trial for domestic violence. I'm assuming
Speaker 1: there was more domestic violence in the pinky situation. There was. Well,
Speaker 1: the verbal abuse was like extruciating and and awful. He
Speaker 1: had to physical altercations. One of them was while I
Speaker 1: was pregnant. But it was tricky because when I was
Speaker 1: trying to get away and get to our neighbors, he
Speaker 1: was on me, and I was trying to push away
Speaker 1: his face, and he said I hurt his eye, So
Speaker 1: I thought I had hurt him trying to get away
Speaker 1: from him, because it's like my eye, my eye, And
Speaker 1: then he like wore a patch for a while and
Speaker 1: had eye drops. But and I gave him like two
Speaker 1: hundred dollars for the doctor, and I want to go
Speaker 1: with him, but he won't let me. And my mom
Speaker 1: drove over and she's like, you guys, cannot let things
Speaker 1: escalate like this. But then I should have called the police.
Speaker 1: I think everything happened is it was supposed to happen, though,
Speaker 1: because now I really I got the restraint wh that
Speaker 1: I needed, and I had the proof collected, and you know,
Speaker 1: if I would have you know that you can't go
Speaker 1: back in time, You can only go forward. Yeah no,
Speaker 1: I mean obviously we all wish that never happened to you.
Speaker 1: But now you do have this book coming out where
Speaker 1: hopefully a lot of people can read and learn from
Speaker 1: from a questionary tale again. It is called um I
Speaker 1: Sucky Love Story Overcoming Unhappily ever After by by Brittany Taylor.
Speaker 1: Where is He? I'm sorry I have Where is He? Now?
Speaker 1: Is he doing this to some other women? You know what,
Speaker 1: I wasn't going to talk about this and I don't
Speaker 1: talk about it in the book because I'm trying to protect.
Speaker 1: But yeah, there's other victims, but I'm not. That's all
Speaker 1: I want to say, no, because I like, these people
Speaker 1: are just as much of a victim as I am,
Speaker 1: and I don't want if it if it was I
Speaker 1: was in their shoes, like you know, these women don't
Speaker 1: know all these things about him, and I'm and because
Speaker 1: of my restraint order, I can't. There's only so much
Speaker 1: I can do. My hands are tied. No, I can't,
Speaker 1: and that's that's awful. But at least with my book
Speaker 1: I can warn about him and other people like him.
Speaker 1: But I can't. My hands are tied. And it's been
Speaker 1: like it happened during my trial that he was involved
Speaker 1: with someone else and yeah, it's like he already has
Speaker 1: a kid with that person. Yeah, and you know, and
Speaker 1: married to that person. Do you think that's a tactic too? Well,
Speaker 1: you tell me in the you know three years that
Speaker 1: you know he in the span of three years, he
Speaker 1: had been married to one woman, engaged to me and
Speaker 1: had a child, and married to another woman had a child,
Speaker 1: and he knew so much about children, Like he knew
Speaker 1: which sterilizer I should buy, and like what diaper brands
Speaker 1: were good, some Japanese one when our son had like
Speaker 1: a rash, and he just like instantly new things. And
Speaker 1: part of me wonders, like how many other like half
Speaker 1: brothers or sisters does my child have? You know, my
Speaker 1: kid is amazing, Like you know, I'm sure that you know,
Speaker 1: they're all wonderful, but I mean there's just there's so
Speaker 1: much that I want to know. Wow, so your kid
Speaker 1: will never know his dad hopefully. No. No, no, they
Speaker 1: made it pretty strict, like they made it like you know,
Speaker 1: I like got what I wanted out of the court system, thankfully,
Speaker 1: so they can't lock him up for this, Well there's not.
Speaker 1: I mean I could have gone after him for fraud.
Speaker 1: But after you fight a trial for domestic violence, I
Speaker 1: was already like out a hundred thousand dollars of everything,
Speaker 1: and like now, like even now my bills because you know,
Speaker 1: buying court transcripts, even to write the book and all
Speaker 1: the like. The expenses never end when you're in a
Speaker 1: fight to protect yourself and your child, and they never will.
Speaker 1: But like it's so worth it. Like once you have kids,
Speaker 1: you'll get it. Like they you know, they would spend
Speaker 1: every single time you have on them. And like now
Speaker 1: I don't even want to buy clothes with myself. I'm like,
Speaker 1: look at the little splendid shirt. That's adorable. Rex needs it,
Speaker 1: you know, So kids are always worth it, I have
Speaker 1: to myself. So I, wow, that's such a sad, awful
Speaker 1: story you went through that. Don't worry. Like I tried
Speaker 1: to approach it, like from a sarcastic point of view,
Speaker 1: and like the good thing is, you know my story
Speaker 1: hasn't a happy ending, or I wouldn't be here. I
Speaker 1: think the big red flag, and that's the takeaway I
Speaker 1: think for listeners because so many people listening to this
Speaker 1: podcast you're on online dating. Yeah, I think the big
Speaker 1: red flag and there are so many is isolating you
Speaker 1: from your friends and family. Oh that's a huge one.
Speaker 1: Well that's just a sociopathic trait too, because they don't
Speaker 1: want they don't want anyone to know, like they don't
Speaker 1: want anyone to get on like catch onto them, and
Speaker 1: they can't handle one. People don't like them, and they
Speaker 1: don't They're very possessive they don't want you, so they're
Speaker 1: going to isolate you from your own family and friends.
Speaker 1: And I do think that having kids might be a tactic.
Speaker 1: So it's like you're down, you can knock you down
Speaker 1: and like even furthermore, isolate you from your parents. Kept
Speaker 1: him around longer, went back more because he was the
Speaker 1: quote father of my child, and he kept he kept
Speaker 1: wanting to get me pregnant right away, and I'm like no,
Speaker 1: I like the doctor says, wait a year because it's
Speaker 1: not healthy for your body, like you need time to recuperate.
Speaker 1: And I'm like that that was kind of scaring me.
Speaker 1: I'm like I just pushed out one. You want another one?
Speaker 1: Like come on, like you know in the future. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're great, multiply them, but like right at that moment, no,
Speaker 1: at the moment. But the only thing is you can't say, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I wish this had never happened to me, because now
Speaker 1: you have this beautiful child. You know what, I would
Speaker 1: go through it a hundred times over. Yeah. No, maybe
Speaker 1: that's true. Like you it's all that cliche like storybook thing,
Speaker 1: like the moment your child is born, your your heart
Speaker 1: burst open, and it's true, Like you're like yes, I
Speaker 1: would do anything for you. I remember in the hospital
Speaker 1: the day after he was born, because I did think
Speaker 1: about a little while about not keeping Racks, because it
Speaker 1: was just not by choice, and you know, I ultimately
Speaker 1: made the decision to be a mom, and like even
Speaker 1: though I I was like, Okay, even if it doesn't
Speaker 1: work out with me, low, this is still a life.
Speaker 1: I'm going to keep him. But I had this major
Speaker 1: guilt in the hospital. I can't believe I thought about
Speaker 1: keeping you. You're so cute, and I think you don't
Speaker 1: even think about like how like he had these when
Speaker 1: he was born, these super long eyelashes, and he was
Speaker 1: so chill, and they said, i'll give it twenty four hours,
Speaker 1: and hours went by and he was still like the
Speaker 1: most chill baby. And he's still like crazy, but he's
Speaker 1: just relaxed, like I'll go ah, but he's not like
Speaker 1: a fussy baby. Gave him a shot and he just
Speaker 1: grunted like he didn't like he was just from he
Speaker 1: was just cool from the start. I'm like, Okay, he's
Speaker 1: either not really bright or he just has it all
Speaker 1: figured out, because like in the car seat home, didn't
Speaker 1: cry one bit, just like whatever. But they can't see
Speaker 1: and he's just sitting and there like I don't care.
Speaker 1: It's really nice to hear that something really incredible came
Speaker 1: from this really sad and horrible story that you had
Speaker 1: to go through. But like Mark said, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: and it'll be good, like he knows that, and I like,
Speaker 1: you know the books as much. Like one of my
Speaker 1: friends just read it and called me crying. She's like, Brittany,
Speaker 1: this is a love story direct, and I think it
Speaker 1: is like I want him to know why I did
Speaker 1: what I did and why his his dad can't be
Speaker 1: in his life. And I think that what's what a
Speaker 1: better way than to really lay it out for him
Speaker 1: and when he's old and ugh, hm, Well, I was
Speaker 1: reading up on on you a little bit and I
Speaker 1: think it was either on Amazon or good Reads. There's
Speaker 1: a bio about you, and it gave you a little
Speaker 1: tidbit that I didn't know about you, and it said
Speaker 1: that one day your dream it's to be on the batchelor.
Speaker 1: Let me explain. I want to wear I want to
Speaker 1: wear the really pretty dresses and get like my hair done,
Speaker 1: and so I have some friends that have worked on it,
Speaker 1: but I don't know if I want to would want
Speaker 1: to date, like be around with people dating one person.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not a jealous type. I'd probably just
Speaker 1: be like Peace and Leaf. I just wouldn't care, Like
Speaker 1: I don't think I would get in the heat enough.
Speaker 1: I'm not aggressive enough. Do you watch I do? I've
Speaker 1: watched all of them. Yeah, I've watched you. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: I I love especially Bachelor in Paradise, like I love it.
Speaker 1: My mom my mom watches it, and that's our favorite.
Speaker 1: We die laughing because like the dynamics and everyone's just
Speaker 1: always really loaded in alcohol and like glazed, and well,
Speaker 1: the alcohol is the most I would tell you the
Speaker 1: most overrated thing about the franchise that I've ever heard,
Speaker 1: because everybody asked about that. Nobody gets drunk except for
Speaker 1: the one instant that obviously happened two years ago. But
Speaker 1: Paradise is by far the best show out of the frame.
Speaker 1: Even one of the producers he's telling me he's he said,
Speaker 1: because he tried to relate it to Superhero for for
Speaker 1: Layman at least, and he said that The Bachelor and
Speaker 1: the Bachelorette is like people's individual films, and then Bachelor
Speaker 1: in Paradise is the Avengers where they all come together.
Speaker 1: I just love how quickly it switches and I like that.
Speaker 1: I love it when it's in the girl's hands, and
Speaker 1: how guys are sweating, like I love I love the switch,
Speaker 1: like when the power keeps flipping. And then watching people
Speaker 1: that are like, oh, I'm like all like Manlyn cool?
Speaker 1: And now does she like me? I don't know, Like
Speaker 1: I like to watch the cat and mouse at the
Speaker 1: cocktail party, definitely trying to get a rose. Well before
Speaker 1: you got on, we'll say way to a little bit
Speaker 1: lighter subject. We're talking about Lauren Bushnell. Do you remember
Speaker 1: who Lauren Bushnell was? I'm better with Faith. That is
Speaker 1: her on the left show, the one gainst Ben Higgins. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so she is dating a country music star now
Speaker 1: he's Chris Lane. And so Chris Lane was dating another
Speaker 1: girl from the Bachelor franchise whose name was Lauren Barr.
Speaker 1: She's on the right. I don't remember her, but yes, yes,
Speaker 1: long story short, Lauren Barr was dating Chris Lane and
Speaker 1: then they broke up. I don't know how long they
Speaker 1: were dating. But then Lauren bush now started dating this guy,
Speaker 1: Chris Lane, and before they announced the relationship, she reached
Speaker 1: out to the other Lauren to say, hey, listen, I'm
Speaker 1: dating this guy. Just kind of wanted to, you know,
Speaker 1: make a good feeler. Uh, And we were just talking
Speaker 1: about the necessity that I wanted to get your two cents.
Speaker 1: I think that's just nice. I think I think that's
Speaker 1: really like, you know, and it's a good way too
Speaker 1: if the girl has any bad blood and you know
Speaker 1: kind of like speak now or forever hold your peace,
Speaker 1: so it might be in her way, like you know, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm dating this person, Like what do you know? And
Speaker 1: you never know what she would come back with. It
Speaker 1: was so funny. I was just on a podcast earlier,
Speaker 1: earlier and they said, don't dat a musician. They said,
Speaker 1: they will always break your heart. This one girl was
Speaker 1: married to this famous musician and like he got one
Speaker 1: of the group. He's pregnant and now they're married. He's like,
Speaker 1: She's like, don't dat a musician. But maybe country music
Speaker 1: is different. Well, I'm not accusing this guy of anything.
Speaker 1: He's a very good looking man. Sure he's very nice,
Speaker 1: but this is his third batch are contestant that he's
Speaker 1: been rumored to be with. But they're all their beautiful women,
Speaker 1: so maybe, like you know, the Bachelor Friends franchisees like
Speaker 1: hand picking these people and he's like, okay, well I'll
Speaker 1: have a B and C. You know. I mean like,
Speaker 1: well he's making himself the Bachelor pretty much. Yeah, good
Speaker 1: for Chris Lane. Maybe maybe he will be the next Bachelor.
Speaker 1: And then you called it, and then Lauren will go on.
Speaker 1: Both Lauren's will go on the show and they'll be
Speaker 1: the final two and he has to pick one of
Speaker 1: the Lauren's. Yep, you needed. You need to be a producer.
Speaker 1: I know. I've just been on this franchise. I've just
Speaker 1: been on four seasons, and I know too much. It's terrible. Um,
Speaker 1: but hopefully just works out with him, Lauren bus because
Speaker 1: I think that was classy. I think it's really classy. Yeah, oh,
Speaker 1: you have an idea. I have an email that I
Speaker 1: think that actually I think that Brittany could really help
Speaker 1: us with his email. Okay, but I think she could
Speaker 1: weigh in on this. Okay, if anybody can, she could.
Speaker 1: But I'm a female perspective in the room, so which
Speaker 1: you could use this week. Okay, it's right here. I
Speaker 1: mean I was kind of excited and then I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll be okay with Jared. Fine, you'll be fine, and
Speaker 1: you'll be fine with me. But it would have been
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's almost like it's always anxious, like
Speaker 1: when you like, I'm not just coming to be silly,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh great, I have to talk about like
Speaker 1: heartbreaking things and make them like and go. But like,
Speaker 1: I think it worked out. I think it was great.
Speaker 1: But I loved having you here. I really I really
Speaker 1: fascinated by great. We're already friends best and what friends
Speaker 1: do is give advice. So what's this? I can first
Speaker 1: tell us about talk Space to well talk Space. Today's
Speaker 1: show is sponsored by talk Space, and we've been talking
Speaker 1: about talk Space for quite a while on this podcast.
Speaker 1: And what talk space is. It's an online therapy company
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Speaker 1: And that means you can improve your mental health even
Speaker 1: if you had trouble making the time for it in
Speaker 1: your past. I try to stay mentally healthy by going
Speaker 1: for walks, I work out, um. I I try fasting
Speaker 1: from social media, staying off at certain times, but sometimes
Speaker 1: you just need to get something off your chest, and
Speaker 1: I certainly do a lot of times in my life.
Speaker 1: And so this is the best art about talk Space,
Speaker 1: especially living in l A that there's no extra commutes.
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Speaker 1: and you get forty five dollars your first month of
Speaker 1: talk Space. It's always good to get things if your chest.
Speaker 1: I do it all the time. Ashley, she's like my
Speaker 1: personal therapist, so maybe I should do talk space to
Speaker 1: give her a little break. And then we're also because
Speaker 1: of the holidays, partnering up with the Grove. It's that
Speaker 1: time of year again, Holiday season. The best part our
Speaker 1: house is jam packed with family and we haven't talked
Speaker 1: about actually coming to the Haybons for thankside that I
Speaker 1: know Ashley is coming to the Haybands for thanks Christmas. Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: I went to the Conetis which was the house a
Speaker 1: full household of I connettis uh for Thanksgiving and she
Speaker 1: will be coming to Rhode Island for a Haban Chris
Speaker 1: Hayban family Christmas. So it's always fun gone jam packed
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Speaker 1: slash dean that's Grove dot ceo slash d e a
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Speaker 1: at Grove. Do people tell you you remind them of
Speaker 1: Lauren Graham all the time, especially when I like, sometimes
Speaker 1: I get you know, adventurous and I die my hair
Speaker 1: dark brown, and like the like, hey, Gilma Girls, who's
Speaker 1: the you know the mom on Gilmore Girls? Not not
Speaker 1: Rory but Laurel. Yeah, I didn't watch Girl, No parenthood,
Speaker 1: I got nothing At the moment I leave, you'll look
Speaker 1: on your phone Lauren Graham. And also your name is
Speaker 1: Brittany Louise Taylor. My initials are BALT. I'm just gonna ask.
Speaker 1: My dad was so funny. I had like a huge
Speaker 1: crush on this guy in high school and he would
Speaker 1: always come to the football games, and my dad would like, Balt,
Speaker 1: you want some nachos, like yelling over the time, shut up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I get it, so I mean and now I kind
Speaker 1: of like it. I mean, it's it's a good you know.
Speaker 1: And and I was vegan for a while, so everyone
Speaker 1: would tease me like, you know, your in you do
Speaker 1: you eat bacon? So it's fun? I love it. Here's
Speaker 1: the email from anonymous. Those are always the best ones.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty five and I've been single since my college
Speaker 1: boyfriend cheated on me. I've been doing the app scene
Speaker 1: and I've had a five month relationship, which ended when
Speaker 1: the guy told me he didn't feel the same way
Speaker 1: two weeks after asking me to be his girlfriend. Recently,
Speaker 1: I was watching a football game and the guy struck
Speaker 1: up a conversation. He asked me out, but I haven't
Speaker 1: heard from him now. A lot of your advice on
Speaker 1: this podcast, centiders, I'm putting yourself out there and being president.
Speaker 1: In the moment where I texted him, he then made
Speaker 1: it clear that he only wanted to hook up. I've
Speaker 1: told this story to men and women. They all have
Speaker 1: the same reaction. Well, what did you expect. The guy
Speaker 1: who comes up to you like that is a player?
Speaker 1: My question is what gives is that true? Am I
Speaker 1: only going to meet cocky douche bags in real life?
Speaker 1: Should I stick to the apps? Or if there are
Speaker 1: good guys willing to ask a girl out in person,
Speaker 1: where do I look for them? Please? Help? I suck
Speaker 1: at dating so much and I'm tired of being the
Speaker 1: only single one of my friend group. I think you
Speaker 1: can tell, like online dating is good because you can
Speaker 1: tell people's motives really quickly. Usually like you know, they're
Speaker 1: very much like hey, what are you doing later? What
Speaker 1: are you wearing? Or like they'll make some like oh
Speaker 1: you have nice lips, and you're like, oh, come on,
Speaker 1: like you know right away what they're going for. So
Speaker 1: I don't I think online dating is not bad, but
Speaker 1: like maybe she should try like Bumble or some of
Speaker 1: the like you know, clap sometimes. I'm a big fan
Speaker 1: of Hinge, like I've ever heard. Hinge is an online
Speaker 1: dating app that I used, uh many years ago, but
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed it. It It was a lot of young
Speaker 1: professionals that I've found. But Bumble is pretty cool too
Speaker 1: because it lets the female go first. But it's also
Speaker 1: weird because that men like that power dynamic and it's
Speaker 1: kind of strange when women are doing the pursuit, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like, I've noticed a lot in
Speaker 1: my like, you know, guys like to text first. I
Speaker 1: like to, so I've noticed it's very like it's like
Speaker 1: sometimes that they lose interest, I feel like, but I
Speaker 1: feel like maybe the guys have wrong motives, so maybe
Speaker 1: it's best if a girl just Texas first. Anyway, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been married since before. I would want to be
Speaker 1: on bumble because I would like knowing there's at least
Speaker 1: some interrift on the part other than an absent minded
Speaker 1: swipe right, some interest on her part that she thought
Speaker 1: enough of me to text me. I'd be like, that
Speaker 1: would be encouraging for you. And it seems more like
Speaker 1: people are looking for a relationship on bumble. But it's
Speaker 1: so weird. When I was on Tender and I met
Speaker 1: my ex Milosh, there wasn't really anything else, so like
Speaker 1: everyone was on Tender, Like I'd be in l A
Speaker 1: and I'd like, go on a casting I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: there's the casting director. Like everyone was on Tinder, and
Speaker 1: it's changed now there is more options. So I think
Speaker 1: you figure out what fits your personality best and what
Speaker 1: you want and like, you know, if you want cleaner people,
Speaker 1: then trying a little bit cleaner sights. Yeah, it's almost
Speaker 1: like there's a stigma now for people who are on Tinder,
Speaker 1: which I don't agree with. And depending on states to like,
Speaker 1: depending on what state you're in, can be like purely,
Speaker 1: like like, oh my god, if Arizona, it's purely a
Speaker 1: hook up app here though, how that friends? Like that's
Speaker 1: pure it's purely a hook up app. Like for the
Speaker 1: most part, I don't like but look, any app you
Speaker 1: go on can be like a hook up app. But
Speaker 1: I'm saying, you know, and if I was in l
Speaker 1: A though, I don't know if that's still the cases.
Speaker 1: I've been out of this scene for like three years.
Speaker 1: I have no idea of tenders now, just I don't know.
Speaker 1: I know it's like it wasn't it wasn't one I
Speaker 1: because I've actually made a lot of friends that I
Speaker 1: went to church with and whatever, Like I have made
Speaker 1: friends off the Tinder I did. I'm serious because like
Speaker 1: we would go and hang out. I had one friend
Speaker 1: that I like met and we realized we had no chemistry,
Speaker 1: but then we became like best friends. You go hiking
Speaker 1: all the time, you go to church together. He would
Speaker 1: talk about girls with me, Like is that like your
Speaker 1: opening line on Tinder? Like, Hey, it's nice to meet you.
Speaker 1: Would you like to go to church? No, he asked me.
Speaker 1: But I was, you know, I hadn't been in a while.
Speaker 1: I was like okay, cool, And I thought that was
Speaker 1: like a fun, neutral, safe public place if we're talking
Speaker 1: about safety. Yeah, we hung out. We went to Mosaic
Speaker 1: here in l A and hung out and then like
Speaker 1: from then, like we went hiking and whatnot and we're
Speaker 1: still friends to this day. Was it awkward at all? No,
Speaker 1: it was weird because we just right from the start,
Speaker 1: We're like no, you know, no, there's no interest, there
Speaker 1: was no spark. We just and I've always become one
Speaker 1: of the guys. I'm the one that you bring along
Speaker 1: into hell everyone like, I'm the one that like is
Speaker 1: with the group of fifteen men at Halloween horrornites. So
Speaker 1: that was always me because I just get along with guys.
Speaker 1: So it was pretty natural that end up making a
Speaker 1: lot of guy friends off a Tinder. I think for
Speaker 1: Anonymous over here, I don't think she's doing anything wrong,
Speaker 1: Like I think it's just life. Yeah, it's just life.
Speaker 1: It's just the way it goes. Like, sure, there's gonna
Speaker 1: be a guy a football game who's a doucheag, and
Speaker 1: there's probably be another guy in football game who's really nice.
Speaker 1: So it's it's so don't give up on the app.
Speaker 1: Have a better filter. But I was talking about this
Speaker 1: with a friend recently too, and it's good. Like, you know,
Speaker 1: if you let people know that you're single and you
Speaker 1: have friends that you trust, like they usually a lot
Speaker 1: of times have good taste and will be like, oh,
Speaker 1: my friend, you might be perfect for them, or like,
Speaker 1: you know, hang out in social circles of people that
Speaker 1: you really like, because usually they're going to hang around with,
Speaker 1: you know, other good people or other people that are
Speaker 1: like your personality. Oh. I think that's the best way
Speaker 1: to start dating in this world is being set up?
Speaker 1: Reading bunching, gut set up? Did they mutual friend? Everything
Speaker 1: comes back to town? I'm reading with you. But it's
Speaker 1: such a good story, isn't it. Like the couple in
Speaker 1: the world got set up by a friend. Literally a
Speaker 1: friend was like, Hey, Tom, you should meet my friend
Speaker 1: Giselle because you guys have a lot in common because
Speaker 1: probably happen a lot. Yeah, I honestly, uh and so
Speaker 1: so outside the apps if she wants to meet somebody,
Speaker 1: I r L. You're saying, a friend is probably the
Speaker 1: best way to go, right and just you know, and
Speaker 1: you just you, I think you the dating is going
Speaker 1: to be awful it's not. And like sometimes you meet
Speaker 1: the love of your life when you're five and they're
Speaker 1: your next door neighbor, and other times you're like me
Speaker 1: and you're thirty five and still wondering. But like, you know,
Speaker 1: I now have my kid, and I I found so
Speaker 1: much peace and just like like pursuing my career, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm not pushing it, Like you can't put yourself on
Speaker 1: a timeline and be like by thirty two, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be married and have kids. Like you have to be
Speaker 1: open that not everything works textbook or how you want
Speaker 1: it to. And I think she just needs to take
Speaker 1: the pressure off. And if she's the one single pringle
Speaker 1: at the parties, cool, she gets to go home at
Speaker 1: night and watch what she wants on Netflix, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. So there's some person being single till
Speaker 1: someone good comes along. At what point do you tell
Speaker 1: someone that you have a son? All right away? I'm
Speaker 1: I'm the one with my phone out, Like, look, how
Speaker 1: cute my kid is, Like he's my lock screen, Like
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with him, and he's just he's hysterical, like
Speaker 1: he um, I just got him. Was so funny. It's
Speaker 1: a who lets the dog out car at the thrift store.
Speaker 1: I don't know why he was obsessed with it, but
Speaker 1: the first thing he does when he wakes up he
Speaker 1: goes cool car, cool car, Like, where's my cool car?
Speaker 1: And it's just so cute. He's this tiny little body
Speaker 1: is looking for this massive like fake escalade so we
Speaker 1: can play like the song who Lets a Dog Out
Speaker 1: on It? Yeah? Are you currently dating now? No? No,
Speaker 1: let me just tell you why my picking meter is off.
Speaker 1: I had. I was back in Sedona and I ran
Speaker 1: into a friend from high school that used to be
Speaker 1: on tense team with and when I was in high school,
Speaker 1: it's like this tiny little thing we were friends. Now
Speaker 1: he's like six ft two and gorgeous, and he asked
Speaker 1: me out on a date. Right Well, during my trial,
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, well, what would it hurt to
Speaker 1: go to dinner from? Like you know, I was telling
Speaker 1: myself this, what would it hurt to go to dinner
Speaker 1: with a friend? And then I had to go because
Speaker 1: I was getting threatening text messages during my trial trying
Speaker 1: to lure me out, like with fake auditions, so I'd go.
Speaker 1: It's so complicated. I can't say who it was from.
Speaker 1: But like I because I had been on a one
Speaker 1: national commercial I was a flight attenant. So then they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's W and me at whatever and it's for Delta
Speaker 1: and we want you to be a flight attenant on
Speaker 1: its commercial right. So my agents checked out it wasn't
Speaker 1: legit at all. And it was during my trial and
Speaker 1: they kept trying to get me to come to l
Speaker 1: A for auditions and it was all Google voipe accounts there.
Speaker 1: I multiple that I have a lot of this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's crazy. So I had to go file police reports.
Speaker 1: And when I was at the police station, the police
Speaker 1: officer was like, oh, a lot of kids are still
Speaker 1: in town, and so we were working on the police
Speaker 1: force and he's I said, oh, well, do you know
Speaker 1: such and such goes such and such, such and such
Speaker 1: like the first and last name. I said, yeah, he
Speaker 1: goes why And I said, oh, I'm just to go
Speaker 1: out with him tonight. He goes only because I know
Speaker 1: your situation. He says, we arrest him all the time
Speaker 1: for meth and then and then I googled him and
Speaker 1: he just on time for aggravated assault for a d U.
Speaker 1: I the wonders, don't you. I have horrible taste in dating.
Speaker 1: So I've realized that I just and like, you know,
Speaker 1: I when you get burned as bad as I got burned,
Speaker 1: I'm kind of just really comfortable just waiting and healing
Speaker 1: and kind of getting the message of what happened to
Speaker 1: me out there and just not rushing it. Of course.
Speaker 1: I think that's what I learned, is that I talked
Speaker 1: myself into the relationship because he was he checked all
Speaker 1: the boxes on paper, and I mean everyone has those things.
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, has a job check funny check
Speaker 1: like you know, like you know, likes to go do this,
Speaker 1: or check like likes the same TV shows. I don't know,
Speaker 1: Like he checked all the boxes of what I would
Speaker 1: want in a partner in the future, and I talked
Speaker 1: myself into it. So never again. So looking back at
Speaker 1: this relationship, you talk about how people do crazy stuff
Speaker 1: when you're in love. Do you think you're in love
Speaker 1: with him? In love like that? And that's you know,
Speaker 1: you know, it's funny though I had never been in
Speaker 1: love before him, so I was like, after I left,
Speaker 1: I was like, what's wrong with me that I would
Speaker 1: fall in love with someone like that? But at least
Speaker 1: I knew I was capable of it because I had
Speaker 1: never been in love before then, and I had relationships,
Speaker 1: and I thought something was wrong with me. I thought,
Speaker 1: why am I always just annoyed by who I'm with? It?
Speaker 1: I never like because they always get so needy because
Speaker 1: I'm very independent and I'm always kind of like doing
Speaker 1: my own thing, and I'm like, you know, they want
Speaker 1: to go hang out with their friends. I'm like cool, bye,
Speaker 1: and I like, go to my thing and I'm not
Speaker 1: texting them and like what's she doing? Like they always
Speaker 1: get really so it always I was always annoyed in
Speaker 1: their relationship and so it was weird, like the first
Speaker 1: time to be like in love. But he was so
Speaker 1: different than anything I had dated before, Like he you know,
Speaker 1: was educated and worldly and had been places I hadn't been,
Speaker 1: and we could just talk for hours, and I think that,
Speaker 1: you know, I thought, I thought he was this really
Speaker 1: good person and I you know, the mirage I fell for, Wow,
Speaker 1: Well it is a compelling story and everybody can pick
Speaker 1: up books tomorrow right comes up? Yeah, great of these
Speaker 1: things and you know, you know what, I would donate
Speaker 1: as much proceeds as I could to causes, like I
Speaker 1: never wanted to do this for money. It was I
Speaker 1: literally couldn't take the liability and make a video that it,
Speaker 1: which is all I wanted was just to make a
Speaker 1: video and talk about it. So I started writing and
Speaker 1: it turned into a book, and you know, so I
Speaker 1: think it was how it was supposed to be because
Speaker 1: I couldn't have This video would have been like a
Speaker 1: week long, and I probably wouldn't have touched everything. Well,
Speaker 1: before you start donating, make sure you pay off your
Speaker 1: court fees, because oh yeah, I've already worked through a
Speaker 1: lot of that, Like thankful, I've had some branded stuff
Speaker 1: that I've been able to pay down the debt and
Speaker 1: be careful and yeah, well, we certainly wish you the
Speaker 1: best of luck, and we do. We hope it sells
Speaker 1: a million copies and you get to donate as much
Speaker 1: charity is incredible. Yes, it would be yet again, guys,
Speaker 1: you can pick up at bookstores tomorrow. A Sucky love
Speaker 1: Story Overcoming Unhappily ever After by Brittany Louise Taylor. Brittany,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming. We really appreciate and
Speaker 1: and being so open and honest with your story. I
Speaker 1: know it's not easy. No, thank you so much. Fun
Speaker 1: you guys are both cool. Thank you, Brittany. Weive Taylor
Speaker 1: is the YouTube channel to it is and it's really long.
Speaker 1: I didn't even think about Like Brittany, Louise Taylor is
Speaker 1: a lot to type, and like Brittany with an eye
Speaker 1: like you don't always get it right on the first try.
Speaker 1: Brittany with a lot of Brittany's with an eye. It's true.
Speaker 1: That's a good thing. Yeah, I made I made my
Speaker 1: mark in my own way. Well. Big thank you to
Speaker 1: Amazon Fire once again. You can head to Amazon dot
Speaker 1: com slash I Suck podcast to order a Fire TV
Speaker 1: of your very own. Thank you again to Ritual. You
Speaker 1: can visit ritual dot com slash dan d e a
Speaker 1: N to start your ritual today. Big thank you to
Speaker 1: talk Space guys. Use the code Dean yet again d
Speaker 1: e a N to get forty five dollars off your
Speaker 1: first month of talk Space if you want to get
Speaker 1: something off your chest. And a big thank you to
Speaker 1: the Grove Collaborative. Check out Grove and our special offer
Speaker 1: at Grove dot c o slash Dean remember not dot
Speaker 1: com dot co slash Dan d e a N for
Speaker 1: that exclusive offer. Brittany, thank you so much. Vanessa thank
Speaker 1: you for joining us earlier in this show. Hopefully she's
Speaker 1: feeling better after that travel experience. Mark Easton, You guys
Speaker 1: are incredible guys. Check out the Facebook group help I
Speaker 1: Suck At Dating podcast Facebook group we talk on I
Speaker 1: read that stuff all the time, all the questions on there. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's like a big community, big friend group. It's really incredible.
Speaker 1: Everybody gives each other advice. So you can follow us
Speaker 1: also on Instagram at up by Second Dating and definitely
Speaker 1: check us out. Next week we'll have an all new
Speaker 1: episode where hopefully we'll suck a little less. Follow help
Speaker 1: by Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast