Speaker 1: But see you see how there's no halfway, There's no
Speaker 1: fifty percent here. It's like if you had a parachute
Speaker 1: and you're jumping out of a plane and I said,
Speaker 1: hey man, that parachute has a fifty percent chance of opening,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't jump. You hear me, You hear this message,
Speaker 1: you're one hundred percent in. You don't hear it. You're
Speaker 1: jumping out of a plane with a faulty parachute. Hey guys,
Speaker 1: what's up. Welcome to the podcast. Thanks for listening and watching.
Speaker 1: Wherever you're coming from, I'm grateful for you. I love
Speaker 1: this platform. Wherever you found me, maybe you found me
Speaker 1: on TikTok talk or Instagram or through after Midnight the
Speaker 1: radio show. However you got here. I'm just happy that
Speaker 1: you're here. And for those of you that have listened
Speaker 1: to a bunch of episodes or biniged it or listened
Speaker 1: to every single episode when we put it out on Mondays,
Speaker 1: thank you. I'm super grateful. All I do is answer
Speaker 1: your questions and I don't have any notes in front
Speaker 1: of me. We just walk through it as though we're
Speaker 1: longtime friends. You email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. My only two requests
Speaker 1: are don't send anything twice to me and don't make
Speaker 1: it much longer than a phone length in the email
Speaker 1: because that it makes it hard to read for the podcast.
Speaker 1: But let's dive right into this thing first. One subject
Speaker 1: line says long distance relationships Florida to UK. Thanks for
Speaker 1: your inspiration. I've been a long seven on a long
Speaker 1: seven year self discovery since my marriage ended. Last summer.
Speaker 1: I met a very lovely lady. Unfortunately, she lives overseas
Speaker 1: and visits America three times a year in an eight
Speaker 1: week period. All my life, I never considered distance to
Speaker 1: be a good ingredient for a healthy relationship. This woman
Speaker 1: has inspired me to reconsider my ideals. I am definitely
Speaker 1: tied to America until my kids grow another eight years.
Speaker 1: I'm just curious on your take on long distance relationships.
Speaker 1: Ye ye, Joseph, Joseph, thanks for the email, buddy, shout
Speaker 1: out to Florida and yeah, we'll get right to it. Look,
Speaker 1: long distance relationships. I don't have a problem with it.
Speaker 1: I know that it just makes it difficult, which is
Speaker 1: probably what you considered earlier when you said it's not
Speaker 1: a good ingredient for a healthy relationship. That just it's
Speaker 1: just because it adds a new wrinkle. But what you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to do is take it slow. Now there's
Speaker 1: let's they're just good and bad. Let's talk about good
Speaker 1: and bad. The bad is you got to take it slow,
Speaker 1: you know, and you have to. You have to go
Speaker 1: down every detail and establish things early with her. For instance,
Speaker 1: would you ever consider moving to the US? You got
Speaker 1: to establish that early in a in a close relationship,
Speaker 1: you would establish moving to a new town or moving
Speaker 1: for a career, you would establish that later in the
Speaker 1: relations But now you got to start talking about it
Speaker 1: pretty early, like, hey, how open are you to moving
Speaker 1: to the US? How hard is it to get a
Speaker 1: visa to work here? Have you ever looked into that?
Speaker 1: If so, what's your time frame on that? And then
Speaker 1: the same question comes back to you, would you ever
Speaker 1: consider moving to the UK? What's the process of getting
Speaker 1: a visa? Could you get approved? Is there a career
Speaker 1: move you could make over there with a similar field
Speaker 1: that you're in now? Or could you find another job
Speaker 1: with your background? Are you willing to be apart from
Speaker 1: your family? Maybe you have parents, brothers, sisters, your kids. Obviously,
Speaker 1: Are you willing to be all the way across the
Speaker 1: pond away from them? Something you've got to consider now,
Speaker 1: something she has to consider leaving all of her friends,
Speaker 1: all of her family, any tie she's had, maybe maybe
Speaker 1: she has kids, maybe she has a mother and father.
Speaker 1: Is she willing to leave them? These are questions that
Speaker 1: you're going to have to ask early, and it's difficult
Speaker 1: that way. But if she's the right one and you
Speaker 1: guys really click and you fall in love, then those
Speaker 1: obstacles aren't that big a deal. You make it work.
Speaker 1: But there's sacrifices you have to make for that. Now,
Speaker 1: there's sacrifices in every relationship, but this is very specific sacrifices. Now,
Speaker 1: the good news I told you there's good. The good
Speaker 1: thing is you're gonna learn quickly about if she's the
Speaker 1: right one because you're moving fast with her. So you're
Speaker 1: gonna learn quickly because Joseph, your problems might be completely
Speaker 1: solved in three weeks. You start asking questions and she goes,
Speaker 1: I would never consider moving there. I would never want
Speaker 1: to live in Florida. I can never be away from
Speaker 1: my mother. It's like, okay, well, that's a problem because
Speaker 1: if I move there, you're gonna have to come stay
Speaker 1: with me sometimes, and you're gonna have to leave your mother.
Speaker 1: So you get these problems out over with early and
Speaker 1: then and then you could come to the conclusion that
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm I'm not really that into her anyway.
Speaker 1: Or you could meet someone else in Florida and you go,
Speaker 1: you know what, this is a lot better. Or you
Speaker 1: break up with this the UK girl, and then you
Speaker 1: meet a Florida girl down the road and you go, oh,
Speaker 1: this is so nice. I love you and you're local.
Speaker 1: I never knew how blessed I would be to find
Speaker 1: a Florida girl until I dated a UK girl. So
Speaker 1: it's going to give you a really good perspective. So yeah,
Speaker 1: go for it, but you got to take it slow.
Speaker 1: You got to ask hard questions fast, and don't give
Speaker 1: your heart away too soon. Don't give your heart away
Speaker 1: to her before you ask the hard questions and come
Speaker 1: to that conclusion, because sometimes that distance can create a
Speaker 1: false sense of security in the relationship when you're texting
Speaker 1: and facetiming and calling and emailing and not seeing her
Speaker 1: face to face, so you're not seeing her everyday problems.
Speaker 1: She's not seeing your everyday problems, and so it seems
Speaker 1: like a fairy tale. So be careful full of that,
Speaker 1: don't give your heart away too soon, ask the hard
Speaker 1: questions right now, and take it slow. Next question subject
Speaker 1: line says big fan. I saw you when you're a
Speaker 1: part of the Luke Brian tour in twenty seventeen. Been
Speaker 1: listening to your podcast. I have all of your albums,
Speaker 1: love your music and this comes from Amber Amber. Thank
Speaker 1: you that was a fun tour. Next question subject line
Speaker 1: says dating apps, Hey Granger. My name is Stephanie. I'm
Speaker 1: twenty eight years old from North Texas. The last few years,
Speaker 1: I've been on dating apps to meet people. Whenever I
Speaker 1: finally find someone actually interested in getting to know and
Speaker 1: potentially pursuing a relationship, it always ends the same way.
Speaker 1: When I think things are great, the rug is pulled
Speaker 1: from under me and out of nowhere. I end up
Speaker 1: heartbroken and confused. I eventually bounce back after lots of
Speaker 1: prayer and talking to friends and family, but I'm definitely
Speaker 1: getting tired as a Christian. What do you think about
Speaker 1: online dating or should it just stop looking? Since everyone
Speaker 1: says the same thing. Stop looking and someone will come
Speaker 1: into your life. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank
Speaker 1: you eee Stephanie, Stephanie shout out to North Texas. My
Speaker 1: first question is why are you twenty eight and on
Speaker 1: dating apps like you're your prime age for finding a
Speaker 1: good husband? In North Texas, there's there's plenty of them.
Speaker 1: Why are you resorting to dating apps? And the reason
Speaker 1: I ask it is because dating apps are going to
Speaker 1: put off this front. It's like a sales pitch. It's
Speaker 1: like looking for a used car and you're going to
Speaker 1: see how many miles it has and gets good fuel economy,
Speaker 1: never been in a wreck before. It's going to show
Speaker 1: the pretty picture sitting in a driveway with a sunset
Speaker 1: in the background. It's all clean. That's what a dating
Speaker 1: app is. You're seeing the highlights of someone. And so
Speaker 1: what you're doing is you're pursuing someone only based on
Speaker 1: their highlights. That's it. That's not healthy to do. And
Speaker 1: they're thinking the same thing about you. You're finding them
Speaker 1: because of the highlights, and you're pursuing it for a
Speaker 1: first date, and then they're doing the same thing. They're
Speaker 1: looking at your highlights. Whatever you wrote in your bio,
Speaker 1: whatever picture out of a million you chose, because you
Speaker 1: know you're just putting the best pictures on there, the
Speaker 1: pictures that you want to be represented with. With the
Speaker 1: sunset going down and your car is clean. So as
Speaker 1: opposed to what I would recommend is friends, close companions,
Speaker 1: people that you trust, that wise counsel that says, hey,
Speaker 1: there's a guy, like there's a guy I work with
Speaker 1: and he's single and he's thirty and he seems like
Speaker 1: your type. I would love to set you, guys up.
Speaker 1: I could vouch for him. I know his struggles, I
Speaker 1: know his successes, I know where, I know his parents,
Speaker 1: I know his whole story. That just that's a way
Speaker 1: better route to go to to find somebody instead of
Speaker 1: looking at highlights only no references. Nobody knows them. You
Speaker 1: don't know his past, and you won't know his past
Speaker 1: for a long time because he's gonna hide it from you.
Speaker 1: So you're wondering why this ends the same way. I
Speaker 1: tell you why, because the highlights fail and then you
Speaker 1: meet the real person, and when you meet the real
Speaker 1: person or they meet the real you, someone's out. That's
Speaker 1: why it keeps ending the same way. And I know
Speaker 1: people are listening going I met my spouse on a
Speaker 1: dating app and it's great. There's always exceptions, but those
Speaker 1: are tiny exceptions. For the most part, you need to
Speaker 1: go on references. You need to see them in their
Speaker 1: natural environment before you take a first date. So it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go on a date with you because i
Speaker 1: know you from references or or I've seen you in
Speaker 1: the real world first and not your highlight reel first. Okay,
Speaker 1: I would avoid it. I wouldn't go there. You're young,
Speaker 1: You've got a long time great next question, says subject.
Speaker 1: Client says, should I ask out my best friend of
Speaker 1: eighteen plus years? Hey, Granger, been listening to the podcast
Speaker 1: for a while, and I've spent just as much time
Speaker 1: pondering this question. I met this girl at the old
Speaker 1: age of four many years ago when her dad became
Speaker 1: the pastor of my childhood church. We've always been very close,
Speaker 1: and apparently I've already proposed to her once when we
Speaker 1: were in kindergarten. Now, our college careers are wrapping up,
Speaker 1: and I feel the urgency to find the one for me.
Speaker 1: I know it's on God's timing, but I know my
Speaker 1: amber won't fall into my lap talking about my wife.
Speaker 1: We've talked about dating multiple times over the years, but
Speaker 1: she's always felt awkward about it. She's still never had
Speaker 1: a serious relationship, and I think her reservations are rooted
Speaker 1: in nervousness about that. My question is do I risk
Speaker 1: asking her out while chancing losing my lifetime best friend.
Speaker 1: Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks, Preston. Yeah, thanks for
Speaker 1: the email, buddy. So here's the deal. There's a couple
Speaker 1: things I want to talk about. First thing I want
Speaker 1: to talk about is she feels hesitant. Okay, so you
Speaker 1: don't have a clear path here, you know this. The
Speaker 1: second thing I want to talk about is I don't
Speaker 1: from my perspective, I don't think you have anything to
Speaker 1: lose here. You're talking about losing your lifetime best friend.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's a problem. Here's why. One day
Speaker 1: you're gonna meet somebody your future spouse, and you're gonna
Speaker 1: marry them, and God willing, you're gonna make babies with them.
Speaker 1: You can't have that and a lifetime best friend. That's
Speaker 1: a girl that you grew up with, that you asked
Speaker 1: to marry when you're in kindergarten. You can't have both,
Speaker 1: so you're gonna have to give her up your childhood
Speaker 1: best friend. Anyway, it's just not healthy. It's okay now,
Speaker 1: but you can't have both a spouse, the love of
Speaker 1: your life with the babies, and oh this girl that
Speaker 1: I've always had a crush on. Let's be honest, and
Speaker 1: I've known her my whole life and we're just best friends.
Speaker 1: You can't have both. So you're going to give her
Speaker 1: up regardless. So that's off the table. That's not a problem.
Speaker 1: So my suggestion is you just make a bold move
Speaker 1: and say, hey, I think you're great. I've known you forever,
Speaker 1: I know you, you know me now. I am really
Speaker 1: attracted to you, and I know this might be awkward
Speaker 1: to you, but I would like to take it slow
Speaker 1: and pursue you to coffee or to dinner or to
Speaker 1: a movie, and I'd like to go out in a
Speaker 1: new way more than friends. Like be honest with her
Speaker 1: and make it very clear I want to be more
Speaker 1: than friends. Would you be interested in that? And if
Speaker 1: she says I don't think so, then you go, okay,
Speaker 1: I totally respect that, and then you have to back
Speaker 1: off of this lifetime friendship thing. You can't continue to
Speaker 1: be best friends with her, because that's gonna hinder you
Speaker 1: from meeting somebody. Because as soon as you meet somebody
Speaker 1: and start to get serious, you're gonna have to introduce
Speaker 1: that new person to your lifelong best friend that you've
Speaker 1: had a crush on since kindergarten. That's not gonna work.
Speaker 1: You can't have both. So I would say, be bold,
Speaker 1: ask her out. If she says yes, if she wants
Speaker 1: to take it very slow, take it slow. Also, if
Speaker 1: she says no, that doesn't mean you have to stop.
Speaker 1: You could say, okay, I'm right here. I'm right here,
Speaker 1: but I think we need to back off the friendship thing.
Speaker 1: But I would like to be more than friends. And
Speaker 1: so I want to prove to you that I want this,
Speaker 1: you and us together. And so i'm here. Give me
Speaker 1: a call. I'm not going anywhere, Okay. The other thing
Speaker 1: I want to talk about is the very beginning of
Speaker 1: your question. You said, I feel the urgency to find
Speaker 1: the one for me. I need you to get rid
Speaker 1: of that urgency. There is no urgency. I know you
Speaker 1: feel that you're getting out of college. You feel that,
Speaker 1: but pull that back, retract that feeling, and be confident
Speaker 1: and single. Now, be secure in who you are in
Speaker 1: your singleness now without anybody. You don't need anybody. There's
Speaker 1: no urgency. It will happen in its own time or not,
Speaker 1: but either way that's your path. So don't rush this,
Speaker 1: don't feel anxious about this. Be single and secure and
Speaker 1: confident in who you are and where you are in
Speaker 1: your life right now, and watch how that starts to
Speaker 1: change things for your future. Let's hit another one here.
Speaker 1: It says subject line being closer to God would like
Speaker 1: to stay anonymous. Hey Granger, love your music and your podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan. I'm seventeen. I'm a volunteer firefighter.
Speaker 1: Over the past year, the other guys have talked to
Speaker 1: me about Christianity, and more recently I've been trying to
Speaker 1: get more and more into it and wondering is it
Speaker 1: too late for me to be saved and to go
Speaker 1: to Heaven when I pass. I haven't been the best guy,
Speaker 1: but is it too late? Keep up what you're doing,
Speaker 1: all right, Anonymous? Thanks for your service as a firefighter.
Speaker 1: This this is an easy answer, but you got to
Speaker 1: listen to me. Okay, a couple things. Christianity is not
Speaker 1: almost there. Trying to get there, working on it. I'm
Speaker 1: half a Christian, I'm three fourths of a Christian. I'm
Speaker 1: almost there on now I'm a Christian. It is not
Speaker 1: that it is you're all in or you're all out.
Speaker 1: Now A lot of people think they're all in, but
Speaker 1: they're not. So you have to be. You have to
Speaker 1: understand what Christianity is. It's not a world religion. It
Speaker 1: is a relationship with Jesus, our Lord and Savior. It's
Speaker 1: realizing that we could not ever be good enough. Just
Speaker 1: like you said, you said, I haven't been the best guy.
Speaker 1: No one has. You have to understand that no one
Speaker 1: has been the best guy or girl. We have the
Speaker 1: entire Old Testament of the Bible to prove that to us.
Speaker 1: God gave his rules, his laws. We couldn't do it.
Speaker 1: Have you ever told a lie in your life, ever
Speaker 1: small or big? Have you ever stolen anything ever in
Speaker 1: your life? Jesus said, have you ever looked at a
Speaker 1: woman with lust? Because if you have, you've committed adultery
Speaker 1: in your heart. So with just those three I would
Speaker 1: say you are a lying, thieving, adulterous at heart. Have
Speaker 1: you ever used the Lord's name in vain. Then you're lying, thieving, blasphemous,
Speaker 1: adulter at heart. That's for laws. We can go down
Speaker 1: this list. You've broken them all. Everyone has. That's the point.
Speaker 1: And in his infinite love for us, this is important.
Speaker 1: God and his ultimate forgiveness and love and mercy sent
Speaker 1: his only son to earth to live a perfect life.
Speaker 1: He fulfilled the law perfectly because we could not because
Speaker 1: the law was bad. It was perfect, but because we
Speaker 1: weren't good enough for it. So Jesus comes, he fulfills
Speaker 1: the law perfectly. God pours out his wrath on him
Speaker 1: that we deserved. It's like you get a bunch of
Speaker 1: traffic tickets and you go to court. You can't tell
Speaker 1: the judge, Okay, from now on, judge, I'm gonna be better.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna be better now. The judge says, okay,
Speaker 1: but what about all these traffic tickets. So what Jesus
Speaker 1: does is he comes down, he takes the wrath of God.
Speaker 1: He dies on the cross, resurrected three days later. And
Speaker 1: what he did well, he became a substitute for us
Speaker 1: in those traffic tickets. So the judge goes, hang on
Speaker 1: a second, you're fine has been paid. You're free to
Speaker 1: go what I'm free to go. It's forgotten. Yes, I
Speaker 1: have now forgotten your sins because the price has been paid.
Speaker 1: Jesus said, it is finished, meaning paid in full. Have
Speaker 1: trust in him, repent for your from your old ways,
Speaker 1: meaning I'm sorry, I want to change. I trust in you.
Speaker 1: You do those things you're You're fine has been paid,
Speaker 1: and then you are one hundred percent of Christian and
Speaker 1: you're saved regardless of what you did in the past. See,
Speaker 1: the thief on the cross had lived a life of
Speaker 1: sin as we all have. He was on the cross
Speaker 1: in the last moments of his life, a thief with
Speaker 1: the death penalty for what he did. And he looked
Speaker 1: at Jesus and he said, will you remember me when
Speaker 1: you go into your kingdom. Jesus looked at him and said,
Speaker 1: today you will be with me in paradise. The thief trusted,
Speaker 1: he repented, and that day he entered paradise regardless of
Speaker 1: what he did in the past. That's you, my friend.
Speaker 1: But see you see how there's no halfway. There's no
Speaker 1: fifty percent here, there's no ninety percent Christian. It's like
Speaker 1: if you had a parachute and you're jumping out of
Speaker 1: a plane, and I said, hey, man, that parachute has
Speaker 1: a fifty percent chance of opening, you wouldn't jump. So
Speaker 1: if I asked you on a scale of one to ten,
Speaker 1: how sure are you of going to heaven? And you
Speaker 1: say maybe maybe a six. I'm kind of a good person,
Speaker 1: but I'm working on being better. Would you jump out
Speaker 1: of the plane with a parachute that had a sixty
Speaker 1: percent chance of opening? I would say you wouldn't. So
Speaker 1: there is no halfway. You're all in with the trust
Speaker 1: and repentance of what Jesus did for us and for
Speaker 1: you paid in full. You're fine, wiped clean with that faith,
Speaker 1: or you're not, Or you're just trying to be a
Speaker 1: good person and you'll never be good enough. You hear me,
Speaker 1: you hear this message, You're one hundred percent in. You
Speaker 1: don't hear it, you're jumping out of the plane with
Speaker 1: a faulty parachute. Let's take a Break podcast is brought
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Speaker 1: going through these questions. We have a lot, a lot
Speaker 1: to get to and I'm just pulling up whatever's in
Speaker 1: the queue. You could email me to Grangersmith podcast at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. That
Speaker 1: is what I'm reading. Next question, subject line says I'm scared.
Speaker 1: Hey Grainger, my name is Nick. I'm twenty six. I'm
Speaker 1: from Oregon City, Oregon. Your podcast has helped me through
Speaker 1: the days of being a truck driver. I'm reaching out
Speaker 1: to you because I found out I'm going to be
Speaker 1: the father to a baby girl. How do you become
Speaker 1: a good father? How do I not repeat the way
Speaker 1: my father was? How do I make sure I'm doing enough?
Speaker 1: I've always wanted to be a dad. I just want
Speaker 1: to make sure I'm doing everything I can. Thank you
Speaker 1: for everything you do. God blessing ye yee. All right, Nick,
Speaker 1: thank you for your service as a truck driver. Thank
Speaker 1: you for emailing me. Shout out to Oregon. I love Oregon. Okay, buddy, congratulations,
Speaker 1: you're gonna be a girl dad. That's amazing. My first
Speaker 1: baby was a girl, so I could relate. Your question is,
Speaker 1: how do I become a good father? How do I
Speaker 1: not repeat the way my father was? Well, that's called
Speaker 1: a generational curse, and it is definitely a problem. So
Speaker 1: you're right to acknowledge it, because these generational curses happen
Speaker 1: when we get a bad great granddad and he raises
Speaker 1: a bad granddad, who raises a bad father who raises us,
Speaker 1: and then we in turn take what we learned because
Speaker 1: that's all we know, and we put that on our kids.
Speaker 1: And this generational curse keeps happening until someone breaks it.
Speaker 1: So Nick, I want to encourage you to break this curse.
Speaker 1: And I think by asking the question, you're already in
Speaker 1: a very good spot. The baby's not even born yet,
Speaker 1: you're already asking a really good question, how to become
Speaker 1: a good father. Well, the first question I was going
Speaker 1: to I would ask you is related to the question
Speaker 1: right before we took the break, do you love Jesus?
Speaker 1: Because if you go in and you read the life
Speaker 1: of Jesus, and you read his apostles, and you read
Speaker 1: the epistles and the letters in the New Testament, it's
Speaker 1: going to lay out for you how to be a
Speaker 1: good father. In fact, there's plenty of sections on there
Speaker 1: talk about how to be a good father. And that's
Speaker 1: an ancient book. It goes back thousands of years, so
Speaker 1: much wisdom in that. We could learn so much from that.
Speaker 1: So we know first of all that we're not perfect.
Speaker 1: We're going to fail, we're going to stumble, and so
Speaker 1: we be honest with our kids. We need to be
Speaker 1: present with our kids. We need to have them very
Speaker 1: high on a priority list. So it's like God, your girl,
Speaker 1: your spouse, and your kid. Are you married to what
Speaker 1: baby mama. I would ask you that because the way
Speaker 1: you treat her is a huge part of how you
Speaker 1: are as a dad. That's a huge message you're sending
Speaker 1: to this little girl about who she is and about
Speaker 1: what womanhood is by how daddy is treating mommy. That's
Speaker 1: the first thing she's going to learn about women. The
Speaker 1: first thing she's going to learn about herself is what
Speaker 1: she sees her mom and how dad treats mom. It's
Speaker 1: a big deal, Like, that's the first thing. So that's
Speaker 1: the first step for you. Love this woman, Love this girl,
Speaker 1: love the baby's mother, show her respect, honor her, open
Speaker 1: doors for her, don't raise your voice at her. Try
Speaker 1: not to argue in front of the baby. That's a
Speaker 1: huge deal and you might not have thought about it.
Speaker 1: I haven't even talked about the baby at all. Treat
Speaker 1: the mother like royalty. And she sees that. Your baby
Speaker 1: girl sees that, and she goes, I love daddy. He's
Speaker 1: present with me, he gives me intention, he loves mommy,
Speaker 1: he protects us. And you put her down at night
Speaker 1: and you're taking her back as she's closing her eyes,
Speaker 1: and you go, baby, I'm always here for you. I
Speaker 1: love you. I'll always protect you. I'll always be here
Speaker 1: to talk to I'll always be here to bounce ideas
Speaker 1: off of. You know that right? And she goes yes, Daddy,
Speaker 1: and reinforce it all the time. Tell her she's beautiful,
Speaker 1: Tell her all the things that you want to beat
Speaker 1: the world to. You don't want the world to be
Speaker 1: the first one to tell her that she's beautiful. You
Speaker 1: don't want to be You don't want the world to
Speaker 1: be the first one to buy her flowers or tell
Speaker 1: her that they love her. That needs to be Daddy
Speaker 1: every time. Beat the world to the punch every time.
Speaker 1: That's huge. And second of all, after that, you got
Speaker 1: to rein her in. You have to discipline her. You
Speaker 1: can't just let her run wild because she will go wild.
Speaker 1: So you can't just be all all in and just nice.
Speaker 1: Because love comes with correction as well. So you got
Speaker 1: to correct her and guide her down this path of
Speaker 1: growing up. Now, her discipline is going to be going
Speaker 1: to be different according to her personality. So I can't
Speaker 1: tell you exactly what that is, but I could tell
Speaker 1: you London, she was my first born. London's biggest discipline
Speaker 1: that she needed was I needed to be with her
Speaker 1: and ignore her that she couldn't stand it. That would
Speaker 1: break her every time it would it would break her will.
Speaker 1: So we want to break their will as a child.
Speaker 1: We want to break their will, but not their spirit.
Speaker 1: You don't want to break her spirit, and you know
Speaker 1: how to do that, but you want to break her
Speaker 1: firm will that she has as a two year old,
Speaker 1: as a one year old, as a three year old,
Speaker 1: as a sixteen year old. Break the will, not the spirit.
Speaker 1: So with London, if she was acting out and she
Speaker 1: needed discipline, I would say, okay, it's time to go
Speaker 1: to your room. So I'd put her in her room
Speaker 1: and I would close the door inside the room with her,
Speaker 1: and I would face the door and I would say,
Speaker 1: when you're ready to apologize and you're ready to calm
Speaker 1: down and control yourself, I'll take you out of here.
Speaker 1: And I would give her those instructions and then I
Speaker 1: would face the door and she would get so mad.
Speaker 1: She would just get irate because I wasn't giving her attention.
Speaker 1: And eventually, sometimes it would literally take an hour and
Speaker 1: she would finally calm down and she say I'm sorry, Daddy,
Speaker 1: and I would instantly turn around and I'll hug her,
Speaker 1: and I'll say, baby, it's okay, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for calming down and listening to daddy. And then we
Speaker 1: would go out and we would play. Girls want to
Speaker 1: be captivating, So make them feel captivating. Tell her she's beautiful,
Speaker 1: watch her, give her that attention that she needs. Unless
Speaker 1: it's form of discipline, you're gonna do great. All right,
Speaker 1: let's hit another one here. Seputine says money problems. It says, hey,
Speaker 1: grangd your my name is Isaiah. I'm nineteen, moved out
Speaker 1: at eighteen. My girlfriend of one year still with her parents,
Speaker 1: and she is going to beauty school in January. Lately,
Speaker 1: she's been calling me cheap, and her parents think that
Speaker 1: I am as well. I make pretty good money and
Speaker 1: I'm trying to save around thirty percent into my savings,
Speaker 1: and obviously some of the money goes to rent, et cetera.
Speaker 1: She complains that I need to stop saving and just
Speaker 1: be young, which I find extremely unwise. I will continue
Speaker 1: to save, which she is unhappy with. Whenever we get
Speaker 1: to dinner, I pay. I spend a pretty decent amount
Speaker 1: of money on her, but sometimes she doesn't even acknowledge that.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how to stand my ground and continue
Speaker 1: to spend money wisely and not recklessly. But she gets
Speaker 1: angry whenever I refuse to follow her suggestion. Thanks for
Speaker 1: all you do, Isaiah, Thanks for the email, buddy. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is a great sign to break up. That's her personality.
Speaker 1: You're not going to change it. That's your personality. She's
Speaker 1: not going to change it. And it's awesome that you're
Speaker 1: seeing it now before you're married, because this is a
Speaker 1: huge issue. If you're married and you have a joint
Speaker 1: bank account and you have money going in and she
Speaker 1: has money going in and she wants to spend it
Speaker 1: all and be lavish and you're trying to save it.
Speaker 1: That's like a root problem in a marriage that's going
Speaker 1: to lead to divorce. And I don't think you're going
Speaker 1: to change her now. She is very young, she's eighteen
Speaker 1: or I'm assuming, but it's a really big red flag.
Speaker 1: And the fact that her parents agree with her, that's
Speaker 1: even bigger red flag. That says that she's probably not
Speaker 1: gonna grow out of it. That's just how she was raised.
Speaker 1: That's how she feels, and that's how obviously how you
Speaker 1: were raised, and that's how you feel. So it's a
Speaker 1: big problem, and I don't think it's gonna work out.
Speaker 1: I think it's time to back out of this relationship.
Speaker 1: I think it's time to get some space. You can't
Speaker 1: sit down and convince her of this, how saving is important,
Speaker 1: and how spending is not wise, spending lavishly is not one.
Speaker 1: You can't convince her of that. That's who she is,
Speaker 1: that's what she wants. And she'll find somebody after you
Speaker 1: break up that does that, that just dumps money out
Speaker 1: on her, goes on cruises and vacations and just buys
Speaker 1: her jewelry. That's ridiculous. And you will find somebody that
Speaker 1: respects the money and that says I think this is wise.
Speaker 1: Let's save up and then we could spend it on
Speaker 1: a vacation once we're in a safe place with our savings.
Speaker 1: You're gonna find that. But you got to find somebody else.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. You probably love her, That's why you're emailing me.
Speaker 1: You probably have huge feelings for her. Otherwise you wouldn't email.
Speaker 1: You would have already done this. But I'm here to
Speaker 1: tell you the tough love, Isaiah. It's time to break up.
Speaker 1: This is a bad sign and good news for you
Speaker 1: you're not married, when it would be a really big problem.
Speaker 1: Next question says, hey, Grande, I'm nineteen, I'm in my
Speaker 1: first real relationship. We both recently agreed that it was
Speaker 1: for the best to take a small break because we
Speaker 1: have a lot going on in our lives at the moment,
Speaker 1: and revisit the relationship when we could both give our
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. I just can't stop thinking about her,
Speaker 1: and I always think if I did something to upset her,
Speaker 1: and she always says that nothing's wrong or I'm fine,
Speaker 1: And I was wondering if you can give me advice
Speaker 1: on how to approach the relationship when I feel I'm
Speaker 1: ready to talk to her buddy time. Thanks for the email.
Speaker 1: Let me dig into this and correct you on something
Speaker 1: you said. We have recently agreed it's best for us
Speaker 1: to take a small break, But that's not true, is it.
Speaker 1: You might have agreed at the time, but you don't
Speaker 1: agree with that now because now you're saying you're wondering
Speaker 1: if you did something wrong to cause this, meaning this
Speaker 1: wasn't a mutual breakup, So that because you got a
Speaker 1: lot going on in your life, because now you're having
Speaker 1: second thoughts that maybe it wasn't that at all. Maybe
Speaker 1: you just blew it. Maybe you did something and you
Speaker 1: can't put your finger on it and she can't identify
Speaker 1: it or admit it. But maybe you did meaning you
Speaker 1: weren't ready to get out of this thing and she was.
Speaker 1: But the hard part about it is she doesn't want
Speaker 1: back in. And now you're just going through good old
Speaker 1: fashioned heartbreak. And I'm here to tell you that it's okay,
Speaker 1: that the feeling you're having is normal, and then everybody
Speaker 1: goes through it. Longtime listeners of this podcast know how
Speaker 1: many times I've gone down this road with this subject,
Speaker 1: with these kind of people. Buddy, it hurts. You're gonna
Speaker 1: regret things you did. Maybe you could have said a
Speaker 1: couple more things, maybe you shouldn't have said a few things.
Speaker 1: But that's part of learning about relationships, that's part of
Speaker 1: learning the opposite gender. So one day you'll meet somebody,
Speaker 1: you'll fall in love again, and in your mind you'll
Speaker 1: go I learned back when I was nineteen what not
Speaker 1: to do or what to do more of. See, heartbreak
Speaker 1: is a is a mechanism inside our body, kind of
Speaker 1: like pain. It is pain, and so it's like physical pain.
Speaker 1: So when you put your hand on a stove and
Speaker 1: it burns and you whip your hand away, it triggers
Speaker 1: something in your memory that says, don't put hand on stove.
Speaker 1: Got it, Stay away from stove, got it. Heartbreak does
Speaker 1: the same thing. So while the hand burns when it's
Speaker 1: on the stove, it hurts and you get whelps and
Speaker 1: you got to cool down, and you gotta get over
Speaker 1: the scarring of the hand on the stove. The same
Speaker 1: thing happens with heartbreak. Because it's good that you got
Speaker 1: that burned. It's good you got that scar because it's
Speaker 1: gonna prevent you from further damn to putting your hand
Speaker 1: on the stove. So this heartbreak is the same thing.
Speaker 1: It's this is good that you're feeling this because it's
Speaker 1: gonna prevent you, or at least help prevent you from
Speaker 1: making the same mistakes again with someone that you love. Now,
Speaker 1: sometimes it's not about the mistakes. Sometimes it's about just
Speaker 1: we just gave away our heart too soon. We moved
Speaker 1: too quickly in the relationship and gave ourselves away and
Speaker 1: weren't guarded enough. That could be it too, But either way,
Speaker 1: you're learning a lesson through this pain, and I know
Speaker 1: that that's hard to hear now, and that's something that's like, well,
Speaker 1: that doesn't help me. I'm hurting. It's the same way
Speaker 1: if you burned your hand on the stove, I'd say, buddy,
Speaker 1: this is actually good. Wait till it heals. You're gonna know,
Speaker 1: you're gonna know not to put your hand around a stove.
Speaker 1: Now you're gonna go, well, thanks a lot, buddy. That
Speaker 1: doesn't help me. Now it hurts. I'm sorry, man, I
Speaker 1: know it hurts. Heartbreak is real. It's pain, it's grief.
Speaker 1: It's grieving the loss of someone in your life that
Speaker 1: you loved. But the good news is, just like the
Speaker 1: burn on your hand, it will heal fully recovered. It
Speaker 1: will just like your hand is fully recovered after the stove,
Speaker 1: after a certain amount of time, your heart will fully recover.
Speaker 1: Be still, wait it out. You'll have good days and
Speaker 1: bad days, but eventually the bad days will start to
Speaker 1: fade away and there'll be more and more good days.
Speaker 1: And then you'll reach a point where you go, you
Speaker 1: know what, I haven't even thought about her, and like
Speaker 1: three days, this is the first time I've thought about
Speaker 1: her in three days. Right now, you're thinking about her
Speaker 1: every other minute. But then the three days turns into
Speaker 1: six days, and then it turns into two weeks, and
Speaker 1: then a month, and then six months, and then you
Speaker 1: meet somebody new, and then you fall in love. And
Speaker 1: then you could barely even remember the girl's name the
Speaker 1: girl before, but your heart knows because it's healing, it's growing.
Speaker 1: It's a lesson, it's good for you. Wait it out.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be good. Love you guys, See you next Monday. Gee,
Speaker 1: thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith Podcast. I
Speaker 1: appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out
Speaker 1: by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and
Speaker 1: the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I
Speaker 1: upload a video. If you have a question for me
Speaker 1: that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. Yi