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Speaker 1: But see you see how there's no halfway, There's no

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Speaker 1: fifty percent here. It's like if you had a parachute

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Speaker 1: and you're jumping out of a plane and I said,

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Speaker 1: hey man, that parachute has a fifty percent chance of opening,

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Speaker 1: you wouldn't jump. You hear me, You hear this message,

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Speaker 1: you're one hundred percent in. You don't hear it. You're

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Speaker 1: jumping out of a plane with a faulty parachute. Hey guys,

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Speaker 1: what's up. Welcome to the podcast. Thanks for listening and watching.

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Speaker 1: Wherever you're coming from, I'm grateful for you. I love

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Speaker 1: this platform. Wherever you found me, maybe you found me

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Speaker 1: on TikTok talk or Instagram or through after Midnight the

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Speaker 1: radio show. However you got here. I'm just happy that

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Speaker 1: you're here. And for those of you that have listened

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Speaker 1: to a bunch of episodes or biniged it or listened

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Speaker 1: to every single episode when we put it out on Mondays,

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Speaker 1: thank you. I'm super grateful. All I do is answer

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Speaker 1: your questions and I don't have any notes in front

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Speaker 1: of me. We just walk through it as though we're

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Speaker 1: longtime friends. You email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.

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Speaker 1: Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. My only two requests

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Speaker 1: are don't send anything twice to me and don't make

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Speaker 1: it much longer than a phone length in the email

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Speaker 1: because that it makes it hard to read for the podcast.

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Speaker 1: But let's dive right into this thing first. One subject

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Speaker 1: line says long distance relationships Florida to UK. Thanks for

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Speaker 1: your inspiration. I've been a long seven on a long

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Speaker 1: seven year self discovery since my marriage ended. Last summer.

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Speaker 1: I met a very lovely lady. Unfortunately, she lives overseas

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Speaker 1: and visits America three times a year in an eight

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Speaker 1: week period. All my life, I never considered distance to

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Speaker 1: be a good ingredient for a healthy relationship. This woman

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Speaker 1: has inspired me to reconsider my ideals. I am definitely

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Speaker 1: tied to America until my kids grow another eight years.

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Speaker 1: I'm just curious on your take on long distance relationships.

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Speaker 1: Ye ye, Joseph, Joseph, thanks for the email, buddy, shout

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Speaker 1: out to Florida and yeah, we'll get right to it. Look,

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Speaker 1: long distance relationships. I don't have a problem with it.

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Speaker 1: I know that it just makes it difficult, which is

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Speaker 1: probably what you considered earlier when you said it's not

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Speaker 1: a good ingredient for a healthy relationship. That just it's

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Speaker 1: just because it adds a new wrinkle. But what you're

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Speaker 1: gonna have to do is take it slow. Now there's

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Speaker 1: let's they're just good and bad. Let's talk about good

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Speaker 1: and bad. The bad is you got to take it slow,

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Speaker 1: you know, and you have to. You have to go

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Speaker 1: down every detail and establish things early with her. For instance,

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Speaker 1: would you ever consider moving to the US? You got

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Speaker 1: to establish that early in a in a close relationship,

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Speaker 1: you would establish moving to a new town or moving

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Speaker 1: for a career, you would establish that later in the

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Speaker 1: relations But now you got to start talking about it

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Speaker 1: pretty early, like, hey, how open are you to moving

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Speaker 1: to the US? How hard is it to get a

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Speaker 1: visa to work here? Have you ever looked into that?

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Speaker 1: If so, what's your time frame on that? And then

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Speaker 1: the same question comes back to you, would you ever

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Speaker 1: consider moving to the UK? What's the process of getting

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Speaker 1: a visa? Could you get approved? Is there a career

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Speaker 1: move you could make over there with a similar field

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Speaker 1: that you're in now? Or could you find another job

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Speaker 1: with your background? Are you willing to be apart from

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Speaker 1: your family? Maybe you have parents, brothers, sisters, your kids. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: Are you willing to be all the way across the

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Speaker 1: pond away from them? Something you've got to consider now,

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Speaker 1: something she has to consider leaving all of her friends,

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Speaker 1: all of her family, any tie she's had, maybe maybe

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Speaker 1: she has kids, maybe she has a mother and father.

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Speaker 1: Is she willing to leave them? These are questions that

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Speaker 1: you're going to have to ask early, and it's difficult

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Speaker 1: that way. But if she's the right one and you

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Speaker 1: guys really click and you fall in love, then those

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Speaker 1: obstacles aren't that big a deal. You make it work.

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Speaker 1: But there's sacrifices you have to make for that. Now,

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Speaker 1: there's sacrifices in every relationship, but this is very specific sacrifices. Now,

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Speaker 1: the good news I told you there's good. The good

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Speaker 1: thing is you're gonna learn quickly about if she's the

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Speaker 1: right one because you're moving fast with her. So you're

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Speaker 1: gonna learn quickly because Joseph, your problems might be completely

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Speaker 1: solved in three weeks. You start asking questions and she goes,

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Speaker 1: I would never consider moving there. I would never want

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Speaker 1: to live in Florida. I can never be away from

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Speaker 1: my mother. It's like, okay, well, that's a problem because

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Speaker 1: if I move there, you're gonna have to come stay

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Speaker 1: with me sometimes, and you're gonna have to leave your mother.

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Speaker 1: So you get these problems out over with early and

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Speaker 1: then and then you could come to the conclusion that

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm I'm not really that into her anyway.

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Speaker 1: Or you could meet someone else in Florida and you go,

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Speaker 1: you know what, this is a lot better. Or you

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Speaker 1: break up with this the UK girl, and then you

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Speaker 1: meet a Florida girl down the road and you go, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is so nice. I love you and you're local.

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Speaker 1: I never knew how blessed I would be to find

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Speaker 1: a Florida girl until I dated a UK girl. So

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Speaker 1: it's going to give you a really good perspective. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: go for it, but you got to take it slow.

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Speaker 1: You got to ask hard questions fast, and don't give

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Speaker 1: your heart away too soon. Don't give your heart away

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Speaker 1: to her before you ask the hard questions and come

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Speaker 1: to that conclusion, because sometimes that distance can create a

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Speaker 1: false sense of security in the relationship when you're texting

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Speaker 1: and facetiming and calling and emailing and not seeing her

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Speaker 1: face to face, so you're not seeing her everyday problems.

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Speaker 1: She's not seeing your everyday problems, and so it seems

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Speaker 1: like a fairy tale. So be careful full of that,

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Speaker 1: don't give your heart away too soon, ask the hard

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Speaker 1: questions right now, and take it slow. Next question subject

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Speaker 1: line says big fan. I saw you when you're a

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Speaker 1: part of the Luke Brian tour in twenty seventeen. Been

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Speaker 1: listening to your podcast. I have all of your albums,

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Speaker 1: love your music and this comes from Amber Amber. Thank

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Speaker 1: you that was a fun tour. Next question subject line

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Speaker 1: says dating apps, Hey Granger. My name is Stephanie. I'm

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Speaker 1: twenty eight years old from North Texas. The last few years,

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Speaker 1: I've been on dating apps to meet people. Whenever I

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Speaker 1: finally find someone actually interested in getting to know and

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Speaker 1: potentially pursuing a relationship, it always ends the same way.

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Speaker 1: When I think things are great, the rug is pulled

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Speaker 1: from under me and out of nowhere. I end up

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Speaker 1: heartbroken and confused. I eventually bounce back after lots of

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Speaker 1: prayer and talking to friends and family, but I'm definitely

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Speaker 1: getting tired as a Christian. What do you think about

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Speaker 1: online dating or should it just stop looking? Since everyone

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Speaker 1: says the same thing. Stop looking and someone will come

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Speaker 1: into your life. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank

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Speaker 1: you eee Stephanie, Stephanie shout out to North Texas. My

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Speaker 1: first question is why are you twenty eight and on

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Speaker 1: dating apps like you're your prime age for finding a

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Speaker 1: good husband? In North Texas, there's there's plenty of them.

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Speaker 1: Why are you resorting to dating apps? And the reason

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Speaker 1: I ask it is because dating apps are going to

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Speaker 1: put off this front. It's like a sales pitch. It's

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Speaker 1: like looking for a used car and you're going to

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Speaker 1: see how many miles it has and gets good fuel economy,

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Speaker 1: never been in a wreck before. It's going to show

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Speaker 1: the pretty picture sitting in a driveway with a sunset

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Speaker 1: in the background. It's all clean. That's what a dating

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Speaker 1: app is. You're seeing the highlights of someone. And so

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Speaker 1: what you're doing is you're pursuing someone only based on

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Speaker 1: their highlights. That's it. That's not healthy to do. And

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Speaker 1: they're thinking the same thing about you. You're finding them

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Speaker 1: because of the highlights, and you're pursuing it for a

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Speaker 1: first date, and then they're doing the same thing. They're

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Speaker 1: looking at your highlights. Whatever you wrote in your bio,

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Speaker 1: whatever picture out of a million you chose, because you

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Speaker 1: know you're just putting the best pictures on there, the

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Speaker 1: pictures that you want to be represented with. With the

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Speaker 1: sunset going down and your car is clean. So as

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Speaker 1: opposed to what I would recommend is friends, close companions,

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Speaker 1: people that you trust, that wise counsel that says, hey,

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Speaker 1: there's a guy, like there's a guy I work with

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Speaker 1: and he's single and he's thirty and he seems like

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Speaker 1: your type. I would love to set you, guys up.

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Speaker 1: I could vouch for him. I know his struggles, I

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Speaker 1: know his successes, I know where, I know his parents,

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Speaker 1: I know his whole story. That just that's a way

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Speaker 1: better route to go to to find somebody instead of

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Speaker 1: looking at highlights only no references. Nobody knows them. You

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Speaker 1: don't know his past, and you won't know his past

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Speaker 1: for a long time because he's gonna hide it from you.

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Speaker 1: So you're wondering why this ends the same way. I

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Speaker 1: tell you why, because the highlights fail and then you

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Speaker 1: meet the real person, and when you meet the real

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Speaker 1: person or they meet the real you, someone's out. That's

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Speaker 1: why it keeps ending the same way. And I know

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Speaker 1: people are listening going I met my spouse on a

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Speaker 1: dating app and it's great. There's always exceptions, but those

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Speaker 1: are tiny exceptions. For the most part, you need to

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Speaker 1: go on references. You need to see them in their

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Speaker 1: natural environment before you take a first date. So it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go on a date with you because i

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Speaker 1: know you from references or or I've seen you in

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Speaker 1: the real world first and not your highlight reel first. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I would avoid it. I wouldn't go there. You're young,

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Speaker 1: You've got a long time great next question, says subject.

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Speaker 1: Client says, should I ask out my best friend of

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Speaker 1: eighteen plus years? Hey, Granger, been listening to the podcast

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Speaker 1: for a while, and I've spent just as much time

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Speaker 1: pondering this question. I met this girl at the old

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Speaker 1: age of four many years ago when her dad became

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Speaker 1: the pastor of my childhood church. We've always been very close,

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Speaker 1: and apparently I've already proposed to her once when we

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Speaker 1: were in kindergarten. Now, our college careers are wrapping up,

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Speaker 1: and I feel the urgency to find the one for me.

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Speaker 1: I know it's on God's timing, but I know my

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Speaker 1: amber won't fall into my lap talking about my wife.

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Speaker 1: We've talked about dating multiple times over the years, but

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Speaker 1: she's always felt awkward about it. She's still never had

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Speaker 1: a serious relationship, and I think her reservations are rooted

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Speaker 1: in nervousness about that. My question is do I risk

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Speaker 1: asking her out while chancing losing my lifetime best friend.

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Speaker 1: Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks, Preston. Yeah, thanks for

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Speaker 1: the email, buddy. So here's the deal. There's a couple

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Speaker 1: things I want to talk about. First thing I want

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Speaker 1: to talk about is she feels hesitant. Okay, so you

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Speaker 1: don't have a clear path here, you know this. The

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Speaker 1: second thing I want to talk about is I don't

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Speaker 1: from my perspective, I don't think you have anything to

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Speaker 1: lose here. You're talking about losing your lifetime best friend.

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Speaker 1: I don't think that's a problem. Here's why. One day

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Speaker 1: you're gonna meet somebody your future spouse, and you're gonna

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Speaker 1: marry them, and God willing, you're gonna make babies with them.

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Speaker 1: You can't have that and a lifetime best friend. That's

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Speaker 1: a girl that you grew up with, that you asked

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Speaker 1: to marry when you're in kindergarten. You can't have both,

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Speaker 1: so you're gonna have to give her up your childhood

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Speaker 1: best friend. Anyway, it's just not healthy. It's okay now,

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Speaker 1: but you can't have both a spouse, the love of

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Speaker 1: your life with the babies, and oh this girl that

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Speaker 1: I've always had a crush on. Let's be honest, and

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Speaker 1: I've known her my whole life and we're just best friends.

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Speaker 1: You can't have both. So you're going to give her

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Speaker 1: up regardless. So that's off the table. That's not a problem.

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Speaker 1: So my suggestion is you just make a bold move

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Speaker 1: and say, hey, I think you're great. I've known you forever,

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Speaker 1: I know you, you know me now. I am really

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Speaker 1: attracted to you, and I know this might be awkward

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Speaker 1: to you, but I would like to take it slow

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Speaker 1: and pursue you to coffee or to dinner or to

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Speaker 1: a movie, and I'd like to go out in a

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Speaker 1: new way more than friends. Like be honest with her

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Speaker 1: and make it very clear I want to be more

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Speaker 1: than friends. Would you be interested in that? And if

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Speaker 1: she says I don't think so, then you go, okay,

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Speaker 1: I totally respect that, and then you have to back

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Speaker 1: off of this lifetime friendship thing. You can't continue to

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Speaker 1: be best friends with her, because that's gonna hinder you

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Speaker 1: from meeting somebody. Because as soon as you meet somebody

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Speaker 1: and start to get serious, you're gonna have to introduce

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Speaker 1: that new person to your lifelong best friend that you've

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Speaker 1: had a crush on since kindergarten. That's not gonna work.

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Speaker 1: You can't have both. So I would say, be bold,

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Speaker 1: ask her out. If she says yes, if she wants

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Speaker 1: to take it very slow, take it slow. Also, if

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Speaker 1: she says no, that doesn't mean you have to stop.

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Speaker 1: You could say, okay, I'm right here. I'm right here,

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Speaker 1: but I think we need to back off the friendship thing.

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Speaker 1: But I would like to be more than friends. And

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Speaker 1: so I want to prove to you that I want this,

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Speaker 1: you and us together. And so i'm here. Give me

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Speaker 1: a call. I'm not going anywhere, Okay. The other thing

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about is the very beginning of

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Speaker 1: your question. You said, I feel the urgency to find

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Speaker 1: the one for me. I need you to get rid

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Speaker 1: of that urgency. There is no urgency. I know you

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Speaker 1: feel that you're getting out of college. You feel that,

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Speaker 1: but pull that back, retract that feeling, and be confident

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Speaker 1: and single. Now, be secure in who you are in

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Speaker 1: your singleness now without anybody. You don't need anybody. There's

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Speaker 1: no urgency. It will happen in its own time or not,

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Speaker 1: but either way that's your path. So don't rush this,

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Speaker 1: don't feel anxious about this. Be single and secure and

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Speaker 1: confident in who you are and where you are in

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Speaker 1: your life right now, and watch how that starts to

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Speaker 1: change things for your future. Let's hit another one here.

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Speaker 1: It says subject line being closer to God would like

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Speaker 1: to stay anonymous. Hey Granger, love your music and your podcast.

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Speaker 1: I'm a big fan. I'm seventeen. I'm a volunteer firefighter.

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Speaker 1: Over the past year, the other guys have talked to

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Speaker 1: me about Christianity, and more recently I've been trying to

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Speaker 1: get more and more into it and wondering is it

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Speaker 1: too late for me to be saved and to go

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Speaker 1: to Heaven when I pass. I haven't been the best guy,

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Speaker 1: but is it too late? Keep up what you're doing,

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Speaker 1: all right, Anonymous? Thanks for your service as a firefighter.

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Speaker 1: This this is an easy answer, but you got to

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Speaker 1: listen to me. Okay, a couple things. Christianity is not

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Speaker 1: almost there. Trying to get there, working on it. I'm

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Speaker 1: half a Christian, I'm three fourths of a Christian. I'm

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Speaker 1: almost there on now I'm a Christian. It is not

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Speaker 1: that it is you're all in or you're all out.

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Speaker 1: Now A lot of people think they're all in, but

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Speaker 1: they're not. So you have to be. You have to

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Speaker 1: understand what Christianity is. It's not a world religion. It

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Speaker 1: is a relationship with Jesus, our Lord and Savior. It's

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Speaker 1: realizing that we could not ever be good enough. Just

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Speaker 1: like you said, you said, I haven't been the best guy.

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Speaker 1: No one has. You have to understand that no one

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Speaker 1: has been the best guy or girl. We have the

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Speaker 1: entire Old Testament of the Bible to prove that to us.

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Speaker 1: God gave his rules, his laws. We couldn't do it.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever told a lie in your life, ever

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Speaker 1: small or big? Have you ever stolen anything ever in

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Speaker 1: your life? Jesus said, have you ever looked at a

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Speaker 1: woman with lust? Because if you have, you've committed adultery

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Speaker 1: in your heart. So with just those three I would

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Speaker 1: say you are a lying, thieving, adulterous at heart. Have

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Speaker 1: you ever used the Lord's name in vain. Then you're lying, thieving, blasphemous,

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Speaker 1: adulter at heart. That's for laws. We can go down

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Speaker 1: this list. You've broken them all. Everyone has. That's the point.

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Speaker 1: And in his infinite love for us, this is important.

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Speaker 1: God and his ultimate forgiveness and love and mercy sent

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Speaker 1: his only son to earth to live a perfect life.

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Speaker 1: He fulfilled the law perfectly because we could not because

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Speaker 1: the law was bad. It was perfect, but because we

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Speaker 1: weren't good enough for it. So Jesus comes, he fulfills

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Speaker 1: the law perfectly. God pours out his wrath on him

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Speaker 1: that we deserved. It's like you get a bunch of

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Speaker 1: traffic tickets and you go to court. You can't tell

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Speaker 1: the judge, Okay, from now on, judge, I'm gonna be better.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna be better now. The judge says, okay,

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Speaker 1: but what about all these traffic tickets. So what Jesus

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Speaker 1: does is he comes down, he takes the wrath of God.

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Speaker 1: He dies on the cross, resurrected three days later. And

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Speaker 1: what he did well, he became a substitute for us

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Speaker 1: in those traffic tickets. So the judge goes, hang on

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Speaker 1: a second, you're fine has been paid. You're free to

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Speaker 1: go what I'm free to go. It's forgotten. Yes, I

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Speaker 1: have now forgotten your sins because the price has been paid.

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Speaker 1: Jesus said, it is finished, meaning paid in full. Have

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Speaker 1: trust in him, repent for your from your old ways,

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Speaker 1: meaning I'm sorry, I want to change. I trust in you.

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Speaker 1: You do those things you're You're fine has been paid,

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Speaker 1: and then you are one hundred percent of Christian and

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Speaker 1: you're saved regardless of what you did in the past. See,

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Speaker 1: the thief on the cross had lived a life of

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Speaker 1: sin as we all have. He was on the cross

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Speaker 1: in the last moments of his life, a thief with

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Speaker 1: the death penalty for what he did. And he looked

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Speaker 1: at Jesus and he said, will you remember me when

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Speaker 1: you go into your kingdom. Jesus looked at him and said,

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Speaker 1: today you will be with me in paradise. The thief trusted,

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Speaker 1: he repented, and that day he entered paradise regardless of

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Speaker 1: what he did in the past. That's you, my friend.

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Speaker 1: But see you see how there's no halfway. There's no

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Speaker 1: fifty percent here, there's no ninety percent Christian. It's like

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Speaker 1: if you had a parachute and you're jumping out of

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Speaker 1: a plane, and I said, hey, man, that parachute has

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Speaker 1: a fifty percent chance of opening, you wouldn't jump. So

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Speaker 1: if I asked you on a scale of one to ten,

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Speaker 1: how sure are you of going to heaven? And you

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Speaker 1: say maybe maybe a six. I'm kind of a good person,

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Speaker 1: but I'm working on being better. Would you jump out

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Speaker 1: of the plane with a parachute that had a sixty

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Speaker 1: percent chance of opening? I would say you wouldn't. So

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Speaker 1: there is no halfway. You're all in with the trust

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Speaker 1: and repentance of what Jesus did for us and for

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Speaker 1: you paid in full. You're fine, wiped clean with that faith,

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Speaker 1: or you're not, Or you're just trying to be a

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Speaker 1: good person and you'll never be good enough. You hear me,

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Speaker 1: you hear this message, You're one hundred percent in. You

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Speaker 1: don't hear it, you're jumping out of the plane with

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Speaker 1: a faulty parachute. Let's take a Break podcast is brought

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Speaker 1: by Better Help. And so many times I tell people

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Speaker 1: start listening to your mind. But you got to have

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Speaker 1: LP dot com slash granger. Okay, we're back at it

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00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 1: going through these questions. We have a lot, a lot

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00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 1: to get to and I'm just pulling up whatever's in

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00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 1: the queue. You could email me to Grangersmith podcast at

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00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,199
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. That

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00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:04,480
Speaker 1: is what I'm reading. Next question, subject line says I'm scared.

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Speaker 1: Hey Grainger, my name is Nick. I'm twenty six. I'm

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00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 1: from Oregon City, Oregon. Your podcast has helped me through

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00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 1: the days of being a truck driver. I'm reaching out

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Speaker 1: to you because I found out I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: the father to a baby girl. How do you become

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Speaker 1: a good father? How do I not repeat the way

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Speaker 1: my father was? How do I make sure I'm doing enough?

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Speaker 1: I've always wanted to be a dad. I just want

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Speaker 1: to make sure I'm doing everything I can. Thank you

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Speaker 1: for everything you do. God blessing ye yee. All right, Nick,

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Speaker 1: thank you for your service as a truck driver. Thank

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Speaker 1: you for emailing me. Shout out to Oregon. I love Oregon. Okay, buddy, congratulations,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna be a girl dad. That's amazing. My first

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Speaker 1: baby was a girl, so I could relate. Your question is,

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Speaker 1: how do I become a good father? How do I

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Speaker 1: not repeat the way my father was? Well, that's called

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Speaker 1: a generational curse, and it is definitely a problem. So

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Speaker 1: you're right to acknowledge it, because these generational curses happen

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Speaker 1: when we get a bad great granddad and he raises

425
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:11,640
Speaker 1: a bad granddad, who raises a bad father who raises us,

426
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 1: and then we in turn take what we learned because

427
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 1: that's all we know, and we put that on our kids.

428
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:20,440
Speaker 1: And this generational curse keeps happening until someone breaks it.

429
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:24,439
Speaker 1: So Nick, I want to encourage you to break this curse.

430
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 1: And I think by asking the question, you're already in

431
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,000
Speaker 1: a very good spot. The baby's not even born yet,

432
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 1: you're already asking a really good question, how to become

433
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:38,479
Speaker 1: a good father. Well, the first question I was going

434
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 1: to I would ask you is related to the question

435
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 1: right before we took the break, do you love Jesus?

436
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,080
Speaker 1: Because if you go in and you read the life

437
00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 1: of Jesus, and you read his apostles, and you read

438
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 1: the epistles and the letters in the New Testament, it's

439
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 1: going to lay out for you how to be a

440
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 1: good father. In fact, there's plenty of sections on there

441
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 1: talk about how to be a good father. And that's

442
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:07,639
Speaker 1: an ancient book. It goes back thousands of years, so

443
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,679
Speaker 1: much wisdom in that. We could learn so much from that.

444
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 1: So we know first of all that we're not perfect.

445
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,359
Speaker 1: We're going to fail, we're going to stumble, and so

446
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 1: we be honest with our kids. We need to be

447
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:26,400
Speaker 1: present with our kids. We need to have them very

448
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 1: high on a priority list. So it's like God, your girl,

449
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 1: your spouse, and your kid. Are you married to what

450
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: baby mama. I would ask you that because the way

451
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 1: you treat her is a huge part of how you

452
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,920
Speaker 1: are as a dad. That's a huge message you're sending

453
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:48,159
Speaker 1: to this little girl about who she is and about

454
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:53,040
Speaker 1: what womanhood is by how daddy is treating mommy. That's

455
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 1: the first thing she's going to learn about women. The

456
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,600
Speaker 1: first thing she's going to learn about herself is what

457
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:04,440
Speaker 1: she sees her mom and how dad treats mom. It's

458
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:08,440
Speaker 1: a big deal, Like, that's the first thing. So that's

459
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 1: the first step for you. Love this woman, Love this girl,

460
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: love the baby's mother, show her respect, honor her, open

461
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:23,160
Speaker 1: doors for her, don't raise your voice at her. Try

462
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:26,399
Speaker 1: not to argue in front of the baby. That's a

463
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 1: huge deal and you might not have thought about it.

464
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 1: I haven't even talked about the baby at all. Treat

465
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:36,480
Speaker 1: the mother like royalty. And she sees that. Your baby

466
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 1: girl sees that, and she goes, I love daddy. He's

467
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 1: present with me, he gives me intention, he loves mommy,

468
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 1: he protects us. And you put her down at night

469
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 1: and you're taking her back as she's closing her eyes,

470
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 1: and you go, baby, I'm always here for you. I

471
00:27:56,440 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 1: love you. I'll always protect you. I'll always be here

472
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 1: to talk to I'll always be here to bounce ideas

473
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,919
Speaker 1: off of. You know that right? And she goes yes, Daddy,

474
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 1: and reinforce it all the time. Tell her she's beautiful,

475
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 1: Tell her all the things that you want to beat

476
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 1: the world to. You don't want the world to be

477
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,399
Speaker 1: the first one to tell her that she's beautiful. You

478
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 1: don't want to be You don't want the world to

479
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 1: be the first one to buy her flowers or tell

480
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 1: her that they love her. That needs to be Daddy

481
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 1: every time. Beat the world to the punch every time.

482
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: That's huge. And second of all, after that, you got

483
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:41,600
Speaker 1: to rein her in. You have to discipline her. You

484
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 1: can't just let her run wild because she will go wild.

485
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 1: So you can't just be all all in and just nice.

486
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:55,640
Speaker 1: Because love comes with correction as well. So you got

487
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: to correct her and guide her down this path of

488
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 1: growing up. Now, her discipline is going to be going

489
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:05,800
Speaker 1: to be different according to her personality. So I can't

490
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:07,719
Speaker 1: tell you exactly what that is, but I could tell

491
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 1: you London, she was my first born. London's biggest discipline

492
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 1: that she needed was I needed to be with her

493
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 1: and ignore her that she couldn't stand it. That would

494
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 1: break her every time it would it would break her will.

495
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 1: So we want to break their will as a child.

496
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 1: We want to break their will, but not their spirit.

497
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: You don't want to break her spirit, and you know

498
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:33,680
Speaker 1: how to do that, but you want to break her

499
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,480
Speaker 1: firm will that she has as a two year old,

500
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: as a one year old, as a three year old,

501
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 1: as a sixteen year old. Break the will, not the spirit.

502
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:45,160
Speaker 1: So with London, if she was acting out and she

503
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: needed discipline, I would say, okay, it's time to go

504
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 1: to your room. So I'd put her in her room

505
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 1: and I would close the door inside the room with her,

506
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 1: and I would face the door and I would say,

507
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 1: when you're ready to apologize and you're ready to calm

508
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 1: down and control yourself, I'll take you out of here.

509
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 1: And I would give her those instructions and then I

510
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 1: would face the door and she would get so mad.

511
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 1: She would just get irate because I wasn't giving her attention.

512
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 1: And eventually, sometimes it would literally take an hour and

513
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 1: she would finally calm down and she say I'm sorry, Daddy,

514
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 1: and I would instantly turn around and I'll hug her,

515
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 1: and I'll say, baby, it's okay, thank you so much

516
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 1: for calming down and listening to daddy. And then we

517
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 1: would go out and we would play. Girls want to

518
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 1: be captivating, So make them feel captivating. Tell her she's beautiful,

519
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 1: watch her, give her that attention that she needs. Unless

520
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 1: it's form of discipline, you're gonna do great. All right,

521
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 1: let's hit another one here. Seputine says money problems. It says, hey,

522
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 1: grangd your my name is Isaiah. I'm nineteen, moved out

523
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 1: at eighteen. My girlfriend of one year still with her parents,

524
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 1: and she is going to beauty school in January. Lately,

525
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 1: she's been calling me cheap, and her parents think that

526
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 1: I am as well. I make pretty good money and

527
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:11,240
Speaker 1: I'm trying to save around thirty percent into my savings,

528
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 1: and obviously some of the money goes to rent, et cetera.

529
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 1: She complains that I need to stop saving and just

530
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 1: be young, which I find extremely unwise. I will continue

531
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:23,200
Speaker 1: to save, which she is unhappy with. Whenever we get

532
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: to dinner, I pay. I spend a pretty decent amount

533
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 1: of money on her, but sometimes she doesn't even acknowledge that.

534
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how to stand my ground and continue

535
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 1: to spend money wisely and not recklessly. But she gets

536
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 1: angry whenever I refuse to follow her suggestion. Thanks for

537
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 1: all you do, Isaiah, Thanks for the email, buddy. Okay,

538
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 1: this is a great sign to break up. That's her personality.

539
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 1: You're not going to change it. That's your personality. She's

540
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 1: not going to change it. And it's awesome that you're

541
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 1: seeing it now before you're married, because this is a

542
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 1: huge issue. If you're married and you have a joint

543
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 1: bank account and you have money going in and she

544
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:10,280
Speaker 1: has money going in and she wants to spend it

545
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 1: all and be lavish and you're trying to save it.

546
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 1: That's like a root problem in a marriage that's going

547
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 1: to lead to divorce. And I don't think you're going

548
00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 1: to change her now. She is very young, she's eighteen

549
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 1: or I'm assuming, but it's a really big red flag.

550
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 1: And the fact that her parents agree with her, that's

551
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:34,160
Speaker 1: even bigger red flag. That says that she's probably not

552
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,480
Speaker 1: gonna grow out of it. That's just how she was raised.

553
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 1: That's how she feels, and that's how obviously how you

554
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 1: were raised, and that's how you feel. So it's a

555
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 1: big problem, and I don't think it's gonna work out.

556
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 1: I think it's time to back out of this relationship.

557
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 1: I think it's time to get some space. You can't

558
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 1: sit down and convince her of this, how saving is important,

559
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 1: and how spending is not wise, spending lavishly is not one.

560
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 1: You can't convince her of that. That's who she is,

561
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 1: that's what she wants. And she'll find somebody after you

562
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 1: break up that does that, that just dumps money out

563
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:14,760
Speaker 1: on her, goes on cruises and vacations and just buys

564
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 1: her jewelry. That's ridiculous. And you will find somebody that

565
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:22,640
Speaker 1: respects the money and that says I think this is wise.

566
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:24,360
Speaker 1: Let's save up and then we could spend it on

567
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 1: a vacation once we're in a safe place with our savings.

568
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:32,480
Speaker 1: You're gonna find that. But you got to find somebody else.

569
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. You probably love her, That's why you're emailing me.

570
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 1: You probably have huge feelings for her. Otherwise you wouldn't email.

571
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 1: You would have already done this. But I'm here to

572
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 1: tell you the tough love, Isaiah. It's time to break up.

573
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 1: This is a bad sign and good news for you

574
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 1: you're not married, when it would be a really big problem.

575
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 1: Next question says, hey, Grande, I'm nineteen, I'm in my

576
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 1: first real relationship. We both recently agreed that it was

577
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 1: for the best to take a small break because we

578
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 1: have a lot going on in our lives at the moment,

579
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: and revisit the relationship when we could both give our

580
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:11,480
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. I just can't stop thinking about her,

581
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 1: and I always think if I did something to upset her,

582
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:17,720
Speaker 1: and she always says that nothing's wrong or I'm fine,

583
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 1: And I was wondering if you can give me advice

584
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,080
Speaker 1: on how to approach the relationship when I feel I'm

585
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 1: ready to talk to her buddy time. Thanks for the email.

586
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:33,840
Speaker 1: Let me dig into this and correct you on something

587
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:38,839
Speaker 1: you said. We have recently agreed it's best for us

588
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 1: to take a small break, But that's not true, is it.

589
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 1: You might have agreed at the time, but you don't

590
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:50,720
Speaker 1: agree with that now because now you're saying you're wondering

591
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 1: if you did something wrong to cause this, meaning this

592
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 1: wasn't a mutual breakup, So that because you got a

593
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:02,719
Speaker 1: lot going on in your life, because now you're having

594
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,240
Speaker 1: second thoughts that maybe it wasn't that at all. Maybe

595
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 1: you just blew it. Maybe you did something and you

596
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:11,840
Speaker 1: can't put your finger on it and she can't identify

597
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 1: it or admit it. But maybe you did meaning you

598
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 1: weren't ready to get out of this thing and she was.

599
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:23,359
Speaker 1: But the hard part about it is she doesn't want

600
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:26,879
Speaker 1: back in. And now you're just going through good old

601
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:32,440
Speaker 1: fashioned heartbreak. And I'm here to tell you that it's okay,

602
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,920
Speaker 1: that the feeling you're having is normal, and then everybody

603
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 1: goes through it. Longtime listeners of this podcast know how

604
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 1: many times I've gone down this road with this subject,

605
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 1: with these kind of people. Buddy, it hurts. You're gonna

606
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 1: regret things you did. Maybe you could have said a

607
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:54,840
Speaker 1: couple more things, maybe you shouldn't have said a few things.

608
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:59,440
Speaker 1: But that's part of learning about relationships, that's part of

609
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 1: learning the opposite gender. So one day you'll meet somebody,

610
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:06,920
Speaker 1: you'll fall in love again, and in your mind you'll

611
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:10,880
Speaker 1: go I learned back when I was nineteen what not

612
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 1: to do or what to do more of. See, heartbreak

613
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 1: is a is a mechanism inside our body, kind of

614
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 1: like pain. It is pain, and so it's like physical pain.

615
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,920
Speaker 1: So when you put your hand on a stove and

616
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 1: it burns and you whip your hand away, it triggers

617
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:34,320
Speaker 1: something in your memory that says, don't put hand on stove.

618
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:40,879
Speaker 1: Got it, Stay away from stove, got it. Heartbreak does

619
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:44,399
Speaker 1: the same thing. So while the hand burns when it's

620
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:46,880
Speaker 1: on the stove, it hurts and you get whelps and

621
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:49,359
Speaker 1: you got to cool down, and you gotta get over

622
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 1: the scarring of the hand on the stove. The same

623
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:55,279
Speaker 1: thing happens with heartbreak. Because it's good that you got

624
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,520
Speaker 1: that burned. It's good you got that scar because it's

625
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:00,879
Speaker 1: gonna prevent you from further damn to putting your hand

626
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:03,560
Speaker 1: on the stove. So this heartbreak is the same thing.

627
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 1: It's this is good that you're feeling this because it's

628
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 1: gonna prevent you, or at least help prevent you from

629
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 1: making the same mistakes again with someone that you love. Now,

630
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 1: sometimes it's not about the mistakes. Sometimes it's about just

631
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:20,760
Speaker 1: we just gave away our heart too soon. We moved

632
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:24,319
Speaker 1: too quickly in the relationship and gave ourselves away and

633
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,840
Speaker 1: weren't guarded enough. That could be it too, But either way,

634
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:32,040
Speaker 1: you're learning a lesson through this pain, and I know

635
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 1: that that's hard to hear now, and that's something that's like, well,

636
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:38,399
Speaker 1: that doesn't help me. I'm hurting. It's the same way

637
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,600
Speaker 1: if you burned your hand on the stove, I'd say, buddy,

638
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 1: this is actually good. Wait till it heals. You're gonna know,

639
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 1: you're gonna know not to put your hand around a stove.

640
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,080
Speaker 1: Now you're gonna go, well, thanks a lot, buddy. That

641
00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 1: doesn't help me. Now it hurts. I'm sorry, man, I

642
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:57,280
Speaker 1: know it hurts. Heartbreak is real. It's pain, it's grief.

643
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:00,400
Speaker 1: It's grieving the loss of someone in your life that

644
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,719
Speaker 1: you loved. But the good news is, just like the

645
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 1: burn on your hand, it will heal fully recovered. It

646
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 1: will just like your hand is fully recovered after the stove,

647
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 1: after a certain amount of time, your heart will fully recover.

648
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:27,080
Speaker 1: Be still, wait it out. You'll have good days and

649
00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 1: bad days, but eventually the bad days will start to

650
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,360
Speaker 1: fade away and there'll be more and more good days.

651
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 1: And then you'll reach a point where you go, you

652
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:37,400
Speaker 1: know what, I haven't even thought about her, and like

653
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:40,319
Speaker 1: three days, this is the first time I've thought about

654
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:42,719
Speaker 1: her in three days. Right now, you're thinking about her

655
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 1: every other minute. But then the three days turns into

656
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 1: six days, and then it turns into two weeks, and

657
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:53,319
Speaker 1: then a month, and then six months, and then you

658
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 1: meet somebody new, and then you fall in love. And

659
00:38:56,280 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 1: then you could barely even remember the girl's name the

660
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:08,720
Speaker 1: girl before, but your heart knows because it's healing, it's growing.

661
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 1: It's a lesson, it's good for you. Wait it out.

662
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:19,719
Speaker 1: You're gonna be good. Love you guys, See you next Monday. Gee,

663
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:22,520
Speaker 1: thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith Podcast. I

664
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,160
Speaker 1: appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out

665
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 1: by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,

666
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and

667
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:35,319
Speaker 1: the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I

668
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:38,239
Speaker 1: upload a video. If you have a question for me

669
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 1: that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast

670
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:44,920
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. Yi