1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,040 Speaker 1: Buckle up and hold on tight. We got it for 2 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:06,280 Speaker 1: you here. It is these straw very lenis. Thank you. 3 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:10,680 Speaker 1: F subject he can't get rid of his hood mentality. 4 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm a twenty eight year old married 5 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:16,919 Speaker 1: woman and my husband just turned thirty. We have a 6 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,400 Speaker 1: great marriage, but I need you to help me settle 7 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: an argument. We are both black, but we come from 8 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:26,320 Speaker 1: very different backgrounds. He was raised in a poor urban 9 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 1: area that was predominantly black. I was raised in a 10 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:33,680 Speaker 1: middle class suburb that was very racially diverse. I often 11 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 1: have to tell him that certain things like wearing a 12 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,720 Speaker 1: dow rag outside the house or blasting loud rap music 13 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: is not acceptable at his age and in the community 14 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,559 Speaker 1: we live in. Now, we just found out that I'm 15 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,279 Speaker 1: pregnant with twins, and we are having a boy and 16 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: a girl. We've started planning for the two babies, and 17 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:55,000 Speaker 1: we've been discussing baby names. All of the names that 18 00:00:55,160 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 1: he has suggested our stereotypical ghetto names. And I won't 19 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 1: give you an example because I don't want to offend 20 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:06,440 Speaker 1: anyone that is listening. There have been numerous studies on 21 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:10,240 Speaker 1: black children with these made up names. These kids constantly 22 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:13,160 Speaker 1: have to correct people on the pronunciation and spelling of 23 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,200 Speaker 1: their names, and they are often ridiculed and passed over 24 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 1: for jobs later on. I think it is ignorance on 25 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:21,960 Speaker 1: the parents' part to do that to a child. I 26 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 1: will not do it to my twins. My husband's argument 27 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 1: is that the names he chose represent the black culture, 28 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 1: and our children will be proud of their names when 29 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:35,120 Speaker 1: they are old enough to understand their culture and heritage. 30 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,320 Speaker 1: No one in my family has a ghetto name, and 31 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 1: it won't start now. I love this man, but he 32 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:45,760 Speaker 1: can't separate stereotypes from real life, and he can adapt 33 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 1: to a different lifestyle. How can I explain to him 34 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 1: that I want our kids to have every advantage and 35 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:55,280 Speaker 1: not ever be made to feel different. What are your thoughts? 36 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 1: Please help us? While you guys are very different, I'm 37 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 1: surprised as you were able to come together and get married, 38 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,160 Speaker 1: and you gotta know that you can't change anyone. You 39 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,640 Speaker 1: guys are married now and you're still trying to change 40 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:11,440 Speaker 1: your husband. I don't understand why you're trying to do that, 41 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 1: because how's that working for you? It doesn't sound like 42 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,480 Speaker 1: it's going too well. But I am with you one 43 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:20,079 Speaker 1: hundred percent. As far as um you know what you're 44 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,720 Speaker 1: talking about the culture and all of that, and studies 45 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 1: have shown that, you know, kids with certain names are 46 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:31,079 Speaker 1: held can be held back. Unfortunately, you know that is true. 47 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 1: Certain names do hold us back and all of that. 48 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:37,400 Speaker 1: As far as the culture goes, there are many ways 49 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,359 Speaker 1: for your children to learn it. You can teach them 50 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,680 Speaker 1: their history and their heritage. Books always a go to 51 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,639 Speaker 1: the internet, museums, movies, all of that. You can teach 52 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 1: them about President Obama. There's plenty of time for them 53 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 1: to learn their heritage and learn about their history, just 54 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: like we had to. Uh. You know, there's going to 55 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 1: be many many ways to bring cultural awareness to your 56 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:03,080 Speaker 1: create kids. We're sitting Quita, the cultural differences between you 57 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:06,600 Speaker 1: and your husband, though, to me, that's a much bigger thing, 58 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 1: and it might take some counseling to work that out 59 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:13,280 Speaker 1: because he is who he is and you are who 60 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,520 Speaker 1: you are, and you guys married each other, you know, 61 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 1: and I say this, you might need counseling because the 62 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:22,079 Speaker 1: twins are coming and you both want to be good 63 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 1: role models for them. You with your middle class background, 64 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,680 Speaker 1: your husband with this inner city upbringing. You know, there's 65 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,960 Speaker 1: value in both. No one is not better than the 66 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 1: other one. You both bring unique experiences. You guys are 67 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,840 Speaker 1: going to have to come together. I mean, yeah, with 68 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 1: the do rags in public and the loud music. Yeah, 69 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:44,320 Speaker 1: he definitely cantone that down. But you guys, these arguments 70 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 1: and things like that, you're gonna have to figure out 71 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:49,760 Speaker 1: a way to work it out or else you're gonna 72 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 1: bring these twins into a major problem here in your marriage. Steve, Well, 73 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 1: this is going to be interesting because this is right 74 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:04,839 Speaker 1: up my alley. Oh, my wife and I suffer from 75 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 1: the same problem, so this is very good. Marjorie is 76 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 1: a lot more polished and diverse than I am. I, 77 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:18,919 Speaker 1: on the other hand, I am immersed deeply into my 78 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:23,719 Speaker 1: cultural blackness. First of all, in your letter you said 79 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:27,120 Speaker 1: we have a great marriage. Welso do Mardreie. But we 80 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: come from very different backgrounds. Well, not necessarily, but I 81 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 1: grew up urban, predominantly black. She grew up too, but 82 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:42,200 Speaker 1: she acted middle class suburbs. I often have to tell 83 00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: him certain things like where to do rag outside of 84 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,560 Speaker 1: the house of blasts a lot learning. Well, let let's 85 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,680 Speaker 1: just go back here. She said, we are both black 86 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 1: you need to make a correction. Both of y'all black. 87 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:59,479 Speaker 1: He just black up, see not in you. You can't. 88 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 1: This is gift, lady, This is a gift. There are 89 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:08,479 Speaker 1: times when the fact that he is blacker can come 90 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:15,240 Speaker 1: into play. That's right. Take your time. You need blacker 91 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 1: people in certain situations, all right, all right, there are 92 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 1: times when the black knob got to get turned up. 93 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:31,320 Speaker 1: Now a situation, Sister Shirley, let me just go watch this. 94 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:35,440 Speaker 1: See sister Shirley's bullshie. Give me any situation and just 95 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: say something you do. Just name me something you do, 96 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,080 Speaker 1: and I'll show you how to turn it up. Anything 97 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 1: I do, anything you do. I put my get up, shower, 98 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 1: put my clothes on, put my makeup on, and go 99 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 1: to work work. That's not now. We got to hear up. 100 00:05:55,600 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 1: We got to roll up out of him. See, sometimes 101 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:05,359 Speaker 1: we got to roll up out of him. Give me 102 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:09,839 Speaker 1: something else, Shelley. I go to the store. I want 103 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:12,440 Speaker 1: to buy something. I pulled my credit card out and 104 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 1: pay for it. We're gonna go down here and get 105 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,280 Speaker 1: what we can get, and we're gonna leave the rest 106 00:06:17,279 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 1: of it down. Now. The subject he can't get rid 107 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 1: of his hood mentality. We've got a woman who's gonna 108 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:29,720 Speaker 1: mess her marriage up because she can't get next to 109 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:34,680 Speaker 1: her husband's hood ways. But you married him with these 110 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,880 Speaker 1: hood ways. That's one of the things that drew you 111 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:43,320 Speaker 1: to him. His strength, his stamina, his ability to handle 112 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 1: critical situations, the toughness that's made from Irban living. You see, 113 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: we understand that. Well, now let's get into the second 114 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:59,600 Speaker 1: half of this letter. We need to go over some 115 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 1: black names. Now I've asked y'all to send me some 116 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:08,039 Speaker 1: if you would look at your phones, But obviously y'all 117 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 1: don't want to help out, so we just start. Just 118 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,720 Speaker 1: read your texas and get them to me as I begin. Now, 119 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:25,400 Speaker 1: Now these twins, huh, a boy and a girl, Shrida 120 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 1: and Taquita. Now I know that you don't want this 121 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:38,720 Speaker 1: board name Chiquita, but Taquito is a good name simply 122 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 1: cause it rhyme with shuquita, you see, and that's probably 123 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: what his thinking is. Now you got dar Kesha is 124 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:54,800 Speaker 1: the girl and Tai Kuan is the boy. Now, Tai Kuan, 125 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: we need that name because somebody gonna miss spelling and 126 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: they're gonna get asked y about and that'll teach you 127 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 1: to learn how to take time, learn the black names, 128 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 1: to quill to this ta qua see ye. Then you 129 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 1: can go like like we like cause as names like 130 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:17,559 Speaker 1: the girl named Mercedes and the boy named Chevy. Wow, 131 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:22,960 Speaker 1: see Chevy heavy Chevy, Chevy gets your ass. Wo you understand? 132 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:33,960 Speaker 1: Then you got you got Lucresia m hm. And Trevante. Yeah, yeah, 133 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:41,199 Speaker 1: Lucresia and Trevante. Trevante is a member of a singing 134 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:45,439 Speaker 1: group in the tramps. See you need stuff like that, 135 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 1: and so I'm just telling you. See so you can 136 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 1: have like Charle Letter and Charles Okay, now Charles that 137 00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:02,080 Speaker 1: see that on the hood on what that unhooded it 138 00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:12,720 Speaker 1: you got, Then you can go with stuff like oh 139 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:22,800 Speaker 1: you can go John Minnel, God, John Minnel, John Minna, 140 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 1: because we had a lot of john That's a girl, 141 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,240 Speaker 1: that's John Minne. We had a lot of names in 142 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 1: the John We it was many of men there and 143 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,280 Speaker 1: we just pulled out one. So we're gonna name her 144 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 1: John Minnel, John Minner, what's his name, Boosey player, Yeah, 145 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:51,480 Speaker 1: John Minna. You know. Then you got a Quinella because 146 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,680 Speaker 1: she I want her to grow up to be a swimmer. 147 00:09:55,600 --> 00:10:03,040 Speaker 1: Aquinella and TrackMan. He's run. Yeah, she gonna swim and 148 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:07,520 Speaker 1: he's gonna be a track star. Yea. All we could 149 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:11,120 Speaker 1: just go straight old schoolhood and be Stella and Lero 150 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 1: that damned slavery. Don't nobody want to be called Stella? No, 151 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 1: but that's what you're gonna be going. Oh, Or we 152 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: can go h real old schooling Harriet for the girl 153 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: and Oorenthal for the boy. Yeah, old j Yeah, but 154 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,760 Speaker 1: we just gonna call him Orenthal. You ain't got to 155 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:50,559 Speaker 1: bring up old Jakay. We don't want the boy getting 156 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:56,520 Speaker 1: in no trouble people but Orenthal because you know, but 157 00:10:56,559 --> 00:10:59,640 Speaker 1: they're not. They're not gonna go They're gonna call him 158 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:06,720 Speaker 1: old all or or or all. We can name the 159 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:18,400 Speaker 1: girl Jo Safius whoa spell that? And Myron Myrin is like, 160 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:23,959 Speaker 1: my ask you a question, you can ask this question. Well, 161 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:29,000 Speaker 1: these people get called a lot for interviews. Yes, yes, yeah, 162 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 1: don't worry about that. You know you're gonna end up 163 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 1: self employed anyway. You know, we need to be more entrepreneurs. 164 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:41,320 Speaker 1: Anyway we raise our kids getting no damn interviews. Our 165 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:47,440 Speaker 1: kids gonna open up reub shacks and stuff. Uh, then 166 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:54,200 Speaker 1: we're gonna go keep it real, old school Millie and Marcus. Okay, 167 00:11:55,840 --> 00:12:01,840 Speaker 1: million million, These is good, strong names, me Lee and Mocole. 168 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:05,800 Speaker 1: All right, we gotta get out of here. Guys, email 169 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,360 Speaker 1: us your Instagram at your thoughts, your names on Today? Yeah? 170 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,440 Speaker 1: Are your names? Yeah? On Today's Strawberry Letter. At Steve 171 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,360 Speaker 1: Harvey FM. You can check out the Strawberry Letter podcast 172 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:19,360 Speaker 1: on demand. You're listening to the Day Harvey Morning Show.