1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:39,360 Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. Creating space 12 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,440 Speaker 2: to listen to children because they have feelings too, you know, 13 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 2: and in order for them to really I believe, enjoy 14 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:47,800 Speaker 2: their childhood and really get the most out of that 15 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:52,639 Speaker 2: freedom of expression and communication and feeling safe to do 16 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 2: those things, it's so important. Today's episode is sure to 17 00:00:57,040 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 2: provide you with motivation, inspiration, or a fresh perspective. If 18 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:06,200 Speaker 2: you have any AHA moments or appreciate anything from this episode, 19 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,960 Speaker 2: please leave us a review to let us know we're 20 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 2: on the right track. Also, we release episodes every Friday, 21 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:18,080 Speaker 2: so be sure to subscribe on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace 22 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 2: dot com to access our exclusive after show and other 23 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 2: bonus content from the Patreon tab. 24 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:31,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting. 25 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:31,399 Speaker 3: Women like you. 26 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:38,119 Speaker 1: We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Bussard, a college professor and psychologist. 27 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 28 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:46,679 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 29 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:51,520 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 30 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where 31 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 2: black women can just be. 32 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, it's doctor Dom here. From the Cultivating her 33 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 1: Space podcast. Do you have a burning question you're dying 34 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,639 Speaker 1: to get feedback on? Do you want an unbiased perspective 35 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 1: on a situation you're facing. If so, visit cultivatinghirspace dot 36 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:21,799 Speaker 1: com and click ask doctor dom under the start here option. 37 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 1: Every Tuesday, I'll choose a few questions and answer them 38 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 1: at random. Our quote of the day a little black 39 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:36,239 Speaker 1: girl yearns for the blue eyes of a little white girl, 40 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,800 Speaker 1: and the horror at the heart of her yearning is 41 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 1: exceeded only by the evil of fulfillment. This comes to 42 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:50,960 Speaker 1: us by the one and only Tony Morrison. 43 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,200 Speaker 3: That quote is so heavy. 44 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,000 Speaker 1: I feel like I need to repeat that one more 45 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 1: time for us to really let that one sync in 46 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:04,480 Speaker 1: for this conversation we're gonna have today. Tony Morrison says, 47 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:10,080 Speaker 1: a little black girl yearns for the blue eyes of 48 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:14,160 Speaker 1: a little white girl, and the horror at the heart 49 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:20,000 Speaker 1: of her yearning is exceeded only by the evil of fulfillment. 50 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 2: Team I was gonna say, don don't even pass the 51 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,000 Speaker 2: mic to me. I just I think you need to 52 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 2: break it down because we had to revisit that quote 53 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 2: a couple of times. I mean, it's Tony Morrison. It's 54 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 2: so deep you could literally do like a dissertation on 55 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 2: that quote. So I feel like, girl, take it away. 56 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, oh geez. 57 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 1: I mean when I hear that quote, what really comes 58 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 1: up for me is this notion that our black girls 59 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:55,400 Speaker 1: are so observant of what's in their environment, how they're treated, 60 00:03:55,840 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: and how people treat others around them. And to me, 61 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:04,040 Speaker 1: when I hear this quote, I think of our little 62 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 1: black girls wanting to be nurtured and protected and uplifted 63 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:18,560 Speaker 1: in the same way that little white girls are, that 64 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,960 Speaker 1: they see little white girls being treated right, And we'll 65 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,039 Speaker 1: talk a little bit more in this episode about what 66 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,680 Speaker 1: that looks like. Even though lady, if you're listening, you 67 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: know you've experienced this, and to me, the quote is 68 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:36,160 Speaker 1: really saying that the horror of it all is that 69 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:42,400 Speaker 1: little black girls, because they see what's happening for white girls, 70 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: they either end up perpetuating it themselves, right, so becoming 71 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:54,080 Speaker 1: a part of that system that protects and uplifts white girls. 72 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,480 Speaker 1: But then they also get into a space of trying 73 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:04,040 Speaker 1: to be like them, so maybe they are making changes 74 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:08,040 Speaker 1: to their appearance or how they talk, or how they 75 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:14,840 Speaker 1: interact with other people. Essentially basically, like real simple, we 76 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,359 Speaker 1: end up dimming our light to be like the white girls, 77 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,719 Speaker 1: when really we need to be letting our black girl 78 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:25,360 Speaker 1: magic really shine through. I think that's like the crux 79 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,919 Speaker 1: of what Tony Morrison is saying. 80 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so powerful nomenas you share that. I was 81 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:36,359 Speaker 2: thinking about just so many angles that you can go 82 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:39,279 Speaker 2: in with this quote, and it makes me think about 83 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 2: how depending on where this black girl that she's speaking of, 84 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,680 Speaker 2: you know, where she's raised, in the environment that she's 85 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,440 Speaker 2: in yearning for the blue eyes of a little white girl, right, 86 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:50,760 Speaker 2: and like you said, the horrors at the heart of 87 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 2: her yearning actually being exceeded by the evil of fulfillment, 88 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,720 Speaker 2: meaning that when she actually Let's say, you see this 89 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:03,840 Speaker 2: white woman that has a certain experience, she's protected, she's safe, 90 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,360 Speaker 2: she's looked at in a certain way. Maybe you attain that, 91 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:11,480 Speaker 2: and there's still the burden of being black that's on 92 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:14,600 Speaker 2: your shoulders. So it's like you get to where this 93 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 2: white girl might be or how she might be viewed, 94 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,960 Speaker 2: but you still have this burden on you because you're 95 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,480 Speaker 2: still a black girl at the end of the day, 96 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,000 Speaker 2: and the experience is so different, the way people perceive 97 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,440 Speaker 2: you is so different. So it could be I know 98 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,600 Speaker 2: we're talking about girls, and I know we're going to 99 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:29,840 Speaker 2: hop back to girls, but I do want to say 100 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:31,400 Speaker 2: it makes me think about adult women as well. Like 101 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 2: maybe you see a white woman at your company and 102 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,640 Speaker 2: you're like, oh, I want to be in this role 103 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 2: or be respected like her. But even if you get 104 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,640 Speaker 2: in that role, it's like you're still the horror of 105 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,679 Speaker 2: it all. It's like you made it to the table, 106 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,480 Speaker 2: you're still there, but then you still have to deal 107 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 2: with the racism, the gas like the bullshit, right, and 108 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 2: it all boils down to perception. And I think That's 109 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,000 Speaker 2: what we're going to dive into today, is the perception 110 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:54,719 Speaker 2: of black girls. Because Tom, as you were saying before 111 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 2: we even hopped on to the mic, we often talk 112 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 2: about how a black boys are is adultified. The words 113 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,840 Speaker 2: that the official word is that even a word adultified. 114 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,039 Speaker 3: I don't know if that's the official word. 115 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,560 Speaker 2: Let me google google real quick, y'all. I don't want 116 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 2: to be has. 117 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 3: Been the word I've been using. 118 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 1: But adultification bias is the overall like academic term. 119 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,240 Speaker 2: Okay, there we go, and I actually googled it and 120 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:26,120 Speaker 2: I see adultified up here. Okay, there's a definition, Okay, 121 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 2: and it's from a university. So I'm like, all right, 122 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 2: But we talk about black boys, we talk about black people, 123 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,440 Speaker 2: but talking about black girls is often missing, right, And 124 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,080 Speaker 2: so dom, do you want to just let us know, 125 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,040 Speaker 2: Like what does it even mean? I think we can 126 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 2: kind of assume, but like, what does it mean when 127 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 2: you say adultification? Yes? 128 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 1: So adultification is essentially when teachers, law enforcement, and even 129 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:58,000 Speaker 1: parents view black girls or black boys as less innocent 130 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 1: and more adult like, then they're white peers. 131 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:06,480 Speaker 3: And doctor Jamilla Blake. 132 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:09,880 Speaker 1: Who is a professor at Texas A and M has 133 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 1: done a lot of research on that particular term and 134 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:22,640 Speaker 1: the effects of black girls being adultified. So essentially, it's 135 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 1: black girls are being treated as though they are black women. 136 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,840 Speaker 1: And when you think about how we interact with women 137 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:38,160 Speaker 1: and if black girls are being interacted with in that way, 138 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:43,439 Speaker 1: how problematic that is for those girls. 139 00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 3: To have that experience. 140 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 2: That makes perfect sense. And lady, I don't know about you, 141 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:52,200 Speaker 2: I'm not necessarily an expert on this topic, but we 142 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,000 Speaker 2: have so much data that we're going to review today 143 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 2: and personal experiences, and I can speak from personal experiences 144 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,679 Speaker 2: about some of the common stereotypes. So we're going to 145 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,800 Speaker 2: dive into some of that and talk about the negative effects, 146 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 2: but then also talk about how we can create a 147 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 2: safe space for our girls to just be girls, because 148 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,480 Speaker 2: it's so important, right, Yeah, And so when I think 149 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 2: about some of the common stereotypes down growing up that 150 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,960 Speaker 2: I saw and this is not even looking at any data. One, 151 00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:19,680 Speaker 2: black girls were seen as fast if they dressed a 152 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 2: certain way, spoke a certain way, like, oh, she's fast, right, 153 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,280 Speaker 2: And depending on where you are in the world, I 154 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,160 Speaker 2: don't know, that might be a different term for you, 155 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,920 Speaker 2: but fast meaning promiscuous, right, So even if you're young. 156 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 2: Let's say you have one short shorts. You want to 157 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,679 Speaker 2: go out your fast ass, like what you're doing, you know, 158 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,439 Speaker 2: wearing them short shorts whatever it might be, right, Or 159 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:41,520 Speaker 2: I think about being loud and obnoxious. Right, So you 160 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,480 Speaker 2: can have a group of white kids walking by or 161 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:47,000 Speaker 2: white girls and they might be laughing, giggling, they're loud. 162 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,040 Speaker 2: But then when the black girls walk by and they 163 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,760 Speaker 2: have the same energy, now it's looked at it is 164 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:55,320 Speaker 2: a different way, right, They're loud, they're disruptive, you know, 165 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:56,400 Speaker 2: ool child. 166 00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:02,079 Speaker 1: Yes, I can think of her examples of that happening, 167 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 1: of being in spaces where I've seen white folks be 168 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:15,120 Speaker 1: loud and having a good time and no one says 169 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:22,240 Speaker 1: anything about it, but the looks that come about or 170 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 1: the comments that might even be made when a group 171 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: of black kids are doing the same mm hmm. 172 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:36,160 Speaker 2: Also another stereotype of they're just you know, black girls 173 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,560 Speaker 2: are just out to do bad things, right, They're out 174 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,679 Speaker 2: to do hood rad shit, like you know, they're just 175 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 2: they're all all black girls. All black girls are just 176 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,240 Speaker 2: out there up to no good, you know. And that's 177 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 2: not the case, right, and especially when you compare it 178 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 2: to their white counterparts. It's like there's a big discrepancy 179 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:56,160 Speaker 2: I think about even you know, with the school shootings 180 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,680 Speaker 2: in the US. We have a lot of school shootings, unfortunately, 181 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,559 Speaker 2: a lot of shootings in general, and most of the 182 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,319 Speaker 2: perpetrators are white men, right, goal shootings, most of the 183 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:06,439 Speaker 2: perpetrators are white boys. And when you think about situations 184 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,920 Speaker 2: that black girls might be involved in, whether it might 185 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 2: be I'm just using this as an example, because all 186 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,000 Speaker 2: races of kids get into fights, but if it's a 187 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:17,920 Speaker 2: black girl who gets into a fight, they're just viewed differently, right, 188 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,200 Speaker 2: The law views them differently, Their punishment is different. They 189 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 2: are viewed as more violent. Whereas you look at the 190 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:29,360 Speaker 2: white boy, you know, Billy who shot up whatever institution, 191 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 2: there's a lot more empathy for him, right, So he's 192 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,959 Speaker 2: viewed as a child in a lot of cases, even 193 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,400 Speaker 2: if you look at the media and it's like, oh, 194 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 2: Billy was a boy scout. You know, he was troubled 195 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 2: his parents. You know, this happened at home, and there's 196 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,080 Speaker 2: always an excuse for them, and there's a lot of empathy, 197 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,000 Speaker 2: and they are really doing a good job of trying 198 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:52,439 Speaker 2: to create this image of innocence and this childlike disposition 199 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:55,200 Speaker 2: when he murdered people. But in the black girls like 200 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,280 Speaker 2: this civillain, this dangerous monster. You know, you can literally 201 00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 2: see this in the media, right, Yes. 202 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,160 Speaker 3: We definitely see this in the media. 203 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,719 Speaker 1: And honestly, when I step back and I think about this, 204 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 1: what comes up for me is that generally the black 205 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:12,960 Speaker 1: girl is usually in a situation where she's trying to 206 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:19,200 Speaker 1: defend herself. And so how is it that when she 207 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:25,720 Speaker 1: is trying to defend herself it's problematic. But a white 208 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 1: boy who is inflicting harm on multiple people, he's viewed 209 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,920 Speaker 1: as he's the victim when really he was the aggressor, 210 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,320 Speaker 1: he was the initiator. 211 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:46,880 Speaker 2: So dom can we talk about socialized adultification with socialized identification. 212 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:53,400 Speaker 1: Socialized adultification is similar to a term that we've heard before, 213 00:12:53,480 --> 00:13:01,439 Speaker 1: the parentified child. Socialized adultification is when children, and particularly 214 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:08,640 Speaker 1: children in low income families, take on adult like roles 215 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 1: to help with family needs. Right, So, they might become 216 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 1: caregivers in the household, they might become taking on chores 217 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:28,439 Speaker 1: in the household. They may even be out there having jobs, 218 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:35,560 Speaker 1: so taking on roles that adults typically would and so 219 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:41,320 Speaker 1: with that may come some level of adult knowledge. And 220 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:46,480 Speaker 1: it may seem as if these children are more mature, 221 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,679 Speaker 1: but all of that does not actually match up with 222 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 1: their developmental stage. 223 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,560 Speaker 2: Now, dom, I just heard a big side from some 224 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,480 Speaker 2: of the black mamas that listen. And when you said chores, 225 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:01,680 Speaker 2: I heard them say, pause, you clarify when you say chores, 226 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,080 Speaker 2: what do you mean by children? 227 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:09,920 Speaker 1: Yet? So I do want to acknowledge that everybody's circumstances 228 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:14,920 Speaker 1: are different and that for a lot of families out there, 229 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:21,680 Speaker 1: having your children take on more adult roles is not 230 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:25,080 Speaker 1: necessarily something and if your settings were ideal, that you 231 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:29,760 Speaker 1: would want your children to do right. So asking your 232 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 1: ten year old to watch the younger siblings right, asking 233 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:43,040 Speaker 1: your twelve year old to cook a full dinner meal. 234 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:48,160 Speaker 1: And when I say cook a full dinner meal by themselves, 235 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 1: that that's not like putting something in the microwave and 236 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 1: saying here, this is what we're having right. It's having 237 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,680 Speaker 1: to put things in the oven and prepare things on 238 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 1: the stove, buy themsel elves. 239 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,960 Speaker 2: And Donald's out of responsibility and necessity. It's not like, oh, 240 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:08,200 Speaker 2: we're gonna have a fun family like riding. It's like, no, 241 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 2: you need to fix dinner or like we may not eat. 242 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,160 Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Like that of responsibility, right. 243 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 1: It's the parents are not available in the home at 244 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:20,680 Speaker 1: that time, and so yes, that burden of responsibility falls 245 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:21,280 Speaker 1: on that child. 246 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:21,600 Speaker 2: Right. 247 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:25,239 Speaker 3: So like saying to the ten year old. 248 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:30,760 Speaker 1: That, okay, you have to get your younger siblings from school. 249 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,400 Speaker 1: So like you get out of school at three point fifteen, 250 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:37,280 Speaker 1: your younger siblings all are at the same school. You 251 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: have to make sure as a ten year old, you 252 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,080 Speaker 1: have to make sure that everyone gets home together, and 253 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 1: then you have to prepare their snacks, help them with 254 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 1: their homework, and get dinner on the table because parents 255 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 1: aren't coming home until after eight o'clock at night. That's 256 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:03,120 Speaker 1: different than mom and dad or my mom, dad dad, 257 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:07,880 Speaker 1: whatever your situation may be. That's different than the parents say, okay, 258 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 1: ten year old, you make sure all the siblings everyone 259 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 1: walks home together. You all get home and one of 260 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,400 Speaker 1: the parents is there, and the parent then steps in 261 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:22,400 Speaker 1: and assists with homework and assists with getting you know, 262 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,520 Speaker 1: getting dinner done, and the ten year old may come 263 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,360 Speaker 1: in and help out. But the ten year old is 264 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:33,640 Speaker 1: not responsible putting that child who developmentally is not in 265 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:39,000 Speaker 1: a place to take on all of those responsibilities. That's 266 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,240 Speaker 1: socialized adultification. 267 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,680 Speaker 2: And that makes perfect sense. I think many of us 268 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,120 Speaker 2: have experienced that in our own lives, and I do 269 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,280 Speaker 2: want to read off some of the information from this 270 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:57,400 Speaker 2: amazing article called Girlhood Interrupted the erasure of Black Girls' childhood, 271 00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 2: And there are a few points in here don that, 272 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,320 Speaker 2: again I've experienced in life or heard about, but when 273 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:07,040 Speaker 2: you see it paired with data and research gives it 274 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 2: just breaks your heart even more right to know that 275 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:13,560 Speaker 2: this is just so deeply just entrenched in our culture 276 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,400 Speaker 2: in many ways. And so a few of the things 277 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 2: that I see here says, compared to white girls of 278 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 2: the same age, survey participants perceive that Black girls need 279 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:26,160 Speaker 2: less nurturing, less protection. Black girls need to be supported, 280 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:30,360 Speaker 2: less to be comforted less. Black girls are more independent, 281 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:35,000 Speaker 2: Black girls know about more adult topics, black girls know 282 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:38,040 Speaker 2: more about sex. And while this may be true for 283 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 2: different parts of the population, that's not the case for 284 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 2: all Black girls. You know, but we're kind of seeing 285 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,760 Speaker 2: as this monolithic group and this is how people perceive us, right, 286 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 2: And because of that there then implications. Now non there's 287 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:54,200 Speaker 2: another interesting part of this research paper that says three 288 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,800 Speaker 2: dominant paradigms of black femininity that originated in the South 289 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 2: during the period of slavery have persisted and to present 290 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:06,359 Speaker 2: day culture, which paint black females as hypersexual, boisterous, aggressive, 291 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:07,720 Speaker 2: and unscrupuless. 292 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:13,200 Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, that just makes us sound awful, and 293 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,679 Speaker 1: we know that that's not the case. That we know 294 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:19,679 Speaker 1: that we are not those things. And I think, to me, 295 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:23,080 Speaker 1: when I hear those when I hear that those descriptions 296 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:26,639 Speaker 1: and I hear that data, immediately, what comes up for 297 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:32,919 Speaker 1: me is two things, One the long term outcome and 298 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 1: two the immediate negative effects. 299 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:37,280 Speaker 3: Right. 300 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,880 Speaker 1: So like that long term outcome, it makes me think 301 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 1: about how in settings, whether it's the work setting or 302 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:47,600 Speaker 1: socialized settings. 303 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:53,280 Speaker 3: When we become women, we are then. 304 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:58,919 Speaker 1: Expected to be the caretakers of everybody in that environment. 305 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:07,720 Speaker 1: We are expected to hear jokes that are offensive, step 306 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:15,800 Speaker 1: in and nurture everyone else around us. To let's just say, 307 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,640 Speaker 1: you're at like a social gathering, whether it's for work 308 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:23,600 Speaker 1: or otherwise, you're expected to like kind of come in 309 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,880 Speaker 1: and like clean up or make sure that things are 310 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:30,840 Speaker 1: set up right, even though you are a guest yourself, Right, 311 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,560 Speaker 1: so I think about it from that perspective, like in 312 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 1: terms of like the long term that as adults we 313 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:42,880 Speaker 1: are not being protected in that regard, right. But then 314 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:46,840 Speaker 1: I think about specifically for our little girls in those 315 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 1: moments that they are not allowed to really be themselves, 316 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 1: and I think about the inner turmoil that they might 317 00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:02,760 Speaker 1: be experiencing when no one protecting them, when they see 318 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 1: other people in their environment, other kids in their environment 319 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:13,720 Speaker 1: being protected over them, and when they are being misunderstood. 320 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:20,359 Speaker 1: So I think about the implications in the classroom where 321 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:28,199 Speaker 1: you have little black girls who may be understimulated in 322 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:32,200 Speaker 1: the classroom because they are Hella smart and they are 323 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:38,040 Speaker 1: ahead of the material that's being presented. So perhaps they 324 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,640 Speaker 1: start asking lots of questions, raising their hand and asking. 325 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,480 Speaker 3: Lots of questions because they're curious children. 326 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:53,520 Speaker 1: But then they're being labeled as obstinate or disruptive because 327 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,520 Speaker 1: they're raising their hand and asking questions. And sometimes they 328 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,400 Speaker 1: might be asking questions if the teacher doesn't know they answer. 329 00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:00,760 Speaker 4: To mm hmm. 330 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,360 Speaker 2: That's a good point. That's a really good point. Girl. 331 00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 2: I'm thinking about personal experiences, like maybe you and I 332 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,040 Speaker 2: can share some of our personal experiences of how we've 333 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:13,879 Speaker 2: seen this in our own life. I know that for me, 334 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,800 Speaker 2: I was a late bloomer, like in every sense of 335 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,480 Speaker 2: the words me too, and I remember you too, girl, 336 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,560 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I was. I remember when I first 337 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,679 Speaker 2: started going breast. I was so excited. I had to 338 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:27,080 Speaker 2: be like I did like fifteen or sixteen, when they 339 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,119 Speaker 2: first like really started to like come in and they 340 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:31,520 Speaker 2: were still small, but it was something right. And I 341 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,960 Speaker 2: remember there were a few males in the family. I'm 342 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,040 Speaker 2: not going to call anyone out because this was actually 343 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,320 Speaker 2: normal for me, but they would kind of bring attention 344 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,840 Speaker 2: to it, like in a joking way, and there were 345 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,639 Speaker 2: actually women and men in the family because it was 346 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 2: kind of that's just my family is interesting, Like that's 347 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,960 Speaker 2: just kind of what was happening. And even as a kid, 348 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,960 Speaker 2: there were points where it was uncomfortable, but when you're 349 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,639 Speaker 2: accustomed to that, you kind of you kind of just 350 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,439 Speaker 2: laugh it off. So I think about those instances of 351 00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:01,359 Speaker 2: like bringing attention to my growing breasts when I was 352 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,840 Speaker 2: a teenager. But then also I noticed that there were 353 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:08,760 Speaker 2: certain men. I remember walking from school one day, and 354 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,879 Speaker 2: there were certain men that basically watched me grow up 355 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,760 Speaker 2: and they would always kind of be around in the neighborhood, 356 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,520 Speaker 2: and when I began to develop a bit more, I 357 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,520 Speaker 2: remember them starting to stare and like I would feel uncomfortable. 358 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,120 Speaker 2: It was like, Okay, this is like a weird look. Now, 359 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,159 Speaker 2: like I feel like this is like I need to 360 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 2: hurry up and get out of this situation because it 361 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,400 Speaker 2: just made me uncomfortable the way that they were sort 362 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,879 Speaker 2: of gazing. And those are just a few instances that 363 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 2: make me think about how we often are sexualized at 364 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,919 Speaker 2: young ages, and that can then impact the way that 365 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:43,040 Speaker 2: we decided to show up right based on how we interact. 366 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,320 Speaker 2: I want to say with that attention or how that 367 00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 2: makes us feel. And I have another one down, but 368 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,119 Speaker 2: I want to pass it to you to see if 369 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:52,560 Speaker 2: you have anything that's similar or just in the examples 370 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,200 Speaker 2: of adultification. 371 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:57,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think about like how I was like that 372 00:22:57,119 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 1: parentified child, right, and how that showed up for me 373 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:07,200 Speaker 1: in terms of like that socialized adultification in that I 374 00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:11,720 Speaker 1: was charged with looking after my siblings while my mom 375 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 1: was at work, right, And so that meant like that 376 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 1: example that I gave of having to like cook or 377 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,159 Speaker 1: make sure that food was on the table, you know, 378 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,320 Speaker 1: and we were in a household that did like after 379 00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:28,560 Speaker 1: school snacks or anything like that. But I can think 380 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:38,399 Speaker 1: about instances where cooking was beyond what I probably should 381 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:44,159 Speaker 1: have been doing by myself at that age, right, but 382 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 1: also being expected to set an example and look after 383 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:56,399 Speaker 1: so like being able to make quick decisions around Oh, 384 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,720 Speaker 1: these are the behaviors that your siblings should not be 385 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:03,360 Speaker 1: engaging in, And if they start engaging in that behavior, then. 386 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,399 Speaker 3: You have to kind of become a disciplinarian. 387 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:05,840 Speaker 2: Right. 388 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,720 Speaker 1: You're not allowed to spank them, but you have to 389 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,880 Speaker 1: make it clear that the behavior they're engaging in is problematic, 390 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,720 Speaker 1: and then you need to call mom at work if 391 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:22,000 Speaker 1: they start acting up. But asking a thirteen year old 392 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:31,160 Speaker 1: to truly step in and be a disciplinarian for other children, 393 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,520 Speaker 1: that's forcing that thirteen year old to think on levels 394 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:40,400 Speaker 1: and think in ways and make decisions that most thirteen 395 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:47,159 Speaker 1: year olds developmentally aren't fully capable of doing. And so 396 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:54,840 Speaker 1: then it forces you to be pseudo mature, right, because 397 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:59,320 Speaker 1: emotionally at thirteen, emotionally I think about my thirteen year 398 00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:02,440 Speaker 1: old self, and I think about most other thirteen year olds. 399 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,160 Speaker 3: And even though, like ut, I was a late. 400 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:12,320 Speaker 1: Bloomer from just a psychological, physical, developmental perspective, I was, 401 00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:14,520 Speaker 1: like most thirteen year olds, like your body is going 402 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 1: through so many changes and you don't know what the 403 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,480 Speaker 1: hell is happening, and you can't explain it, you don't 404 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:19,640 Speaker 1: have the words for it. 405 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:24,240 Speaker 3: And so I think about that and. 406 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:31,240 Speaker 1: Recognize that even though that may not have been my 407 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:35,760 Speaker 1: mom's intention based on our situation, you know, you're in 408 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:38,680 Speaker 1: a single parent household, Like that may not have been 409 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:45,359 Speaker 1: the intention to make this child take on all of 410 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 1: these adult responsibilities in the same way that an adult would. 411 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:54,480 Speaker 2: That was the impact, right, Yeah, No, that's a really 412 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,040 Speaker 2: good point, Dom. And I know that you know, we've 413 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 2: shared our stories on the podcast before, and I think 414 00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:00,960 Speaker 2: we have a lot in common and regards to certain 415 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,680 Speaker 2: aspects of our upbringing, being a late bloomer, being parentified children, 416 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,520 Speaker 2: And I think about the negative effects of it. Now 417 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,439 Speaker 2: this is not based on research per se. This is 418 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:11,320 Speaker 2: just my personal experience. But when I think about the 419 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,760 Speaker 2: negative effects of adultification that I've experienced, a few things 420 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:19,360 Speaker 2: come to mind for me, and one would be anxiety. 421 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:24,040 Speaker 2: I feel like, yes, yeah, like I feel like as 422 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,760 Speaker 2: a child having to deal with like I mean, having 423 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:28,959 Speaker 2: to raise my younger siblings and having to be an 424 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:32,359 Speaker 2: adult and make these decisions about discipline and you know, 425 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,720 Speaker 2: meals and just a lot of other adult things, registering 426 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,360 Speaker 2: them for school and things like that. There's a lot 427 00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:38,560 Speaker 2: of stress and anxiety that comes with that. But I 428 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,040 Speaker 2: also think about the fact that when we get older, 429 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 2: remember how when we were younger, they was like, girl, 430 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,040 Speaker 2: enjoy your childhood, okay, because one day you're going to 431 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:47,639 Speaker 2: be an adult. You won't have to pay bills and 432 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,959 Speaker 2: da da da dah. And child when I became an 433 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,199 Speaker 2: adult and had to pay them bills, like damn, I 434 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,919 Speaker 2: really damn. I miss not having a worry about this 435 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 2: and that and that. And I feel like when you 436 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,800 Speaker 2: bob a child of that experience of being truly carefree 437 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,760 Speaker 2: and having to worry about bills and being an adult, 438 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 2: they crave that innocence and adulthood and it feels like 439 00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:10,280 Speaker 2: a mist experience. Like I often think about certain aspects 440 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:12,080 Speaker 2: of my childhood and I'm like, damn, I feel like 441 00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:13,720 Speaker 2: I need to do a lot of I've done a 442 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,439 Speaker 2: lot of inner child healing, but there's something that I 443 00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:19,159 Speaker 2: crave that I felt like I was sort of rushed 444 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:21,399 Speaker 2: to grow up, and I sort of crave some of 445 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,439 Speaker 2: that time back because it was taken from me. In 446 00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:27,240 Speaker 2: a way, I would say, like, there's this pressure that 447 00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:32,200 Speaker 2: comes with adultification as well. There's a sometimes distorted perception 448 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:35,160 Speaker 2: of yourself. I know, even to this day, girl being 449 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:38,200 Speaker 2: a black girl growing up and knowing and feeling that 450 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,080 Speaker 2: sort of negative perception that people have like, oh, she's 451 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:42,960 Speaker 2: up to no good. I remember talking to one of 452 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,719 Speaker 2: my girlfriends the other day and I wanted to take 453 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,399 Speaker 2: the baby to the grocery store to get food, and 454 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,520 Speaker 2: I wanted to walk because my husband's at work. So 455 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:50,760 Speaker 2: I was like, I'm going to walk with the stroller. 456 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,440 Speaker 2: But I was like, damn, if I walk with the stroller, 457 00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:55,320 Speaker 2: I don't know if I'll be able to get I 458 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:58,040 Speaker 2: can't get a cart and do the stroller if I'm 459 00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,879 Speaker 2: going to walk. So I was like, I could put 460 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:02,320 Speaker 2: the groceries underneath the stroller thing, but I don't want 461 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:05,879 Speaker 2: them to think I'm stealing. So I had so like 462 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:07,600 Speaker 2: I got so overwhelmed and I was like, damn, I 463 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:10,760 Speaker 2: can't go get groceries because I was just so overwhelmed 464 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:13,399 Speaker 2: with the thought of, okay, me managing my newborn and me, like, 465 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,760 Speaker 2: we don't walk by ourselves often. But then we're going 466 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:17,399 Speaker 2: to go into the store, and then what if I 467 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:19,840 Speaker 2: put the groceries in the bottom of the stroller and 468 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,840 Speaker 2: they think that I'm stealing even though I have every 469 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:24,880 Speaker 2: intention to pay for the items. Like that whole thing, 470 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,360 Speaker 2: We have so many of those, I want to say, subtle, 471 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:31,080 Speaker 2: sort of nuanced stressors that other people don't deal with 472 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,399 Speaker 2: it we have to that we wear in this life 473 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:36,360 Speaker 2: because of the perception of us, because of our experiences. 474 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,400 Speaker 2: And so those are just a few of the things 475 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:40,600 Speaker 2: that come to mind when it comes to the negative 476 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:41,800 Speaker 2: effects of adultification. 477 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,560 Speaker 1: Yes, and think about like to me as you were 478 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:50,160 Speaker 1: sharing that story, like it felt so heartbreaking, that that 479 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,280 Speaker 1: is what we have to think about, right, that we 480 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:56,840 Speaker 1: have to think about people are going to assume that 481 00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,320 Speaker 1: we are stealing and all I'm trying to do is 482 00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:01,640 Speaker 1: figure out how how to go and get groceries with 483 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:06,040 Speaker 1: my baby. And so I think about as an adult, 484 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:11,400 Speaker 1: you can process that, right, But I think about from 485 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:16,440 Speaker 1: the emotional standpoint of our young girls that. 486 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,520 Speaker 3: They recognize that they see that. 487 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:26,320 Speaker 1: But emotionally they don't know how to fully process that, right, 488 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:31,480 Speaker 1: So they might be walking to the corner store and 489 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,640 Speaker 1: they might have that same thought of, well, I've had 490 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:39,240 Speaker 1: negative interactions with this store owner before, And if I 491 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,080 Speaker 1: go in there and it's after school and I walk 492 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,680 Speaker 1: in with my book bag, are they gonna accuse me 493 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:50,200 Speaker 1: of stealing or are they gonna have a policy that 494 00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:53,040 Speaker 1: I have to leave my book bag at the front 495 00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:56,560 Speaker 1: door so that I don't steal. 496 00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 2: Or dom Let's be honest, sometimes it's like, fuck it. 497 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,280 Speaker 2: People think I'm this person. Let me show them that 498 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:04,840 Speaker 2: I could be that person, right. I know we've all 499 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,200 Speaker 2: been there as teenagers or something where or it's just 500 00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:08,800 Speaker 2: in life where you're like, oh, people think this is 501 00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:10,520 Speaker 2: what I'm about, all right, let me show them then, 502 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like, let me prove a point. 503 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:17,560 Speaker 1: And to me, that goes back to our developmental stages, right, 504 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 1: and our emotional understanding and being able to think through things, right, 505 00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:29,280 Speaker 1: that we're expecting our twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen year olds 506 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:32,200 Speaker 1: to be able to process that when they really can't 507 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:36,120 Speaker 1: fully process that to the same extent that we can 508 00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:39,239 Speaker 1: as adults. And so to me, that's why it is 509 00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:45,320 Speaker 1: so problematic to have these situations where our young girls 510 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:52,040 Speaker 1: are being adultified because they cannot process things in the 511 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:55,000 Speaker 1: same way that we can as adults, and so you 512 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,000 Speaker 1: end up with young. 513 00:30:56,840 --> 00:31:00,640 Speaker 3: Girls who are depressed, who. 514 00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:06,120 Speaker 1: Are anxious, and who may turn to harmful coping methods 515 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 1: because they don't know how to express to the adults 516 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:15,600 Speaker 1: in their lives that what's being done to them is hurtful. 517 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:18,760 Speaker 2: Nom Are there any other negative effects that you can 518 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,440 Speaker 2: think of of adultification or just in your experience before 519 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:27,000 Speaker 2: we talk about the tips for protecting our girls. 520 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:29,920 Speaker 1: I think those are the main ones of like really 521 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,520 Speaker 1: just recognizing like that our young girls are going to 522 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:38,320 Speaker 1: experience anxiety, they're going to experience depression, and then what 523 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:42,640 Speaker 1: ends up happening the negative effects in terms of how 524 00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:46,920 Speaker 1: they get treated. So they in schools, they may be 525 00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:51,920 Speaker 1: more likely to be suspended or expelled, or experienced encounter 526 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:57,400 Speaker 1: harsh disciplinary action that's really not appropriate to what's going 527 00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:02,800 Speaker 1: on for them. Then they may have instances with friends 528 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:09,360 Speaker 1: and family where they are punished or interacted with in 529 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:11,760 Speaker 1: a way that does not match what's really going on 530 00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:15,640 Speaker 1: in the situation. So they make you know the punishment 531 00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:16,760 Speaker 1: is not fitting the crime. 532 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:22,560 Speaker 2: If that makes sense, gotcha? Yep, that makes perfect sense. Okay, Okay, Well, lady, 533 00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:26,280 Speaker 2: we are going to dive into some takeaways. So we 534 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:27,960 Speaker 2: want to talk about how you can create a safe 535 00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 2: space for our girls to be girls and how to 536 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:34,640 Speaker 2: protect them from adultification. So Dom, you want to kick 537 00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:35,720 Speaker 2: it off with our first one. 538 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 1: Yes, our first tip goes to the heart of what 539 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:44,920 Speaker 1: we've been saying. Use developmentally appropriate language, because when we 540 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:50,040 Speaker 1: engage with our girls in ways that fit where they 541 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:56,000 Speaker 1: are developmentally, it allows them to be their age. 542 00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:57,280 Speaker 3: Right. 543 00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:01,520 Speaker 1: So I am not going to talk to a seven 544 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:08,400 Speaker 1: year old in the same way that I'm talking to 545 00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:14,600 Speaker 1: a fifteen year old, that I'm talking to an eighteen 546 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,880 Speaker 1: or nineteen year old, or that I'm talking to a 547 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:23,000 Speaker 1: grown person, right, Like, That's just not going to happen, 548 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:28,280 Speaker 1: even though we may be at each of those ages 549 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:30,720 Speaker 1: in the exact same situation. 550 00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:32,480 Speaker 3: Right. 551 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:38,600 Speaker 1: So, example, we are in the store and we are 552 00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:42,360 Speaker 1: being followed because we're black. As the adult in the situation, 553 00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:45,600 Speaker 1: I may turn around and have a conversation with the 554 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:49,240 Speaker 1: store clerk to figure out why are they following us? Right, 555 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:53,400 Speaker 1: But then after we leave the store, when I'm processing it, 556 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:58,960 Speaker 1: I'm not going to use the same language with that 557 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,719 Speaker 1: seven year old that I would with the fifteen year 558 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:04,200 Speaker 1: old or the eighteen or nineteen year old. I'm going 559 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:07,240 Speaker 1: to use language that fits where they are, even if 560 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:09,480 Speaker 1: I'm talking about the same situation. 561 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:11,560 Speaker 2: I love that example. 562 00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:11,799 Speaker 1: DOM. 563 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,719 Speaker 2: It makes me also think about just being emotionally appropriate 564 00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:18,160 Speaker 2: with children. So if you have a breakup, like going 565 00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:20,560 Speaker 2: to Vintiers, like the children are not a therapist, I 566 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:24,720 Speaker 2: mean the child and talk about details. You know what's crazy. 567 00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:26,640 Speaker 2: I saw this tweet the other day and it made 568 00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:28,839 Speaker 2: me laugh. But when you think about it, it's like, 569 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,759 Speaker 2: this probably shouldn't be happening. So someone says something like 570 00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:34,160 Speaker 2: my four year old is in the room playing with 571 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:37,280 Speaker 2: barbies and I heard her say put his ass in jail. 572 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,600 Speaker 2: And I was just like, I'm sorry that it was funny, 573 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:43,120 Speaker 2: but I'm like, what's happening in this four year old's 574 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:46,839 Speaker 2: environment to have them use that type of language? Right, 575 00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:53,000 Speaker 2: So just a little example. Number two is encourage freedom 576 00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:56,160 Speaker 2: of self expression. And so when I think about this DOM, 577 00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:59,160 Speaker 2: it makes me think about just letting children be free. 578 00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:00,880 Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know if I'm going to 579 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:02,560 Speaker 2: be the parent that's going to allow my child to 580 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,080 Speaker 2: like dye their hair and stuff I see parents do 581 00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:07,239 Speaker 2: that I'm not at that point, so I really can't 582 00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:09,000 Speaker 2: speak on it. But when I think about freedom of 583 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,440 Speaker 2: self expression, it makes me think about just the space 584 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:15,120 Speaker 2: to be creative, the space to try new experiences. It 585 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,600 Speaker 2: also makes me think about, you know, just allowing children 586 00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:22,520 Speaker 2: to express their feelings right and let you know how 587 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:27,520 Speaker 2: they feel and maybe even help them develop healthy coping 588 00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:31,399 Speaker 2: mechanisms for processing those feelings and even listening to them. 589 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:36,520 Speaker 2: I think about young girls who will often, and this 590 00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:38,560 Speaker 2: is in my personal experience and in my network, but 591 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:42,399 Speaker 2: they'll tell adults about something that has happened to them 592 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,799 Speaker 2: or you know, just an experience, and they don't get 593 00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,200 Speaker 2: listened to right, like they're not listening to For example, 594 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,040 Speaker 2: is you know a friend who went to their mom 595 00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:54,319 Speaker 2: to talk about, you know, being molested by someone that 596 00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,360 Speaker 2: everyone knew in the family, and instead of listening to 597 00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:02,040 Speaker 2: that child, they brush them off or worse, oh you're fast, 598 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,720 Speaker 2: or they you know, victim blamed the child. But creating 599 00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:07,719 Speaker 2: space to listen to children because they have feelings too, 600 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,920 Speaker 2: you know, and in order for them to really I believe, 601 00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,279 Speaker 2: enjoy their childhood and really get the most out of 602 00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:18,000 Speaker 2: that freedom of expression and communication and feeling safe to 603 00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:19,719 Speaker 2: do those things is so important. 604 00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:22,840 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, I totally agree. 605 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:26,200 Speaker 1: I think about as you were saying that, an example 606 00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:31,760 Speaker 1: that came up for me, my youngest niece. I'm laughing 607 00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:34,520 Speaker 1: because it fits this example so perfectly. 608 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:34,879 Speaker 3: Right. 609 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:38,120 Speaker 1: So, my youngest niece, I was asking her to do 610 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:42,880 Speaker 1: something and I raised my voice and her, all of 611 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:46,840 Speaker 1: a sudden, tears welled up in her eyes and she said, Titi, 612 00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:53,799 Speaker 1: that was me. And if I'm being honest, my immediate 613 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:59,800 Speaker 1: reaction took me back to my childhood of how it 614 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:03,759 Speaker 1: also would respond to me and my childhood of I'm 615 00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,120 Speaker 1: the adult here, like I'm not worried about your feelings. 616 00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:08,240 Speaker 3: Like I told you to do something, do it right. 617 00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:15,120 Speaker 1: So I had that quick initial thought and then realized, wow, 618 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:18,760 Speaker 1: she's articulating to me how she's feeling. 619 00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:20,240 Speaker 3: She's using her words. 620 00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:25,319 Speaker 1: Let me acknowledge that, right, And so I acknowledged that 621 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,399 Speaker 1: in that moment, I said, you know, you're right. 622 00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:35,840 Speaker 3: That was mean. I'm sorry, and I still need you 623 00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:36,480 Speaker 3: to do this. 624 00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,279 Speaker 1: So I'm going to change my tone in which I 625 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,160 Speaker 1: say it, but I. 626 00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:43,280 Speaker 3: Still needed to happen. 627 00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,440 Speaker 1: And so then when I did that, when I changed 628 00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:51,920 Speaker 1: my tone, like I acknowledged her feelings, I apologized, and 629 00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:55,000 Speaker 1: then I asked for what I needed her to do 630 00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,360 Speaker 1: in a more appropriate tone. 631 00:37:57,840 --> 00:37:59,120 Speaker 2: Go ahead, TC, don. 632 00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:01,799 Speaker 3: I know, and you know. 633 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:06,479 Speaker 1: And so for me in that moment, it was, yeah, 634 00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:10,400 Speaker 1: look at this new generation, look at this opportunity to 635 00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:19,640 Speaker 1: really give her that freedom of self expression that we 636 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:25,040 Speaker 1: didn't necessarily have growing up. And so then that takes 637 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:31,920 Speaker 1: us to tip number three, assign developmentally appropriate chores. 638 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:38,640 Speaker 3: So what that looks like is your seven year old. 639 00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:44,000 Speaker 1: Is not in the kitchen washing dishes because seven year olds, 640 00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:48,920 Speaker 1: truly developmentally do not know how to wash dishes. 641 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:53,040 Speaker 3: Now, if we're being honest, lady, if you have teenagers 642 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:56,560 Speaker 3: in your household, chances are some of your teenagers do. 643 00:38:56,719 --> 00:39:00,360 Speaker 1: Not know how to wash dishes appropriately, and that is 644 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:03,960 Speaker 1: a constant battle of your household, I'm sure. But from 645 00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:09,640 Speaker 1: a developmentally appropriate perspective, your teenagers can wash dishes. Your 646 00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:12,400 Speaker 1: seven year old, your ten year old not so much 647 00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:17,040 Speaker 1: if they want to or you want to teach them. 648 00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:21,319 Speaker 1: Like the responsibilities in the kitchen, there are things that 649 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,759 Speaker 1: they can do to help out in the kitchen, So 650 00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,560 Speaker 1: your ten year old can come in and help you 651 00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:30,920 Speaker 1: cook right, so they can pass you the seasonings and 652 00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:35,640 Speaker 1: you can have a sooo chef station set up on 653 00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:38,799 Speaker 1: the kitchen table for them to help you chop up. 654 00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:41,960 Speaker 1: And I say chop up, but not really using knives, 655 00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:44,440 Speaker 1: because I don't seven year olds developmentally shouldn't really be 656 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:46,160 Speaker 1: using knives like that, but you know what I mean, 657 00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:48,640 Speaker 1: like maybe they're breaking the things apart with their hands. 658 00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:53,319 Speaker 1: Like there's developmentally appropriate ways for them to assist and 659 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:54,839 Speaker 1: chores that they can do. 660 00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,239 Speaker 3: Your ten year lad might not. 661 00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:05,160 Speaker 1: Be cleaning the entire household, but you can, you know. 662 00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:08,600 Speaker 1: And when I say cleaning the entire household, dusting up 663 00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:12,919 Speaker 1: on the highest shelves, washing windows and base boards, and 664 00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:15,920 Speaker 1: vacuuming and mopping, your ten year old might not be 665 00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:18,680 Speaker 1: doing that. But your ten year old knows how to 666 00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:23,840 Speaker 1: make their bed, and your ten year old knows how 667 00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:27,439 Speaker 1: to fold their clothes. That seven year old, you could 668 00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:29,760 Speaker 1: teach that seven year old how to fold their clothes 669 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:34,560 Speaker 1: and put their clothes away. So it's about developmentally appropriate chores. 670 00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:37,160 Speaker 2: You hit the nail on the head with that one down, 671 00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,440 Speaker 2: and that takes us to number four, which is advocating 672 00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:43,399 Speaker 2: on her behalf with teachers, friends, and family, And let 673 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:46,120 Speaker 2: me just say, this is one that my mom nailed 674 00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:49,400 Speaker 2: growing up. Now, she might cuss us out right, but 675 00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:51,080 Speaker 2: she ain't gonna let nobody else talk to her kids 676 00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:52,719 Speaker 2: in your kind of way, right right. So when it 677 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:55,680 Speaker 2: comes to like, you know, I think about, for instance, 678 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:59,320 Speaker 2: when some family members might see your daughter or the 679 00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:01,720 Speaker 2: young girl on the family and they say something about 680 00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:04,600 Speaker 2: her outfare, like oh, stop being fast. If she says 681 00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,440 Speaker 2: something correcting them, which is sometimes really challenging to do, 682 00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,960 Speaker 2: but letting them know like, no, she's not being fast, 683 00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:13,600 Speaker 2: she's being a child. You know, sometimes we adults have, 684 00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:16,200 Speaker 2: I want to say, we have the propensity to pervert 685 00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:19,200 Speaker 2: childlike activities. So if a child does something, we try 686 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,400 Speaker 2: to equate it to something that's grown. But it's like, no, 687 00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:24,040 Speaker 2: this is a child. They're innocent. They're just doing something 688 00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,680 Speaker 2: that children do. We don't have to Like if a 689 00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:28,480 Speaker 2: baby's dancing, you're like, oh, look at her turk, and 690 00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:30,920 Speaker 2: it's like, no, she's really not torking, y'all, Like she's 691 00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,160 Speaker 2: unless she watching talking videos, you know what I mean, 692 00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:35,480 Speaker 2: Like she's just being a baby and she's dancing, you know. 693 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:39,399 Speaker 2: So I think being mindful of what people around us 694 00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:42,239 Speaker 2: are saying to the girls that we see, whether it's 695 00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:45,520 Speaker 2: your daughters, the students you work with, whatever it might be, 696 00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,160 Speaker 2: but letting other people know and then educating them on 697 00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:51,239 Speaker 2: why we are correcting them, because it is important to 698 00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:55,560 Speaker 2: get this message out so that we can not perpetuate 699 00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:57,759 Speaker 2: the adultification of black girls. 700 00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:01,319 Speaker 1: Yes, and that's so hard to do, but it's so 701 00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:04,120 Speaker 1: important that we do that. 702 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:06,840 Speaker 3: And so then our final. 703 00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:12,960 Speaker 4: Tip is to let our girls be girls, let them play, 704 00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:21,480 Speaker 4: let them make mistakes, let them be children for as long. 705 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:26,839 Speaker 1: As they possibly can. Right, So again, things that are 706 00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:32,760 Speaker 1: developmentally appropriate. So your twelve year old is still playing 707 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:38,239 Speaker 1: with Barbie dolls or LOL dolls or Brats dolls or 708 00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,160 Speaker 1: whatever else is out there these days. 709 00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:41,200 Speaker 3: It's hard to keep. 710 00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:41,920 Speaker 4: Up, but. 711 00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:47,320 Speaker 3: Your twelve year old still wants to play with dolls. 712 00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:53,959 Speaker 1: Support them in that if that is what is developmentally appropriate. 713 00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:59,080 Speaker 1: Support them in playing with dolls. If that twelve year 714 00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:03,359 Speaker 1: old says, you know, I'm versatile, I want to play 715 00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:08,719 Speaker 1: with dolls and I want to learn about makeup, You 716 00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:14,200 Speaker 1: get that twelve year old. Developmentally appropriate makeup kids, those 717 00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:17,839 Speaker 1: do exist, Those are out there, right. You might not 718 00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:22,800 Speaker 1: necessarily be getting your twelve year old the latest makeup 719 00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:27,719 Speaker 1: kit from Sophora or the max Store, because that's for 720 00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:31,000 Speaker 1: grown women. But maybe you might get our lip goss 721 00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:36,760 Speaker 1: while you're in Sephora, right, something that is age appropriate 722 00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:41,000 Speaker 1: to let her play an experiment with. But the key here, 723 00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:46,239 Speaker 1: the overarching lesson for all of this is truly to 724 00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:51,120 Speaker 1: just let our girls be girls, girls in the sense 725 00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:53,359 Speaker 1: of they are children. 726 00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:55,400 Speaker 3: Let them truly be children. 727 00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:58,560 Speaker 2: All right, lady, Well, we're gonna head on over to 728 00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:02,440 Speaker 2: the after show to continue this conversation, So visit our website, 729 00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:05,759 Speaker 2: Herspace podcast dot com and click on Wisdom ones Day 730 00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:08,319 Speaker 2: with Terry Patreon for the after show, or you can 731 00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:12,360 Speaker 2: click on in within Spotify or Apple iTunes for the 732 00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,799 Speaker 2: after show there right within the app, and we'll see 733 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,960 Speaker 2: you on the other side. Thank you, hy lady. It's 734 00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:22,400 Speaker 2: Terry here from cultivating her Space. Are you tired of 735 00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:25,480 Speaker 2: working hard for your money? Do you want your business 736 00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:28,520 Speaker 2: to run smoothly when you're out of office? If you 737 00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:31,360 Speaker 2: want to learn how to automate your business cash flow 738 00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:35,520 Speaker 2: and increase your impact and influence, join me from our 739 00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:40,120 Speaker 2: free workshop at Brand with Terry dot Com. Again, that's 740 00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:44,600 Speaker 2: Brand with Terry dot com. My name is spell Te 741 00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:49,680 Speaker 2: double Ri. I hope to see you there, lady, Thanks. 742 00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:53,520 Speaker 1: For joining us today. Please note that our show may 743 00:44:53,520 --> 00:45:00,000 Speaker 1: contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and mental health, 744 00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:03,399 Speaker 1: but is by no means meant to be a substitute 745 00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:07,920 Speaker 1: for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained mental health provider. 746 00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,440 Speaker 1: If you are someone you know is in need of 747 00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:15,000 Speaker 1: mental health care, please visit a Therapy for Black Girls 748 00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:20,280 Speaker 1: directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider. 749 00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:22,839 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 750 00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:27,440 Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website cultivatingherspace dot com, and 751 00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:30,040 Speaker 2: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access 752 00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:34,920 Speaker 2: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show and 753 00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:38,160 Speaker 2: before we meet again repete after me. I am doing 754 00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:41,839 Speaker 2: the best I can with the understanding knowledge and awareness 755 00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:43,320 Speaker 2: I have at this moment.