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Speaker 1: Hey, it's Keyon and this is Carly, your favorite Okay

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Speaker 1: Storytime host, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: Well before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: My husband carried his sister's mortgage for years. She repaid

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Speaker 3: him with a code lawyer's letter.

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Speaker 4: That's just cold.

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Speaker 3: My husband is a doctor and I work part time

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Speaker 3: in healthcare. We live in a two bedroom flat owned

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Speaker 3: by his father, and we have been paying the mortgage

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Speaker 3: as rent for years. When times were tied during my

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Speaker 3: maternity leave and during the period when my husband took

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Speaker 3: a pay cut, my father in law covered us. By

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Speaker 3: the way, this comes from books Clouds eighty nine, and

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Speaker 3: if you want some of your own stories, go to

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Speaker 3: the r slash Okay Storytime Separated. I'm a Savannah, I'm Carly,

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Speaker 3: I'm Keon, and we are here to give some good

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Speaker 3: advice in a little goofy manner. But we don't have

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Speaker 3: all the answers. We'd only tell you what we would

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Speaker 3: do in the situation, but you should let us know

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Speaker 3: what you would do down in the comments. The mortgage

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Speaker 3: is now fully paid off, so we gratefully live here

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Speaker 3: rent free, but the situation is not sustainable. We have

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Speaker 3: three children, a ten year old daughter and two boys

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Speaker 3: aged four and two, and all three of them share

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Speaker 3: one bedroom. We drive eleven year old cars holiday once

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Speaker 3: a year, keep our debts low, and try to save consistently.

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Speaker 3: We never bought our place because of a decision made

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Speaker 3: long before I was in the picture. In twenty seventeen,

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Speaker 3: my husband was emotionally pressured into going on his sister's

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Speaker 3: mortgage to help her buy a five bedroom house. This

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Speaker 3: was before he met me. He does not pay towards

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Speaker 3: it and has no equity in it whatsoever. His income

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Speaker 3: was simply used to boost her borrowing power. At the time,

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Speaker 3: it was presented to him as the family home where

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Speaker 3: his parents would eventually retire. His father provided the deposit,

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Speaker 3: and my husband was promised that he would not be

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Speaker 3: disadvantaged by this arrangement and would receive help to buy

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Speaker 3: his own house later. That promise would follow us for

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Speaker 3: the next nine years. In twenty eighteen, they undertook a

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Speaker 3: major renovation on the property. Last year, his sister, who

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Speaker 3: was a dentist, became pregnant with twins, bringing her total

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Speaker 3: to five children, and they began a second enormous renovation.

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Speaker 3: The house went from two reception rooms, five bedrooms and

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Speaker 3: three bathrooms to four reception rooms, six or seven bedrooms,

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Speaker 3: five bathrooms, and an extra kitchenette. Everything was extended, remodeled,

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Speaker 3: and refitted all over again. Within seven years, around two

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Speaker 3: hundred k pounds from my father in law has gone

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Speaker 3: into that property across both projects. My sister in law

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Speaker 3: is self employed, does a great deal of private work,

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Speaker 3: and has largely been bankrolled by her father throughout. The

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Speaker 3: plan that she was devised with a mortgage advisor was

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Speaker 3: for my father in law to sell the flat we

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Speaker 3: live in, use the proceeds to secure us a deposit

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Speaker 3: for a house, and for us to move into a rental.

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Speaker 3: In the meantime, they would use one hundred k pounds

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Speaker 3: from the sale to help my sister in law re

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Speaker 3: mortgage and get my husband's name off her mortgage. But

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Speaker 3: there is a significant catch. She has credit card and

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Speaker 3: shopping debts to pay off. She needs to get rid

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Speaker 3: of the finance on two brand new electric vehicles, she

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Speaker 3: has to increase her declared salary and complete outstanding tax return.

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Speaker 3: Until she does all of those things, her borrowing power

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Speaker 3: is simply not high enough. All her debts and liabilities

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Speaker 3: currently stand. She could only reading mortgage for twenty one

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Speaker 3: K pounds. She needs eighteen times that amount. In the meantime,

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Speaker 3: we can end up stuck in a rental, sitting on

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Speaker 3: one hundred k pounds with nowhere to put it, waiting

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Speaker 3: for her to sort herself out. She already talks openly

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Speaker 3: about an expensive island getaway for her fortieth birthday. One

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Speaker 3: idea that came up was to use equity from the

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Speaker 3: flat sale on top of the one hundred k pounds

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Speaker 3: to help her pay down her debts and liabilities directly.

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Speaker 4: That's for you to buy a house.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is her shopping debt, sister, what you're doing.

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Speaker 3: This feels completely unreasonable after watching over two hundred k

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Speaker 3: pounds go into unnecessary renovations, but it may be our

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Speaker 3: only practical way forward. I know her personal finances are

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Speaker 3: technically her own business, but her decisions directly affect our

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Speaker 3: future and our children's lives. Every single day. I am

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Speaker 3: being told not to have feelings about it because it

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Speaker 3: is not our money, but my three children are sharing

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Speaker 3: one room and our future depends entirely on her paying

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Speaker 3: her debts. My husband was a junior doctor until earlier

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Speaker 3: this year, earning somewhere between forty k pounds and sony

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Speaker 3: k pounds. We paid rent, had to young children in

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Speaker 3: private daycare at the same time, and I reduced my

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Speaker 3: hours after having children, all of which significantly limited our

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Speaker 3: ability to save. He earns more now as a consultant,

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Speaker 3: so we will be in a much better position going forward.

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Speaker 3: But years of being held in place by this arrangement

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Speaker 3: have cost us more than money. They have cost us time, opportunity,

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Speaker 3: and the ability to plan our lives. Oh there is

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Speaker 3: an update four days later.

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Speaker 4: Uh oh yeah.

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Speaker 1: Everyone in the comments is like, she gives golden child.

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Speaker 4: This, this is the golden child.

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Speaker 3: My husband and his father sat down with a mortgage advisor.

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Speaker 3: It became very clear just how dire the prospects were

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Speaker 3: for my sister in law to afford the mortgage on

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Speaker 3: her own, given the size of the loan and the

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Speaker 3: volume of her outstanding debts and liabilities. The plan that

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Speaker 3: emer was for my father in law to sell the

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Speaker 3: flat we live in and use the funds to pay

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Speaker 3: down her house loan as well as her credit card

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Speaker 3: and shopping debts, so she would be in a position

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Speaker 3: to refinance on her own. My husband was also supposed

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Speaker 3: to receive a substantial contribution towards a deposit for our

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Speaker 3: own home. His father had always assured him that he

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Speaker 3: would not be disadvantaged by the mortgage arrangement and would

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Speaker 3: receive meaningful help to buy in return. That assurance has

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Speaker 3: been repeated many times over many years. When my husband

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Speaker 3: went to visit them to discuss the plan, he found

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Speaker 3: them ripping out the floor of the kitchen and replacing

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Speaker 3: it with a new one, costing thousands of pounds. This

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Speaker 3: was the very same kitchen that had been extended, remodeled,

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Speaker 3: and fitted as recently as twenty nineteen at a cost

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Speaker 3: of over twenty k pounds.

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Speaker 4: Why are you doing this, I don't understand.

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Speaker 5: They're not jounce.

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Speaker 3: It became immediately and painfully clear to him that they

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Speaker 3: are not capable of making responsible financial decisions, and perhaps

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Speaker 3: more importantly, that they have no real interest in doing so.

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Speaker 3: There was also a significant detail that everyone had overlooked.

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Speaker 3: My mother in law co owns the flat we live in.

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Speaker 3: My husband does not want to take any portion of

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Speaker 3: the sale proceeds for a deposit because it would financially

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Speaker 3: disadvantage his retired mother, and he does not feel it

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Speaker 3: is right. So the flat has been listed for sale

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Speaker 3: and the full proceeds will go to his parents only.

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Speaker 3: His father will use his shares somewhere between one hundred

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Speaker 3: k pounds and one hundred and fifty k pounds to

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Speaker 3: bail out his sister. My husband's name will finally come

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Speaker 3: off the mortgage of her one point one million pound house,

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Speaker 3: though she still needs to resolve the car finance situation

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Speaker 3: before that can be completed.

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Speaker 5: Dude, you gotta like sit her down, be leg listen.

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Speaker 4: Would she even hear it?

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Speaker 1: Though?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: At this point, like the damage is done.

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Speaker 3: It was a difficult day for my husband, but he

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Speaker 3: is at peace with it now.

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Speaker 5: It was never his.

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Speaker 3: Money and his father is entitled to do what he

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Speaker 3: wants with it. The hard truth is that we are

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Speaker 3: worse off than we would have been had he never

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Speaker 3: been involved in the first place. The house prices have

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Speaker 3: risen significantly, we now need a larger deposit than we

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Speaker 3: would have a few years ago, and he has spent

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Speaker 3: years waiting on promises of help that never materialized. He

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Speaker 3: was used as collateral so that his sister's family could

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Speaker 3: hold on to a house and maintain a lifestyle they

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Speaker 3: genuinely cannot afford. But there is also a real sense

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Speaker 3: that a weight has been lifted. He is finally going

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Speaker 3: to be free from this arrangement, no longer strung along

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Speaker 3: in a toxic cycle of obligation, vague promises, and repeated disappointment.

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Speaker 3: We are currently looking for a long term rental nearby,

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Speaker 3: somewhere with three bedrooms and a garden where our children

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Speaker 3: can actually play and breathe. We're also planning to meet

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Speaker 3: a financial advisor to put together a realistic and achievable

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Speaker 3: plan to save for our own home and our children's future,

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Speaker 3: entirely on our own and without relying on anyone else.

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Speaker 3: If buying a house is not meant to happen for

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Speaker 3: us in the near term, then so be it. We

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Speaker 3: are walking away with peace of mind, a clean slate, and,

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Speaker 3: for the first time in years, the freedom to make

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Speaker 3: decisions for ourselves.

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Speaker 4: Honestly, you just had to get away.

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Speaker 1: It was like a potential, and it was a very

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Speaker 1: unfortunate loss of just that's gonna suck. Get out and

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Speaker 1: then it doesn't have to suck in the future.

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Speaker 4: Hopefully. Sometimes you just gotta take the l I take.

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Speaker 6: It off you.

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Speaker 2: I take those ls so you can appreciate them.

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Speaker 4: W make a train joke.

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Speaker 3: There's an update over one month later. My son is

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Speaker 3: turning five this week. I planned a small and simple

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Speaker 3: celebration at home, taking a day off work to bake

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Speaker 3: him a cake and have my parents over in the evening.

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Speaker 3: We mostly keep birthdays low key in this family, with

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Speaker 3: the exception of a bigger party for his first birthday.

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Speaker 3: My husband and I have three children, my stepdaughter who

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Speaker 3: is ten, and two boys aged four and two. The

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Speaker 3: problem is my in laws. I went low contact and

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Speaker 3: then no contact with them after a significant fallout that

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Speaker 3: happened in August when my husband asked them to get

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Speaker 3: their finances and their priorities under control so he could

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Speaker 3: finally be released from the mortgage and buy a home

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Speaker 3: for his own family.

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Speaker 5: Everything exploded.

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Speaker 3: I was immediately framed as the villain, the one putting

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Speaker 3: ideas in his head and making him say these things.

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Speaker 3: I actually went over to their home to apologize for

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Speaker 3: any misunderstanding and to try to smooth things over. What

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Speaker 3: I received and said was a verbal attack. My sister

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Speaker 3: went after my job, my character, and my relationship with

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Speaker 3: my own family while his parents sat in the room

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Speaker 3: and watched without intervening. I had genuinely believed I had

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Speaker 3: a good relationship with all of them and truly considered

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Speaker 3: myself part of their family. My husband defended me and

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Speaker 3: argued back. I sat there quietly for most of it,

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Speaker 3: with my sleeping toddler in my arms. When we left

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Speaker 3: with nothing resolved, I was so badly shaken that I

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Speaker 3: was physically ill from the stress on the street outside

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Speaker 3: their house. Looking back, I can see it was never

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Speaker 3: one single incident. My sister in law had been making

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Speaker 3: digs for years, comments about my parents, how I parent,

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Speaker 3: my job choice, my decision to work part time, and

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Speaker 3: even where we live, as though we had chosen our

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Speaker 3: house situation freely. She had made me cry on multiple

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Speaker 3: occasions and always excused herself by saying she is just direct.

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Speaker 3: I would describe her as a classic mean girl. For

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Speaker 3: six years, I showed up for her and her children consistently.

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Speaker 3: I helped with birthdays, supported her through through personal difficulties,

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Speaker 3: did activities with her kids, and help plan family occasions.

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Speaker 3: I genuinely invested in the relationship, so when they turned

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Speaker 3: on me during the mortgage situation. It was shocking, though

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Speaker 3: in hindsight it probably should not have been. I suspect

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Speaker 3: it came entirely from a place of panic at being

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Speaker 3: questioned about their financial choices. Rather than hold the son

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Speaker 3: and brother accountable, I was the easier and safer target.

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Speaker 3: Two weeks after that fallout, his mother and sister came

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Speaker 3: to our home to apologize. Whatever was said was directed

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Speaker 3: at my husband, not at me. I was in the

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Speaker 3: middle of putting the boys to bed, heard raised voices

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Speaker 3: from the other room and could not bring myself to

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Speaker 3: go back in. My husband came to get me so

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Speaker 3: that the apology could be made to my face as well,

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Speaker 3: but I told him that if they had resolved things

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Speaker 3: between themselves, I did not need to be a part

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Speaker 3: of it. At the time, I was still filled with

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Speaker 3: fear and anxiety, and I genuinely felt unsafe in the

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Speaker 3: same room as them. A great deal was said to

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Speaker 3: me that I have not been able to stop thinking about.

236
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Speaker 3: I replay it often. See that's not fair, and I

237
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Speaker 3: hate that because they feel threatened, they have to come

238
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Speaker 3: it like your character, personality, like your lifestyle, like all

239
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Speaker 3: these things, and then you just have to be like,

240
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Speaker 3: I just want my financial situation to be okay and

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Speaker 3: not connected to yours at all.

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Speaker 4: Let's just stop having conversations with him now.

243
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Speaker 3: For the birthday situation, when I mentioned to my husband

244
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Speaker 3: then I planned to bake kick and invite my parents over.

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Speaker 5: His move shifted noticeably.

246
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Speaker 3: When I later asked if he could help with buying

247
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Speaker 3: a few things give sen balloons. He accused me of

248
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Speaker 3: intentionally excluding his family from the celebration. I reminded him

249
00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:28,680
Speaker 3: that we had already had my parents over the last

250
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,880
Speaker 3: few times, and offered to a compromise his family could

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Speaker 3: organize something for our son the following day at their

252
00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:37,160
Speaker 3: own home. He told me that was not acceptable, that

253
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Speaker 3: I was perpetuating the situation, and that it was obvious

254
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Speaker 3: to everyone that I was no longer showing up for

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Speaker 3: family events. On his side, well, yeah, because they attacked

256
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Speaker 3: me verbally, like they made me question my entire life

257
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Speaker 3: and they were mean as hag. So while I'm sitting

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Speaker 3: there with a sleeping baby, right, and then she would

259
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,840
Speaker 3: be nice to me. Yeah, it's like, oh, now I

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Speaker 3: have to kiss up to you.

261
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Speaker 5: Why.

262
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Speaker 3: He then said he would not contribute a single penny

263
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:06,120
Speaker 3: towards the birthday or endorse it in any way unless

264
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:09,800
Speaker 3: I invited his family or at minimum his nieces, which

265
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:12,800
Speaker 3: honestly felt more awkward and pointed than not inviting any

266
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,440
Speaker 3: of them at all. He even said it would be

267
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Speaker 3: better if our son simply did not have a birthday

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Speaker 3: at all, because he is five and would not remember

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Speaker 3: it anyway.

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Speaker 6: What.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I remember my fourth birthday.

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Speaker 3: Truthfully, I don't really remember my birthdays. I mean I do,

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Speaker 3: but like I don't not when I was young.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why that makes me picture just like

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Speaker 1: you going absolutely wild as like a five.

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Speaker 3: Year Yeah, like I would have hangovers all the time,

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Speaker 3: wake up after the party, be like, whoa he's fourth birthday?

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Speaker 4: It was Ladybug themed.

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Speaker 5: Cute.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: We went back and forth. I ended up in tears.

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Speaker 3: He was furious and went for a walk to cool down.

283
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Speaker 3: He came back, kissed me on the head and said

284
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Speaker 3: he supports me completely, but that we need a solution

285
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Speaker 3: because it cannot continue like this. He is framing me

286
00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:01,160
Speaker 3: as the obstacle when all I'm doing is protecting my

287
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,160
Speaker 3: own well being and avoiding people.

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Speaker 5: Who treated me very badly.

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Speaker 3: They have assured him they will get his name off

290
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,400
Speaker 3: the mortgage by April twenty twenty six, but after seeing

291
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,839
Speaker 3: how they all reacted when he simply asked them to

292
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,880
Speaker 3: address their spending and their priorities, I am genuinely not

293
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,840
Speaker 3: hopeful that anything will go to plan. There's an update.

294
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Speaker 3: Three months later. My husband and I had a clear

295
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,920
Speaker 3: agreement that this year's priority would be paying off our debts,

296
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:27,160
Speaker 3: saving towards a house deposit, and untangling ourselves from the

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00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,640
Speaker 3: financial situation with his family. This week, he booked flights

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00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:35,160
Speaker 3: costing around sixteen hundred pounds to travel abroad with two

299
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Speaker 3: of our children to visit his parents. This came shortly

300
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:41,680
Speaker 3: after he used several thousand pounds from our house deposit

301
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,960
Speaker 3: fund to clear personal debts at high interest rates, and

302
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:49,200
Speaker 3: after we had explicitly agreed to no international travel while

303
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,280
Speaker 3: we are trying to save. I am currently on a

304
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,839
Speaker 3: tight personal budget, and I'm actively putting money aside toward

305
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,960
Speaker 3: long term security for myself and our children. His father

306
00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,600
Speaker 3: has been unwell and has been hospitalized twice in the

307
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,680
Speaker 3: past month. I understand that is serious and stressful, and

308
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,679
Speaker 3: I want to be clear that my issue is not

309
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:09,079
Speaker 3: with him visiting his father or with the children seeing

310
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,440
Speaker 3: their grandfather, especially when someone is unwell. What worries me

311
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,959
Speaker 3: is the timing and the pattern that tends to surround

312
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:18,720
Speaker 3: these situations. His father finalized his will last year, but

313
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,080
Speaker 3: has now asked my husband to come out and help

314
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,480
Speaker 3: him settle his affairs. In the past, family visits during

315
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:27,760
Speaker 3: emotional or high pressure moments have coincided with pressure on

316
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,640
Speaker 3: my husband's day financially tied to his sister's situation. My

317
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:34,160
Speaker 3: husband comes from a very collectivist culture, and there is

318
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,720
Speaker 3: a clear dynamic in his family about who's expected to

319
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:40,680
Speaker 3: carry the burden of responsibility. His sister's choices and behavior

320
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:44,000
Speaker 3: have historically been protected and enabled while he has been

321
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:47,400
Speaker 3: the one called upon to step in and be responsible.

322
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,840
Speaker 3: He is more on the outside of that family system now,

323
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:53,080
Speaker 3: and we have had many conversations over the past months

324
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,040
Speaker 3: about how and why all of this happened and the

325
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,200
Speaker 3: real cost of the decisions he made or was pressured

326
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:03,400
Speaker 3: into making. His sister's current mortgage deal ends on March

327
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,040
Speaker 3: thirty first. After that date, she moves on to a

328
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:10,400
Speaker 3: standard variable rate that is hundreds of pounds more per month,

329
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:14,400
Speaker 3: which is likely unaffordable for her given her financial situation.

330
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,160
Speaker 3: Two plans are being discussed within the family to address this.

331
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,880
Speaker 3: One involves taking on additional debt from abroad to clear

332
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,800
Speaker 3: her personal debts, including shopping, car finance, and credit card.

333
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,400
Speaker 3: The other involves selling an investment property owned by my

334
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:32,160
Speaker 3: father in law to inject capital directly into her home.

335
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:36,000
Speaker 3: Either way, a financial decision about her house is imminent,

336
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:40,120
Speaker 3: and my husband will almost certainly be involved in those conversations.

337
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:43,280
Speaker 3: During his visit last August, my husband formally asked to

338
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,760
Speaker 3: be released from her mortgage so that we could finally

339
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:49,240
Speaker 3: buy a home together. That request blew up the family.

340
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:52,120
Speaker 3: I was blamed and bullied by his sister and his mother,

341
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:55,320
Speaker 3: and the entire issue was reframed as me being unreasonable

342
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:58,520
Speaker 3: and disrespectful towards the family. Since then, my husband has

343
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:02,000
Speaker 3: remained on her mortgage, while she undertook a two hundred

344
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:07,560
Speaker 3: k plus pound renovation on her one million pound property

345
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:11,400
Speaker 3: funded by her father, purchased another new car, and had

346
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:15,000
Speaker 3: twin babies. Meanwhile, our three children continue to share one

347
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:18,000
Speaker 3: bedroom while we wait on yet more promises about a

348
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,680
Speaker 3: deposit and his eventual release from the mortgage. Her house

349
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:23,280
Speaker 3: has been framed by the family as the parents home

350
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,560
Speaker 3: justified repeatedly by the idea that she will look after

351
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,840
Speaker 3: them in their old age. Yet her parents spent around

352
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:33,280
Speaker 3: ninety five percent of their time living abroad, and she

353
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:37,280
Speaker 3: did not travel either time her father was recently hospitalized.

354
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:40,280
Speaker 3: There has been no conversation about her parents relocating back

355
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,200
Speaker 3: to live with her. The burden of responsibility falls almost

356
00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:46,720
Speaker 3: entirely on my husband, while the justifications used to keep

357
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:49,920
Speaker 3: him tied in simply do not hold up. When I

358
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,760
Speaker 3: raised all of these concerns with him, I was accused

359
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:56,280
Speaker 3: of being ungrateful and criticizing his ability to provide, which

360
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,480
Speaker 3: I have never done. My concern has never been about

361
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,960
Speaker 3: day to day living. It has always been about buying

362
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,280
Speaker 3: a home together and getting him finally and permanently off

363
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,159
Speaker 3: her mortgage. I feel my concerns are being treated as

364
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:12,320
Speaker 3: rational or emotional, rather than as legitimate and long standing.

365
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:15,159
Speaker 3: I am already saving separately as a quiet precaution. I

366
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,520
Speaker 3: do not feel I have any other choice. Oh and

367
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,160
Speaker 3: there's another update two months later.

368
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,119
Speaker 4: I think saving on the side is smart.

369
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:21,560
Speaker 5: Yeah.

370
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,480
Speaker 1: I think even if you're married and like that, you

371
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,240
Speaker 1: should always still have your own finances. Yeah, you can

372
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:30,080
Speaker 1: combine some of them but like, you guys should still

373
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:31,920
Speaker 1: have your own separate things as well.

374
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:35,280
Speaker 3: I just hate that, you know, your husband is stuck

375
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,639
Speaker 3: in this weird position of like I want to provide

376
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,439
Speaker 3: for my family, but also I feel like I have

377
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:42,679
Speaker 3: a responsibility to the family. They're like brainwashing him. Yeah,

378
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,600
Speaker 3: and it's like I don't even know how.

379
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,560
Speaker 1: To because he's probably been berated just as much as

380
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:47,400
Speaker 1: they are raided away.

381
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, he probably grew up with that mindset. Obviously she

382
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:51,760
Speaker 2: was the golden child.

383
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:52,919
Speaker 4: So obviously she still is.

384
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:53,840
Speaker 6: Yeah.

385
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:57,440
Speaker 2: I feel like him, like providing is them just using

386
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,359
Speaker 2: I have to provide, Sure, in your mind, I have

387
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,280
Speaker 2: to provide for them. It's like we're just going to

388
00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:04,840
Speaker 2: use you. Your providing is just we're going to use you. Thanks.

389
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,920
Speaker 3: Like his sole purpose is to help the family, but

390
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:11,159
Speaker 3: no one's helping him. They're just taking from him, all right.

391
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:14,879
Speaker 3: Update Two months later, on March fifth, my husband received

392
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:18,159
Speaker 3: an unexpected email from his sister's solicitors asking him to

393
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,840
Speaker 3: sign documents transferring the house entirely into her name. There

394
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:25,000
Speaker 3: was no conversation beforehand and no warning, just a formal

395
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:28,480
Speaker 3: letter as though he were some unrelated third party being

396
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:31,160
Speaker 3: contacted about a transaction that had.

397
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,000
Speaker 5: Nothing to do with him.

398
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,280
Speaker 3: Throughout the documents, he was referred to as mister, while

399
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:39,320
Speaker 3: she was a qualified professional was referred to as doctor.

400
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,879
Speaker 3: I am not sure he noticed, but it struck me

401
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:45,480
Speaker 3: immediately as calculated and deliberately dismissive. The entire way the

402
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,399
Speaker 3: matter was handled was cold and entirely lacking in appreciation

403
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,040
Speaker 3: for what he had done for her. Nine years ago,

404
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:55,000
Speaker 3: she had suddenly become able to qualify for a mortgage

405
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,520
Speaker 3: because her father had taken out a loan from abroad

406
00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:01,000
Speaker 3: to completely wipe her shopping in credit, her debts. Bow

407
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,560
Speaker 3: she gets everything she wants.

408
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,760
Speaker 5: That's crazy. What a life to live.

409
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,679
Speaker 3: She then refinanced the house into her name and her

410
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,600
Speaker 3: husband's name. Her husband, who has not been in formal

411
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:15,440
Speaker 3: employment for over ten years, was listed on her company

412
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,560
Speaker 3: books as an employee drawing a salary.

413
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,800
Speaker 1: I mean at that point, again, that's one of those

414
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 1: things where it's like, now, if she's doing it for herself, yeah,

415
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 1: and she's not involving you.

416
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,040
Speaker 4: I don't care what she does. Put your husband.

417
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,560
Speaker 1: Wherever you need to, who cares. We are off of it,

418
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:29,879
Speaker 1: We're no longer helping.

419
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, just done.

420
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:35,439
Speaker 3: I raised concerns about capital gains tax implications. When I

421
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,879
Speaker 3: heard the details and it turned out they had not

422
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:41,119
Speaker 3: even considered it. I urged my husband to seek proper

423
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 3: legal and tax advice before signing anything, but he did

424
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:45,800
Speaker 3: not want to spend the money on it and trusted

425
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:49,159
Speaker 3: their assurances at any costs or issues that came up

426
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:52,080
Speaker 3: would be covered by the family. He signed a declaration

427
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:56,000
Speaker 3: denying any beneficial interest in the property. The deadline to

428
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:59,200
Speaker 3: remove his name from the mortgage was March thirty first.

429
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,280
Speaker 3: On March t I brought it up in conversation and

430
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,040
Speaker 3: realized he did not even know for certain whether it

431
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:08,240
Speaker 3: had been completed. His response was that they do not

432
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:11,160
Speaker 3: tell him anything and that I should not expect them

433
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,920
Speaker 3: to celebrate what he did for them.

434
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:16,159
Speaker 1: No, but you can follow up with them so that

435
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:19,240
Speaker 1: you know that you and your family are taken care of.

436
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,560
Speaker 3: Dude, Like, I don't understand why he's all of a

437
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:26,199
Speaker 3: sudden being so dumb about it. Like he seemed like,

438
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,840
Speaker 3: you know, he was backing up his I mean, I wonder.

439
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,720
Speaker 4: How much he was actually doing them earlier.

440
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:34,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess so. I mean maybe because I know,

441
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,159
Speaker 3: like emotions are high now you know with like, you know,

442
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,000
Speaker 3: father's sick and mom's not doing that well either, and

443
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,000
Speaker 3: they're gonna have to like move in with like the

444
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,879
Speaker 3: family whatever. And I think they're trying to get you know,

445
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,200
Speaker 3: their assets covered and everything, and it's like, yeah, that's good,

446
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,440
Speaker 3: but like also, I can't get screwed in the end,

447
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,440
Speaker 3: I have a family to care for. I told him

448
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 3: that I thought he deserved exactly that. Nine years of

449
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,960
Speaker 3: carrying risk for someone else's house, nine years of being

450
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:01,040
Speaker 3: unable to buy his own home, nine years of promises

451
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:04,280
Speaker 3: he deserved a great deal more than a cold solicitor's letter.

452
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,040
Speaker 1: Okay, but you don't also like, don't you don't want that?

453
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 1: You don't want them on anything of yours? Yeah, you

454
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:11,679
Speaker 1: do not want them on it. Take the l on

455
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:12,879
Speaker 1: the nine year repayment.

456
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 4: You don't want it.

457
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,000
Speaker 2: He's literally saying, what's another nine you know?

458
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 4: No, she's saying that, I know, I know.

459
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,639
Speaker 3: It's just since the fallout last August, his father has

460
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:26,080
Speaker 3: apologized privately and admitted that this arrangement disadvantaged my husband.

461
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 3: There have been repeated promises since we married in twenty

462
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:32,320
Speaker 3: nineteen that he would be helped to buy his own

463
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 3: home in return for what he did. In recent months,

464
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:36,800
Speaker 3: the working plan was to sell one of my mother

465
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:41,040
Speaker 3: in law's rental properties abroad, and buyers were actually found,

466
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,080
Speaker 3: but on the day of the viewing she refused to

467
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:46,199
Speaker 3: let them in and became very distressed. My husband has

468
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 3: chosen not to pursue that path any further out of

469
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,760
Speaker 3: respect for his mother, and honestly, I was never fully

470
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:54,600
Speaker 3: comfortable with the plan either. It felt like another decision

471
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,960
Speaker 3: being made in a state of panic rather than from

472
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,919
Speaker 3: a place of sound judgment. The promise that he would

473
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:04,919
Speaker 3: not be disadvantaged has now quietly disappeared after nine long years.

474
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:09,040
Speaker 3: He received no deposit, he received no formal acknowledgment, He

475
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:12,159
Speaker 3: received no thank you. Not once in all of this

476
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 3: has his sister expressed any gratitude or acknowledged what he

477
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,320
Speaker 3: did for her. When he raised this directly during the

478
00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 3: fallout last year, she said nothing, because, in my view,

479
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 3: she is too proud to admit it. She is now

480
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,440
Speaker 3: actively rewriting the narrative, claiming it was always the plan

481
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 3: to refinance with her husband, and placing blame on the

482
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:34,040
Speaker 3: original mortgage advisor for not explaining the process to her sooner.

483
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,720
Speaker 3: She has also implied that my husband was going to

484
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:40,160
Speaker 3: receive equal help from the sale of the property abroad,

485
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 3: as though the failure to deliver on any of it

486
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:47,680
Speaker 3: was simply the result of unfortunate circumstances beyond anyone's control.

487
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:51,000
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah that yeah, oh yeah.

488
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 5: No one had control over any of this.

489
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,359
Speaker 1: No one could have asked for that explanation nine years ago.

490
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 3: Nope, no, no, it was easy.

491
00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 5: Yeah.

492
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,120
Speaker 3: As for the relationships themselves, we essentially do not have

493
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,200
Speaker 3: one with that side of the family anymore. His sister

494
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 3: has not seen our youngest son in six or seven months.

495
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 3: He saw our eldest son at Christmas, and he became

496
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 3: so uncomfortable during the visit that he asked to leave

497
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 3: early and was picked up by my husband. I have

498
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:17,360
Speaker 3: not seen her or her family since August. My husband's

499
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:19,840
Speaker 3: younger brother and his wife also appear to have chosen

500
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,480
Speaker 3: aside in all of this, and we no longer see

501
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,159
Speaker 3: them either. They enrolled their daughter in the same private

502
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:28,159
Speaker 3: daycare our son attends without mentioning it to us. I

503
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,399
Speaker 3: only found out when a member of staff asked me

504
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 3: about it. Because the cousins shared a surname. We have

505
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 3: not attended any shared family gatherings, birthdays, or occasion since

506
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 3: the fallout that used to be the norm for us.

507
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,159
Speaker 3: I think my husband has generally come to accept that

508
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,439
Speaker 3: it is very difficult to sustain relationships where there is

509
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 3: no respect, no honesty, and no gratitude. Despite how I

510
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,920
Speaker 3: personally feel about all of them, I have tried to

511
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,200
Speaker 3: stay as neutral as possible and to encourage him to

512
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,679
Speaker 3: maintain some kind of connection with his family he has

513
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 3: chosen not to. Watching someone I love be use dismissed

514
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 3: and then quietly and out of the story as though

515
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,639
Speaker 3: we were never important has been one of the most

516
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 3: painful parts of this entire experience. I carry a great

517
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 3: deal of resentment towards them, and I will not pretend otherwise.

518
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 3: It genuinely feels as though we were pushed out because

519
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,119
Speaker 3: he finally stood up for himself and for his own family.

520
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 3: He comes from a culture where family obligations run very deep,

521
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,679
Speaker 3: and he gave so much of himself in service of that.

522
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 3: He says now that he knows none of them would

523
00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:27,399
Speaker 3: have done the same for him, and that knowing is

524
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 3: enough for him. He is picking up extra shifts to

525
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:33,120
Speaker 3: build or deposit. He is doing it quietly and without complaint.

526
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:36,080
Speaker 3: Our relationship is strong. It feels as though he has

527
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 3: chosen us fully and finally, And although I know I

528
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 3: should feel only relief and happiness about that, I feel

529
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:45,480
Speaker 3: genuinely and deeply sad for him. Well yeah I would too,

530
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 3: I mean I do now.

531
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:48,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like it's still your husband.

532
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 3: Hey, he's still your husband, and he's still going through like,

533
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 3: oh horrible time. He doesn't have his family anymore. That's

534
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 3: on them, that's not even on you. You just wanted

535
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 3: to be treated fairly and they couldn't do that. They

536
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 3: had to use everything and everyone over him, and that's

537
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 3: not a good feeling. So screwgze people.

538
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:05,440
Speaker 4: I hate them.

539
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 3: He is an honest and decent man who operated in

540
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:11,119
Speaker 3: good faith for nine years, and he deserved so much

541
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 3: better than what he received. We are moving forward. We

542
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,080
Speaker 3: navigated an extremely difficult period and came through it. Our

543
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:19,720
Speaker 3: children are happy and settled, and our home is warm

544
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,159
Speaker 3: and stable. The aim was always for my husband to

545
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:27,200
Speaker 3: extricate himself from it disadvantageous arrangement he entered before we

546
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,200
Speaker 3: were together, and to do so as cleanly as possible.

547
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,360
Speaker 3: But it was not exactly clean. But that is entirely on.

548
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 5: Them, not on us.

549
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 4: Oh my god, we made it through the story.

550
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 3: That's the end. Wow, God, I mean it now, it's

551
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,879
Speaker 3: just horrible. I wish like terrible, Like I'm glad you

552
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 3: got out of it. I hate that it took so long.

553
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,159
Speaker 3: But also, you know, you were just hoping that they

554
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 3: could just be good people, and you know, it turns

555
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 3: out they.

556
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 4: Aren't the best in people.

557
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 3: But that's the end of that story.

558
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 5: My boyfriend said he's not ready to get married yet

559
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 5: and he doesn't know when.

560
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:03,160
Speaker 6: That's a bad sign.

561
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,879
Speaker 5: Yeah. I'm thirty four female and my boyfriend is thirty

562
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:10,120
Speaker 5: two male. We've been dating for nearly three years. Both

563
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:13,920
Speaker 5: of us have never been married. He's kind, smart, and funny.

564
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 5: I love him with all of me, and I'm sure

565
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:17,439
Speaker 5: I want to be with him for the rest of

566
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 5: my life. When we started dating, he seemed very eager

567
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 5: to settle down, saying things like he doesn't want to

568
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 5: invest in a relationship that isn't headed for marriage. He

569
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 5: thinks I'm going to be a good mother and that

570
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 5: is end goal for our relationship has always been marriage.

571
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,919
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from throwaway Rain and if

572
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 5: you want to spit your own stories. Go to the

573
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 5: r slash Okay storytime suppared it.

574
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,159
Speaker 6: I'm Sophia, my name is Evan Marquettz, and I'm Keon

575
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:41,680
Speaker 6: and Evan thank you for being here.

576
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 4: Let us know.

577
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're a dating coach.

578
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, I give us a little bit more about yourself.

579
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,119
Speaker 6: I'm the OG dating coach. Oh yeah, someone had to

580
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 6: be Yes. I made up a job twenty three years

581
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 6: ago and now lots of people do my job. But

582
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 6: I'm a dating coach for smart, successful women who have

583
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:56,720
Speaker 6: everything but a partner.

584
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,159
Speaker 5: HM, and Evan's going to help us read some stories

585
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:03,399
Speaker 5: and give some advice, yes, so Op says. However, this

586
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,920
Speaker 5: year he had depression from work. I stood by him

587
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 5: and assured him that having gone through major depression myself,

588
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 5: I understand him and can extend all the patients and

589
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:17,000
Speaker 5: support that I can. He's been doing better since midyear. However,

590
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 5: in July he told me that he doesn't think he's

591
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 5: ready to get married in the next three years, and

592
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:26,399
Speaker 5: he doesn't know if he will be ready after those

593
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:30,679
Speaker 5: three years. This specific timeline he mentioned doesn't work for

594
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 5: me because I'd like to get married by twenty twenty seven,

595
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 5: when I'm thirty seven, when I asked him if we

596
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:38,239
Speaker 5: can at least do some things to move forward as

597
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,479
Speaker 5: a couple in the next three years, like jointly saving

598
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:43,680
Speaker 5: for a home or the wedding, He said he can't

599
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,880
Speaker 5: really do that because he thinks he needs to focus

600
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 5: on himself for three years. He says he feels broken

601
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:52,119
Speaker 5: professionally and socially. He says he feels like he doesn't

602
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,680
Speaker 5: deserve me and can't give me the life I deserve.

603
00:27:55,080 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 6: All the questions like just one hundred red flags? Are

604
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,439
Speaker 6: they all so obvious? What the answer is?

605
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 5: Yeah? Usually yes, Yeah, they tend to be us being

606
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 5: like what are you doing? Leave it?

607
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,879
Speaker 6: Like the safest answer to these questions, like once you

608
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 6: get one or two sentences in is dump them. Yes,

609
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 6: but that will be a really short show.

610
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 5: Yeah.

611
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's a tough Listen. I feel for her, the

612
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:20,639
Speaker 6: fact that we're giving a little tough love might I

613
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 6: really feel for it because she has so much invested in,

614
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 6: so many hopes and dreams and the idea that she

615
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:28,160
Speaker 6: wants to be with him forever. She loves him unconditionally. Yeah,

616
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,359
Speaker 6: And the hard part is the none of that matters, no,

617
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:33,120
Speaker 6: because it takes two to ten.

618
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,479
Speaker 5: Goo, absolutely, and she already knows what she wants, so

619
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 5: and he has to fix himself in the next three

620
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 5: years and probably even after that. Apparently he cannot fix

621
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 5: himself and go forward with our relationship. At the same time,

622
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 5: he wants us to stay status quo dating but not

623
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 5: really taking steps to move forward. There is nowhere for

624
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 5: me to go with what he wants. And I don't

625
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 5: want to be thirty eight and still a semi long

626
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 5: distance relationship girlfriend.

627
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 6: Ooh, this is like conjured up in a lab. Yeah,

628
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 6: that's tough, right, long distance mid thirty Yeah, I need

629
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 6: three years and maybe not. Then. It's just like he's

630
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 6: giving you all the ammunition you need. So it begs

631
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 6: a question. I don't know how much long of the

632
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 6: question is, Yeah, what would it take for her to

633
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 6: walk away from this relationship? If he hasn't even provided

634
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 6: enough ammunition, what would it take?

635
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 5: Hopefully read it telling her to leave?

636
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 6: Reddit is the most powerful force in the universe.

637
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, he says. We live in different cities and

638
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 5: meet just every Saturday. Wow, you're meeting one time a

639
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:39,560
Speaker 5: week and you've been together three years. That's that's tough.

640
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 6: I think we set the bar on relationships too low.

641
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 6: I agree, right this nothing feels she may have may

642
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 6: be content and have a lot invested in him, but this,

643
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 6: this would be the most casual relationship ever if he

644
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 6: didn't say, you were together for three years.

645
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 5: So I tearfully said, we seem to have no choice

646
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,880
Speaker 5: but to break up. Oh, there we go because our

647
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 5: timelines don't align. However, he insists that he doesn't want

648
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 5: to lose me and he wants to fix this. I

649
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,120
Speaker 5: can't really, okay, but how do we handle staying in

650
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 5: the relationship knowing our differing timelines. I've gone through enough

651
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 5: heartache to know that I can't change him or his timeline,

652
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 5: and pressuring him to rush will only make things worse.

653
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 5: I don't want to change my own timeline because I

654
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 5: do want marriage and a family, and for someone to

655
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 5: choose me, to say that whatever happens to his job

656
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 5: or his social life, as long as he's with me,

657
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 5: then he knows that we can make it. So I

658
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 5: think that's what he's saying, and we do have some comments.

659
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 5: Comment one so he thinks he doesn't deserve you, but

660
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,680
Speaker 5: wants you to wait around for three or more years.

661
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 5: That is one of the most asinine things I've ever hurt.

662
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 5: I wouldn't wait. What if he tells you in three

663
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 5: years he's not ready, you are three years older and

664
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 5: achieved nothing with him. Comment two says you're not actually

665
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 5: hearing what he's saying to you. He's saying he doesn't

666
00:30:57,920 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 5: want to marry you now.

667
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:01,520
Speaker 6: Or got some smart comments.

668
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, we don't always get great comments on Reddit, but

669
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 5: you know, sometimes they really hit the nail ned.

670
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's another thing we talked about. The laundry list

671
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 6: of things that are saying, run, Yeah, I'm either not

672
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 6: ready or I'm not good enough for you. If someone

673
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,880
Speaker 6: doesn't think they're good enough for you, Yeah, they're not

674
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 6: good enough. They told you.

675
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, they've tattled up you're.

676
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:27,520
Speaker 6: Too good for me again. I just think it would

677
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 6: take some amazing feats of cognitive dissonance to ignore all

678
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 6: of these things. Is there more to the question, because

679
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 6: it sounds like she drew the right conclusion just wants

680
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 6: affirmation of it.

681
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 5: I think so, But there is I believe there's an update. Yeah,

682
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 5: five days later, so we'll see if she took all

683
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:46,719
Speaker 5: of this advice.

684
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 6: This is exciting.

685
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, I boasted about my situation here last week, I

686
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:53,240
Speaker 5: just wanted to give you guys an update in appreciation

687
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:55,360
Speaker 5: of all the insightful advice that a lot of people

688
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 5: made the effort to type out for me, and so

689
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 5: I can have something to look back on whatever weapons.

690
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,680
Speaker 5: After my decision, I considered all the comments, but in

691
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 5: the end we decided to work things out. My boyfriend

692
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 5: initially said that he wants to spend the next three

693
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 5: years rebuilding himself professionally and socially. That's why he can't

694
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 5: go forward with us. But yesterday he told me that

695
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 5: he realized he won't be happy even if he is

696
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 5: able to rebuild himself if I'm not by his side.

697
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 5: I reiterated that forcing himself to get married earlier, if

698
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 5: that's not genuinely what he wants, is not the solution.

699
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 5: But he said that he does want this okay, and

700
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 5: he is ready to do the work so he can

701
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 5: meet me near my timeline. I asked him what steps

702
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:39,840
Speaker 5: we can do to move forward, and he said that

703
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 5: he is ready to have the talk regarding finances. Currently,

704
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 5: our finances are completely separate. He's never disclosed how much

705
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,239
Speaker 5: he makes, how much savings or debt he has, and

706
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 5: I'd never asked.

707
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 6: I had hurt. You should ask I can't even.

708
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 5: You should ask about that if you want to get.

709
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 6: Married, well, can you ask that to someone that you've

710
00:32:59,240 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 6: only seen?

711
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 5: Was yeah, I guess, yeah, you go to difficulty. Maybe not.

712
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 6: The order of all of this is wrong. They shouldn't

713
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:08,320
Speaker 6: be negotiating finances.

714
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 5: No, and he said that he's ready to have the

715
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 5: talk regarding finances, to lay out a concrete timeline and

716
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 5: goals about the engagement, wedding, and having children, and have

717
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 5: monthly evaluations on where we are in that timeline if

718
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 5: we are meeting the objectives that we set. I know

719
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:28,360
Speaker 5: it sounds more like a work meeting than a romantic relationship,

720
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 5: but he's always been a left brain person whose personality

721
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 5: is more practical, analytical than sentimental. I also appreciated that

722
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,080
Speaker 5: he told me that he will find ways to spend

723
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:41,640
Speaker 5: time more meaningfully when we meet on weekends, because I

724
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 5: will start my accelerated master's degree by November and we'll

725
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 5: have classes until nine pm, so we won't really get

726
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 5: to talk much on weekdays. At least, he's thinking about

727
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 5: our relationship in the near future. For my part, I

728
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 5: told them that I'm willing to put talks about future

729
00:33:56,040 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 5: plans on the back burner until December. As one commentar suggests,

730
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 5: he was chosen to head a completely new department for

731
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 5: his company and starts this Monday, so I want him

732
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 5: to just focus on that first and not overwhelm him

733
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,319
Speaker 5: with relationship concerns while he's adjusting to his new role

734
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:14,880
Speaker 5: and building the leadership and culture of the new department.

735
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 5: I told him that two months should be enough to

736
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 5: know how he feels about the new job, so he

737
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,319
Speaker 5: can be in a better position to lay out a

738
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 5: timeline we can both agree on for our relationship. We

739
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 5: agreed to have those conversations in December. For those asking

740
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:30,479
Speaker 5: why we still don't live together after almost three years

741
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:33,879
Speaker 5: of dating and why we only meet on Saturdays, I'm

742
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:37,560
Speaker 5: from a conservative Catholic family, and my parents are very

743
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:40,719
Speaker 5: staunch about their belief and not living together prior to marriage.

744
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 5: My boyfriend is trying to respect their wishes, and while

745
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 5: I don't believe in the same things as my parents,

746
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,239
Speaker 5: I agree that it's better to keep the peace with them.

747
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 5: I also have a great job in our hometown that

748
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,200
Speaker 5: pays as much as high cost of living areas without

749
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:56,000
Speaker 5: having to deal with the higher expenses, traffic, and just

750
00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 5: the city being the city, So I don't really want

751
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 5: to move if I'll still be living on my anyway.

752
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,240
Speaker 6: I honestly don't know what there is to say, because

753
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:05,160
Speaker 6: we didn't have to get that far into it to know.

754
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 6: At the end of the story, we just got more

755
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:10,800
Speaker 6: and more evidence piling up that she's kind of wilfully

756
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:14,439
Speaker 6: blinding herself. Right, I don't want to accept the fact

757
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 6: that this guy, in however much she genuinely loves him,

758
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 6: is not a suitable partner, because it really is. When

759
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:28,720
Speaker 6: you're making a lifetime partnership decision, it is like a hire,

760
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:30,719
Speaker 6: and it's a higher for a specific job of being

761
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 6: a partner. Now do I like him? Is he cute?

762
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 6: Is he smart? Is he funny? Does he make money?

763
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:38,440
Speaker 6: But how does he treat me? And it doesn't seem

764
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:40,280
Speaker 6: like she's getting the treatment she deserves.

765
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:44,799
Speaker 5: No, absolutely not, So I don't know when she'll realize that,

766
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 5: but hopefully she does. But we've got a little bit left.

767
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 5: My boyfriend's work, on the other hand, requires him to

768
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:54,680
Speaker 5: be in his company's headquarters in the city. He goes

769
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:56,879
Speaker 5: home every Friday to be with his family and see

770
00:35:56,880 --> 00:35:59,800
Speaker 5: me on Saturdays and returns to the city on Sundays.

771
00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:02,960
Speaker 5: I don't think I'm a side chick because he introduced

772
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,399
Speaker 5: me to his family, personal and work friends early on,

773
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 5: and he has me on a social media I've never

774
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 5: had any reason to believe he's seeing anyone else, and

775
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:13,920
Speaker 5: I have a pretty good gut feeling for things like that,

776
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 5: so infidelity has never been an issue. I know that

777
00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 5: choosing to stay as a gamble, and most of you

778
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 5: said I should just leave, But for now, this is

779
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 5: the choice I've made and I'll have to live with

780
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:28,279
Speaker 5: its consequences at least until December. Please continue to wish

781
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 5: me luck, as I wish all of you the best

782
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:31,360
Speaker 5: in your own personal lives.

783
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 2: We don't need to wish you luck, o p we need.

784
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 6: I think that's exactly what we need to do. Lots

785
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:37,359
Speaker 6: and lots.

786
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, hope.

787
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:42,359
Speaker 2: So and that's the end of this story. We're going

788
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 2: on to the next one. Hey, it's Keelan, your residential nerd.

789
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 2: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

790
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 2: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

791
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 5: My fiance said I stopped looking interesting, so I ended

792
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:54,280
Speaker 5: our engagement.

793
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 6: I have so many questions about what that means.

794
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:59,359
Speaker 5: Me, twenty six female, and my fiance twenty eight male,

795
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:03,360
Speaker 5: have been together for almost five years, engaged for six months.

796
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:05,919
Speaker 5: We've never had issues where one of us was mad

797
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:09,319
Speaker 5: for a long time until this, and he, my mom

798
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 5: and friends think that I'm overreacting by the way. This

799
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,800
Speaker 5: comes from Veronica and herself. And if you want to

800
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 5: smit your own stories, go to the r slash okay

801
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 5: storytime separate it.

802
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,719
Speaker 6: I'm Sophia, I'm Evan Markattz, and I'm Keon and.

803
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 5: Evan could you give a little blub about who you are.

804
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 6: I'm Evan Markuatz. I'm a dating coach for smart, successful

805
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 6: women and I help people who have everything but a

806
00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 6: partner find their partner.

807
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 5: And Evan's gonna help us read these stories today, give

808
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:34,840
Speaker 5: some advice, and op says, I had a dream some

809
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 5: nights ago that I ended up dating a famous actor

810
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:41,720
Speaker 5: by accident. We thought that dreams where crazy things happened

811
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:43,840
Speaker 5: and told each other about it. I told them in

812
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 5: the morning and we laughed about it. However, he made

813
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 5: a comment about how my dreams are always extremely delusional.

814
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:55,320
Speaker 5: I asked him to elaborate, thinking it would be something funny,

815
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:57,880
Speaker 5: and instead was met with a comment about how I

816
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:01,560
Speaker 5: wouldn't be capable of pulling someone and half as attractive

817
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 5: as said actor, let alone him. Ooh. I was taken aback,

818
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,880
Speaker 5: and he doubled down and told me to be realistic

819
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:11,799
Speaker 5: that most men wouldn't even look my way because I

820
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 5: look like I'm already taken and stopped looking interesting some

821
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:19,759
Speaker 5: time ago, and now even more with the engagement, he

822
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 5: keeps digging his own grave.

823
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 2: I don't think this guy's ready. I don't think this

824
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:26,160
Speaker 2: is I think this guy's I don't think it's in you.

825
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 5: Yeah. I told him that I don't want any men

826
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 5: to look my way, but the implication of his words

827
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 5: hurt me. He told me it was irrelevant because we're

828
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:36,839
Speaker 5: together and I wouldn't leave him, and to stop being

829
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:40,760
Speaker 5: offended over something I asked and left. Did you ask something?

830
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 5: It feels like you were just telling him about your

831
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:47,080
Speaker 5: dream and then he made a really mean comment. For

832
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 5: the record, my weight, hair and general appearance have stayed

833
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:52,759
Speaker 5: the same, and I'm low key eye maintenance, so this

834
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,560
Speaker 5: isn't me letting go or something. I called my mom

835
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:59,799
Speaker 5: for reassurance and she agreed. I was overreacting. I called

836
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 5: my friends for the same purpose and was met with

837
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 5: the same response. I feel very hurt because I love

838
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 5: my fiance and find him very attractive, and I know

839
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:12,239
Speaker 5: other people do too. I am grateful that he chose

840
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 5: to be with me, and that makes me value him

841
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 5: even more. I thought he thought the same about me,

842
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:21,200
Speaker 5: but apparently he thinks I wouldn't ever leave him because

843
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 5: I can't pull anybody.

844
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,799
Speaker 6: So one of the first observations I wanted to make

845
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 6: is that the guy's in a way he's telling on himself. Yeah,

846
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 6: in that he's like, you couldn't pull a hot celebrity,

847
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:37,240
Speaker 6: but apparently she could pull you. Yeah, So he's putting

848
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 6: himself down in some way if he thinks that other

849
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:42,439
Speaker 6: people are above her league, but he's in her.

850
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:46,239
Speaker 5: League, right, Yeah, yeah, No, It's an interesting way to

851
00:39:46,239 --> 00:39:48,759
Speaker 5: think about yourself that somehow is making me feel like

852
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 5: he doesn't value me as I do, and worst of all,

853
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 5: that I may be wrong for how I feel but

854
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 5: can't control it. Am I overreacting? If so? How could

855
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,239
Speaker 5: I manage this so this doesn't affect us long her.

856
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 5: It's been almost a week and he's still being short

857
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 5: with me. Because I look like I'm miserable about a

858
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:09,240
Speaker 5: petty thing. I just want things to go back to normal.

859
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 5: And we do have some comments, but do you have

860
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:13,360
Speaker 5: any more thoughts before we get into that.

861
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 6: My big thought, and again this is bigger than this question,

862
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 6: is the right answer and the true answer and not

863
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 6: always the same thing exactly right. The woman says, hey,

864
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 6: do I look fat in this dress? But it's not

865
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:33,040
Speaker 6: always the truth. And that's the hard part. Some people

866
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:36,879
Speaker 6: don't like to lie. It's easier to tell the truth.

867
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:40,520
Speaker 6: I'm one of them. So it's not that I'm defending

868
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 6: him because he was. He seems to be insensitive to

869
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:46,879
Speaker 6: the point of cruelty, but he's probably also telling the truth. Yeah,

870
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 6: and she didn't ask for the truth's And so we've

871
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 6: got two things going on. As she's probably hyper sensitive

872
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 6: if other people are telling her she is, and b

873
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,920
Speaker 6: he's probably insensitive. And that's a tricky combo.

874
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, comment one. I don't know what your friends or

875
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:06,399
Speaker 5: mom are on, but I think that's an a hole

876
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 5: of a comment to make to your future wife. That's

877
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,880
Speaker 5: an insult. If you ask me, maybe I could have

878
00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:14,360
Speaker 5: got past it if he apologized afterwards and Steady doubled

879
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 5: down and said you're overreacting and should get over it.

880
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 5: Opie says I felt insulted. However, they insist that he's

881
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:25,240
Speaker 5: just being playful and that I take things too personally.

882
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:29,400
Speaker 5: They also imply that it's irrelevant too because I'm taken

883
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:32,839
Speaker 5: and don't need to pull anyone.

884
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 1: Yes.

885
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 5: Comment two says, what you stopped looking interesting some time ago.

886
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 5: Sounds like he's trying to dent your self esteem, to

887
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:43,520
Speaker 5: be honest, so you do think you can't do better

888
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:46,239
Speaker 5: and never leave him? Pretty nagging thing of him to say,

889
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:49,000
Speaker 5: kind of demeaning to you as a woman. Interesting that

890
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,879
Speaker 5: your mom says you're overreacting. Were you raised by someone

891
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:54,319
Speaker 5: who also tried to take you down a notch? And

892
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:57,160
Speaker 5: edits to add this is from Ope again. The actor

893
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:57,919
Speaker 5: was Adam Driver.

894
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 6: That's Keon had a reaction to that you have a

895
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:02,879
Speaker 6: thing with Adam Driver.

896
00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:05,600
Speaker 5: My closest friend group is a four girls group where

897
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:08,359
Speaker 5: I'm not only one with a relationship or that has

898
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 5: been in one another detail. Someone messaged me to include

899
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,000
Speaker 5: I do have other friends, but I haven't told them

900
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:17,800
Speaker 5: anything given the response I got from my closest circle. Finally,

901
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 5: I have a long history of being super sensitive, so

902
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:24,880
Speaker 5: that's I think good to know. I've cried over minor

903
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:26,960
Speaker 5: things my whole life, which is why it is not

904
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:29,799
Speaker 5: surprising for my closest ones to immediately call me out

905
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:33,320
Speaker 5: on it. I'm in therapy addressing that my pushover nature

906
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 5: and my self esteem issues. Thank you to everyone that

907
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 5: has commented and given me support and reassurance. I will

908
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 5: be forcing him to talk to me today to see

909
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,560
Speaker 5: if this is in any way salvageable or if I

910
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 5: just lost half a decade of my life. Hello, well,

911
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 5: and there is an update two months later. Do you

912
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 5: have any of the thoughts.

913
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:56,239
Speaker 6: I mean, I'm semi I mean I feel bad for her,

914
00:42:56,600 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 6: but I'm semi delighted that I diagnosed it proper. Yeah,

915
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:04,720
Speaker 6: he's insensitive, she's hyper sensitive. I think they could both

916
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:08,600
Speaker 6: stand to be able to communicate a little bit better.

917
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:11,840
Speaker 6: But it's possible that this combination is not a healthy

918
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 6: long term combination because of this very issue. It depends

919
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:17,839
Speaker 6: on both of them changing. She might just need a

920
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:20,839
Speaker 6: more sensitive, affirming guy. It doesn't mean this guy is

921
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:24,880
Speaker 6: the devil. He may be, but that one stray comment

922
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,759
Speaker 6: may or may not mean that he definitely needs a

923
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:32,040
Speaker 6: woman with thicker skin. So that's what incompatibility is. You know,

924
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:34,319
Speaker 6: we can make him more wrong, and he probably is

925
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 6: more wrong, but he's with a person who is working

926
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:42,799
Speaker 6: through her own sensitivity doormat issues and she probably just

927
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:44,480
Speaker 6: needs a nicer guy.

928
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,799
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like the exposure therapy all the time with him, Yes,

929
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 5: which is tough. Update almost two months later. First, you

930
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:55,080
Speaker 5: gave me the courage to reach out to my other

931
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:58,239
Speaker 5: friends outside my closest circle, and they were shocked by

932
00:43:58,239 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 5: what happened and told me not to brush it off.

933
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:02,759
Speaker 5: They echoed many of your comments and even called it

934
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 5: negging too. Also, my therapist backed up my feelings and

935
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:08,400
Speaker 5: said I needed a straight up chat with my partner

936
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:11,800
Speaker 5: and to set some clear boundaries and decide what's best

937
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:13,759
Speaker 5: for me and what I wish to enforce as my

938
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:18,320
Speaker 5: non negotiables. Second, I did follow someone's advice and started

939
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 5: going out with my more supportive friends. My birthday actually

940
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 5: fell in between these dates, and I decided to celebrate

941
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:27,120
Speaker 5: it by bar hopping in my city and it went great.

942
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 5: My ex was invited. We were still together at that point. Okay,

943
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 5: so we know how the story ends, and was sulking

944
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:38,399
Speaker 5: the whole time because I did get external attention, which

945
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,440
Speaker 5: I shut down. Finally, what happened with my now ex

946
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,600
Speaker 5: After talking with my therapist. I did explain my feelings

947
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:47,840
Speaker 5: to him again and reiterated that those comments will not

948
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:51,239
Speaker 5: be tolerated if we were to continue in the relationship.

949
00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:54,920
Speaker 5: I also said we needed counseling as a couple because

950
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:58,359
Speaker 5: this could stem from insecurities from both sides. He did

951
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:02,320
Speaker 5: not apologize, but rather just divide his actions under three arguments,

952
00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:05,839
Speaker 5: and yes, these came from a twenty eight year old man.

953
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:10,360
Speaker 5: Number One, I do look less interesting and it's unfair

954
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,680
Speaker 5: to use my birthday as an example of me attracting

955
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 5: anyone because I was catfishing as a younger woman, as

956
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 5: the girls I invited are mostly twenty two to twenty four,

957
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:24,360
Speaker 5: That is an interesting argument. Number Two, Adam Driver, the

958
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 5: actor I dreamt about, is taller than him. We're both

959
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 5: five seven, and he's insecure about it. So dreaming with

960
00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 5: people taller than him is disrespectful and emasculating. You can't

961
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:39,360
Speaker 5: really control your dreams, Oh my god. Three, even if

962
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 5: his words, I'm objectively attractive. Ever since I started therapy,

963
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:46,239
Speaker 5: I became cocky and more demanding, so he took the

964
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,000
Speaker 5: chance to bring me back to earth.

965
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:56,160
Speaker 6: Ooh, those tell you a lot, right, because couples are

966
00:45:56,239 --> 00:46:01,880
Speaker 6: allowed to conflict and even say things. You know, you

967
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:03,759
Speaker 6: never encourage someone to say something to their regret, But

968
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:06,279
Speaker 6: who among us hasn't said something they regret. It's how

969
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:08,879
Speaker 6: you recover from it. So the problem with this guy

970
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 6: is not just that he said something stupid and insensitive.

971
00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:13,200
Speaker 6: It's that he's doubling down on a mistake.

972
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 5: Oh.

973
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's the biggest problem for this relationship, which is

974
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 6: why it's no longer a relationship.

975
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:22,440
Speaker 5: Absolutely, because that was quite the Yeah, the come back.

976
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, at this place I'm in doubling.

977
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 5: It's yeah, he's like more chance, you're ugly.

978
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 6: I'm a bright side. He's going to make someone else

979
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:30,839
Speaker 6: miserable one.

980
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 5: Day, He'll keep it going.

981
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:33,440
Speaker 2: Oh.

982
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,759
Speaker 5: This was a shock to me. I felt as if

983
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:38,280
Speaker 5: this man I was with for the last five years

984
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 5: was not there anymore. This was a complete one to

985
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:44,200
Speaker 5: eighty from what he was before. And I do believe

986
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:46,840
Speaker 5: is a mix of slipping off the mask after the

987
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 5: engagement and the fact that he changed jobs to a

988
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:53,600
Speaker 5: male dominated corporation and those new friends did give me

989
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:56,759
Speaker 5: a weird vibe regarding their stance on women and equality.

990
00:46:57,320 --> 00:47:00,560
Speaker 5: Regardless of what prompted this change, I ended it, returned

991
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 5: the ring, backed a bag with my essentials I had

992
00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:05,880
Speaker 5: at his place, and left while he threw a tantrum.

993
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:09,920
Speaker 5: He was super uncooperative in returning some of my remaining stuff.

994
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 5: He sent things in trash bags full of glitter and

995
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 5: won't let me enter his apartment anymore.

996
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:17,320
Speaker 6: Bullet dodge.

997
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:21,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, miss thanks goodness you didn't marry this guy. He

998
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 5: also sent me all of the Star Wars movies with

999
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:28,240
Speaker 5: Adam Driver in them, broken and destroyed. That's so funny.

1000
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:31,440
Speaker 5: This is crazy, that's so funny. This made all of

1001
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:34,719
Speaker 5: the pain I felt almost immediately disappear, which feels weird

1002
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:37,799
Speaker 5: because I did love him and it was a long relationship.

1003
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,920
Speaker 5: Yet I grieved for like a week only. I feel

1004
00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 5: like when people really show you the worst side of them,

1005
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 5: it makes it a lot easier, at least in my experience,

1006
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 5: it makes it a lot easier to get over them.

1007
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:53,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean it helps to get angry and not

1008
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 6: just sad. Yes, yeah, this guy, This guy makes me angry.

1009
00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:00,759
Speaker 5: He makes me mad. I did call my losses and

1010
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:03,719
Speaker 5: just accepted some things I won't get back blocked him

1011
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,759
Speaker 5: and haven't heard or seen him since. Thank God it's

1012
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:09,799
Speaker 5: a big city. My immediate circle of friends was cut

1013
00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:13,160
Speaker 5: off as they valued more going to a wedding than

1014
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:16,839
Speaker 5: my well being. But I'm low contact with my mom

1015
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:20,760
Speaker 5: and being supported by my dad and siblings. I've continued therapy,

1016
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:24,239
Speaker 5: did a friends giving celebration, and I'm bracing myself for

1017
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:27,880
Speaker 5: the holidays with my family. I'm mostly okay, relearning to

1018
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:30,840
Speaker 5: be on my own to validate my feelings, and currently

1019
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,040
Speaker 5: debating whether to send a thank you card to Adam

1020
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:37,759
Speaker 5: Driver shoot your shot. Thanks everyone for reading. Happy Holidays

1021
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:41,040
Speaker 5: update two. Tomorrow, I'll go on my first date in

1022
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:45,319
Speaker 5: years eight months later. I'm both excited and anxious since

1023
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:47,319
Speaker 5: it's been a while since I've done this. It's not

1024
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 5: like I don't know the guy. He's a childhood friend.

1025
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:53,120
Speaker 5: We reconnected some time ago and just asked me for

1026
00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:55,839
Speaker 5: a date this week. We're going to an amusement park,

1027
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:59,319
Speaker 5: one of my favorite activities, and a movie after. It's

1028
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:02,160
Speaker 5: a weird feeling to feel these nerves and butterflies all

1029
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:05,440
Speaker 5: over again as an adult. I haven't told anyone I

1030
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:08,279
Speaker 5: really wanted to go. Well, Wish me luck and that's

1031
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:09,280
Speaker 5: the end of the story.

1032
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:13,040
Speaker 6: Okay, seems like she's doing good. Glad she got to

1033
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:14,960
Speaker 6: the other side of that one. That sounds like a

1034
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:17,360
Speaker 6: would have been tough to stay in relationship with that

1035
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:18,479
Speaker 6: guy for the rest of her life.

1036
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:18,920
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1037
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:21,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's the end of this story. We're going

1038
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:22,840
Speaker 2: on to the next one.

1039
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 4: Hey, it's Carly, your favorite Jersey girl. Here. We're going

1040
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:27,720
Speaker 4: to get back to the stories.

1041
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:28,640
Speaker 3: But here's three.

1042
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,400
Speaker 4: Minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1043
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:34,680
Speaker 5: Me and my date matched again on Bumble after he

1044
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:39,640
Speaker 5: dumped me. So so, I thirty one female, was seeing

1045
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:42,279
Speaker 5: a guy thirty eight male for about a month. We

1046
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 5: went on seven dates total. We slept together twice. He

1047
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:48,600
Speaker 5: seemed very excited about me in the first three weeks,

1048
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:53,040
Speaker 5: planning dates, kissing, holding hands, general PDA in public. He

1049
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:56,520
Speaker 5: paid for every meal and activity, and he texted me daily.

1050
00:49:56,880 --> 00:50:00,319
Speaker 5: We had great conversations. Everything just seemed to be heading

1051
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:03,080
Speaker 5: toward us happily dating. By the way, this comes from

1052
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 5: Chroma Sparkles and if you want to submit your own stories,

1053
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:07,719
Speaker 5: go to the r slash. Okay, story time Separate it.

1054
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 5: I'm Sophia.

1055
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 6: My name is Evan Markatz. I'm a dating coach for smart,

1056
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:13,919
Speaker 6: successful woman. I am honored to be here with you today.

1057
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:14,920
Speaker 5: Say we're honored to have you.

1058
00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:17,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. Thanks Evan, and I'm ke on again. Evan. We

1059
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:21,280
Speaker 2: appreciate you being here and helping us give your professional advice.

1060
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:25,240
Speaker 5: Yeah uh and oh P says. Then this past week

1061
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 5: I suddenly noticed him slow fading me, and yesterday, when

1062
00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:31,800
Speaker 5: I asked if he was available at all this week,

1063
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:35,399
Speaker 5: he sent me a text apologizing profusely, saying he thinks

1064
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:39,080
Speaker 5: we should see other people. I simply replied, while bawling

1065
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:42,400
Speaker 5: my eyes out, it's okay, good luck with everything. I

1066
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:45,719
Speaker 5: deleted my Bumble account almost instantly after he sent me

1067
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:48,360
Speaker 5: that message because I was ready to give up, but

1068
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:51,800
Speaker 5: I remade it today today, after swiping a few times,

1069
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:54,879
Speaker 5: his profile shows up and he deleted his and made

1070
00:50:54,880 --> 00:50:57,920
Speaker 5: a new one as well. No idea why, but that

1071
00:50:58,000 --> 00:50:59,799
Speaker 5: shows me that he didn't break it off with me

1072
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:02,880
Speaker 5: or another woman. Of course, like a dork, I still

1073
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 5: swiped right, holding out some kind of dumb hope that

1074
00:51:06,719 --> 00:51:09,839
Speaker 5: will match again. Not normally when I'm rejected by a guy.

1075
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:12,919
Speaker 5: Whether things were going well or going bad, I say

1076
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:15,360
Speaker 5: my little good luck message and move on. But I

1077
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:17,360
Speaker 5: honestly feel like this guy and I were on the

1078
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:20,080
Speaker 5: way to something special. Now I know that nothing I

1079
00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 5: say will necessarily change his mind, but for some reason,

1080
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:26,120
Speaker 5: I really want to send him a message, maybe in

1081
00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 5: like a week or two, after some time has passed.

1082
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:30,960
Speaker 5: I want to let him know how I felt about him,

1083
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:33,760
Speaker 5: because I never really got the chance to. Had actually

1084
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:35,799
Speaker 5: been planning on telling him this week how I was

1085
00:51:35,840 --> 00:51:40,520
Speaker 5: developing feelings from He was nothing but a gentleman, very nice, generous,

1086
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 5: and he made me feel really special for the first

1087
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:45,040
Speaker 5: time in a long time. And I really feel like

1088
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:46,719
Speaker 5: he was developing feelings for me too.

1089
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:50,759
Speaker 6: Can I jump in yes? Please? All right? So, A,

1090
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:54,040
Speaker 6: this totally makes the case for why you don't sleep

1091
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:56,719
Speaker 6: with someone who's not your boyfriend, Like I think this

1092
00:51:56,800 --> 00:52:01,000
Speaker 6: is exhibit A, B and C as to why exkews

1093
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 6: your feelings and you can't see things really clearly, and

1094
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:06,160
Speaker 6: the next thing you know, you're on a hook and

1095
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 6: his behavior tells the whole story. And so this is

1096
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:16,160
Speaker 6: another case of it's a recurring theme of her unwilling

1097
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:18,200
Speaker 6: to see what's right in front of her yeah, and

1098
00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 6: try to talk him into what she wants instead of

1099
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 6: paying attention to the fact that he already told her

1100
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:30,960
Speaker 6: exactly the end of the story and so, yeah, I'm

1101
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:33,600
Speaker 6: going to see where this goes. But do you think

1102
00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 6: does she write back to him? Does she does? She?

1103
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 6: Does she re engage with the guy who said who

1104
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:40,000
Speaker 6: slow faded her?

1105
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 5: I think once people have set their minds on something,

1106
00:52:43,640 --> 00:52:47,640
Speaker 5: they usually do it. So it's like the like, oh

1107
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 5: should I should I reach out to the X?

1108
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:51,960
Speaker 6: You know, I thought the story was going to be like,

1109
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:55,360
Speaker 6: oh I matched with him. Yeah, you know, we showed

1110
00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:59,400
Speaker 6: up on the algorithm against so what Yah to ignore him?

1111
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:03,000
Speaker 6: It's over and move on. She doesn't want to move on.

1112
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:05,680
Speaker 6: But this is the same thing where yeah, she's anchoring

1113
00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:08,280
Speaker 6: to the feelings she had in seven dates and telling

1114
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:10,840
Speaker 6: yourself a story that it was special because it was

1115
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:12,799
Speaker 6: the first time she felt good about a man in

1116
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:15,600
Speaker 6: a long time. But it doesn't matter if you felt

1117
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 6: special for seven dates. What matters is the eighth and

1118
00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:20,600
Speaker 6: the ninth and his desire to take down his profile

1119
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:23,719
Speaker 6: and commit and he's not exhibiting that behavior. So it's

1120
00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 6: another thing that's like, I don't know what there is

1121
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:25,840
Speaker 6: to say beyond that.

1122
00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:28,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I think a lot of people will put

1123
00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:31,200
Speaker 5: their feelings onto someone else, which is what she's doing.

1124
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:34,439
Speaker 5: And again, as you said, not listen to what he's

1125
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:37,719
Speaker 5: actually saying. So that's tricky, but we'll see if it

1126
00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:40,360
Speaker 5: works for her. He proved it with his actions and words,

1127
00:53:40,360 --> 00:53:42,840
Speaker 5: which left me feeling like he was genuine, So for

1128
00:53:42,920 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 5: him to end things so abruptly is kind of left

1129
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:48,040
Speaker 5: me confused. I know people are allowed to just suddenly

1130
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:50,839
Speaker 5: change their minds with no explanation, and he's well within

1131
00:53:50,880 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 5: his right to. I'd be lying if I said I

1132
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:55,320
Speaker 5: wasn't hoping that the message would get him to change

1133
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:57,399
Speaker 5: his mind, or at the very least get the door

1134
00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:59,680
Speaker 5: open so that we can talk more about what happened.

1135
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:02,440
Speaker 5: But I'm not a complete fool. I know more than

1136
00:54:02,520 --> 00:54:04,759
Speaker 5: likely he'll read it and not respond, even though we

1137
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:07,799
Speaker 5: didn't end on bad terms. Even knowing that it most

1138
00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:10,480
Speaker 5: likely won't make a difference, I still want to send

1139
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 5: it because I really do want him to know how

1140
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:16,319
Speaker 5: much I liked him and appreciated him, even if he

1141
00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 5: couldn't care less enough to respond.

1142
00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:19,560
Speaker 6: Okay, so that's what's going to happen.

1143
00:54:19,719 --> 00:54:22,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like it would be very cathartic for me.

1144
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:24,719
Speaker 5: And again, whether he responds or not would give me

1145
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:27,440
Speaker 5: some closure because I will upset everything that's been on

1146
00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:29,719
Speaker 5: my mind and in my heart for the past month.

1147
00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:32,840
Speaker 5: Should I go for it or should I not waste

1148
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:38,000
Speaker 5: my time? And we do have some comments common one says, firstly,

1149
00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:40,239
Speaker 5: if you matched on Bumble, the match will expire in

1150
00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:42,480
Speaker 5: twenty four hours. I really didn't want to tell you this.

1151
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:45,359
Speaker 5: I wanted it to expire because you should not message him.

1152
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:47,399
Speaker 5: What is up with women feeling the need to tell

1153
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:50,120
Speaker 5: men how great they were after being dumped or ghosted?

1154
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:52,080
Speaker 5: And I asked that as a woman who's done it,

1155
00:54:52,560 --> 00:54:54,440
Speaker 5: I'll tell you why you want to do it. You

1156
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:58,240
Speaker 5: want to convey how much him being different aka treating

1157
00:54:58,239 --> 00:55:01,000
Speaker 5: you in a way that you haven't been deeply affected you.

1158
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:03,279
Speaker 5: And you hope that he'll see this need in you

1159
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:06,080
Speaker 5: that needs to be fulfilled and we'll do it. He won't.

1160
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:09,200
Speaker 5: If he comes back, it'll be to use you, and

1161
00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:11,120
Speaker 5: not necessarily in a blatant way.

1162
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 6: Great advice.

1163
00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:14,759
Speaker 5: You don't even have enough real life exposure time to

1164
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:17,600
Speaker 5: determine his worth and value yet you're ready to run

1165
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:20,719
Speaker 5: to him, already indebted to him based on how he

1166
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:23,959
Speaker 5: treated you before. The reality is that he probably only

1167
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:27,000
Speaker 5: treated you like a decent human being would at most,

1168
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:30,160
Speaker 5: and going to him in an indebted position puts him

1169
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:32,840
Speaker 5: in a position of power over you. He's a thirty

1170
00:55:32,880 --> 00:55:35,200
Speaker 5: eight year old man. If he hasn't figured out how

1171
00:55:35,239 --> 00:55:37,879
Speaker 5: to accept love or something similar, which I feel you're

1172
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:41,080
Speaker 5: wondering and see value in people, it's not likely he'll

1173
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:46,359
Speaker 5: start anytime soon. Move on, and we do have an edit.

1174
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 5: But do you have any thoughts?

1175
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 6: No, I thought that was great advice. Come come and

1176
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:52,759
Speaker 6: take my position that was fought on.

1177
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:57,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, edits Oh, he says, you all are right. I

1178
00:55:57,160 --> 00:55:59,920
Speaker 5: won't send him anything. I might still write out the

1179
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:04,040
Speaker 5: message like I are originally intended for my own personal catharsis,

1180
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:06,279
Speaker 5: but I will not send it to him. I won't

1181
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:08,640
Speaker 5: make a fool of myself chasing after someone who told

1182
00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:11,560
Speaker 5: me they weren't interested. If he wants to reach out

1183
00:56:11,560 --> 00:56:13,799
Speaker 5: to me, he will, And if I never hear from

1184
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:17,280
Speaker 5: him again, which I most likely won't, then that's my closure.

1185
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:19,840
Speaker 5: Thank you for all the responses, even the ones that

1186
00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:23,080
Speaker 5: were a bit harsh and there is an update four

1187
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:25,120
Speaker 5: years and six months later.

1188
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:28,000
Speaker 2: My am I hardly specific.

1189
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:31,680
Speaker 5: That is very specific, and I'm wondering if this is

1190
00:56:31,719 --> 00:56:36,040
Speaker 5: where we get the title. Are you ready to just die?

1191
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:37,239
Speaker 6: I'm just I'm bracing that.

1192
00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:37,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1193
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:41,440
Speaker 5: About three years ago, I made this post asking if

1194
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:43,160
Speaker 5: I should reach out to a guy I was seeing

1195
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:46,200
Speaker 5: after he rejected me. The general consensus was no, and

1196
00:56:46,239 --> 00:56:48,800
Speaker 5: I didn't. But three months after I made that post,

1197
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:52,320
Speaker 5: he actually reached out to me. We did not speak

1198
00:56:52,360 --> 00:56:54,360
Speaker 5: to each other at all for those three months, and

1199
00:56:54,440 --> 00:56:57,000
Speaker 5: I didn't go on any dates with anyone else. My

1200
00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:59,360
Speaker 5: heart dropped when I saw the text from him, but

1201
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:02,440
Speaker 5: I was still skeptical. After about three days of texting,

1202
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:05,480
Speaker 5: he asked me to dinner. I grilled him on why

1203
00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:08,160
Speaker 5: he rejected me and why he decided to reach back out.

1204
00:57:08,360 --> 00:57:10,680
Speaker 5: I wanted to make sure he was not playing any games.

1205
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 5: If I had caught even a hint of it, I

1206
00:57:13,200 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 5: would have cut him off immediately. I'll be vague on

1207
00:57:16,160 --> 00:57:18,960
Speaker 5: the reason he gave for rejecting me for privacy purposes,

1208
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:22,000
Speaker 5: but basically, he ended things because he thought there was

1209
00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:25,520
Speaker 5: an incompatibility between us, even though he really liked me,

1210
00:57:25,640 --> 00:57:27,520
Speaker 5: he didn't want to drag things out and then break

1211
00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 5: it off after one or both of us had caught

1212
00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:32,680
Speaker 5: major feelings. So I asked him why he then decided

1213
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:35,840
Speaker 5: to come back, and basically he said that he realized

1214
00:57:35,840 --> 00:57:38,240
Speaker 5: that we had something really good going. He really liked me,

1215
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:42,240
Speaker 5: and he would be willing to overlook the incompatibility because

1216
00:57:42,320 --> 00:57:44,840
Speaker 5: after he sat and thought about it, it actually wasn't

1217
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:47,520
Speaker 5: that big of a deal in the long term. No,

1218
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:50,240
Speaker 5: it wasn't anything like kid's marriage, anything major.

1219
00:57:50,600 --> 00:57:53,040
Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't I am taking anything.

1220
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:55,960
Speaker 2: He says like that with do you have any.

1221
00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:56,200
Speaker 5: Thoughts on that?

1222
00:57:56,360 --> 00:57:57,760
Speaker 6: Yeah, I've been that guy.

1223
00:57:58,080 --> 00:58:00,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, well you said, I mean.

1224
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:03,000
Speaker 6: I mean, yeah, you don't go on three hundred dates

1225
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:07,200
Speaker 6: without breaking a couple eggs, mix a couple of metaphors. Yeah,

1226
00:58:07,240 --> 00:58:11,920
Speaker 6: I mean. Is it possible that he completely changed his tune?

1227
00:58:12,240 --> 00:58:17,040
Speaker 6: Is it possible that the woman his plan a dumped

1228
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:19,120
Speaker 6: him and then he was single three months later and

1229
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:23,600
Speaker 6: she was his second choice? It almost doesn't matter. People

1230
00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:25,680
Speaker 6: marry their second choice all the time, and it's not

1231
00:58:25,720 --> 00:58:28,640
Speaker 6: necessarily a bad thing. We're alsoone's second choice. Someone dumped

1232
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:33,360
Speaker 6: us to get here, Yeah, so I'd be surprised if

1233
00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:35,120
Speaker 6: this has a happy ending, but four and a half

1234
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:36,720
Speaker 6: years later, why else would she come back?

1235
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:39,920
Speaker 5: That's what I'm thinking. Basically, he kind of made an

1236
00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:42,760
Speaker 5: assumption and ended things too early when he probably should

1237
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:45,600
Speaker 5: have waited and talked it out with me. He acknowledged

1238
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:48,760
Speaker 5: his mistake and apologized multiple times. I also asked him

1239
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:50,520
Speaker 5: if he had been seeing anyone else in the three

1240
00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:53,880
Speaker 5: months we were not talking, and he said no, yeah,

1241
00:58:53,880 --> 00:58:56,720
Speaker 5: I hadn't even been on any dates since me. Because

1242
00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:58,640
Speaker 5: he had never given me a reason not to believe him,

1243
00:58:58,680 --> 00:59:01,040
Speaker 5: I chose to. I was just trying to make sure

1244
00:59:01,040 --> 00:59:03,160
Speaker 5: that he wasn't using me as a rebound after he

1245
00:59:03,200 --> 00:59:06,200
Speaker 5: got dumped or something. So long story short, we have

1246
00:59:06,240 --> 00:59:09,320
Speaker 5: been together ever since we went to that dinner three

1247
00:59:09,360 --> 00:59:12,320
Speaker 5: and a half years ago. Wow, and three years later,

1248
00:59:12,400 --> 00:59:15,000
Speaker 5: we are now engaged. We are madly in love and

1249
00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 5: he truly is my best friend. My mom loves him,

1250
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:20,960
Speaker 5: his mom loves me, he loves my fur babies, and

1251
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:23,880
Speaker 5: they love him. So all is good. I decided to

1252
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:26,560
Speaker 5: make this post not to brag, but to try and

1253
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:29,600
Speaker 5: encourage some people to stop cutting others off so soon

1254
00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:34,640
Speaker 5: or always assuming bad intentions when someone comes back. Believe me.

1255
00:59:34,760 --> 00:59:36,680
Speaker 5: In the past I have been let on and used

1256
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:38,960
Speaker 5: by men and probably should have cut them off. But

1257
00:59:39,080 --> 00:59:41,120
Speaker 5: looking back, the signs were there and I chose to

1258
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:43,960
Speaker 5: ignore them. My now fiance has been nothing but a

1259
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:46,880
Speaker 5: parade of green flags. But I was still cautious in

1260
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:48,720
Speaker 5: the beginning of us dating. I don't think that's a

1261
00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:49,080
Speaker 5: mad thing.

1262
00:59:49,280 --> 00:59:52,200
Speaker 6: First of all, I love that it worked out, and yeah,

1263
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:54,840
Speaker 6: you know, in previous comment I suggested that it could

1264
00:59:54,880 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 6: work out because these kind of things do happen. Yeah,

1265
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 6: people misevaluate and come to their senses. And it's not

1266
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:09,680
Speaker 6: he didn't treat her poorly. They both made the mistake

1267
01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:16,360
Speaker 6: of sleeping together too early, getting too emotionally invested. And yeah,

1268
01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:19,640
Speaker 6: I the guy's not on the rebound for the past

1269
01:00:19,640 --> 01:00:22,400
Speaker 6: three years. This is a real relationship. It's sincere and

1270
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:23,320
Speaker 6: I hope she's happy.

1271
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:25,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, me too, But there is a little bit left

1272
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:27,919
Speaker 5: to this story. As much as I liked him, if

1273
01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:30,040
Speaker 5: he had shown me any red flags, I would have

1274
01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:33,600
Speaker 5: been gone. He came correctly and didn't play any games.

1275
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:35,840
Speaker 5: He asked me to be his girlfriend without me having

1276
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:38,440
Speaker 5: to beg for it, and he literally told me I

1277
01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:40,920
Speaker 5: didn't reach out with any intention other than asking you

1278
01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:43,880
Speaker 5: to be my girlfriend. Don't be afraid of being someone's

1279
01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 5: second choice, because essentially we are all someone's second choice.

1280
01:00:47,440 --> 01:00:48,120
Speaker 6: She's a genius.

1281
01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:52,080
Speaker 5: Wow. If someone comes back to you, don't just assume

1282
01:00:52,080 --> 01:00:55,280
Speaker 5: they're coming back with bad intentions unless they treated you

1283
01:00:55,320 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 5: badly from the beginning. But if someone was kind, caring, generous, etc.

1284
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:02,280
Speaker 5: And maybe things just didn't work out the first time

1285
01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:05,200
Speaker 5: for some reason, it won't hurt to try again. It's

1286
01:01:05,320 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 5: just really important to make sure the person isn't playing

1287
01:01:07,880 --> 01:01:12,400
Speaker 5: games with you. And if you see that happening, leave. Okay,

1288
01:01:12,440 --> 01:01:15,280
Speaker 5: this is really rambly. Sorry, thanks for reading. And that's

1289
01:01:15,680 --> 01:01:16,800
Speaker 5: the end of that story.

1290
01:01:17,360 --> 01:01:18,960
Speaker 6: I love it. I like it. I like ending on

1291
01:01:18,960 --> 01:01:21,280
Speaker 6: a happy note. I know, yeah, so many stories were

1292
01:01:21,320 --> 01:01:23,360
Speaker 6: the answer is dump them, dump them, dump them, So

1293
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:25,760
Speaker 6: I think that's a that's a sweet spot.

1294
01:01:25,920 --> 01:01:28,320
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And that's the end of this story.