WEBVTT - Relationship Goals from the Pulpit | NLP Replay

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<v Speaker 1>Native Lampard is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership with

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<v Speaker 1>Reason Choice Media. Our dear brother, Reverend Doctor Jamal Bryant

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<v Speaker 1>and his lovely bride, Reverend Doctor because we can put

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<v Speaker 1>some respect on her name too, Reverend Doctor Carrie Bryant

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<v Speaker 1>made history as well. At their church, they preach a

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<v Speaker 1>joint sermon together for Black Love Day, Valentine's Day and

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<v Speaker 1>Frederick Douglass Weekend. And we want to roll two of

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<v Speaker 1>those clips.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's get it.

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<v Speaker 3>Let me start by saying this, Every woman is not

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<v Speaker 3>the same.

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<v Speaker 2>Come on, sisters.

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<v Speaker 3>Her difference is what makes her unique. Your ability to

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<v Speaker 3>learn the language of the woman in your life starts

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<v Speaker 3>with you studying her difference. You may find often that

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<v Speaker 3>there are two general styles for women. A style when

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<v Speaker 3>she feels loved, she feels spiritually and emotionally safe. When

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<v Speaker 3>she feels respected, she'll be direct, but she gonna be tender.

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<v Speaker 3>She's warm, and she's gonna be honest. When she's safe,

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<v Speaker 3>she'll be playful with you. She'll tease and have banter

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<v Speaker 3>back and forth with you. When she's respected, she'll be

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<v Speaker 3>emotionally open with you and begin to share her fears,

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<v Speaker 3>her vulnerabilities and her dreams. She'll be nurturing and affirming.

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<v Speaker 3>Her nonverbal attributes will show in her body language that

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<v Speaker 3>it feels good to be around you. Can I tell

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<v Speaker 3>you that a woman who is safe speaks differently, She

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<v Speaker 3>moves differently, she engages differently. Now there is another style

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<v Speaker 3>that she may have when she feels unsafe or indifferent.

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<v Speaker 2>My lord, she gonna be direct. In short, I've seen that.

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<v Speaker 4>Guarded, emotionally, flat, at times cold, possibly withdrawing access from you.

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<v Speaker 3>She might cold switch a little bit. That means you're

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<v Speaker 3>gonna get corporate Carrie, and not the carry you know

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<v Speaker 3>at home.

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<v Speaker 2>Corporate.

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<v Speaker 3>Hello, how are you? What is it that I can

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<v Speaker 3>assist you with today? Did you receive the email that

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<v Speaker 3>I sent to you? My hours are between nine and five.

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<v Speaker 3>You would like to contact me, you can go through

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<v Speaker 3>my assistant. She will be more than happy to help you.

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<v Speaker 3>Y'all know what I'm talking about. She will be dismissive

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<v Speaker 3>and uninterested. Don't think you're gonna get no band, no

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<v Speaker 3>plan around, no smiles on our face. This is because

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<v Speaker 3>when we feel unsafe, we close off. We leave the

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<v Speaker 3>texts on red.

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<v Speaker 5>She was just staring at you right now.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my lord.

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<v Speaker 6>There were times during the Super Bowl when Bad Bunny

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<v Speaker 6>looked in the camera but didn't say anything.

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<v Speaker 2>I need you to hear this. The man in your

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<v Speaker 2>life wants you to hear this.

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<v Speaker 6>Women talk too much. I'm gonna have to high find

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<v Speaker 6>me in the spirit. Silence does not mean disconnection. Women

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<v Speaker 6>speak on average sixteen thousand words a day. Brothers, just

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<v Speaker 6>blink at me twice.

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<v Speaker 2>I know you can't say amen right now. Just meet

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<v Speaker 2>me in the hallway. I got you. Women speak sixteen thousand.

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<v Speaker 6>Words a day and men only speak seven thousand words

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<v Speaker 6>a day.

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<v Speaker 2>So many times men hear this.

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<v Speaker 6>Think through reflection and not through articulation.

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<v Speaker 2>Wives, I got to ask you a question. Think for

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<v Speaker 2>a moment.

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<v Speaker 6>Why it is only men who require a man cave.

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<v Speaker 2>There is no such thing as a woman cave.

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<v Speaker 6>Men, When we hear what you are saying, we think,

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<v Speaker 6>how do we solve it?

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<v Speaker 2>That's right?

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<v Speaker 6>And many times you are sharing when we are looking

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<v Speaker 6>to solving.

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<v Speaker 1>Boy, I want to hear this type of feedback you

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<v Speaker 1>are going this. I was like, I want to go

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<v Speaker 1>back and hear the whole thing. I have not yet,

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<v Speaker 1>and I really want to.

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<v Speaker 5>No, my parents years ago.

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<v Speaker 6>My mother transitioned last year, but years ago, my parents

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<v Speaker 6>used to preach together in their church in Baltimore. This

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<v Speaker 6>is over twenty five years ago, so I said, carry,

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<v Speaker 6>let's try it. This was our first time ever doing

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<v Speaker 6>anything in that realm at all. But what I really

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<v Speaker 6>want you to see, Ange is after the sermon, we

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<v Speaker 6>renewed the vowels of one hundred and fifty married couples.

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<v Speaker 6>So to see one hundred and fifty black couples on

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<v Speaker 6>one stage was what was amazing, Andrew, what was crazy

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<v Speaker 6>is we wanted to honor the couple that had been

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<v Speaker 6>married the longest. They had been fifty seven years married.

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<v Speaker 6>And then we said, who's been married the shortest amount

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<v Speaker 6>of time. It was a couple that was four months.

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<v Speaker 6>So we said, we're going to give a gift to

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<v Speaker 6>the couple who's been married the shortest amount of time

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<v Speaker 6>to go to dinner with the couple that's been married

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<v Speaker 6>the longest, so that they can coach them and mentor

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<v Speaker 6>them and give them the tools. So my staff hands

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<v Speaker 6>me a card. Okay, the couple that's been married the

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<v Speaker 6>shortest amount of time is Lisa and Michael. So I said,

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<v Speaker 6>Lisa and Michael, because this one hundred and fifty couples

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<v Speaker 6>out here, Lisa and Michael, y'all come up. We want

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<v Speaker 6>to give you this gift certificate and meet the oldest couple. Okay,

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<v Speaker 6>the couple that have been married for four months was

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<v Speaker 6>sixty years old. Because the group, the group was on

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<v Speaker 6>a cane. We had to help him get up. Oh

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<v Speaker 6>were you're talking about love for the second time?

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<v Speaker 5>What we had in our own man?

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<v Speaker 6>But to answer your question, it was it was absolutely

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<v Speaker 6>Love comes in so many different shapes and sizes and forms.

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<v Speaker 5>Listen, don't let love just happened for the twenty years, right.

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<v Speaker 5>Let Nana get some. Letting Nana get some. Oh Lord, Lord.

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<v Speaker 2>First of all, my brother is sixty, so let me

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<v Speaker 2>find out.

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<v Speaker 5>He pop pop.

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<v Speaker 1>But yeah, that is incredible.

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<v Speaker 7>It was.

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<v Speaker 1>It was such a good sermon. And I think the

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<v Speaker 1>way that the clips because again, y'all, I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>go back and watch it, urge our listeners to go

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<v Speaker 1>and watch it and listen to it as well. But

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<v Speaker 1>I think what's so remarkable about it is, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>with you and with Carrie, I love you, Guys's love.

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<v Speaker 1>I just sent a text the other day. I sent

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<v Speaker 1>Carrie's clip to Mignon and Kim and I literally said that.

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<v Speaker 1>I said, she is the perfect mate for Jamal, like

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<v Speaker 1>we could not have designed a better person. God knew

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<v Speaker 1>exactly what God was doing, So I just I want

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<v Speaker 1>to shout out our dear sister, especially because there's so

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<v Speaker 1>many times where she's come under attack for being different,

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<v Speaker 1>for showing up in ways that they don't see a

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<v Speaker 1>traditional first lady or you know, a pastor who's a woman,

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<v Speaker 1>And I just love that she's like, I am going

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<v Speaker 1>to define myself for myself and y'all just gonna have

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<v Speaker 1>to wait and see. That doesn't mean that it's any

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<v Speaker 1>less painful.

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<v Speaker 5>So I applied you.

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<v Speaker 1>To brother for being ride or Di said a wheels

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<v Speaker 1>fall off and saying I bought the dress and everything

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<v Speaker 1>else you got to say in between to make sure

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<v Speaker 1>that she knows she's protected.

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<v Speaker 7>And you know, why are you here? Let me just

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<v Speaker 7>steal some advice from you while we got you. Let

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<v Speaker 7>me ask you a personal question. Just act like Andrew

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<v Speaker 7>and Angela aren't here, But what are some of the

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<v Speaker 7>tools that you use in your marriage whenever moments of

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<v Speaker 7>conflict arise with someone who is strong and independent and

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<v Speaker 7>someone you love with your whole heart, but equally yoked.

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<v Speaker 7>How do you avoid spiraling and making sure that your

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<v Speaker 7>lines of communication remain open.

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<v Speaker 6>I'm gonna say just to Bakari and Andrew and you

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<v Speaker 6>can eachdrop. The whole controversy with the dress really awakened

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<v Speaker 6>something in me, Boocard that I had adjusted to dysfunction.

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<v Speaker 6>I was so used to being persecuted that I became known,

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<v Speaker 6>so it didn't bother me what blog said or what

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<v Speaker 6>the Internet had to say, or what was the crazy comment,

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<v Speaker 6>because I'm used to people coming sideways. But seeing my

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<v Speaker 6>wife's humanity in it, I realized that I had compartmentalized.

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<v Speaker 6>And because all of us, Bacary, Angela, Andrew, we have

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<v Speaker 6>grown up in public space one way or anothering you

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<v Speaker 6>can become so numb to it or adjusted to it

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<v Speaker 6>that you almost have to parent your partner.

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<v Speaker 5>You know, you holding it. It's gonna be okay, right,

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<v Speaker 5>this will be at the next news cycle. Just give

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<v Speaker 5>it a couple of days.

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<v Speaker 6>Don't respond, because we've been in it, and if not ourselves,

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<v Speaker 6>the people who have mentored us, we have had to

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<v Speaker 6>watch them go through it and so becar It tapped

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<v Speaker 6>into my humanity that it's okay to be superman.

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<v Speaker 5>But the reality is.

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<v Speaker 6>All of us are Clark kny and so rather than

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<v Speaker 6>being dismissive, you have to identify with the I tell

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<v Speaker 6>you it's okay, but to say, you know what, this

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<v Speaker 6>hurts me too, and it hurts me that it hurts you.

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<v Speaker 6>But minimizing it is only going to exacerbate it because

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<v Speaker 6>it's going to.

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<v Speaker 5>Make them question why am I hurt? Why am I angry?

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<v Speaker 6>And when we're in this public space, people forget that

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<v Speaker 6>you're human, They forget that you actually have feelings. And

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<v Speaker 6>so we have gone into we pray together every day

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<v Speaker 6>as opposed to praying together when we're in crisis. So

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<v Speaker 6>when you pray together every day, it creates a different

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<v Speaker 6>kind of rhythm so that it doesn't become alien and

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<v Speaker 6>it's not in case of emergency break glass.

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<v Speaker 5>My mother used to say something.

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<v Speaker 6>To me years ago, and I give this to all

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<v Speaker 6>the singles who are watching. Prayer is more intimate than sex.

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<v Speaker 6>That people will sleep with you who would never pray

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<v Speaker 6>with you.

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<v Speaker 7>That's the fact, because you don't want you know, some

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<v Speaker 7>of their prayers don't make it through the roof, so

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<v Speaker 7>you can't listen.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, you can always tell us, I would say, identifying

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<v Speaker 6>it and then taking away your tough skin, because it

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<v Speaker 6>can become an enabler. And you got to really get

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<v Speaker 6>in touch at your humanity and a lot of times

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<v Speaker 6>because we feel it through our kids or we feel

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<v Speaker 6>through our spouse, and so being more in tune to

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<v Speaker 6>your humanity and not just the black button.

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<v Speaker 5>I'm sorry to take some time.

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<v Speaker 2>I was, that was on my heart.

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<v Speaker 5>So I just had to ask, Yeah, well.

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<v Speaker 8>You all, I mean, you're the discermine y'all hit y'all,

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<v Speaker 8>y'all hit on it. I mean, y'all been in anybody's households.

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<v Speaker 8>It felt like you you observed enough of what happens

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<v Speaker 8>in marriages, and obviously your life experience has lent a

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<v Speaker 8>lot to it. But blessing to your parishioners and obviously

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<v Speaker 8>for you all's willingness to make sure that you're sharing

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<v Speaker 8>your messages outside, out of the edifice, outside of the

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<v Speaker 8>building itself, so that you know, unchurched people and otherwise

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<v Speaker 8>are able to to to access it and be drawn

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<v Speaker 8>closer quite frankly to Christ, because that's what this is

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<v Speaker 8>all is, That's what this is all for. That it

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<v Speaker 8>brings us closer uh and and deeper into our faith.

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<v Speaker 8>And I'll just say you you were running down my street,

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<v Speaker 8>up the block, through the front door on this idea

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<v Speaker 8>of the numbing that you do with regard to criticism,

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<v Speaker 8>to the point that you lessen it so much that

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<v Speaker 8>when others are going through it your espouse, you're like,

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<v Speaker 8>why can't you snap back? It's just like, you know,

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<v Speaker 8>keep it moving, like get with it where that is

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<v Speaker 8>what it is, move on and it'll be over and

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<v Speaker 8>jay during you know. So the zenith of the crisis

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<v Speaker 8>that we were in about this t shirt that said

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<v Speaker 8>what you don't understand about me, what you need to

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<v Speaker 8>understand about me is I'm not you and the rest

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<v Speaker 8>will make sense. And it like spoke she had reached

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<v Speaker 8>out a place it was like, Okay, what works for

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<v Speaker 8>you is and what work for me, and what works

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<v Speaker 8>for me may not work for you, but you just

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<v Speaker 8>need to understand that we're not gonna see these things

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<v Speaker 8>the same way. I have my own way of seeing it.

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<v Speaker 8>And now the rest of all my decisions will make

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<v Speaker 8>sense to you that they're not yours, their mine.

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<v Speaker 5>And let me add because I don't want to be

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<v Speaker 5>presumptuous of everybody knowing my story. It is the second

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<v Speaker 5>marriage for both Carre and myself. I was divorced for

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<v Speaker 5>ten years.

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<v Speaker 6>Carry was divorced for nine years, and Nelson Mandela said,

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<v Speaker 6>it is not a loss, it's a lesson, right, and

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<v Speaker 6>so you should learn something from your previous relationships. Sometimes

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<v Speaker 6>the lesson is you learn what not to do, and

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<v Speaker 6>you learn that it's not always the other person, but

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<v Speaker 6>what is the brokenness in you that has to be addressed?

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<v Speaker 3>Right?

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<v Speaker 5>That's right.

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<v Speaker 1>Native Lampod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership with

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<v Speaker 1>Resent Choice Media. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the

0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:09.080
<v Speaker 1>iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

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<v Speaker 1>favorite shows.