Speaker 1: Native Lampard is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership with
Speaker 1: Reason Choice Media. Our dear brother, Reverend Doctor Jamal Bryant
Speaker 1: and his lovely bride, Reverend Doctor because we can put
Speaker 1: some respect on her name too, Reverend Doctor Carrie Bryant
Speaker 1: made history as well. At their church, they preach a
Speaker 1: joint sermon together for Black Love Day, Valentine's Day and
Speaker 1: Frederick Douglass Weekend. And we want to roll two of
Speaker 1: those clips.
Speaker 2: Let's get it.
Speaker 3: Let me start by saying this, Every woman is not
Speaker 3: the same.
Speaker 2: Come on, sisters.
Speaker 3: Her difference is what makes her unique. Your ability to
Speaker 3: learn the language of the woman in your life starts
Speaker 3: with you studying her difference. You may find often that
Speaker 3: there are two general styles for women. A style when
Speaker 3: she feels loved, she feels spiritually and emotionally safe. When
Speaker 3: she feels respected, she'll be direct, but she gonna be tender.
Speaker 3: She's warm, and she's gonna be honest. When she's safe,
Speaker 3: she'll be playful with you. She'll tease and have banter
Speaker 3: back and forth with you. When she's respected, she'll be
Speaker 3: emotionally open with you and begin to share her fears,
Speaker 3: her vulnerabilities and her dreams. She'll be nurturing and affirming.
Speaker 3: Her nonverbal attributes will show in her body language that
Speaker 3: it feels good to be around you. Can I tell
Speaker 3: you that a woman who is safe speaks differently, She
Speaker 3: moves differently, she engages differently. Now there is another style
Speaker 3: that she may have when she feels unsafe or indifferent.
Speaker 2: My lord, she gonna be direct. In short, I've seen that.
Speaker 4: Guarded, emotionally, flat, at times cold, possibly withdrawing access from you.
Speaker 3: She might cold switch a little bit. That means you're
Speaker 3: gonna get corporate Carrie, and not the carry you know
Speaker 3: at home.
Speaker 2: Corporate.
Speaker 3: Hello, how are you? What is it that I can
Speaker 3: assist you with today? Did you receive the email that
Speaker 3: I sent to you? My hours are between nine and five.
Speaker 3: You would like to contact me, you can go through
Speaker 3: my assistant. She will be more than happy to help you.
Speaker 3: Y'all know what I'm talking about. She will be dismissive
Speaker 3: and uninterested. Don't think you're gonna get no band, no
Speaker 3: plan around, no smiles on our face. This is because
Speaker 3: when we feel unsafe, we close off. We leave the
Speaker 3: texts on red.
Speaker 5: She was just staring at you right now.
Speaker 2: Oh my lord.
Speaker 6: There were times during the Super Bowl when Bad Bunny
Speaker 6: looked in the camera but didn't say anything.
Speaker 2: I need you to hear this. The man in your
Speaker 2: life wants you to hear this.
Speaker 6: Women talk too much. I'm gonna have to high find
Speaker 6: me in the spirit. Silence does not mean disconnection. Women
Speaker 6: speak on average sixteen thousand words a day. Brothers, just
Speaker 6: blink at me twice.
Speaker 2: I know you can't say amen right now. Just meet
Speaker 2: me in the hallway. I got you. Women speak sixteen thousand.
Speaker 6: Words a day and men only speak seven thousand words
Speaker 6: a day.
Speaker 2: So many times men hear this.
Speaker 6: Think through reflection and not through articulation.
Speaker 2: Wives, I got to ask you a question. Think for
Speaker 2: a moment.
Speaker 6: Why it is only men who require a man cave.
Speaker 2: There is no such thing as a woman cave.
Speaker 6: Men, When we hear what you are saying, we think,
Speaker 6: how do we solve it?
Speaker 2: That's right?
Speaker 6: And many times you are sharing when we are looking
Speaker 6: to solving.
Speaker 1: Boy, I want to hear this type of feedback you
Speaker 1: are going this. I was like, I want to go
Speaker 1: back and hear the whole thing. I have not yet,
Speaker 1: and I really want to.
Speaker 5: No, my parents years ago.
Speaker 6: My mother transitioned last year, but years ago, my parents
Speaker 6: used to preach together in their church in Baltimore. This
Speaker 6: is over twenty five years ago, so I said, carry,
Speaker 6: let's try it. This was our first time ever doing
Speaker 6: anything in that realm at all. But what I really
Speaker 6: want you to see, Ange is after the sermon, we
Speaker 6: renewed the vowels of one hundred and fifty married couples.
Speaker 6: So to see one hundred and fifty black couples on
Speaker 6: one stage was what was amazing, Andrew, what was crazy
Speaker 6: is we wanted to honor the couple that had been
Speaker 6: married the longest. They had been fifty seven years married.
Speaker 6: And then we said, who's been married the shortest amount
Speaker 6: of time. It was a couple that was four months.
Speaker 6: So we said, we're going to give a gift to
Speaker 6: the couple who's been married the shortest amount of time
Speaker 6: to go to dinner with the couple that's been married
Speaker 6: the longest, so that they can coach them and mentor
Speaker 6: them and give them the tools. So my staff hands
Speaker 6: me a card. Okay, the couple that's been married the
Speaker 6: shortest amount of time is Lisa and Michael. So I said,
Speaker 6: Lisa and Michael, because this one hundred and fifty couples
Speaker 6: out here, Lisa and Michael, y'all come up. We want
Speaker 6: to give you this gift certificate and meet the oldest couple. Okay,
Speaker 6: the couple that have been married for four months was
Speaker 6: sixty years old. Because the group, the group was on
Speaker 6: a cane. We had to help him get up. Oh
Speaker 6: were you're talking about love for the second time?
Speaker 5: What we had in our own man?
Speaker 6: But to answer your question, it was it was absolutely
Speaker 6: Love comes in so many different shapes and sizes and forms.
Speaker 5: Listen, don't let love just happened for the twenty years, right.
Speaker 5: Let Nana get some. Letting Nana get some. Oh Lord, Lord.
Speaker 2: First of all, my brother is sixty, so let me
Speaker 2: find out.
Speaker 5: He pop pop.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that is incredible.
Speaker 7: It was.
Speaker 1: It was such a good sermon. And I think the
Speaker 1: way that the clips because again, y'all, I'm going to
Speaker 1: go back and watch it, urge our listeners to go
Speaker 1: and watch it and listen to it as well. But
Speaker 1: I think what's so remarkable about it is, you know,
Speaker 1: with you and with Carrie, I love you, Guys's love.
Speaker 1: I just sent a text the other day. I sent
Speaker 1: Carrie's clip to Mignon and Kim and I literally said that.
Speaker 1: I said, she is the perfect mate for Jamal, like
Speaker 1: we could not have designed a better person. God knew
Speaker 1: exactly what God was doing, So I just I want
Speaker 1: to shout out our dear sister, especially because there's so
Speaker 1: many times where she's come under attack for being different,
Speaker 1: for showing up in ways that they don't see a
Speaker 1: traditional first lady or you know, a pastor who's a woman,
Speaker 1: And I just love that she's like, I am going
Speaker 1: to define myself for myself and y'all just gonna have
Speaker 1: to wait and see. That doesn't mean that it's any
Speaker 1: less painful.
Speaker 5: So I applied you.
Speaker 1: To brother for being ride or Di said a wheels
Speaker 1: fall off and saying I bought the dress and everything
Speaker 1: else you got to say in between to make sure
Speaker 1: that she knows she's protected.
Speaker 7: And you know, why are you here? Let me just
Speaker 7: steal some advice from you while we got you. Let
Speaker 7: me ask you a personal question. Just act like Andrew
Speaker 7: and Angela aren't here, But what are some of the
Speaker 7: tools that you use in your marriage whenever moments of
Speaker 7: conflict arise with someone who is strong and independent and
Speaker 7: someone you love with your whole heart, but equally yoked.
Speaker 7: How do you avoid spiraling and making sure that your
Speaker 7: lines of communication remain open.
Speaker 6: I'm gonna say just to Bakari and Andrew and you
Speaker 6: can eachdrop. The whole controversy with the dress really awakened
Speaker 6: something in me, Boocard that I had adjusted to dysfunction.
Speaker 6: I was so used to being persecuted that I became known,
Speaker 6: so it didn't bother me what blog said or what
Speaker 6: the Internet had to say, or what was the crazy comment,
Speaker 6: because I'm used to people coming sideways. But seeing my
Speaker 6: wife's humanity in it, I realized that I had compartmentalized.
Speaker 6: And because all of us, Bacary, Angela, Andrew, we have
Speaker 6: grown up in public space one way or anothering you
Speaker 6: can become so numb to it or adjusted to it
Speaker 6: that you almost have to parent your partner.
Speaker 5: You know, you holding it. It's gonna be okay, right,
Speaker 5: this will be at the next news cycle. Just give
Speaker 5: it a couple of days.
Speaker 6: Don't respond, because we've been in it, and if not ourselves,
Speaker 6: the people who have mentored us, we have had to
Speaker 6: watch them go through it and so becar It tapped
Speaker 6: into my humanity that it's okay to be superman.
Speaker 5: But the reality is.
Speaker 6: All of us are Clark kny and so rather than
Speaker 6: being dismissive, you have to identify with the I tell
Speaker 6: you it's okay, but to say, you know what, this
Speaker 6: hurts me too, and it hurts me that it hurts you.
Speaker 6: But minimizing it is only going to exacerbate it because
Speaker 6: it's going to.
Speaker 5: Make them question why am I hurt? Why am I angry?
Speaker 6: And when we're in this public space, people forget that
Speaker 6: you're human, They forget that you actually have feelings. And
Speaker 6: so we have gone into we pray together every day
Speaker 6: as opposed to praying together when we're in crisis. So
Speaker 6: when you pray together every day, it creates a different
Speaker 6: kind of rhythm so that it doesn't become alien and
Speaker 6: it's not in case of emergency break glass.
Speaker 5: My mother used to say something.
Speaker 6: To me years ago, and I give this to all
Speaker 6: the singles who are watching. Prayer is more intimate than sex.
Speaker 6: That people will sleep with you who would never pray
Speaker 6: with you.
Speaker 7: That's the fact, because you don't want you know, some
Speaker 7: of their prayers don't make it through the roof, so
Speaker 7: you can't listen.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you can always tell us, I would say, identifying
Speaker 6: it and then taking away your tough skin, because it
Speaker 6: can become an enabler. And you got to really get
Speaker 6: in touch at your humanity and a lot of times
Speaker 6: because we feel it through our kids or we feel
Speaker 6: through our spouse, and so being more in tune to
Speaker 6: your humanity and not just the black button.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry to take some time.
Speaker 2: I was, that was on my heart.
Speaker 5: So I just had to ask, Yeah, well.
Speaker 8: You all, I mean, you're the discermine y'all hit y'all,
Speaker 8: y'all hit on it. I mean, y'all been in anybody's households.
Speaker 8: It felt like you you observed enough of what happens
Speaker 8: in marriages, and obviously your life experience has lent a
Speaker 8: lot to it. But blessing to your parishioners and obviously
Speaker 8: for you all's willingness to make sure that you're sharing
Speaker 8: your messages outside, out of the edifice, outside of the
Speaker 8: building itself, so that you know, unchurched people and otherwise
Speaker 8: are able to to to access it and be drawn
Speaker 8: closer quite frankly to Christ, because that's what this is
Speaker 8: all is, That's what this is all for. That it
Speaker 8: brings us closer uh and and deeper into our faith.
Speaker 8: And I'll just say you you were running down my street,
Speaker 8: up the block, through the front door on this idea
Speaker 8: of the numbing that you do with regard to criticism,
Speaker 8: to the point that you lessen it so much that
Speaker 8: when others are going through it your espouse, you're like,
Speaker 8: why can't you snap back? It's just like, you know,
Speaker 8: keep it moving, like get with it where that is
Speaker 8: what it is, move on and it'll be over and
Speaker 8: jay during you know. So the zenith of the crisis
Speaker 8: that we were in about this t shirt that said
Speaker 8: what you don't understand about me, what you need to
Speaker 8: understand about me is I'm not you and the rest
Speaker 8: will make sense. And it like spoke she had reached
Speaker 8: out a place it was like, Okay, what works for
Speaker 8: you is and what work for me, and what works
Speaker 8: for me may not work for you, but you just
Speaker 8: need to understand that we're not gonna see these things
Speaker 8: the same way. I have my own way of seeing it.
Speaker 8: And now the rest of all my decisions will make
Speaker 8: sense to you that they're not yours, their mine.
Speaker 5: And let me add because I don't want to be
Speaker 5: presumptuous of everybody knowing my story. It is the second
Speaker 5: marriage for both Carre and myself. I was divorced for
Speaker 5: ten years.
Speaker 6: Carry was divorced for nine years, and Nelson Mandela said,
Speaker 6: it is not a loss, it's a lesson, right, and
Speaker 6: so you should learn something from your previous relationships. Sometimes
Speaker 6: the lesson is you learn what not to do, and
Speaker 6: you learn that it's not always the other person, but
Speaker 6: what is the brokenness in you that has to be addressed?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 5: That's right.
Speaker 1: Native Lampod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership with
Speaker 1: Resent Choice Media. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
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