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Speaker 1: Native Lampard is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership with

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Speaker 1: Reason Choice Media. Our dear brother, Reverend Doctor Jamal Bryant

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Speaker 1: and his lovely bride, Reverend Doctor because we can put

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Speaker 1: some respect on her name too, Reverend Doctor Carrie Bryant

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Speaker 1: made history as well. At their church, they preach a

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Speaker 1: joint sermon together for Black Love Day, Valentine's Day and

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Speaker 1: Frederick Douglass Weekend. And we want to roll two of

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Speaker 1: those clips.

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Speaker 2: Let's get it.

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Speaker 3: Let me start by saying this, Every woman is not

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Speaker 3: the same.

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Speaker 2: Come on, sisters.

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Speaker 3: Her difference is what makes her unique. Your ability to

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Speaker 3: learn the language of the woman in your life starts

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Speaker 3: with you studying her difference. You may find often that

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Speaker 3: there are two general styles for women. A style when

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Speaker 3: she feels loved, she feels spiritually and emotionally safe. When

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Speaker 3: she feels respected, she'll be direct, but she gonna be tender.

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Speaker 3: She's warm, and she's gonna be honest. When she's safe,

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Speaker 3: she'll be playful with you. She'll tease and have banter

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Speaker 3: back and forth with you. When she's respected, she'll be

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Speaker 3: emotionally open with you and begin to share her fears,

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Speaker 3: her vulnerabilities and her dreams. She'll be nurturing and affirming.

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Speaker 3: Her nonverbal attributes will show in her body language that

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Speaker 3: it feels good to be around you. Can I tell

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Speaker 3: you that a woman who is safe speaks differently, She

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Speaker 3: moves differently, she engages differently. Now there is another style

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Speaker 3: that she may have when she feels unsafe or indifferent.

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Speaker 2: My lord, she gonna be direct. In short, I've seen that.

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Speaker 4: Guarded, emotionally, flat, at times cold, possibly withdrawing access from you.

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Speaker 3: She might cold switch a little bit. That means you're

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Speaker 3: gonna get corporate Carrie, and not the carry you know

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Speaker 3: at home.

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Speaker 2: Corporate.

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Speaker 3: Hello, how are you? What is it that I can

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Speaker 3: assist you with today? Did you receive the email that

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Speaker 3: I sent to you? My hours are between nine and five.

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Speaker 3: You would like to contact me, you can go through

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Speaker 3: my assistant. She will be more than happy to help you.

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Speaker 3: Y'all know what I'm talking about. She will be dismissive

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Speaker 3: and uninterested. Don't think you're gonna get no band, no

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Speaker 3: plan around, no smiles on our face. This is because

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Speaker 3: when we feel unsafe, we close off. We leave the

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Speaker 3: texts on red.

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Speaker 5: She was just staring at you right now.

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Speaker 2: Oh my lord.

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Speaker 6: There were times during the Super Bowl when Bad Bunny

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Speaker 6: looked in the camera but didn't say anything.

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Speaker 2: I need you to hear this. The man in your

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Speaker 2: life wants you to hear this.

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Speaker 6: Women talk too much. I'm gonna have to high find

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Speaker 6: me in the spirit. Silence does not mean disconnection. Women

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Speaker 6: speak on average sixteen thousand words a day. Brothers, just

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Speaker 6: blink at me twice.

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Speaker 2: I know you can't say amen right now. Just meet

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Speaker 2: me in the hallway. I got you. Women speak sixteen thousand.

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Speaker 6: Words a day and men only speak seven thousand words

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Speaker 6: a day.

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Speaker 2: So many times men hear this.

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Speaker 6: Think through reflection and not through articulation.

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Speaker 2: Wives, I got to ask you a question. Think for

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Speaker 2: a moment.

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Speaker 6: Why it is only men who require a man cave.

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Speaker 2: There is no such thing as a woman cave.

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Speaker 6: Men, When we hear what you are saying, we think,

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Speaker 6: how do we solve it?

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Speaker 2: That's right?

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Speaker 6: And many times you are sharing when we are looking

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Speaker 6: to solving.

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Speaker 1: Boy, I want to hear this type of feedback you

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Speaker 1: are going this. I was like, I want to go

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Speaker 1: back and hear the whole thing. I have not yet,

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Speaker 1: and I really want to.

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Speaker 5: No, my parents years ago.

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Speaker 6: My mother transitioned last year, but years ago, my parents

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Speaker 6: used to preach together in their church in Baltimore. This

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Speaker 6: is over twenty five years ago, so I said, carry,

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Speaker 6: let's try it. This was our first time ever doing

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Speaker 6: anything in that realm at all. But what I really

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Speaker 6: want you to see, Ange is after the sermon, we

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Speaker 6: renewed the vowels of one hundred and fifty married couples.

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Speaker 6: So to see one hundred and fifty black couples on

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Speaker 6: one stage was what was amazing, Andrew, what was crazy

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Speaker 6: is we wanted to honor the couple that had been

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Speaker 6: married the longest. They had been fifty seven years married.

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Speaker 6: And then we said, who's been married the shortest amount

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Speaker 6: of time. It was a couple that was four months.

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Speaker 6: So we said, we're going to give a gift to

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Speaker 6: the couple who's been married the shortest amount of time

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Speaker 6: to go to dinner with the couple that's been married

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Speaker 6: the longest, so that they can coach them and mentor

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Speaker 6: them and give them the tools. So my staff hands

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Speaker 6: me a card. Okay, the couple that's been married the

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Speaker 6: shortest amount of time is Lisa and Michael. So I said,

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Speaker 6: Lisa and Michael, because this one hundred and fifty couples

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Speaker 6: out here, Lisa and Michael, y'all come up. We want

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Speaker 6: to give you this gift certificate and meet the oldest couple. Okay,

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Speaker 6: the couple that have been married for four months was

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Speaker 6: sixty years old. Because the group, the group was on

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Speaker 6: a cane. We had to help him get up. Oh

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Speaker 6: were you're talking about love for the second time?

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Speaker 5: What we had in our own man?

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Speaker 6: But to answer your question, it was it was absolutely

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Speaker 6: Love comes in so many different shapes and sizes and forms.

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Speaker 5: Listen, don't let love just happened for the twenty years, right.

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Speaker 5: Let Nana get some. Letting Nana get some. Oh Lord, Lord.

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Speaker 2: First of all, my brother is sixty, so let me

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Speaker 2: find out.

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Speaker 5: He pop pop.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, that is incredible.

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Speaker 7: It was.

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Speaker 1: It was such a good sermon. And I think the

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Speaker 1: way that the clips because again, y'all, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: go back and watch it, urge our listeners to go

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Speaker 1: and watch it and listen to it as well. But

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Speaker 1: I think what's so remarkable about it is, you know,

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Speaker 1: with you and with Carrie, I love you, Guys's love.

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Speaker 1: I just sent a text the other day. I sent

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Speaker 1: Carrie's clip to Mignon and Kim and I literally said that.

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Speaker 1: I said, she is the perfect mate for Jamal, like

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Speaker 1: we could not have designed a better person. God knew

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Speaker 1: exactly what God was doing, So I just I want

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Speaker 1: to shout out our dear sister, especially because there's so

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Speaker 1: many times where she's come under attack for being different,

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Speaker 1: for showing up in ways that they don't see a

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Speaker 1: traditional first lady or you know, a pastor who's a woman,

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Speaker 1: And I just love that she's like, I am going

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Speaker 1: to define myself for myself and y'all just gonna have

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Speaker 1: to wait and see. That doesn't mean that it's any

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Speaker 1: less painful.

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Speaker 5: So I applied you.

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Speaker 1: To brother for being ride or Di said a wheels

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Speaker 1: fall off and saying I bought the dress and everything

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Speaker 1: else you got to say in between to make sure

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Speaker 1: that she knows she's protected.

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Speaker 7: And you know, why are you here? Let me just

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Speaker 7: steal some advice from you while we got you. Let

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Speaker 7: me ask you a personal question. Just act like Andrew

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Speaker 7: and Angela aren't here, But what are some of the

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Speaker 7: tools that you use in your marriage whenever moments of

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Speaker 7: conflict arise with someone who is strong and independent and

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Speaker 7: someone you love with your whole heart, but equally yoked.

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Speaker 7: How do you avoid spiraling and making sure that your

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Speaker 7: lines of communication remain open.

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Speaker 6: I'm gonna say just to Bakari and Andrew and you

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Speaker 6: can eachdrop. The whole controversy with the dress really awakened

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Speaker 6: something in me, Boocard that I had adjusted to dysfunction.

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Speaker 6: I was so used to being persecuted that I became known,

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Speaker 6: so it didn't bother me what blog said or what

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Speaker 6: the Internet had to say, or what was the crazy comment,

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Speaker 6: because I'm used to people coming sideways. But seeing my

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Speaker 6: wife's humanity in it, I realized that I had compartmentalized.

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Speaker 6: And because all of us, Bacary, Angela, Andrew, we have

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Speaker 6: grown up in public space one way or anothering you

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Speaker 6: can become so numb to it or adjusted to it

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Speaker 6: that you almost have to parent your partner.

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Speaker 5: You know, you holding it. It's gonna be okay, right,

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Speaker 5: this will be at the next news cycle. Just give

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Speaker 5: it a couple of days.

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Speaker 6: Don't respond, because we've been in it, and if not ourselves,

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Speaker 6: the people who have mentored us, we have had to

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Speaker 6: watch them go through it and so becar It tapped

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Speaker 6: into my humanity that it's okay to be superman.

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Speaker 5: But the reality is.

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Speaker 6: All of us are Clark kny and so rather than

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Speaker 6: being dismissive, you have to identify with the I tell

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Speaker 6: you it's okay, but to say, you know what, this

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Speaker 6: hurts me too, and it hurts me that it hurts you.

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Speaker 6: But minimizing it is only going to exacerbate it because

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Speaker 6: it's going to.

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Speaker 5: Make them question why am I hurt? Why am I angry?

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Speaker 6: And when we're in this public space, people forget that

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Speaker 6: you're human, They forget that you actually have feelings. And

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Speaker 6: so we have gone into we pray together every day

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Speaker 6: as opposed to praying together when we're in crisis. So

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Speaker 6: when you pray together every day, it creates a different

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Speaker 6: kind of rhythm so that it doesn't become alien and

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Speaker 6: it's not in case of emergency break glass.

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Speaker 5: My mother used to say something.

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Speaker 6: To me years ago, and I give this to all

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Speaker 6: the singles who are watching. Prayer is more intimate than sex.

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Speaker 6: That people will sleep with you who would never pray

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Speaker 6: with you.

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Speaker 7: That's the fact, because you don't want you know, some

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Speaker 7: of their prayers don't make it through the roof, so

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Speaker 7: you can't listen.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, you can always tell us, I would say, identifying

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Speaker 6: it and then taking away your tough skin, because it

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Speaker 6: can become an enabler. And you got to really get

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Speaker 6: in touch at your humanity and a lot of times

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Speaker 6: because we feel it through our kids or we feel

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Speaker 6: through our spouse, and so being more in tune to

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Speaker 6: your humanity and not just the black button.

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Speaker 5: I'm sorry to take some time.

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Speaker 2: I was, that was on my heart.

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Speaker 5: So I just had to ask, Yeah, well.

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Speaker 8: You all, I mean, you're the discermine y'all hit y'all,

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Speaker 8: y'all hit on it. I mean, y'all been in anybody's households.

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Speaker 8: It felt like you you observed enough of what happens

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Speaker 8: in marriages, and obviously your life experience has lent a

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Speaker 8: lot to it. But blessing to your parishioners and obviously

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Speaker 8: for you all's willingness to make sure that you're sharing

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Speaker 8: your messages outside, out of the edifice, outside of the

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Speaker 8: building itself, so that you know, unchurched people and otherwise

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Speaker 8: are able to to to access it and be drawn

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Speaker 8: closer quite frankly to Christ, because that's what this is

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Speaker 8: all is, That's what this is all for. That it

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Speaker 8: brings us closer uh and and deeper into our faith.

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Speaker 8: And I'll just say you you were running down my street,

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Speaker 8: up the block, through the front door on this idea

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Speaker 8: of the numbing that you do with regard to criticism,

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Speaker 8: to the point that you lessen it so much that

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Speaker 8: when others are going through it your espouse, you're like,

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Speaker 8: why can't you snap back? It's just like, you know,

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Speaker 8: keep it moving, like get with it where that is

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Speaker 8: what it is, move on and it'll be over and

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Speaker 8: jay during you know. So the zenith of the crisis

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Speaker 8: that we were in about this t shirt that said

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Speaker 8: what you don't understand about me, what you need to

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Speaker 8: understand about me is I'm not you and the rest

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Speaker 8: will make sense. And it like spoke she had reached

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Speaker 8: out a place it was like, Okay, what works for

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Speaker 8: you is and what work for me, and what works

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Speaker 8: for me may not work for you, but you just

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Speaker 8: need to understand that we're not gonna see these things

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Speaker 8: the same way. I have my own way of seeing it.

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Speaker 8: And now the rest of all my decisions will make

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Speaker 8: sense to you that they're not yours, their mine.

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Speaker 5: And let me add because I don't want to be

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Speaker 5: presumptuous of everybody knowing my story. It is the second

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Speaker 5: marriage for both Carre and myself. I was divorced for

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Speaker 5: ten years.

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Speaker 6: Carry was divorced for nine years, and Nelson Mandela said,

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Speaker 6: it is not a loss, it's a lesson, right, and

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Speaker 6: so you should learn something from your previous relationships. Sometimes

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Speaker 6: the lesson is you learn what not to do, and

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Speaker 6: you learn that it's not always the other person, but

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Speaker 6: what is the brokenness in you that has to be addressed?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 5: That's right.

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Speaker 1: Resent Choice Media. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the

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