Speaker 1: My colleagues, We'll stop commenting on everything I get at
Speaker 1: people and meeting? Why does my coworker keep taking credit
Speaker 1: for all my ideas? Have any wisdom for me? Hi?
Speaker 1: I'm Alison Green. Welcome to the Asking Manager podcast. Right
Speaker 1: answer questions from listeners about life at work. Everything from
Speaker 1: what to say if you're allergic to your coworkers perfume
Speaker 1: to what to do if you drink too much at
Speaker 1: the company party. Let's get started. Hey, welcome to the show. Today.
Speaker 1: I'm going to answer a bunch of shorter questions from people,
Speaker 1: and the first question today is from someone who found
Speaker 1: an email that she wasn't supposed to see. Hi, Alison,
Speaker 1: I have a very strange, an awkward predicament at my job.
Speaker 1: I have recently been asked to be able to send
Speaker 1: emails on behalf of my boss and what that means
Speaker 1: is I now have access to his email account. Um
Speaker 1: So today I logged in to send an email correspondence
Speaker 1: and and one of the first emails in his box
Speaker 1: was about me, And it was correspondence with another higher up,
Speaker 1: very vague indicating that maybe there's a meeting that they
Speaker 1: need to have with me in the future. But not
Speaker 1: sharing much detail, and that scared me because of this
Speaker 1: vague reference to a meeting, and I just really wasn't
Speaker 1: sure how to react, and I suddenly like just started
Speaker 1: to cry um and had to make up an excuse
Speaker 1: why because I was shocked. Anyway, what what would you
Speaker 1: suggest that I do about this? Should I mention it?
Speaker 1: Should I just wait for this meeting to happen? Um? Again,
Speaker 1: I have full access to his email at his request,
Speaker 1: and so it was strange to see a chain about me,
Speaker 1: knowing that I would possibly be logging in and and
Speaker 1: seeing it. So any advice welcome, thank you. Oh gosh,
Speaker 1: there are so many things that this could be about
Speaker 1: that aren't bad at all. I mean, this could be
Speaker 1: we have to talk with Jane about that project that
Speaker 1: we want her to start, or we have to talk
Speaker 1: to Jane to see if she wants to apply for
Speaker 1: Bob's position when he leaves in a few months, or
Speaker 1: we have to talk to Jane to see what her
Speaker 1: experience has been like with that new software. So many
Speaker 1: different totally innocuous things. Or yes, I mean, it is
Speaker 1: also possible that it is something more troubling, that it's
Speaker 1: about your performance, which I assume is what you're worried
Speaker 1: about and why it freaked you out right. So I
Speaker 1: think the first thing to do here is let's take
Speaker 1: a step back and think is there anything going on
Speaker 1: that would make you think that that is the most
Speaker 1: likely explanation, Like have you been struggling with your work
Speaker 1: or getting a lot of negative feedback or is there
Speaker 1: not really anything like that? And you are someone who
Speaker 1: tends to jump to worst case scenario, which I would
Speaker 1: completely understand. I have the same trait myself, But in
Speaker 1: a situation like this, you want to be really rigorously
Speaker 1: honest with yourself about knowing if you do have that
Speaker 1: characteristic or if there actually is something going on externally
Speaker 1: that could tie to this. And I'd also think a
Speaker 1: little about what you know about your boss, is he
Speaker 1: wanted to talk to you pretty directly when there are problems,
Speaker 1: versus keeping it hidden and then springing it on you
Speaker 1: in a surprise meeting with a higher up. And also
Speaker 1: think too about how your office works, because typically if
Speaker 1: this was about performance problems, your boss would just talk
Speaker 1: to you on his own. It wouldn't be a meeting
Speaker 1: that he would schedule with a higher up. I mean,
Speaker 1: there are some offices that work that way, but they're
Speaker 1: not typical. So basically what I'm saying here is, don't
Speaker 1: just go straight to panic because there's a message about
Speaker 1: setting up a meeting with you. Think about what you
Speaker 1: know about the full situation, all the aspects that I
Speaker 1: just talked about, and if there's nothing going on that
Speaker 1: would make you think there are problems with your work,
Speaker 1: I would really really assume that it's not about that
Speaker 1: at all, because there are so many other possibilities. So
Speaker 1: to whatever extent that you can, I would try to
Speaker 1: focus on all the many possible other things that it
Speaker 1: could be about, stuff that has nothing to do with
Speaker 1: you being in any sort of trouble. But if that
Speaker 1: does not work and you can't get it out of
Speaker 1: your mind, one thing that you can do, if you're
Speaker 1: comfortable with it, is to check in with your boss
Speaker 1: about how things are going in general. So I don't
Speaker 1: know how often the two of you talk about how
Speaker 1: things are going. Some managers do that pretty regularly, other
Speaker 1: managers less good managers only do it once a year
Speaker 1: at performance reviews. But there's no reason that you can't
Speaker 1: say something to your boss like, hey, I wondered if
Speaker 1: we could talk about how you feel things are going generally,
Speaker 1: is there anything that you want me to be doing
Speaker 1: differently or things that I could work on improving in.
Speaker 1: And that's going to either open the door for him
Speaker 1: to say, yeah, actually, there are some concerns I have
Speaker 1: that we need to talk about, or he'll tell you
Speaker 1: things are going fine, or somewhere in between. But it
Speaker 1: might give you some reassurance that he's not plotting to
Speaker 1: hold some future meeting with you where you're blindsided by
Speaker 1: criticism or worse. Sometimes, when you're fearing something unknown like this,
Speaker 1: it's better for your mental health to just check in
Speaker 1: and ask. And that doesn't mean saying, you know, hey,
Speaker 1: I saw this email. What's that about? Although frankly, depending
Speaker 1: on your relationship with your boss, you might be able
Speaker 1: to do that, but it might be enough to just
Speaker 1: check in generally about how he feels things are going.
Speaker 1: And frankly, that's a good idea to do anyway, even
Speaker 1: if you hadn't seen an email like that. So hopefully
Speaker 1: that helps. But just remember there's so many other reasons
Speaker 1: for what this meeting could be about. Okay, here is
Speaker 1: our next collar. Hey ask a manager, I have a
Speaker 1: question about coworkers and boundaries. I have a few co
Speaker 1: workers at my job that makes me feel very uncomfortable
Speaker 1: with their lack of personal boundaries. I've said at this
Speaker 1: job for about six months and I feel very welcome
Speaker 1: and have been very happy with the position. But everyone
Speaker 1: is more touchy feely than I. In particular, there are
Speaker 1: two employees that caused me almost daily reef One is
Speaker 1: a male and he likes to touch everyone. When I
Speaker 1: see him in the hallway, he likes to grab my shoulder,
Speaker 1: my arm, shake it a little, or brush bid me
Speaker 1: in some way. And I've told him lightly joking in
Speaker 1: a happy town ha ha, I don't like that, please
Speaker 1: don't and that hasn't caused him to stop at all.
Speaker 1: The other co worker is a female and she likes
Speaker 1: to stand extremely close when she's speaking. When she comes
Speaker 1: up to me, she is so close that I can
Speaker 1: feel her breathing on me, and all I can do
Speaker 1: is back away. She does this to everyone except for
Speaker 1: the boss, so it makes me feel like it's a
Speaker 1: power move regardless of why she's doing it. It makes
Speaker 1: me extremely uncomfortable, and I don't like confrontations. I don't
Speaker 1: know how to tell these people to not touch me
Speaker 1: or get close to me without seeming room or stand offish.
Speaker 1: How do I go about asking them to give me
Speaker 1: a whole room? Thanks so much? Ah, Yes, the people
Speaker 1: with no concept of personal space. I'm especially arked by
Speaker 1: this guy who keeps touching your arm or your shoulder
Speaker 1: after you've told him to stop. And by the way,
Speaker 1: good for you for being so straightforward about it, because
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't. They just kind of freeze
Speaker 1: up and they feel really uncomfortable or annoyed, but they're
Speaker 1: not sure what to say. So it's great that you
Speaker 1: just came out and said it. The fact that he
Speaker 1: has ignored a direct request to stop is pretty messed up. Now,
Speaker 1: you did say that you said it in a joking tone,
Speaker 1: so that's the piece of this that I'm going to
Speaker 1: suggest that you change. And doing it that way, you know,
Speaker 1: making a kind of ha ha, this is kind of
Speaker 1: a joke is a really common thing that people do,
Speaker 1: especially women, especially in a situation where a dude is
Speaker 1: overstepping boundaries like this, because we're socialized to be nice
Speaker 1: and we are afraid that we will look like we're
Speaker 1: making too big a deal out of something if we
Speaker 1: use a more serious tone, and it feels safer being
Speaker 1: a little ha ha about it because you don't know
Speaker 1: how someone might react. It's a super common way to
Speaker 1: go about it, and I don't blame you in the
Speaker 1: slightest for trying that, But now that it hasn't worked,
Speaker 1: I think you've got to say it in a more
Speaker 1: serious tone. So the next time that he goes to
Speaker 1: touch you, say this and use this tone. Hey, I
Speaker 1: told you I don't like that, Please stop. That's the tone,
Speaker 1: not joking, stern, firm, and you don't smile when you
Speaker 1: say it, which is another thing that we tend to
Speaker 1: be socialized to do in kind of tense situations where
Speaker 1: we're trying to get someone to stop doing something. You
Speaker 1: don't need to glare at him, but don't smile because
Speaker 1: he's apparently not taking me seriously, so we want to
Speaker 1: show him that you are serious. You shouldn't have to
Speaker 1: do this, You shouldn't have to get so serious with
Speaker 1: someone at work, but he's creating a situation where you do.
Speaker 1: I think in situations like this one, it's people just
Speaker 1: always worry that they're going to look like they're overreacting
Speaker 1: or that they're being a stick in the mud. You know,
Speaker 1: it's actually very weird for someone to keep doing this
Speaker 1: when you've directly told him to stop. He is the
Speaker 1: one who looks weird for ignoring that, not you for
Speaker 1: telling him to cut it out so firm and direct. Dude,
Speaker 1: I asked you to stop that. Hell, you could even
Speaker 1: say it's weird that you keep doing that after I
Speaker 1: asked you to stop. What's up? Make him feel the
Speaker 1: awkwardness of what he's doing, because it is awkward and
Speaker 1: weird on his side. Now with your other coworker, the
Speaker 1: one who stands too close to you when she's talking.
Speaker 1: Some people do just have different personal space bubbles than
Speaker 1: other people, and sometimes it can be cultural. But it's
Speaker 1: interesting that she does it to everyone but your boss,
Speaker 1: because that says she's conscious of it to some degree.
Speaker 1: I mean, who knows. Maybe she's just intimidated by your
Speaker 1: boss and otherwise one who knows what's going on. But
Speaker 1: we don't have to know why she's doing it. In
Speaker 1: order for you to ask her to move a little
Speaker 1: ways back, I think you can actually just be quite straightforward.
Speaker 1: You can say, oh, you're in my face here a
Speaker 1: little bit, or I need more space when talking to
Speaker 1: someone sorry while you take a step back, or whoa,
Speaker 1: we're awfully close here, let me move back? Or hey,
Speaker 1: can you give me just a little more room here? Really,
Speaker 1: any of these are fine to say. Sometimes there is
Speaker 1: a trick that you can use with people when you
Speaker 1: want to ask them to stop doing something and you
Speaker 1: want to avoid weirdness or tension because they're a colleague
Speaker 1: and you need to get along with them. The trick
Speaker 1: and I have mixed feelings about this trick, but it
Speaker 1: sometimes works so well. The trick is to present it
Speaker 1: as an idiosyncratic preference of yours, like I have a
Speaker 1: weird thing about personal space? Can I ask you to
Speaker 1: give me a little more room here? You probably don't
Speaker 1: have a weird thing about personal space. You probably have
Speaker 1: a very normal desire for what our culture considers a
Speaker 1: normal amount of personal space. But sometimes presenting it this way,
Speaker 1: I have a weird thing about X can help the
Speaker 1: other person save face and prevent there from being awkwardness.
Speaker 1: You don't have to do it that way. You know
Speaker 1: you're entitled to personal space without having to pretend that
Speaker 1: it's some weird hang up of your own. But sometimes
Speaker 1: that tactic can be an easy way to get the
Speaker 1: outcome that you want if that sounds more comfortable to you,
Speaker 1: and ultimately that's what we want here. We just want
Speaker 1: you to get the outcome that you want in the
Speaker 1: way that's most comfortable. So hopefully one of those options
Speaker 1: feels doable and we'll work. Let's take a break here,
Speaker 1: and then I'm going to come back with a question
Speaker 1: about what to do if you're applying for jobs and
Speaker 1: every company you talk to you thinks that you're overpaid. Hi, Alison,
Speaker 1: I've been listening to your show for the past several
Speaker 1: months and received from really good advice. I need advice
Speaker 1: on a job hunting situation I've run into recently. I've
Speaker 1: worked at my current company for almost twenty years, and
Speaker 1: i found myself looking for a new opportunity due to
Speaker 1: the sudden death of the owner of the company. Because
Speaker 1: I've been with my current company for so long, I'm
Speaker 1: highly compensated for my position and I'm having trouble getting
Speaker 1: past salary requirement questions. In the pre interview process. I've
Speaker 1: had several callbacks related to resumes have submitted. I felt
Speaker 1: like the phone call was going really great until I
Speaker 1: dissked about my salary requirements. When I give my current salary,
Speaker 1: I'm told it's out of the company's budget and can't
Speaker 1: get past this point in conversation without sounding desperate, which
Speaker 1: I'm starting to feel. I realized I likely have to
Speaker 1: take a salary cut moving to a new position, but
Speaker 1: need some sample language for that type of discussion, if
Speaker 1: at all possible, Any assistance you could give me greatly appreciated.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Well. The most important thing here is stop
Speaker 1: giving out your current salary, and I know that's not
Speaker 1: always possible. Sometimes you get an online application that won't
Speaker 1: let you proceed until you answer that question. But it
Speaker 1: sounds like you're running into this on phone interviews too,
Speaker 1: or maybe in person interviews in some cases, and you
Speaker 1: have more control over how the conversation goes there when
Speaker 1: it's not just a computerized application that maybe won't let
Speaker 1: you proceed in till you answer that question. So in
Speaker 1: these conversations, don't give your current salary because frankly, it's
Speaker 1: no one's business anyway. I know some employers will ask
Speaker 1: about it, but they are wrong to do that because
Speaker 1: they should be paying you based on your worth to them,
Speaker 1: not on what some other company paid you. But they
Speaker 1: do it anyway, and by the way, that is starting
Speaker 1: to change, which is great. There are a handful of
Speaker 1: states that have made it illegal for employers to ask
Speaker 1: about your salary history because doing that tends to reinforce
Speaker 1: salary inequality for women and people of color who tend
Speaker 1: to be paid less. So tying people's pay to their
Speaker 1: past pay just keeps that problem going. The states that
Speaker 1: have made it illegal to ask about salary history during
Speaker 1: the hiring process are California, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Massachusetts, New York, Oregon,
Speaker 1: and Vermont, and I believe there are more considering doing it.
Speaker 1: So if it's something that you feel strongly about, call
Speaker 1: your state legislators and tell them you want to see
Speaker 1: that kind of legislation past. But say you're not in
Speaker 1: one of those states that currently bans the practice, and
Speaker 1: you're asked about what you're earning now or what you've
Speaker 1: earned in the past, you still don't need to just
Speaker 1: volunteer your current salary. If you're asked what you make now,
Speaker 1: you can answer the question they should be asking, which
Speaker 1: is what you're looking for. This is actually if you
Speaker 1: ever watched the news, you'll see that this is a
Speaker 1: really common technique that people do when they've clearly gone
Speaker 1: through some sort of media training. They don't answer the
Speaker 1: question that's being asked if it's not the one they
Speaker 1: want to answer. They answer the question they'd like to
Speaker 1: have been asked. And you can do that too. So
Speaker 1: the relevant question here, the thing that they actually have
Speaker 1: some right to talk with you about, is what salary
Speaker 1: you're currently looking for? That's relevant. So if they say so,
Speaker 1: what are you making currently, you say, well, I'm looking
Speaker 1: for something around X. Some interviewers, a lot of interviewers
Speaker 1: actually will be just fine with that. But if you
Speaker 1: get someone who pushes and won't move forward until you answer,
Speaker 1: then you have a couple of options. One is that
Speaker 1: you can say, well, that's covered under my confidentiality agreement
Speaker 1: with my employer. We're not allowed to share the company's
Speaker 1: salary structure, but what i'm looking for is around X,
Speaker 1: because that is actually probably true. If you look in
Speaker 1: your company like personnel manual, there is a good chance
Speaker 1: that you'll find that in there, or that it's just
Speaker 1: kind of an unofficial expectation in your company. But if
Speaker 1: you get an employer who's really pushing this and won't
Speaker 1: drop it. Then at that point you need to decide
Speaker 1: if you're willing to hold firm and maybe risk losing
Speaker 1: the job opportunity over it, or if you're given. If
Speaker 1: you're in a situation where you have a lot of
Speaker 1: other options, you might decide you're not interested in working
Speaker 1: for an employer who would reject you for not disclosing
Speaker 1: your personal financial information and who is clearly planning on
Speaker 1: basing their salary offer to you and what you've earned
Speaker 1: in the past, rather than on what the job is
Speaker 1: worth to them. But if you don't feel like you
Speaker 1: have many options, then you might decide that as frustrating
Speaker 1: and unfair as this is, and it is, you're going
Speaker 1: to play along, But with a lot of interviewers, it
Speaker 1: won't come to that point if you try these up
Speaker 1: or tactics. Also, if you do decide to share the number,
Speaker 1: you don't need to just give the salary and then stop.
Speaker 1: You can give some context. So in your case where
Speaker 1: you think it's going to seem just way too high
Speaker 1: and it's going to price you out, you can say
Speaker 1: when they first asked, before you give the number, well,
Speaker 1: I want to be clear that the figure that I'm
Speaker 1: earning now isn't what I expect to earn it my
Speaker 1: next move. I'm unusually well compensated right now, and I
Speaker 1: don't expect anywhere to match it. I'm looking for something
Speaker 1: around X, which would actually be a pay cut for me.
Speaker 1: In that language, you're still not giving them the number
Speaker 1: you're making now, but you're giving them a bunch of
Speaker 1: other context. And if you say that and they insist
Speaker 1: on knowing the number, you can say, well, it's X.
Speaker 1: But again, what I'm looking for and what I would
Speaker 1: be happy with is why. But really, if you can
Speaker 1: avoid talking about what you're earning now, do and obviously
Speaker 1: using this advice requires that you do some market research
Speaker 1: to figure out what you should be asking for, what
Speaker 1: a fair salary is in your geographic area, in the
Speaker 1: market for the type of work that you do. You
Speaker 1: don't want to just make up a number that sounds
Speaker 1: good and throw it out there. You want it to
Speaker 1: be based in real research. Also for people who are
Speaker 1: in this situation, but from the other side of it,
Speaker 1: people who don't want to give their salary because it's
Speaker 1: lower than what they're looking for now, and who don't
Speaker 1: want their salary offer tied to that old lower salary.
Speaker 1: You two can give context. You can say something like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm currently making X, but it would take why to
Speaker 1: get me to leave my current job. And if that
Speaker 1: second number is way over the current one, like if
Speaker 1: you're saying, well, I'm currently making forty, but it would
Speaker 1: take a hundred and two to get me get me
Speaker 1: to leave my current job, that's going to sound a
Speaker 1: little weird in most cases, unless you're significantly underpaid for
Speaker 1: the market. So in that case, you would give some
Speaker 1: framing so that it doesn't sound totally unrealistic and out
Speaker 1: of touch, like, well, I'm currently making X, but I
Speaker 1: know it's really low for the market, and it's one
Speaker 1: of the things that's driving me to leave. I want
Speaker 1: to be making something more in line with the market.
Speaker 1: I'm looking for something around X. Now. One big note here,
Speaker 1: the one thing that you absolutely can't do in response
Speaker 1: to this question is lie. Sometimes people think, well, if
Speaker 1: they're just going to base the salary that they offer
Speaker 1: me and what I've been earning, I'll just give them
Speaker 1: a higher number. Don't do that, because the problem is
Speaker 1: that they may verify the number that you give them
Speaker 1: later on by calling your employer or even by asking
Speaker 1: you for tax paperwork. That is a thing some employers
Speaker 1: will ask for your W twos, so if you lied,
Speaker 1: they will yank the offer. So if you do decide
Speaker 1: to share the number, don't lie. Okay, here is our
Speaker 1: next caller, Kellie Allison. I have a question about a
Speaker 1: supervise the's use of sick time. Um. He doesn't seem
Speaker 1: to use an excessive amount of days per year, maybe
Speaker 1: a little bit more than I do, but I would
Speaker 1: say somewhere about half his time, like four to six
Speaker 1: days a year. UM. But I've noticed a trend where
Speaker 1: many of the days who's calling in or um when
Speaker 1: I'm on vacation or I'm working remotely. And now that
Speaker 1: that's happened a few times, it's starting to feel like
Speaker 1: he's taking advantage of mine not being president in the
Speaker 1: office when he's calling in. So I am just wondering
Speaker 1: when I should address it, or do I even need to? UM,
Speaker 1: I can't, you know, I don't know if it's really
Speaker 1: coincidence or not, but it's just starting to bug me. UM,
Speaker 1: thanks so much. Well, I can see why that feels
Speaker 1: weird to you. If there's a pattern where if you're out,
Speaker 1: he's more likely to be out too. But honestly, if
Speaker 1: he's only using four to six six days a year
Speaker 1: and it's only half the sick time that he has available,
Speaker 1: I would leave this alone because that's not a lot
Speaker 1: of sick time, and so it's not really something you
Speaker 1: should address. If he were using more sick time than
Speaker 1: his allotment, that's something you would address. Or if the
Speaker 1: way he was doing it was causing problems, like if
Speaker 1: these were the exact days that your team needed coverage
Speaker 1: since you were also out, it would look like an
Speaker 1: odd coincidence, and I might ask if there were something
Speaker 1: going on, But four to six days a year, if
Speaker 1: the timing is not causing major problems, I would let
Speaker 1: that go for what is worth. There are some things
Speaker 1: that could explain why he is out when you're out too,
Speaker 1: because I mean, maybe he's found there's less work for
Speaker 1: him to do on days that you're not there, and
Speaker 1: so he figures that the bar for using a sick
Speaker 1: day himself is lower on those days because he knows
Speaker 1: it won't have as much of an impact, or who knows.
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe he's drinking more when you're when you're
Speaker 1: on vacation because he feels like he doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be so on at work and then he's calling and
Speaker 1: hungover the next day. I don't know that one's a stretch,
Speaker 1: but my point is there might be reasons for the pattern,
Speaker 1: who knows, but if he's only using up half his
Speaker 1: sick days per year, there's just no way to say
Speaker 1: that he's taking advantage in any way. I do hear
Speaker 1: you and thinking, maybe it's easy for him to call
Speaker 1: out when he doesn't have to call and talk to
Speaker 1: you to tell you that he'll be out, But unless
Speaker 1: you're truly terrifying, I doubt that's what's happening. I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess it is worth asking yourself if you make
Speaker 1: it hard for him to call in when you're there,
Speaker 1: you know, do you quiz him on his symptoms, or
Speaker 1: make him feel guilty for being outsick, or pressure him
Speaker 1: to come in if he can. If you're doing anything
Speaker 1: like that, then yeah, no, wonder you would rather save
Speaker 1: his sick days for when you're out and that won't happened.
Speaker 1: But if that's the reason, that's the flag for you
Speaker 1: to stop doing that, not for him to change anything.
Speaker 1: And I know you might be thinking, you know, but
Speaker 1: if he can pick and choose his sick days. Then
Speaker 1: he's not really sick, right, But again we're talking about
Speaker 1: half his allotment of sick days for the year. It's
Speaker 1: it's just not it's not over any kind of line,
Speaker 1: so it's not something to address with him. He gets
Speaker 1: those sick days as part of his compensation package. I
Speaker 1: would let it go. We'll do one more quick break
Speaker 1: here and then I'm going to be back with a
Speaker 1: question from someone who keeps getting very very early morning
Speaker 1: phone calls from her office and more. Alison. I was
Speaker 1: up for promotion a few months ago and in all
Speaker 1: the work my boss outlined to meet it. However, I
Speaker 1: was denied because SEDI leadership in my department said I
Speaker 1: needed to change some things about my work demeanor, such
Speaker 1: as being less high energy. I'm looking more engaged in
Speaker 1: department meetings. This feedback came as a surprise to me,
Speaker 1: as I hadn't been given any indication in my past
Speaker 1: two years at this company my behavior is a problem.
Speaker 1: I showed the feedback to my doctor and then tested
Speaker 1: positive for a d h D. We identify that I
Speaker 1: struggle with impulsivity and variable attention, which explains the feedback.
Speaker 1: I'm in the process of finding the right medication and
Speaker 1: developing habits to maximize my focus and minimize distraction so
Speaker 1: I can be more engaged at work. I have not
Speaker 1: shared this diagnosis with my boss and colleagues. However, since
Speaker 1: I'm actively trying to work in my attention issues, it
Speaker 1: would be helpful if if my team knew what was
Speaker 1: going on, so I could achieve target results faster. Should
Speaker 1: I stay quiet or should I share this with my
Speaker 1: colleagues and supervisor. I'll be up again for the same
Speaker 1: promotion a few months, and I really hope to get
Speaker 1: it this time. Thank you. You know. I would love
Speaker 1: to say yes, here, share it, but I actually wouldn't
Speaker 1: in most cases, because there is still a stigma around
Speaker 1: mental health diagnoses. Even something is common as a d
Speaker 1: h D, and there are just too many managers here
Speaker 1: that someone has a d h D and after that
Speaker 1: forever interpret anything that person does through that lens. You know,
Speaker 1: someone else is unfocused one day and it's just human nature,
Speaker 1: but you seem unfocused and it must be your a
Speaker 1: d h D. And why aren't you controlling it better?
Speaker 1: You don't want to deal with that. Or you also
Speaker 1: get bosses who once they know that you have a
Speaker 1: d h D, just will always see you as disorganized
Speaker 1: or bad at time management, even if you're not so.
Speaker 1: In most cases, I wouldn't share it, you know. There
Speaker 1: there are some exceptions. If you have a boss who
Speaker 1: you really trust to handle this well, who maybe has
Speaker 1: shared things about her own similar diagnosis, or you've seen
Speaker 1: being right with other people who have shared with her.
Speaker 1: That's a situation where I would feel more comfortable saying yes,
Speaker 1: But absent some kind of evidence like that, I would
Speaker 1: be wary about it. But what you can do, and
Speaker 1: I should stop here and say, this is ridiculous. This
Speaker 1: is ridiculous with any diagnosis. It's especially ridiculous with something
Speaker 1: as commonplace and manageable as a d h D. It's
Speaker 1: just silly. But people are weird. What you can do, though,
Speaker 1: is you can say something like, I took your feedback
Speaker 1: really seriously, and I want to let you know that
Speaker 1: I'm doing a lot of reflection on it, and I'm
Speaker 1: committed to improving in the areas that we've talked about.
Speaker 1: You can even say, if you want, I'm talking with
Speaker 1: my doctor about whether there might be underlying medical reasons
Speaker 1: that I can address and that's something that's will work
Speaker 1: in progress, but I wanted to let you know that
Speaker 1: I am working on it now. If you really did
Speaker 1: trust your boss to handle this well, in some cases,
Speaker 1: you could tell her the situation and explain that you're
Speaker 1: working with your doctor to find the medication that will
Speaker 1: work best, and it'll take some time, but it's an progress.
Speaker 1: But if you don't have signs that that will go
Speaker 1: very well, I would just let her know that you've
Speaker 1: heard the feedback and you take it seriously and you're
Speaker 1: working on it. And I want to say for the record,
Speaker 1: I am very frustrated to have to give that advice
Speaker 1: because I it's ridiculous that that's the case. And it's
Speaker 1: especially frustrating because you might have a manager and a
Speaker 1: team who would be perfectly fine about it, but if
Speaker 1: you don't know that for sure. I've just had way
Speaker 1: too many letters and calls from people who did disclose
Speaker 1: a diagnosis thinking that it would be fine, and then
Speaker 1: it just caused them problems, either subtly or not so subtly.
Speaker 1: So I'm really hesitant to recommend that unless you really
Speaker 1: do have some sort of evidence that they'll be great
Speaker 1: about it. I'm sorry that's the answer that sucks. Let's
Speaker 1: do one more question. Hi, Alison, thanks so much for
Speaker 1: taking my question. I'm just shy of four months into
Speaker 1: a new job, and so far things are going great.
Speaker 1: I get along with my team and feel validated and
Speaker 1: appreciate it on a daily basis. The one problem I
Speaker 1: am having is in regards to overtime. I work five
Speaker 1: eighths and my shift begins at ten am. I regularly
Speaker 1: will get calls from the first shift lead between five
Speaker 1: and five thirty am, asking if I can come in
Speaker 1: early to help clear a heavy workload. Sometimes I will
Speaker 1: come in immediately at six or six thirty, and sometimes
Speaker 1: I will choose the extra sleep and go in at eight.
Speaker 1: These calls come at least every other week, and often
Speaker 1: for two, three or even four days in a row.
Speaker 1: Since I am not ready to commit to changing my
Speaker 1: sleep schedule and going to bed hours earlier in anticipation
Speaker 1: of the possible morning call, I tend to lose quite
Speaker 1: a bit of sleep during these busy times. It's been
Speaker 1: made clear to me by my manager that as much
Speaker 1: as he appreciates my help, the earlier rivals are not
Speaker 1: required and he doesn't want me to put it in
Speaker 1: too many hours and burnout. Still, I find it hard
Speaker 1: to say no and always end up going in at
Speaker 1: least a couple of hours ahead of schedule. I want
Speaker 1: to continue to be a strong and reliable part of
Speaker 1: the team without pushing myself into becoming an overworked weak link.
Speaker 1: That's my question. How can I go about setting some
Speaker 1: boundaries around how early and how often I prefer to
Speaker 1: be called without coming across as unwilling or ungrateful for
Speaker 1: the opportunities at overtime. Thanks again, I look forward to
Speaker 1: your guidance concerning my predicament. Signed a new employee, eager
Speaker 1: to please. Oh my goodness, stop taking those calls. Seriously,
Speaker 1: your boss has made it clear that you don't need
Speaker 1: to come in early, and it's okay to take him
Speaker 1: at his word. Your schedule starts at ten am. That
Speaker 1: means you really don't need to come in until ten am.
Speaker 1: Unless your manager is telling you something different. You're coming
Speaker 1: in sometimes four hours early, as six am. You're losing
Speaker 1: a huge amount of sleep. Sleep is really important for
Speaker 1: your house and just being generally on your game and
Speaker 1: just fear quality of life. It's one thing to very
Speaker 1: very a key generally agree to come in early, but
Speaker 1: not as a regular thing, and this constant thing of
Speaker 1: no notice and you're getting these early morning phone calls
Speaker 1: waking you up. Please turn off your phone at night,
Speaker 1: or if you can't do that for some reason, then
Speaker 1: at least mute the numbers that are most likely to
Speaker 1: call you from work so those calls aren't even ringing through.
Speaker 1: You should do that with no guilty conscience whatsoever. Seriously,
Speaker 1: just because someone is asking you to do them a favor,
Speaker 1: and this is a favor, does not mean that you
Speaker 1: need to do it. And really, this is the kind
Speaker 1: of favor where the more often that you do it,
Speaker 1: the more they're going to think that you don't mind,
Speaker 1: and so the more they're going to ask you. I
Speaker 1: know you're thinking that saying yes makes you look reliable
Speaker 1: and like a good employee. But you know, the way
Speaker 1: that you look reliable and like a good employee is
Speaker 1: by working the hours you agree to, the ones that
Speaker 1: you're scheduled for and doing good work. You absolutely do
Speaker 1: not need to come in at the crack of dawn
Speaker 1: just because someone is calling you, waking you up and
Speaker 1: asking if you will. You don't even need to take
Speaker 1: those turn your phone off and have no guilt. Now,
Speaker 1: if you feel weird about suddenly not answering those calls
Speaker 1: at all when you have been up until now, you
Speaker 1: can always say something to the person ahead of time,
Speaker 1: like you could say, hey, I know that I have
Speaker 1: been generally able to come in early when you call,
Speaker 1: but it's been really messing with my sleep schedule, and
Speaker 1: so going forward, I'm not going to be able to
Speaker 1: if you're really in a bind, and you can check
Speaker 1: with me in advance, not the morning of. I might
Speaker 1: be able to, but I wanted to let you know
Speaker 1: that I'm not going to be able to do the
Speaker 1: last minute early morning shifts anymore. You could even leave
Speaker 1: out that piece about if you're in a bind and
Speaker 1: give me advance notice, but you can throw that in
Speaker 1: if you really would be happy to do that. But really,
Speaker 1: you don't even need to say that, and you don't
Speaker 1: need to say any of the whole speech that I
Speaker 1: just gave. That's just about giving you some peace of
Speaker 1: mind that the person calling knows the situation. But you
Speaker 1: don't even need to do that part. You can just
Speaker 1: turn off your phone and get some sleep. You're not
Speaker 1: gonna look ungrateful. You're not going to look unwilling. This
Speaker 1: is not an opportunity. It's interesting to me that you
Speaker 1: phrased it that way. You said in your call that
Speaker 1: you're worried about coming across as unwilling or ungrateful for
Speaker 1: the opportunities. I don't know about you. I don't consider
Speaker 1: an exciting opportunity to be woken up at five am
Speaker 1: and called into work to come in an hour later
Speaker 1: at six am, four hours before I'm supposed to be there.
Speaker 1: You do not need to say yes to this. Turn
Speaker 1: off your phone and get some sleep. That is our
Speaker 1: show for today. If you want to hear your question
Speaker 1: answered on a future episode, you can record it on
Speaker 1: the show voicemail by calling eight five five six work.
Speaker 1: That's eight five five six nine six seven five. Or
Speaker 1: if you have a longer question when where you'd actually
Speaker 1: want to come on the show and talk with me,
Speaker 1: email it to you podcast at ask a manager dot org.
Speaker 1: That's it for today, and I will be back next
Speaker 1: week with more questions. Two