WEBVTT - I saw an email I wasn’t supposed to see 0:00:03.560 --> 0:00:07.160 My colleagues, We'll stop commenting on everything I get at 0:00:07.200 --> 0:00:09.639 people and meeting? Why does my coworker keep taking credit 0:00:09.680 --> 0:00:12.240 for all my ideas? Have any wisdom for me? Hi? 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:15.800 I'm Alison Green. Welcome to the Asking Manager podcast. Right 0:00:15.840 --> 0:00:19.680 answer questions from listeners about life at work. Everything from 0:00:19.680 --> 0:00:22.080 what to say if you're allergic to your coworkers perfume 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:23.919 to what to do if you drink too much at 0:00:23.920 --> 0:00:30.200 the company party. Let's get started. Hey, welcome to the show. Today. 0:00:30.200 --> 0:00:32.640 I'm going to answer a bunch of shorter questions from people, 0:00:32.800 --> 0:00:35.360 and the first question today is from someone who found 0:00:35.360 --> 0:00:40.000 an email that she wasn't supposed to see. Hi, Alison, 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:44.320 I have a very strange, an awkward predicament at my job. 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:48.720 I have recently been asked to be able to send 0:00:49.200 --> 0:00:52.440 emails on behalf of my boss and what that means 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:55.560 is I now have access to his email account. Um 0:00:55.640 --> 0:00:59.640 So today I logged in to send an email correspondence 0:00:59.720 --> 0:01:03.320 and and one of the first emails in his box 0:01:03.520 --> 0:01:09.039 was about me, And it was correspondence with another higher up, 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:14.039 very vague indicating that maybe there's a meeting that they 0:01:14.120 --> 0:01:15.800 need to have with me in the future. But not 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:21.039 sharing much detail, and that scared me because of this 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:25.640 vague reference to a meeting, and I just really wasn't 0:01:25.680 --> 0:01:28.479 sure how to react, and I suddenly like just started 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:31.240 to cry um and had to make up an excuse 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:34.440 why because I was shocked. Anyway, what what would you 0:01:34.480 --> 0:01:38.679 suggest that I do about this? Should I mention it? 0:01:39.040 --> 0:01:42.039 Should I just wait for this meeting to happen? Um? Again, 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:44.840 I have full access to his email at his request, 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:47.720 and so it was strange to see a chain about me, 0:01:48.000 --> 0:01:51.760 knowing that I would possibly be logging in and and 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:56.560 seeing it. So any advice welcome, thank you. Oh gosh, 0:01:56.680 --> 0:01:59.240 there are so many things that this could be about 0:01:59.320 --> 0:02:02.280 that aren't bad at all. I mean, this could be 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:04.720 we have to talk with Jane about that project that 0:02:04.760 --> 0:02:07.400 we want her to start, or we have to talk 0:02:07.440 --> 0:02:09.160 to Jane to see if she wants to apply for 0:02:09.200 --> 0:02:12.160 Bob's position when he leaves in a few months, or 0:02:12.480 --> 0:02:14.040 we have to talk to Jane to see what her 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:17.160 experience has been like with that new software. So many 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:21.000 different totally innocuous things. Or yes, I mean, it is 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:24.040 also possible that it is something more troubling, that it's 0:02:24.080 --> 0:02:26.960 about your performance, which I assume is what you're worried 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:29.800 about and why it freaked you out right. So I 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:32.240 think the first thing to do here is let's take 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:35.320 a step back and think is there anything going on 0:02:35.639 --> 0:02:37.679 that would make you think that that is the most 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:40.799 likely explanation, Like have you been struggling with your work 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:44.679 or getting a lot of negative feedback or is there 0:02:44.720 --> 0:02:47.640 not really anything like that? And you are someone who 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:51.080 tends to jump to worst case scenario, which I would 0:02:51.080 --> 0:02:54.320 completely understand. I have the same trait myself, But in 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:58.280 a situation like this, you want to be really rigorously 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:00.840 honest with yourself about knowing if you do have that 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:04.519 characteristic or if there actually is something going on externally 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:09.160 that could tie to this. And I'd also think a 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:11.799 little about what you know about your boss, is he 0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:14.720 wanted to talk to you pretty directly when there are problems, 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:17.400 versus keeping it hidden and then springing it on you 0:03:17.440 --> 0:03:20.320 in a surprise meeting with a higher up. And also 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:23.680 think too about how your office works, because typically if 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:26.760 this was about performance problems, your boss would just talk 0:03:26.800 --> 0:03:28.640 to you on his own. It wouldn't be a meeting 0:03:28.680 --> 0:03:30.520 that he would schedule with a higher up. I mean, 0:03:30.560 --> 0:03:33.600 there are some offices that work that way, but they're 0:03:33.600 --> 0:03:37.360 not typical. So basically what I'm saying here is, don't 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:39.840 just go straight to panic because there's a message about 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:42.600 setting up a meeting with you. Think about what you 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:45.600 know about the full situation, all the aspects that I 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:48.680 just talked about, and if there's nothing going on that 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:51.160 would make you think there are problems with your work, 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:54.360 I would really really assume that it's not about that 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:57.280 at all, because there are so many other possibilities. So 0:03:58.280 --> 0:04:00.960 to whatever extent that you can, I would try to 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:03.360 focus on all the many possible other things that it 0:04:03.400 --> 0:04:05.720 could be about, stuff that has nothing to do with 0:04:05.800 --> 0:04:08.560 you being in any sort of trouble. But if that 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:10.880 does not work and you can't get it out of 0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:13.160 your mind, one thing that you can do, if you're 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:15.720 comfortable with it, is to check in with your boss 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:17.719 about how things are going in general. So I don't 0:04:17.720 --> 0:04:19.640 know how often the two of you talk about how 0:04:19.680 --> 0:04:23.000 things are going. Some managers do that pretty regularly, other 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:25.720 managers less good managers only do it once a year 0:04:25.760 --> 0:04:29.200 at performance reviews. But there's no reason that you can't 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:31.560 say something to your boss like, hey, I wondered if 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:34.000 we could talk about how you feel things are going generally, 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:35.840 is there anything that you want me to be doing 0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:38.080 differently or things that I could work on improving in. 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:41.560 And that's going to either open the door for him 0:04:41.600 --> 0:04:44.719 to say, yeah, actually, there are some concerns I have 0:04:44.880 --> 0:04:47.359 that we need to talk about, or he'll tell you 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:50.640 things are going fine, or somewhere in between. But it 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:53.479 might give you some reassurance that he's not plotting to 0:04:53.600 --> 0:04:56.840 hold some future meeting with you where you're blindsided by 0:04:56.839 --> 0:05:01.760 criticism or worse. Sometimes, when you're fearing something unknown like this, 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:04.760 it's better for your mental health to just check in 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:07.360 and ask. And that doesn't mean saying, you know, hey, 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:10.760 I saw this email. What's that about? Although frankly, depending 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:12.919 on your relationship with your boss, you might be able 0:05:12.960 --> 0:05:15.080 to do that, but it might be enough to just 0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:17.680 check in generally about how he feels things are going. 0:05:17.720 --> 0:05:20.400 And frankly, that's a good idea to do anyway, even 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:23.760 if you hadn't seen an email like that. So hopefully 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:26.840 that helps. But just remember there's so many other reasons 0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:30.520 for what this meeting could be about. Okay, here is 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:34.200 our next collar. Hey ask a manager, I have a 0:05:34.279 --> 0:05:37.480 question about coworkers and boundaries. I have a few co 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:40.760 workers at my job that makes me feel very uncomfortable 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:44.760 with their lack of personal boundaries. I've said at this 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:47.520 job for about six months and I feel very welcome 0:05:47.720 --> 0:05:53.320 and have been very happy with the position. But everyone 0:05:53.440 --> 0:05:56.640 is more touchy feely than I. In particular, there are 0:05:56.640 --> 0:06:01.200 two employees that caused me almost daily reef One is 0:06:01.240 --> 0:06:04.400 a male and he likes to touch everyone. When I 0:06:04.400 --> 0:06:07.440 see him in the hallway, he likes to grab my shoulder, 0:06:07.640 --> 0:06:11.080 my arm, shake it a little, or brush bid me 0:06:11.120 --> 0:06:14.919 in some way. And I've told him lightly joking in 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:18.680 a happy town ha ha, I don't like that, please 0:06:18.720 --> 0:06:22.400 don't and that hasn't caused him to stop at all. 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:25.920 The other co worker is a female and she likes 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:30.440 to stand extremely close when she's speaking. When she comes 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:33.280 up to me, she is so close that I can 0:06:33.320 --> 0:06:35.600 feel her breathing on me, and all I can do 0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:39.120 is back away. She does this to everyone except for 0:06:39.160 --> 0:06:41.240 the boss, so it makes me feel like it's a 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:45.640 power move regardless of why she's doing it. It makes 0:06:45.680 --> 0:06:49.800 me extremely uncomfortable, and I don't like confrontations. I don't 0:06:49.800 --> 0:06:51.880 know how to tell these people to not touch me 0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:56.440 or get close to me without seeming room or stand offish. 0:06:56.720 --> 0:06:58.919 How do I go about asking them to give me 0:06:58.960 --> 0:07:03.560 a whole room? Thanks so much? Ah, Yes, the people 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:07.520 with no concept of personal space. I'm especially arked by 0:07:07.560 --> 0:07:09.560 this guy who keeps touching your arm or your shoulder 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:12.440 after you've told him to stop. And by the way, 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:15.480 good for you for being so straightforward about it, because 0:07:15.600 --> 0:07:18.200 a lot of people don't. They just kind of freeze 0:07:18.280 --> 0:07:20.720 up and they feel really uncomfortable or annoyed, but they're 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:23.600 not sure what to say. So it's great that you 0:07:23.800 --> 0:07:26.800 just came out and said it. The fact that he 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:31.600 has ignored a direct request to stop is pretty messed up. Now, 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:33.720 you did say that you said it in a joking tone, 0:07:33.960 --> 0:07:35.600 so that's the piece of this that I'm going to 0:07:35.640 --> 0:07:38.440 suggest that you change. And doing it that way, you know, 0:07:38.520 --> 0:07:41.160 making a kind of ha ha, this is kind of 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:44.520 a joke is a really common thing that people do, 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:48.000 especially women, especially in a situation where a dude is 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:51.600 overstepping boundaries like this, because we're socialized to be nice 0:07:51.840 --> 0:07:54.080 and we are afraid that we will look like we're 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:56.200 making too big a deal out of something if we 0:07:56.320 --> 0:07:59.800 use a more serious tone, and it feels safer being 0:07:59.840 --> 0:08:01.600 a little ha ha about it because you don't know 0:08:01.640 --> 0:08:04.640 how someone might react. It's a super common way to 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:06.600 go about it, and I don't blame you in the 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:09.640 slightest for trying that, But now that it hasn't worked, 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:12.200 I think you've got to say it in a more 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:15.040 serious tone. So the next time that he goes to 0:08:15.040 --> 0:08:19.200 touch you, say this and use this tone. Hey, I 0:08:19.240 --> 0:08:23.280 told you I don't like that, Please stop. That's the tone, 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:28.400 not joking, stern, firm, and you don't smile when you 0:08:28.480 --> 0:08:30.800 say it, which is another thing that we tend to 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:33.920 be socialized to do in kind of tense situations where 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:37.520 we're trying to get someone to stop doing something. You 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:40.600 don't need to glare at him, but don't smile because 0:08:40.640 --> 0:08:43.520 he's apparently not taking me seriously, so we want to 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:46.440 show him that you are serious. You shouldn't have to 0:08:46.840 --> 0:08:48.800 do this, You shouldn't have to get so serious with 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:51.680 someone at work, but he's creating a situation where you do. 0:08:52.960 --> 0:08:55.520 I think in situations like this one, it's people just 0:08:55.600 --> 0:08:57.800 always worry that they're going to look like they're overreacting 0:08:57.880 --> 0:09:00.040 or that they're being a stick in the mud. You know, 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:02.760 it's actually very weird for someone to keep doing this 0:09:02.800 --> 0:09:05.240 when you've directly told him to stop. He is the 0:09:05.280 --> 0:09:08.560 one who looks weird for ignoring that, not you for 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:12.280 telling him to cut it out so firm and direct. Dude, 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:14.800 I asked you to stop that. Hell, you could even 0:09:14.800 --> 0:09:17.520 say it's weird that you keep doing that after I 0:09:17.520 --> 0:09:21.240 asked you to stop. What's up? Make him feel the 0:09:21.280 --> 0:09:24.880 awkwardness of what he's doing, because it is awkward and 0:09:24.920 --> 0:09:28.920 weird on his side. Now with your other coworker, the 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:31.040 one who stands too close to you when she's talking. 0:09:31.440 --> 0:09:34.160 Some people do just have different personal space bubbles than 0:09:34.200 --> 0:09:37.600 other people, and sometimes it can be cultural. But it's 0:09:37.720 --> 0:09:40.720 interesting that she does it to everyone but your boss, 0:09:40.760 --> 0:09:43.760 because that says she's conscious of it to some degree. 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:46.440 I mean, who knows. Maybe she's just intimidated by your 0:09:46.440 --> 0:09:48.440 boss and otherwise one who knows what's going on. But 0:09:49.000 --> 0:09:50.840 we don't have to know why she's doing it. In 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:53.320 order for you to ask her to move a little 0:09:53.360 --> 0:09:57.319 ways back, I think you can actually just be quite straightforward. 0:09:57.559 --> 0:10:00.480 You can say, oh, you're in my face here a 0:10:00.480 --> 0:10:03.960 little bit, or I need more space when talking to 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:06.800 someone sorry while you take a step back, or whoa, 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:10.240 we're awfully close here, let me move back? Or hey, 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:12.800 can you give me just a little more room here? Really, 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:16.680 any of these are fine to say. Sometimes there is 0:10:16.679 --> 0:10:18.800 a trick that you can use with people when you 0:10:18.840 --> 0:10:21.120 want to ask them to stop doing something and you 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:24.800 want to avoid weirdness or tension because they're a colleague 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:27.520 and you need to get along with them. The trick 0:10:28.120 --> 0:10:30.360 and I have mixed feelings about this trick, but it 0:10:30.520 --> 0:10:33.440 sometimes works so well. The trick is to present it 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:37.000 as an idiosyncratic preference of yours, like I have a 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:39.360 weird thing about personal space? Can I ask you to 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:42.679 give me a little more room here? You probably don't 0:10:42.720 --> 0:10:45.600 have a weird thing about personal space. You probably have 0:10:45.640 --> 0:10:48.600 a very normal desire for what our culture considers a 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:52.280 normal amount of personal space. But sometimes presenting it this way, 0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:55.480 I have a weird thing about X can help the 0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:59.360 other person save face and prevent there from being awkwardness. 0:11:00.040 --> 0:11:01.520 You don't have to do it that way. You know 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:04.000 you're entitled to personal space without having to pretend that 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:07.040 it's some weird hang up of your own. But sometimes 0:11:07.040 --> 0:11:09.679 that tactic can be an easy way to get the 0:11:09.679 --> 0:11:12.680 outcome that you want if that sounds more comfortable to you, 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:15.640 and ultimately that's what we want here. We just want 0:11:15.640 --> 0:11:17.600 you to get the outcome that you want in the 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:21.120 way that's most comfortable. So hopefully one of those options 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:25.559 feels doable and we'll work. Let's take a break here, 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:26.880 and then I'm going to come back with a question 0:11:26.960 --> 0:11:29.160 about what to do if you're applying for jobs and 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:40.920 every company you talk to you thinks that you're overpaid. Hi, Alison, 0:11:40.960 --> 0:11:42.800 I've been listening to your show for the past several 0:11:42.800 --> 0:11:45.880 months and received from really good advice. I need advice 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:49.079 on a job hunting situation I've run into recently. I've 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:51.319 worked at my current company for almost twenty years, and 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:53.560 i found myself looking for a new opportunity due to 0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:56.120 the sudden death of the owner of the company. Because 0:11:56.160 --> 0:11:57.959 I've been with my current company for so long, I'm 0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:01.240 highly compensated for my position and I'm having trouble getting 0:12:01.240 --> 0:12:04.840 past salary requirement questions. In the pre interview process. I've 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:07.920 had several callbacks related to resumes have submitted. I felt 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:09.920 like the phone call was going really great until I 0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:14.240 dissked about my salary requirements. When I give my current salary, 0:12:14.320 --> 0:12:16.760 I'm told it's out of the company's budget and can't 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:20.320 get past this point in conversation without sounding desperate, which 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:23.280 I'm starting to feel. I realized I likely have to 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:25.760 take a salary cut moving to a new position, but 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:27.960 need some sample language for that type of discussion, if 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:31.680 at all possible, Any assistance you could give me greatly appreciated. 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:37.000 Thank you. Well. The most important thing here is stop 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:40.520 giving out your current salary, and I know that's not 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:43.640 always possible. Sometimes you get an online application that won't 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:46.400 let you proceed until you answer that question. But it 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:49.079 sounds like you're running into this on phone interviews too, 0:12:49.480 --> 0:12:52.320 or maybe in person interviews in some cases, and you 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:56.360 have more control over how the conversation goes there when 0:12:56.400 --> 0:12:59.199 it's not just a computerized application that maybe won't let 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:02.719 you proceed in till you answer that question. So in 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:06.679 these conversations, don't give your current salary because frankly, it's 0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:09.880 no one's business anyway. I know some employers will ask 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:12.120 about it, but they are wrong to do that because 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:14.480 they should be paying you based on your worth to them, 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:17.839 not on what some other company paid you. But they 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:20.600 do it anyway, and by the way, that is starting 0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:22.599 to change, which is great. There are a handful of 0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:24.880 states that have made it illegal for employers to ask 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:28.760 about your salary history because doing that tends to reinforce 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:32.040 salary inequality for women and people of color who tend 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:34.760 to be paid less. So tying people's pay to their 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:38.720 past pay just keeps that problem going. The states that 0:13:38.760 --> 0:13:41.360 have made it illegal to ask about salary history during 0:13:41.360 --> 0:13:48.959 the hiring process are California, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Massachusetts, New York, Oregon, 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:52.520 and Vermont, and I believe there are more considering doing it. 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:55.640 So if it's something that you feel strongly about, call 0:13:55.760 --> 0:13:58.520 your state legislators and tell them you want to see 0:13:58.520 --> 0:14:01.320 that kind of legislation past. But say you're not in 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:04.040 one of those states that currently bans the practice, and 0:14:04.080 --> 0:14:06.040 you're asked about what you're earning now or what you've 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:09.120 earned in the past, you still don't need to just 0:14:09.200 --> 0:14:12.440 volunteer your current salary. If you're asked what you make now, 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:15.840 you can answer the question they should be asking, which 0:14:15.880 --> 0:14:18.440 is what you're looking for. This is actually if you 0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:20.200 ever watched the news, you'll see that this is a 0:14:20.240 --> 0:14:23.480 really common technique that people do when they've clearly gone 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:25.360 through some sort of media training. They don't answer the 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:27.240 question that's being asked if it's not the one they 0:14:27.240 --> 0:14:29.400 want to answer. They answer the question they'd like to 0:14:29.440 --> 0:14:32.400 have been asked. And you can do that too. So 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:35.360 the relevant question here, the thing that they actually have 0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:37.600 some right to talk with you about, is what salary 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:41.920 you're currently looking for? That's relevant. So if they say so, 0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:45.160 what are you making currently, you say, well, I'm looking 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:49.320 for something around X. Some interviewers, a lot of interviewers 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:51.880 actually will be just fine with that. But if you 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:55.480 get someone who pushes and won't move forward until you answer, 0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:58.880 then you have a couple of options. One is that 0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:02.200 you can say, well, that's covered under my confidentiality agreement 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:04.120 with my employer. We're not allowed to share the company's 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:07.320 salary structure, but what i'm looking for is around X, 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:10.320 because that is actually probably true. If you look in 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:13.600 your company like personnel manual, there is a good chance 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:15.360 that you'll find that in there, or that it's just 0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:18.560 kind of an unofficial expectation in your company. But if 0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:20.840 you get an employer who's really pushing this and won't 0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:23.240 drop it. Then at that point you need to decide 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:26.320 if you're willing to hold firm and maybe risk losing 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:30.040 the job opportunity over it, or if you're given. If 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:31.640 you're in a situation where you have a lot of 0:15:31.640 --> 0:15:34.400 other options, you might decide you're not interested in working 0:15:34.440 --> 0:15:37.359 for an employer who would reject you for not disclosing 0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:41.120 your personal financial information and who is clearly planning on 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:43.800 basing their salary offer to you and what you've earned 0:15:43.800 --> 0:15:46.320 in the past, rather than on what the job is 0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:48.720 worth to them. But if you don't feel like you 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:52.200 have many options, then you might decide that as frustrating 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:54.840 and unfair as this is, and it is, you're going 0:15:54.880 --> 0:15:58.040 to play along, But with a lot of interviewers, it 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:00.000 won't come to that point if you try these up 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:04.320 or tactics. Also, if you do decide to share the number, 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:06.880 you don't need to just give the salary and then stop. 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:10.280 You can give some context. So in your case where 0:16:10.320 --> 0:16:12.280 you think it's going to seem just way too high 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:15.440 and it's going to price you out, you can say 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:18.040 when they first asked, before you give the number, well, 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:19.760 I want to be clear that the figure that I'm 0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:21.680 earning now isn't what I expect to earn it my 0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:24.840 next move. I'm unusually well compensated right now, and I 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:27.280 don't expect anywhere to match it. I'm looking for something 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:29.680 around X, which would actually be a pay cut for me. 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:33.560 In that language, you're still not giving them the number 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:35.760 you're making now, but you're giving them a bunch of 0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:38.720 other context. And if you say that and they insist 0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:41.280 on knowing the number, you can say, well, it's X. 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:44.400 But again, what I'm looking for and what I would 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:48.080 be happy with is why. But really, if you can 0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:52.520 avoid talking about what you're earning now, do and obviously 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:55.560 using this advice requires that you do some market research 0:16:56.040 --> 0:16:58.280 to figure out what you should be asking for, what 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:01.760 a fair salary is in your geographic area, in the 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:03.360 market for the type of work that you do. You 0:17:03.360 --> 0:17:05.800 don't want to just make up a number that sounds 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:07.359 good and throw it out there. You want it to 0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:11.320 be based in real research. Also for people who are 0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:13.399 in this situation, but from the other side of it, 0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:15.320 people who don't want to give their salary because it's 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:17.920 lower than what they're looking for now, and who don't 0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:21.520 want their salary offer tied to that old lower salary. 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:25.760 You two can give context. You can say something like, well, 0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:28.240 I'm currently making X, but it would take why to 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:31.240 get me to leave my current job. And if that 0:17:31.320 --> 0:17:34.280 second number is way over the current one, like if 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:36.320 you're saying, well, I'm currently making forty, but it would 0:17:36.359 --> 0:17:38.480 take a hundred and two to get me get me 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:40.720 to leave my current job, that's going to sound a 0:17:40.720 --> 0:17:45.000 little weird in most cases, unless you're significantly underpaid for 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:47.720 the market. So in that case, you would give some 0:17:47.800 --> 0:17:50.640 framing so that it doesn't sound totally unrealistic and out 0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:53.760 of touch, like, well, I'm currently making X, but I 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:55.760 know it's really low for the market, and it's one 0:17:55.800 --> 0:17:58.120 of the things that's driving me to leave. I want 0:17:58.119 --> 0:17:59.879 to be making something more in line with the market. 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:03.760 I'm looking for something around X. Now. One big note here, 0:18:03.920 --> 0:18:06.760 the one thing that you absolutely can't do in response 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:10.320 to this question is lie. Sometimes people think, well, if 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:12.280 they're just going to base the salary that they offer 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:14.640 me and what I've been earning, I'll just give them 0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:18.000 a higher number. Don't do that, because the problem is 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:20.119 that they may verify the number that you give them 0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:23.320 later on by calling your employer or even by asking 0:18:23.359 --> 0:18:26.040 you for tax paperwork. That is a thing some employers 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:29.119 will ask for your W twos, so if you lied, 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:31.800 they will yank the offer. So if you do decide 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:35.920 to share the number, don't lie. Okay, here is our 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:39.879 next caller, Kellie Allison. I have a question about a 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:43.400 supervise the's use of sick time. Um. He doesn't seem 0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:46.520 to use an excessive amount of days per year, maybe 0:18:46.520 --> 0:18:48.840 a little bit more than I do, but I would 0:18:48.840 --> 0:18:51.440 say somewhere about half his time, like four to six 0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:54.800 days a year. UM. But I've noticed a trend where 0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:57.880 many of the days who's calling in or um when 0:18:57.920 --> 0:19:01.560 I'm on vacation or I'm working remotely. And now that 0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:04.119 that's happened a few times, it's starting to feel like 0:19:04.200 --> 0:19:07.520 he's taking advantage of mine not being president in the 0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:11.040 office when he's calling in. So I am just wondering 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:15.960 when I should address it, or do I even need to? UM, 0:19:16.000 --> 0:19:17.840 I can't, you know, I don't know if it's really 0:19:17.880 --> 0:19:21.679 coincidence or not, but it's just starting to bug me. UM, 0:19:21.880 --> 0:19:24.720 thanks so much. Well, I can see why that feels 0:19:24.720 --> 0:19:27.080 weird to you. If there's a pattern where if you're out, 0:19:27.080 --> 0:19:30.080 he's more likely to be out too. But honestly, if 0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:33.040 he's only using four to six six days a year 0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:35.680 and it's only half the sick time that he has available, 0:19:35.960 --> 0:19:38.920 I would leave this alone because that's not a lot 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:41.399 of sick time, and so it's not really something you 0:19:41.400 --> 0:19:44.920 should address. If he were using more sick time than 0:19:45.160 --> 0:19:48.800 his allotment, that's something you would address. Or if the 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:51.320 way he was doing it was causing problems, like if 0:19:51.359 --> 0:19:54.240 these were the exact days that your team needed coverage 0:19:54.280 --> 0:19:56.840 since you were also out, it would look like an 0:19:56.840 --> 0:19:59.320 odd coincidence, and I might ask if there were something 0:19:59.320 --> 0:20:02.360 going on, But four to six days a year, if 0:20:02.359 --> 0:20:05.080 the timing is not causing major problems, I would let 0:20:05.080 --> 0:20:08.359 that go for what is worth. There are some things 0:20:08.359 --> 0:20:11.480 that could explain why he is out when you're out too, 0:20:11.520 --> 0:20:14.359 because I mean, maybe he's found there's less work for 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:16.240 him to do on days that you're not there, and 0:20:16.280 --> 0:20:18.640 so he figures that the bar for using a sick 0:20:18.680 --> 0:20:21.800 day himself is lower on those days because he knows 0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:24.360 it won't have as much of an impact, or who knows. 0:20:24.400 --> 0:20:26.520 I mean, maybe he's drinking more when you're when you're 0:20:26.520 --> 0:20:28.560