WEBVTT - Second Cup: Don't consent and resent

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good morning.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is don't agree to something that you will be

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<v Speaker 1>grouchy about later. For the happiness of your future self

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<v Speaker 1>and for the sake of your relationship with the person

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<v Speaker 1>who is making the request, you may be better off declining.

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<v Speaker 1>As I recently heard it put, don't consent and resent.

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<v Speaker 1>So in our personal and professional lives, probably all of

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<v Speaker 1>us have agreed to things that we know we aren't

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<v Speaker 1>going to be happy about. You may also have had

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<v Speaker 1>a partner or colleague consent to a request of yours,

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<v Speaker 1>and then found yourself on the receiving end of what

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<v Speaker 1>feels like unfair resentment. The person said yes, but clearly,

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<v Speaker 1>didn't mean it. And now they are going to extract

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<v Speaker 1>revenge in the form of being impossible to be around.

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<v Speaker 1>So how do you avoid consenting and resenting? Sometimes we

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<v Speaker 1>are not in a great position to decline a proposal.

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<v Speaker 1>If your boss assigns you to a project you aren't

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<v Speaker 1>thrilled with, you may just need to go along with it.

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<v Speaker 1>But other times you may be able to compromise. or

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<v Speaker 1>at least reach a place where you won't be bitter

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<v Speaker 1>about saying yes. For instance, maybe your partner wants to

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<v Speaker 1>host people at your home, which sounds fine, but you

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<v Speaker 1>know that you often get stuck with the lion's share

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<v Speaker 1>of the extra cleaning involved in making a home company-ready.

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<v Speaker 1>You can explain to your partner that you will resent

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<v Speaker 1>having to do all that. So if your partner would

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<v Speaker 1>like you to be happy about hosting people, you will

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<v Speaker 1>need to split the list of work that you come

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<v Speaker 1>up with. Sometimes we may actually be able to decline

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<v Speaker 1>a proposal. Fun fact, you don't have to make your

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<v Speaker 1>life harder to accommodate everybody else. This is where the

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<v Speaker 1>phrase of don't consent and resent seems especially helpful. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>your friend wants to move your planned lunch date from

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<v Speaker 1>Monday to Tuesday, but you know that Tuesday is completely

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<v Speaker 1>packed with meetings. While adding a lunch date would theoretically

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<v Speaker 1>be possible, it means you'd be rushing all day and

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<v Speaker 1>likely need to stay late to get your work done.

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<v Speaker 1>If that is the case, don't agree to move the

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<v Speaker 1>lunch and then resent that you moved lunch from a

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<v Speaker 1>time that was inconvenient for your friend to a time

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<v Speaker 1>that was inconvenient for you. Say you can't do it.

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<v Speaker 1>You'll either have to find another day that is convenient

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<v Speaker 1>for both of you Or possibly do a 30-minute Zoom

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<v Speaker 1>lunch so you don't have to leave your office. Or

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<v Speaker 1>switch to drink some evening. But since you have a

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<v Speaker 1>voice in the decision, you don't need to consent to

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<v Speaker 1>a plan that you will end up resenting. Are you

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<v Speaker 1>worried what your friend will think? I mean, maybe, but

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<v Speaker 1>here's the thing. Resentment can poison relationships. You may feel

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<v Speaker 1>in the moment that consenting is necessary, the agreeable and

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<v Speaker 1>nice thing to do. But if you are going to

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<v Speaker 1>be in a bad mood about it and be angry

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<v Speaker 1>at your friend, that is going to come across as

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<v Speaker 1>pretty disagreeable. You might actually do better with protecting the

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<v Speaker 1>relationship by not introducing a source of bitterness. So don't

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<v Speaker 1>consent and resent. You're much better off if you reach

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<v Speaker 1>a plan that everyone can live with. Then you can

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<v Speaker 1>implement the plan with a cheerful spirit. In the meantime,

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<v Speaker 1>this is Laura. Thanks for listening. And here's to making

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<v Speaker 1>the most of our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast.

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<v Speaker 1>If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach

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<v Speaker 1>me at laura at lauravandercam.com. Before Breakfast is a production

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<v Speaker 1>of iHeart Media. For more podcasts from iHeart Media, please

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