1 00:00:01,240 --> 00:00:04,720 Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need 2 00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:09,600 Speaker 1: advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please 3 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:13,160 Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve Harvey FM and click 4 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,120 Speaker 1: submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter live 5 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:18,600 Speaker 1: on the air, just like we're gonna read this one 6 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:22,720 Speaker 1: right here, right now. Let's go buggle up and hold 7 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,599 Speaker 1: on tight. We gotta toll you here. It is Strawberry Letter. 8 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:30,400 Speaker 1: Thank you nephew smiling in my face while backstabbing me 9 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,239 Speaker 1: is the subject. Dear Stephen Shirley. I've been married for 10 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:39,279 Speaker 1: seventeen years to a man who I thought was trustworthy, honest, 11 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:42,199 Speaker 1: and a good Christian man. We are both in our 12 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,839 Speaker 1: forties and have been together for twenty five years total. 13 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,159 Speaker 1: For the last four years, he has been friends with 14 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,400 Speaker 1: a basic girl that he met at work. I call 15 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 1: her basic because that's what she is. I have always 16 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: expressed how displeased I am with their friendship, but he 17 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: insisted that I was worrying for no reason. We hung 18 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,720 Speaker 1: out with her and her basic husband oftened, and my 19 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,520 Speaker 1: husband always made me feel like I was crazy for 20 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 1: being suspicious of this friendship. I even started hanging out 21 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:17,000 Speaker 1: with this basic woman too, after he insisted that I 22 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 1: get to know her. We had family outings with this 23 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:24,280 Speaker 1: basic couple. We actually enjoyed their company. Here's where the 24 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:28,680 Speaker 1: pain and deceit began. Two weeks ago, her husband caught 25 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:33,000 Speaker 1: my husband and the basic woman cheating. When confronted, they 26 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: admitted that it had been going on for three years, 27 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 1: right under our noses. I was so hurt. Then I 28 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: guess my husband's conscience got the best of him, and 29 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,920 Speaker 1: he admitted that he had had an affair with three 30 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 1: other women, and two of these women were also in 31 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 1: our married friends circle. My husband told me that he 32 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 1: has a problem and he needs counseling. He begged me 33 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:00,280 Speaker 1: to stay with him and help him through this. Trust 34 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 1: for him is shattered now. He had his mistresses in 35 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:08,079 Speaker 1: my face and they all played it off perfectly. I 36 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,320 Speaker 1: feel like a fool and I'm totally disgusted by him. 37 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:15,640 Speaker 1: But I am unsure if divorce is the answer. We've 38 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,800 Speaker 1: lost all of our friends because of this. Should I 39 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:24,799 Speaker 1: forgive him? Please? Help? Wow? What a letter. First of all, 40 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:28,720 Speaker 1: these were not your friends, and I gotta tell you 41 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 1: forgiveness is up to you, but most importantly, it's for you, 42 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 1: and you know in this instance, I would just say, 43 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:41,919 Speaker 1: I don't know. It's gonna be hard, and it's gonna 44 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:45,640 Speaker 1: take some time. The trust, like you said, is already broken, 45 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:50,480 Speaker 1: gonna be very very hard for you to rebuild the trust, 46 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:53,639 Speaker 1: and quite frankly, for you to even be considering not 47 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 1: divorcing him is amazing to me because he's been so 48 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:01,079 Speaker 1: fall with what he did. Like you said, he had 49 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:04,480 Speaker 1: his mistresses in your face, right under your noses for 50 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:08,880 Speaker 1: three years. That's crazy, But you did suspect something he 51 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,720 Speaker 1: kept trying to steer you off of that made you 52 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 1: get to be friends with the woman he was having 53 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 1: an affair with, and all of that. I mean, you 54 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,960 Speaker 1: should be disgusted. You said you disgusted with him. You 55 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 1: should be disgusted with him and all of them. You 56 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 1: said you're so disgusted with him. You should be, and 57 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,960 Speaker 1: you should insist that he gets help. Only time will 58 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 1: tell if he's truly sorry. His behavior and how he 59 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,600 Speaker 1: treats you from this point on should help you decide 60 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 1: whether to stay or go. But please do not do 61 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 1: not make this easy for him. If you decide to 62 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 1: stay in this relationship, which or this marriage that you've 63 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:50,680 Speaker 1: had for seventeen years. This is not really a marriage. 64 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 1: He's been cheating on you and treating you like this. 65 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 1: You don't have to. Don't feel badly if you walk 66 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,000 Speaker 1: away from him. But if you decide to keep him 67 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 1: and forgive him, don't make it easy, Steve, let me. 68 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 1: I can't. I know what you just said. If you're 69 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 1: going to stay with him and forgive him, don't make 70 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 1: it easy. Wow, that's an interesting concept, because why I 71 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:22,600 Speaker 1: forgive if you're gonna steady make a person pay. I don't. 72 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: I don't. But then that's the part when you hurt 73 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 1: a woman, that's the part that you have to grapple 74 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:34,000 Speaker 1: with because you did hurt her. So in that regard, 75 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 1: I understand where it's Shirley coming from. But that's a 76 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:41,479 Speaker 1: tough statement, though. If you stay with him and forgive him, 77 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:46,960 Speaker 1: but don't make it easy. Jesus Christ. Well, let's go 78 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,800 Speaker 1: back to the top. Smiling in my face. While I've 79 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 1: been Shirley, I've been married seventeen years to a Christian man. 80 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,480 Speaker 1: He's still a Christian man who I thought was trustworthy. 81 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,599 Speaker 1: Were both in our forties and begin the other for 82 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,839 Speaker 1: twenty five years. Last four years he's been friends with 83 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,400 Speaker 1: a basic girl that he met at work. I call 84 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:10,360 Speaker 1: her basic because that's where she is. I've always expressed 85 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,480 Speaker 1: how displeased I was with a friendship, but he is 86 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,000 Speaker 1: since says nothing wherever. Now, let me ask you a question. 87 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,719 Speaker 1: I have told y'all and told y'all and told y'all 88 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:22,720 Speaker 1: about these friendships. I have told y'all that they don't 89 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:26,040 Speaker 1: normally work out that good. But let me ask you 90 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 1: this question. Who makes new female friends in their forties 91 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:38,720 Speaker 1: while married? Dog? I can understand if you had a 92 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 1: relationship in college or something, You've been friends with this 93 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,040 Speaker 1: girl since high school or something like that, and you 94 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,520 Speaker 1: get married and you're trying to convince your wife we've 95 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:51,200 Speaker 1: been friends all this time. I got that. Who makes 96 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 1: new female friends in their forties while they married? How 97 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 1: did y'all develop this friendship? Not much time it takes 98 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 1: to develop a friendship. Not much time away from your 99 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: wife and outside your house it takes to form a 100 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:16,360 Speaker 1: new friendship. Now you calling the woman basic? What the 101 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 1: hell do that mean? What? What do that mean? Anybody? 102 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: She basic? Plane? I took it as plane. Yeah, well yeah, 103 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:32,080 Speaker 1: just tell you this. I like plane donuts, m But 104 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:36,360 Speaker 1: I still likes the donut because I can dunk it. Uh, 105 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:42,240 Speaker 1: all right, hold on thought, hold on, all right, we'll 106 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 1: come back with part two of Steve's response to smiling 107 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:49,120 Speaker 1: in my face while backstabbing me at twenty three minutes 108 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 1: after the hour, right after this. You're listening, all right, Steve, 109 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:59,440 Speaker 1: Come on, let's recap today's Strawberry letters subjects smiling in 110 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 1: my face while backstabbing me. Theydy been married seventeen years 111 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:09,279 Speaker 1: Christian Man, so she thought. Trustworthy, so she thought, and 112 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:13,360 Speaker 1: their forty's been together twenty five years total. Last four 113 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 1: years he'd been friends with a basic girl he met 114 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 1: at work. Na Man said that she started having problems 115 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:23,640 Speaker 1: with this new friendship. My question when we left was 116 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 1: who makes new female friends in their forties while married? 117 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:33,320 Speaker 1: Because it takes a long time to develop a friendship. 118 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,560 Speaker 1: That's time out your house where y'all going lunch, eating, 119 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,400 Speaker 1: talking on the phone, texting, all this could be time 120 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,480 Speaker 1: spent with your girl, but now you outside your house 121 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 1: with it now here we come. I told y'all this 122 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:49,640 Speaker 1: don't hardly ever work out. He assisted not to worry 123 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 1: about it, then hit a kipart. We hung out with 124 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 1: her and her basic husband. All, y'all are fossil alway 125 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 1: and your husband may did you feel crazy for being 126 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,600 Speaker 1: suspicious about this friendship? I even started hanging with the 127 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,280 Speaker 1: Basic woman too, so he gets to know that, y'all. 128 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 1: When the family outings everything en George the company, Then 129 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,400 Speaker 1: you got hurt two weeks ago. Now hit a part 130 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 1: that I don't understand. Two weeks ago, her husband caught 131 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:27,880 Speaker 1: my husband and the Basic woman cheating. When confronted, they 132 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 1: admitted that it had been going on for three years. 133 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:35,080 Speaker 1: So hold of old, I'm are we missing something here? 134 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 1: He caught his wife cheating with another man. When confronted, 135 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:49,000 Speaker 1: they admitted that means this confrontation was y'all cheating, and 136 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 1: then they admitted no crime. Ta boy, listen to me. 137 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 1: Let me tell you what's involved in this. In this 138 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:04,559 Speaker 1: when I catch you, Dad's gonna have to be some depositions. 139 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: That's gonna need to be some retainers. That's gonna have 140 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,560 Speaker 1: to be some video. Ever this we're gonna be looking 141 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:17,720 Speaker 1: back at text records. Uh, dare's gonna be some people 142 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 1: at the house. Uh, they're gonna be spraying that blue 143 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:25,800 Speaker 1: stuff in the room with the lights out. They're gonna 144 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:29,080 Speaker 1: be spreading all that. They're trying to figure out what 145 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:35,680 Speaker 1: the hell did Steve do about the finger? Yeah? Wow, 146 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:44,960 Speaker 1: the finger, stupid hand ful of his hand the target. 147 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:52,200 Speaker 1: Who come in here, you're gonna take a look at this. 148 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:53,600 Speaker 1: You're gonna come here and take a look at this. 149 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,960 Speaker 1: I don't know how this got up here. Gonna take 150 00:09:55,960 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: a picture of handcuffs on the shower rode and uh, 151 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,600 Speaker 1: and take a picture of that change. So I think 152 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 1: that's gonna have some This is starting to look a 153 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 1: lot like scarf frase up here. So now now they admitted, 154 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,840 Speaker 1: They admitted they've been going out for three years, right 155 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:21,800 Speaker 1: under our noses. I was so hurt. And uh. Then 156 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,680 Speaker 1: she said her husband conscience got the best of them, 157 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 1: and he said that he had had an affair with 158 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,080 Speaker 1: three other women, and two of these women was also 159 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:35,800 Speaker 1: our married friends. God, why is he still living? Yeah? 160 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,960 Speaker 1: So good? I'm not understanding that. He ain't no good? 161 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,800 Speaker 1: Why is he still living? The husband ain't killed him, 162 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 1: You ain't killed him. He's sleeping with everybody's wife? Who 163 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:53,880 Speaker 1: how fine is he? Then? Now they are now my 164 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,520 Speaker 1: husband told me that he got a problem, he needed counseling. 165 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,440 Speaker 1: He begged me to stay with him and help him 166 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:02,000 Speaker 1: through this. Help help him? What's how you feeling to 167 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 1: help him? Help me understand? Cheating is simple. It's a 168 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 1: decision that a dude made because he thinks he can 169 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,679 Speaker 1: get away with it, and he figured you ain't gonna know, 170 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,400 Speaker 1: so what you ain't gonna know ain't gonna hurt you. 171 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,839 Speaker 1: And it might not mean that much to him, which 172 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,360 Speaker 1: can be a true statement. But when you get busted 173 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you mean the world to him. 174 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 1: That's what happens in she true Do we understand this? 175 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,280 Speaker 1: You got to go to school and got to go 176 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:32,720 Speaker 1: to school for this therapy, for this. It's upset that 177 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:36,040 Speaker 1: he got caught. He made her if you had, if 178 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:39,480 Speaker 1: she had never caught him, this would still be going 179 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 1: on and he wouldn't be asking for help. Then, Yes, sir, 180 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:46,440 Speaker 1: help is with one. When you got more than one, two, 181 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:52,640 Speaker 1: three women? You helping yourself to all the cookies in 182 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 1: the jaw. Now, don't make it easy for help him 183 00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 1: through him, My trust him, him and shattered. Now he 184 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,440 Speaker 1: had his mistresses in my face and they all played 185 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 1: it off perfectly. That's the cold part of this letter, 186 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:10,160 Speaker 1: right Hill. He talked all these women into going along 187 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:14,840 Speaker 1: with it. Yeah, they were all friends. What have your 188 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:23,040 Speaker 1: husband been doing to y'all? What is this man doing 189 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:30,040 Speaker 1: to y'all? Say the one more time? This man doing 190 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: to y'all? What is everybody keeping it a secret? This 191 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:43,080 Speaker 1: boy right Hill's bad boy. In the words of mc 192 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:52,280 Speaker 1: hammer stop Hammerton, Oh y'all, what is doing doing to you? 193 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 1: That's what I want to do? Thank you, Steve. Post 194 00:12:56,040 --> 00:13:00,520 Speaker 1: your comments on today do it to y'all at Steve 195 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:04,160 Speaker 1: Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook. And don't forget to 196 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,720 Speaker 1: check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand. Coming up 197 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 1: more of the Steve Harvey Morning Show right after this. 198 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 1: You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.