1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:03,240 Speaker 1: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for 2 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:07,360 Speaker 1: all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, 3 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 1: domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised. Hi, listeners, 4 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:23,160 Speaker 1: I'm emio Lea. As a special bonus episode, I'm going 5 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:33,840 Speaker 1: to answer questions from listeners. Let's get into it. Sharing 6 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 1: my story on the first season of Crumbs felt vulnerable. 7 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:41,000 Speaker 1: I wasn't sure how people were going to respond, and 8 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:44,760 Speaker 1: I was honestly really nervous. Swimming a lot to me 9 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,959 Speaker 1: to hear all the positive feedback on the show, how 10 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,559 Speaker 1: much it meant to you as listeners. Even so, I 11 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 1: was really nervous to do it all over again and 12 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:57,840 Speaker 1: with my mom. But again, it's been really great to 13 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 1: hear from you. The main quesnessions I get are about 14 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,680 Speaker 1: identity and about my love life. So let's hear what 15 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 1: you all want to know. When listener asked me how 16 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: to help parents organically guide and raise kids that don't 17 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:19,240 Speaker 1: fit into society's gender norms. So just for context, this 18 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:24,280 Speaker 1: person started following me during season one. She has a 19 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:27,600 Speaker 1: son who is very much like the way I was 20 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 1: when I was a kid. He likes to play dress up. 21 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:36,320 Speaker 1: He gravitates for the feminine things and for me seeing 22 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: that she allowed him to be whoever he is from 23 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,160 Speaker 1: a very young age. You know, it took me back 24 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 1: to my days as a child, how mamili Cha would 25 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,680 Speaker 1: let me play with dolls. And that's why I felt 26 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:53,760 Speaker 1: so safe with her, because I knew that if I 27 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: were to go out in the street and play with dolls, 28 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,640 Speaker 1: I was going to get made fun of or I 29 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:02,400 Speaker 1: was going to get bullied or called names. But at home, 30 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: I had this safe place where I could be myself, 31 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:09,160 Speaker 1: whether it's like wearing my mom's high heels, or playing 32 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:13,080 Speaker 1: with my grandma's veils or playing with dolls. 33 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 2: I was allowed to that safe space. 34 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 1: When my aunts would come over and I talked about 35 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,359 Speaker 1: this in season one, they would get really upset at 36 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:26,600 Speaker 1: my Malicha for letting me play with dolls. So here's 37 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:29,600 Speaker 1: the thing about it. What I feel, and this is 38 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:33,360 Speaker 1: just my opinion. I'm not a professional. The message that 39 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:38,519 Speaker 1: I received and what I started feeling was shame. Shame 40 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 1: to be who I was authentically, because yes, even though 41 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:48,040 Speaker 1: my Milicha allowed me to be he and provided that 42 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 1: safe space, when my aunts would come and throw in 43 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 1: my dolls and bring me different kinds of toys. I 44 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,959 Speaker 1: heard that it was wrong to do what I was doing, 45 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:02,240 Speaker 1: and so that created this insecurity that I carried. 46 00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:04,120 Speaker 2: With me throughout my adult life. 47 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,200 Speaker 1: We pick up the messages that our parents tell us, 48 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 1: or that people close to us tell us. That's where 49 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:15,880 Speaker 1: the shame comes from for kids, because you're told not 50 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 1: to act a certain way, not to move a certain way, 51 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,160 Speaker 1: not to sound a certain way, not to present a 52 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: certain way because of old ideas that we have, and 53 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,360 Speaker 1: that fucks with the child's minds so bad. 54 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:30,920 Speaker 2: Just let a child be, Let someone just be. 55 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,360 Speaker 1: If Mimi child would have allowed me to dress and 56 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 1: play however I wanted outside of the house, I think 57 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 1: I would have been such a more confident person. Having 58 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 1: that parental encouragement all around, not just at home, but 59 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: also outside of the home, and raising us to not 60 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,560 Speaker 1: give a fuck what people think about us goes such. 61 00:03:58,360 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 2: A long way. 62 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 1: Think it would have affected my self esteem in a 63 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:05,560 Speaker 1: different way the way I follow about myself, crushing that 64 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: shame very early on instead of like waiting until my 65 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 1: adult life. So when I hear a parent that allows 66 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 1: their child to just be their authentic selves, from the 67 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:21,120 Speaker 1: very beginning. It makes me so happy because, you know what, 68 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,719 Speaker 1: it's not that we're teaching them to be a certain way. 69 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 1: We're just allowing them to find themselves on their own. 70 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 1: And how beautiful is that. So next question, this one 71 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,719 Speaker 1: is from another listener, what has been your biggest struggle 72 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 1: in life? I mean, if you're listening to this, you 73 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: know all about my life, and there have been many, 74 00:04:54,000 --> 00:05:00,080 Speaker 1: many struggles, and so having to pinpoint the biggest, biggest struggle, well, 75 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,960 Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like the first thing that 76 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:07,560 Speaker 1: comes to mind was coming into my own right, becoming emmy, 77 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:13,640 Speaker 1: and I think I fought it for so long. When 78 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:18,360 Speaker 1: I was little, I did not know that trans women existed. 79 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:24,080 Speaker 1: My first glimpse of it was during an HBO show. 80 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 1: There was this documentary on a trans woman who is 81 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 1: a very very sad and tragic story. For the longest time, 82 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:36,360 Speaker 1: trans women have only been represented as victims, or villains 83 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:41,680 Speaker 1: or fetishized. I'm actually working another project about that, so 84 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:45,360 Speaker 1: stay tuned as long as I can remember. I don't 85 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:51,560 Speaker 1: remember seeing any trans representation. Growing up and being raised Catholic, 86 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 1: I had all these ideas of how wrong this was 87 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,839 Speaker 1: and how it was like going against the grain and 88 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:03,680 Speaker 1: going against God. So then when I got sober and 89 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:06,880 Speaker 1: I started my recovery process, I had to take stock 90 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 1: of my life. I had to see why I had 91 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 1: such resentment towards women in general. I was just kind 92 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 1: of stand office towards women, not really having outside of 93 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:25,040 Speaker 1: my close friend group, not really having relationships with other women. 94 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,799 Speaker 1: And it came down to it was because I always 95 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 1: wanted to be them and I wanted what they had. 96 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,440 Speaker 1: It was one of the things that I had the 97 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 1: most internal conflict with because and I've talked about this before, 98 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 1: am I going to lose everything? We have this issue 99 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 1: of equity between men and women. 100 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:53,479 Speaker 2: It's a real thing. 101 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:58,720 Speaker 1: And let me just tell you, pre transition, I had 102 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:03,599 Speaker 1: more confidence because things were attained easier for me. Once 103 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:07,280 Speaker 1: I got out into like let's say, the workforce, I've 104 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 1: always been a hustler, so I've always like really worked 105 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 1: my way from the bottom to the top, and so 106 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,120 Speaker 1: poset transition, I had to start all over again. 107 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,400 Speaker 2: As a woman, which is kind of like. 108 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:23,840 Speaker 1: A double hurdle because not only am I a woman now, 109 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 1: but I'm also a trans woman. I'm going to be 110 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 1: discriminated against in the workforce, my friends and family might. 111 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,240 Speaker 2: Not like who I am. 112 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,440 Speaker 1: I'm going to lose everything that I've worked so hard 113 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,880 Speaker 1: for and have to start from zero with potentially all 114 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 1: my friends, potentially, like my family is going to disown 115 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:45,080 Speaker 1: me and no one's ever going to love me. Am 116 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 1: I going to take the sleep of faith? Or Am 117 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: I going to live in an authentic life that ultimately 118 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 1: makes me want to die? 119 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,200 Speaker 2: So here we are? Shit? 120 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 1: How how long has been? Fourteen years later? I look 121 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:04,640 Speaker 1: back and I made the best decision of my life 122 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 1: after getting sober. This was the next best thing, because 123 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 1: I mean, if I hadn't been sober, I was eventually 124 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 1: going to die or end up in prison. But if 125 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 1: I had not admitted to my innermal self who I 126 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 1: really was, it was going to kill me. I took 127 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,320 Speaker 1: the sleep of faith and I started to see in color. 128 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 1: Things started to make sense. It's kind of like the 129 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:35,080 Speaker 1: lights went on outside of everyone else. I felt like 130 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:40,800 Speaker 1: I was me and this came with God. It's so 131 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:45,160 Speaker 1: much to impact because I was finally myself. Things were 132 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 1: making sense. I felt comfortable in my own skin. Did 133 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,479 Speaker 1: I lack a little confidence? Absolutely? 134 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:55,400 Speaker 2: I still have. 135 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 1: Like some insecurities like it's not perfect, but it turned 136 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 1: out pretty well. I'd say, I can't imagine my life otherwise. 137 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,120 Speaker 1: So a bunch of people have asked me for an 138 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 1: update on my love life. I get a lot of 139 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:20,960 Speaker 1: dms from listeners like are you back with Dylan? Is 140 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,559 Speaker 1: there a new person in your life? What's going on? 141 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 1: And I thought I would give you an update of 142 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: love after Dylan. I talked about my experiences dating after 143 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 1: my transition in the first season of Crumbs. 144 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:37,520 Speaker 2: Spoilers ahead. 145 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,360 Speaker 1: If you haven't listened already, go back to the feed 146 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 1: and check it out. 147 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:44,120 Speaker 2: I promise it's worth it and we'll. 148 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:48,439 Speaker 1: Be here when you're done. So with each new relationship, 149 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 1: I felt like I was getting closer to figuring out 150 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,960 Speaker 1: what I wanted. I was getting to the heart of 151 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,080 Speaker 1: why I kept settling for love that was jealous or volatile, 152 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,360 Speaker 1: and a lot of that has to do with how 153 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,319 Speaker 1: I grew up, which you heard about in both seasons. 154 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 1: And then I met Dylan. He was amazing. He was 155 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 1: also in recovery, he was carrying considerate and we started 156 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 1: building a life together. I finally felt loved and cared 157 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:18,320 Speaker 1: for the way I always wanted, but then that came 158 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:23,280 Speaker 1: crashing down. I was totally blindsided. I thought I'd found 159 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 1: my fairy tale ending, but it came apart. So I 160 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 1: put dating on hold. I needed more time to heal, 161 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,720 Speaker 1: and I decided to focus on myself. I did a 162 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,800 Speaker 1: lot of reflecting, and what I realized is that there 163 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:40,079 Speaker 1: were a lot of red flags that I'd ignored with Dylan. 164 00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:44,559 Speaker 1: Like he was needn his sobriety and dating. He was 165 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,680 Speaker 1: still figuring out a lot of things about himself, and 166 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,920 Speaker 1: he was quick to jump into the relationship. I had 167 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,679 Speaker 1: a better sense now of what to look for and 168 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:59,839 Speaker 1: what to look out for. So at the beginning of 169 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 1: twenty I was just starting to think about dating again. 170 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,800 Speaker 1: I was spending most of my time at work or 171 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:10,040 Speaker 1: with my friends, or just home with my dogs. I 172 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:15,240 Speaker 1: wasn't quite ready to get back out there. Then one 173 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,480 Speaker 1: Wednesday night, I was home with the dogs. We were 174 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 1: watching TV, just relaxing, when I get a DM. It 175 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 1: was from a friend of mine, a guy named Brad. Hey, Emmy, 176 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 1: this is me sliding into your DMS. I gotta be honest, 177 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 1: pretty devastated right now going through a divorce, but I 178 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,760 Speaker 1: have always thought of you as one of the prettiest 179 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 1: women around. I'd like to take you out to dinner 180 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:48,080 Speaker 1: sometime if you're ever interested. Holy shit, but wait, let's 181 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 1: back up a little. I've met Brad up a few 182 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,959 Speaker 1: years earlier, before I even started dating Dylan. I was 183 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,040 Speaker 1: at a recovery meeting and my friend Rick walks in 184 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:01,480 Speaker 1: with this guy that I had never seen before. Instantly 185 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:06,559 Speaker 1: I was like, whoa. This guy was tall, handsome, muscular, 186 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 1: blonde hair, bright blue eyes. He looked casual but put together, 187 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 1: and Dicky's a T shirt vans damn. As soon as 188 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:22,440 Speaker 1: we left the meeting, I corned Rick, who is that? Oh, 189 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,000 Speaker 1: that's Brad. 190 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,960 Speaker 2: He said. He's a great guy. A great guy. Check. 191 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,160 Speaker 1: He just moved here from NorCal to go to UCLA 192 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:33,160 Speaker 1: for social work school smart and a social worker. 193 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:38,000 Speaker 2: Check. He's been sober for a while. Check. And he 194 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:41,720 Speaker 2: lives with his fiance womp womp. 195 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:46,880 Speaker 1: Okay, so he's engaged, not my future husband. I filed 196 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 1: him in the unavailable folder. But still Rick was right, 197 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:56,440 Speaker 1: Brad's a great guy and we became good friends. Time passed, 198 00:12:56,559 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 1: I met Dylan and Brad got married see each other around, 199 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,160 Speaker 1: and I always really enjoyed seeing him in recovery meetings, 200 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:09,040 Speaker 1: so did everyone else. He was just really kind and thoughtful. 201 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 1: And now fast forward to me, single, sitting on my 202 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:21,000 Speaker 1: couch getting a DM from Brad. What the fuck? Immediately 203 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:24,280 Speaker 1: I called Dana, my best friend. She was as shocked 204 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,480 Speaker 1: as I was. I mean, he'd literally just gotten married 205 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,520 Speaker 1: the year before, but she reminded me that this wasn't 206 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:32,240 Speaker 1: just some random guy from a dating app. This was 207 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:35,760 Speaker 1: someone I knew and liked a lot of people did. 208 00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 1: Plus he checked out my boxes, sober, smart, career oriented, dedicated, 209 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:48,200 Speaker 1: and well, let's face it, super hot. Even if he 210 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:52,120 Speaker 1: was recently divorced, who knew what the story was. You 211 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: gotta go for it, she said. Thina's always telling me 212 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: to put myself out there. I was hesitant, but I 213 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:03,280 Speaker 1: was also curious, so I hung up with Dana and 214 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:09,040 Speaker 1: opened Instagram again. Hi Brad, I'm sorry you're going through it. 215 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,320 Speaker 1: I've always thought of you as a great guy, and yes, 216 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:18,200 Speaker 1: I would love to have dinner with you. He responded immediately, Awesome, 217 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,280 Speaker 1: you free out all this weekend? I can pick you up. 218 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:24,880 Speaker 1: What kind of food do you like? We made a 219 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 1: date for Saturday at eight pm. He said he'd picked 220 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 1: place and surprised me. When I closed my phone, I 221 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,280 Speaker 1: realized my heart was racing. I hadn't been on a 222 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 1: date since things ended so dramatically with Dylan, and here's 223 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,560 Speaker 1: this great guy that I didn't even think was available 224 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,600 Speaker 1: asking me out. It felt too good to be true. 225 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:54,000 Speaker 1: Finally Saturday rolled around. It was Brad, I'm outside. My 226 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 1: heart was racing. I turned to my dogs wished me 227 00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:02,400 Speaker 1: luck out of this truck. As I walked up. I'd 228 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 1: only ever seen him in sneakers, in casual clothes. Here 229 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 1: he was in slacks at tucked in dress shirt and 230 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:14,800 Speaker 1: dress shoes. Damn clearly dressed to impress me. You looked beautiful, 231 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:18,000 Speaker 1: he said. He opened the car door and helped me in. 232 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:23,080 Speaker 1: Once I was settled, I turned to him, all right, Brad, 233 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:24,760 Speaker 1: I just want to get this out of the way. 234 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:29,440 Speaker 1: I'm fucking nervous. Thank god you said that, He said, 235 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 1: I'm so nervous. You're the first date I've had in years. 236 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 1: It felt good to start with that honesty. Plus we 237 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:39,760 Speaker 1: were on the same page. 238 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 2: In a way. 239 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,160 Speaker 1: I hadn't been out in a while, neither had he. 240 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,320 Speaker 1: I relaxed a little bit. 241 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,440 Speaker 2: The drive. There was a mystery. I didn't actually know 242 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,040 Speaker 2: where we were going, so I was thrilled when he 243 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:53,720 Speaker 2: pulled into the. 244 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 1: Parking lot of a really nice steakhouse on the hilltop 245 00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:02,000 Speaker 1: overlooking Los Angeles. We kept talking as we walked into 246 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:06,800 Speaker 1: the restaurant. Finally I got the courage to ask about 247 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,760 Speaker 1: the elephant in the room. I was shocked to hear 248 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:14,720 Speaker 1: about your divorce. I have to ask what happened. Oh, well, 249 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 1: there was some infidelity on her part, and yeah, it's 250 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:22,040 Speaker 1: been on the rocks for a while. He said, Well, 251 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,320 Speaker 1: you've been in this for a while, so tell me. 252 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,320 Speaker 1: Have you really healed from it? Are you ready to 253 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,440 Speaker 1: get back out there? I don't want to be your rebound, 254 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:34,400 Speaker 1: I said. I felt a little nervous being so direct, 255 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,600 Speaker 1: but if I've learned anything, it's better to just say 256 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:41,200 Speaker 1: what's on my mind. That's a valid question, he said, 257 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,600 Speaker 1: But you have nothing to worry about. You're definitely not 258 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,720 Speaker 1: a rebound, and I'm happy to answer any other questions 259 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 1: about it. Okay, I still felt wary. A recent divorcee 260 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 1: red flag right, even if he was saying it was 261 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:02,560 Speaker 1: a done deal, was definitely up. We kept talking about 262 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 1: our lives, about recovery. I feel most at home with 263 00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:09,359 Speaker 1: other people in recovery, especially if they've been sober for years. 264 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:15,040 Speaker 1: We speak the same language. They get me immediately in 265 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:19,439 Speaker 1: ways that others might not ever get. I realized I 266 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,520 Speaker 1: was having a really nice time. The waiter came by 267 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,800 Speaker 1: a few times. We were talking so much that we 268 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:29,879 Speaker 1: hadn't even looked at the menu. Then Brad turned to me, Emmy, 269 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:31,720 Speaker 1: I have something to confess. 270 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:36,480 Speaker 2: Uh, oh, here we go. I'm not very cultured. 271 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,439 Speaker 1: I'm not used to fancy places, but I think so 272 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,479 Speaker 1: highly of you, and I really wanted to give you 273 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:42,720 Speaker 1: the kind of date you deserve. 274 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:43,399 Speaker 2: In my eyes. 275 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:47,520 Speaker 1: Since I met you, I always told myself that if 276 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,320 Speaker 1: anything were to ever go wrong in my marriage. 277 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:54,159 Speaker 2: He'd be the first person I reach out to. Wow. 278 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,199 Speaker 1: From a stranger, this wouldn't mean much, right, but Brad 279 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,879 Speaker 1: knew me. He heard me speak at recovery meetings for years. 280 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,560 Speaker 1: He knew my life story, he knew I was trans 281 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,399 Speaker 1: he knew things I'd been hesitant to share with people, 282 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:13,080 Speaker 1: especially love interest for years. He knew all of that, 283 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:17,000 Speaker 1: all the ugly details of my life, and this was 284 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:21,880 Speaker 1: how he felt. It meant a lot. So I reassured him. 285 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,399 Speaker 1: I'm not as high maintenance as people think. You know 286 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:33,800 Speaker 1: where I come from, so just be you. The rest 287 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:38,159 Speaker 1: of the evening felt relaxed and romantic. After dinner, he 288 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,360 Speaker 1: has to put his arm around me. We walked around outside, 289 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:45,199 Speaker 1: taking in the Ala skyline. He took a photo of 290 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 1: me and joined the scene. When he drove me back 291 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,679 Speaker 1: to my apartment, I invited him in. We cuddled up 292 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:56,320 Speaker 1: and continued chatting. Then he said, Emmy, I really want 293 00:18:56,359 --> 00:19:00,320 Speaker 1: to kiss you about time. I didn't say that, though, 294 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,680 Speaker 1: but I'm scared. I haven't kissed anyone other than my 295 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:08,440 Speaker 1: wife in eight years. It's okay, just do it, I said. 296 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:14,639 Speaker 1: He leaned over and kissed me. It was okay, to 297 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:18,040 Speaker 1: be honest. Not the best kiss, but neither was Dylan, and. 298 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 2: We made it work. 299 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 1: We made out for a little while and then he 300 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:29,600 Speaker 1: headed home. The next day, Brad texted me, Hey, Emmy, 301 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 1: is it bad that I want to see you again today? 302 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:36,320 Speaker 1: Are you free? Only if we can get frozen yogurt? 303 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:36,920 Speaker 2: I said. 304 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:41,399 Speaker 1: He made it follow up after a good date green Flag, 305 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:45,520 Speaker 1: I have to admit I was very excited. We had 306 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:49,199 Speaker 1: another great date and then another in the back of 307 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:52,560 Speaker 1: my mind, of course, was his impending divorce. But he 308 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:56,240 Speaker 1: kept showing up and things were good. Then all of 309 00:19:56,240 --> 00:20:00,479 Speaker 1: a sudden, the pandemic was in full swing. Shut down started. 310 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,719 Speaker 1: I was scared, but Brad kept showing up and he 311 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:08,720 Speaker 1: reassured me that we'd get through this together. We spent 312 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 1: hours cooking, watching TV, going to recovery meetings on Zoom. 313 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,440 Speaker 1: Even in the midst of this chaos, he was grounded 314 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,359 Speaker 1: in his recovery. He even got me a parking spot 315 00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 1: at his place. He started calling me Elmosa, and every 316 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,879 Speaker 1: morning he texted me bright and early, good morning, Elmosa, 317 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:32,719 Speaker 1: gomstas Elmosa. It was cute to see him making an 318 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:36,640 Speaker 1: effort to connect with me in this way because he's 319 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:40,720 Speaker 1: not a Spanish speaker. The world seemed to be falling apart, 320 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:44,080 Speaker 1: yet here I was in a relationship that made me 321 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:49,040 Speaker 1: feel held and seen, and everyone agreed. Everyone really liked 322 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:53,200 Speaker 1: this guy and what they were seeing Green flag after 323 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:59,080 Speaker 1: green Flag. Still, his wife was in the back of 324 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:03,440 Speaker 1: my mind. Their divorce wasn't final, and from my experience 325 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:08,320 Speaker 1: with Dylan, I felt hesitant about getting too comfy. But 326 00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:11,840 Speaker 1: then every day he kept showing up and his actions 327 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:16,400 Speaker 1: showed me that he was the real deal in the pandemic. 328 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:20,080 Speaker 1: We went on a date to the Griffith Observatory. It 329 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,600 Speaker 1: was a gorgeous day. We hiked to the top and 330 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,680 Speaker 1: felt so good to be outside, enjoying the fresh air. 331 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,879 Speaker 1: And here I am with this great guy. He plucked 332 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:32,480 Speaker 1: a flower and put it behind my ear. Classic Brad, 333 00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 1: thoughtful and romantic. After he took a photo of us, 334 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,399 Speaker 1: he turned to me and said, I already told my 335 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:45,240 Speaker 1: wife I was seeing someone else whoa We were spending 336 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,560 Speaker 1: a lot of time together. I was starting to let 337 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 1: my guard down, but still we hadn't to find things. 338 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,439 Speaker 1: This felt big. Telling his wife about me. How she 339 00:21:54,560 --> 00:22:01,240 Speaker 1: take it? I asked she was happy for me? He said, okay, cool, right? 340 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:06,560 Speaker 1: That felt mature, open, good communication. As we hiked back 341 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,439 Speaker 1: down to the car, I thought even better, knowing that 342 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:13,119 Speaker 1: Brad wasn't just telling anyone about this. He told his 343 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,639 Speaker 1: ex wife. My fears of being a rebound were slowly 344 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:21,439 Speaker 1: melting away. As the weeks passed, things were perfect. Brad 345 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:25,120 Speaker 1: perfect on paper. Had his issues, of course, the main 346 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:28,119 Speaker 1: one being performance anxiety, but even that. 347 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:32,880 Speaker 2: We sorted out good communication. Slowly. 348 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:36,240 Speaker 1: We started talking about our future together, fun things like 349 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:39,280 Speaker 1: going on a trip after the pandemic. We spent hours 350 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,760 Speaker 1: looking at airbnbs in Mexico City, and then the most 351 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:47,359 Speaker 1: serious things, our goals, our dreams, what we wanted in 352 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:51,120 Speaker 1: a partner, what we wanted in a family. I told 353 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:52,920 Speaker 1: Brad I would have loved to adopt kids one day, 354 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,159 Speaker 1: and he agreed, especially since he'd been in the foster 355 00:22:56,240 --> 00:23:00,919 Speaker 1: system growing up. We passed the time together, making it 356 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:04,440 Speaker 1: through the beginning of a pandemic, supporting each other's recovery, 357 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:10,040 Speaker 1: and just having fun. Then one day, while Brad and 358 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 1: I were together, his phone kept vibrating. It wouldn't stop. 359 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:19,240 Speaker 1: He kept clicking it off, only to have it ring again. Finally, 360 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:20,760 Speaker 1: he took out his phone and showed it to me. 361 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:23,040 Speaker 1: This is what I've been dealing with. 362 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,080 Speaker 2: He said. 363 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,760 Speaker 1: It was his wife calling. He'd changed her name to 364 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:33,160 Speaker 1: Kunt on his phone. WHOA, this wasn't the brat I knew. 365 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:38,360 Speaker 1: Alarm bells were starting to go off again. Emmy, you're 366 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,200 Speaker 1: exactly what I want in a partner, but my ex 367 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,960 Speaker 1: is really fucking with my head. I don't know what 368 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:49,120 Speaker 1: to do. I talked to my sponsor. Okay, that's good. 369 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:53,640 Speaker 1: At least, and I think I have to block her. Okay, 370 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:58,520 Speaker 1: I thought the vibe had shifted. Brad was antsy and 371 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,479 Speaker 1: said he had to go home. I felt really anxious 372 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:05,479 Speaker 1: when he left. We had made plans the next day 373 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:10,160 Speaker 1: to have lunch. Lunch came around. I spent hours prepping 374 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,720 Speaker 1: and cooking for him, and I was sitting in the 375 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:13,840 Speaker 1: kitchen waiting for him. 376 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:15,159 Speaker 2: Nothing. 377 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:20,879 Speaker 1: I waited and waited, no call, no text. I was 378 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:25,480 Speaker 1: starving at this point. Finally I decided to call him. 379 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:31,200 Speaker 1: When he didn't pick up, I left a voicemail. Hey, Brad, 380 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,480 Speaker 1: it's four pm and I'm worried about you. You say 381 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:34,879 Speaker 1: you've come over for lunch, and I just want to 382 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,320 Speaker 1: make sure that you're okay. Call me when you get 383 00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:43,520 Speaker 1: this message. Five minutes later, he texted back, I'm still working. 384 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:50,680 Speaker 1: I'll call you when I get off. Hours passed nothing. Finally, 385 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,919 Speaker 1: late at night, he called me, Hey, sorry that they 386 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,400 Speaker 1: just got away from me. I fucked up at work 387 00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:01,480 Speaker 1: and underestimated a few things. I'm just going to rest tonight, okay, cool, 388 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:05,080 Speaker 1: I said, we'll talk later, get some rest. 389 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:06,160 Speaker 2: We hung up. 390 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:12,080 Speaker 1: My mind was spinning. Was I being to extra? What 391 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,760 Speaker 1: was going on? I laid down on my couch and 392 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,400 Speaker 1: watched to be for the rest of the night. When 393 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,440 Speaker 1: I woke up in the morning, I didn't have any texts, 394 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:29,520 Speaker 1: none of the usual morning messages from Brad. My heart sank. Finally, 395 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,560 Speaker 1: in the afternoon, Brad called me. I felt a little 396 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:37,159 Speaker 1: sick as I picked up the phone. So emmy, Like 397 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,639 Speaker 1: I said the other night, You're perfect. You're everything I 398 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,560 Speaker 1: want in a partner. But I feel like it's unfair 399 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,280 Speaker 1: streaming along when I'm only one foot in the door 400 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,479 Speaker 1: while I'm dealing with the situation i'm in. I one 401 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,680 Speaker 1: hundred percent meant what I said on our first date. 402 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,480 Speaker 1: I was ready to date and get to know you. 403 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:59,120 Speaker 1: And I'm so sorry that your initial fears and concerns 404 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,560 Speaker 1: are coming true. But please know that I really did 405 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 1: mean it. I just have to address some shit in 406 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,840 Speaker 1: my marriage. I don't know what's going to happen, but 407 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:10,639 Speaker 1: I don't want you to feel like a second choice. 408 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:16,159 Speaker 1: I was stunned and I went numb. I didn't want 409 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:20,239 Speaker 1: to show any emotion. All right, Brad, go take care 410 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,920 Speaker 1: of whatever you have to take care of, and we 411 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:23,399 Speaker 1: hung up. 412 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,159 Speaker 2: My first thought was, what the fuck? Why did I 413 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:29,440 Speaker 2: do this. 414 00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:33,000 Speaker 1: I knew he was getting a divorce, but I decided 415 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:36,280 Speaker 1: to go for it, and sure enough, he was deeper 416 00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,760 Speaker 1: in his own pile of relationship shit than he told me. 417 00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:43,480 Speaker 1: But when I called Dana, she reminded me he was 418 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,640 Speaker 1: showing up for you. You had every reason to trust him. 419 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,399 Speaker 1: Everyone has red flags, but he had a lot of 420 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:54,720 Speaker 1: green ones too. That's part of dating. If there's enough 421 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,879 Speaker 1: green flags, you take a leap of faith, not blind faith. Right, 422 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:03,000 Speaker 1: it's good to be informed, but you can't see the future. 423 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:05,679 Speaker 1: You don't know if the red flag will end up 424 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,960 Speaker 1: being a deal breaker. I'm honestly glad I chose to 425 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 1: trust Brad. It didn't work out, and I was fucking painful, 426 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:19,240 Speaker 1: especially in the pandemic. People aren't perfect, right, There's always something, 427 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,120 Speaker 1: and there's another world where him going through a divorce 428 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:31,639 Speaker 1: wasn't a deal breaker. So I think the takeaway is 429 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:35,400 Speaker 1: I want to keep hoping for the best, not blindly. 430 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:39,240 Speaker 1: I'm not going to repeat the same mistakes, but it's 431 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,760 Speaker 1: okay to learn from new ones and to take a 432 00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:45,240 Speaker 1: leap of faith to hope this new person is the 433 00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:49,600 Speaker 1: right person. My life has been full of surprises of 434 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:53,520 Speaker 1: being let down, but it wasn't all bad. When I 435 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,240 Speaker 1: found compassion for my mom and accepted her for where 436 00:27:56,280 --> 00:28:01,080 Speaker 1: she was, she surprised me. She's clean, and we made 437 00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:04,280 Speaker 1: this entire show together. So I just have this strange 438 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:08,080 Speaker 1: feeling that someone will come along to surprise me. Life 439 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,680 Speaker 1: has a weird way of working out, just rarely in 440 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:16,480 Speaker 1: the ways that I've expected. I am Emmy and this 441 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:20,360 Speaker 1: is crumbs. I'm glad he joined me and my mom 442 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:28,800 Speaker 1: for our journey. Thanks for listening, also, it's been great 443 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,240 Speaker 1: to hear from you. You can find me on Instagram 444 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:35,760 Speaker 1: at Emioleia at eleven and TikTok at Emmiolea. I'd love 445 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,640 Speaker 1: to hear your thoughts on the show. Reach out anytime, 446 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:52,520 Speaker 1: even just to say hi, Hey listeners. There's a lot 447 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,400 Speaker 1: of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If 448 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:57,680 Speaker 1: you are someone you know needs help, you can reach 449 00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:01,480 Speaker 1: the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Aministration Hotline at 450 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,760 Speaker 1: one eight hundred sixty six ' two four three five seven. 451 00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:09,800 Speaker 1: They'll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There's 452 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:13,640 Speaker 1: also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at one eight hundred 453 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 1: two seven three t A l K. Both are available 454 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,520 Speaker 1: twenty four to seven. You don't have to be in 455 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,680 Speaker 1: crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who 456 00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:32,080 Speaker 1: needs help. Crumbs is a Sonato production in partnership with 457 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:36,200 Speaker 1: Iheart's Michael Dura Network and Trojan Horse. It's produced by 458 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:41,600 Speaker 1: Hannah Bottom and edited by Margaret Catcher, Rodrigo Crespo and 459 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:46,880 Speaker 1: Alex Umero, with support from Elizabeth Schutzel. Original music by 460 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:52,560 Speaker 1: Dee Peter Schmidt and engineering by Catrosmgagna and Mander Barra Studio. 461 00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:57,479 Speaker 1: Recording by JTV Recording and Podcasting Studio. Executive produced by 462 00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 1: conal Byrn and Giselvan Says for iHeart, Alex Flumetro and 463 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:05,360 Speaker 1: Margaret Catcher for Children Horse, Gamila Victoriano and Joshua Weinstein, 464 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:10,640 Speaker 1: Forer Sonoro and me Emmiolea special things to Marina Coronella 465 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:15,440 Speaker 1: Gire and of course my mom Ilde Gambois. Listen to 466 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:19,360 Speaker 1: Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you 467 00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:20,240 Speaker 1: get your podcasts.