1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,680 Speaker 1: And so if you're still experiencing what you think is grief, 2 00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:05,960 Speaker 1: I'm here to tell you it's not grief anymore. Now 3 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:11,160 Speaker 1: it's self inflicting, self deprecating depression. And that is Oh, 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:25,200 Speaker 1: here comes the worst part about this. That is narcissism. 5 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 2: What's up, guys, Welcome to the podcast. 6 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 1: Thanks for being here, watching, listening wherever you're coming from 7 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:35,199 Speaker 1: Episode to twenty seven. Thank you for everyone that has 8 00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 1: taken this journey for so long with me. I believe 9 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:41,440 Speaker 1: this podcast started in twenty seventeen, so we're looking at 10 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,400 Speaker 1: as real time right now, we're looking at about seven 11 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: years of this. So man, I love you guys, and 12 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 1: I love the opportunity to just real talk. No edits, 13 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: no clicks, no notes, no quotes in front of me, 14 00:00:56,280 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 1: no books that I'm discussing here, just answering your questions. 15 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 1: If you have one for me, email podcast at grangersmith 16 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,240 Speaker 1: dot com. We'll walk through it like we're sitting around 17 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:09,760 Speaker 1: a campfire. This first question comes from Morgan. It says, Hey, Granger, 18 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: I love listening to the podcast. I'm twenty one years old, 19 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 1: I'm from Tennessee, and I am starting to realize a 20 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 1: reoccurring thought of a guy that I no longer talk to. 21 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 1: In the beginning, I was relieved that the situation was 22 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,760 Speaker 1: over and did not think much of it. It has 23 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 1: been at least five months now. However, the past month 24 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,400 Speaker 1: or so he has come to mind often. I realize 25 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: it is something I need to take to God and 26 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,679 Speaker 1: ask him about. As I do, I'd love to hear 27 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:43,000 Speaker 1: your take on it. Normally, if someone comes to mind, 28 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:46,560 Speaker 1: I'll pray for them and reach out to them if 29 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 1: i'm thinking about them. I have done both. He did 30 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:53,720 Speaker 1: not respond when I reached out. He is still a 31 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: thought in the back of my mind, and I'm so 32 00:01:56,200 --> 00:02:01,000 Speaker 1: confused about it. There is such great vice, great advice 33 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,040 Speaker 1: in each episode, and I hope to hear back on 34 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: this topic. Thank you all right kicking it off with Morgan, 35 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:11,800 Speaker 1: I appreciate you, And look, I'm not always right on 36 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:16,200 Speaker 1: this stuff. I'd just like to answer like we're two friends. 37 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:18,160 Speaker 1: Maybe we're sitting sitting in the cap of a truck 38 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:21,239 Speaker 1: or sitting sitting around a campfire, and we talk through this, 39 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,960 Speaker 1: and so I hear these questions for the first time, 40 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,600 Speaker 1: and there's not always. 41 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 2: The right answer. 42 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:36,720 Speaker 1: Except for you, except for this one. Morgan, you got 43 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:43,520 Speaker 1: look the guy says, the guy is gone, right, and 44 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:48,200 Speaker 1: you reach out to him and he doesn't respond. That 45 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,959 Speaker 1: is enough. That is an answer in itself. He might 46 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:56,200 Speaker 1: not have responded with words, but he responded clearly with 47 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: no words. And it means I don't want to talk. 48 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 1: For whatever reason, I've moved on, I don't. I don't 49 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 1: want to talk or have anything to. 50 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 2: Do with you. 51 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: You're twenty one, You're from Tennessee, and you say all 52 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,640 Speaker 1: you say, right, is there is a guy I no 53 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:16,160 Speaker 1: longer talk to. I think that's all we know about 54 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: this guy. But look, Morgan, this is, first of all, 55 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,560 Speaker 1: it's normal. Let's acknowledge this. This is a normal feeling 56 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:28,760 Speaker 1: that you're having. And when he doesn't reply, it also 57 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:32,280 Speaker 1: triggers something in your mind that it kind of thinks, 58 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,760 Speaker 1: what why is he not replying? 59 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:36,800 Speaker 2: Is he hurt? Is he injured? 60 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 1: Did he get in a car accident? And he's he's 61 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,600 Speaker 1: ran off a cliff and no one knows where he is. 62 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,040 Speaker 1: And if I, if I find him, then you know 63 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 1: that maybe I'll be the one to be able to 64 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 1: rescue him. No, that's not what this is. He doesn't 65 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 1: want to talk to you. 66 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 2: Anymore. 67 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:58,360 Speaker 1: And look, you say, I'll pray. I've been praying, and 68 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 1: I need to take this to God. Look you're getting 69 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 1: in a clear answer from God and everyone else. 70 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 2: That the guy's moved on, so you should too. 71 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 1: Next question comes from Anonymous, and it says, hey, Granger, 72 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 1: I lost my twenty one year old son on December 73 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 1: fourteenth of last year. It was unexpected, and we put 74 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,919 Speaker 1: him to bed and he never woke up. I have 75 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,719 Speaker 1: two other children, a three year old daughter and a 76 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,839 Speaker 1: seven month old baby. My fear is that I won't 77 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,760 Speaker 1: ever be able to have joy with my other children 78 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,840 Speaker 1: ever again. All I see is him not being there. 79 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 1: How do I balance the pain of losing my two 80 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:43,239 Speaker 1: year old with making new memories with my other children? 81 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:48,839 Speaker 2: Also? Does this pain ever subside? Thank you all right, Anonymous. 82 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, and unfortunately I could I know this 83 00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:05,160 Speaker 1: and I could relate. The first thing I would say 84 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 1: is we're going to answer kind of your question in 85 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 1: parts here. And your first question is how do I 86 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:19,039 Speaker 1: balance losing my two year old with making new memories 87 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 1: with my other children? Well, that's the answer to that 88 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:29,279 Speaker 1: question is. First of all, you don't you're not trying 89 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:33,640 Speaker 1: to plan next year. You're not trying to plan five 90 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:35,160 Speaker 1: years from now. You're not You're not trying to get 91 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 1: a ten year plan. You're not trying to figure out 92 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,840 Speaker 1: when you're gonna go to Disney World when they're preteens. 93 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 1: All you have to do is work on today. And 94 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,600 Speaker 1: the reason I say that is because pain comes in waves, 95 00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:56,240 Speaker 1: and sometimes you're going to feel okay. And on those days, 96 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:57,760 Speaker 1: you have a three year old daughter and a seven 97 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 1: month old baby. On those days, you'd be as present 98 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:06,040 Speaker 1: as you can with them, and when you get you 99 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,520 Speaker 1: get down on the carpet, you know, in their room 100 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:11,760 Speaker 1: and their bedroom, and you get lost with your three 101 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:14,480 Speaker 1: year old and you start having conversations with her, and 102 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,800 Speaker 1: sure you might break up and start crying a little bit, 103 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,440 Speaker 1: and it's okay for her to see you crying, and 104 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 1: you could say I miss your little brother, and that's okay. 105 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,599 Speaker 1: And then other days you might not bring it up 106 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: at all because it doesn't it doesn't cross your mind 107 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 1: to tell her that. 108 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:36,680 Speaker 2: And so my point is if you if you work. 109 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,920 Speaker 1: Day by day instead of week by week or year 110 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: by year, you just work day by day and sometimes 111 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 1: just hour by hour, then I promise you the days 112 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 1: will go by and you'll start collecting good days along 113 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,920 Speaker 1: with the bad ones. The problem is, what you'll realize 114 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 1: is that sometimes you'll be laughing with your kids and 115 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,840 Speaker 1: there's a thought, an evil thought, that comes in your 116 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:06,599 Speaker 1: head that says, how dare you laugh with these kids 117 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 1: when they lost a sibling and you lost a son. 118 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:13,960 Speaker 1: And I want to tell you right now, Anonymous, that 119 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: that is that feeling is the enemy. It is a lie, 120 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 1: and it is here to steal your joy. And so 121 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:28,960 Speaker 1: you reject that thought, and he say, no, no, I 122 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 1: me having joy and laughing with my kids does not 123 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:41,240 Speaker 1: compete against the grief of losing my son. They can 124 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 1: coexist at the same time. And listen, I don't have 125 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:49,560 Speaker 1: to convince you that you could probably already think back 126 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,440 Speaker 1: as you listen to this podcast of many times when 127 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:56,040 Speaker 1: that's already happened, when you've you've felt joy and you 128 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,560 Speaker 1: laugh genuine I mean, three year olds are kids you 129 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,280 Speaker 1: want to laugh all the time. They say funny things, 130 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 1: they do funny things. And I'm sure you have seen 131 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 1: your daughter say or do something funny and you've smiled, 132 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 1: and whether or not you felt guilty about it, I 133 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:16,840 Speaker 1: want to tell you that that smile can coexist with 134 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 1: the grief of losing your son. They could both exist. 135 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 2: In your mind. 136 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,280 Speaker 1: There's no reason why you should feel guilty about that. 137 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 1: And then the last question is for you, does the 138 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: pain ever subside? And the answer is absolutely yes. There 139 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:37,080 Speaker 1: might be people that tell you no, I've heard those 140 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 1: people and I still hear those people. They say, losing 141 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:43,320 Speaker 1: a child is a loss, it's a pain that never 142 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 1: goes away. Well to those people, I will say, there's 143 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 1: a problem. If you truly believe, and it has been 144 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,880 Speaker 1: maybe decades and I've heard this, that the pain of 145 00:08:56,920 --> 00:09:01,600 Speaker 1: losing a child never subsides, then there's something else wrong 146 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:06,240 Speaker 1: because you're now past you're past the appropriate time to grieve, 147 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:11,200 Speaker 1: and now you're in self deprecation mode and you're in 148 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:15,080 Speaker 1: depression grief just like you know, you get. 149 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 2: The flu, right and you. 150 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 1: Cough, and you have this bacterial infection in your lungs 151 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 1: with the flu, and then that can turn into pneumonia. 152 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 1: Pneumonia is not the flu, but as the flu lingered 153 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:37,440 Speaker 1: too long, it manifested into pneumonia. And grief and loss 154 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 1: can manifest into depression if it's not dealt with correctly 155 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:46,440 Speaker 1: and So if you're still experiencing what you think is grief, 156 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 1: I'm here to tell you it's not grief anymore. 157 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:48,679 Speaker 2: Now. 158 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 1: It's self inflicting, self deprecating depression. And that is oh, 159 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:58,959 Speaker 1: here here comes the worst part about this. That is narcissism. 160 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:04,120 Speaker 1: And it's like, whoa hold, what do you say? Did 161 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:08,640 Speaker 1: you say that my self deprecation and my depression from 162 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:14,800 Speaker 1: losing a loved one is narcissism? I'm saying it could 163 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:19,200 Speaker 1: become that yet, because it could become where all you 164 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 1: think about is yourself, not in a good way, but 165 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 1: in a bad way. All you think is poor me, 166 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 1: poor me, because of this. I don't have this because 167 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 1: of that, I have missing out on this. My life 168 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 1: is not the way it should have been because of this. 169 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 1: And what that is is just me, me, me, me me. 170 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:46,600 Speaker 1: It's narcissism. That's what it becomes. So let me answer 171 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:50,080 Speaker 1: the question. Finally, does the pain ever subside? Absolutely? 172 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 2: It does. The memory and. 173 00:10:55,800 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 1: The love and this sting from the loss itself exist 174 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:09,720 Speaker 1: as you move forward with it, and it becomes less 175 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:15,560 Speaker 1: and less painful as you look back on it. That's 176 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:19,880 Speaker 1: a healthy way of moving forward with that loved one. 177 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:20,320 Speaker 2: Right. 178 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 1: So you don't do that by forgetting them. You don't 179 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 1: do that by wishing them away or carrying with them 180 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,120 Speaker 1: like they're like they're an idol and a shrine. You 181 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:34,719 Speaker 1: don't do it either of those ways. But if you 182 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:38,719 Speaker 1: could work away where you're remaining present, playing with your 183 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 1: other kids, living moment to moment with those kids, finding 184 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,480 Speaker 1: joy in those moments with those kids, then you'll notice 185 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 1: the seconds go by, the minutes go by, hours, the days, 186 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 1: the weeks, the months, and then the years. And you 187 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:59,440 Speaker 1: collect enough years and you look back and you go, 188 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 1: I don't hurt as bad. I still remember, and I 189 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 1: still feel, and I still have moments, but it's not 190 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 1: all sad anymore. In fact, now when I look back 191 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 1: at my son, I'm talking to you, anonymous, you'll smile 192 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:21,720 Speaker 1: more than you cry. You could do this, and that's 193 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:26,920 Speaker 1: a healthy way to grieve, it is. Next question comes 194 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:30,360 Speaker 1: from Elizabeth hey Gringer. My name is Elizabeth. I'm thirty five. 195 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:35,240 Speaker 1: My husband and I recently found out that someone who 196 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: we have been close friends with was a registered sex offender. 197 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 1: Not only have we become friends with the person, but 198 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:47,320 Speaker 1: our son has also become closer friends with this person's 199 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 1: son as well. This person has served their time and 200 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 1: I'm told they no longer are on the registry. However, 201 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: it has changed the dynamic of our friendship. We are 202 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,480 Speaker 1: believers and so this yes, and so is this person. 203 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:07,560 Speaker 1: We completely believe in redemption and that God can change 204 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 1: hearts and can take people out of bondage. But are 205 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,080 Speaker 1: we wrong for setting boundaries for our family based on 206 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:18,680 Speaker 1: what we are comfortable with. We are praying for God's 207 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 1: wisdom as we move forward in our friends and in 208 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:25,040 Speaker 1: our friends with this person and the rest of the family. 209 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,680 Speaker 1: Thanks for your time. We love your music into preaching. 210 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:32,320 Speaker 1: Thanks Elizabeth. Yeah, that's a great question, Elizabeth. Thank you 211 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:35,160 Speaker 1: for asking it and bringing up a you know, an 212 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:41,360 Speaker 1: interesting topic. And we've said this before in this podcast, 213 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 1: but there we know that there's a difference between forgiveness 214 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:54,800 Speaker 1: and love and how God changes hearts. There's a difference 215 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 1: between those things, and then there's a separation in trust, 216 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:05,840 Speaker 1: right because we trust is earned and we have to 217 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:09,679 Speaker 1: be responsible with who we give it to. We can 218 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:13,360 Speaker 1: give freely our forgiveness, and we can give freely our love, 219 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 1: but but trust we give limited amounts of as it's earned, 220 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,680 Speaker 1: and that that would be my advice to you is 221 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 1: when you're if it was just you and you're you're 222 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:33,600 Speaker 1: hanging out with this person, that's one thing maybe, but 223 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:40,080 Speaker 1: with your children involved, it becomes it becomes difficult. And 224 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:46,040 Speaker 1: now your obligation to protect your children and prepare them 225 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:50,480 Speaker 1: for the world is now greater than the desire to 226 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: make friends and keep them. You're gonna have to You're 227 00:14:55,720 --> 00:15:00,240 Speaker 1: gonna have to wrestle with that because those two priorities. 228 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,960 Speaker 1: Being friends with someone, being loving, being a good neighbor 229 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 1: is not equal to I need to also protect my 230 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:14,240 Speaker 1: child from a registered sex offender or an unregistered sex offender, 231 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 1: even if they seem recovered. The protecting your child from 232 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:26,160 Speaker 1: possible danger is greater than your trust of a neighbor. 233 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,920 Speaker 1: Not your love, not your forgiveness, that's different, but your 234 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:32,360 Speaker 1: trust of that neighbor. So you're gonna have to have 235 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:37,640 Speaker 1: great discernment. And I think it's absolutely right that you're 236 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,640 Speaker 1: setting boundaries. I think that's part of your question, and 237 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:45,160 Speaker 1: I think you're absolutely right, and there would be no 238 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 1: objection from the Smith family if that was the situation 239 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:58,360 Speaker 1: we saw. Next question comes from Kurt, and it says, 240 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:03,280 Speaker 1: dear Granger, I sent this question for I sent in 241 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 1: this question good paying job versus ministry position that y'all 242 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:11,600 Speaker 1: answered in episode two to two, and that got me really emotional. 243 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:17,360 Speaker 1: I remember that was with Bernie, and Kert goes on 244 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:18,560 Speaker 1: to say, I just want to say thank you for 245 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,800 Speaker 1: all your advice and your insights, and I apologize for 246 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 1: getting Bernie choked up, but thank you for not cutting 247 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 1: and for that raw emotion and his heart. 248 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:29,920 Speaker 2: It really moved me. 249 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 1: I truly believe that I'm I am an ambassador for 250 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:37,240 Speaker 1: Christ and whatever area I work, So thank you for 251 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:42,480 Speaker 1: that word, Granger. I walked away from the podcast feeling convicted, 252 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:46,520 Speaker 1: as my prayer life has not been consistent and is 253 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:47,720 Speaker 1: an area of my life that I. 254 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 2: Want to grow in. 255 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 1: So that's great getting a getting a follow up to 256 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:57,440 Speaker 1: a question that was That was an impactful podcast episode 257 00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 1: two twenty two because Bernie, who's a regular guest on here, 258 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,760 Speaker 1: got really emotional, so much so that he couldn't speak anymore. 259 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:08,320 Speaker 1: And that's the first time I've seen it in all 260 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,480 Speaker 1: these episodes, the first time I've seen a guest or 261 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 1: me get so choked. 262 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,040 Speaker 2: Up that they could not speak anymore. 263 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,960 Speaker 1: So Kurt I'm glad you heard that, and I'm glad 264 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,200 Speaker 1: that you reached back out that it means a lot 265 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:22,440 Speaker 1: to me. 266 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,120 Speaker 2: Let's hit another question here. 267 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,320 Speaker 1: A question says, Hey, Granger, I emailed about a month 268 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:38,640 Speaker 1: ago about me and this girl. We recently split our 269 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:46,520 Speaker 1: separate ways, but this has taken me. Our relationship was 270 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:51,240 Speaker 1: something else, so it's very rough to part ways with 271 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:54,080 Speaker 1: someone I have found so special. I need some tips 272 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:55,640 Speaker 1: on how to get out of this dark place. I'm 273 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,400 Speaker 1: trying to follow your email. This comes from Carter from 274 00:17:58,440 --> 00:17:59,480 Speaker 1: the state of Wisconsin. 275 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,160 Speaker 2: He says, so. 276 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 1: Recently split up with this girl and you said our 277 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:11,600 Speaker 1: relationship with something else, So it's very rough to part 278 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,399 Speaker 1: ways with someone that I found so special, and I 279 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,280 Speaker 1: need some tips on how to get out of this 280 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:15,760 Speaker 1: dark place. 281 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,240 Speaker 2: Okay, first tip is. 282 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:20,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels like we haven't done this in a while, 283 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:24,880 Speaker 1: but my first tip is block her on everything. Block 284 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:28,520 Speaker 1: her on Instagram and Facebook and anything else you're following 285 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,320 Speaker 1: her on and on your phone. 286 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,639 Speaker 2: Block her on your phone. 287 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:36,000 Speaker 1: If the relationship is truly done, which it's come on, 288 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,840 Speaker 1: it sounds like it is. You don't want to see her, 289 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,200 Speaker 1: You don't want to see her pop up on your 290 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:45,440 Speaker 1: feed saying something or messaging you in a week time, 291 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,240 Speaker 1: knowing that it's just going to end up going back 292 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,520 Speaker 1: the way that it was, and to protect your heart 293 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:56,280 Speaker 1: in this kind of situation, it's necessary. It might seem rude. 294 00:18:56,880 --> 00:19:00,240 Speaker 1: If you feel better about it, probably wouldn't reckon in this. 295 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,960 Speaker 1: But if you feel better about it, message her, text 296 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,439 Speaker 1: her and say just to let you know, I'm going 297 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,120 Speaker 1: to block you on everything and it's not personal. I 298 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,520 Speaker 1: just need to move on and not seeing you will 299 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,719 Speaker 1: help with that, and then blocker before she could reply blocker. 300 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,600 Speaker 1: If you feel convicted enough to do it. I probably 301 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,879 Speaker 1: wouldn't even recommend that. I wouldn't even do it myself. 302 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,000 Speaker 1: I would just go ahead and block her on everything 303 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:28,399 Speaker 1: and she'll know eventually it's not personal. But that's the 304 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,359 Speaker 1: first step in your healing. Is you don't want to 305 00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:37,119 Speaker 1: see her. I don't know your situation. I don't know 306 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,639 Speaker 1: if you see her every day. I don't know if 307 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 1: you see I don't know if you work with her 308 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,520 Speaker 1: or see her in your small town. But I would 309 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,879 Speaker 1: I would let that time go by and just know 310 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:50,879 Speaker 1: that the time as. 311 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,959 Speaker 2: It rolls, as it ticks on, you'll get better. And 312 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:54,680 Speaker 2: you'll get better. 313 00:19:55,119 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 1: I promise you, Carter, time will heal In this scenario. 314 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,200 Speaker 1: You can't always say that, can't always just go yeah, 315 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:06,640 Speaker 1: time heels. But in this situation, if you block her 316 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,920 Speaker 1: out of sight, out of mind, out of heart, time 317 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:10,640 Speaker 1: goes by. 318 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 2: And you'll get better. I promise. 319 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 1: It was a long time ago that I started grangersmith 320 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,359 Speaker 1: dot com. Since that website launched into the world was 321 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:23,040 Speaker 1: in two thousand and two, twenty two years. First of all, 322 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,040 Speaker 1: could we just think for a second how crazy it 323 00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:29,760 Speaker 1: is that two thousand and two was twenty two years ago. Well, 324 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,119 Speaker 1: since then, that website has evolved so much. I remember 325 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,560 Speaker 1: when we first started selling a T shirt that was 326 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,600 Speaker 1: probably two thousand and five. Music was probably four, and 327 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,240 Speaker 1: things really didn't start picking up at all until maybe 328 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,800 Speaker 1: two thousand and six, and I was still just selling 329 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 1: it right out of my house, coming out of the 330 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 1: cabinets in my kitchen. 331 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 2: My mom was helping me. 332 00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:53,479 Speaker 1: It's crazy to think that back then I had no vision. 333 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,560 Speaker 1: I hoped, I had expectation, but I had no vision 334 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,159 Speaker 1: for what that online store would become. 335 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,360 Speaker 2: And it became ee dot com. 336 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:04,760 Speaker 1: Now, when you're creative and you're making creative things you 337 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:08,080 Speaker 1: don't think so much about the technology behind it. And 338 00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:11,840 Speaker 1: that's where Shopify came in and really really helped our 339 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:15,199 Speaker 1: company grow from those early days in the kitchen to 340 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:19,280 Speaker 1: now having the ee farm. Shopify is the global commerce 341 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,920 Speaker 1: platform that helps you at every single stage of your business. 342 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,920 Speaker 1: And it doesn't matter what that business is, whether you're 343 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:29,520 Speaker 1: selling scented soap or outdoor apparel like EEE. Shopify helps 344 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,400 Speaker 1: you sell everywhere, from their all in one e commerce 345 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:36,359 Speaker 1: platform to their in person POS system. Wherever or whatever 346 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:37,240 Speaker 1: you're selling. 347 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,320 Speaker 2: Shopify has got you covered. 348 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:40,440 Speaker 1: They do all the behind the scenes stuff that take 349 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 1: it all out of your hands so you could do 350 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,080 Speaker 1: what you do best and be creative and come up 351 00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:47,719 Speaker 1: with the product. And meanwhile they're turning browsers into buyers. 352 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 1: With the internet's best converting checkout thirty six percent better 353 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:54,560 Speaker 1: on average compared to other leading commerce platforms. You could 354 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,680 Speaker 1: sell more with less effort thanks to shopify Magic, your 355 00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:01,640 Speaker 1: AI powered all star at all stages of growth, from 356 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:05,880 Speaker 1: the kitchen to the EEE farm, Shopify is there for you. 357 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:09,280 Speaker 1: Shopify powers ten percent of all e commerce in the 358 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:13,520 Speaker 1: US and Shopifies the global force behind all birds rothis Broke, 359 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:17,240 Speaker 1: lennen Eee, and millions of other entrepreneurs of every size 360 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,240 Speaker 1: across one hundred and seventy five countries plus Shopify as 361 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,800 Speaker 1: award winning help is there to support your success every 362 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 1: step of the way, because businesses that grow grow as 363 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 1: Shopify sign up for a one dollar per month trial 364 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,960 Speaker 1: period at shopify dot com slash granger all lowercase. Go 365 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,720 Speaker 1: to shopify dot com slash granger now to grow your 366 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:40,120 Speaker 1: business no matter what stage you're in shopify dot com 367 00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:43,320 Speaker 1: slash granger. If you want to get a hold of me, 368 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,920 Speaker 1: maybe a video message. You know, you know I could 369 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:47,359 Speaker 1: do that. People all the time are like, hey, can 370 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,639 Speaker 1: you send me a video message? I'm like, I got 371 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,040 Speaker 1: an easy thing for you to do. Go to cameo 372 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:56,680 Speaker 1: dot com. That's cam Eo Cameo dot com slash granger 373 00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:58,960 Speaker 1: Smith or just search for me on that website or 374 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 1: the app, and I'll suit you a video message based 375 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 1: on what you tell me to do. So it's like, hey, Granger, 376 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:08,440 Speaker 1: can you please tell my brother in law happy birthday. 377 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:11,119 Speaker 1: He's a fan of you, and make fun of him 378 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:13,480 Speaker 1: a little bit because he's a bad fisherman. 379 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 2: And I read that and I'm. 380 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,960 Speaker 1: Like cool, I get off my phone, turn on the 381 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,560 Speaker 1: camera and it's like, Hey, John, your brother in law 382 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:21,760 Speaker 1: wanted me to give you a shout. 383 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:23,440 Speaker 2: I know it's your birthday. 384 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,399 Speaker 1: One of these days I need to give you a 385 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:29,040 Speaker 1: phishing lesson whatever it might be, Hey, any kind of occasion. 386 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,640 Speaker 1: The message could be you two, but I will send 387 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,080 Speaker 1: you that straight from my phone. Just go to cameo 388 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,800 Speaker 1: dot com slash Granger Smith. Next question comes from Justin. 389 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:41,760 Speaker 1: It says, Hey Granger, I'm justin IM from Athens, Alabama. 390 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,480 Speaker 2: I like a woman that is in jail a lot 391 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:46,720 Speaker 2: due to drugs. 392 00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:49,879 Speaker 1: My friends tell me to leave her alone, and I 393 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,200 Speaker 1: want to, but my heart tells me that I need 394 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 1: to stick around and help her because she obviously doesn't 395 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,960 Speaker 1: have the friends that she needs and I want to 396 00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:58,600 Speaker 1: be there for her. 397 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:00,880 Speaker 2: Please give me some advice. 398 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,560 Speaker 1: And if I do read this, if you do read 399 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:06,960 Speaker 1: this email, I want to thank you for your time. 400 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,159 Speaker 1: Christ Is King and yee please come back to northern 401 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 1: Alabama all right. Justin appreciate you, buddy. Thank you so 402 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:21,760 Speaker 1: much for emailing. And you know this answer is not 403 00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:27,560 Speaker 1: difficult to give, but difficult to hear. This girl is 404 00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:34,000 Speaker 1: not right for you. And I'll tell you why. In 405 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:42,240 Speaker 1: a romantic relationship, you are looking for a life partner 406 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,880 Speaker 1: that is going to partner with you. I mean, you said, 407 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,640 Speaker 1: christ Is King, You're going you want a life partner 408 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:52,360 Speaker 1: that's going to be your ministry partner in life, that's 409 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,800 Speaker 1: going to be your your your partner with raising kids. 410 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:57,120 Speaker 2: You want to see eye to. 411 00:24:57,119 --> 00:25:02,240 Speaker 1: Eye on on schools and and issues that come with 412 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:07,960 Speaker 1: raising kids and jobs and finances. You need someone you 413 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,480 Speaker 1: can lean on, someone you could trust, someone that in 414 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:17,560 Speaker 1: good times and tough times and joyful times, she's steady right, 415 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:22,760 Speaker 1: as steady as she should be. And that's not this girl. 416 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:30,200 Speaker 1: And the problem is, really there's a difference between you're 417 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:34,240 Speaker 1: looking for a life partner that's going to you're looking 418 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,560 Speaker 1: for a job applicant that's going to be your assistant, 419 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:42,080 Speaker 1: your assistant manager of your household, right, And so to 420 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: look for an assistant manager of your household, you don't 421 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,359 Speaker 1: go after drug addicts that go to jail. That would 422 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,120 Speaker 1: never happen if you were running a company and you're 423 00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:53,560 Speaker 1: looking like I'm looking for an assistant manager to help 424 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:58,640 Speaker 1: run this facility, then somebody says, hey, have you checked 425 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,440 Speaker 1: the jail. Have you looked at anyone in and out 426 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,679 Speaker 1: of jail doing drugs, you'd say you look at them 427 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 1: like they're crazy. But because she's probably cute and you 428 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 1: like her because she's pretty and you get along with her, 429 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,680 Speaker 1: you see her as a project and you're getting rewarded 430 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,880 Speaker 1: when you feel like you're helping this project. 431 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:20,840 Speaker 2: So the problem. 432 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:24,080 Speaker 1: Is that in a in a friend situation, this sounds 433 00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:28,520 Speaker 1: like a great opportunity to help a friend and to 434 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:32,480 Speaker 1: help revitalize them and help help show them how to 435 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,000 Speaker 1: move forward in life and to to get off these 436 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,240 Speaker 1: drugs and to stay out of jail. That's that's a 437 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:41,199 Speaker 1: good project. But not for your your co manager, not 438 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 1: for your life partner, right, So you got to and 439 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,800 Speaker 1: because of that, and because you have an emotional attraction 440 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:51,400 Speaker 1: to her, you got to cut this off. And it's 441 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:56,040 Speaker 1: really tough because you'll you'll immediately start thinking that if 442 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,439 Speaker 1: you cut her off, she's going to get worse and 443 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:05,119 Speaker 1: she's gonna go off the deep end. And the hard 444 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:11,159 Speaker 1: reality is that's not your problem in that way, because 445 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,600 Speaker 1: it is your problem if you're if you're trying to 446 00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:21,760 Speaker 1: help recover a friend, but you're also trying to find 447 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,600 Speaker 1: find the mother of your children. 448 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:26,480 Speaker 2: So you see the problem. 449 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,280 Speaker 1: That's why it's not your problem, because you're looking for 450 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:33,320 Speaker 1: the mother of your future children, Lord Willing, and you 451 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:35,480 Speaker 1: don't want a drug addict in and out of jail. 452 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:39,080 Speaker 1: So you're getting this dopamine kick by helping her, and 453 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:39,880 Speaker 1: it feels good. 454 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,359 Speaker 2: And and she's like, oh. 455 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:44,320 Speaker 1: You're no one else cares about me, and no one 456 00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:47,399 Speaker 1: else speaks to me or or does the things that 457 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,359 Speaker 1: you do for me. I don't have anybody in my 458 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,000 Speaker 1: life like you, so thank you so much. And you think, wow, 459 00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:55,160 Speaker 1: this is I'm a hero. Like here I come night 460 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,119 Speaker 1: on the white Horse, save in the day and it 461 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 1: feels good. All of us like the puffer chick stuff 462 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:02,119 Speaker 1: a little bit and go, yeah, this is good. I 463 00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:06,639 Speaker 1: feel really great about this. But not for the future 464 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 1: mother of your children. You got to break this off, 465 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,520 Speaker 1: justin you have to break this off. 466 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:18,800 Speaker 2: Next question. 467 00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:25,560 Speaker 1: Sub decline is patience says hey Granger, and my name 468 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:29,439 Speaker 1: is Jackie, and I am having a really difficult time lately, 469 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,760 Speaker 1: and I have no one to turn to. I'm thirty 470 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:37,280 Speaker 1: five years old, I have three kids that live at home, 471 00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:40,840 Speaker 1: which I homeschool. I'm married to a long haul truck 472 00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,280 Speaker 1: driver who is home on the average of three to 473 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:47,160 Speaker 1: four days a month. I have minimal friends, all that 474 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:51,360 Speaker 1: live in either other states as we've all moved a bunch, 475 00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:55,200 Speaker 1: and I do not have many close relationships with any 476 00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:59,200 Speaker 1: of my family members. To say that I'm overwhelmed, lonely, 477 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 1: and incredib burnout is an understatement of the century. The 478 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 1: last couple of years, I have found peace, joy, and 479 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:14,560 Speaker 1: religion through gardening and reconnecting with the earth. As for 480 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 1: the last year, I've had this overwhelming feeling of wanting 481 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:21,640 Speaker 1: to go home, and this feeling of just knowing that 482 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,840 Speaker 1: we are supposed to buy land and start our own farm, 483 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,960 Speaker 1: finally get my husband off the road, and then back 484 00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,920 Speaker 1: with our family. But my husband feels the same way. However, 485 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,680 Speaker 1: It's been one thing after another preventing us from getting 486 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,600 Speaker 1: started on that path. It just feels like every path 487 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,480 Speaker 1: through our future is blocked and I'm not sure what 488 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:45,960 Speaker 1: to do. What I'm really struggling with is this calling 489 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:49,880 Speaker 1: to go home and knowing that that call is coming 490 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 1: from my God, but not understanding the path to get there. 491 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:58,640 Speaker 1: How could you know wholeheartedly what your God wants from you, 492 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,040 Speaker 1: but have the patience to wait for the right path 493 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:06,840 Speaker 1: to show itself, especially when you are incredibly miserable in 494 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:11,240 Speaker 1: the life you're currently living. Thank you for any thoughts 495 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:20,440 Speaker 1: you have, and I appreciate you, Jacqueline, she calls herself Jackie. Okay, 496 00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:25,120 Speaker 1: great email and a lot to unpack here. You know, 497 00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:31,360 Speaker 1: let's dive into this and it's multi layered, and let 498 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:35,320 Speaker 1: me find a starting spot here. I want to point 499 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,880 Speaker 1: out that every time she said god, it's a god 500 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:44,400 Speaker 1: or my god in its lowercase G, and it implies, Jackie, 501 00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:46,400 Speaker 1: you're implying that you have a god and I have 502 00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:53,000 Speaker 1: a god. Okay, So we'll start kind of there, and 503 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:57,160 Speaker 1: my question would be this, do you think they are 504 00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:03,680 Speaker 1: multiple gods? And do those multiple gods kind of going 505 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,520 Speaker 1: back to the last email, do they kind of co 506 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:08,440 Speaker 1: manage the earth? And they like one god has a 507 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,880 Speaker 1: certain amount of people and the other god has got 508 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:14,760 Speaker 1: another amount of people. And your god apparently speaks through gardening. 509 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:19,880 Speaker 1: That's your religion, you say, mother Earth. Okay, So I 510 00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:23,240 Speaker 1: reject all that, and maybe that's not what you think, 511 00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:26,520 Speaker 1: but I reject all that. All that thought. If there 512 00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:30,719 Speaker 1: is a god, there is only one, and if there 513 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,800 Speaker 1: is only one God, then he is. 514 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 2: Let me stop there. He is everything. There's no way 515 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:42,959 Speaker 2: other way around it. 516 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:47,000 Speaker 1: If there were, you know, hypothetically, if there were a 517 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 1: God in this email scenario that wasn't all powerful or 518 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:56,719 Speaker 1: all knowing or all planning or all sovereign or all providential. 519 00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,320 Speaker 1: If there wasn't, if he wasn't any of those things 520 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:04,320 Speaker 1: are all good, that he wouldn't be God. You know, 521 00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:09,360 Speaker 1: he would be maybe like a Marvel Marvel character or something. 522 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:11,440 Speaker 1: I don't know, but he wouldn't be God and he 523 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,760 Speaker 1: and he if he wasn't all that, then he would 524 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:18,240 Speaker 1: have a creator himself, or he would have a father himself. Right, 525 00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:20,800 Speaker 1: this is a weird rabbital for some reason I got into. 526 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,040 Speaker 1: But I'm trying to walk down the path because I 527 00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:28,520 Speaker 1: believe this is a strange email because of the lowercase 528 00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:32,680 Speaker 1: G and this idea. Okay, where else was I going 529 00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:39,560 Speaker 1: to go? Let me collect correct my my brain here? Oh, 530 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,160 Speaker 1: I know I know where it's going to go. The 531 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,640 Speaker 1: idea that you're that there is home that you're being 532 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:48,840 Speaker 1: called to and you're not there now, but it's out there, 533 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,280 Speaker 1: and then you go at the last sent it says, 534 00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:58,920 Speaker 1: especially when you're living an incredibly miserable life. So in 535 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,280 Speaker 1: other words, Jackie, you are painting a picture of this 536 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:07,960 Speaker 1: calling that mother Earth, God is calling you to and 537 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:12,120 Speaker 1: you feel a sense of home, and you're living a 538 00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:16,480 Speaker 1: miserable life. Now, well that's interesting because if you walk 539 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:19,920 Speaker 1: down that path a little bit. C. S. Lewis had 540 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:27,840 Speaker 1: this idea that if we have a sense that there 541 00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:32,040 Speaker 1: is something greater than any desire we could possibly achieve 542 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,000 Speaker 1: here on this earth, then we must not be from 543 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:39,760 Speaker 1: this earth, and all of us can testify. No matter 544 00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:43,520 Speaker 1: who you are, no matter what you believe, your conscience 545 00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:47,400 Speaker 1: betrays you because you have felt at some point a 546 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:51,360 Speaker 1: feeling that there has to be something better than this, 547 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,760 Speaker 1: especially if you look at like celebrities and people that 548 00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:58,920 Speaker 1: have achieved a lot, or that have a lot of 549 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:03,880 Speaker 1: money or have the world and still seem unhappy and 550 00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:10,400 Speaker 1: uncontent and like they can't quite get what they want. 551 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:13,160 Speaker 1: It's like that you two songs still haven't found what 552 00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:19,920 Speaker 1: I'm looking for. That testifies that maybe there is something 553 00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:21,080 Speaker 1: else out there. 554 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,680 Speaker 2: Maybe we don't belong. 555 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:29,240 Speaker 1: To this life right, like, maybe there is something bigger 556 00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:32,160 Speaker 1: and something greater to look forward to. A Christian would 557 00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:36,839 Speaker 1: say it's a longing for heaven. And Christians know that 558 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:41,640 Speaker 1: we it's healthy to cultivate a longing for heaven because 559 00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:44,239 Speaker 1: we could satisfy that desire that you have. 560 00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:45,640 Speaker 2: Right now and we can go. 561 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:50,560 Speaker 1: I'm struggling right now, but I know I'm not home, 562 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,600 Speaker 1: and I know that I have a cultivated longing for heaven, 563 00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:59,120 Speaker 1: and because of that, there is a contentment that comes 564 00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:02,000 Speaker 1: with this life now, Like I have a sense of 565 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:07,120 Speaker 1: contentment here and I know that I have a purpose here, 566 00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,799 Speaker 1: and I don't have to think that maybe Mother Earth, 567 00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:14,279 Speaker 1: God is calling me to garden in another place with 568 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:18,920 Speaker 1: my husband, with land and acreage, and that's gonna make 569 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,800 Speaker 1: everything better. Like if I just go to this land 570 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:25,799 Speaker 1: and garden with my kids and my husband gets finally 571 00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:29,239 Speaker 1: gets off the road, then I'll be happy. Then this 572 00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:33,560 Speaker 1: miserable life will be worth living. You know, Jackie, you 573 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:38,080 Speaker 1: know that is not true. You have all the data. 574 00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:40,920 Speaker 1: We have all the data points and the evidence that 575 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:45,080 Speaker 1: testifies against that idea that the grass. 576 00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:45,640 Speaker 2: Is not greener. 577 00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,440 Speaker 1: It doesn't take much to know, to talk to people, 578 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,680 Speaker 1: to see on TV, to watch to read history. The 579 00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:56,880 Speaker 1: grass always seems greener, and it is not true. So 580 00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:58,800 Speaker 1: what you're left with is if you know the grass 581 00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:03,439 Speaker 1: is not greener, that this life doesn't exist, that hypothetically 582 00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:05,640 Speaker 1: you go and you just live this life and it's 583 00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,759 Speaker 1: all better because you know you're listening to Mother Earth God. 584 00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:12,279 Speaker 1: If you know that that's not true, you're left with 585 00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:16,080 Speaker 1: a really big problem. You're left with the incredible of 586 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:20,920 Speaker 1: your words, the incredibly miserable life that you're currently living. 587 00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:27,279 Speaker 1: What do you do about that. I'm not going to 588 00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:29,520 Speaker 1: go too much in depth because I do a lot 589 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,239 Speaker 1: on this podcast and I always like to go a 590 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,520 Speaker 1: little bit different directions sometimes, especially for the people that 591 00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:38,000 Speaker 1: listen all the time. But I'll go this email, I'll 592 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:42,960 Speaker 1: go this way. This god you're you're referring to, and 593 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,239 Speaker 1: we already kind of had this discussion about if there 594 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:49,320 Speaker 1: is one god or multiple gods, there can't be multiple gods. 595 00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:49,760 Speaker 2: It can't. 596 00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:54,960 Speaker 1: It cannot happen because one would have to exist before another. 597 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,840 Speaker 1: If there was thousands of gods, there would have to 598 00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:02,280 Speaker 1: be one that bird the other gods there, they couldn't 599 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:05,520 Speaker 1: all have come into existence at the same time. In fact, 600 00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:08,759 Speaker 1: if any of them came into existence, then they also 601 00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:12,960 Speaker 1: wouldn't be God. The only being that would qualify to 602 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:16,080 Speaker 1: be God is a being that didn't come into existence. 603 00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:22,360 Speaker 1: It always was, and always is and always will be God. 604 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:28,680 Speaker 1: Nothing else makes sense. And the idea that there is 605 00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:32,080 Speaker 1: no God also doesn't make any sense because something can't 606 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:35,520 Speaker 1: come from nothing. And so if anything, if something exists, 607 00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:39,720 Speaker 1: anything exists, it had to have come from something, because 608 00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:43,880 Speaker 1: everything comes from something. And so if there is anything, 609 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,320 Speaker 1: it had to have come from something, and that something 610 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:50,680 Speaker 1: has to be God. And if if it came from God, 611 00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,840 Speaker 1: then God has to be the only thing that has 612 00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:57,400 Speaker 1: always pre existed. Like this is not this is not 613 00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:01,719 Speaker 1: deep theology, this is not deep systematic religion, whatever. This 614 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:05,520 Speaker 1: is just just thinking. We're thinking around the campfire, right. 615 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:08,239 Speaker 1: It's a good it's a good discussion in the cab 616 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,960 Speaker 1: of a truck. And so here's here's my point, Jackie. 617 00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:15,560 Speaker 1: If there is one God, which we I think I 618 00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:20,400 Speaker 1: just made an argument for, don't you think that God 619 00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:27,000 Speaker 1: would have made a way to communicate with its creation 620 00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:35,359 Speaker 1: or do you think God made its creation and let 621 00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:39,920 Speaker 1: it spin out of control? And wonder if there's a 622 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:42,600 Speaker 1: map in the stars or something in the dirt of 623 00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:48,600 Speaker 1: the earth that leads like national treasure, This strange cryptic 624 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:54,799 Speaker 1: roadmap to happiness instead of living a miserable life. If 625 00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:58,279 Speaker 1: you dig deep enough in this garden, you'll find the 626 00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:04,000 Speaker 1: secret hidden that leads you if you follow closely to 627 00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:08,480 Speaker 1: a secret life that's waiting for you with some acreage 628 00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:10,719 Speaker 1: and a husband that's not on the road, and this 629 00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,600 Speaker 1: cryptic God leaves these breadcrumbs. 630 00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:15,160 Speaker 2: Does that sound right to you? 631 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,600 Speaker 1: Once again talking about all knowing, all powerful, all sovereign, 632 00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:24,440 Speaker 1: pre existed before everything. Don't you think that being that 633 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:29,640 Speaker 1: God through his creation would make a way to communicate 634 00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:34,120 Speaker 1: with them. That's what I want you to chew on 635 00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:38,600 Speaker 1: and then come back next week. Chew on that, think 636 00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:45,600 Speaker 1: about it, Jackie, and let's talk. Next question says, hey, Grae, 637 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:48,439 Speaker 1: I'm seeking your advice on how to leave someone you love. 638 00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:51,120 Speaker 1: I'm twenty four and I've been in an on and 639 00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:54,399 Speaker 1: off relationship with my boyfriend for ten years. We grew 640 00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:57,839 Speaker 1: up together and he is my first everything. As a 641 00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:01,319 Speaker 1: young couple, we picked up toxic behavehavior that we've been 642 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:05,480 Speaker 1: fighting to break free of the last five years. We 643 00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:08,560 Speaker 1: have been really worried or excuse me, We've been really 644 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:14,080 Speaker 1: working hard on us and overcoming many obstacles However, I 645 00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:17,280 Speaker 1: can no longer deny the fact that he isn't my forever. 646 00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:21,800 Speaker 1: He isn't a bad man. He is my best friend. 647 00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:25,520 Speaker 1: He is very kind giving, and I know we'll be 648 00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:29,120 Speaker 1: an amazing husband slash father someday. We're in the middle 649 00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:33,959 Speaker 1: of building our first house together. However, our religious beliefs, standards, 650 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,879 Speaker 1: and worth ethics do not line up, and we still 651 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:43,280 Speaker 1: fall into old, toxic habits more than I'd like. I 652 00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:46,680 Speaker 1: now have a wondering eye for something better, and I 653 00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:49,759 Speaker 1: know that that's not fair to either of us. I 654 00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:54,200 Speaker 1: had a wife. I had a wife mentality of not 655 00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:58,759 Speaker 1: leaving him although we are not legally married. What does 656 00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:01,719 Speaker 1: it mean to feel like it's still a sin to 657 00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:04,320 Speaker 1: leave even though you're not married. I don't want to 658 00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:06,520 Speaker 1: hurt him. I love him, So how. 659 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:06,960 Speaker 2: Do I leave? 660 00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:10,080 Speaker 1: I appreciate your I appreciate your time and feedback, and 661 00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:12,680 Speaker 1: for all that you do. You've encouraged me and strengthened 662 00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:15,600 Speaker 1: my relationship with God, and that is a gift I 663 00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,880 Speaker 1: could never repay you for. I'd like to remain anonymous. 664 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:29,080 Speaker 1: Recapping from a brain here. Anonymous, twenty four years old 665 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:34,480 Speaker 1: in a ten year relationship with your boyfriend. You guys 666 00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:37,440 Speaker 1: are your first everything. We all understand what you mean 667 00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:43,960 Speaker 1: by that. And I'm trying to find are you living? Oh, 668 00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:50,080 Speaker 1: you're building hang on a second. 669 00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:51,120 Speaker 2: Last five years, on and off. I get it. 670 00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:56,000 Speaker 1: You don't like him anymore. You love him, but you 671 00:41:56,040 --> 00:42:00,000 Speaker 1: don't like him, right that old saying he isn't bad. 672 00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,920 Speaker 1: To get it, to get it, he's going to be 673 00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:06,640 Speaker 1: amazing for someone. I get it. You're in the middle 674 00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:08,880 Speaker 1: of building a house. Why why are you building a 675 00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:10,600 Speaker 1: house together? I don't understand that. 676 00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:13,440 Speaker 2: You're different. 677 00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:17,839 Speaker 1: You got different religions, different standards, different worth ethics. Why 678 00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:22,880 Speaker 1: can't I say that anytime it comes up? Old habits toxic? 679 00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:29,560 Speaker 1: You have a wondering eye, you have a not leaving mentality, 680 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:33,480 Speaker 1: you're not legally married. And then you come back to 681 00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:37,480 Speaker 1: saying you're getting stronger with God and you don't want 682 00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:40,319 Speaker 1: this to be a sin to leave. Okay, this is 683 00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:47,279 Speaker 1: weird and I gotta be honest with you. Anonymous, your 684 00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:50,200 Speaker 1: sinate says, what does it mean to feel like it's 685 00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:57,040 Speaker 1: sin to leave even though you're not married. It's not 686 00:42:57,239 --> 00:43:02,480 Speaker 1: sin to leave, it's sin to stay in this situation. 687 00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:07,560 Speaker 1: Think about that for a second. It's not sin to leave, 688 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:11,279 Speaker 1: it's sin to stay. I don't want to hurt him. 689 00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:15,080 Speaker 1: Irrelevant say I don't want to hurt him. That's irrelevant 690 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:19,839 Speaker 1: because guess what you're doing hurting him by staying. See, 691 00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:22,640 Speaker 1: that's the problem. It's not that you don't want to 692 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,600 Speaker 1: hurt him. That's not the that's not the issue, because 693 00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:28,080 Speaker 1: if you loved him, you'd tell him the truth and 694 00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,520 Speaker 1: you would break this off as quickly as possible, pulling 695 00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:33,719 Speaker 1: a band aid off. But that's not the case. It's 696 00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:35,400 Speaker 1: not that you don't want to hurt him, it's that 697 00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:39,680 Speaker 1: you don't want to see him hurt by you and 698 00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:44,799 Speaker 1: feel bad and guilty about it. This is really about you, Sorry, 699 00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:47,799 Speaker 1: but it is. This is about you. This is about 700 00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:50,480 Speaker 1: you wanting to hang on, check out, just in case 701 00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:52,680 Speaker 1: maybe you're maybe you're wrong, like maybe he's going to 702 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:55,080 Speaker 1: get better, maybe things will start lining up a little 703 00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:58,399 Speaker 1: bit better. He was your first everything, so that's kind 704 00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:01,040 Speaker 1: of convenient to keep the first one and around you 705 00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,960 Speaker 1: know that way, you don't have to have to explain 706 00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,920 Speaker 1: that to other people other relationships. But the truth is, 707 00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:11,160 Speaker 1: it's not about hurting him. This is about you, because 708 00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:14,560 Speaker 1: you're absolutely hurting him. Right now, you're hurting him by 709 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:18,400 Speaker 1: emailing me saying I'm in a toxic relationship. We're building 710 00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:22,160 Speaker 1: a house together, and I want to leave, and you're 711 00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:27,720 Speaker 1: hurting him by not telling him this. So your question 712 00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:30,880 Speaker 1: is how do I leave? Well, it depends on how 713 00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:34,040 Speaker 1: brave you are, because if you're brave, you will set 714 00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:40,719 Speaker 1: up a meeting and you will you'll say, look, you'll 715 00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:43,719 Speaker 1: lookim right in the eye, and you'll sit across from 716 00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:46,000 Speaker 1: each other in two chairs, and you'll put your hands 717 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:49,160 Speaker 1: on his knees and you'll say, I love you. 718 00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:49,600 Speaker 2: You know that. 719 00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:54,719 Speaker 1: But I can no longer do this relationship. I'm going 720 00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:57,239 Speaker 1: to be moving on and there's no chance of us 721 00:44:57,280 --> 00:45:02,360 Speaker 1: getting back together. It's nothing you did, It's just I 722 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:07,080 Speaker 1: have fallen out of believing that this is going to work. 723 00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:11,880 Speaker 1: There's too many factors, religion, standards, worth that ethic. 724 00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:13,560 Speaker 2: I can still can't say that. Worry y'all. 725 00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:18,680 Speaker 1: They don't line up. And I know we're building a house, 726 00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:21,920 Speaker 1: so that makes things complicated. I want to do X 727 00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:24,600 Speaker 1: y Z to pull myself out of this contract or 728 00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:29,360 Speaker 1: if your name's on it and I need to move on, Look, 729 00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:32,480 Speaker 1: my heart is I don't want to hurt you, and 730 00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:35,640 Speaker 1: I realize that dragging it out is hurting you. The 731 00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:39,640 Speaker 1: longer I go hurts you worse. So please hear my heart. 732 00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:45,080 Speaker 1: I'm telling you in this very specific, blunt, truthful way 733 00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:48,719 Speaker 1: so that you have a fair chance at moving on, 734 00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:51,719 Speaker 1: finding someone and becoming a great husband and great father, 735 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:55,319 Speaker 1: which I know you will. Okay, and then you say 736 00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:59,239 Speaker 1: I love you, and this is goodbye, And at that 737 00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:03,319 Speaker 1: point love means just love because they're an image bearer 738 00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:06,399 Speaker 1: of God and they're a friend. But it's not romantic love. 739 00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:09,800 Speaker 2: Okay. That's what you do. If you're brave. 740 00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:14,880 Speaker 1: If you're not so brave, you send a text message, 741 00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:18,880 Speaker 1: in a phone call FaceTime. If you're less brave than that, 742 00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:20,600 Speaker 1: you leave a letter, and you leave like an old 743 00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,080 Speaker 1: country music song. And if you're less brave than that, 744 00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:25,439 Speaker 1: you disappear, which you can't do anymore because of social media. 745 00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:29,960 Speaker 1: So you owe after ten years, you owe him a 746 00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:33,480 Speaker 1: face to face conversation, and you owe. 747 00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:35,920 Speaker 2: Him this as soon as possible. 748 00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:41,560 Speaker 1: And I appreciate all of You'll thank you so much 749 00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:42,960 Speaker 1: for email, and if you have a question for me, 750 00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:46,680 Speaker 1: email podcast at grangersmith dot com and we'll see you 751 00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:50,000 Speaker 1: next month. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. 752 00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:52,520 Speaker 1: I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me 753 00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:56,120 Speaker 1: out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, 754 00:46:56,360 --> 00:46:59,600 Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and 755 00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:02,359 Speaker 1: not of Fication spell so that you never miss any 756 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:04,320 Speaker 1: time I upload a video. 757 00:47:04,800 --> 00:47:04,920 Speaker 2: YI