1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,360 Speaker 1: She wants too much money in the prenup, so I 2 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:03,560 Speaker 1: might cancel the wedding. 3 00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:05,640 Speaker 2: Should I stay or should I go? 4 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:09,880 Speaker 1: This is okop we tell the craziest true stories on Earth. 5 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:13,960 Speaker 1: I'm John and Sam. Should Opie stay or should Opee go? 6 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 3: Well, I'm gonna say without any further context, and I'm 7 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:21,080 Speaker 3: gonna say leave leave. Marriage shouldn't be hard at all. 8 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 3: And everyone who's married says that there is effortless conversation 9 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 3: and nothing but sunshine's and rainbows. So I mean, sounds 10 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 3: like it's off to a bad start if you ain't 11 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,920 Speaker 3: no chump holler. We want prenup. We want prenup, but 12 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 3: want prenup that's favorable to us, that doesn't get all 13 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:40,840 Speaker 3: of her money taken away. Wow that's so catchy. Yeah, yeah, 14 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,080 Speaker 3: I'm writing the next Kinye song. 15 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:45,199 Speaker 1: Do a prenup that is favorable to all parties and 16 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:48,120 Speaker 1: everyone is happy, has a ring to it. So pre 17 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:51,879 Speaker 1: throwaway nine says my girlfriend twenty six female and myself 18 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,640 Speaker 1: twenty four male, have just found out that she is pregnant. 19 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,360 Speaker 1: That's a big, big drop in the first line. Was 20 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 1: it accident? Sounds like an accident. Maybe she's adamant about 21 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,360 Speaker 1: not wanting to have a child out of wedlock. So 22 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: we have been discussing getting married. Wow, We've been together 23 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,759 Speaker 1: for three and a half years. Prior to finding out 24 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,240 Speaker 1: about the baby, we had only talked about marriage a 25 00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:17,720 Speaker 1: little bit. I know she says she wants to get 26 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,399 Speaker 1: married badly, but I'm kind of. 27 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:21,480 Speaker 2: On the fence. 28 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 1: I'm not one hundred percent against it, but definitely not 29 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:28,200 Speaker 1: eager slash desperate to get married for multiple reasons. One, 30 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 1: my brother just recently got taken to the cleaners by 31 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:35,520 Speaker 1: his ex wife. He pays her somewhere around ten grand 32 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 1: a month in addition to losing some of his real 33 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:39,959 Speaker 1: estate properties. 34 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,959 Speaker 3: Okay, but if he's paying ten grand a month, he's 35 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaker 3: probably probably a candidate's. 36 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:49,560 Speaker 1: Red did and he said properties properties plural And that 37 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:52,600 Speaker 1: whole situation terrifies me. And I've never really seen what 38 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: a marriage provides that makes the risk worth it. To me, 39 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: It's just the same thing as being together as how 40 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 1: we are currently, but giving the state permission to be 41 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:03,680 Speaker 1: in our relationship. 42 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 2: Wow, that is one way to put it. I mean, 43 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,240 Speaker 2: he's got a point, babe. I want the government to 44 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:09,239 Speaker 2: get out of our bedroom. 45 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: However, Now that she's pregnant, I've been much more open 46 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 1: to it, just because I know how much it means 47 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,960 Speaker 1: to her. So we've started this process, and I'm slowly 48 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,560 Speaker 1: realizing that I might have bitten off more than I 49 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:23,239 Speaker 1: want to chew. While me and my girlfriend love each 50 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: other very much and are compatible and pretty much every way, 51 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:30,640 Speaker 1: our ideas about marriage, the wedding, et cetera, seem to 52 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 1: be a little different. For starters for the wedding, I 53 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:36,359 Speaker 1: was thinking we each picked some of our closest friends, 54 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,120 Speaker 1: maybe ten people or so each, I don't know. The 55 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,639 Speaker 1: number could be a little flexible, and then go get 56 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 1: married on an island or a beach, stay for a 57 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 1: week or two or something cool like that so we 58 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,880 Speaker 1: can have fun and enjoy it. 59 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,720 Speaker 3: And as oh PE's family loaded, I get the feeling 60 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,920 Speaker 3: that they're loaded. It's like, Oh, my brother got his 61 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:57,120 Speaker 3: proper tease taken away and let me get married on 62 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:58,600 Speaker 3: a beach or some island. 63 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:03,080 Speaker 1: And I'm wor about you know, the state and you know, 64 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,640 Speaker 1: people being able to take that away from me. He 65 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 1: has at twenty three stuff to take away, stuff to 66 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 1: take away. 67 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:13,080 Speaker 3: We ain't stupid, Opie. I go PE's loaded, I think so. 68 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 3: Put in the comments. If you think Ope's loaded. 69 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:15,840 Speaker 2: Drop it in. 70 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,520 Speaker 1: She pretty much wants the exact opposite, massive wedding in 71 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 1: a big venue. Now, I don't see anything wrong with 72 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,120 Speaker 1: that type of wedding. It just seems like a colossal 73 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,519 Speaker 1: waste of resources to invite every person we know when 74 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,760 Speaker 1: we could instead have fun for a week or two 75 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:34,120 Speaker 1: then get married on the beach with our closest people, 76 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 1: which super quick. I think there's a very fair argument 77 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 1: for both, you know, like one is a big celebration 78 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 1: like which feels like a concert almost, which is a 79 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,600 Speaker 1: dope vibe, and then the other is this intimate, special 80 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 1: moment to share with your friends. Like I see pros, 81 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 1: a lot of pros, and like both approaches. 82 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:53,560 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, for sure. 83 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 1: It doesn't necessarily have to be the beach. I'm flexible, 84 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 1: but I think you get the idea I'm going for 85 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 1: versus the idea that she's going for. That there are 86 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 1: two completely different schools of thoughts. 87 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 3: And also it's not like the option of doing both 88 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:10,760 Speaker 3: makes sense from Opie's perspective, because he's like, the thing 89 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 3: that I'm worried about is the waste of money and 90 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:17,680 Speaker 3: resources not the like emotional connection to the kind of 91 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 3: wedding I have. 92 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:23,159 Speaker 1: Once again, Oh, you worried about money, m spending, Who's money? 93 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:23,400 Speaker 2: Op? 94 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,760 Speaker 3: But wouldn't it be the Isn't it usually the bride's 95 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:29,360 Speaker 3: family that pays for the wedding? 96 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 2: Riley, Maybe you could look that up a little bit. 97 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:37,800 Speaker 1: My understanding is that it's usually parents of both of 98 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,200 Speaker 1: you know, maybe it depends, but like parents are the 99 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:46,960 Speaker 1: ones that are like trying to orchestrate the finances for it. 100 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 4: Traditionally, the bride's family pays for the wedding. 101 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 2: Okay, wow, I didn't know that. 102 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 5: Yeah, growing up it was like the bride's family pays 103 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,719 Speaker 5: for the wedding, and then the groom's parents pays for 104 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,800 Speaker 5: like the reception dinner or like the dinner the night before. 105 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,600 Speaker 2: Interesting. Wow, I never knew that she. 106 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,160 Speaker 1: Basically wants to invite every single person she knows, Like, 107 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,719 Speaker 1: I've looked at her list and she's got friends that 108 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:13,400 Speaker 1: she hasn't seen in years, third cousins, literally everyone. Wow 109 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,680 Speaker 1: to me, if I'm going to spend a boatload of 110 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:19,800 Speaker 1: money again, Notice Topie says I we should do it ourselves, 111 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,920 Speaker 1: not for people we barely know. So the question is 112 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,839 Speaker 1: do we think it's a fair expectation. Let's assume we 113 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: are assuming here because we don't know one hundred percent. 114 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,960 Speaker 1: Assume OPI is affronting the majority of the money for 115 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:37,680 Speaker 1: the wedding, that the wife should have her wedding. 116 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,560 Speaker 3: Well, I think if if her wedding is more expensive 117 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,320 Speaker 3: and op feels like he's not comfortable paying for that, 118 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:48,279 Speaker 3: and they're getting married because the baby, not necessarily because 119 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 3: they're like completely ready, I would say it's fine if 120 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,279 Speaker 3: Opie's girlfriend wants to throw the big wedding, but she 121 00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:01,800 Speaker 3: should financially pay more. Probably yeah, or maybe a some 122 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 3: sort of compromise. Maybe it's like, Okay, me and my 123 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,680 Speaker 3: family might not have the money for it, but maybe 124 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 3: I mean, I guess it is also traditionally like women 125 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:12,600 Speaker 3: like to plan and. 126 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:15,160 Speaker 2: Be in the details of it. But yeah, is there 127 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:16,880 Speaker 2: some other way to help. 128 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,760 Speaker 3: I feel like there could be a compromise if you 129 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,839 Speaker 3: tell If you tell her it's like, hey, this is 130 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,640 Speaker 3: how much money that I'm thinking I would spend on 131 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,600 Speaker 3: a wedding. I was thinking we do something small. If 132 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,720 Speaker 3: you want to do a big wedding, down to do that. 133 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,239 Speaker 3: But I want to contribute the same amount. 134 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,919 Speaker 1: Or Op digs his heels into the ground and says, 135 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 1: we're downgrading from a beautiful beach to dirt road. 136 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:38,680 Speaker 2: I met were you get one friend? 137 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:43,039 Speaker 3: Each one friend, no courthouse, old country, one house. 138 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,240 Speaker 2: People get married to the courthouse all the time. 139 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:48,840 Speaker 1: It's true, and it's cheap, and it's cheap, and it's cheap. 140 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,560 Speaker 2: Technically, you're no longer out of wedlock. 141 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 3: Well, well in the Christian tradition, Whi's married in a church, right, 142 00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 3: this is this is a question for you, big protein guy. 143 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,920 Speaker 1: Check you can't google, gut check. Is that baby out 144 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,760 Speaker 1: of wedlock? Yeah, it's like a shotgun wedding. 145 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:08,159 Speaker 5: Oh shoot, I'm gonna be for real with you, guys. 146 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,400 Speaker 4: I was a shotgun baby, dang. 147 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 5: Yeah, dude, because like my parents got pregnant with me 148 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 5: before they were married, and gut feeling, I feel like, 149 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 5: you just gotta be together before the baby's out. 150 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah together isn't like married together. 151 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:27,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, but can you be well before the baby's out? 152 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,080 Speaker 5: Yeah, Like you gotta be together and then the baby's 153 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 5: not a bastard. 154 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 2: Which makes sense. 155 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 1: Hence the shotgun wedding, because it's like, yo, as long 156 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: as we get this happening before the baby's. 157 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 3: Out, and really like what that is like in the 158 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:44,960 Speaker 3: olden times with that is it's helping ensure both the 159 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 3: baby and the mother are taken care of legally by 160 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:51,080 Speaker 3: the government, right because it's like if you don't get married, 161 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 3: then there there's no recourse for the like the mother 162 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 3: and the baby to any funds or resources. 163 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 1: I am learning all kinds of things about weddings on 164 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:02,600 Speaker 1: this episode today. 165 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 3: And also the reason that you have an engagement ring 166 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 3: is kind of like a deposit on what you would 167 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 3: get because it's like here, I'm going to give it 168 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 3: this to you. I want to marry you, and this 169 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,960 Speaker 3: is like worth three months of salary or whatever. So 170 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,840 Speaker 3: like you're taken care of if something grows off. 171 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 2: Not twenty percent down on your wife. 172 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 3: Twenty percent down your wife, babe down payment learning today, 173 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 3: ladies and gentlemen. So we've been talking about compromises and 174 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 3: making slow progress on that end, which we talked about, 175 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,760 Speaker 3: but we were getting there. She knew prior to getting 176 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,360 Speaker 3: married that I would require a prenup, I make about 177 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,960 Speaker 3: four times her salary and own property and plan to 178 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:41,000 Speaker 3: acquire more. 179 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:45,160 Speaker 2: We were right, oh, PE's loaded. 180 00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:48,160 Speaker 1: I had my lawyer draft up a prenup, and she 181 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,560 Speaker 1: has her own lawyer reviewing it as well. 182 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 2: This is where we come to an impasse. 183 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,200 Speaker 1: Oh, I can see this put I see you in 184 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:59,439 Speaker 1: the comments, if you see what could be going wrong soon. 185 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,520 Speaker 1: Her lawyer believed the prenup was unfair, and we've been 186 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:07,559 Speaker 1: going back and forth making changes. I've made some concessions, 187 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,960 Speaker 1: but I'm kind of at a point where I don't 188 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 1: want to make any more changes. While I admit the 189 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:17,200 Speaker 1: prenup is definitely ironclad, I think it's fair considering the situation. 190 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,280 Speaker 1: I'm taking all the risk. Why would I continue to 191 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:24,280 Speaker 1: concede on things me and my lawyer both believe are fair. 192 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:27,160 Speaker 1: I just want to say real quick, there's a great 193 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 1: line from Ozarks, and that line is in a lot 194 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,880 Speaker 1: of countries. It's one big family. In America, it's one 195 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:39,160 Speaker 1: big LLC. So it's like the pre marriage process is 196 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:44,040 Speaker 1: your lawyers going back and forth, and you know, it's crazy. 197 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:47,080 Speaker 1: I mean, like we we do this for like like 198 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,440 Speaker 1: a brand deal or something, you know, for the love 199 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,600 Speaker 1: of your life, you know which I mean, I I understand, 200 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,360 Speaker 1: but it's just like a crazy concept. 201 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,920 Speaker 3: No I think it it is. I mean I don't 202 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,440 Speaker 3: would I get a prenup? Would you get a prenup? 203 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:02,720 Speaker 2: Riley? 204 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,960 Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, if you think about it, one, the 205 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 5: prenup is whatever the government thinks is fair in your relationship. 206 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:10,439 Speaker 4: So I would get one. 207 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:13,120 Speaker 5: Even if I do give half of everything I own, 208 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,160 Speaker 5: I would still want to have that conversation with my 209 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 5: wife and'd be like, hey, these are the assets I have, 210 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:18,800 Speaker 5: these as says you have I own, make sure I'm 211 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 5: provided for. 212 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:20,480 Speaker 4: I want to make sure you're provided for. 213 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,080 Speaker 5: Let's make that deal between us, rather than the government 214 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,320 Speaker 5: being like, oh, this is what it should be. 215 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:29,480 Speaker 1: Right, you're saying it, so it's not defaulting to the government. 216 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 1: You mean, so it's between the two of you. Yeah, 217 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,600 Speaker 1: I am still completely undecided. 218 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,120 Speaker 3: I feel like, and I don't know if this is true, 219 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:37,840 Speaker 3: but I feel like I would get a prenup to 220 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 3: protect my partner's interests. 221 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,160 Speaker 2: Correct. I've always said that where. 222 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:45,079 Speaker 3: It's like like you don't and I don't know. I mean, 223 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,960 Speaker 3: I think this may happen, but like if someone owns 224 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:52,439 Speaker 3: a company or something like, can a divorce like infect 225 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:53,560 Speaker 3: the company in some way? 226 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:54,600 Speaker 2: I don't know if that's true. 227 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:58,120 Speaker 1: But I've always said to my partner that I want 228 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:01,920 Speaker 1: a prenup for her against me, basically meaning like protect 229 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,480 Speaker 1: her assets. But I am undecided on myself. 230 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 2: You wouldn't want to protect your baby. I don't know. 231 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 2: I don't know, to be honest with you, But. 232 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,960 Speaker 3: What like if you have partners in a company? 233 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:15,079 Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, Like if like for her, Oh oh, 234 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 1: you're saying for partners in a company. Yeah, like what like, like, 235 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 1: couldn't it not partners in my No? No, partners in 236 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:22,560 Speaker 1: a company? 237 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,760 Speaker 3: Like I don't know how often this happens, but like, 238 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,480 Speaker 3: if you own a certain percentage of the company, can 239 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,520 Speaker 3: your wife then say now I own that, I'm on 240 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 3: the board and actually I hate you. So I'm going 241 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,320 Speaker 3: to make sure that every decision is. 242 00:11:35,679 --> 00:11:38,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's that's that's a good point and a 243 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,760 Speaker 1: good consideration. Yeah, I've I've always been I think I'm 244 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 1: open to both, but I haven't really decided yet. 245 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 2: I don't know that's that actually can happen. 246 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,680 Speaker 1: I think it depends on the specific situation, right, Like, 247 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:51,760 Speaker 1: if if a person has either controlling shares or like 248 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,920 Speaker 1: voting shares or something, then in that scenario, yes, that 249 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:56,000 Speaker 1: that person could inherit. 250 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:59,560 Speaker 3: But I think with like Jeff Bezos's wife, she just 251 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,240 Speaker 3: got just money. 252 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 2: Basically got her stock. 253 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:05,480 Speaker 1: I think she got like essentially half of I don't 254 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,720 Speaker 1: know if it was cash er stock or what it was, 255 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 1: but I think she essentially got half in some sort 256 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:10,960 Speaker 1: of value. 257 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 3: Woh casher everything right, Yeah, forty six billion dollars. 258 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:17,040 Speaker 2: And she gave it all away. 259 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:21,439 Speaker 1: She gave money to my mom was working for Goodwill, 260 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,520 Speaker 1: and she gave like ten million dollars to the Goodwill 261 00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 1: my mom was working for. That's one good Will one. Yeah, 262 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 1: she gave away all She gave away billions, billions of dollars, 263 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,800 Speaker 1: like immediately, she hired a team of people to research 264 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 1: what the best places were to like donate to, and 265 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 1: just started pumping billions like immediately a SAP. 266 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 2: That's crazy. 267 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,000 Speaker 1: I think it might have been one of the fastest 268 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:49,960 Speaker 1: like depreciations of the diffusions of wealth ever. But I 269 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,280 Speaker 1: think she I think Bill Gates or someone did this too. 270 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,960 Speaker 1: It's like, oh, the amount that she captain then reinvested, 271 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,680 Speaker 1: like grew so much that it almost made no difference. 272 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 1: Something along those lines. Oh really, yeah, so a lot 273 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,199 Speaker 1: of it was then I think, and you could look 274 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,480 Speaker 1: me up with this. I could be wrong, but I 275 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 1: think Bill Gates did something similar, whereas like he was 276 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,559 Speaker 1: like donating a lot of money and then he had 277 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 1: a lot of money invested in various means and he 278 00:13:11,559 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 1: was able to get a lot of it back. 279 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:17,440 Speaker 3: So he's donated so much, he's making so much money 280 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:20,560 Speaker 3: that basically like the donations. 281 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:23,319 Speaker 1: Kind of evening out, you know, maybe not like exactly evenly, 282 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,240 Speaker 1: but imagine how much. 283 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 3: More he could donate if he kept that principle help from. 284 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,720 Speaker 2: His b life. It's clearly about to take all his money. 285 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 1: So recently we got into a minor argument over the 286 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 1: wedding stuff in general, regarding the prenup slash wedding, and 287 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 1: I was just like, maybe we should just keep things 288 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,600 Speaker 1: how they are, but she wants it for the like 289 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:46,240 Speaker 1: she doesn't want to have a baby at a wedlock. 290 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 2: Can I deal exactly? 291 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 1: So it's kind of being like, maybe we should just 292 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,360 Speaker 1: not do the thing you want. Yeah, And what did 293 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,640 Speaker 1: she say? Of course she flipped we cooled down sense 294 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:58,000 Speaker 1: and she says that she still wants to make this happen, 295 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,719 Speaker 1: but I need to be more open to comprom I 296 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 1: feel like, given the situation, I've compromised more than I 297 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:04,760 Speaker 1: already should have. 298 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:06,200 Speaker 2: Because he doesn't even want to get married. 299 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, he's he's like, she seems very excited about it. 300 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,960 Speaker 1: He seems like open to it, but not excited. Yeah, 301 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 1: at a minimum. I talked to my brother about it, 302 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:17,280 Speaker 1: and he told me that I've compromised more than enough 303 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:20,120 Speaker 1: and had to hold firm and worst case you stay 304 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 1: girlfriend and boyfriend, which is realistically probably better anyways, also 305 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 1: again seemingly not what the girlfriend wants. My sister disagrees 306 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,040 Speaker 1: and says I'm being a jerk for not working with 307 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:31,480 Speaker 1: her more. 308 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,040 Speaker 3: But he doesn't want to. He doesn't even want to 309 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,720 Speaker 3: get married. I guess it's also like, do how much 310 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 3: do you value this relationship? Because it could be a 311 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 3: deal breaker for her? This is true the way I 312 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:40,120 Speaker 3: see it. 313 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:43,360 Speaker 1: Why would I risk everything I've worked for when I'm 314 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 1: not even getting the wedding I want, nor the financial 315 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,400 Speaker 1: protection I want just so I can say that I'm married. 316 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,960 Speaker 1: There's just very few tangible benefits I'd be getting in 317 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,160 Speaker 1: relation to the risk. So am I the a whole? 318 00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:00,400 Speaker 1: There are some edits, but let's pause right now and 319 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 1: ask the question is op the A hole in this moment. 320 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 3: I mean, he is taking a very calculated approach yeah 321 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,760 Speaker 3: to it. But to be fair, he also had this 322 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 3: thing sprung up on him, like and it's something that 323 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 3: he doesn't want. 324 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 2: Is he the A hole? 325 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 3: I don't think so, just because it's not like he 326 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:25,240 Speaker 3: didn't really want to get married. Yeah, and he is 327 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:28,960 Speaker 3: already making consolations by even agreeing to get married, but 328 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:34,040 Speaker 3: with a like with this prenup in in place, I don't. 329 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:34,960 Speaker 2: Think he's the A hole. Yeah. 330 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 3: I would say, like, I don't know, maybe that maybe 331 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:37,680 Speaker 3: I'm wrong with I don't know. 332 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I would say, let us know in 333 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,560 Speaker 1: the comments, which you think, we're very curious to hear 334 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:45,080 Speaker 1: your thoughts, he is being calculating. Yeah, he's being calculating. 335 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 1: I think, Like, I mean, there's like the a whole spectrum. 336 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,840 Speaker 1: Yeah right, I would say he's just below the line 337 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 1: of not the A hole, you know what I mean, 338 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:53,360 Speaker 1: because he's. 339 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 2: He's treating it like a very. 340 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 3: Much feels like a transaction. 341 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels like a business transaction, which is not 342 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:01,000 Speaker 1: what you want. 343 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:02,400 Speaker 2: But I think he's not thinking. 344 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,560 Speaker 3: He's not thinking about like marriage as a in a 345 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,680 Speaker 3: romance in a romantic way. He's he's thinking about it. Okay, 346 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 3: I'm involving the government in my in my my love. 347 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,040 Speaker 3: Yeah like that, Like marriage is a different thing than 348 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,600 Speaker 3: me being in love with this person. 349 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, which fair. Again, I think it's like calculated and 350 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,520 Speaker 1: maybe like yeah, a little a little removed. 351 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:21,440 Speaker 2: Yeah. 352 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 1: And but like you said, I mean, he has has 353 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 1: made a pretty big concession already in agreeing to get married. 354 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, So I would say, I would say, just below 355 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,680 Speaker 2: the line of not the A hole. 356 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,440 Speaker 3: Which if he said, hey, I don't want to get married, 357 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,720 Speaker 3: to see the A hole, because I don't think he's 358 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,040 Speaker 3: the A hole in that case either. 359 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,200 Speaker 2: I don't think so. 360 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 3: So how could he be the A hole in conceding 361 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,120 Speaker 3: and conceding to get married. 362 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, I I I very I don't think that he 363 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,440 Speaker 1: would be the A hole if he said that he 364 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 1: didn't feel comfortable already getting married. 365 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 3: Yet, as long as he takes care of the kid, 366 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,520 Speaker 3: I think that's and her and her. 367 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,200 Speaker 1: As long as he takes care of the two of them, 368 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,800 Speaker 1: I think that puts him in a pretty safe space 369 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:00,640 Speaker 1: in the not the. 370 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,920 Speaker 3: A whole category. I agree, But we have more to 371 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,000 Speaker 3: the story Okay. 372 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,240 Speaker 1: Edit, Okay, I feel like I made her look bad 373 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:08,399 Speaker 1: in the original post, So let's run some things down. 374 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,760 Speaker 1: Number one, the price of the wedding isn't the problem. 375 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,960 Speaker 1: The cost of the wedding she wants versus the one 376 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,080 Speaker 1: I want are dang near the same amount. 377 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,320 Speaker 3: Oh really, okay, So it's okay, cool. 378 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,359 Speaker 1: It's just the things we want to use for that amount. 379 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,160 Speaker 1: So ergo the bigger one or the smaller one. 380 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:21,639 Speaker 2: Number two. 381 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 1: I don't think she's maliciously going after me, and I 382 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,919 Speaker 1: do see her as the person I want to spend 383 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 1: the rest of my life with. Okay, then that changes 384 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:33,320 Speaker 1: some things. Yeah, we were planning on moving in together regardless. However, 385 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,560 Speaker 1: like I mentioned, prenup is ironclad. I'm not going to 386 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 1: go into the details of the prenup for obvious reasons. 387 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,040 Speaker 1: Why withhold this information from. 388 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,320 Speaker 3: Us because maybe he doesn't want her to know. 389 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,879 Speaker 1: But it's juicy tea juicy, But I will say it 390 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,640 Speaker 1: probably favors me. The language she wants in the prenup 391 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:54,960 Speaker 1: leaves more interpretation to the judge. It's nothing necessarily crazy 392 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:58,680 Speaker 1: and from my understanding, somewhat common in prenups versus the 393 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,800 Speaker 1: language I want is very precise with things I have 394 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:07,080 Speaker 1: specifically outlined. Regardless of the circumstance, she wouldn't be screwed 395 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 1: or anything, and probably be doing better financially speaking than 396 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,080 Speaker 1: she is now. She already does pretty okay for herself, 397 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,240 Speaker 1: but the pre nup is about as strong as it 398 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,800 Speaker 1: can be while still being reliably enforceable. And another thing 399 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,399 Speaker 1: that I want to make clear, it's not that I 400 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,159 Speaker 1: don't want to get married. The idea of marriage and 401 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,760 Speaker 1: being married to someone you love is cool. I'm not 402 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,960 Speaker 1: against it like I may have sounded. If anything, I 403 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,040 Speaker 1: may be the paranoid one. My parents are divorced, both 404 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,280 Speaker 1: of my brothers got divorced, my cousins, et cetera. I 405 00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 1: just know how we feel about each other may not 406 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 1: be the case forever. As sad as that may be, 407 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,560 Speaker 1: in the case that something happens, I don't want to 408 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:45,720 Speaker 1: give a large portion of my assets. I would always 409 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,399 Speaker 1: support the kids and make sure that he slash she 410 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,679 Speaker 1: has her needs met. It is my child number three. 411 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,440 Speaker 1: This isn't a problem with the relationship. If we don't 412 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,920 Speaker 1: get married, we'll stay together and raise the kid. It's 413 00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:01,000 Speaker 1: not totally unexpected. I was pulling out, but crap happens, 414 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:07,040 Speaker 1: dang like that kind the pullout method always was, Yet 415 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,760 Speaker 1: doesn't we both acknowledge the risk of getting pregnant and 416 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:14,080 Speaker 1: we're okay with the possibility. I never promised her marriage 417 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,440 Speaker 1: if that was the case. In fact, in the first 418 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,000 Speaker 1: year of dating, I told her I didn't plan on 419 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,960 Speaker 1: getting married at all, back when we said we weren't 420 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,920 Speaker 1: that serious. I say all this to say, there isn't 421 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:28,040 Speaker 1: something that I've been expecting, and she had never made 422 00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:30,640 Speaker 1: this much of a fuss about getting married before now. 423 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:32,840 Speaker 1: Number four, Another thing I noticed a lot of comments 424 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,720 Speaker 1: about is that they're assuming she would be pregnant at 425 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:39,280 Speaker 1: the wedding. We would wait until after the birth. When 426 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,400 Speaker 1: I said she doesn't want to have a baby out 427 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,840 Speaker 1: of wedlock, I didn't mean that literally, like if we 428 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,719 Speaker 1: got married a couple months or years after, it wouldn't 429 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:48,560 Speaker 1: be a big deal to her. 430 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:49,159 Speaker 2: My mistake. 431 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,240 Speaker 1: I guess she just wants to raise a child in 432 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,399 Speaker 1: a marriage marriage. That's what it looks like, which is 433 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,240 Speaker 1: a good clarification. Number Five, we are in the process 434 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,560 Speaker 1: of moving in together and are going to raise the 435 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 1: baby to together, regardless of the outcome of this dispute. 436 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:03,400 Speaker 2: Now. 437 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,480 Speaker 1: I know this is where a bunch of Reddit people 438 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:09,639 Speaker 1: call me naive, but this possibility has already been discussed. 439 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,680 Speaker 1: We do not have any intention of raising the baby 440 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,399 Speaker 1: in a dual household, and if we did, I would 441 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:19,200 Speaker 1: have no problem paying child support. More details about the prenup. Yes, 442 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,199 Speaker 1: it's ironclad, but it's not unfair to answer some of 443 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:22,800 Speaker 1: the questions. 444 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,080 Speaker 3: But he did say that it was more in favor 445 00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:26,879 Speaker 3: of him. He did say it was more in favor, 446 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,879 Speaker 3: which fair means it's in favor of both equally correct. 447 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:34,240 Speaker 1: True, I guess he's saying it's not egregiously in his favor. Yeah, 448 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,800 Speaker 1: like you like fifty one percent better? You know, kind 449 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,000 Speaker 1: of a deal to answer some of the questions people 450 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:39,560 Speaker 1: are asking. 451 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,439 Speaker 2: Yes, it guarantees that she. 452 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,480 Speaker 1: Will have a place to live if we were to 453 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:46,359 Speaker 1: get a divorce, and she is guaranteed alimony for a 454 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:50,640 Speaker 1: certain period as well additional information. I did one more 455 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,960 Speaker 1: look through this thread and I saw all of your comments. 456 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 1: As much as I would love to respond to each one, 457 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,320 Speaker 1: sadly don't have a time, but I'll answer them here. 458 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,639 Speaker 1: I can tell you don't understand finances or how legal 459 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:05,119 Speaker 1: documents work dang burn woo. So I'll try to break 460 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:07,920 Speaker 1: everything down in a very simplistic way that you can 461 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:14,800 Speaker 1: understand inikes backhand. Number one, Yes, divorce is way costlier 462 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,240 Speaker 1: than child support. You keep asking for sources, but a 463 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,359 Speaker 1: lot of the stuff should be common sense, especially for 464 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:21,840 Speaker 1: someone with as much life experience as many of you 465 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:25,440 Speaker 1: are saying, especially considering your a divorced single mom yourself. 466 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,600 Speaker 2: I feel like that was to one specific person. 467 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, that was personal. I would think you would have 468 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,760 Speaker 1: some personal experience. Anyways, I'll break this down with simple 469 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,800 Speaker 1: numbers to make it easy for you to comprehend. Let's 470 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 1: say that she were getting two grand a month in 471 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,680 Speaker 1: child support. Average in California is four hundred and thirty 472 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,399 Speaker 1: and usually tops out at eight hundred dollars according to Google. 473 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:46,880 Speaker 1: But I wanted to make this example fun and leave 474 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,040 Speaker 1: you no room for the twist on the situation. So 475 00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:52,399 Speaker 1: two thousand a month times twelve months equals twenty four grand. 476 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 1: Twenty four grand times eighteen years of support is four 477 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 1: hundred thirty two thousand dollars. Now, in a divorce, things 478 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,120 Speaker 1: like property on the table. So let's say she gets 479 00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:05,879 Speaker 1: a property extremely unrealistic. She would definitely get more. But 480 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,439 Speaker 1: again just trying to help you understand, so keeping it 481 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:11,200 Speaker 1: as simple as possible so you don't get confused. Let's 482 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,240 Speaker 1: say the value of the house is five hundred grand, 483 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,840 Speaker 1: again on lowen, most properties in California go for way more. 484 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 1: Let's say you're not going to find a decent house 485 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,720 Speaker 1: for five hundred grand in California. Now, if you still 486 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,439 Speaker 1: don't understand, I will spell it out. 487 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,800 Speaker 3: It's just like your tiny brain can't comprehend. 488 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:27,879 Speaker 2: Let me keep going. 489 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:29,480 Speaker 4: Just losing one. 490 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:32,840 Speaker 1: Valuable property is more of a financial loss than child 491 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,439 Speaker 1: support would ever be. And in most cases, you're not 492 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 1: just losing one property if you have multiple. That's not 493 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,600 Speaker 1: even to mention child support is spread over years, whereas 494 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,040 Speaker 1: you could lose hundreds of thousands of dollars of value 495 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,720 Speaker 1: in a single day losing a property. Those losses are 496 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,359 Speaker 1: in no way comparable. And I'm genuinely curious about the 497 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,159 Speaker 1: mental gymnastics that you could be doing to believe that, 498 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:53,200 Speaker 1: or if you just. 499 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,440 Speaker 2: Don't understand basic finances. 500 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,720 Speaker 1: Either way, I hope my explanation was a little bit 501 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,000 Speaker 1: educational to you. 502 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:05,359 Speaker 3: Number two, he is an asshole for this part. Yes, absolutely, 503 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:08,760 Speaker 3: And also I think I'm seeing some of the like 504 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,960 Speaker 3: in the earlier sections where he's talking like a little 505 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,520 Speaker 3: bit unemotionally about it. Yeah, I can see a little 506 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,359 Speaker 3: bit like we saw a little bit of the assholeness 507 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,520 Speaker 3: bubble up of the situation. I feel like didn't really 508 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,600 Speaker 3: quite make him the asshole down to be proven wrong. 509 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,760 Speaker 3: So put your answers to the comments if you think differently. 510 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 3: But this is just like he's being an asshole. Yeah, 511 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:27,880 Speaker 3: like feels personally attacked. 512 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,359 Speaker 1: He did not need to go in on what seems 513 00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:32,960 Speaker 1: to now be a single mom. Yeah, in the common 514 00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,440 Speaker 1: or us, it feels like he's talking to us. 515 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:36,320 Speaker 2: I'm reading it. 516 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 4: I know. 517 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 1: Number two, you don't have to get married to have 518 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,359 Speaker 1: a baby. The fact that you keep implying that it 519 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,040 Speaker 1: is morally wrong when the majority of babies are born 520 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:47,359 Speaker 1: out of wedlock is showing your ignorance about reality. Number three, 521 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 1: As you should know, prenups are deemed unfair and are 522 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:54,000 Speaker 1: often thrown out. My lawyer literally told me any prenup 523 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:57,040 Speaker 1: we drew up without alimony would likely be tossed. 524 00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,400 Speaker 2: How is that for a source. I'll be going at 525 00:23:59,440 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 2: it again. 526 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:03,920 Speaker 1: Number four, I think we are compatible as roommates. Tank 527 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:08,640 Speaker 1: because while yes, she doesn't live with me, she probably 528 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,920 Speaker 1: stays at my house four to five nights out of 529 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:12,920 Speaker 1: the week, if not more some weeks. Half of her 530 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,240 Speaker 1: closer over here. The majority of the food that she 531 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,159 Speaker 1: makes is over here. The point of us living together 532 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,000 Speaker 1: is not something foreign to us, as you might like 533 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:24,080 Speaker 1: to make it seem. And number five, Yes, the verdict 534 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,840 Speaker 1: is totally unanimous. That's why you have thirty plus comments 535 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:31,359 Speaker 1: arguing with people in the comments about it being so unanimous. 536 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,280 Speaker 1: Based on the fact that you have like thirty separate comments, 537 00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:37,480 Speaker 1: full long paragraphs arguing with everyone in the situation, you 538 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,560 Speaker 1: have no pardon. You clearly have some bitterness because the 539 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,520 Speaker 1: situation resonates with you, and for that, I'm sorry. I 540 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,200 Speaker 1: do hope you can find a better way to heal 541 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:49,520 Speaker 1: and get past your trauma. Wow, best of luck. My 542 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:53,399 Speaker 1: goodness ration went in on this single mom. Okay, so 543 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:57,720 Speaker 1: let's pause real quick. We have more specific, relevant comments 544 00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 1: that he was responding to, not just a diet tribe 545 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:04,879 Speaker 1: on one unnamed, uncommented comment. But we think he's all 546 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:05,480 Speaker 1: right now. 547 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,919 Speaker 3: For chewing out this single mom, who he says is 548 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:13,199 Speaker 3: hurting yeah, I think Yeah, for the other stuff with 549 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:18,359 Speaker 3: the wife, I think he's emotionally removed. Yeah, from the 550 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:22,240 Speaker 3: concept of marriage, it seems like, which gives me a 551 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,640 Speaker 3: little bit like a whole vibes. But I don't think 552 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,400 Speaker 3: he's the a hole for the decision that he is 553 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,280 Speaker 3: making in terms of the prenup. 554 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,720 Speaker 1: I'm also kind of wondering, like, if this is how 555 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,359 Speaker 1: you treat like a single mom, I don't know. 556 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:38,359 Speaker 2: It's a little old. Yeah, no is a red flag. 557 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,600 Speaker 3: Like I'm now looking at how he's writing this comment 558 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,760 Speaker 3: and reflecting back like maybe he isn't giving us the 559 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:49,800 Speaker 3: full story, or maybe I think this is more likely 560 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:54,439 Speaker 3: the prenup is way more unbalanced than he's admitting, like, 561 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,879 Speaker 3: way more in his favor, even he is admitting that 562 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:01,000 Speaker 3: it's in his favor, and so like maybe he's maybe 563 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:02,400 Speaker 3: it's maybe it's egregious. 564 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, do we trust him to not tell us that 565 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:05,440 Speaker 2: it's egregious. 566 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:09,840 Speaker 3: I'm honestly trusting him way less now that I've heard 567 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:11,840 Speaker 3: him go in on this single mom like this, I. 568 00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:13,840 Speaker 1: Would say the same, but he might have gone on 569 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:17,320 Speaker 1: some more commenters, So let's check those outs more. There's 570 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 1: more relevant comments from Molly Coddle four seven o four. 571 00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:22,000 Speaker 2: Actually he did not. 572 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,879 Speaker 1: He specifically said that with the prenup she would only 573 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:28,240 Speaker 1: be doing slightly better than okay, which is how she's 574 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,920 Speaker 1: doing pre baby with a job. Doesn't sound like he's 575 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,760 Speaker 1: interested in putting in the duties as a primary caregiver 576 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,639 Speaker 1: and would probably bulk at paying for a caregiver. So 577 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,480 Speaker 1: she'd end up way worse if the marriage ended, and 578 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,000 Speaker 1: that's how he wants it to be. 579 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,080 Speaker 3: Hope, He responds, that's actually what that commenter makes a 580 00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:44,760 Speaker 3: great point. 581 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, I would happily pay for a caregiver if she 582 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,960 Speaker 1: continued working. As of right now, she said she would 583 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,240 Speaker 1: prefer to stay at home, but she said that she 584 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 1: may change her mind after the birth. I'm totally fine 585 00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,119 Speaker 1: with either option, but yeah, I kind of like, what 586 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,440 Speaker 1: are thought about that is? That is pretty interesting once 587 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,199 Speaker 1: you have a baby in the picture caregiver. You know, 588 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,840 Speaker 1: there's we've read multiple cases on this very show where 589 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,280 Speaker 1: they were literally like, it doesn't make sense for me 590 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:14,439 Speaker 1: to go work and pay for a caregiver because the 591 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:15,120 Speaker 1: cost of the. 592 00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:16,919 Speaker 2: Care is expensive. 593 00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:20,760 Speaker 1: It's more in some cases in some cases, so maybe 594 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 1: keeps keeps sliding down. 595 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,520 Speaker 2: The ale, you know what I mean. 596 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,240 Speaker 3: I mean, it's an interesting thought, like and I've really 597 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,960 Speaker 3: never thought about this, but not only like you shouldn't 598 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:33,359 Speaker 3: when thinking about a prenup. Your wife shouldn't be just 599 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,919 Speaker 3: as good as off as she is now, because the 600 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:40,840 Speaker 3: expectation is that, like your lifestyle increases over time, especially 601 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,879 Speaker 3: as you have more responsibilities and stuff, so she should 602 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,560 Speaker 3: be better off if you in the case of divorce 603 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:47,359 Speaker 3: than she is now. 604 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:50,240 Speaker 1: I'm curious if if anyone knows watching this right now, 605 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:54,600 Speaker 1: if a lot of prenups or these like divorce settlement 606 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,280 Speaker 1: cases have it where it's almost like a stare stepper 607 00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:01,480 Speaker 1: with the children you have with that person. Each like 608 00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:05,080 Speaker 1: each child with that person gives you stare steps it up, 609 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:07,160 Speaker 1: you know, if you have a child with someone else. Okay, 610 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,080 Speaker 1: that's well, that's what Usually it's just fifty and I 611 00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:12,040 Speaker 1: think it's just usually just it's usually fifty fishes fifty fifty, 612 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 1: so it's like call it fifty to fifty. 613 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:15,560 Speaker 2: That's even. But yeah, I was curious. 614 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:16,879 Speaker 1: I don't know if any of you know any cases 615 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,280 Speaker 1: or maybe you have your own stories of divorce, prenups, 616 00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:19,760 Speaker 1: et cetera. 617 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:21,639 Speaker 2: Yeah, altate what is fair. 618 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,919 Speaker 3: Like, let's say someone has a bunch of assets like 619 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,840 Speaker 3: properties and stuff before the marriage, is it fair to 620 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:27,640 Speaker 3: get fifty percent? 621 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:28,880 Speaker 2: I would love to know what you guys think. 622 00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:32,960 Speaker 1: Very curious, but Sam, we have an update, juicy updates. 623 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,200 Speaker 2: It's juicy. It's juicy, man. 624 00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,120 Speaker 1: So my last post ended up getting way more attention 625 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,680 Speaker 1: than I anticipated, and a lot of you guys DMed 626 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,560 Speaker 1: me with advice and asking for an update. Thanks to 627 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:45,520 Speaker 1: everyone who reached out with the advice. A couple of 628 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:48,120 Speaker 1: you guys' stories and pieces of advice are what ended 629 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:51,920 Speaker 1: up helping me stand firm on the decision. Okay, I 630 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,840 Speaker 1: tried to respond to some of you, but apologies if 631 00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 1: I didn't get to you. Also, not sure about the 632 00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,600 Speaker 1: rules and updates or if it is allowed. First, I'm 633 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:00,400 Speaker 1: going to answer some of the common ques since I 634 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:03,240 Speaker 1: saw throughout the thread, I realized if I don't specify something, 635 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,360 Speaker 1: everyone will just fill in the blanks for themselves, which 636 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:08,840 Speaker 1: a little fair Yeah, which I guess I can't be 637 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,440 Speaker 1: too mad at Number one. Yes, we are both aware 638 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:13,680 Speaker 1: of what birth control is and how to use it. 639 00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:15,800 Speaker 1: For the first two years of our relationship, she was 640 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:17,800 Speaker 1: on the pill, but she told me she wanted to 641 00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,560 Speaker 1: get rid of it because it was messing with her hormones. 642 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,120 Speaker 1: She said I could use protection if I wanted to, 643 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,400 Speaker 1: but that didn't last for too long. 644 00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:27,959 Speaker 2: Much like op nah, I'm just kidding. 645 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,960 Speaker 1: We both We both knew and accepted that this could 646 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:33,040 Speaker 1: potentially happen. 647 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:33,640 Speaker 2: Number two. 648 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,280 Speaker 1: Yes, I said she doesn't live with me, but I 649 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:39,160 Speaker 1: should have provided more context. Yeah, she doesn't technically live 650 00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:42,360 Speaker 1: with me, but she primarily stays at my place. She 651 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,880 Speaker 1: has her own apartment, but sleeps at mine a minimum 652 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,720 Speaker 1: of four to five nights a week, sometimes even more. 653 00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:49,800 Speaker 1: Most of her closer here, and the food she makes heres, 654 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:50,200 Speaker 1: et cetera. 655 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:50,920 Speaker 2: I think you get the. 656 00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:54,080 Speaker 1: Point number three For everyone who keeps saying to terminate 657 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:57,360 Speaker 1: the pregnancy. She's had the option for that the entire time. 658 00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,680 Speaker 1: I've made that clear to her the whole time. She 659 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,360 Speaker 1: is choosing this. We live in California, so it's not 660 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,240 Speaker 1: like it's illegal or anything. When she asked my opinion, 661 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:07,400 Speaker 1: I told her I preferred she'd keep it, but if 662 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,160 Speaker 1: she wanted to terminate the pregnancy, I would help her. 663 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,440 Speaker 1: I would get her one and support her decision regardless. 664 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 1: And she chose to keep it. I think those were 665 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:20,240 Speaker 1: the main questions. Onto the updates. We ended up having 666 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:23,000 Speaker 1: a discussion about the whole marriage thing, where we both 667 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:26,160 Speaker 1: were able to get our opinions slash concerns out there 668 00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:29,040 Speaker 1: just me and her, no lawyers or anything, which I 669 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:31,760 Speaker 1: think is good. It was really helpful because it let 670 00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:33,960 Speaker 1: both of us get our concerns out there. We ended 671 00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 1: up agreeing that the whole marriage slash prenup situation was 672 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,720 Speaker 1: too stressful right now while we were dealing with so 673 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:42,760 Speaker 1: many things pregnancy, moving in et cetera, et cetera. 674 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:44,840 Speaker 2: So we agreed that for now. 675 00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 1: We would focus on the baby and pend the marriage 676 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,440 Speaker 1: conversation for now. I agreed to be open on discussing 677 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:52,720 Speaker 1: it again in a couple of years once everything is 678 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:56,040 Speaker 1: settled down, and she ended up satisfied with that. That 679 00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:58,400 Speaker 1: was last week, and as of a couple days ago, 680 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:00,680 Speaker 1: we finished moving the rest of her her stuff to 681 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,280 Speaker 1: my place. Her lease ends at the end of this month, 682 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:05,400 Speaker 1: and all that is left in the apartment is some 683 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,640 Speaker 1: furniture that she plans to give to her family. And 684 00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:11,160 Speaker 1: since this is my last post on the situation, I'll 685 00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,120 Speaker 1: provide more clarity about why I don't want to compromise 686 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,760 Speaker 1: any further on the prenup. Language that my lawyer and 687 00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:19,720 Speaker 1: I chose to use was very definitive about what would 688 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:22,600 Speaker 1: happen in the event of the divorce. On the other hand, 689 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,920 Speaker 1: first was not again still not going into detail, but 690 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:29,000 Speaker 1: I'll say what my lawyer told me. He basically said 691 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,400 Speaker 1: that if I were to concede the language any further, 692 00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,360 Speaker 1: he could no longer give me a guarantee on what 693 00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:36,640 Speaker 1: I stand to lose. He said, at that point, I 694 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,680 Speaker 1: would pretty much be at the mercy of the judge's interpretation, 695 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:43,080 Speaker 1: meaning anything could happen, especially considering the fact that we 696 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,960 Speaker 1: live in California. For me, that would defeat the entire 697 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:48,719 Speaker 1: purpose of the prenup, which is why I wasn't willing 698 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,560 Speaker 1: to concede on it. I actually was willing to concede 699 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,360 Speaker 1: on the actual wedding plans, but I just couldn't imagine 700 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,400 Speaker 1: letting a court system that is historically pretty unfair to 701 00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,560 Speaker 1: men have the final say over my assets. I assured 702 00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,120 Speaker 1: my girlfriend that in the event that we are separated, 703 00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,600 Speaker 1: I would make sure that she is still taken care of, 704 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:06,720 Speaker 1: which made her feel. 705 00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:08,320 Speaker 2: Better about the whole situation. As well. 706 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:12,000 Speaker 1: I don't think my problem was necessarily the commitment to her. 707 00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:14,440 Speaker 1: It was more the fact that someone else would have 708 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 1: the final say over everything in the scenario when things 709 00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:22,000 Speaker 1: go wrong versus myself having the final say, which, as 710 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,560 Speaker 1: many of you have pointed out, means that I'm just 711 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:29,520 Speaker 1: not ready for marriage. That is the main thing. I 712 00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,120 Speaker 1: just don't think Ope's ready for marriage. Yeah, that's what 713 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:34,280 Speaker 1: we kind of like have known since the beginning. 714 00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:34,960 Speaker 4: Yeah. 715 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:38,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, And you know, in Op's defense, you could say 716 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,840 Speaker 1: he was at least willing to try. You know, he 717 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,880 Speaker 1: was like okay for her too. He agreed, he agreed 718 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,400 Speaker 1: to do it, and it got a little messy with 719 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,600 Speaker 1: the lawyers in the back and forth. There's one final 720 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:55,200 Speaker 1: relevant comment. Drunken Donkey Tale great username says, sure, okay, 721 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,320 Speaker 1: so long as you understand what your stance will engender, 722 00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:02,680 Speaker 1: your girlfriend slash baby will understand that she is largely 723 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,479 Speaker 1: on her own. Certainly, if she has any sense, she 724 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:09,000 Speaker 1: will understand that she must be very prudent with her finances. 725 00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,920 Speaker 1: This means that she needs to work continuously to protect herself. 726 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,960 Speaker 1: I do hope that you've considered what lumpsum to transfer 727 00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:18,120 Speaker 1: to the girlfriend to reimburse her for that career hit 728 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,440 Speaker 1: this pregnancy will cause due to the diminished energy having 729 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:25,320 Speaker 1: to take on less challenging assignments, distrust by her superiors, etc. 730 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 1: If the baby is born with special needs, she knows 731 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:30,720 Speaker 1: that she cannot be the one to sacrifice her work 732 00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,480 Speaker 1: take them to medical care, despite it being the most 733 00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:37,160 Speaker 1: healthy option. This baby cannot be breastfed since the time 734 00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:39,880 Speaker 1: and energy would eat away of the girlfriend's work energies. 735 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,240 Speaker 1: Unless you plan to reimburse her, you need to prepare 736 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,200 Speaker 1: to be the parent who stays home whenever the child's ill. 737 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,160 Speaker 1: You need to prepare to attend to the various appointments, meeting, 738 00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:52,080 Speaker 1: school events, play dates, shot for birthday presents, and throw parties. 739 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,440 Speaker 1: Your girlfriend cannot afford to jeopardize her financial security since 740 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,760 Speaker 1: her resources are less than yours. Men feel like they've 741 00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:00,200 Speaker 1: been screwed by women out to take their money, Just 742 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:03,320 Speaker 1: don't think that they've calculated small financial hits all of 743 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:06,840 Speaker 1: these quote unquote opportunistic women took during the course of 744 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:07,760 Speaker 1: rearing their children. 745 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:09,439 Speaker 2: Certainly, if no children. 746 00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:11,560 Speaker 1: Or joint efforts to build a business are involved, then 747 00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:16,680 Speaker 1: you support you. I support myself as perfectly equitable, Opie response. 748 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:18,359 Speaker 2: So she's not on her own. 749 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,920 Speaker 1: I pay for pretty much anything she needs, whate ridiculous 750 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:23,160 Speaker 1: out of touch thing to say. 751 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:23,640 Speaker 2: Lol. 752 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:26,000 Speaker 1: She's also choosing not to work if she wanted to 753 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:28,359 Speaker 1: continue with her career. I told her that we could 754 00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:30,880 Speaker 1: get her a nanny slash daycare or whatever. She is 755 00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,880 Speaker 1: adamant about being stay at home mom, which is cool 756 00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:36,279 Speaker 1: and I totally support that. But you phrase this entire 757 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,799 Speaker 1: thing like I'm making her do this or making her 758 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:40,960 Speaker 1: have the kid. I don't discount the things that she 759 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,440 Speaker 1: will have to give up slash sacrifice. I'll always make 760 00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,400 Speaker 1: sure she's taken care of, but I don't think I 761 00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:47,640 Speaker 1: should be at the mercy of the government slash her 762 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,160 Speaker 1: in the event something goes wrong. And of course I'll 763 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,839 Speaker 1: do my part in raising the kid. I feel like 764 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:57,760 Speaker 1: I've made that clear. Opie really states his case. 765 00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:02,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, I I mean, I do think the comment before 766 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,680 Speaker 3: op responded was like insightful. 767 00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:08,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think it enumerted different things because you 768 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:10,640 Speaker 1: know that, which is kind of why I asked the 769 00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,440 Speaker 1: question earlier to everyone, Like, and you said, most of 770 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:15,920 Speaker 1: the time you get fifty to fifty, which probably the case, 771 00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,239 Speaker 1: but in the case that that doesn't happen, does it 772 00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:22,040 Speaker 1: kind of stare step, you know, with the additional responsibilities? 773 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:23,719 Speaker 1: Like what a great point? What if the child the 774 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:25,759 Speaker 1: special needs? I don't know, you know, I. 775 00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:27,839 Speaker 3: Mean I think you have to have a prenup. Yeah, right, 776 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,200 Speaker 3: if you if you have a prenup, then you can 777 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,239 Speaker 3: kind of account for that. But if you don't, then 778 00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:33,400 Speaker 3: it's going to be defay. 779 00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:36,040 Speaker 1: And I guess the danger that the commenter is presenting 780 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,200 Speaker 1: if like if anyone, if you have a prenup and 781 00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:41,480 Speaker 1: then the child ends up special needs, and then the 782 00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:43,960 Speaker 1: wife is like, oh, hey, this wasn't in the contract, 783 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,800 Speaker 1: and then the pert the you know, husband in the 784 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,600 Speaker 1: iron clad the husband's like, no, I'm not going to 785 00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:50,000 Speaker 1: paint it. So it's like, hey, it would have been 786 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:54,400 Speaker 1: fine if there there wasn't this additional cost there, but 787 00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:56,680 Speaker 1: now there is, so you're sol. 788 00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, tricky situation. Tricky. 789 00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:01,560 Speaker 3: What I mean, what he is doing is he's just 790 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:02,920 Speaker 3: protecting himself. 791 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:04,320 Speaker 2: He's breaking himself. 792 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,759 Speaker 3: What if he I mean if he says that he's 793 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:09,239 Speaker 3: protecting like if he's going to make like sure the 794 00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:13,000 Speaker 3: kid's taken care of, does that make his neglect of 795 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:15,400 Speaker 3: the mother more okay. 796 00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:18,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, and to play a kind of devil's advocate against 797 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:22,040 Speaker 1: op at that point, with the specificity, it seems of 798 00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:25,560 Speaker 1: that contract, the girlfriend has to take him at his word, 799 00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:29,440 Speaker 1: whereas he has his locked down in a contract. 800 00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:30,480 Speaker 2: What do you know what I mean? 801 00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:35,239 Speaker 1: So he he's basically spelled out what that she will get. Yeah, 802 00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:37,920 Speaker 1: and he says, oh, I will take care for whatever 803 00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:40,560 Speaker 1: needs a rise is basically what he's saying. Which that's 804 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,480 Speaker 1: so that's not what the contract exactly, So that has 805 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:45,720 Speaker 1: to be in the contract. Like, yeah, I think making 806 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,520 Speaker 1: sure that they like you need to ensure that the 807 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:50,799 Speaker 1: kids al right in the contract. Yeah, And so maybe 808 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,759 Speaker 1: I think that's that comment is pretty helpful, like, but 809 00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:55,319 Speaker 1: that'll if you want your side to be ironclad, make 810 00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:57,600 Speaker 1: sure she's taken care of and the and the kid 811 00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:00,200 Speaker 1: is taken care of, and that's ironclad. And you know, 812 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:03,760 Speaker 1: we don't, as Opie said ten hundred times, we don't 813 00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:06,600 Speaker 1: know the literal details of the contract. So maybe some 814 00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:08,640 Speaker 1: of that is in there, but it's I see why 815 00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,360 Speaker 1: these things can get sticky like that. They do to 816 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:15,160 Speaker 1: consider that they do, but I think we I mean, 817 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,000 Speaker 1: I want to ask for some of the people in 818 00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:20,040 Speaker 1: the comments like what do you think is fair? And 819 00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:22,279 Speaker 1: have you been through something like this? We'd love to 820 00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,719 Speaker 1: hear what you think. We love you and we'll see 821 00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:26,160 Speaker 1: you tomorrow.