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Speaker 1: Calm your Mind, Change your life. You may say I
Speaker 1: don't believe in love at first sight, but there's a
Speaker 1: part of you that does. Because if you don't like
Speaker 1: someone at first sight, you don't give them a second glance.
Speaker 1: You don't give them a second chance. You don't give
Speaker 1: them a second opportunity. You think, oh, I've seen that
Speaker 1: person swipe. You know, I've seen this profile a million times.
Speaker 1: I'm drained, I'm not seeing anyone new. I'm bored right.
Speaker 1: Forty one percent report falling in love with someone they
Speaker 1: didn't initially find attractive.
Speaker 2: The Number one health and Wellness podcast, Jay set Jay Sety.
Speaker 1: Jous Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose. It is
Speaker 1: so great to be back with you. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for tuning in. If you are someone who's dealing
Speaker 1: with dating burnout, this episode is for you. If you've
Speaker 1: become exhausted dealing with all of the challenges that come
Speaker 1: with dating, this episode is for you. Or if you
Speaker 1: have a friend and a family member, a sister or
Speaker 1: a brother, whoever it may be in your life that's
Speaker 1: struggling with dating, finding the one, finding their person, this
Speaker 1: episode is for you. I want to start off by
Speaker 1: saying that I think it's pretty obvious that people feel
Speaker 1: burned out from dating. A Forbes Health survey says that interestingly,
Speaker 1: women feel more burnt out than men just by a
Speaker 1: little bit. Eighty percent reporting feeling some level of burnout,
Speaker 1: compared to seventy four percent of men.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: When respondents were asked what was their reason for being
Speaker 1: burnt out, I want you to hear these. The Forbes
Speaker 1: Health survey goes on to say the biggest reason is
Speaker 1: the inability to find a good connection with someone else,
Speaker 1: with forty percent of all respondents saying that. It goes
Speaker 1: on to say that this is followed by being disappointed
Speaker 1: by people twenty five percent, feeling rejected twenty seven percent,
Speaker 1: having repetitive conversations while chatting with multiple matches twenty four percent,
Speaker 1: swiping twenty two percent, and simply the time spent using
Speaker 1: the apps twenty one percent. This episode is all about
Speaker 1: helping you start dating again in a healthy, productive, effective
Speaker 1: way so that you're not feeling all of this now.
Speaker 1: I want to start off by just acknowledging that it's
Speaker 1: important to recognize that dating burnout is a natural response
Speaker 1: to an overwhelming or unsatisfying series of experiences. If you've
Speaker 1: been on countless dates that led nowhere, or you've been
Speaker 1: in relationships that drained you emotionally, it's understandable that you
Speaker 1: might feel reluctant to put yourself out there again. Burnout
Speaker 1: often stems from unmet expectations, repeated disappointments as we've discussed,
Speaker 1: and the pressure to find a partner quickly. It's essential
Speaker 1: to acknowledge these feelings rather than suppress them, and accepting
Speaker 1: that you're burned out is the first step that we
Speaker 1: can take in this process. Now, I've been working with
Speaker 1: Match as their relationship advisor because I'm so committed to
Speaker 1: wanting to help people find love, and this is an
Speaker 1: area that I believe people need so much more help
Speaker 1: because it's not something we learned at school, it's not
Speaker 1: something that our family has the best advice on, and
Speaker 1: the truth is there isn't a perfect formula. But what
Speaker 1: I will share in this episode is how you can
Speaker 1: get closer to having better matches, less disappointments, and more success.
Speaker 1: Now for Matches thirteenth annual Singles in America study, they
Speaker 1: asked all the questions about self worth, relationships, and love,
Speaker 1: and over five thousand singles across the country answered in detail.
Speaker 1: What I found really interest about this is that they
Speaker 1: found what singles have also learned to suss out makes
Speaker 1: an unhealthy relationship. So the four things that people notice
Speaker 1: that actually lead to an unhealthy relationship are one, poor
Speaker 1: communication forty five percent, two lack of trust forty two percent,
Speaker 1: three cheating an infidelity thirty eight percent, and four emotional
Speaker 1: maturity thirty six percent. Now, the reason why this is
Speaker 1: so important is that one of the things we say
Speaker 1: is that we have an inability to find a good
Speaker 1: connection with someone else. That's one of our reasons for
Speaker 1: being disappointed in dating. Now here's the truth. It's actually
Speaker 1: more rare to find love than it is to not.
Speaker 1: And so we've actually got an approach dating with a
Speaker 1: higher resilience, with a high with a thicker skin, with
Speaker 1: the ability to deal with the fact that it's like
Speaker 1: applying for a job in the sense that there's a
Speaker 1: lot of applicants, there's not a lot of spaces, and
Speaker 1: it takes time. And often the reason why it's so
Speaker 1: difficult when it comes to dating is because it feels
Speaker 1: so personal. It feels like it's because of how I look,
Speaker 1: It's because of a habit I have, It's because I'm
Speaker 1: not over my ex yet, It's because I'm dealing with
Speaker 1: this or that. Right, we make it so deeply personal,
Speaker 1: we make it so critical and judgmental of ourself, and
Speaker 1: so in order to improve this, I want you to
Speaker 1: recognize that after a date, I want you to just
Speaker 1: as critical you are about yourself, I want you to
Speaker 1: be as positive. I want you to share what you think,
Speaker 1: did what you did well? Because here's what we often do.
Speaker 1: We're trying so hard to be interesting. We're trying so
Speaker 1: hard to make the other person like us that we
Speaker 1: don't know if we're interested in them, and we don't
Speaker 1: know if we like them. We're trying so hard to
Speaker 1: get some validation in that they'll think we're cool, we're interesting,
Speaker 1: we're fascinating, you know, whatever it is, trendy, whatever it
Speaker 1: might be. And we're trying so hard to do that
Speaker 1: that we don't actually think, well, did I like that person?
Speaker 1: Did I think they were interesting? Did I connect with them?
Speaker 1: And that's if we like them. Now, if we don't
Speaker 1: like them, we often disengage immediately, and I find that
Speaker 1: that's training too. We lose out on the ability to practice,
Speaker 1: to have a great conversation, to connect in a more
Speaker 1: friendly way with someone. And what we're doing is we're
Speaker 1: now spending an hour way in our head thinking I
Speaker 1: can't wait to leave. That thought of I can't wait
Speaker 1: to leave is the extreme opposite to, I hope I
Speaker 1: can impress this person, and both of them are draining
Speaker 1: because one is acting and performing and the other is
Speaker 1: just surviving and trying to get through something instead of
Speaker 1: just saying, Hey, I may not be interested, but let
Speaker 1: me at least have a time, at least try and connect,
Speaker 1: let me learn, let me try out a few questions
Speaker 1: that I've thought might be useful, and hey, maybe I'll
Speaker 1: actually find this person interesting. Now, when we go back
Speaker 1: to these four red flags of poor communication, lack of trust, cheating, infidelity,
Speaker 1: or emotional immaturity, three out of four of these we
Speaker 1: can spot quite quickly, and I find that we often
Speaker 1: ignore these. For example, if someone has poor communication, it's
Speaker 1: pretty obvious in the beginning. If someone's going to be
Speaker 1: late for a day and they don't notify you. If
Speaker 1: someone doesn't respond for a few days and then they're
Speaker 1: active again, but they keep repeating that pattern, it's a
Speaker 1: great way to set up with someone. Hey, how often
Speaker 1: do we think we'll both be replying here? Because what
Speaker 1: I find these days is it's so easy to get distracted,
Speaker 1: and often people are genuinely busy, they've got so much
Speaker 1: going on, But oftentimes we're lazy, And the truth is,
Speaker 1: you don't want to be with someone lazy. You don't
Speaker 1: want to be with someone who's not actually present with you,
Speaker 1: and you can suss that out quick. This is the
Speaker 1: way you know if you can trust someone. Do they
Speaker 1: keep their promises to you? And even more importantly, do
Speaker 1: they keep their promises to themselves? When they say they're
Speaker 1: going to do something for you or for them? Do
Speaker 1: they follow up? Do they live up to it? Do
Speaker 1: they back it up with action? And the fourth one,
Speaker 1: emotional maturity, is a really really important one to look
Speaker 1: at because I think that you can tell whether someone's
Speaker 1: emotionally mature by their ability to handle difficult, conflict based,
Speaker 1: tension based conversations, or difficult scenarios. There may be something
Speaker 1: that you run in with with a host at a
Speaker 1: restaurant or at the bar. It could be how they
Speaker 1: deal with someone else behind them who pushed them when
Speaker 1: they walked in, or whatever it may be. It could
Speaker 1: be someone getting an order wrong, like you can see
Speaker 1: how someone deals with it and what their nature is,
Speaker 1: what their disposition is, what their demeanor is when going
Speaker 1: through that. Now, again, when we go back to the
Speaker 1: dating burnout point of this idea that forty percent of
Speaker 1: people feel they didn't find a good connection with someone.
Speaker 2: The match Report goes on.
Speaker 1: To share of really important statistics, and if this is
Speaker 1: the only statistic you take away from this episode, that's
Speaker 1: great for me, because listen to this, forty one percent
Speaker 1: report falling in love with someone they didn't initially find attractive.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of our dating burnout comes from,
Speaker 1: as we said, swiping. Twenty two percent said that, another
Speaker 1: one is feeling disappointed by people thirty five percent maybe
Speaker 1: they don't look like we thought they would look. When
Speaker 1: you think about those, there's nothing wrong with that. But
Speaker 1: forty one percent report falling in love with some they
Speaker 1: didn't initially find attractive. I feel like we write so
Speaker 1: many people off. We don't give the person a second glance.
Speaker 1: We don't give the person a second chance. It's almost
Speaker 1: as if we believe in love at first sight. Like
Speaker 1: you may say, I don't believe in love at first sight,
Speaker 1: but there's a part of you that does. Because if
Speaker 1: you don't like someone at first sight, you don't give
Speaker 1: them a second glance. You don't give them a second chance,
Speaker 1: you don't give them a second opportunity.
Speaker 2: You think oh, I've seen that person swipe.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean, you know, I've seen this profile
Speaker 1: a million times.
Speaker 2: I'm drained. I'm not seeing anyone new. I'm bored. Right.
Speaker 1: I've met people in real life to who tell me
Speaker 1: when they first were introduced to their partner, they didn't
Speaker 1: find them attractive.
Speaker 2: They didn't think they were their type.
Speaker 1: And it was their personality, it was the way they engaged,
Speaker 1: it was all the other things that won them over.
Speaker 1: And I think so many people are missing out on
Speaker 1: a wonderful opportunity because we're valuing superficial initial interaction. Now
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you shouldn't be attracted to your partner.
Speaker 1: That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that
Speaker 1: attraction is beyond what you see, and especially for a
Speaker 1: healthy relationship, if you're looking for a long term relationship,
Speaker 1: there's so much more than the superficial that makes someone attractive.
Speaker 1: Kindness makes you more attractive, Joy and optimism make you
Speaker 1: more attractive. The ability to solve problems and be analytical
Speaker 1: can make you attractive.
Speaker 2: Wanting to have an.
Speaker 1: Adventure and discover and explore can make you attractive. There
Speaker 1: are so many attractive traits beyond how someone looks that
Speaker 1: can make them attractive and actually a healthy partner. Don't
Speaker 1: miss out on them because you still subconsciously believe in
Speaker 1: love at first sight. Give people a second glance, give
Speaker 1: people a second chance, because forty one percent of people
Speaker 1: fall in love with someone they didn't initially find it attractive.
Speaker 1: And this goes back to another reason why people feel
Speaker 1: burnt out and dating. Twenty percent of people said they
Speaker 1: feel a pressure to present themselves in a certain way.
Speaker 1: And I think this hits very closely to why I
Speaker 1: partnered up with Match, And what I really found was
Speaker 1: I wanted to create a space where people could connect based.
Speaker 2: On their values.
Speaker 1: And this was really really important to me because I
Speaker 1: feel that everything I'm saying here is because we don't
Speaker 1: realize that our core values have such a big impact
Speaker 1: in terms of long term success. If you ignore core values,
Speaker 1: you're thinking in the next five months. If you take
Speaker 1: on core values, you're living in the next five years.
Speaker 1: And for anyone who's interested and invested in building a
Speaker 1: long term, long lasting, powerful relationship, this mindset is huge.
Speaker 1: Ninety three percent of Match members say that shared core
Speaker 1: values are a crucial indicator of relationship success. Now this
Speaker 1: helps connect, It helps not have to present yourself in
Speaker 1: a certain way. It helps you be yourself and be
Speaker 1: your authentic self. It goes back to the point I
Speaker 1: was making that if you're only trying to hope that
Speaker 1: you come across as interesting, then you're not getting to
Speaker 1: share your values. But if you're sharing your values and
Speaker 1: allowing for what happens to happen, and I think that's
Speaker 1: the key. The draining part is performing right rehearsing, it's
Speaker 1: not as draining as performing. If you're practicing a good conversation,
Speaker 1: if you're learning about yourself, if you're learning about the
Speaker 1: other person, if you're curious to get to know someone,
Speaker 1: you can actually learn some amazing stories. You can learn
Speaker 1: some amazing things. But if you go there and you
Speaker 1: go this person is or isn't the one, not only
Speaker 1: have you put pressure on yourself to perform, you've now
Speaker 1: put pressure on them to perform, And now you have
Speaker 1: pressure to present yourself in a certain way, which makes
Speaker 1: it a draining process. And I know it's scary to
Speaker 1: put yourself out there because you're thinking, well, what if
Speaker 1: this person doesn't like me and they tell other people whatever?
Speaker 2: It may be.
Speaker 1: The truth is, when it comes to the person you
Speaker 1: end up with, it won't matter. It really won't matter.
Speaker 1: I promise you, when it comes to someone who really
Speaker 1: connects with you, it won't matter. And so if you
Speaker 1: want to know your top three core values, I want
Speaker 1: you to head over to www. Dot match dot com
Speaker 1: forward slash Quiz. Go to match dot com forward slash Quiz.
Speaker 1: Take the quiz. It will only take a few moments
Speaker 1: and you'll get the answer to your top three values. Now,
Speaker 1: the reason why this is important is because it helps
Speaker 1: you guide what you're looking for. So often, what happens
Speaker 1: when you meet someone on date is you experience the
Speaker 1: halo effect. The halo effect is because they went to
Speaker 1: a good college, you believe that they're really smart.
Speaker 2: When it comes to love, the.
Speaker 1: Fact that they have a feature, a physical feature that
Speaker 1: you find attractive, you now believe they're more trustworthy. We
Speaker 1: do this all the time. We ascribe and give people
Speaker 1: qualities and attributes that we don't know that they possess yet. Whereas,
Speaker 1: when you know your three core values, not only can
Speaker 1: you present and share them, you can look out and
Speaker 1: try to understand their values. And by the way someone's
Speaker 1: values are what makes them valuable as a partner. When
Speaker 1: in relationship, you're really sharing values and vision. Right, Do
Speaker 1: I like the way this person looks at the world,
Speaker 1: And even if I don't, can we have a great
Speaker 1: discussion about it because we have good values of respect,
Speaker 1: of honesty, of openness. I find so many of us
Speaker 1: miss out on great relationships or we cause ourselves future
Speaker 1: pain because we don't know our values today. The reason
Speaker 1: so many of us deal with people treating us poorly
Speaker 1: or accepting disrespect is because we didn't figure out their
Speaker 1: values early on, and we didn't figure out our values
Speaker 1: early on either. I want you to try this quiz www.
Speaker 1: Dot match dot com forward slash quiz. Take it because
Speaker 1: it will really save you so much stress and so
Speaker 1: much burnout in dating.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: Even though a lot of people may say that dating
Speaker 1: apps can be challenging, Forbes Health survey found that individuals
Speaker 1: thirty nine percent actually felt more confident using dating apps,
Speaker 1: thirty three percent felt more attractive, and twenty four percent
Speaker 1: felt more wanted as a result of them. Now, these
Speaker 1: are all positive signs, especially being burnt out from dating.
Speaker 1: It's a positive sign and one of the reasons why
Speaker 1: we put the values feature in at match was to
Speaker 1: help give you direction. I think one of the reasons
Speaker 1: when you're using lots of apps and it's all about
Speaker 1: trying to be interesting and interested and all the rest
Speaker 1: of it, it can become quite overwhelming.
Speaker 2: So my recommendation is used one app. The burnout part
Speaker 2: is using.
Speaker 1: Too many apps and staying in the conversation zone. If
Speaker 1: you stay in the conversation zone, as we said, you
Speaker 1: have lots of chats going on at the same time.
Speaker 1: That's the exhausting part of our dating. So choose one
Speaker 1: app and focus on having one conversation at a time.
Speaker 2: Truly do that.
Speaker 1: Try that out and I know people an expread your bets,
Speaker 1: work it out well. You'll be much better at knowing
Speaker 1: that something is complete and finished before you move on
Speaker 1: to the next. It's almost like if you've got three
Speaker 1: or four conversations going on at the same time, you
Speaker 1: don't know which one's going where, and you don't have
Speaker 1: the presence to know whether something's just finished and over,
Speaker 1: and you're leaving something that should be complete, open and
Speaker 1: open ended.
Speaker 2: Now, on a typical.
Speaker 1: Day, Matches research found that thirty nine percent of singles
Speaker 1: feel lonely, including fifty eight percent of gen Z singles,
Speaker 1: and of those who typically feel lonely, twenty five percent
Speaker 1: reported that this is a chronic or lifelong issue. Similarly,
Speaker 1: twenty five percent of singles feel that they are lonelier
Speaker 1: than their peers, and when it comes to third wheeling,
Speaker 1: sixteen percent of singles say spending time with couples makes
Speaker 1: them feel more lonely. Now, a lot of people have
Speaker 1: a different view about that, but here's the thing.
Speaker 2: Nearly one in five.
Speaker 1: Young singles feel that loneliness has increased their drive to date,
Speaker 1: and fifty five percent of these young singles feel excited
Speaker 1: about dating. So it's really interesting that we feel more
Speaker 1: lonely when we're with couples, but that can actually be
Speaker 1: a drive to date more so, there's two schools of thought.
Speaker 1: One is, stop hanging around with couples, hang around with singles.
Speaker 1: The other thought is, hang around with couples, figure out
Speaker 1: where they went wrong, figure out what mistakes they made,
Speaker 1: figure out how they felt about their partner when they
Speaker 1: first met, figure out what questions they asked, figure out
Speaker 1: what kind of dates they did That work. If you're
Speaker 1: around someone who you know is in a healthy, happy relationship.
Speaker 1: No relationship is perfect. Ask them questions. Now, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that your love story is going to go the
Speaker 1: exact same way, but chances are there's going to be
Speaker 1: a few tools and tips you pick up. And this
Speaker 1: is what it always comes back to for me. Study
Speaker 1: don't envy. We get so lost in envying what people
Speaker 1: have and then we hope that we get the same thing,
Speaker 1: rather than turning that envy into study and saying, hey,
Speaker 1: where did you have your first date? What were your
Speaker 1: first impressions of each other? How did you get beyond
Speaker 1: that when you felt there was no chemistry or connection.
Speaker 1: I would actually argue that if you spend more time
Speaker 1: around healthy, happy couples, you're more likely to get a
Speaker 1: desire to date and get insights.
Speaker 2: On how to.
Speaker 1: Whereas if you're surrounded constantly by all your single friends,
Speaker 1: you're actually hearing about all the negatives are dating. You're
Speaker 1: hearing about how everyone's burnt out, You're hearing about how
Speaker 1: everyone else doesn't have something going for them and they're struggling. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying to change your friends. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: to ditch your friends. What I'm trying to say is
Speaker 1: when it comes to making this work, there has to
Speaker 1: be a certain curation about what you hear about dating.
Speaker 1: If all you're hearing is negativity, guess what you're going
Speaker 1: to turn up with no positivity for your next date?
Speaker 1: Are you going to put your best foot forward? Are
Speaker 1: you going to come as your best self? So what's
Speaker 1: really fascinating about this is the math Survey says that
Speaker 1: what makes a first date worthy topic whether someone has
Speaker 1: kids seventy two percent, whether they're divorced or separated sixty
Speaker 1: five percent, and whether they drink alcohol fifty nine percent.
Speaker 1: There's a real thirst now for transparency and compatibility. People
Speaker 1: don't want to waste time and so often we feel
Speaker 1: so almost like interrogators off asking these questions.
Speaker 2: But when we can.
Speaker 1: Bring them up in natural conversation, even by self sharing,
Speaker 1: and I think this is a really important point. We
Speaker 1: often want to ask important questions to someone, but we're
Speaker 1: not practicing self disclosure. Self disclosure is the ability to say, hey,
Speaker 1: you know what I went sober a couple of years ago,
Speaker 1: and my ideal night out or my ideal evening is X.
Speaker 1: Now you give the other person an opportunity to share
Speaker 1: what their ideal evening is I think talking about an
Speaker 1: ideal evening, an ideal vacation, an ideal day at work.
Speaker 1: These are great conversation starters because it allows for imagination,
Speaker 1: It allows to see what someone's focus is, It allows
Speaker 1: to see what someone's priority is. Asking people how they
Speaker 1: spend their time on their weekend. I think one of
Speaker 1: the reasons why we get bored is we keep asking
Speaker 1: the same questions and we keep answering the same questions.
Speaker 2: Now, it's funny because.
Speaker 1: I go on a lot of podcasts, I do a
Speaker 1: lot of interviews, and I can feel that way. Often
Speaker 1: I get asked the same questions and I answer the
Speaker 1: same questions. So, even though I'm not dating, I get
Speaker 1: a sense of what that may feel like. And one
Speaker 1: of the ways I think about this is how can
Speaker 1: I answer the same question in a different way. So
Speaker 1: if someone asked me about my sister or my siblings,
Speaker 1: which I only have a younger sister, how can I
Speaker 1: talk about that in an interesting way, in a fascinating way,
Speaker 1: in a new way. Do I want to talk about
Speaker 1: something that recently happened, a story that we shared, an
Speaker 1: experience we had. Do I want to share about her
Speaker 1: wedding last year.
Speaker 2: What is that?
Speaker 1: How can I become more interested even in what I'm
Speaker 1: sharing rather than say the same thing back? And how
Speaker 1: can I ask more interesting questions? People become more interesting
Speaker 1: when we're more interested. People become boring when we're less interested.
Speaker 1: Ask better questions, Be truly curious and be open about
Speaker 1: your own experiences.
Speaker 2: Be vulnerable.
Speaker 1: Share so that you give someone the opportunity to open up.
Speaker 1: Now here's my power list of what to do. Number one,
Speaker 1: set a ritual of when you use the app. A
Speaker 1: lot of us are using the app all throughout the day.
Speaker 1: We randomly pick it out. No, set a ritual. This
Speaker 1: is my present time to use the app. It's going
Speaker 1: to be every evening at this time. It's going to
Speaker 1: be every morning at this time. Whatever works for you.
Speaker 1: Set a ritual of when you use the app and
Speaker 1: time box it. Number two, set a ritual for when
Speaker 1: you go out for a day. You've got to treat
Speaker 1: dating like a job. Maybe it's every Friday, you're going
Speaker 1: out every Thursday, every Tuesday, every Monday, whatever it is,
Speaker 1: once a month, twice a month. It needs to become
Speaker 1: something where you're getting out of the conversation and messaging
Speaker 1: and moving into real life. Number three, choose something you
Speaker 1: actually want to go to or a place you'd like
Speaker 1: to go to. A lot of us settle for the
Speaker 1: same places and do the same thing. No wonder you're
Speaker 1: not going to find someone exciting or feel like you're
Speaker 1: drained because you're going to the same place. Pick a
Speaker 1: spot that you've wanted to go to for a while.
Speaker 1: Don't save it for a special day. Allow for this
Speaker 1: to be something that can be entertaining to you and
Speaker 1: be fun for you as well. Number four. Stop making
Speaker 1: every date carry the pressure of the one. If you
Speaker 1: walk into a date and go is this person the one,
Speaker 1: chances are they're not, and now you feel really drained
Speaker 1: and bored.
Speaker 2: Go into it going I'm going.
Speaker 1: To get to meet someone new, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: get to practice, and I'm going to get to learn
Speaker 1: and understand how to connect, and I'm going to go
Speaker 1: and have a good time.
Speaker 2: Number five.
Speaker 1: Think about the next five years and what would make
Speaker 1: it better, not just five months. What I mean by
Speaker 1: that is we're often thinking, well, will this person be
Speaker 1: fun for the next five months, versus will this person
Speaker 1: actually become and let me become the person I want
Speaker 1: to be in five years, and chances are that may
Speaker 1: not be the person you're attracted to in the beginning.
Speaker 1: Six Prepare for deeper conversations and self disclosure. Seven, prepare
Speaker 1: for the date. Think about why you're dreading it. Is
Speaker 1: it because you're scared of being rejected? Is it because
Speaker 1: you're tired of saying the same things, Well, then prepare
Speaker 1: for it. Don't say the same things right. Don't focus
Speaker 1: on whether you're rejected or accepted. Focus on if there's
Speaker 1: a connection, and if you're not finding a connection, that's
Speaker 1: okay too. Use it at a place to understand and
Speaker 1: learn how you can have better conversation. And number eight,
Speaker 1: you don't need to talk about every date again and again.
Speaker 1: I see this as being one of the reasons why
Speaker 1: people are truly drained from dating and burnt out is
Speaker 1: because they talk about a bad date again and again
Speaker 1: and again with all their friends.
Speaker 2: Let it go, move on, date again.
Speaker 1: I actually think if we didn't over analyze every single day,
Speaker 1: we wouldn't be as drained. It would be far easier
Speaker 1: to move forward. I really hope that this helps you
Speaker 1: date again. I highly recommend you go to match dot com,
Speaker 1: forward slash quiz to take our quiz to learn about
Speaker 1: your top three values, and I really hope that assists
Speaker 1: you in your next step in your journey. Thanks so
Speaker 1: much for listening. Remember I'm always rooting for you and
Speaker 1: I'm forever in your core. Hey everyone, if you love
Speaker 1: that conversation, go and check out my episode with the
Speaker 1: world's leading therapist, Lourie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest
Speaker 1: questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak,
Speaker 1: and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space
Speaker 1: right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.
Speaker 2: If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands. It's really hard
Speaker 2: to argue.
Speaker 1: It actually calms your nervous systems. Just hold hands as
Speaker 1: you're having the conversation.
Speaker 2: It's so lovely.