1 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:06,800 Speaker 1: Let's be honest. Life is stressful, its work, its relationships, 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: and the state of the world. But there's a way 3 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:10,959 Speaker 1: to bring that stress level down. 4 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:11,920 Speaker 2: Calm. 5 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: It's the number one app for mental wellness with tons 6 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 1: of content to manage anxiety, promote concentration, and help you unwind. 7 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,880 Speaker 1: There's music, meditation, a more Calm makes it easy to 8 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:27,400 Speaker 1: de stress. You can literally do a one minute breathing exercise. Personally, 9 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:31,040 Speaker 1: I love the soundscapes. Nothing like a little rain on 10 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:34,559 Speaker 1: leaves to help soothe my nervous system. I've actually been 11 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,640 Speaker 1: working with Calm for a couple of years now, and 12 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 1: I'd love for you to check out my series on 13 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:44,519 Speaker 1: reducing overwhelm eight short practices Quick Relief. Right now, listeners 14 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:47,680 Speaker 1: of On Purpose get forty percent off a subscription to 15 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:52,080 Speaker 1: Calm Premium at Calm dot com. Forward slash j that's 16 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 1: c LM dot com Forward slash jay for forty percent off. 17 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 1: Calm your Mind, Change your life. You may say I 18 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 1: don't believe in love at first sight, but there's a 19 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 1: part of you that does. Because if you don't like 20 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,560 Speaker 1: someone at first sight, you don't give them a second glance. 21 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,959 Speaker 1: You don't give them a second chance. You don't give 22 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,880 Speaker 1: them a second opportunity. You think, oh, I've seen that 23 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,960 Speaker 1: person swipe. You know, I've seen this profile a million times. 24 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:21,560 Speaker 1: I'm drained, I'm not seeing anyone new. I'm bored right. 25 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: Forty one percent report falling in love with someone they 26 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,240 Speaker 1: didn't initially find attractive. 27 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 2: The Number one health and Wellness podcast, Jay set Jay Sety. 28 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 1: Jous Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose. It is 29 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 1: so great to be back with you. Thank you so 30 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 1: much for tuning in. If you are someone who's dealing 31 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:52,240 Speaker 1: with dating burnout, this episode is for you. If you've 32 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 1: become exhausted dealing with all of the challenges that come 33 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:59,480 Speaker 1: with dating, this episode is for you. Or if you 34 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,440 Speaker 1: have a friend and a family member, a sister or 35 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,200 Speaker 1: a brother, whoever it may be in your life that's 36 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:10,640 Speaker 1: struggling with dating, finding the one, finding their person, this 37 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 1: episode is for you. I want to start off by 38 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: saying that I think it's pretty obvious that people feel 39 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:26,240 Speaker 1: burned out from dating. A Forbes Health survey says that interestingly, 40 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,840 Speaker 1: women feel more burnt out than men just by a 41 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:33,560 Speaker 1: little bit. Eighty percent reporting feeling some level of burnout, 42 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 1: compared to seventy four percent of men. 43 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:37,240 Speaker 2: Now. 44 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:42,240 Speaker 1: When respondents were asked what was their reason for being 45 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:45,080 Speaker 1: burnt out, I want you to hear these. The Forbes 46 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:48,760 Speaker 1: Health survey goes on to say the biggest reason is 47 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,960 Speaker 1: the inability to find a good connection with someone else, 48 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:56,440 Speaker 1: with forty percent of all respondents saying that. It goes 49 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,919 Speaker 1: on to say that this is followed by being disappointed 50 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 1: by people twenty five percent, feeling rejected twenty seven percent, 51 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:09,640 Speaker 1: having repetitive conversations while chatting with multiple matches twenty four percent, 52 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:14,160 Speaker 1: swiping twenty two percent, and simply the time spent using 53 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:19,120 Speaker 1: the apps twenty one percent. This episode is all about 54 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 1: helping you start dating again in a healthy, productive, effective 55 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 1: way so that you're not feeling all of this now. 56 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:32,119 Speaker 1: I want to start off by just acknowledging that it's 57 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 1: important to recognize that dating burnout is a natural response 58 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 1: to an overwhelming or unsatisfying series of experiences. If you've 59 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:44,640 Speaker 1: been on countless dates that led nowhere, or you've been 60 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 1: in relationships that drained you emotionally, it's understandable that you 61 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 1: might feel reluctant to put yourself out there again. Burnout 62 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 1: often stems from unmet expectations, repeated disappointments as we've discussed, 63 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 1: and the pressure to find a partner quickly. It's essential 64 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:07,040 Speaker 1: to acknowledge these feelings rather than suppress them, and accepting 65 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,840 Speaker 1: that you're burned out is the first step that we 66 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 1: can take in this process. Now, I've been working with 67 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:19,599 Speaker 1: Match as their relationship advisor because I'm so committed to 68 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 1: wanting to help people find love, and this is an 69 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:25,840 Speaker 1: area that I believe people need so much more help 70 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 1: because it's not something we learned at school, it's not 71 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,240 Speaker 1: something that our family has the best advice on, and 72 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:34,640 Speaker 1: the truth is there isn't a perfect formula. But what 73 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,720 Speaker 1: I will share in this episode is how you can 74 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:43,720 Speaker 1: get closer to having better matches, less disappointments, and more success. 75 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:49,039 Speaker 1: Now for Matches thirteenth annual Singles in America study, they 76 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 1: asked all the questions about self worth, relationships, and love, 77 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: and over five thousand singles across the country answered in detail. 78 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,760 Speaker 1: What I found really interest about this is that they 79 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 1: found what singles have also learned to suss out makes 80 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:10,520 Speaker 1: an unhealthy relationship. So the four things that people notice 81 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:15,599 Speaker 1: that actually lead to an unhealthy relationship are one, poor 82 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:21,359 Speaker 1: communication forty five percent, two lack of trust forty two percent, 83 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:28,040 Speaker 1: three cheating an infidelity thirty eight percent, and four emotional 84 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:31,839 Speaker 1: maturity thirty six percent. Now, the reason why this is 85 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:35,359 Speaker 1: so important is that one of the things we say 86 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,040 Speaker 1: is that we have an inability to find a good 87 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:41,159 Speaker 1: connection with someone else. That's one of our reasons for 88 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:45,239 Speaker 1: being disappointed in dating. Now here's the truth. It's actually 89 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 1: more rare to find love than it is to not. 90 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,160 Speaker 1: And so we've actually got an approach dating with a 91 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:55,599 Speaker 1: higher resilience, with a high with a thicker skin, with 92 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 1: the ability to deal with the fact that it's like 93 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 1: applying for a job in the sense that there's a 94 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 1: lot of applicants, there's not a lot of spaces, and 95 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: it takes time. And often the reason why it's so 96 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 1: difficult when it comes to dating is because it feels 97 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,400 Speaker 1: so personal. It feels like it's because of how I look, 98 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 1: It's because of a habit I have, It's because I'm 99 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,839 Speaker 1: not over my ex yet, It's because I'm dealing with 100 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:24,280 Speaker 1: this or that. Right, we make it so deeply personal, 101 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:30,600 Speaker 1: we make it so critical and judgmental of ourself, and 102 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,719 Speaker 1: so in order to improve this, I want you to 103 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:38,920 Speaker 1: recognize that after a date, I want you to just 104 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 1: as critical you are about yourself, I want you to 105 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,320 Speaker 1: be as positive. I want you to share what you think, 106 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 1: did what you did well? Because here's what we often do. 107 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 1: We're trying so hard to be interesting. We're trying so 108 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: hard to make the other person like us that we 109 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 1: don't know if we're interested in them, and we don't 110 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,240 Speaker 1: know if we like them. We're trying so hard to 111 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:05,640 Speaker 1: get some validation in that they'll think we're cool, we're interesting, 112 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:10,120 Speaker 1: we're fascinating, you know, whatever it is, trendy, whatever it 113 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 1: might be. And we're trying so hard to do that 114 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:17,200 Speaker 1: that we don't actually think, well, did I like that person? 115 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: Did I think they were interesting? Did I connect with them? 116 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,480 Speaker 1: And that's if we like them. Now, if we don't 117 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:26,280 Speaker 1: like them, we often disengage immediately, and I find that 118 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:30,080 Speaker 1: that's training too. We lose out on the ability to practice, 119 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 1: to have a great conversation, to connect in a more 120 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 1: friendly way with someone. And what we're doing is we're 121 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,520 Speaker 1: now spending an hour way in our head thinking I 122 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 1: can't wait to leave. That thought of I can't wait 123 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: to leave is the extreme opposite to, I hope I 124 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: can impress this person, and both of them are draining 125 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 1: because one is acting and performing and the other is 126 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,880 Speaker 1: just surviving and trying to get through something instead of 127 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 1: just saying, Hey, I may not be interested, but let 128 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,840 Speaker 1: me at least have a time, at least try and connect, 129 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,680 Speaker 1: let me learn, let me try out a few questions 130 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,760 Speaker 1: that I've thought might be useful, and hey, maybe I'll 131 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:11,040 Speaker 1: actually find this person interesting. Now, when we go back 132 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:16,200 Speaker 1: to these four red flags of poor communication, lack of trust, cheating, infidelity, 133 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 1: or emotional immaturity, three out of four of these we 134 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 1: can spot quite quickly, and I find that we often 135 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:27,920 Speaker 1: ignore these. For example, if someone has poor communication, it's 136 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: pretty obvious in the beginning. If someone's going to be 137 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 1: late for a day and they don't notify you. If 138 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 1: someone doesn't respond for a few days and then they're 139 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:39,000 Speaker 1: active again, but they keep repeating that pattern, it's a 140 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,720 Speaker 1: great way to set up with someone. Hey, how often 141 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,600 Speaker 1: do we think we'll both be replying here? Because what 142 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,200 Speaker 1: I find these days is it's so easy to get distracted, 143 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,160 Speaker 1: and often people are genuinely busy, they've got so much 144 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:53,600 Speaker 1: going on, But oftentimes we're lazy, And the truth is, 145 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 1: you don't want to be with someone lazy. You don't 146 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:58,480 Speaker 1: want to be with someone who's not actually present with you, 147 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:01,600 Speaker 1: and you can suss that out quick. This is the 148 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:05,040 Speaker 1: way you know if you can trust someone. Do they 149 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: keep their promises to you? And even more importantly, do 150 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 1: they keep their promises to themselves? When they say they're 151 00:09:14,559 --> 00:09:18,200 Speaker 1: going to do something for you or for them? Do 152 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: they follow up? Do they live up to it? Do 153 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 1: they back it up with action? And the fourth one, 154 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:29,920 Speaker 1: emotional maturity, is a really really important one to look 155 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:35,720 Speaker 1: at because I think that you can tell whether someone's 156 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: emotionally mature by their ability to handle difficult, conflict based, 157 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 1: tension based conversations, or difficult scenarios. There may be something 158 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 1: that you run in with with a host at a 159 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 1: restaurant or at the bar. It could be how they 160 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,319 Speaker 1: deal with someone else behind them who pushed them when 161 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 1: they walked in, or whatever it may be. It could 162 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,960 Speaker 1: be someone getting an order wrong, like you can see 163 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 1: how someone deals with it and what their nature is, 164 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,880 Speaker 1: what their disposition is, what their demeanor is when going 165 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:11,440 Speaker 1: through that. Now, again, when we go back to the 166 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:15,280 Speaker 1: dating burnout point of this idea that forty percent of 167 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,880 Speaker 1: people feel they didn't find a good connection with someone. 168 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,679 Speaker 2: The match Report goes on. 169 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:24,240 Speaker 1: To share of really important statistics, and if this is 170 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 1: the only statistic you take away from this episode, that's 171 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 1: great for me, because listen to this, forty one percent 172 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 1: report falling in love with someone they didn't initially find attractive. 173 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 1: I think a lot of our dating burnout comes from, 174 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:46,439 Speaker 1: as we said, swiping. Twenty two percent said that, another 175 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 1: one is feeling disappointed by people thirty five percent maybe 176 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 1: they don't look like we thought they would look. When 177 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: you think about those, there's nothing wrong with that. But 178 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,360 Speaker 1: forty one percent report falling in love with some they 179 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 1: didn't initially find attractive. I feel like we write so 180 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:08,679 Speaker 1: many people off. We don't give the person a second glance. 181 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,520 Speaker 1: We don't give the person a second chance. It's almost 182 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:14,840 Speaker 1: as if we believe in love at first sight. Like 183 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,920 Speaker 1: you may say, I don't believe in love at first sight, 184 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 1: but there's a part of you that does. Because if 185 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,560 Speaker 1: you don't like someone at first sight, you don't give 186 00:11:21,559 --> 00:11:24,439 Speaker 1: them a second glance. You don't give them a second chance, 187 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,319 Speaker 1: you don't give them a second opportunity. 188 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,760 Speaker 2: You think oh, I've seen that person swipe. 189 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean, you know, I've seen this profile 190 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:33,240 Speaker 1: a million times. 191 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:37,840 Speaker 2: I'm drained. I'm not seeing anyone new. I'm bored. Right. 192 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 1: I've met people in real life to who tell me 193 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,480 Speaker 1: when they first were introduced to their partner, they didn't 194 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: find them attractive. 195 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,320 Speaker 2: They didn't think they were their type. 196 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,680 Speaker 1: And it was their personality, it was the way they engaged, 197 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,200 Speaker 1: it was all the other things that won them over. 198 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,360 Speaker 1: And I think so many people are missing out on 199 00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 1: a wonderful opportunity because we're valuing superficial initial interaction. Now 200 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,520 Speaker 1: I'm not saying you shouldn't be attracted to your partner. 201 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,440 Speaker 1: That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that 202 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 1: attraction is beyond what you see, and especially for a 203 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 1: healthy relationship, if you're looking for a long term relationship, 204 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:20,800 Speaker 1: there's so much more than the superficial that makes someone attractive. 205 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:27,040 Speaker 1: Kindness makes you more attractive, Joy and optimism make you 206 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:31,719 Speaker 1: more attractive. The ability to solve problems and be analytical 207 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 1: can make you attractive. 208 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:34,400 Speaker 2: Wanting to have an. 209 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:38,480 Speaker 1: Adventure and discover and explore can make you attractive. There 210 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:43,360 Speaker 1: are so many attractive traits beyond how someone looks that 211 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:47,960 Speaker 1: can make them attractive and actually a healthy partner. Don't 212 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 1: miss out on them because you still subconsciously believe in 213 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:58,000 Speaker 1: love at first sight. Give people a second glance, give 214 00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:02,720 Speaker 1: people a second chance, because forty one percent of people 215 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:07,560 Speaker 1: fall in love with someone they didn't initially find it attractive. 216 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:12,000 Speaker 1: And this goes back to another reason why people feel 217 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,959 Speaker 1: burnt out and dating. Twenty percent of people said they 218 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:19,600 Speaker 1: feel a pressure to present themselves in a certain way. 219 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 1: And I think this hits very closely to why I 220 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 1: partnered up with Match, And what I really found was 221 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:33,559 Speaker 1: I wanted to create a space where people could connect based. 222 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,319 Speaker 2: On their values. 223 00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 1: And this was really really important to me because I 224 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:41,240 Speaker 1: feel that everything I'm saying here is because we don't 225 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 1: realize that our core values have such a big impact 226 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:50,600 Speaker 1: in terms of long term success. If you ignore core values, 227 00:13:50,679 --> 00:13:53,320 Speaker 1: you're thinking in the next five months. If you take 228 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,200 Speaker 1: on core values, you're living in the next five years. 229 00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:00,360 Speaker 1: And for anyone who's interested and invested in building a 230 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:05,320 Speaker 1: long term, long lasting, powerful relationship, this mindset is huge. 231 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:09,520 Speaker 1: Ninety three percent of Match members say that shared core 232 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:16,480 Speaker 1: values are a crucial indicator of relationship success. Now this 233 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,800 Speaker 1: helps connect, It helps not have to present yourself in 234 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:24,680 Speaker 1: a certain way. It helps you be yourself and be 235 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 1: your authentic self. It goes back to the point I 236 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 1: was making that if you're only trying to hope that 237 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:34,520 Speaker 1: you come across as interesting, then you're not getting to 238 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,200 Speaker 1: share your values. But if you're sharing your values and 239 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: allowing for what happens to happen, and I think that's 240 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:43,960 Speaker 1: the key. The draining part is performing right rehearsing, it's 241 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,120 Speaker 1: not as draining as performing. If you're practicing a good conversation, 242 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,400 Speaker 1: if you're learning about yourself, if you're learning about the 243 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,520 Speaker 1: other person, if you're curious to get to know someone, 244 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 1: you can actually learn some amazing stories. You can learn 245 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 1: some amazing things. But if you go there and you 246 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:01,360 Speaker 1: go this person is or isn't the one, not only 247 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:04,280 Speaker 1: have you put pressure on yourself to perform, you've now 248 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 1: put pressure on them to perform, And now you have 249 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:10,840 Speaker 1: pressure to present yourself in a certain way, which makes 250 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,560 Speaker 1: it a draining process. And I know it's scary to 251 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 1: put yourself out there because you're thinking, well, what if 252 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,120 Speaker 1: this person doesn't like me and they tell other people whatever? 253 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:18,720 Speaker 2: It may be. 254 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,000 Speaker 1: The truth is, when it comes to the person you 255 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,320 Speaker 1: end up with, it won't matter. It really won't matter. 256 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,920 Speaker 1: I promise you, when it comes to someone who really 257 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:33,640 Speaker 1: connects with you, it won't matter. And so if you 258 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:37,960 Speaker 1: want to know your top three core values, I want 259 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:42,040 Speaker 1: you to head over to www. Dot match dot com 260 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 1: forward slash Quiz. Go to match dot com forward slash Quiz. 261 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 1: Take the quiz. It will only take a few moments 262 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 1: and you'll get the answer to your top three values. Now, 263 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 1: the reason why this is important is because it helps 264 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:59,680 Speaker 1: you guide what you're looking for. So often, what happens 265 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,880 Speaker 1: when you meet someone on date is you experience the 266 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 1: halo effect. The halo effect is because they went to 267 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:08,640 Speaker 1: a good college, you believe that they're really smart. 268 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,560 Speaker 2: When it comes to love, the. 269 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,040 Speaker 1: Fact that they have a feature, a physical feature that 270 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 1: you find attractive, you now believe they're more trustworthy. We 271 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 1: do this all the time. We ascribe and give people 272 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:26,000 Speaker 1: qualities and attributes that we don't know that they possess yet. Whereas, 273 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,840 Speaker 1: when you know your three core values, not only can 274 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 1: you present and share them, you can look out and 275 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:35,440 Speaker 1: try to understand their values. And by the way someone's 276 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:39,920 Speaker 1: values are what makes them valuable as a partner. When 277 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:45,480 Speaker 1: in relationship, you're really sharing values and vision. Right, Do 278 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,720 Speaker 1: I like the way this person looks at the world, 279 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 1: And even if I don't, can we have a great 280 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 1: discussion about it because we have good values of respect, 281 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 1: of honesty, of openness. I find so many of us 282 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:03,320 Speaker 1: miss out on great relationships or we cause ourselves future 283 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:07,399 Speaker 1: pain because we don't know our values today. The reason 284 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,920 Speaker 1: so many of us deal with people treating us poorly 285 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:15,480 Speaker 1: or accepting disrespect is because we didn't figure out their 286 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:19,040 Speaker 1: values early on, and we didn't figure out our values 287 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,879 Speaker 1: early on either. I want you to try this quiz www. 288 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:28,040 Speaker 1: Dot match dot com forward slash quiz. Take it because 289 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:32,040 Speaker 1: it will really save you so much stress and so 290 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,439 Speaker 1: much burnout in dating. 291 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:34,280 Speaker 2: Now. 292 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:37,560 Speaker 1: Even though a lot of people may say that dating 293 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: apps can be challenging, Forbes Health survey found that individuals 294 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 1: thirty nine percent actually felt more confident using dating apps, 295 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,959 Speaker 1: thirty three percent felt more attractive, and twenty four percent 296 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,960 Speaker 1: felt more wanted as a result of them. Now, these 297 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,840 Speaker 1: are all positive signs, especially being burnt out from dating. 298 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 1: It's a positive sign and one of the reasons why 299 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,879 Speaker 1: we put the values feature in at match was to 300 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 1: help give you direction. I think one of the reasons 301 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,680 Speaker 1: when you're using lots of apps and it's all about 302 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 1: trying to be interesting and interested and all the rest 303 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,720 Speaker 1: of it, it can become quite overwhelming. 304 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:15,520 Speaker 2: So my recommendation is used one app. The burnout part 305 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:16,639 Speaker 2: is using. 306 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:21,200 Speaker 1: Too many apps and staying in the conversation zone. If 307 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 1: you stay in the conversation zone, as we said, you 308 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,600 Speaker 1: have lots of chats going on at the same time. 309 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,920 Speaker 1: That's the exhausting part of our dating. So choose one 310 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:34,879 Speaker 1: app and focus on having one conversation at a time. 311 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 2: Truly do that. 312 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,480 Speaker 1: Try that out and I know people an expread your bets, 313 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,879 Speaker 1: work it out well. You'll be much better at knowing 314 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,679 Speaker 1: that something is complete and finished before you move on 315 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,960 Speaker 1: to the next. It's almost like if you've got three 316 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,439 Speaker 1: or four conversations going on at the same time, you 317 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,119 Speaker 1: don't know which one's going where, and you don't have 318 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,480 Speaker 1: the presence to know whether something's just finished and over, 319 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 1: and you're leaving something that should be complete, open and 320 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:57,560 Speaker 1: open ended. 321 00:18:58,520 --> 00:18:59,880 Speaker 2: Now, on a typical. 322 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 1: Day, Matches research found that thirty nine percent of singles 323 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 1: feel lonely, including fifty eight percent of gen Z singles, 324 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:10,359 Speaker 1: and of those who typically feel lonely, twenty five percent 325 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:14,520 Speaker 1: reported that this is a chronic or lifelong issue. Similarly, 326 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,040 Speaker 1: twenty five percent of singles feel that they are lonelier 327 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:20,640 Speaker 1: than their peers, and when it comes to third wheeling, 328 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:24,960 Speaker 1: sixteen percent of singles say spending time with couples makes 329 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:28,679 Speaker 1: them feel more lonely. Now, a lot of people have 330 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,120 Speaker 1: a different view about that, but here's the thing. 331 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:32,880 Speaker 2: Nearly one in five. 332 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 1: Young singles feel that loneliness has increased their drive to date, 333 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,800 Speaker 1: and fifty five percent of these young singles feel excited 334 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,440 Speaker 1: about dating. So it's really interesting that we feel more 335 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:47,080 Speaker 1: lonely when we're with couples, but that can actually be 336 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:51,080 Speaker 1: a drive to date more so, there's two schools of thought. 337 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 1: One is, stop hanging around with couples, hang around with singles. 338 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,639 Speaker 1: The other thought is, hang around with couples, figure out 339 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 1: where they went wrong, figure out what mistakes they made, 340 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,040 Speaker 1: figure out how they felt about their partner when they 341 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,280 Speaker 1: first met, figure out what questions they asked, figure out 342 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,880 Speaker 1: what kind of dates they did That work. If you're 343 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:13,080 Speaker 1: around someone who you know is in a healthy, happy relationship. 344 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,919 Speaker 1: No relationship is perfect. Ask them questions. Now, I'm not 345 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,639 Speaker 1: saying that your love story is going to go the 346 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:22,040 Speaker 1: exact same way, but chances are there's going to be 347 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,240 Speaker 1: a few tools and tips you pick up. And this 348 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 1: is what it always comes back to for me. Study 349 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,760 Speaker 1: don't envy. We get so lost in envying what people 350 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 1: have and then we hope that we get the same thing, 351 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:36,360 Speaker 1: rather than turning that envy into study and saying, hey, 352 00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:38,600 Speaker 1: where did you have your first date? What were your 353 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,439 Speaker 1: first impressions of each other? How did you get beyond 354 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 1: that when you felt there was no chemistry or connection. 355 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,159 Speaker 1: I would actually argue that if you spend more time 356 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,439 Speaker 1: around healthy, happy couples, you're more likely to get a 357 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,280 Speaker 1: desire to date and get insights. 358 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:53,199 Speaker 2: On how to. 359 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,280 Speaker 1: Whereas if you're surrounded constantly by all your single friends, 360 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,360 Speaker 1: you're actually hearing about all the negatives are dating. You're 361 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:02,160 Speaker 1: hearing about how everyone's burnt out, You're hearing about how 362 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 1: everyone else doesn't have something going for them and they're struggling. Now, 363 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:06,960 Speaker 1: I'm not saying to change your friends. I'm not saying 364 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,000 Speaker 1: to ditch your friends. What I'm trying to say is 365 00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:12,840 Speaker 1: when it comes to making this work, there has to 366 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:16,440 Speaker 1: be a certain curation about what you hear about dating. 367 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:19,919 Speaker 1: If all you're hearing is negativity, guess what you're going 368 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,920 Speaker 1: to turn up with no positivity for your next date? 369 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,360 Speaker 1: Are you going to put your best foot forward? Are 370 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:28,840 Speaker 1: you going to come as your best self? So what's 371 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:33,080 Speaker 1: really fascinating about this is the math Survey says that 372 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:37,359 Speaker 1: what makes a first date worthy topic whether someone has 373 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:41,040 Speaker 1: kids seventy two percent, whether they're divorced or separated sixty 374 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:44,199 Speaker 1: five percent, and whether they drink alcohol fifty nine percent. 375 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 1: There's a real thirst now for transparency and compatibility. People 376 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,679 Speaker 1: don't want to waste time and so often we feel 377 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:56,200 Speaker 1: so almost like interrogators off asking these questions. 378 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,080 Speaker 2: But when we can. 379 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,520 Speaker 1: Bring them up in natural conversation, even by self sharing, 380 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,879 Speaker 1: and I think this is a really important point. We 381 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:06,480 Speaker 1: often want to ask important questions to someone, but we're 382 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:11,000 Speaker 1: not practicing self disclosure. Self disclosure is the ability to say, hey, 383 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,960 Speaker 1: you know what I went sober a couple of years ago, 384 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:17,560 Speaker 1: and my ideal night out or my ideal evening is X. 385 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,480 Speaker 1: Now you give the other person an opportunity to share 386 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,159 Speaker 1: what their ideal evening is I think talking about an 387 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:27,080 Speaker 1: ideal evening, an ideal vacation, an ideal day at work. 388 00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:30,719 Speaker 1: These are great conversation starters because it allows for imagination, 389 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,159 Speaker 1: It allows to see what someone's focus is, It allows 390 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,320 Speaker 1: to see what someone's priority is. Asking people how they 391 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:40,680 Speaker 1: spend their time on their weekend. I think one of 392 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,040 Speaker 1: the reasons why we get bored is we keep asking 393 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:46,440 Speaker 1: the same questions and we keep answering the same questions. 394 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 2: Now, it's funny because. 395 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,159 Speaker 1: I go on a lot of podcasts, I do a 396 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,359 Speaker 1: lot of interviews, and I can feel that way. Often 397 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,320 Speaker 1: I get asked the same questions and I answer the 398 00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:56,880 Speaker 1: same questions. So, even though I'm not dating, I get 399 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,840 Speaker 1: a sense of what that may feel like. And one 400 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,920 Speaker 1: of the ways I think about this is how can 401 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,159 Speaker 1: I answer the same question in a different way. So 402 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:07,440 Speaker 1: if someone asked me about my sister or my siblings, 403 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,720 Speaker 1: which I only have a younger sister, how can I 404 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,720 Speaker 1: talk about that in an interesting way, in a fascinating way, 405 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 1: in a new way. Do I want to talk about 406 00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:17,359 Speaker 1: something that recently happened, a story that we shared, an 407 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,359 Speaker 1: experience we had. Do I want to share about her 408 00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:20,120 Speaker 1: wedding last year. 409 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:20,800 Speaker 2: What is that? 410 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:24,960 Speaker 1: How can I become more interested even in what I'm 411 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,760 Speaker 1: sharing rather than say the same thing back? And how 412 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:33,919 Speaker 1: can I ask more interesting questions? People become more interesting 413 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:40,359 Speaker 1: when we're more interested. People become boring when we're less interested. 414 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:47,960 Speaker 1: Ask better questions, Be truly curious and be open about 415 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,280 Speaker 1: your own experiences. 416 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:50,200 Speaker 2: Be vulnerable. 417 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,880 Speaker 1: Share so that you give someone the opportunity to open up. 418 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:58,320 Speaker 1: Now here's my power list of what to do. Number one, 419 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,960 Speaker 1: set a ritual of when you use the app. A 420 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,920 Speaker 1: lot of us are using the app all throughout the day. 421 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,399 Speaker 1: We randomly pick it out. No, set a ritual. This 422 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,359 Speaker 1: is my present time to use the app. It's going 423 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 1: to be every evening at this time. It's going to 424 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,600 Speaker 1: be every morning at this time. Whatever works for you. 425 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,439 Speaker 1: Set a ritual of when you use the app and 426 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:20,439 Speaker 1: time box it. Number two, set a ritual for when 427 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:23,160 Speaker 1: you go out for a day. You've got to treat 428 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,480 Speaker 1: dating like a job. Maybe it's every Friday, you're going 429 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,159 Speaker 1: out every Thursday, every Tuesday, every Monday, whatever it is, 430 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 1: once a month, twice a month. It needs to become 431 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,520 Speaker 1: something where you're getting out of the conversation and messaging 432 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:39,280 Speaker 1: and moving into real life. Number three, choose something you 433 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,760 Speaker 1: actually want to go to or a place you'd like 434 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,679 Speaker 1: to go to. A lot of us settle for the 435 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,840 Speaker 1: same places and do the same thing. No wonder you're 436 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,920 Speaker 1: not going to find someone exciting or feel like you're 437 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,320 Speaker 1: drained because you're going to the same place. Pick a 438 00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:54,240 Speaker 1: spot that you've wanted to go to for a while. 439 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:57,080 Speaker 1: Don't save it for a special day. Allow for this 440 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,280 Speaker 1: to be something that can be entertaining to you and 441 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:04,119 Speaker 1: be fun for you as well. Number four. Stop making 442 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,639 Speaker 1: every date carry the pressure of the one. If you 443 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,160 Speaker 1: walk into a date and go is this person the one, 444 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,119 Speaker 1: chances are they're not, and now you feel really drained 445 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:13,639 Speaker 1: and bored. 446 00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:15,600 Speaker 2: Go into it going I'm going. 447 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:16,840 Speaker 1: To get to meet someone new, and I'm going to 448 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,960 Speaker 1: get to practice, and I'm going to get to learn 449 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,320 Speaker 1: and understand how to connect, and I'm going to go 450 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:22,080 Speaker 1: and have a good time. 451 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:23,440 Speaker 2: Number five. 452 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,919 Speaker 1: Think about the next five years and what would make 453 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,359 Speaker 1: it better, not just five months. What I mean by 454 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,439 Speaker 1: that is we're often thinking, well, will this person be 455 00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 1: fun for the next five months, versus will this person 456 00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:39,320 Speaker 1: actually become and let me become the person I want 457 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:43,000 Speaker 1: to be in five years, and chances are that may 458 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,960 Speaker 1: not be the person you're attracted to in the beginning. 459 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:50,280 Speaker 1: Six Prepare for deeper conversations and self disclosure. Seven, prepare 460 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,520 Speaker 1: for the date. Think about why you're dreading it. Is 461 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,320 Speaker 1: it because you're scared of being rejected? Is it because 462 00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:57,760 Speaker 1: you're tired of saying the same things, Well, then prepare 463 00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:01,439 Speaker 1: for it. Don't say the same things right. Don't focus 464 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,040 Speaker 1: on whether you're rejected or accepted. Focus on if there's 465 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,359 Speaker 1: a connection, and if you're not finding a connection, that's 466 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,879 Speaker 1: okay too. Use it at a place to understand and 467 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:14,560 Speaker 1: learn how you can have better conversation. And number eight, 468 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,320 Speaker 1: you don't need to talk about every date again and again. 469 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,760 Speaker 1: I see this as being one of the reasons why 470 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,919 Speaker 1: people are truly drained from dating and burnt out is 471 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,720 Speaker 1: because they talk about a bad date again and again 472 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 1: and again with all their friends. 473 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,280 Speaker 2: Let it go, move on, date again. 474 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:34,000 Speaker 1: I actually think if we didn't over analyze every single day, 475 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,440 Speaker 1: we wouldn't be as drained. It would be far easier 476 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:41,719 Speaker 1: to move forward. I really hope that this helps you 477 00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:45,280 Speaker 1: date again. I highly recommend you go to match dot com, 478 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:48,639 Speaker 1: forward slash quiz to take our quiz to learn about 479 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,720 Speaker 1: your top three values, and I really hope that assists 480 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:55,920 Speaker 1: you in your next step in your journey. Thanks so 481 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,000 Speaker 1: much for listening. Remember I'm always rooting for you and 482 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,120 Speaker 1: I'm forever in your core. Hey everyone, if you love 483 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,320 Speaker 1: that conversation, go and check out my episode with the 484 00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:09,880 Speaker 1: world's leading therapist, Lourie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest 485 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:15,679 Speaker 1: questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, 486 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,600 Speaker 1: and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space 487 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,480 Speaker 1: right now, you won't want to miss this conversation. 488 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:26,200 Speaker 2: If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands. It's really hard 489 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 2: to argue. 490 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:30,399 Speaker 1: It actually calms your nervous systems. Just hold hands as 491 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:31,520 Speaker 1: you're having the conversation. 492 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:32,640 Speaker 2: It's so lovely.