1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,840 Speaker 1: Buggal up. Hold on tight, we got it for you here. 2 00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:06,880 Speaker 1: It is the Strawberry letter. Subject my best friend is 3 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:10,760 Speaker 1: just trying to help out. Dear Stephen Shirley. I have 4 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:13,240 Speaker 1: been married to my husband for eight years and we 5 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 1: have a five year old and a two year old daughter. 6 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:19,520 Speaker 1: My husband has five other kids, not including the two 7 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:22,560 Speaker 1: we have together. Yes, I know this is a lot 8 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: of kids. However, I want to try for another baby 9 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 1: next year. I am thirty two and he is forty, 10 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:33,080 Speaker 1: and he says he is too old to have more kids. 11 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,200 Speaker 1: I don't have a son and would like to try 12 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:39,519 Speaker 1: for a son. I always told him I wanted to 13 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:43,040 Speaker 1: have three children. We don't have sex because he says 14 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,000 Speaker 1: he doesn't want to get me pregnant, and if we 15 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,480 Speaker 1: do have sex, he buys me the Plan B pill 16 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:51,159 Speaker 1: to avoid any possible pregnancies. I even asked if we 17 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 1: can adopt, and he still said no. I am starting 18 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:58,040 Speaker 1: to resent my husband and this is causing a strain 19 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:02,760 Speaker 1: on our relationship because I want another baby. We are 20 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:07,399 Speaker 1: financially stable enough to have another baby. I confide it 21 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,959 Speaker 1: and my best friend, who happens to be a man, 22 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: and he offered me his sperm. As you know, he 23 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 1: would donate the sperm and sex would not be involved. 24 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,840 Speaker 1: When I told my husband about my best friend's offer, 25 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,600 Speaker 1: he flipped out and was highly upset. He said that 26 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:27,720 Speaker 1: would be committing a sin, breaking the vows of marriage, 27 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,480 Speaker 1: and he would not accept the baby as his child. 28 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,479 Speaker 1: He also said he would divorce me if I even 29 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,319 Speaker 1: brought it up again. I think it is very unfair 30 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,959 Speaker 1: because he won't give me another baby. It's my body 31 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 1: and if I want another baby, I should be able 32 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 1: to get pregnant and have another baby. Am I wrong here? 33 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 1: Please help? Well, you know you're both wrong, and I'll 34 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:54,560 Speaker 1: tell you why. You for going to another man outside 35 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: of your marriage to get another baby. I mean, that's 36 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 1: not the way you do it. And of course your 37 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:02,960 Speaker 1: husband is wrong for just shutting you out, not even 38 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,120 Speaker 1: peering of your requests, for being so mean and close 39 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: minded about you. You're his wife. He should be, you know, 40 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:15,840 Speaker 1: compassionate and understanding as to how you feel. I get 41 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 1: that he already has five children in addition to the 42 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:23,080 Speaker 1: two daughters that you guys have together. But you have 43 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,560 Speaker 1: to talk, and you should have talked to each other 44 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 1: before you got here to this place. He's only forty. 45 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:34,640 Speaker 1: And while he may he may say that's too old, 46 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 1: it's not too old. I think it's just that he 47 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,560 Speaker 1: is tired of having kids. Seven kids, you said it 48 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,880 Speaker 1: in a letter. That's a lot of kids by anyone standards. 49 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 1: Seven kids is a lot of kids. You say, you're 50 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,280 Speaker 1: financially stable enough to have a lot of kids, to 51 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:53,919 Speaker 1: have more kids, but you know, if your husband doesn't 52 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,080 Speaker 1: want to have kids, You guys have to be on 53 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,360 Speaker 1: the same page as far as it's concerned. You, on 54 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,280 Speaker 1: the other hand, are only thirty two, You're still young enough. 55 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,239 Speaker 1: You're you're You're perfectly within your rights to want more 56 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,800 Speaker 1: children and to try for a boy if that's what 57 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 1: you want, but you can't do it with this husband 58 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,880 Speaker 1: because he's not interested. You guys, have a major issue 59 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 1: in your marriage. I don't see how you can come 60 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 1: to an agreement or a compromise. I really don't. He 61 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:21,680 Speaker 1: doesn't want any more children. He doesn't want any more children. 62 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:26,960 Speaker 1: You do, period? Okay, period? You hear? I think I 63 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:31,160 Speaker 1: can confidently say this that if you do have another child, 64 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:34,200 Speaker 1: it won't be with your current husband unless you trick 65 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,960 Speaker 1: him or trap him or something like that. And if 66 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:42,360 Speaker 1: you go to your best friend and get his sperm, 67 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,040 Speaker 1: you're going to be done with this marriage. This marriage 68 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:48,680 Speaker 1: is practically over anyway because of your husband's rules. He 69 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 1: doesn't want another kid you do. He won't accept the 70 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 1: baby as his own. If if you have another one, 71 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: he doesn't want to adopt. You have no options here. 72 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 1: You have no options here, Steve, Well, surely I have 73 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 1: different take on this. I believe that she does have options, 74 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: and I'll tell you why as soon as y'all ask me. 75 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 1: She's been married to her husband for eight years and 76 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:16,840 Speaker 1: they got a five year old and a two year 77 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 1: old together. They both girls. My husband has five other kids, 78 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,160 Speaker 1: not including the other the two we have together. Now, 79 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 1: let's stop right here. Here go the whole damn problem 80 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 1: right here. It's them five other damn kids. This is 81 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:42,760 Speaker 1: the reason he's struggling with another one. So don't take 82 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:48,440 Speaker 1: it personal. It ain't you. It's them damn other ones. 83 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:54,720 Speaker 1: Where the problem come in that? We don't know where 84 00:04:54,760 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 1: they strolled all out at. They could be citywide, statewide, countrywide, 85 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:12,599 Speaker 1: they may be global international. We don't know, but there's 86 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,920 Speaker 1: a lot of money. Now if he foughty, I'm a solman. 87 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:21,360 Speaker 1: He started having kids around twenty eighteen. Maybe doesn't mean 88 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:28,240 Speaker 1: he's still paying child support. Ye see, that's why he 89 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 1: don't want no more kids. See, y'all may be financially stable, 90 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 1: but that child support choking homie. That's your problem right there. 91 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,480 Speaker 1: Now you say, yes, I know that's a lot of kids, 92 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,039 Speaker 1: but you want to try for another one because you're 93 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,280 Speaker 1: thirty two, and he foughty, He say too old to 94 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,479 Speaker 1: have more kids. That's not true. You can have more kids, 95 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,760 Speaker 1: pass forty, and you don't got a boy, and you 96 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 1: want a boy, and always you always told him you 97 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:58,559 Speaker 1: wanted three kids. And now y'all ain't having set because 98 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,040 Speaker 1: he say he don't want to give me pray and 99 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,240 Speaker 1: if we do have sex, he buy me the plan 100 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:05,800 Speaker 1: be peeled to avoid any possible pregnancy. And you take 101 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:10,440 Speaker 1: the damn peel. But this man make buying a pill, 102 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:13,760 Speaker 1: making you take it. Standing there, watch you swallowing. This 103 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: ain't no marriage all right, Hang onto that thought, Steve Um, 104 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,000 Speaker 1: we have more. Yeah, you got this husband you've been 105 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,400 Speaker 1: married to. Y'all got two kids, but he got five 106 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 1: other kids. You want another baby because you want to 107 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,120 Speaker 1: try for a boy. You thirty two. He forty. He 108 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,480 Speaker 1: said he too old and had kids. You told him, 109 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 1: when y'all got married, y'all want to have three kids. 110 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 1: He say he ain't having it, and y'all don't hardly 111 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,560 Speaker 1: have sex because he don't want to get your pregnant. 112 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:40,600 Speaker 1: Then when you do have sex, he buy peal to 113 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:44,479 Speaker 1: plan B pill and make you take it to avoid 114 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:50,240 Speaker 1: any possible pregnancies. You asked this fool, could you adopt? 115 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 1: And he still said no. I'm starting to resent your 116 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:57,359 Speaker 1: My husband is causing a strain on your relationship because 117 00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:01,120 Speaker 1: you want another baby. Now you say you financially stable. 118 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: Now here's the problem. You wouldn't to your best friend, 119 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:08,720 Speaker 1: who happens to be a man. He offered his sperm. 120 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 1: Let's stop right here. Anybody got problem with this? Hill 121 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:24,520 Speaker 1: Men will offer sperm, most men. I know he's willing 122 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:30,080 Speaker 1: to offer sperm. I do that. That's where the term 123 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 1: sperm donor came from, about the fact we like giving 124 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 1: it up so much. We'll give it to people we 125 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: don't know. We don't even have to care about you. 126 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:48,480 Speaker 1: We have extra we want to donate it to you. Now, 127 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:51,720 Speaker 1: your damn best friend, who is a man, then told 128 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:55,240 Speaker 1: you that he'll offer you his sperm. And then you 129 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:58,000 Speaker 1: said in the letter, as you know, he would donate 130 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: the sperm in sex with not being evolved. Lady, that's 131 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,640 Speaker 1: what he said. But he your best friend because he's 132 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: attracted to you, and now he's so attracted to you, 133 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 1: he said, I donate my sperm. He'd been wanting to 134 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 1: say this all alone. This just the topic that then 135 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 1: came up. And you said, as you know, he would 136 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,400 Speaker 1: donate the sperm and sex would not be involved. Well, 137 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,760 Speaker 1: sex might not be involved, but you're gonna have to 138 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:34,960 Speaker 1: get that sperm though. Hello Church, say, man might not 139 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:40,240 Speaker 1: have that, but you gotta get it, and you can't 140 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 1: leave it where it is. To have it got to 141 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:50,080 Speaker 1: come out. Hello man, how you think we're gonna get 142 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:55,480 Speaker 1: it out of the little house? He lived serious right 143 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: now now, I'm dead serious. Something got to happen you 144 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,360 Speaker 1: top of all this. We don't have to have sex. 145 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:08,719 Speaker 1: We're gonna have something now. Then your crazy ass went 146 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 1: in the house told your husband about your best friend's offer. 147 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:20,840 Speaker 1: Your husband flipped, was highly upset. He said this would 148 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 1: be committing a sin. Sound like it to me because 149 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,120 Speaker 1: he didn't really show what he means by he want 150 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,360 Speaker 1: to donate some spur because your husband got a real 151 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:32,920 Speaker 1: good idea of what donating sperm mean. You'll be breaking 152 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,440 Speaker 1: the vials of the marriage because all he says, all 153 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:39,000 Speaker 1: sees you having sex or getting that sperm donated some 154 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 1: kind of way, and said he would not accept the 155 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 1: child as his. Hell, it ain't it ain't his baby. 156 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:52,680 Speaker 1: It's your best friend's baby. He also said he divorced 157 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 1: you if you brought it up again. Now you think 158 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,880 Speaker 1: it's very unfair because he won't give me another baby. 159 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,720 Speaker 1: It's my body and if I want another baby, I 160 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,199 Speaker 1: should be able to get pregnant to have a baby. Lady, 161 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:06,440 Speaker 1: you are correct now, Shirley said this right here. It 162 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 1: won't be with this dude right here. Unless you just 163 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,760 Speaker 1: go on to have sex with your husband and quit 164 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:16,080 Speaker 1: taking that damn peel. Then you're gonna have a baby. 165 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:21,719 Speaker 1: Then what he gonna do? But then guess what. Don't 166 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 1: nobody really want to have a baby with somebody that 167 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 1: don't want a baby. But it happens all the time, 168 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,520 Speaker 1: and you can act like some women and go, well, 169 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:36,080 Speaker 1: he'll grow to love the child. He might, but he 170 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:40,320 Speaker 1: might quit loving you though, because he will be resentful 171 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 1: because he has sold all his wilos with all these 172 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:45,920 Speaker 1: other chicks and got the five other kids. Now he 173 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,800 Speaker 1: want to shut it down, and you've ben't told him 174 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:51,040 Speaker 1: you want three. You should be able to get pregnant 175 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,880 Speaker 1: to have a baby, but Shirley's right, probably won't be 176 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:58,000 Speaker 1: with this dude. Right here? Am I wrong? Here? Please help? Well, 177 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 1: if you want to have another baby and he don't, 178 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 1: you're gonna have to go have another baby. And you 179 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:07,040 Speaker 1: do have the right, but I think you told your 180 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:11,240 Speaker 1: husband you wanted three kids in the beginning. Now somewhere 181 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:14,480 Speaker 1: along the line it's child sport whooping his ass. He 182 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 1: won't see it, so now he is issuing ultimatums. But 183 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 1: the biggest mistake you made was this sperm donor conversation 184 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,840 Speaker 1: with your husband, because now he got a platform to 185 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,920 Speaker 1: stand on that ain't got nothing to do with the 186 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:34,200 Speaker 1: pregnancy or the baby. Now, he didn't use this divorce 187 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,600 Speaker 1: to really shut you down. It's a cold, tricky pulling 188 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:41,840 Speaker 1: on you, but it's working because you don't wrote in 189 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 1: a letter. So I don't know what to tell you, ma'am. 190 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,080 Speaker 1: But it don't look like you'll be having a baby 191 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:54,079 Speaker 1: with your husband, and don't leave your husband for your 192 00:11:54,080 --> 00:12:00,040 Speaker 1: best friend, and do not take your best friends. He 193 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,560 Speaker 1: and you loan me some spurns or like you don't must, 194 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,959 Speaker 1: That's all she say. You hold me some spurs like 195 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:12,920 Speaker 1: you do. Alright, look all right, Steve, thank you. You 196 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,239 Speaker 1: can post your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter on Instagram 197 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:21,240 Speaker 1: and Facebook at Steve Harvey f M. Right back forget 198 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:24,840 Speaker 1: to check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand. You're 199 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,360 Speaker 1: listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.