WEBVTT - How Men Think with Nick Thompson 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:03.840 We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:08.879 is how men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey everyone, 0:00:08.920 --> 0:00:11.720 I'm Nick Thompson and you know me from the Netflix 0:00:11.760 --> 0:00:14.600 reality series Love Is Blind season two where I got 0:00:14.600 --> 0:00:17.280 married to Danielle Rule. I'm happy to be here guest 0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:20.000 hosting How Men Think. Canna answer all of your questions 0:00:20.120 --> 0:00:23.680 and help you understand how men are thinking in specific situations. 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:26.720 But first, let's get to eleven questions with me. Um. 0:00:26.760 --> 0:00:28.720 These are questions that I'm happy to answer and very 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:31.840 excited to get going here. So first and foremost, what 0:00:31.880 --> 0:00:34.040 are you known for? Let's let's hear a little bit 0:00:34.040 --> 0:00:37.920 about myself? Um? Well, I'm known now from being on 0:00:38.000 --> 0:00:40.479 Love Is Blind season two and being one of the 0:00:40.520 --> 0:00:43.240 two couples that got married. I would say first and foremost, 0:00:43.640 --> 0:00:45.360 but a little bit more about me as I grew 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:47.479 up in the suburbs of Chicago. I currently live in 0:00:47.560 --> 0:00:51.720 Chicago here with Danielle Um. My passions include, um, you know, 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:54.360 news and politics. I spend a lot of time listening 0:00:54.360 --> 0:00:56.960 to podcasts, hanging out with my friends, drinking a lot 0:00:57.000 --> 0:01:00.760 of coffee, practicing yoga, working out, being outside. I love 0:01:00.800 --> 0:01:02.840 to walk around UM and then I also have a 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:07.039 career in marketing for a software company called media Fly. So, UM, 0:01:07.120 --> 0:01:10.600 I think that that covers that pretty well. What are 0:01:10.640 --> 0:01:12.760 who am I in my personal life? Um, that's a 0:01:12.800 --> 0:01:14.480 good question. I think I shared a little bit of 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:19.320 that with the last one. But I'm very thoughtful, um 0:01:19.360 --> 0:01:22.840 actually surprisingly to some people, introverted. So I spend a 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:27.440 lot of time thinking things through, listening to podcasts, listening 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:33.040 to audiobooks, reading online about you know, thought leadership pieces. Um. 0:01:33.080 --> 0:01:36.040 I also spend quite a bit of time now recording 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:38.720 my life for social media more than I ever have before. 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:41.680 And then just hanging out with friends and family and 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:44.039 and um, you know, doing the restaurant seen here in 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:47.199 Chicago is always fun, always something great to do in Chicago, 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:49.280 which I love, especially coming into the summertime, which we're 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:52.840 doing right now. Three shows that I've been watching, well, 0:01:52.920 --> 0:01:55.360 I actually in the last two weeks just finished two 0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:57.800 shows that I really every night was kind of like 0:01:57.840 --> 0:01:59.640 which when do I watch? Which when do I watch? Um, 0:01:59.640 --> 0:02:02.640 and that it be Inventing Anna and then super Pumped, 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:04.840 and then also been kind of supplementing that with a 0:02:04.840 --> 0:02:07.520 little bit of Ship's Creek, which I've seen periodically but 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:11.400 never watched through fully. So doing that with Daniel has 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:17.240 been a really good time as well. What's my favorite food? Uh, Pizza, Pizza, pizza. 0:02:17.280 --> 0:02:19.919 I could eat pizza for every single meal. Here in Chicago, 0:02:19.960 --> 0:02:21.720 we have deep dish. I do love peep dish, but 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:24.920 I like thin crust. I like our tease and pizzas 0:02:25.040 --> 0:02:26.960 and you name it their sauce and cheese on it, 0:02:26.960 --> 0:02:29.440 I'm there for it. UH. Tell you about your career. 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:32.000 I'm a VP in marketing, had a software company called 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:35.440 media Fly, and I've been in marketing for the majority 0:02:35.480 --> 0:02:39.160 of my career. I've really enjoy a storytelling aspect of it, 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:42.240 begetting to know people and their problems and how to 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:45.720 solve those problems. And it's really really the storytelling now 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:48.400 that that keeps me invested and excited about marketing. Big, 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:51.720 big fan of storytelling and helping people solve problems. My 0:02:51.800 --> 0:02:56.680 biggest fear in life, UM, I would say that's actually 0:02:56.800 --> 0:02:59.959 changed over the years. One of my initial biggest fear 0:03:00.040 --> 0:03:02.720 years was never finding someone to share my life with 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:05.799 and spend my life with. Um and you know, ultimately 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:07.560 just ending up with a lot of cats or a 0:03:07.560 --> 0:03:10.840 lot of dogs and riding solo. But now that that's changed. 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:13.480 I think now that that's changed with daniel I think 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:16.800 one of my biggest fears is just leaving something on 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:20.160 the table um, not achieving something that I wanted to achieve, 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:22.440 or not going after something that I want to go 0:03:22.480 --> 0:03:24.639 at and living with that regret. So I think now 0:03:24.639 --> 0:03:27.480 it's kind of shifted a little bit too, not living 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:30.280 living life to the fullest and not having any regrets 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:33.720 back in my life. What is my biggest pet peeve? 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:36.160 I hate to admit this, I actually kind of have 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:39.000 a lot of pet peeves. Probably I think one of 0:03:39.000 --> 0:03:42.680 my biggest pet peeves is cluttered Um, aside from my 0:03:42.720 --> 0:03:45.720 desk which is kind of cluttered at the moment um, 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:47.840 and there's clutter in my house, in my life. It 0:03:47.920 --> 0:03:51.040 kind of makes me anxious and uneasy, and it's it's 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:54.040 a difficult thing for me to to not like immediately 0:03:54.040 --> 0:03:57.320 start organizing clutter. So I think that's probably my biggest 0:03:57.320 --> 0:04:01.280 pet peeve. What makes you the most be um? You know? 0:04:01.480 --> 0:04:05.280 I I think the times I'm the most happy are 0:04:05.360 --> 0:04:08.560 when I can just look around my surroundings, and you know, 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:10.560 a lot of those times now are with Danielle and 0:04:10.600 --> 0:04:12.960 Grayson and Whiz. But I just look around and I'm like, 0:04:13.000 --> 0:04:15.119 you know, there's no place else I'd rather be right now. 0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:18.240 And sometimes that can be here at home. Sometimes that 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:20.520 can be at a nice dinner or doing some sort 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:22.960 of activity. But I think those are the moments when 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:28.040 I'm really the most happy. What's my ideal Saturday morning? Um, 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:31.680 not rushing. I think with life and working away that 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:35.800 I do in my career and with marketing, mornings are 0:04:36.800 --> 0:04:39.760 not a good time to try and relax. You you're 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:42.600 immediately up and now working from home the last couple 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:44.360 of years, it's like you're up and you're at it 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:46.440 the moment you look at your phone. So I like 0:04:46.560 --> 0:04:49.440 Saturday mornings when I get to kind of lay around 0:04:49.440 --> 0:04:54.039 in bed, enjoy my coffee, listen to podcast, listen to music, 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:56.080 and just not have anywhere to be, at least for 0:04:56.080 --> 0:04:59.320 a little bit later in the day. I am. I'm 0:04:59.400 --> 0:05:03.960 more of an athlete or an armchair quarterback. Um well, 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:07.320 I used to used to be a little more athletic. 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:10.200 I used to play flag flag football. Um I haven't 0:05:10.200 --> 0:05:12.040 played in the last couple of years, but I definitely 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:14.040 like to sit in that armchair and and talk to 0:05:14.240 --> 0:05:16.520 uh the bearers coaching staff and tell them what they 0:05:16.520 --> 0:05:18.920 should be doing here in Chicago. So probably a little 0:05:18.920 --> 0:05:21.320 bit of a mix of both, maybe leaning a little 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:25.200 bit more into armchair quarterback these days. Um, next question, 0:05:25.279 --> 0:05:30.640 what keeps me motivated? I think the desire for more 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:33.760 is what keeps me motivated. I don't like to settle 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:38.200 at all on anything. I try to give everything, and 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:41.839 so for me, what keeps me motivated is the what's next? Okay, 0:05:41.880 --> 0:05:44.520 I've achieved this. What's next? Okay, I've achieved this, What's next? 0:05:44.680 --> 0:05:48.000 And that doesn't necessarily just meaning career or you know, 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:52.440 purchasing a condo or a house. It just means, um, 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:54.280 you know, once I achieve something, what's next. It can 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:58.120 be I've run two miles and they've been ten minutes each. 0:05:58.200 --> 0:06:00.520 Now how do I get those two nine minutes each? Um? 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:03.200 It could be something like what's my next career step? 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:05.360 Or I want to, you know, move into a bigger 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:08.200 house with Danielle. So it's just always looking into what's 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:11.320 next and keeping myself on edge to to stay motivated. 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:14.720 All Right, that was a little bit about me. Eleven 0:06:14.800 --> 0:06:17.640 Questions with Nick Thompson from Love Is Blind season two. 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:19.240 We're going to take a quick break and then when 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:30.640 we get back in a moment. All right, we're back 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:34.120 here with Carissa, who's here with our first question for 0:06:34.160 --> 0:06:37.000 I'm a caller today. Hi Carissa, how are you doing? Hi? 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:40.440 I'm good. How are you doing doing great? Thanks for 0:06:40.480 --> 0:06:45.200 calling in Olkay. So my question was, um, okay, So 0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:47.640 when I'm like trying to meet people and I'm talking 0:06:47.680 --> 0:06:50.360 to a guy and it's like, you know, going, mom, 0:06:50.480 --> 0:06:53.920 we're like learning and stuff, I was so awkward when 0:06:53.960 --> 0:06:56.360 the conversation is like coming to an end and they 0:06:56.400 --> 0:06:59.840 haven't asked for my number. Yeah, And I'm definitely not 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:03.040 bold enough to like ask for their number, like just 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:05.080 give them my number, And so I was thinking maybe 0:07:05.120 --> 0:07:08.960 I could like ask for like their Instagram or something, 0:07:09.000 --> 0:07:11.800 because that's like a little bit more casual. But I 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:14.360 don't know, is that weird? Is that like too bold? Also, 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:17.360 the first question for you is this if you meet 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:19.160 someone in person or is this on a dating app? 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:23.120 Um in person like like at a bar, just like 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:30.320 at the store something. So I think if you don't 0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:33.440 want to be bold and give your phone number, I 0:07:33.480 --> 0:07:36.800 think following on Instagram is an easy thing. To do. 0:07:36.880 --> 0:07:39.320 In fact, I would even be like, hey, let's keep 0:07:39.360 --> 0:07:41.760 in touch. Can I follow you on Instagram? And keep 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:45.080 it even a little more casual And to be honest though, 0:07:45.120 --> 0:07:48.200 I think sometimes guys are just a shy. Um. I 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:50.880 know it's it's weird, maybe coming for me since I 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:53.200 did my dating in front of the whole world I 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:55.840 love is blind, but um, you know i'd be in 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:58.400 those situations to where as a guy, I'm like, is 0:07:58.440 --> 0:08:02.120 it okay to ask for the number? Is she being nice? Um? 0:08:02.200 --> 0:08:04.720 And you know he may have those nerves too. So 0:08:04.760 --> 0:08:08.520 I think asking for follow or offering to follow him 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:11.280 on Instagram, if that's more comfortable for you then giving 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:13.400 your phone number. Asking for a phone number, I think 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:16.400 that's perfectly acceptable. Yeah, I thought. Then you know they 0:08:16.480 --> 0:08:18.040 kind of like you can see a little bit more 0:08:18.080 --> 0:08:19.600 about me, and I can see a little bit more 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:23.440 about them too, like from their profile and stuff. Yeah, 0:08:23.520 --> 0:08:25.560 I think so too. And especially when you meet in person, 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:28.280 you don't get you know, there's pros and constant online dating, 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:29.840 but when you meet in person, you don't even get 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:32.000 any context of what do you like to do for 0:08:32.080 --> 0:08:34.800 fun or what are your your clever answers to the 0:08:35.480 --> 0:08:38.560 thought provoking questions they asked. So I think it's perfect acceptable, 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:43.439 UM to to share instagrams. Absolutely, Mary, thank you so much. 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:46.079 I really appreciate it. Yeah, you're welcome. It was nice 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:51.760 talking to you. Nice talking to you too. Thanks. Thanks. Hey, Nikky, 0:08:51.800 --> 0:08:54.839 how are you doing? Thanks for calling in good. How 0:08:54.840 --> 0:08:58.040 are you doing? I'm doing just fine. Happy to talk 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:02.800 to you and hopefully help you out of it. Sure. UM, 0:09:02.840 --> 0:09:07.679 So my question is, you know, I'm I am recently divorced, 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:11.160 and I I am trying to get out there and 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:19.080 in date and I'm just wondering, I mean, do guys actually, 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:23.640 you know, ask women out on dates in person anymore? 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:31.640 Or is this all a an online text kind of generation. Um, 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:36.679 that's a really really tough question. I think it's definitely 0:09:36.760 --> 0:09:41.040 maybe an eight twenty nine ten and split of online 0:09:41.160 --> 0:09:44.480 dating versus meeting in person. But I do think if 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:46.720 you get out there and you put yourself in social 0:09:46.760 --> 0:09:51.440 situations where someone has an opportunity to have a conversation 0:09:51.480 --> 0:09:54.640 with you, it can still happen that way. UM. Just 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:59.360 not so sure that UM people are as comfortable having 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:04.080 those in person interactions as they were pre apps. Right, 0:10:04.160 --> 0:10:07.040 So everyone now is just to swipe away from the 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:10.800 next person. I mean, it's to the point where before 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:12.760 I was on the show and Meth Danielle, I would 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:16.520 literally be out with UM friends and stuff and people 0:10:16.559 --> 0:10:18.600 would be on their app on the phone. It's like 0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:21.120 your work to be present when you are out, and 0:10:21.160 --> 0:10:23.920 I think that you can um you know, maybe meet 0:10:23.960 --> 0:10:26.240 someone in a more organic way. But I definitely think 0:10:26.240 --> 0:10:28.520 it's it's skewed towards the apps. It just gives people 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:32.680 almost like uh, something to hide behind give it, which 0:10:33.640 --> 0:10:35.240 gives them a little bit more. My take on it 0:10:35.520 --> 0:10:37.880 are you do you ever put yourself out there in 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:40.960 social situations and you're just not seeing anything? Or what 0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:47.719 is your what is your dating been like since getting divorced? Uh? Nonexistent. 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:53.120 I mean. The funny thing about this is that when 0:10:53.120 --> 0:10:55.679 you go on a date, you're in person with somebody, 0:10:55.920 --> 0:10:59.040 you're with them, So it's weird. It's just weird to 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:04.040 me that people want to communicate without talking to the 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:05.840 person face to face, but they want to go on 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:07.880 a date with them face to face. So it's just 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:10.120 so weird to me. But yes, I go out with 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:17.320 m girlfriends. We you know, go to UM dance, Uh, 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:21.280 it's like social dance classes like swing dancing and all 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:26.240 those kind of um places and um, you know, just 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:31.560 out for cocktails of course, um, different things like that, 0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:36.520 some activities, hiking whatnot. It's just that I don't seem 0:11:36.640 --> 0:11:39.960 to meet anybody, and anybody that I any man that 0:11:40.040 --> 0:11:43.080 I do meet, they already have a wife or a 0:11:43.120 --> 0:11:46.880 girlfriend or something like that. So it's not I'm not 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:50.000 seeing even at church, I'm not eating. Everyone is pretty 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:55.079 much coupled up. So it's just one of those things 0:11:55.160 --> 0:12:00.319 where I'm not really running into any single old men 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:02.960 that are, you know, a little bit older, not so 0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:07.440 much in their twenties. Um. So yeah, that's kind of 0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:11.280 that sounds yeah, that sounds like a tough situation. And 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:16.040 are you comfortable if you do like someone in starting 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:18.440 that conversation or if you find someone attractive going up 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:22.720 to them. Well yeah, I mean I I don't have 0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:26.240 a problem doing that. But like I said, most of 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:27.959 the times when I go up and talk to them, 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:31.240 either they're really nice, but either they're already involved with 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:38.600 somebody or they're they're too young. Soh so it's you know, 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:43.439 I get these young guys that are interested, but I'm like, no, unfortunately, 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:48.240 you're way too young. Yeah, you gotta I understand, you 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:51.839 have to have your your sort of window of age 0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:53.720 there so that you're at least in the same book, 0:12:53.760 --> 0:12:58.440 if not on the same age, right, Like my advice 0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:01.160 to you and my thought and this is you know, 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:04.120 this is coming from a third party over here, my 0:13:04.200 --> 0:13:09.160 thought processes. Keep doing what you're doing, keep being social, 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:13.120 going out with your friends, taking these dance classes, and 0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:17.439 don't get discouraged or lose confidence in that walking up 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:19.959 to a man that you find attractive or that you're 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:22.319 interested in getting to know more, because it only takes 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:25.480 one that doesn't have someone and that ends up being 0:13:25.520 --> 0:13:28.000 the right one. And timing is everything. So maybe it 0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:31.320 just hasn't all lined up yet for you. Yeah, And 0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:36.280 I do have another question because maybe maybe you know 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:38.720 I am coming across someone that is single, but I don't, 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:42.000 you know, I don't know. Or maybe when I do 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:45.040 meet somebody that is single and I think that they're 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:48.959 attracted to me as well, but they're still not asking 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:53.160 for my number or asking me out. What what queues 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:57.360 would would I give a guy during a conversation that 0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:01.680 would maybe lead him to skin me out or asking 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:05.199 for my number at least. Yeah, I think that's two fold. 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:07.880 I actually just had a similar question with the last caller. 0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:11.960 I think men are are shy. For one, like, don't 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.760 don't think that we're not shy too. We are. We 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:16.760 don't want to ask for your number and get rejected. 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:19.960 And we're looking for those same cues that you're looking for. Um, 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:22.560 And you know, some people receive them different, some people 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:25.880 give them different. I would say, um, first of all, 0:14:25.960 --> 0:14:28.360 it sounds like you're you're a pretty confident woman. So 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:30.240 if you are talking to a guy and he's not 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:33.320 asking for your number, ask for his. Just be bold. 0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:35.640 I think you you something like you might be comfortable 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:38.160 doing that. The other thing is, I think if he's 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:41.920 in a conversation with you, if it's not a short, 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:45.560 one sided answer, you're not carrying a conversation, there's a 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:48.080 very good chance that he's into you, and maybe he's 0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:50.800 just nervous for his own reason. Another thing, too, is 0:14:50.800 --> 0:14:54.040 like you know, subtle touching of an elbow or or 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:57.359 leaning in or um, you know, some of those nonverbal 0:14:57.440 --> 0:15:01.200 cues there I think also really indicates, um, you know, 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:03.360 whether or not someone's interested in you. I know, For me, 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:06.920 when I was dating, I would not move. I would 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:09.560 be stiff as a board if I wasn't interested in someone. Yeah, 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:11.600 that's just one person. But I think that those are 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:13.840 some things that you can probably look for. But again, 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:17.800 I think society right now is much more comfortable using 0:15:17.880 --> 0:15:21.440 dating apps and communicating through text. Um, so you know, 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:23.400 there might just be a level of shyness there that 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:28.280 you're just not aware of. Alrighty, I know it sucks. 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:33.000 I know it sucks. Like because a woman, a woman 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:35.200 wants a man that's a man. You You want a 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:39.040 man to be the one that approaches you. You want 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:42.000 the man to you know, you want the night and 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:44.840 shining armor. I mean, it's still gonna it's still going 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:47.880 to be what a woman wants. I mean, maybe someone 0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:53.160 really young because they haven't grown up, you know, with 0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:57.720 the same kind of guys, maybe they don't mind. But 0:15:57.920 --> 0:16:01.760 I don't know for someone my age, which is late forties, 0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:06.480 you know, you I want a man to be a man. 0:16:06.600 --> 0:16:09.760 I want him to come to me and ask me out, 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:12.680 and him to to be confident, because if a man 0:16:12.800 --> 0:16:16.800 isn't confident, that's not very attractive. Yeah, I can understand 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:22.160 that completely. I I really think. Um, it's it's easy 0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:25.240 for me to say this too, but it's probably just 0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:28.720 not been the right timing for some of these these 0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:31.200 men or for the right guy to come along. And 0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:34.920 if you're confident, though, I would keep approaching. If you 0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:39.200 like someone, I would keep doing that. Okay, it only 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:44.240 takes one. It only takes one. Yeah, true, that is true. 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:48.320 But thank you so much. Yeah, of course, it was 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:49.680 so nice to meet you, and good luck to you. 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:53.640 Thank you, Hey, Shana, thanks for calling in. How you 0:16:53.680 --> 0:16:58.040 doing today? I'm doing well. Thank you for having me today. Awesome, 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:02.400 I'm glad to have you. So what's on your mind? Alright? Well, 0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:04.760 basically this has been on my mind for a while now. 0:17:04.800 --> 0:17:07.639 I've been in a relationship with a great guy for 0:17:07.720 --> 0:17:11.040 about six months, and over time I've I've definitely come 0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:13.800 to learn that his love language is acts of service. 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:17.840 I'm sure you're probably familiar with, but myself, I'm pretty 0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:22.359 different because mine is words of affirmation. So sometimes I 0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:25.639 noticed that he's struggling to open up during our conversations 0:17:25.680 --> 0:17:28.719 and stuff, and this just tends to pose a problem 0:17:28.760 --> 0:17:30.760 for me because I don't know, I'm the kind of 0:17:30.760 --> 0:17:33.879 person that needs reassurance. That is something that goes a 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:37.560 long way for me. But the good thing is, you know, 0:17:37.720 --> 0:17:40.480 his acts of service does show that he cares. He'll 0:17:41.080 --> 0:17:43.399 always take the time to cook me a fabulous dinner, 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:47.440 you know, call me just to say hi, do other 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:50.880 nice gestures like he'll regularly pick up the bill when 0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:53.639 we go out to dinner, which is great. Um, But 0:17:53.760 --> 0:17:55.560 I don't know. I just struggle and I get in 0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:59.119 my head sometimes because I guess I'm wondering how he 0:17:59.320 --> 0:18:03.679 feels deep down, And I guess my question here is 0:18:03.760 --> 0:18:07.280 how do I go about asking him for verbal affirmations 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:10.480 in kind of maybe a casual sort of way. That way, 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:13.359 I don't seem like I'm forcing him to open up 0:18:13.359 --> 0:18:17.679 when he doesn't feel comfortable doing so, right, And I 0:18:17.720 --> 0:18:23.399 think that is a very multi leveled question. So I'm gonna, 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:25.439 if you don't mind, I'm gonna try and hit a 0:18:25.440 --> 0:18:27.720 couple of points that I immediately jump out to me. 0:18:28.240 --> 0:18:34.200 One is love. Languages are a great tool to understand 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:37.800 one another, but it goes, at least in my opinion, 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:42.960 it goes beyond how you received love and goes into 0:18:43.040 --> 0:18:47.159 also how your partner gives love. So everybody has Here's 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:50.520 how I received love, Here's how I show love. And 0:18:50.760 --> 0:18:54.920 I think for YouTube it would be an amazing exercise 0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:58.560 to have a safe space where you can both talk 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:01.399 about that and maybe even both think about it, because 0:19:01.720 --> 0:19:04.000 a lot of times I know, for me over the years, 0:19:04.040 --> 0:19:06.640 like I know how I received love, but I never 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:09.040 thought about is the way I'm showing love, the way 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:11.280 that the person I'm with needs me to show love. 0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:13.359 And then you also, it just sounds like you do 0:19:13.480 --> 0:19:16.520 a great job of this already understanding his love languages, 0:19:16.920 --> 0:19:20.320 acts of service, and so you realize he is trying 0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:23.520 to show you love. So I think, wondering how he 0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:28.400 really feels, you should take that into consideration too, that hey, 0:19:28.560 --> 0:19:31.400 he is doing these decks of service. He is calling me, 0:19:31.480 --> 0:19:33.840 he is picking up the bill on our dates, and 0:19:33.880 --> 0:19:36.080 so he is showing me love. And then if you 0:19:36.080 --> 0:19:38.320 can educate him on the other way you need to 0:19:38.320 --> 0:19:41.640 be shown love through words of affirmation, then you, guys 0:19:41.680 --> 0:19:44.480 can hopefully find like a fifty fifty split where you 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:46.520 know he can reach out a little bit out of 0:19:46.560 --> 0:19:49.040 his comfort zone to give you those words of affirmation, 0:19:49.440 --> 0:19:51.560 and then you can also understand a little bit better 0:19:51.560 --> 0:19:53.920 the way he's showing you love and then vice versa 0:19:54.000 --> 0:19:55.600 as well. And I think if you guys can have 0:19:55.640 --> 0:19:58.080 a conversation around that in a safe space where it's 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:01.159 not accusatory, it's not no one's going to take anything 0:20:01.320 --> 0:20:04.040 personally or as a criticism, it could really go a 0:20:04.040 --> 0:20:08.600 long way for your relationship and helping to understand one another. No, 0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:11.639 that's awesome. I think the key word, and you're emphasize 0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:15.560 here is maybe compromise, um, which is probably yeah, something 0:20:15.560 --> 0:20:19.200 that I could understanding too. Understanding. Yeah, I get a 0:20:19.240 --> 0:20:21.199 little rigid, I think sometimes because I've read a lot 0:20:21.240 --> 0:20:22.800 of books, and sometimes I feel like I need to 0:20:22.800 --> 0:20:25.000 stick with a certain structure. But I like what you're 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:27.440 saying about being flexible and everything. That's definitely something I 0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:29.760 could try to be a little bit better about, for sure. 0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:32.960 And I think to like this is and I'm like you, 0:20:33.040 --> 0:20:35.240 I've probably read way too many books. I have way 0:20:35.240 --> 0:20:37.960 too many ideas of of what a marriage or a 0:20:38.040 --> 0:20:41.159 relationship should be versus what they are in reality, and 0:20:41.160 --> 0:20:44.960 and um, you know, flexibility and listening more is always key. 0:20:45.080 --> 0:20:48.520 And I think that the real key is that when 0:20:48.560 --> 0:20:51.600 you have these conversations, whether it's this or whether it's 0:20:51.600 --> 0:20:54.040 about the future, whether it's about whatever. It just needs 0:20:54.040 --> 0:20:57.199 to be in a safe space where it's okay to 0:20:57.400 --> 0:21:00.800 feel uncomfortable. That doesn't mean that the person doesn't like you, 0:21:00.840 --> 0:21:03.560 will love you anymore. It's okay to be hurt, but 0:21:03.640 --> 0:21:05.359 that doesn't mean this person doesn't like you, will love 0:21:05.400 --> 0:21:08.480 you anymore. Does that make sense? It totally does. I 0:21:08.520 --> 0:21:11.000 think maybe I need to try not to overthink it 0:21:11.040 --> 0:21:13.159 and just go with the flow. And this gives me 0:21:13.160 --> 0:21:15.880 a lot to think about. Thank you. Yeah, good, it's 0:21:15.920 --> 0:21:18.639 my pleasure. I wish you to nothing but the best. Oh, 0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:22.640 thank you so much. Thanks, it was nice to meet you, 0:21:23.119 --> 0:21:27.800 and good luck he celess. Thanks for calling in. How 0:21:27.840 --> 0:21:32.040 you doing today? I'm good, are you? I'm good, glad 0:21:32.080 --> 0:21:36.080 to get the chance to talk to you. You too, Thanks. 0:21:36.760 --> 0:21:44.040 What's on your mind? Um? So, yeah, I'm I'm single. 0:21:44.440 --> 0:21:47.159 I always hear my friends that are all married with 0:21:47.280 --> 0:21:50.959 babies and everything that they just knew that their husband 0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:54.080 was the one, And I just I want your advice 0:21:54.160 --> 0:21:59.080 on like how to know, like just logically, like how 0:21:59.400 --> 0:22:02.439 you actually know or you're just feeling pressure to like 0:22:03.280 --> 0:22:06.760 do the damn thing, or do you like is it 0:22:06.840 --> 0:22:09.919