Speaker 1: We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
Speaker 1: is how men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey everyone,
Speaker 1: I'm Nick Thompson and you know me from the Netflix
Speaker 1: reality series Love Is Blind season two where I got
Speaker 1: married to Danielle Rule. I'm happy to be here guest
Speaker 1: hosting How Men Think. Canna answer all of your questions
Speaker 1: and help you understand how men are thinking in specific situations.
Speaker 1: But first, let's get to eleven questions with me. Um.
Speaker 1: These are questions that I'm happy to answer and very
Speaker 1: excited to get going here. So first and foremost, what
Speaker 1: are you known for? Let's let's hear a little bit
Speaker 1: about myself? Um? Well, I'm known now from being on
Speaker 1: Love Is Blind season two and being one of the
Speaker 1: two couples that got married. I would say first and foremost,
Speaker 1: but a little bit more about me as I grew
Speaker 1: up in the suburbs of Chicago. I currently live in
Speaker 1: Chicago here with Danielle Um. My passions include, um, you know,
Speaker 1: news and politics. I spend a lot of time listening
Speaker 1: to podcasts, hanging out with my friends, drinking a lot
Speaker 1: of coffee, practicing yoga, working out, being outside. I love
Speaker 1: to walk around UM and then I also have a
Speaker 1: career in marketing for a software company called media Fly. So, UM,
Speaker 1: I think that that covers that pretty well. What are
Speaker 1: who am I in my personal life? Um, that's a
Speaker 1: good question. I think I shared a little bit of
Speaker 1: that with the last one. But I'm very thoughtful, um
Speaker 1: actually surprisingly to some people, introverted. So I spend a
Speaker 1: lot of time thinking things through, listening to podcasts, listening
Speaker 1: to audiobooks, reading online about you know, thought leadership pieces. Um.
Speaker 1: I also spend quite a bit of time now recording
Speaker 1: my life for social media more than I ever have before.
Speaker 1: And then just hanging out with friends and family and
Speaker 1: and um, you know, doing the restaurant seen here in
Speaker 1: Chicago is always fun, always something great to do in Chicago,
Speaker 1: which I love, especially coming into the summertime, which we're
Speaker 1: doing right now. Three shows that I've been watching, well,
Speaker 1: I actually in the last two weeks just finished two
Speaker 1: shows that I really every night was kind of like
Speaker 1: which when do I watch? Which when do I watch? Um,
Speaker 1: and that it be Inventing Anna and then super Pumped,
Speaker 1: and then also been kind of supplementing that with a
Speaker 1: little bit of Ship's Creek, which I've seen periodically but
Speaker 1: never watched through fully. So doing that with Daniel has
Speaker 1: been a really good time as well. What's my favorite food? Uh, Pizza, Pizza, pizza.
Speaker 1: I could eat pizza for every single meal. Here in Chicago,
Speaker 1: we have deep dish. I do love peep dish, but
Speaker 1: I like thin crust. I like our tease and pizzas
Speaker 1: and you name it their sauce and cheese on it,
Speaker 1: I'm there for it. UH. Tell you about your career.
Speaker 1: I'm a VP in marketing, had a software company called
Speaker 1: media Fly, and I've been in marketing for the majority
Speaker 1: of my career. I've really enjoy a storytelling aspect of it,
Speaker 1: begetting to know people and their problems and how to
Speaker 1: solve those problems. And it's really really the storytelling now
Speaker 1: that that keeps me invested and excited about marketing. Big,
Speaker 1: big fan of storytelling and helping people solve problems. My
Speaker 1: biggest fear in life, UM, I would say that's actually
Speaker 1: changed over the years. One of my initial biggest fear
Speaker 1: years was never finding someone to share my life with
Speaker 1: and spend my life with. Um and you know, ultimately
Speaker 1: just ending up with a lot of cats or a
Speaker 1: lot of dogs and riding solo. But now that that's changed.
Speaker 1: I think now that that's changed with daniel I think
Speaker 1: one of my biggest fears is just leaving something on
Speaker 1: the table um, not achieving something that I wanted to achieve,
Speaker 1: or not going after something that I want to go
Speaker 1: at and living with that regret. So I think now
Speaker 1: it's kind of shifted a little bit too, not living
Speaker 1: living life to the fullest and not having any regrets
Speaker 1: back in my life. What is my biggest pet peeve?
Speaker 1: I hate to admit this, I actually kind of have
Speaker 1: a lot of pet peeves. Probably I think one of
Speaker 1: my biggest pet peeves is cluttered Um, aside from my
Speaker 1: desk which is kind of cluttered at the moment um,
Speaker 1: and there's clutter in my house, in my life. It
Speaker 1: kind of makes me anxious and uneasy, and it's it's
Speaker 1: a difficult thing for me to to not like immediately
Speaker 1: start organizing clutter. So I think that's probably my biggest
Speaker 1: pet peeve. What makes you the most be um? You know?
Speaker 1: I I think the times I'm the most happy are
Speaker 1: when I can just look around my surroundings, and you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of those times now are with Danielle and
Speaker 1: Grayson and Whiz. But I just look around and I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, there's no place else I'd rather be right now.
Speaker 1: And sometimes that can be here at home. Sometimes that
Speaker 1: can be at a nice dinner or doing some sort
Speaker 1: of activity. But I think those are the moments when
Speaker 1: I'm really the most happy. What's my ideal Saturday morning? Um,
Speaker 1: not rushing. I think with life and working away that
Speaker 1: I do in my career and with marketing, mornings are
Speaker 1: not a good time to try and relax. You you're
Speaker 1: immediately up and now working from home the last couple
Speaker 1: of years, it's like you're up and you're at it
Speaker 1: the moment you look at your phone. So I like
Speaker 1: Saturday mornings when I get to kind of lay around
Speaker 1: in bed, enjoy my coffee, listen to podcast, listen to music,
Speaker 1: and just not have anywhere to be, at least for
Speaker 1: a little bit later in the day. I am. I'm
Speaker 1: more of an athlete or an armchair quarterback. Um well,
Speaker 1: I used to used to be a little more athletic.
Speaker 1: I used to play flag flag football. Um I haven't
Speaker 1: played in the last couple of years, but I definitely
Speaker 1: like to sit in that armchair and and talk to
Speaker 1: uh the bearers coaching staff and tell them what they
Speaker 1: should be doing here in Chicago. So probably a little
Speaker 1: bit of a mix of both, maybe leaning a little
Speaker 1: bit more into armchair quarterback these days. Um, next question,
Speaker 1: what keeps me motivated? I think the desire for more
Speaker 1: is what keeps me motivated. I don't like to settle
Speaker 1: at all on anything. I try to give everything, and
Speaker 1: so for me, what keeps me motivated is the what's next? Okay,
Speaker 1: I've achieved this. What's next? Okay, I've achieved this, What's next?
Speaker 1: And that doesn't necessarily just meaning career or you know,
Speaker 1: purchasing a condo or a house. It just means, um,
Speaker 1: you know, once I achieve something, what's next. It can
Speaker 1: be I've run two miles and they've been ten minutes each.
Speaker 1: Now how do I get those two nine minutes each? Um?
Speaker 1: It could be something like what's my next career step?
Speaker 1: Or I want to, you know, move into a bigger
Speaker 1: house with Danielle. So it's just always looking into what's
Speaker 1: next and keeping myself on edge to to stay motivated.
Speaker 1: All Right, that was a little bit about me. Eleven
Speaker 1: Questions with Nick Thompson from Love Is Blind season two.
Speaker 1: We're going to take a quick break and then when
Speaker 1: we get back in a moment. All right, we're back
Speaker 1: here with Carissa, who's here with our first question for
Speaker 1: I'm a caller today. Hi Carissa, how are you doing? Hi?
Speaker 1: I'm good. How are you doing doing great? Thanks for
Speaker 1: calling in Olkay. So my question was, um, okay, So
Speaker 1: when I'm like trying to meet people and I'm talking
Speaker 1: to a guy and it's like, you know, going, mom,
Speaker 1: we're like learning and stuff, I was so awkward when
Speaker 1: the conversation is like coming to an end and they
Speaker 1: haven't asked for my number. Yeah, And I'm definitely not
Speaker 1: bold enough to like ask for their number, like just
Speaker 1: give them my number, And so I was thinking maybe
Speaker 1: I could like ask for like their Instagram or something,
Speaker 1: because that's like a little bit more casual. But I
Speaker 1: don't know, is that weird? Is that like too bold? Also,
Speaker 1: the first question for you is this if you meet
Speaker 1: someone in person or is this on a dating app?
Speaker 1: Um in person like like at a bar, just like
Speaker 1: at the store something. So I think if you don't
Speaker 1: want to be bold and give your phone number, I
Speaker 1: think following on Instagram is an easy thing. To do.
Speaker 1: In fact, I would even be like, hey, let's keep
Speaker 1: in touch. Can I follow you on Instagram? And keep
Speaker 1: it even a little more casual And to be honest though,
Speaker 1: I think sometimes guys are just a shy. Um. I
Speaker 1: know it's it's weird, maybe coming for me since I
Speaker 1: did my dating in front of the whole world I
Speaker 1: love is blind, but um, you know i'd be in
Speaker 1: those situations to where as a guy, I'm like, is
Speaker 1: it okay to ask for the number? Is she being nice? Um?
Speaker 1: And you know he may have those nerves too. So
Speaker 1: I think asking for follow or offering to follow him
Speaker 1: on Instagram, if that's more comfortable for you then giving
Speaker 1: your phone number. Asking for a phone number, I think
Speaker 1: that's perfectly acceptable. Yeah, I thought. Then you know they
Speaker 1: kind of like you can see a little bit more
Speaker 1: about me, and I can see a little bit more
Speaker 1: about them too, like from their profile and stuff. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think so too. And especially when you meet in person,
Speaker 1: you don't get you know, there's pros and constant online dating,
Speaker 1: but when you meet in person, you don't even get
Speaker 1: any context of what do you like to do for
Speaker 1: fun or what are your your clever answers to the
Speaker 1: thought provoking questions they asked. So I think it's perfect acceptable,
Speaker 1: UM to to share instagrams. Absolutely, Mary, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. Yeah, you're welcome. It was nice
Speaker 1: talking to you. Nice talking to you too. Thanks. Thanks. Hey, Nikky,
Speaker 1: how are you doing? Thanks for calling in good. How
Speaker 1: are you doing? I'm doing just fine. Happy to talk
Speaker 1: to you and hopefully help you out of it. Sure. UM,
Speaker 1: So my question is, you know, I'm I am recently divorced,
Speaker 1: and I I am trying to get out there and
Speaker 1: in date and I'm just wondering, I mean, do guys actually,
Speaker 1: you know, ask women out on dates in person anymore?
Speaker 1: Or is this all a an online text kind of generation. Um,
Speaker 1: that's a really really tough question. I think it's definitely
Speaker 1: maybe an eight twenty nine ten and split of online
Speaker 1: dating versus meeting in person. But I do think if
Speaker 1: you get out there and you put yourself in social
Speaker 1: situations where someone has an opportunity to have a conversation
Speaker 1: with you, it can still happen that way. UM. Just
Speaker 1: not so sure that UM people are as comfortable having
Speaker 1: those in person interactions as they were pre apps. Right,
Speaker 1: So everyone now is just to swipe away from the
Speaker 1: next person. I mean, it's to the point where before
Speaker 1: I was on the show and Meth Danielle, I would
Speaker 1: literally be out with UM friends and stuff and people
Speaker 1: would be on their app on the phone. It's like
Speaker 1: your work to be present when you are out, and
Speaker 1: I think that you can um you know, maybe meet
Speaker 1: someone in a more organic way. But I definitely think
Speaker 1: it's it's skewed towards the apps. It just gives people
Speaker 1: almost like uh, something to hide behind give it, which
Speaker 1: gives them a little bit more. My take on it
Speaker 1: are you do you ever put yourself out there in
Speaker 1: social situations and you're just not seeing anything? Or what
Speaker 1: is your what is your dating been like since getting divorced? Uh? Nonexistent.
Speaker 1: I mean. The funny thing about this is that when
Speaker 1: you go on a date, you're in person with somebody,
Speaker 1: you're with them, So it's weird. It's just weird to
Speaker 1: me that people want to communicate without talking to the
Speaker 1: person face to face, but they want to go on
Speaker 1: a date with them face to face. So it's just
Speaker 1: so weird to me. But yes, I go out with
Speaker 1: m girlfriends. We you know, go to UM dance, Uh,
Speaker 1: it's like social dance classes like swing dancing and all
Speaker 1: those kind of um places and um, you know, just
Speaker 1: out for cocktails of course, um, different things like that,
Speaker 1: some activities, hiking whatnot. It's just that I don't seem
Speaker 1: to meet anybody, and anybody that I any man that
Speaker 1: I do meet, they already have a wife or a
Speaker 1: girlfriend or something like that. So it's not I'm not
Speaker 1: seeing even at church, I'm not eating. Everyone is pretty
Speaker 1: much coupled up. So it's just one of those things
Speaker 1: where I'm not really running into any single old men
Speaker 1: that are, you know, a little bit older, not so
Speaker 1: much in their twenties. Um. So yeah, that's kind of
Speaker 1: that sounds yeah, that sounds like a tough situation. And
Speaker 1: are you comfortable if you do like someone in starting
Speaker 1: that conversation or if you find someone attractive going up
Speaker 1: to them. Well yeah, I mean I I don't have
Speaker 1: a problem doing that. But like I said, most of
Speaker 1: the times when I go up and talk to them,
Speaker 1: either they're really nice, but either they're already involved with
Speaker 1: somebody or they're they're too young. Soh so it's you know,
Speaker 1: I get these young guys that are interested, but I'm like, no, unfortunately,
Speaker 1: you're way too young. Yeah, you gotta I understand, you
Speaker 1: have to have your your sort of window of age
Speaker 1: there so that you're at least in the same book,
Speaker 1: if not on the same age, right, Like my advice
Speaker 1: to you and my thought and this is you know,
Speaker 1: this is coming from a third party over here, my
Speaker 1: thought processes. Keep doing what you're doing, keep being social,
Speaker 1: going out with your friends, taking these dance classes, and
Speaker 1: don't get discouraged or lose confidence in that walking up
Speaker 1: to a man that you find attractive or that you're
Speaker 1: interested in getting to know more, because it only takes
Speaker 1: one that doesn't have someone and that ends up being
Speaker 1: the right one. And timing is everything. So maybe it
Speaker 1: just hasn't all lined up yet for you. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I do have another question because maybe maybe you know
Speaker 1: I am coming across someone that is single, but I don't,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know. Or maybe when I do
Speaker 1: meet somebody that is single and I think that they're
Speaker 1: attracted to me as well, but they're still not asking
Speaker 1: for my number or asking me out. What what queues
Speaker 1: would would I give a guy during a conversation that
Speaker 1: would maybe lead him to skin me out or asking
Speaker 1: for my number at least. Yeah, I think that's two fold.
Speaker 1: I actually just had a similar question with the last caller.
Speaker 1: I think men are are shy. For one, like, don't
Speaker 1: don't think that we're not shy too. We are. We
Speaker 1: don't want to ask for your number and get rejected.
Speaker 1: And we're looking for those same cues that you're looking for. Um,
Speaker 1: And you know, some people receive them different, some people
Speaker 1: give them different. I would say, um, first of all,
Speaker 1: it sounds like you're you're a pretty confident woman. So
Speaker 1: if you are talking to a guy and he's not
Speaker 1: asking for your number, ask for his. Just be bold.
Speaker 1: I think you you something like you might be comfortable
Speaker 1: doing that. The other thing is, I think if he's
Speaker 1: in a conversation with you, if it's not a short,
Speaker 1: one sided answer, you're not carrying a conversation, there's a
Speaker 1: very good chance that he's into you, and maybe he's
Speaker 1: just nervous for his own reason. Another thing, too, is
Speaker 1: like you know, subtle touching of an elbow or or
Speaker 1: leaning in or um, you know, some of those nonverbal
Speaker 1: cues there I think also really indicates, um, you know,
Speaker 1: whether or not someone's interested in you. I know, For me,
Speaker 1: when I was dating, I would not move. I would
Speaker 1: be stiff as a board if I wasn't interested in someone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's just one person. But I think that those are
Speaker 1: some things that you can probably look for. But again,
Speaker 1: I think society right now is much more comfortable using
Speaker 1: dating apps and communicating through text. Um, so you know,
Speaker 1: there might just be a level of shyness there that
Speaker 1: you're just not aware of. Alrighty, I know it sucks.
Speaker 1: I know it sucks. Like because a woman, a woman
Speaker 1: wants a man that's a man. You You want a
Speaker 1: man to be the one that approaches you. You want
Speaker 1: the man to you know, you want the night and
Speaker 1: shining armor. I mean, it's still gonna it's still going
Speaker 1: to be what a woman wants. I mean, maybe someone
Speaker 1: really young because they haven't grown up, you know, with
Speaker 1: the same kind of guys, maybe they don't mind. But
Speaker 1: I don't know for someone my age, which is late forties,
Speaker 1: you know, you I want a man to be a man.
Speaker 1: I want him to come to me and ask me out,
Speaker 1: and him to to be confident, because if a man
Speaker 1: isn't confident, that's not very attractive. Yeah, I can understand
Speaker 1: that completely. I I really think. Um, it's it's easy
Speaker 1: for me to say this too, but it's probably just
Speaker 1: not been the right timing for some of these these
Speaker 1: men or for the right guy to come along. And
Speaker 1: if you're confident, though, I would keep approaching. If you
Speaker 1: like someone, I would keep doing that. Okay, it only
Speaker 1: takes one. It only takes one. Yeah, true, that is true.
Speaker 1: But thank you so much. Yeah, of course, it was
Speaker 1: so nice to meet you, and good luck to you.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Hey, Shana, thanks for calling in. How you
Speaker 1: doing today? I'm doing well. Thank you for having me today. Awesome,
Speaker 1: I'm glad to have you. So what's on your mind? Alright? Well,
Speaker 1: basically this has been on my mind for a while now.
Speaker 1: I've been in a relationship with a great guy for
Speaker 1: about six months, and over time I've I've definitely come
Speaker 1: to learn that his love language is acts of service.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you're probably familiar with, but myself, I'm pretty
Speaker 1: different because mine is words of affirmation. So sometimes I
Speaker 1: noticed that he's struggling to open up during our conversations
Speaker 1: and stuff, and this just tends to pose a problem
Speaker 1: for me because I don't know, I'm the kind of
Speaker 1: person that needs reassurance. That is something that goes a
Speaker 1: long way for me. But the good thing is, you know,
Speaker 1: his acts of service does show that he cares. He'll
Speaker 1: always take the time to cook me a fabulous dinner,
Speaker 1: you know, call me just to say hi, do other
Speaker 1: nice gestures like he'll regularly pick up the bill when
Speaker 1: we go out to dinner, which is great. Um, But
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just struggle and I get in
Speaker 1: my head sometimes because I guess I'm wondering how he
Speaker 1: feels deep down, And I guess my question here is
Speaker 1: how do I go about asking him for verbal affirmations
Speaker 1: in kind of maybe a casual sort of way. That way,
Speaker 1: I don't seem like I'm forcing him to open up
Speaker 1: when he doesn't feel comfortable doing so, right, And I
Speaker 1: think that is a very multi leveled question. So I'm gonna,
Speaker 1: if you don't mind, I'm gonna try and hit a
Speaker 1: couple of points that I immediately jump out to me.
Speaker 1: One is love. Languages are a great tool to understand
Speaker 1: one another, but it goes, at least in my opinion,
Speaker 1: it goes beyond how you received love and goes into
Speaker 1: also how your partner gives love. So everybody has Here's
Speaker 1: how I received love, Here's how I show love. And
Speaker 1: I think for YouTube it would be an amazing exercise
Speaker 1: to have a safe space where you can both talk
Speaker 1: about that and maybe even both think about it, because
Speaker 1: a lot of times I know, for me over the years,
Speaker 1: like I know how I received love, but I never
Speaker 1: thought about is the way I'm showing love, the way
Speaker 1: that the person I'm with needs me to show love.
Speaker 1: And then you also, it just sounds like you do
Speaker 1: a great job of this already understanding his love languages,
Speaker 1: acts of service, and so you realize he is trying
Speaker 1: to show you love. So I think, wondering how he
Speaker 1: really feels, you should take that into consideration too, that hey,
Speaker 1: he is doing these decks of service. He is calling me,
Speaker 1: he is picking up the bill on our dates, and
Speaker 1: so he is showing me love. And then if you
Speaker 1: can educate him on the other way you need to
Speaker 1: be shown love through words of affirmation, then you, guys
Speaker 1: can hopefully find like a fifty fifty split where you
Speaker 1: know he can reach out a little bit out of
Speaker 1: his comfort zone to give you those words of affirmation,
Speaker 1: and then you can also understand a little bit better
Speaker 1: the way he's showing you love and then vice versa
Speaker 1: as well. And I think if you guys can have
Speaker 1: a conversation around that in a safe space where it's
Speaker 1: not accusatory, it's not no one's going to take anything
Speaker 1: personally or as a criticism, it could really go a
Speaker 1: long way for your relationship and helping to understand one another. No,
Speaker 1: that's awesome. I think the key word, and you're emphasize
Speaker 1: here is maybe compromise, um, which is probably yeah, something
Speaker 1: that I could understanding too. Understanding. Yeah, I get a
Speaker 1: little rigid, I think sometimes because I've read a lot
Speaker 1: of books, and sometimes I feel like I need to
Speaker 1: stick with a certain structure. But I like what you're
Speaker 1: saying about being flexible and everything. That's definitely something I
Speaker 1: could try to be a little bit better about, for sure.
Speaker 1: And I think to like this is and I'm like you,
Speaker 1: I've probably read way too many books. I have way
Speaker 1: too many ideas of of what a marriage or a
Speaker 1: relationship should be versus what they are in reality, and
Speaker 1: and um, you know, flexibility and listening more is always key.
Speaker 1: And I think that the real key is that when
Speaker 1: you have these conversations, whether it's this or whether it's
Speaker 1: about the future, whether it's about whatever. It just needs
Speaker 1: to be in a safe space where it's okay to
Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable. That doesn't mean that the person doesn't like you,
Speaker 1: will love you anymore. It's okay to be hurt, but
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean this person doesn't like you, will love
Speaker 1: you anymore. Does that make sense? It totally does. I
Speaker 1: think maybe I need to try not to overthink it
Speaker 1: and just go with the flow. And this gives me
Speaker 1: a lot to think about. Thank you. Yeah, good, it's
Speaker 1: my pleasure. I wish you to nothing but the best. Oh,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Thanks, it was nice to meet you,
Speaker 1: and good luck he celess. Thanks for calling in. How
Speaker 1: you doing today? I'm good, are you? I'm good, glad
Speaker 1: to get the chance to talk to you. You too, Thanks.
Speaker 1: What's on your mind? Um? So, yeah, I'm I'm single.
Speaker 1: I always hear my friends that are all married with
Speaker 1: babies and everything that they just knew that their husband
Speaker 1: was the one, And I just I want your advice
Speaker 1: on like how to know, like just logically, like how
Speaker 1: you actually know or you're just feeling pressure to like
Speaker 1: do the damn thing, or do you like is it
Speaker 1: truly like you can know that that person is the
Speaker 1: one or do you do you like just talk yourself
Speaker 1: into it. I think that there's a lot of both
Speaker 1: that goes on in the in the world of dating,
Speaker 1: in the world of relationships. Um you know, I personally,
Speaker 1: I'm very intuitive. I can sense how people are feeling.
Speaker 1: I can sense the connections, I can sense no connection.
Speaker 1: Um So, for me, I know, like I always knew
Speaker 1: I was gonna know, And there's times where I had
Speaker 1: to walk away from getting in a situation where it
Speaker 1: was just gonna be like all right, well, let's just
Speaker 1: do this because it's the next step on our timeline.
Speaker 1: Um So, I think that there's a combination of both
Speaker 1: because some people don't have the strength to walk away
Speaker 1: from a situation like that. My my feeling for you
Speaker 1: is like think, think to yourself, if I am with
Speaker 1: someone or I am dating someone and you have to compromise,
Speaker 1: Like there's no perfect person for everyone. We're all compromising
Speaker 1: all the time. But think to yourself, like, if I
Speaker 1: was to be with this person in ten years, what
Speaker 1: I still want to be with this person? Is this
Speaker 1: a person I can grow with together? And there's kind
Speaker 1: of a logic behind that do we compliment each other
Speaker 1: or are we exactly the same? And some people may
Speaker 1: want to exactly the same, some people may want to compliment.
Speaker 1: Identify these key things that are really important to you,
Speaker 1: and then that's when I think you can actually start
Speaker 1: to know if you meet someone. So if you're not
Speaker 1: sure exactly what you're looking for yet, or you're not
Speaker 1: sure what you want your life to look like in
Speaker 1: ten years with someone, then I think that would be
Speaker 1: like step one, because then I think the rest does
Speaker 1: just kind of happen inside because I started checking these
Speaker 1: boxes you didn't even know you had got it, because like,
Speaker 1: do they fit the vision you have of yourself in
Speaker 1: ten years? And it's it's like easy the answers yes,
Speaker 1: then like the next steps present themselves. But if it's
Speaker 1: like no, I don't see it, then that's your answer exactly.
Speaker 1: And I again to just pull from my own experience.
Speaker 1: I always thought I would just know, right and it
Speaker 1: wasn't working, and there was there were times when I was,
Speaker 1: especially over the last couple of years before going on
Speaker 1: Love was Blind and meeting Danielle, I just kind of
Speaker 1: like I'm not I'm not going to do this anymore,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not gonna date anymore, Like this is just
Speaker 1: such a waste of time, and you know, everybody's like
Speaker 1: I'm not connecting with anyone in the way that I
Speaker 1: know I need to. But I really started reflecting on
Speaker 1: like what do I actually want? And once I kind
Speaker 1: of figured that stuff out, it wasn't sticking a square
Speaker 1: peg of a person in the round hole. It was like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're both squares going into the square hole, so let's
Speaker 1: just go together kind of thing. So I think it
Speaker 1: really is. It really is identifying here's the here's the
Speaker 1: main things I'm looking for, here's what I really need,
Speaker 1: and then you'll meet the person that is just what
Speaker 1: you really need. And that's when you know, oh that's crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah that makes a lot of sense. I feel like, um,
Speaker 1: but also like how does age play into it? Like
Speaker 1: you're just at the age where you like it is time,
Speaker 1: So are you going to like make the person be
Speaker 1: the thing that you need because it's like the time.
Speaker 1: I think I used to think like that, and I think, um,
Speaker 1: culturally women think that way, especially if they want to
Speaker 1: have a family. But my advice to you is don't
Speaker 1: rush it, don't force it. The right person is like
Speaker 1: it's they're out there and they'll fit your vision. As
Speaker 1: you said, you've just got to give time. It's chance
Speaker 1: to work itself out, and you never know. I mean
Speaker 1: I said this to a caller earlier, like it only
Speaker 1: takes one and you never know where that one is.
Speaker 1: They could be right outside your door right now when
Speaker 1: you go to take a walk or leave your house.
Speaker 1: You just don't know. Just so if you yeah, if
Speaker 1: you know what you want, at least when that person
Speaker 1: is there, you're ready for them. I like that I
Speaker 1: needed this. It helps. I feel like it's a lot
Speaker 1: of visionary, visionary thoughts and easy, but I hope it helps. No, Yeah,
Speaker 1: the vision is the clearest aspect of it because there's
Speaker 1: so many variables. But like when you're like, at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, what do I want my future
Speaker 1: to look like? And like what kind of person would
Speaker 1: get me there or be there with me? And then
Speaker 1: that is like the clearest way to understand it exactly
Speaker 1: and literally, Like what it came down to for me
Speaker 1: is I want someone that's going to go on adventures
Speaker 1: with me, and that can be walking down the street,
Speaker 1: that can be vacation, that can be trips, whatever it is.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, like that stuff
Speaker 1: you can do with a lot of people, but I
Speaker 1: want someone I can just sit on the couch with
Speaker 1: and sort of melt and that's a safe, comfortable place
Speaker 1: to be. And so finding that, yeah, it became like,
Speaker 1: who's the right person to do both of those things
Speaker 1: with me that I want to do it with? And
Speaker 1: it took me a long time to figure that out.
Speaker 1: That's incredible. Well, I'm so happy that you found that
Speaker 1: and sharing that, sharing that insight is beautiful. So thank
Speaker 1: you for going to find it too. I wish thank
Speaker 1: you everyone does right. Yeah, you'll find them. You'll find them.
Speaker 1: To stay confident and don't get discouraged. Okay, thank you.
Speaker 1: You're welcome and you have good rest of your weekend too,
Speaker 1: you too, Okay, bye bye bye. Hi Hannah, Hi, how
Speaker 1: are you. I'm doing great? How are you? I'm doing great?
Speaker 1: Thank you good. I'm glad to meet you and have
Speaker 1: you on today. So thanks for joining. Yeah, thank you
Speaker 1: for having me. Um, I could really use your help.
Speaker 1: I hope I can help. Yeah. So, um, So, I
Speaker 1: went on a date with this guy a few days
Speaker 1: ago and it was it was a great time. You know,
Speaker 1: we connected on things that we enjoyed to do together
Speaker 1: in hobbies. Um, but the thing is is that I
Speaker 1: didn't feel this physical connection with him, like this attraction,
Speaker 1: and it's kind of a big thing for me, Like
Speaker 1: I really do feel that we should both be, you know,
Speaker 1: feeling that physical attraction together. And so my question is,
Speaker 1: can this be something that I can build up over
Speaker 1: time or something that I can have over time that
Speaker 1: attraction to him, or am I just kind of wasting
Speaker 1: my time and I should just end it right now.
Speaker 1: That's a tough, tough question. You guys met how did
Speaker 1: you meet? We met on a on a dating nap tender. Okay,
Speaker 1: so one more question on that and then I think
Speaker 1: I have an idea of what what advice I can
Speaker 1: hopefully offer you. Um, did you find him attractive from
Speaker 1: his pictures or from your conversation and then when you
Speaker 1: met there was just a vibe off? Or was it
Speaker 1: just he's amazing? I don't think he's cute. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: from he only had a couple of photos on his
Speaker 1: profile and from what I saw it, did you know,
Speaker 1: I did feel some attraction there, but in person it
Speaker 1: wasn't like catfishing, but it just it was different, and
Speaker 1: so yeah, I thought he was amazing, but it wasn't
Speaker 1: the same as what I thought it was going to be.
Speaker 1: So I think that's a feeling that I know I
Speaker 1: had back when I was dating on dating apps often
Speaker 1: not again, like I wasn't catfished, but there was definitely,
Speaker 1: you know, a little bit of a different image. Um.
Speaker 1: I think if you enjoy his company, and you enjoy
Speaker 1: the conversation, and you have similar hobbies and interests, you
Speaker 1: should give it another date or two if he's up
Speaker 1: for it, and just see because if it was, if
Speaker 1: he was a little different the first time you saw him,
Speaker 1: then what you were anticipating from the photos in the conversation,
Speaker 1: there's that initial shock that I think can can fade
Speaker 1: now that you know what he looks like. You go
Speaker 1: out of a couple of times and see if that
Speaker 1: can grow. There's a very good chance it doesn't. So
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be naive and say, oh, it's it's
Speaker 1: most likely to grow because you guys have a great connection.
Speaker 1: But maybe you'll be able to become friends and still
Speaker 1: enjoy some of those hobbies together, or in another situation,
Speaker 1: maybe you start finding him attractive and and you go
Speaker 1: in that direction as well. But I don't think after
Speaker 1: one day you need to call it on that, especially
Speaker 1: given the circumstances. I think you should try it again
Speaker 1: another date or two and see. Okay, okay, great? Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: I agree. Thank you so much. Cool. Yeah, it's my
Speaker 1: pleasure and good luck. I hope that or whomever you
Speaker 1: end up finding works out great. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I appreciate your time, no problem, pleasure to meet you.
Speaker 1: You too, take care, Thanks you too, Bye bye bye.
Speaker 1: Oh how are you? Hey, Brenda, it's nick nice to
Speaker 1: meet you. Thanks for calling me him. I'm great. How
Speaker 1: are you doing, I'm well? Thank you awesome. What what's
Speaker 1: on your mind today? What do you what do you
Speaker 1: want to ask for? Share? Yeah. So I've been dating
Speaker 1: my boyfriend for about a year, and honestly things are
Speaker 1: really great. But I live in California, although he lives
Speaker 1: in New York and so it makes it a little tough.
Speaker 1: But I still really see a future with him, and
Speaker 1: I could see myself moving to be with him, um
Speaker 1: but when I asked him if he'd consider moving to California,
Speaker 1: he said no. So yeah, now I'm worried, you know,
Speaker 1: like here, I am willing to give up my life
Speaker 1: for someone, and I'm not sure if he's ready to
Speaker 1: do that for me, and I don't know what to think. Well,
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot to unpack here. Do you
Speaker 1: mind if I ask you a couple of questions? Of course? Yeah? Okay,
Speaker 1: So you guys have been dating for a year. That's
Speaker 1: a long time. I think that's a fair assessment you're
Speaker 1: doing of your relationship. Um, how did you meet? Where
Speaker 1: did you meet? And how long before you were separated?
Speaker 1: Or have you been separated the whole time? So? Um,
Speaker 1: we met at a wedding actually through some mutual friends. Um,
Speaker 1: and we've always lived apart from one another, but we
Speaker 1: visit very right steel early. Okay, what's what's regularly? Like
Speaker 1: every month? Every two weeks? Um, every month, so we
Speaker 1: kind of switch off? Okay, cool? Um, last question and
Speaker 1: then I think I have some some thoughts on it. Um,
Speaker 1: what do you both do for work? And are you
Speaker 1: guys remote or is someone kind of tied to their
Speaker 1: location for work? Right? So I'm remote? Um, I work
Speaker 1: through like a tutoring service, but everything is online. Uh
Speaker 1: and uh he is in person? He Um, he works
Speaker 1: for the city, so, um, yeah, so have you talked
Speaker 1: about that, because that was what I was thinking. If
Speaker 1: he had an in person job, he might feel a
Speaker 1: little more um tied to his location and then especially
Speaker 1: working for this city. Um, you know. And again I
Speaker 1: don't I don't know what he does or if that
Speaker 1: would be something that be duplicatable. I don't even know
Speaker 1: if that's a word duplicated in California if you were
Speaker 1: to move towards you. But if he's loving, you know,
Speaker 1: if he loves his job or or something that could
Speaker 1: be part of it. Maybe that's the discussion you two
Speaker 1: could have. Are both of your families in New York
Speaker 1: for him and then in California for you? No, Actually,
Speaker 1: that was what was funny. It's like we both traveled
Speaker 1: to this wedding. Um. He he knows one of my cousins,
Speaker 1: and so that's that's kind of how we met. But
Speaker 1: all of our family lives in the same place. They
Speaker 1: live in in Midwest. We're in the Midwest, in Kansas.
Speaker 1: I think problem solved. You both just move back to Kansas.
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I
Speaker 1: think maybe Before you have a conversation about where you're
Speaker 1: going to live, you should have a conversation about is
Speaker 1: this what we want? Do we and it I'm not
Speaker 1: saying gave an ultimatum, but maybe have a conversation about, like, Okay,
Speaker 1: where is this going? Because if neither of you are
Speaker 1: willing to move under any circumstances, that says a lot
Speaker 1: um And I don't think you should look at it
Speaker 1: as he's he's not willing to make the the same
Speaker 1: commitment that you are to move. I don't think that's
Speaker 1: necessarily the right way to look at it. I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's fair to either of you to think
Speaker 1: that way, but I think you should just have a
Speaker 1: conversation about the relationship and like, well, what could it
Speaker 1: look like if we continue this um long distance? Like
Speaker 1: how long is that sustainable? If we if you moved
Speaker 1: to New York, what would that look like? Is that possible?
Speaker 1: If he moves to California? What would that look like?
Speaker 1: Is that possible? Kind of understand what your swim lanes
Speaker 1: are so that you can pick one, whether that is
Speaker 1: doing something together or realizing that you know, maybe you
Speaker 1: do have to go your separate ways, which I'm not
Speaker 1: wishing for either of you, but that that would be
Speaker 1: my advice. Like I would, I would try to understand
Speaker 1: the different forks in the road and and just make
Speaker 1: sure that you're both comfortable with yourself and comfortable with
Speaker 1: whatever you guys decide to do and whatever roved you
Speaker 1: you identify. Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes a
Speaker 1: lot of sense. I think, you know, I just heard
Speaker 1: the no initially, like there's no way he was moving,
Speaker 1: and then it just I turned off, you know I was.
Speaker 1: I I went to that kind of dark place like
Speaker 1: it's me and maybe there's more to it and I
Speaker 1: need to just be more open open to hear. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think it's a natural thing for you to feel
Speaker 1: that way. UM. I know I've felt that way plenty
Speaker 1: of times. UM, and you know you kind of you
Speaker 1: kind of have to learn the way to think sometimes
Speaker 1: is try and get the other person's perspective without taking
Speaker 1: it as a criticism or as a as you know
Speaker 1: he doesn't want you because I I don't know, But
Speaker 1: I don't think that that says that As an outsider,
Speaker 1: I think there's just other things you guys could consider,
Speaker 1: um looking at and trying to really understand each other
Speaker 1: and even I don't know how great your communication is,
Speaker 1: but just listen to him, Just ask him like, where
Speaker 1: do you where is this relationship going to you? And
Speaker 1: create a you know, I've said this before, like a
Speaker 1: safe space where he can be honest with you and
Speaker 1: you won't and you you'll try your best not to
Speaker 1: be hurt. You might get hurt, um, but you know,
Speaker 1: just try your best to hear him out and then
Speaker 1: ask for the same and return from him and hopefully
Speaker 1: you guys can't have a good conversation. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: I need to be ready to have the hard conversation
Speaker 1: that the easy one. I was just hoping to hear
Speaker 1: yes and being right happily. Ever after, once I didn't
Speaker 1: hear that, yeah, can I ask Can I ask you
Speaker 1: one one last thing, just because I'm I'm I'm a
Speaker 1: curious person. Would you move to New York for him? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I would. I guess that's what's scary is to hear
Speaker 1: that he wouldn't for me. And that's where I just
Speaker 1: kind of turned off, you know, I was like, oh, Okay,
Speaker 1: then I guess this isn't what I wanted to be.
Speaker 1: When I didn't hear him out why. Yeah, and maybe
Speaker 1: that's what I was gonna stay. Maybe that's all you
Speaker 1: need is I will move for him. He's not. He
Speaker 1: doesn't if he wants you to move for him, and
Speaker 1: then you move for him and you guys are happy
Speaker 1: and you're together, doesn't really matter exactly exactly, I know.
Speaker 1: And that's that's what I'm saying, is like I put
Speaker 1: that block up and it was kind of immature and
Speaker 1: THEMB with me, but I I can see how it's
Speaker 1: a normal human behavior. You don't have to feel bad
Speaker 1: about it. Loop, So I was human again. There I
Speaker 1: go again. Yeah, No, I just need to give given
Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt and have the adult conversation,
Speaker 1: you know, not the wishful thanking one. Yeah, and just
Speaker 1: remember it's not about whether or not he would move
Speaker 1: for you as as an exclusive determining factor. He has
Speaker 1: his own thought processes why he would not. And maybe
Speaker 1: you'll hear it and oh that makes sense, Yeah I'll move.
Speaker 1: Maybe you'll hear it and be like, I don't know
Speaker 1: how I feel. Let's do this this long distancing a
Speaker 1: little longer. Maybe you'll hear it and be like that's
Speaker 1: a excuse or that's not going to work for me
Speaker 1: and then you know, either way, you know your path.
Speaker 1: But I would just definitely try to hear him out
Speaker 1: and have a heart to heart with him, totally, totally.
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. That's my pleasure. I really really rooting
Speaker 1: for you both, and I hope that you have a
Speaker 1: good conversation around that soon. Thank you me too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was nice to meet you too. Best of luck. Okay,
Speaker 1: care you too. Thanks. All right, Well, thanks to all
Speaker 1: of our callers. We're gonna take a quick break and
Speaker 1: when we come back, we're gonna do a little bit
Speaker 1: more of the Q and A. Yeah, alright, we are
Speaker 1: back again. This is Nick from Love is Blind and
Speaker 1: we've got some questions that came in from you guys
Speaker 1: written over social media that we're gonna get to right now.
Speaker 1: So first one here, Nick, we know you from Love
Speaker 1: is Blind. You fell in love in the Pods and
Speaker 1: ended up marrying Danielle. If you could go back to
Speaker 1: that time during filming, would you change anything? Um, I
Speaker 1: would not change anything other than I wish that Danielle
Speaker 1: and I got to spend um a little bit more
Speaker 1: time together off camera. But I wish we could have
Speaker 1: um done some of the things that we were able
Speaker 1: to do post show, post getting married, just to kind
Speaker 1: of have a little bit um, a little bit more
Speaker 1: of our bond together there. And I think we we
Speaker 1: were pretty confident, even though we were back and forth
Speaker 1: on whether or not we should get married, we were
Speaker 1: pretty confident in our relationship and we knew we were
Speaker 1: going to keep dating afterwards. But some of the things
Speaker 1: that we got to do just even the next day
Speaker 1: after filming, to not have cameras on you so so
Speaker 1: often we were just really able to to build this
Speaker 1: this amazing foundation in the pods UM and then you know,
Speaker 1: you're just filming for weeks and weeks and weeks, and
Speaker 1: then we were able to even build on that foundation
Speaker 1: more afterwards. So I almost just wish we got a
Speaker 1: little more time to do some of the things we
Speaker 1: did um during or after filming during filming, But I
Speaker 1: wouldn't change outside of you know that and maybe some
Speaker 1: of the other elements that go into filming, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: change anything we had. We spent a lot of time
Speaker 1: getting to know each other. We spent a lot of
Speaker 1: energy trying to figure out if we should be together,
Speaker 1: and I think that went a long way to making
Speaker 1: us be where we are today and ultimately saying yes
Speaker 1: at the altar too. Second question, why did you decide
Speaker 1: to go online? Is blind? This question is um It's
Speaker 1: so funny to me because it's like the basic, simplest
Speaker 1: answer in the world. They actually found me on LinkedIn
Speaker 1: and sent me a message. I had heard of the
Speaker 1: show just because everyone was talking about it. I had
Speaker 1: never watched it until then, and after watching it, it
Speaker 1: was actually seeing um Lauren and Cameron and and the Barnetts, Um,
Speaker 1: Amber and Matt get together and have these sort of
Speaker 1: authentic relationships even though they were very different, and it
Speaker 1: addressed my biggest critique of dating, which was that everybody
Speaker 1: has a million opportunities or at least use it that
Speaker 1: way that the next person is won't swipe away. So
Speaker 1: when I decided to go on this, it was like, oh, okay, well,
Speaker 1: I'm actually gonna get to know fifteen women. I'm going
Speaker 1: to find out if any of them are a good
Speaker 1: fit for me. But ultimately, like, I'm getting rid of
Speaker 1: all those distractions and I'm able to focus, and the
Speaker 1: other people are doing the same thing, so I'm not
Speaker 1: going to have to worry about a lot of the
Speaker 1: things that you worry about after you go on a
Speaker 1: date with someone that you need on a dating app.
Speaker 1: So ultimately it was just it eliminated all my critiques
Speaker 1: of the dating world and put me in a situation
Speaker 1: where it's all I had to do was focus focus
Speaker 1: on it, and all, um, in this case, Danielle had
Speaker 1: to do was was focus on it, and we were
Speaker 1: able to obviously build a great relationship because of that.
Speaker 1: So that would be, uh, my main reason why I
Speaker 1: went on the show. All right, what was the moment
Speaker 1: you knew Danielle was the one? Um, There's two answers
Speaker 1: to this question. The first one was the she was
Speaker 1: probably the tenth person that I talked to on day one,
Speaker 1: and you speed date all fifteen men and all fifteen
Speaker 1: women for seven minutes each, and I was already getting fatigued.
Speaker 1: I hadn't and everyone was a beautiful, wonderful person that
Speaker 1: I had met, all of the women are and I
Speaker 1: just hadn't felt that connection with someone. And it was
Speaker 1: coming to the end of the fifteen and I was thinking, oh, man,
Speaker 1: well this isn't gonna work for me. And then I
Speaker 1: met Danielle, and the moment she said hello. The energy
Speaker 1: just shot through the pod and I could feel it.
Speaker 1: Then on day three, she told me that I was
Speaker 1: the only one that she wanted to be with there,
Speaker 1: and that if I wanted to continue the experiment, that's fine.
Speaker 1: If I wasn't feeling that way, that's fine too. That
Speaker 1: she was going to go home, and so I was
Speaker 1: taking it back even though I was feeling the connection.
Speaker 1: And when I went back to my room that night,
Speaker 1: I was like trying to process this, and one of
Speaker 1: the ways I process is by writing journaling. So I
Speaker 1: just started writing how I was feeling about Danielle, and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm in love with her. And it's the day three,
Speaker 1: and so as I'm writing this, I wrote this letter
Speaker 1: and then at the end, I wrote, you know, if
Speaker 1: this is um, if you're reading this right now, Danielle,
Speaker 1: I'm about to propose to you. And I saved it
Speaker 1: on day three until I proposed on proposal day, and
Speaker 1: I gave it to her then because I just knew
Speaker 1: through that writing and getting my thoughts out that she
Speaker 1: was going to be the one. How do you tell
Speaker 1: if a guy's interest did in you I will say
Speaker 1: this over and over until the day I die. And
Speaker 1: this isn't just This isn't just guys. This is for anyone,
Speaker 1: but specifically guys. If he's paying attention to you, if
Speaker 1: he's responsive, if he's making time for you, he likes you.
Speaker 1: If he's not, if he's playing games, if he's not
Speaker 1: returning calls or texts, or he's not following up and
Speaker 1: making plans, he's not into you and he's just playing
Speaker 1: a game. But when a guy makes time for you,
Speaker 1: he you will know that he's into you, and then
Speaker 1: he will make plans. You will want to make plans,
Speaker 1: and you won't feel weird about asking him to. So
Speaker 1: all of these things will will come together when you
Speaker 1: meet the right person. And if they're spending the time,
Speaker 1: they're responding, they're making plans, you're comfortable making plans and
Speaker 1: you don't have to wonder if it's okay to text
Speaker 1: him or if it's too soon after the date, that's
Speaker 1: when you'll know. So just make time for each other
Speaker 1: if you like someone, and they'll do the same for
Speaker 1: you and you'll know that they're just in you. All right, Well,
Speaker 1: I want to thank all of you for listening today
Speaker 1: and and how men thank for having me on the host.
Speaker 1: I want to thank all of our callers for calling
Speaker 1: in and I hope that any advice I gave you
Speaker 1: was helpful. I wish you all nothing but the best.
Speaker 1: I also want to thank everyone who wrote in on
Speaker 1: social media with all those great questions. I'm happy to
Speaker 1: answer them and thank you all for listening today. If
Speaker 1: you want to hear more from me, you can find
Speaker 1: me on Instagram, which is at n Thompson five three
Speaker 1: at and Thompson five W three on Instagram and uh
Speaker 1: I feel free to shoot me over any more questions
Speaker 1: you might have there too, So thank you and take care.
Speaker 1: This is how men think. An I Heart Radio London
Speaker 1: Audio Production listen each Thursday on the I Heart Radio app,
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts