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Speaker 1: What would you talk about on your on your podcast

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Speaker 1: Firm Elvis Presents Morning Show. Hello, I don't like that.

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Speaker 1: Oh so I talk first and I get to do it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you should do it. Wait what you like? I don't

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Speaker 1: like the way Scary handle something. You go talk first?

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Speaker 1: A right, yeah, I agree with Brodie handle Yeah. But

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Speaker 1: we were like, who has some thoughts and we're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: here's an idea. We were talking about examples of that idea.

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Speaker 1: Oh a girl, I got something. But and he hit

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Speaker 1: the button. Scary was about to enter like a marathon race,

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Speaker 1: and he started the marathon while we're all at the

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Speaker 1: starting line, and he goes, all right, guys, think about

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Speaker 1: this podcast is not everybody has, you know, contributions for

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Speaker 1: every topic. But the way this podcast moves so quickly

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Speaker 1: like lightning, we're gonna be off this topic in no time.

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Speaker 1: So don't worry, Garrett Broody, everybody can get there. You

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Speaker 1: guys agree the way on the topic that we're all like, yes,

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Speaker 1: we all like that topic. We all have something. You're

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Speaker 1: like that. I got something else didn't hit the button

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Speaker 1: the same topic though I didn't care about the topic

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Speaker 1: before that. It wasn't paying attention the topic before the top.

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Speaker 1: Are you guys on my same topic? I'm on your topic? Girl, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and Scary I think was too. Yeah. So that's the problem.

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Speaker 1: What do you think the topic is? The topic is

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Speaker 1: the crazy thing you've done for money? But then you said,

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Speaker 1: oh I got this girl right? Yeah, on topic, So

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Speaker 1: I'm not trying to change the topic. Okay, what are

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Speaker 1: we talking about? No? No, Brody thinks I changed the

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Speaker 1: topic two seconds before we hit the button that says,

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Speaker 1: what were you talking about in this podcast? I don't

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Speaker 1: think you did. I don't think changes. I thought we

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Speaker 1: were all on the same page. He just came up

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Speaker 1: with something that he was going to contribute, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, yes, let's go right. I think we're all

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Speaker 1: on the same page. But Scary as soon as he

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Speaker 1: had his he's like, okay, ready go right. We were

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Speaker 1: still going well, I think, and he hit the button.

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Speaker 1: Even should we wait for the two? I'm good. I

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Speaker 1: got some from why don't you it up? Stoke? So

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Speaker 1: around the penis shaped table, we have myself, Hello, Bronie, Hello,

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Speaker 1: Garrett Nate, he said hello, and Scary. So we were

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Speaker 1: talking about right before this started, an app that's asking

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Speaker 1: some of us to do shout outs for money, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know if I would do that,

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Speaker 1: maybe it'll be embarrassing, blah blah. And then it turned

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Speaker 1: to let's talk about the weird things we've done for money,

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Speaker 1: which I thought everybody came up with something, and Scary

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Speaker 1: was very excited about some girl he knew in college. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: what was my girl that I knew? Was what girl

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Speaker 1: my friends knew? And then she went to Binghamton and

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Speaker 1: she would is this an urban legend? This is supposed

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Speaker 1: to be what did we do for money? It's not

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Speaker 1: even a girl, you know, it's a girl who knows

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Speaker 1: the girls. The girl. But I want to hear Allison

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Speaker 1: what she did for money? What she did. She would

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Speaker 1: go around to all the dorms and she would give

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Speaker 1: hand massages. She had a big bottle of jargons and

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Speaker 1: she can you just say what it was? It was

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Speaker 1: a hand massages. There was this something else. It was

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Speaker 1: a hand massage, would massage her hands. She massage your

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Speaker 1: hands from five dollars. That's not quite what I thought

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Speaker 1: it was. No, it was he would have made fifty

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Speaker 1: if it was what I thought. It was board hand

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Speaker 1: massage and that was what broke college kids did at

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Speaker 1: that time, and Sunny Sunny Binghamton and all my friends

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Speaker 1: were recipients of Did she advertise I'll come around and

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Speaker 1: give you a hand massage? Yes, And then they thought

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Speaker 1: it was something else and they would very disappointed. I

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Speaker 1: gotta say, I do like hand massages, so I may

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Speaker 1: pay five dollars for him, and you get some free

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Speaker 1: jargons with that. She would squirt jurgons in your in

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Speaker 1: your palm, do hold it for later, Yes, so he

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Speaker 1: could do what he wanted a parting game, some jargons,

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Speaker 1: so you could do what you thought I was gonna

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Speaker 1: do to you at home game. She would squirt jargons

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Speaker 1: and everybody lotion just she's dyed me that much. She

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Speaker 1: can't dry hand massage, so she squirts squirts the lotion

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Speaker 1: in the hand, right, and then she massages the hand

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Speaker 1: for a couple of minutes. That's that's not right. Five

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Speaker 1: bucks in the night, she could make fifty. That's like

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Speaker 1: saying someone wants to give you oral. They come over

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Speaker 1: and they talk to you, and that's the idea of

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Speaker 1: all a hand message. Hey, I'm gonna come over and

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Speaker 1: do anal with you. Then they come over and organize

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Speaker 1: all your papers, make all the funny you want. It

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Speaker 1: falls under the umbrella of this topic, which is the

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Speaker 1: crazy things you've done. Alison made some money. Did you

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Speaker 1: ever get a hand massage? I didn't go to I

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Speaker 1: went to Brooklyn College where they got foot jobs. We

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Speaker 1: have that, we're gonna have dorms. What about the rest

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Speaker 1: of you? Though? Everybody seemed like they had a thing

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Speaker 1: real quick. I never gave hand jobs for money, so

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Speaker 1: I don't know he did it for free. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to charge for this. I know I'm not

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Speaker 1: that good. Come on, Um, did you ever get massages? Okay?

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Speaker 1: What are you raising your hand for? Oh? No, I

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Speaker 1: was gonna say, um to the fellas in this room.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever paid for a hand massage elsewhere? But

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Speaker 1: that was totally off topic. On my body, I don't

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Speaker 1: need to pay for that. Okay, I can do it

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Speaker 1: for free. Oh this is another question, totally off topic.

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Speaker 1: But do you guys even like hand jobs anymore? Is

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Speaker 1: that like eighth grade? Ninth grade? I couldn't tell you

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Speaker 1: the last time I had one, right, because you do

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Speaker 1: what the best yourself, and why would you have somebody

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Speaker 1: else why would I I'm far away from that. Now.

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Speaker 1: That's not fun. No one likes hand jobs. I don't

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Speaker 1: like them, but it's just it's it's been a wild

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Speaker 1: since you've gotten one, and it's like, what is it like?

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Speaker 1: Having a debate with my friend about it, because I

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Speaker 1: was like, I don't think girls like the equivalent, and

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Speaker 1: I don't think guys like the hand shop because nobody

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Speaker 1: can do it like you can do it to yourself.

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Speaker 1: It's just the way, see what girls, you get a

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Speaker 1: different angle? Completely? Are you telling me what I'm talking about? Girls,

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Speaker 1: I'm saying the angles you can get that you can't get.

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Speaker 1: That's true. No, it's not. I don't think. I don't

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Speaker 1: think that's true. You guys are over valuing. I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying it's better. I'm saying his angles. I'm saying. I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: I don't think you know about the toys that exist

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Speaker 1: in today's I'm not saying that stand hands only, equivalence whatever.

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Speaker 1: I don't think that that's you. Guys get toys, women

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Speaker 1: get toys everything. It's so lucky. What are we going

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Speaker 1: to use? The flesh light the couch. The fleshlight is

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Speaker 1: the thing. They also have like the mold of your girlfriend.

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Speaker 1: If you want, you did a melonan a microwaves melon?

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Speaker 1: Did they do that in the American Pie? That was

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Speaker 1: the movie wasn't called American Melon? You idiot? Hey? In

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Speaker 1: the movie Jaws that was about attack. All these years

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Speaker 1: the movie has been out, you've been thinking that an

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Speaker 1: American pie? The title was some clue he banged a

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Speaker 1: warm apple pie d in his kitchen. Scotty b who

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Speaker 1: did the melon? I'm getting its confused? And this is

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Speaker 1: the road we go down. Actually, my old my old

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Speaker 1: boss in uh many many years ago, I would tell

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Speaker 1: stories when he got drunk about he would do a melon.

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Speaker 1: You've done melons? Have you ever had sex with the fruit? Go? Well,

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Speaker 1: that's a different that's a different question. And I and

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Speaker 1: I could confirm not not fruit but a stuffed animal. What. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: A lot of questions on. My dad opened a youth

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Speaker 1: account for me at Bank Loomi when I was a kid,

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Speaker 1: and they gave it when you when you opened an account,

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Speaker 1: you got a ted E bear. It was it was

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Speaker 1: a bear with the top hand in a bow tie

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Speaker 1: and was like a year later and had a hold

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Speaker 1: of it. I love you, do you go to build

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Speaker 1: a bear to sleep with them over the microwave. Did

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Speaker 1: not me. I warned him up to blow them up.

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Speaker 1: I never did them about this. This is the point

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Speaker 1: in the podcast, right go. Should we start over? Done

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Speaker 1: for money? You probably have something actually said we were

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Speaker 1: talking about this earlier, that he likes to collect all

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Speaker 1: the carts from the parking the the parking lot and

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Speaker 1: get a quarterback. And then I was like, I'm just

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Speaker 1: gonna throw a roll of quarters at you, and he said, oh,

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Speaker 1: that happened at an appearance One time someone started pegging

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Speaker 1: on me with quarters and then I just picked them

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Speaker 1: all up and kept him. He got like four dollars.

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Speaker 1: We did a Green Day show a long to remember

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Speaker 1: when back in the day Zy when hundred was alternative,

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Speaker 1: and so we used to go to all these alternative

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Speaker 1: shows with our hummer and all the kids would be

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Speaker 1: like posers. We used to And so I was at

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Speaker 1: a Green Day show at Nasau Colisseum and all these

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Speaker 1: kids were throwing quarters at me, like you posers. You

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Speaker 1: guys suck, And I was like, all right, keep them coming,

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Speaker 1: you know. So I just kept getting hit quarters. I

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Speaker 1: had marks welts all over my started cursing them, so

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Speaker 1: they throw money, and I just I made about seven

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Speaker 1: or eight books that night, eight dollars. My won't say

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Speaker 1: exactly who it was. A guy that I dated put

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Speaker 1: tape on the bottom of his shoe and would go

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Speaker 1: to the strip club and just like squirrel away some

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Speaker 1: of the dollars that were on the ground. That's shady,

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Speaker 1: thank you, that's what I said. I was like, you

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Speaker 1: don't tell people that, my girl. Those ladies work hard

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Speaker 1: for that money. What did you say, Scotty, I'll get

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Speaker 1: I'll go to the bottle return machines and people that

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Speaker 1: get frustrated because the bottles don't go through, they just

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Speaker 1: throw them in a bit on the side. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'll take that. I get Nichols that way too. I

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Speaker 1: don't care, man, I make no money in this place.

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Speaker 1: I got to do whatever I can, That's right. Scotty's

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Speaker 1: wife texted me while we were talking about this on

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Speaker 1: the Big Show and she said, Yep, my hobby, the

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Speaker 1: cheap skates, shopping carts, scammer, he said. She said that

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Speaker 1: he even returns the bottles and she can't believe that

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Speaker 1: he's getting her hair done right now, somebody has to

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Speaker 1: pay for that, so bottles shopping carts. It doesn't matter

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Speaker 1: her own job. Well, you know, she asked me for money. Whatever, Danielle,

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Speaker 1: have you ever done anything weird for money? Oh? Gosh,

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Speaker 1: Scary gave hair massages. No, Scary gave him all. He

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Speaker 1: won't buy the name of Allison. You did a girl

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Speaker 1: when you're in college. She would go around with the

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Speaker 1: Jergon's bottle squirts and for five dollars for ten minutes,

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Speaker 1: she go around to all the dorms and make like

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Speaker 1: fifty a night. My husband did. My husband made a

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Speaker 1: lot of money doing weird things. He gave haircuts with

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Speaker 1: slow bees, you know, the flow being get He gave

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Speaker 1: haircuts with it. In college. He also somehow managed to

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Speaker 1: gets americanditioners. I don't know how, just saying, and he

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Speaker 1: sold them to people in the door. They fell off

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Speaker 1: a truck. They fell off a truck. He used to

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Speaker 1: do weird things all the time to get money in college.

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Speaker 1: My my friend Chris Schwartz in I think it was

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Speaker 1: eighth grade, he had two VCRs in his closet that

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Speaker 1: he would dupe porns, so he would record porns and

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Speaker 1: then he would sell the porn that he recorded duplicate,

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Speaker 1: So he would duplicate the porns on the VCRs in

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Speaker 1: his close and then sell him at school for fifteen bucks.

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Speaker 1: I did that. You did that well? I did it

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Speaker 1: with um new movies, like I would get new releases

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Speaker 1: from people. Um. Yeah. But there were kids that would trade,

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Speaker 1: like I would trade Empire Strikes back for porn like

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Speaker 1: that kind of thing. There would be trades, like you

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Speaker 1: wanted to Star Wars for porn, you would trade, but

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Speaker 1: you'd have, you'd have. So I had a friend who

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Speaker 1: had like ten VCRs in his basement and he would

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Speaker 1: just run off copies of Star Wars movies and porn. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a big business. It was back in the day. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I used to sell rocks when I was a kid.

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Speaker 1: Did you think I picture on. I set up a

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Speaker 1: little stand in front of my house and I found

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Speaker 1: rocks and I and you know, one of them I painted,

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Speaker 1: I remember, and my neighbor came and he bought it,

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Speaker 1: and then he threw it over the fence as soon

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Speaker 1: as he bought it, and I cried for hours. I

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Speaker 1: was so sad. I worked a lot on it and hard,

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Speaker 1: and he threw my rock away. Yeah, but I painted

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Speaker 1: a flower or something. I don't know. I had a

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Speaker 1: smoke shop too, in front of my house when I

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Speaker 1: was a kid. Yeah, next time, I had scott smoke

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Speaker 1: shop and I rolled out this little cart. Remember those

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Speaker 1: punks that you know, like the incense things, but we

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Speaker 1: called the punks when we were kids, you know. So

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Speaker 1: I had those, and I had smoke bombs and the

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Speaker 1: little snakes that would grow on the sidewalk when you

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Speaker 1: light them on fire. And I hadn't had a little

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Speaker 1: business in front of my house. I sold smoke things. Rising. Oh,

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Speaker 1: tell everybody what used to do with cigarettes at school?

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Speaker 1: Oh man, that's how I didn't get beat up when

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Speaker 1: I was in high school. I used to work in

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Speaker 1: a store and I would steal the cartons of cigarettes

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Speaker 1: and I'd give them to all the tough kids. That

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Speaker 1: was my protection, so I didn't get bullied in school

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Speaker 1: because I gave all the tough kids, Well you should

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Speaker 1: have just told him you're the guys stealing cigarettes and

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Speaker 1: the story that stuff in this. But then I also

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Speaker 1: used to take like hubb abubble and bubble yum, and

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Speaker 1: I would give it to all the cute girls so

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Speaker 1: they would be my friends, so I need say blow.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but you better be careful that hubble bubble

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Speaker 1: bubble um. That's the Aaron Hernandez story. Can get erry.

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Speaker 1: I never took raspberry, that's right. Yeah. Well, and I

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Speaker 1: used to actually pay people in high school to do

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Speaker 1: things too, which is weird that I paid people. Like

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Speaker 1: my social studies teacher used to call me Rockefeller because

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Speaker 1: I would walk around to hand people money, like quick

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Speaker 1: break this or blow that up, or do something, and

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Speaker 1: and I got to spend it one time for it.

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Speaker 1: I had um. I used to keep like old jars

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Speaker 1: of mayo and rotten fruit and vinegar and like. In

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Speaker 1: between periods, I would say, quick, go break this in

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Speaker 1: the hallway, and some would throw a big gallon of

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Speaker 1: vinegar down the steps. This is what Scotty didn't set

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Speaker 1: of playing sports. Ladies and gentlemen, make sure your kids

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Speaker 1: play sports. I cannot believe you, of all people did that,

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Speaker 1: he did it. At work when we used to wear

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Speaker 1: used to wat the promotions used to pay Biggie to

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Speaker 1: eat butter and bottles of Tabasco videos night. We would

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Speaker 1: watch the videos of them throwing bottles and stuff. That's

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Speaker 1: such a good how much that tub of butter. The

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Speaker 1: butter was Ronnie. We gave him twenty bucks. Yeah. By

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Speaker 1: the way, it's a front. It's all the front. The

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Speaker 1: nice guy thing. I don't want to hear his his

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Speaker 1: little judge things about people anymore. Now. I don't judge people.

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Speaker 1: Doesn't like people with tattoos. I never said that doesn't

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Speaker 1: like people has a tattoo. Well there you go for

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Speaker 1: the tattoos are dirty and little jazz hands. You specifically

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Speaker 1: told me work so sure about my boyfriend he's covered

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Speaker 1: in them? Was good on him? It does. He was like, no,

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Speaker 1: that's just dirty. I like a cute little tattoo, but

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Speaker 1: you know, the whole body thing, I don't know. And

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Speaker 1: then he said, people who smoke weed, he just judges them,

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Speaker 1: that's what he said. I do. I'm not. I'm not

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Speaker 1: a weak guy all after everything you just told us

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Speaker 1: you cannot you can't judge anybody. He has morals. I

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Speaker 1: just stall cigarettes. Yes, melon off the roof of the building.

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Speaker 1: That's right. That was fun. Remember our old radio station

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Speaker 1: building in Secaucus. We went out there at noon lunchtime

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Speaker 1: wearing the masks and we throw watermelons off the roof

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Speaker 1: of the building secretary sitting there typing away, and all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden a watermelon would come flying by the window.

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Speaker 1: What's going on? But you know what, he did not

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Speaker 1: have sex with a melon. I did not. I should have.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why I ever thought of that. You

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Speaker 1: should have done the melon before. He threw off the

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Speaker 1: tubes of Sally Hanson cream back over the back, over

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Speaker 1: it with the truck, and then so they all start squirting.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why. I never never make that, never again.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why I thought that was funny. Me like,

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Speaker 1: and we were in high school. We'd go for lunch

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Speaker 1: at Taco Bell and we would take the packets and

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Speaker 1: put it under people's cart tires so would explode. On

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Speaker 1: the Fifteen Minute Morning Show M