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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John. We're the ancient

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Speaker 1: two Case Storytime podcast hosts, and.

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Speaker 2: We have some ancient wisdom in the stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: If you want to.

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Speaker 1: Hear the wisdom from two old heads that will know

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Speaker 1: more than they know what to do with, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: have to wait for a quick message from our sponsors

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Speaker 1: for the next two minutes or so.

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Speaker 3: I'm leaving my job because my friend got the promotion

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Speaker 3: I've always wanted.

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Speaker 4: I didn't get the role that I wanted, so I'm

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Speaker 4: quitting the play.

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Speaker 3: When I was talking to my manager about this job,

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Speaker 3: I told him that I have an ambition and wanted

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Speaker 3: to leave my previous position because I was working as

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Speaker 3: good as a manager but not being paid or recognized

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Speaker 3: for it. He said that this role would be restructured

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Speaker 3: when people leave or retire this year, and basically, as

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Speaker 3: he remembers how good a worker I was, I'd be

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Speaker 3: definitely in consideration for a senior or managerial role. So

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Speaker 3: I've been there eight months, passed my probation, and done

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Speaker 3: really well.

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Speaker 4: I have a colleague.

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Speaker 3: From my last place, thirty six female, who I've worked

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Speaker 3: with for the last two years, and we're actually good friends.

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Speaker 4: Too.

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Speaker 3: I also know her husband really well from back in

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Speaker 3: the day. I actually approached her for the job and

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Speaker 3: put in a good word for her because she's brilliant

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Speaker 3: at her job, very quick learner, and really proficient, and

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Speaker 3: truth be told, she's been doing really well since she

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Speaker 3: started in May. I've also been training her. The irony

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Speaker 3: is that I left my last place because they refused

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Speaker 3: to promote anyone, But as soon as I left, they

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Speaker 3: promoted her and gave her a pay raise to try

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Speaker 3: and keep her. I had last week off on annual leave,

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Speaker 3: and when I came back this week, my manager took

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Speaker 3: me aside for a meeting on Monday. He told me

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Speaker 3: he wanted me to know before anyone else that the

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Speaker 3: restructure is now happening and they're creating a supervisor role,

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Speaker 3: and my colleague is the one who's been offered the job.

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Speaker 4: He knew.

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Speaker 3: I was gutted about it, and I asked him why her.

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Speaker 3: He said, basically, as good as I am, he thinks

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Speaker 3: she would be better as a manager, and there's more

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Speaker 3: qualities that suit it. And also as she's technically been

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Speaker 3: a senior in her last role, it looks better to

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Speaker 3: hire up. I said, I wasn't happy, and then I

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Speaker 3: want to be a manager. One day he said that

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Speaker 3: I'm an amazing employee, probably the most reliable on my

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Speaker 3: team and technically the most proficient, but doesn't think I

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Speaker 3: have the qualities to be a manager. I was so deflated.

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Speaker 3: I zoned out for the rest of his explanation and

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Speaker 3: went back to work. Afterwards, he announced it and everyone

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Speaker 3: was congratulating her.

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Speaker 4: I basically stayed quiet.

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Speaker 3: I messaged her later on about it, trying to joke around,

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Speaker 3: as we have that sort of humor. I was all like,

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Speaker 3: thanks a lot for Nick and my job.

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Speaker 4: Mate, really appreciate it.

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Speaker 3: She was trying to be sympathetic back, saying no, I'm

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Speaker 3: so sorry.

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Speaker 4: I feel so bad.

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Speaker 3: How do you feel? I said, basically, I'm going to

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Speaker 3: look for another job. I don't think I can stay there.

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Speaker 3: After that, she was going.

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Speaker 4: Like, oh, don't leave. Is it because of me?

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Speaker 3: I said, yeah, basically I'm done, and she went, please,

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Speaker 3: don't I need you now more than ever?

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Speaker 4: I said, you'll be fine, just.

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Speaker 3: Don't get a job wherever I go and steal my

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Speaker 3: promotion again, matel She didn't reply and left me on red.

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Speaker 3: I've been doing the bare minimum the rest of this week,

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Speaker 3: especially on my working from home days. I've updated my

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Speaker 3: CD and I'm applying for other jobs. She's tried to

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Speaker 3: talk to me this week and so of others, but

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Speaker 3: I feel like I just want to get out of there.

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Speaker 3: Am I the a hole for being honest with her

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Speaker 3: and looking for another job? Yeah, I mean you can

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Speaker 3: always not for the looking for another job. I think

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Speaker 3: if you want to look for another job, look for

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Speaker 3: another job or but the honesty towards her was a

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Speaker 3: little bit rude, and I.

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Speaker 5: Think so, Yeah, I don't know if I would just

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Speaker 5: like say like, oh my god, you're an a hole

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Speaker 5: for that, but I think you were in the wrong. Yeah, Honestly,

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Speaker 5: I think you could have gone about this in a

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Speaker 5: better way, could have been a little bit more mature, perspectful.

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Speaker 4: It's not her fault. No, it could have been like, hey,

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Speaker 4: great job on the promotion.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and then you could be honest and say like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: like you know they had told me you could blame

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Speaker 3: it on the company and said they had told me

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Speaker 3: for a while that I was getting this promotion. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: So I was a little bit bummed, and I think,

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Speaker 3: you know, I want to find someplace that is more

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Speaker 3: up lifting, you know with me. Yeah, really proud of

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Speaker 3: you man, you know, yeah, it's I think that the

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Speaker 3: comment you made at the beginning of like, oh, I

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Speaker 3: didn't get the role in the play. Yeah, literally, having

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Speaker 3: you know, like there are so many times that I

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Speaker 3: didn't get roles in plays that I really wanted to

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Speaker 3: but I didn't get the people who got them, and

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Speaker 3: says sure, like, ah, you didn't deserve that role. You

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Speaker 3: stole my role because that would be in a whole.

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Speaker 5: Move because they're important, and I mean even ensemble is

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Speaker 5: important accurately. So it's like your job is probably still

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Speaker 5: important and you're obviously valued.

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Speaker 4: So I think, yeah, I think you need to learn

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Speaker 4: from this. Yeah, we're we're stupid and a little low

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Speaker 4: for how we're responding. And update.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so before my update, just to clarify regarding the

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Speaker 3: way I've reacted to my colleague who was promoted and

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Speaker 3: the criticism. I shouldn't take it out on her and

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Speaker 3: I was unprofessional in the way I acted. Yeah, one

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Speaker 3: hundred percent, I'll own that I probably was unprofessional. You were,

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Speaker 3: But in my defense, one of the reasons that I

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Speaker 3: accepted this job was because I told my manager, I

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Speaker 3: was leaving my last place because they kept promising me

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Speaker 3: promotion and that it never happened, and he did say

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Speaker 3: I would be in contention for a senior role there,

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Speaker 3: and then I've trained her twice only for her to

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Speaker 3: now be my boss and after a reporter, it happened

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Speaker 3: before to me and it never ends well. So now

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Speaker 3: for the actual updates. Manager took me aside for a

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Speaker 3: meeting on Tuesday. As people have said to him they've

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Speaker 3: seen how down I am and not my usual self,

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Speaker 3: and as it was after our last meeting, he wanted

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Speaker 3: to see how I feel now. I basically told him

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Speaker 3: I feel hurt that if I knew, I wouldn't have

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Speaker 3: left my last place and definitely wouldn't have recruited my

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Speaker 3: old colleague in. He said it was a professional decision

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Speaker 3: and that I had nothing to do with me as

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Speaker 3: a person, and gave me some feedback. He said she's

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Speaker 3: calm under pressure and doesn't make little errors I sometimes

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Speaker 3: do when I'm stressed, doesn't take criticism personally, and doesn't

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Speaker 3: get angry when people are angry with her, whereas I

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Speaker 3: need to work on those last two points. He said,

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Speaker 3: to give my promoted colleague my.

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Speaker 4: Support learn from her.

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Speaker 3: I personally don't agree, and I think I could train

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Speaker 3: those things, and was pretty annoyed by the learn from

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Speaker 3: our bit, But I just bit my tongue also, he said,

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Speaker 3: as her last role was senior on our CV, it's

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Speaker 3: far easier to make someone a manager when they've done

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Speaker 3: it on paper. When he's talking to his managers, he's

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Speaker 3: stressed again, I'm an amazing asset, still the best worker

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Speaker 3: in the team, and my technical and legislative knowledge is

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Speaker 3: the best, and my data analysis skills are very powerful,

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Speaker 3: and that the reports I create are very helpful, especially

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Speaker 3: for his bosses, and they notice how valuable my skills

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Speaker 3: are and still mention to him about how good this

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Speaker 3: report I made for him.

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Speaker 4: Not long after I joined the company.

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Speaker 3: Was that just because I'm not a manager, I'm in

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Speaker 3: no way less important, I said, Like, that's all well

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Speaker 3: and good, but that isn't going to give me the

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Speaker 3: pay raise. I want the satisfaction that I've reached my

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Speaker 3: own personal and professional goals.

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Speaker 4: He said. Maybe I shouldn't see being.

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Speaker 3: A manager as the be all and end all, and

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Speaker 3: maybe look up a technical role and do the other

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Speaker 3: level four technical qualification instead of the manager course that

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Speaker 3: develops my knowledge and technical skills to be even better

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Speaker 3: at my job. He said, hardly anyone goes that route,

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Speaker 3: and I definitely should and be the technician of the team,

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Speaker 3: the one everyone asks for advice and develop our procedures

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Speaker 3: of the department more. And that maybe, yes, at the moment,

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Speaker 3: it wouldn't increase my salary for the time being, but

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Speaker 3: being qualified in that way and having that role on

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Speaker 3: an unofficial basis, he could take my case to his

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Speaker 3: bosses and argue that it should be an actual official

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Speaker 3: role in the department created just for me, that is

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Speaker 3: a senior role, and I should be paid more on

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Speaker 3: par with the manager because I'm worth it, but not

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Speaker 3: have to worry about managing people. And failing that doesn't happen,

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Speaker 3: one of his long term goals is to increase our

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Speaker 3: importance in the company hierarchy and increase our personal grades

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Speaker 3: and salary bands so eventually it won't matter if I'm

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Speaker 3: a manager, as we'll all be paid.

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Speaker 1: Well.

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Speaker 3: This man is advocating for you so hard, and you

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Speaker 3: are so locked into being a manager that you cannot

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Speaker 3: see that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, he is being a boss in such a good

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Speaker 4: way he's giving.

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Speaker 3: Him so much good critique, yes, like very constructive criticism.

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Speaker 4: And hope he is just hearing. He won't make me

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Speaker 4: a manager. He won't make me a manager.

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Speaker 3: I'm leaving, yeah, exactly, Like this is a that's a

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Speaker 3: bad move. Exactly, that is a bad move to go

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Speaker 3: to a place and start over when people see the

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Speaker 3: hard work that you're doing and want to help you. So, yes,

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Speaker 3: it won't be overnight and won't be imminent, but he'll

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Speaker 3: do his best. He said to think about it and

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Speaker 3: don't do anything rash, give one hundred percent, and we'll

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Speaker 3: discuss it in my annual appraisal in three months time.

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Speaker 3: So in a nutshell he didn't say this, I'm summarizing

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Speaker 3: she's better than me, be or Lackey, and I won't

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Speaker 3: be promoted, but keep on working hard to make everyone

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Speaker 3: else look good and the vague hope big bosses eventually

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Speaker 3: give me a pay raise.

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Speaker 5: Oh dude, Oh so frustrated. It's towards the end of

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Speaker 5: the day, and I am not I don't have a

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Speaker 5: lot of energy.

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Speaker 4: I don't like you, op you either, I don't like you.

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Speaker 4: This wouldn't make you manager.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, this is so incredibly exhausting, like, oh, like she's

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Speaker 5: saying and you explained it, like you didn't even exaggerate

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Speaker 5: his words when he was saying it in like twist

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Speaker 5: them in any sort of way, when you were explaining

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Speaker 5: what he actually said.

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Speaker 4: And I still don't like you.

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Speaker 5: It sounded perfect like it sounded it sounded amazing, Like yeah,

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Speaker 5: Opie is definitely the type of person that you know,

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Speaker 5: I would expect would change those things or tell us

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Speaker 5: you know exactly what he just thought just then. But

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Speaker 5: like as the original script, you know that, Yeah, but

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Speaker 5: you didn't. And so we're seeing all of the good

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Speaker 5: things that this boss is telling you and you're.

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Speaker 4: Just not hearing them.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're learning something completely different.

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Speaker 5: Oh, so is lucky everybody's good. It's like, well, no,

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Speaker 5: you're a team player. You're supposed to help everyone be good,

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Speaker 5: and they're gonna he help you. He is helping you

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Speaker 5: right now, so much like.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, this could take years.

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Speaker 3: The course is a year minimum, and then I have

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Speaker 3: to stay there two years so I don't have to

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Speaker 3: pay the course back. So I'll be in my mid forties,

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Speaker 3: which is really too old to be getting a first

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Speaker 3: time manager gig in my profession There is a little

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Speaker 3: bit left to this story, but any final thoughts for OP.

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Speaker 4: My metal thoughts are that sucks.

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Speaker 5: Maybe you should have been a freaking better person, and

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Speaker 5: maybe you should have not been so immature when getting

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Speaker 5: constructive criticism late in your life.

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Speaker 4: Sorry, that's on you, Op.

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Speaker 3: I think you need to I think the worst decision

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Speaker 3: that you can make would be leaving this job when

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Speaker 3: you're eight months in Yeah, eighteen, I don't remember. Eight

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Speaker 3: or eights, I don't remember.

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Speaker 4: It's been like.

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Speaker 3: Good, Yeah, it hasn't been that long. Yeah, it hasn't

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Speaker 3: been that long. Yeah, either a year or year and

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Speaker 3: a half. But either way, you clearly have people advocating

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Speaker 3: for you here. Be more supportive to your friend if

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Speaker 3: she really is your friend. She didn't ask to get

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Speaker 3: that job. I mean, you know, she didn't asked to

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Speaker 3: steal your job exactly. Also, from what we read, your

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Speaker 3: boss never actually said he was going to give you

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Speaker 3: the job. He said he would he would try and

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Speaker 3: advocate to get you considered.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that was one of the words that you said.

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Speaker 5: So he's giving you pointers of how to train yourself

256
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Speaker 5: and how to work up and you're not taking it.

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Speaker 5: And imagine how bad that's gonna look for the next job.

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Speaker 5: If you said in this interview that you quit the

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Speaker 5: last job because they didn't make you manager, imagine going

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Speaker 5: to a new job and saying, yeah, I left my

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Speaker 5: last two jobs because they said that.

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Speaker 4: They would make me manager and they didn't.

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Speaker 3: It's like it's like, okay, well why aren't I'd be like, well,

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Speaker 3: they're going to be manager. Yeah, it's it's a new call,

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Speaker 3: and you find out, oh yeah, he's not good with

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Speaker 3: people and taking rejection exactly something you want to hear.

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Speaker 3: I was pretty down after that and have just kept myself.

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Speaker 3: I've not slacked, but I haven't busted my backside either.

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Speaker 3: She promoted colleague messaged me and asked me if we

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Speaker 3: could go for lunchtime walk Wednesday to clear the air

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Speaker 3: and talk. I told her I'd rather not that I

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Speaker 3: just want to think for a bit and haven't got

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Speaker 3: anything to say. So she respected it and left me

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Speaker 3: alone and said to talk when I'm ready. I'm sick

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Speaker 3: of talking things out with people like this. I just

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Speaker 3: want to thank myself for a bit without anyone trying

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Speaker 3: to convince me of things that suit them or make

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Speaker 3: me feel okay. They only ever talk at you, but

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Speaker 3: never listen to you. I put my CV out there

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Speaker 3: to a few places. I got a message quite quickly

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Speaker 3: from an old client that I dealt with in my

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Speaker 3: last job, asking if I want to talk about a

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Speaker 3: senior role at their company in my profession. So I

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Speaker 3: had a team's chat earlier and it went well, but

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Speaker 3: let me know if it's going to go to a

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Speaker 3: formal interview soon.

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Speaker 4: I mean, good luck, o Pye.

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Speaker 3: I hope you get the wood jobs that you want,

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Speaker 3: but uh, I really don't think you're going to get

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Speaker 3: too far in your career if you keep, you know,

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Speaker 3: not listening to the feedback that you're getting.

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Speaker 5: My friend's husband cheated on her, so I'm exposing him,

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Speaker 5: expose him to everyone. My husband and I visited our

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Speaker 5: friends out of state this weekend. On Friday, my husband, Chase,

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Speaker 5: and his best friend Logan, went out for drinks while

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Speaker 5: Logan's wife, Lydia, chatted and caught up. They left around

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Speaker 5: one am, and my friend and I hung out of

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Speaker 5: the house talking until around four AM, when we decided

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Speaker 5: to retire for the night. At that time, I texted

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Speaker 5: Chase y'all still good to make sure that they were

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Speaker 5: okay and not driving wasted.

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Speaker 4: He replied, yeah, on our way back.

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Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from nearby district at ninety

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Speaker 5: two sixty and if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 5: go to the hour slash Okay, story time separated. To

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Speaker 5: make a long conversation short, I had to pry information

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Speaker 5: for my husband to admit that he and Logan went

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Speaker 5: to the bar they told us they'd be at, then

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Speaker 5: they ubered to a spicy club and got lap dances there,

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Speaker 5: spending over two hundred and twenty dollars combined. Chase was

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Speaker 5: definitely trying to protect Logan by dodging my questions, but

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Speaker 5: I essentially told him that I'm not playing games and

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Speaker 5: to fess up now in my relationship. That was clearly

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Speaker 5: a cheating and Chase acknowledged that as well. We are

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Speaker 5: going to separate for a week or more and make

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Speaker 5: decisions from there regarding our relationship status, residence status, et cetera.

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Speaker 5: Reconciliation is a goal, but not a gar. There have

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Speaker 5: been other behaviors throughout our relationship that I have violated

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Speaker 5: my trust, and after a certain point, I'm not going

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Speaker 5: to stay in a situation where I feel disrespected and

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Speaker 5: taken for granted. Divorce is very unlikely due to the situation,

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Speaker 5: but it will take work to get through this. I

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Speaker 5: told Jase that Logan needed to confess to Lydia or

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Speaker 5: else I would because he is her husband and should

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Speaker 5: have the chance to explain his point of view. She

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Speaker 5: is my dear friend who shares a three year old

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Speaker 5: daughter with Logan. During a car ride with all four

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Speaker 5: of us later in the day, Lydia asked more about

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Speaker 5: the second bar Logan claimed they went to, which was

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Speaker 5: a lie, and hearing him lie further to his wife

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Speaker 5: about their antics made me sick. The entire day passed

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Speaker 5: and it appeared that she still didn't know the truth.

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Speaker 5: Lydia confided in me that she and Logan have been

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Speaker 5: struggling in their marriage due to Logan's unresolved resentment towards

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Speaker 5: her over her weight gain and financial decisions made during

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Speaker 5: the fit. She said he is constantly frustrated with and

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Speaker 5: by her, and she genuinely believes Logan not only isn't

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Speaker 5: in love her, but dislikes her altogether. She loves him

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Speaker 5: and wants to resolve things and move on, but he

340
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:10,360
Speaker 5: is projecting his insecurities and frustration onto her constantly, which

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Speaker 5: is contributing to her already existing depression and anxiety conditions.

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Speaker 5: I've been very adamant in my conversation with Chase that

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Speaker 5: he needs to push for Logan to confess to Lydia,

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Speaker 5: and I've been clear about my stance. I believe it's

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Speaker 5: my duty as Lydia's friend tell her about something as

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Speaker 5: serious as this, but only second to Logan's duty as

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Speaker 5: her literal husband and.

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Speaker 4: The father of their child.

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Speaker 5: Given all this, am I wrong if I tell Lydia

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Speaker 5: about Logan's infidelity tomorrow if he hasn't told her. And

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Speaker 5: many of you asked if Lydia considers it cheating, I'm

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Speaker 5: not sure, and I'm not going to frame it as

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Speaker 5: he cheated. If I tell her, I will explain the

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Speaker 5: situation and let her deal with it in her marriage.

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Speaker 4: I will not.

356
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Speaker 5: Tolerate lies, especially since Christian faith is adopted by all parties.

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Speaker 5: My headline was from my perspective because my husband cheated,

358
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Speaker 5: but I recognize that their boundary may be different. Some

359
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,000
Speaker 5: of you are neglecting the lying part two, which is

360
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,400
Speaker 5: wrong in any relationship.

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Speaker 3: Didn't really matter whether or not she thinks of that

362
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,800
Speaker 3: as cheating. He lied and we know that he lied

363
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:15,960
Speaker 3: because she doesn't know you know where they were right,

364
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:19,640
Speaker 3: and that is the lying isn't a problem in itself

365
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:23,359
Speaker 3: and the reason why he's lying obviously.

366
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Speaker 4: Because he knows that she won't like it.

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Speaker 3: She won't like it, so tell her, yeah, you don't

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Speaker 3: know him anything exactly exactly.

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Speaker 4: Think about it.

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Speaker 5: If Logan and Chase didn't do anything wrong, what's the

371
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,520
Speaker 5: point lying about it? And to respond to other comments

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00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:40,040
Speaker 5: of is corn cheating? Maybe not in most relationships. When

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Speaker 5: my husband has been a corn regular user for well

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Speaker 5: over a decade, so consuming this content is very bad

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Speaker 5: for him. He made the decision to quit coorn since

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Speaker 5: it was taking control of his life and affecting our

377
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Speaker 5: life together. But I never forced or pushed anything. Everything

378
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,280
Speaker 5: was his idea. However, corn is not the same as

379
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Speaker 5: physical contact like a lap dance. I'm sure men wouldn't

380
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,960
Speaker 5: be okay if their wife went to a nightclub behind

381
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Speaker 5: their back. And regarding their financial situation. She had to

382
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Speaker 5: quit her job, which Logan knew about, but she did

383
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,720
Speaker 5: it sooner than expected. She got pregnant and was worried

384
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:15,399
Speaker 5: about her baby. She used her inheritance from her grandma

385
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,480
Speaker 5: for bills and only bills. She also has had many

386
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Speaker 5: medical surprises and surgeries. She hasn't just bought purses and

387
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:26,320
Speaker 5: clothes and cars, just bills. And there is an update.

388
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Speaker 5: But yeah, I mean I think.

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Speaker 3: I think you gotta tell her. I think you tell

390
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Speaker 3: him that you're gonna tell her.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and if this was her financial situation when apparently

392
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Speaker 5: he was unhappy with her financial choices during the VID,

393
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:45,680
Speaker 5: like this stuff seems pretty reasonable for the VID also too.

394
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Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, yeah, a lot of people had financial issues.

395
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:51,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, she had to quit her job sooner than expected.

396
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:54,480
Speaker 5: But yeah, she had inheritance money that she used wisely.

397
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Speaker 3: So yeah, No, I don't really think there's any excuse

398
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Speaker 3: for him going to spy club without partner's permission exactly.

399
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:04,080
Speaker 4: But we do have an update.

400
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Speaker 5: First, I found out yesterday that my husband didn't just

401
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,199
Speaker 5: get one lap dance, but three or more lap dances.

402
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,600
Speaker 5: According to him, he wasn't sure if Logan did more

403
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:15,119
Speaker 5: than one lap dance because Chase was obviously occupied. It

404
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,720
Speaker 5: seems that I'm uncovering lie after lie.

405
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:19,800
Speaker 4: First it was.

406
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,760
Speaker 5: I didn't get a lap dance, and then it was

407
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,920
Speaker 5: he got a lap dance but not me, and then

408
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:25,119
Speaker 5: I got a lap dance.

409
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,840
Speaker 4: Then I got three lap dances.

410
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Speaker 5: As of today, he will be staying with his family

411
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Speaker 5: for a week before we reconvene and plan on reconciliation

412
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:36,720
Speaker 5: options such as marriage therapy. Second, as I expected, Logan

413
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,000
Speaker 5: did not come clean to Lydia, so I took on

414
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,320
Speaker 5: the responsibility of telling her what happened. At around eleven

415
00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,320
Speaker 5: pm last night. It was evident that she still didn't know,

416
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,880
Speaker 5: so while we were hanging out in the guest room,

417
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:51,400
Speaker 5: I told her. I prefaced that I could only really

418
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,159
Speaker 5: explain from my relationship's point of view, and my intention

419
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,720
Speaker 5: was not to hert her relationship overstep or bashed.

420
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Speaker 4: Logan anyway, that's a good way to start it.

421
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,959
Speaker 5: After I told her, she said she confidently confirmed that

422
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,719
Speaker 5: I didn't overstep and was very grateful I told her

423
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,639
Speaker 5: because Logan hadn't confessed and she was worried that he

424
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Speaker 5: wouldn't have done so at all.

425
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:12,880
Speaker 4: She told me that she was mad.

426
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,679
Speaker 5: And very hurt by it, and although she was certain

427
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,160
Speaker 5: that he knew, she wasn't okay with it, especially given

428
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,560
Speaker 5: their Christian values. She wasn't sure if they actually had

429
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:23,040
Speaker 5: a conversation about boundaries since getting married and becoming parents.

430
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,800
Speaker 5: She was particularly hurt because they had, for the first

431
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,960
Speaker 5: time in ages a good conversation about their relationship dynamic,

432
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 5: which they were.

433
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:34,920
Speaker 4: Both unhappy with. Instead of getting defensive.

434
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,160
Speaker 5: Like he normally would, he actually listened and took accountability,

435
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,120
Speaker 5: and she felt that this was a really big step

436
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,879
Speaker 5: forward given the circumstances she was unaware of. She is

437
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,919
Speaker 5: questioning the intentions that he had in that conversation.

438
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,560
Speaker 4: Was it guilt, was it genuine? Did they actually take

439
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,600
Speaker 4: a step forward if his intense word.

440
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 5: To soften the blow of this, Lydia told me that

441
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,960
Speaker 5: they started doing occasional counseling sessions before this incident because

442
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,280
Speaker 5: finances impede the ability to do more sessions, and she

443
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,920
Speaker 5: intends for them to discuss this both today and in counseling.

444
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,080
Speaker 5: This isn't marriage any for her, but she is now

445
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,119
Speaker 5: very concerned about what he does when he is at

446
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:09,800
Speaker 5: home because he.

447
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,960
Speaker 4: Travels for work two to three weeks out of every month.

448
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,879
Speaker 5: She said that she hasn't really had reason to believe

449
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 5: anything has happened during his travels, but now she's worried

450
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,360
Speaker 5: he may be acting up whenever he's traveling. I woke

451
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 5: up this morning at four fifteen am to Logan knocking

452
00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:28,040
Speaker 5: on my door loudly asking if I needed a ride

453
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:31,040
Speaker 5: to the airport, to which I declined. He waited on

454
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:34,480
Speaker 5: the steps outside of the room, fully dressed and ready

455
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,159
Speaker 5: for the day, which is very unusual.

456
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,960
Speaker 4: As I was getting ready to head to the airport.

457
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,919
Speaker 5: It really felt like he was waiting to confront me

458
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,600
Speaker 5: when I didn't have Chase around.

459
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 3: He's like, do you need a ride to the airport?

460
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:46,480
Speaker 2: Yeah?

461
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:47,960
Speaker 4: Do you want to be in alone in a car

462
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:52,200
Speaker 4: with me? Right? I can trust him. I'm wondering if.

463
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,679
Speaker 5: About this, maybe are they like in a hotel together

464
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:55,439
Speaker 5: or something like that?

465
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,320
Speaker 4: Like why are they? I don't know. I think they're

466
00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:00,320
Speaker 4: just close, like neighbors. Yeah, sounds like this be like

467
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:01,720
Speaker 4: a bedroom door or something.

468
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,560
Speaker 3: No, I think it is like house door because Chase

469
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 3: isn't there.

470
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I guess. SO don't know. So I'm wondering,

471
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,359
Speaker 4: like how he heard it, But I guess I don't know.

472
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,679
Speaker 5: Some sort of situation. But this is what we know.

473
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,120
Speaker 5: I could see that Lydia wasn't in the bedroom, and

474
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 5: she told me the night prior she was going to

475
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:18,680
Speaker 5: sleep somewhere else in the house because of the situation

476
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,719
Speaker 5: and because of Logan's obnoxious snoring.

477
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:22,840
Speaker 4: Chase immediately picked up on it and.

478
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 5: Decided to follow me outside to my uber just in

479
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:29,120
Speaker 5: case our suspicions were correct. Logan followed us outside too,

480
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,760
Speaker 5: and although he didn't say anything about the situation, it

481
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:32,800
Speaker 5: was clear he knew.

482
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:33,440
Speaker 4: I told her.

483
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,399
Speaker 5: Thankfully, I got into my uber and am letting the

484
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,440
Speaker 5: rest play out as it is now out of my hands.

485
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,399
Speaker 5: I don't regret telling her one single bit, and she

486
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 5: thanks me several times for being honest. I truly wish

487
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 5: the best for their marriage, because I know that Chase

488
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 5: and Logan aren't evil people, but they made decisions knowing

489
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 5: it would hurt us Lydia is going to be out

490
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 5: of town this week for unrelated reasons, and she is

491
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,000
Speaker 5: going to keep me updated. The whole experience has left

492
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 5: me questioning so many things about trust and marriage. When

493
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 5: we went on this trip, I thought we were two

494
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:08,679
Speaker 5: couples who were solid, maybe with some normal relationship bumps.

495
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:13,359
Speaker 5: But instead I discovered that both marriages had serious underlying

496
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 5: issues that were being hidden behind.

497
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 4: Lies and avoidance. What bothers me.

498
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,240
Speaker 5: Most isn't even the Spicy Club itself, though that was

499
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,520
Speaker 5: a violation of our boundaries. It's the elaborate deception that

500
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,120
Speaker 5: followed the fact that both men were willing to look

501
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 5: their wives in the eye and lie repeatedly shows a

502
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:34,360
Speaker 5: level of disrespect that goes beyond a momentary lapse in judgment.

503
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,719
Speaker 5: They had multiple opportunities to come clean, and instead they

504
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,920
Speaker 5: doubled down on their deception. I keep thinking about how

505
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,920
Speaker 5: Logan sat in that car with all of us listening

506
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 5: to Lydia ask innocent questions about their night and continued

507
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,040
Speaker 5: to light her face. Meanwhile, she's at home struggling with

508
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:52,200
Speaker 5: depression and anxiety, partly because she feels like her husband

509
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,560
Speaker 5: doesn't love her anymore, and all the while he's out

510
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 5: getting lap dances and then lying about it. The cruelty

511
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,120
Speaker 5: of that really gets me. For chasing me, this incident

512
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 5: has forced us to confront issues that have been building

513
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:08,160
Speaker 5: for years. His pattern of violating my trust, making poor choices,

514
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,840
Speaker 5: and then trying to minimize or hide them has created

515
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 5: a dynamic where I feel like I'm constantly having to

516
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:17,200
Speaker 5: be the relationship police. I'm exhausted by it. The separation

517
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 5: isn't just about the Spicy Club. It's about whether we

518
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,159
Speaker 5: can build a foundation of honesty and respect.

519
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:23,520
Speaker 4: That we've really never had.

520
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,440
Speaker 5: I'm also grappling with the role I played in Logan

521
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,840
Speaker 5: and Lydia's marriage drama. Some people might say that I

522
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,359
Speaker 5: should have minded my own business, but I genuinely believe

523
00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 5: that with holding that information from my friend would have

524
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,399
Speaker 5: been a betrayal of our friendship. She deserved to know

525
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 5: what her husband was doing behind her back, especially when

526
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:42,360
Speaker 5: she was opening up to me about feeling unloved and disrespected.

527
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,480
Speaker 5: How could I sit there listening to her pain and

528
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,639
Speaker 5: not tell her about something that was directly contributing to it.

529
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,880
Speaker 5: The morning confrontation with Logan was particularly unsettling. The fact

530
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:55,120
Speaker 5: that he was up and dressed at four fifteen am

531
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:56,880
Speaker 5: waiting outside my door felt.

532
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 4: Very intentional and somewhat threatening.

533
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:00,920
Speaker 5: I'm grateful Chase was there, because I think Logan was

534
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 5: planning to intimidate me or try to convince me to

535
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 5: keep quiet. The whole thing just reinforced that I made

536
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,919
Speaker 5: the right choice in telling Lydia. Looking ahead, I'm not

537
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 5: sure what the future holds for either marriage. Lydia seems

538
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 5: committed to working through this Logan, which I respect, but

539
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 5: I worry about her. She's already struggling with her mental

540
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 5: health and now she has to deal with this betrayal

541
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 5: on top of everything else. I hope their counseling helps.

542
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 5: But Logan's pattern of resentment and dishonesty, it seems deeply ingrained.

543
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 4: And there is a little bit more to the story.

544
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:34,159
Speaker 3: But yeah, husbands leave them both, Yeah, either of them.

545
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 3: They're both liars, they both suck.

546
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 2: Yeah boo.

547
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 5: I think if you're if you're able to fix things

548
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 5: with Chase, then like.

549
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 4: Great, Yeah, I guess so.

550
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 5: But if the problems that have been coming up because

551
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 5: of the situation are just more about his dishonesty and

552
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 5: like ignoring problems and stuff that's not really.

553
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:57,200
Speaker 4: Good, that's not a good great foundation for a marriage. No,

554
00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 4: pretty shanky.

555
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, but there is a little bit more to the story.

556
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:03,680
Speaker 5: As for chasing me, we have a lot of work

557
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,239
Speaker 5: to do. Separation will give us both time to think

558
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,120
Speaker 5: about what we really want and whether we can build

559
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 5: something healthy together. I love him, but love isn't enough

560
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 5: if there isn't trust and respect, I'm not willing to

561
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:14,920
Speaker 5: spend the rest of my life feeling like I can't

562
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:15,919
Speaker 5: trust my own husband.

563
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,400
Speaker 4: This whole experience has been a harsh.

564
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 5: Reminder that you never really know what's going on in

565
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 5: other people's marriages, in colluding your own. Sometimes we all

566
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,200
Speaker 5: put on these facades of having it together, but underneath

567
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,320
Speaker 5: there can be so much pain and dysfunction. I'm hoping

568
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 5: that by bringing the truth to light, both couples can

569
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,720
Speaker 5: actually address their real issues instead of pretending everything is

570
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 5: fine while slowly destroying their relationships with lies and resentment.

571
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:41,000
Speaker 5: And that is the end of that story. And yeah,

572
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:42,160
Speaker 5: that's all very true.

573
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, my best friend lied about me, and now I'd

574
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 3: regret forgiving her pants on fire. I'm currently twenty six

575
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:54,399
Speaker 3: female and this happened around twenty seventeen or twenty eighteen,

576
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,159
Speaker 3: while I was in high school. She recently tried to

577
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,119
Speaker 3: reach out and I figured I wanted to share this story.

578
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,960
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from same Chipmunk eighty four

579
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 3: forty seven. And if you want to spit your own stories,

580
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:07,680
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime, separate it. I'm Sophia,

581
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 3: I'm Angie, and Op says back in my freshman year

582
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:14,120
Speaker 3: of high school, I had zero friends. I came from

583
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 3: a private school to a public high school with triple

584
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 3: the amount of kids. I was overwhelmed and scared, but

585
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,440
Speaker 3: I eventually had to swap from one class to another,

586
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:27,800
Speaker 3: meaning my now ex friend Katie. Katie was extremely outgoing,

587
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 3: friendly and hyper. I loved this about her because it

588
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 3: made me feel more comfortable, and she was always there.

589
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 3: Around my junior year, I started dating someone. This was

590
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:38,919
Speaker 3: my first boyfriend.

591
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 4: And I was excited.

592
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,119
Speaker 3: I asked her and the others we ate with if

593
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 3: it was okay if he also ate with us. No

594
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,200
Speaker 3: one had an issue and we all got along, or

595
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 3: so I thought. He only ate with us a few times,

596
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,160
Speaker 3: and I'd eat with him and his friend group too.

597
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:54,640
Speaker 3: We also ate separately.

598
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:55,160
Speaker 4: Sometimes.

599
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 3: We never showed PDA because I have a thing about

600
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,119
Speaker 3: that in front of others, especially friends and family. The

601
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 3: issue came when Katie had a crush on my boyfriend's friend, Dustin.

602
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 3: She asked me if I could set up a date

603
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 3: for her and him, and if I could join because

604
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,160
Speaker 3: she was nervous. Then she got more nervous, worried I'd

605
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 3: be mad about being a third wheel. I told her

606
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 3: I could invite my boyfriend along so it would be

607
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 3: Dustin's friend and us two. She agreed, saying it would

608
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:25,960
Speaker 3: be great, and we made plans to go bowling. The

609
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 3: day came and Dustin canceled last minute. I told Katie

610
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,439
Speaker 3: and she said, well, then just tell your boyfriend you're

611
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,280
Speaker 3: sick and cancel on him, so me and you can

612
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 3: go bowling. I told her I wasn't comfortable lying to

613
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,680
Speaker 3: my boyfriend and instead I'd invite someone else so she

614
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 3: wouldn't be a third wheel. She agreed, and I even

615
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 3: asked her which friend she'd prefer. I invited a mutual

616
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 3: friend of ours. I even asked my boyfriend if we

617
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 3: could avoid any couplely stuff because I didn't want to

618
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 3: make her uncomfortable. He was completely okay with this and

619
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:58,399
Speaker 3: super understanding. I ended up mainly hanging with her, and

620
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,119
Speaker 3: my boyfriend hung out with arm each one. There was

621
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 3: no flirting or anything, and we all had fun bowling

622
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,240
Speaker 3: and going to the mall afterwards. Katie and I hung

623
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,000
Speaker 3: out alone after because my boyfriend and our mutual friend

624
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 3: left together. We spent another hour or two at the

625
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:15,919
Speaker 3: mall looking around before leaving. This is where things got worse.

626
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 3: We were cool for a few days talking and sending

627
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 3: Instagram memes to each other. Then maybe after a week

628
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 3: or two, I'd show up to eat lunch with her

629
00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,399
Speaker 3: and everyone else and she would look at me, say nothing,

630
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,440
Speaker 3: gather her things, and walk away. I would ask the

631
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 3: others why she was leaving, and no one said anything.

632
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 3: Then they would leave me to follow her. This happened

633
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 3: for a while before I finally got an answer where

634
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 3: someone said, look, I don't want to get involved. When

635
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 3: I pressed her more because I didn't understand why Katie

636
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 3: was ignoring my calls and texts, she was hesitant, but

637
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:52,960
Speaker 3: finally told me Katie told us you invited her to

638
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 3: hang out with you to go bulling, and last minute

639
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 3: you invited your boyfriend and were making out with them

640
00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 3: and ignoring her and ended up ditching her at the bowling.

641
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 3: That wasn't even from a Leidro, not one bit bold

642
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 3: face Lie. I tried explaining what really happened, but no

643
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 3: one wanted to get involved or even hear my side

644
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 3: of the story, even when I had texts to prove

645
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 3: our conversations. I ended up eating alone for the rest

646
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 3: of the year. My boyfriend was a great above me,

647
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 3: so he graduated uh. All my friends from his group

648
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 3: were also a great above me, so they were gone.

649
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 3: When I was a senior, I ended up having no

650
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 3: one to hang out with or talk to for my

651
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 3: senior year. I heard from the other girls in her

652
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 3: friend group she was starting to hang out with some

653
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 3: bad crowds and they were distancing from her. After graduation,

654
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 3: maybe a few months later, I got a very long

655
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 3: text from her on Instagram apologizing to me about what

656
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 3: she did. I would either not respond or I would say,

657
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 3: tell everyone that you lied. Yeah, your apology to be

658
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 3: means nothing until you tell everyone you lied.

659
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 5: Because I don't care about being friends with you anymore.

660
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 5: But you just stole my other friends, all my friends.

661
00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 5: But also if the other friends weren't believing her when

662
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 5: she really had receipts, yeah what And they all just

663
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 5: got up and stopped him.

664
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 3: Just immediately believed Katie with no proof or asking ope

665
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 3: about this, like a screw all of him.

666
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, spakes, we wanna throw up. I'm gonna throw up

667
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 4: all over these high schoolers.

668
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 3: Also, I do want to say, that's not even a

669
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 3: good reason to like drop a pee. What we learned

670
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 3: what Katie told them was she invited her boyfriend last

671
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 3: minute was making out with him, left me to go

672
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 3: with him. Yeah, even admitted she lied to everyone about

673
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 3: what happened. Told me the reason she lied was because

674
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 3: she was jealous I had a boyfriend and jealous that,

675
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,360
Speaker 3: in her words, I felt like he was going to

676
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,640
Speaker 3: take you away from me. She said how sorry she

677
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 3: was and missed me, and I was her best friend.

678
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 3: She was the only close friend I had. Took me

679
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 3: a while to think about what I wanted to do.

680
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 3: I ended up forgiving her because I really missed her

681
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 3: in my life, and I thought maybe she had grown

682
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 3: if she was willing to apologize. This brings us to

683
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 3: a year or two ago. In the year or two

684
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 3: after she apologized, we only hung out once or twice.

685
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 3: She had asked her to hang out, but my texts

686
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 3: were ignored, or replied two weeks later claiming she was busy.

687
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 3: I know that wasn't always true, because she'd post on

688
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 3: her Instagram story playing games and just sitting in her

689
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 3: room board. I'd wish her a happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, Thanksgiving,

690
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 3: New Year's Easter, and she would never respond back or

691
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 3: just say sorry for the late reply. She only messaged

692
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 3: me whenever she wanted to hang or she needed something.

693
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 3: Even when we went out, I always ended up paying

694
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 3: for both of us because coincidentally, she didn't never wallet

695
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:35,719
Speaker 3: or money. I thought maybe it was just accidents until

696
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 3: I saw this clear pattern. The first major red flag

697
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 3: was her calling me, crying hysterically, begging me to come

698
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 3: meet her at the park near her house. She thought

699
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 3: her parents were punting her out, and she rode her

700
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 3: bike to the park. I left my friends to go

701
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 3: check on her while she told me her side of

702
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:54,960
Speaker 3: the story. She got a call from her dad and

703
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 3: put it on speaker. Long story short, her parents were

704
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 3: not punting her out. She was yelling at them.

705
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 4: As her dad sat on the.

706
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 3: Phone, Katie, we didn't punch you out.

707
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 4: You need to take a deep breath.

708
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 3: We told you if you keep screaming and yelling at

709
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:09,840
Speaker 3: us and you couldn't fix.

710
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 4: Your behavior, then we would.

711
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 3: Consider punting you out. I had to drive her home

712
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 3: with her bike in the back of my trunk. The

713
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 3: next incident was her calling me begging to talk because

714
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 3: her boyfriend at the time.

715
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:22,960
Speaker 4: Gave her chlamydia.

716
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 3: Long story short, he cheated on her and blamed substances

717
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 3: and booze for his behavior, claiming he didn't remember but

718
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:34,200
Speaker 3: got an STD test the next day and didn't tell

719
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 3: her until after he gave it to Katie. That's terrible.

720
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,920
Speaker 3: I spent hours comforting her and giving her advice. I

721
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:43,959
Speaker 3: told her he cheated and she shouldn't trust him. I

722
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 3: offered to take her out, buy her dinner, and anything

723
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,520
Speaker 3: to help. She said no, and I spent four to

724
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 3: five days in a row on the phone with her.

725
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:53,640
Speaker 3: She was very upset because she wanted to be with

726
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 3: this guy forever.

727
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 5: That sucks, but uh, you know, if he was wrong,

728
00:32:57,800 --> 00:32:59,480
Speaker 5: there has to be some sort of instance where he.

729
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 3: That's per She told me she was going to break

730
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 3: it off with him, saying his mom told me to

731
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 3: find someone else. That she's so sorry he hurt me

732
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:09,800
Speaker 3: and I deserve better. I'm gonna give his stuff to

733
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 3: his mom and not talk to him again. She kept

734
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 3: making comments about how she wanted to say goodbye in person,

735
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 3: but I told her that probably wasn't a good idea

736
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 3: because she was emotional and not thinking clearly.

737
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 4: After all of that, I didn't hear anything from her.

738
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 3: I texted to check in, say hey, happy holidays, et cetera.

739
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 3: Then found out she got engaged to him because I

740
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 3: saw pictures on her Instagram.

741
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 4: She did talk to him. Yep, she talked talked to him,

742
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 4: and she said yes woo.

743
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 3: I asked a mutual friend of ours to be sure

744
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 3: if that was an engagement ring, because I didn't want

745
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 3: to assume. She confirmed it was the same boyfriend and

746
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 3: they were, in fact engaged. I was furious that I

747
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,440
Speaker 3: spent five days comforting her when she needed it and

748
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 3: she ended up back with him and engaged. Never did

749
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 3: she text me first unless she wanted something. This made

750
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 3: me realize that Katie only wanted me to be her

751
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 3: friend because the other group of kids she hung out

752
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:06,520
Speaker 3: with didn't care about her problems. Katie had made comments

753
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 3: about them excluding her and telling her they didn't care

754
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,959
Speaker 3: about her issues. So it finally hit me. I didn't

755
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 3: want her in my life. I didn't want to spend

756
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 3: more time reaching out to someone who would ignore me,

757
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 3: not be there when I needed them, or even hide

758
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:23,800
Speaker 3: an engagement from me. Everyone else knew because she texted

759
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:25,799
Speaker 3: others about it, just not me.

760
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,839
Speaker 4: She sucks, Sopy, You deserve better, You really do one

761
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 4: of us? Uh better? Yeah? Yeah, I don't believe that

762
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:37,799
Speaker 4: she like really cares about you. No, maybe here's about

763
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 4: using you.

764
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like maybe there are times like I, you know,

765
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:43,880
Speaker 5: I doubt you would still be there if you didn't

766
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 5: like hanging out with her somehow. So I'm sure there

767
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,319
Speaker 5: are some good times with her, But like all of

768
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,600
Speaker 5: these instances of her coming back just seem like, Oh,

769
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 5: I had nowhere else to go.

770
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I have to come to you, I guess exactly.

771
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:57,480
Speaker 3: So she's losing everyone around her, and then you're this

772
00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,799
Speaker 3: constant person who she can come back to and will

773
00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 3: take her back. So just don't take her back exactly.

774
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 3: Everyone else knew because she texted others about it. Just

775
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 3: not me that hurt, considering she still said I was

776
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:12,480
Speaker 3: her only best friend. Looking back, the pattern was crystal clear.

777
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,919
Speaker 3: Katie would disappear when things were going well in her life,

778
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:18,960
Speaker 3: only reaching out when she needed emotional support or money.

779
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 3: When I needed support, she was nowhere to be found.

780
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 3: The friendship had become completely one sided, with me constantly

781
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 3: giving and her only taking. The Bowling instant wasn't just jealousy.

782
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 3: It was a calculated attempt to isolate me from my

783
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:38,440
Speaker 3: boyfriend and control my social life. When that didn't work,

784
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 3: she spread lies to turn our entire friend group against me.

785
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 3: The apology after graduation wasn't genuine remorse, It was her

786
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 3: realizing she needed someone reliable to lean on when her

787
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 3: other relationships fell through. The engagement situation was the final straw.

788
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:57,360
Speaker 3: After spending nearly a week supporting her through what she

789
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,319
Speaker 3: claimed was the worst betrayal of her life, she not

790
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 3: only went back to the same guy, but got engaged

791
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,880
Speaker 3: to him without telling me. She made time to share

792
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:09,319
Speaker 3: this news with everyone else in her life, but deliberately

793
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:13,080
Speaker 3: excluded me. I also noticed how she'd always had convenient

794
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 3: excuses when it came time to contribute financially. She'd suggest

795
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:20,319
Speaker 3: expensive activities, then suddenly not ever wallet or claim her

796
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 3: card wasn't working, leaving me to cover everything. There is

797
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:27,400
Speaker 3: a little bit left to this story. Any final thoughts.

798
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,400
Speaker 5: I'm glad she's getting out of this friendship.

799
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:31,880
Speaker 4: Yes, you're free.

800
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 5: Yes, finally, it's so exhausting here about so many stupid people.

801
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 5: But luckily, in most of these stories they learned to

802
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 5: let go. Yes, they recognized that too, leave them behind.

803
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:47,879
Speaker 3: She is your past, and you're gonna have a much

804
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:48,840
Speaker 3: better future without her.

805
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:50,759
Speaker 4: Exactly, but there's a little bit left.

806
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 3: The constant crisis calls were another manipulation tactic. She'd create

807
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 3: dramatic situations or blow minor conflicts out of proportion, then

808
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:02,839
Speaker 3: demand and immediate attention and comfort. But when I had

809
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:05,399
Speaker 3: my own problems or needed support, she was always too

810
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:09,400
Speaker 3: busy or would respond days later with minimal effort. So

811
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 3: I blocked her Instagram and her number. I didn't want

812
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 3: to keep people around who didn't respect my time or me.

813
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:16,239
Speaker 4: Good on ya.

814
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 3: Maybe about a month ago, at work, I got a call.

815
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:21,759
Speaker 3: The caller ID showed a name I didn't know, but

816
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:24,880
Speaker 3: she has a very unique class name I recognized. I

817
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 3: didn't want to talk to her, and I asked my

818
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 3: male coworker if you could answer for me, saying it

819
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,239
Speaker 3: was the wrong number. He put it on speaker and

820
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,600
Speaker 3: it was definitely her. I blocked the number and told

821
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:38,919
Speaker 3: my coworkers the story. They were surprised she'd ever reach

822
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:41,760
Speaker 3: out to me, and agreed that blocking her and cutting

823
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:45,239
Speaker 3: on ties was the right move. Good and that's the

824
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 3: end of that story.

825
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:46,960
Speaker 2: Sam.

826
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 1: Here, we're gonna get back to the stories, but here's

827
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:50,240
Speaker 1: three of minutes bads from our sponsors.

828
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 2: I blew up at my wife's mistakes. Now she's not

829
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:59,919
Speaker 2: talking to me. My wife thirty female and I thirty

830
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 2: five mail. Bought our house five years ago and it

831
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 2: needs work, but time and money are always a constraint.

832
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 2: Right now, my wife is not working while she goes

833
00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 2: back to school, and I'm working second shift as the

834
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 2: sole earner. By the way, this comes from user communication

835
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:18,320
Speaker 2: fit two five seven and if you want to submit

836
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:21,600
Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

837
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:25,360
Speaker 2: And op says, since my wife is home more than me,

838
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 2: she has been handling most of the work that's been

839
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 2: done around the house, including dealing with contractors. She comes

840
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:34,760
Speaker 2: from a family of di wiers who tend to shoot

841
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:36,839
Speaker 2: from the hip with projects, while I prefer to have

842
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:39,880
Speaker 2: a plan in place before we do any work, and

843
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:43,719
Speaker 2: the most recent projects that she's spearheaded have been, in

844
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:49,240
Speaker 2: my opinion, subpar. Some examples, our privacy fence gate doesn't

845
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:52,279
Speaker 2: close right and she hasn't gotten the contractor to come

846
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 2: to fix it for months. The internet line wasn't buried

847
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:58,400
Speaker 2: deeply enough by the contractors, and I think she should

848
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 2: have sent them away when they didn't have the right equipment.

849
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,839
Speaker 2: She decided, without my input, to use a cleanser on

850
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:08,520
Speaker 2: our house before restaining it, and the cleanser left streaks

851
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:10,760
Speaker 2: in the wood that cannot be covered by the stain.

852
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 2: We have a wooden sculpture in our yard that she

853
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:17,359
Speaker 2: did not clean, and it is dark and dirty and

854
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:20,480
Speaker 2: looks like crap. She doesn't see anything wrong with it.

855
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 2: She's just a different It differs in opinion.

856
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 4: Yeah.

857
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 2: Most recently, we had gutter work done and I wanted

858
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 2: a gutter put on the back of our new shed.

859
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,279
Speaker 2: She forgot to tell the contractor where I wanted the

860
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:35,240
Speaker 2: down spout, and he put it on the opposite corner.

861
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:38,480
Speaker 2: So now the water is just going to collect behind

862
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 2: the shed, which is exactly what I wanted to avoid.

863
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 2: She called me at work to give me this news,

864
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:49,879
Speaker 2: and I spent the rest of the day frustrated. When

865
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 2: I got home, I asked what we were going to

866
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:55,640
Speaker 2: do about this, and she said something about fixing it ourselves.

867
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:57,799
Speaker 2: I told her that it would never be right if

868
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 2: we fixed it ourselves, defeated attitude, and that I already

869
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 2: paid for the work to be done right the first time,

870
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 2: and we're just pissing away money and time with needing

871
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:11,400
Speaker 2: to redo all these projects that she's been half bootying.

872
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:14,080
Speaker 2: I asked if she even cared about the quality of

873
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 2: work that's being done on the house and said that

874
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 2: maybe she shouldn't be involved with any more projects on

875
00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:23,400
Speaker 2: the house unless communication improved. She just sat in silence

876
00:40:23,719 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 2: and slept on the couch without speaking to me. This morning.

877
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 2: I asked if she was going to talk to me,

878
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:32,360
Speaker 2: and she said, quote, I don't know. I was exasperated

879
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:34,840
Speaker 2: and asked if she could just tell me what is wrong,

880
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 2: and she replied, quote, I'm scared of you. What well?

881
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:40,520
Speaker 2: Did you scream and yell at her?

882
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 4: Yeah?

883
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:43,760
Speaker 2: Are you leaving that part out? Because if you screamed

884
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 2: and yelled could be pretty scary for sure. She told

885
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,120
Speaker 2: me she wished I had approached the issue by looking

886
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:52,480
Speaker 2: for a solution, and I told her that she just

887
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 2: doesn't want to be accountable for her actions. She said,

888
00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:58,760
Speaker 2: she just wants us quote to be partners. I could

889
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 2: be the a hole for how I went about telling

890
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 2: her about my feelings, but I feel like there's no

891
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,399
Speaker 2: way for me to give her negative feedback without her

892
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:07,799
Speaker 2: freaking out. Am I the a hole for telling my

893
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,400
Speaker 2: wife that she needs to be accountable for her actions.

894
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 2: And the official verdict was a hole and we have

895
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 2: some comments. But yeah, I think, buddy, you can't yell

896
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 2: at your wife.

897
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 1: No.

898
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:24,879
Speaker 2: First of all, yep, don't be yelling at your wife. Yep.

899
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 2: Don't even be yelling about stuff. Yep. That your wife

900
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 2: is done in the presence of your wife, even if

901
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:33,880
Speaker 2: you're yelling over here and she's over there, don't be

902
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 2: yelling about stuff. Your wife is done. Yeah, if she's

903
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 2: been messing up every project, why she's still spearheaded it.

904
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 2: I know you're at work. Did you know contractors have

905
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 2: email addresses you can say, hey, I want the gut

906
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 2: or done like this on this part of the shed. Yeah,

907
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 2: now it's in writing.

908
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:51,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly.

909
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 5: I think you know, you could definitely voice your frustration

910
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 5: and just be like, I really, you know, hope that

911
00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:00,960
Speaker 5: you would see this ahead of time. I really you know,

912
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:03,880
Speaker 5: or if they did talk about that problem wanting to

913
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,440
Speaker 5: avoid that, and like, I really hope that you know

914
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:09,760
Speaker 5: what we said made sense and that you like watched

915
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 5: out for that a little bit more. But it's already done.

916
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 5: So we're gonna we're gonna fix the solution. Now you can't.

917
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 4: Just just be like.

918
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 5: Oh, yeah, well well well now we can't fix it

919
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:23,319
Speaker 5: because oh it's not gonna be done right, and now

920
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:25,160
Speaker 5: we're gonna just be fixing no way money, and I'm

921
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 5: just mad about it.

922
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:27,759
Speaker 2: It's like, you can fix it, bro, you can get

923
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 2: on YouTube and yeah, google gut her gut exactly what

924
00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:35,120
Speaker 2: you need to find out, immediately figure out how to

925
00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 2: do it.

926
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:38,920
Speaker 5: Sucks that it happened, but like, yes you can. You

927
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 5: can talk about the problem normally hopefully not yell okay,

928
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:44,879
Speaker 5: I wonderful'll get more conci I'm sure.

929
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 2: I'm sure we're gonna get some more info here. Let's

930
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 2: let's dig into these comments from David a Nida info.

931
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,880
Speaker 2: Did you calmly tell her maybe she shouldn't be involved

932
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 2: in any more projects as you've written, or were you

933
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:02,359
Speaker 2: more forceful. I've seen women feign fear to keep men

934
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:04,640
Speaker 2: from holding them to task, but it feels like something

935
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:07,120
Speaker 2: is missing here, Op says. I told her that we

936
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:11,240
Speaker 2: had three options, stopping all projects, her not being involved

937
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:15,320
Speaker 2: in any projects, or we get better at communicating. Obviously,

938
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 2: the last option is my preference. I notice how you

939
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 2: did not answer the question.

940
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 4: That was asked she really didn't at all.

941
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:28,320
Speaker 2: Another user, willow x ash says, based on your own words,

942
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:31,279
Speaker 2: you responded in an accusatory tone. I told her that

943
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:33,920
Speaker 2: she just doesn't want to be accountable for her actions,

944
00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 2: right after she admitted she was scared of you. I

945
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,680
Speaker 2: highly doubt this is her feigning fear. As a different

946
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:43,560
Speaker 2: user speculated, after being barraged the night before, your wife

947
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 2: gave constructive criticism on how she would prefer to discuss

948
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:49,200
Speaker 2: sensitive topics in the future in a more partner focused,

949
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:53,400
Speaker 2: kind and solution based way. You breached this entire subject

950
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:57,720
Speaker 2: with frustration and accused her of carelessness and pissing away money,

951
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:01,759
Speaker 2: seemingly without bringing up a communication issue or less drastic

952
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:05,480
Speaker 2: solutions at all. Instead, you jumped straight to suggesting that

953
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:08,960
Speaker 2: she should be removed from all projects. With this kind

954
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:12,240
Speaker 2: of angry and accusatory reaction, it's not at all crazy

955
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:14,480
Speaker 2: to think she would be silent and afraid of you.

956
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 2: Seems like it was just a way for you to

957
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,840
Speaker 2: blow off steam and shame her. Her request for you

958
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 2: to communicate in a kind and constructive way is not

959
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 2: ridiculous in the slightest, just as much as it's not

960
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:28,760
Speaker 2: ridiculous to want things in your house to be done

961
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 2: well or for her to communicate better. But words do matter,

962
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:36,839
Speaker 2: and how you wield them has consequences. Just remember what

963
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 2: your true priority is here. Is it the project or

964
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:43,839
Speaker 2: is it having a loving partnership with your wife? After

965
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:47,240
Speaker 2: you decide on these priorities, then you can work together

966
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,200
Speaker 2: on how to deal with the house projects, or not

967
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 2: work together at all. You'd a third user. Third try

968
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,920
Speaker 2: is the charm, says she replied, I'm scared of you,

969
00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 2: and that should scare you who There is no reason

970
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 2: your reaction should be so outsized that it's making your

971
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 2: adult partner afraid. All of these projects are things that

972
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,959
Speaker 2: are not emergencies. They are things that if they go wrong,

973
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:15,560
Speaker 2: it sucks, but it's fixable. Maybe not on the timeframe

974
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 2: you wanted, but it's still fixable. The way your wife

975
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:21,360
Speaker 2: is feeling may damage your relationship in a way that

976
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 2: is not fixable. You are the ahle change the focus, says,

977
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 2: you're the a hole op. You want to call all

978
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:30,400
Speaker 2: the shots while having her do all the work. In

979
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 2: your mind, it's her job to silently and smoothly assure

980
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:36,400
Speaker 2: that everything ends up as you wanted it. It's as

981
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 2: if you were the boss and she were your assistant

982
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:40,839
Speaker 2: whose job it is to carry out your wishes. If

983
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:44,160
Speaker 2: she fails at getting your way for you, you feel entitled

984
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 2: to accuser of half bootying and pissing away money and

985
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:51,120
Speaker 2: all kinds of other things, blaming and shaming out frustration

986
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 2: that she didn't fulfill your wishes correctly. She isn't the

987
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:56,800
Speaker 2: one with the communication problem. Boom. I was about to

988
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 2: say that, Yeah, because it's true, buddy. If like she's

989
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:03,279
Speaker 2: telling the contractors, you're not properly explaining to her what

990
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:07,359
Speaker 2: you want to be done in a clear enough way,

991
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 2: then you got to take the responsibility upon yourself if

992
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 2: you're going to be the leader in the situation.

993
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:13,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know exactly.

994
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:16,480
Speaker 2: She would like to have a civil discussion and approach

995
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:19,000
Speaker 2: problems as partners, while you would rather accuse that she

996
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:21,840
Speaker 2: just doesn't want to be accountable for her actions. That

997
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:25,759
Speaker 2: being the case, unless communication improves, is entirely on you.

998
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 2: I absolutely do believe that she is scared of you.

999
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:32,759
Speaker 2: You drip with superiority. You think you're better than your

1000
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:34,799
Speaker 2: wife and entitled to tell her what to do and

1001
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 2: to judge how well she carries the instructions out and

1002
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,600
Speaker 2: that is a huge red flag. I hope you too

1003
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 2: don't have kids. Another comment, diligent Employee five thousand and

1004
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:47,960
Speaker 2: one says you're the a hole. If you have a

1005
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:50,719
Speaker 2: specific way you want something done, then you handle the contractors.

1006
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 2: Phones work great for this exactly, phone call, text message, email.

1007
00:46:56,719 --> 00:46:58,840
Speaker 2: It sounds like your wife is nervous about doing anything

1008
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:02,239
Speaker 2: or not doing anything because you managed to criticize her regardless.

1009
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:04,600
Speaker 2: I bet you managed to make her feel stupid just

1010
00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 2: for asking. Honestly, you sound like a knucklehead. Deleted user

1011
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 2: says you're the a hole. I live with a guy

1012
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:13,720
Speaker 2: like you who blew up for nothing with the results

1013
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:17,000
Speaker 2: of being stepping on eggs around him. Nothing you say

1014
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:19,319
Speaker 2: here is end of the world and needs to fix

1015
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:22,640
Speaker 2: right now. Plus, is it her fault? The contractor you

1016
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 2: picked did a subpar job. She's not an expert on everything.

1017
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 2: And by the way, neither are You choose better contractors

1018
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:32,640
Speaker 2: if they're so bad, Let me guess the price was right.

1019
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 2: There's an update from four month, four months and three

1020
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:36,880
Speaker 2: weeks later.

1021
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:42,320
Speaker 5: Oh boy, four months. I want to know what's gonna happen.

1022
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 2: I think she leaves. Yeah, I think hopefully I think

1023
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 2: she leaves.

1024
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:52,880
Speaker 5: I have a feeling He did not take those comments well.

1025
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:56,360
Speaker 2: So a lot of people recognize that the way I

1026
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,440
Speaker 2: spoke with my wife was full of frustration and anger,

1027
00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:02,759
Speaker 2: which was unproductive. But even more than that, it was

1028
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:06,760
Speaker 2: scary to my wife. Willow x Ash had an excellent

1029
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 2: comment pointing out that I was just blowing off steam

1030
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,800
Speaker 2: and that my priority should be my partnership. He covered

1031
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:13,960
Speaker 2: a lot of topics. In the weeks following that incident,

1032
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:17,400
Speaker 2: we had a couple's therapy session to talk about strategies

1033
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:20,799
Speaker 2: and communication. I saw one of my coworkers react in

1034
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:24,320
Speaker 2: anger and frustration instead of taking the time to become calm,

1035
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:28,400
Speaker 2: and realized from the outside looking in just how unproductive

1036
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:31,400
Speaker 2: his behavior was. And then my wife showed me a

1037
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:34,680
Speaker 2: section of one of our self help books. It's called

1038
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:38,080
Speaker 2: the Five Personality Patterns, and my therapist had recommended it

1039
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:40,640
Speaker 2: to me a while back. We had been reading it together,

1040
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:42,719
Speaker 2: my wife and I, but then we got busy and

1041
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 2: we stopped. She picked it back up after our fight

1042
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:48,839
Speaker 2: and read about the leaving pattern. She underlined a bunch

1043
00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,160
Speaker 2: of sections and read them to me, and I finally

1044
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:54,240
Speaker 2: understood I grew up in a house where my parents

1045
00:48:54,239 --> 00:48:56,400
Speaker 2: screamed and yelled at each other or picked fights in

1046
00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:59,239
Speaker 2: order to storm out of the house. And that's how

1047
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:02,200
Speaker 2: I used to inter my wife's silence as a way

1048
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:05,600
Speaker 2: to quote unquote win the fight. In reality, when she

1049
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 2: became silent, she was terrified. She wasn't stonewalling me or

1050
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:11,959
Speaker 2: trying to win the fight by manipulating me, or trying

1051
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:15,400
Speaker 2: to avoid taking responsibility. She was scared in that moment,

1052
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:18,840
Speaker 2: and she wasn't even in her body. She couldn't even speak.

1053
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:22,600
Speaker 2: She was totally disassociated. She told me that even though

1054
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:25,720
Speaker 2: she knows that how I was acting wasn't objectively scary,

1055
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 2: that her threshold for shutting down is really low. We

1056
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:32,480
Speaker 2: have a little bit more story. I guess therapy is good.

1057
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, brought a lot of things to light about her reaction.

1058
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:37,840
Speaker 4: That's good.

1059
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 2: I'm not liking how this has been approached as like

1060
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:45,880
Speaker 2: a well, I'm just starting to realize how unproductive this is.

1061
00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:48,480
Speaker 2: I think it needs to be more like a oh my,

1062
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:56,080
Speaker 2: oh no, I've been emotionally absent in my marriage. Yeah,

1063
00:49:56,120 --> 00:50:02,880
Speaker 2: and I've been not recognizing my negative behaviors instead of

1064
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:06,680
Speaker 2: being her I could be so much more productive about this, right.

1065
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:08,719
Speaker 5: It's like it's like, I mean, I guess that's a

1066
00:50:08,719 --> 00:50:11,320
Speaker 5: part of it, but that's not the main issue here.

1067
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:14,360
Speaker 2: It's it feels like you're making your wife's feelings like

1068
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:18,680
Speaker 2: just like a thing that's like outside of y'all or

1069
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:22,839
Speaker 2: outside of you, yeah, or your responsibility and being like, yeah,

1070
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:25,279
Speaker 2: that's just you know, her feelings are like that, and

1071
00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:27,840
Speaker 2: then her feelings of shutting down are unproductive or whatever.

1072
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:31,160
Speaker 5: It's like, Oh, I realized that you don't respond well

1073
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:35,719
Speaker 5: to this kind of behavior. You respond better to positive feedback.

1074
00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:37,479
Speaker 5: That's what I'm learning here.

1075
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:39,319
Speaker 4: It's like, yeah, I just.

1076
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:41,759
Speaker 2: But I'm glad. I think I think it's going down

1077
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:47,120
Speaker 2: the right path. Yeah, let's go ahead and finish this story. Yeah,

1078
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 2: Realizing how much I scared my wife broke my heart.

1079
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 2: There we go four months.

1080
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:55,400
Speaker 4: Later, insargue it whatever, whatever.

1081
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:59,640
Speaker 2: The descriptions of dissociation in the book were terrifying to me.

1082
00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 2: My wife is the sweetest person and I love her

1083
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:05,440
Speaker 2: so much, and I never wanted her to experience what

1084
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:09,800
Speaker 2: she experienced that day. Ever, again, it changed my perspective completely.

1085
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:12,400
Speaker 2: There we go. Finally, that's what I was looking for.

1086
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:15,080
Speaker 5: That's honestly happened in so many of the stories that

1087
00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:17,160
Speaker 5: we've been reading of like, I feel like you need

1088
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:19,040
Speaker 5: to stop talking about this and start talking about this,

1089
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:22,120
Speaker 5: And then the next paragraph is them talking about what

1090
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:22,839
Speaker 5: we want them to.

1091
00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:26,560
Speaker 4: Yes, thanks for listening to us, readers write, thank you.

1092
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:31,520
Speaker 2: Ever since my realization, our relationship is better than ever.

1093
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:34,759
Speaker 2: We laugh and tease each other playfully. We've worked on

1094
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:38,839
Speaker 2: projects together. We've talked about chores and money. We've even

1095
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,960
Speaker 2: had a couple of fights and resolved them quickly and lovingly.

1096
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:45,200
Speaker 2: Our communication is better because we trust each other. My

1097
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 2: wife told me that she has never felt safer or

1098
00:51:47,719 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 2: more loved. Now, I won't say I'm glad the fight happened,

1099
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:53,719
Speaker 2: but what I realized because of it has been a

1100
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:56,759
Speaker 2: turning point in our marriage for the better. And that

1101
00:51:56,960 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 2: is the end of that story.

1102
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:01,640
Speaker 4: Oh nights, Hey.

1103
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:02,880
Speaker 2: Y'all, it's John og Host here.

1104
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:04,320
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a

1105
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:06,359
Speaker 1: quick three minute break from as for more sponsors.

1106
00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:09,960
Speaker 5: My wife said she loved me less and less after

1107
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:11,719
Speaker 5: we had an argument day.

1108
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:13,400
Speaker 2: What was the argument about?

1109
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:17,000
Speaker 5: And this comes directly from the r slash Okay story time.

1110
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 2: Subbreddits o brother h.

1111
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:22,480
Speaker 5: I am thirty two male and my wife is thirty female.

1112
00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:25,200
Speaker 5: We have four kids, ages six to one and one.

1113
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:28,000
Speaker 5: My wife stays at home with children, but also works

1114
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:30,839
Speaker 5: part time as a home health nurse for about ten

1115
00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:33,160
Speaker 5: hours a week. She calls this her break from the

1116
00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 5: kids and her way of contributing to the household. I

1117
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 5: completely support this because I understand how difficult it is

1118
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:41,560
Speaker 5: to be with them constantly. By the way, this comes

1119
00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:43,560
Speaker 5: from a rabid Pikachu, and if you want to submit

1120
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:46,360
Speaker 5: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

1121
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:49,400
Speaker 5: And Op says it also allows me to spend mornings

1122
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:51,279
Speaker 5: with the children a couple times a week, since my

1123
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:54,280
Speaker 5: workdays are usually ten to twelve hours Monday through Friday,

1124
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:56,960
Speaker 5: and I often don't see them before bedtime. I work

1125
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:59,839
Speaker 5: weekends sporadically so we can pay all bills, and I've

1126
00:52:59,840 --> 00:53:03,160
Speaker 5: recently started taking one to two online classes per semester,

1127
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:05,759
Speaker 5: hoping to go to med school once our twins start

1128
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:09,440
Speaker 5: kindergarten in four years. My wife is incredibly hard working.

1129
00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:13,880
Speaker 5: She keeps the house spotless, does laundry, washes dishes, changes

1130
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:18,600
Speaker 5: sheets weekly, organizes everything, puts away toys, feeds the kids.

1131
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:20,200
Speaker 4: Manages naps and baths.

1132
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:22,880
Speaker 5: And ensures our six year old always has hot breakfast

1133
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 5: and a packed lunch.

1134
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:26,800
Speaker 4: She's amazing at keeping everything together.

1135
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:30,839
Speaker 5: My wife also struggles with PTSD, depression and anxiety due

1136
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:34,320
Speaker 5: to severe childhood trauma. Without going into details, she suffered

1137
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:38,080
Speaker 5: multiple kinds of mistreatment from her mother, father, and biological father.

1138
00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:41,680
Speaker 5: She currently sees a psych and p who prescribed medication

1139
00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 5: that seems to help, plus a counselor whose appointments she

1140
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:46,040
Speaker 5: has been skipping.

1141
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:47,120
Speaker 4: Uh oh.

1142
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:50,200
Speaker 5: We also attend couples counseling together. While her struggles have

1143
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:53,120
Speaker 5: influenced our relationship in what often feels like a negative way,

1144
00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:56,000
Speaker 5: they have sent her in the complete opposite direction as

1145
00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:59,440
Speaker 5: a mother. Oh wow, she is full of love, understanding,

1146
00:53:59,440 --> 00:54:02,000
Speaker 5: and concern for our children, determined never to let them

1147
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:03,359
Speaker 5: experience what she went through.

1148
00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:06,080
Speaker 4: Oh, I see opposite from what her parents were like.

1149
00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:10,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, last night we attended a couple's counseling session

1150
00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:11,000
Speaker 5: that went off.

1151
00:54:11,040 --> 00:54:12,839
Speaker 4: The rails started well.

1152
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,799
Speaker 5: She was feeling overwhelmed because I had to attend a

1153
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:19,799
Speaker 5: three hour biology lab on Saturdays. I told her I

1154
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:22,000
Speaker 5: completely understood and wanted to make sure that she got

1155
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:24,120
Speaker 5: time to rest and recover. I asked one of my

1156
00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:26,319
Speaker 5: friends if his wife and my wife could go out

1157
00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:28,759
Speaker 5: Saturday nights she could get a break and have adult time.

1158
00:54:29,239 --> 00:54:30,759
Speaker 5: He thought it was a great idea, and so that

1159
00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:32,480
Speaker 5: he could come over with the girls so we could

1160
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:35,120
Speaker 5: hang out and watch the kids together. I also suggested

1161
00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:37,080
Speaker 5: my wife take as much of Sunday as she wanted

1162
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:41,279
Speaker 5: to work out, relax, or practice self care. She appreciated

1163
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:43,959
Speaker 5: this and even became tear eyed, which made me teary

1164
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:47,080
Speaker 5: eyed too. The counselor then asked me what I wanted

1165
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 5: to talk about, since I had mentioned something was on

1166
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:52,239
Speaker 5: my mind. This is when I may have screwed up.

1167
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:55,000
Speaker 5: I told her I was struggling with how to bring

1168
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:57,919
Speaker 5: it up because when I raise concerns, I often feel

1169
00:54:57,960 --> 00:55:00,879
Speaker 5: shut down, unheard, and like it all as always ends

1170
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:01,279
Speaker 5: in a fight.

1171
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:03,440
Speaker 4: I explained that I didn't want.

1172
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:05,360
Speaker 5: To make her day harder than it already was, and

1173
00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:08,239
Speaker 5: I understood how much she does, but I would like

1174
00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:10,640
Speaker 5: to impose screen time limits on the kids because I

1175
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 5: didn't feel like four to five hours of daily screen

1176
00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:14,080
Speaker 5: time was healthy for them.

1177
00:55:14,480 --> 00:55:15,360
Speaker 4: I would agree with that.

1178
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:18,239
Speaker 2: I agree with that, but I also I don't know,

1179
00:55:18,400 --> 00:55:21,040
Speaker 2: parents tell me in the comments. You kind of have

1180
00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:24,840
Speaker 2: to trick the kids, I think in a way, because

1181
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:28,000
Speaker 2: it's like you can impose like the limits, but it's

1182
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 2: like that then there's gonna be this like like fiendish

1183
00:55:31,480 --> 00:55:33,759
Speaker 2: resentment over it, where it's like, well, how do I

1184
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:35,640
Speaker 2: how do I get past? How do I how do

1185
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:37,719
Speaker 2: I how do I kick beyond the limit? How do

1186
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:39,960
Speaker 2: I break the rules? How do I get more time? Instead,

1187
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:41,640
Speaker 2: you just need to like trick the kids into being

1188
00:55:41,719 --> 00:55:46,400
Speaker 2: like this isn't even cool. Yeah, you know what's really cool? Yeah? Dirt?

1189
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:47,280
Speaker 4: Right?

1190
00:55:47,520 --> 00:55:53,600
Speaker 2: And sticks? Yeah? And play and pretend yeah, because you

1191
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:54,839
Speaker 2: know whatever, right.

1192
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:56,800
Speaker 4: I mean they are young.

1193
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:59,080
Speaker 5: I mean the their oldest is six years old, so

1194
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:03,520
Speaker 5: I hopefully they're not I like the regular user point

1195
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:05,960
Speaker 5: of like feeding over.

1196
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:07,720
Speaker 2: It in that way when you get him when they're little,

1197
00:56:07,760 --> 00:56:10,360
Speaker 2: it's like, we don't we still don't know. We're literally

1198
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:13,719
Speaker 2: all the trial run of what these screens and how

1199
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:16,480
Speaker 2: much time we spend on them does to us. Yeah,

1200
00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 2: no one knows yet.

1201
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:20,480
Speaker 4: Well I can can see that it's pretty.

1202
00:56:20,200 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 2: Bad my kids getting a Nokia brick. There you go,

1203
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:26,759
Speaker 2: and he can play snake there you go. That's about it.

1204
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:30,120
Speaker 4: Nice. But she lost it.

1205
00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:32,400
Speaker 5: She began talking about how much she has to do

1206
00:56:32,520 --> 00:56:35,320
Speaker 5: every day and how everything would not get done without screens.

1207
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:37,800
Speaker 5: I told her I was okay with things not being perfect,

1208
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 5: and then if I needed to wake up earlier or

1209
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 5: stay up later to help, I would.

1210
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:42,520
Speaker 4: She said I didn't.

1211
00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:44,640
Speaker 5: Understand what she goes through in that it seemed like

1212
00:56:44,719 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 5: I was trying to make her life harder, which is

1213
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:50,799
Speaker 5: exactly his worry. The counselor interjected and told her that

1214
00:56:50,920 --> 00:56:53,520
Speaker 5: based on what I had said, it didn't sound like

1215
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:57,800
Speaker 5: I understood and was simply seeing a conversation. She snapped

1216
00:56:57,840 --> 00:57:00,360
Speaker 5: at him and then turned back to me and that

1217
00:57:00,400 --> 00:57:03,160
Speaker 5: I provide activities to replace screen time on the spot.

1218
00:57:03,680 --> 00:57:06,560
Speaker 5: I suggested sensory activities, but admitted that I would.

1219
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:09,239
Speaker 4: Need to research better alternatives. I propose that we could

1220
00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:11,919
Speaker 4: research together. She told me that if I.

1221
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:15,120
Speaker 5: Was demanding changes, then I needed to do the research myself.

1222
00:57:15,760 --> 00:57:19,320
Speaker 5: I clarified that I wasn't demanding, but asking for her input.

1223
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 4: And collaboration on what was best for our kids.

1224
00:57:22,640 --> 00:57:24,400
Speaker 5: She told me that I needed to take care of

1225
00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:26,960
Speaker 5: them all weekend without screens to prove how hard.

1226
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:28,640
Speaker 4: It was the houseler asked.

1227
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:30,320
Speaker 5: What her motivation was and if she just wanted to

1228
00:57:30,320 --> 00:57:33,200
Speaker 5: make me feel pain and to make a point. She

1229
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:36,080
Speaker 5: outright said yes, and that was exactly what she wanted,

1230
00:57:36,080 --> 00:57:37,680
Speaker 5: because clearly I didn't understand.

1231
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:42,080
Speaker 2: Dang, do you really want iPad kids that bad?

1232
00:57:42,520 --> 00:57:42,720
Speaker 3: Right?

1233
00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:45,640
Speaker 2: He's not even saying no screens ever. Again, he's just

1234
00:57:45,680 --> 00:57:50,240
Speaker 2: like a limit something anything. We literally we spent five

1235
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:54,320
Speaker 2: minutes talking about it, and we workshopped like two great ideas. Actually,

1236
00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 2: well no, it was it was your.

1237
00:57:56,480 --> 00:57:58,880
Speaker 4: Playing outside is at all? It is a great idea?

1238
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:01,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, well I guess, well and then she can't watch

1239
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:03,440
Speaker 2: them if they're outside, so I guess that makes sure.

1240
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:06,080
Speaker 4: But I mean maybe just playing itself.

1241
00:58:06,160 --> 00:58:10,760
Speaker 5: I mean, okay, card games, board games, sports, Yeah, uh,

1242
00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:14,880
Speaker 5: you know, playing pretend, re enacting their favorite movie.

1243
00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:18,000
Speaker 2: In my day, we had to use our imagination. Yeah,

1244
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:18,400
Speaker 2: or we.

1245
00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:21,320
Speaker 4: Have toys that aren't screen time legos, that's a good one.

1246
00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:24,240
Speaker 2: He's just he's just looking for a conversation about how

1247
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:26,200
Speaker 2: to do this, and she's like, fine, fine, do it

1248
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:26,720
Speaker 2: all yourself.

1249
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:29,200
Speaker 4: Fine exactly, And it's like, yeah.

1250
00:58:29,120 --> 00:58:31,560
Speaker 2: She's doing that in therapy. Imagine what it's like when.

1251
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:35,919
Speaker 5: They're I know, yeah, It's not not a good way

1252
00:58:35,960 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 5: to treat a partnership. The conversation went back and forth,

1253
00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:44,920
Speaker 5: with me growing more frustrated, but no resolution came. This morning,

1254
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 5: she texted me, I realized that instead of loving you

1255
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:51,560
Speaker 5: more with time, I love you less. Still love you,

1256
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:54,320
Speaker 5: but less, And I know it's been a coping mechanism

1257
00:58:54,360 --> 00:58:58,440
Speaker 5: for me. Of all the bottled up things, I don't

1258
00:58:58,480 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 5: know what to do with that.

1259
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 4: Marriage feels like a business.

1260
00:59:01,800 --> 00:59:05,000
Speaker 5: I briefly responded, asking if we could discuss it later

1261
00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:08,040
Speaker 5: because I couldn't handle that conversation over text while I'm

1262
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:12,360
Speaker 5: at work. My work performance has been affected before during arguments,

1263
00:59:12,600 --> 00:59:14,880
Speaker 5: resulting in poor performance and even a write up.

1264
00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:16,440
Speaker 4: I said a boundary, asking her not.

1265
00:59:16,440 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 5: To send me these things while I'm at work, but

1266
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:21,520
Speaker 5: she has never respected this boundary and repeatedly violates it.

1267
00:59:22,080 --> 00:59:26,560
Speaker 5: For context, I'm a speech language pathologist. Throughout my undergrad

1268
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:30,680
Speaker 5: and my master's program, I saw how detrimental eccess screen

1269
00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:35,960
Speaker 5: time was for both neurotypical and neuroatypical kids. I've read

1270
00:59:36,080 --> 00:59:38,880
Speaker 5: and sent her studies on screen time's effects on children

1271
00:59:38,960 --> 00:59:42,320
Speaker 5: under two and three. Long term issues it can cause

1272
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:46,800
Speaker 5: how it increases ADHD incidents, and how children with excess

1273
00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:50,160
Speaker 5: screen time often struggle when they start school. She doesn't

1274
00:59:50,200 --> 00:59:53,560
Speaker 5: dispute any of the research. Our six year old is

1275
00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:55,960
Speaker 5: my step son. I met him when he was three.

1276
00:59:56,040 --> 00:59:58,440
Speaker 5: At that time, I noticed TEMs on his iPad almost

1277
00:59:58,440 --> 01:00:00,600
Speaker 5: all day and often until one or two in the

1278
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:02,240
Speaker 5: morning while she slept next to him.

1279
01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:05,600
Speaker 4: At age three, he had maybe twenty words.

1280
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:09,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, that's that's insane letting your two year old

1281
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:12,840
Speaker 2: stay on an iPad until two in the morning. Yeah,

1282
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:16,480
Speaker 2: that's bad parenting. You are being a bad parent.

1283
01:00:17,600 --> 01:00:20,800
Speaker 5: He was later diagnosed with moderate to severe speech language

1284
01:00:20,840 --> 01:00:24,200
Speaker 5: delay after I expressed concern and had a friend test him.

1285
01:00:24,640 --> 01:00:27,680
Speaker 5: After receiving services, he caught up some, but he still

1286
01:00:27,720 --> 01:00:31,280
Speaker 5: struggles with speech and reading. Unfortunately, he no longer qualifies

1287
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:34,680
Speaker 5: for services because he just barely misses the cutoff both

1288
01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:38,400
Speaker 5: privately and through school. He has difficulties sustaining attention and

1289
01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:42,160
Speaker 5: often forgets instructions. We are fairly certain he has ADHD,

1290
01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:44,440
Speaker 5: but he must be seven before he can be tested

1291
01:00:44,520 --> 01:00:47,720
Speaker 5: and diagnosed. At the time, my wife was a young

1292
01:00:47,760 --> 01:00:49,160
Speaker 5: single mom, and we can't know.

1293
01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:50,200
Speaker 4: We don't know.

1294
01:00:50,720 --> 01:00:53,919
Speaker 5: I don't blame her for these issues. If I'm being honest, though,

1295
01:00:53,960 --> 01:00:56,760
Speaker 5: I do think the excess screen time, which I measured

1296
01:00:56,800 --> 01:01:01,480
Speaker 5: at upwards of ten hours a day, things worse. I

1297
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:04,600
Speaker 5: don't think screens cause the problems entirely, but they definitely

1298
01:01:04,800 --> 01:01:09,360
Speaker 5: exasperated what he may have been predisposed to. So I

1299
01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:11,400
Speaker 5: have to ask, am I the a hole for asking

1300
01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:13,640
Speaker 5: my wife to reduce the kid's screen time? And there

1301
01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:16,720
Speaker 5: is an edit because I think we just know that

1302
01:01:16,760 --> 01:01:18,680
Speaker 5: the answer is no, definitely not the whole.

1303
01:01:18,720 --> 01:01:19,520
Speaker 4: We're on your side.

1304
01:01:19,680 --> 01:01:20,840
Speaker 2: You're not the a hole for that.

1305
01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:22,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, there is an edit.

1306
01:01:22,960 --> 01:01:25,400
Speaker 5: I wanted to clarify a few things since people kept

1307
01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:27,560
Speaker 5: asking I work primarily with adults.

1308
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:28,400
Speaker 4: Is in SLP.

1309
01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:32,520
Speaker 5: Most of my patients are psychiatric patients, dementia, patients with behaviors,

1310
01:01:32,840 --> 01:01:37,880
Speaker 5: and adults with developmental disabilities. Being the only male SLP

1311
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:40,280
Speaker 5: on my team, I usually get the more aggressive or

1312
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:43,480
Speaker 5: tougher cases. I do this for ten to twelve hours daily,

1313
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:47,120
Speaker 5: often split between two facilities. On weekends, I commute to

1314
01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:50,360
Speaker 5: facilities forty five to sixty minutes away. It's mentally and

1315
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:55,160
Speaker 5: emotionally exhausting. My typical day starts between six and seven

1316
01:01:55,200 --> 01:01:56,920
Speaker 5: am a couple of times a week.

1317
01:01:56,960 --> 01:01:59,480
Speaker 4: I get up at seven and help with breakfast, school prep,

1318
01:01:59,520 --> 01:01:59,840
Speaker 4: and bath.

1319
01:02:00,240 --> 01:02:02,040
Speaker 5: Two to three mornings a week, I wake up at

1320
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:04,120
Speaker 5: six with the kids so my wife can sleep. I

1321
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:07,200
Speaker 5: get the oldest school, prepare hot breakfast, pack lunches, and

1322
01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:10,600
Speaker 5: handle everything. Every day my wife doesn't work, she also

1323
01:02:10,680 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 5: gets an hour long workout while I'm with the littles.

1324
01:02:13,240 --> 01:02:15,720
Speaker 5: I leave for work around nine or ten, depending on

1325
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:18,840
Speaker 5: her workout. Most mornings, I spend three to four hours

1326
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:22,000
Speaker 5: with the kids. Once I leave, I work until about

1327
01:02:22,080 --> 01:02:24,880
Speaker 5: nine pm, then do paperwork. When I get home, I

1328
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:27,520
Speaker 5: try to help by folding laundry, picking up toys, or

1329
01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:31,360
Speaker 5: meal prepping. My wife is extremely against daycare. While I'm

1330
01:02:31,360 --> 01:02:33,960
Speaker 5: not as opposed. I fully support her decision since it's

1331
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:36,840
Speaker 5: important to her. We do have a house cleaner come

1332
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:39,760
Speaker 5: every two weeks to help with the load. Recently, my

1333
01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:42,560
Speaker 5: wife took a vacation to California and I stayed home

1334
01:02:42,600 --> 01:02:44,800
Speaker 5: with the kids for four days. I took paid time

1335
01:02:44,840 --> 01:02:47,120
Speaker 5: off for two days and managed them all week and long.

1336
01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:50,720
Speaker 5: During that time, they had no screens and they were healthy, happy,

1337
01:02:50,760 --> 01:02:53,640
Speaker 5: and well fed. It was hard, but I managed, which

1338
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:57,320
Speaker 5: only reinforced my belief that reducing screen time is possible.

1339
01:02:58,200 --> 01:03:01,600
Speaker 5: To be clear, I am not advocating for zero screen time.

1340
01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:03,560
Speaker 5: I understand it can give her a break or help

1341
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:06,080
Speaker 5: her get things done, but four to five hours daily

1342
01:03:06,160 --> 01:03:10,120
Speaker 5: feels excessive. I'm seeking compromise, and there is an update,

1343
01:03:10,160 --> 01:03:13,880
Speaker 5: but that just seems so weird to me her thought process.

1344
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:16,360
Speaker 2: It feels like it's something else. There's more stuff I

1345
01:03:16,400 --> 01:03:19,840
Speaker 2: would look more into, like that message you said about it,

1346
01:03:19,880 --> 01:03:22,760
Speaker 2: where it's like, you know, this is starting to feel

1347
01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:26,440
Speaker 2: more like a business relationship, and it's like I feel like,

1348
01:03:26,760 --> 01:03:28,760
Speaker 2: you know, I've read stuff where it's like you're in

1349
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:31,040
Speaker 2: a long term relationship. You know, you have kids and

1350
01:03:31,080 --> 01:03:35,040
Speaker 2: all this stuff, Like, uh, there's there's periods of disillusionment

1351
01:03:35,080 --> 01:03:38,120
Speaker 2: in a relationship where it's like things that you know,

1352
01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:41,120
Speaker 2: maybe you used to like about somebody now you're like, ugh,

1353
01:03:41,360 --> 01:03:46,720
Speaker 2: like they just like upset you. But that's not like

1354
01:03:47,040 --> 01:03:50,680
Speaker 2: necessarily a permanent It's more like there's a flux and

1355
01:03:50,720 --> 01:03:53,360
Speaker 2: a flow totally to those kind of things, and it's

1356
01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:55,400
Speaker 2: like not always going to be like the most perfect

1357
01:03:55,400 --> 01:03:58,320
Speaker 2: thing you've ever experienced in your whole life, always, right,

1358
01:04:00,320 --> 01:04:04,439
Speaker 2: So I think I think fundamentally, if you know, she's

1359
01:04:04,480 --> 01:04:07,880
Speaker 2: approaching every single thing like it's a battle or a

1360
01:04:08,000 --> 01:04:09,360
Speaker 2: war between the two of you.

1361
01:04:09,680 --> 01:04:12,800
Speaker 5: Right or not a partnership, which she seems to not

1362
01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:15,600
Speaker 5: be doing in therapy, Like, yeah, that seems like that's

1363
01:04:15,680 --> 01:04:18,480
Speaker 5: contributing to a business feeling.

1364
01:04:18,560 --> 01:04:21,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's literally snapping at the therapist in therapy. Yeah,

1365
01:04:21,880 --> 01:04:22,760
Speaker 2: it's pretty wild.

1366
01:04:22,960 --> 01:04:26,120
Speaker 4: But we do have an update, so hopefully they've find

1367
01:04:26,160 --> 01:04:29,400
Speaker 4: a solution. Really rooting for them, so update.

1368
01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:32,000
Speaker 5: My wife and I haven't really talked, but I tried

1369
01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:34,520
Speaker 5: to take as much advice as I could from the responses.

1370
01:04:35,080 --> 01:04:37,480
Speaker 5: The overwhelming opinion seems to be that I'm the ahole,

1371
01:04:37,680 --> 01:04:38,720
Speaker 5: and I can accept that.

1372
01:04:39,280 --> 01:04:39,840
Speaker 4: Interesting.

1373
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:43,040
Speaker 5: I appreciate all the feedback, especially responses that helped me

1374
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:45,440
Speaker 5: gain more clarity into her trauma and the reasons behind

1375
01:04:45,480 --> 01:04:48,400
Speaker 5: her behavior and reactions. For the last two days, I've

1376
01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:50,800
Speaker 5: been waking up around four or four thirty am and

1377
01:04:50,960 --> 01:04:53,840
Speaker 5: just trying to clean the house. I've been working on

1378
01:04:53,960 --> 01:04:57,720
Speaker 5: tackling whatever I see needs to be done, dishes, folding laundry,

1379
01:04:57,760 --> 01:05:01,439
Speaker 5: putting it away, running loads of laundry, the animal care

1380
01:05:01,560 --> 01:05:04,360
Speaker 5: as we have three dogs and a cat, taking out trash,

1381
01:05:04,440 --> 01:05:06,240
Speaker 5: picking up toys, cleaning the playroom.

1382
01:05:07,160 --> 01:05:07,480
Speaker 4: Today.

1383
01:05:07,480 --> 01:05:11,040
Speaker 5: It was also my wife's long workday Thursdays. I only

1384
01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:13,560
Speaker 5: work eight to nine hours and head in around noon,

1385
01:05:13,640 --> 01:05:15,240
Speaker 5: so I had plenty of time to spend with the

1386
01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:18,240
Speaker 5: boys and get housework done. I'm proud to say that

1387
01:05:18,360 --> 01:05:20,040
Speaker 5: everything was pretty spotless.

1388
01:05:19,600 --> 01:05:20,200
Speaker 4: When I finished.

1389
01:05:20,320 --> 01:05:23,400
Speaker 5: I started watching YouTube videos on how my wife folds laundry,

1390
01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:28,200
Speaker 5: and she makes these little parcels out of onesies, towels, pants,

1391
01:05:28,240 --> 01:05:31,760
Speaker 5: baby shirts, sheets, et cetera. For pajamas, the parcels hold

1392
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:34,520
Speaker 5: pants and a shirt, and for the sheets, they hold

1393
01:05:34,560 --> 01:05:38,240
Speaker 5: fitted sheet, flat sheet, and pillowcases. I'll be honest, I

1394
01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:40,560
Speaker 5: couldn't figure out the sheets in the slightest but I

1395
01:05:40,600 --> 01:05:41,880
Speaker 5: was able to figure out everything else.

1396
01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:46,000
Speaker 2: Is nothing harder to fold than a sprickin fitted sheet. Egah,

1397
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:48,560
Speaker 2: I hate it, and my mom has showed me a

1398
01:05:48,600 --> 01:05:52,120
Speaker 2: dozen times how it works, and I still can't know it.

1399
01:05:52,960 --> 01:05:56,360
Speaker 5: Before I left, I left her with no laundry, no dishes,

1400
01:05:56,640 --> 01:05:59,400
Speaker 5: no animal chores, no need to take trash out, and

1401
01:05:59,480 --> 01:06:01,400
Speaker 5: I was able to bathe one out of the three

1402
01:06:01,480 --> 01:06:03,360
Speaker 5: kids who were home every day.

1403
01:06:03,440 --> 01:06:05,240
Speaker 4: I will look around for things to do while I'm

1404
01:06:05,240 --> 01:06:05,600
Speaker 4: at home.

1405
01:06:05,680 --> 01:06:07,520
Speaker 5: It does take some time away from my kids, and

1406
01:06:07,520 --> 01:06:09,640
Speaker 5: there's a lot of stopping and starting because they don't

1407
01:06:09,680 --> 01:06:12,240
Speaker 5: have screens to occupy them when I'm home. But I

1408
01:06:12,280 --> 01:06:14,600
Speaker 5: felt good about managing to spend a couple hours with

1409
01:06:14,640 --> 01:06:17,640
Speaker 5: them playing and learning, and then letting them free play.

1410
01:06:17,680 --> 01:06:20,760
Speaker 5: When I continued chores, a lot was already done because

1411
01:06:20,760 --> 01:06:24,400
Speaker 5: I woke up early. Currently, the Cold War is still ongoing.

1412
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:26,320
Speaker 5: What oh with the wife?

1413
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:29,120
Speaker 2: Okay? I was like, how old was Reddit?

1414
01:06:30,040 --> 01:06:31,520
Speaker 4: How old is this Reddit story?

1415
01:06:31,640 --> 01:06:33,439
Speaker 5: I tried to speak with her the night before last,

1416
01:06:33,480 --> 01:06:35,600
Speaker 5: but with both of us being tired, we got extremely

1417
01:06:35,600 --> 01:06:38,960
Speaker 5: irritated and the conversation quickly ended. I'm hoping actions will

1418
01:06:38,960 --> 01:06:41,560
Speaker 5: speak louder than words, and sometimes soon we can have

1419
01:06:41,920 --> 01:06:44,640
Speaker 5: a conversation and find a healthy compromise involving the screen

1420
01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:48,280
Speaker 5: time issue. Regardless, I'll continue tackling at any chores I

1421
01:06:48,400 --> 01:06:49,800
Speaker 5: see need doing at home.

1422
01:06:49,840 --> 01:06:52,440
Speaker 4: And that's the end of that story. That's all it gets.

1423
01:06:52,760 --> 01:06:56,760
Speaker 2: What Ah, You've done what you can, You're doing what

1424
01:06:56,800 --> 01:07:01,360
Speaker 2: you can. You know hopefully will come around. I think

1425
01:07:01,440 --> 01:07:05,040
Speaker 2: she can't be skipping her own counseling sessions if she

1426
01:07:05,120 --> 01:07:07,080
Speaker 2: has individual I know that was back all the way

1427
01:07:07,080 --> 01:07:10,680
Speaker 2: at the beginning of that story, right, But she can't

1428
01:07:10,680 --> 01:07:13,120
Speaker 2: be skipping out on her own councing sessions.

1429
01:07:13,160 --> 01:07:15,400
Speaker 4: That's important, that's very important.