Speaker 1: Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm heart radio podcast.
Speaker 2: Guys, tell us I like it when Kramer comes in fresh.
Speaker 1: Oh, she tried to break up with me again.
Speaker 2: Amy, Oh, may because she thinks you're healed. Well. It
Speaker 2: was actually a really beautiful moment. So it was this
Speaker 2: is I'm like, this is what happened? Okay, I set
Speaker 2: the scene, so I was also I was twenty minutes
Speaker 2: late because my so I don't have full time help.
Speaker 2: I have a sitter that comes two to three times
Speaker 2: a week for five six hours, and the sitter was
Speaker 2: running late, and so I texted Amy saying, Hey, I'm
Speaker 2: going to be twenty minutes late. But it was one
Speaker 2: of those where I was driving there, going I really
Speaker 2: don't have anything. But sometimes those are the best sessions
Speaker 2: because then something comes up. Right in two weeks prior,
Speaker 2: I was I don't even know if I should share
Speaker 2: this story and not share the story. Oh, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: go for it, okay TV So every time, but Kat
Speaker 2: was witnessed to my breakdown. I feel like I have
Speaker 2: a few times every few months. But so two weeks prior,
Speaker 2: because I've been going every other week to therapy, so
Speaker 2: twice a month obviously duah. And so.
Speaker 1: The last time, I was like, I'm depressed, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like, I'm just like so.
Speaker 2: I was like I think I might be like, you know,
Speaker 2: actually depressed. So she even read me like the check lesson.
Speaker 2: I was like, no, no, no, so you know, and
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, well I guess I'm you know,
Speaker 2: I'm not clinically depressed. I was like, I just I
Speaker 2: don't feel happy, Like I don't know, I just am
Speaker 2: like I feel like I should. I feel like I
Speaker 2: should be happy right now, Like what's wrong with me?
Speaker 2: Like do I is my supplements off? Or do I
Speaker 2: need more testosterone in my injections? I'm like, it's like
Speaker 2: something feels off. And so we made like this collage
Speaker 2: and that helped a little bit, which I've never clauged before.
Speaker 1: I be gus, I've done that before. I love it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've never done it. I've always seen people do it, yeah,
Speaker 2: but never done it. And it was it was nice.
Speaker 1: I liked it. I enjoyed it. It was nice, it
Speaker 1: was lovely, it was lovely through it in my trash
Speaker 1: like you know, I wasn't a moment.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. I didn't even know, it was like because
Speaker 3: it was a bad moment, I thought it was just
Speaker 3: like that was lovely.
Speaker 2: I was like, I was sitting in my car, like
Speaker 2: I'm not going to hang this up, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not a college like a single house.
Speaker 2: You know, where do I put my Where do I
Speaker 2: put this big child's high school like poster? You know
Speaker 2: you wear Cramer and where in your closet that, yeah,
Speaker 2: you don't reminded of it? You know what I'm going
Speaker 2: to I'm gonna get a clause. I'm gonna put it right.
Speaker 2: And maybe I'm actually making right now. So I'm personally
Speaker 2: offend to continue. I'm making a vision board collage. Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm not doing an imposter board this time anyways. So,
Speaker 2: but what the problem was is I was feeling a
Speaker 2: little slumpy, and you know, I kind of go up
Speaker 2: and down in like my career slumps and like what
Speaker 2: am I doing? What is what is the purpose I'm
Speaker 2: even serving? And you know, so I go into like
Speaker 2: my career, I'm not living my dream. We had a
Speaker 2: lot of noise in the back of our house, so
Speaker 2: I just my house is like my sanctuary. I wanted
Speaker 2: to be nice and quiet and peaceful, and there was
Speaker 2: a ton of noise, a ton of dust, and they
Speaker 2: were knocking down all these trees and it was just
Speaker 2: loud for two weeks and I kept telling Alan, I
Speaker 2: was like.
Speaker 1: I need to I just I need to get away.
Speaker 2: And I had kind of been mentioning this four day
Speaker 2: break because like, Mike has the bigs for Labor Day,
Speaker 2: let's go somewhere, you know, maybe we can go to California.
Speaker 2: And this was like months ago, and so he and
Speaker 2: then so then the two weeks before, I was like, hey,
Speaker 2: let's go to or a month before, I was like,
Speaker 2: let's go to the lake. I just need to be
Speaker 2: around water because whenever I'm starting to feel a little off,
Speaker 2: I'm like I need my center place. I need to
Speaker 2: go to water. So we like going to tims Ford.
Speaker 2: So he's like, leave it with me. So I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: I'll leave it with them. But then, you know, two
Speaker 2: weeks before, a week before, I'm like, hey, things are
Speaker 2: kind of like running out out here at Tim's Ford,
Speaker 2: you know, and he's like, leave it with me. So
Speaker 2: come Friday of Labor Day, you know, at this point,
Speaker 2: I had therapy on a Thursday, and then that Friday,
Speaker 2: and you know, she was just like she's like, she's like,
Speaker 2: I have you hung out with your friends? I'm like no,
Speaker 2: She's like, what about Cat and Kristen. I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: I only I see them and then they leave. You know,
Speaker 2: it's like we don't have time to like hang out
Speaker 2: in chat and catch up. I'm like, are you gre
Speaker 2: and I got canceled that week. It was just like
Speaker 2: all and like one week, I was like, I'm missing
Speaker 2: the fun. Like Alan and I are both so busy
Speaker 2: that we're not even like being able to connect by
Speaker 2: the end of the night. We're both tired and you know.
Speaker 2: So that's why I really wanted some time just us
Speaker 2: together without the bigs. And obviously we have Roman, but like,
Speaker 2: you know, he's easy. So when Friday rolled around, I'm like,
Speaker 2: all right, you know, where are we going? Because he
Speaker 2: said leave it with you. He was just like, well,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm sorry, I've just been really busy, and
Speaker 2: I just like I went in the other room and
Speaker 2: I was like I just started to cry because I'm
Speaker 2: like I just I felt for the first time, like
Speaker 2: a claustrophobic feeling in my own house and I hadn't
Speaker 2: traveled since the honeymoon, which is like I have never
Speaker 2: not traveled, like you know, I've usually traveled by that point,
Speaker 2: and so I don't even know. This is such a
Speaker 2: long story, but you know, I come out and I'm like,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm just really disappointed, and I said to
Speaker 2: leave it with you, and you know, it was something
Speaker 2: I really wanted to do, which is why I mentioned it,
Speaker 2: and I would have planned it, but now it's too late,
Speaker 2: and and I was like, I just need to go
Speaker 2: for a walk. I just need a minute to myself.
Speaker 2: Was it a double at that point? Because I think
Speaker 2: something we share is wanting to control a little bit
Speaker 2: too and like just not we are very used to
Speaker 2: doing things ourselves and more than capable. So is it
Speaker 2: a double like disappointment and well like I to get
Speaker 2: pick it up? Yeah, Like I really wanted to go,
Speaker 2: and I would have easily bookedshared. You know, it would
Speaker 2: have been done and we would have been leaving at
Speaker 2: you know, Friday at five o'clock down to the you know,
Speaker 2: or four o'clock to go check in, you know, and
Speaker 2: I know he's busy, but I would have had no problem.
Speaker 2: You didn't have to say leave it with me. I
Speaker 2: would have loved to have actually checked in a couple
Speaker 2: of times, and I was still leaving it with you,
Speaker 2: and then I left it with you and you just
Speaker 2: left it. Yeah, yeah, and so you know, but I
Speaker 2: also it was a good moment for me because normally
Speaker 2: in the past I would have just like been really snippy,
Speaker 2: let it ruin the whole weekend in past relationships, and
Speaker 2: but I just I went out to the living room.
Speaker 2: I was like, I need to tell you that this
Speaker 2: really hurt my feelings and I feel let down. And
Speaker 2: I've told you what I needed and left it with you,
Speaker 2: and so I went for a walk aside, I need
Speaker 2: a walk, and bless him, he like comes meets me
Speaker 2: on the walk and he essentially laid out three plans
Speaker 2: like okay, because in the middle of a talk, I'm like,
Speaker 2: like we could have gone to Nantucket or Cape cod
Speaker 2: like somewhere just like fun, and like, you know, like
Speaker 2: I just needed to get away, you know, I didn't
Speaker 2: feel like coming.
Speaker 1: I didn't see it coming anyway, just somewhere fun, like
Speaker 1: we can just take Roman and go.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean, like just fun, good for you.
Speaker 2: And so, like you know, when I said Nantucket. I
Speaker 2: could just see him be like, I think we all
Speaker 2: need but.
Speaker 1: I've never been.
Speaker 3: I want to go back.
Speaker 1: I actually want to Tucket.
Speaker 4: Let's go.
Speaker 2: So you know, the guy doesn't even doesn't even live
Speaker 2: in the United States until like last year.
Speaker 3: Where is that.
Speaker 2: I don't think he knows at But yeah, so I'm
Speaker 2: like saying all this, and again I wasn't like I
Speaker 2: was not being mean or whatever. I just was like
Speaker 2: expressed because I was like, what I don't want is
Speaker 2: to hold onto this and men us have like a
Speaker 2: fight over the weekend or something. So I just say,
Speaker 2: I go for a walk, and then he meets me
Speaker 2: on the walk and he's like, okay. He's like, we
Speaker 2: can leave at this flight. We can go to Miami
Speaker 2: West Palm or whatever, and we can leave it, you know,
Speaker 2: six in the morning. And mind you, this is like
Speaker 2: seven o'clock now on a Friday. We can leave Saturday
Speaker 2: at six in the morning. And then he's like, but
Speaker 2: because the flights are all gone hashtag Nan Dugget and
Speaker 2: he's like, or we could fly up to kate Cod
Speaker 2: and then take a boat over it an entire like
Speaker 2: he had it all planned out, and I was like
Speaker 2: I love you for even looking at these options. Having
Speaker 2: said that, it is now seven o'clock on a Friday,
Speaker 2: I now feel anxious to just pick up and at
Speaker 2: this point go to Nantucket or like, yeah, buddy, well
Speaker 2: we had four. And that's the thing too. I don't
Speaker 2: love being home when I'm not with the kiddos like
Speaker 2: that long. So usually when it's more than three days,
Speaker 2: that's when I'm like, hey, let's go somewhere because I
Speaker 2: just I don't I don't like to not have them
Speaker 2: in the house.
Speaker 1: That long without like being here. So that was like
Speaker 1: another reason.
Speaker 2: But still we had you know, I was like, even
Speaker 2: so like that last minute packing things, I don't want
Speaker 2: to rush this either. I'm like, I was like, babe,
Speaker 2: I think what I just really need is like I
Speaker 2: just want to have fun. What I want is to
Speaker 2: be able for us to just go have it, eat
Speaker 2: something different for dinner. I mean, we have we have
Speaker 2: the same thing every night, watch the same thing. It's
Speaker 2: it's so rinse and repeat that. I was like, I
Speaker 2: just got to get out of the house and we
Speaker 2: just have to mix it up a little bit. I
Speaker 2: just need to have like a little bit of fun
Speaker 2: and you know, He's like, well, okay, maybe we can
Speaker 2: just do a stay case somewhere and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 2: if it's if it's for one night, then let's just
Speaker 2: grab a sitter and let's, you know, see if someone's
Speaker 2: available for one night. So we found a sitter, we
Speaker 2: went to The Four Seasons and it was I was like,
Speaker 2: that's all I needed was just to get out of
Speaker 2: the house for like a hot minute date my husband
Speaker 2: and just like have fun and eat different food. And
Speaker 2: it was like the most amazing point. I don't know
Speaker 2: why I started this conversation.
Speaker 5: Fired from you tried you almost got fired again from
Speaker 5: oh yeah, yeah yeah therapy. Yeah, so you know, no,
Speaker 5: there was something else, guys, this is it definitely started
Speaker 5: with starting.
Speaker 2: With that, well you were depressed, trust that's right, So
Speaker 2: that's what So yeah, last mane lots of girls. So
Speaker 2: but to come having said all that, this is like
Speaker 2: a major squirrel moment. But it was I needed to
Speaker 2: have more fun and I'm curious, I'm going to throw
Speaker 2: it back to you and them and go back to
Speaker 2: the amy conversation. But is and once I had it,
Speaker 2: it was great. It was the best, and it's was
Speaker 2: we had so much fun. I had, you know, lots
Speaker 2: of nature, but in this season in my life, I
Speaker 2: was like, that's just what I needed to just spice
Speaker 2: things up. Is there something that you girls are needing
Speaker 2: in the season from your partner or is it great?
Speaker 2: Is it like do you need to do you need
Speaker 2: some solo time? Do you need like I know for
Speaker 2: when I was, you know, telling you Cat, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I need girl time. I want to hang out with
Speaker 2: my girls. Like Queendom is like, you know, so far
Speaker 2: everyone's doing their own thing. It's like it's we miss
Speaker 2: I missed that piece. But I feel like I was
Speaker 2: able to have a great moment with Alan to just
Speaker 2: like shake up the monotony. Which it's not bad to
Speaker 2: have that like routine, but I just needed a little
Speaker 2: bit of a shakeup.
Speaker 3: We just did it.
Speaker 2: We went to Denver last weekend. Our anniversary was last
Speaker 2: week so happy anniversary. Thanks nine years in the music industry.
Speaker 2: Feels like dog Gears, we really have nailed it. But
Speaker 2: I said, I think I just need like a day
Speaker 2: with you. So we just honestly I want I had
Speaker 2: bad naked all day. And I know when you say
Speaker 2: you have you need your days. You need a naked day.
Speaker 2: I just needed naked. Whatever day it was naked Friday,
Speaker 2: we just I you know, like we got there. It's
Speaker 2: like sometimes we'll get to a city and it's like
Speaker 2: do you want to go get a coffee or do
Speaker 2: you want to go do walk around? I said, I
Speaker 2: don't want a retail store. I just want rest. So
Speaker 2: we watched The Perfect Couple, So good, so good, and
Speaker 2: we ordered room service and we did get dressed later
Speaker 2: and like we went down and had like just really
Speaker 2: us kind of dinner, like we're leisurely, like have a
Speaker 2: couple of bites, have a drink, have a couple of bites,
Speaker 2: have a glass of wine. People, And it was wonderful.
Speaker 2: And I just felt like we had been there for
Speaker 2: four days and we were there just for one day.
Speaker 2: But I needed like connection. And even the minute we
Speaker 2: got back home, I felt it like it's just being
Speaker 2: pulled in a million different directions, like we farerapist Anna,
Speaker 2: our couple service told us at one point we have
Speaker 2: always done really well. When she calls it the piano room.
Speaker 2: The night that we met, and it's when the world,
Speaker 2: when the world starts to come into our world, is
Speaker 2: when it just gets scattered in heart. I think that's
Speaker 2: for anybody. So it's like sometimes we just need to
Speaker 2: go and date. Yeah, even the kid obligation at home
Speaker 2: is beautiful. Yeah, I'm not a girlfriend in that setting,
Speaker 2: and I like to be a girlfriend.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well all know I'm a little bit different. But
Speaker 5: I mean for me, like my alone time comes first.
Speaker 5: I mean in the sense that's what I'm missing when
Speaker 5: we're every which way, but also that has not been
Speaker 5: as much lately as I need actual family time. So
Speaker 5: we are constantly I'm with one kid, he's with another kid,
Speaker 5: and another kid is somewhere else. For me, the way
Speaker 5: we connect, or at least I connect best is when
Speaker 5: we are all together as a family, traveling or just
Speaker 5: sitting down for dinner, which is a luxury these days
Speaker 5: because I don't I can't remember the last time we
Speaker 5: just all sat down for dinner unfortunately. So that's kind
Speaker 5: of what I'm missing in this kind of because we're
Speaker 5: just every which way.
Speaker 3: But I also just love that love being in that
Speaker 3: so but I do it.
Speaker 5: Is it's so quick and I'm already I'm definitely feeling
Speaker 5: that right now, so I'd say that, but I'm also
Speaker 5: definitely missing like the friend part of it. Also, it
Speaker 5: just feels so you look at the calendar and it
Speaker 5: just feels so impossible, you know, when you get past
Speaker 5: all your obligations, and I mean we're doing a decent
Speaker 5: job of it in the last you know, a couple
Speaker 5: of weeks, I guess, but at least trying.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think sometimes it is the impromptu is better. Yeah,
Speaker 2: like the invite out for like Saturday. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 2: this is what I'm talking about because you can make sense.
Speaker 2: It's like looking at the calendar feels overwhelming or well,
Speaker 2: and it's.
Speaker 5: That was kind of a thing where, you know, we
Speaker 5: had missed Pam's birthday along you know, like what last month,
Speaker 5: I think it was or two months in August. She
Speaker 5: actually canceled it, right, but like in a sense we
Speaker 5: still kind of Yeah, she had canceled it.
Speaker 3: She'd been traveling.
Speaker 5: Everyone's crazy, right, and so I had kind of reached
Speaker 5: out and it was like, you know, I would still
Speaker 5: love to do something, but it's just so hard to
Speaker 5: find a date. And so Nick is actually out of
Speaker 5: town this weekend, and so it just kind of and
Speaker 5: so I was like, you know what, I'm just going
Speaker 5: to say, We're going Saturday, whoever can go, and then
Speaker 5: we're just gonna have to start doing this and do
Speaker 5: it more often and whoever can go great. Otherwise the
Speaker 5: texts become okay, no dates worked, and then nothing ever happens.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and so I think that's.
Speaker 5: Kind of like the new way to kind of do
Speaker 5: it in a sense, if we're ever going to make
Speaker 5: it anything work, you know.
Speaker 2: Well, and to like, you know piece. The other part
Speaker 2: of the beginning section is once you fill that cup
Speaker 2: up that is so dry, you know, you start to
Speaker 2: feel a little bit better. Like for me, like once
Speaker 2: we got back from just that one day, or we
Speaker 2: went hiking somewhere different than just walking around the neighborhood,
Speaker 2: it was just like I just felt lighter, I felt
Speaker 2: you know, hot, like just I felt good. And so
Speaker 2: when I was going to therapy, I you know, she's like,
Speaker 2: all right, catch me up, and I'm like, I really
Speaker 2: don't have anything.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I was feeling a little low.
Speaker 2: But I just had to change my scenery up a minute,
Speaker 2: because that's helpful for me, Like I always have to
Speaker 2: have something that's what's next, what's coming, and then you know,
Speaker 2: a little change of scenery and you know, at the
Speaker 2: very end, she goes she's like, I don't want you
Speaker 2: to read too much into this or get upset. And
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, you're breaking up with me.
Speaker 2: She's like no, she's but she said, you're not in
Speaker 2: crisis mode anymore. She's like, so, I don't want you
Speaker 2: to feel like you have to come every other week.
Speaker 2: She's like, you, you're at a place now where you
Speaker 2: are at the top of the whatever it's called, where
Speaker 2: you have the self recognization and the healing and the growth.
Speaker 2: She's like you, She's like, you can space your visits
Speaker 2: out more. She's like, you can come again as much
Speaker 2: as you want. She's like, I'll be working for the
Speaker 2: next twenty years.
Speaker 1: So she's like you.
Speaker 2: But she's like, if you just want to come once
Speaker 2: a month or every month or every other month, She's like,
Speaker 2: I want you to make that decision. She's like, because
Speaker 2: she's like, you don't have to come every other week anymore.
Speaker 1: I'm like, but also, I was like, that's I.
Speaker 2: Know that good time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Okay, it's good news.
Speaker 1: I feel like you have to Yeah. Yeah, So it
Speaker 1: was kind of felt nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's also just like wonderful to just be wonderful
Speaker 2: for a minute. Yeah, and just know that Okay, things
Speaker 2: come in, but what are where's what's the toolbox of
Speaker 2: things that I can bring in to go?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 2: I'm feeling a little like like when I'm not working
Speaker 2: or I feel sad or something. I for me, it's nature.
Speaker 2: I got to be outside and I need to go
Speaker 2: out and have some fun.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, and I even said it to you last week.
Speaker 2: I was like, you have do you want to go
Speaker 2: walk in like a park? Yeah, real park, not a
Speaker 2: neighborhood because I park today. We're going to walk in
Speaker 2: a neighborhood. But I just A'm like I'm missing like
Speaker 2: the fall does this to me too. I think it's
Speaker 2: the Midwest fall piece of me where You're like it's
Speaker 2: crispy and the air gets cooler and it just feels cozy,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I really just want to hear birds
Speaker 2: and maybe like see a deer, but you just seein
Speaker 2: my own air for a second, and not be in
Speaker 2: a neighborhood. I get tired of the beautiful but nature.
Speaker 2: Were you going to say something okay in the park
Speaker 2: the you know, speaking of not being able to have
Speaker 2: it all, you actually can't well. According to Canyon, we've
Speaker 2: got Stacey Schroeder Clark coming on. She is from vander
Speaker 2: Pump Rules, and she is a two times New York
Speaker 2: Times bestselling author, and she's got a new book out
Speaker 2: called You Can't Have It All The basic bitch guy
Speaker 2: to taking the pressure off.
Speaker 1: Let's get her on. How are you good?
Speaker 3: How are you good?
Speaker 1: I'm Jana, This is Kristen. That's Catherine.
Speaker 2: Hi.
Speaker 6: Hey, thank you guys for having me.
Speaker 2: No, thank you so much for coming on. We're really
Speaker 2: excited to talk to you about all the things I
Speaker 2: feel like. That's just like, is that like the word
Speaker 2: of twenty twenty four? All the things I know?
Speaker 6: Because you know what it perfectly encapsulated.
Speaker 4: It can encapsulates like a certain like what you mean,
Speaker 4: you know, it's like hard. It's like you know, when
Speaker 4: say it's giving something and people are like, can we
Speaker 4: stop saying it's giving?
Speaker 2: Or like or the I always say, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. It's it's really you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: And in all these things I say you know what
Speaker 2: I mean all the time, but I'm like, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean?
Speaker 5: Right, Like you need someone to clarify that they understand
Speaker 5: what you're saying, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Exactly, And you guys, there's none of us are dealing
Speaker 2: with just one topic at a time right now. That's
Speaker 2: our world and that's actually all the things, and it's
Speaker 2: giving us overwhelmed life very much. So Okay. The book
Speaker 2: that you have is called you Can't Have It All.
Speaker 2: It's released September tenth. What was the main goal for
Speaker 2: you in writing this book? Like, what did you want
Speaker 2: people to know from this book?
Speaker 4: Honestly, for I started selfishly writing this for myself after
Speaker 4: I had my two kids. I was just like, well, actually,
Speaker 4: after my first kid, to be honest, I realized, oh
Speaker 4: my god, this whole thing that women are constantly asked about,
Speaker 4: like can you have it all? My whole life, I
Speaker 4: thought I was going to be this woman that's like, yeah,
Speaker 4: you can have it all, you can do all the things.
Speaker 4: And then my kids just like made me realize, oh
Speaker 4: my gosh, I don't think I want to. I think, like,
Speaker 4: why are we striving to be the best and want
Speaker 4: more in every single category all the time. It's exhausting
Speaker 4: and it's not the way that I want to live.
Speaker 4: And I started writing about it, and the more, like friends,
Speaker 4: I talk to or like, you know, other moms that
Speaker 4: are you know that like I go on play dates with,
Speaker 4: or just like random people that I spoke to they
Speaker 4: were like I feel the same way. I feel the
Speaker 4: same way, and it just felt like something that people
Speaker 4: were talking about. So then I just wanted to get
Speaker 4: it out there.
Speaker 2: I mean, that makes total sense. I guess my question
Speaker 2: to that is what would you want right now that
Speaker 2: you that you don't have? So you know, you've you've
Speaker 2: got the book, you've got a successful career, you've got
Speaker 2: beautiful you know, beautiful family. So what is it that
Speaker 2: you want that you that you feel like you can't
Speaker 2: have in this moment.
Speaker 4: I don't feel like I'm wanting for anything right now,
Speaker 4: maybe some rest, a nap.
Speaker 6: I'm wanting to just like sit a little.
Speaker 4: I think. You know, I'm often asked and I bet
Speaker 4: you're probably often asked this as well as like so
Speaker 4: what more are you working on?
Speaker 6: What's next? Like?
Speaker 1: What are you?
Speaker 6: What are you?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 6: What's the next thing? And why isn't what I'm doing
Speaker 6: right now? Just like enough? There's always just this feeling
Speaker 6: of like we should be onto the next and doing more,
Speaker 6: and like I'm over that.
Speaker 2: Right, I guess what I'm trying to get to is
Speaker 2: I'm almost like, because we've had this conversation so much,
Speaker 2: I just had it in therapy too, where I'm like
Speaker 2: sometimes when I say I love being content, but then
Speaker 2: that's also content, it's a negative and a positive thing
Speaker 2: for me. Right, So I'm like, I feel positive being content,
Speaker 2: I feel negative being content just depends on which mood
Speaker 2: I'm at. Right, So when you say, like, Okay, you
Speaker 2: can't have it all, but really like right now you
Speaker 2: have it all and it's great and you're happy with
Speaker 2: where you're at, but.
Speaker 6: I don't have it all.
Speaker 4: Like I you know, I could be a better wife,
Speaker 4: I could be a better friend.
Speaker 6: I could respond to.
Speaker 4: You know, my family's texts more. I could you know,
Speaker 4: socialize more, but I don't, Like there are areas of
Speaker 4: my life that are that are that are lacking a
Speaker 4: little bit because I'm it's on other things.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like, you can't be perfect in every single aspect
Speaker 5: of your life.
Speaker 2: You can't fill all the cups of everything of being
Speaker 2: like in this season, okay, I'm like you said, I'm
Speaker 2: not the greatest friend or whatever, like where I got
Speaker 2: to return this So it's like the cups aren't always full.
Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely, I just don't see. I don't I've never
Speaker 5: thought that that's possible. I mean, that sounds terrible, and
Speaker 5: I think that that is and has a negative I'm
Speaker 5: glad y'all talk about it, because I don't feel like
Speaker 5: I've ever had that conversation with anyone and would admit that.
Speaker 5: I don't think that I could be perfect at everything
Speaker 5: or great at everything.
Speaker 2: I just said the other day that I feel like
Speaker 2: I'm doing eighty percent of my life seventy percent. Well, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm just not nailing it right. But also I'm too
Speaker 2: tired to like go all in in any other areas
Speaker 2: right now.
Speaker 5: But I think that's kind of your point, ye, like
Speaker 5: why do we have to be why do we have
Speaker 5: to be great at every single thing?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 3: Like that's that's just not reality. I don't think.
Speaker 6: I think it's just the book. Really. I hope that
Speaker 6: people read it and feel like.
Speaker 4: Ugh, I think that too. I feel that too. I
Speaker 4: get mom guilt about that too.
Speaker 6: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4: Yeah, social media makes me feel insecure or like I
Speaker 4: should be doing this a B or C. And I
Speaker 4: hope that when people read it, they give themselves grace
Speaker 4: and kind of just feel like, yeah, you know, like.
Speaker 3: G it, I'd love that attitude.
Speaker 5: I'm not really out where I am at in my life,
Speaker 5: so it took me a while to get there, but
Speaker 5: I'm about there.
Speaker 2: So let me ask you this, did this start of
Speaker 2: this like pressure off movement for you? Did it start
Speaker 2: with the release from vander Pump or did it like
Speaker 2: when did the shift start for you?
Speaker 4: I think, you know, twenty twenty, also with COVID two,
Speaker 4: and then also just like having kids, it's like everything
Speaker 4: happened at once, and you know, during COVID, we were
Speaker 4: just like stuck at home, and I had tied so
Speaker 4: much of my like self worth in how much I
Speaker 4: was working and accomplishing.
Speaker 6: You know, I grew it.
Speaker 4: Was like that growing up. Like however, you know, the
Speaker 4: more I did in school, the better I felt about myself.
Speaker 4: And then during COVID, I had to I wasn't allowed
Speaker 4: to do a lot of things. We none of us were,
Speaker 4: and so I had to find the joy in the
Speaker 4: little things in life. And that's also helped me realize
Speaker 4: that like oh, like striving for more and constantly wanting
Speaker 4: more and thinking about what more I can do isn't
Speaker 4: the way I like want to live all the time, Like.
Speaker 6: I want to find the joy in the little things.
Speaker 2: Where is that for you in life? Is it with
Speaker 2: your kids? Is it with your family? Is it within working?
Speaker 2: Like what is the where does the most of the
Speaker 2: joy for you come from?
Speaker 4: Oh? No? When I say like little things like obviously
Speaker 4: my family is like my children and my husband one
Speaker 4: hundred percent, But like it can be something so insignificant
Speaker 4: as like having an iced macha just like that tastes
Speaker 4: really good at three pm and just being like it's
Speaker 4: really relaxing right now and I'm like really enjoying this
Speaker 4: and I'm being present.
Speaker 6: And it's just like life's good.
Speaker 4: It's like, oh a show came on that I don't
Speaker 4: have to wait another week for it. It came all
Speaker 4: out at the same time, Like I get to.
Speaker 6: Binge it over the next three days. Like what a
Speaker 6: glorious life is that? Like it's really just like specific
Speaker 6: little things.
Speaker 2: Like being on this podcast right now. To in your book,
Speaker 2: what was the hardest chapter for you to write that
Speaker 2: were you struggle in the not having it all area?
Speaker 4: Well, the hardest chapter to write was the chapter about
Speaker 4: mental health because I was. It's something I really haven't
Speaker 4: discussed fully, like at length, and it's dark and I
Speaker 4: felt really vulnerable, and.
Speaker 6: That is just that was tough.
Speaker 4: It's even hard to like talk about it in a
Speaker 4: podcast or like talking about it with people. I think
Speaker 4: it was It's like, Okay, wrote it down, it's on paper,
Speaker 4: It's out there, like people can read it and hopefully
Speaker 4: feel less.
Speaker 6: Alone or connect with it. And I'm like I buried
Speaker 6: it or like I've put it to bed, you know
Speaker 6: what I mean.
Speaker 2: Was it from a specific incident, like from being it
Speaker 2: was it on the show or like social media? Was
Speaker 2: that where the feeling of the darkness came from? Was
Speaker 2: it connected to that?
Speaker 4: No, it's heavy, It didn't come from the show. It's
Speaker 4: just something you know, I've struggled with certain parts of
Speaker 4: you know, my mental health since I was eighteen years old,
Speaker 4: and you know, there was a long period of time
Speaker 4: that I engaged in self harm and that something that
Speaker 4: I wrote about finally at length.
Speaker 1: And that's what that is.
Speaker 4: That was difficult.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean to be able to write that, I
Speaker 2: mean there was I can kind of relate in a
Speaker 2: small way. When I wrote my book. It was when
Speaker 2: I had to do the audio recording of things was
Speaker 2: it was really hard to write in the book something
Speaker 2: things that I've never shared with anyone, but then to
Speaker 2: have to say it. I mean, it took me like
Speaker 2: a few times to be like, I don't actually even
Speaker 2: want to read this part. Can someone else read it?
Speaker 2: Because it's it's hard to go back there, especially when
Speaker 2: you're you know, you're you're at where you're at right now,
Speaker 2: and it's those memories are are tough to to go
Speaker 2: back to.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's so funny that you say that because recording
Speaker 4: the audiobook, Because when I recorded this one, I had
Speaker 4: to force myself to just have zero emotion, Like I
Speaker 4: had to make an active choice to be like stoic,
Speaker 4: I need to just get through.
Speaker 6: This and just read it. That's it.
Speaker 4: I'm not going to try and feel it. I just
Speaker 4: want to get it out there. It's just something that's
Speaker 4: just really hard to talk about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very brave of you to do that, Thank you,
Speaker 2: And it's also really needed. And I know that that's
Speaker 2: probably really hard. But like I think that this perception
Speaker 2: that comes with Instagram, like you're saying like we're taking
Speaker 2: the pressure off, is because when we can get a
Speaker 2: little vulnerable and realize, like people as stunning as you,
Speaker 2: as talented as you, with like family, can experience something
Speaker 2: like that. Like that's the bravery we really need, especially
Speaker 2: in a book that is about like just actually enjoying
Speaker 2: your life for five seconds instead of us like consistently
Speaker 2: chasing after something. Well, you know what I think is
Speaker 2: an interesting piece too, just like from hearing you know
Speaker 2: you share that and then you talking about it is
Speaker 2: the things that I have a hard time talking about.
Speaker 2: I'm now questioning why what is it?
Speaker 1: Is it shame? Is it like?
Speaker 2: And what what peace? Do I struggle with sharing? And
Speaker 2: like cause it's like I don't talk a lot about
Speaker 2: my domestic abuse background, like you know with my abauty
Speaker 2: it's and I'm like, is it shame?
Speaker 1: Is it fear?
Speaker 2: Is? And like and I'm like literally thinking here, I'm like,
Speaker 2: why why do I struggle? Like every time in an
Speaker 2: interview I start that's the one that like I have
Speaker 2: a hard time talking about, or I'll start crying or
Speaker 2: I'm like what what piece is that in that? And
Speaker 2: I'm like and I don't I don't even know which
Speaker 2: one it is? Is it shame? Is it fear? Is
Speaker 2: it sadness? Is it broke? I'm like, I don't it's
Speaker 2: it's I don't know. It's an interesting thing to to open.
Speaker 5: Up all of it.
Speaker 6: It's all of it.
Speaker 4: And then there's also just like it's the feeling of
Speaker 4: like being like humiliated, like ugh, it's all of it.
Speaker 2: Well, And I do think as you get older and
Speaker 2: you heal and you identify things, you start to build
Speaker 2: a more of a protection around them for yourself, so
Speaker 2: like you don't want to be hurting yourself all over
Speaker 2: again by going back into it. I think part of
Speaker 2: it is a beautiful protection that we create for ourselves.
Speaker 2: Like you know, I mean it's been twenty years since
Speaker 2: I was with my abuser, and it's like but it's
Speaker 2: almost like a sadness for the little girl, That's what
Speaker 2: I'm saying, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's so interesting.
Speaker 2: I think it's just beautiful. Though. I'm really proud of you.
Speaker 2: I just want to say it one more time.
Speaker 6: Thank you. Sorry to bring down y'all's vibe.
Speaker 2: It's never no no, this is our vibe the real time.
Speaker 3: This is the real talk.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Do you wonder so you're going back into reality world? Right?
Speaker 2: Is that true? We're allowed to know that.
Speaker 4: Correct, Yes, I can't way details, but yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay, well we also like detail.
Speaker 1: I really want you personally, I know.
Speaker 2: I heard a rumor that you maybe you've said it,
Speaker 2: I don't know, but I read it or heard it
Speaker 2: that you turned down The Valley and I personally love
Speaker 2: The Valley. That was like the one show that I
Speaker 2: actually really got into. And then I started to go, Okay,
Speaker 2: who said this? Who said what? And I'm trying to
Speaker 2: now peace now I want to go back to watch
Speaker 2: the other shows. But I really did enjoy that. And
Speaker 2: then you know, I also, you know, heard other things
Speaker 2: and like, are okay, are you close with you know, Jackson,
Speaker 2: Brittany because they're all out there. So but then I
Speaker 2: like feel bad asking those questions because I'm like, I
Speaker 2: also hate it when people dive into my personal life.
Speaker 3: So so you're gonna look at me and ask me.
Speaker 2: I don't know the answers, but I'm like, where do
Speaker 2: you stand with like your certain castmates.
Speaker 6: No, I don't really talk to the two.
Speaker 4: I have some you know, some friends who you know,
Speaker 4: we're still on Van or Pump Rules and stuff like that,
Speaker 4: but you know, the Valley wasn't for me. I like
Speaker 4: knew it in my soul that it wasn't going to
Speaker 4: be for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well hey, we got to listen to that.
Speaker 2: So is this an instant yes, when you got brought
Speaker 2: this opportunity? Did this feel more comfortable? Was this like
Speaker 2: a I can do this.
Speaker 4: I wasn't bad the opportunity. I created the opportunity.
Speaker 3: So it feels that's good for you.
Speaker 2: We love we love that move.
Speaker 3: Create it for yourself, that's right, paid by you.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, that's also how you guard yourself. Well yeah yeah,
Speaker 2: and make it what you needed to make it to
Speaker 2: preserve your joy and all those things you worked so
Speaker 2: hard to have.
Speaker 3: I love it. Okay, So what's okay? So this is next?
Speaker 5: We've got the reality show is next, and everyone asks
Speaker 5: what's next? Right, so I know that we hate that question.
Speaker 2: By the book that's next. Bye the book, Bye.
Speaker 3: The book, which is out now right?
Speaker 2: Yes, So what is your favorite chapter that you wrote
Speaker 2: in the book.
Speaker 4: I would say the girl Failure chapter because I feel
Speaker 4: like failure is such a scary thing for all of us,
Speaker 4: and it sucks when it happens to us.
Speaker 6: But failure is like really.
Speaker 4: The main place where there's an opportunity to be either
Speaker 4: who you want to be or be something different, do
Speaker 4: something different. Because when you're just like you know, on
Speaker 4: top of the world, you don't think to change anything
Speaker 4: because you don't want to rock the boat, so you
Speaker 4: kind of just stay where you're at. But when you
Speaker 4: feel like you're at a moment of failure or rock bottom,
Speaker 4: like that's when magic happens. So like, I think that's
Speaker 4: my favorite chapter.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I mean I one thousand percent agree with
Speaker 2: with that piece. Like my biggest, most favorite lessons were
Speaker 2: when I was the most broken and at rock bottom.
Speaker 2: The rebuilding that's when you grow, and that's when you
Speaker 2: that's the planting of the new seed is what my
Speaker 2: therapists always you know, talked about. So I love that piece.
Speaker 2: All right, well now I'm going to read the book. Sorry,
Speaker 2: MoMA three. As you know, it's it's hard balancing it
Speaker 2: all because I.
Speaker 1: Can't have it all, so I can't I can't I
Speaker 1: can't do.
Speaker 3: It all, so we can't read the book.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, yes, So I mean last question, like, as
Speaker 2: you know, as you're juggling things, what is it kind
Speaker 2: of your tip for the moms that are also juggling
Speaker 2: all the pieces too.
Speaker 4: Oh you know, I think that you don't have to
Speaker 4: be doing it at one hundred percent, you know what
Speaker 4: I mean. It's okay if you like, give your kid
Speaker 4: a cake pop for breakfast, It's okay.
Speaker 2: Those love cake pops around here. The birthday cake pops
Speaker 2: at Starbucks are our jam. So if you've ever tried
Speaker 2: to make them, don't try now through that Starbucks drive through.
Speaker 1: Awesome.
Speaker 2: I love it all right, Well everyone, you can't have
Speaker 2: it all the basic bitch guye to taking the pressure
Speaker 2: off as available now.
Speaker 6: Thank you guys so much.
Speaker 1: Thank thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 6: Y'all have a good day, all right.
Speaker 2: I totally knew what you were saying about the what's next?
Speaker 2: I feel like it is always the question. She did
Speaker 2: like start it being like.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, then I wanted to be like, what's next,
Speaker 5: and I was like, well, crap, or I can't ask
Speaker 5: that question. I was trying to see what else she
Speaker 5: had on the horizon. But I get it, Like, for instance,
Speaker 5: it's a very good example. Like when I went out
Speaker 5: on my own to start working with you, everyone would
Speaker 5: ask me, where are you going to get new clients?
Speaker 3: Are you going to do this? What's next? Where are
Speaker 3: you going to do?
Speaker 5: And I finally I was like, no, I'm great, I'm happy,
Speaker 5: I'm glad, I'm happy with what I'm doing. It's just
Speaker 5: a natural question. Again, I asked her the same question
Speaker 5: after talking about it. Everyone wants to know what you're
Speaker 5: doing next, and so I understand where she's coming from
Speaker 5: where it's like, can't I just be doing what I'm
Speaker 5: doing and not have to have something next and have
Speaker 5: to have something more?
Speaker 2: I wonder how many brides here on their wedding day?
Speaker 2: So when are you guys gonna start having kids? Not
Speaker 2: hearing me from the question exception, but you know, like
Speaker 2: it's it's that chest engage, engage, when's the wedding, you're married,
Speaker 2: when's the baby?
Speaker 5: It's kind of just society though I don't think it's
Speaker 5: anyone's intention.
Speaker 2: But I think that's also probably why that anxiety fills
Speaker 2: in the people that feel like they always have to
Speaker 2: have something. I always have to feel I have to
Speaker 2: have something. Yeah, you totally, So it's like.
Speaker 5: A well, I think that's why this title can be
Speaker 5: a little triggering for some people, because a lot of
Speaker 5: people really love the you can do it all, you know,
Speaker 5: And so I can see where that's a little difficult
Speaker 5: for what she's saying, because working moms don't want to
Speaker 5: be told they can't have it all. But I don't
Speaker 5: think that that's necessarily what she's saying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think, And yeah, it's tough. It's a tricky
Speaker 2: one because it's like, I definitely agree with what she's saying,
Speaker 2: and at the same time, I'm like, you can have
Speaker 2: it all, but it's you're not percentagely equaling it out.
Speaker 2: It's basically what she's saying. So it's exactly then, you know,
Speaker 2: the title just makes it a little hard.
Speaker 5: Yeah, in my opinion, it's kind of like, wait, wait, wait,
Speaker 5: you're telling me I can't work and have kids, you know,
Speaker 5: but that's not I don't.
Speaker 2: Think yeah exactly, I'm going to read yeah, Yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: going to let you know, I think yeah, because I
Speaker 2: definitely think it's one of those things where you know,
Speaker 2: when I when I look at it, it honestly depends on
Speaker 2: what mood I'm in, right, because sometimes I'm like, I
Speaker 2: can't have it all. I can't I because today's you know,
Speaker 2: I've got a I had so many things happening and
Speaker 2: I'm like, I can't physically fit in everything I need
Speaker 2: to do today. Nope, So I can't have it all today.
Speaker 2: Yeah tomorrow, I'm going to feel like I can have
Speaker 2: it all today. Like I just I have like that
Speaker 2: positive and negative feeling for it when it comes to
Speaker 2: having it and not having it, and then feel that
Speaker 2: way with a fresh ships right now, Like I'm like,
Speaker 2: people are like I want to go, Like I have
Speaker 2: a sweet girlfriend that wrote to me was like I
Speaker 2: would love to go get lunch, and I'm like.
Speaker 1: October, like I don't.
Speaker 2: I would too, like honestly twenty twenty five, Like I
Speaker 2: just am like I don't even and it's hard that
Speaker 2: I'm but it's a weird. I also, I'm just prioritizing
Speaker 2: having a minute. I don't like rush, I don't.
Speaker 5: Like to stack, and that's where we can't be one
Speaker 5: hundred percent in every aspect.
Speaker 2: That's where I can't have it all. Yeah, exactly to
Speaker 2: her point, So everyone go grab her book. It's available now.
Speaker 2: You can't have it all