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Speaker 1: Contrary to what many people may believe about life, family

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Speaker 1: is the most important thing you will ever have. Period.

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Speaker 2: Who are the contrarians in this day and age.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people, a lot of people don't even

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Speaker 1: find traditional family of any value anymore.

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Speaker 2: Well, I am so in love with my family, and

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Speaker 2: after this past summer, I think I've fallen even deeper.

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Speaker 1: Dead Ass.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 1: It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight

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Speaker 1: from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become

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Speaker 1: Weiby Award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

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Speaker 2: Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It

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Speaker 2: was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.

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Speaker 1: Be wraw or but most apportly be us.

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Speaker 2: But as we know, life keeps evolving, and so do we,

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Speaker 2: and through it all, one thing has never changed. This

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Speaker 2: is ever after, because we got a lot to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Story time, I'm gonna take y'all back to about a

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Speaker 1: year and a half ago. The code was about two.

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Speaker 1: He wasn't saying many words. He was just pointing at

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Speaker 1: things and getting frustrated and looking at things. And he

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Speaker 1: had a little bit of a speech impediment because he

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Speaker 1: couldn't say the teas, so he said right so or

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Speaker 1: he couldn't say the he said so rather than saying Cairo,

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Speaker 1: he say Tyro Jackson and tadd So Kadeena and I

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Speaker 1: were little concerned, and I remember Mimi was just like,

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Speaker 1: you know, we shouldn't get him checked to see if

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Speaker 1: he has a learning disability, and in the very beginning

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Speaker 1: with your speech toy, because we wouldn't know about the

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Speaker 1: learning disability but the speech. And in the beginning, I

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Speaker 1: was like, man, like, is it COVID? Like what could

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Speaker 1: it have been that made him so different? So he

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Speaker 1: started doing speech therapy and the first thing he scored

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Speaker 1: on part with where he was supposed to be for

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Speaker 1: his age, and we were like, okay, you know, but

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Speaker 1: the doctor did say that he had some delays in

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Speaker 1: certain areas. So she was playing games and I was

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Speaker 1: watching her play the games with him and how he interacted,

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Speaker 1: and then it clicked to me. I was like, he

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Speaker 1: doesn't have a speech impediment or a speech delay. He

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Speaker 1: just needs his parents.

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Speaker 2: He needs some one on one time.

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Speaker 1: He does. And from then it's been a whole change

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Speaker 1: for all four of the boys.

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Speaker 2: Now the little boy won't shut up, tell all the

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Speaker 2: business everybody business all right, and I love that for well,

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I love that for us, but

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Speaker 2: you know I love it so karaoke time. So I

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Speaker 2: was like, oh, do we do like a family song?

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Speaker 2: Yet like some of my family, I'm like thinking of

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Speaker 2: all like a family. I mean, it's a family all that,

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Speaker 2: and we're like, nah, we've done those before. But I said,

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Speaker 2: you know, in honor of our boys and having awesome

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Speaker 2: summer with them, this was their song of the summer

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Speaker 2: with Dad. I don't got all the lyrics down now yet.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to, you don't want to.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to get all the lyrics down. However,

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Speaker 2: I let them rock because them and Dad was feeling

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Speaker 2: the song.

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Speaker 1: So no way, all right, I'm gonna leend your parents

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Speaker 1: that don't judge me. Okay, Ballerinas doing pirou wets inside

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Speaker 1: of my snow globe shopping spreeze and so whole. You

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Speaker 1: had to see it, stripper shaking nests and watching the

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Speaker 1: dough blow as trumpets and rose goals, yellow.

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Speaker 2: Dominance look like bb.

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Speaker 1: Bitches fly from Bitches fly from DC Yo my province

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Speaker 1: to Wakiki. Don't ask me while my son's just singing

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Speaker 1: this song, but that was our song. We bonded to that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: all right, shout out to the Clips.

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Speaker 2: That was their thing. I let them rock because they

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Speaker 2: were in their books this summer too. Absolutely balance, you

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Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. Balance.

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Speaker 1: But we connected because the Clips came out with a

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Speaker 1: new album. But I remember when the Clips came out

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Speaker 1: with Grinding back in two thousand and two thousand and two.

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Speaker 1: So we just went back through the whole catalog and

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Speaker 1: spent time listening to the Clips the same way we

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Speaker 1: do Biggie and Tupac and Nas and whole. So, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's a little bit the music is a little crazy

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Speaker 1: for an eight year old to be singing at my

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Speaker 1: bitches flying private from DC to Waikiki. But he was

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Speaker 1: learning about words. Play was word place.

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Speaker 2: It's all about rhyming.

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Speaker 1: That's what we're working on.

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Speaker 2: That's how we justify it. They will put on their

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Speaker 2: praise and worship soundtracks as well.

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Speaker 1: What's that song that he listens to? They do the

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Speaker 1: whole day?

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Speaker 2: Oh there's a whole I need you now more than

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Speaker 2: they ever. Won't you put my heart? That's a gay?

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I searched the world to my Hey, yeah, there is

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Speaker 2: just to find out your waist bed going now. So yes, balance,

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Speaker 2: we got Jesus and we got clips. Sounds about right.

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Speaker 2: All right, y'all, let's go pay some bills. We'll be

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Speaker 2: back with Op or no Op stick around.

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Speaker 1: All right, So we're back. Before we get to Op

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Speaker 1: or no Op, I do want to just talk to

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Speaker 1: the parents a little bit about why this was important

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Speaker 1: to us, especially with the speech delay. Kadeen and I

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Speaker 1: had to do some self reflecting, right, and we was like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, we move into this house in twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty one, you immediately got pregnant. At at the same time,

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Speaker 1: we were career chasing like crazy. You were going to

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Speaker 1: every event, every speaking event. We had book signings, we

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Speaker 1: had tours, we had podcasts. I was filming like crazy

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Speaker 1: coming off of COVID, so we were just working NonStop.

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Speaker 1: We moved your parents in and Dakota was spending a

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Speaker 1: lot of time with your parents, which no knock to

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Speaker 1: our parents because we wouldn't be able to do any

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Speaker 1: of the things we could do without your parents living here.

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Speaker 1: But when we look back at it, we was like,

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Speaker 1: your dad doesn't talk much, you know, and your mom

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Speaker 1: spends most of her time doing other things around the house,

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Speaker 1: so no one was interacting with Dakota, and the only

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Speaker 1: time they interacted with him was when he was pointing

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Speaker 1: to say or do something, and they had their own

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Speaker 1: little grandparent language where Dakota didn't even have to speak.

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Speaker 1: Your parents knew what he wanted.

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Speaker 2: Oh for sure. He would just point to something, or

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Speaker 2: he would go to his brothers and they, I guess,

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Speaker 2: were able to kind of figure out what he needed.

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Speaker 2: And I mean, let's face it, he had a bunch

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Speaker 2: of people talking. He was probably like, y'all niggas talk

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Speaker 2: too much, Like there's no reason for me to have

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Speaker 2: to intervene here because y'all doing all the talking, and

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Speaker 2: I get what I want anyway, you know. So that

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Speaker 2: was interesting to see how that intentional time with him

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Speaker 2: one on one, whether it was de Val or me

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Speaker 2: or even just when we brought it to my mom

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Speaker 2: and dad's attention. We weren't quite ready to put him

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Speaker 2: in school yet because we typically like for them to

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Speaker 2: be speaking a bit before you put them in school.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, it was interesting to see the minute we

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Speaker 2: locked in. He did work with his therapist for a

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Speaker 2: little bit, so shout out to Gihi. She was awesome.

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Speaker 2: She was only with him from I want to say

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Speaker 2: March till August.

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Speaker 1: I'm about to say it wasn't done with a couple

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Speaker 1: of months.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it wasn't a long time before she graduated

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Speaker 2: him out and she's like, he's going to be fine,

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Speaker 2: And I said, I really honestly think that he just

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Speaker 2: had a bunch of agents and representatives that were speaking

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Speaker 2: for him, and now forget it, He's going to be heard.

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Speaker 1: He also needed someone to be deliberate with using your words.

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Speaker 1: For example, Kadeena and I were very deliberate about Okay,

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Speaker 1: if you want a cup, I'm not going to just

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Speaker 1: get it because you're crying and pointing at the cup.

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Speaker 1: What is it that you want? Dakota, Yeah, And he

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Speaker 1: had to learn how to say it, and once he

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Speaker 1: had to rely on himself to use his words, it

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Speaker 1: became a commonplace for him, right, And it was just

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Speaker 1: good to see him go through the transition. But it

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Speaker 1: was also a reminder to us as parents, like, even

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Speaker 1: though you have help and you have your village, that's

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Speaker 1: not their job. It's not our parents' job to raise

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Speaker 1: our kids. Absolutely, we chose that, Like I told my parents,

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Speaker 1: they hear off our guilty pleasures, and it was very pleasurable.

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Speaker 2: Oh very much.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to enjoy the pleasure, right.

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Speaker 2: I think sometimes into like mom or Dad, get well,

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Speaker 2: you're like, damn, I realized how this could have been

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Speaker 2: a detriment to my child. Yeah, And it's not because

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Speaker 2: it was intentional at all, but it was because, man,

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Speaker 2: it was an oversight. You think you're spending time if

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Speaker 2: you're in the same room, or you maybe watching a

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Speaker 2: show together, or you're playing together, but not really locking

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Speaker 2: in making that eye contact. It's very different when you

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Speaker 2: take that approach.

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Speaker 1: Being intentional is important for sure.

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Speaker 2: All Right, y'all? Op or no? What's up? Matt, Triple Josh?

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Speaker 2: How y'all feel today?

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Speaker 5: Chilling? Chilling?

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Speaker 2: All right, good stuff.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry we've been we've been filming podcasts. Me, Matt

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Speaker 1: and Josh worked out for the last two days and

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Speaker 1: I ain't gonna lie y'all. Last night I went to

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Speaker 1: take a child with like what nine thirty. I told

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Speaker 1: them everybody was in the kitchen. I was like, y'all,

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Speaker 1: gonn go take a shower and be right back.

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Speaker 2: Literally, me and Josh were out there talking, waiting for

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Speaker 2: the bell.

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Speaker 1: I woke up fully closed. It was one o'clock. I

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Speaker 1: woke up. Everybody was sleep, the house was dark, and

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Speaker 1: I had my clothes on. She was knocked out in

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Speaker 1: the bed, scarring next to me. I was like, damn,

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Speaker 1: I left Josh because we supposed come back downstairs, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, fuck me in my bad. I came

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Speaker 1: downstairs this morning. I was like, my bad, bro.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I got into the bed and I kind of sat

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Speaker 2: there for a little bit because I'm like, there's no

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Speaker 2: way he's going to sleep with no ass night. So

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Speaker 2: I was like sitting there and I was waiting, and.

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Speaker 1: I was waiting no ass, but I was not, you know,

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Speaker 1: I was sleeping. If I want to sleep, like you

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Speaker 1: gotta be tired to fall asleep knowing you want ass.

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Speaker 2: Like right, that's like the first for you that's never happened.

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Speaker 2: I'm happy you didn't wake my ass up. That was

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Speaker 2: the thing, because I was like, damn it, moment she's

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Speaker 2: going to wake me up.

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Speaker 6: Tapping on the shoulder, He's up.

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Speaker 2: The next morning, he was like, yo, I was definitely.

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Speaker 1: Feeling you up. I was trying to see if there

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Speaker 1: was any movement there was no movie. It was I

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Speaker 1: did everything. I slid. I slipped my finger from the

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Speaker 1: shoulder blade all the way down. Typically you get a

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Speaker 1: little arch back poked back. I swear. I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: let me just turn over. This is on me, this

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Speaker 1: is on me.

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Speaker 2: I'm t I ken't pick it up on my shoulder,

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Speaker 2: wait to see if he was gonna wake up. And

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Speaker 2: then nothing happened. So I even held my peace so

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Speaker 2: long at one point because I was like.

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Speaker 1: If I move, you gonna wake up. You see the

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Speaker 1: stuff y'all willing to do to hold the kitty back,

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Speaker 1: just like you're willing to mess your bladder up to

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Speaker 1: hold that back to kitty. For me, that's crazy. But

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Speaker 1: you know what I got it, I got to eat.

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Speaker 1: It wouldn't money. And I'm just saying board josh my

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Speaker 1: full chime.

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Speaker 2: Hey, it's just been the marathon of events back to

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Speaker 2: School podcast. Yeah, the summer is officially over, so.

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Speaker 1: I don't say it's over until like October. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: mean was September. It's still some of the minutes.

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Speaker 2: It's just waking up at six am with the kids

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Speaker 2: for school. That's for me, the end of the summer.

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Speaker 2: But it is We've still got some time to enjoy.

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Speaker 3: September twenty first, that's summer's over.

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Speaker 1: September twenty first. Yeah, that's we got a month and

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Speaker 1: still I'm taking the events.

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Speaker 2: That's true.

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Speaker 1: I'm with you, bro.

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Speaker 2: Chiro's birthday is usually like the last like pool day

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Speaker 2: of the years.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, no, end of summer.

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Speaker 5: In Georgia. Really, it'll get cool and then it gets

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Speaker 5: really hot.

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Speaker 1: To get it, it falls October about Yeah, October through

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Speaker 1: the beginning of November typically hot, and then forty five

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Speaker 1: you're like, what happened exactly?

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Speaker 2: Coldon flu season? Child lord?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, by die my second allergy season to worse.

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Speaker 2: True, rag weed be outside like a mug. I've never

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Speaker 2: seen a rag We actually looked and seeing.

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Speaker 3: There's the tumble weed with that we cousin.

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Speaker 1: I've seen.

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Speaker 2: It has nothing to do with the gonja weed because

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Speaker 2: that nobody here allergic to.

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Speaker 1: The fact we are not allergic to that.

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Speaker 6: I actually think I am allergic to weed.

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Speaker 1: Really.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, it gives me like g r D having like burbs.

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Speaker 1: Really have you ever heard of that? Yeah? It could be.

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Speaker 1: You know, you never know. People's bodies be sensitive different things, bro,

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Speaker 1: And if you ain't welcome with you. Don't don't do it, bro.

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Speaker 6: I know I still do it like an idiot.

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Speaker 2: It's like that person that's lacks and tolerance, like to

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Speaker 2: take this back to everyone.

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Speaker 1: Medications to you guys. Effects of that too, man might No, No,

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Speaker 1: do not listen to Josh. Don't listen to Josh man effects.

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Speaker 2: We're still here.

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Speaker 1: There's different types of yo.

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure I'm talking WoT her. She might as

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Speaker 3: well do it.

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Speaker 1: She's still do it anyway, man, Yeah, I mean you

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Speaker 1: still do it.

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Speaker 6: Yeah. I was sick and I instead of taking medicine,

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Speaker 6: I ate a gummy and I was like, this is it.

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Speaker 6: I'm about to die.

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Speaker 5: You felt so much better.

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Speaker 6: No, I felt worse.

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Speaker 2: No, you definitely because you were like, I'm going to

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Speaker 2: die exactly?

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Speaker 1: Is it.

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Speaker 7: Time?

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Speaker 2: But my paddle, I hear that.

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Speaker 6: All right. So there's two stories that I want to

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Speaker 6: talk about.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 6: One, so we've talked a bit about the locker rooms

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Speaker 6: and uh, white guys being weird in the locker rooms.

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Speaker 6: But there's a black football player for the Raiders, Christian Wilkins,

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Speaker 6: who was released from his thirty five million dollar contracts

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Speaker 6: for kissing one of his teammates on the forehead.

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Speaker 4: Uh.

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Speaker 6: And it wasn't even in the locker room. It was

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Speaker 6: in the team meeting room.

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Speaker 1: That's that was that. I know the story. I know

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Speaker 1: the stories. First of all. Christian Wilkins was he he

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Speaker 1: was up for thirty five million dollars. All he had

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Speaker 1: to do was go through some certain workouts in order

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Speaker 1: to get the completion. But he didn't do the workouts,

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Speaker 1: which had him be labeled conduct detrimental. So they were

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Speaker 1: looking for a reason to cut him because he wasn't

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Speaker 1: in shape for those workouts.

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Speaker 5: Was unty or mandatory workouts?

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Speaker 1: No, these were I mean he was coming off injury

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Speaker 1: and hear the NFL, when you are injured, right, you

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Speaker 1: are required to go to treatments. If you don't go

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Speaker 1: to treatments to get yourself back, you're not gonna just

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Speaker 1: sit here and be injured. So that happened. But on

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Speaker 1: top of that, he kissed the teammate on the top

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Speaker 1: of the forehead and the teammate said he felt uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: and the timing of it when he got released was

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Speaker 1: that was the story. But that's not the reason why

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Speaker 1: he got cut. He got cut for conduct detrimental. That

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Speaker 1: was just a cherry on top because it's like, and

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Speaker 1: you're making people feel uncomfortable in the locker room.

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Speaker 2: So that's context around. Why can you think of anything

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Speaker 2: or any reason why you would have wanted to kiss

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Speaker 2: one of your teammates on the forehead.

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Speaker 1: Me, no, but.

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Speaker 3: Dude play around.

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Speaker 1: Dudes play around a lot in the locker room. Like

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Speaker 1: it's it's it's a very different environment and it's hard

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Speaker 1: for the general public to understand. Right. It's just like coaches,

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Speaker 1: coaches screen even curse and holler at kids in the

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Speaker 1: locker room all the time, and parents be like, I

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Speaker 1: would never, I would never. Yet you wouldn't because you're

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Speaker 1: not an athlete. But the culture there is a little

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Speaker 1: bit different. So a coach screaming and cursing and hollering,

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Speaker 1: or another player picking a player up or kissing him

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Speaker 1: in the forehead and a playful manner is something that

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Speaker 1: happens in the locker room. This guy didn't appreciate it,

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Speaker 1: so he complained to hr. I believe he did, actually,

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Speaker 1: and once he made a formal complaint. It was just

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Speaker 1: another thing on top of what happened with Christian Wilkins.

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Speaker 1: But I don't think it was just the kids. It

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Speaker 1: could have been probably some bullying thing or something. He

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Speaker 1: felt like. He was just like, you keep doing the

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Speaker 1: most and you not playing. So that's that's what I.

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Speaker 2: You're not even trying to make the team.

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Speaker 3: Better exactly, and dude not making the team better kissing

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Speaker 3: another dude.

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Speaker 2: Yes, he probably didn't find that funny. Well, I mean

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Speaker 2: I don't.

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Speaker 1: But there are things that happen in the locker room

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Speaker 1: that people would be like, why, Like why would you

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Speaker 1: like snapping people with towels, toweling people like making people

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Speaker 1: carry stuff. It's hazing. There's stuff that you're not supposed

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Speaker 1: to say or do, but.

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Speaker 8: You do it and then be a very juvenile environment

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Speaker 8: is very It's a lot of.

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Speaker 1: Times it is very juvenal.

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Speaker 2: I remember you saying that in college, but I just

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Speaker 2: figured it was the age, you know, not thinking that.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it is the age. But in un the NFL,

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Speaker 1: you got kids at are twenty years old who their

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Speaker 1: only life experience is seven on seven high school environment

353
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Speaker 1: locker rooms, college environment locker room. Now you're a twenty

354
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Speaker 1: year old in a professional environment, Like it's still the

355
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Speaker 1: same young mindset. And the thing is some people don't

356
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Speaker 1: like it. For example, if you are twenty eight to

357
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Speaker 1: thirty five year old dad and this is your livelihood

358
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Speaker 1: and the guy who is supposed to help you win,

359
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Speaker 1: to help your livelihood is playing around and then wants

360
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Speaker 1: to kiss you on the forehead, that's not funny. That's

361
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Speaker 1: a guy who is you know what I'm saying, who's grown,

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Speaker 1: who has real world problems. Yeah, so it could be that.

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Speaker 6: So that's my question. In the locker room, do you

364
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Speaker 6: think that players are now going to have more responsibility

365
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Speaker 6: to holding each other accountable for that type of behavior?

366
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Speaker 6: Because I know that stuff like this is like part

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Speaker 6: for the course, it seems like for men in the

368
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Speaker 6: locker rooms, but women in the last decade or so

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Speaker 6: have been vocal about what we feel is inappropriate behavior

370
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Speaker 6: in the workplace for men or from people in general.

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Speaker 6: And so now it seems like this situation is just

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Speaker 6: one moment where a man was to step up in

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Speaker 6: a way that traditionally men don't. So do you think

374
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,720
Speaker 6: that there's a trajectory forward? Do you have an opinion

375
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Speaker 6: about whether whether players just start to speak up when

376
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Speaker 6: they feel uncomfortable.

377
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Speaker 1: I think if someone makes you feel uncomfortable, you should

378
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Speaker 1: step up. I mean, we went through this in college

379
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:33,000
Speaker 1: at Hofstra. They used to have a racist Thursdays where

380
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,640
Speaker 1: everybody would just say racist jokes to each other. And

381
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Speaker 1: you know me, you know me, and it wasn't a

382
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,360
Speaker 1: thing where I was going to go tell I was

383
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Speaker 1: going to let you know the facts. And my biggest

384
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:46,760
Speaker 1: thing was educating you know why this ain't funny to me.

385
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,320
Speaker 1: I remember the joke that got me pissed. Right, I'm

386
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,160
Speaker 1: not going to say the person's name because he's still

387
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,400
Speaker 1: a Person's a young dude, white boy from Pennsylvania. But

388
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:59,680
Speaker 1: he was like, what do black people call mta? And

389
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Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know, and he said trees, right,

390
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,200
Speaker 1: the monkeys going from tree to tree. Like it wasn't

391
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,480
Speaker 1: a funny joke, but on top of it, it just

392
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:13,280
Speaker 1: it was very very racist. So you know, he tried

393
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:14,840
Speaker 1: to smirk and laugh, and I was like, you know

394
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Speaker 1: why that's not funny, And then I started to give

395
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,960
Speaker 1: him like an educational course of why it's not funny

396
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,200
Speaker 1: to me, and then it took all of the air

397
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,959
Speaker 1: out of the racist Thursday. And then they were just

398
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,520
Speaker 1: like it was supposed to be funny to vow. I said, yeah,

399
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,040
Speaker 1: but it wasn't funny to me, So now I'm not

400
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,960
Speaker 1: gonna make it funny for y'all. And it stopped, but

401
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,680
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna tell. But I also wasn't going to

402
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:36,880
Speaker 1: stand for it. And I think it is a time

403
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,800
Speaker 1: where if you feel uncomfortable about something, you could be uncomfortable.

404
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:43,479
Speaker 1: But there were black guys who participated with them, and

405
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,320
Speaker 1: they did that on their own time. And I also

406
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,080
Speaker 1: didn't tell on them when they did it, because to me,

407
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,119
Speaker 1: if y'all think that's funny and y'all want to do that,

408
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,960
Speaker 1: do that the same way they played grab ass in

409
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,399
Speaker 1: the locker room. Sometimes they pinched each other's nipples. They

410
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:59,040
Speaker 1: did that. That's not a game I play. But I'm

411
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,919
Speaker 1: not gonna tell on y'all if y'all want to do that,

412
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,520
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like I just I'm on

413
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,480
Speaker 1: my business in the locker room. And if it's not

414
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,359
Speaker 1: a thing where it's conduct detrimental, where you're bullying someone

415
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:12,600
Speaker 1: or hurting someone, then you have it, you know. I

416
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:20,080
Speaker 1: imagine that in the locker room like these ten. I wish, honestly,

417
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,320
Speaker 1: but I honestly wish y'all was in the locker room

418
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,480
Speaker 1: to see something and stuff. Plus they knew that I

419
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,760
Speaker 1: was in love with my girl and I had pictures

420
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,280
Speaker 1: of my girl in the locker in the NFL, and

421
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:36,520
Speaker 1: they would do stuff like that. I I was wild

422
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:39,119
Speaker 1: compared to them, Like they were just like, look, we

423
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,000
Speaker 1: got pictures when we got engaged, pictures up and they

424
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:42,639
Speaker 1: did stuff like that.

425
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:43,120
Speaker 5: K bid.

426
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:48,240
Speaker 1: It was just like, I'm not Kadean. It was funny

427
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,600
Speaker 1: to me though, Like I'm gonna be honest. Ship like

428
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:54,080
Speaker 1: that to me, Like everything isn't offensive thing I've been

429
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,600
Speaker 1: I've been popped with a towel. I've had to pop

430
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,400
Speaker 1: me on my butt with a towel, Like I never

431
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,800
Speaker 1: felt like my God, now now I got to defend

432
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,159
Speaker 1: my man, you know what I'm saying, Like it's not

433
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 1: like that. You also got to know who you're doing

434
00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:08,000
Speaker 1: it with. You if you're gonna kiss a dude on

435
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,119
Speaker 1: the forehead, he gonna report it to you. That's not

436
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,160
Speaker 1: your guy. That's got to be kissing on the forehead.

437
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,760
Speaker 1: Because I've been kissed on the ford by dude. You know.

438
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,080
Speaker 1: He was like my freaking bodyguard. He used to do

439
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,720
Speaker 1: it all the time, and not just in the locker room.

440
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,960
Speaker 1: He'd come in the room. He was my roommate for summertime,

441
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,320
Speaker 1: and it'd be me and Kay in the room laying

442
00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:26,240
Speaker 1: on the bed, and he would come in the room.

443
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:27,480
Speaker 1: He'd be like, what's up, guys, come in and just

444
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:28,480
Speaker 1: kissed me on the forehead.

445
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:30,159
Speaker 5: That's why.

446
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:32,720
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, both of us would be like laying in

447
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,399
Speaker 2: the bed and he would just like rolling falling the

448
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,720
Speaker 2: bed in between us.

449
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,320
Speaker 1: You know, he wouldn't do it and he wasn't there,

450
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:40,879
Speaker 1: but he would do it if it was me and

451
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,439
Speaker 1: there was a bunch of other dudes there. If it

452
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,520
Speaker 1: was me, Terry Blau like he's trying to be funny.

453
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,120
Speaker 2: He was funny guy.

454
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,920
Speaker 1: And he came from an old boys school, Cardinal Hayes

455
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,480
Speaker 1: in the Bronx. And he was also my protector because

456
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,880
Speaker 1: when another dude tried to like punk me as a freshman,

457
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:58,760
Speaker 1: punched him in the face. Wow, straight punched him. And

458
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,360
Speaker 1: if that's part of the reason why he's not at

459
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,440
Speaker 1: Hotra no more. But he was a protector and that

460
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,760
Speaker 1: his way of showing camaraderie was like almost like I'm

461
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,960
Speaker 1: his little brother, like got you. He took care of me.

462
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,920
Speaker 1: Sometimes I would be out in the square, just out

463
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,159
Speaker 1: it's not the locker room, it's not the room. And

464
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,119
Speaker 1: then somebody just picks me up and just puts me

465
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,479
Speaker 1: over their shoulder, YO, and they'd be like your pick man,

466
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:19,440
Speaker 1: put me the fuck down.

467
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:19,720
Speaker 7: Bro.

468
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 8: You could switch the locker room and hostra with the

469
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 8: penitentiary and the yard.

470
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,040
Speaker 2: There you go, listen, there you go.

471
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 1: I know capas ain't talking. I know ain't talking.

472
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:34,000
Speaker 7: Bro.

473
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:40,439
Speaker 1: You want to talk about fraternities pocket y'all don't have

474
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 1: a locker room, but y'all do some of the wildest

475
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 1: stuff in fraternity. They'm not kissing nobody, no fraternity, bro,

476
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:47,640
Speaker 1: niggas is not doing that.

477
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 3: They're not doing that.

478
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:52,320
Speaker 1: You want to hear some of the stuff.

479
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 3: I don't know what they did.

480
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,919
Speaker 2: Not my chapter, completely different chapters, different lines, all that.

481
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,720
Speaker 1: Completely not I'm allowed to defend locker rooms. I know

482
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:05,120
Speaker 1: this for a fact. We would fuck y'all up athletes,

483
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:08,439
Speaker 1: But anybody's trying fight, man.

484
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 3: We love hers, man, We're not fighters.

485
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:19,919
Speaker 1: I know y'all love it, Josh. I ain't gonna lie

486
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,520
Speaker 1: that shit kind of dope. I'm not even gonna lie.

487
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,720
Speaker 1: If if I could work a cane like that, I

488
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 1: would be walking around with that ship all the time.

489
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,960
Speaker 1: Was a Kappa he Nigga's cool, bro, he cool.

490
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,800
Speaker 2: Instead of doing that with a straight barn and Jim exactly.

491
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:34,240
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying with forty fives on your

492
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 1: shot period?

493
00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:38,160
Speaker 2: What she got that ext trip?

494
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,639
Speaker 6: So I think this is my first time talking about

495
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 6: my sister on the show Beyonce Giselle. It's called I'm like,

496
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:53,800
Speaker 6: I was thinking the same. Never mentioned my blood sister before,

497
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 6: but we are related. So there's that she took her kids,

498
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 6: my nieces on tour whether this summer, which I thought

499
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,920
Speaker 6: was cool. She got to spend the summer with her kids,

500
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:08,399
Speaker 6: agreed and put them to work. And I was curious

501
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 6: because I know they getting paid. And there's one at

502
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:17,920
Speaker 6: there's one outlet that said that Blue Ivy is making

503
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 6: forty thousand dollars per show on tour, which is probably

504
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:24,159
Speaker 6: more than what the rest of the dancers made. So

505
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:28,160
Speaker 6: I want to know if you y'all spend some time

506
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 6: with your kids this summer. We're talking about that today,

507
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 6: if you had to go on tour or if you

508
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 6: were filming a movie, there's no kids. I paid and

509
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 6: paid our kids.

510
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, our kids are our kids are paid for

511
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:44,399
Speaker 2: being Ellis's essentially. I mean, we've were doing social media content,

512
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 2: We've built our brand. We've built our brand pretty much

513
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,359
Speaker 2: around our families. So our kids are definitely getting paid

514
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,800
Speaker 2: for absolutely their time, their services, their likeness. But we

515
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 2: also take into consideration the fact that there are things

516
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 2: that they don't want to do, so now that they're

517
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,280
Speaker 2: getting older, you know, we're mindful of that. But they

518
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 2: are on payroll like anybody else would be. I think

519
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:05,440
Speaker 2: that Beyonce is doing their absolute right thing. It's also

520
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,919
Speaker 2: I'm hoping too they're having a conversation with Blue and

521
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 2: Roomy and you know, the kids about what that means

522
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,119
Speaker 2: for them in terms of like having their own money

523
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 2: and how to manage it and how to save. And

524
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 2: you know there's going to be a completely different kind

525
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 2: of conversation. You're gonna get forty thousand dollars per show,

526
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 2: you know, versus maybe what you know other kids will

527
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,000
Speaker 2: be making on their jobs or being paid by their parents.

528
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,000
Speaker 2: But you know, there's a lesson in it.

529
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:28,840
Speaker 1: I think it's I think it's twofold. The one thing

530
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:30,800
Speaker 1: is you get a great tax right off when you

531
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,679
Speaker 1: get to pay your kids, plus you can put the

532
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,879
Speaker 1: funds in an IRA, put in a four to one k,

533
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 1: put it on accounts that yield high interest because they're

534
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 1: so young, right, and then by the time they become eighteen,

535
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 1: they can take it out and have it tax free.

536
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 1: So there's two parts. You can help your child build

537
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 1: wealth from a young age, but you also get tax breaks.

538
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,960
Speaker 1: So for us, it was important that we do both

539
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 1: and we explain to them. But I think what caset

540
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:58,080
Speaker 1: is also more important. Jackson, kyrol Kasndakoda have been integral

541
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 1: in helping us build his brand. People don't only just

542
00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:04,119
Speaker 1: love Devo or Kadeen or Devaling Kadeen. They love the

543
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,640
Speaker 1: idea of the family, which requires that the kids get

544
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 1: in front of the camera and sometimes they have to perform.

545
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,200
Speaker 1: We ask questions, do you feel like making this video?

546
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,439
Speaker 1: And sometimes they're just like no. So if it's no,

547
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,439
Speaker 1: the answers no. But then Jackson's old enough to say

548
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,320
Speaker 1: what does this video mean and why? And he was like,

549
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,199
Speaker 1: all right, I get it, I'll do it. So at

550
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 1: this point, you're working and you should be compensated because

551
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 1: if you're not compensated, you're being exploited by your parents.

552
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 2: So today be clear I mean people like Devalan, Kadeen

553
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:33,120
Speaker 2: and the othersis, but they got favorite kids. Like I'll

554
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 2: run into people or you'll see in the comments like, oh,

555
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 2: Kaz is my favorite. I know I'm not supposed to

556
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 2: have a favorite, But do y'all want to go on

557
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,199
Speaker 2: record saying who your favorite kid is?

558
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,680
Speaker 3: I said all the time, man is my favorite?

559
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, boom, I know who your favorite?

560
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 6: All right, Matt, we know, but yeah, I would have

561
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 6: to say is the first with yeah, you always say

562
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:56,159
Speaker 6: his name first whenever you cover.

563
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,440
Speaker 1: You don't need to know that.

564
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 2: I think my favorite rotates like it's never just one kid.

565
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:07,679
Speaker 2: It's like depending on the moment, Like it rotates, like

566
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 2: you're my favorite right now because of whatever reason.

567
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,479
Speaker 1: You know, I don't think I have a favorite, Like

568
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 1: all of them are just they're so unique, they're so different.

569
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,840
Speaker 1: They all have their own great place. Jackson is the

570
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:24,119
Speaker 1: apple of my eye because he was the firstborn. Like,

571
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,240
Speaker 1: there is no Cairo Kaz the Coda without Jackson, so

572
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 1: that's his place. Cairo was so exceptional as a young

573
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,640
Speaker 1: child that it made it easier for us to have

574
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:36,120
Speaker 1: more kids, so he honds his own place. Kaz looked

575
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 1: just like me, like, how could I not love you?

576
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 1: You look just like me? And then the code is

577
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 1: the baby, like he's my last. So I really can't

578
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,360
Speaker 1: think of a favorite. I can't. There's a reason why

579
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,119
Speaker 1: all of them. When I see them, I just smile

580
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 1: a teary eye and then want to punch him in

581
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:55,359
Speaker 1: the chest. That's just me, that's the balance. I kiss

582
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:56,879
Speaker 1: him on their forehead, then punch him in the chest,

583
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,479
Speaker 1: tell him get out my face, I said, I love you.

584
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 8: Can you imagine I know Kay talked about uh Beyonce

585
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 8: possibly talking to her kids about how to manage money

586
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 8: and all that. Can you imagine Beyonce telling her kids

587
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 8: that money don't grow on trees while she walk by

588
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 8: the money tree in her house, the money literally growing

589
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 8: on the tree in her house.

590
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:17,920
Speaker 2: But you know what, I can what the pivot would

591
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,760
Speaker 2: be with that They get to see their mom buzzed

592
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 2: her out, Oh yes, and work so hard, like she

593
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:28,560
Speaker 2: puts her all into everything. So you're not just seeing

594
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 2: the praise that she gets and that the fame and

595
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:34,680
Speaker 2: the stardom. You're seeing her build out an entire production

596
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:37,400
Speaker 2: from the ground yep, from from the music to how

597
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 2: the music then translates to a show. So I'm sure

598
00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:42,359
Speaker 2: that they're getting the bird's eye of you, or actually

599
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:45,200
Speaker 2: like the in the depth you of like how everything

600
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 2: has come to fruition, which I think is invaluable.

601
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 1: I think this may be a different perspective, but I'm

602
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 1: willing to share it. I told my kids like that,

603
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 1: y'all know, y'all don't ever have to worry about money, right,

604
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 1: So since you don't ever have to worry about money,

605
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,120
Speaker 1: what's your purpose in life? Because we have to start

606
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,200
Speaker 1: teaching our kids about different things rather than just go

607
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,679
Speaker 1: get a job and work. So if you have children

608
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 1: who will never have to just get a job, you know,

609
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 1: we've created trust funds for our kids. They've already earned

610
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,200
Speaker 1: enough money by themselves that when they turn eighteen, they'll

611
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:16,919
Speaker 1: have seven figures to go off and do what they

612
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 1: want to do. So in that way, you can't treat

613
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:20,720
Speaker 1: them like a kid that has to go out and

614
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:22,679
Speaker 1: get a job. But you also have to teach them

615
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 1: the value of that money. Yeah. Right, So with Jackson,

616
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 1: for example, he has his account, his expense account that

617
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 1: he has, and I'm like, how much money are you

618
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 1: saving every month from the allowance that you get? He's

619
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 1: super frugal. And it's funny when you have a kid

620
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 1: who has access to pretty much everything. He'll be like, ah, no,

621
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 1: I want my account to have a certain amount at

622
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 1: the end of every month, so I'm just not going

623
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 1: to get these things so that I can reach it.

624
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:47,679
Speaker 1: And what I'm teaching him is that money has a

625
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 1: different type of value. He spends most of his money

626
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:54,040
Speaker 1: on gifts for his brothers and his friends. Yeah, You're like,

627
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 1: you know how many parents call me. It's just like,

628
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 1: Jackson got so and so and embroidered what was the jersey?

629
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 2: Pat jersey a full.

630
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,920
Speaker 1: Like embroidered Pat mahomes And they was like, did you

631
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 1: know that he spent it? I said, listen, he has

632
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 1: his own money. You know, he's friends with your child.

633
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,160
Speaker 1: And they were like, but we can't get him nothing

634
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 1: like that. He didn't for it. He did it because

635
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,240
Speaker 1: he values your son's friendship. And that's just the type

636
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:21,919
Speaker 1: of person.

637
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,200
Speaker 2: Jackson, right, And he does it without expecting anything in return.

638
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 2: He see some packages come sometimes and I'm like, oh,

639
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:28,360
Speaker 2: it's for Jackson. I wonder what he got, and I'll

640
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 2: open it and it'll be like body wash by Jackson.

641
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 2: I could have gotten you body wash. He was like, well,

642
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 2: I like this brand. I was running low, so that's

643
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:36,480
Speaker 2: one less thing for you to have to think about.

644
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 2: I was like, all right, that's cool.

645
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 1: So yeah, and teaching him to pay it forward, oh

646
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 1: for sure. If you have an abundance, what are you

647
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:44,719
Speaker 1: going to do with it? You're gonna go out there

648
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 1: and you try to make more money. Our thing is

649
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 1: we have the family trust. So since we have the

650
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 1: family trust, it's like, Okay, how much money are you

651
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: going to put in the family trust so that your

652
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,720
Speaker 1: offspring can continue to live the life you live? And

653
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,240
Speaker 1: now that you have that, what are you going to

654
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 1: do to pay it forward? Do you need all money? Jackson?

655
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,239
Speaker 1: Not really. I was like, you have properties that are

656
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 1: going to be in your name, right, yeah, so if

657
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 1: you don't have anything to say for what are you

658
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:10,360
Speaker 1: looking to do? So now his mindset isn't so much

659
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 1: about how can I get the money? It's like, how

660
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 1: could I make humanity better because I have this abundance.

661
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 1: So I could definitely see, you know, knowing how jay

662
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:23,400
Speaker 1: Z and Beyonce are so big on community, I could

663
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 1: see them having those conversations with their kids being like, yeah,

664
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 1: you might have made forty thousand dollars a show. How

665
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 1: many shows did they do over twenty.

666
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean for Cowboy Carter, she did definitely Foreign

667
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 2: Atlanta alone, I forget total.

668
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 1: So if it's twenty five shows, she made over a

669
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,880
Speaker 1: million dollars, right, So when you have a thirteen year

670
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 1: old who made over a million dollars and it's reported

671
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 1: this way, as a parent, you have a responsibility to say,

672
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 1: what are you going to do with this a million dollars?

673
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:51,120
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. So I can definitely see

674
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 1: them having that that conversation because I mean, Jay Z

675
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 1: is known for his business act, his business act, but

676
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 1: also what he does for social justice, you know. I

677
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 1: mean he's spent minus millions and millions of dollars on

678
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 1: Bell reform till people get out of prison who was

679
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 1: being held up, you know, without exposing it. He just

680
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 1: did it. So you know, they having those and.

681
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 8: Them kids get definitely get a matter of class. He

682
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 8: talks about the paintings that's in his daughter's names that's

683
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 8: worth millions of dollars. They're not walking by that painting

684
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 8: every day. They're like, yo, this joint just hit eight

685
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 8: million this year. Like she knows, oh for sure.

686
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 1: And that's that's what we have to start doing with

687
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 1: all of our children, right Like I feel like sometimes

688
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 1: we get caught up in the struggle of blackness, that

689
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 1: we hold the struggle of blackness higher than anything else.

690
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 1: But what about the ability to go through the struggle

691
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 1: and now your children don't have to struggle and wearing

692
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 1: that as a badge of honor. Like if I'm jay Z,

693
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 1: it's like, Yo, that painting is worth eight million? Know

694
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 1: everything about that painting? Why because now you can give

695
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 1: that to your children, or you can flip it and

696
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 1: now each one of your children get a painting from

697
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 1: that eight million, just so that they can learn. And

698
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 1: that's also a part of blackness too. I have something

699
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 1: to pass down to my children.

700
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 2: Which we never really had before ever, Like did we

701
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,200
Speaker 2: find value? You think about how many you know people

702
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 2: that you know are into art or you know little

703
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 2: things that would be like wow, I didn't think about

704
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 2: how this investment over years can accrue a certain amount

705
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,480
Speaker 2: of wealth. We never had access to those kinds of

706
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 2: things before. And we were talking recently about just even

707
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 2: growing up in Brooklyn and what it looked like for us,

708
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 2: like the things that we thought were normal should not

709
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:24,000
Speaker 2: have been the norm, right, you know, like having to

710
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 2: you know, watch yourself on the bus and on the

711
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 2: train because you never know, you had to run from

712
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 2: people trying to jump people down the block, and it

713
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 2: was just a lot. It was so chaotic, and that

714
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 2: to us was like normal. So early on when we

715
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 2: were parenting Jackson did that was like very adamant about, Oh,

716
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 2: he has to be tough because you know, growing up

717
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 2: in the streets of Brooklyn, this is what I had

718
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 2: to deal with. And it's like, should that even still

719
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 2: be the topic of conversation? Are we aspiring to move

720
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,960
Speaker 2: out of our circumstances to circumstances that are a bit

721
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 2: softer because we don't have to, you know, live in

722
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,040
Speaker 2: these circumstances like we did when we were younger.

723
00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:00,520
Speaker 1: No, you're absolutely right. Like my whole approach things, it's

724
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 1: so different even with my boys, for example, with Jackson,

725
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 1: or somebody get your face, you snuffed them, don't let

726
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 1: nobody come in your space. Don't It was just very

727
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 1: grind me and gritty because that's how we grew up,

728
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 1: you know, grow up in fly Bush. If someone gets

729
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:12,479
Speaker 1: in your space, don't give them a chance to do

730
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,720
Speaker 1: something first, so you take them out. And if someone

731
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,880
Speaker 1: ice grilling you, you what the fuck you looking at?

732
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 1: Like that was what I was teaching Jackson, because that's

733
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 1: where we still lived. Now it's more like you're in

734
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:26,040
Speaker 1: a space where someone may be staring you. Try to

735
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 1: assess like they could be staring you because they know

736
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 1: who you are and they may want to have something

737
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 1: kind to say, so you being super aggressive off jump

738
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,960
Speaker 1: is unnecessary. You know, if you're in a situation someone

739
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:38,680
Speaker 1: evades your space, it's okay to back up, be like, yo,

740
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 1: can you you give me some space a little bit,

741
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 1: you know, rather than jump into conclusions, just yo, can

742
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 1: give me some space a little bit, and teaching them

743
00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 1: how to be diplomatic but also be slow to respond,

744
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 1: where in Brooklyn you can't be slow to respond.

745
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 2: Right, Yes, I still know your environment, like you're not

746
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 2: walking around here through this world like a space guy.

747
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 2: They're not aware of your surround having your spidy senses on.

748
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 2: But it's not the same as it used to be

749
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 2: when we were growing up. And you always hope that

750
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,640
Speaker 2: at least each generation you can take your children out

751
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 2: of the circumstances that you had to deal with. So

752
00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:13,240
Speaker 2: that's part of intentional parenting, which we're talking about today.

753
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 1: Speaking of intentional parents, we did something very very intentional

754
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 1: on the track trip that we really want to talk about.

755
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 1: We sat down with all of our boys and we say, Yo,

756
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 1: each of y'all are going to get five minutes to

757
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 1: just tell us how you feel about anything going on

758
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 1: in the day or your life.

759
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 2: So we started with Jackson because for the track meet

760
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 2: that we went to in Jacksonville, it was just Jackson

761
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 2: and Cairo, so Kats and Koda with my parents and yeah,

762
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 2: where did you come up with that? I meant to

763
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 2: ask you. I forgot to ask you in that moment,

764
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:44,240
Speaker 2: like what made you think to have that conversation with Jackson?

765
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 2: Initially it was.

766
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 1: Self reflection, like I just realized as a parent, I

767
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 1: spent so much more time talking to my kids about

768
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 1: what to expect that I realized that I never asked

769
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 1: them how they felt about anything, and I just was

770
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:57,840
Speaker 1: like talking and talking, and it was, you know, third

771
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: day in a row track, thirday in run, I'm talking, talking, talking.

772
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 1: I'm just like, is he getting it right? So then

773
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 1: I asked him and I was like, Yo, Jack's you

774
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 1: know what's your plan for tomorrow? And like a good

775
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:14,839
Speaker 1: trained West Indian Southern black child, he knew all of

776
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:18,160
Speaker 1: the things to say in order to get the conversation over.

777
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 1: Wake up early, when the lock in, when to work hard,

778
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 1: whatever happens happens, I'm gonna have fun. Man, you you

779
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 1: are a fucking robout. My guy, Like, that's your whole day.

780
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 1: I just told you have five minutes and in five

781
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 1: seconds you told me everything I said. I want you

782
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 1: to sit down and think about what you want to

783
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:37,959
Speaker 1: do with your whole day tomorrow and then the rest

784
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 1: of your life.

785
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,480
Speaker 2: Think about how you feel and what happened.

786
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 1: Hey crying started crying and I was like, why are

787
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:51,319
Speaker 1: you crying? I don't know what to say. I don't

788
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:52,359
Speaker 1: want to say the wrong thing.

789
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 2: And I was like wow, and then he said, I

790
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 2: just don't know, Like I'm an Ellis like I just

791
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 2: have to be perfect you and are like perfect and

792
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:04,600
Speaker 2: I have to live up to that. And I'm the

793
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:07,319
Speaker 2: oldest and we were like, oh my god. This poor

794
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 2: thing has been carrying this pressure because he feels as

795
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,920
Speaker 2: though his parents are so perfect that this is a

796
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 2: standard for him. And it kind of broke my heart

797
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,240
Speaker 2: a little bit, because I'm like, man, I didn't think

798
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:24,840
Speaker 2: that that's what he received from us trying to just

799
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 2: tell him things as parents like parenting. To me, Deval

800
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 2: and I just thought that we're parenting, we're telling them,

801
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 2: telling him and all the boys the things that they

802
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 2: needed are necessary to be good human beings. And we

803
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 2: didn't realize that, Wow, sometimes the conversations may just be

804
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,480
Speaker 2: all sports related and we're not just talking about him

805
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:44,359
Speaker 2: as a person, or maybe I'm just always about academics

806
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:48,360
Speaker 2: and not just getting to learn my son as a person.

807
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 2: What do you like? What don't you like? What can

808
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 2: mom do better as a mom? Is there anything that

809
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,800
Speaker 2: I can work on? Like these are like that spiral

810
00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 2: into this conversation with him, and we were like Jack,

811
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 2: you think Devali, Daddy and I walked out of here

812
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 2: just perfect. First of all, we're not, you know, we

813
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 2: failed so many times individually as children, as adolescents, we

814
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 2: failed together, we failed parents as parents, we failed publicly,

815
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,719
Speaker 2: like we've done a lot of that, But I didn't

816
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 2: know that in his fourteen year old mind. I guess

817
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:20,839
Speaker 2: the pedestal that he has us on his parents, which

818
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,240
Speaker 2: are the same things I had my parents on as

819
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 2: a child. We just wanted to kind of come down

820
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 2: from that and be like, Jack, you don't have to

821
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 2: aspire to this level of perfection that is non existent.

822
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,359
Speaker 1: They also check me too, because I was like, every

823
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 1: time I told to you, cry, what's the problem. And

824
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:40,640
Speaker 1: then I realized after having that conversation, he just didn't

825
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:42,279
Speaker 1: want to say the wrong thing because he thought he

826
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 1: was gonna get in trouble, and that fear made him

827
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,960
Speaker 1: nervous and it made him anxious. And then his eyes

828
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 1: were well up and he was like, I don't know

829
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,120
Speaker 1: why I get like this, And I realized, you get

830
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:51,799
Speaker 1: like this because of me.

831
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 4: Bro his conditioned to automatically.

832
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 3: It's tens up.

833
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 8: It's what it sounds like as my daughter does it too.

834
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,600
Speaker 8: It's telling you the answers that she thinks she want

835
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:06,560
Speaker 8: to want to hear. Ye, and I'm like, yo, you

836
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,239
Speaker 8: can't read my mind, man, Just talk. Just tell me

837
00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 8: what it is, because I don't want to hear what

838
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,240
Speaker 8: you think I want you to say.

839
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 6: That's a really good point. I used to cry too,

840
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 6: like at teacher parent conferences. I wasn't a bad kid.

841
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 6: I used to talk a lot, but I think that's

842
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 6: probably what it was. I would immediately break down because

843
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 6: I know that whatever's going to be said is not

844
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 6: what you want to hear. It's going to be something different,

845
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 6: something I can't predict. I don't really have an answer

846
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:34,880
Speaker 6: for it because I'm just a kid that's just doing

847
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 6: shit right and nobody's really asking me questions either.

848
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:44,759
Speaker 1: That's the thing. So literally trouble what we came down

849
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:46,319
Speaker 1: to because we did it with Kiro too, and I

850
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:47,640
Speaker 1: was like, yo, Kiro, tough, let's.

851
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 2: Say next day. Yeah, we did it at dinner with Cairo.

852
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:51,960
Speaker 1: It literally happened like this because you know, Kiro, shit

853
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 1: out all right, You're gonna do the same thing we

854
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:59,080
Speaker 1: did with Jackson yesterday. Robie, you have three minutes, that's

855
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:00,839
Speaker 1: what you want to do with your day? And he said,

856
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:06,920
Speaker 1: and I was like, Yo, it's cool. And what we

857
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:10,400
Speaker 1: also changed was we didn't shame them. Yeah crying. It

858
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 1: was in front of all of his brothers, and we

859
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 1: was like, yo, what you crying?

860
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:15,120
Speaker 2: That was kas in front of all of his brothers.

861
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:17,399
Speaker 2: Kiro were just at dinner together. It was the four

862
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,439
Speaker 2: of us. But with Cairo was interesting because once he

863
00:38:20,719 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 2: once he started crying. But then he was just like,

864
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:26,560
Speaker 2: I just love you guys so much. I love my brothers,

865
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 2: and I loved my life.

866
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:30,359
Speaker 1: It feels much.

867
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 2: Feels so much like as tough as his little exterior is,

868
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 2: that little muscleman, he is probably the most sensitive child.

869
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:43,759
Speaker 1: Do you remember what happened? Jackson was just like, Bro,

870
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 1: it's okay. I cried too, And then we watched Kyro

871
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:53,440
Speaker 1: go like this, yeah, well in that case, I want

872
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,560
Speaker 1: to go to the NFL. And then he just started

873
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 1: rambling on about all the things and he's like, Daddy,

874
00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:59,560
Speaker 1: how much time I have left? And I was like

875
00:38:59,600 --> 00:38:59,919
Speaker 1: just go.

876
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 2: Yep, but like I want to be an actor, I

877
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 2: want to sing. I wanted us to learn about Jesus yep.

878
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 1: And he just was talking and he I feel like

879
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:10,840
Speaker 1: it was like a load of like a load, but

880
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 1: I can say anything, nothing's wrong.

881
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, no one's judging me. It doesn't have to come

882
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 2: out perfectly either. And we just like reassured him the

883
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:19,760
Speaker 2: whole way through. And it was nice to see Jackson

884
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 2: in that moment as the older brother be like, Bro,

885
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:24,440
Speaker 2: like it happens like I went through this, and then

886
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:26,839
Speaker 2: Jackson we reversed it in that night as a Jacks,

887
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:28,400
Speaker 2: do you have anything else you want to say? And

888
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 2: Jackson was like, yeah, well how much time I got

889
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,800
Speaker 2: And then it was like the conversation kept going.

890
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:36,360
Speaker 1: The next day, Jackson had completely switched. Cairo was good.

891
00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:38,279
Speaker 1: We came home and you're right. We did it with

892
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 1: Dakoda with Cass here, Caz started crying for he didn't

893
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 1: know what to say at all, and that's when we

894
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,640
Speaker 1: realized with Kas, like, Yo, Kaz is seven years old.

895
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 1: He's been in this house mainly with his grandparents who

896
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,920
Speaker 1: don't ever ask him anything. They tell him what to do.

897
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 1: Cairo tells him what to do right and for him

898
00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,200
Speaker 1: or does it for him, And now at seven, we're

899
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 1: asking him his opinion on things and he's looking like

900
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:04,880
Speaker 1: like what like an opinion? Like I just do what

901
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 1: Cairo says, And that's when we realized, like, man, we

902
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 1: need to sit them all down and let them talk

903
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:11,960
Speaker 1: about what they want to do and not shame them.

904
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:15,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's yeah, that's part of the intentionality that

905
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 2: we saw helped this summer. Yeah, but it also just

906
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 2: locking in in this kind of way with them allowed

907
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:24,879
Speaker 2: us to also see some things in each of them

908
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 2: that were like, Okay, we need to help him correct this.

909
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 2: For example, with Kaz, because he moved here with us

910
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 2: from California and been with my mom the entire time. Cairo,

911
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 2: who takes so much pride in being the older brother,

912
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 2: you know, he'll come in, like first day of school

913
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,359
Speaker 2: last year they were at a new school. Kiro's like, here,

914
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,280
Speaker 2: let me take your backpack, let me take your jacket.

915
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 2: I'm hanging up for you. And his teacher has to say, hey,

916
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:47,400
Speaker 2: let me let me see Kaz do it. Yeah, I

917
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,440
Speaker 2: think Kaz can do it. Let him do it. And

918
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 2: then Kaz, a little apprehensive, was like when to put

919
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 2: his backpack up and all that. So we realized how

920
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:57,440
Speaker 2: much of a detriment it's been for Cairo to be

921
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,440
Speaker 2: so close to him, because Kaz, essentially we'll look at

922
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 2: us some days and be like, what are I gonna do?

923
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:04,839
Speaker 2: I'm like, Kaz, brush your teeth, wash your face, come down.

924
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:07,360
Speaker 1: I mean, you know you hurt me in there just

925
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 1: now with him. And this is another thing people don't understand.

926
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 1: I'm very old school. It is the way I am. Right.

927
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:15,919
Speaker 1: My kids all say they want to play sports, I'm

928
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,239
Speaker 1: going to coach you now, like like a coach is

929
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 1: going to coach you, So I scream at them. I'm

930
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 1: on him about details. I use certain words that are

931
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:27,320
Speaker 1: curse words that get their attention, because Kaz sometimes becomes

932
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 1: a space to that. He spent the last seven eight

933
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 1: years of his life waiting for Cairo. So I'm telling

934
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,360
Speaker 1: all of them to do things, and he's just not focused.

935
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:36,000
Speaker 1: He's just do da da da. And then when it's

936
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 1: his turn, he messes it up or rushes through it

937
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:41,080
Speaker 1: and it takes me being like yo, pay attention, like

938
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:44,280
Speaker 1: what the fuck? And then he's like then he's knocking

939
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 1: it out and they're like yo, how does he do

940
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:49,880
Speaker 1: that so easy? And I'm like, you see right, And

941
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:53,839
Speaker 1: it's like that that little bit of energy to where

942
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:57,719
Speaker 1: he realized there's a consequence, because case too. If there's

943
00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 1: no consequence for Kaz, he gon on, he gonna cast Yes.

944
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:05,560
Speaker 2: The teacher said he was the story.

945
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,279
Speaker 1: He was doing the math problem, couldn't figure it out,

946
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,000
Speaker 1: just stopped in the middle of it, put his book.

947
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:12,799
Speaker 1: That is me, I'm not doing this. I did that

948
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:13,960
Speaker 1: on my math regions.

949
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:15,239
Speaker 5: Finished the whole first.

950
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 3: If he had a phone hem on Instagram.

951
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:20,320
Speaker 4: The mas reasons I finished the whole first part, I

952
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:22,160
Speaker 4: tak wait, I'm not getting the reaches the poem anyway.

953
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:25,879
Speaker 4: I already felt Spanish. I left the class, I handed

954
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:27,880
Speaker 4: in the paper, got the results back. I had a

955
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:29,840
Speaker 4: perfect score in the first part and failed because I

956
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:30,759
Speaker 4: didn't do the second part.

957
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 5: There was no consequence. So here, y'all take this.

958
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 1: Man to cust your ass out so bad that.

959
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 2: Man is the homeworks.

960
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:49,280
Speaker 1: I've never failed. I've never failed the regions. Now, luckie bucks,

961
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 1: it wasn't.

962
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 5: It wasn't important reasions. Let's clarify that for reasons.

963
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 1: That's how I felt about homework. There was one classman,

964
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 1: I ain't do no homework. I ain't no homework. I

965
00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 1: got one hundred and everything and got an eighty five

966
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 1: in the class.

967
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:02,800
Speaker 3: That's crazy.

968
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 1: And my mom was hissed, telling me fifteen percent is homework.

969
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:08,720
Speaker 1: And I said, Mom, I got one hundred on everything.

970
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:11,080
Speaker 1: Why do I need to do this? Like? Why? She

971
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 1: was like And to this day I didn't understand it

972
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 1: until I had kids. Because your attention to detail or

973
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:20,799
Speaker 1: lack of attention to detail, and one aspect of your

974
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 1: life will show yourself in another another one when you

975
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:27,399
Speaker 1: need it. And I realized that with football things that

976
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 1: you know. Sometimes I would just let shit rock and

977
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 1: I go over this with Jackson man caught nine punts

978
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:34,520
Speaker 1: in a row? Was the last punt. I'm not really focused.

979
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:37,360
Speaker 1: I bobble it. Yeah, that's the one they paying attention to,

980
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:40,359
Speaker 1: and he not paying it And I'm just like, fuck,

981
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:42,239
Speaker 1: why I caught nine? Why do you care about the

982
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:42,759
Speaker 1: tenth one?

983
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 3: And that's the difference between good and great, right is

984
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 3: to find you find details.

985
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:48,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I had a whole great game and in

986
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,080
Speaker 4: the fourth quarter you dropped that punt when we need it.

987
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:52,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why I'm not in an NFL no more.

988
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,520
Speaker 6: And the pressure you started learning how to do everything.

989
00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 6: Like my friend yesterday, I was talking to my friend,

990
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:02,360
Speaker 6: was her bird and her son was being irritated. She like,

991
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 6: he over here playing with the damn tape measure. You know,

992
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:09,479
Speaker 6: they just moved and I'm like, it's probably his first

993
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 6: time picking up the tape measure, Like that is interesting

994
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 6: as hell to him. And it's the same thing with

995
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:18,720
Speaker 6: like communication, with like focus, with like you're not doing something,

996
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:20,920
Speaker 6: now here's a consequence. Now I'm learning that I have

997
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,359
Speaker 6: to focus in this scenario. This is my first time

998
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:26,440
Speaker 6: ever doing that and ever facing that consequence, and it's

999
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 6: important to do that. I feel like you're gonna fuck

1000
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 6: your kids up either way. Absolutely, So they could either

1001
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,400
Speaker 6: be fucked up and focused or fucked up in like that.

1002
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 1: That's what I'm at now. Yeah, for sure, you're not

1003
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 1: gonna be aloof You're gonna be fucked up with focus.

1004
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 2: Yeah. And then you kind of as a parent, who

1005
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:43,120
Speaker 2: sometimes I realize this because I've done it. You take

1006
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:46,239
Speaker 2: for granted that one kid will absorb something or get

1007
00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 2: something easily because another kid got it easily. Yeah, and

1008
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:51,799
Speaker 2: you didn't realize like, oh wait a second, you a

1009
00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:55,359
Speaker 2: may learn differently, You may have different requirements, you may

1010
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:57,239
Speaker 2: need you know, you just have a different attention span.

1011
00:44:57,320 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 2: You just a different person altogether. So something that makes

1012
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 2: came may have come easily to Jackson, and we realized, Okay,

1013
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:05,040
Speaker 2: Cairo needs a little bit of work with this, or

1014
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:07,080
Speaker 2: it came easily to Cairo. It's like, well, kaz Ne

1015
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:09,560
Speaker 2: is a whole different approach. Like we had to learn

1016
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:12,359
Speaker 2: how the style step with each child because they all

1017
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:16,840
Speaker 2: learn differently, they accept communication and criticism differently, and that's

1018
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 2: something we locked in this summer with them, especially with

1019
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:22,120
Speaker 2: like Kaz and reading for example. You know the Coda

1020
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:23,839
Speaker 2: has a little attitude, like his.

1021
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 1: Little a little listen, he gonna get one of these

1022
00:45:32,239 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 1: at one.

1023
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:35,880
Speaker 2: Coda's little face and the way he cuts his eyes

1024
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 2: sometimes like he is my child attitude with me.

1025
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:41,920
Speaker 6: So I've seen it.

1026
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 1: I know, I know exactly when it happened, and I

1027
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:47,360
Speaker 1: know Josh had a question, but you know when it happened.

1028
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,840
Speaker 1: The minute we said you are we actually said, you

1029
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:51,719
Speaker 1: know this is not Mimi's house. You understand this right,

1030
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 1: you have to use your words. The minute we started

1031
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:56,840
Speaker 1: making him use his words rather than him pointing, he

1032
00:45:56,880 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 1: started doing this brouh It was that. I never forget

1033
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 1: the moment. I'm like he rolled his eyes and then

1034
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:06,799
Speaker 1: walked away because he didn't even want to say cup.

1035
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:08,719
Speaker 1: He said, fuck it, I don't even want the cup

1036
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:11,560
Speaker 1: no more? It right, just because you want me to

1037
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 1: say it. And he would say stuff like this, fine,

1038
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 1: I don't want it no more? Wow, bro, I don't

1039
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:22,400
Speaker 1: want to. I don't You'll still doing You're like, fine, mom,

1040
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:26,800
Speaker 1: what you're watching one?

1041
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:29,200
Speaker 5: Because you know you're not supposed to You're not supposed

1042
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:29,760
Speaker 5: to be watching.

1043
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 2: Right exactly, And it's hilarious to see. I forgot one

1044
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:35,319
Speaker 2: time that I was telling him to do something and

1045
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:38,360
Speaker 2: he just closed his eyes like he's got to fake sleeping.

1046
00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:40,959
Speaker 2: I was like, you you're gonna fake sleep, You're gonna

1047
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 2: fake sleep, and he was like.

1048
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 1: Making noise that eyes. He got an attitude. Who's your question, Josh?

1049
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:54,960
Speaker 1: Is it that? Yeah? About the video?

1050
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 6: This freaking video is living ring free in my head

1051
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 6: with the color in the freaking nerve gun. Because he

1052
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:04,959
Speaker 6: had all this attitude with the Valt like car got

1053
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:07,640
Speaker 6: it to his brothers.

1054
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:13,799
Speaker 1: He ain't have no nothing. Then he backed up, like

1055
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 1: that's the video.

1056
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 3: I say, he's a lover, not a fighter.

1057
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 1: Yo.

1058
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:22,400
Speaker 2: Josh is never gonna let the code living down. That

1059
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:23,479
Speaker 2: he was the only one boy.

1060
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:27,239
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, that was a proof though.

1061
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:31,799
Speaker 1: He did not mean he had the opportunity. He didn't.

1062
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 1: He didn't. He didn't even know how to pull a

1063
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 1: gun out. He went over there and said.

1064
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:39,720
Speaker 2: He had to Jack twy words.

1065
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:41,800
Speaker 1: Jason didn' Jason pulled the gun out, looked at it.

1066
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 1: He was like, you must look at it.

1067
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:45,759
Speaker 6: He didn't even pointed at him, He just looked at

1068
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:49,360
Speaker 6: it like this, would you.

1069
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:54,040
Speaker 1: Please? This is when I realized though, that they be

1070
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:56,800
Speaker 1: bothering my youngest son. It was in that moment and

1071
00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 1: Jackson pulled that gun out and to go to it

1072
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:03,239
Speaker 1: like this, this trauma, what do you be doing? This

1073
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:05,319
Speaker 1: is another reason why you got to be deliberate, right,

1074
00:48:05,719 --> 00:48:10,640
Speaker 1: check this story out. The last four days, we're like, yo, Dakota,

1075
00:48:10,719 --> 00:48:13,960
Speaker 1: go to the bathroom. No, No, I'm scared. I'm scared.

1076
00:48:14,680 --> 00:48:16,920
Speaker 1: I'm like scared to go to the bathroom. Right, So

1077
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:18,319
Speaker 1: I turned the light and I'm like go, and he's

1078
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:20,840
Speaker 1: still hesitant, right, so I push him in the bathroom

1079
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:23,239
Speaker 1: and ultimately he goes. He comes back the next day,

1080
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 1: goes by. He's in the back calling her name, may

1081
00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:30,839
Speaker 1: a man. So then I walked back there and I'm

1082
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:32,920
Speaker 1: getting ready to go, hid like the fuck you screaming

1083
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:34,520
Speaker 1: your mother's name for she wanted to go this And

1084
00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 1: he's standing there, lights on, but he won't come out

1085
00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:41,239
Speaker 1: the bathroom. And then I said, wait a minute, what.

1086
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:42,440
Speaker 5: Did they do to you?

1087
00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:44,719
Speaker 1: Your brother's be scaring you.

1088
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 2: I'm like, what are you scared of? Come onster?

1089
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 1: And I'm my older brother, so I know I used

1090
00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:53,400
Speaker 1: to do it to my brother. I used to do

1091
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:54,239
Speaker 1: it and.

1092
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 2: They would like lock him in the closet or close

1093
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:56,439
Speaker 2: the door.

1094
00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 1: They didn't do that to Dakota, but they'll do stuff

1095
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,840
Speaker 1: like They'll all be downstairs in the boy cave and

1096
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:05,359
Speaker 1: I'll call them, like, yo, everybody come upstairs. What they do,

1097
00:49:05,719 --> 00:49:08,520
Speaker 1: turn the lights off, everybody run upstairs. So now he's left.

1098
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 1: So then he gets up there and he's nervous. They're

1099
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:12,719
Speaker 1: waiting in the back corridor. So then as soon as

1100
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:14,400
Speaker 1: he gets to the door to jump out, and he

1101
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:18,359
Speaker 1: runs upstairs. The monsters. So I know because I used

1102
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:20,919
Speaker 1: to do that. So now I got to play dad.

1103
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:22,800
Speaker 1: So I bring him out. Right, He's got his towel

1104
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:25,399
Speaker 1: on you. He nervous. I said, come here, you see

1105
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 1: your brothers. Watch this. Your brothers will never ever against

1106
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:32,520
Speaker 1: scare you, because I'm gonna slap this shit out of them,

1107
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 1: right Jackson. Jackson's like, yep, yep, I'm not I'm not good.

1108
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:39,040
Speaker 1: Are you good? And then I said, right, Cairo Kyro

1109
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 1: upstairs like yeah, man, nothing from me. I'd be trying

1110
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:44,160
Speaker 1: to help him. It don't beat me, Cairo. He's like,

1111
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:46,399
Speaker 1: all right, I just I do it once in a while.

1112
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:50,239
Speaker 1: But after that moment of me having to be the

1113
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:53,960
Speaker 1: hard ass dad and threatening all the brothers. Now, he fine,

1114
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 1: but it's just if you're not aware about what your

1115
00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:59,279
Speaker 1: kids are going through in the house. Because here I was,

1116
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:00,920
Speaker 1: I was about to jump on him, right, why are

1117
00:50:00,920 --> 00:50:02,719
Speaker 1: you screaming him up? While? And it would have been

1118
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 1: all on him. And he's three years old. His brothers

1119
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:08,520
Speaker 1: are scaring him, and now I've turned his trauma into

1120
00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 1: something that he has to learn how to deal with

1121
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:11,279
Speaker 1: with them scaring each other.

1122
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:13,480
Speaker 2: But he got his lick back though, because one night

1123
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 2: he wants to sleep in Kiro's bed with him and

1124
00:50:16,360 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 2: they woke him in the morning. Carrol was just like,

1125
00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:23,080
Speaker 2: my bed's wet, and Dakota, who was just like, my

1126
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:26,120
Speaker 2: pants are wet. I said, I said, what happened? Because

1127
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:28,560
Speaker 2: the colda doesn't he doesn't have accidents since he was

1128
00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:30,880
Speaker 2: botty training, he's been good. And he was like, I

1129
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:33,520
Speaker 2: peep myself. So I said, you see, you scared him

1130
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:34,799
Speaker 2: so much that he wouldn't even get up to go

1131
00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:36,960
Speaker 2: to use the bathroom. Overnight's not gonna take your sheets

1132
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:38,800
Speaker 2: off your bed and we'll put them in the washing machine.

1133
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:40,040
Speaker 2: And Carol was like all right.

1134
00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:41,719
Speaker 8: Yeah, he was like all right, and he did it

1135
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:44,040
Speaker 8: on day bed.

1136
00:50:44,360 --> 00:50:45,960
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna tell you how smart our kids are,

1137
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:49,879
Speaker 1: right Jackson Jackson. It was four nights in the row

1138
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:52,080
Speaker 1: in the apartment, we in the bed, We wake up

1139
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:53,719
Speaker 1: in the middle of the bed, it's wet.

1140
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:55,399
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. When he was like three years on.

1141
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:58,560
Speaker 1: The age, and I'm like, yo, why you keep peeing

1142
00:50:58,560 --> 00:51:00,719
Speaker 1: in our bed? Bro, like you was in your bed,

1143
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 1: Why come in here and pee? Until I realized he's

1144
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:06,920
Speaker 1: scared to go into that bathroom because when you flush

1145
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:09,800
Speaker 1: the toilet and laugh, it's like it's the old school

1146
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:13,440
Speaker 1: apartment where it's the pre World War two. The bathroom

1147
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:16,440
Speaker 1: is like oh. So I went in there with him

1148
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 1: and I was like, yo, go pee, and he was like, so.

1149
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 1: Then he pee and I was like, flush the toilet

1150
00:51:21,440 --> 00:51:23,200
Speaker 1: he was like and I was like, yo, don't leave

1151
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,399
Speaker 1: pee or poop in the toilet, like we don't do that. Man.

1152
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:29,840
Speaker 1: He hit that toilet and ran so fast to my arms,

1153
00:51:29,880 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 1: and I realized, you was scared, bro, You wasn't just

1154
00:51:32,719 --> 00:51:35,319
Speaker 1: peeing in the bed, right. And I think that's an

1155
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:38,040
Speaker 1: important part of you know, being deliberate as a parent,

1156
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:41,160
Speaker 1: understanding your kids' traumas. Because you said something that was

1157
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:43,239
Speaker 1: very important me, and you backed it up right when

1158
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:46,319
Speaker 1: you talked about just spending time so you can learn them,

1159
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:48,600
Speaker 1: and then you talked about how they all learned differently.

1160
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:51,480
Speaker 1: One mistake I know I made is I expected all

1161
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:54,920
Speaker 1: my kids to learn the way I learned, and when

1162
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:57,000
Speaker 1: they didn't learn like me, I would shame them for

1163
00:51:57,160 --> 00:51:59,920
Speaker 1: not understanding it the way I understood it. Now I

1164
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:02,480
Speaker 1: sit down and I break everything down to them in

1165
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 1: the way they need it. Kaz needed to be syllable

1166
00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:09,360
Speaker 1: after syllable. He needs it to be disciplined. Thrown in there. Cairo,

1167
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:11,560
Speaker 1: he just needs to see it, make it fun, making

1168
00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:16,800
Speaker 1: a game. Jackson syllable by syllable. It needs to be disciplined, Dakota.

1169
00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 1: He just got to see it one time. And I'm

1170
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 1: learning now, like I can't just make all of my

1171
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:25,040
Speaker 1: parenting advice around one simple format.

1172
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:27,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, because I'm sure that, like as your children, you

1173
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:30,040
Speaker 6: think that they are going to be many versions of you.

1174
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:30,960
Speaker 1: You think that you're.

1175
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:33,359
Speaker 6: Teaching them how to learn, or even you're kind of

1176
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:36,600
Speaker 6: giving them their personality because they're around you, they see

1177
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:39,000
Speaker 6: what you do, and they're just picking up and absorbing

1178
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:41,319
Speaker 6: the way that you are. But that they come with

1179
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 6: a lot of their own settings. They got like factory

1180
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:49,759
Speaker 6: setting and just kind of you.

1181
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:51,560
Speaker 3: It ain't you all like all of you?

1182
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, and it's parts of us. What I learned

1183
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:59,640
Speaker 1: about our kids is that Jackson and Kaz has her personality.

1184
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:03,479
Speaker 1: They don't mind being by themselves and they don't mind

1185
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:07,800
Speaker 1: being quiet. They also don't like conflict. So sometimes I

1186
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:10,440
Speaker 1: like it was wrong with you, you know, like I'm like,

1187
00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:12,360
Speaker 1: you a boy like me, you're supposed to be, and

1188
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:14,960
Speaker 1: they just like, nothing's wrong. I'm just chilling, and I'm like, dang,

1189
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:17,160
Speaker 1: you just like your mother. But I thought because they're

1190
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,440
Speaker 1: little versions of me, they would have my same attitude.

1191
00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:23,239
Speaker 1: Then you got Dakota and Cairo. They jumping beans, they

1192
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 1: jumping around the house every five seconds, they doing something.

1193
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:27,800
Speaker 1: Daty can we go outside? Dy can go in the pool.

1194
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:29,640
Speaker 1: And then I'll be like, yo, okay, y'all calm down,

1195
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:31,799
Speaker 1: like you don't see your brothers just sitting And I'm like,

1196
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:34,200
Speaker 1: I can't do that. I can't compare you to your

1197
00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:36,359
Speaker 1: brother and say you not doing this, because that's right.

1198
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:38,719
Speaker 1: I have to accept the fact that the things that

1199
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:40,880
Speaker 1: I like and don't like about myself. You're going to

1200
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:43,120
Speaker 1: have both of them. The things that I like and

1201
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:45,160
Speaker 1: don't like about your mom, You're going to have both

1202
00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 1: of those too, So I have to learn how to

1203
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:47,680
Speaker 1: manage them.

1204
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:49,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, giving our kids a little grace. I don't think

1205
00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:52,040
Speaker 2: people give our kids grace because they're living life too

1206
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:54,279
Speaker 2: for the first time, just like that, you know, So

1207
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:56,239
Speaker 2: they're trying to figure things out. And I would hope

1208
00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:57,920
Speaker 2: that they have the same grace with me when the

1209
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:00,400
Speaker 2: roles reverse and then I don't know shit about AI

1210
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:03,799
Speaker 2: and all these textions. I'm going to be the mom

1211
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:09,480
Speaker 2: that's like, Jackson, can you reset my phone about somebody you.

1212
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:11,319
Speaker 1: Are right now?

1213
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:14,480
Speaker 3: Yesterday it was like, I don't.

1214
00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:18,960
Speaker 1: What says this? Do not this therapy?

1215
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:20,239
Speaker 3: Please disturb me?

1216
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:22,319
Speaker 1: I want to know that is you.

1217
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:26,439
Speaker 2: I was like, personal, Josh, what's personal? Meaning? Personal? Meaning?

1218
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:32,800
Speaker 2: Like they in my personal because you know, Apple and

1219
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:34,160
Speaker 2: y'all be in my business, I mean.

1220
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:36,239
Speaker 1: Business all personality.

1221
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:40,280
Speaker 6: I don't want my person my business.

1222
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:42,399
Speaker 1: Man, Josh.

1223
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:44,600
Speaker 8: What thing I want to talk about is being intentional.

1224
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:49,480
Speaker 8: So last week, uh, my wife checked me on spending

1225
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:50,279
Speaker 8: time with our daughter.

1226
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:51,080
Speaker 3: So we go on.

1227
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:53,839
Speaker 8: Vacation, and when I vacation, I vacation. Bro, Like, I

1228
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:55,960
Speaker 8: want to sit in the hammock. I want to sit

1229
00:54:56,040 --> 00:54:58,239
Speaker 8: in the in the chair, you know what I'm saying.

1230
00:54:58,239 --> 00:54:59,000
Speaker 3: I want to be in the sun.

1231
00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:01,080
Speaker 8: I want to be in shade on my fingers and saying,

1232
00:55:01,120 --> 00:55:04,480
Speaker 8: but I don't really care about doing much else. My daughter,

1233
00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 8: on the other hand, inner city Brooklyn kid, she see

1234
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:11,839
Speaker 8: your pool, yeah right, she see like water slides year.

1235
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:14,360
Speaker 8: But I want to chill. I just started reading books.

1236
00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:17,360
Speaker 8: I'm trying to read my book. But then I'm putting

1237
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:19,560
Speaker 8: all the pressure on my wife. Right, So that's one thing.

1238
00:55:19,600 --> 00:55:29,319
Speaker 8: She was like, Yo, yesterday it's cool. Today I am done.

1239
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:30,240
Speaker 5: Right.

1240
00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:33,880
Speaker 8: So I realized, like I had to I had to

1241
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:36,520
Speaker 8: be intentional with that. But on the flip side of

1242
00:55:36,520 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 8: the second part of conversation with she was like, yo,

1243
00:55:38,640 --> 00:55:40,600
Speaker 8: you really got to date. You gotta take her on

1244
00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:45,919
Speaker 8: dates too, And it's something that I'm not really as

1245
00:55:45,960 --> 00:55:48,920
Speaker 8: intentional about in the dating part. And I say, you do, okay,

1246
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:51,279
Speaker 8: I'll take her to the movies. This is nothing we

1247
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:52,920
Speaker 8: will see in the movies. We'll watch the movies, you

1248
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:53,600
Speaker 8: will do whatever.

1249
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:56,920
Speaker 1: But I'm not like, Okay, let's go to Broadway and

1250
00:55:56,960 --> 00:55:59,120
Speaker 1: see something different. You know what I'm saying that she's

1251
00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:01,879
Speaker 1: never really seen before. You know what I'm saying because

1252
00:56:01,880 --> 00:56:04,000
Speaker 1: she watches movies all the time. That's not really a date.

1253
00:56:04,360 --> 00:56:05,040
Speaker 1: You watch it at home.

1254
00:56:05,960 --> 00:56:08,200
Speaker 2: You can't really interact either, Yes.

1255
00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:11,880
Speaker 1: And why you can't really like we're not expounding on, Like,

1256
00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:13,880
Speaker 1: let me ask a question. Yeah, it could be different

1257
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:15,400
Speaker 1: if you had a son. The only reason why I

1258
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:17,080
Speaker 1: asked is because I had to have the same conversation

1259
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:19,440
Speaker 1: with Kay with the boys, because yeah, I know that

1260
00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:21,239
Speaker 1: your sons, but you need to interact with them. And

1261
00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:23,200
Speaker 1: she was just like, like, what you mean, I don't

1262
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:23,800
Speaker 1: play sports.

1263
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:26,440
Speaker 8: You think it's different, because I think it's definitely different

1264
00:56:26,440 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 8: because I put a lot of the onus on her

1265
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:30,279
Speaker 8: mom to do a lot of the stuff that she

1266
00:56:30,360 --> 00:56:34,400
Speaker 8: wants to do, as opposed to I see, I'm interactive

1267
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:37,960
Speaker 8: with her on the stuff that I want to do, right,

1268
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:40,680
Speaker 8: I can't do much about true stuff that I want

1269
00:56:40,719 --> 00:56:40,960
Speaker 8: to do.

1270
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:42,840
Speaker 2: Because I'm the same with them. I'm like going to

1271
00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:44,799
Speaker 2: pull you in the kitchen. I'm going to do those

1272
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:46,520
Speaker 2: things because I'm like that's the stuff I feel like

1273
00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:47,920
Speaker 2: I should be interacting and teaching you.

1274
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 8: Yeah, and then the stuff that she want to do.

1275
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:52,879
Speaker 8: I'm just like, your mom could like do that, but

1276
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:55,120
Speaker 8: my wife is like, nah, the stuff that she wants

1277
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:57,279
Speaker 8: to do, you have to also be involved in that too.

1278
00:56:57,680 --> 00:57:00,279
Speaker 8: Because I realized I don't. I'll have to ask her,

1279
00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:01,799
Speaker 8: like what you want to do? You know what I'm saying,

1280
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:04,560
Speaker 8: as supposed to like speak to her, as opposed to

1281
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:06,919
Speaker 8: know it. I'll take her to like or I sit

1282
00:57:06,960 --> 00:57:09,040
Speaker 8: down with her and watch a whole joint on YouTube

1283
00:57:09,080 --> 00:57:12,200
Speaker 8: about drawing, because I know I like joint. I like

1284
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:14,279
Speaker 8: she like. I like that she does it too. But

1285
00:57:14,360 --> 00:57:16,480
Speaker 8: the stuff that she does that I don't care for,

1286
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:18,280
Speaker 8: I don't do that.

1287
00:57:18,320 --> 00:57:19,560
Speaker 3: So my mom.

1288
00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:21,560
Speaker 1: I got to give a big, big shout out to

1289
00:57:21,600 --> 00:57:21,919
Speaker 1: my mom.

1290
00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 2: Yo.

1291
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:25,320
Speaker 1: My mom used to make us go on dates where

1292
00:57:25,320 --> 00:57:27,120
Speaker 1: she would take us. We would have to go to

1293
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:29,640
Speaker 1: a restaurant. She would drive, but I would have to

1294
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:32,240
Speaker 1: stand on the outside of the street open the door.

1295
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:34,600
Speaker 1: We would sit down and she would I would have

1296
00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 1: to talk to her about stuff. And I never understood

1297
00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:41,400
Speaker 1: it until I became someone's boyfriend. And now we're going

1298
00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:43,760
Speaker 1: out to do stuff, and I know what it's like

1299
00:57:43,840 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 1: to be a woman because my mom made me do this.

1300
00:57:46,880 --> 00:57:49,200
Speaker 1: I watched her do this with Jackson. They went and

1301
00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:52,840
Speaker 1: traveled from here flying private from DC to and whatever.

1302
00:57:53,040 --> 00:57:57,800
Speaker 1: When they went to DC to watch and I watched

1303
00:57:57,840 --> 00:58:00,000
Speaker 1: some of the footage that Jackson got on his phone

1304
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:02,800
Speaker 1: and he's walking outside of his mom and he's holding

1305
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 1: it up. He always gets the door. They ordered room servicing,

1306
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:08,880
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yo, you're learning how to date because

1307
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:11,280
Speaker 1: you're like, you have to take your mom on a date.

1308
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:13,360
Speaker 2: I think it's dope being on the receiving end of

1309
00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:16,400
Speaker 2: it when we started dating, you know, the receiving it. Anyway,

1310
00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:20,200
Speaker 2: at the receiving end of it dating you you didn't

1311
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,520
Speaker 2: miss a beat like he didn't. You really just didn't

1312
00:58:22,520 --> 00:58:24,800
Speaker 2: disappoint when it came to dating because you were like

1313
00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:28,280
Speaker 2: such a gentleman. You know. One time, one time Jackson

1314
00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:30,360
Speaker 2: went to get in the car and I stood outside

1315
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:33,360
Speaker 2: the driver's door and I just stood there. Jackson inside

1316
00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:35,040
Speaker 2: the car, he plugging his phone up and I'm just

1317
00:58:35,040 --> 00:58:38,440
Speaker 2: standing outside the car. And then he looks and he's like,

1318
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:41,160
Speaker 2: bad mom, because I'm not going to open the door.

1319
00:58:41,280 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 2: And the val literally says to me, He's like, you

1320
00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:45,280
Speaker 2: have me and four sons.

1321
00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:48,960
Speaker 8: That's in on both sides, Like I showed you, I

1322
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:53,160
Speaker 8: taught you, and now application I'm not even going to

1323
00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:54,880
Speaker 8: tell you, like you got to figure it out.

1324
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:57,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I asked you too. Because as a father two boys,

1325
00:58:58,600 --> 00:59:01,720
Speaker 1: I am concerned with how people are raising their daughters

1326
00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:04,840
Speaker 1: the same way I'm raising my sons to be chivalrousts

1327
00:59:04,840 --> 00:59:07,480
Speaker 1: and to care for women. I hope that there are

1328
00:59:07,520 --> 00:59:09,680
Speaker 1: men and women out there raising their daughters to do

1329
00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:12,880
Speaker 1: the same for young men, because it's not supposed to

1330
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:15,640
Speaker 1: go one way. It acquires both you know what I'm meaning,

1331
00:59:15,680 --> 00:59:18,320
Speaker 1: and to hear that you know you are doing that.

1332
00:59:18,360 --> 00:59:20,600
Speaker 1: And Anika is saying like, yo, you got to date

1333
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:22,760
Speaker 1: her and stuff. That makes me feel good because that

1334
00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:24,680
Speaker 1: means there's going to be another young lady out there

1335
00:59:24,880 --> 00:59:28,760
Speaker 1: who is going to value the time spent her father

1336
00:59:28,880 --> 00:59:31,800
Speaker 1: and value those small things. Oh my dad said that

1337
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:34,040
Speaker 1: this is what men like. And then she wants to

1338
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:35,360
Speaker 1: be a wife because she may not want to be

1339
00:59:35,360 --> 00:59:37,520
Speaker 1: a but if she does want to be a wife,

1340
00:59:37,520 --> 00:59:40,760
Speaker 1: at least I know or someone else knows that, Hey,

1341
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:43,000
Speaker 1: she's prepared the same way my boys who said they

1342
00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:45,320
Speaker 1: want to be husbands. This is what it is, bro.

1343
00:59:45,760 --> 00:59:48,240
Speaker 8: Yeah, I hope that's I hope that's the by product

1344
00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:50,240
Speaker 8: that comes off it. I think for me, like the

1345
00:59:50,240 --> 00:59:52,160
Speaker 8: most important thing is the fact that I got time

1346
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:54,680
Speaker 8: spent with my daughter and she has tom spent with me.

1347
00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 8: Like I don't even I'm not even thinking about these

1348
00:59:57,320 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 8: little niggas because they gonna come, right. I just hope

1349
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:05,120
Speaker 8: like those that being intentional with her. The byproducts of that,

1350
01:00:05,240 --> 01:00:07,720
Speaker 8: absolutely is are all those things.

1351
01:00:07,720 --> 01:00:09,040
Speaker 3: But I mean, she.

1352
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:11,440
Speaker 1: Won't she won't take no disrespect from no one with

1353
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:14,840
Speaker 1: I can tell you that. Listen, I've seen you see

1354
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:16,760
Speaker 1: it on the street. You you see, you see it.

1355
01:00:16,800 --> 01:00:18,720
Speaker 8: You can see a young woman and you could be like,

1356
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:22,600
Speaker 8: there is no for other figure in that young woman's life,

1357
01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:25,720
Speaker 8: and it's not her fault. A lot of times it's

1358
01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:28,600
Speaker 8: probably not the child's fault, although the ladies fault. But

1359
01:00:29,320 --> 01:00:34,240
Speaker 8: I'm my biggest fear is like seeing my daughter or

1360
01:00:34,360 --> 01:00:36,720
Speaker 8: somebody seeing my daughter through the eyes that I'm seeing

1361
01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:38,400
Speaker 8: people on the streets.

1362
01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:39,840
Speaker 1: So I know how you feel because I was the

1363
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:42,000
Speaker 1: same way a prototype. Think about all of the young

1364
01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:44,800
Speaker 1: kids we mentored, and I was like, your mom, don't

1365
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:48,880
Speaker 1: even realize like how she's creating a demon, but how

1366
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:50,800
Speaker 1: she speaks to you like this is what I used

1367
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:53,120
Speaker 1: to think that and I used to tell her, Kay

1368
01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:56,440
Speaker 1: all the time, do not be the woman that raises

1369
01:00:56,480 --> 01:00:58,520
Speaker 1: the same type of boys that you don't like to

1370
01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:00,760
Speaker 1: see out in the street, because if you on them

1371
01:01:00,800 --> 01:01:03,440
Speaker 1: and you screaming and hollering and there's no affection, and

1372
01:01:03,480 --> 01:01:06,400
Speaker 1: there's no like teaching about how to treat a young

1373
01:01:06,440 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 1: man or teaching them how to.

1374
01:01:07,520 --> 01:01:09,240
Speaker 2: Treat you, they to carry themselves.

1375
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:12,920
Speaker 1: They can go out there and get mistreated by somebody

1376
01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:16,200
Speaker 1: else's daughter. So it is it's both, you know, both things,

1377
01:01:16,200 --> 01:01:18,480
Speaker 1: and I think it's it's important that we talked. Matt

1378
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:19,760
Speaker 1: was talking about that with his I.

1379
01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:22,360
Speaker 4: Said, for the moment of truth. I'll explain it. In

1380
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:24,160
Speaker 4: the moment of truth. It don't make sense, okay.

1381
01:01:23,920 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 2: But sounds good. Well, Shout out to the dads and

1382
01:01:25,920 --> 01:01:28,840
Speaker 2: moms who are out there intentionally parenting. You know who

1383
01:01:28,840 --> 01:01:30,720
Speaker 2: always comes to mind when I think about conversations like

1384
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:34,560
Speaker 2: this care game. Shout out to my brow daughters. And

1385
01:01:34,600 --> 01:01:37,320
Speaker 2: he's always making sure that he posts content about that.

1386
01:01:37,400 --> 01:01:39,400
Speaker 2: And I know it's not just for content purposes. He's

1387
01:01:39,440 --> 01:01:41,760
Speaker 2: just that kind of guy. So it's nice to see

1388
01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:44,280
Speaker 2: like people making those investments in their children, and we're

1389
01:01:44,320 --> 01:01:46,960
Speaker 2: seeing more of those stories on social media. So if

1390
01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:49,000
Speaker 2: you see a dad or a mom out there intentionally

1391
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:51,760
Speaker 2: parenting their son and daughter, watch the video like it.

1392
01:01:51,800 --> 01:01:54,000
Speaker 2: Engage your algorithm can see more of that, you know

1393
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:56,240
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. All Right, y'all, let's go pay some bills.

1394
01:01:56,240 --> 01:01:58,120
Speaker 2: If we're going to come back into our listener letter

1395
01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:00,520
Speaker 2: for the day, they tuned.

1396
01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:14,320
Speaker 1: All right, guys, we're back.

1397
01:02:14,560 --> 01:02:18,160
Speaker 2: We are bad do it today. Go for it.

1398
01:02:18,960 --> 01:02:22,240
Speaker 1: Dear Ellis's and the podcast crew. I'm a longtime listener

1399
01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:24,920
Speaker 1: and viewer of your show for years. Your work has

1400
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:27,200
Speaker 1: been a source of inspiration and encouragement to me, and

1401
01:02:27,240 --> 01:02:30,440
Speaker 1: I deeply appreciate the positive influence you've had on my life. Well,

1402
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:33,560
Speaker 1: thank you so much. I'm writing to you today with

1403
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:35,800
Speaker 1: a heartfelt question about a challenge my husband and I

1404
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:39,440
Speaker 1: are facing. We've been together for sixteen years, married for eleven,

1405
01:02:39,600 --> 01:02:42,880
Speaker 1: and have three wonderful children. While our relationship is undeniably

1406
01:02:42,920 --> 01:02:46,280
Speaker 1: strong and worth fighting for, we've encountered persistent difficulties in

1407
01:02:46,320 --> 01:02:49,560
Speaker 1: communication and parenting styles. We often struggle to see eye

1408
01:02:49,560 --> 01:02:53,320
Speaker 1: to eye, particularly regarding discipline and expectations for our children.

1409
01:02:53,920 --> 01:02:56,200
Speaker 1: He tends to be stricter than I am, which sometimes

1410
01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:59,280
Speaker 1: lead to conflict and friction within our family dynamic. I'm

1411
01:02:59,320 --> 01:03:02,160
Speaker 1: hoping you could share some insights based on your own experiences.

1412
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:05,160
Speaker 1: How do you navigate different approaches to parenting within your

1413
01:03:05,200 --> 01:03:08,520
Speaker 1: own relationships? What strategies have you found most effective and

1414
01:03:08,600 --> 01:03:12,400
Speaker 1: fostering open and constructive communication with your partners. Any advice

1415
01:03:12,440 --> 01:03:15,120
Speaker 1: you could offer on bridging the communication gap between us

1416
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:19,800
Speaker 1: and finding more harmonious parenting styles would be invaluable. Congratulations

1417
01:03:19,800 --> 01:03:22,040
Speaker 1: again to k on the success of her show. I'm

1418
01:03:22,080 --> 01:03:22,680
Speaker 1: a huge fan.

1419
01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:26,600
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, to the world to the word

1420
01:03:27,840 --> 01:03:32,520
Speaker 2: your blood clots. It just came out. It just came out.

1421
01:03:32,680 --> 01:03:37,040
Speaker 2: She didn't see an episode episode recent. I was like, well,

1422
01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:39,440
Speaker 2: we're up to episode eight currently. Hopefully by the time

1423
01:03:39,480 --> 01:03:41,280
Speaker 2: this year is we'll be back from our mid season break.

1424
01:03:41,280 --> 01:03:44,400
Speaker 2: But that was in one of the that No, it

1425
01:03:44,400 --> 01:03:46,880
Speaker 2: was an episode. It was maybe episode five six, It

1426
01:03:47,120 --> 01:03:49,800
Speaker 2: was I'm at five, But the clip's been going around.

1427
01:03:50,320 --> 01:03:51,160
Speaker 1: She had on peach tights.

1428
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:56,280
Speaker 2: That's what I might have an episode like, I definitely said, yeah,

1429
01:03:56,320 --> 01:03:58,080
Speaker 2: So as you learn more about Geneva, she might have

1430
01:03:58,160 --> 01:03:59,960
Speaker 2: she may or may not have some creebing upbringing or

1431
01:04:00,080 --> 01:04:03,400
Speaker 2: something we'll see. But yeah, thank you for writing in

1432
01:04:03,600 --> 01:04:08,200
Speaker 2: about this. Deval and I I think when we, I

1433
01:04:08,200 --> 01:04:09,880
Speaker 2: mean we always knew we wanted to have children, So

1434
01:04:10,520 --> 01:04:13,439
Speaker 2: in terms of how to raise the children, I think

1435
01:04:13,440 --> 01:04:16,800
Speaker 2: we aligned a lot, but there were also differences on

1436
01:04:16,840 --> 01:04:20,160
Speaker 2: the approaches right, And I think that with parenting we

1437
01:04:20,200 --> 01:04:22,800
Speaker 2: had to put our egos aside. You know, more than

1438
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:24,880
Speaker 2: anything within our marriage or anything, but with parenting, we

1439
01:04:24,880 --> 01:04:27,880
Speaker 2: had to put our egos aside because sometimes your spouse

1440
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:30,200
Speaker 2: may see something or see the way it falls or

1441
01:04:30,240 --> 01:04:33,880
Speaker 2: impacts your child from AAdvantage point that you can't see.

1442
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:37,880
Speaker 2: So for example, us raising four boys, I've never been

1443
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:40,280
Speaker 2: a young man. I've never been a boy. So Deval

1444
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:42,880
Speaker 2: would sometimes and I wouldn't say check me, but he

1445
01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:46,560
Speaker 2: would softly give me some words of encouragement and say, hey,

1446
01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:48,240
Speaker 2: I don't think that approach is going to work. Like,

1447
01:04:48,280 --> 01:04:50,000
Speaker 2: I just know what it's like to be a young man.

1448
01:04:50,040 --> 01:04:51,720
Speaker 2: I know what it's like to be a boy, and

1449
01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:53,680
Speaker 2: you know you don't want to be the nagging mom,

1450
01:04:53,800 --> 01:04:56,320
Speaker 2: So maybe try this approach or like develop your own

1451
01:04:56,360 --> 01:04:59,480
Speaker 2: way of offering feedback to the children or critiquing them

1452
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:01,880
Speaker 2: so they don't take it, you know, in a different

1453
01:05:01,960 --> 01:05:04,600
Speaker 2: kind of way. Yeah, so you have to be receptive

1454
01:05:04,680 --> 01:05:06,920
Speaker 2: first off, by putting the ego aside and saying, you

1455
01:05:06,920 --> 01:05:09,160
Speaker 2: know what, maybe I need to listen to my spouse

1456
01:05:09,200 --> 01:05:11,840
Speaker 2: because they're seeing it from a different vantage point than

1457
01:05:11,880 --> 01:05:15,080
Speaker 2: I'm delivering it. It's again intent versus impact.

1458
01:05:15,240 --> 01:05:17,200
Speaker 1: You know, I agree with you on thousand percent one

1459
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:20,480
Speaker 1: thing I always did. Kadeen always said, Yo, I'm going

1460
01:05:20,560 --> 01:05:22,400
Speaker 1: to let you leave when it comes to discipline reaction

1461
01:05:22,520 --> 01:05:24,760
Speaker 1: with the boys because you were a young boy, so

1462
01:05:25,120 --> 01:05:27,400
Speaker 1: I'll let you lead that. But even though she's letting

1463
01:05:27,440 --> 01:05:29,120
Speaker 1: me lead that, I often check in with her and

1464
01:05:29,160 --> 01:05:31,040
Speaker 1: be like, hey, do you think I handled that correctly?

1465
01:05:31,120 --> 01:05:34,680
Speaker 1: Always i'll see how they respond, and I know they're

1466
01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:36,640
Speaker 1: going to be honest with their mom about something I said,

1467
01:05:36,680 --> 01:05:38,920
Speaker 1: what do you think Sometimes she's like, you know, I

1468
01:05:38,920 --> 01:05:40,400
Speaker 1: think you could have let off a little bit on

1469
01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:42,600
Speaker 1: the gas. Or sometimes she's like, no, that one needed that,

1470
01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:44,440
Speaker 1: and I think you need to double down on that

1471
01:05:44,480 --> 01:05:46,320
Speaker 1: because I've so so told him the same thing three

1472
01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:49,160
Speaker 1: or four times. The conversation happens with us and the kids,

1473
01:05:49,160 --> 01:05:52,000
Speaker 1: but it always happens with us. Yeah, before and after

1474
01:05:52,360 --> 01:05:55,320
Speaker 1: so before we go into a conversation with the child,

1475
01:05:55,440 --> 01:05:57,400
Speaker 1: I like to let her know what my plan is,

1476
01:05:57,400 --> 01:05:59,200
Speaker 1: because there's been times where I didn't let her know

1477
01:05:59,240 --> 01:06:01,280
Speaker 1: when she was caught off. Are the time where I

1478
01:06:01,360 --> 01:06:04,200
Speaker 1: let Jackson challenge me and we got into the little playfight.

1479
01:06:04,320 --> 01:06:06,400
Speaker 1: She had no clue what was going on and was afraid.

1480
01:06:07,280 --> 01:06:09,360
Speaker 1: But then I explained her afterwards and she was like, well,

1481
01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:11,360
Speaker 1: that would have been good to know. This is something

1482
01:06:11,400 --> 01:06:14,680
Speaker 1: that Tribble said that I think is so like, so profound.

1483
01:06:14,960 --> 01:06:18,120
Speaker 1: Kids are learning every single day, right, A kid has

1484
01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:21,760
Speaker 1: to learn. For example, I'm teaching jack Kaz how to

1485
01:06:21,800 --> 01:06:24,080
Speaker 1: read right and we sit down and he's just like yeah,

1486
01:06:24,160 --> 01:06:27,480
Speaker 1: So he's reading it and he's like dot cattle and

1487
01:06:27,520 --> 01:06:29,440
Speaker 1: I'm like keep reading. I said, wait, stop, do you

1488
01:06:29,480 --> 01:06:31,960
Speaker 1: know what cataly is? No? And I said, why would

1489
01:06:32,000 --> 01:06:33,520
Speaker 1: you know what cattale is? You're seven years old, you

1490
01:06:33,560 --> 01:06:35,320
Speaker 1: grew up in the city, you wouldn't know. So he

1491
01:06:35,400 --> 01:06:37,640
Speaker 1: has to learn every word. It's the same thing with parenting.

1492
01:06:38,240 --> 01:06:40,560
Speaker 1: She's learning how to parent. I'm learning how.

1493
01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:41,360
Speaker 2: To parents in real time.

1494
01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:43,840
Speaker 1: And if you give your partner grace on something that

1495
01:06:43,840 --> 01:06:46,440
Speaker 1: they've never done before, it won't never be an argument.

1496
01:06:46,720 --> 01:06:49,120
Speaker 1: It'll just be what did you see there? I saw this,

1497
01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:51,160
Speaker 1: and we just continue to give each other grace and

1498
01:06:51,200 --> 01:06:53,720
Speaker 1: figure it out and don't be afraid to mess up

1499
01:06:54,080 --> 01:06:57,160
Speaker 1: and go back to your children and say my bad,

1500
01:06:57,560 --> 01:07:00,640
Speaker 1: because I'm kay will also tell me like, I think

1501
01:07:00,640 --> 01:07:02,200
Speaker 1: you went a little hard. And I got to be like,

1502
01:07:02,200 --> 01:07:05,120
Speaker 1: all right, Jackson, I was wrong for that. I apologized.

1503
01:07:05,120 --> 01:07:07,560
Speaker 1: I should have never done that. I spoke to mommy.

1504
01:07:07,640 --> 01:07:11,000
Speaker 1: This way they understand that this isn't just a dictatorship,

1505
01:07:11,520 --> 01:07:12,640
Speaker 1: you know, like we're all learning.

1506
01:07:12,680 --> 01:07:14,920
Speaker 2: So for sure, like for example, just we're on vacation

1507
01:07:15,200 --> 01:07:18,000
Speaker 2: and I had some game cards. They were at the arcade,

1508
01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:20,000
Speaker 2: and I also had de vous debit card with the

1509
01:07:20,360 --> 01:07:24,200
Speaker 2: game cards, so we were closing out the tab and whatnot.

1510
01:07:24,320 --> 01:07:26,520
Speaker 2: I had given Jackson the game cards, and what I

1511
01:07:26,560 --> 01:07:29,800
Speaker 2: thought at the time was also devoused debit card. But

1512
01:07:29,840 --> 01:07:31,520
Speaker 2: I think also the mom and me knew let me

1513
01:07:31,560 --> 01:07:33,600
Speaker 2: not give my fourteen year old his father's debit card

1514
01:07:33,600 --> 01:07:36,160
Speaker 2: because he might just drop it, you know, lose it something.

1515
01:07:36,560 --> 01:07:38,400
Speaker 2: So I must have had the debit card still in

1516
01:07:38,400 --> 01:07:40,800
Speaker 2: my hand. So we get to the arcade and Jackson,

1517
01:07:40,840 --> 01:07:42,560
Speaker 2: I'm like, Jackson, where's dad's card and he's like, you

1518
01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:44,040
Speaker 2: only gave me this, and I'm like, are you sure?

1519
01:07:44,080 --> 01:07:45,880
Speaker 2: I had all them together and I handed them to

1520
01:07:45,920 --> 01:07:48,000
Speaker 2: you and he's like, this is all I have. So

1521
01:07:48,040 --> 01:07:50,160
Speaker 2: it's like, shit, where is it? So we're backtracking, we're

1522
01:07:50,160 --> 01:07:52,520
Speaker 2: trying to find it. Then we end up finding it

1523
01:07:52,920 --> 01:07:56,360
Speaker 2: on the floor where I was tying the coda's shoe.

1524
01:07:56,440 --> 01:07:57,880
Speaker 2: So I'm like, shit, I must have had it in

1525
01:07:57,880 --> 01:08:02,480
Speaker 2: my hand and put it down. But the tone was

1526
01:08:02,480 --> 01:08:03,760
Speaker 2: that Jackson lost the car.

1527
01:08:04,040 --> 01:08:05,760
Speaker 1: The tone she came with was like Jackson and Jackson,

1528
01:08:05,800 --> 01:08:06,280
Speaker 1: I gave.

1529
01:08:06,120 --> 01:08:08,520
Speaker 2: You the cards, and I was like, shit, I probably

1530
01:08:08,520 --> 01:08:10,880
Speaker 2: put the car down, didn't even realize it. And then

1531
01:08:10,920 --> 01:08:12,560
Speaker 2: I went to him and I said jack I said,

1532
01:08:12,560 --> 01:08:14,480
Speaker 2: that's my bad, Like I didn't even realize I might

1533
01:08:14,520 --> 01:08:16,200
Speaker 2: have had a card in my hand. I put it down.

1534
01:08:16,479 --> 01:08:17,960
Speaker 2: I'm sorry if it came across like I was trying

1535
01:08:18,000 --> 01:08:19,680
Speaker 2: to blame you, but you know, I just didn't want

1536
01:08:19,800 --> 01:08:21,439
Speaker 2: you to lose that's card. So probably that's why I

1537
01:08:21,439 --> 01:08:23,400
Speaker 2: held it. And he was like, it's no no deal, mom,

1538
01:08:23,400 --> 01:08:25,080
Speaker 2: it's nothing. It blew over his shoulder.

1539
01:08:25,160 --> 01:08:27,320
Speaker 1: But I'm pretty sure none of us have ever gotten

1540
01:08:27,320 --> 01:08:30,920
Speaker 1: apology from your parents, especially in time, and you see

1541
01:08:30,960 --> 01:08:32,920
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, especially.

1542
01:08:32,439 --> 01:08:34,240
Speaker 2: In real time, we do it.

1543
01:08:34,400 --> 01:08:36,519
Speaker 1: We do that now that that's the thing, Like, you

1544
01:08:36,520 --> 01:08:38,599
Speaker 1: know what, I messed up the number the argument that

1545
01:08:38,640 --> 01:08:40,639
Speaker 1: we had, me and you was beefing. We wasn't beefing.

1546
01:08:40,680 --> 01:08:43,040
Speaker 1: I was beefing with you. It's one of the Patreon

1547
01:08:43,080 --> 01:08:47,479
Speaker 1: episode episodes about the Juices with j and my volume

1548
01:08:47,520 --> 01:08:50,040
Speaker 1: got raised and I was in a bad mood. I said, Yo,

1549
01:08:50,080 --> 01:08:51,760
Speaker 1: first thing I'm gonna do when the kids wake up

1550
01:08:51,800 --> 01:08:53,800
Speaker 1: is I'm going to apologize to them, because they should

1551
01:08:53,840 --> 01:08:56,639
Speaker 1: never hear me raise their voice, especially to their mom,

1552
01:08:56,760 --> 01:08:58,400
Speaker 1: Like that's not that's not something I want them to

1553
01:08:58,400 --> 01:09:00,800
Speaker 1: go to sleep and think that that's okay. So I

1554
01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:02,760
Speaker 1: apologize to her. I woke up, I woke them up.

1555
01:09:02,840 --> 01:09:04,960
Speaker 1: I apologized to them, and in front of me too.

1556
01:09:05,040 --> 01:09:07,559
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I apologize to them in front of hers,

1557
01:09:07,560 --> 01:09:10,080
Speaker 1: so that they know you don't do things in public

1558
01:09:10,120 --> 01:09:13,800
Speaker 1: but then apologize in private support. And I did that

1559
01:09:13,840 --> 01:09:15,960
Speaker 1: to them. The first thing they said was like that's cool, man,

1560
01:09:16,080 --> 01:09:19,160
Speaker 1: Like you know you're human. You give us grace. So

1561
01:09:19,200 --> 01:09:21,960
Speaker 1: I think that helps, especially with all discipline for all

1562
01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:24,840
Speaker 1: kids and families. So Hopefully this helps them understand that

1563
01:09:24,880 --> 01:09:27,360
Speaker 1: the conversation is ongoing. But you got to drop an ego.

1564
01:09:27,720 --> 01:09:28,599
Speaker 1: There's no right or wrong.

1565
01:09:28,720 --> 01:09:30,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, and Devala had said to me recently, he was like,

1566
01:09:30,439 --> 01:09:31,840
Speaker 2: you know, I think I tend to be more of

1567
01:09:31,840 --> 01:09:34,920
Speaker 2: the strict parent in general. So I said, you think so,

1568
01:09:34,960 --> 01:09:36,559
Speaker 2: I said, I feel like I'm strict with you know,

1569
01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:39,360
Speaker 2: certain things too. And we realize that within parenting there's

1570
01:09:39,439 --> 01:09:40,720
Speaker 2: going to be a good cop and a bad cop

1571
01:09:40,800 --> 01:09:42,920
Speaker 2: in a lot of scenarios. At least we try to

1572
01:09:42,960 --> 01:09:44,400
Speaker 2: do that because it's like, you know, if one person

1573
01:09:44,439 --> 01:09:46,559
Speaker 2: is going to be the disciplinarian and strict in that moment,

1574
01:09:46,840 --> 01:09:48,960
Speaker 2: you do want to kind of have somebody to reinforce

1575
01:09:49,000 --> 01:09:50,720
Speaker 2: and just say, you know what, your dad, You know

1576
01:09:50,760 --> 01:09:52,320
Speaker 2: your dad, you know he meant it like this, and

1577
01:09:52,720 --> 01:09:54,800
Speaker 2: I'm sure it's you know, it's always coming from a

1578
01:09:54,800 --> 01:09:56,120
Speaker 2: place of love, even though I used to hate that

1579
01:09:56,160 --> 01:09:58,080
Speaker 2: as a kid. It's like, don't don't beat me and

1580
01:09:58,080 --> 01:10:00,000
Speaker 2: then be like, I did it because I love you.

1581
01:10:00,080 --> 01:10:01,960
Speaker 2: But it's more so like just letting them know that

1582
01:10:02,000 --> 01:10:05,280
Speaker 2: we understand they have feelings. Their feelings are valid.

1583
01:10:05,439 --> 01:10:05,639
Speaker 1: Yep.

1584
01:10:05,720 --> 01:10:08,080
Speaker 2: We don't always have all the answers. We're also growing

1585
01:10:08,120 --> 01:10:09,960
Speaker 2: with them. And Jackson had something said something to de

1586
01:10:10,040 --> 01:10:12,479
Speaker 2: Voe one time that I think was super profound for

1587
01:10:12,520 --> 01:10:14,880
Speaker 2: his age, and he was just like, yo, like, this

1588
01:10:14,920 --> 01:10:16,720
Speaker 2: is your first time being a dad too. He said,

1589
01:10:17,120 --> 01:10:18,639
Speaker 2: this is your first time being a parent the same

1590
01:10:18,640 --> 01:10:21,559
Speaker 2: way it's my first time being a kid. So you know,

1591
01:10:21,920 --> 01:10:23,479
Speaker 2: sometimes we got to give our kids a little bit

1592
01:10:23,479 --> 01:10:24,280
Speaker 2: more credit.

1593
01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:26,320
Speaker 1: For being a little bit more absolutely.

1594
01:10:25,840 --> 01:10:27,560
Speaker 2: You know, mature than we would think they would be

1595
01:10:27,640 --> 01:10:30,719
Speaker 2: for their age. So good luck to y'all. All right,

1596
01:10:31,479 --> 01:10:32,920
Speaker 2: if you want to be featured on the show as

1597
01:10:32,960 --> 01:10:36,840
Speaker 2: a listener, letter email us. We have the Ellis Advice

1598
01:10:37,080 --> 01:10:38,520
Speaker 2: at gmail dot com.

1599
01:10:38,560 --> 01:10:40,960
Speaker 1: That's t h E E L l I S A

1600
01:10:41,080 --> 01:10:43,879
Speaker 1: d v I C E at gmail dot com.

1601
01:10:44,120 --> 01:10:45,920
Speaker 2: All right, time for the moment of truth. Let's start

1602
01:10:45,920 --> 01:10:47,320
Speaker 2: with Matt, because I know Matt had a point that

1603
01:10:47,360 --> 01:10:49,559
Speaker 2: he wanted to make for moment of truth that would

1604
01:10:49,560 --> 01:10:50,720
Speaker 2: probably segue us out there.

1605
01:10:51,720 --> 01:10:54,599
Speaker 4: Two quick points. Okay, I don't think it balls down

1606
01:10:54,640 --> 01:10:58,040
Speaker 4: to be if you have a son or daughter. I

1607
01:10:58,040 --> 01:11:01,920
Speaker 4: think the main factor is being in cential. My dad

1608
01:11:01,960 --> 01:11:04,160
Speaker 4: died when I was nineteen. A lot of my memories

1609
01:11:04,200 --> 01:11:07,200
Speaker 4: of my dad are only disciplining me. So a lot

1610
01:11:07,200 --> 01:11:10,960
Speaker 4: of times, yeah, I'll talk about him, and everybody thinks

1611
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:12,680
Speaker 4: it's just negative. But I didn't spend a lot of

1612
01:11:13,040 --> 01:11:15,519
Speaker 4: time with my dad. It was always disciplined because he's

1613
01:11:15,520 --> 01:11:18,360
Speaker 4: at work or my mom got take me someone. But

1614
01:11:18,560 --> 01:11:20,880
Speaker 4: another impact he did have was I remember he had

1615
01:11:20,880 --> 01:11:22,840
Speaker 4: a cleaning company. I went with him to go do

1616
01:11:22,920 --> 01:11:25,439
Speaker 4: some cleaning stuff and he paid me after. He taught

1617
01:11:25,479 --> 01:11:28,599
Speaker 4: me the value of working for yourself. That one small

1618
01:11:28,640 --> 01:11:31,439
Speaker 4: moment when I became an entrepreneur. I remember that. Yeah,

1619
01:11:31,680 --> 01:11:33,880
Speaker 4: it was like, oh, I remember the feeling I could

1620
01:11:33,880 --> 01:11:36,040
Speaker 4: work for myself, I could get my own cool. That

1621
01:11:36,080 --> 01:11:38,760
Speaker 4: type of impact he had on me. But if you're

1622
01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:40,840
Speaker 4: only disciplining your kids, you're not going to have that

1623
01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:42,840
Speaker 4: type of impact. And you don't want to you don't

1624
01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:45,639
Speaker 4: want to pass, and then your kids only have that

1625
01:11:45,680 --> 01:11:48,280
Speaker 4: type of memory of memory. You want to have a

1626
01:11:48,439 --> 01:11:49,400
Speaker 4: full rounded memory.

1627
01:11:49,600 --> 01:11:51,880
Speaker 2: Got it. That's dope, that dope, But think about it,

1628
01:11:51,880 --> 01:11:55,599
Speaker 2: that little moment where you were it literally changed the trajectory.

1629
01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:58,840
Speaker 4: I remember vivid cleaning Carver. He had me scrubbing and

1630
01:11:58,920 --> 01:12:01,240
Speaker 4: drying and I'm I'm there working hard, like I'm one

1631
01:12:01,280 --> 01:12:02,200
Speaker 4: of the workers, and he taught me.

1632
01:12:02,240 --> 01:12:04,400
Speaker 5: He was like, you worked really hard. Today, I'm paying

1633
01:12:04,439 --> 01:12:05,040
Speaker 5: you what you work.

1634
01:12:05,120 --> 01:12:05,599
Speaker 1: That's dopey.

1635
01:12:05,840 --> 01:12:07,800
Speaker 4: Tell me the guy working hard, you don't got to

1636
01:12:07,880 --> 01:12:10,280
Speaker 4: rely on anybody. But he's still working the nine to

1637
01:12:10,320 --> 01:12:12,439
Speaker 4: five job. But he taught me that in that moment,

1638
01:12:12,760 --> 01:12:14,719
Speaker 4: years down the line, that ended up becoming an entrepreneur.

1639
01:12:14,840 --> 01:12:16,760
Speaker 2: Right. And then he's also helping you out because when

1640
01:12:16,760 --> 01:12:18,560
Speaker 2: you become a father, you know, like, I want to

1641
01:12:18,640 --> 01:12:21,000
Speaker 2: have a balance between seeing the discipline ay, but also

1642
01:12:21,040 --> 01:12:25,080
Speaker 2: creating memories, good fun memories that.

1643
01:12:25,120 --> 01:12:26,880
Speaker 4: Are memories that you want to do too. A lot

1644
01:12:26,960 --> 01:12:28,559
Speaker 4: of the stuff that I used to do with him,

1645
01:12:28,560 --> 01:12:29,720
Speaker 4: with stuff that he wanted to do.

1646
01:12:31,200 --> 01:12:32,320
Speaker 5: You don't only want to do that.

1647
01:12:32,360 --> 01:12:34,040
Speaker 4: You want to find out what your kids are into

1648
01:12:34,520 --> 01:12:38,040
Speaker 4: so that you can bond with them on that. I'm

1649
01:12:38,080 --> 01:12:40,240
Speaker 4: a big movie buff because my father used to like

1650
01:12:40,360 --> 01:12:42,320
Speaker 4: watching movies, so I sit down and go watch.

1651
01:12:42,120 --> 01:12:42,599
Speaker 5: Movies with him.

1652
01:12:43,240 --> 01:12:45,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's exactly it.

1653
01:12:45,240 --> 01:12:47,040
Speaker 1: That's so true. I didn't realize dads do that.

1654
01:12:47,200 --> 01:12:47,439
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1655
01:12:47,920 --> 01:12:50,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, we typically working, but like Josh said, I'm not working.

1656
01:12:50,640 --> 01:12:52,800
Speaker 1: I want to do nothing. So if I'm gonna do something,

1657
01:12:52,800 --> 01:12:54,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do something. I want to do because I

1658
01:12:54,160 --> 01:12:55,880
Speaker 1: gotta work all day. I get that.

1659
01:12:56,000 --> 01:12:57,880
Speaker 2: Let me tell you that. That was trucking them kids

1660
01:12:57,920 --> 01:12:59,960
Speaker 2: around to in the Lazy River and up the slides

1661
01:13:00,080 --> 01:13:02,360
Speaker 2: and down and everything. At some points I was like, Mommy,

1662
01:13:02,360 --> 01:13:03,760
Speaker 2: can take you to the same I like you.

1663
01:13:03,840 --> 01:13:06,280
Speaker 8: For the last three days, I was, man. We was

1664
01:13:06,320 --> 01:13:07,880
Speaker 8: playing all the motorsports all that.

1665
01:13:08,080 --> 01:13:08,320
Speaker 7: Man.

1666
01:13:09,640 --> 01:13:11,600
Speaker 8: I actually enjoyed it after a while because I was

1667
01:13:11,600 --> 01:13:14,920
Speaker 8: in the sun, it was like shaded. After I got out,

1668
01:13:14,960 --> 01:13:16,559
Speaker 8: I was like, I like this. So we were just

1669
01:13:16,560 --> 01:13:19,080
Speaker 8: playing around. We met other families like with her and

1670
01:13:19,120 --> 01:13:19,400
Speaker 8: all that.

1671
01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:21,880
Speaker 2: So yeah, she was a little social butterfly too.

1672
01:13:21,920 --> 01:13:24,559
Speaker 3: So yeah, well now there's another story.

1673
01:13:24,560 --> 01:13:25,200
Speaker 2: But she's ready.

1674
01:13:25,240 --> 01:13:25,599
Speaker 1: All right.

1675
01:13:25,640 --> 01:13:28,679
Speaker 2: You know we girls from you a month of changes.

1676
01:13:29,560 --> 01:13:30,240
Speaker 2: I understand.

1677
01:13:30,320 --> 01:13:33,800
Speaker 1: I got four wake up on vacation. You know, I

1678
01:13:33,880 --> 01:13:36,560
Speaker 1: like to sleep, wake up early because Jackson got a

1679
01:13:36,600 --> 01:13:39,000
Speaker 1: lift and run. So we go lift and run together

1680
01:13:39,040 --> 01:13:41,240
Speaker 1: and then we come back. Kaz and Kyle, Daddy, we

1681
01:13:41,280 --> 01:13:43,479
Speaker 1: want to do the slides. I gotta go walk up

1682
01:13:43,479 --> 01:13:45,479
Speaker 1: the slides with them. Then we come back. Daddy, can

1683
01:13:45,520 --> 01:13:47,160
Speaker 1: we go on to the Lazy River? Now? I got

1684
01:13:47,160 --> 01:13:49,559
Speaker 1: the colda in the Lazy River. Kadeen and the lazy river.

1685
01:13:49,880 --> 01:13:51,640
Speaker 1: They get to be lazy. I got to push the

1686
01:13:51,720 --> 01:13:55,880
Speaker 1: things together swim.

1687
01:13:55,960 --> 01:13:58,479
Speaker 2: So he's just been like jumping Daddy, jump up, and

1688
01:13:58,520 --> 01:13:59,760
Speaker 2: he's liked and jumping in.

1689
01:13:59,680 --> 01:14:02,639
Speaker 8: The water activities. Man, y'all need a vacation at one

1690
01:14:02,720 --> 01:14:03,240
Speaker 8: pool in it.

1691
01:14:04,200 --> 01:14:06,280
Speaker 4: Honestly didn't count all that as a blessing though. I

1692
01:14:06,439 --> 01:14:09,960
Speaker 4: never traveled with my father. I've been all over America

1693
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:11,400
Speaker 4: with my mother, and my mother used to take me

1694
01:14:11,439 --> 01:14:13,439
Speaker 4: and my brother on trips every day. She was adamant,

1695
01:14:13,560 --> 01:14:15,360
Speaker 4: y'all are not staying in this house in the summer,

1696
01:14:15,439 --> 01:14:17,120
Speaker 4: because I'm not staying in this house to the summer.

1697
01:14:17,240 --> 01:14:19,679
Speaker 5: I work hard all year. I'm gonna spend one week.

1698
01:14:19,760 --> 01:14:21,160
Speaker 1: Yep, it was one week.

1699
01:14:21,160 --> 01:14:23,479
Speaker 4: We're gonna go on vacation. My father said, I got

1700
01:14:23,479 --> 01:14:24,800
Speaker 4: a mortgage to pay, I'm going to work.

1701
01:14:25,840 --> 01:14:26,160
Speaker 1: Wow.

1702
01:14:26,400 --> 01:14:28,400
Speaker 4: I've never traveled with my father other than one trip.

1703
01:14:28,400 --> 01:14:30,120
Speaker 4: It was the counter on a road trip for a funeral.

1704
01:14:30,200 --> 01:14:34,000
Speaker 4: That's the only time I know about your Yeah, y'all,

1705
01:14:34,120 --> 01:14:36,640
Speaker 4: y'all are doing great. Keep being intentional, h thank you.

1706
01:14:37,000 --> 01:14:38,800
Speaker 1: Thanks. That means a lot, though, because you know something

1707
01:14:38,840 --> 01:14:40,920
Speaker 1: you know Josh too. Sometimes you feel like you're failing right,

1708
01:14:41,040 --> 01:14:44,479
Speaker 1: yeah enough parents. If you if you feeling like you

1709
01:14:44,920 --> 01:14:46,960
Speaker 1: like you're feeling, that's probably because you're a good parent.

1710
01:14:47,360 --> 01:14:49,160
Speaker 1: Because we being here some days like I don't know

1711
01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:50,720
Speaker 1: if I'm doing enough. I think I need to be

1712
01:14:50,760 --> 01:14:52,639
Speaker 1: here more. And then people like, how are you gonna

1713
01:14:52,640 --> 01:14:55,120
Speaker 1: make money if you hear anymore? My dad said the

1714
01:14:55,160 --> 01:14:57,479
Speaker 1: same thing to me, because remember he looked at us

1715
01:14:57,520 --> 01:14:59,040
Speaker 1: and I looked exhausted, and I was like, I'm just

1716
01:14:59,080 --> 01:15:02,200
Speaker 1: trying to be everything. Pops is like, bro, you're doing.

1717
01:15:02,280 --> 01:15:05,200
Speaker 5: Yeah job, give yourself, give yourself grace.

1718
01:15:05,280 --> 01:15:06,920
Speaker 1: Yeah. I told the class all the time about that

1719
01:15:06,960 --> 01:15:09,759
Speaker 1: they be they be beating himself up over the stuff

1720
01:15:09,760 --> 01:15:11,160
Speaker 1: they can't do for their kids. I'd be like, yo,

1721
01:15:11,240 --> 01:15:14,080
Speaker 1: you good man, Like why didn't get his clothes yet?

1722
01:15:14,400 --> 01:15:18,200
Speaker 1: He'll look great and whatever he has? Yo, juste parents,

1723
01:15:19,280 --> 01:15:22,519
Speaker 1: and you're doing the same thing now I am. That

1724
01:15:22,600 --> 01:15:23,360
Speaker 1: means you're doing good.

1725
01:15:23,479 --> 01:15:24,679
Speaker 2: What's your moment of true? Trips?

1726
01:15:26,640 --> 01:15:27,920
Speaker 6: What's my moment of truth?

1727
01:15:29,000 --> 01:15:31,439
Speaker 1: You don't got kids. I don't got if you want

1728
01:15:31,439 --> 01:15:35,280
Speaker 1: to have kids. But I was a kid and.

1729
01:15:35,240 --> 01:15:37,080
Speaker 6: I spent a lot of time with my dad. My

1730
01:15:37,200 --> 01:15:42,080
Speaker 6: dad was intentional about the time we spent together and

1731
01:15:42,120 --> 01:15:44,920
Speaker 6: I was thinking about what Josh was saying about seeing

1732
01:15:45,280 --> 01:15:47,120
Speaker 6: your other young women where you can tell they don't

1733
01:15:47,120 --> 01:15:51,160
Speaker 6: have a father figure in their life. And I often

1734
01:15:51,200 --> 01:15:54,880
Speaker 6: see women who grow up looking for male attention. When

1735
01:15:54,880 --> 01:15:57,799
Speaker 6: you have a good dad, you have a man's attention already,

1736
01:15:58,400 --> 01:16:00,760
Speaker 6: and that makes a difference on how you want to

1737
01:16:00,840 --> 01:16:02,240
Speaker 6: appear to that.

1738
01:16:02,120 --> 01:16:07,559
Speaker 1: Man is seen very profound. That is very I agree

1739
01:16:07,600 --> 01:16:09,639
Speaker 1: with all of them. I don't got nothing else to say.

1740
01:16:09,640 --> 01:16:11,400
Speaker 1: Just spend time with your kids, man, Love them, get

1741
01:16:11,439 --> 01:16:13,120
Speaker 1: to get to learn them, get to know them.

1742
01:16:13,640 --> 01:16:16,080
Speaker 2: That's my SoundBite. I love my family so much. Man.

1743
01:16:16,479 --> 01:16:18,280
Speaker 2: I'm actually so sad they're going back to school.

1744
01:16:18,479 --> 01:16:19,639
Speaker 1: You've been sad for two weeks.

1745
01:16:19,680 --> 01:16:23,639
Speaker 2: I've actually really been sad that she had all the time.

1746
01:16:24,240 --> 01:16:35,559
Speaker 2: Huh yes, when she'd be okay, yeah else, friends, that.

1747
01:16:35,720 --> 01:16:37,840
Speaker 1: Second day of waking up at six thirty, she's gonna

1748
01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:39,400
Speaker 1: be like, I'm over this, man, let's go.

1749
01:16:39,920 --> 01:16:42,240
Speaker 2: It's getting up early. Part for me. I'll be like,

1750
01:16:42,320 --> 01:16:44,400
Speaker 2: oh God, for school for you. In school for me

1751
01:16:44,520 --> 01:16:45,280
Speaker 2: is what it feels like.

1752
01:16:45,320 --> 01:16:47,439
Speaker 6: But one hundred emails to the teacher.

1753
01:16:47,560 --> 01:16:52,519
Speaker 2: Deep how many emails I've already gotten.

1754
01:16:52,920 --> 01:16:54,439
Speaker 1: She just said that all of.

1755
01:16:54,439 --> 01:16:56,920
Speaker 2: Their sports because they're all in sports, all of the

1756
01:16:56,720 --> 01:17:00,360
Speaker 2: other extracurricular stuff, all the teachers. Jackson has like six

1757
01:17:00,439 --> 01:17:03,559
Speaker 2: or seven teachers, So I'm gonna email us from everybody,

1758
01:17:03,479 --> 01:17:07,800
Speaker 2: ye man, ridiculous. So yeah, trying to stay organized, all right, y'all.

1759
01:17:07,840 --> 01:17:09,559
Speaker 2: Be sure to find us on Patreon if you have

1760
01:17:09,680 --> 01:17:12,240
Speaker 2: not then done that already, you can see the after

1761
01:17:12,320 --> 01:17:15,080
Speaker 2: show as well as exclusive Ellis ever After content and

1762
01:17:15,120 --> 01:17:17,720
Speaker 2: family content. You can find us on social media at

1763
01:17:17,920 --> 01:17:20,599
Speaker 2: Ellis ever After. I'm Kadeen, I.

1764
01:17:20,560 --> 01:17:25,120
Speaker 1: Am and I'm i am Davao, and I'm Matt Underscore

1765
01:17:26,240 --> 01:17:28,680
Speaker 1: Up and I'm a body.

1766
01:17:32,720 --> 01:17:35,440
Speaker 3: Josh josh Or underscored Duaene on Instagram.

1767
01:17:35,360 --> 01:17:38,080
Speaker 6: And I'm at Trims the Cool t R I b

1768
01:17:38,200 --> 01:17:39,879
Speaker 6: b Z the Cool on Everything.

1769
01:17:41,000 --> 01:17:44,080
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to wait, review,

1770
01:17:44,360 --> 01:17:49,680
Speaker 1: and subscribe and download Bad Dead Ass.

1771
01:17:51,320 --> 01:17:57,400
Speaker 6: Got Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted

1772
01:17:57,400 --> 01:18:02,040
Speaker 6: by Kadeen and Devaal Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,

1773
01:18:02,120 --> 01:18:07,520
Speaker 6: production by Joshua Dwane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by Lashn.

1774
01:18:07,280 --> 01:19:14,879
Speaker 7: Rowe Kip The has.

1775
01:19:14,520 --> 01:19:15,639
Speaker 5: Gif had.

1776
01:19:19,840 --> 01:19:21,000
Speaker 1: Differ has

1777
01:19:24,960 --> 01:19:31,040
Speaker 4: To tip the hass