Speaker 1: My grandma will say things like your mom would have
Speaker 1: thought this was so cool. Your mom would have been
Speaker 1: like in the front row, and I go, I don't
Speaker 1: know that I'd be doing this if mom was still here.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's so strange to be sad that
Speaker 1: a parent isn't here to see your success, but also
Speaker 1: know that a big reason you're successful is this drive
Speaker 1: to become somebody they would have been proud of. Hey, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast
Speaker 1: in the world. Thanks to each and every single one
Speaker 1: of you that come back every week to listen, learn
Speaker 1: and grow. Now you know that I get to sit
Speaker 1: down with a lot of exciting, interesting, fascinating people. But
Speaker 1: sometimes there's someone that I reach out to that I'm
Speaker 1: just a huge fan of. And actually it was my
Speaker 1: dear friend Adam Grant who gave me an excuse to
Speaker 1: reach out to this individual with an opportunity that he
Speaker 1: had for O I even forgot what it was, and
Speaker 1: he's been an amazing guest on the podcast too. Just
Speaker 1: gave me an excuse to DM her and say, Hey, Taylor,
Speaker 1: would you like to do this thing? Which is my
Speaker 1: way of sneaking in and saying, Hey, can you come
Speaker 1: on the podcast too. I've been a huge fan of
Speaker 1: Today's Guest since her first special. Her Instagram or social media,
Speaker 1: her TikTok's incredible. I have sent her videos to my wife,
Speaker 1: my family, my friends, my trainer this morning. I mean,
Speaker 1: she's one of those people that as soon as I
Speaker 1: watch her, I start laughing. I learned something new, and
Speaker 1: I just feel an incredible sense of joy. And in
Speaker 1: a few moments that she's walked into my home and
Speaker 1: into our studio, I love her even more. I'm speaking
Speaker 1: about the one and only Taylor Tomlinson, who began performing
Speaker 1: comedy when she was sixteen after her father signed her
Speaker 1: up for a stand up class. She became a top
Speaker 1: ten finalist on the ninth season of NBC's Last Comics
Speaker 1: Standing in twenty fifteen, and was named one of the
Speaker 1: top ten comics to Watch by Variety at the twenty
Speaker 1: nineteen Just for Laughs Festival. Her first Netflix stand up special,
Speaker 1: which is Where I Discovered Her Quarter Life Crisis, premiered
Speaker 1: in March twenty twenty. In twenty twenty one, she started
Speaker 1: her own podcast called Sad in the City, and in
Speaker 1: the same year, she was placed on the Forbes thirty
Speaker 1: Under thirty List. Now, her second stand up special, look
Speaker 1: at You, is now streaming on Netflix. I want you
Speaker 1: to go and watch it straight after this, and she
Speaker 1: will be at the La Netflix Comedy Festival show at
Speaker 1: the Eighth Theater on May sixth, twenty twenty two, so
Speaker 1: make sure you grab some tickets. Welcome to the show, Taylor, Tomlinson, Taylor,
Speaker 1: thank you so much, Thank you so much. We were
Speaker 1: just talking about this before we started recording, but I
Speaker 1: was like, what am I doing here? Like, truly, your
Speaker 1: podcast is just full of so many interesting, wise people
Speaker 1: teaching you how to live a better life, and so
Speaker 1: to come in as a stand up comedian and You're like,
Speaker 1: I can't wait to learn things from you. I'm like, yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: I have so much to teach. I'm coming into this
Speaker 1: fully hoping to I almost brought a notebook to take notes,
Speaker 1: because that's how I feel every time I listen to
Speaker 1: your podcast or watch any of your tech talks. Like
Speaker 1: I am still thinking about the video where you talk
Speaker 1: about checking your phone first thing in the morning, where
Speaker 1: you're like you wouldn't just have a hundred people come
Speaker 1: into your bedroom, And I'm like, oh, my God, that's
Speaker 1: exactly what you're doing every morning, and I'm still terrible
Speaker 1: at it, and I do it every morning, but every
Speaker 1: time I do it, I think about you telling me
Speaker 1: not to. Yeah, well, I genuinely feel that. Not only
Speaker 1: do I laugh at everything you put out, I mean
Speaker 1: I can name my top three favorite moments in your
Speaker 1: special easily. I think for me, I also learned from
Speaker 1: you because I think what you do so phenomenally well,
Speaker 1: especially when it comes to love and relationships, but also
Speaker 1: life is You're able to get inside people's minds as
Speaker 1: to how they think about situations and how they navigate
Speaker 1: relationships and how they make certain decisions in their life.
Speaker 1: And so I do think you teach. I'm not expecting
Speaker 1: you to teach. I want to laugh with you today.
Speaker 1: I want to get to know you better. This was
Speaker 1: just an excuse for me to be a fan and
Speaker 1: for me to hang out with someone that I admire
Speaker 1: and adore so much, and genuinely, from even a few
Speaker 1: moments we've spent, I'm just so happy meeting you, and
Speaker 1: I hope this kicks off a wonderful friendship. So that's
Speaker 1: kind of why I do this whole podcast, is to
Speaker 1: be able to lure people into being friends with me.
Speaker 1: But I'm so excited. I want to start by talking
Speaker 1: about a lot of your journey because I think I
Speaker 1: discovered you, like I said, through your first special, you've
Speaker 1: been doing this for a lot longer than that. And
Speaker 1: then I kind of went backwards and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, like this person's incredible and it's such
Speaker 1: a fascinating story. And I am interested in stories because
Speaker 1: what we were just talking about now that sometimes when
Speaker 1: you see someone second Netflix special sold out tours, like
Speaker 1: you look at that person, Oh yeah, that they've they've
Speaker 1: always been that way. And when I look at you,
Speaker 1: I go, wait, wait a minute. Your father signed you
Speaker 1: up for a stand up class. Why did he do that?
Speaker 1: That sounds like a painful thing for a father to do.
Speaker 1: I think a woman at our church wanted to do
Speaker 1: it and she told him about it, and then he
Speaker 1: brought me along thinking I could write for him maybe
Speaker 1: like oh wow, he was like more of a performer.
Speaker 1: So I'm very glad he did, you know, for whatever reason.
Speaker 1: And yeah, it is a very strange thing because I didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't get into this super intentionally, like it was
Speaker 1: something I sort of fell into as a result of
Speaker 1: just this one woman going I think I'm going to
Speaker 1: take the stand up class because she was like a
Speaker 1: retired school teacher and did some public speaking events and
Speaker 1: wanted to inject some humor into it. So it's funny
Speaker 1: how something as small as that, like an after service conversation,
Speaker 1: just snowballed into my entire life, my entire career. And
Speaker 1: you and I were talking earlier about just you being
Speaker 1: very young as well, and you being so successful in
Speaker 1: what you do, and how it seems like, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe you've only been doing this for five years online,
Speaker 1: and You're like, but I've been doing this. There's seventeen
Speaker 1: years before that that I was teaching and interviewing and learning,
Speaker 1: and I've had all these life experiences. And I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people look at my career similarly sometimes
Speaker 1: where they go, well, you you blew up very quickly,
Speaker 1: or you got all these opportunities very quickly, And I
Speaker 1: think I feel very self conscious about that sometimes because
Speaker 1: twenty eight is very lucky and young to have two
Speaker 1: Netflix specials. It was not something I ever anticipated achieving
Speaker 1: at this age. I've just been very fortunate. But then
Speaker 1: I think back to when I actually started, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I've been doing this for twelve years, yes, so okay,
Speaker 1: it's not like I just started yesterday. But I think
Speaker 1: when you are younger than what people expect from someone
Speaker 1: doing what you do, there can sometimes be a little
Speaker 1: bit of like, oh, well, it's just been easy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you just did it. Yeah. But I also find it
Speaker 1: it's quite an untraditional journey. And it's so funny because
Speaker 1: we shared that my parents forced me to go to
Speaker 1: a public speaking class and drama class when I was
Speaker 1: eleven years old because they thought I was too shy
Speaker 1: and I didn't have any confidence, and so my parents
Speaker 1: signed me up to LANDA, which is the London Academy
Speaker 1: of Music, Drama and Arts. And they said they forced
Speaker 1: the school to allow me in because they missed the
Speaker 1: sign up date or something like that, and they like
Speaker 1: begged and pleaded with one of the teachers saying, we
Speaker 1: really need our son to do this because he's shy
Speaker 1: and he doesn't have confidence. And now I look back
Speaker 1: and I think, wow, my parents made this amazing decision
Speaker 1: just like you said. That has impacted my whole life,
Speaker 1: and I think I would I wouldn't have had that
Speaker 1: opportunity if I didn't do that. So but even for you,
Speaker 1: it's it's off to sermon off the service conversation like
Speaker 1: that sounds very untraditional, at least from my external ignorance. Oh. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: It's the thing people ask about the most because it's
Speaker 1: it's not an origin story. I think many stand up
Speaker 1: comedians have, and if they do have it, they are
Speaker 1: generally still in the church world because there is a
Speaker 1: there is a comedy church circus. I mean, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: it's a different it's a different path that I did
Speaker 1: not choose to go down. Um, but yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: it's there are so many different ways to do stand
Speaker 1: up professionally. I think that's what we forget. Like I
Speaker 1: also had a year in my early twenties where I
Speaker 1: did like eight cruise ship weeks, which is a whole
Speaker 1: other thing, and there are comedians who only do that.
Speaker 1: Like I feel like I've been very fortunate in my
Speaker 1: career that I have experienced kind of a lot of
Speaker 1: different pockets of this industry that is more than just
Speaker 1: getting the Netflix special, getting the HBO special. I've done
Speaker 1: corporates and I've done colleges. That's how I went full time. Initially,
Speaker 1: when I was twenty one or twenty is, I was
Speaker 1: doing all these college gigs. That's why I dropped out
Speaker 1: of college to go perform at colleges, which is sort
Speaker 1: of funny, and cruise ships and churches. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I've I've kind of done everything you could do, and
Speaker 1: then also all the bars and strange shows you do
Speaker 1: in backyards and whatnot. So yeah, it's there's a lot
Speaker 1: of different places to exist and do what you love
Speaker 1: to do. It's not just this one path that you
Speaker 1: see on TV or in movies or documentaries. So I
Speaker 1: think that's important for people to know as well who
Speaker 1: want to do something creative, whatever that may be, that
Speaker 1: it can look like a lot of different things. Yeah, definitely,
Speaker 1: And I think you know on this podcast that we
Speaker 1: try and get into the psychology and mindset and the
Speaker 1: way people make shifts. And what I find fascinating about
Speaker 1: stand up comedy and what you do is that it
Speaker 1: really requires you to overcome some base fears, like the
Speaker 1: fears of what will people think, how will I look,
Speaker 1: how will I be received? These are huge fears, and personally,
Speaker 1: I think stand up comics face one of the hardest
Speaker 1: things because it's like you're introducing this person is going
Speaker 1: to make you laugh, and this person is funny, and
Speaker 1: then it's like it's the expectation is so much higher.
Speaker 1: Talk to me about that first time or maybe something
Speaker 1: you learned in that stand up class that started to
Speaker 1: be that you started to be okay with that fear
Speaker 1: and dealing with that or did you never feel that
Speaker 1: fear at all? Oh? I was terrified. I mean, do
Speaker 1: you feel like you were shy? Yeah? I was like it,
Speaker 1: like definitely massively. How long did it take for you
Speaker 1: to sort of feel like you weren't Or do you
Speaker 1: still feel on a base level you're shy and you've
Speaker 1: just figured out how to not act that way? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I find that. So from eleven to eighteen, I went
Speaker 1: to public speaking of drama school, and those years gave
Speaker 1: me the skills, but I didn't have anything I was
Speaker 1: passionate to talk about until I lived as a monk,
Speaker 1: until I understood the wisdom the vaders that I studied
Speaker 1: and now I share. So to me, it was almost
Speaker 1: like you have a tool kit, but I never used
Speaker 1: it because I still didn't feel confident. I actually got
Speaker 1: confidence because of what I was sharing I have so
Speaker 1: much more faith and confidence in the ideas I share
Speaker 1: than I do even in myself, and I think that's
Speaker 1: what gives me so much excitement and enthusiasm. But having
Speaker 1: said that now, I would say that even today, I
Speaker 1: feel really confident when on one on one with someone
Speaker 1: and when we both know what role we play. But
Speaker 1: if I turn up to a random event that isn't
Speaker 1: my event, that is someone else's event, I will just
Speaker 1: try and find one person that I can have a
Speaker 1: really deep intimate conversation with, as opposed to go up
Speaker 1: to everyone and introduce myself and make sure that everyone
Speaker 1: knows I came to them. I'm not like that because
Speaker 1: I feel more comfortable getting to know someone deeply. So
Speaker 1: I would still consider myself if it's my event, I'm
Speaker 1: not shy because I know what role I play there
Speaker 1: and I'm doing something. But I would say I'm shy
Speaker 1: when I'm at an event where I don't have a role.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense, Yeah, absolutely so. I think that
Speaker 1: I think that is on a base level. I'm an introvert.
Speaker 1: I feel the exact same way, and I felt like
Speaker 1: that for years and I still feel that way. I
Speaker 1: think a lot of social anxiety. I think that when
Speaker 1: I started doing stand up, I always liked performing, but
Speaker 1: I once I found stand up, I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: this is where I feel the best is on stage
Speaker 1: doing this thing. This is where I feel like myself.
Speaker 1: And actually, when I first started doing stand up, I
Speaker 1: felt like the version of myself that I was on
Speaker 1: stage was who I wanted to be in life all
Speaker 1: the time, but I couldn't because I was too shy
Speaker 1: and I didn't have the confidence. And then at a
Speaker 1: certain point it became more true to who I was
Speaker 1: out in the world. And now I'm at this weird
Speaker 1: place where I'm like, is that even me? Is that
Speaker 1: the most is that the purest version of me? Is
Speaker 1: that the most sort of polished version of me? Like,
Speaker 1: it's very strange to be in this business and see
Speaker 1: so many videos of yourself and so many photos of yourself,
Speaker 1: and it can feel very like dysmorphic, where you're like,
Speaker 1: who who am is that? Who is that? That's not me?
Speaker 1: Especially when you're you are achieving these goals you've always had, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, when I got on Conan or something like,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm in the thing I've been watching
Speaker 1: for years since I was a kid, and you're it's
Speaker 1: sort of this strange out of body experience, but I was.
Speaker 1: I was terrified of performing when I first started doing
Speaker 1: stand up. I mean I felt sick, like physically sick
Speaker 1: for days before I went on stage. How did you
Speaker 1: push through that? Like, how did you get through that?
Speaker 1: I just loved it so much that I I just
Speaker 1: wanted to do it more than I was scared to
Speaker 1: do it, which is sort of how you have to
Speaker 1: be if you are somebody who's not naturally extroverted or
Speaker 1: what have you. And I think really what helped is
Speaker 1: once I graduated high school and was doing stand up
Speaker 1: consistently in San Diego. Once you're doing multiple spots a night,
Speaker 1: it takes less pressure off of it and you don't
Speaker 1: have as much time to be nervous. Kase, I'm sure
Speaker 1: you feel the same way where you're like I do
Speaker 1: a podcast every other day, Like I'm not gonna get
Speaker 1: nervous to meet somebody new again. It's a muscle. It's
Speaker 1: really just a muscle. And if I don't go on
Speaker 1: stage for a few weeks, which doesn't really happen, like
Speaker 1: when we had Lockdown and I didn't go on stage
Speaker 1: for five six months. The first time back on stage,
Speaker 1: even for a zoom audience, was terrifying, like it'll come
Speaker 1: rushing right back. It's not like I'm like, oh, I'll
Speaker 1: just go on stage and I get nervous to do
Speaker 1: spots in town. I get nervous to try new stuff.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm so lucky to be on this tour
Speaker 1: where people have paid money to see me, specifically, because
Speaker 1: for years it wasn't like that. For years it was
Speaker 1: people got free tickets or they got barked into a
Speaker 1: club in a mall and they were like, yeah, we'll
Speaker 1: go see comedy and maybe it's not what I want,
Speaker 1: but we'll check it out. We'll give it a chance. Obviously,
Speaker 1: all of that makes it a little easier to go
Speaker 1: out on stage and know you have that grace period
Speaker 1: at the very least. But I think just the consistency
Speaker 1: and knowing that you can do the job, that's where
Speaker 1: you get the confidence, and like you said, you have
Speaker 1: more confidence in what you're saying. When I was first
Speaker 1: starting out, I was a teenager. I didn't feel like
Speaker 1: I could talk about anything with any sort of yeah
Speaker 1: I and then I started talking about the fact that
Speaker 1: I had no wisdom or experience, and that's what quarter
Speaker 1: life crisis is. Because I was like, what am I
Speaker 1: going to talk about? How about the fact that I
Speaker 1: don't know anything? And so many people came up to
Speaker 1: me after shows going, oh, my gosh, that's exactly how
Speaker 1: I feel. I don't know what I'm doing. I hate
Speaker 1: being this age. It's so confusing because I had always
Speaker 1: just assumed everyone's having a great time and their twenties,
Speaker 1: everybody's killing it. And I didn't have a traditional college
Speaker 1: experience because I dropped out to do stand up, so
Speaker 1: I didn't feel like I was doing my youth correctly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so to start talking about that on stage, thinking
Speaker 1: it was like a new angle, and then to have
Speaker 1: everyone go, oh, we feel the exact same way, even
Speaker 1: like people who looked like they were killing it in
Speaker 1: that area, or I'm like, you look like you go
Speaker 1: out on the weekend and everything's awesome for you was
Speaker 1: really validating for me. And the same with the new
Speaker 1: special Look at You. I mean, so much of it
Speaker 1: is about my own struggles with mental health and finding
Speaker 1: out that I was bipolar and all these different things,
Speaker 1: and losing my mom at a young age and getting
Speaker 1: the feedback from people that they relate to it or
Speaker 1: they've dealt with similar things, if not the same things
Speaker 1: in a selfish way. It makes you feel better about it,
Speaker 1: and it makes you feel more confident in talking about
Speaker 1: your own experiences because you know, with the Internet you
Speaker 1: can find your audience. Now, maybe not everybody relates to
Speaker 1: what you're talking about or wants to hear you talk
Speaker 1: about something, but the people who do really appreciate it
Speaker 1: and really do connect with it. And so that's that's
Speaker 1: how I try to write now, as I just try
Speaker 1: to write about things that I want to talk about
Speaker 1: or I want to hear about and find other people
Speaker 1: to relate to me about. Yeah, I love that your
Speaker 1: especially was called quarter life crisis because even in the
Speaker 1: work I do, I find that that is such a
Speaker 1: key pillar of a lot of people I connect with.
Speaker 1: So they're coming to you to laugh and understand and
Speaker 1: feel heard and resonated. And a lot of people were
Speaker 1: say to me, well, Jay, I'm stuck with where I
Speaker 1: am or I don't like my career. What was that
Speaker 1: transition like of saying I'm okay with not going down
Speaker 1: the right correct path of staying at college completing, but
Speaker 1: I'm actually going to go and do something that I
Speaker 1: enjoy and love. Like, what was that transition like for you?
Speaker 1: Was it one welcomed by yourself and the people around
Speaker 1: you with excitement and joy or was it surrounded with
Speaker 1: worry and anxiety and a sense of, Oh, this is
Speaker 1: going to be tough for I'm actually scared about this.
Speaker 1: I think when I left college, I had booked enough
Speaker 1: work that like I would have never just quit college
Speaker 1: to see, you know, Like I had enough work booked.
Speaker 1: I physically couldn't go to college anymore because at the time,
Speaker 1: the school I was at didn't have enough like online options,
Speaker 1: so I I just couldn't. And I had already taken
Speaker 1: a semester off to audition for all these colleges. There's
Speaker 1: something called NACA where you essentially auditioned for a bunch
Speaker 1: of college bookers. And so I had booked like fifty
Speaker 1: colleges in the winter and spring, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be gone for like three weeks at
Speaker 1: a time, performing at these schools, mostly on the East Coast,
Speaker 1: So I can't. And I think I just told myself, well,
Speaker 1: you can go back, you can go back, and I
Speaker 1: told myself that for years. I told myself that until
Speaker 1: I got the first Netflix special. Once I got the
Speaker 1: first Netflix special, I was like, I think I don't
Speaker 1: have to go back to school. And then the pandemic
Speaker 1: hit and I was like, maybe I do. So I
Speaker 1: really wasn't like all in like I was like, I
Speaker 1: held onto that because I was I was a good student.
Speaker 1: I really thought that I was going to college, I
Speaker 1: was going to finish, like a lot of it was
Speaker 1: tied up and like being a good kid, I suppose.
Speaker 1: So that wasn't something that I made a hard decision on.
Speaker 1: It was something that I sort of overtime accepted as
Speaker 1: long as everything was going well in my career. What
Speaker 1: was harder, honestly, was just moving away from being a
Speaker 1: clean comedian, and that transition from I never performed in
Speaker 1: churches exclusively, and I didn't want to perform in churches
Speaker 1: exclusively or even mostly, but to move away from being
Speaker 1: somebody that could and was this like squeaky clean act
Speaker 1: that you know your family isn't embarrassed to watch or
Speaker 1: anything was really difficult. And that took a couple of
Speaker 1: years as well, because there's a lot of internalized shame
Speaker 1: that comes with that and feeling like you're not good
Speaker 1: enough for the world you grew up in, but then
Speaker 1: also being too feeling too like inexperienced for this like
Speaker 1: rock and roll stand up world, because it's you know,
Speaker 1: I don't drink and I don't really I didn't really
Speaker 1: do any drugs. Like, I just wasn't fun. So I
Speaker 1: was like, so, you're not gonna be clean and respectable,
Speaker 1: but you're also not gonna party like which is again
Speaker 1: a huge part of quarter life, as I was like,
Speaker 1: what am I doing? What am I doing? Because I'm
Speaker 1: I'm boring enough to be someone who should be like
Speaker 1: married right now, but I am not, Like where's my person?
Speaker 1: Like you know, it's just it's it's a strange time
Speaker 1: in your life. And I've had friends tell me that
Speaker 1: somewhat harshly, where they were like, hey, I know you're
Speaker 1: complaining about whatever relationship not working out romantically, but your
Speaker 1: career is going really well and you are in your twenties.
Speaker 1: And people have this idea like everything's supposed to line
Speaker 1: up by whatever age they choose as the end the
Speaker 1: end goal. And I was certainly guilty of that. And
Speaker 1: I've had friends very bluntly say like, hey, maybe just
Speaker 1: be happy with one area of your life going great, yeah,
Speaker 1: and trust that the other areas are going to catch
Speaker 1: up or focus on the other areas instead of this
Speaker 1: one that you've been pouring all of your energy into.
Speaker 1: That is probably the most real answer I've had to
Speaker 1: that question. I really appreciate it because and that is
Speaker 1: such great advice, even though you didn't know you were
Speaker 1: giving advice, because when you started to talk about how
Speaker 1: when you made that shift, you always knew you could
Speaker 1: go back and that the next stage was developed instead
Speaker 1: of just throwing yourself into it. And I think those
Speaker 1: are such healthy concepts. I mean, I even say, to
Speaker 1: my point at this even at the stage of my life,
Speaker 1: a sometimes be like, I can always go back to
Speaker 1: the corporate world if I need to say the bills,
Speaker 1: like just because and it's not I'm actually not joking
Speaker 1: about that at all. I genuinely say that because it
Speaker 1: gives me the freedom to not live in a what
Speaker 1: if world of well, what if this doesn't work? And
Speaker 1: what if? It allows me to let go of that
Speaker 1: and say I would have an amazing life because I'm
Speaker 1: so fortunate to have had a great education that would
Speaker 1: have got me a particular job and a job that
Speaker 1: I had, or for you to say, hey, you know what,
Speaker 1: even beyond all this, I could go back to college
Speaker 1: and study again. And I had a friend recently, and
Speaker 1: I'm encouraging a lot of my friends who are in
Speaker 1: that quarter life crisis where they're stuck in jobs they
Speaker 1: don't love, or they worked really hard for a career
Speaker 1: but it isn't what they wanted to do truly in
Speaker 1: their heart. They did it out of society pressure, family pressure,
Speaker 1: whatever it may have been. And a lot of them
Speaker 1: are now making pivots. So one of them is at
Speaker 1: film school in LA one of them went on to
Speaker 1: actually become a stress coach for his own industry of law.
Speaker 1: And they're making these pivots at like potentially some of
Speaker 1: them between twenty five to thirty, some of them thirty
Speaker 1: to thirty five. And it's fascinating seeing their journeys because
Speaker 1: it's exactly like what you're saying. They're like, oh, but
Speaker 1: I can go back if I need to, And going
Speaker 1: backwards isn't as taboo as we make it out to be,
Speaker 1: like we make it seem like, if you're not moving forwards,
Speaker 1: your life's falling apart, it's like sometimes you have to
Speaker 1: go backwards to renavigate and reconfigure. And so I love
Speaker 1: that answer, and even more so, what I really appreciated
Speaker 1: about what you said towards the end there is the
Speaker 1: idea that when you're feeling accelerated progress in one area
Speaker 1: of your life, we've also been somewhat trained to believe
Speaker 1: that everything should move at the same time, and that
Speaker 1: your relationship and your career and this and I it's
Speaker 1: shocking to me how much we have in common despite
Speaker 1: being very different people. So when you talked about switching,
Speaker 1: and I want to talk about that more for me.
Speaker 1: When I left being a monk, and which I lived
Speaker 1: as for three years as a fully ordained monk, most
Speaker 1: of it in India and living a very different life
Speaker 1: to the life today. When I first left, I had
Speaker 1: so much shame and guilt about how I wanted to
Speaker 1: share what I'd learned, because I wanted to share it
Speaker 1: in a non sectarian, in a universal way, and I
Speaker 1: wanted to share it with anyone and everyone, without anyone
Speaker 1: feeling any pressure that they had to have a spiritual
Speaker 1: or religious belief to connect with my work and and
Speaker 1: that came with certain levels of criticism or or judgment too,
Speaker 1: because it's like, well, wait a minute, you are a
Speaker 1: fully ordained monk who has studied these five thousand year
Speaker 1: old literatures and scriptures and texts, But wait a minute,
Speaker 1: you're not sharing those Like how does that fit? And
Speaker 1: I know it's different, but there's there's that similarity. I
Speaker 1: wonder how did you How did you get over that
Speaker 1: shame and guilt? Because I feel like that can be
Speaker 1: so restricting and I even know people in my own
Speaker 1: community who who would feel restricted by their judgment. How
Speaker 1: did you receive then? How did you have the confidence
Speaker 1: again to break through that? And so well, this is
Speaker 1: still something I really want to do despite all of this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that is so interesting that you drew that comparison,
Speaker 1: because yeah, TikTok is about as far away from being
Speaker 1: a monk as you can't get. Literally. It's so interesting
Speaker 1: to me that, I mean, what a perfect example you
Speaker 1: are of a huge pivot. But still it's all connected
Speaker 1: and it's all leading to the next thing. Anyway, to
Speaker 1: your question, how did I get past all of that?
Speaker 1: I have a lot of therapy, I suppose, I mean,
Speaker 1: when we were talking about you can always go back
Speaker 1: to what you were doing before. I think what you
Speaker 1: said was so great. I mean, yeah, I do think
Speaker 1: people see it as giving up, but actually it's it's
Speaker 1: really confidence. Yeah, it's you saying I'm confident enough that
Speaker 1: if this doesn't work out, I'll make it work. Yes,
Speaker 1: And if that means doing what I was doing before,
Speaker 1: that's fine. I have a good friend, Delaney Fisher, who
Speaker 1: I used to do self help us with. She said
Speaker 1: to me when I was I think moving in with somebody.
Speaker 1: She had given a few of our friends this advice
Speaker 1: where she was like, you can always move out, like
Speaker 1: you can always it's okay if things don't work out.
Speaker 1: And I think we totally forget about that. As far
Speaker 1: as moving past, no shame of it. I will say,
Speaker 1: there is no like I can always go back to
Speaker 1: the church market like. That was not something I ever
Speaker 1: felt because that's a decision you make, and I felt
Speaker 1: very good about that decision. But that is a small
Speaker 1: pool of comedians who can do that, and it is
Speaker 1: in some ways easier to achieve a certain level of
Speaker 1: financial success in that area. There's a ceiling on it,
Speaker 1: because you know, it's a it's a certain community. But
Speaker 1: I just knew that I wanted to talk about more
Speaker 1: difficult subjects, and yeah, I wanted to do jokes about sex,
Speaker 1: like I wanted to talk about whatever I wanted to
Speaker 1: talk about. And the expectations are so rigid in church comedy,
Speaker 1: in any sort of church situation, because they just want
Speaker 1: you to be what they expect you to be all
Speaker 1: the time. It's not enough to just come in and
Speaker 1: be a clean comedian for an hour. They want you
Speaker 1: to be a Christian all the time. They want you
Speaker 1: to be a role model and a perfect public figure.
Speaker 1: And I would open for people and they would get
Speaker 1: emails from someone going why. I saw her do a
Speaker 1: set somewhere and she said damn, And I was like,
Speaker 1: I cannot stay here. This is not sustainable. Even if
Speaker 1: I try to be perfect, I'm gonna slip up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I don't want to feel this the rest of
Speaker 1: my life. And I wasn't sure that I believed in Christianity.
Speaker 1: I just didn't. I had felt that way since I
Speaker 1: was a kid. My mom passed away when I was eight,
Speaker 1: and as soon as she did, something kind of shifted
Speaker 1: in me where I realized nobody knew for sure. My
Speaker 1: family's very religious, and a lot of people I grew
Speaker 1: up around, and I love my family. I've very open minded,
Speaker 1: extended family, but a lot of people I grew up
Speaker 1: around act as if they know for sure what happens,
Speaker 1: what the answers are as far as religion goes, and
Speaker 1: I just realized, like, oh, nobody really knows. And while
Speaker 1: I feel very open to the possibility of something else,
Speaker 1: something greater, I know that even if I devote my
Speaker 1: entire life to it, I will never figure out exactly
Speaker 1: what it is. And so that always rubbed me the
Speaker 1: wrong way. And I didn't like the way that it
Speaker 1: can be used to judge and manipulate people, and I
Speaker 1: just I just wasn't what they wanted, and I started
Speaker 1: to feel like I was lying to anybody who hired
Speaker 1: me in that space. So at a certain point, I
Speaker 1: got taken off of a show for something I tweeted
Speaker 1: that had like innuendo in it, and I just told
Speaker 1: my manager. I was like, if we get any offers
Speaker 1: for churches, I can't do it. And then they sent
Speaker 1: me a few more, like it's as much money do
Speaker 1: you want to do it? And I was like, I can't.
Speaker 1: It's it's all or nothing with them, and that's fine.
Speaker 1: They can. They can make those those demands for whoever
Speaker 1: they want. Those people exist, Those people absolutely exist. Um,
Speaker 1: My friend Dustin Nickerson, who goes on the road with me,
Speaker 1: is very clean and can perform literally anywhere, and that's
Speaker 1: who should be doing. You know, certain gigs that I'm
Speaker 1: not right for. I mean, you don't. You don't have
Speaker 1: to be right for every single thing. And yes, it's
Speaker 1: okay if you're not right for a certain role. Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1: I think that's great advice and it gives you such
Speaker 1: an again freedom to recognize there is an audience for
Speaker 1: what you want to do. It does exist. It may
Speaker 1: be smaller and maybe larger, or may be different, it
Speaker 1: may be here, but but there is one you touched
Speaker 1: on there and you mentioned it earlier obviously, like losing
Speaker 1: your mother at eight years old, and I, you know,
Speaker 1: I can't begin to imagine or understand what that feels
Speaker 1: like as an experience. You said that that was one
Speaker 1: of the things that opened up. Was what else was
Speaker 1: there that that opened up for you? It sounds like
Speaker 1: you've spent a long time with therapy and reflection and
Speaker 1: being on a journey with that. What would you feel
Speaker 1: comfortable sharing with us that that opened up for you? Oh,
Speaker 1: I mean I talk about it a lot in the
Speaker 1: new special. It's it is such a it's it's the
Speaker 1: most important thing that happened to me, you know, not
Speaker 1: the best thing that ever happened to me, but it's,
Speaker 1: if anything, it's the worst thing that ever happened to me.
Speaker 1: And it's it's hard to I don't know who I
Speaker 1: would have been if that didn't happen, Like, I don't
Speaker 1: think I would have been the same person. I mean
Speaker 1: I have. I had a conversation with my therapist the
Speaker 1: other day where I was like, it's so funny because
Speaker 1: my aunt or my grandma will say things like your
Speaker 1: mom would have thought this was so cool. Your mom
Speaker 1: would have been like in the front row, And I go,
Speaker 1: I don't know that i'd be doing this if Mom
Speaker 1: was still here, Like would I have? I certainly wouldn't
Speaker 1: have lived where I lived because my dad got remarried
Speaker 1: and that's why we lived there, and that's why I
Speaker 1: took that class, is because we were in that area
Speaker 1: where that woman suggested it. So who knows, maybe I
Speaker 1: would have found it, but also maybe I would have
Speaker 1: written children's books, which is what I wanted to do
Speaker 1: when I was younger. So I don't know. It's it's
Speaker 1: so strange to be sad that a parent isn't here
Speaker 1: to see your success, but also know that a big
Speaker 1: reason you're successful is this drive to become somebody they
Speaker 1: would have been proud of, or like it's weird. I'm
Speaker 1: like chasing the approval of a ghost in a way.
Speaker 1: But then when you achieve those things, you're there's there's
Speaker 1: a sadness to all of it because you go, oh,
Speaker 1: this is this doesn't really feel that that whole I guess,
Speaker 1: but I do think it. It's certainly it made a
Speaker 1: lot of things much more difficult, and I'm sure it
Speaker 1: made me shire and I'm sure it made me very
Speaker 1: made me very very anxious, and it bursts that bubble
Speaker 1: a lot of kids have, maybe not kids now because
Speaker 1: they live through a pandemic, but a lot of kids
Speaker 1: have where you think you're invinced and nothing bad's going
Speaker 1: to happen to you, and when something like that happens
Speaker 1: to you really young, you're like, okay, yeah, so at
Speaker 1: any moment, the piano could fall in my head or
Speaker 1: someone else's head that I love. So that's sort of
Speaker 1: when I like started having really bad nightmares, which I
Speaker 1: still have. And it definitely affected me in so many ways.
Speaker 1: But the positive ways that affected me is I think
Speaker 1: it made me. I think it made me more empathetic.
Speaker 1: I think it made me a hard worker. I think
Speaker 1: when something tragic happens to you as a child, you
Speaker 1: sort of retreat into your imagination because you have to,
Speaker 1: which I'm sure made me more creative because living in
Speaker 1: my head was better than living out in the world
Speaker 1: where my mom was dead. So yeah, I think. I
Speaker 1: think as I've gotten older, I've learned to find the
Speaker 1: positive aspects of that loss that exists alongside the really
Speaker 1: difficult things about it. Thank you so much for sharing that,
Speaker 1: by the way. Yeah, you know, I find it so
Speaker 1: it's so incredible to hear just the journey you've been
Speaker 1: on and from that experience and just and it's and
Speaker 1: to me, it's not about you know, the positive or
Speaker 1: the negative or how it feels. It's just interesting to
Speaker 1: hear you think about it openly and and I can
Speaker 1: hear just how much how much work that's taken and
Speaker 1: what that process looks like, and I really appreciate you
Speaker 1: sharing that with us, Like genuinely, it's it's so inspiring
Speaker 1: and it's hope giving. And I know that you know
Speaker 1: that we countless people who are listening right now who
Speaker 1: who just feels so connected to that. So thank you
Speaker 1: so much for going there and sharing that. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think when I was growing up it was so
Speaker 1: hard to tell other people. But again, it feels like
Speaker 1: such an important thing to know about about you. But
Speaker 1: I'm it made other people uncomfortable who hadn't experienced death
Speaker 1: or loss. So then you're like, do I just tell
Speaker 1: them my parents are separated? Do I just kind of
Speaker 1: skirt around the issue. And I it took years of
Speaker 1: like almost like rehearsing with people how to give them
Speaker 1: that information in in a palatable way. Yeah, exactly. No,
Speaker 1: it's such an important part of the story to understand
Speaker 1: someone and to be able to receive them and connect
Speaker 1: with them properly. No, I'm so grateful you spoke about it,
Speaker 1: and I want to I want to go in another
Speaker 1: totally very different direction now, but only because you said
Speaker 1: something earlier. I'm trying to bring it back. So we
Speaker 1: were talking about love and relationships and even that relationship
Speaker 1: with your mother and with your parents is so important
Speaker 1: and how it impacts your relationships moving forward. One of
Speaker 1: your favorite clips that I love is where you talk
Speaker 1: about I believe it's the boyfriend who cheated on you
Speaker 1: in your head and that clip to me, I've sent
Speaker 1: that clip to more people than I could possibly imagine.
Speaker 1: And I have a funny story to tell that I
Speaker 1: don't think I've ever shared publicly, but I have to
Speaker 1: share it with you. So I've had a very clear
Speaker 1: value around cheating my whole life that if someone was
Speaker 1: to cheat on me, or if I was to cheat
Speaker 1: on someone, I don't think i'm personally It's not that
Speaker 1: I don't believe I'm capable. I don't feel enthusiastic about
Speaker 1: trying to continue on that path because to me, it's
Speaker 1: such a big core value of who I am. Again,
Speaker 1: I don't project down to anyone. I wouldn't judge anyone
Speaker 1: for staying with someone or breaking up. It's everyone's personal choice.
Speaker 1: That's where my personal choice stands. And my wife knows that,
Speaker 1: and we've had this conversation. We've been together now nearly
Speaker 1: ten years and married for six and so we've known
Speaker 1: this for a long time, and so me and my
Speaker 1: wife do this thing what we used to do before
Speaker 1: the pandemic. We haven't done it since, but we used
Speaker 1: to do this thing with every thirty days, we would
Speaker 1: drive somewhere three hours from where we live and stay
Speaker 1: somewhere like an airbnb or wherever we can for three days.
Speaker 1: We'd lock our phones in a safe and we just
Speaker 1: spend time together because we found that every week we
Speaker 1: got so busy and I have a crazy schedule and
Speaker 1: so does she, and so like on a weeknight, it's like,
Speaker 1: you're not really getting that deep into my connection. And
Speaker 1: then the weekend comes and maybe you see friends and
Speaker 1: maybe you see family or whatever, and time just flies.
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, you've been married for
Speaker 1: ten years or longer, and you're like, well, do I
Speaker 1: even know this person that well? And I saw that
Speaker 1: in the people I coached. I saw that in the
Speaker 1: people I worked with, and I was like, okay, well,
Speaker 1: what's a habit or I love coming up with like
Speaker 1: these and I love numbers, and so it was like
Speaker 1: thirty days, three hours, three days, and so we're on
Speaker 1: this one of these journeys and We're driving off three
Speaker 1: hours and we're listening to music. And this may surprise people,
Speaker 1: but we're listening to Future the Rapper. Right, it's me
Speaker 1: and my wife as sitting listen to music. We're listen
Speaker 1: to Future the Rapper. For whatever reason, I have no idea.
Speaker 1: I do not know him. I've never met him. We're
Speaker 1: listening to Future on the way. We get to the
Speaker 1: hotel that was staying at and then we maybe watched
Speaker 1: a movie and went to bed. And I wake up
Speaker 1: in the morning and I've had this dream that my
Speaker 1: wife is having Futures baby and she's in the shower.
Speaker 1: I can hear her that she's in the shower in
Speaker 1: the hotel room, and I wake up and it feels real.
Speaker 1: So I wake up and there's no part of me
Speaker 1: that is cognizant that that was a dream. I am
Speaker 1: fully in the reality that my wife, rather this you know, beautiful,
Speaker 1: abundant human being, has had an affair with Future of
Speaker 1: all people, and now she's pregnant with Futures baby. And
Speaker 1: I woke up with like this brick on my heart,
Speaker 1: Like that's how it felt like. It genuinely felt like
Speaker 1: there's this massive brick on my heart and it was
Speaker 1: weighing me down. And in my head, I said, I
Speaker 1: want to take care of that baby, like it's mine.
Speaker 1: Like I was just like I just have to, Like
Speaker 1: I was just like, I love my wife so much,
Speaker 1: like I love her. And it was so weird because
Speaker 1: I have this value and then when you think that
Speaker 1: this thing has happened, all of a sudden, that not
Speaker 1: that value has gone out of the window, but that
Speaker 1: my love and my connection and attachment to my wife
Speaker 1: was stronger. And she she was The hotel room had
Speaker 1: one of those like you know, there's window doors that
Speaker 1: open into the from the shower, bathroom into like the
Speaker 1: bedroom area. So she opened she looked at me, She's like,
Speaker 1: are you okay. I was like, oh, I just had
Speaker 1: a dream that you were having futures baby, and she
Speaker 1: just burst out laughing at me. She was just cracking up.
Speaker 1: And and I've never told that story anywhere else apart
Speaker 1: from now, apart from to friends and stuff. But it's
Speaker 1: it's fascinating to me how interesting it is that we
Speaker 1: can have these views on love, we can have these
Speaker 1: perceptions of love, and then when you get into a relationship,
Speaker 1: how these perceptions can change how other people's music, thoughts,
Speaker 1: ideas infiltrate our mind and dreams and messages and all
Speaker 1: of that. I wonder for you, what have been some
Speaker 1: of the would you say, misconceptions on love that you
Speaker 1: think you had growing up that had been broken down?
Speaker 1: Know that through your comedy that you've learned, or maybe
Speaker 1: you've heard an amazing story from a fan at an
Speaker 1: event that has sparked some thoughts. But I'm always fascinated
Speaker 1: by things that we believe to be true about love.
Speaker 1: But as we grow, oh do we go, oh, they're
Speaker 1: they're not the truth? Does that make sense? Yeah? Absolutely? Um,
Speaker 1: it's so funny you say that. I have a friend
Speaker 1: who's been in a relationship for I believe seven years
Speaker 1: now and is like my oldest friend. And I had
Speaker 1: I had asked her a similar question. I don't remember when,
Speaker 1: but I had asked her, you know, what would you
Speaker 1: do if your partner cheated on you? And she was like, Honestly,
Speaker 1: at this point, I love him so much, I trust
Speaker 1: him so much. I would probably go to therapy and
Speaker 1: figure out why it happens. Yeah. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: but you wouldn't just leave? And she was like, no,
Speaker 1: She's like not at this point, like we've just been
Speaker 1: through so much together. I would there. She's like, I
Speaker 1: know him so well. If he did that, I would
Speaker 1: know there was a reason, yes, and we need to
Speaker 1: figure out that reason. Oh my gosh. And I was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: so we're all mature now. Like I think, I thought, well,
Speaker 1: my friends in this relationship, that relationship, they don't fight,
Speaker 1: or this would never happen in so and so's relationship.
Speaker 1: And then as I've gotten older and I've dated more people,
Speaker 1: I've I've spoken to friends of mine and said like,
Speaker 1: well this happened, and they go, oh, we we dealt
Speaker 1: with that. Yeah, like we had the same thing, or
Speaker 1: my partner did something like that, or I did something
Speaker 1: like that, and it took a while for us to
Speaker 1: unlearn it and get through it. And that's I think
Speaker 1: the hardest thing about dating in your twenties and honestly
Speaker 1: into your thirties now as people are getting married later,
Speaker 1: it's so hard to know what is like a deal
Speaker 1: breaker yes, and what is something that you can work through.
Speaker 1: And I think the thing I've learned from friends of
Speaker 1: mine and truly talking to audience members, because I do
Speaker 1: ask people who have been married a long time for advice,
Speaker 1: and most of the time they're like, we don't have
Speaker 1: any move on. We just didn't leave. We know that.
Speaker 1: But so many people, it just seems like, find somebody
Speaker 1: that they love so much, they're like, well, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: make it work with you. Yes, and whatever things I
Speaker 1: had in my brain of if this happens, I'm gone.
Speaker 1: If this happens, I'll never get over it. Once you
Speaker 1: find somebody that you love and respect so much and
Speaker 1: you've been through enough with them, if you trust somebody,
Speaker 1: and I feel this way with friends of mine, I
Speaker 1: should say that because I don't have that marriage or
Speaker 1: partnership that I can point to in my own life.
Speaker 1: But I have several friends who I've had for a
Speaker 1: very long time, who are there for me so consistently
Speaker 1: that when they hurt me or disappoint me, it is
Speaker 1: over very quickly. Because I'm like your family, and you
Speaker 1: have been there for me so many times, Hurting me
Speaker 1: once is not going to phase me. Whereas if somebody
Speaker 1: that I didn't trust as much or hadn't been there
Speaker 1: for me for as long or as deeply did the
Speaker 1: exact same thing, we would not have a relationship anymore,
Speaker 1: or we would be acquaintances now. So it is so
Speaker 1: dependent on the relationship you have with the other person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely,
Speaker 1: And that's what I mean that For me, it just
Speaker 1: you know, ultimately it's knowing your value, but then having
Speaker 1: compassion for other people's values, because I think it's so
Speaker 1: easy to project your own ideas of what someone should
Speaker 1: do and how they should react, and yeah, what's a
Speaker 1: good boundary for themselves and then almost going well, wait
Speaker 1: a minute, like just gonna have compassion and empathy for
Speaker 1: that person's decision and their relationship with that person. But
Speaker 1: when you look for I'm interested by by dating in
Speaker 1: relationships a lot myself because it's a part of my work.
Speaker 1: It's part of my coach is you know, it's part
Speaker 1: of what I think about. What have been the funniest,
Speaker 1: most interesting date situations you've been in? All ones that
Speaker 1: have given you hope or ones that have broken your hope,
Speaker 1: or anything that you feel to share. Well, it's so
Speaker 1: funny you bring up that joke from Quarter Life, because
Speaker 1: I love that lad. It's so funny because in the
Speaker 1: new special, I have a joke about an X cheating
Speaker 1: on me, and it's that guy that I talked about
Speaker 1: where I go, well, he never cheated on I say,
Speaker 1: I do that joke where I say he cheated on
Speaker 1: me in my head and I go, no, he never
Speaker 1: cheated on me, but he did this thing. That guy
Speaker 1: did cheat on me, and he told me after I
Speaker 1: filmed that special. Yes, he finally told me, and it
Speaker 1: was like obviously years later, but like he and I
Speaker 1: had dated on and off for years and he had
Speaker 1: sworn up and down then he never cheated on me
Speaker 1: and really made me feel crazy and to his credit,
Speaker 1: apologized very late, but really like send me this long
Speaker 1: apology where I was like, I was gaslighting you, like
Speaker 1: I really a beautiful I almost made it my iPhone background.
Speaker 1: It's all you want is just I was wrong and
Speaker 1: I guess lighted you and we're like yes, but also
Speaker 1: really messed with my head because i'd been in therapy going.
Speaker 1: You know, I always was so suspicious of this guy
Speaker 1: and he never did anything, and I just created into
Speaker 1: my head. So for them later and for him later
Speaker 1: to be like, no, I was and you were right,
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry. I just pay for my therapy, right,
Speaker 1: But also I got so many jokes out of that relationship.
Speaker 1: I really can't. I really can't be mad. I have
Speaker 1: no regrets. But after he you know what's funny in
Speaker 1: terms of like I thought that if somebody cheated on me,
Speaker 1: I would hate them and never speak to them again,
Speaker 1: and especially in that way, which is pretty messed up. Um,
Speaker 1: But there's obviously more to the story circumstantially that contextualized
Speaker 1: it for me. M. But if you had just told
Speaker 1: me ten years ago, like, this is what's going to
Speaker 1: happen with this person, I would have been like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm going to hate them forever. And once he told
Speaker 1: me that, that's what happened, and I did know him
Speaker 1: so well and I knew what he was going through
Speaker 1: and what he was dealing with. Um, I think it
Speaker 1: actually improved not our relationship because we don't really have
Speaker 1: a relationship, but improved our feelings about each other in
Speaker 1: a you know, just just an existing in the world
Speaker 1: as memories to one another. Like I wasn't angry at
Speaker 1: him anymore because I finally knew for sure. And it
Speaker 1: does take a lot to admit to somebody that you
Speaker 1: did that. Yeah, And you can judge however long it
Speaker 1: took or the way in which it was said, or
Speaker 1: whatever you want. But at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, this is somebody who
Speaker 1: was really important to me and really encouraged me in
Speaker 1: my career and really yes, hurt me in some pretty
Speaker 1: deep ways but also made me better. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: felt like I was able to sort of put that
Speaker 1: chapter of my life to bed and really care about
Speaker 1: him as a human being. And I had just lived longer,
Speaker 1: and I had made my own mistakes and other relationships,
Speaker 1: and obviously I made my own my own mistakes in
Speaker 1: that relationship with him that we're not okay. So I
Speaker 1: think time, age, compassion and empathy comes with all of that.
Speaker 1: I had this really strange vision while you were saying
Speaker 1: all this deep, profound stuff. I was like, how amazing
Speaker 1: would it be to see you making this joke next
Speaker 1: to this clip of you talking right now? And I'm
Speaker 1: just like, literally, I like, Taylor, like you this ature,
Speaker 1: amazing individual. And when I see you on stage, you
Speaker 1: like this, you know, you're like picking fights with everyone.
Speaker 1: I love it, and I love that, and I love that.
Speaker 1: I love that paradox too, Like I love that you're
Speaker 1: able to speak so lightly of so many of these things,
Speaker 1: and of course, you know, make so many millions of
Speaker 1: people laugh. But at the same time, when I'm getting
Speaker 1: to know you today, it's it's fascinating to hear just
Speaker 1: how much thought and maturity and work and reflection because
Speaker 1: what you just said is so massively evolved. I mean, look,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have raised future's baby. I'm like, you're okay
Speaker 1: over there. Literally that was like the only thing I said,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Like I literally felt that, Like it
Speaker 1: was I felt it in my gut because yeah, because
Speaker 1: I was less my wife's baby. I love it so much.
Speaker 1: It was just, yeah, it was just one of those moments.
Speaker 1: But I'm glad it's not true. Of course. Did you
Speaker 1: see the video on TikTok that went viral about that
Speaker 1: girl being walked down the aisle by her stepdad. It
Speaker 1: was the exact same thing. She was like, my mom
Speaker 1: had an affair and got pregnant with me, and my
Speaker 1: stepdad raised me, and he is my dad, and this
Speaker 1: is him walking me down the aisle. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just yeah, that's the kind of that's the real
Speaker 1: life version, right. You can have all these ideas and
Speaker 1: thoughts in your head and make all these commitments to
Speaker 1: yourself and then it happens and then yeah, yeah you change. No.
Speaker 1: I love that. I think if if if Taylor Thompson
Speaker 1: had any dating relationship advice mistakes thoughts, what would they
Speaker 1: be right now? Oh, my advice is to not listen
Speaker 1: to stand up comedians for relationship advice. My advice is
Speaker 1: to listen to your podcast and follow whatever you and
Speaker 1: your wife are doing. Um, I don't know. I'm currently
Speaker 1: in this place in my life where I'm sort of
Speaker 1: coming to and I'd like to talk about this on
Speaker 1: stage in the new where I'm working on is I.
Speaker 1: I have been in sort of like back to back
Speaker 1: relationships throughout my entire adult life in a way that
Speaker 1: I don't think is particularly healthy. And I have had
Speaker 1: friends I have a new joke in the Hour about
Speaker 1: you know, a lot of my friends were like, you
Speaker 1: should maybe be single for a bit and maybe get
Speaker 1: a cat or something, and I was like, hard pass.
Speaker 1: Cats don't make me feel good about myself. But I am.
Speaker 1: I am reaching a point now where I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: we've put off doing this work on being alone for
Speaker 1: a long time, and I think you need to do
Speaker 1: it now. And it is so difficult because I'm I'm
Speaker 1: not I'm not a casual person. I'm much like you
Speaker 1: where if I'm at an event, I want to talk
Speaker 1: to one person. So I'm not like that in any
Speaker 1: of my relationships, friendships or otherwise. So I'm generally in
Speaker 1: a relationship. If I'm dating, I'm not like a casual
Speaker 1: dater or I don't have that in me. But as
Speaker 1: a result, I'm always getting into these you know, year
Speaker 1: to two year things. And I I've also just been
Speaker 1: so focused on my career, so anytime something wasn't working
Speaker 1: out or I was having problems with somebody, I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I can always focus on my career and that's fine,
Speaker 1: and focus on the next relationship. And now I've reached
Speaker 1: this level that I truly always dreamed of, like doing
Speaker 1: a theater tour and having specials on net, like that
Speaker 1: is all I have ever wanted, And if nothing else
Speaker 1: happened from here on out, that is, this is more
Speaker 1: than I could have ever dreamed of. And so now
Speaker 1: I'm like, maybe it's time to get some hobbies. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's time, maybe it's time to work on who you
Speaker 1: are as a person, Like you're very good at comedy,
Speaker 1: maybe get good at I don't know, forgiveness, like maybe
Speaker 1: just work on that. So yeah, I think, you know,
Speaker 1: what's that quote that people say, like you have to
Speaker 1: be somebody that you would want to be with forever,
Speaker 1: Like I do think that I have had moments of
Speaker 1: that over the years, but i'd like to really I'd
Speaker 1: like to really focus on that. And I don't agree
Speaker 1: with the statement a lot of people make, which is
Speaker 1: you have to be totally okay by yourself before you
Speaker 1: get into relationship. I know so many people who got
Speaker 1: into a relationship three days after they ended one and
Speaker 1: they've been together for ten years. I know so many
Speaker 1: people who gone to relationship when they were really not
Speaker 1: in a good place financially, spiritually, whatever, and now they've
Speaker 1: been together for twenty years. I think it is so
Speaker 1: case by case. But I do think that if you
Speaker 1: can show up for yourself and take care of yourself,
Speaker 1: you are going to show up for and take care
Speaker 1: of someone else much better and not put so much
Speaker 1: on them to take care of you. And I would
Speaker 1: like to, I think, before I get into a relationship again,
Speaker 1: which I don't know when I'm going to be comfortable
Speaker 1: doing that I would like to feel like I am
Speaker 1: someone who brings a lot to the table, not just
Speaker 1: in a purely superficial way of like, look how much
Speaker 1: I've achieved, Like my career is going well, which for
Speaker 1: a long time, I think, on some unconscious level, I
Speaker 1: thought that if I achieved all of my career goals,
Speaker 1: I would be proving to someone whoever it was, that
Speaker 1: I was like worth loving, like I was worth being with. Yes,
Speaker 1: And then you achieve all those things and you reach
Speaker 1: that place and you're like, oh, this didn't this didn't
Speaker 1: do it. Yeah, that's not what it's about. So I'm
Speaker 1: really trying to focus on that right now. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to focus on who I am as opposed to what
Speaker 1: I've done, because that has not been my approach the
Speaker 1: last ten years to my life. And to go back
Speaker 1: to my mom dying young, I mean I talked about
Speaker 1: that in the special as well as like I had
Speaker 1: this irrational belief that I was going to die at
Speaker 1: thirty four, because that's when she died. And it's very common.
Speaker 1: A lot of people have it when they lose their parents,
Speaker 1: even if their parents are you know, fifty five, when
Speaker 1: they when they pass they get nervous coming up to
Speaker 1: that age. And then if you I've heard, if you
Speaker 1: get to that age and you surpass it, you you
Speaker 1: actually feel sort of guilty. You have like survivor's skill,
Speaker 1: so I have that to look forward to. But I
Speaker 1: think that was not just affecting my career goals. It
Speaker 1: was affecting my personal goals as well. Where I thought
Speaker 1: I only have this amount of time, not even from
Speaker 1: a fertility standpoint, from just a this is what I'm
Speaker 1: going to die, Yeah, that I have to rush everything
Speaker 1: and I have to become this ideal person, and that's
Speaker 1: not how you become your highest self as it turns out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, you know when you said that, I'm like
Speaker 1: listening to you today going I think, I think, Taylor,
Speaker 1: you you really do know who you are, and there's
Speaker 1: there's so much you know, there has been so much
Speaker 1: investment in that part of yourself. Yes, there's been, of course,
Speaker 1: amazing acceleration in your career, but from the little time
Speaker 1: we've spent together today, I'm I'm I'm hearing so much
Speaker 1: self awareness and you know, so much great introspection and
Speaker 1: so much amazing energy around that. So thank you. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: If I'm rambling, No you're not. I'm no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you're not rambling at all. I mean, I'm also reflecting
Speaker 1: back on what you just said. And it gives me
Speaker 1: great reassurance in hearing that because something I ask a
Speaker 1: lot of clients to do in the relationshipship spaces. I
Speaker 1: asked them to write down the amount of days in
Speaker 1: their adult life or years in their adult life that
Speaker 1: they've spent single versus they've spent in relationships. And when
Speaker 1: you look at those two numbers next to each other,
Speaker 1: I know people that are fifty five who will say
Speaker 1: that the amount of time they've spent in their adult life.
Speaker 1: Of course, because we all, no one's dating when they're born, right,
Speaker 1: Well maybe not right, So I'm like, yeah, but the
Speaker 1: idea that in their adult life, even people who are
Speaker 1: fifty five sixty fifty five is probably where people that
Speaker 1: I've spoken to they would say that they've spent six
Speaker 1: months alone max in their whole adult life. Yeah. Alone
Speaker 1: as in single, without being in some sort of relationship.
Speaker 1: And when you hear that, and when I started to
Speaker 1: think about it, for me, those three years living as
Speaker 1: a monk of being single, of course, but I look
Speaker 1: back at those and I think, wow, those were like
Speaker 1: really important formative years in my relationship with myself. And
Speaker 1: I fully agree with you too that that never stops
Speaker 1: or is never complete. So it's not like check did that.
Speaker 1: Now I'm ready for a relationship. I have completed level
Speaker 1: one of life, but I've started level one of life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think that's you know, going back to your
Speaker 1: point that you're not going to fully love yourself and
Speaker 1: be good alone before you can be in a relationship.
Speaker 1: But you've started that journey to some degree, and ultimately
Speaker 1: all that does is it removes certain obstacles, right, So
Speaker 1: someone could definitely go from one relationship to another and
Speaker 1: they could be together. It's just we would remove certain
Speaker 1: obstacles if both people had had done a little bit
Speaker 1: of self work, and that's all that's all it is.
Speaker 1: But it's never that. Yes, you come to a relationship
Speaker 1: as this perfectly complete person. That is just a romantic
Speaker 1: view of what it looks like. And I saw that
Speaker 1: with me and my wife, like you know, when when
Speaker 1: we met and we fell in love as well. And
Speaker 1: you know, falling in love is not a logical you know,
Speaker 1: you're not planning it all out and you're not logically
Speaker 1: going through the steps. There's attraction, and then there's a faction,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, there's attachment, and you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I think I love this person, and then now I'm like, wow,
Speaker 1: I think sometimes when I proposed to my wife, I
Speaker 1: didn't really know her compared to the person I know today,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I didn't know her. And I think the
Speaker 1: problem becomes when we think we know before and then
Speaker 1: we stopped trying to know, and so you kind of go, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know who my partner is. We got married, and
Speaker 1: then it's like, but I've never tried to get to
Speaker 1: know them again. And for me it's been the other
Speaker 1: way around. We're like, yeah, we dated and we were
Speaker 1: together for four years before we got married, to plenty
Speaker 1: of time. But I'd say I've learned more in the
Speaker 1: last six of being married than I ever did in
Speaker 1: the first four. So the knowing of that person was
Speaker 1: far more important than the belief that I already knew
Speaker 1: them well. And you're both changing all the time and
Speaker 1: the time. That's the thing. When people are like, well,
Speaker 1: they're not who I married, it's like, of course, no,
Speaker 1: of course not Yeah, of course that you're not. They're married, right,
Speaker 1: like like me talking like I know, I'm like the
Speaker 1: marriage is like this, Uh yeah, I think that it's
Speaker 1: It's interesting what you said about the time that people
Speaker 1: spend actually alone as adults, because I've I've spoken to
Speaker 1: friends of mine who have gotten out of really long relationships,
Speaker 1: like that's such a that's such a common thing that
Speaker 1: I've never experienced where you know, somebody was with somebody
Speaker 1: for the bulk of their young adulthood, like maybe someone
Speaker 1: was with someone for eight years and their twenties and
Speaker 1: then they break up, which seems so devastating because I've
Speaker 1: never been in something that long that ended, or you know,
Speaker 1: people get divorced after however many years, and and those
Speaker 1: friends realizing like, oh I didn't I never lived alone,
Speaker 1: Like I've never lived alone, and I'm in my thirties now,
Speaker 1: and I'm sort of in a similar place where I'm
Speaker 1: kind of like surprised how much I'm appreciating it right now,
Speaker 1: Like I'm really I'm really like every night, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can just do whatever I want. And I love
Speaker 1: being a relationship. I love being in a relationship. I
Speaker 1: love the people I've been in relationships with I love
Speaker 1: hanging out with someone. I love having that person to
Speaker 1: talk to and share with and because you really do
Speaker 1: just become best friends with that person. But I have
Speaker 1: spent very little time just with myself, and I really
Speaker 1: have spent years like dreading it when I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't I can't imagine just coming home at night or
Speaker 1: going back to the hotel after shows, because that's very lonely,
Speaker 1: and just like being by myself and not having someone
Speaker 1: to call, not having someone to watch a movie with.
Speaker 1: And now I'm like, oh, this is actually kind of peaceful.
Speaker 1: Like I was so scared to not have someone else
Speaker 1: to count on, but I still have meade account on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And when we don't have that, those are the triggers
Speaker 1: that come out. I mean, even in marriage, like right now,
Speaker 1: I won't have seen my wife for the first four
Speaker 1: months of this year. She's in London working on stuff.
Speaker 1: I'm in LA. She can't be in LA right now
Speaker 1: for the work she's doing, and I can't be in London.
Speaker 1: And so I'd say in our marriage, we've spent probably
Speaker 1: before pandemic, we spent completely together, which was wonderful. We
Speaker 1: loved it. It was actually great for us. But before that,
Speaker 1: I would say that we've spent at least three to
Speaker 1: six months apart a year because of work on and off,
Speaker 1: not always in one go. This time it's been in
Speaker 1: one go, and I miss her. I cannot wait for
Speaker 1: her to come back, Like I feel like I have
Speaker 1: to throw her a party when she comes back because
Speaker 1: I miss her so much. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: I'm also really happy because she's been able to focus
Speaker 1: and I've been able to focus, and we've had this
Speaker 1: moment to really go all in on our careers again
Speaker 1: and then to come back again and be together and
Speaker 1: go all in on that. And it's just I think
Speaker 1: it's so healthy because marriage will also demand separation, especially
Speaker 1: with careers that we have, where you could be on
Speaker 1: tour again and you know, and you're in a relationship,
Speaker 1: and so that aspect of coming home alone is such
Speaker 1: a hell. Even now, like I've I mean, we were
Speaker 1: together every day for two years, you're in the pandemic,
Speaker 1: and now we've been apart for four months. It took
Speaker 1: days to get used to the fact that I didn't
Speaker 1: have someone's head on my chest going to sleep, Like
Speaker 1: just that process of like wow, like even I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I need to get a weighted blanket or I need
Speaker 1: to get put that brick back on my heart something
Speaker 1: like to feel like that weight like future. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah,
Speaker 1: because it was just not it was it was so
Speaker 1: strange because of habit, of course, and the habit with that,
Speaker 1: but you raised something really interesting. And I've actually not
Speaker 1: had the fortune yet to go on tour. I do
Speaker 1: a lot of events speaking, but I haven't been able
Speaker 1: to go on tour because I was meant to when
Speaker 1: my book came out in twenty twenty and then I didn't.
Speaker 1: But I do remember starklely and I work with a
Speaker 1: lot of musicians and artists who performed to many, many
Speaker 1: people on stage, and they always told me about that
Speaker 1: lonely journey home. And I've had very few experiences of it,
Speaker 1: but when I have, it really did hit me that
Speaker 1: when you have an audience of people that are fully
Speaker 1: immersed and everything you're saying and showing you so much
Speaker 1: love and showing you so much energy, and you dropped
Speaker 1: every joke right and everything fell and everyone's just in place,
Speaker 1: and you have this meat and greet and everyone just
Speaker 1: showers you with more love and tells you how much
Speaker 1: day connected. And then you get into that car ride
Speaker 1: back home alone. It's a really really strange feeling, right,
Speaker 1: and you brought it up there and that's why I
Speaker 1: remember that. And I remember I got home and my
Speaker 1: wife had thrown me a party with all our closest
Speaker 1: friends as a surprise for when I got home, and
Speaker 1: I didn't even know, but it was really fascinating. I
Speaker 1: remember that drive. I was at the Ace. I performed
Speaker 1: at the Ace, which was the only show I've ever done,
Speaker 1: which is my own show. And then when I drove
Speaker 1: home alone in just a hired car, it was really
Speaker 1: interesting to see that settle down and be happy with
Speaker 1: myself in that moment. Walk us through how it's felt
Speaker 1: for you, because I do think that when we live
Speaker 1: in a world where you're showered with validation and attention
Speaker 1: and to then leave it hopefully hopefully yeah, hopefully, but
Speaker 1: when when you shout with that genuine love from a lot.
Speaker 1: I know that my community, I feel so much genuine
Speaker 1: love from them. But when you go home, you've got
Speaker 1: to have that relationship with yourself. Can you just walk
Speaker 1: us through that bit? I want to hear about it
Speaker 1: from your thoughts, oh man, I mean are in terms
Speaker 1: of like being on the road and going back to
Speaker 1: a hotel. I feel like that is such a unique
Speaker 1: experience because not everyone performs on stage and not everyone
Speaker 1: it's not going home from a party is one thing,
Speaker 1: but going home from a party that was you on
Speaker 1: stage and everyone right, it's it's just really into and
Speaker 1: I'm always fascinated about hearing about that lonely journey for
Speaker 1: artists on the way home. Yeah, there is sort of
Speaker 1: like a physical at least for me, I feel like
Speaker 1: there's a heavy sort of like, yeah, after I get
Speaker 1: off stage and now on this you know this tour,
Speaker 1: I'm usually doing like a meet and greet afterward, and
Speaker 1: so that's sort of like a little extension of the show,
Speaker 1: is how it feels, because you're you are meeting people
Speaker 1: face to face and taking pictures and sometimes hearing very
Speaker 1: personal things from them. I guess it depends because some
Speaker 1: days are very hectic where you're just traveling all day
Speaker 1: and then you have to go on stage and you're
Speaker 1: kind of like just frantic, this this frantic energy all
Speaker 1: day and so when you hit like ten pm and
Speaker 1: you're back in a car or in a hotel room.
Speaker 1: It's so nice to just finally be still and quiet
Speaker 1: and not have anybody looking at you, you know, like, oh,
Speaker 1: everyone was looking at me for a long time. I mean,
Speaker 1: I have really strange moments where I almost feel like
Speaker 1: I'm like outside of my body on stage, where sometimes
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm everyone there's fifteen hundred people here just
Speaker 1: sitting yeah, quietly looking at me while I talk Like
Speaker 1: do you have that every where? You're just and you're
Speaker 1: just in sort of you kind of go into almost
Speaker 1: like autopie while you just sort of watch your hands
Speaker 1: move and gesture to ideas you have, and it's it's
Speaker 1: so I'm so incredibly grateful for it. I can't imagine.
Speaker 1: I couldn't have imagined that. I don't know. I'm obviously
Speaker 1: at the lost words, but it's such a strange feeling
Speaker 1: to have all of that love and validation coming at you,
Speaker 1: as you said, and then just be back to being you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because that's a version of you. Yeah, but it's not
Speaker 1: it's not that, it's not you. And then people say like, well,
Speaker 1: that's not who you really are, that's not I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: that is who I really am. But it's a piece
Speaker 1: of me. Yeah, it's a it's a mode I go into.
Speaker 1: So it's not that like, well they like me. But
Speaker 1: in my in my darker moments, I've talked about this
Speaker 1: in therapy. I go sometimes I feel like people only
Speaker 1: like me for this, like trick I can do and
Speaker 1: she goes, But it's not really a trick. It's a
Speaker 1: skill you have. Yeah, it's a it's a job you do.
Speaker 1: And so that makes me feel better. But sometimes I
Speaker 1: feel so like, you know, because nobody knows you really. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like they think they know you, especially like doing a
Speaker 1: podcast like this. I'm sure your listeners feel like they
Speaker 1: just know who you are, Yeah, but nobody actually does.
Speaker 1: I mean it's it's a strange, lonely space that's hard
Speaker 1: to explain yeah to people. I thought that was a
Speaker 1: good explanation, And yeah, I think a study I was.
Speaker 1: I was looking into this. I was like, because I was,
Speaker 1: I love building new friendships and new connections and deepening relationships.
Speaker 1: And I really enjoyed that as and even as I
Speaker 1: get older, because I find that a lot of the
Speaker 1: friends I grew up with life changes and you move on.
Speaker 1: And I've moved city twice. I lived in New York.
Speaker 1: I now live in LA I lived in India for
Speaker 1: a time, so my life's been very fragmented, and so
Speaker 1: I've had to rebuild community and family wherever I've landed,
Speaker 1: and so I really value that as something I try
Speaker 1: and invest in, especially when I think about one day
Speaker 1: having children and wanting them to have other children to
Speaker 1: play with and people's homes to go to and things
Speaker 1: like that. I think there's an issue when you say
Speaker 1: this is me or this isn't me. So it's like
Speaker 1: when you say this person on stage or this person
Speaker 1: who plays on the field or on the court, that's me.
Speaker 1: That's me, that's all of me, or the opposite where
Speaker 1: we go, that's not the real me. This is the
Speaker 1: real me when I'm on my couch and I'm in sweats,
Speaker 1: and you put it perfectly, you said, no both of me,
Speaker 1: and that's just reality. Like if I'm am I silly
Speaker 1: and goofy with RADI my wife, Yeah I am? But
Speaker 1: am I also really thoughtful and intentional and focused in
Speaker 1: my meditation? Yes I am? And do I love being
Speaker 1: on stage? Yes I do. Do I love business and
Speaker 1: strategy and growth? Yes? Do I love being among and
Speaker 1: being really simple and minimalists. Yes I love all of
Speaker 1: those things, and yes they're paradoxes and oxymorons and contradictions.
Speaker 1: But I've learned, as time's gone on, to stop trying
Speaker 1: to force myself to choose one and accept all parts
Speaker 1: of myself. And that has been the most freeing, the
Speaker 1: most authentic version I can find when I'm not forcing
Speaker 1: myself to live one truth and accept that I'm just
Speaker 1: made of a bunch of them and that's okay. Like
Speaker 1: I don't have to live a certain way or act
Speaker 1: a certain way to fall because I don't feel happy there.
Speaker 1: If I was forced to either be one or the other,
Speaker 1: I think I'd be really sad. And I consider myself
Speaker 1: to be quite a joyful, content individual. And I would
Speaker 1: say that's because I've allowed myself to be okay with
Speaker 1: the paradoxes within me, if that makes sense. And even
Speaker 1: with you, like when I'm listening to you, I'm going
Speaker 1: there's there's a paradox right here where it's like a
Speaker 1: lot of people talk about how stand up comedians use,
Speaker 1: you know, use comedy to heal and cope and deal
Speaker 1: with things. I think that's been like a long term
Speaker 1: myth that kind of gets thrown around, probably a bit
Speaker 1: too much without ever asking people in the industry. And
Speaker 1: then when I look at you, I'm like, but here's
Speaker 1: someone who's doing like therapy and work behind the scenes
Speaker 1: and like thinking about it, and then the comedy is
Speaker 1: more expressed through that learning as well and all of
Speaker 1: that with that, how do you find that because you
Speaker 1: mentioned earlier obviously in the new special, you speak about
Speaker 1: bipolo and you speak about mental health a lot more
Speaker 1: in your work, but you've been doing mental health work.
Speaker 1: So I'm so at least and I don't want to
Speaker 1: assume anything I'm asking. It sounds like comedy to you
Speaker 1: is not an outlet or a healing tool or expressive too.
Speaker 1: I guess it's more of an expression tool than it
Speaker 1: is a healing tool. Yeah, I feel, yeah, sorry if
Speaker 1: I'm messing up the question. But no, no, no, not
Speaker 1: at all. I think what's funny is I think maybe
Speaker 1: I used to think it was a healing tool, not
Speaker 1: in that this is where I talk about it, but
Speaker 1: I think I thought that if I could make fun
Speaker 1: of something or turn something into a joke, then that
Speaker 1: would be the same as me getting over it, right,
Speaker 1: Like that's dealt with because it's a joke now, Like
Speaker 1: I turned this into my career. This has turned into
Speaker 1: something that's going to make me money, So now it's
Speaker 1: not a bad thing that happened to me. It is
Speaker 1: an experience that I turned into something that other people enjoy.
Speaker 1: And you know, I think in that way I thought
Speaker 1: I was saying, But in going to therapy consistently and
Speaker 1: seeing both a therapist and a psychiatrist and recognizing that
Speaker 1: just because you know something about yourself doesn't mean you've
Speaker 1: dealt with it, yea completely. Like I was so upset
Speaker 1: when I figured out that knowing something logically did not
Speaker 1: mean that it was heeled. I was like, well, if
Speaker 1: I just untangle it, I'll be great now. But it's
Speaker 1: all that stuff about trauma living in your body and
Speaker 1: what it's like you like, But I know what this is.
Speaker 1: I know this is a traumatic response to X, Y,
Speaker 1: and Z that happened to me. Why am I still
Speaker 1: feeling the brick on my chest? Because it's it's more
Speaker 1: than just something you intellectualize. It is a physical, emotional, emotional,
Speaker 1: spiritual thing that you have to work through and spend
Speaker 1: a lot of time working through, not just figuring it
Speaker 1: out and going awesome, So that's done. Check the box.
Speaker 1: So I think that especially with this special, I at
Speaker 1: first I wasn't going to do any jokes about some
Speaker 1: of the aspects of my mental health journey in the
Speaker 1: last couple of years. And then I think my brain
Speaker 1: just works this way where I just kind of thinking jokes.
Speaker 1: As soon as I started thinking of jokes, I was like,
Speaker 1: maybe I should try these yah, And I was like,
Speaker 1: I won't do them, but I'll try them. And then
Speaker 1: once I started doing jokes about it, I started getting
Speaker 1: messages from people who were like, oh my gosh, I
Speaker 1: just got diagnosed with this, or I've been trying to
Speaker 1: get on antidepressants, or or I've been feeling this way,
Speaker 1: or you really encourage me to go back to therapy.
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, then you just do it.
Speaker 1: But I was really nervous before the special came out.
Speaker 1: I was like, did I share too much? Did I
Speaker 1: put too much out there? But my therapist is like,
Speaker 1: you're you are doing the work, like it's that's what
Speaker 1: I'm seeing. Yeah, So I think as long as you're
Speaker 1: doing the work, it's it's not gonna be fixed by you.
Speaker 1: Posting about it on social media or even talking to
Speaker 1: friends about it like you're good, like you are going
Speaker 1: to have to do that work privately, So I think.
Speaker 1: I think that's the only way that I've I've been
Speaker 1: able to talk about it in my material. And I
Speaker 1: wish I was more of like a I don't know,
Speaker 1: just generally observational comedian, but I'm not. I draw from
Speaker 1: my own life and I write about stuff I'm going
Speaker 1: through because again, I'm insecure about talking about things I
Speaker 1: have no experience with. So that's just kind of kind
Speaker 1: of how I come at it and the sort of
Speaker 1: the sort of writer I am. I suppose it comes
Speaker 1: out great. I love it, and I love what you
Speaker 1: said that, Like like when you said I think in jokes,
Speaker 1: I get that because you think in jokes. I think
Speaker 1: in quotes, and it makes sense. Like whenever I hear something,
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, how do I turn that into something
Speaker 1: really memorable and simple that I will keep in my
Speaker 1: brain that allows me to use it as a tool
Speaker 1: later on, And that's kind of how I think. And
Speaker 1: then I think, okay, well, how do I find a
Speaker 1: quote or hear a quote or share a quote with
Speaker 1: my audience so that they can remember it, so that
Speaker 1: that clarifies an idea for them as well. And so
Speaker 1: it makes sense because you're like, Okay, well, how do
Speaker 1: I make it funny so that it's memorable from it
Speaker 1: so that you remember they remember it. So that feels
Speaker 1: very real. I get that, like that's how you try,
Speaker 1: and it's almost like that's how you try and capture
Speaker 1: an idea so that it sticks and stays and become
Speaker 1: some of that people can share. But Taylor, you've been
Speaker 1: so generous and kind with your time. It's been such
Speaker 1: a joy getting to know you today. Honestly, it really has.
Speaker 1: Oh this was so nice. This is not like most podcasts.
Speaker 1: I try to leave a cushion afterward to sort of
Speaker 1: recovery as an introvert, where you're like, okay, I gotta
Speaker 1: and this was just like refreshing, and this was like
Speaker 1: really just felt like hanging out with them, and I
Speaker 1: wanted to hang out with Oh. I feel like invigorated
Speaker 1: after this is so nice. Oh wow, that means the
Speaker 1: world to me. Thank you so much. No, genuinely, Like
Speaker 1: as I said, I've been such a huge fan for
Speaker 1: such a long time and to get to know you
Speaker 1: today is just it's it's even better than I thought
Speaker 1: it was going to be because I feel like I
Speaker 1: already had high expectations and that's what I'm saying, that
Speaker 1: you just blew through them and just who you are
Speaker 1: as a human and how you think about things and
Speaker 1: how you're making this like it's just it's amazing, and
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful that you said yes to come in
Speaker 1: on the show and being here. We end every on
Speaker 1: Purpose episode with a final five, which is meant to
Speaker 1: be a fast five, which I always ruined because I
Speaker 1: get intrigued. But I will try and do it fast
Speaker 1: with you. So these are five questions I have to
Speaker 1: be answered in one word to one sentence maximum okay,
Speaker 1: and I will ruin it. So's it's my job to
Speaker 1: ruin it, and you pretend to try and stick to
Speaker 1: the yes. Okay. So question number one is what is
Speaker 1: the best advice you've ever received? You can always change
Speaker 1: your mind. Nice, that's a that's a great piece of
Speaker 1: We've never had that. That's a great piece of advice. Yes,
Speaker 1: I found a new one. Yeah you did. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a great I love that. What's the worst piece of
Speaker 1: advice you've ever received. If you take time off, everyone
Speaker 1: might forget about you. Wow, that's so good, true love.
Speaker 1: That's not great, that's that really. I just remember that
Speaker 1: because it really tapped into like the workaholic in me.
Speaker 1: Yeah that I've always Yeah I've not always, but I've
Speaker 1: really tried to move away from so the idea that
Speaker 1: somebody would say my worst fear out loud, Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1: I Mean when I first came in and I was
Speaker 1: first started coaching here, I had talent told me that
Speaker 1: they were told by their first manager that you look,
Speaker 1: you've got a three year career. Yes, you've got a
Speaker 1: three year career. You've got to make the most of
Speaker 1: three years. And after that you'll be irrelevant. And it's
Speaker 1: the same thing, like you just get you stop it.
Speaker 1: And I remember even when I remember when I got
Speaker 1: to one thousand, when I was first starting out, one
Speaker 1: thousand subscribers on YouTube, which I was really happy about
Speaker 1: and excited about at the time and still am. And
Speaker 1: I remember my friends going to me, so this is
Speaker 1: the peak, basically, like this is it, Like they'll never
Speaker 1: be more than this, and so you should just make
Speaker 1: the most of it. Because that's and I remember like
Speaker 1: that it was that fear mindset that every time I
Speaker 1: hit a new peak, people around me would say to me, Oh,
Speaker 1: that's the peak, then, so that's it. Now you've done
Speaker 1: it now, And I was like, wait, only if you
Speaker 1: think that, like you know, so great, great answers so far,
Speaker 1: all right? Question number three, what's something that you think
Speaker 1: people value that you don't value. Maybe this sounds sort
Speaker 1: of dumb, but whether or not people think I'm cool? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess, and that's probably pretty like entertainment industry specific.
Speaker 1: But I do think that there's like a lot of
Speaker 1: like insecurity in this business, and there's a lot of
Speaker 1: like hoping other people like you and like I think
Speaker 1: you're cool, yeah, And I don't really care about that anymore,
Speaker 1: Like I really just want to be happy and find
Speaker 1: my people and focus on those relationships, and everyone else
Speaker 1: is kind of like feel however you want to feel
Speaker 1: about me. But I definitely used to be very concerned
Speaker 1: about that, and it actually, I think made me far
Speaker 1: less cool and less likable because I was really just
Speaker 1: terrified of everybody. So then I would be too quiet
Speaker 1: and then everyone would assume I was mean yeah, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just scared, So yeah, I think I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: just what other people think of you, when really I
Speaker 1: just care what the people I like think of me. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Number four, This has been a question I've been asking
Speaker 1: recently because I want to help peop who are listening
Speaker 1: as well, Like, how do you think about how you
Speaker 1: choose your friends and the people around you, whether it's
Speaker 1: personal or professional. I want to surround myself with people
Speaker 1: who work really hard, are kind and empathetic, and that
Speaker 1: I trust in every way, but mostly that if we
Speaker 1: ever have a disagreement or miscommunication or argument, we're going
Speaker 1: to talk about it and deal with it and get
Speaker 1: through it. So I think that's I want. I want
Speaker 1: people around me that make me want to be a
Speaker 1: better person and put in the same level of energy
Speaker 1: and effort into our relationship that I'm going to love those.
Speaker 1: Fifth and final question, Taylor, what is if you could
Speaker 1: create one law in the world that everyone had to follow.
Speaker 1: What would it be? Oh, one law in the world. Yeah,
Speaker 1: everyone had a question, reguest Eva. Oh my gosh, I
Speaker 1: want to I want to know what the best answer
Speaker 1: you've gotten. I don't think they're all surprising, Like you
Speaker 1: get everything from something really simple, like be kind to
Speaker 1: some really specific thoughtful stuff, and so I don't I
Speaker 1: don't think we've had a best answer, but I am
Speaker 1: currently compiling every answer we've ever had. It going to
Speaker 1: be fun to look at, like the breath of answers,
Speaker 1: one law that everyone had to follow, or one habit
Speaker 1: that they had to do every day, one habit that
Speaker 1: they had to do every day. I mean, everyone should
Speaker 1: be journaling probably, yeah, I guess that. Maybe. Yeah. Have
Speaker 1: you been journaling for a long time? Do you know
Speaker 1: what I've noticed this is going back to the relationship
Speaker 1: single thing. When I am in a relationship, I'm terrible
Speaker 1: about journaling. Wow. And then when I'm single, I'm great
Speaker 1: about it. And it makes a huge difference. Wow. And
Speaker 1: I remember the last time I got out of a relationship,
Speaker 1: I had been telling myself, Okay, well I'll get back
Speaker 1: to I've been telling myself that for months and I
Speaker 1: thought I hadn't journaled in like two three months, which
Speaker 1: is still bad. And I went back into it after
Speaker 1: my breakup and I my last entry was like going
Speaker 1: on a date with the person I ended up in
Speaker 1: a relationship with. Wow, which is I mean again, I
Speaker 1: thought I was like, it's been like sixty days, I'll
Speaker 1: get back to it and it had just been so long. Well,
Speaker 1: that has so many lessons in it. That is that
Speaker 1: is such a great answer, because I think we leave
Speaker 1: so many of our best habits when we get into
Speaker 1: relationships and then wonder what went wrong, and so so
Speaker 1: journaling and no yelling. I guess yeah, unless you're happy
Speaker 1: and excited, no mean yelling me yelling. I love that
Speaker 1: very deep and profound. Taylor, you are incredible. I think
Speaker 1: you're cool. I would yell in excitement I did when
Speaker 1: you first came. No, I am so so happy that
Speaker 1: we got to do this. I'm so happy to get
Speaker 1: to meet you. For anyone who's been listening or watching
Speaker 1: it home, make sure you tag Taylor and me on Instagram,
Speaker 1: on Twitter, on all platforms so that we can see
Speaker 1: what resonated with you, what connected with you. I love
Speaker 1: love love knowing what Taylor said that is going to
Speaker 1: stay with you, is going to stick with you, that
Speaker 1: connected with you, that moved you. And of course I
Speaker 1: highly recommend that you go and check out quarter Life
Speaker 1: Crisis and look at you and follow Taylor on every
Speaker 1: single platform so that you can stay up to date
Speaker 1: and so that you don't have to see me send
Speaker 1: these scary videos, funny videos and exciting videos, but that
Speaker 1: you can do it yourself. But Taylor, you are continue
Speaker 1: to be the comedian that I follow the most, that
Speaker 1: I love the most, that I watched the most, and
Speaker 1: I'm so honored, so so excited to see what you
Speaker 1: do next. I'm convinced for someone as talented as you,
Speaker 1: and someone has grounded as you and who's doing the
Speaker 1: work so early that anything's possible, and it's you know,
Speaker 1: more and more is going to happen as time goes on.
Speaker 1: So really really excited for you, excited to be an
Speaker 1: observer and a cheerleader on the journey. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: It was seriously, so so nice to meet you finally
Speaker 1: in person. And I'm obviously such a fan as well.
Speaker 1: And um, I can't wait to meet your wife as well,
Speaker 1: so you have to be friends with me now yeah
Speaker 1: and she comes back like a month, so yeah, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1: But thank you, Taylor. Thanks, Thanks everyone for listening and watching.
Speaker 1: Makes you share this with a friend who would love
Speaker 1: to hear it would benefit from it. I hope that
Speaker 1: you pass it on and it changes someone day today
Speaker 1: as well. So thank you all,