1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:03,760 Speaker 1: When we met, my life was like pretty okay, and 2 00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:06,920 Speaker 1: then my life kind of blew up, and now it's 3 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,799 Speaker 1: pretty okay again. Now it's kind of stable. This has 4 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,680 Speaker 1: been a fortifying year for me. I can also talk 5 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:17,600 Speaker 1: about dating while broke as fuck, but from the other side, 6 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 1: where yeah, like I'm trying to get my dinner paid for. 7 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,599 Speaker 1: That's why I'm dating, That's why I was dating. For 8 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 1: a minute, girls just want to eat for free. It 9 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: feels like everything is expensive these days, So what does 10 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:38,040 Speaker 1: that mean for dating today? We're gonna a guy's perspective 11 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:43,879 Speaker 1: on that question. I'm hopewondered and welcome to Boysover, a 12 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 1: space where we're learning, and I'm learning all the myths 13 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,480 Speaker 1: were taught about love and relationships. 14 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:01,840 Speaker 2: Now. 15 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:05,840 Speaker 1: I know this podcast is about decentering men, but it's 16 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:09,480 Speaker 1: also about reframing the way we think about romance, and 17 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,960 Speaker 1: that means challenging the norms of dating culture and considering 18 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: how they impact both men and women. A few rounds 19 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:19,080 Speaker 1: of drinks or even a meal for two people in 20 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,560 Speaker 1: a major city will run you more than one hundred 21 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:25,120 Speaker 1: dollars these days, in the early days of dating, who's 22 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:28,800 Speaker 1: expected to pay? Are we really being honest when we 23 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 1: offer to split the bill. If you ask me, I 24 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,720 Speaker 1: love when a guy pays on a date. Money gets tight. 25 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 1: I'm not above saying no to free stuff, but what 26 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:42,440 Speaker 1: happens when both people are working with tight budgets. I 27 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 1: knew my friend esmen Fountain would have something to say 28 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 1: about this because back when he was a struggling actor 29 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:51,640 Speaker 1: and comedian dating in LA, he identified as a broke 30 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 1: man trying to impress girls in the most unique and 31 00:01:55,280 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 1: let's say, creative ways. Esmond Hey, welcome to voiceover. 32 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,080 Speaker 2: Thank you for having me. 33 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: You're our first guy, straight guy one on one interview, 34 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,440 Speaker 1: and so yeah, we kind of just want to talk 35 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:12,799 Speaker 1: about like how it feels dating. I know you're married now, 36 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:17,080 Speaker 1: but how it feels dating, and like ideas of masculinity. 37 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 1: So I wanted to ask you, like, yeah, what was 38 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,760 Speaker 1: your idea of masculinity growing up? 39 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:28,000 Speaker 2: Masculinity for me was Troy Bolton. It was high school musical. 40 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 2: I think that's when I really just found who I 41 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,799 Speaker 2: wanted to be during that time, both being. 42 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:39,320 Speaker 1: Basketball player, yes, that type of it, just in falling 43 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 1: in love. 44 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I grew up in a military household and so 45 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 2: things were kind of locked down feelings, emotions. My dad 46 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,320 Speaker 2: he was gone all the time, just being in the military, 47 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:53,040 Speaker 2: and he would bring home a beanie baby every single time. Okay, 48 00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:57,239 Speaker 2: and then me and my brother we would play. We 49 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 2: created this whole just community of beanie babies and me 50 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,120 Speaker 2: and my brother. Each one had a character, they had 51 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 2: a voice, they had a life and personality, and we 52 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 2: would play these things and we played all the way 53 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:14,639 Speaker 2: until our voice is cracked. And then that was my 54 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:15,760 Speaker 2: high school musical came out. 55 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you were like, actually, I have to 56 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 1: try out for theater. Were you in the theater program 57 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:20,440 Speaker 1: in high school? 58 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:26,320 Speaker 2: No, I wasn't. Now I think that part of us 59 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:30,960 Speaker 2: it stayed at home. It didn't really translate to in Mississippi. 60 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 2: It was really football, basketball totally, those are the things 61 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 2: you do. 62 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,600 Speaker 1: And then Troy Bolton, it was like, wait, I could 63 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 1: be both at the same time. I can be who 64 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,960 Speaker 1: I am at home also in the cafeteria. Yes, it's crazy. 65 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 2: Yeah. My dad bought me a video camera and then 66 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 2: I just started making YouTube videos and that I think 67 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 2: that was my like Troy Bolton thing, that was my 68 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,800 Speaker 2: you know, theater was making videos and I would be 69 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,120 Speaker 2: different characters and I would only do this when my 70 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 2: family left the house. Oh my god, I edit as 71 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:01,960 Speaker 2: well at night. 72 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,560 Speaker 1: Right, So you're like you were in high school posting 73 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,040 Speaker 1: YouTube video. Yeah, could I still find No. 74 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 2: I my friends found it. They started talking about it 75 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,200 Speaker 2: during class and I deleted everything. It's still one of 76 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 2: the biggest regrets. 77 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:20,279 Speaker 1: No, correct me if I'm wrong. You do have always 78 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:23,720 Speaker 1: had this like want for romantic love, like that has been. 79 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:27,280 Speaker 1: If you're Troy Bolton, he has like a woman who's 80 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 1: in love with him, you know what I mean. 81 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 2: So, yeah, there's always been that romantic has been. My 82 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:35,039 Speaker 2: mom made us write in our journals, but she also 83 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 2: we watched Hallmark movies. The Lifetime channel was on at 84 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:44,640 Speaker 2: all times throughout my childhood, and so that was spent 85 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,800 Speaker 2: a lot of days just laying on the couch with 86 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:48,720 Speaker 2: my mom watching those movies. 87 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:49,160 Speaker 1: Totally. 88 00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:52,719 Speaker 2: So I think it did help create that idea for 89 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:57,120 Speaker 2: me that like love is like the movies didn't work 90 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:02,520 Speaker 2: out a lot, Like the love in the movies is 91 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:06,560 Speaker 2: not as transferable into real life sometimes, so there was 92 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 2: the adjustments of learning that. 93 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:10,039 Speaker 1: But when you moved to La you're trying to find love. 94 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, I got out there nineteen, and I was trying 95 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:17,240 Speaker 2: to I'm very nervous in person, Like, I'm not a 96 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:23,000 Speaker 2: person that initially you meet you're like, oh, I want 97 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 2: to learn more. I'm someone that grows on people. 98 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 1: You like a bit restrained. 99 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not going to know that I like you immediately. 100 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 2: And so the first thing that I did when I 101 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:38,360 Speaker 2: got out there, I'm in college, a junior in college, 102 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:43,720 Speaker 2: I got on Christian Mingle Wait, I got on E Harmony. 103 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,000 Speaker 2: Both of those. I was like, I'm going to find someone. 104 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,320 Speaker 1: Sorry, but what year was it? 105 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 2: This was in twenty thirteen, Okay, yeah, I just the 106 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:58,760 Speaker 2: commercials were like really good. They were hidden. Yeah, they 107 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:00,960 Speaker 2: all looked like they were all like falling in love 108 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 2: in a great way. And I was like, I think 109 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:06,080 Speaker 2: I have an old soul. Like at this time, I 110 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:10,080 Speaker 2: was really intense, intensely into Nicholas Sparks movies and I 111 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:15,600 Speaker 2: was like watching all of those Notebook, Safe Haven, h 112 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:21,599 Speaker 2: Minus Yris. It was these movies that I was getting 113 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 2: connected with, and I was like, I need an older love. 114 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,880 Speaker 2: These La girls they're looking for something a little bit more. 115 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,800 Speaker 1: What do you think the La girls were looking for? 116 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,120 Speaker 1: And you can say it. 117 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,680 Speaker 2: No, I felt I just felt like I wasn't there. 118 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,280 Speaker 2: I felt like I was looking for someone to take 119 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,040 Speaker 2: long walks on the beach with and talk about life. 120 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 1: And like, when you would go on a date with somebody, 121 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,760 Speaker 1: what did you feel like the expectations were. Did you 122 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,360 Speaker 1: feel like there were expectations? 123 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 2: I always felt at a lot. I felt like anyone 124 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:50,960 Speaker 2: that said yes to go on a date with me 125 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:55,040 Speaker 2: that I had to prove myself to them. So it 126 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,760 Speaker 2: was trying to think of making these dates the most 127 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 2: extravagant dates that I could with the least amount. 128 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,039 Speaker 1: Of money, right, because how is your bank account looking 129 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: at the time? 130 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:07,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was. It was terrible. There was there was 131 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,120 Speaker 2: no room for flexibility as far as like if it 132 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 2: was if we're going on a date, I would be like, hope, 133 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 2: I had a bunch of medicine this morning, and so 134 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 2: I'm going to kind of chill, but you get whatever 135 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 2: you want. I'm going to get some fries. Actually I'm 136 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:28,520 Speaker 2: going to get fries. Oh that's how it would be. Yes, 137 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 2: But yeah, there's always an excuse for me not being 138 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 2: able to eat the full meal or going to a 139 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 2: place that had very like good prices to eat and 140 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 2: so that's ok. 141 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:43,320 Speaker 1: A date is so expensive? Like when I talked to 142 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 1: my guy friends who are like really trying to go 143 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,920 Speaker 1: on dates, who are like on hinge going out all 144 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,640 Speaker 1: the time, I'm like, you get a couple of glasses 145 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,080 Speaker 1: of wine and dinner that could be two hundred dollars. 146 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,760 Speaker 1: You go on a couple of dates a week? Hello, 147 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like it's too expense? Like 148 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,480 Speaker 1: was there ever a time you showed up to a 149 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:04,960 Speaker 1: day and you like really thought it was going to 150 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,800 Speaker 1: go one way? You thought it was gonna be okay, 151 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,680 Speaker 1: and then you got there and maybe Yeah. 152 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 2: One of the more earlier dates that I went on 153 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:20,440 Speaker 2: in college, I was really into this girl. We literally 154 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 2: she was on the dance team and she liked to 155 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,560 Speaker 2: go running at five am in the morning. And she 156 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 2: posted on Facebook that she was looking for anyone else 157 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,520 Speaker 2: to go running with her, and I immediately said, yes, 158 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 2: you're like, I'm a runner, I will run. And I 159 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 2: was a tennis player, right, so I had practice, Sure, 160 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,679 Speaker 2: I would run. I would run with her at five am, 161 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 2: and I would have practice at six insane, but I 162 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,440 Speaker 2: just wanted to be there and no one else was 163 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 2: doing it with her, and so we would run and 164 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 2: she finally went on a date with me. It was 165 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:54,360 Speaker 2: a lot of. 166 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: How many miles before it was? 167 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,120 Speaker 2: It was just like four miles four miles with her 168 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,040 Speaker 2: and then like a with the tennis team. 169 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, but I'm wondering how many miles collectively you 170 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 1: had done with her before she decided to go on 171 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:06,640 Speaker 1: a day with you. 172 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:10,960 Speaker 2: Yeah. No, it started in like August and our first 173 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 2: date was on Valentine's Day. 174 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:13,360 Speaker 1: Oh my god. 175 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,240 Speaker 2: Yeah. 176 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,959 Speaker 1: You ran with her for months. Yeah, and the whole time, 177 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: in the back of your mind, you're like, damn, I 178 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:19,559 Speaker 1: just want to take this girl to dinner. 179 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 2: Yeah. I will not make a move unless I feel 180 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 2: like there's a chance. And she didn't have anyone to 181 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:30,000 Speaker 2: take her out on Valentine's Day, and so I said 182 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:33,040 Speaker 2: I would love to do that. And I was on 183 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,240 Speaker 2: a tenni scholarship. So money would get put into my 184 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:39,040 Speaker 2: account on the first gone by, like. 185 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,360 Speaker 1: The second I pay my bills and it's gone. 186 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:42,559 Speaker 2: No. 187 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 1: Literally, I'm like, every hour, every minute that I work 188 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 1: these days, I'm like, and it's gone already. This money 189 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 1: is not mine, it's my landlord. 190 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:51,680 Speaker 2: Exactly right. 191 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 1: So you get paid on the first gone on a second, 192 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 1: try to take a girl out for Valentine's Day, which 193 00:09:55,440 --> 00:10:00,440 Speaker 1: like Valentine's Day, pressure's on right, right, I mean, and 194 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 1: in La and in New York, in these cities, like 195 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:07,160 Speaker 1: who you're competing against, like around the corner could be 196 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:08,040 Speaker 1: a billionaire's son. 197 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 2: It's like it's so true, damn, Like. 198 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,120 Speaker 1: I got to compete with these people who come from 199 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: generational wealth right now? What the fuck? 200 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,160 Speaker 2: Yeah? 201 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 1: Being someone who does not come from money in these 202 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:24,319 Speaker 1: spaces can sometimes feel so isolating. Yeah, we don't choose 203 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,920 Speaker 1: where we're born, you know what I mean. But it 204 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,040 Speaker 1: can get I can get down on myself about it, 205 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,560 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And I'm assuming as a guy, 206 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: the pressure might even be more intense because you do 207 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:38,400 Speaker 1: have to take girls out to dinner and da da 208 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:41,280 Speaker 1: da da dah. Yeah, okay, so you're there. Yeah, it's 209 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:42,200 Speaker 1: Valentine's Day. 210 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 2: So I had about thirty bucks. The restaurant that I 211 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 2: said that we were going to go to, they had 212 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:51,040 Speaker 2: a twenty for two buffet, So I thought it was 213 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:55,680 Speaker 2: gonna be like ten bucks each, and it was actually 214 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,680 Speaker 2: twenty bucks each for the thing. And so I was like, 215 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:03,480 Speaker 2: let's go somewhere else. We went somewhere else, same type 216 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:07,360 Speaker 2: of deal. It was going to be expensive, and so yeah, 217 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:11,360 Speaker 2: she was extremely hungry and she was mad. We had 218 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,760 Speaker 2: gone to two restaurants now and I had like backed 219 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 2: out of each and I got there and I was like, 220 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,719 Speaker 2: I don't have enough to pay for this meal. I 221 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:22,800 Speaker 2: didn't say that, but she's at the table. I'm texting 222 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,240 Speaker 2: my mom underneath the table. I'm like, Mom, I need 223 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,079 Speaker 2: you to transfer the money right now. 224 00:11:27,559 --> 00:11:29,120 Speaker 1: You're like, I need twenty dollars. 225 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:32,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, I need it, and she was down. My mom. 226 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,439 Speaker 2: Of course, one hundred percent on my team. She's running 227 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:37,680 Speaker 2: to the bank to get money transferred over. But I 228 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,400 Speaker 2: had to hold the date out a little bit longer. 229 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,800 Speaker 2: And because I was holding it out, we had our 230 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:46,199 Speaker 2: food there. I wasn't eating. I had string beans and 231 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:49,959 Speaker 2: Kiwi on my plate, and she was just like on 232 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,920 Speaker 2: her phone, and I was like, I know how to 233 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 2: fix this, hope, I do. I've watched the movies. I've 234 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:55,839 Speaker 2: seen all of this. 235 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 1: I know Nicholas Sparks. 236 00:11:57,559 --> 00:12:00,559 Speaker 2: I know Nicholas Sparks. I grabbed those string beans and 237 00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:02,440 Speaker 2: the Kiwi and I wrote out the words I love you, 238 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,959 Speaker 2: and I have put the plate there and I showed 239 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:13,480 Speaker 2: it to her. I said, hey, she just took a 240 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 2: photo of it, and that was that was that. 241 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,640 Speaker 1: And after this date, did we continue dating or just 242 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,320 Speaker 1: running together or did it all? No? 243 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:25,920 Speaker 2: I didn't, she didn't. She needed some space for me, 244 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 2: which understandably, that was the end of that. And she 245 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:36,400 Speaker 2: ended up being a baseball player, which I understand. 246 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,760 Speaker 1: What do you think was really holding you back from 247 00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:01,240 Speaker 1: just being like, damn, honestly, I don't have the money 248 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:01,720 Speaker 1: right now. 249 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,600 Speaker 2: I mean, if we're being honest, I think that we're 250 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 2: trained to not give that type of vulnerability say I 251 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:16,600 Speaker 2: don't have enough money. I think the culture in the 252 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:21,480 Speaker 2: South was to take care of who you love, and 253 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,360 Speaker 2: I mean, let's be honest. It's just like be a 254 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,760 Speaker 2: man and take, you know, pay for the woman. That's 255 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 2: what the deal was. 256 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 1: I guess I'm just thinking about, like honesty does bring 257 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:35,760 Speaker 1: so much relief. I mean, I can't really I am 258 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:39,440 Speaker 1: not really the type of girl who dates for money, 259 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:43,240 Speaker 1: like they did a lot of baristas in my day, 260 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,280 Speaker 1: a lot of comedians who hadn't quite made it yet, 261 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:50,240 Speaker 1: you know, so, but so like I can't really put 262 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,680 Speaker 1: myself in the shoes of someone who dates for that. 263 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,600 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, like we talked about earlier, like 264 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: I've gone on a date to get my dinner paid for, 265 00:13:56,400 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 1: of course, Like, but honestly, like does kind of bring relief? 266 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,840 Speaker 1: Like do you wish you would have maybe said, like, 267 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,000 Speaker 1: do you wish you could have sort of been that vulnerable? 268 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:09,640 Speaker 1: Do you think that would have changed things? Yeah? 269 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:13,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, I wish I was. I think honestly from the beginning, 270 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,960 Speaker 2: like saying oh man, I'm I don't have money like that, 271 00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:21,200 Speaker 2: but like in a cool, strategic way would have been 272 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,920 Speaker 2: a lot better than to pretend that. 273 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 1: I also think though, there's like the cultural and societal 274 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:30,040 Speaker 1: pressure of being a man and having to take care 275 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:33,640 Speaker 1: and afford I also think that like men want to 276 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:37,360 Speaker 1: be able to correct me if I'm wrong. But it's 277 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 1: like it almost feels like there's a bit of a 278 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:45,480 Speaker 1: wish in that goal and aspiration. Do you resonate with 279 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,360 Speaker 1: that at all, like kind of a wish that you 280 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 1: could like you wanted to a little or was it 281 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:50,880 Speaker 1: just the pressure? 282 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:55,880 Speaker 2: I think what you said is I've been a realist, 283 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,200 Speaker 2: So I was like, Yo, it's it's not the seventies 284 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,480 Speaker 2: or the sixties anymore. It's extreme hard, it's it's gonna 285 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:05,360 Speaker 2: hurt me. And even like with my wife, it's like 286 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 2: when we were dating early on, that honesty did come out. 287 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 2: We were both nannies when we met, and that honesty 288 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 2: it just helps. It's just like from the beginning's like, oh, 289 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,000 Speaker 2: you're gonna pay for this day. Oh, I'll get the 290 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,920 Speaker 2: next one, and it just is it helps me not 291 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,720 Speaker 2: to go into debt. Gifts are my love language. So 292 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 2: I would love for you to pay for me. 293 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 1: Honestly, and I love that and it is nice to 294 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:33,760 Speaker 1: pay sometimes. Yeah, before meeting your wife, was there ever 295 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:37,280 Speaker 1: like a weird response from a woman when like you 296 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 1: would go on kind of a cheap date? 297 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:45,280 Speaker 2: Okay? Yeah, her name was Ali Christian Mingle. We went 298 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:48,560 Speaker 2: on a date and I did not want to go 299 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 2: into the restaurant because I knew if we sat down 300 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:53,440 Speaker 2: we'd have to tip. 301 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:55,120 Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't know, I don't have 302 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:55,800 Speaker 1: enough money for its. 303 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 2: I was like, we should do a car date and 304 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 2: get our food and eat it in the car together. 305 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 1: It's absolutely terrible kind of giving la though. 306 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:10,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, after that, I thought like she deactivated her account, 307 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:15,240 Speaker 2: but she blocked me. Yeah, yeah, no, I totally understandable. 308 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,120 Speaker 2: We got a burger and fries and sat in the 309 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 2: car in front of the restaurant and I ate it, 310 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,640 Speaker 2: but I hope I tried to have like some of 311 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:24,160 Speaker 2: the best conversations. I was like only letting her talk 312 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,360 Speaker 2: because I was like, she just wants to be heard, 313 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 2: and she like if I give that to her in 314 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,120 Speaker 2: this car, like that's what they want her. Yeah, they 315 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 2: want someone to listen to them, and yeah, no, she 316 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,160 Speaker 2: wanted to go in the restaurant. 317 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:40,080 Speaker 1: Damn. I think that that was kind of her issue though, 318 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,080 Speaker 1: because you can have a. 319 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,360 Speaker 2: Pun hope, No, if you've been on a date. I 320 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 2: think anyone in this room is someone on day and 321 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,240 Speaker 2: said let's do it in the car instead. Right, that 322 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,200 Speaker 2: was l on me and I accept that. 323 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 1: Before like maybe after that if you were gonna impress 324 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,560 Speaker 1: a girl, but you're like, all right, bank account is hurting, 325 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,120 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna go to a restaurant, not even going 326 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,960 Speaker 1: to try to get the food to go and send 327 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,160 Speaker 1: the car. Like what was your gesture, Like how would 328 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,240 Speaker 1: you sort of pursue them? 329 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,960 Speaker 2: I would listen and then I would do little creative 330 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 2: things in order to surprise them. Gifts are my love language, 331 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,280 Speaker 2: and I love giving people gifts. And so if me 332 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 2: and you were dating and you were telling me things 333 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:19,840 Speaker 2: throughout the months, I would take those things and try 334 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:24,399 Speaker 2: to like put together a gift. So yeah, uh, my 335 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,879 Speaker 2: wife loved piano, So I got a piano and I 336 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 2: pretended to play. 337 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,320 Speaker 1: Wait, yeah, walk me through that a little bit more. 338 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, I really listen. I don't identify with 339 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,400 Speaker 2: this person anymore, but this is what I was trying 340 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 2: to do. She loved piano. I love La La land, 341 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:44,359 Speaker 2: So I put together some videos where I was I 342 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,679 Speaker 2: set the camera up right above, and then I would 343 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,639 Speaker 2: pretend to play and sing the song and send it 344 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,480 Speaker 2: to her. And she loved it. She says, she was 345 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,439 Speaker 2: so much more attracted than me. Showed it to her family, 346 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,960 Speaker 2: and yeah, kind of locked her in on that and 347 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,399 Speaker 2: it was not real. But she did not find that 348 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:02,879 Speaker 2: out until about three years after. 349 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:06,119 Speaker 1: That's so crazy that she had no idea. 350 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:09,000 Speaker 2: I know, I know, I just didn't bring the piano 351 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:09,800 Speaker 2: around anymore. 352 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 1: But like there is something like when you're again like 353 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,960 Speaker 1: honest about I guess you were kind of lying about 354 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,360 Speaker 1: being able to play the piano. 355 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,399 Speaker 2: But honest jokester so I think that that helped me. 356 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:24,280 Speaker 2: If I was like a serious person doing that, that 357 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:25,480 Speaker 2: would be more scarier. 358 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,480 Speaker 1: But yeah, and joking is kind of like lying. 359 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,919 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think. 360 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,879 Speaker 1: No, But like when you're dating and you don't have 361 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 1: a lot money a lot of money, it can be sweeter. 362 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:38,280 Speaker 2: Yeah. 363 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:41,440 Speaker 1: Like I was dating this guy who was on unemployment 364 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,280 Speaker 1: and I was like, well listen, unbroke. 365 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:44,600 Speaker 2: As fuck too. 366 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:48,719 Speaker 1: So and we were hanging out for a while and 367 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,239 Speaker 1: like we went to get pizza one night and like 368 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,520 Speaker 1: dead asked, we just shared one piece of pizza. Oh 369 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:58,000 Speaker 1: my gosh, there was something so there was like so 370 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:03,960 Speaker 1: much sort of momrouderie or something in it. And again 371 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,720 Speaker 1: with the gifts too, Like I like had a couple 372 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,879 Speaker 1: of birthdays coming up and I was like, shit, like 373 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:10,840 Speaker 1: what am I gonna do? And I was talking to 374 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,440 Speaker 1: my friend about it while I was like on the beach, 375 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,119 Speaker 1: and she was like, find a Michelle, write them a letter. 376 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 1: You know, So like in my broke era, like lots 377 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:21,639 Speaker 1: of birthday letters being written, lots of rocks, lots of 378 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,240 Speaker 1: rocks and birthday letters. You figure it out, you know. 379 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 2: Do you think that you were more open to that 380 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 2: because that one slice pizza thing sounds so amazing and 381 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,560 Speaker 2: it's so therapeutic, I think to anyone, because I think 382 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,240 Speaker 2: that no matter how much money have, you should be 383 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:39,600 Speaker 2: able to date. It's like, yeah, everyone should get creative. 384 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:43,520 Speaker 2: Do you think that was your upbringing that made you 385 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,280 Speaker 2: open to that good question? 386 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,959 Speaker 1: Yeah. My mom doesn't come from like a lot of money, 387 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 1: and she's always like, if you marry a rich man, 388 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,919 Speaker 1: you'll pay for it every day. Like she is like pretty, 389 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,280 Speaker 1: I'm pretty anti the rich, and so is she Okay, 390 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 1: she less than me, but like in her heart and 391 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,800 Speaker 1: soul she is and like she was just always the 392 00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,239 Speaker 1: type a person who is like people are not what 393 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:06,320 Speaker 1: they're worth, Like people are important and of value all 394 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 1: the time. Yeah, And I kind of just feel like 395 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:13,160 Speaker 1: money and stuff can really it can help, don't get 396 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,800 Speaker 1: me wrong. Like money will help a marriage, money will 397 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:20,119 Speaker 1: change everything. Like all people need really is money. But 398 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 1: when you're chasing it too much, when you're chasing money 399 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:28,280 Speaker 1: for money's sake, not for like survival or whatever, it's 400 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:32,679 Speaker 1: just not my vibe because I'm like boring, like the whatever. 401 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,680 Speaker 1: It would be great to have money, it's something I consider. 402 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,320 Speaker 1: I'm like, should I date a rich guy, and then 403 00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:39,879 Speaker 1: I'm like, just never really end up there, you know, 404 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,320 Speaker 1: I want to explore what you said, Like you said 405 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,159 Speaker 1: everyone deserves to date even when they're broke. Do you 406 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:03,879 Speaker 1: think a lot of men feel like they're not allowed 407 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,360 Speaker 1: to date when they're broke? Like, do you have conversations 408 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 1: about that with your guy friends? 409 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,639 Speaker 2: Hope? I don't have that many guy friends. To be 410 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:17,000 Speaker 2: honest with you, I'm. 411 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:17,920 Speaker 1: Working on I need a space for men to talk 412 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,760 Speaker 1: about this though, because I feel like so many men 413 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,679 Speaker 1: are so isolated in their experience, and so many men 414 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:28,200 Speaker 1: their only way to like release that emotion is through 415 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,679 Speaker 1: the woman they're dating. Yeah, and men need to be 416 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,439 Speaker 1: able to talk about this shit. So yeah, I don't know. 417 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:35,920 Speaker 1: Could you speak to that a little bit more? 418 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, the notebook truly if you've seen. 419 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,520 Speaker 1: It and it all comes back seriously. 420 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,879 Speaker 2: Noah has no money. This is what inspired me to 421 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:48,359 Speaker 2: just keep going. Because he has no money. He kept 422 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:52,639 Speaker 2: doing him, he stayed himself, and Ali came back around, right, 423 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:59,880 Speaker 2: And Yeah, that that pressure I think can get really 424 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,560 Speaker 2: when you're just like, I love learning about people, and 425 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,960 Speaker 2: I think that that's what dating truly is. It doesn't 426 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,040 Speaker 2: have to be about money. You can go to Central Park, 427 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,359 Speaker 2: you can go to you know, you can go on 428 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:15,240 Speaker 2: a walk and share a slice of pizza. I feel 429 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 2: like doing that multiple times with someone and learning more 430 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,480 Speaker 2: and more you start to grow. And I think that's. 431 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,440 Speaker 1: Andrew like building something together. 432 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 2: Building, you know, instead of taking my tower and bring 433 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:27,800 Speaker 2: it into your. 434 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, totally, it's like we're really in this together. 435 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:36,640 Speaker 2: I truly believe if every person just watched The Notebook, 436 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,680 Speaker 2: it's it's truly it's not even a drama. It's a 437 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:43,520 Speaker 2: blueprint of how we should just do things. 438 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:47,480 Speaker 1: The Notebook just it's like grow and leave your fiance 439 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:48,160 Speaker 1: for the other. 440 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 2: Yeah that part, No, don't, don't think about that part, but. 441 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:59,680 Speaker 1: It sometimes Yeah, yeah, did you watch The Materialists? 442 00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:04,199 Speaker 2: So Hope. On the plane coming here, there was a 443 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,920 Speaker 2: man watching The Materialists, and I was watching it through. 444 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,920 Speaker 1: His And I love doing that and I love watching 445 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:11,119 Speaker 1: someone else's movie on a plane. 446 00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:15,119 Speaker 2: He kept pausing it to watch math Lectures, and he 447 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,359 Speaker 2: had an iPad that he would just look down and 448 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:23,040 Speaker 2: he would watch math Lectures Academy. Nope, it's a grown 449 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:26,440 Speaker 2: man watching con Academy and The Materialist. And then he 450 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,399 Speaker 2: would go back to watching material So I was like, 451 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,240 Speaker 2: I can't watch this anymore. I want to see it. 452 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:31,440 Speaker 2: I'm so interested in me. 453 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 1: You haven't watched it? Oh, can I explain something? 454 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:34,280 Speaker 2: Yes? 455 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,399 Speaker 1: Please, Well, you've heard about the broke man propaganda that 456 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,800 Speaker 1: people are talking about with the materialists. No, okay, So 457 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 1: when the movie came out, there was like all this 458 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:48,040 Speaker 1: sort of online discourse about brokeman propaganda because spoiler alert, 459 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,000 Speaker 1: Dakota Johnson chooses the broke guy. 460 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:52,879 Speaker 2: That's Chris in the movie. I could tell that he 461 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:54,479 Speaker 2: didn't he was a bartender or something like that. 462 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,600 Speaker 1: He was an actor and a bartender. Now I think 463 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,119 Speaker 1: that role. I have a lot of opinions on this movie, Okay, 464 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:03,600 Speaker 1: I think that role was poorly cast because he's unbelievable 465 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,840 Speaker 1: as a broke man. Like he's got a fucking jawline 466 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:08,720 Speaker 1: in his shoulders are this big, and they're trying to 467 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: make me believe that he's struggling. And he was also 468 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,880 Speaker 1: in this movie a struggling actor who refused to take 469 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:19,440 Speaker 1: a commercial deal and she broke up with like Pedro Pascal, 470 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,920 Speaker 1: who was like venture capitalists, like lived in an apartment 471 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,119 Speaker 1: with really tall ceilings, which is unethical to me. In 472 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:29,359 Speaker 1: the City. But anyways, I don't think the movie portrayed 473 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: what it's actually like to date while broke, because it's like, 474 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,800 Speaker 1: when you're broke, you're sharing one piece of pizza, you 475 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,399 Speaker 1: know what I mean, And you're both working your fucking 476 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 1: ass off, you know what I'm saying, to make a dollar, 477 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,880 Speaker 1: make enough to just like survive. And I don't think 478 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,960 Speaker 1: it sort of correctly portrayed that. But it sounds like 479 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,840 Speaker 1: you and your wife, like y'all really built something together. 480 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:54,159 Speaker 1: I mean you're like financially stable. I mean, life is 481 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,080 Speaker 1: hard and regardless, and you've got your wife and everything, 482 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,120 Speaker 1: but you feel like you're kind of out of this era. 483 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:04,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, out of it now, Yeah, much smarter decisions, right. 484 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:08,040 Speaker 1: Like do you feel like that relationship has been really 485 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,920 Speaker 1: healing for you in that way? Like has it sort 486 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:15,359 Speaker 1: of helped you realign like your worth and what you 487 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:17,359 Speaker 1: need to do for a woman and like all of this. 488 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:21,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, she like you, the money didn't really matter. She 489 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:23,919 Speaker 2: was like, this is a really nice person. And I 490 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 2: felt like she was also a great person and we 491 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:30,600 Speaker 2: have just slowly like grown together financially and it has 492 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 2: helped it. Really, Like there's patience. I think I think 493 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:39,840 Speaker 2: I've been dating people that were there's that pressure where 494 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,560 Speaker 2: it's like, man, I really got to get a job 495 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 2: to kind of like take care of hope, because I 496 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,600 Speaker 2: can feel it. I don't know if you felt that 497 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:51,200 Speaker 2: for your Is there like a button or is there 498 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:52,680 Speaker 2: moments when you're like, you know what I want to 499 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:53,320 Speaker 2: be taken care of. 500 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,120 Speaker 1: I mean, like I said, recently, I've been broke as fuck, 501 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:57,840 Speaker 1: So I've been going out a little bit to get 502 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,240 Speaker 1: my dinner paid for. But no, like not really in 503 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,399 Speaker 1: a relationship dated a guy with a ton of money. 504 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 1: Like I dated one guy for a while who had 505 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,600 Speaker 1: like a proper nine to five and he was fine, 506 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 1: but he was making a salary. And like a lot 507 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,240 Speaker 1: of people work full time jobs and make salaries and 508 00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:16,960 Speaker 1: it's hard to you know, it's you're still broke working 509 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,640 Speaker 1: full time, you know. Like and also when you marry 510 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,520 Speaker 1: for money, like you could lose that at any point 511 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,560 Speaker 1: and so you're trying to like upkeep and like the 512 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,800 Speaker 1: pressure of that is kind of just uninteresting to me. 513 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,959 Speaker 1: It's like, no, there's never been a time where I 514 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,240 Speaker 1: was like I had to break up with someone because 515 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:37,520 Speaker 1: he couldn't afford me or something. 516 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,280 Speaker 2: How long can someone be unemployed with you? 517 00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,320 Speaker 1: Damn well, that guy, that guy and I we weren't 518 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,280 Speaker 1: even some like he was not my type at the 519 00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:47,719 Speaker 1: end of the day. And you know, I'm kind of 520 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:52,160 Speaker 1: scared of commitments. So that's a whole guy. Oh yeah, 521 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:57,439 Speaker 1: that's a whole other thing. But how long would it 522 00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:00,760 Speaker 1: take until maybe I release. 523 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:02,600 Speaker 2: Someone because you're working hard? 524 00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,080 Speaker 1: You work, I mean, you've got to be a hustler. 525 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:06,879 Speaker 1: I don't care if you have money or not, but 526 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:08,879 Speaker 1: I need to know you're committed to something and I 527 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,760 Speaker 1: need to know that you're working towards something. And that 528 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:16,040 Speaker 1: doesn't even mean like money, but just like passion about something. 529 00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:19,760 Speaker 1: That's why I again broke ask barista. Comedians like they 530 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:23,280 Speaker 1: believe in something and they believe in themselves. And so 531 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,000 Speaker 1: you know, you can date a man who has money 532 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 1: but he has nothing else, Like, Okay, I don't care, 533 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,840 Speaker 1: dinner gets boring, I'm on a private jet. I hate 534 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:33,760 Speaker 1: your ass. I don't want that, you know what I mean? Like, 535 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,520 Speaker 1: as long as the guy is like committed to something 536 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,359 Speaker 1: and believes in something and believes in himself and is 537 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:44,520 Speaker 1: doing work like meaningful work. Meaningful work is more important 538 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 1: to me than a paycheck. 539 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,600 Speaker 2: Wonder if there's like a shorter lease in New York 540 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:55,800 Speaker 2: as like in Tennessee, say more like ten years of 541 00:27:56,240 --> 00:28:01,320 Speaker 2: me fighting for my dreams. I wonder, Like if you're 542 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:06,280 Speaker 2: with someone and they it's just not happening, I. 543 00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:09,080 Speaker 1: Think that's something as a person who's like struggling, a 544 00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:13,240 Speaker 1: struggling artist trying to achieve, like you probably do know 545 00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:16,640 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, like damn, Like if 546 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:22,000 Speaker 1: I'm really not contributing that much, Like at some point 547 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,119 Speaker 1: you have to make that decision yourself, like how am 548 00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,760 Speaker 1: I going to help my partner now? If I was like, yeah, 549 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,320 Speaker 1: married to someone, trying to start a family with someone, 550 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:31,919 Speaker 1: I think that's something else too, is like I'm not 551 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,359 Speaker 1: trying to start a family right now, so I'm not 552 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,679 Speaker 1: really thinking about finances like if but I don't know, 553 00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:43,160 Speaker 1: We'll see how all that goes. Do finances come up 554 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,800 Speaker 1: now in your marriage? Not really, it's chill. 555 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:51,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I pretty much handle it and she trusts. 556 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, so you're kind of in like a traditional setup then, 557 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,200 Speaker 1: like you're kind of handling the finances and stuff. Does 558 00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,760 Speaker 1: that feel like good and safe? You like that role? 559 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:06,000 Speaker 2: Yeah? I feel organized for it. Yeah, I have the 560 00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:09,600 Speaker 2: spreadsheets and stuff. I think it's helped. I had to 561 00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:13,480 Speaker 2: become more organized with my comedy career and I got 562 00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:15,680 Speaker 2: my first salary job, and I was like, I really 563 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,600 Speaker 2: want to like as an artist, I don't have like 564 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:19,760 Speaker 2: a four to one case, so I have to be 565 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,440 Speaker 2: organized with this so that I can. You know, I. 566 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,640 Speaker 1: Feel like too, like after going through a broke era, 567 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,720 Speaker 1: like you long for a sense of control. 568 00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:28,880 Speaker 2: Yeah. 569 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:31,600 Speaker 1: I remember one time one hundred dollars got taken out 570 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,320 Speaker 1: of my bank account because I forgot to cancel a subscription. 571 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,320 Speaker 1: And I've never cried so hard in my life because 572 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:39,600 Speaker 1: I was like, I, first of all need that one 573 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:40,360 Speaker 1: hundred dollars. 574 00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:40,680 Speaker 2: Yea. 575 00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:44,320 Speaker 1: And yeah, like when you go through like that much 576 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:49,320 Speaker 1: sort of uncertainty, you really long just to like feel safe, 577 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,200 Speaker 1: that's true, you know, like a sense of safety. Yeah, 578 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,080 Speaker 1: so it kind of makes sense to me that like 579 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:59,000 Speaker 1: there's this want of control and organization. 580 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,560 Speaker 2: Avoid looking at my accounts, oh my god. Yeah, just 581 00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:04,680 Speaker 2: now it's like a weekly thing. 582 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,280 Speaker 1: Okay, that's like my first step is like look at 583 00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 1: my bank account more often. Yeah, And I think this 584 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:15,560 Speaker 1: is a really important topic because again, like I mean, 585 00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 1: Zoran Momdannie one, because no one can afford to live 586 00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:22,920 Speaker 1: in shout out, yeah, yes, shout out to our new mayor. Yes, 587 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,480 Speaker 1: but he won because no one can afford to live here, 588 00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:28,200 Speaker 1: like men cannot afford to take women on two hundred 589 00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,600 Speaker 1: dollars dates like they're expected to in New York, you know. 590 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,680 Speaker 1: So it just feels like this conversation is so important. 591 00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:38,440 Speaker 1: If you could talk to a guy who's dating right now, 592 00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:41,680 Speaker 1: broke as hell, what's the advice you would give to him? 593 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:46,520 Speaker 2: I would say, Hey, little fella, listen to whoever you're 594 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,840 Speaker 2: talking or you're trying to date, and that will teach 595 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:53,440 Speaker 2: you about what you're trying to build. Just listening to 596 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:56,760 Speaker 2: someone from the beginning. I think we we aren't listening 597 00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,560 Speaker 2: enough on these dates, and they can really like. 598 00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:06,080 Speaker 1: Help, right yeah, because you maybe think someone wants something 599 00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:09,480 Speaker 1: and you have this idea, and the idea of what 600 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:14,320 Speaker 1: you think she might want is so tainted by culture 601 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:18,600 Speaker 1: and movies. Like it's such a blessing that Nicholas Sparks 602 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,840 Speaker 1: was your in spoke, because there's so many other movies 603 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:22,680 Speaker 1: that can like really fuck the guy up when it 604 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:27,040 Speaker 1: comes to dating, you know what I mean. I can't 605 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:29,120 Speaker 1: even think of, like maybe what the worst one would be? 606 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:36,360 Speaker 1: But what is one thing you've had to unlearn about love? 607 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:42,200 Speaker 2: One thing that I had to unlearn about love was 608 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:47,480 Speaker 2: that words are just words and it's all about the actions. 609 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,800 Speaker 2: M I spent a lot of time on the apps 610 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:54,560 Speaker 2: trying to words smith to get someone to really like me, 611 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,080 Speaker 2: and I realized that that wasn't doing anything. It's about 612 00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:59,880 Speaker 2: the actions. So I learned to just show up and 613 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:03,560 Speaker 2: listen as opposed to win in over in words. 614 00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:12,680 Speaker 1: I love that, don't say, just do. My biggest takeaway 615 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:15,960 Speaker 1: from all of this is that dating should be accessible. 616 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:20,640 Speaker 1: Let's value creativity. Let's make things equitable. A card date 617 00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,880 Speaker 1: or sharing one slice of pizza may not be for you, 618 00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:27,920 Speaker 1: but if you can be honest and upfront and remain 619 00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:31,320 Speaker 1: true to what you really value, then that experience could 620 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:35,080 Speaker 1: end up being one of your favorite memories. Thanks for listening, 621 00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:49,920 Speaker 1: and I'll talk to you all next week. Boysover is 622 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:54,640 Speaker 1: a production of iHeart Podcasts, I'm Your Host Hopewordard. Our 623 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:59,280 Speaker 1: executive producers are Christina Everett and Julie Pinero. Our supervising 624 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:03,760 Speaker 1: producer is Emily Meronoff. Our assistant producer is Logan Palau, 625 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:09,840 Speaker 1: engineering by Bahid Fraser and mixing and mastering by Abu Zafar. 626 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:13,920 Speaker 1: If you liked this episode, please tell a friend and 627 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:17,160 Speaker 1: don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe to Boy Sober 628 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:20,920 Speaker 1: on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, and wherever you get 629 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:21,880 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.