1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,280
Speaker 1: This is Cowboy Sam and this is Eh John, and

2
00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:06,640
Speaker 1: we've last owed in some amazing stories for y' all

3
00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:08,639
Speaker 1: the Okay Storytime podcasts.

4
00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:11,040
Speaker 2: But before that we got a wrangle, a quick little

5
00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:13,760
Speaker 2: two minute out break from those bucking sponsors.

6
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,079
Speaker 3: We bucking love so much either paid us the bucks

7
00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:17,480
Speaker 3: to help this show stay alive.

8
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:21,480
Speaker 4: My friend wouldn't let me in her house after inviting

9
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:22,439
Speaker 4: me to a party.

10
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:24,520
Speaker 3: Ah, the classic switcheroo.

11
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,120
Speaker 4: I've female twenty three was invited to my friend Sasha's

12
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:31,160
Speaker 4: email twenty three birthday party. It was for a Friday

13
00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:33,560
Speaker 4: at eight thirty pm. We would start at her house

14
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:35,840
Speaker 4: to pregame and then go to bars. I had worked

15
00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,519
Speaker 4: that day from seven am to seven thirty pm, but

16
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,760
Speaker 4: I really wanted to go, so I rushed home eight dinner,

17
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:44,400
Speaker 4: got ready, and drove to her place. By the way,

18
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:47,159
Speaker 4: this comes from ex wife still misses me and if

19
00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:48,680
Speaker 4: you want to sumit your own stories, go to the

20
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:52,159
Speaker 4: r slash Okay Storytime Separate it. So we were texting

21
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,800
Speaker 4: the whole day about the plans, and she seemed very

22
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,320
Speaker 4: excited for me to join her and her friends. I

23
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:59,880
Speaker 4: am acquainted with her friends, but not Bestie's. I arrived

24
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:02,000
Speaker 4: at her house at eight thirty on the dot. I

25
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,240
Speaker 4: hung up the phone with my boyfriend and texted her

26
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,319
Speaker 4: to let her know I was there. She said okay,

27
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,800
Speaker 4: so I walked up and knocked on the door. I

28
00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:11,840
Speaker 4: heard music and people talking inside, so I knew they

29
00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,720
Speaker 4: were there. Nobody answered. I noticed she had a ring camera,

30
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:18,640
Speaker 4: so I waved in front of it, knowing ring notifies

31
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:22,319
Speaker 4: people's phone. Still, nobody let me in. I knocked louder

32
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,120
Speaker 4: and texted her that I was at the door, but

33
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:27,040
Speaker 4: I was neither let in nor texted back. I knocked

34
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:30,920
Speaker 4: even louder and started shouting, Hey, Sasha, I'm here. I

35
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:34,080
Speaker 4: finally heard footsteps coming to the front door, but instead

36
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:37,839
Speaker 4: of letting me in, I heard the dead bolt lock click,

37
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,800
Speaker 4: locking me out. I walked away from the door and

38
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,640
Speaker 4: called my boyfriend to tell them what was going on.

39
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,280
Speaker 4: I told them my feelings were hurt and that I

40
00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:47,560
Speaker 4: wanted to go home. He convinced me to stay and

41
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:51,000
Speaker 4: knock again. Rationalizing that I was a miscommunication, I texted

42
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:55,680
Speaker 4: her again, saying okay, I'm out front. Sasha immediately answered okay,

43
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:59,280
Speaker 4: sounds good. So I knocked again. No answer. I heard

44
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,240
Speaker 4: the music get turned down, and Sasha says, guys, I

45
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,400
Speaker 4: think she's here. So I knocked as loud as I

46
00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:09,359
Speaker 4: could and said, yes, I'm here, it's me. Footsteps came

47
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:12,240
Speaker 4: towards the door, and again the dead bolt sounded and

48
00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,480
Speaker 4: the door remained locked. The footsteps walked away. At this point,

49
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,960
Speaker 4: I had been knocking for twelve minutes. I was so

50
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:20,960
Speaker 4: upset and angry that I left and texted Sasha, so

51
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,959
Speaker 4: I've been knocking for over ten minutes and no one's

52
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,600
Speaker 4: letting me in, so I'm going out. She immediately called me,

53
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,040
Speaker 4: but I didn't answer because I was afraid I would

54
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,600
Speaker 4: have said something out of anger that I would have regretted.

55
00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:32,760
Speaker 4: She texted me that she looked through the people and

56
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:33,560
Speaker 4: did not see me.

57
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,720
Speaker 5: That's actually okay. I don't know if y'all have ever

58
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:37,960
Speaker 5: had whack peepoles.

59
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,000
Speaker 4: I don't think that matters though the dead bolt. Op

60
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:41,959
Speaker 4: was texting herself.

61
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:42,440
Speaker 1: I agree.

62
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:45,120
Speaker 5: I think there's clearly some goofery going on here. However,

63
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,520
Speaker 5: she did pull an ace out of her sleeve because

64
00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:51,440
Speaker 5: sometimes those two poles they do funny things with the

65
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:55,200
Speaker 5: light and you can't see things. This happened to me once,

66
00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:57,880
Speaker 5: but and I'm believe me. I don't think that it's

67
00:02:57,919 --> 00:02:58,600
Speaker 5: happening here.

68
00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,040
Speaker 4: I think that's bs because she we literally had a

69
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,560
Speaker 4: ring camera. I told her that my feelings were hurt

70
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:06,560
Speaker 4: and I felt unwelcomed. I did not receive an answer.

71
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,440
Speaker 4: Am I the ale for leaving? What could be the

72
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:13,040
Speaker 4: reasoning behind this? And there is an update? But uh

73
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,519
Speaker 4: and some comments. First, I don't know why they would

74
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:16,880
Speaker 4: do this.

75
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:17,760
Speaker 1: This is very mean.

76
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:21,960
Speaker 5: The ring camera really makes any possibility, which again I

77
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,000
Speaker 5: wasn't even saying.

78
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was really happening. It's it's I don't know.

79
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:27,840
Speaker 3: These people are collectively goofing on you.

80
00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:30,720
Speaker 5: Someone maybe started a rumor, someone maybe is telling a lie,

81
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:34,040
Speaker 5: or maybe you have a skeleton in your closet someone

82
00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:34,680
Speaker 5: discovered and.

83
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:35,360
Speaker 1: They found it out.

84
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,760
Speaker 4: But you know what, I just found out Jenny Nelson

85
00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:41,760
Speaker 4: just donated twenty gifted members Woo.

86
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,320
Speaker 1: We love to see it. We love to see it.

87
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,760
Speaker 3: There are all those memberships flying off to our babies.

88
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:52,200
Speaker 4: In the chat, someone also said wrong address. I would

89
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,640
Speaker 4: hope that will be I mean, like it seems like

90
00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,520
Speaker 4: it could be knows And also she heard them inside

91
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,880
Speaker 4: saying I think here.

92
00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:00,400
Speaker 5: I feel like if it was wrong address, I'd open

93
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,760
Speaker 5: my door and say, oh way, oh stop knocking.

94
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:06,000
Speaker 4: Relevance latch top comments. Commoner one says, Sasha ain't no

95
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,960
Speaker 4: friend of yours. Opie says, yeah. I figured very sad

96
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,800
Speaker 4: because we met in college, and after graduating, I continued

97
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,880
Speaker 4: living in my college town and she was staying for

98
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,280
Speaker 4: more schooling. We would go out and get dinner or

99
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,160
Speaker 4: go to one of our places once every two to

100
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:22,080
Speaker 4: three weeks and catch up, and she was always the

101
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,560
Speaker 4: initiator of plans. I was good friends with one of

102
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,279
Speaker 4: her other friends too, and I was shocked that she

103
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,800
Speaker 4: let this happen. Commoner two says, the only way you

104
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:32,520
Speaker 4: would be wrong is if you were at the wrong house,

105
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,320
Speaker 4: if not, not the ale and those are not your friends.

106
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,840
Speaker 4: Opie says, lol. I was not at the wrong house.

107
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,560
Speaker 4: I had been there before. Commoner three says, info, you

108
00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:43,239
Speaker 4: heard the dead bowl click twice, once in the second

109
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,479
Speaker 4: prayer off, then again the third. I'm confused how a

110
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,080
Speaker 4: door that was already locked was then locked again? Did

111
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,039
Speaker 4: you get clarification about this? Is it possible Sasha told

112
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,120
Speaker 4: one of her other guests to unlock the door for you.

113
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,560
Speaker 4: Opie says, yeah, My guess was they unlocked it when

114
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,560
Speaker 4: I walked away the first time to call my boyfriend.

115
00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,599
Speaker 4: OPI on how Sasha invited her to the part. Nope,

116
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,320
Speaker 4: he says, she texted me the week before to invite

117
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,720
Speaker 4: me the then texted me day of to chat about

118
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,640
Speaker 4: it common or four WTF. This sounds like they thought

119
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,039
Speaker 4: this would be funny but it was instead cruel. Not

120
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,840
Speaker 4: the a hole and there is an update update. Few

121
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,400
Speaker 4: things to add before I get into the update. Yes,

122
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,479
Speaker 4: I was at the right house, eloel I had been

123
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,360
Speaker 4: there before. Yes, I tried to open the door multiple

124
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,440
Speaker 4: times and it was still locked. No, I am not

125
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:28,160
Speaker 4: a bot. My username is from gravity Falls. My boyfriend

126
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,400
Speaker 4: told me to knock again because either this is a

127
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,839
Speaker 4: either this is a miscommunication, or Sasha is a secret

128
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:37,360
Speaker 4: evil Bee and Sasha had never done anything remotely mean

129
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,400
Speaker 4: in the past, so he gave her the benefit of

130
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,880
Speaker 4: the doubt. The next morning, one of Sasha's friends, Taylor

131
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,880
Speaker 4: female twenty two, texted me to ask me if I

132
00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:47,760
Speaker 4: was joining them in part two of the birthday party.

133
00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:48,159
Speaker 1: That night.

134
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,640
Speaker 4: It was the same plan to pregame and go out

135
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,160
Speaker 4: to bars, but like, why would I go to get

136
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,520
Speaker 4: humiliated again, I said no, but did not tell her why.

137
00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:59,359
Speaker 4: Sasha texted me a long apology a little after I

138
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,000
Speaker 4: told Taylor I wasn't joining that night, saying that she

139
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,880
Speaker 4: was sorry I felt unwelcomed and that she really wanted

140
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,760
Speaker 4: me there and she genuinely did not see me through

141
00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:10,640
Speaker 4: the people. This gave me relief, and I replied saying,

142
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,479
Speaker 4: that makes me feel so much better. I thought I

143
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:15,600
Speaker 4: was invited as a prank. I don't believe her to what.

144
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:17,760
Speaker 4: She responded that she was offended. I would even think

145
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,560
Speaker 4: she would do something like that, like what so, I said.

146
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,800
Speaker 4: I wouldn't normally think that because we're good friends, But

147
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,440
Speaker 4: after knocking on your door for ten minutes and no

148
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:28,320
Speaker 4: one answering, I just started to get in my own head.

149
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,719
Speaker 4: I probably should have been meaner, lol, but I feel

150
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,559
Speaker 4: guilty being mean. She didn't answer my text for a while,

151
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,520
Speaker 4: and when she did, she said, it's aid dinner on Wednesday,

152
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,480
Speaker 4: same time as usual. Heck no, I'm like, I'm about

153
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:42,120
Speaker 4: to get done and dashed. My friends and boyfriend ended

154
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,320
Speaker 4: up convincing me to make plans with her because the

155
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,240
Speaker 4: worst thing that can happen is I don't have fun

156
00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:48,240
Speaker 4: and don't go again. You make plans and when the

157
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,479
Speaker 4: day comes, I'm walking out the door to my house

158
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:54,520
Speaker 4: and my ceiling starts leaking. It's like divine intervention telling

159
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,720
Speaker 4: me not to go. We reschedule for the next day. Now,

160
00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:01,720
Speaker 4: I'm usually extremely open to giving people second chances, but

161
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,680
Speaker 4: this just felt weird. I don't believe her when she

162
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,359
Speaker 4: said she didn't see me through the people. So before

163
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:10,200
Speaker 4: I scheduled dinner, I reached out and texted her, saying

164
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,560
Speaker 4: that I have been wrestling with something and I don't

165
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,920
Speaker 4: think I can get over what happened at your birthday party,

166
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:18,080
Speaker 4: and I don't see this friendship going further. She responded

167
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,160
Speaker 4: with is this a joke and went on to say

168
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,160
Speaker 4: how she didn't see me and how she already apologized

169
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,840
Speaker 4: multiple times and I seemed fine, but if this is

170
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,960
Speaker 4: truly something I can't get past, she has nothing else

171
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,160
Speaker 4: to say. I never responded, She never texted me again.

172
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:37,080
Speaker 5: I'm still just like ah, because everyone is acting exactly

173
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,040
Speaker 5: how they would act if everything that has been said

174
00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,760
Speaker 5: in the story is actually true. If you did just

175
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,000
Speaker 5: not see your friend there and now like you had

176
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,120
Speaker 5: no ill will whatsoever, And she was like, I'm not

177
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,200
Speaker 5: gonna be your friend anymore.

178
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,720
Speaker 3: You would be like, wait, are you serious? Wait what's

179
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:50,120
Speaker 3: going on?

180
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:50,640
Speaker 6: Well?

181
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:52,240
Speaker 3: Because uh what like?

182
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,520
Speaker 5: But also that's what you'd be doing if you were

183
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:58,480
Speaker 5: a little devious stat too little devious person, and you

184
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,160
Speaker 5: would just like, I don't know, just love.

185
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,880
Speaker 3: To pulling one, pulling the wool over Op's eyes.

186
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:07,520
Speaker 4: I just personally think that if if this was true,

187
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:11,760
Speaker 4: if she truly did not see uh Opie, then she

188
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:13,280
Speaker 4: would have texted her way more.

189
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,560
Speaker 3: Or just like opened the door or opened the door once.

190
00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,200
Speaker 1: So there is so much that makes no sense.

191
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,040
Speaker 4: I'd be like, Okay, then why didn't you open the door?

192
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:22,160
Speaker 1: Like cling?

193
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,360
Speaker 4: Why did you know respond to my text?

194
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,640
Speaker 3: One? You call me op saying nothing like this has

195
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:30,000
Speaker 3: ever happened? Is that true? Or has Op just never

196
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,360
Speaker 3: noticed when these things have happened before, maybe.

197
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,360
Speaker 5: Because it feels like this is such a crazy place

198
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,000
Speaker 5: to start for this coming out of nowhere.

199
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:39,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe never notice. But there's a little bit left

200
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,160
Speaker 4: to the story. I think dropping her off was my

201
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,520
Speaker 4: best course of action. I feel like a weight has

202
00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:47,600
Speaker 4: been lifted off my shoulders. Thank you to everyone here

203
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,760
Speaker 4: for helping me get my head out of my butt

204
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:53,040
Speaker 4: and see her for who she truly is. I appreciate

205
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,200
Speaker 4: all of you and commoner. Didn't she have a window

206
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,199
Speaker 4: to look out of? Couldn't she have actually opened the

207
00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,160
Speaker 4: door to check to see if you were there? Her

208
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:03,880
Speaker 4: arguments about not seeing you through the people are nonsense.

209
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,440
Speaker 4: She could have opened the door instead of dead bolting

210
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,640
Speaker 4: it from the inside. She was being really mean to you,

211
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:11,600
Speaker 4: and you found her out for her nasty behavior. Well

212
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,320
Speaker 4: done you for going on this massive weight loss plan

213
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:18,520
Speaker 4: and the weight you've lost is the mean, inconsiderate, nasty person.

214
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,720
Speaker 4: Well done, Opie says. The only reason she wouldn't open

215
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,120
Speaker 4: the door I could think of is safety reasons, like

216
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:27,200
Speaker 4: it could be a random unaliver or something. Ah, but

217
00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:30,440
Speaker 4: she knew it was me, so common or two, says Ierm.

218
00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:33,600
Speaker 4: So Sasha is ignoring that you told her multiple times

219
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,400
Speaker 4: that you were there, and she not only read those

220
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,559
Speaker 4: messages but responded the fact that someone heard the door

221
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,080
Speaker 4: and locked it. If she didn't see you through the people,

222
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,160
Speaker 4: why not open the door and look rather than locking

223
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,920
Speaker 4: and then dead bolting it, And the fact that she

224
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,000
Speaker 4: has a ring camera. It's bs. I don't know why

225
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:53,400
Speaker 4: she decided to pull this, but she deliberately invited you

226
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:56,080
Speaker 4: and then shut you out, And honestly, does it even

227
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:59,120
Speaker 4: really matter. Stop wasting your time and energy on her

228
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,320
Speaker 4: and keep it moving. If she invites you to go somewhere,

229
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,360
Speaker 4: say no thanks to let her find a new victim.

230
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,520
Speaker 4: And that is the end of that story.

231
00:10:05,559 --> 00:10:05,920
Speaker 1: Folks.

232
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:10,280
Speaker 5: I told my friend why women don't like him, and

233
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:11,400
Speaker 5: he didn't take it.

234
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,160
Speaker 4: Well, they're just not that into you.

235
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,720
Speaker 5: My friend, who I'll refer to as Nathan twenty five male,

236
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:20,200
Speaker 5: has had horrible luck with women for a very long time.

237
00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:22,600
Speaker 5: He does have a bright future ahead of him, though

238
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:26,040
Speaker 5: in regards to a career. He's just graduated college last

239
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,560
Speaker 5: year and is currently in law school. By the way,

240
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,320
Speaker 5: this comes from users' special ad twenty seventy two, and

241
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,880
Speaker 5: if you want to go submit your own stories, go

242
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:37,800
Speaker 5: on over to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. So, however,

243
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,800
Speaker 5: my friend has been homeschooled his whole life and does

244
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,920
Speaker 5: all of his college courses in law school online, not

245
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,080
Speaker 5: in person, which leads me to the next point. He's

246
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:51,200
Speaker 5: never had a girlfriend, never been out on a successful date,

247
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,400
Speaker 5: is still a virgino and low key doesn't have many friends.

248
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:56,199
Speaker 3: In general either.

249
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:59,559
Speaker 5: All that to say his social skills are really underdeveloped

250
00:10:59,679 --> 00:11:02,760
Speaker 5: is only the real socialization was with older people like parents'

251
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:07,000
Speaker 5: grandparents and other elder people and me who met through

252
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,680
Speaker 5: family friends. So he was kind of raised in a

253
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,640
Speaker 5: very sheltered environment and doesn't have anything in common with

254
00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:15,480
Speaker 5: anyone his own age, let alone women his own age.

255
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,640
Speaker 5: Nathan has had multiple girls his family introduced him to

256
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,520
Speaker 5: starting in twenty twenty one all the way until now,

257
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,600
Speaker 5: and they've been trying to get them to give him

258
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,800
Speaker 5: a chance, but they end up just not liking him.

259
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,920
Speaker 5: I really hate to not be on his side and

260
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:31,880
Speaker 5: support him through his constant rejections from multiple girls, but

261
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,000
Speaker 5: it's gotten to a point where all these girls have

262
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,959
Speaker 5: the same complaints about him. Nathan is about five to

263
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:40,760
Speaker 5: two and body wise very skinny slash petit. He is

264
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,800
Speaker 5: also starting to go bald and has no bodily strength

265
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:47,560
Speaker 5: whatsoever either. He starts shaking just from holding a grocery peg.

266
00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:49,720
Speaker 5: I hate to sound rude, but the truth is the truth.

267
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,720
Speaker 5: He is built like little girl and has the hairline

268
00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,280
Speaker 5: of a father of three. While I understand height can't

269
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:58,520
Speaker 5: be changed and not necessarily his hair either, he can

270
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,319
Speaker 5: at least start working out, possibly add some weight or

271
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:05,600
Speaker 5: muscle to give him some manly appearance. So I mentioned

272
00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:08,360
Speaker 5: him doing this with me in general conversation with him.

273
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,280
Speaker 5: Whenever I go to the gym, I tell him to

274
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,520
Speaker 5: come join me as a hobby or just to be

275
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,520
Speaker 5: my gym buddy. He declined numerous times, and the one

276
00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:18,320
Speaker 5: time he did go, he struggled lifting a ten pound weight,

277
00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:22,360
Speaker 5: so he stopped going. Okay, whatever, the way Nathan dresses

278
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,800
Speaker 5: is very Grandpa vibes, tucks in the shirt, dress pants

279
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,520
Speaker 5: and slacks and dress shirts on an ordinary day, etc.

280
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,360
Speaker 5: I asked him why doesn't he dress more comfortable day

281
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:36,520
Speaker 5: to day, like a jogging outfit or a hoodie, some jeans, sweatpants.

282
00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:39,240
Speaker 5: He should wear sneakers instead of Freddie Benson dress shoes

283
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,720
Speaker 5: every day. He doesn't think anything's wrong with how he dresses,

284
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,840
Speaker 5: and he wants to look professional since he's going to

285
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:46,200
Speaker 5: be an upcoming lawyer. One day, I explained to him

286
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,640
Speaker 5: lawyer's dress and suits and ties not tucked in button

287
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,280
Speaker 5: up plannels, and they also don't dress like that every

288
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:53,800
Speaker 5: day either, just when they're on the job. Sadly, he

289
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,720
Speaker 5: was not having it then it finally hit me. It's

290
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,760
Speaker 5: his dang personality or the lack of it.

291
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,200
Speaker 1: All Right, I'm starting to like your friends.

292
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,360
Speaker 5: I'm starting to feel like this guy is not Hey,

293
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,040
Speaker 5: this is my best friend and I want him to change.

294
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,320
Speaker 5: I'm starting to feel like this is not what this is.

295
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,520
Speaker 4: It sucks and you dunk on him.

296
00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:12,360
Speaker 3: I don't think we're helping him. We're not really helping him.

297
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,760
Speaker 4: No, you're just ruining its confidence. This is reading like

298
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:19,320
Speaker 4: if you told him any of these things he's done for,

299
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,800
Speaker 4: he's going to be so sad forever and then he

300
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,720
Speaker 4: hopefully cuts you off because you're not a good friend.

301
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,520
Speaker 5: Well, dude, if you can't carry grocery bags, you can't

302
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,199
Speaker 5: lift ten pounds, you have work to do that that's

303
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:30,680
Speaker 5: a fact.

304
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,560
Speaker 3: However, this doesn't feel like the right way to help

305
00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:34,000
Speaker 3: your friend.

306
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:36,480
Speaker 5: Not the motivation through that feels like you took him

307
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,360
Speaker 5: to the gym and you were like bench pressing two

308
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:39,000
Speaker 5: hundred pounds.

309
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:39,719
Speaker 1: You're like, just do that.

310
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,560
Speaker 3: I'm like, dude, like, well you can't even lift ten pounds.

311
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:43,400
Speaker 3: It's wrong with you.

312
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,880
Speaker 1: And he's like, please stop too much. Yeah.

313
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:50,040
Speaker 5: See, I'm not trying to talk down on him, but

314
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,839
Speaker 5: if we're gonna go by objective reality, he has the

315
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,360
Speaker 5: personality of a break I've seen with my own two

316
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:58,079
Speaker 5: eyes how he talks to girls, how he acts on dates,

317
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,640
Speaker 5: et cetera. He cannot make a come station to save

318
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:04,400
Speaker 5: his life. He's not funny either, and has zero charisma.

319
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,480
Speaker 5: He's a literal mute on all double dates and one

320
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,960
Speaker 5: on one dates he's been on, and it's so painfully

321
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:10,880
Speaker 5: awkward to watch.

322
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:14,080
Speaker 3: It's not like the girls aren't trying either. I've managed

323
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,680
Speaker 3: to get him dates, however, they go nowhere due to

324
00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:19,640
Speaker 3: his sheer, lack of confidence, personality, or interest. When he

325
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,680
Speaker 3: talks to a woman, it's like all that he knows how.

326
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,760
Speaker 5: To talk about is just school, and if it's not school,

327
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:29,400
Speaker 5: it's just radio silence or some crap that only boomers

328
00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,240
Speaker 5: would understand or care about. I've also noticed how every

329
00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,160
Speaker 5: time him and I go out somewhere, and I'm not

330
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,760
Speaker 5: sure if it's due to his size, he is scared

331
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,240
Speaker 5: and flinches whenever people walk past us. And he's always

332
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,880
Speaker 5: afraid that doing anything or going anywhere fun or interesting

333
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:46,480
Speaker 5: is too wild or dangerous from him, like concerts, bars,

334
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:47,720
Speaker 5: amusement parks, et cetera.

335
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:48,400
Speaker 3: So I did it.

336
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:51,360
Speaker 5: He whined and whined, kept being full of bitterness, complaints,

337
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:54,320
Speaker 5: and negativity, talking bad about women and saying they never

338
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,360
Speaker 5: want good men and they only want players or good

339
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,160
Speaker 5: looking tall guys. I ended up telling him straight up

340
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,640
Speaker 5: that the reason he doesn't get anywhere with girls is

341
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,800
Speaker 5: because he's a dork. I told him, I don't care

342
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,160
Speaker 5: if he's a dork since I'm not the one dating him,

343
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,360
Speaker 5: but that girl's crave excitement, fun, or at least someone

344
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:12,880
Speaker 5: they can talk to about anything or have fun experiences with, etc.

345
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,400
Speaker 5: I told him he refuses to change anything physically about himself,

346
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,440
Speaker 5: and to top it all off, he won't even make

347
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,880
Speaker 5: himself at least interesting or fun to be around, and

348
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,040
Speaker 5: he is completely dull.

349
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:25,920
Speaker 3: That is why he can't pull or keep women in

350
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:26,520
Speaker 3: his life.

351
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,120
Speaker 5: He then got mad at me and accused me of

352
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,600
Speaker 5: picking on him, making fun of him, and that I'm

353
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:35,920
Speaker 5: holding his life circumstances against him no public school or socialization,

354
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,080
Speaker 5: to which I told him I'm not, and I wish

355
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,920
Speaker 5: I was just saying nonsense, but I'm telling him the truth.

356
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,400
Speaker 3: I explain to him that his.

357
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:47,120
Speaker 5: Lack of social skills and appearance isn't necessarily his fault. However,

358
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,480
Speaker 5: if someone's giving you advice on what's stopping you from

359
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,680
Speaker 5: getting where you want to be and how to change it,

360
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,760
Speaker 5: you should take that advice and quit complaining and just

361
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,640
Speaker 5: thinking everyone should accept you as you are, because newsflash,

362
00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,280
Speaker 5: we all have flaws. I told him that if he

363
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,080
Speaker 5: wants to get somewhere with girls and not have constant competition,

364
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,240
Speaker 5: then he needs to have something to make up for it,

365
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,480
Speaker 5: because there are plenty of lawyers and future lawyers in

366
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:10,480
Speaker 5: the world, and simply saying I graduated college isn't going

367
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,560
Speaker 5: to make someone have a connection or attraction to you.

368
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,040
Speaker 5: He told me, I'm jealous that he's getting somewhere in

369
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,960
Speaker 5: his life academically, and that other girls are the problem

370
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,840
Speaker 5: for not seeing his worth and future success, and that

371
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,320
Speaker 5: if that's not enough for them to be with him,

372
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,200
Speaker 5: then they're the ones not good enough for him. I

373
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,920
Speaker 5: have not talked to him since then, and I refuse

374
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,440
Speaker 5: to associate with someone who thinks I'm jealous of them

375
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:35,160
Speaker 5: for giving them constructive criticism to a problem they constantly

376
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:35,800
Speaker 5: complain about.

377
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:37,240
Speaker 3: My dad is saying I'm.

378
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,720
Speaker 5: Right, but also that it's probably an insecurity on his part,

379
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,840
Speaker 5: and I should apologize and try not to be too

380
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,920
Speaker 5: hard on him. I feel like I shouldn't be friends

381
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,200
Speaker 5: with someone who can't ever see what's wrong with them

382
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,480
Speaker 5: or accept their flaws without crying about it and blaming others,

383
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:53,440
Speaker 5: because that's just plain toxic to me. Am I the

384
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,160
Speaker 5: A hole. I can't wait. Oh, there's no comments, just

385
00:16:56,200 --> 00:17:00,320
Speaker 5: an update updates. I want to hear breaks out on

386
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:00,760
Speaker 5: this guy.

387
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:05,000
Speaker 4: My breakdown on this guy, OPI is that he is

388
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,720
Speaker 4: I don't know, maybe he made friends with this guy

389
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:11,320
Speaker 4: because it made him feel better about himself. He's like, ah,

390
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:14,760
Speaker 4: here's this dude that I can dunk on, and I'm

391
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:18,600
Speaker 4: so much better than him. Oh my goodness, all of

392
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:20,760
Speaker 4: the girls around me are gonna think I'm such a

393
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:24,679
Speaker 4: saint for hanging out with this poor schmuck. And uh,

394
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,520
Speaker 4: they're all gonna think I'm so nice for trying to

395
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:31,080
Speaker 4: get him dates. But he freaking sucks and I hate him.

396
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:32,360
Speaker 4: That's his mindset.

397
00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:35,760
Speaker 5: I wonder if this is literally the exact situation that

398
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:39,080
Speaker 5: is laid out here, where Opie is just like, check

399
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:39,520
Speaker 5: off this.

400
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:43,640
Speaker 3: Nerd gross can't do anything right. But then he's secretly

401
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,840
Speaker 3: like I wish I could be a lawyer. I wish

402
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:46,640
Speaker 3: I could be smart enough.

403
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:47,560
Speaker 1: I'm jealous.

404
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:48,880
Speaker 4: I didn't know how to tell you.

405
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,840
Speaker 5: And then this friends like check out stupid over here,

406
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,960
Speaker 5: who's all jealous of me being smart?

407
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,960
Speaker 3: And it's really I just wish I could talk to

408
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,360
Speaker 3: a girl, and I wish I could be like.

409
00:17:58,359 --> 00:17:59,920
Speaker 4: Him, and they both want what the other has.

410
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,600
Speaker 3: Yes, this is going to end with them dating each

411
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:03,159
Speaker 3: other each.

412
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,520
Speaker 4: Other, that's why he's so jealous.

413
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:10,119
Speaker 5: Oh yay update, yay yay, Yeah, yeah, yay, Okay. I

414
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 5: just wanted to say that I got in contact with

415
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,760
Speaker 5: Nathan and apologized to him for being too harsh towards him.

416
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,359
Speaker 5: I tried explaining to him that even though I was harsh,

417
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,960
Speaker 5: I was just frustrated and trying to help him since

418
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,120
Speaker 5: I figured he'd needed someone to be blunt with him.

419
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,560
Speaker 5: But it wasn't my intention to hurt his feelings or anything.

420
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,240
Speaker 5: I kind of doubt that, but we're gonna move forward.

421
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,600
Speaker 5: I made sure to express that I do care about

422
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,160
Speaker 5: him as a person and just wanted to guide him

423
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,919
Speaker 5: since he seemed lost in the world of dating. He

424
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,080
Speaker 5: didn't really accept my apology, told me that I'm on

425
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,840
Speaker 5: the path to being a broke, loser bum because I'm

426
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,320
Speaker 5: in a different field than him, and he has decided

427
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,200
Speaker 5: that everything I told him was just out of jealousy

428
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,600
Speaker 5: and that he thinks and I quote quote he is

429
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,960
Speaker 5: owed the highest form of respect for being a good

430
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,639
Speaker 5: man who was a future legal representative, and since I

431
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,040
Speaker 5: wasn't giving him that, that we should stop being friends.

432
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,400
Speaker 5: He also attempted to tell me that I should watch

433
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,920
Speaker 5: out from I'm disrespecting him because in the future of

434
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,919
Speaker 5: my life will be in his hands and they'll have

435
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,200
Speaker 5: the power to put me in jail.

436
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:06,440
Speaker 1: Eh.

437
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,679
Speaker 3: I know this guy, He's like, he is you.

438
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:12,399
Speaker 4: Wait one day, arrest you.

439
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:14,080
Speaker 3: I do know this guy.

440
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:14,440
Speaker 1: Yeah.

441
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:15,720
Speaker 3: I went to school with this guy.

442
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I was wondering in seventh grade, I'm like,

443
00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:19,800
Speaker 5: why doesn't anyone like this guy?

444
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,520
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm gonna try to be this guy's friend.

445
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,520
Speaker 5: And I tried to be his friend, and he went

446
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,720
Speaker 5: like God, and he spit on me and stuff, and

447
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,640
Speaker 5: I was like, Oh, maybe that's why no one wants

448
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:28,040
Speaker 5: to be his sky.

449
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,760
Speaker 1: Sometimes people don't have friends because they kind of suck.

450
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,280
Speaker 1: Sometimes that's not the case.

451
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,680
Speaker 3: And people don't have to suck forever. No, sometimes people

452
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:35,320
Speaker 3: do suck and.

453
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,400
Speaker 4: Then they realize that they suck and they fix themselves, and.

454
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:39,040
Speaker 5: It's probably coming from a lot of stuff. Does make

455
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,720
Speaker 5: him a monster, No, but he's probably you know, this

456
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,720
Speaker 5: guy is probably scared all the time. Yeah, he's very

457
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,800
Speaker 5: weak physically. That's a scary thing to be. Yeah, he

458
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,679
Speaker 5: is not very well versed socially, that's horrifying. Yeah, this

459
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,439
Speaker 5: guy's probably living his whole life scared. And when you're scared,

460
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,280
Speaker 5: sometimes you go, you lash out. I assured him that

461
00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:00,480
Speaker 5: jealousy and the highest form of respect. Definitely, he wasn't

462
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,960
Speaker 5: the case, but if that's how he feels, then so

463
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:05,440
Speaker 5: be it. At least I know I tried and did

464
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,240
Speaker 5: my part. I also wanted to answer some questions I've

465
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:10,800
Speaker 5: seen people leave under the og post for some clarity.

466
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,520
Speaker 3: Yes, he's five two. Yes he's very skinny and small.

467
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,960
Speaker 5: Every physical attribute I've mentioned and described is real. Some

468
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,480
Speaker 5: people thought I was over exaggerating or just straight up lying,

469
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,760
Speaker 5: but I am not. For those asking me how he's

470
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:25,280
Speaker 5: doing college or law school online, he was studying online

471
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:27,359
Speaker 5: classes at the University of Florida.

472
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 3: As for law.

473
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,000
Speaker 5: School, I know which one he is doing, but I

474
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,400
Speaker 5: won't say for privacy purposes. As for why he's been

475
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,880
Speaker 5: doing nothing but home and online his whole life, it's

476
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 5: because his parents are really over protective of him. They

477
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:43,040
Speaker 5: were consistently worried about school, school, eh, kidnappers, blah blah blah,

478
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:46,280
Speaker 5: even to this day. For those asking if his family's religious,

479
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,359
Speaker 5: yes they are. However, mine is two and many others.

480
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,879
Speaker 5: This has not stopped anyone else from growing into a

481
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,760
Speaker 5: different or better person, nor has it caused me or

482
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,120
Speaker 5: anyone I know besides Nathan to have a one track mind.

483
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:59,960
Speaker 5: For those asking if he is autistic, he isn't diagnosed,

484
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,400
Speaker 5: so I don't want to say yes.

485
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,920
Speaker 3: But does he exhibit signs of severe autism? Yes he does.

486
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,040
Speaker 5: The lack of social and self awareness was a clear

487
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:08,639
Speaker 5: sign for me, but I don't want to label him

488
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,720
Speaker 5: that if I'm wrong. For those who mentioned how he

489
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,200
Speaker 5: plans to be a lawyer with no talking or social skills,

490
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:16,040
Speaker 5: I mentioned this to him during our last conversations. I

491
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:19,000
Speaker 5: told him forget about women and politely explained that he

492
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,600
Speaker 5: also needs to improve his communication and social skills if

493
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,919
Speaker 5: he plans to be a lawyer, because without that, he

494
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,960
Speaker 5: isn't going to make it very far. He told me

495
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:28,160
Speaker 5: he's got it all figured out and as long as

496
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,639
Speaker 5: he gets that degree, that's all he needs to be

497
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,479
Speaker 5: an ultra successful lawyer. I told him that's not how

498
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 5: it works, and you quite literally have to be slightly

499
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 5: manipulative and convincing in order to make a name for yourself,

500
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,959
Speaker 5: because what good is your degree if you suck at

501
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,240
Speaker 5: actually performing your job. He once again tried to tell

502
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,160
Speaker 5: me that I'm jealous and don't know what I'm talking about.

503
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 4: Oh man, this these you guys don't like each other.

504
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,440
Speaker 4: At the end of the day, you're not friends. Yep,

505
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,199
Speaker 4: that's that's the moral of the story. Guys don't like

506
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 4: each other.

507
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 3: You guys should be two parallel lines.

508
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 1: Yep, don't now on, don't don't cross.

509
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,600
Speaker 3: Because you do not cross pads. No, no, no, because

510
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 3: y'all are just better off that way. This guy does.

511
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,880
Speaker 3: Both of y'all need guidance though, clearly truly.

512
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, like someone needs to step in. You need a therapist,

513
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,120
Speaker 4: different therapists for each of you for different things.

514
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 3: You guys should really just kiss.

515
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, just kiss, It'll fix everything.

516
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:23,320
Speaker 5: Uh okay, So yes, after all that, I've accepted that

517
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:26,080
Speaker 5: our friendship is over, and I'm not sure where he's

518
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,479
Speaker 5: gonna land in the future, whether in regards to romantic

519
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,439
Speaker 5: relationships or his actual career. And I was the only

520
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 5: friend he had, so I do wish him the best

521
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,560
Speaker 5: and hope life doesn't humble him to the point of

522
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 5: no return. I don't think he's a bad person, just

523
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:40,560
Speaker 5: out of touch with reality, and I hope that doesn't

524
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,200
Speaker 5: backfire too harshly on him.

525
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 1: And that's the end of that story.

526
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:45,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, and that's all you can do at

527
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 3: that point. I guess I.

528
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,879
Speaker 4: Refuse to get my car to my stepdaughter. She didn't

529
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,240
Speaker 4: take it lightly. My husband and I have a five

530
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:57,400
Speaker 4: year old son together, and he has an eighteen female daughter, Sally,

531
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:01,720
Speaker 4: from his previous marriage. Sally is an a titled manipulative

532
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 4: young lady who has spent her entire life milking the

533
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 4: child of divorce card in order to make her parents

534
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 4: feel bad for her and give her everything she wanted.

535
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,639
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from Status Silver seventeen seventy

536
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 4: two and if you want to sumit your own stories,

537
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,520
Speaker 4: go to the r slash Okay storytime suppurateate oh. As

538
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 4: a result, she is now a lazy adult, has poor

539
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:24,879
Speaker 4: grades in school, no perspective, no job, and no desire

540
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,199
Speaker 4: to get a job or do something with her life.

541
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 4: Although my husband and her bio mom are both responsible

542
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 4: for how she turned out, instead of coming together and

543
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 4: working towards helping her to do something, they prefer to

544
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 4: blame each other, and they do everything they can to

545
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:42,080
Speaker 4: undermine the other one. For example, if my husband punishes

546
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:44,640
Speaker 4: Sally by not giving her spending money, her mom will

547
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,320
Speaker 4: immediately throw money at her. If her mom takes her

548
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 4: car away as a punishment, my husband will immediately give

549
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,119
Speaker 4: her his car to use.

550
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 1: To go places.

551
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,399
Speaker 4: It's a very strange dynamic they have, and very different

552
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,359
Speaker 4: from what he has with me. When I asked him

553
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 4: why he's so different in terms of parenting my son

554
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,880
Speaker 4: with me versus Sally with her bio mom, he said,

555
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,080
Speaker 4: I am his wife, and I am a normal, sane

556
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:07,240
Speaker 4: woman who he can't actually communicate with whatever. I feel

557
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 4: like they are both wrong, but Sally is not my daughter,

558
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 4: and I'm happy I don't have to spend too much

559
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,720
Speaker 4: time with her now that summer break has started. Sally

560
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 4: is the most important problem in the world. Her car

561
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 4: broke and she needs one to use this summer to

562
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 4: go places, meet her friends, go to parties, et cetera.

563
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 4: Her mom is not willing to give her her car

564
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,080
Speaker 4: because she needs it to go to work. My husband

565
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 4: needs his car to go to work, and neither of

566
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 4: them is willing to buy her a new one. Sally

567
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 4: the Genius found the perfect solution and asked me to

568
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 4: give her one of my cars. To be clear, I

569
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,359
Speaker 4: have two cars, a big sub that was given to

570
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 4: me by my employer and a smaller one that I

571
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,879
Speaker 4: use when I go into town because it's easier to park.

572
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 4: I refused and told her she can't use any of

573
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,880
Speaker 4: my cars. She insisted and said I don't need two

574
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,960
Speaker 4: cars at the same time, but she needs one to

575
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,119
Speaker 4: get around. I told her she's free to use public

576
00:24:57,119 --> 00:25:01,200
Speaker 4: transportation or get a job and buy I want herself. Now,

577
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:04,280
Speaker 4: Sally is going around to my husband's relatives complaining that

578
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 4: I'm trying to exploit her and fender to work. I

579
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,639
Speaker 4: had a good laugh about this with my husband's sister,

580
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 4: but my mother in law claims I could have just

581
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 4: refused instead of telling her to get a job. I'm

582
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,679
Speaker 4: a little confused. What's so bad about telling an adult

583
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 4: to get a job. It's not like I sent a

584
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 4: twelve year old to work for her food or anything.

585
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 4: And then some comments. Revolutionary Diet says, not the a whole.

586
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:25,919
Speaker 4: Hydro keys buzz and Ben says ditto, only not the

587
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 4: a whole. Also, make it clear to all that you

588
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 4: will call the police if a car goes missing, and

589
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 4: you'll tell them who took it. Booboo says this opee

590
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:36,200
Speaker 4: because from what you've described, Sally wouldn't think twice about

591
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:38,920
Speaker 4: barring one of your cars, and if the SUV is

592
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:42,800
Speaker 4: a nicer vehicle, that is what she'll likely take, especially

593
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 4: as her friends will all fit. Make it clear to

594
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,680
Speaker 4: both her and your husband that if either vehicle is

595
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 4: ever missing, you will report it stolen and press charges.

596
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 4: Drom Damascus says, if you start getting messages from her

597
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:57,159
Speaker 4: family members about how you are trying to manipulate her

598
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,440
Speaker 4: into getting a job, you need to confirm that crap

599
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 4: is clearly as possible you are trying to make her

600
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,560
Speaker 4: get a job and will continue to do so as

601
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 4: long as you can. You have the opportunity to erase

602
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 4: some of the damage done by her two enabling parents.

603
00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 4: Do not be deterred Opie says, the strange thing is

604
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 4: that my husband agrees with me, her mother totally hates

605
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 4: me and is teaching her that everything I say is bs.

606
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 4: My husband's sisters agree with me, and my mother in

607
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:24,880
Speaker 4: law babies her because she's in her first grandchild. Oh,

608
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 4: because she is her first grandchild. But I feel like

609
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,399
Speaker 4: no one in this situation is doing her a favor.

610
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,399
Speaker 4: I'm not trying to manipulate her, but her situation is

611
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,719
Speaker 4: so different to what I'm used to or how I

612
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,479
Speaker 4: parent my own child, that it's insane, Like, how can

613
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 4: it be so horrible to teach an adult responsibility to

614
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 4: want to give her direction in life? I don't know

615
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 4: what they can expect to do with her, Honestly, they

616
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 4: can't support her for the rest of her life. And

617
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 4: it's sad because she's capable and a healthy adult. Even

618
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,200
Speaker 4: people with the disabilities work and want to do something

619
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 4: with their lives. So she has no excuse. And there

620
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,680
Speaker 4: is an update, But John, what do you have to say?

621
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:02,960
Speaker 2: You know, Uh, she doesn't have to have your cars,

622
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:07,679
Speaker 2: you know for sure, she's definitely not entitled to it,

623
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,680
Speaker 2: you know, And yeah, there's nothing wrong with being like, hey,

624
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:16,200
Speaker 2: go take public transportation, or I feel like honestly, having

625
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 2: a spoiled kid use public transportation is also a very good.

626
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:23,680
Speaker 3: Experience, right yeah, I think.

627
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 4: So it's like, okay, you're to learn how this works.

628
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:28,919
Speaker 4: How you know that it's actually you know, for the

629
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 4: most part, unless you're in a more dangerous area, but

630
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 4: for the most part, very easy to you.

631
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 1: But there's an update, let's do it.

632
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 4: The majority of you advise me to hide my car

633
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 4: keys because Sally would most likely try to steal one

634
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 4: of my cars when I am not home. You are

635
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 4: not far from the truth, because she oftentimes does this

636
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 4: with her mother's car, meaning she will take the car

637
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,120
Speaker 4: when her mom is not home without asking her if

638
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,640
Speaker 4: she needs it later or ask for permission. So your

639
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,679
Speaker 4: advice makes a lot of sense. However, I refuse to

640
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,680
Speaker 4: do such a thing in my own home. I believe

641
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 4: if I end up in a position where I have

642
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,439
Speaker 4: to hide my things in my own house, we'll have

643
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 4: a bigger problem that needs.

644
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 1: To be solved.

645
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,840
Speaker 4: Also, where does this stop today? I have to hide

646
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 4: my car keys later, my money later, my purse. This

647
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:12,880
Speaker 4: is not the kind of life I want to have,

648
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 4: and it never happened to me as a teenager slash

649
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:17,719
Speaker 4: young adult when I used to live with my parents,

650
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,240
Speaker 4: I knew where everything was, car, keys, money, documents, jewelry,

651
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 4: et cetera, and I never took anything without asking. So

652
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:28,120
Speaker 4: after reading the comments, I decided to follow their advice,

653
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,800
Speaker 4: but in a less dramatic way. I sat my husband

654
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:32,880
Speaker 4: and his daughter down to have a chat. I made

655
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 4: it clear in front of my husband that Sally insisted

656
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:37,680
Speaker 4: she uses one of my cars and I do not

657
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:39,760
Speaker 4: agree with it. Then I told Sally that I know

658
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 4: she sometimes takes her mother's car without asking and warned

659
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 4: her not to dare do something with my cars when

660
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 4: I'm not home, because if she does, I will call

661
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 4: the police and report the car stolen.

662
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 1: She was shocked and asked me if I.

663
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 4: Would stoop so low as to report her for stealing

664
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 4: just for a car that I don't use her need anyways,

665
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 4: I told her it's not me who would stoop so low,

666
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 4: but her, because taking something that does not belong to you,

667
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 4: especially after being told no, is the clear definition of stealing.

668
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 1: She goes to one of the car dealerships.

669
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 4: She's like, you're not even using this car.

670
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 1: I just want to bar it.

671
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 3: You're not using it, eight is like one to use that.

672
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 2: But I will say the like sometimes I'm like, God, parents,

673
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 2: if we can just speak in a little less parent speak, yeah, like.

674
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 1: Like speak to them as adults.

675
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 3: Don't be like yeah, yeah, I don't know.

676
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:29,840
Speaker 2: It's just that, you know, you know, it's just like

677
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 2: a vibe of like the way that they articularly things

678
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 2: like well.

679
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 3: Actually you're the ones stealing.

680
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 1: She's just like, look like I don't.

681
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 4: These are my cars, yeah, in the day, and like

682
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 4: I'm not, I'm not giving you them.

683
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 6: Yeah I don't.

684
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 3: I don't have to, you know.

685
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I'm not using them, but I don't want

686
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 4: you to use them.

687
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 3: So that's it.

688
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 1: That's it.

689
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 4: That's kind of it. So yes, I would report it.

690
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:53,880
Speaker 4: I think for the first time in her life, she

691
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:57,120
Speaker 4: understood there will be consequences for her actions and she

692
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 4: did not protest further. After this, I asked her to

693
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 4: verify in front of my husband how it is that

694
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 4: me suggesting she gets a job makes me a person

695
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 4: who tries to exploit her. Based on what she told

696
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,840
Speaker 4: my mother in law and sister in law, my husband

697
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 4: had no idea about it and just explode it after

698
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 4: hearing what happened. He told her it's good that we

699
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 4: hear what she talks about behind her backs, because he

700
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 4: will give her even more reasons to complain. My husband

701
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 4: told her she will not be seeing any money from

702
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 4: him during this summer. Sally started crying and told me, kid, dude,

703
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 4: but my husband told her he can and he will.

704
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 4: His responsibility as her parent is to feed her, buy

705
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 4: her clothes, and help her pay for school items.

706
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 1: But that's it.

707
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 4: She's an adult and if she wants to party or

708
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 4: see her friends, she should start paying it for it herself,

709
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 4: since she never appreciated anything she was given.

710
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,479
Speaker 3: Again, I just like, why can't we Why can't we

711
00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:46,520
Speaker 3: level with our kids?

712
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 4: Like can we level with them?

713
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 3: Like listen up, Yeah, I just don't want you to

714
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 3: be my car.

715
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 4: Do My parents have said that I don't want you

716
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 4: to draw my car, and I'm like, what, I don't

717
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 4: want you to?

718
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 6: Okay, Yeah, it's the you asked like three times. On

719
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 6: the third time, you're like if they said no, yeah,

720
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 6: you do, like the puppy eyes like the yeah, it

721
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 6: doesn't work, it doesn't work. They're like no, I'm okay,

722
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 6: all right, I tried.

723
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 4: If you like, if you if your dad's on the

724
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,719
Speaker 4: phone and then you say, hey, can I borrow your car?

725
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:16,000
Speaker 4: And he still says no, You're just not going to

726
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:16,600
Speaker 4: give you that car.

727
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 1: No.

728
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 4: Do you know how many things that you can get

729
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 4: when your parents are on the phone and you ask

730
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 4: them so many things.

731
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 2: I'm literally just about to say, like, I feel like

732
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 2: Sophia was like the easiest child on planet Earth's a parent,

733
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,960
Speaker 2: because you're just like the perfect archetype of a child.

734
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 6: Yeah, where Sam, Sam's like, Yeah.

735
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 4: I think the problem is that I did, like I

736
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 4: didn't do anything wrong in a big sense. Yeah, so

737
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 4: I got in trouble for really small things.

738
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 3: You'd be but it you'd be a little bit sneaky

739
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 3: here there.

740
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 6: That's an example, like the phone.

741
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it's like a little bit sneaky.

742
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, But I wasn't doing anything so like I would

743
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 4: get I wouldn't get a lot of trouble for like

744
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 4: not doing the dish it. You know, like that would

745
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 4: be equivalent to like going out or sneaking out.

746
00:31:57,920 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 6: That's insane to me.

747
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:00,800
Speaker 3: Oh wow wow, Yeah, because I.

748
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 4: Wasn't doing anything, so they had nothing to punish.

749
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 2: You gotta let your kids think, let them, let them

750
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 2: go sneak out and they think they're sneaking out and

751
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:08,520
Speaker 2: then they're gonna have fun.

752
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,360
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, but you know where they are. You're like, Okay,

753
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 1: I think that's a good idea.

754
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm going to do that.

755
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't help.

756
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 4: See my mom instead of being like, oh, I'm chill

757
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 4: with everything or whatever, my mom was just like that's stupid,

758
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 4: like drinking stupid. And I was like, that is stupid.

759
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 4: You're right, And then I just felt like I was

760
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 4: better than everyone else for not to nice, So that

761
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 4: also works. There's a little bit left to the story.

762
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 4: Apparently this is the hill my husband is willing to

763
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:36,480
Speaker 4: pass away on, and he even told his ex wife

764
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 4: about his plans, making it clear that if she wants

765
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 4: to support Sally's activities this summer, shell have to do

766
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 4: it alone because he'll not contribute to anything that's not

767
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 4: a necessity. So yeah, this is where we are at now.

768
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 4: Sally stormed out of our house and of course went

769
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 4: to her grandmother to complain.

770
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 1: But I am waiting.

771
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 4: If mother in law opens any discussions about it with me,

772
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 4: I'll make it clear she's free to support Sally as

773
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 4: much as she wants. We are not stopper. Uh some comments.

774
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 4: Beach Boy four four two says, good to hear spouse

775
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 4: supports you, not always the case. Flu Fin Fee says,

776
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 4: obviously good talk. Use that shiny spine to good advantage.

777
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 4: Limitless Megan says, a shame he waited until she was

778
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:19,360
Speaker 4: an adult to actually parent her. Great point, Limitless Megan.

779
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 4: But hey, maybe em and his wife can actually get

780
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 4: in the same bandwagon and make a dent in the

781
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 4: child they collectively broke to get back at each other.

782
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 4: I like you, Limitless Megan.

783
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:28,920
Speaker 1: Was that your name?

784
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:29,959
Speaker 4: Limitless Megan?

785
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 1: Excellent point, great job.

786
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 6: That was a great point.

787
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 4: And I agree limitless Megan today like, yeah, that's not

788
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:39,440
Speaker 4: your stepdaughter's car. But like, maybe we can all work

789
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 4: together as parents.

790
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 3: No parent the kid.

791
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 2: We must have a cold war of parenting yea where

792
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 2: we spoil the kid endlessly until they're freakin' brat. A

793
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 2: proxy war of getting back at each other night man

794
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 2: makes everything worse.

795
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 4: What a nightmare to be that kid to be like, yeah,

796
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 4: my parents hit each other, so I can just put

797
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 4: him my goods to each other and get what I

798
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 4: want from one of them. Like you know that one

799
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 4: of them is going to give you something because they

800
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 4: hate the other one.

801
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 1: Sam.

802
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 5: Here, we're gonna get back to the stories, but here's

803
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:07,280
Speaker 5: three of it's bads from our sponsors.

804
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 4: My wife brought up something she did for me when

805
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 4: we add a disagreement.

806
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:14,239
Speaker 1: Well, you shouldn't be mad at her anymore because you

807
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 1: washed the dishes.

808
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,280
Speaker 4: I thirty six male. I have known my wife thirty

809
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 4: seven female half my life. We reconnected ten years ago

810
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 4: and started dating a little less than seven years ago

811
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 4: and have been married for four years. I bought our

812
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:30,359
Speaker 4: current house ten years ago before we started dating, and

813
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,720
Speaker 4: refinance when rates were below thirty percent. We were together

814
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,360
Speaker 4: then and decided to just have me on the loan.

815
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,359
Speaker 4: I'm a government employee making roughly one hundred and twenty

816
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 4: k year, and she works in education, making roughly forty

817
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 4: K quick rundown on our finances. We joined our finances

818
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 4: when we got married. By the way, this comes from

819
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:52,279
Speaker 4: throw a Jos Joe eighty seven and if you want

820
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,200
Speaker 4: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

821
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:56,680
Speaker 4: Okay storytime supped it oh.

822
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 1: I have roughly four k.

823
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,759
Speaker 4: In credit card debt, around ten k in credit card

824
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:04,800
Speaker 4: and auto loan debt, plus she brought fifty K in

825
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 4: student loans, currently sitting around twenty five K. We came

826
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 4: up with a budget and planned to tackle these debts

827
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:14,799
Speaker 4: while also investing in retirement plans from our jobs. A

828
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 4: year ago, her grandfather passed away and she received around

829
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 4: one hundred and fifty K. She sat down and asked

830
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:23,720
Speaker 4: what we should do with the money. With our salary,

831
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 4: we can easily pay more than the minimums on our debts,

832
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 4: plus set aside for retirement and vacation funds. I told

833
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 4: her it was her money to use as she wanted.

834
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:34,400
Speaker 4: She decided to pay off the mortgage that was in

835
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 4: my name. She met with a tax specialist and figured

836
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 4: out the numbers. Honestly, this made me cry because it

837
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,359
Speaker 4: was genuinely one of the kindest things anyone has ever

838
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:48,720
Speaker 4: done for me. Well, fast forward to last Friday. She's oh,

839
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:51,800
Speaker 4: never gonna let you forget that it was the kindest.

840
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 4: We both got home around the same time and started

841
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:58,319
Speaker 4: doing our normal routine after work. We chat about how

842
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,959
Speaker 4: work went and relaxed for a bit. She cooked dinner

843
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,400
Speaker 4: and I cleaned up. Afterwards, I loaded the dishwasher and

844
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 4: sat down to play Final Fantasy seven remake. I'm not

845
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 4: a huge gamer by any means. My wife heard me

846
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 4: mention that I wanted that game and it's sequel that

847
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 4: just came out, so she surprised me with them. I

848
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 4: just told her I'd be playing for roughly an hour,

849
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 4: which is how long I usually play before my eyes hurt.

850
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,760
Speaker 4: She sat down and cracked open a book like usual,

851
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:24,320
Speaker 4: It's something we do most days.

852
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:28,400
Speaker 1: Cutely cute. Roughly an hour later, she gets up and says,

853
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 1: it's my turn to take out the trash. I replied, okay,

854
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:33,440
Speaker 1: give me five minutes because I'm fighting this boss.

855
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:35,239
Speaker 4: I paid the effing.

856
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 1: Mortgage and you can't get off your butt to do

857
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:37,319
Speaker 1: this for me.

858
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 7: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This has come from you.

859
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 7: She must have had a bad day. I must have been,

860
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 7: must have. I'm shocked at this point because she's never

861
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 7: like this. We communicated early on in our relationship when

862
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,520
Speaker 7: she moved into our house that if she wanted me

863
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,400
Speaker 7: to do something, to ask and I would do it.

864
00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 7: If I was already busy doing something, I would give

865
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 7: her an honest timeline on when I could do it.

866
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,759
Speaker 7: That if she needed it done immediately, then to let

867
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:06,560
Speaker 7: me know, and I would stop what I was doing

868
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 7: and do it.

869
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:11,000
Speaker 4: This has worked wonderfully until then. I paused the game,

870
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,239
Speaker 4: take the trash outside, and just try to get my

871
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:16,800
Speaker 4: anger under control. She has never yelled at me before,

872
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:19,360
Speaker 4: but honestly, it's the holding this over my head that

873
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,880
Speaker 4: hurts my heart. I didn't ask her to do it,

874
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 4: and our salary was more than enough to allow her

875
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:27,239
Speaker 4: to keep the money saved for herself. Eventually, I go

876
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 4: back inside and told her I don't like her holding

877
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,239
Speaker 4: that over my head and that I never asked her

878
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:34,360
Speaker 4: to do that for me. She replied that I was

879
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,879
Speaker 4: ungrateful and gave me the silence. I think they gotta

880
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,239
Speaker 4: have a conversation about that. Absolutely, I gotta have a

881
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:42,760
Speaker 4: big old conversation. You can wait three minutes.

882
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, he fights this boss, like, yeah, yeah, you're

883
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 1: paying off his merch, but he's fighting monsters for you.

884
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 3: He's fighting monsters, literally monsters.

885
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 4: I don't The thing is that I don't think it

886
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 4: is uncommon to be snippy. I think that happens in

887
00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 4: every marriage. I think you're always gonna have days, you know,

888
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 4: like that. I think the problem is using paying off

889
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:07,640
Speaker 4: the mortgage as an excuse to you know, or like yeah,

890
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 4: as a reason to get mad, saying well, you have

891
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 4: to do everything I say because I did this right.

892
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 1: So that kind of sets like a president of like

893
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:19,320
Speaker 1: any good favor that I do for you. It makes

894
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 1: not a favor. Yes, it's like a transaction. It's a

895
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 1: transaca thing. Yeah. Yeah.

896
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,840
Speaker 4: The next morning, she apologized to me in tears and

897
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 4: said stress from work got to her.

898
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:26,840
Speaker 1: There you go.

899
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:28,920
Speaker 4: I believe she is telling the truth because some of

900
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 4: her students are in harmful homes and child Services haven't

901
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:35,520
Speaker 4: done anything to protect those kids. This whole issue is

902
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:37,920
Speaker 4: widely out of character. My question is how do I

903
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 4: handle this. I'm not leaving her because this is the

904
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:42,240
Speaker 4: first and only time she's acted this way.

905
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:45,319
Speaker 1: She did say it, though, and it still hurts. So

906
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 1: how do I move on from this?

907
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:49,600
Speaker 4: Exactly what we already said, Yeah, there is an update,

908
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:52,360
Speaker 4: but like, talk to her, just say hey, I understand

909
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:57,160
Speaker 4: that happens to everyone, but please don't use that in

910
00:38:57,239 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 4: this way.

911
00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 1: It was very hurtful to me. Yeah, and you're right,

912
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:01,760
Speaker 1: it was just a bad day. It's just a fluke,

913
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 1: just a fluke. But I do worry that, you know,

914
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:06,840
Speaker 1: if she has another bad day. She could use this again. True,

915
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 1: and that's why you have to have the conversation now exactly. Update.

916
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:12,359
Speaker 4: I cooked dinner for my wife last night, and after

917
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:15,440
Speaker 4: we had a nice and heartfelt conversation. She started the

918
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,399
Speaker 4: conversation by asking me if something was wrong because I.

919
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:20,800
Speaker 1: Made her favorite dish. She seemed nervous.

920
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 4: I told her there was something wrong, and it was

921
00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 4: that I aft up big time when she paid the

922
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 4: mortgage off. She started to interrupt, and I asked her

923
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:30,319
Speaker 4: to let me finish because I wasn't mad at her.

924
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:32,360
Speaker 4: I told her I was going to add her to

925
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:34,960
Speaker 4: the deed and it should have happened as soon as

926
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,720
Speaker 4: she paid off her house. Well, she's not on the deed.

927
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 3: Interesting.

928
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, the fact that she paid for it, she should

929
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:44,160
Speaker 1: definitely be on the deed. I agree. She started crying,

930
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 1: telling me that I didn't have to do that, and

931
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 1: I told her that I wanted to and apologized for

932
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:52,280
Speaker 1: not doing so sooner. Wow wait, okay, it's kind of nice.

933
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 4: She tried making excuses for me as to why I

934
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 4: didn't do it sooner. She mentioned something that I had

935
00:39:57,239 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 4: actually forgot about it shortly before she paid the high

936
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 4: I had received a letter saying my FAA Class to

937
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 4: Medical Certificate application had been denied for a medical issue

938
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:09,319
Speaker 4: and I needed to see some doctors before they could

939
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 4: reissue my class too. Honestly, this wasn't a big deal

940
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 4: and was something that had happened to me before, and

941
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,320
Speaker 4: I thought that I had reassured her enough that everything

942
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:19,279
Speaker 4: was going to be okay. I said that I had

943
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:22,840
Speaker 4: forgot about that entire episode because it may have seemed

944
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,480
Speaker 4: like a big deal, but it really wasn't. I reiterated

945
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 4: that I aft up big time and asked for her forgiveness,

946
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,359
Speaker 4: which she gave me. I asked her if not being

947
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 4: added to the deed had bothered her, and she said

948
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,319
Speaker 4: it hurt her feelings and it hurt to hear that,

949
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:38,799
Speaker 4: because that is the last thing I ever wanted to

950
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:40,800
Speaker 4: do to her. I told her I would take Monday

951
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,320
Speaker 4: today off and if she could take a few hours

952
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,439
Speaker 4: off at the end of her day, that we would

953
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:48,480
Speaker 4: add her to the deed. Wait, okay, I love that.

954
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 4: Opie was like, why would she do why would she

955
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 4: bring that up?

956
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:54,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is so out of character. Yeah, I understand

957
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 1: she was stressed, but why would she bring up the deed?

958
00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:00,200
Speaker 1: The mortgage. Yeah, and then literally was like, oh, it's

959
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 1: because she's on the deed. And then he fixed it.

960
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,600
Speaker 3: And then he fixed it beautiful, like amazing.

961
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know Pete, Oh, good job, will be good job.

962
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 4: She said that she would do that, but wanted to

963
00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 4: take the whole day and we could go in the

964
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:14,320
Speaker 4: morning and then spend the rest of the day together.

965
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:18,239
Speaker 1: Oh so sweet. It better not turn out bad. We

966
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 1: kept talking and I brought up if things were more

967
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:22,719
Speaker 1: stressful at work than what she had let on, and

968
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 1: she said that one of her students showed up and

969
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 1: her clothes were covered in cat pie. Oh not the

970
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 1: first or second time for this little girl. Oh.

971
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 4: She was crying at this point, and she curled up

972
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 4: and laid her head on my lap. I tried my

973
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 4: best to soothe her by playing with her hair, and

974
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:40,759
Speaker 4: eventually she was able to start to relax. She volunteered

975
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:42,880
Speaker 4: that the little girl and some of her other students

976
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 4: had been on her mind when she snapped at me.

977
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:48,440
Speaker 4: I had an idea on where this was going to go. Backstory,

978
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:50,560
Speaker 4: My wife found out in her early twenties that she

979
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:51,480
Speaker 4: wouldn't be able.

980
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:53,400
Speaker 1: To have children. I won't go into detail.

981
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 4: As to why, why is it fair that terrible people

982
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 4: get to have children and I can't.

983
00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 1: Oh, oh my gosh.

984
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:03,839
Speaker 4: I did my best to reassure her that I love

985
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:06,360
Speaker 4: her regardless and that maybe we could look into adoption,

986
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 4: like we discussed before we got married. My wife told

987
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 4: me that when she reminded me it was my turn

988
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 4: to take out the trash, that she wanted to walk

989
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 4: and talk with me context on her house. We have

990
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,600
Speaker 4: a few acres of land and it's about a five

991
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 4: minute walk to the pole trailer where we toss the

992
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 4: garbage that I take every Saturday to the dump. She

993
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,279
Speaker 4: planned on asking me how I felt about fostering some

994
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 4: of these kids. Wow, despite my previous posts, some of

995
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:34,360
Speaker 4: these kids do get removed, but unfortunately some do end

996
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 4: up going back. Most of the time. We have the

997
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 4: extra room, and I said that we could definitely do that.

998
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:42,399
Speaker 4: These people are perfect for each other. This is amazing.

999
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:45,320
Speaker 4: We talked about ways to try and manage her stress better,

1000
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 4: and she mentioned that when we go hiking, it helps

1001
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:50,239
Speaker 4: her clear her mind and relax, so we agreed to

1002
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:53,000
Speaker 4: do more hiking. I mentioned seeing a therapist as well,

1003
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 4: and she was open to that idea, so we will

1004
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 4: be looking into that for her. I reassured her if

1005
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:01,080
Speaker 4: she feels overwhelmed that we are in this together, and

1006
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:03,759
Speaker 4: she just smiled and said I know in a Han

1007
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:06,520
Speaker 4: solo voice, and we both just erupted and laughter.

1008
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:10,400
Speaker 1: The course soltly. I liked that, like, oh what the

1009
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:13,839
Speaker 1: title was pretty much about. Yeah, already fixed fixed, it's

1010
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 1: already fixed it, but beyond fixing it.

1011
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, and now we're even going.

1012
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 1: Further and like finding ways to fix.

1013
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 3: Like more problems. Yeah, weren't even brought up.

1014
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:27,080
Speaker 1: Now we just get a beautiful story of this couple,

1015
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,880
Speaker 1: like learning ont of like foster kids exactly.

1016
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 3: This is so lovely.

1017
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 4: Eventually we circled back around to her inheritance and I

1018
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 4: asked her if she regretted using her inheritance to pay

1019
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:39,919
Speaker 4: off her house, and she said no, She thought about

1020
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:42,799
Speaker 4: it and considered paying off other debts, but wanted to

1021
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 4: do this for us, she said. The tax specialist advised

1022
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 4: her to pay off other debts first, but she wanted

1023
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,960
Speaker 4: to know how doing this would affect our taxes. At

1024
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:53,600
Speaker 4: the time, student loan interests were frozen and our credit

1025
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:57,360
Speaker 4: cards were transferred to zero percent interest cards, she understood

1026
00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 4: that paying them off first and using the rest on

1027
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:01,480
Speaker 4: the mortgage was probably still the better move, but she

1028
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:04,360
Speaker 4: wanted the larger debt knocked out. She asked how I

1029
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 4: felt about slowing down our retirement, saving and investing and

1030
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,399
Speaker 4: just steam rolling the rest of the debt. I can

1031
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 4: retire at fifty and after retire at fifty six, and

1032
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:15,359
Speaker 4: I've been preparing since I joined the Air Force and

1033
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 4: continued in my current position in my TSP alone, I'm

1034
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 4: closer to two million than one million. We will be

1035
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 4: just fine in retirement. But we both love to travel

1036
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:26,239
Speaker 4: and I want to continue to see the world. We

1037
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:28,840
Speaker 4: discussed this at length before I mentioned that instead of

1038
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:31,839
Speaker 4: going to Australia for our fifth anniversary, that we had

1039
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:33,560
Speaker 4: enough save for it that we could just pay off

1040
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:35,400
Speaker 4: the debt right now and still have enough to go

1041
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:39,240
Speaker 4: to France, in particular Paris instead. I love these people.

1042
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 3: I do too.

1043
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 1: This is such a nice, like full solid cleanser. All

1044
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:46,279
Speaker 1: the stories that we read about cheating and yeah, terribleness,

1045
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:48,440
Speaker 1: it's just like, oh, how lovely.

1046
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 4: Lovely two people who communicated and realized that there was

1047
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:55,319
Speaker 4: something underneath the surface and it wasn't just you know.

1048
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:56,480
Speaker 1: And at the end of the day.

1049
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 4: They just love each other, just love each other, so

1050
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,839
Speaker 4: or all of the story before we finish it off.

1051
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, guys, get curious with your partners.

1052
00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 4: If they snippy, you know, if they get snippy, if

1053
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:10,319
Speaker 4: they yell at ya, maybe before you know, unless it's

1054
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 4: something serious.

1055
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:14,480
Speaker 1: Sure, before we're like, oh wow, dare they do that?

1056
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,279
Speaker 1: Let's say, like, do something happen at work today? Yeah?

1057
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 4: You know that's not normal. You don't normally do you know?

1058
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:23,080
Speaker 4: You don't usually do that. What is something happened with family?

1059
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:27,319
Speaker 4: You know, let's get curious exact communication. Maybe it'll happen, uh,

1060
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 4: just like this and be beautiful and perfect exactly. She

1061
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 4: smiled and asked me if I was sure because Australia

1062
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:37,839
Speaker 4: is my number one bucket list destination. I told her

1063
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 4: she always wanted to spend Christmas in Paris, so why

1064
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 4: not do it this year and pay off our debts.

1065
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:47,040
Speaker 4: Australia could be our tenth at of oursary trip. So

1066
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:49,840
Speaker 4: our debt is completely paid off and we're going to

1067
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:52,560
Speaker 4: Paris for Christmas. Let's just say that made her very

1068
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 4: very happy. So we both used a sick day to

1069
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 4: day and were able to meet with a real estate

1070
00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 4: attorney and tax specialist. Without getting into details, there were

1071
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:03,360
Speaker 4: a few potential drawbacks that were discussed with us, but

1072
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 4: ultimately nothing too drastic. Overall, it took about three hours

1073
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:09,719
Speaker 4: and now my wife is officially on the deed. We

1074
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:11,480
Speaker 4: were about to head out for a late lunch then

1075
00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:15,680
Speaker 4: curl up in bed and binge watch Chicago Fire at It.

1076
00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 4: For a technicality, everything has been turned in for her

1077
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:20,280
Speaker 4: to be on the deed. The wife and I consider

1078
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,680
Speaker 4: it done and just waiting to get it officially official.

1079
00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 4: So if that bothers people, then oh well, and that's

1080
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:30,000
Speaker 4: the end of that beautiful story. Wow, so lovely, so lovely.

1081
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:31,279
Speaker 3: Problem was solved.

1082
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:33,840
Speaker 1: So fast, so easy, and with so much love for

1083
00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:36,040
Speaker 1: both sides. It was so much love. Just a little

1084
00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 1: mistake one day she just got a little sleep and frustrated.

1085
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:41,719
Speaker 4: Little snippy, snappy comment, that's all.

1086
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 1: And then beautiful, perfection, beautiful.

1087
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:46,759
Speaker 6: Hey y'all, it's John og Host here.

1088
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:48,120
Speaker 3: We're gonna get back to the story. So but here's

1089
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 3: a quick three minute break from ask for more sponsors.

1090
00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:53,440
Speaker 1: My wife is angry that I'm moving out after she

1091
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:57,840
Speaker 1: asked for a divorce. You're its mixed signals man. My

1092
00:46:57,880 --> 00:47:00,439
Speaker 1: wife and I started the process of separation eight last

1093
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 1: year at her request. The living situation has become very challenging.

1094
00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:06,840
Speaker 1: Some basic info. My wife and I have been married

1095
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 1: for close to seven years in California.

1096
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 3: We are in our late thirties.

1097
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:12,839
Speaker 1: She has decided that she wants to find out who

1098
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:15,400
Speaker 1: she is away from me, and wants to divorce, to

1099
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:18,120
Speaker 1: start over and maybe we can find each other again.

1100
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:21,439
Speaker 1: She feels since I have always given her everything, she's

1101
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:24,719
Speaker 1: become useless as a human and can't contribute to our relationship.

1102
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:27,479
Speaker 1: She says she still loves and respects me, but once

1103
00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 1: more from our relationship and from herself. We have no children.

1104
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 1: I don't want a divorce, but she is pretty determined

1105
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:36,320
Speaker 1: at this point. By the way, this comes from ic

1106
00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:39,360
Speaker 1: University ninety six three, and if you want to submit

1107
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:40,839
Speaker 1: your own stories, to go to the our such okay,

1108
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:41,840
Speaker 1: storytime separated it.

1109
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 4: So.

1110
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:45,359
Speaker 1: I've always been the primary breadwinner of the household and

1111
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 1: support her in any endeavors she pursues, from photography, painting, design, plants,

1112
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,920
Speaker 1: et cetera. She was always trying to find a new path.

1113
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:57,319
Speaker 1: She works odd jobs and at this point brings in

1114
00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 1: maybe less than ten k to the house told per year. Wow,

1115
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:06,440
Speaker 1: less than ten k per year ouch. When we got together,

1116
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 1: she was burnt out on a career and started trying

1117
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,600
Speaker 1: to find a new path. She has made it clear

1118
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 1: that she doesn't want anything from our assets, as it

1119
00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:16,720
Speaker 1: would be stealing my effort. We owned four properties, two cars,

1120
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:21,399
Speaker 1: paid off about six hundred K plus investments, and no

1121
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:24,920
Speaker 1: debt other than mortgages. I've brought this up multiple times,

1122
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 1: that we can divvy out our assets to get her started,

1123
00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 1: but she is very against it. Her family is fairly

1124
00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 1: wealthy from outside the USA, and she wouldn't have trouble

1125
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 1: getting decent financial support from them. I feel like she's

1126
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:40,239
Speaker 1: like always been super wealthy and always had people kind

1127
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:42,120
Speaker 1: of like supporting her, And she say, I want to

1128
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:42,839
Speaker 1: make it on my own.

1129
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:44,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, I want to see what's that there in the

1130
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:45,240
Speaker 4: real world.

1131
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:48,759
Speaker 1: Yeah. I feel like if if she didn't have that

1132
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:51,360
Speaker 1: life growing up already, she wouldn't just get that from

1133
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:52,360
Speaker 1: the husband.

1134
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:52,880
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1135
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:55,920
Speaker 1: Her therapist convinced her to do a trial separation before

1136
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:59,440
Speaker 1: committing to divorce. When we started the separation process, it

1137
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:01,560
Speaker 1: was very different to be the same house together. She

1138
00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:03,440
Speaker 1: said that she wanted to move out, and I supported

1139
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:05,800
Speaker 1: her in this. The primary issue is that she doesn't

1140
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:08,319
Speaker 1: have much money. She's got five hundred dollars in her

1141
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:10,640
Speaker 1: private checking So I told her that she could have

1142
00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:13,560
Speaker 1: whatever she wanted. We had over eighty K in our

1143
00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 1: savings at the time and said that she could get

1144
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:19,480
Speaker 1: started with that. She refused. She said the money was

1145
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:22,640
Speaker 1: my effort and it would be stealing. Despite MY efforts

1146
00:49:22,719 --> 00:49:25,240
Speaker 1: of telling her it's our money and not my money,

1147
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:28,000
Speaker 1: she continued to decline. I said that I could loan

1148
00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:30,440
Speaker 1: her the money, but she refused and said that I

1149
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:33,279
Speaker 1: was manipulating her to take money and would have more

1150
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:36,360
Speaker 1: control over her. Interesting. She said that she wanted to

1151
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:39,359
Speaker 1: save up and move out. My heart was breaking every

1152
00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 1: day staying in the house while not working. I would

1153
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,439
Speaker 1: just lay in bed and cry. I decided to stay

1154
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:47,400
Speaker 1: with family in Indiana for a while. She was upset

1155
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:49,920
Speaker 1: by visas. She said that she was the one that

1156
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 1: was supposed to leave the house, but you refused to

1157
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:55,520
Speaker 1: leave the house, so I.

1158
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 4: Was supposed to make it on my own.

1159
00:49:57,560 --> 00:50:01,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, city, that's like when my siblings, like an older

1160
00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:03,240
Speaker 1: sibling is like I was supposed to get married first,

1161
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:07,720
Speaker 1: and it's like, well, find someone then thin do it? Yeah? Sorry.

1162
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:10,879
Speaker 1: I told her that she wasn't making progress quick enough

1163
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:12,759
Speaker 1: to move out, and I needed to leave because I

1164
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,720
Speaker 1: was really sad and depressed. While I was visiting family,

1165
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:17,840
Speaker 1: I made the decision to buy a very small condo

1166
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:20,280
Speaker 1: close to my family. I figured I could live closer

1167
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:22,640
Speaker 1: to family and she could stay in the current house

1168
00:50:22,719 --> 00:50:24,680
Speaker 1: until she was ready to figure out what she wanted

1169
00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:24,920
Speaker 1: to do.

1170
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:27,120
Speaker 3: I consulted her about me moving.

1171
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 1: At first, she was supportive of this, but was still

1172
00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:32,240
Speaker 1: upset that she would stay in the house and rely

1173
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:35,040
Speaker 1: on me to pay the mortgage. I offered money again

1174
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:37,799
Speaker 1: and told her to set all the terms, but was

1175
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:40,479
Speaker 1: just met with hostility. She told me I was being

1176
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 1: controlling and manipulative. When I asked her to clarify how

1177
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:46,000
Speaker 1: she viewed I was doing that, or I would express

1178
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:48,960
Speaker 1: that that was not my intention, she would get more upset.

1179
00:50:49,239 --> 00:50:52,279
Speaker 1: Things just remained static for some time. A couple of

1180
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:54,760
Speaker 1: weeks ago, I came back to our house to pack

1181
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:57,920
Speaker 1: the remainder of my belongings. Our relationship seemed to be

1182
00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:00,359
Speaker 1: doing well and even seemed like we might pull the this.

1183
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 1: Then she just broke down. Tonight, She said that it's

1184
00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:06,400
Speaker 1: not fair that I have money and can move away,

1185
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:09,120
Speaker 1: but I'm disrespectful towards her, and then I can just

1186
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:12,680
Speaker 1: throw my money around and go have fun. I said

1187
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:15,040
Speaker 1: that I didn't view moving as fun, and starting in

1188
00:51:15,040 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 1: a new city where I have very few connections is

1189
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,239
Speaker 1: going to be difficult for me. I told her I

1190
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,560
Speaker 1: wasn't trying to be disrespectful and asked how I can

1191
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:25,680
Speaker 1: support or what are some options we can move forward with.

1192
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:28,359
Speaker 1: She just kept coming back to how angry she is

1193
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 1: with me. I figured maybe she was just really upset

1194
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:33,840
Speaker 1: and just needed to vent, so I just did my

1195
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:36,880
Speaker 1: best to listen and empathize with her viewpoints. Man, I

1196
00:51:36,920 --> 00:51:39,200
Speaker 1: know it sounds like she might be the one manipulating him.

1197
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:42,719
Speaker 1: Absolutely I think she is. Yeah, she like once, she's

1198
00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:45,440
Speaker 1: trying to get control of her life. Yeah, and she

1199
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:47,959
Speaker 1: doesn't want to steal from that. But that also means

1200
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:50,680
Speaker 1: that she doesn't want to leave because she wants to

1201
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:54,000
Speaker 1: make her own money. Yeah, but also her husband can't

1202
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:55,200
Speaker 1: leave because that's not fair.

1203
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:57,880
Speaker 4: I think she has this whole idea in her life,

1204
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:01,480
Speaker 4: like about what her life should be mm hmm, and

1205
00:52:01,520 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 4: it's like this fantasy that she doesn't actually understand the

1206
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:07,240
Speaker 4: reality of Yeah, she's like, if I just leave my husband,

1207
00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:10,759
Speaker 4: I could start anew and yeah, this dream life. But

1208
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:13,719
Speaker 4: then she's like, oh wait, my husband is actually gonna

1209
00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:16,759
Speaker 4: leave me. Yeah wait, my husband's leaving the house that

1210
00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 4: we spent. Oh wait, I don't have money to do

1211
00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:19,400
Speaker 4: what I want to do.

1212
00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:21,360
Speaker 1: She was like, maybe we'll find her way back to

1213
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:23,239
Speaker 1: each other, and she's now not going to know where

1214
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:26,880
Speaker 1: he is and that is probably stressing her up. After

1215
00:52:26,920 --> 00:52:29,480
Speaker 1: her attacks started to get more personal and mean, I

1216
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:31,920
Speaker 1: asked her what my options are. She yelled at me,

1217
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:34,319
Speaker 1: saying that she doesn't care about my options. It's her

1218
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 1: options that she's concerned about, and she feels like she

1219
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:39,720
Speaker 1: doesn't have any, so she's angry at me and calling

1220
00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:41,880
Speaker 1: me an a hole for moving while she feels stuck.

1221
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 1: So you're wrong, girl, it's not about your options, it's

1222
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:49,239
Speaker 1: about ops, silly goose. After that portion of the conversation,

1223
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 1: she told me that she just wants to cry in

1224
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:53,200
Speaker 1: peace and wishes that she could go get a hotel

1225
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:55,279
Speaker 1: for the night. I offer that I could leave to

1226
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:57,720
Speaker 1: stay somewhere else for the night or pay for her hotel.

1227
00:52:58,239 --> 00:53:00,839
Speaker 1: She started yelling at me that I'm an a hole,

1228
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:02,920
Speaker 1: that I'm trying to steal her wish of staying in

1229
00:53:02,920 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 1: a hotel.

1230
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:05,440
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

1231
00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 1: She started saying some pretty mean things, and I didn't

1232
00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 1: like how she was treating me with name calling, so

1233
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 1: I told her that I was going for a walk.

1234
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 1: She mockingly told me to stay at a hotel and

1235
00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:19,200
Speaker 1: have fun. I walked to a diner to have a

1236
00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:21,080
Speaker 1: cup of coffee and read a book. She called me

1237
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:23,919
Speaker 1: about an hour later, asking where I was. I told her,

1238
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:26,200
Speaker 1: and she responded, so are you spending the night there?

1239
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:28,759
Speaker 1: I'm going to bed and then hung up. That was

1240
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:32,239
Speaker 1: around eight forty five pm. Goodness. I walked back to

1241
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:34,560
Speaker 1: the house and she went to bed when I got home.

1242
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 1: Am I doing something wrong by moving? I don't know

1243
00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:40,879
Speaker 1: what I'm supposed to do? Am I the a hole?

1244
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:43,840
Speaker 1: And there are some comments? But what do you think?

1245
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,759
Speaker 4: I think that you need to not think about your

1246
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:50,600
Speaker 4: wife anymore. I think that you didn't like, don't think

1247
00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:51,759
Speaker 4: about am I doing something wrong?

1248
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:54,719
Speaker 1: Whatever? What do you need? Yeah? What? Like?

1249
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:58,320
Speaker 4: What is going to be the most beneficial for your health?

1250
00:53:58,400 --> 00:53:58,880
Speaker 1: Exactly?

1251
00:53:59,000 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 2: You know?

1252
00:53:59,560 --> 00:54:03,080
Speaker 1: Mine are peace of mind? And I think that might

1253
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 1: be moving out, Yeah, yeah, you have to do it anyway,

1254
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:09,840
Speaker 1: Like yeah, yeah, because especially since she has made the

1255
00:54:09,840 --> 00:54:13,040
Speaker 1: decision to look out for herself and clearly is not

1256
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,880
Speaker 1: thinking about how you feel at all, because she literally

1257
00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:18,839
Speaker 1: just dropped the divorce bomb on you, like yep, Like

1258
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:22,000
Speaker 1: that is something that you need to heal from, whether

1259
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:24,799
Speaker 1: you might find your way back to each other or not.

1260
00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:28,320
Speaker 1: Like that's something that he needs to deal with because

1261
00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:32,399
Speaker 1: he just came out of nowhere, it seems. And even

1262
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:35,440
Speaker 1: though she's not thinking about you, you gotta think about you.

1263
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:36,520
Speaker 1: No one else will.

1264
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:38,719
Speaker 4: No one else is gonna think about you unless you

1265
00:54:38,719 --> 00:54:41,359
Speaker 4: think about you. So there are some comments comming. Number

1266
00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:43,400
Speaker 4: one says, not the a hole. Your wife is a

1267
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:46,400
Speaker 4: mess and needs therapy asap. I feel like she's projecting

1268
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:49,759
Speaker 4: her claim that you are stealing anything by offering her

1269
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:53,320
Speaker 4: financial support to achieve her own accomplishments, moving out, finding

1270
00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:56,839
Speaker 4: a creative career path, whatever, is actually kind of delusional.

1271
00:54:57,160 --> 00:54:58,960
Speaker 4: I get her sentiment that she can't stay in a

1272
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 4: relationship where she has herself started to hate to a

1273
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:06,120
Speaker 4: seriously worrisome degree. But as you tell a story, I

1274
00:55:06,239 --> 00:55:08,960
Speaker 4: actually see no option for you to help her or

1275
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:12,440
Speaker 4: save this relationship. She needs help and you need distance

1276
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:15,799
Speaker 4: from her, stays strong HOPEI says she's in therapy but

1277
00:55:15,800 --> 00:55:18,759
Speaker 4: doesn't want to go anymore. She is very distrusting of

1278
00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 4: the medical system. My friends are telling me that I

1279
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 4: need to really cut.

1280
00:55:22,440 --> 00:55:26,600
Speaker 1: Ties and move on. Just emotionally difficult. Someone else responds,

1281
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:29,320
Speaker 1: I totally get that it's written all between the lines

1282
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:31,000
Speaker 1: and near posts that you are still in love with her,

1283
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:33,400
Speaker 1: But if the actual reality is as you stated is

1284
00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:36,400
Speaker 1: she is no longer in love with you and it

1285
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:38,879
Speaker 1: will continue to harm you trying to make something work

1286
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:41,759
Speaker 1: as in your marriage that she wants to destroy by

1287
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 1: any means. And Okay, no one can force her to therapy,

1288
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:49,839
Speaker 1: but maybe therapy can be a good and healthy way

1289
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 1: for you to deal with your feelings. Someone else responds,

1290
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:54,799
Speaker 1: I disagree that she is no longer in love with him.

1291
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:58,240
Speaker 1: She's having an existential crisis and is unhappy with her life.

1292
00:55:58,280 --> 00:56:00,400
Speaker 1: She wants to change it, but isn't sur exactactly what

1293
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:02,799
Speaker 1: she needs to change or how it will affect her.

1294
00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:05,040
Speaker 1: She needs to change, but is scared of it, so

1295
00:56:05,080 --> 00:56:07,640
Speaker 1: she's lashing out at the person closest to her because

1296
00:56:07,640 --> 00:56:10,440
Speaker 1: that's always been a safe option. She is taking him

1297
00:56:10,480 --> 00:56:12,960
Speaker 1: for granted and will be hit by reality when she

1298
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:15,799
Speaker 1: realizes that he's not coming back. I can see this

1299
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:19,719
Speaker 1: ultimately ending in her unliving herself. Okay, God, that's kind

1300
00:56:19,719 --> 00:56:22,040
Speaker 1: of drastic. I don't know if it'll go there. Yeah,

1301
00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:23,719
Speaker 1: but I kind of do agree with that comment a

1302
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:26,440
Speaker 1: little bit, Like I don't I if they've been married

1303
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:28,040
Speaker 1: for a while, I feel like there's a way to

1304
00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 1: come back from this. Yeah, you know, I mean definitely sucks.

1305
00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:34,040
Speaker 1: But like if it was just the divorce and like

1306
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:36,000
Speaker 1: she wanted to find herself and then she went off and.

1307
00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:38,479
Speaker 3: Did that, then yeah, it's probably over.

1308
00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:41,160
Speaker 1: But the fact that she is like freaking out and

1309
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:43,160
Speaker 1: that like doesn't really know what to do with herself

1310
00:56:43,480 --> 00:56:46,200
Speaker 1: kind of feels like this is just like she'd like

1311
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:47,319
Speaker 1: a cry for help in a way.

1312
00:56:47,600 --> 00:56:50,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, I can totally see that. But there's not really

1313
00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:52,359
Speaker 4: much ope he can do if she's not willing to

1314
00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:55,680
Speaker 4: get medical help. No exactly, she keeps pushing him away, right,

1315
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 4: Like the only way that it really could get better

1316
00:56:57,600 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 4: is if she kind of puts in that effort. Yeah,

1317
00:57:00,760 --> 00:57:02,960
Speaker 4: comment here number two says, not the a hole, she

1318
00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:05,560
Speaker 4: has no idea what she wants to do besides being

1319
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:08,360
Speaker 4: pissed off and giving you crap. She complains that she

1320
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:10,799
Speaker 4: has no options, then won't let you give her any

1321
00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:13,439
Speaker 4: or exercise any of your own. I feel like she's

1322
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:16,160
Speaker 4: watched some movie where a board housewife leaves her dull

1323
00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:18,640
Speaker 4: life and goes on a wild adventure of self discovery,

1324
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:22,640
Speaker 4: but like those romanticized movies, hasn't considered how she's supposed

1325
00:57:22,640 --> 00:57:25,480
Speaker 4: to afford it, the difference being that a movie can.

1326
00:57:25,440 --> 00:57:28,160
Speaker 1: Just ignore that problem, but real life can't. And now

1327
00:57:28,160 --> 00:57:31,320
Speaker 1: she's angry at herself for doing something so dumb. I

1328
00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:34,439
Speaker 1: would tell her that you're moving out and go live

1329
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:37,400
Speaker 1: in a condo or wherever, then just do it. Don't

1330
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 1: worry about what options she does or doesn't have. She's

1331
00:57:40,560 --> 00:57:43,680
Speaker 1: the one who wants the magical divorce of self discovery

1332
00:57:44,040 --> 00:57:46,600
Speaker 1: and is refusing to do anything further about it or

1333
00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:48,840
Speaker 1: take help. You don't have to hang around putting up

1334
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:52,400
Speaker 1: with her anger and insults and frustration over it. Comment

1335
00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:55,720
Speaker 1: number three says, did the therapist not recommend any couple's counseling?

1336
00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:58,360
Speaker 1: She isn't making any sense. I don't know if that's

1337
00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:00,600
Speaker 1: because she's not telling you the whole truth or because

1338
00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:03,320
Speaker 1: she's having some kind of identity crisis. But it'd be

1339
00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:06,439
Speaker 1: nice to know for you, so you could either move

1340
00:58:06,480 --> 00:58:09,400
Speaker 1: on with that with understanding or hold on with hope.

1341
00:58:09,880 --> 00:58:10,560
Speaker 3: Opie says.

1342
00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:13,320
Speaker 1: We started with marriage counseling, but she said that our

1343
00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:16,160
Speaker 1: therapist was taking my side and didn't like her, so

1344
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:19,240
Speaker 1: she wanted to do individual therapy instead. We have been

1345
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:21,000
Speaker 1: doing that, but she's getting to the point where she

1346
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:24,040
Speaker 1: doesn't like her therapists now, and that just might be

1347
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:28,800
Speaker 1: because they're calling out your behavior. Yeah, sorry, girl, that's

1348
00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:31,200
Speaker 1: what you gotta self reflect the therapy. He's like, hey,

1349
00:58:31,280 --> 00:58:32,800
Speaker 1: maybe we shouldn't be doing that, and.

1350
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:34,960
Speaker 3: She's like, my therapist is out to get made.

1351
00:58:35,040 --> 00:58:37,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, there is an editive.

1352
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:40,280
Speaker 3: Thanks for all the support and feedback so far. Just

1353
00:58:40,320 --> 00:58:41,920
Speaker 3: to know on mental health and therapy.

1354
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:47,920
Speaker 1: My wife was recently diagnosed to have bipolar io ah, relevant.

1355
00:58:47,720 --> 00:58:49,320
Speaker 3: Makes sense, makes sense.

1356
00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 1: She's very skeptical of the diagnosis and refuses medication. I

1357
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:55,880
Speaker 1: haven't done well in understanding this mental health issue. We

1358
00:58:55,920 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 1: started marriage therapy in November, but only lasted a few sessions.

1359
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:01,960
Speaker 1: She said the therapist took my side too much. My

1360
00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:04,400
Speaker 1: wife had tried a variety of therapists in her ear

1361
00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:06,720
Speaker 1: years together, but usually stops after a month or two

1362
00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 1: because she thinks that they're dumb. At a number two,

1363
00:59:09,160 --> 00:59:12,000
Speaker 1: there has been a ton of constructive input. Thank you

1364
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:14,880
Speaker 1: for that. It's a lot to read, but I'm trying

1365
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:16,720
Speaker 1: to read it all. I want to mention a few

1366
00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:18,520
Speaker 1: things about jobs, family, and divorce.

1367
00:59:18,840 --> 00:59:19,680
Speaker 3: Before we were.

1368
00:59:19,520 --> 00:59:22,680
Speaker 1: Married, she had a strong, successful career over ten years.

1369
00:59:23,240 --> 00:59:25,800
Speaker 1: She was extremely burnt out and decided to find a

1370
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:28,800
Speaker 1: new career. She's been doing that since we have been together,

1371
00:59:28,880 --> 00:59:32,080
Speaker 1: and generally won't settle for basic jobs. She is trying

1372
00:59:32,120 --> 00:59:34,640
Speaker 1: to find something to advance her career paths, but with

1373
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:38,960
Speaker 1: little success. On family, she doesn't have the most supportive family.

1374
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:40,760
Speaker 1: They make her out to be the bad guy, which

1375
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:42,920
Speaker 1: makes her angry. If she stayed with her family, I

1376
00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:45,400
Speaker 1: think it would do more harm than good. I've messaged

1377
00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:47,800
Speaker 1: her father about asking him to be supportive of his daughter,

1378
00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:50,840
Speaker 1: but I know that they are upset as well on divorce.

1379
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:53,000
Speaker 3: I've been dragging my feet on this.

1380
00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:56,280
Speaker 1: I keep telling myself that it might get better, that

1381
00:59:56,400 --> 00:59:58,520
Speaker 1: I can be a better husband and she can be

1382
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:01,200
Speaker 1: a better wife. I know it seems delusional at this point,

1383
01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:03,440
Speaker 1: but divorce is not something that I wanted, and I

1384
01:00:03,480 --> 01:00:06,120
Speaker 1: struggled to get my mind there. It's hard to see

1385
01:00:06,160 --> 01:00:09,480
Speaker 1: my wife as a mean or vindictive person. I've always

1386
01:00:09,560 --> 01:00:11,520
Speaker 1: tried to see the amazing things in her and to

1387
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:14,000
Speaker 1: be supportive. There are moments in these past months where

1388
01:00:14,040 --> 01:00:16,480
Speaker 1: she tells me that she's crazy and that she is

1389
01:00:16,520 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 1: hurting me. She has moments of reflection and grief on

1390
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:22,440
Speaker 1: how she reacts to the situations, so I get hooked

1391
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:25,400
Speaker 1: back in that this can still be resolved. This is

1392
01:00:25,560 --> 01:00:29,040
Speaker 1: like very much like bipolar. Yeah, this is yeah. At

1393
01:00:29,040 --> 01:00:32,280
Speaker 1: at number three, She approached me this morning. She apologized

1394
01:00:32,280 --> 01:00:34,560
Speaker 1: for the way that she treated me yesterday. She said

1395
01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:36,880
Speaker 1: that she thinks it's better that I do move out,

1396
01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:39,040
Speaker 1: and she thinks that she isn't good for me. I

1397
01:00:39,040 --> 01:00:41,440
Speaker 1: didn't say much and just agreed with her. When I

1398
01:00:41,480 --> 01:00:44,080
Speaker 1: started to agree with her, she started to backtrack and

1399
01:00:44,120 --> 01:00:46,080
Speaker 1: started to get mad again. She was going back to

1400
01:00:46,160 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 1: last night's issues, and she left crying and blaming me again. Yeah,

1401
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:52,000
Speaker 1: that's hard. She was definitely like looking.

1402
01:00:51,760 --> 01:00:54,800
Speaker 4: For him to reassure her and say like no, no, no, yeah,

1403
01:00:54,840 --> 01:00:55,840
Speaker 4: I shouldn't.

1404
01:00:55,640 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 1: Like rather than just apologizing and like things resolving that way.

1405
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:03,560
Speaker 1: She kind of just wanted to just have him tell

1406
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:06,440
Speaker 1: her that, like it's fine, and she's yep, she's okay, yep,

1407
01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:12,200
Speaker 1: So story time, okay, story dev I feel like she

1408
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:15,320
Speaker 1: isn't getting a completely fair shaken all this. I made

1409
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:18,120
Speaker 1: this thread specifically about her anger towards me for moving out,

1410
01:01:18,160 --> 01:01:20,840
Speaker 1: but I'm not innocent in our relationship and have been

1411
01:01:20,880 --> 01:01:23,640
Speaker 1: far from the perfect husband. This will be a long read,

1412
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:26,440
Speaker 1: so feel free to ignore. Don't worry.

1413
01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:29,080
Speaker 3: Ope, we will not ignore. We're gonna read this whole thing.

1414
01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:29,720
Speaker 1: Buggle up.

1415
01:01:30,200 --> 01:01:33,040
Speaker 3: I'm going to cover how and why we got married, our.

1416
01:01:32,960 --> 01:01:35,960
Speaker 1: Perspectives on a marriage, and a brief timeline that led

1417
01:01:36,040 --> 01:01:38,640
Speaker 1: us here. My perspective on a healthy marriage is that

1418
01:01:38,680 --> 01:01:41,480
Speaker 1: we are each confident in ourselves. We want each other

1419
01:01:41,600 --> 01:01:44,440
Speaker 1: and not need each other. We support each other and

1420
01:01:44,520 --> 01:01:46,800
Speaker 1: cheer each other on. We are there to help and

1421
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:50,280
Speaker 1: bring out better versions of ourselves. We listen, empathize, and

1422
01:01:50,360 --> 01:01:53,640
Speaker 1: respect one another. Her perspective that I learned much later

1423
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:56,720
Speaker 1: is that we need to create a family together, not

1424
01:01:56,840 --> 01:01:59,800
Speaker 1: with kids, but that we have a life project such

1425
01:01:59,840 --> 01:02:02,880
Speaker 1: as having the same jobs or hobbies that we are

1426
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:06,040
Speaker 1: always with each other in every moment that we move

1427
01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:08,960
Speaker 1: slowly in life. An example that she likes to use

1428
01:02:09,440 --> 01:02:11,960
Speaker 1: is that if we are walking in a park, there

1429
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:14,320
Speaker 1: should be moments where we see a beautiful plant and

1430
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:17,520
Speaker 1: sit there and contemplate the plant. That we are always

1431
01:02:17,560 --> 01:02:21,040
Speaker 1: on the move, exploring our surroundings, that we have the

1432
01:02:21,080 --> 01:02:23,640
Speaker 1: same schedules, as in, when she gets up, I get up,

1433
01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:25,439
Speaker 1: and when she goes to bed, I go to bed.

1434
01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:28,600
Speaker 1: Some people viewed our relationship as a hallmark story. She

1435
01:02:28,760 --> 01:02:31,120
Speaker 1: was a foreign exchange student at my dad's house twenty

1436
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:33,200
Speaker 1: two years ago. I lived with my mom and would

1437
01:02:33,280 --> 01:02:35,640
Speaker 1: visit my dad. We had crushes on each other, and

1438
01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:38,840
Speaker 1: she invited me to prom We dated very briefly before

1439
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:40,960
Speaker 1: she went back to her home country. We fell out

1440
01:02:40,960 --> 01:02:43,840
Speaker 1: of contact when we went to college. Fast forward fifteen

1441
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:48,560
Speaker 1: years and my daddy is going to pass away. Oh no.

1442
01:02:49,160 --> 01:02:51,160
Speaker 1: I reach out to her, asking if she wants to

1443
01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:54,040
Speaker 1: say any goodbyes. We start talking a lot, and she

1444
01:02:54,080 --> 01:02:57,280
Speaker 1: decides to come see him in person. We fall madly

1445
01:02:57,320 --> 01:03:00,360
Speaker 1: in love. Brought us back to teenage years. My dad

1446
01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:03,840
Speaker 1: recovers or so we think we want to stay together

1447
01:03:04,040 --> 01:03:07,320
Speaker 1: and not worry about long distance. So we get married.

1448
01:03:07,760 --> 01:03:11,720
Speaker 1: Two weeks after that, my dad passed away. Oh. I

1449
01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:13,720
Speaker 1: tried to be the stable person for my family and

1450
01:03:13,760 --> 01:03:15,760
Speaker 1: never really had a chance to grieve, nor did I

1451
01:03:15,800 --> 01:03:18,280
Speaker 1: go to therapy. When we first got together, I didn't

1452
01:03:18,280 --> 01:03:21,640
Speaker 1: need to work much. We were very active physically and mentally.

1453
01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:24,000
Speaker 1: A few months after my dad passed away, we went

1454
01:03:24,040 --> 01:03:25,920
Speaker 1: on a road trip with friends, and then one of

1455
01:03:25,960 --> 01:03:28,720
Speaker 1: them passed away in a motorcycle accident. Oh my gosh,

1456
01:03:28,760 --> 01:03:31,520
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I felt like I was surrounded by

1457
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:34,280
Speaker 1: people passing away. I didn't go to therapy, and I

1458
01:03:34,320 --> 01:03:38,200
Speaker 1: reverted into a computer screen. I played lots of games

1459
01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:40,760
Speaker 1: to distract myself. We still did a lot of things

1460
01:03:40,800 --> 01:03:43,440
Speaker 1: together and traveled a fair amount, but not up to

1461
01:03:43,480 --> 01:03:46,080
Speaker 1: her standards. I didn't really explore the city much with

1462
01:03:46,120 --> 01:03:48,160
Speaker 1: her and wasn't good at getting her involved in my

1463
01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:50,720
Speaker 1: friend circle. At one point I told her that it's

1464
01:03:50,720 --> 01:03:53,480
Speaker 1: important that she makes her own friends. My friend circle

1465
01:03:53,840 --> 01:03:57,400
Speaker 1: at the time were all coworkers. She expressed her concerns

1466
01:03:57,400 --> 01:03:59,680
Speaker 1: to me about gaming and exploring the city, and I

1467
01:03:59,720 --> 01:04:02,200
Speaker 1: took what she said seriously. I said, I need help

1468
01:04:02,200 --> 01:04:05,000
Speaker 1: working through this and want her patients and support. I

1469
01:04:05,080 --> 01:04:08,680
Speaker 1: unfortunately didn't get that fast forward and I think things

1470
01:04:08,720 --> 01:04:11,600
Speaker 1: are getting better. When I ask her, she says that

1471
01:04:11,640 --> 01:04:14,720
Speaker 1: things are better, but in reality she is harboring loads

1472
01:04:14,720 --> 01:04:18,400
Speaker 1: of resentment. And then the pandemic hits. We are with

1473
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:20,960
Speaker 1: each other twenty four to seven, and I work remote.

1474
01:04:21,360 --> 01:04:23,920
Speaker 1: That pandemic was kind of fun. For the first six months.

1475
01:04:24,200 --> 01:04:27,200
Speaker 1: We created a cafe on our back patio where we

1476
01:04:27,200 --> 01:04:30,400
Speaker 1: were the only guests. We had Netflix, binge days and

1477
01:04:30,440 --> 01:04:33,560
Speaker 1: board games and family zoom calls. I'm getting bored out

1478
01:04:33,560 --> 01:04:36,439
Speaker 1: of my mind at some point and play a lot

1479
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:39,000
Speaker 1: of games. Again. I think this is okay because she's

1480
01:04:39,040 --> 01:04:43,120
Speaker 1: watching TV, handcrafts, et cetera. Later, I find out that

1481
01:04:43,160 --> 01:04:45,760
Speaker 1: she wanted us to be doing a family project together,

1482
01:04:46,080 --> 01:04:48,360
Speaker 1: not something that we're both interested in, but something that

1483
01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:51,640
Speaker 1: she's passionate about. So in this case, breakfast was extremely

1484
01:04:51,640 --> 01:04:54,520
Speaker 1: important to her, so I made adjustments to get up

1485
01:04:54,560 --> 01:04:57,520
Speaker 1: earlier to start making breakfast with her. The theme here

1486
01:04:57,960 --> 01:04:59,840
Speaker 1: is if she is bothered by something, I do my

1487
01:05:00,080 --> 01:05:03,200
Speaker 1: as to adjust within reason. I'm far from perfect in this,

1488
01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:06,480
Speaker 1: and I do fail, but always try again. I'm a

1489
01:05:06,480 --> 01:05:10,240
Speaker 1: fairly introspective person and want to become better human and husband.

1490
01:05:10,600 --> 01:05:13,040
Speaker 1: The main issue overall with this is that even when

1491
01:05:13,080 --> 01:05:16,680
Speaker 1: I address she still holds resentment. Also an important bit

1492
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:19,880
Speaker 1: of information, my wife has some medical issues that knocks

1493
01:05:19,920 --> 01:05:22,720
Speaker 1: her out of commission for about five to seven days

1494
01:05:22,720 --> 01:05:25,240
Speaker 1: a month. Every time this has happened for the past

1495
01:05:25,240 --> 01:05:30,200
Speaker 1: six years, I take care of her physical necessities like food, medicine, massages,

1496
01:05:30,280 --> 01:05:34,920
Speaker 1: and emotional necessities like listening, comfort, support, lots of hugs.

1497
01:05:35,240 --> 01:05:37,680
Speaker 1: Four years into our marriage, my thirteen year old dog

1498
01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:41,480
Speaker 1: is diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Hey, got catch a break.

1499
01:05:41,640 --> 01:05:45,160
Speaker 1: Get catch a break, man. I've had my baby girl

1500
01:05:45,280 --> 01:05:47,880
Speaker 1: since she was two months old. I spent a lot

1501
01:05:47,920 --> 01:05:51,040
Speaker 1: of time taking care of her and thousands on vet visits.

1502
01:05:51,200 --> 01:05:53,400
Speaker 1: I start not going on trips, not going out for

1503
01:05:53,720 --> 01:05:57,360
Speaker 1: some activities, and generally staying home a lot. Going to

1504
01:05:57,400 --> 01:06:00,520
Speaker 1: dinner or under three hour events were fine. I generally

1505
01:06:00,520 --> 01:06:03,400
Speaker 1: didn't leave my dog alone for long because we were

1506
01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:06,320
Speaker 1: home so much. I would entertain myself when my wife

1507
01:06:06,360 --> 01:06:09,320
Speaker 1: went out with friends or she was doing things. But

1508
01:06:09,520 --> 01:06:13,360
Speaker 1: she had grown resentful more that we weren't doing anything

1509
01:06:13,440 --> 01:06:16,480
Speaker 1: because of the dog. This happened for like two years.

1510
01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:19,120
Speaker 1: She felt like she sacrificed her life to come to

1511
01:06:19,240 --> 01:06:21,000
Speaker 1: a country that she didn't want to be in or

1512
01:06:21,240 --> 01:06:24,080
Speaker 1: liked that it would be okay if I gave her

1513
01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:28,440
Speaker 1: the attention that she deserved, so she felt alone. This

1514
01:06:28,520 --> 01:06:30,920
Speaker 1: broke my heart. Yeah, do we have any final thoughts

1515
01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:31,280
Speaker 1: for you?

1516
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:34,880
Speaker 4: It seems like they've had they've been together total of

1517
01:06:34,960 --> 01:06:38,480
Speaker 4: six years, they've been married for six years, but it

1518
01:06:38,520 --> 01:06:40,360
Speaker 4: does feel like they got married pretty fast.

1519
01:06:40,480 --> 01:06:45,600
Speaker 1: Yeah. So I still I think the same thing.

1520
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:51,479
Speaker 4: I think that your marriage cannot be fixed without both

1521
01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:53,400
Speaker 4: of you working to fix it, and right now she's

1522
01:06:53,440 --> 01:06:54,200
Speaker 4: not working to fix it.

1523
01:06:54,320 --> 01:06:56,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, Like it's just kind of all of a sudden, like, oh,

1524
01:06:56,480 --> 01:06:59,680
Speaker 1: I have problems when everything seemed pretty perfect at first.

1525
01:07:00,280 --> 01:07:01,320
Speaker 1: So I mean like, it does.

1526
01:07:01,280 --> 01:07:03,480
Speaker 4: Seem like she has mental health problems, but she's not

1527
01:07:03,520 --> 01:07:07,640
Speaker 4: willing to actually work or get help for them.

1528
01:07:07,840 --> 01:07:09,400
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

1529
01:07:09,760 --> 01:07:11,760
Speaker 3: So there's a little bit more to the story.

1530
01:07:12,080 --> 01:07:14,440
Speaker 1: When my dog passed away, I was a mess, but

1531
01:07:14,480 --> 01:07:16,640
Speaker 1: I vowed to build a better family with her. We

1532
01:07:16,720 --> 01:07:20,080
Speaker 1: traveled for close three months. We started planning to move

1533
01:07:20,160 --> 01:07:23,120
Speaker 1: somewhere and start exploring the world. I thought things were

1534
01:07:23,120 --> 01:07:25,960
Speaker 1: going great. I wasn't playing games anymore. We were very

1535
01:07:25,960 --> 01:07:29,480
Speaker 1: active again physically and we were planning for the future.

1536
01:07:29,720 --> 01:07:33,640
Speaker 1: Then she dropped the divorce part on me a few

1537
01:07:33,720 --> 01:07:35,120
Speaker 1: days after my birthday.

1538
01:07:35,360 --> 01:07:38,640
Speaker 4: Oh geez, gosh, terrible timing.

1539
01:07:38,880 --> 01:07:41,360
Speaker 1: After seeing all the comments about my polar two, I

1540
01:07:41,360 --> 01:07:43,680
Speaker 1: think it's always been an active part of our relationship.

1541
01:07:43,840 --> 01:07:46,840
Speaker 1: I've seen this pattern before, but thought it was my fault.

1542
01:07:47,120 --> 01:07:49,360
Speaker 1: I have a hard time distinguishing what is a normal

1543
01:07:49,400 --> 01:07:52,240
Speaker 1: relationship and what is not at this point, or if

1544
01:07:52,280 --> 01:07:54,960
Speaker 1: I'm a piece of crap or not. From the outside perspective,

1545
01:07:55,040 --> 01:07:57,240
Speaker 1: our friends and family think that I'm extremely good to

1546
01:07:57,280 --> 01:08:00,040
Speaker 1: my wife. From her perspective, not so much, depending on

1547
01:08:00,160 --> 01:08:04,080
Speaker 1: her mood. This is a very very high level overview,

1548
01:08:04,240 --> 01:08:07,680
Speaker 1: but hopefully gives more context and empty towards her. And

1549
01:08:07,760 --> 01:08:10,200
Speaker 1: there is an edded number four. Thank you everyone for

1550
01:08:10,240 --> 01:08:13,080
Speaker 1: your input. I read every single comment and message, though

1551
01:08:13,360 --> 01:08:14,960
Speaker 1: don't have time to respond to all.

1552
01:08:15,560 --> 01:08:15,760
Speaker 3: All.

1553
01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:19,320
Speaker 1: This feedback gave me pause and encouragement. The overwhelming majority

1554
01:08:19,320 --> 01:08:22,040
Speaker 1: of you have been supportive and practical. I will be

1555
01:08:22,120 --> 01:08:24,960
Speaker 1: applying what I have learned in the meantime and frequent

1556
01:08:24,960 --> 01:08:27,840
Speaker 1: a therapist more. I move out next Thursday, and we'll

1557
01:08:27,840 --> 01:08:30,479
Speaker 1: provide an update on how things go when I'm settled

1558
01:08:30,680 --> 01:08:33,800
Speaker 1: wish me luck, oh boy, And that is the end

1559
01:08:33,800 --> 01:08:37,439
Speaker 1: of that story. There you go, man, Wow, Yeah, there's

1560
01:08:37,479 --> 01:08:39,760
Speaker 1: not much else you could do. No, try to go

1561
01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:43,280
Speaker 1: to therapy. Yeah, try to talk to her and empathize

1562
01:08:43,280 --> 01:08:45,880
Speaker 1: with her. But if a little distance is what you

1563
01:08:45,920 --> 01:08:47,479
Speaker 1: guys need, then maybe that's what she needs.

1564
01:08:47,600 --> 01:08:50,360
Speaker 4: I'm hoping that you guys distant, you know, you get

1565
01:08:50,400 --> 01:08:54,400
Speaker 4: that distance, you move out. She has her like finding

1566
01:08:54,439 --> 01:08:57,640
Speaker 4: herself moment and then hopefully comes around and sees like,

1567
01:08:57,640 --> 01:08:58,320
Speaker 4: oh I need help.

1568
01:08:58,439 --> 01:09:00,600
Speaker 3: But that is the end of that story and the

1569
01:09:00,680 --> 01:09:01,400
Speaker 3: end of the episode.

1570
01:09:01,439 --> 01:09:04,040
Speaker 4: So if you love us, make sure to subscribe We

1571
01:09:04,080 --> 01:09:05,800
Speaker 4: love you and see it.

1572
01:09:05,920 --> 01:09:06,240
Speaker 1: Borrow