Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: There are a few more stories out there that I'd
Speaker 2: like to talk about, so I thought i'd bring in
Speaker 2: some friends to discuss it with me. Please welcome Larry
Speaker 2: Owens with Tay Olane and Sam Jay.
Speaker 3: Welcome.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the show, you guys, thanks for being here tonight.
Speaker 4: Thank you, thanks for having us.
Speaker 2: There's some stuff in the news that I would like
Speaker 2: to get your takes on.
Speaker 3: First of all, Leo.
Speaker 2: DiCaprio is rumored to be dating a nineteen year old woman,
Speaker 2: but then it said he may not be dating a
Speaker 2: nineteen year old woman. But I think the truth is
Speaker 2: that he probably is dating a nineteen year old woman.
Speaker 2: And he has this pattern right, And a lot of
Speaker 2: people get upset that he only dates.
Speaker 3: His number went from.
Speaker 2: Twenty five if this is true, to nineteen, so he's
Speaker 2: always dated women that are twenty five.
Speaker 3: I have the opposite problem.
Speaker 2: I've only dated men that are in their fifties. Whether
Speaker 2: I'm in my twenties, in my thirties, or in my forties,
Speaker 2: I always like older man. So I have like a
Speaker 2: glass ceiling and he has a glass basement. But do
Speaker 2: you take a I mean, I obviously I mean, do
Speaker 2: you take offense to what I mean? I don't understand
Speaker 2: what the problem is when a man can only date
Speaker 2: somebody that is like that young, like they don't mature
Speaker 2: with their.
Speaker 1: Own age, you know, well, as a gay person on Grinder,
Speaker 1: they always say it's just a preference, it's just a preference.
Speaker 4: No, for real.
Speaker 5: I feel like Leo always does it, like he keeps
Speaker 5: it right above the you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 5: he doesn't go too low when you're like criminal.
Speaker 2: I don't have a problem with him specifically because i'm
Speaker 2: his age.
Speaker 3: I'm forty seven. I think he's forty eight.
Speaker 2: I'll be a forty eight at some point hopefully, But
Speaker 2: I don't have a problem with him doing that because
Speaker 2: I think he's just does so much you know, good
Speaker 2: stuff too, Like he's such a big environmentalist, you know,
Speaker 2: it's not like he's a scientologist or something.
Speaker 6: My question is like he's on set, he's dealing with agents,
Speaker 6: he's in some movie, and then he's like, how's your day.
Speaker 6: She's like, oh, my locker mates the worst.
Speaker 2: She's Tom Brady's also in the news today because he
Speaker 2: posted a picture yesterday. It was kind of a thirst
Speaker 2: trap picture, just on the record, Tom Brady has not
Speaker 2: come out as gay.
Speaker 1: Okay, when he does, tell me.
Speaker 4: Pictures speak louder than words.
Speaker 2: Well, my issue with Tom Brady is less about his gayness,
Speaker 2: about the fact that.
Speaker 3: He let his wife leave him with his children. He
Speaker 3: broke up his.
Speaker 2: Entire family so he could play an extra season on
Speaker 2: whatever team he's on, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Speaker 3: Is that right?
Speaker 5: Is that the team he's on, She's from Boston Off
Speaker 5: whatever this is. He let his wife leave him so
Speaker 5: he can go play where he achieved greatness.
Speaker 4: He became a football god. That takes time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but not yes, Okay, you can class for that,
Speaker 3: go ahead, but that's not what happened this year. He
Speaker 3: didn't achieve greatness this.
Speaker 5: Year, and that's why he's showing half his paggage.
Speaker 4: And it's the half package that bothers me. Why are
Speaker 4: you covering up the goods?
Speaker 6: I know he's sitting there like a kid who's got
Speaker 6: to beat like a seven year old in church rest
Speaker 6: a pee like that was his sexy poem.
Speaker 5: Are you sitting there like a Greek adonnas with a
Speaker 5: lot to show you?
Speaker 4: Okay, let's not say things we can't take back.
Speaker 1: And the brown underwear those look like skims quality product.
Speaker 4: He's everygay Instagram ad. Just in one photo.
Speaker 3: There's a nine year old named David Balligan.
Speaker 2: He graduated from Reach Cyber Charter School after taking online classes,
Speaker 2: so he's nine. He started high school right before COVID hit,
Speaker 2: and then he graduated in three years with a four
Speaker 2: point zero GPA, and he wants to be an astrophysicist.
Speaker 3: I mean, this is annoying the shit.
Speaker 4: Out of it. I mean, he completed.
Speaker 2: A semester at Bucks County Community College, which is the
Speaker 2: only thing I have in common with him. I also
Speaker 2: completed one semester at community college.
Speaker 3: I don't like when kids get like this, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean.
Speaker 6: I just want to say, when I was nine years old,
Speaker 6: I was watching X Men, pretending I was storm and
Speaker 6: eating tricks for kids, like I don't know, like, how
Speaker 6: is he already graduating college?
Speaker 2: Well, also during COVID, when everybody else is making excuses
Speaker 2: about not getting anything done because of whatever, because we're
Speaker 2: sad or lonely or alone or we're not alone enough,
Speaker 2: and this kid is just hitting it out of the park.
Speaker 3: This is another reason not to have kids.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do not send him to college, send him to
Speaker 1: the streets. Okay, we need no more geniuses making AI.
Speaker 4: Okay, we need gangsters.
Speaker 3: There's been another do new discovery Jupiter. The planet.
Speaker 2: Has ninety two moons, twelve of which they had missed prior,
Speaker 2: and they just found twelve more moons surrounding Jupiter.
Speaker 3: This is a very confusing time for me, because if you.
Speaker 2: Know me, well, you know that I'm very confused about
Speaker 2: the galaxy.
Speaker 5: I just wish like we would all get to a
Speaker 5: point with scientists would just be like, hey, y'all, we
Speaker 5: don't know shit and just stop there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is all.
Speaker 4: It's like, y'all don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't like finding out about planets or that aliens
Speaker 2: are coming. I know that there are aliens out there,
Speaker 2: but I don't want to com mingle with them, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. I'm not looking to meet them,
Speaker 2: and I don't want to find out any more surprising
Speaker 2: things about the galaxy.
Speaker 3: It just all kind of annoys me.
Speaker 6: It's just like NASA's like a really expensive program to
Speaker 6: look at rocks.
Speaker 4: I agree, I agree.
Speaker 1: Why are we sending all this money to Joplina or
Speaker 1: what ever and we can't get there we can't get
Speaker 1: the PISA on the subway.
Speaker 4: Priorities people.
Speaker 6: I know, they're like, look at all this water that's
Speaker 6: on this moon off Jupiter.
Speaker 4: I'm like, doesn't Flint need better water?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: What are we doing?
Speaker 3: I was wondering, Oh, I love flight attendance, So you didn't.
Speaker 5: Have some Pele's feet on your case?
Speaker 2: Did I fly here?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: I did not fly privately here. I try and fly commercially.
Speaker 2: But it's really disgusting with people and their feet out.
Speaker 2: I don't understand what happened during COVID. It's like we
Speaker 2: lost all.
Speaker 3: I mean, but who this.
Speaker 2: I had a flight attendant when I was taking videos
Speaker 2: of different people, I was putting it on my Instagram
Speaker 2: because I have to shame these people. And the flight
Speaker 2: attendant told me that. One flight attendant told me that
Speaker 2: she you had somebody who came on with oysters on
Speaker 2: a plane, picked out the oysters and then put the
Speaker 2: shells in a bag under their seat for the entire
Speaker 2: plane ride.
Speaker 3: That person should have been arrested.
Speaker 2: Remember people, Oh yeah, the hard boiled eggs.
Speaker 3: Nobody's allowed to bring fish, hard.
Speaker 2: Boiled eggs, or your foot out on a plane.
Speaker 3: It's so disgusting.
Speaker 2: When remember when people used to dress up. I mean
Speaker 2: I wasn't alive then, but I heard about it, like
Speaker 2: twa or something like people would go to the airport.
Speaker 3: It was an event and they would put on their jewelry.
Speaker 2: Now it's just like cameltoe feet disgusted. There are more
Speaker 2: stories out there to talk about, and to help me
Speaker 2: talk through them, I've brought in some friends. Please welcome
Speaker 2: Otsco Okotska Rosebud Baker, and Bob the drag Queen. Okay, Hi, Chelsea, Hi,
Speaker 2: ots Go, how are you.
Speaker 4: I'm good.
Speaker 3: Let's talk stories. Well, we have some stories.
Speaker 2: We have one of the Kardashian's Courtney, who's the most
Speaker 2: I guess untouched one. I would say, right, Courtney is
Speaker 2: coming out with a vaginal gummy, so you take the
Speaker 2: I'm confused about whether you put the gummy in your
Speaker 2: mouth or straight directly into your Pikachu.
Speaker 3: But it's supposed to improve.
Speaker 2: The smell and taste of your Pikachu and then it
Speaker 2: tastes like pineapple, so that's I don't know if that's
Speaker 2: even possible to put a gummy.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't even want that flavor. I would want like
Speaker 3: arctic blast.
Speaker 2: You know, yeah, Minky Fresh, it's gonna surprise some people.
Speaker 7: That's if you like the original taste instead of a
Speaker 7: gummy that makes your tastes like pineapples. I want a
Speaker 7: seasoning that makes my salad taste like.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I hear you.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 9: I sometime I'm sick of products like this. I'm just like,
Speaker 9: just hold your nose and go down on me.
Speaker 2: Just Also, just a regular shower will do it most
Speaker 2: of the time, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: We don't have to get fancy with this.
Speaker 8: I think I'm the only one that's like, I need this, Okay,
Speaker 8: hold on.
Speaker 3: Also, they know this.
Speaker 4: It makes it taste better.
Speaker 8: For Can you imagine there was a taste tester, there
Speaker 8: was a person after a company'd be like, no, no
Speaker 8: more invitament.
Speaker 7: See you know what I mean, nice work if you
Speaker 7: can get it. I mean the line outside for that
Speaker 7: job is like, let me tell you, not that long?
Speaker 7: Was the check back in? Is' she one married? Like
Speaker 7: Travis Scott with the check or Travis what's his name? Barker?
Speaker 7: We have a check back in to find out if
Speaker 7: it works in like sixtak. We see what he says
Speaker 7: about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Well He seems like he's so in love
Speaker 2: with he doesn't care what kind of smell or taste
Speaker 2: is coming out of any orifice.
Speaker 3: Those two are like inside of each other. Every time
Speaker 3: you see them on.
Speaker 7: Tea, they come up with a Dave's Hot Chicken version.
Speaker 7: I really want to.
Speaker 8: I also already douced. I already eat my yogurt with fruit.
Speaker 8: So this time, this whole time, I could have been
Speaker 8: doing it. On the other end, I've been doing it
Speaker 8: for free.
Speaker 2: Courtney Whitney Houston is releasing a new album.
Speaker 3: I'm confused by this. This keeps happening.
Speaker 2: If Chupac did this, he started this trend people releasing
Speaker 2: albums after they died.
Speaker 7: Beethoven's releasing something next week too.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I thought Abba was releasing because they were nominated for
Speaker 2: the Grammy Book last week, and I was like.
Speaker 3: Abba, I thought they had crossed over as well. I
Speaker 3: didn't realize that they're.
Speaker 4: Still alive and artist side, I thought they had passed on.
Speaker 3: It's gospel.
Speaker 2: It's a gospel album with six previously unreleased.
Speaker 3: Songs, so it will be new material again. Very surprising.
Speaker 7: It's called Go to the Rock, and I was like, honestly,
Speaker 7: I was ready for her. Like Lesbian Pride album called
Speaker 7: Go to the Cobby Hole, That's what one of the
Speaker 7: songs sounds like a Lesbian Pride song. One of the
Speaker 7: songs is called it's called hold On to Help Us
Speaker 7: on the Way, which is a story about on lesbian
Speaker 7: helping a gay guy kill a spider.
Speaker 9: Go to the Rock is a great name for Like
Speaker 9: Hunter Biden's book, there was.
Speaker 3: A Japanese in a Japanese zoo.
Speaker 2: They figured out that a female monkey got pregnant despite
Speaker 2: being separated from all the male monkeys. So when they
Speaker 2: investigated this situation, they found a hole in the wall.
Speaker 2: And so this is the first ever monkey glory hole.
Speaker 3: I guess.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And now the couple is living together and they're going
Speaker 3: to raise their when they have the baby.
Speaker 4: That's where they messed up.
Speaker 9: That's where they messed up, because I feel like she
Speaker 9: should be so lucky, Like we should all be so lucky.
Speaker 9: You know, most of us have to get pregnant watching
Speaker 9: a man.
Speaker 7: As soon as I heard something a monkey got pregnant
Speaker 7: in the room by itself, I was like, I promise
Speaker 7: you Nick Cannon visited that zoo. Any one with anything
Speaker 7: with a uterus within one hundred square yards of Nick
Speaker 7: Cannon will get pregnant.
Speaker 2: I promise you I have very unwatted pregnancy should be
Speaker 2: blamed on Nick.
Speaker 3: Cannon, right.
Speaker 8: I think these monkeys sound fun like so in confinement
Speaker 8: they found a whole I mean, and I heard the
Speaker 8: other monkey was a different like kind of monkey too.
Speaker 7: Interracial monkey for yeh, interracial love.
Speaker 3: Aren't we for it? Thank you guys for being here
Speaker 3: so much.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Thank you.
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Speaker 6: Wow.