Speaker 1: The Nicky Gliser Podcast. O Glaser Posa, here's Nikki. Hello here,
Speaker 1: I am welcome to the show.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's right, that's Noah's voice, live and in the flesh. Mama,
Speaker 2: Noah is back on the show. Uh, Brian is here too. Noah,
Speaker 2: welcome back to the show. Oh my god, you're a
Speaker 2: full blown mom now? Yeah? Do you It's like, is it?
Speaker 2: Is it okay? So many questions to ask. Does it
Speaker 2: feel like coming back to work and like getting your
Speaker 2: bearings on, like going back into the real world. Does
Speaker 2: it feel like you're coming out of the show alone
Speaker 2: and like you've been in the wilderness kind of for
Speaker 2: a while and you've acclimated to that life and now
Speaker 2: you are, you know, just re emerging and your tanner
Speaker 2: and you're oh draggled, and you've built a bunch of
Speaker 2: stone shelters and you've been forging for food. Like does
Speaker 2: it feel like kind of like bleary eyed, like coming
Speaker 2: back to life?
Speaker 3: Like, first of all, I cannot believe that it's been
Speaker 3: three months. Three months Jesus Christ, like a quarter of
Speaker 3: a year, I've heard, And it feels like sort of
Speaker 3: like my life stopped at like the moment that your
Speaker 3: life blew up, which is interesting, fair because I was
Speaker 3: like here the podcast for all that stuff.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, I just have to know I've changed too.
Speaker 4: And oh.
Speaker 2: But I'm leaving my baby behind a dumpster and coming
Speaker 2: back to the way I was I Casey Anthony.
Speaker 1: Whatever happened back.
Speaker 2: Then, it's gone all that hubbuh and it's settled back
Speaker 2: down and I'm back doing.
Speaker 1: What I used to do. But uh, yeah, it's that's interesting.
Speaker 2: Our lives kind of mine got kind of crazy, and
Speaker 2: so did yours. I mean, yours has changed so much.
Speaker 2: Let's just start with headlights. What's the biggest Let's I
Speaker 2: always ask this of new moms, and I think I
Speaker 2: don't think it's like a good interesting question. Not patting
Speaker 2: myself on the back, like everyone should really ask this,
Speaker 2: but like, what's the thing that you did not anticipate
Speaker 2: the biggest surprise of, Like people didn't prepare you for.
Speaker 3: Oh, I guess, like I didn't know how many diapers
Speaker 3: we'd go through, especially in the beginning.
Speaker 1: And I didn't know how much babies need to.
Speaker 3: Eat, especially if you're nursing them.
Speaker 1: There's something called me cluster eating.
Speaker 2: Oh god, I've only heard the word cluster when it
Speaker 2: comes to headaches that make you want to kill yourself,
Speaker 2: you know, oh yeah, cluster cluster, like, oh yeah, all
Speaker 2: things that tend to avoid. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So cluster feeding is basically if you're nursing, which is breastfeeding,
Speaker 3: it's like you're feeding the baby on demand, so there's
Speaker 3: no schedule or anything like that. She just will want
Speaker 3: to eat and like infant, you know, because she just
Speaker 3: starts crying. Yeah, So basically when a baby starts crying
Speaker 3: because she's tired or what if she's crying because she's
Speaker 3: like something like a zipper on her Onesie is poking her.
Speaker 2: Back, like how do you know You're just like shoving
Speaker 2: her tit in her face and she's like, no, I'm
Speaker 2: just tired, mom.
Speaker 1: So basically she would brood.
Speaker 3: Brooding is when like they turned to the side and
Speaker 3: open their mouth like they're looking for the nipple. She
Speaker 3: would have little yeah exactly, okay, I much fists like
Speaker 3: she's about to box. Those are two signs. And then
Speaker 3: if she's really agitated crying, it'll be one of three things.
Speaker 3: She's hungry, she needs a diaper change, or she's got
Speaker 3: a burp or fart.
Speaker 2: Okay, and I didn't canceled her favorite show or discontinued
Speaker 2: her favorite deodorant or protein.
Speaker 3: But another big surprise is I didn't know that baby's
Speaker 3: farts are like as loud as adult farts.
Speaker 2: Wow, oh, who makes sense because babies are so loud anyway,
Speaker 2: Like I have said this before, but the reason babies
Speaker 2: are like so loud and they don't like you hear
Speaker 2: babies sometimes and you're like, man, that baby's gonna be
Speaker 2: horse the rest of its life because of how it's screaming. Like,
Speaker 2: babies are relaxed. Babies aren't tense and like nervous about stuff,
Speaker 2: so they're so when they they vibrate like a boombox,
Speaker 2: like they're a little you ever see, Like I have
Speaker 2: like a little Bow's micro boombox, and it's so small,
Speaker 2: but it produces so much sound like thet the little boomboxes,
Speaker 2: because they're relaxed and they're vibrating so much that they
Speaker 2: they don't need to.
Speaker 1: Do the same things that we need to do to
Speaker 1: produce this crazy sound.
Speaker 3: But I was thinking, I was thinking about what you said,
Speaker 3: because you talked about this previously from your voice. Lesson
Speaker 3: is that babies like naturally know how to use their
Speaker 3: diaphragm to be loud.
Speaker 1: And she she does.
Speaker 3: You know. I remember when we went to see Taylor
Speaker 3: Swift and I was like talking about how you can't
Speaker 3: see any strain on her throat, yes, like like in
Speaker 3: her neck, I mean, like no veins popping out or
Speaker 3: anything like that.
Speaker 1: When she sings loud.
Speaker 3: Toby is the same wow, belch out, just like Taylor
Speaker 3: Swift can.
Speaker 2: So it's a lot of more feeding than you anticipated.
Speaker 2: It's just non stop I'm guessing, yeah, But it also comes.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: And so in the beginning, like the babies are not
Speaker 3: as efficient eaters, So I could be feeding her for
Speaker 3: like an hour and.
Speaker 2: She's just like kind of not It's like she's sucking.
Speaker 3: On a broken straw. Like she's just not getting right,
Speaker 3: getting a little bit out of time.
Speaker 2: Think nothing more annoying than that. By the way, that's
Speaker 2: way more annoying than it should be. When her straw
Speaker 2: has like a little bit of a dent in it,
Speaker 2: it's like it makes it completely useless, and it's and
Speaker 2: it's frustrating because it happens so often when you when
Speaker 2: you hit the straw to get the paper out, it
Speaker 2: will break it'll.
Speaker 1: Snap it and then you got a fucking weak straw.
Speaker 3: It sucks and you get a lot of air, so
Speaker 3: you get so so.
Speaker 1: The baby's feeding more, But is it like is it
Speaker 1: non stop?
Speaker 3: Though?
Speaker 2: Like? Is it so? Like? Uh, Like I'm watching my parents'
Speaker 2: dogs this weekend and it's non stop, Like any chance
Speaker 2: I have to ever relax, I have to go take
Speaker 2: them for a walk because there's three and at least
Speaker 2: one has to pee at some point, and it's just
Speaker 2: like you just have to you maybe have two hours
Speaker 2: where you can like kind of do what you want,
Speaker 2: But then they're just looking at you all the time, like,
Speaker 2: what are you gonna do with us?
Speaker 1: We're so bored.
Speaker 2: It's like it's just I hate being on call constantly
Speaker 2: and feeling guilty constantly. Do you ever get to set
Speaker 2: her down and just relax?
Speaker 3: Well, yesterday when you were talking about having to scratch Marion,
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, okay, Nikki is feeling the like
Speaker 3: like a motherhood thing.
Speaker 2: It felt a little bit like nursing in the middle
Speaker 2: of the night, like I can't sleep. I'm so jealous
Speaker 2: of my boyfriend who's just conked out not having to
Speaker 2: do anything right now about this itchy butt. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: I'm the only one that can offer a solution for
Speaker 2: this dog.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it does come with a lot of cuddles
Speaker 3: and love and oxytocin overload, which I could not be
Speaker 3: more grateful for.
Speaker 5: But do you have a oh yeah, I'm kind of
Speaker 5: jealous of that thought.
Speaker 2: But that's that means that there's if you get too much,
Speaker 2: then there's a don't you develop a addiction? Not an addiction,
Speaker 2: but like the other thing where it's like you need
Speaker 2: more to get high.
Speaker 1: What's it called? Oh, like my baseline has moved.
Speaker 5: Tolerance?
Speaker 2: Yeah, your tolerance, thank you, You're tolerance goes does That's
Speaker 2: what my first question to you offline was was like
Speaker 2: I know that like whenever we see babies, and like
Speaker 2: you first set your baby, you're.
Speaker 6: Just like, oh my god, she's the cutest, like I do,
Speaker 6: her hands, her fingers, her fingernails, her like every part
Speaker 6: of her little lips and her eyes, like every part
Speaker 6: of them is precious.
Speaker 2: After a while, do you just go like, Okay, it's
Speaker 2: just a baby, Like does that stop being as profound
Speaker 2: and resonant? Not? No, I mean it may be eventually,
Speaker 2: because I don't see moms walking around going like, oh,
Speaker 2: you're so like they're they're just kind of like blankly
Speaker 2: staring at the sidewalk as they push the store. So
Speaker 2: it must go with do you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: like maybe fawning over your baby constantly and the mom's
Speaker 2: just kind of.
Speaker 1: Like, uh huh, yeah you should, like she's kind.
Speaker 2: Of over it.
Speaker 5: I don't want to compare babies to dogs, like you
Speaker 5: can't clips out about, but I every time I look
Speaker 5: at Jack, I feel the same reaction, which is that
Speaker 5: same type of fuzzy feeling.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, I guess I'm relating this to my own dog,
Speaker 2: who I'm like obsessed with and I want to bite
Speaker 2: her paws and I want to eat her face, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, I love her so much. But there are
Speaker 2: a lot of times where I realize I am taking
Speaker 2: her for granted, and I'm just like, oh, she's not
Speaker 2: as She's just a dog right now, Like she's jumping
Speaker 2: up and me like and I'm like looking at something
Speaker 2: on my phone and I'm just like, oh, man, I
Speaker 2: would have been like I would be melting.
Speaker 1: Right now if I just met you, but you're just
Speaker 1: a dog right now.
Speaker 2: So I do find that it has I need to
Speaker 2: be away a little bit to feel that again.
Speaker 1: I can't.
Speaker 2: It would just be impossible to fawn constantly when you're
Speaker 2: with your baby twenty two and a half hours a day.
Speaker 5: I'm guessing what I've seen people do it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, there looks fit pretty.
Speaker 3: The truth is there are times that I'm just like, Okay,
Speaker 3: will you please sleep for more than a half hour
Speaker 3: because you can't. I can't get anything done in a
Speaker 3: half hour. And then there's so many things I've started
Speaker 3: and then just left unfinished because I just sleeping.
Speaker 2: Is she just could she just is she either crying
Speaker 2: or sleeping? Or is there like a car so she'd
Speaker 2: just like be staring.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's just staring. She wants to be held or
Speaker 1: she wants to be held. So she wants to be held.
Speaker 3: So I've had to turn my foot into a hand
Speaker 3: basically because I have to hold her in one hand
Speaker 3: and I only have the other hand free.
Speaker 2: So I was thinking that you were holding her with
Speaker 2: your foot. When you said that, I was like, how
Speaker 2: does that work? But okay, is yeah, there's constantly you
Speaker 2: got to be like rocking and stuff, and always you
Speaker 2: just just likes to.
Speaker 1: Be held up.
Speaker 3: She she loves so the right now, right now, she
Speaker 3: Avi is wearing her Okay, I got a book back
Speaker 3: in like as not book, yeah, as an accessory. So
Speaker 3: basically infants, newborns, they just crave going back into the womb.
Speaker 3: So she just wants to be held close to me.
Speaker 3: She's using her us like like old factory senses and stuff.
Speaker 3: She's she's using her nose a lot. When she was born,
Speaker 3: they put her on my stomach and she like wiggled
Speaker 3: her way up to my nipple.
Speaker 1: Isn't that crazy's instinct?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And how is she like? Is are their personality traits emerging? Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's like a little silly.
Speaker 3: She likes to She she always smiles first thing in
Speaker 3: the morning, which is so cute.
Speaker 2: And that's the best part of your day is waking
Speaker 2: up in the morning and seeing her smiling when you
Speaker 2: open the door. Haven't you just seen her an hour
Speaker 2: before because she woke up to feed her? Is there
Speaker 2: ever really morning as a mom?
Speaker 3: Okay, So I will say something that's pretty controversial, which
Speaker 3: I've told you on girls Chat. We do a controversial thing.
Speaker 3: We co sleep. So I don't really like when I
Speaker 3: feed her at night. It's not really that inconvenient for me,
Speaker 3: to be honest.
Speaker 1: She eats, and because she's coastleeping means she's in the
Speaker 1: bed with you guys. Yeah, she's she's sleeping with us.
Speaker 2: And that's controversial because they're worried you're gonna all over
Speaker 2: on her.
Speaker 3: Yeah, which I mean, I mean to each his own. Sure, yeah,
Speaker 3: and I'm sure it does happen.
Speaker 2: But you but I think on girls chet you were like,
Speaker 2: and usually has to do with someone who's drunk or
Speaker 2: on drugs or extremely overweight. Which no shade about any
Speaker 2: of those things. If you do, if you are those
Speaker 2: are do those no?
Speaker 5: I mean, if you're drunk and you want to kill
Speaker 5: your baby, that's totally fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think you want. No, they don't want to.
Speaker 2: I am okay, I'm serious. I don't have shade for addicts.
Speaker 2: I feel like they don't choose that.
Speaker 1: Like people sleep with their dogs, right.
Speaker 5: My dog is uh is always in your bed. My
Speaker 5: dog is always in my bed. He's eight pounds. I mean,
Speaker 5: I when when my dog is watched by someone else,
Speaker 5: I say, don't let him sleep in your bed because
Speaker 5: I have more scared of that. Yeah, but I trust
Speaker 5: myself not to do it for some reason.
Speaker 2: Interesting, Yeah, I I yeah. I sleep with her in
Speaker 2: the bed and there are times where I get in
Speaker 2: bed I'm like, oh, that would have just squished her
Speaker 2: head if that would have been her head.
Speaker 1: Like and now I'm learning. I'm learning.
Speaker 2: Man, I've had some close calls, like we she's really
Speaker 2: good off lea. She just sticks by my feet generally.
Speaker 2: But there's just no more of that. I'm not pushing.
Speaker 2: I'm not because I went to the garage the other
Speaker 2: day and my car is parked in a different place.
Speaker 2: So usually when I'm going to the garage, like I
Speaker 2: walk out this one side and I got a new
Speaker 2: space because I have an electric car now.
Speaker 5: But yeah, yeah, cool, yeah, you have the handicapped spot
Speaker 5: for electric vehicles, right, yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's it's not ideal.
Speaker 5: It's and the.
Speaker 2: Plug at my place is like the shittiest charger ever.
Speaker 2: It's like your friend's charger that's all for the phone
Speaker 2: charger that's all frayed and you're like wrap it around
Speaker 2: your hand to make it work, like you know, like
Speaker 2: it's it's it charges like two percent every God, it's bad.
Speaker 2: It's bad.
Speaker 5: The infrastructure is already decaying.
Speaker 2: They gave me a good spot at first, and then
Speaker 2: they were like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Something
Speaker 2: happened in our system that you can't have that spot anymore.
Speaker 2: And I go, well, I'm I'm not in town to
Speaker 2: move my car for another two weeks, and they go, okay,
Speaker 2: just move on when you get back. And I go, well,
Speaker 2: who is that understanding that's gonna let my car sit
Speaker 2: there for two weeks that you can't just give me
Speaker 2: that spot. And by the way, who the fuck is
Speaker 2: getting that spot instead of me? I've think at this
Speaker 2: building for four fucking years. I don't know anyone who's
Speaker 2: been in this building for four years. I'm not going
Speaker 2: like I am the I pay more than anyone guaranteed
Speaker 2: I've been here longer. Who has more seniority than me
Speaker 2: to get that spot?
Speaker 1: I don't understand. Chris and I are very upset about it.
Speaker 2: So they gave me this like janky spot that has
Speaker 2: like a leak, so to get in my even in
Speaker 2: my car, I have to step in a puddle, and
Speaker 2: so my cars are already destroyed in the box, are
Speaker 2: just like a mess.
Speaker 5: It's just a approach the subject to them at all yeah.
Speaker 1: And they go, we'll get back to you. Well, we'll
Speaker 1: look in our.
Speaker 2: System, and it's been five days and there's no getting
Speaker 2: back to me. And usually you're right on it. But
Speaker 2: I'm just like, what's going on here? So what does
Speaker 2: this have to do with the dog? So I was
Speaker 2: walking out to go to my new space and she's
Speaker 2: so cute. And it was early in the morning, too,
Speaker 2: which I don't usually I'm not in the garage this
Speaker 2: early in the morning, and I don't realize how fucking
Speaker 2: busy it is. Like there's everyone's leaving because everyone has
Speaker 2: a normal fucking job, and it was like eight thirty,
Speaker 2: and she was just there's this thing where if people,
Speaker 2: if people are like people freak out when she's off leash,
Speaker 2: even though when I'm in like safe areas off leash,
Speaker 2: people go like, she's off leash. She's walking over by
Speaker 2: that tree and I'm like, just stay and then they
Speaker 2: start chasing her and then she runs from them, and
Speaker 2: I'm I'm just like, I know my dog, if you
Speaker 2: just act chill, she won't fucking run. Just like, don't
Speaker 2: mind what I'm doing with my dog, don't chase her,
Speaker 2: don't freak out like don't put your shit on me.
Speaker 2: Just because your dog would run into the street doesn't
Speaker 2: mean mine would. So thank god I get out. She
Speaker 2: walks out and I see I hear this car coming
Speaker 2: way too fast, and I see her right on the
Speaker 2: edge of like where she would be in the way
Speaker 2: of a car.
Speaker 1: And I had a decision to.
Speaker 2: Make of like do I go like come here, like,
Speaker 2: don't go further into the road, or do I just
Speaker 2: let the car go pas because if I spook her,
Speaker 2: she might just dart right, But if I just act
Speaker 2: like nothing's happening, she'll stay. And I just decided in
Speaker 2: that moment to act like nothing's happening. And I saw
Speaker 2: my life flash before my eyes, and also her life
Speaker 2: in the car.
Speaker 1: If she would have darted, would be dead.
Speaker 2: And I just wrote to Chris and I said, we
Speaker 2: are never ever walking into the garage without her on
Speaker 2: a leash or holding her ever again. I just learned
Speaker 2: the biggest lesson and it won't happen. And I'm I
Speaker 2: literally almost lost her. She almost just died. And I'm
Speaker 2: so grateful that I have that lesson. But did it
Speaker 2: scare me so much? Yes? And I guess my point
Speaker 2: is is that you just have to. I just like
Speaker 2: am trying to learn lessons and collect the that stuff
Speaker 2: instead of just being like that was lucky. Now I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: well now you can't ever do that again. And thank God,
Speaker 2: God or whoever just gave you that.
Speaker 5: And there was a lesson punishment.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you were to lose her in the parking lot,
Speaker 3: you wouldn't have a name to put on her headstone.
Speaker 2: Oh god, that reminds me of this thing on Reddit
Speaker 2: I saw that was so sad that said, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I almost put it on the girl's chat, but I
Speaker 2: just little baby baby dead babies aren't, like really, what's
Speaker 2: the vibe in there? So it was a headstone of
Speaker 2: a little girl that like died back in the eighteen hundreds,
Speaker 2: and it said unwanted baby girl. Oh, and I researched
Speaker 2: it more to be like what the fuck is this?
Speaker 2: So it was a really popular name back then? Wow,
Speaker 2: yeah it.
Speaker 6: Was.
Speaker 2: It was like, uh, I'm trying to think of it
Speaker 2: was like Emma is now, but no, so she unwanted
Speaker 2: baby girl.
Speaker 1: They I looked into it.
Speaker 2: This girl was a product of rape or incest and
Speaker 2: she her mom, like her mom had her and then
Speaker 2: abandoned her because she didn't want her because she was raped.
Speaker 2: And so it was a little girl had this baby,
Speaker 2: and so she got rid of her. And so the
Speaker 2: town to shame the daughter, or to shame the mother
Speaker 2: of the baby, and to uh make women feel bad
Speaker 2: about abandoning their kids, made a decision as a town
Speaker 2: to make this headstone say unwanted baby girl, so that
Speaker 2: this person was shamed.
Speaker 1: And it's just so said.
Speaker 5: So the baby is dead. It didn't just make a
Speaker 5: faux headstone to share.
Speaker 2: It was real.
Speaker 5: But they made the baby die. They killed the baby after.
Speaker 2: It was born. I don't know. I really don't know
Speaker 2: the details of it, but I just know that the
Speaker 2: townspeople can It was men who conspired to shame women
Speaker 2: about abandoning your child, even though that baby was unwanted
Speaker 2: to begin with for a good reason because it was
Speaker 2: a product of rape.
Speaker 5: And a very man who probably caused this baby's respond.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was probably the probably in the mob. Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2: It's things were really cool back then.
Speaker 5: I loved it. It was a great time.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to get back to that.
Speaker 2: It's I mean, yeah, a good musket clusters and Muskets.
Speaker 5: It was worth it for the Muskets.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I learned that lesson.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I often and I've gotten into bed and
Speaker 2: I like, now i'm because of the other night I
Speaker 2: kind of plopped in a way that was like, okay,
Speaker 2: that could have injured something, And so I learned that lessons.
Speaker 1: Now I gingerly get back into bed.
Speaker 5: Did you ever watch The Sopranos.
Speaker 2: I didn't because I'm scared of violence, but I can
Speaker 2: pretty much get any reference you give me from it.
Speaker 5: So the guy there's one of the characters from The
Speaker 5: Sopranos who I forgot his name, but at one point
Speaker 5: he's doing drugs and then he plops down in the
Speaker 5: couch and he sits on his dog and kills it.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, it's one of the I remember. I don't
Speaker 5: remember a lot of specific scenes from The Sopranos because
Speaker 5: I watched it when I was like, I don't know
Speaker 5: how old I was, it was like twenty five years ago,
Speaker 5: and that one scene just stuck out in my head
Speaker 5: because I always clock when a dog gets killed in
Speaker 5: the show's and it was horrible. And it wasn't even
Speaker 5: his dog, it was his girlfriend's dog. Oh, God, they
Speaker 5: broke up because of it, obviously.
Speaker 1: And then did she get murdered at some point?
Speaker 5: I don't remember. That's all I remember, is that dog
Speaker 5: seeing By.
Speaker 1: The way, is it Sopranos or Sopranos?
Speaker 2: Because someone was saying Sopranos the other day and I
Speaker 2: was just like, I think it's Sopranos and they were like,
Speaker 2: have you seen Sopranos? And I was like, no, but
Speaker 2: I think it's Sopranos. I've heard people talk about it
Speaker 2: and not thinking of the singer.
Speaker 5: Yes, I cannot imagine a single person from New Jersey
Speaker 5: saying Sopranos, okay, and that's where the show takes place.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, forget who this was, but it was someone who
Speaker 2: really seemed so they were so sure of it, and
Speaker 2: they seemed to be so offended by me thinking with
Speaker 2: Sopranos that I acquiesced, and I never do when I
Speaker 2: know I'm right, And I knew I was right. I've
Speaker 2: lived in a world where the Sopranos has existed for
Speaker 2: over crano years now, right, like it's been twenty five
Speaker 2: thirty years. It's Sopranos.
Speaker 5: Just think about a New York accent, you know, it's
Speaker 5: like they're not They're gonna say, Hey, I was walking
Speaker 5: down the street and I got a piece of pizza
Speaker 5: and then I watched the Sopranos. It doesn't even make sense.
Speaker 5: Sopranos doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1: And I'm not.
Speaker 2: I am one to correct people quite often when I
Speaker 2: think they're saying something in a weird way, because I
Speaker 2: kind of wanted to educate myself. I kind of remember
Speaker 2: who that person was, because really, I think I can
Speaker 2: just because of the way I acquiesced so quick. I
Speaker 2: know that I have some kind of fear of this person.
Speaker 2: So if you're listening, will you remember? Will you tell
Speaker 2: me who you were? Because I definitely fear you because
Speaker 2: I knew you were wrong and I just gave in,
Speaker 2: and or I want something from you, or you hold
Speaker 2: some sort of power over me, because there's no way
Speaker 2: I would let you get away with that otherwise. And
Speaker 2: I don't know why I did that day, but well
Speaker 2: we probably won't figure it out, but we'll be right
Speaker 2: back after this with more with Noah and Brian. Noah's back.
Speaker 1: Everyone, Noah's back, and We're back.
Speaker 2: Is is motherhood all that you wanted it to be?
Speaker 1: All that you expected it to be.
Speaker 2: Do you feel like a different person than you were before, Like,
Speaker 2: are you profoundly changed forever?
Speaker 3: Well, I guess I'm profoundly changed in the way that
Speaker 3: I've lost my short term memory. It feels like, really,
Speaker 3: oh wow, I have a hard time remembering stuff, and
Speaker 3: it's it's pretty common.
Speaker 1: It's like the mommy fog. What is what do they
Speaker 1: attribute that to? All the oxytocin?
Speaker 5: Just really the oxytocin makes you lose your short term memory.
Speaker 1: The bonding chemicals, the yeah, like all the bonding stuff.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 1: Oh, so I wonder what the purpose of that would be,
Speaker 1: so that you.
Speaker 4: Just don't remember anything that's good because you don't remember
Speaker 4: what your life was like before, you don't have anything
Speaker 4: over Yeah, no, no, it seems to be there would
Speaker 4: be a reason for that.
Speaker 1: I think it's just so that you channel all your
Speaker 1: energy into focusing on the baby. That makes sense. That
Speaker 1: makes sense, And when's it's supposed to come back. I
Speaker 1: guess when the baby gets more independent.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think also probably just as I start like
Speaker 3: venturing out into the world, like coming back to work,
Speaker 3: which feels like the first day of school. It's like,
Speaker 3: I know, seeing everyone and you know you have.
Speaker 5: A new binder.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm a trapper Keeper, five star binder that's everywhere edge.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. I would always get a new binder
Speaker 2: and like new tabs for each subject, and there were
Speaker 2: seven fresh tabs, and I would put right in the
Speaker 2: subject and I would slide it into that little colored
Speaker 2: tab and I would be so organized, and I would
Speaker 2: have like my pencil case that fit into the three.
Speaker 1: Ring binder as well. It would be all ship.
Speaker 2: By the end of the week, I would be writing
Speaker 2: everything in the first section. I will have lost all
Speaker 2: of the pens, all of the pencils. Everything would look dirty.
Speaker 2: The edges of the binder would start to peel away.
Speaker 2: I just couldn't keep it nice. It would become what
Speaker 2: my car has become in just two weeks. It's it's
Speaker 2: It would be man that every year there was this
Speaker 2: delusion that I would keep it fresh and that it
Speaker 2: would be some kind of different person than I've ever been.
Speaker 5: How do we recapture that feeling, I mean, aside from
Speaker 5: having a kid and then re literally reliving it, but
Speaker 5: that feeling of going to go to school next week
Speaker 5: and you get all your stuff together and you're excited like,
Speaker 5: how do you recapture that? Do you remember that feeling
Speaker 5: when you're like, Oh, I have all my stuff that
Speaker 5: I'm gonna put in my backpack and I'm going to
Speaker 5: take it. It's exciting.
Speaker 2: I think starting new jobs.
Speaker 5: It's all. It's all new jobs.
Speaker 2: I think that. But no one's excited to start a
Speaker 2: new job. I mean, I guess some people are.
Speaker 5: My wife has a new job. Oh really, she just
Speaker 5: got a new job today.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, day she got the job.
Speaker 2: She signed, got the job, she's starting the job.
Speaker 5: She signed the paperwork today.
Speaker 2: Is she already gone from her other job?
Speaker 5: No? No, she's still there. She's gonna quit today.
Speaker 1: Oh god, that's so exciting. She's so happy. Hopefully no
Speaker 1: one listens to the pod from her old job, right.
Speaker 5: Well, she really appreciates her old job. There's a lot
Speaker 5: of coworkers. She loved there. However, she's excited to go
Speaker 5: and it's time. She's going to work for our Lord,
Speaker 5: our Lords and saviors, Amazon, the Mono, the Monocorp, the AP.
Speaker 2: What's she going to be doing for them?
Speaker 5: She's the same thing at sales. She's executive senior account executive. Wow,
Speaker 5: she makes bank. Without her, I would not be able
Speaker 5: to uh follow my dreams.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's great, I think, Yeah, that's awesome. That's that's
Speaker 2: that's been the conversation with Chris and I for a bit.
Speaker 2: Now is that same thing of like, how how do
Speaker 2: we work this? Like it's just it makes so much
Speaker 2: sense when the man makes the money and the woman
Speaker 2: just stays at home and like keeps the house and
Speaker 2: takes care of the kids, and like there's no question
Speaker 2: of like the woman spends the guy's money and no
Speaker 2: one like worries about it, and there's no like there's
Speaker 2: no big comp I mean, there should be big conversations
Speaker 2: about it. But it doesn't seem to be this thing
Speaker 2: that I've like had to talk to my friends about
Speaker 2: when they're going through it just like happens that you
Speaker 2: just share the wealth. But it starts to make sense whipside.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's a conversation. What's the foint is the
Speaker 2: woman when earning all the money and the man might
Speaker 2: be the one that just like is uh supporting her?
Speaker 2: Because it's interesting because I just want, Chris, I want
Speaker 2: everyone in my life to just be happy and not
Speaker 2: feel like so like lose sleep. Because they are worried
Speaker 2: about their money, like the people in my close family
Speaker 2: and friends, and so I will gladly give them money
Speaker 2: to make them feel that way.
Speaker 1: If they're like, you know, they're looking for a job
Speaker 1: or whatever.
Speaker 2: It is like, I'm happy to help and I don't
Speaker 2: expect to be paid back. And it's like, because that's
Speaker 2: what my job affords me. Is that luxury of doing that,
Speaker 2: but they don't want to ever. I also don't want
Speaker 2: them to feel like they work for me and that
Speaker 2: they like have to like it's it's this weird thing
Speaker 2: of like Chris is like, well, what if I want
Speaker 2: to buy a really nice car, like a car, a
Speaker 2: dream car that I don't really need but I just want.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, that's.
Speaker 7: Tough because I don't really want to buy that for
Speaker 7: like I get and then I go, oh, i'd get
Speaker 7: it for you as a gift that would be interesting
Speaker 7: to me, but you just like using my money to
Speaker 7: go buy it and it not being like a thing
Speaker 7: that you thank me for is not interesting to me.
Speaker 2: But then why do I need to thank you?
Speaker 6: Right?
Speaker 5: If you're sharing money sharing?
Speaker 2: So I have to look inside myself and go what
Speaker 2: is there some kind of power I wield in this
Speaker 2: and like, do I enjoy that power? And it's so
Speaker 2: I was like, maybe I just give you a certain
Speaker 2: like a salary a year so because I don't want
Speaker 2: you to have to take a bunch of jobs that
Speaker 2: you don't want so that you can afford a lifestyle
Speaker 2: that is that keeps up with mine, because then you're
Speaker 2: not around to like help me process stuff because I
Speaker 2: require a lot of like I like having a partner
Speaker 2: and the stuff that I do. And he's obviously a
Speaker 2: TV producer and is very well versed in comedy and
Speaker 2: so he helps me so much.
Speaker 3: Damage for you. Huh, that's an advantage for you to have.
Speaker 3: It's someone you know who you love working with you.
Speaker 3: But it definitely will create an interesting dynamic. If he
Speaker 3: doesn't have anything of his own, I think yeah.
Speaker 2: But I also think that he he I don't think
Speaker 2: that's true for him though, Like he doesn't have an
Speaker 2: ego about.
Speaker 1: Like I need to earn money. He really doesn't.
Speaker 2: He just feels bad taking mine, like he doesn't care.
Speaker 2: That's that's his thing. He's not like he doesn't need to.
Speaker 2: It's it's it's interesting. But that that was a good
Speaker 2: question that he asked because I was just like, I'll
Speaker 2: just give you this much money a year on site allowance,
Speaker 2: Like I'll just give you that money and that that
Speaker 2: means that you can do whatever you want with You
Speaker 2: can buy that car with.
Speaker 5: It, and you can like you can have and you
Speaker 5: can buy a car.
Speaker 2: Yeah, every week you take the trash out and do
Speaker 2: your chores and rub my feet, you can get the
Speaker 2: kind of like plamony. Yeah. And then he was like,
Speaker 2: well what if I it's just it's just very it's
Speaker 2: very complicated, but it doesn't have to be because but
Speaker 2: then he was like, but what if I want to
Speaker 2: go on a trip and you like want me for
Speaker 2: some like thing that you're doing. And I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: I think you don't want you want to be there
Speaker 2: for my big things. There's never been one time in
Speaker 2: our relationship where he's been like, but I got this
Speaker 2: concert I want to go to. I can't go to
Speaker 2: the show. That means a lot that you have me
Speaker 2: there and I am not someone who needs Hi met everything.
Speaker 2: Like when I need him, it's because it actually is important.
Speaker 2: It's going to add to it. And no one likes
Speaker 2: being needed more than Chris conby, so he's he enjoys
Speaker 2: doing that, so and I want him to be able
Speaker 2: to go on trips. And and I do have this
Speaker 2: thing of when it is when it is when I've
Speaker 2: given someone money, it's no longer my money, and I
Speaker 2: don't care what you do with it, and I am
Speaker 2: not I don't like even taxes. I'm just like, it's
Speaker 2: never my it was never my money.
Speaker 1: It always has to go.
Speaker 2: I just look at money as it's when I see
Speaker 2: a check, I just always take thirty percent and I go,
Speaker 2: that's what mine is of that after I pay on everyone,
Speaker 2: That's that's what I get.
Speaker 1: I don't look at the first number.
Speaker 2: I just take the decimal over and then I times
Speaker 2: it by three, and that's what I get of that.
Speaker 1: So most like, No, it's with Chris helping you so much.
Speaker 1: I mean you, you.
Speaker 3: And Chris have known each other for over a decade.
Speaker 3: Nobody knows you better than Chris. And I think having
Speaker 3: him kind of like be sort of like a manager
Speaker 3: of your life is gonna be so relieving for you. Yes,
Speaker 3: and you're actually paying him a salary because he's going
Speaker 3: to do a great job.
Speaker 2: So his point is I would do this if I, like,
Speaker 2: I love you, I would do this if you for nothing,
Speaker 2: because that's what a partner does.
Speaker 1: And that's where it gets triggy.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: But also he wants that car.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he wants that car that F one race.
Speaker 2: I also would love to buy him a crazy gift
Speaker 2: like that. That would be fun. So it's and now
Speaker 2: we're looking at houses, and it's just it's just, uh,
Speaker 2: that's an interesting thing too, because he's like, I would
Speaker 2: never be looking at houses that cost us much if
Speaker 2: it weren't for you, And is this okay? And I'm like,
Speaker 2: I think so. And I also know that he would
Speaker 2: never want me to spend money I didn't have, and
Speaker 2: he's smart about money, so I kind of trust him.
Speaker 2: But looking at houses, can I just say, boo you?
Speaker 2: I love my realtor more than anything. Her name is
Speaker 2: Lauren Risley and she is was the host of a
Speaker 2: show called It's All Like on HGTV. I think it
Speaker 2: was called like it has a sassy name. It's like,
Speaker 2: if you want it, you can get it. It's like,
Speaker 2: don't rehab or re rethink.
Speaker 1: Oh, call the closer, Yeah, call the cloth closer. So
Speaker 1: she knows how to like rehab houses.
Speaker 2: She knows, she knows, she's amazing, and she's so funny,
Speaker 2: Like she makes me laugh so hard we're at these showings.
Speaker 2: But here's my thing about going to I actually really
Speaker 2: enjoy the process of working with her and going to houses.
Speaker 2: When when we when me, Lauren and Chris and and
Speaker 2: maybe Chris's mom or my mom get to go into
Speaker 2: a house and we just get to open it ourselves
Speaker 2: and walk around in this empty house that maybe has
Speaker 2: cameras running. But I don't really give a shit if
Speaker 2: people like hear what I have to say about their
Speaker 2: house later on. It's just like when there's someone there,
Speaker 2: it's very annoying. Yeah, when there's a realer there, or
Speaker 2: god forbid, the owner of the house.
Speaker 1: I don't want to I'm not pretending to like a house.
Speaker 1: I don't like.
Speaker 2: This is a three million dollar house. I don't have
Speaker 2: to act like I like it. This is I can
Speaker 2: walk into the foy yeer, oh yay, and go boy,
Speaker 2: may I don't like this place and I can turn
Speaker 2: on a dime and not feel bad at all.
Speaker 1: That should be able.
Speaker 2: I cannot believe that some people, not I and not
Speaker 2: and not even Chris. I mean Chris is pretty good
Speaker 2: about it too, But like, I think there is this
Speaker 2: air of like, at least pretend that you might like it, yeah,
Speaker 2: or just be complimentary or go like, you know, it
Speaker 2: was great, but like I just think that the bathroom
Speaker 2: isn't big enough and we really wanted a tub, and
Speaker 2: there's no place for the sauna in the yard.
Speaker 1: Just is like, I don't want to have to tell
Speaker 1: these people why I.
Speaker 2: Don't like it. I can just say I don't like
Speaker 2: it and lee like, this isn't a meal that was
Speaker 2: cooked for me for free, and I just I can't
Speaker 2: stomach it, and so I have to make up some
Speaker 2: fake excuse about allergies or I ate before. And so
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't have to like placate your feelings.
Speaker 2: Your real estate agent who's just showing this house. You
Speaker 2: are acting like you like it, by the way, you
Speaker 2: don't even like this place, you have to act like
Speaker 2: you like it. It's when you're dealing with something that
Speaker 2: is this expensive. I don't want to have to be
Speaker 2: nice and that will be nice. I'm a nice person.
Speaker 2: I don't want to have to be fake and act like, oh,
Speaker 2: it would be nice, you know what I do.
Speaker 1: Like this room. What are we doing?
Speaker 5: I don't like it.
Speaker 2: I want to I don't like the neighborhood. I don't
Speaker 2: like the driveway. I knew as soon as I saw
Speaker 2: it I didn't want it. I don't want to have
Speaker 2: to do this dance. I'm the one paying out the
Speaker 2: ass for this. I don't want to have to be fake. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and maybe that's me feel like.
Speaker 1: A date or huh, maybe it's kind of like a date.
Speaker 3: She's getting to know your like your preferences by forcing
Speaker 3: you to walk through thirty thousand square feet of home.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. That's what Chris point is like, let's
Speaker 2: see the who place because we might get ideas of
Speaker 2: what we do like. And so that is why I
Speaker 2: do look through the whole place. But I don't want
Speaker 2: to have a conversation with the realtor, not my realtor,
Speaker 2: I guess her realtor, the realtor of the house that
Speaker 2: is we're being showed. I don't want to have to
Speaker 2: tell that person what I do like about It would
Speaker 2: be great if it just had this. I don't want
Speaker 2: to have to do that. Bye. I don't want to.
Speaker 5: Take the door for a negotiation too. If you go well,
Speaker 5: if it just had this then, because.
Speaker 2: Then they go, well, I will say that as the
Speaker 2: it looks like there's not a lot of space in
Speaker 2: the basement for a workout room, but it's a lot
Speaker 2: bigger than you think, Like they shirt, I just think
Speaker 2: it's like a big purchase item. There's no you don't have.
Speaker 2: You have the luxury at that point because you're about
Speaker 2: to spend so much fucking money that you have the
Speaker 2: luxury of not having to be fake pleasant. And by
Speaker 2: the way, I am a pleasant person. I'm a very
Speaker 2: nice person. I always want people to feel okay and good.
Speaker 2: It's not like I'm like, this place is ugly. Bye,
Speaker 2: I just don't. I just want to go. This is
Speaker 2: what I want to say. I want to walk in
Speaker 2: and go, oh, you know what this isn't I just
Speaker 2: know it's not it. I'm sorry, but thank you so much.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry that you had to take time every day.
Speaker 2: I just I don't want to waste your time. I
Speaker 2: just know it's not it, you know, And but uh,
Speaker 2: and why isn't it it? Okay? It's ugly and there's
Speaker 2: pictures of Jesus in every room, and it's giving me
Speaker 2: a weird vibe.
Speaker 1: Well, we can take those out.
Speaker 2: There are It's just feels like he's meant to be here,
Speaker 2: and I know that he won't come with the place.
Speaker 2: But there's Jesus in literally every room, and I'm haunted
Speaker 2: by it, and I don't like it, and I don't
Speaker 2: and and so I just want to be able to
Speaker 2: And I guess some realtors would say to me, well, Nikki,
Speaker 2: you should tell them what you don't like about the
Speaker 2: place and what you do like, because then that person
Speaker 2: might have other listenings that they should could show you.
Speaker 2: Guess what, bitch, I'm on zillow. I know what's out well.
Speaker 2: The realtors have an inside track on things. Okay, okay,
Speaker 2: fair enough, fair enough, I'll leave the inside track thing.
Speaker 2: But we're all looking at the same sites.
Speaker 1: We know what's out there.
Speaker 3: Okay, but do you feel like you and Chris are
Speaker 3: closer to it or are you still having like kind
Speaker 3: of apprehension about by.
Speaker 2: No, we definitely want to be in a house, and
Speaker 2: the only reason is because we're running out of space
Speaker 2: and apartment and because our garage destroyed my car, and
Speaker 2: because there's a puddle life to step over to and
Speaker 2: I'm not getting the premo spot, and because there are
Speaker 2: a lot more homeless people around this area that seem
Speaker 2: to be like they might have a knife on them
Speaker 2: and they might be thinking about stabbing me. Like do
Speaker 2: you ever walk by a homeless person and who's having
Speaker 2: some psychiatric break and they're doing weird stretches, they have
Speaker 2: one shoe on, and you go, it would take just
Speaker 2: a breeze of wind to make them get out their
Speaker 2: knife and stab me to death. Like it would just
Speaker 2: just anything could happen. I could move in a way
Speaker 2: that reminds them of an X that hurt them, and
Speaker 2: then they get they get yeah, and we.
Speaker 5: Just have to like walk by and like pretend that
Speaker 5: that's fine. This guy, like I thought, like I literally
Speaker 5: had a knife and he was stabbing a telephone pole,
Speaker 5: just stabbing the telephone pole, and we'd be like, well,
Speaker 5: you know, he's doing his thing.
Speaker 7: You know.
Speaker 2: It's like, I'm so sorry for what they're going through,
Speaker 2: but I just can't. I'm feeling a little bit scared
Speaker 2: in my area lately. It's just it's just you.
Speaker 5: Don't have the infrastructure to support these people, you know
Speaker 5: what the the house and it's kind of funny to
Speaker 5: talk about. I'm trying to buy a house to get
Speaker 5: away from homeless people. But you know, it's it's interesting.
Speaker 2: You're so right.
Speaker 5: The irony, the irony, the doing performing for the realtor.
Speaker 5: It kind of reminds me of when you walk into
Speaker 5: a store that's owned, like a mom and pop store.
Speaker 5: Oh god, and the person's behind the counter and like
Speaker 5: you walk in, you're immediate like, oh no, I don't
Speaker 5: want any of this shit this place. You still have
Speaker 5: to be like the music that's place playing.
Speaker 1: I hate the smell.
Speaker 2: I hate the cat that's like meowing and I don't
Speaker 2: know where it is, but it's gonna come out. I'm
Speaker 2: going to have to act like I like it, and
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to like pet it or ask its
Speaker 2: name just to be pleasant.
Speaker 1: I will not walk in.
Speaker 3: Empty store just for this because I don't want to
Speaker 3: have to deal with this, and.
Speaker 2: I'll have to buy a card, at least some kind
Speaker 2: of postcard or like a some just some a bookmark,
Speaker 2: just to give them something to do.
Speaker 1: It's yeah, it's just I feel that same way.
Speaker 2: I guess I'm just not into and what a privileged
Speaker 2: thing to be able to say I'm not into small
Speaker 2: talk and I don't really have any tolerance for it anymore.
Speaker 2: And is that is that our world becoming like a
Speaker 2: shitty place? Am I a product of us all disappearing
Speaker 2: into our phones and not having any kind of there's
Speaker 2: just no social interactions.
Speaker 5: That's what's happening. I mean, there's partially like you're just
Speaker 5: like getting older and figuring out like what you really
Speaker 5: want to spend your time doing. But when it comes
Speaker 5: to just like having a conversation I had. I had
Speaker 5: a conversation with an Uber driver this past weekend that
Speaker 5: was like it reminded me of why having little small
Speaker 5: talk conversations can be rewarding. Yeah, okay, and generally I
Speaker 5: don't have them because of purely I don't feel good.
Speaker 5: But if I felt good all the time, I probably
Speaker 5: would have way more small talk conversation to point, Okay,
Speaker 5: I definitely think since COVID people have been shutting down
Speaker 5: that scientifically people are talking about how since COVID people
Speaker 5: are not going out socially as much anymore, they're not
Speaker 5: spending time with friends and family, They're not experiencing interactions,
Speaker 5: which I think is so important. We cannot let society
Speaker 5: descend into a world of isolation, which is where it's going.
Speaker 2: I just i'm if I don't want to make friends
Speaker 2: and I don't have anything helpful to share that is
Speaker 2: going to change that person's day or life. I'm very
Speaker 2: pleasant to the people in my elevator when they talk
Speaker 2: to me, and like I'm grateful to the people cleaning
Speaker 2: up around the apartment building, and I'm always gracious to
Speaker 2: the maintenance men and the janitors and whatever, and love
Speaker 2: small talk with them because I want them to feel
Speaker 2: appreciated and and I want to be a familiar face
Speaker 2: for them so that they feel like, oh this is
Speaker 2: I'm yeah. But I don't. I just don't want to
Speaker 2: be nice just to I don't want to. I don't
Speaker 2: want to be nice, so I'm just like making I don't.
Speaker 2: I'm not responsible for how people feel, and I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be responsible for making someone feel
Speaker 2: good all the time. I like giving that little gift
Speaker 2: when it's there to give. Like today, my friend Mike
Speaker 2: Kaplan m YQ. He changed anything in college, so funny,
Speaker 2: so smart. He is one of the He probably texts
Speaker 2: me twenty times a year just to be like, hey, Nikki,
Speaker 2: I love you, and I'm just writing my friends to
Speaker 2: tell them I love them, and you're just one of them.
Speaker 2: And I love you because of this and this and this,
Speaker 2: and he's specific and it's like so meaningful, and I
Speaker 2: can ignore it probably forty percent of the time, and
Speaker 2: he doesn't mind like I can. I'll get a big
Speaker 2: thing of text and then I forget to write back
Speaker 2: because I just I want to give way. He just
Speaker 2: gave and I don't. And then but he never makes
Speaker 2: me feel bad about it. He's just shooting it out there.
Speaker 1: He's so nice.
Speaker 2: But he heard me on Fresh Air on NPR, Terry
Speaker 2: Gross interviewed me, and he wrote me this message being
Speaker 2: like you were. He gave me like a detailed, you know,
Speaker 2: synopsis of his thoughts on it, and I was like, man,
Speaker 2: thank you so much. That is that is so nice.
Speaker 2: This literally made my week. And he said to me,
Speaker 2: he said to me, NICKI, the first I go, oh
Speaker 2: my god, this made my week. And that's no exaggeration.
Speaker 2: I had a hangover after that interview and felt kind
Speaker 2: of bad about myself. Thanks for saying these nice things,
Speaker 2: he said, NICKI. The first time Judy Gold saw me
Speaker 2: do stand up, she said, I was funny, and I said,
Speaker 2: thank you, that's nice of you to say, and she said,
Speaker 2: what's nice, it's true and he goes and that has
Speaker 2: become an anthem in our household for fun. So I
Speaker 2: say to you, what's nice, it's true? And I said
Speaker 2: it can be both. I said, I think a lot
Speaker 2: of I think a lot of true things that I
Speaker 2: don't say because I'm not feeling nice or generous. So
Speaker 2: it is nice to go the extra mile and go, okay,
Speaker 2: I do like that girl's jacket. I'm just not gonna think, oh,
Speaker 2: that's really cute jacket. I'm gonna say it, and then
Speaker 2: that's the nice part. And sometimes, like you said, Brian,
Speaker 2: I'm not in a good mood and I just don't
Speaker 2: feel like yeah, spread and joy.
Speaker 5: Yeah. I mean sometimes I see someone's jacket and I
Speaker 5: think it looks like shit, and I go, nice jacket. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, that's the other thing you can do. That's the
Speaker 1: mean girl's thing.
Speaker 2: That was such a great part of Mean Girls, where
Speaker 2: she was like, oh my god, I love your bracelet.
Speaker 2: Where did you get it? And the girl's like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, it was my mom's and she's like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, it's so cute, and then the popular girl
Speaker 2: like kind of christened this, you know, not popular girl
Speaker 2: because she liked her thing, and that happened to me
Speaker 2: so many times in high school. And then that girl, Katie,
Speaker 2: becomes friends with the popular girl. And then the popular
Speaker 2: girl does the same thing to an ug girl that
Speaker 2: has like an ugly backpack, and she's like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I love your bag. It's so cute.
Speaker 1: Where did you get it? And she was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, it was my mom's whatever.
Speaker 2: And then the girl walks away like feeling so good
Speaker 2: about herself, and then she turns to Katy and goes,
Speaker 2: that's the ugliest fucking bag I've ever seen in my life.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 2: And Katie's suddenly has this flashback of when she said
Speaker 2: it to her, and she was like, oh my god.
Speaker 2: This bitch just says she likes things when she actually
Speaker 2: hates them.
Speaker 1: And that is something.
Speaker 2: I think I used to do because I was trying
Speaker 2: to fight what I actually felt. I wouldn't do it
Speaker 2: to be a bitch. I feel so bad that I
Speaker 2: hated this girl's shirt, and I would think that she
Speaker 2: could maybe sense I hated it, so I would do
Speaker 2: the opposite.
Speaker 5: Right, So is that bad though. I mean, I know
Speaker 5: that's in mean girls, but.
Speaker 1: It's a lie.
Speaker 5: But if the person walks away from the interaction being
Speaker 5: feeling good about themselves and they never find out that
Speaker 5: you actually hated the bag and were making fun of them, ultimately,
Speaker 5: isn't that a net gain for the world.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's a good point, I think.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 2: I think it's always best to be sincere, because then
Speaker 2: that that girl.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know, that's hard.
Speaker 5: What if she was honest and just said, hey, by
Speaker 5: the way, I hate your backpack. Oh it is your mother's.
Speaker 1: Well she's well, that's unnecessary.
Speaker 2: You don't need to say mean things so dumb, that's
Speaker 2: that's mean. Yeah, but I don't That is a good
Speaker 2: question though. If something is not true and you're just
Speaker 2: saying it to be nice, is it and the girl
Speaker 2: never finds out that you were lying, is it harmful?
Speaker 2: I do I don't know, But I don't like to
Speaker 2: do that because I think that I'm usually overcompensating for
Speaker 2: feeling guilty that I don't like something, which is my parrogative.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after this. So what are your
Speaker 1: evenings like?
Speaker 2: Noah, Like, what do you do like, what have you
Speaker 2: been doing for fun now that you are a mother
Speaker 2: of an infant and all infants?
Speaker 5: Also additional question of that, what time is your time
Speaker 5: off if there is.
Speaker 2: Any Yeah, good question.
Speaker 1: Okay, So we have we actually started going out with
Speaker 1: her maybe.
Speaker 3: At like week number four or five or or six.
Speaker 3: And it takes a long time to like take her
Speaker 3: to a restaurant and stuff like that. It's it's hard,
Speaker 3: but we're doing it so that we can go out
Speaker 3: with her and she like is able to sit in
Speaker 3: her stroller or we just know how to manage it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: So that's that's what we've been doing. I'm trying to
Speaker 3: think of, like.
Speaker 1: You am I doing it for fun? What do you
Speaker 1: mean if I'm if I'm bored?
Speaker 2: Are no? Are you bored?
Speaker 1: I do get bored during the day.
Speaker 3: Like okay, so the days all have kind of blended
Speaker 3: into one, and I think that's the boredom where every
Speaker 3: day kind of looks the same. I like COVID, yeah
Speaker 3: a little bit, because I'm pretty much in the house.
Speaker 3: Have you know, going anywhere with her is just like
Speaker 3: you know, we it just takes a lot because we
Speaker 3: have to take the bag and then when so basically
Speaker 3: infant is up to three months, So now she's a
Speaker 3: baby because she's three months, got it. So when she
Speaker 3: was an infant, she would want to eat all the time,
Speaker 3: so we'd have to go. I'd have to be in
Speaker 3: the car feeding her. Then we have like maybe thirty minutes.
Speaker 2: You whipped your tit out in public? Yet, yes, a
Speaker 2: lot like does your nipple show to the outside world
Speaker 2: or are you doing it under a blanket?
Speaker 3: So actually, Instagram targeted ads gave me a good one.
Speaker 1: I got this shawl. It's from We.
Speaker 3: Are Amma A m m A and it's a it's
Speaker 3: really good because it's I don't get too hot in it,
Speaker 3: and Toby can kind of like see through it and
Speaker 3: it covers me perfectly, and I just kind of put
Speaker 3: her in there underneath, and it's very discreet and people
Speaker 3: can't really tell what we're doing. Okay, it just looks
Speaker 3: like a sleeping baby, So.
Speaker 1: You're you're not whipping the whole tit out, but you
Speaker 1: probably would. Well. Uh, it got to a point where
Speaker 1: I was just like I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 2: Like, like, does like do you care if like Abvi's
Speaker 2: dad sees your nipple? Like, does it get to that
Speaker 2: point because I've seen like my sister's taking her nipple
Speaker 2: out around my dad, and I'm like, I don't think
Speaker 2: I would ever do that.
Speaker 1: I really don't think I would. I don't. I didn't
Speaker 1: think I would either.
Speaker 3: But you just kind of are like, you know what,
Speaker 3: what's what's it worth to you? You know, like are
Speaker 3: you going to get up and go somewhere else or
Speaker 3: do you just want to sit here? And most likely
Speaker 3: you'll just want to sit I would just.
Speaker 2: Say, dad, look that way. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean my dad is hard of hearing. So if
Speaker 3: I'm just like, could you could you please go away? Like,
Speaker 3: don't look at me. He doesn't hear it. He just
Speaker 3: kind of comes in closer.
Speaker 1: What did you say? Okay? But I just I just
Speaker 1: stopped caring about it.
Speaker 4: It did.
Speaker 3: It was a little bit uncomfortable at first, or I
Speaker 3: thought I would have a hard time with taking my
Speaker 3: tits out, but I've just gone to a point where
Speaker 3: I don't care. I think a lot of women like
Speaker 3: that just there's a point where they're just kind of
Speaker 3: like I don't care.
Speaker 2: And speaking of boobs, like how's been the body recovery?
Speaker 1: Like how's been? Like how's been. I don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm I have mom brain.
Speaker 2: How my biggest fear in getting pregnant is that my
Speaker 2: stomach will get stretched out and it won't go back
Speaker 2: to the way it is and I'll have to get
Speaker 2: some kind of surgery and I just can't.
Speaker 1: I just like am freaked out about that.
Speaker 2: Even when I eat too much, I feel like my stomach,
Speaker 2: Like when I do like a joke picture I send
Speaker 2: the girls shot where I'm like, I'm five months pregnant.
Speaker 2: Like sometimes even that I'm like, oh no, I've like
Speaker 2: done some irreversible damage. It did it go back way
Speaker 2: more than you thought it would? Uh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I guess the whole of physiological part
Speaker 3: of pregnancy and birth was very surprising to me. I
Speaker 3: didn't I didn't realize things like that either. But it
Speaker 3: took my stomach about five weeks to kind of go
Speaker 3: back and because basically what's happening is like all your
Speaker 3: organs are starting to shrink and it's not what it
Speaker 3: was before pregnancy. I still have to do some exercise
Speaker 3: and stuff, which I'll get to, but it didn't like
Speaker 3: destroy my body like I thought it would. And a
Speaker 3: lot of that I think had to do with the
Speaker 3: fact that I was working out, you know, before I
Speaker 3: got pregnant, and then during pregnancy, just keeping it up
Speaker 3: until like, like, what.
Speaker 2: Kind of workouts were you doing?
Speaker 3: Well, I was doing jiu jitsu and I was weightlifting,
Speaker 3: and then I continue doing that into pregnancy.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I start your stomach or something.
Speaker 1: There's no punching in jiu jitsu, though, so why would
Speaker 1: I be afraid or accidentally when they're like wrestling you
Speaker 1: to the ground.
Speaker 3: Once I started showing, everyone was very very aware that
Speaker 3: I was pregnant and didn't want to do any of that,
Speaker 3: So we just worked very gently and yeah, so I
Speaker 3: just kind of did drills more than the actual rolling
Speaker 3: as they say.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, any so what's the biggest surprise though,
Speaker 2: besides just that she eats all like that? It is
Speaker 2: the love you feel more than the love you thought
Speaker 2: you would feel.
Speaker 1: Is that kind of the thing?
Speaker 5: Perception of the world changed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I would say.
Speaker 3: Yes, personally, I had a really and I'm still having
Speaker 3: a very positive experience with it. I had I was
Speaker 3: very very worried that I'd have bad postpartum and that
Speaker 3: I would like bese like turn into my mother, who
Speaker 3: I do not have a good relationship with, but that
Speaker 3: didn't happen, and I'm not even like fighting urges to
Speaker 3: do things that you know that she's done.
Speaker 1: So that's been.
Speaker 3: I guess that's been like a big surprise, like, Wow,
Speaker 3: I can have my own identity as a mother and
Speaker 3: I don't have to continue like the negative aspect of it. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 3: So that feels really good and yeah, I don't know,
Speaker 3: I just really like it. I think everything is kind
Speaker 3: of a big surprise because I didn't really know much
Speaker 3: about it. I don't know anything about parenting or motherhood,
Speaker 3: but there are instincts that kick in and it's really cool.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: How does it different than how does it differ from
Speaker 2: having a dog? Because I know you loved your dog
Speaker 2: like the way that the most that people could ever
Speaker 2: love dogs.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, you're right, you know what I do.
Speaker 3: I think having a dog and taking care of Bruno
Speaker 3: as my own dog really showed me that I can
Speaker 3: nurture another being. And now I'm kind of being able
Speaker 3: to have patience and I'm translating that into like my
Speaker 3: parenting style. So I guess having a dog really did
Speaker 3: prepare me for parenthood, even though it's a little bit different.
Speaker 3: Like you can leave a dog at home, you can
Speaker 3: leave the dog in the crate and create its little
Speaker 3: like comfort zone, but you can't do that with a baby.
Speaker 3: So if you want to leave the house, you have
Speaker 3: to take the baby with you.
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's some people that do leave the baby.
Speaker 2: Like final thought, I remember when you were like sleep
Speaker 2: training or something, and there was like a whole theory
Speaker 2: of people that say that just let the baby cry,
Speaker 2: and You're like I can't, Like what, Yeah, can you
Speaker 2: just let them cry? Like I don't know if i'd
Speaker 2: be able to do that either, but I think I
Speaker 2: would probably do it, Like eventually I would just give
Speaker 2: up because I just know my threshold for things. Oh,
Speaker 2: when I'm tired, I would just like do what I
Speaker 2: wouldn't think I would do.
Speaker 3: So yes, there I did have a moment. And again,
Speaker 3: like postpartum uh usually involves a lot of like hormonal
Speaker 3: changes in the body that you just don't know when
Speaker 3: they happen or whatever. And there was one time where
Speaker 3: Toby was crying and like I had just changed her.
Speaker 3: I'd just bet her. I burped her. And I'm just
Speaker 3: like I don't understand what you need. So I just
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, I have to leave you here in
Speaker 3: this uh you know, like in your best net, and
Speaker 3: I need to walk out of the room.
Speaker 1: And I walked out. I had to.
Speaker 3: I think it was like seven minutes, and she was
Speaker 3: crying and I came back and it was just so
Speaker 3: sad because she was just like I don't know if
Speaker 3: she was all red and just kind of like limp,
Speaker 3: you know, she had just kind of like given up.
Speaker 3: And I felt terrible, but I knew that I had
Speaker 3: to walk away from that. And I think a lot
Speaker 3: of new moms have that experience too, and it's just
Speaker 3: the right thing to do. But when i'm sleep training
Speaker 3: to I don't you know, I think it's just like
Speaker 3: old school because my dad's like, oh, just let her cry,
Speaker 3: and I I'm like, no, that's I don't want to
Speaker 3: do that. She's an infant. She can't You can't spoil
Speaker 3: an infant, is what it is.
Speaker 2: You are like setting the stage for her attachment style
Speaker 2: right now, Like how she conducts herself in her romantic
Speaker 2: relationships when she is in her twenties is one hundred
Speaker 2: percent connected to whatever is going on right now, which
Speaker 2: is so fucked up so right that it's so delicate,
Speaker 2: but like, yeah, if she is just like pursuing a
Speaker 2: guy who doesn't want her, or if she is running
Speaker 2: from a guy who does like her, it's all based
Speaker 2: on whether you let her cry or not.
Speaker 1: A couple times in the basinette yes, so wild.
Speaker 3: Aviy pointed that out because we took her to meet
Speaker 3: some family over the weekend and we just we you know,
Speaker 3: at first it was hard for me to let other
Speaker 3: people hold her and stuff, but now I'm like, okay,
Speaker 3: take her away and we see how she interacts with
Speaker 3: other people and she's fine. So Abvi was like, oh,
Speaker 3: you know, that could set her up for secure attachment
Speaker 3: because she's okay if we're not there. We went on
Speaker 3: like a mini date and everything, you know, like while
Speaker 3: his cousin watched her. So yes, we are very aware
Speaker 3: of that. It's so good to like, all this relationship
Speaker 3: stuff that I've studied and books that I've read definitely
Speaker 3: are helping me at least be conscious of that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's good to do.
Speaker 2: I mean, being secure A lot of I've learned through
Speaker 2: the attachments of like if you're insecure. You can be
Speaker 2: with someone who's secure, and that can make you secure,
Speaker 2: but someone who's with a secure If you're anxious, attached,
Speaker 2: and with an avoidant, you'll never become secure. It's not
Speaker 2: like that those will even out to a secure person.
Speaker 2: But secure you can pick up from someone else. And
Speaker 2: I think it's starting to pick it up from Chris,
Speaker 2: Like I think he's really secure attached, and I am
Speaker 2: starting to feel that way too.
Speaker 5: Great.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's taken a while, but you just have to
Speaker 2: like let go and stop thinking about the future and
Speaker 2: trying to like control it, and once you just stop.
Speaker 2: I swear to God, my life was changed when I
Speaker 2: saw that fucking reel of that girl in her car saying,
Speaker 2: like that person you're mad at, that person that you
Speaker 2: are annoyed by today, the person in front of you
Speaker 2: in traffic, that person your boss who's not returning your email,
Speaker 2: that person who's emailing you too much because you're not
Speaker 2: returning their email.
Speaker 1: Let them off the hook. Just try to let him
Speaker 1: off the hook.
Speaker 2: I swear to God, I think about that multiple times
Speaker 2: a day, where I just am letting people and myself
Speaker 2: and things off the hook constantly. I am reading a
Speaker 2: book right now, if any besties want to read with me,
Speaker 2: it's like a dollar ninety nine on iBooks, So if
Speaker 2: you want to digitally download it, now's the time. It's
Speaker 2: called the Imposter Cure, and it's for people with imposter
Speaker 2: syndrome because I am suffering immensely from mine. I have
Speaker 2: like stage four imposter syndrome right now. It's like gut
Speaker 2: literally could kill me, and I just don't know what
Speaker 2: to do about it anymore.
Speaker 5: Huh.
Speaker 3: What's like one of the things that stick out that
Speaker 3: you've learned from the book so far?
Speaker 2: Well, the person who is by doctor Jesseme Hibbard. I
Speaker 2: don't know if it's a girl or guy, but they said,
Speaker 2: if you're reading this, you aren't you are good at
Speaker 2: what you do. No one who has the imposter syndrome
Speaker 2: who would pick up a book about the amposter syndrome.
Speaker 2: There's just no way that you are fooling anyone like
Speaker 2: you are actually talented or you are actually good. But
Speaker 2: then there's one thing that I read that made me go,
Speaker 2: I don't know this, and I'm in the very early
Speaker 2: part of the book. They just like made me sign
Speaker 2: a contract in the book that says you're going to
Speaker 2: finish it and do all the things in it, Like
Speaker 2: you have to stick by it no matter how hard
Speaker 2: it is or no matter how dumb it seems. And
Speaker 2: I didn't sign it because it's on my fucking phone,
Speaker 2: so I'm supposed to sign it, but so I don't
Speaker 2: have to stick through to this thing. But one of
Speaker 2: the things they said was that if you're reading this book,
Speaker 2: I know they're like, I know you think you're a
Speaker 2: fraud and that you're tricking everyone into thinking you're actually
Speaker 2: good at your job, and you work so hard to
Speaker 2: convince people that to keep up with people's expectations of you,
Speaker 2: because you feel like if you give in at all,
Speaker 2: they're going to find out.
Speaker 1: And I don't relate to that.
Speaker 2: In fact, I am at the part of the imposter syndrome,
Speaker 2: which I think is like a final stage of like
Speaker 2: literally when it's like it's stage five or whatever, it's
Speaker 2: like mistasticide. I don't know that word. You get what
Speaker 2: I'm saying, where you you feel you are so exhausted
Speaker 2: by it that you just want to give up, like
Speaker 2: I don't even care if people find out anymore. Like
Speaker 2: that's that's what made me pick up the book is like,
Speaker 2: I can't, I can't keep doing I can't. I don't
Speaker 2: want to work hard anymore to keep this up because
Speaker 2: I'd rather just the truth come out. Everyone know I'm
Speaker 2: a fraud, and then I can just pick a new career.
Speaker 2: And so that's the part I'm asking.
Speaker 5: This is a pattern in self sabotage. Yeah, you got
Speaker 5: tall Poppy, You're talking about this yesterday where it's like
Speaker 5: you you're you're a cheat. You're a cheat the uh,
Speaker 5: the recognition you deserve and your impulse is to destroy it.
Speaker 1: But I don't think I deserve it.
Speaker 2: I think that there's been some sort of like you know,
Speaker 2: things have aligned that make what I do right now
Speaker 2: extremely popular based on my gender, based on my age,
Speaker 2: based on the way I look, and that I am
Speaker 2: fitting into something that the culture needs. But there is
Speaker 2: it's not truly because there's anything I could argue, like
Speaker 2: I want to I want to actually meet with this
Speaker 2: person and go I actually think I am an imposter.
Speaker 2: I'm the only person who's read this book that actually
Speaker 2: is because I am so like I literally I know
Speaker 2: what I'm good at and I and I'm just like
Speaker 2: finding myself failing in ways that I thought I that
Speaker 2: I should be.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: But I know that this is like do or die now,
Speaker 2: Like you know, this is when you like get helpful things,
Speaker 2: is when you realize, like you can't keep it up anymore.
Speaker 1: And I'm just like exhausted.
Speaker 5: And so interesting the book. Yeah, the only thing that
Speaker 5: you think you're not an impostor at is being an impostor,
Speaker 5: And so why don't you just accept that you're the
Speaker 5: best impostor in the world and that's why you're here.
Speaker 2: Oh that's interesting because here's the other thing. Being an
Speaker 2: impostor is exhausting, and I can't do it anymore. I can't.
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't keep.
Speaker 2: Like like I keep keep telling Chris about this, like door,
Speaker 2: I shouldn't even be talking about this.
Speaker 1: This is the other fear of an imposter syndrome is that.
Speaker 2: You can't publicly talk about it because then people will
Speaker 2: start to see it, and then they will believe it too,
Speaker 2: and then you'll be found out because you are you're
Speaker 2: letting them in on the truth and like I'm revealing
Speaker 2: my tricks or something. But I was telling Chris about
Speaker 2: this room in my brain that has all of my
Speaker 2: self criticism that I know is true, and I have
Speaker 2: recently like locked that door and I don't get to
Speaker 2: look in it. Because to be good, you can't have
Speaker 2: self doubt. You can't ever think negative things about yourself.
Speaker 2: Like what you think does come true. Manifest Station works
Speaker 2: like if you think good things, if you say good things,
Speaker 2: those things come true. I'm gonna win an Emmy, like
Speaker 2: it's already happened. That is happening because I manifested it.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's based on talent, to be honest
Speaker 2: with you, It's like I'm already I'm already robbing myself
Speaker 2: of the thing that I know I'm going to win
Speaker 2: because I manifested it.
Speaker 1: I didn't actually earn it.
Speaker 2: Like manifestation kind of blows in that way, is that
Speaker 2: you can't actually take credit for it because you just
Speaker 2: did some Joe To spends a shit on it and
Speaker 2: that's why you got it. So I told him about
Speaker 2: this room and my brain that is locked up, and
Speaker 2: if I look in the room, I will it's.
Speaker 1: I'm going to start crying, like I can't.
Speaker 2: I can look in that room occasionally and like grab
Speaker 2: something quickly out of it if.
Speaker 1: I need it. But I can't.
Speaker 2: I can't go in there, and recently I've had to
Speaker 2: go in there because oh, this.
Speaker 1: Is too much to get into.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna save it for tomorrow's podcast because it is
Speaker 2: seriously a mountain of hell in my brain recently, but
Speaker 2: I'm going to cure it with this book.
Speaker 1: I really have a lot of faith in this book.
Speaker 2: You guys know how I feel about books the changed
Speaker 2: my life, and this book is like there's just something
Speaker 2: about books that come into my life and fly into
Speaker 2: my field of vision when I really need them. And
Speaker 2: I am at like death's door with imposter syndrome right now,
Speaker 2: and really usually I can kind of claw my way
Speaker 2: out of it and go, no, you can point to
Speaker 2: this and this, I'm really out of tools to get
Speaker 2: out of it. And I was looking through my books
Speaker 2: that I've downloaded in the past to find a new
Speaker 2: actually fiction book I wanted to read, like I'm.
Speaker 1: Just like, what have you? Let's look at what you've downloaded, and.
Speaker 2: This book was in there. I'm like, when did I
Speaker 2: get this? And so it just kind of flew into
Speaker 2: my field of vision. I'm going to read it and
Speaker 2: it's going to swoop in and save the day, and
Speaker 2: then I'm going to be fucking great again, and I'm
Speaker 2: going to believe it about myself, and I'm going to
Speaker 2: be fooling no one, including myself, and we'll all know
Speaker 2: the truth that I'm just truly great and talented and
Speaker 2: a special person and truly better than others, and I
Speaker 2: deserve all the money and fame and success that I
Speaker 2: get because I am a superior person that was born.
Speaker 1: Like, see, this is the danger.
Speaker 2: When you start actually thinking you're good, you sound like
Speaker 2: a fucking asshole. I was meaning to sound like an
Speaker 2: asshole just then, by the way, I don't believe those things.
Speaker 2: But and then they even talk about in this book,
Speaker 2: like people who have imposter syndrome convince themselves that it's
Speaker 2: keeping them from being assholes. It's like keeping them in check.
Speaker 2: And I do believe that's true, and I do believe
Speaker 2: it's important.
Speaker 5: You don't want to seem like an asshole, that's for sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think more people need imposter syndrome.
Speaker 5: But you also, you know, you did a lot of
Speaker 5: hard work, and you need to be a Yes, this
Speaker 5: is all.
Speaker 1: Hard work. In my plank class, I want to.
Speaker 5: Fund Wasn't it hard when you were nineteen.
Speaker 2: No, No, it was that literally was not because I
Speaker 2: didn't have another option. It was I liked doing comedy.
Speaker 2: I was so grateful I found it. I loved the
Speaker 2: people I did it with. I liked driving in the
Speaker 2: middle of the night to these awful gigs. I liked
Speaker 2: feeling scared and getting up and doing a gig. I
Speaker 2: liked writing jokes. I liked I liked everything. I was
Speaker 2: making fifty.
Speaker 1: Dollars for a set, I liked it.
Speaker 5: You don't have to suffer in order to be happy.
Speaker 1: In order for it to be construed is hard work.
Speaker 5: You would say, yeah, like you can. You can be happy.
Speaker 5: That's really what it comes down to. It's like things
Speaker 5: could have been easy and you could be happy and
Speaker 5: it's fine. Think about like a rich person who lives
Speaker 5: in uh New England, who was born into wealth, and
Speaker 5: they're just like, uh, they get to like go to
Speaker 5: the beach and go sailing and they never have to
Speaker 5: worry about a single thing. Should they be going through
Speaker 5: their lives like being like, I guess I didn't earn
Speaker 5: any of this money and I'm a piece of shit worse,
Speaker 5: but they're they're just like, I'm gonna you know what,
Speaker 5: I'm gonna enjoy this. I'm gonna go uh sailing and
Speaker 5: have a good time. It's a waste. It's a waste
Speaker 5: of all the gifts you've been given to to feel
Speaker 5: shit a point.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I'm talking about.
Speaker 5: It's like goodwill hunting, which I brought up yesterday too,
Speaker 5: and goodwill hunting. There's a pivotal scene where Matt Damon
Speaker 5: is at the construction site with Ben Affleck and Matt
Speaker 5: Damon goes, I don't think I'm going to take any
Speaker 5: of those jobs. I don't think I'm gonna do anything.
Speaker 5: I just view myself as being a guy who live
Speaker 5: here in this in Southie with you. We're gonna raise
Speaker 5: some kids and we're gonna play little And Ben Affleck
Speaker 5: is like, if I if you lived with me twenty
Speaker 5: years ago, I swear to God, I'll fucking kill you.
Speaker 5: And it's like why. It's like He's like, I were
Speaker 5: you gonna say I owe it to myself. He's like, no,
Speaker 5: you don't owe it to yourself. You owe it to me.
Speaker 5: You owe it to me because you were given this gift.
Speaker 5: You're sitting on a winning lottery ticket and you're saying
Speaker 5: I'm not going to cash it in. Any One of
Speaker 5: these other guys would die in order to get what
Speaker 5: you have, and for you to not take advantage of
Speaker 5: it is an insult to Ben Affleck.
Speaker 2: That's a good reminder to have gratitude for the things
Speaker 2: that you have instead of feeling guilty about it or
Speaker 2: disparaging it in some way.
Speaker 5: And Will Hunting did absolutely nothing to get his skills.
Speaker 2: But I'm sorry, this is this is the thing I
Speaker 2: always come up against, is like people are like, Nikki,
Speaker 2: just be glad, like you have a talent and goodwill,
Speaker 2: Like we'll be mad at you if you don't capitalize
Speaker 2: on this. But then there are NEPO babies that are
Speaker 2: talented and they do it and people just trash them
Speaker 2: constantly because they seem to have had this golden ticket
Speaker 2: And isn't my life a golden ticket too in many ways?
Speaker 2: And why am why do I not get to trash
Speaker 2: myself the way that we completely take down NEPO babies
Speaker 2: all the time because of their privilege. Why is it
Speaker 2: sometimes okay to do and then other times it's like
Speaker 2: you're bad to yourself? And I do want to say,
Speaker 2: like it is so annoying to listen to someone constantly
Speaker 2: complain about how they don't like themselves. But I don't
Speaker 2: want to be phony. I'm in the foyer of a
Speaker 2: house I don't like, and I don't like it, and
Speaker 2: I'm telling you it. And that's why I'm reading a
Speaker 2: book to really enjoy this this house and to make
Speaker 2: the most of it. Whips of Jesus and put up
Speaker 2: the ones that Taylor sweft.
Speaker 5: No one's asking you to pretend like you're happy when
Speaker 5: you're not. But you're we're discussing like the we like
Speaker 5: the honesty and of how you're feeling. But you're you're
Speaker 5: trying to get out of this problem and you're trying
Speaker 5: to figure out like the basis for being able to
Speaker 5: feel less bad about being.
Speaker 2: A yes and and I'm not being really open to
Speaker 2: that right now, and I need to be more. And
Speaker 2: I think that's what this book does first, is it
Speaker 2: like makes you open to the idea that maybe maybe
Speaker 2: you're not an impostor maybe you do have this thing
Speaker 2: and maybe you're not fooling anyone. Just give it a chance,
Speaker 2: like could it possibly be that? And I really like
Speaker 2: that because that really helped me when I was recovering
Speaker 2: from an eating disorder, because I remember there was this
Speaker 2: one point where it was just like you, when you
Speaker 2: have an eating disorder, you constantly think of people with
Speaker 2: eating disorders as like different than you, and you're different,
Speaker 2: like you're like, I have to eat less to look
Speaker 2: the way I want to look like these other women,
Speaker 2: like everyone else gets to can go back to eating
Speaker 2: normal and have a normal body. But I'm special and
Speaker 2: I'm different and I'm broken, and I have to eat less.
Speaker 1: I don't get to be normal.
Speaker 2: And it's like this magical thinking that is honestly you
Speaker 2: thinking you're better than other people or somehow different in
Speaker 2: a way, when really you're not. And I'm not different,
Speaker 2: and I have the same thing that it says seventy
Speaker 2: percent of humans at some point in their lives deal
Speaker 2: with imposter syndrome.
Speaker 1: I would like to.
Speaker 2: Meet this thirty percent who just are like themselves all
Speaker 2: the time. Their mom's probably never left them in a
Speaker 2: room crying.
Speaker 1: No, that's what I'm determining.
Speaker 5: That homeless guy stabbing the pipe with his knife doesn't
Speaker 5: have imposters, so who knows exactly who he is?
Speaker 1: No, I think that's the final stage of it. I
Speaker 1: can think I'm real close to that.
Speaker 2: All right. Thank you guys for listening to the podcast today. Noah,
Speaker 2: welcome back to the show. We will have another show
Speaker 2: with Noah tomorrow. Thank you, besties for listening shows this weekend.
Speaker 2: I've got one sold out show on Friday, so you
Speaker 2: don't even need to know about that. That's an Oregon,
Speaker 2: which I'm saying differently now because I'm going there.
Speaker 1: I usually say Oregon.
Speaker 2: And then Saturday night I am in San Matteo, I think,
Speaker 2: and then on Sunday night, lots of daficates available and
Speaker 2: I want you there because it's a Sunday show and
Speaker 2: it's going to be a huge room, and it's an
Speaker 2: important show for me. And that is going to be
Speaker 2: in Paso Robules, California, which is wine country. So if
Speaker 2: you live in Wine Country, please please please come to
Speaker 2: that show. I'll tell you why in the future why
Speaker 2: that show in particular means a lot to me, but.
Speaker 1: It really does.
Speaker 2: And I need you there and I need you laughing
Speaker 2: hard and I would love to see you there.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, besties.
Speaker 2: I love you.
Speaker 1: I'm not an impostor. I'm really talented.
Speaker 2: And I'm grateful for you listening, and you have great
Speaker 2: taste and talent. All right, everyone, have a good Wednesday,
Speaker 2: and I'll see you tomorrow.
Speaker 1: They'll be good bye.