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Speaker 1: Hey, Brack. Okay, this is Brack Costin. I've known him.

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Speaker 1: Do you know how long we've known each other, Breck.

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Speaker 2: It's probably been close to twenty years at this point, no.

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Speaker 3: More, because I was like thirty thirty one, maybe even

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Speaker 3: younger anyway, so easily, No, I think it's twenty five.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I've never I've never been with time, and.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I was like in my early thirties.

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Speaker 3: All right, So this is Breck Costin. I've known him

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Speaker 3: for years because a group of friends of mine had

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Speaker 3: found this Freedom course in LA and it was transformative

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Speaker 3: for them, and I liked the name Freedom, and I

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Speaker 3: was like at a crossroads with a relationship. Yeah, Breck,

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Speaker 3: I think it was earlier. It was like in my twenties. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it m and I was. So that was like a

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Speaker 3: long time ago, maybe almost thirty years ago, and you

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Speaker 3: could probably go back and look at the dates. I

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Speaker 3: probably still my Freedom notebook upstairs. And I went to

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Speaker 3: this like three day immersive experience at Breck and uh

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Speaker 3: learned a language a lot of people use now that

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Speaker 3: I actually know is because of me, which we'll get into.

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Speaker 3: And Breck's sort of like oblivious to all that like

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Speaker 3: commercial stuff in ways, which I like because like he

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Speaker 3: never knows how many times I use his words, but

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Speaker 3: I do always give him credit, but like other people

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Speaker 3: do also. So Breck is a life coach slash non

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Speaker 3: traditional therapist but not like a doctor. And we've known

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Speaker 3: each other for years and we talk fairly regularly, and

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Speaker 3: he's a great guy and he's had a big life,

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Speaker 3: and I wanted to have him on here.

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Speaker 1: I think you came on years ago when I started.

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Speaker 2: No I never came on as a podcast. We did,

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Speaker 2: and you had your talk show, you didn't.

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Speaker 3: I think we did, but maybe yeah we did in

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Speaker 3: the very beginning, one hundred.

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Speaker 2: Percent telling you you know, it's way too long now

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Speaker 2: I can't remember apparently, yeah, I.

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Speaker 3: Mean one hundred percent. In the very very beginning we talked.

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Speaker 3: So you're in LA and we spoke the other day,

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Speaker 3: and I thought that hopefully you'd want to come on more,

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Speaker 3: but I'll sort of drive and I wanted to just

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Speaker 3: like bring up different concepts that we've discussed over the

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Speaker 3: years that jump off the page to me, and also

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Speaker 3: that you probably don't even know that I've discussed the

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Speaker 3: people and have jumped off the page with them. So

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Speaker 3: like you talk about a million things, but like probably

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Speaker 3: the things you wouldn't even think would be the biggest thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. I mean, you know, people will take

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Speaker 2: away what they think is really relevant and resonates. And

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Speaker 2: I think we're you know, as a as a coach

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Speaker 2: or just as as a person who's contributing, you're you're

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Speaker 2: always looking for different portals and different metaphors and different language, music,

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Speaker 2: anything you can that you think will get something from

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Speaker 2: your mouth to someone's ear that will be useful, right,

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Speaker 2: like digestible and people respond to you know, two different

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Speaker 2: different image imagery, different music, different rhythms, different metaphors. So

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Speaker 2: it's kind of figuring out what's what will translate for

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Speaker 2: each person.

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Speaker 3: So I guess we'll go with the biggest ticket item.

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Speaker 3: I was going to do charming, which we'll do after

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Speaker 3: because it really surprises people. On the charming, I had

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Speaker 3: a podcast called Charming is a Red Flag and it

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Speaker 3: was it was very It had a lot of impact,

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Speaker 3: which was shocking because it really people. It spoke to

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Speaker 3: people because charming is used as something positive. But let

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Speaker 3: me just park that for one second. Okay, let's talk

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Speaker 3: about noise. Okay, many people use the term noise as

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Speaker 3: a result of me commercializing the term noise as a

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Speaker 3: result of learning it from you at the Freedom course,

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Speaker 3: and I took it to another level. You talked about

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Speaker 3: food noise and money noise, and different people have different

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Speaker 3: noise or like talking about someone's particularly noisy in that area.

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Speaker 3: And I wrote a book called Naturally Thin about food noise.

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Speaker 3: But I've seen people, I've seen on social media other

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Speaker 3: people talk about it. They don't even realize that it

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Speaker 3: came from me and that it came from you.

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Speaker 1: So just talk. Let's talk about noise for a little bit, okay.

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Speaker 2: So and I like that, you know, I love that.

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Speaker 2: As you said, you know, I kind of think of

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Speaker 2: myself as being the scenes and not to diminish any

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Speaker 2: other coaches or any other people who are in the

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Speaker 2: working in you know, transformational world or in a self

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Speaker 2: help world, spiritual world. But I just think the contract

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Speaker 2: really is is that you're you're a source, right, you know,

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Speaker 2: you're not the you know, you're not not that you

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Speaker 2: can't be the mouthpiece for what you're delivering, but you're

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Speaker 2: actually the source, and you want other people to be

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Speaker 2: able to deliver that from their own particular expression, right,

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Speaker 2: and they make it their own, they take it to

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Speaker 2: a whole other level. So that's always exciting for me

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Speaker 2: when you know, like as you take noise and kind

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Speaker 2: of disseminate it so it becomes part of the vernacular,

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Speaker 2: part of the culture. Right. I like that. I like

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Speaker 2: watching that those kinds of things happen.

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Speaker 1: They say the.

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Speaker 3: Best relationships are the rock and the stars. So you

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Speaker 3: have many stars that you talk to, but like you're

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Speaker 3: they're the star, You're the rock, Like you're behind the.

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Speaker 2: Scenes and understanding. Like any great team, you understand your position,

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Speaker 2: you know, and you play your position. And I think

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Speaker 2: a lot of times where it's conflicted, and I'll get

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Speaker 2: into noise even from this context, think for a lot

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Speaker 2: of people that they're they're they're so wanting to play

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Speaker 2: a position that they're just not designed for and it's

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Speaker 2: and it's just and then and I consider that to

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Speaker 2: be one of the you know, when you're trying to

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Speaker 2: compete where you're not competitive, it is it is a

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Speaker 2: source of suffering. Wow, it is. And people will spend

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Speaker 2: years and years and years trying to squeeze them into

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Speaker 2: something that they just weren't designed to do and so,

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Speaker 2: and that goes right into noise as well. So noise

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Speaker 2: is this very basically, it's your really your internal commentary

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Speaker 2: that's good or bad. Now, this is what people think,

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Speaker 2: they oh, good noise is good. I'm saying no, no

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Speaker 2: good noise. You're trying to keep around. Bad noise you're

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Speaker 2: trying to get rid of. So it has you either way.

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Speaker 2: It holds you hostage either way.

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Speaker 3: So you're saying, like, the absence of noise is real

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Speaker 3: true piece. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's where freedom and peace is right. And if

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Speaker 2: you look at when you're the most brilliant, you're when

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Speaker 2: you look at where your essence is being fully expressed,

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Speaker 2: and it's the essential you, it's when there's no noise.

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Speaker 2: So that's a singer singing in front of the sick

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Speaker 2: two thousand people and they're not trying to remember their lyrics.

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Speaker 2: They're not remembering, they're connected to the audience. They're expressing themselves.

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Speaker 2: They're they don't have like oh man, I'm crushing it

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Speaker 2: or I'm you know, or this when badly.

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Speaker 3: Meaning like even if it's family noise and you're managing it,

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Speaker 3: you're still having to deal with that. You're thinking about

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Speaker 3: it positive, like I've got it under control. That's noisy too,

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Speaker 3: and bad noises.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so management, the management of something is even more.

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Speaker 2: I kind of think of this as like a feral tiger, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, your noise can be running rampant and just

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Speaker 2: eating anything that's on the African plane, right, feral, and

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Speaker 2: then when it comes up a solution to a problem, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I'll manage this. I'll just quester this animal, this ferocious animal,

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Speaker 2: and that just as bad. Right. It's literally like this

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Speaker 2: is a Siegfreedo and roy of noise is they know

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Speaker 2: how to work with white tigers, you know. They they

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Speaker 2: made millions of dollars working with with this, you know.

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Speaker 2: So it's a it's understanding. It's understanding how to work

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Speaker 2: with you know, your own, you know animal. I'll talk

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Speaker 2: about survival noise in that regard as well, but it

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Speaker 2: really is understanding that when you are truly there is

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Speaker 2: when there's no noise. So that's that's when you like,

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Speaker 2: in this conversation that we're having, if you and I

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Speaker 2: were going, God, I hope this is going well. I

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Speaker 2: wonder if this is going all right or our internal

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Speaker 2: dialogue was like, I'm not sure what to say.

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Speaker 1: It's noisy, Yeah, it'd be like a noise.

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Speaker 3: Well that's funny because in the book Naturally Thin, the

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Speaker 3: way that I took it to the next level, which

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Speaker 3: I forgot until this exact moment, is I said that

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Speaker 3: with people with food, they wanted to turn their noise

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Speaker 3: into a voice, like you're having just a conversation. I'm

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Speaker 3: about to have a meal, and this what I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: have versus I was bad, I was good. I ate

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Speaker 3: so much so I have to beat myself up and

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Speaker 3: eat more or I have to eat nothing like that's managing.

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Speaker 3: That's noisy, but just being like okay, chocolate I wanted,

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Speaker 3: and I'm you know, next, I'm doing this like have

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Speaker 3: it be like a voice, which to me seemed calmer.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's not only calmer, but you know that it's

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Speaker 2: it's I see this in phases bethany where you kind

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Speaker 2: of like are first of all recognizing it's coming out

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Speaker 2: of the ethers. You're recognizing if as an internal dialogue

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Speaker 2: rather that's just your personality or that's just the way

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Speaker 2: it is. So you're seeing some distinction between oh, this

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Speaker 2: isn't me. This is the noise in my head. But

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Speaker 2: most people associate the noise in their head with them.

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Speaker 2: And when you were your essential you, there's no noise,

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Speaker 2: and it's a strange phenomenon, like, oh, when I'm truly

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Speaker 2: being myself, it's when there's no noise that's happening.

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Speaker 1: That's the most meditative state, is being.

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Speaker 2: Just just there right, yeah. So, and I think in

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Speaker 2: a world attempting that right to get to that. So,

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Speaker 2: I call that the thing you just mentioned, the cherry

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Speaker 2: pie I made it up as a cherry pye conflict.

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Speaker 2: And that is like, okay, you got to you got

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Speaker 2: to lunch, you got to dinner. And the waiter says, okay,

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Speaker 2: would you like dessert? And it says with a cherry pie.

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Speaker 2: Person goes no, you know, no, I'm not gonna have

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Speaker 2: any cherry pie, and so and and he goes ask again,

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Speaker 2: do you want any cherry pie? And Vera says no,

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Speaker 2: I don't want a cherry pie. And so throughout the

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Speaker 2: day you're like, hey, you know I didn't eat that

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Speaker 2: cherry pie. I didn't eat the cherry pie at all.

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Speaker 2: You know, you didn't have the cherry pie. But you're

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Speaker 2: still being dominated by cherry pie, when, whether you ate

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Speaker 2: it or not.

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Speaker 3: You should have just had, yeah, take a bite, a

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Speaker 3: couple of bites of it. Yeah, that's funny.

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Speaker 2: Whether you ate it or not.

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Speaker 1: That's noisy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's what noise looks like. Well.

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Speaker 3: Also, I want to tell everyone that we can move

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Speaker 3: to something else because I think they maybe get it.

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Speaker 3: But like that when Breck introduced it to me, because

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Speaker 3: we're talking about thirty years ago, but I have a

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Speaker 3: crazy memory for this stuff. You've taught so many different

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Speaker 3: things and talked about so many different things. But I

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Speaker 3: want to like take people back to what I learned

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Speaker 3: that He talked about how each person has different Someone

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Speaker 3: could have religion, noise, food, noise, money, noise, age, noise, vanity, noise,

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Speaker 3: like it could be anything. It could be all the

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Speaker 3: seven deadly sins. It's just you could be noisy about something.

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Speaker 3: It could it could be anything, right, Like it could

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Speaker 3: be the Emperor has no clothes or I'm not I'm

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Speaker 3: even someone has billion dollars. They could still think they're

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Speaker 3: going to lose it all.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, no, that happens. I mean, have a lot

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Speaker 2: of clients just like you know, who have you know,

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Speaker 2: storty amount of money, and there they can be the

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Speaker 2: most terrified.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So that that's overall. Noise can be different for

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Speaker 3: every single person.

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Speaker 2: But the goal it doesn't mean that noise doesn't produce.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that it can't produce, meaning like you

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Speaker 2: can make a ton of money in a certain area. Right.

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Speaker 2: But the thing is is that it mostly where you

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Speaker 2: have no noise is where you're the most created, most

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Speaker 2: most evolved, most accomplished, most you know, most evolutionary. Right.

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Speaker 3: Well, that's interesting, Okay, So this is why that's interesting

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Speaker 3: to me because usually the thing that the person's most

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Speaker 3: obsessed with, you've called it, their plates of wounding, the

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Speaker 3: thing that they're thinking about the most, is the thing

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Speaker 3: that isn't coming naturally to them.

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Speaker 1: And I also think.

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Speaker 3: That like between sleep and wake is when all my

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Speaker 3: best ideas come, and when I'm the most relaxed is

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Speaker 3: when my amazing like ideas they just come to solve

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Speaker 3: a problem that I've had forever.

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Speaker 1: And that's quiet, it's literally quiet.

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Speaker 2: Well, yeah, you can't you can't solve you know, certainly,

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Speaker 2: you know, you can can't be creative or innovative or

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Speaker 2: generative when fear or shame is dominating, right, it's it's

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Speaker 2: a it's a threat, right, So why I say it

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Speaker 2: can it can produce. It means that someone can can

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Speaker 2: start like they're there, can start start their mote or

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Speaker 2: their engine. In terms of I don't want to be

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Speaker 2: like that. I'm going to change my circumstances. I'm going

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Speaker 2: to drive something, right, So, like the difference between ambition

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Speaker 2: and invention is you can start something from a place

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Speaker 2: of noise, right, you can. It can kick off from

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Speaker 2: place like I don't want to be like my dad.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to be like my mom, and I

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Speaker 2: don't want to live like this. I'm wanting to do

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Speaker 2: something from a reactive place. But in order for it

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Speaker 2: to fulfill and move, it's got to move into an

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Speaker 2: evolutionary creative place where it's not driven drop driven from

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Speaker 2: that that source. So we're all we're always looking at

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Speaker 2: at you know, what is it that? What is it

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Speaker 2: that has us? And what is it that we have

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Speaker 2: right and what is holding us hostage? And what do

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Speaker 2: I actually have? So today you know, we're just riddled

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Speaker 2: with anxiety, right, and anxiety is I mean just kind

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Speaker 2: of globally anxiety is trying to get control of something

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Speaker 2: of no control over, right, and so people come up

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Speaker 2: with tons of solutions to that.

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Speaker 3: Like you're you're saying, because you talk about this with

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Speaker 3: charm too, anxiety has us, and you say that charm

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Speaker 3: has people too, Like, so go into like how these

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Speaker 3: things are having us, Like, we're going to that because

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Speaker 3: I think that's interesting.

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Speaker 1: Most people don't say that.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So when I say someone can be productive, I'm

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Speaker 2: saying that they don't know that. People don't distinguish out enough.

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Speaker 2: You know what is it, you know where they have

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Speaker 2: noise and no noise, so it just looks like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I if that I'm being manic here, And I'm going, well, no,

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Speaker 2: you're actually not being manic there. You know here you're

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Speaker 2: pretty freed up. Here you're manic and you're collapsing both

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Speaker 2: of those those things. So someone could be have their

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Speaker 2: craft just to kind of finish that up. Their craft

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Speaker 2: could be jord like, they'd be able to play the

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Speaker 2: guitar brilliantly. They can do that, but their career is noisy,

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Speaker 2: so they never fulfill in their career. But they could

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Speaker 2: be the best the guest guitarist in the world, and

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Speaker 2: people understand, well, if I'm really great at this out come,

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Speaker 2: this isn't fulfilling. And someone can be mediocre in their

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Speaker 2: craft but really freed up in their career, right, meaning

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Speaker 2: they have all this room to make mistakes, to fail,

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Speaker 2: to lose, to move right. And so you know, watching,

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Speaker 2: you know, watching where things produce and how they produce,

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Speaker 2: you know, is my entire kind of work, right, Like,

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Speaker 2: what is what is it that has someone be effective?

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Speaker 2: You know in a particular way. So the question that

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Speaker 2: you're asking is I consider identities. I look at identities,

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Speaker 2: and the identity is a way you want to be

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Speaker 2: seen or a way you do not want to be seen. Right,

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Speaker 2: So I want I might want to be seen as smart.

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Speaker 2: I can't be seen as stupid. I want to be

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Speaker 2: seen as a tractor. I can't be seen as ugly.

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Speaker 2: I obt to see this as powerful. They can't be

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Speaker 2: seen as weak.

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Speaker 1: I feel like you used to call that image. Also

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Speaker 1: is that are you saying that's.

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Speaker 2: The same, Well I did, it was? It was an

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Speaker 2: image has a much broader context, okay, right, But the

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Speaker 2: identity is very specific. You know, we walk around, you know,

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Speaker 2: wanting me seen in a particular way, and if we're

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Speaker 2: not seen in a particular way, we get reactive, threatened, disconsolate,

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Speaker 2: something like that. So I always consider that identities have you,

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Speaker 2: qualities and characteristics you have. So this is there to

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Speaker 2: your point about charming. So you could have an identity

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Speaker 2: of loyal like you need to be seen as a

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Speaker 2: loyal person. That's an identity, right, So you're loyal to

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Speaker 2: a fault, s you'll stay in situations long after you should.

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Speaker 2: You don't get out fast enough. You ally yourself to

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Speaker 2: things you shouldn't because you've got a dysfunction, so you're

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Speaker 2: not seeing things correctly. So loyal to a fault is problematic. Yep, agreed.

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Speaker 3: And that's almost like the obligation to a fault. When

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Speaker 3: people constantly have to go, they always have to show up.

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Speaker 3: It feels disingenuous, like they're doing it to check the box.

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Speaker 2: So with regards to loyalty as a characteristic equality, that's

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Speaker 2: different than an identity. I mean you have loyalty, Loyalty

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Speaker 2: doesn't have you. So you can be loyal to the

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Speaker 2: appropriate situations, you can exit situations appropriately, and you can

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Speaker 2: be disloyal if you have loyal I mean I'm not

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Speaker 2: going to be loyal to someone who's saying, you know,

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Speaker 2: an asshole or someone who's doing this. Right, But you

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Speaker 2: can't be disloyal if loyalty to a fault has you.

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Speaker 2: So that is true for everything. So it could be

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Speaker 2: so everything to be positive or negative depending on the context.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so talk about obligation, because everybody that's listening is

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Speaker 3: doing a bunch of things they don't actually want to

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Speaker 3: be doing. And I do many things for other people,

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Speaker 3: but I don't do anything anywhere that I don't want

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Speaker 3: to do.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's jarring, and I.

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Speaker 2: That's revolution that's this almost is like you now we're

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Speaker 2: talking kind of like graduate school in terms of self help,

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Speaker 2: just because it really is such a revolutionary concept because

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Speaker 2: it looks completely selfish. Yes, because someone says, but what

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Speaker 2: looks what looks one way to the culture might be

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Speaker 2: entirely different to what's actually true.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: So if someone is saying, oh, you you know, you

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Speaker 2: never do anything, you know, obligatorily, and I go and

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Speaker 2: I say, yeah, I don't, and they go, well, that's

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Speaker 2: just completely selfish. I go, well, actually know it's selfless

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Speaker 2: because who wants someone around who's doing something as they're

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Speaker 2: a pain in the ass. They're doing it for you.

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Speaker 2: They're sanctimonious about it, they're self righteous about it, and

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Speaker 2: that's not yielding anything. It's no benefit to any right.

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Speaker 3: I don't like when people count who gave a gift

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Speaker 3: to give a gift back. I don't want any gifts.

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Speaker 3: I have one, no gifts. Gifts giving is literally my

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Speaker 3: love language. I don't want any because I'm not giving

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Speaker 3: a gift because I want something back or because I

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Speaker 3: got something. They have nothing to do with each other,

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Speaker 3: and it irritates me when I hear someone, well, can

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Speaker 3: you believe they came to the wedding and they only

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Speaker 3: did whatever? Who gives a shit that? So I hate

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Speaker 3: that shit. I hate counting. That's the opposite of being

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Speaker 3: a good person.

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Speaker 2: An obligation can can just like you said that, it

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Speaker 2: can trans can translate to many many situations. It can

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Speaker 2: go to it can go to gift giving, it can

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Speaker 2: go to emotional context like I love you. I didn't

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Speaker 2: hear it back, right, You're obligated to say it back,

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Speaker 2: so it can be I agree with that too. That's

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Speaker 2: so ridiculous. It can be on emotional context. It can

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Speaker 2: be in a physical context. Obligation can translate to many

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Speaker 2: many different situations. So obligation, you know, to live a

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Speaker 2: life obligation free, right, meaning you know, I'm only going

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Speaker 2: to do things that I want to do, and I'm

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Speaker 2: only going to do things that I say I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: do or I'm not going to do them, right. And

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Speaker 2: you know, like when someone goes, well, what if your

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Speaker 2: wife asks you to do something to me, I go,

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Speaker 2: that's usually my pleasure. You know, I want to do

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Speaker 2: something for her.

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Speaker 3: It's not an obligation right, right, But you may not

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Speaker 3: totally want to do that thing, but you want to

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Speaker 3: do like.

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Speaker 2: But you want to do that for them because you

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Speaker 2: know what it'll.

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Speaker 1: Like Yes, I'm saying yes exactly.

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Speaker 2: So that's for people get stuck. And you know, in

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Speaker 2: my marriage, I mean I think it's been really generous

383
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Speaker 2: in that way. Like if I say I don't want

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Speaker 2: to do exit like something simple like Jene goes, oh,

385
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Speaker 2: the dishes are the in the sink. Yeah, I said

386
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Speaker 2: I didn't want to do them. She goes, Okay, so

387
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Speaker 2: it's it's gonna be as simple as that, and then

388
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Speaker 2: they get done, you know, down the road right where

389
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Speaker 2: it's kind of something you want to do, but it's

390
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Speaker 2: like literally simple.

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Speaker 3: Well no, if she lets that go a couple of times,

392
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Speaker 3: and it's like says to you like it would be

393
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Speaker 3: nice if you did them, but doesn't give you damage

394
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Speaker 3: next time you might want to do them. It's kind

395
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Speaker 3: of like this weekend, I was with someone that I

396
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Speaker 3: care about and I was exhausted, and I just I

397
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Speaker 3: am always activated, but I'm when I do a lot

398
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Speaker 3: of things that involve other people, I really need to restore.

399
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Speaker 3: And it could be like organizing sweaters, or like looking

400
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Speaker 3: at lip gloss or just staring at the TV.

401
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Speaker 1: I just need to be alone ish.

402
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Speaker 3: Or like wandering in a house with someone else there,

403
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Speaker 3: but not like a you know, in an obligation mode. Yes,

404
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,399
Speaker 3: so this person is an extrovert and I'm more of

405
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Speaker 3: an introvert. And they said, my cousin's in town and

406
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Speaker 3: I was in the Hampton's and do you want to

407
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Speaker 3: go for lunch with him?

408
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Speaker 2: Now?

409
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Speaker 3: I really didn't want to go, but I really care

410
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Speaker 3: about this person who's doing a lot of things for

411
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Speaker 3: me and and really caring. And I said, I first

412
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Speaker 3: just want to know if you care if I go

413
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Speaker 3: or not. Like, I just want to know where you

414
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Speaker 3: stand with it.

415
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was the question I to say, is this

416
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Speaker 2: important to you.

417
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Speaker 1: That I go like do you care?

418
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Speaker 3: Like how much on a one to ten, because often

419
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Speaker 3: you're not communicating and you just say yes and then

420
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Speaker 3: you resent it or you say no and they resent

421
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Speaker 3: that you said no, even though they didn't really care.

422
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Speaker 3: But it was the way that it was discussed. I said, listen, you,

423
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Speaker 3: if it's really important to you, then we should discuss that.

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Speaker 3: I wasn't even ready to go yet. I just was

425
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,919
Speaker 3: ready to say, if it's really important, you should discuss that.

426
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Speaker 3: I on my own vacuum don't want to go, but like,

427
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Speaker 3: if it's really important to you, because as a family member,

428
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,680
Speaker 3: that's a discussion. And then he was like it's really

429
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Speaker 3: not and I was like, okay, great, I really don't

430
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Speaker 3: want to go. And then later he was gone for

431
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:13,399
Speaker 3: like three hours and he was worried that it was

432
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,320
Speaker 3: too long, and that became a I'm like, no, like

433
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:17,040
Speaker 3: not to make.

434
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:17,680
Speaker 1: You feel bad.

435
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,480
Speaker 3: You could go for five hours, like I you know,

436
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 3: I want eventually I want you to come back and

437
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 3: not be But it's like that kind of stuff. It

438
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,119
Speaker 3: like frees you up because you could really go on

439
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,720
Speaker 3: the wrong road. You could go and resent it.

440
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,840
Speaker 2: First of all, you're always looking to maintain like you're

441
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:35,280
Speaker 2: now talking relationship stuff, so you're talking, so you always

442
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:39,320
Speaker 2: are looking to maintain the affinity of the connection, the

443
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:43,280
Speaker 2: love connection and the relationship. That's kind of like the intention, right,

444
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:47,080
Speaker 2: and in between fights and disagreements and you don't feel

445
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,920
Speaker 2: appreciated or whatever people's issues are, you know, that can

446
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 2: be that can that can get threatened that affinity, right,

447
00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:57,199
Speaker 2: So those kinds of conversations of like, well, is this

448
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:00,359
Speaker 2: important to you? No, it's not, okay, then I'm not

449
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 2: going to go, and it maintains the affinity in the

450
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:07,040
Speaker 2: relationship rather than I'm just not going right.

451
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,359
Speaker 3: No, you're right, or like going and resenting. I do

452
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,880
Speaker 3: ask a lot if something's important, because someone one said

453
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,400
Speaker 3: to me years ago, Dennis, who you knew, He said,

454
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,399
Speaker 3: if it's important to you, it's important to me. He

455
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,360
Speaker 3: didn't act that way, but I liked the sentence.

456
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:20,400
Speaker 2: I do too, and I like and I like that too.

457
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 2: So it's obligation. So you live a life obligation free, right,

458
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 2: So you take away the victim. That's really what you're doing.

459
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,919
Speaker 2: Because a victim is somewhere something or someone smarter like

460
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,480
Speaker 2: the marthing, or someone's doing something to you, you take

461
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,840
Speaker 2: away the victim in the conversation. Right, and then we

462
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,359
Speaker 2: so get into those habits of acting like victims and

463
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:43,159
Speaker 2: situations and and living life implication free. So obligation and

464
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:46,479
Speaker 2: implication free are like implication free means you know what

465
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,119
Speaker 2: it means about you. If I do this, I'm a

466
00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:50,680
Speaker 2: good person. If I don't do this, I'm a bad person. Right,

467
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,959
Speaker 2: And people live mostly obligatorily.

468
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 3: No, they want and they check the butt, they want

469
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,159
Speaker 3: the scorecard. It's counting, which is the opposite of a

470
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:58,880
Speaker 3: good relationship, is counting anything.

471
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're looking to live a life you know, obligation free,

472
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,640
Speaker 2: implication free, and you're more generous, you're more creative, you're

473
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 2: more connected, you're more communication and you have less noise

474
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 2: in your head.

475
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:11,200
Speaker 1: Bravo.

476
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:14,640
Speaker 3: So we've accomplished. Okay, let's get into charm. So tell

477
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 3: me about charming. I'm eating a little bite of my

478
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,920
Speaker 3: snack because I have very breakfast. Let's talk about charming.

479
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 2: So you know, when someone says and usually charm is

480
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,560
Speaker 2: associated with you know, men or masculine let's call it

481
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:26,639
Speaker 2: that way, you know, can take it.

482
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,720
Speaker 1: Wow? Yeah, right, so explain that.

483
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,680
Speaker 2: Yeah. So you know, we don't usually say the woman's charming.

484
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,160
Speaker 2: We will use a different term for that. Oh god,

485
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 2: she's really gracious, she's really sweet, you know, sweet like

486
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:42,480
Speaker 2: all kinds of different things. But that's associated culturally with

487
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 2: a man, right, and it's usually associated in a really

488
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 2: favorable way. Right now. The thing about charm is that

489
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 2: it's and people people don't like this, But I considered

490
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 2: myself quite charming, you know, early on, So I figured

491
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 2: I can get away with talking about this, right even

492
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 2: I've got you know, it's like someone like who's who's

493
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:05,880
Speaker 2: If you've got the wound, you can really talk about

494
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,119
Speaker 2: the wound, right.

495
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 3: So you probably were really charming. That's why you know

496
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 3: about it so well? Yeah, because you would just guys,

497
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,720
Speaker 3: Breck was like a hotshot data models, party like a

498
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 3: rock star, came from money, trust fun, like big swinging dick.

499
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 3: The whole thing, had a life. Life humbled you. You

500
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 3: probably were a charming motherfucker with that money and the

501
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 3: models and the looks and all that shit in New

502
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 3: York City partying in La got it?

503
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:32,479
Speaker 1: Okay?

504
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I mean, so I feel like I have

505
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 2: a strong sense of this right now. You can also

506
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:39,760
Speaker 2: have a strong sense of how, you know, how the

507
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:44,400
Speaker 2: narcissistic wound that's associated with charming, right, which is very

508
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 2: you know, it's a it's a painful thing for people

509
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:48,119
Speaker 2: to say, but that's what it is. Why is it?

510
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:53,160
Speaker 2: Because it if you're a man who's incredibly charming, you

511
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,359
Speaker 2: are you create an addiction of meeting that kind of

512
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,679
Speaker 2: attention and that kind of feedback. Do you know you

513
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,840
Speaker 2: go to a party, you go to this and something

514
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:01,919
Speaker 2: has to be said about you.

515
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,480
Speaker 3: Okay, so I want to tell everybody because this was

516
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:08,720
Speaker 3: I talked about this. It's the guy who sometimes not you,

517
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 3: but sometimes the charming is the hey Dan, how's your

518
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:14,199
Speaker 3: golf game? And like real gregarious then at home like

519
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 3: treating his wife like shit, or I've had that scenario.

520
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 3: I've also had this scenario where the guy's like the bro,

521
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:24,439
Speaker 3: real bro, real friend, you know, just hugging everybody and

522
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,639
Speaker 3: good looking and everybody likes him and girls like it,

523
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 3: and he's a life of the party and like the

524
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,720
Speaker 3: peacock like and you're right, because it is an addiction,

525
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,000
Speaker 3: they just go to it, right away, it works so well,

526
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:35,240
Speaker 3: and go ahead.

527
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 2: So it becomes really your go to in as a man,

528
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:42,400
Speaker 2: and and that's and you and it gets narrowed down

529
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 2: so that becomes mostly your entire or you're you're organized

530
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 2: around what you're driven by, you know, getting feedback for

531
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 2: how charming you are, needing to seduce all the time,

532
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,399
Speaker 2: whether it's men or women. You're just you're like an

533
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,399
Speaker 2: animal and is constantly generating that.

534
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,479
Speaker 3: You're singing the karaoke song, you're doing the shots, You're

535
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 3: a charming, the mom you got, everybody loves you.

536
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,400
Speaker 2: Whatever's required. If what's required is be completely quiet, what's

537
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:08,119
Speaker 2: required to be totally entertaining, what's required to be this

538
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 2: You're you're you're managing whatever you need to do to

539
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 2: get that feedback. Wow, so and and it and it

540
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 2: becomes an addiction like anything else. That's why age can

541
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 2: be really challenging for people as they you know, as

542
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,159
Speaker 2: they fall and they don't have the same skills, they

543
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 2: don't do the same resources that they had. So what

544
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:33,399
Speaker 2: I all say to women, and women will say this

545
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 2: right as well, is if you see someone who's particularly charming,

546
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:39,439
Speaker 2: run for the hills.

547
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:42,960
Speaker 1: I literally called the podcast charming is a red flag.

548
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, so run for the hills because in two years

549
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 2: you're gonna hate this guy. You're gonna hate, You're gonna go,

550
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 2: I'm gonna kill this guy.

551
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 3: The very thing that you found so fascinating that the stick,

552
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,680
Speaker 3: this bit is gonna make you sick.

553
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 2: It is, and in two years you're gonna be out

554
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 2: of your mind. Right. So I say I say this

555
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 2: to women when women go, you know, I'm in marrying

556
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 2: my yoga instructor. I go. Just because he can put

557
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 2: his you know, legs around his head doesn't mean that

558
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 2: he's got emotional flexibility. Don't confuse those two, right. I'm

559
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 2: not saying he doesn't. I'm saying that those are different phenomenas.

560
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 2: There's a different photomen be meean spiritual evolution, creative evolution,

561
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 2: emotional evolution, right, and these things so a lot of times,

562
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,199
Speaker 2: and that can be a highly seductive thing for you know,

563
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 2: and and dating charm. So I'm saying most men, other

564
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:36,160
Speaker 2: men who so who have integrity, you know, a sense

565
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:37,960
Speaker 2: of themselves and a sense of you know, kind of

566
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 2: a moral compass in terms of who they are and

567
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 2: what they are, and they don't need all that feedback,

568
00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 2: they have a stronger sense to themselves. They can have charm,

569
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:49,520
Speaker 2: So meaning you can have charmed from a context of integrity, right,

570
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,919
Speaker 2: But if charm is your whole story, that's where it's problematic.

571
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:55,960
Speaker 1: It's owning you, it's wearing you.

572
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's what it has your own habit. So

573
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 2: it doesn't mean you can't have charm. It just can't.

574
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,440
Speaker 2: It's got to be like anything. You've got to be

575
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:04,880
Speaker 2: able to pick it up and put it down and

576
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 2: use it, and it's got to be more more mobile

577
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 2: in play in all that way. And most men who

578
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:14,440
Speaker 2: have integrity and have a great deal of respect dismiss charm.

579
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 2: They'll see other men and they'll they'll dismiss it because

580
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 2: they can smell like it's it's self centered, it's narcissistic,

581
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 2: it's it's superficial, it doesn't.

582
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,160
Speaker 1: Have enough weight love it wow.

583
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 2: And so you've got to be interested. And this is

584
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,399
Speaker 2: always the game that you know, for me, loss is

585
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 2: always the game that you're willing to lose what you

586
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 2: consider maybe your most important asset for the possibility of

587
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:37,840
Speaker 2: your own evolution.

588
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 3: Well, it's funny you say that, because the way I

589
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,239
Speaker 3: think of it is things that you're good for and

590
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 3: things that are good for you. So I used to

591
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 3: remember friends of our Shannon, et cetera. I used to

592
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,440
Speaker 3: produce events, large scale events, multimillion dollar events, the Grammy's,

593
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 3: the Emmys, on the Rock, Alcatraz. No one was ever

594
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:57,440
Speaker 3: better at it than I was. No one you could

595
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:59,359
Speaker 3: ask the woman who ran all the events at Disney.

596
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,840
Speaker 3: My body line was perfect, my P and L sheet.

597
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,719
Speaker 3: I missed out a detail. I didn't I picked up

598
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:06,640
Speaker 3: every floral, like every chair.

599
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 2: Like I mean, yeah, that mad that make perfect sense

600
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:09,360
Speaker 2: because I'm.

601
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 1: Sick like so.

602
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:14,080
Speaker 3: But I was great for it. It wasn't great for me.

603
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 3: So I had to be like you know, And that's

604
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,840
Speaker 3: what goes on in my work every day. Things that

605
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:20,720
Speaker 3: I'm good at, and my whole entire team relies on

606
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:22,360
Speaker 3: me for all the details in the detail of every

607
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:25,159
Speaker 3: video and every caption and all the weeds because I'm

608
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,679
Speaker 3: amazing at them, but they're not good for me. And

609
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 3: it's like a discipline for the people around me. Like

610
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 3: you guys cannot come to Mommy for every single question

611
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,159
Speaker 3: otherwise I cannot do what I need to do in

612
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 3: my business.

613
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 1: It's not good for me.

614
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 3: So that's sort of my like cross to bear is

615
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 3: what I'm good for, but what's not good for me?

616
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, and those are those are and there they can

617
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 2: be very different, right they can. They can be very

618
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 2: very different. So, and that's also understanding what's bankrupt, you

619
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 2: know as it because because you can be highly productive

620
00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 2: and have no sense of that illution. Yes, do you

621
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like you know? I mean you can,

622
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 2: you can make a billion dollars, you can do all

623
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 2: kinds of things, and yet your sense of self, your development,

624
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 2: you know, you're still maintaining the same You're still maintaining

625
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 2: the same way of being because.

626
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 3: You do the same exercise at the gym every time.

627
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 3: My inclination is to solve the problem, is to tell

628
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 3: you I'm dealing with the situation with this guy or

629
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 3: with Brin's school, or with work, and go attack and

630
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 3: produce the problem and use it like a relief effort

631
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 3: and solve it. But I'm not growing, I'm a feeling,

632
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 3: I'm a learning. I just know how to like wrap

633
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 3: it up. And so Millin to my therapist, who you've met,

634
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 3: will be like, now she's not like a how do

635
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 3: you feel? But she doesn't really care about me giving

636
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 3: her like the news, sports and weather. She wants to

637
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:41,320
Speaker 3: like get to like what's going on about it?

638
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, like what what is the what is the thing

639
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 2: that you're that you have kind of have to lose

640
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 2: in order to gain Now, people think that they're going

641
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 2: to lose their their essential asset, and I'm going, no,

642
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:55,040
Speaker 2: that's an illusion that the say, the essential asset just

643
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 2: moves into the foundation of your life. It's no longer

644
00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 2: in the foreground, right, but you have to have that

645
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 2: noise back to noise. That noise in your head is

646
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 2: like if you if you introduce a new possibility something

647
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 2: and I don't care where, it's an emotional possibility, like

648
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 2: you know, I want to be I want to I

649
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 2: want to be on time. I don't know, or I

650
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 2: want to I want to complete things. I want to

651
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 2: what I say, I'm going to start a complete whatever

652
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 2: you introduce, or I want to be more compassionate. Whatever

653
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 2: you might introduce, you also introduce because you wouldn't be

654
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 2: introducing that if it was something that you didn't have.

655
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 2: You're introducing it because it's something you don't have that

656
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 2: you're wanting, right, And so if you're introducing that, you're

657
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:38,239
Speaker 2: also introducing the loss, the loss of well, wait, may

658
00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 2: I won't I won't be able to produce over here,

659
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 2: or I won't be effective over here, or this might

660
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 2: you know, fall apart. So that's the fear. That's why

661
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 2: when someone says, well, most people don't change, they're not wrong,

662
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 2: just because what it requires to change is huge.

663
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 3: You mean, like, I'm stopping drinking, so I'm not gonna

664
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,800
Speaker 3: be the life of the party anymore. I'm overweight, I'm

665
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 3: losing weight. I'm not going to be joevial exactly.

666
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 2: Yeah. There's that Friends, that episode about Fun and Bob.

667
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,200
Speaker 2: I think it's fun Bobby Worth right, Oh god, Bobby's

668
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 2: coming over, you know, because he is an alcoholic and

669
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 2: he was hysterical and now and he's no longer drinking

670
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:11,000
Speaker 2: and he's not fun anymore, right, which is not accurate.

671
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 2: It's not you know, lots of people have been sober

672
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 2: for years who are incredibly entertaining and great and creative

673
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 2: at all and more productive than ever. So it's not

674
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 2: a function of that, but it is a function of

675
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 2: not being afraid to lose. And I think and I

676
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:27,920
Speaker 2: look at that as one of the major themes of evolution,

677
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,120
Speaker 2: right that you're willing in some area to you know,

678
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 2: to lose in a powerful, profound way.

679
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,480
Speaker 1: Okay, so now I have two little things.

680
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 3: So the two things I want to talk about are

681
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 3: something you said recently about people don't come batteries are

682
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 3: not included the way that we start like catastrophizing and

683
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,239
Speaker 3: thinking about something. But they're not this, but they're this,

684
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 3: or they're different than the last person. And I was

685
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 3: with and like, and you've said, like battery, people don't

686
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 3: come with batteries. That's one concept, and then the other

687
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 3: one is like I don't think this is just like

688
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 3: a bit. But when I was talking to a writer

689
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 3: who works for Fortune magazine last night, this woman Diane Brady,

690
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 3: and she was talking really intimately about the difference between

691
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 3: extroverts and introverts as it pertains to being a CEO,

692
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 3: and she was like, I'm an extrovert. She knew who

693
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 3: she was, and she was like, the pandemic killed me.

694
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 3: I was like wanting to like go talk to like

695
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 3: essential essential worker.

696
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 2: Yeah.

697
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, she was like I wanted to walk out.

698
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 3: And for me, I was like I was in a

699
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 3: like a blanket. I extended the pandemic two years by

700
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 3: that behavior like it gave me license to keep using

701
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,440
Speaker 3: it as an excuse to never leave the house.

702
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:47,720
Speaker 1: So and then she was talking about.

703
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 3: How entrepreneurs introverts are very good entrepreneurs because they get

704
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 3: really deep and granular and extroverts don't have have more

705
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 3: difficult time focusing. They may be good at knowing a

706
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 3: lot of different things, maybe at the market about so

707
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 3: many different companies and different topics, but they don't they

708
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 3: have a difficulty focusing.

709
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 2: I think that's a really use just just to put

710
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 2: some you know, parentheses around it. I think that's I

711
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 2: think it's really astute in terms of introverts and extroverts

712
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 2: that if you look at CEO, someone who's doing all

713
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:23,240
Speaker 2: the operations and managing all those operations and managing people, yeah,

714
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:27,400
Speaker 2: you know, they're mostly extroverts. They have that ability visionaries,

715
00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 2: you know, founders, entrepreneurs, they're more introverted. They're like, you know,

716
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 2: that's a very that's a that's more of a thing.

717
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 2: They wouldn't be running and managing a bunch of people.

718
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,080
Speaker 2: So that's why when I when I look at you know,

719
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 2: like when Elon Musk kind of took over twitteratent is

720
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 2: not his you know, he's an inventor, right, and.

721
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 1: What are you?

722
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 3: I'm totally an introvert and people are shocked by that,

723
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 3: but I can't. I hate managing people from the so

724
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 3: I'm the same way. I'm a complete introvert.

725
00:33:56,360 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 2: Okay, interesting, I'm a complete and everybody says, so I'm

726
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 2: much more like the pandemic. I thrived in the pandemic

727
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 2: and and zoom became everything. So everybody, even I always say,

728
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,759
Speaker 2: an act of love is that you don't invite me anywhere, right,

729
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:15,880
Speaker 2: so you cancel on me, right, So so all of

730
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 2: those that's that's but being creative, generative, you know, collaborative

731
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 2: and making something happen, those that's you know, that's where

732
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 2: I thrive. And you don't want me running your company.

733
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 3: But this woman said that that that they draw upon

734
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 3: each other like. Well, it's interesting though, because I find

735
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 3: that people. I've had people gravitate towards me because of

736
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,319
Speaker 3: my like the light and the way that I am,

737
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:47,279
Speaker 3: like my passion, which isn't about being an extrovert, and

738
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:50,359
Speaker 3: sometimes they'll like dim my light as a result. It's

739
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 3: kind of a different thing. But I'm thinking, who is

740
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 3: attracted to who introverts are attracted to extroverts or extroverts

741
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 3: because are two extroverts are not the best combination, right,

742
00:34:58,080 --> 00:34:59,440
Speaker 3: because you can't focus.

743
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 2: Well, well, you don't necessarily want to, you know when

744
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:05,280
Speaker 2: when you're just back to the whole idea of knowing

745
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,279
Speaker 2: your position, which you kind of started with, like yeah,

746
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 2: and knowing what your contribution is and people wanting to

747
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 2: be what they're not. Right, you know, this is really

748
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:18,280
Speaker 2: understanding you know how you where you fully express yourself

749
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 2: and what does that look like? And just like in

750
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 2: a relationship, if if you have two people the same issues,

751
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,400
Speaker 2: you know that's problematic and you know, meaning like oh

752
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 2: we're going to run out of money, Yeah, we're going

753
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 2: to die. You don't want those two things or like god,

754
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 2: look out fat i am, look out, look a look

755
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 2: at my butt. You don't want both those all those

756
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:37,360
Speaker 2: issues colliding. You want them missing. And that's the same

757
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:41,320
Speaker 2: with assets. And you build a team. You know, the

758
00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 2: the CEO is not the is not the CTO, and

759
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 2: the CTO is not the CEO, and the and the

760
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 2: founders and the visionaries not and they're all they're all

761
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 2: and building a profound championship team is understanding each person

762
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,360
Speaker 2: playing their position perfectly, and the intersect.

763
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:00,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, you could be in the I've had someone who's

764
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 3: seems who's in the wrong seat, but and they're great

765
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:05,000
Speaker 3: in the right seat.

766
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:06,920
Speaker 2: Like absolutely, just a little exactly.

767
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,759
Speaker 3: Okay, you could have someone who seems terrible because they're

768
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 3: in the wrong fucking seat, But if they're loyal and

769
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:15,560
Speaker 3: seems smart enough, you should play musical chairs. And what's

770
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 3: interesting is that, So I'm at this Fortune event last night.

771
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 3: I'm sitting at the table with a woman very high

772
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:23,920
Speaker 3: up at General Motors and another and we're next to uh,

773
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:27,600
Speaker 3: Josh Kushner, uh, and the guy who is the CEO,

774
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 3: Sebastian of hult Renfrew like major people.

775
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:32,799
Speaker 1: And this woman Diane Brady next to me, who.

776
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 3: Had an interesting conversation with journalists and she's at Fortune.

777
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 1: Now that's her, that's her. She's the one who said it.

778
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 3: But to be honest, I have never heard anyone use

779
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:45,800
Speaker 3: it in human resources and in staffing and in executive searches.

780
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,000
Speaker 3: And they should, like you're not allowed to ask someone

781
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:49,759
Speaker 3: how old they are, but you should be you should

782
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 3: actually do the emotionally intelligent conversation in staffing and ask

783
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:55,080
Speaker 3: are you an introvi?

784
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 1: This is no wrong.

785
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:58,480
Speaker 3: Answer, but here's the here's the quiz, or give them

786
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:01,280
Speaker 3: the quiz, like it's like an IQ quiz because it's true,

787
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 3: Like I have been in relationships with introverts many times

788
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 3: because I'm attracted to someone similar to me because they're

789
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 3: gonna say I don't want to go out either. But

790
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 3: it's bad for me. It's bad for me, and I

791
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 3: haven't realized that because it's like I get into like

792
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:15,960
Speaker 3: sort of like there's like a film on us.

793
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:17,280
Speaker 1: It's like stale.

794
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:21,040
Speaker 2: Understanding, you know, understanding and the one hundred of nuances

795
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,800
Speaker 2: that go to those kind of headlines intovert an extrovert

796
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:27,439
Speaker 2: r because underneath those two things are tons of nuances that, yeah,

797
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 2: that someone should use this as some sort of scrutiny

798
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,360
Speaker 2: in terms of discerning like, well is this person the

799
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,239
Speaker 2: right position? I mean, I'm doing that all day long.

800
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:37,280
Speaker 2: In terms of subtle pivot, it's like just a little

801
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:40,319
Speaker 2: subtle pivot and changes is a game changer with that

802
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,919
Speaker 2: person or a dramatic pivot, right, Yeah.

803
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:44,840
Speaker 3: But I think in this case the label is important

804
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 3: because I don't think that the average person. If I

805
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:50,040
Speaker 3: were applying for a job, they would not think that

806
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 3: I was an introvert.

807
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:53,360
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, they wouldn't. They wouldn't have no idea.

808
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:56,759
Speaker 1: You too, if someone were hiring you, Brick, they would.

809
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:58,520
Speaker 2: Not No, no, absolutely right.

810
00:37:58,719 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 3: So they might think you could manage bunch of people.

811
00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:02,839
Speaker 3: They might think you could be the head. You know.

812
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 2: You know what I mean, I've done that. When I'm

813
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 2: pitching something that I really want you to take over this,

814
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 2: I go, that's a lesson.

815
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 1: You want me doing exactly.

816
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 2: And I say that directly. You know that's not I'm

817
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:14,560
Speaker 2: not I'm not doing that, right.

818
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:16,239
Speaker 1: But that's because also you won't do obligation.

819
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 2: Yes, so, but I was saying about Bethane. When you're

820
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 2: seeing being attracted to your light, that is what That's

821
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:28,040
Speaker 2: what someone who's an entrepreneur, visionary, you know, someone who

822
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 2: like you. People know that shit's going to happen over there.

823
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 2: This is something. This is you know, there's something creative,

824
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:38,839
Speaker 2: something innovative, something will happen that will translate into you know,

825
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:42,920
Speaker 2: into the world. Right, So I think people know that, right.

826
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,440
Speaker 1: And I get vampired and I don't even realize it

827
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:46,080
Speaker 1: is and then you.

828
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:47,799
Speaker 2: Need to know who. Then you need to know like

829
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 2: who are you going to allow do that because they

830
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 2: have to be complementary in terms of feeding you as

831
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 2: much as you feed dow Right. It's a it's that's

832
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:56,760
Speaker 2: part of the dance.

833
00:38:57,360 --> 00:38:59,959
Speaker 3: And by the way, that's a thing that's another construct

834
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 3: that like could be a chapter in a book that

835
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 3: I never have thought about that and this age I've

836
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:08,279
Speaker 3: never thought about that I'm gonna draw certain people, but

837
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:10,920
Speaker 3: if they're if we're not gonna be playing tennis where

838
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 3: I'm playing with a better tennis player and they're just

839
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:16,920
Speaker 3: gonna draw off of me, but I'm not getting anything positive.

840
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:19,320
Speaker 3: It's gonna kill me. And it's happened like it actually

841
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 3: you feel like you're just light is dimming. It's actually

842
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:22,719
Speaker 3: happened to me.

843
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:26,120
Speaker 2: It's wild and that I mean, I'm possibly I don't

844
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 2: know if it's actually, you know, completely true. But that's

845
00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 2: an age thing also where you then know that because

846
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 2: mostly you're just gonna you're gonna draw in everything because

847
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 2: that's what the light does. It'll draw in all kinds

848
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:41,759
Speaker 2: of things. And then the ability to discern who you

849
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 2: actually collaborate with, who you're with, what.

850
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 1: You're gonna do with Mark.

851
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:48,840
Speaker 3: That's exactly my biggest problem. Literally, access is my number

852
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:50,520
Speaker 3: one problem. Everyone around me. We have to go on

853
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:51,400
Speaker 3: an access diet.

854
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:51,839
Speaker 1: Two things.

855
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:55,440
Speaker 3: Having too many ideas is number one. But access it's insane.

856
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 3: Like I'll talk, I'll be giving my phone number to

857
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 3: the person that's bringing the ice bucket to the table

858
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 3: because they're like fun and they were so good at it,

859
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 3: like and people around me, but then to everybody in

860
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 3: business and everybody in charity and people around me like, stop,

861
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:10,280
Speaker 3: we're on an access you can't know too much.

862
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think I do think that's a function

863
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 2: of a of age and wisdom where you just have

864
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:18,479
Speaker 2: the ability to discern and that and that you start doing.

865
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 2: It's like one action impacts one hundred actions rather than

866
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,680
Speaker 2: a hundred actions impact one hundred actions. Right, You really

867
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 2: use your leverage and your understanding and your discernment and

868
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 2: you and you honor the you know your capacity and

869
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:33,040
Speaker 2: what you have to offer. I mean, I'm saying that

870
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:35,399
Speaker 2: all the time. Like, you know, I remember years ago.

871
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 2: It's a it's a crazy story, but I remember this

872
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:40,440
Speaker 2: person came to me and I don't know they were

873
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 2: kind of they were a client, but they said, I

874
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:45,400
Speaker 2: really want to be I really want to be friends

875
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 2: with you, brick correct, Like, he said, what are you seven?

876
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:49,680
Speaker 2: It's an interesting thing like seven year olds do there?

877
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:51,520
Speaker 2: I said, He goes, I really want to be friends

878
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 2: with you. And I said, I can either tell you

879
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 2: the truth or nor your phone call. Which one do

880
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:56,799
Speaker 2: you want?

881
00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:57,279
Speaker 3: Right?

882
00:40:57,640 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 2: And he said, okay, tell me the truth. I go,

883
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,400
Speaker 2: I would never be friends with you. And he said

884
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 2: what I said, you understand my friendships are based on

885
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,479
Speaker 2: collaborative things. That doesn't mean emergencies don't happen. That doesn't

886
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 2: mean we're not there for each other. It means that

887
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 2: you know, we're not there's no draining of each other.

888
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:17,080
Speaker 2: And I said, you would be draining the hell out

889
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 2: of me, right, And they said there'd be not enough

890
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 2: that you could bring that would actually, you know, change that.

891
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,320
Speaker 2: So why don't you just keep coming to me until

892
00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 2: you can be your own best friend? Okay? I like,

893
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 2: So that's so it's understanding. You know that they're not

894
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 2: from an egotistical place. It's more from really understanding.

895
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 1: And so it's actually selfless because you're being honest and.

896
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:40,759
Speaker 2: It's useful for him. Yeah, it's useful to see, like, really, well,

897
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:43,840
Speaker 2: what is it about me that's doing that? Right? Where's

898
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 2: the neediness in me? That's you know, and that's that's

899
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 2: U telling complete Yeah.

900
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:52,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I could talk to Breck forever, and I'm

901
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 3: like exasperated today. I'm a little manic because there's so

902
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:57,799
Speaker 3: many topics that I want to get you guys in

903
00:41:57,840 --> 00:41:59,720
Speaker 3: two with him, and next time there'll be ten more.

904
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:01,759
Speaker 3: So I'm reminding myself the next time, I want to

905
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:03,800
Speaker 3: talk about intervening in our own behavior.

906
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:05,320
Speaker 1: And also that Breck.

907
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:08,840
Speaker 3: Has said batteries not including batteries are not included in

908
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:11,840
Speaker 3: people like how we expect to either fix someone or

909
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:14,000
Speaker 3: them to be everything or just start criticizing what they

910
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 3: are today when they're a fully formed human being when

911
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 3: you meet them, and also catastrophizing.

912
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 1: So I want to talk to you about a lot

913
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 1: of things. It's too many.

914
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,399
Speaker 2: They also just to add, I mean, there's so many things.

915
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 2: You're right, that thing can go on forever. And that's

916
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 2: the whole nature of just when we're talking about partnerships

917
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 2: or relationships, most people commit to their expectations, they don't

918
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 2: really commit to the to the actual person they don't.

919
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,360
Speaker 3: Really, all right, so that we're going to get into that,

920
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:38,840
Speaker 3: all right, So we got to do this more. I

921
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:40,640
Speaker 3: could go for days, but you got to get off all.

922
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:42,839
Speaker 2: Right, all right, great talking, all.

923
00:42:42,800 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 1: Right, Oh my god, beyond bye. Breck had

924
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:06,080
Speaker 2: The bat a confer