1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hartunger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,839 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode two hundred and fifty two, 11 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,600 Speaker 1: which is airing at the very end of May twenty 12 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,560 Speaker 1: twenty two. We think we've gotten a little bit off 13 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,720 Speaker 1: on some of the numbers, but hopefully back on track soon. Anyway, 14 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 1: we're going to be talking about the elementary school years 15 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:52,600 Speaker 1: during this episode. Certainly we've done various ages and stages 16 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: in episodes over the years, talking about teens and tweens, 17 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:59,080 Speaker 1: at certain points, talking about babies and toddlers. The elementary 18 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 1: years is, of course roughly ages six to ten. Like 19 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,520 Speaker 1: any age and stage, it comes with its own wonderful things, 20 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:09,959 Speaker 1: its own challenges, so we thought we would, you know, 21 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 1: since that's where many of our children are currently, we 22 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 1: thought we would look at that age and stage and 23 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,760 Speaker 1: what we think of it and what we've you know, 24 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:18,880 Speaker 1: enjoy about it as we've come out of other stages. 25 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:22,600 Speaker 1: What we're you know, also still learning as we're dealing 26 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:27,360 Speaker 1: with kids that age. So yeah, we're you know, just 27 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 1: opening this up. I'm trying to figure out a good 28 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:35,080 Speaker 1: transition into the well. I will give you the transition, 29 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,480 Speaker 1: which is just that I have been very taken with 30 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:43,560 Speaker 1: your TBT scorecard Tranquility by Tuesday. That's yeah, you're right, 31 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 1: not throw back Thursday throwback. And I just thought, I 32 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 1: don't know, Laura's been doing this cool thing. We're on 33 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,800 Speaker 1: her blog. She has been kind of giving herself grades 34 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 1: on how she's following her own metrics that she talks 35 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 1: about in her book, and I just thought it was 36 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 1: really fun. So you should definitely check that out. And 37 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 1: I will tell you that my favorite metrics are the 38 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 1: ones that I'm working on, are the effortful before effortless 39 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 1: and the big little adventures do you want to talk about? 40 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:13,200 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't want to spoil all right, people 41 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,000 Speaker 1: are going to be sick of hearing about TVT by 42 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 1: the time it comes out in October. But yeah, it's so. Yeah. 43 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:21,280 Speaker 1: There's nine rules, nine of my favorite time management rules, 44 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:24,400 Speaker 1: and I talk about all of them in the book, 45 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,320 Speaker 1: and then in this series on my blog of the 46 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,959 Speaker 1: TBT scorecard, I say how I did over the past 47 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 1: week in all of these different rules. So Sarah's talking 48 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:37,840 Speaker 1: about effortful before effortless, which is when you have leisure time, 49 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 1: challenge yourself to do at least a minute or two 50 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 1: of something that is a little bit more mentally engaging, 51 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 1: more active leisure versus passive leisure, whatever that means for you. 52 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,240 Speaker 1: But what happens is that a lot of us, if 53 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 1: you have small bits of leisure through your day, you 54 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: just pick up your phone and scroll, or even at 55 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 1: night after the kids go to bed, the default thing 56 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 1: might be whatever is right in front of you, as 57 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,920 Speaker 1: opposed to thinking through this time and asking what you'd 58 00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:05,079 Speaker 1: like to do. And I'm not saying you can never 59 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,840 Speaker 1: be on Twitter again, but what I'm saying is that 60 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:11,359 Speaker 1: you know, before you spend I don't know hours scrolling 61 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,360 Speaker 1: Twitter that you didn't mean to do, you know, do 62 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,640 Speaker 1: something else first, like read a book for five minutes 63 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 1: and then go scroll on Twitter all night. But but 64 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,760 Speaker 1: just to switch the automatic flow of events. So how's 65 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:24,079 Speaker 1: that going for you, Sarah? Thankfully. I have never had 66 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,440 Speaker 1: a Twitter scrolling habit, and the times I do click 67 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:31,240 Speaker 1: into Twitter, I'm like, that's cab immediately. But for me, 68 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,760 Speaker 1: I was just I was just laughing because, like, to me, effortful, 69 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 1: like it could be like playing a game of chess 70 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 1: or like practicing the violin. But for me, efftful can 71 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 1: be as simple as like thinking about which Netflix show 72 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,320 Speaker 1: I'm super excited to watch and then like cozying up 73 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 1: and watching it versus just sort of like blah blah blah, 74 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: like clicking away, checking your email, clicking into this, et cetera. 75 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 1: I actually just enjoyed watching sex Lives of College Girls 76 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 1: by which is the Mindy Kaling series. It's very graphics, 77 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:03,080 Speaker 1: so if you don't like graphic, don't watch it. I 78 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: found it to be incredibly delightful, and I mean, it 79 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 1: wasn't super efforlateful, but like I looked forward to it 80 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 1: every time. It was like an event every time I 81 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,560 Speaker 1: got to watch it. Plus I had just read the 82 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,120 Speaker 1: Power of Rituals, so I was like, this is my 83 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: ritual watching this TV show. So I don't know, I 84 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: just love the concept. The adventures are tough for me, though, 85 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 1: I got to admit they're really hard. Yeah that one 86 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,200 Speaker 1: that role is one big adventure, one little adventure. So 87 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:30,200 Speaker 1: every week, have one bigger adventure, which means something out 88 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: of the ordinary that takes you know, three to four hours, 89 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 1: so half a weekend day. And then one little adventure, 90 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,920 Speaker 1: so something out of the ordinary which can just take 91 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 1: an hour or so, so maybe doable on a longer 92 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,480 Speaker 1: lunch break or on a weekday evening. But the idea 93 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 1: is to you know, we all have good routines, and 94 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,040 Speaker 1: we have you know, what our lives look like day 95 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 1: to day, and that's wonderful. But what makes time more 96 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:54,279 Speaker 1: memorable is doing something that causes you to focus on 97 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 1: the time being there. So I challenge people to do 98 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,719 Speaker 1: one big adventure, one little adventure every week. So how's 99 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 1: that going, Sarah? Well, I was just thinking about this 100 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:06,919 Speaker 1: week's big adventure, and I think hosting Annabel's tenth birthday 101 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,640 Speaker 1: party at a painted pottery place that kind of counts 102 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,160 Speaker 1: because I've haven't ever been there and I'll be seeing 103 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,960 Speaker 1: people that haven't seen in a long time, and it's 104 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,160 Speaker 1: going to be a few hours of some efforts, so 105 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 1: I'll count that. And for a little adventure, I don't know, 106 00:05:19,839 --> 00:05:22,200 Speaker 1: I need to come up with something. I do want 107 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,799 Speaker 1: to invite our I guess my adventures tend to be social. 108 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,279 Speaker 1: I don't know. I want to invite our new neighbors 109 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 1: over for dinner. So if I can accomplish that, I 110 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,320 Speaker 1: would I would consider that a little adventure. Yeah, that 111 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:35,320 Speaker 1: sounds great. That's well, they're both things that are different, right, 112 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 1: Like that they put something new into the week. You know, 113 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 1: an adventure can be something that's more emotionally different, right 114 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: the you know, meeting somebody new or doing something new 115 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 1: of any sort could qualify as an adventure. So yeah, 116 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,720 Speaker 1: that sounds great. But we'll focus on I'm sure many 117 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,560 Speaker 1: of these rules as summer goes on, and I'll be 118 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 1: writing about them on the blog too, so you know, 119 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: hopefully people can tune in and start seeing if they 120 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:04,599 Speaker 1: are doing these rules as well. One episode per rules, 121 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:06,320 Speaker 1: so we'll never have to think of a topic again, 122 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,240 Speaker 1: just kidding, just kidding, just kidding, good, Well, we could 123 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,160 Speaker 1: do that. There are nine of them, so it's a lot. 124 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:16,599 Speaker 1: This episode is about the elementary school years, a good 125 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,320 Speaker 1: age by the way, for having adventures with kids because 126 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,479 Speaker 1: they can. I was just thinking of this when I've 127 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 1: traveled with my older three children, for instance, and even 128 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,359 Speaker 1: when you know Michael has traveled some with Alex but 129 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,599 Speaker 1: they don't have to pack much. There's just when I 130 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,280 Speaker 1: packed with the kids for Paris, I mean, it was 131 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 1: their clothes and like toothbrushes. You know, they don't have 132 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: all the accoutrement. There's not all this like makeup or 133 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: hair product that has to come with us, you know. 134 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 1: But they don't need diapers and baby soaps and wipes 135 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 1: and all that too. They're just like portable and they 136 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: can carry their own stuff. It was like, what a 137 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:57,719 Speaker 1: wonderful age, and there are so many great things about 138 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,719 Speaker 1: this this age. One of the things Sarah were talking 139 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,919 Speaker 1: about earlier that they are independent people, like really coming 140 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 1: into their own You start to see truly who they are. 141 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 1: They are learning all about the world, but they are 142 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 1: not totally jaded yet. As you see some of the 143 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 1: kind of you know, darker and more. I don't want 144 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,120 Speaker 1: to have to say, but the serious aspect of teenagers 145 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,679 Speaker 1: comes out more as they get older, whereas little kids 146 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 1: are still you know, more into fun and like they'll 147 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:31,120 Speaker 1: play on cool playgrounds and they get excited about things 148 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: and they actually show it, and they still want to 149 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 1: snuggle with you, which is probably a major difference between 150 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 1: little kids and older kids. My seven year old Alex 151 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 1: and I actually have a sequence of snuggles we do 152 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 1: at night, like it's a bonus hug, bonus kiss than 153 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:51,239 Speaker 1: like six little kisses and six little hugs, and sometimes 154 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 1: the stuffed animal gets roped into it too. But you know, 155 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,119 Speaker 1: it's like I cannot imagine him doing that at age 156 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,560 Speaker 1: like fifteen. Maybe he will, which would be great, but 157 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,720 Speaker 1: you know, it's definitely the elementary years. Now years are 158 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 1: like that too, right, they're still Yes, I think we're 159 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: still in that phase, definitely, all of my kids and 160 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 1: Genevieve's not in this category yet, but the other two 161 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,720 Speaker 1: definitely are. And I will be sad if and when 162 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,040 Speaker 1: that part comes to an end. But I also know 163 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:21,760 Speaker 1: from my experience with patients that kids change a lot 164 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 1: when they become adolescents, and I could see the snuggling 165 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 1: going away. I always I think I've told you this, 166 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:31,360 Speaker 1: but or said it on the podcast but like even 167 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,559 Speaker 1: the kids who I'm like, that kid's not going to 168 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,000 Speaker 1: have like a rebellious period and like they're going to 169 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:39,320 Speaker 1: be fine. They're the sweetest kid, like they always seem to. 170 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: And I guess my experience is mostly with kids with 171 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,080 Speaker 1: diabetes because of the ones I really follow over over 172 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 1: the long haul. And I've now been in the same 173 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,960 Speaker 1: practice long enough that I've had kids who I like 174 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,280 Speaker 1: diagnosed at age eight and I've had to watch them 175 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 1: go through like twelve, thirteen, fourteen, and it's like, yeah, 176 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,720 Speaker 1: they're not going to snuggle after a certain point. The 177 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 1: good news is I do see that they tend to 178 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,960 Speaker 1: come out of it from an outsider's perspective, so like, 179 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,840 Speaker 1: I know it's sort of temporary, yeah, but anyway back 180 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:09,520 Speaker 1: to elementary and away from teenhood. But yeah, like you said, 181 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:12,760 Speaker 1: coming into their own like seeing what they're truly interested in, 182 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 1: which you try to predict that when they're a little 183 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,480 Speaker 1: but often you get it entirely wrong. And yet now 184 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,120 Speaker 1: I feel like they're developing interest that I can imagine 185 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 1: them holding on to for life. Like I think about 186 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,680 Speaker 1: what I enjoyed doing as a ten year old, like 187 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:28,520 Speaker 1: writing stories with my friends and like doing fake radio shows, 188 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:31,760 Speaker 1: like hey, wow, look how that turned out. Like, I mean, 189 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: you're at this point when when their interests are real 190 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,840 Speaker 1: and they may be lasting. And I like it when 191 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,240 Speaker 1: I can watch them get better at something than me, 192 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 1: Like that's super cool. Cameron can like skateboard. I could 193 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 1: never do that. He definitely understands sports better than I do. 194 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 1: Annabel's artwork has far surpassed any abilities that I have. 195 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,400 Speaker 1: So that is just really cool. And I don't know 196 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,080 Speaker 1: that I expected that to happen so young, but you know, 197 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:59,880 Speaker 1: everyone has different talents and so or like my sense 198 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,559 Speaker 1: of direction is so bad. My kids will tell me 199 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:06,080 Speaker 1: which way to go and they're actually right. That's hilarious. Yeah, 200 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 1: I mean, I think one of the cool things about 201 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,160 Speaker 1: it too. I mean, you see how they are different 202 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:11,839 Speaker 1: from you, and they also see how they are sort 203 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:13,480 Speaker 1: of similar to you in some ways too. And we 204 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,120 Speaker 1: can remember our lives in elementary school. Like you don't 205 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:19,040 Speaker 1: remember what you were like as you know, preschool or whatever, 206 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,200 Speaker 1: and so it's hard to know, well, is this kid 207 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,200 Speaker 1: what I was like in this way? But you know, 208 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 1: you have memories of elementary school and so you can 209 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 1: see some of the parallels. It was so funny. The 210 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:32,000 Speaker 1: other day in the car, Ruth was like telling me 211 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:35,320 Speaker 1: the plots of all the Babysitters Club books. I mean, 212 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,760 Speaker 1: I didn't say it, but I was thinking, you don't 213 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 1: have to tell me, because I read all of them too. 214 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 1: In fact, I can recall like I was probably you know, 215 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,800 Speaker 1: forcing my parents to listen to a recitation of all 216 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: the plots of the Babysitters Club at some point too, 217 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:51,240 Speaker 1: Like the same conversation must have occurred some like thirty 218 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,240 Speaker 1: years ago. But it was just it was so funny 219 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,960 Speaker 1: to see that, you know, I mean, maybe Sitter's Club 220 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,079 Speaker 1: is still around. I guess you know, we're buying a 221 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: lot of the vintage book, but yeah, she's still there. 222 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 1: Oh that's a good idea to get the old paperbacks. 223 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,680 Speaker 1: Oh man, I wish I kept those then I could 224 00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 1: get them from you for some random other person. I'm 225 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:14,520 Speaker 1: like buying the series off of Yes, yeah, no, it's 226 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:16,760 Speaker 1: really fun and it is amazing that certain things do 227 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:20,680 Speaker 1: stand the test of time, certain games or certain interests. Obviously, 228 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,800 Speaker 1: our kids have a lot more to choose from, and 229 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,560 Speaker 1: we'll get to that in a later segment. So our 230 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:28,560 Speaker 1: childhoods are not entirely the same, but there are definitely 231 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,200 Speaker 1: still some parallels. Well, let's take a quick ad break 232 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 1: and then we can come back to talk some of 233 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:47,959 Speaker 1: the challenges. Well, we are back talking about the elementary 234 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 1: school years. So what is something that you are finding 235 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:57,240 Speaker 1: challenging about this age? Sarah, Oh, my gosh, the obsessive fairness, 236 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 1: the like she got this, he got this. Like they're 237 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 1: such like calculators about what everyone gets. And because it's 238 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 1: impossible to dev up everything in life evenly and life 239 00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:15,120 Speaker 1: is inherently unfair, this results in a lot of strife. 240 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,680 Speaker 1: And I don't know when they get to an age 241 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,760 Speaker 1: where they start to accept that or like, maybe it's 242 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,280 Speaker 1: just my kids, but I don't think so, because I 243 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,240 Speaker 1: was listening to an episode of I think it was 244 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,680 Speaker 1: Simple Families and she was talking about the exact same thing. 245 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:30,680 Speaker 1: So I mean, it's just I think it's a very 246 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:36,079 Speaker 1: common age for a lot of sibling competition, sibling rivalries, 247 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 1: sibling bickering, and unlike toddlers, I guess, like they're pretty 248 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:44,680 Speaker 1: big and powerful, Like I can't necessarily put a stop 249 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:48,240 Speaker 1: to a physical altercation between my two older kids super easily, 250 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,760 Speaker 1: because I mean, maybe if I were like five eight 251 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:53,199 Speaker 1: and like super strong, but I'm not that. I mean, 252 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 1: both of them combined are definitely bigger than me, like 253 00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:59,160 Speaker 1: and they'll probably both end up taller than me. So like, 254 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,199 Speaker 1: that's to me, is like really challenging because they're not 255 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 1: old enough where I you know, expect them. They don't 256 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,480 Speaker 1: have developed frontal cortex and so, like, I get that 257 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,439 Speaker 1: that kind of fighting and stuff is normal, but it's 258 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,760 Speaker 1: definitely more difficult to manage compared to when they were 259 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 1: like one and three and you're like, okay, scoop you up, 260 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 1: let's go in another room and do something else. Yeah, 261 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,760 Speaker 1: a little bit harder to redirect when they've worked themselves 262 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 1: into a lather about something. I know. One thing a 263 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:26,319 Speaker 1: lot of our listeners find challenging with this age is childcare. 264 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:30,320 Speaker 1: Because now, obviously, if you have a younger child in 265 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,439 Speaker 1: our case, we have a two year old, you need 266 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,560 Speaker 1: full time care, and so some of that winds up 267 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 1: then you know, if you have a nanny for instance, 268 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:39,839 Speaker 1: that winds up covering for the older kids as well, 269 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,679 Speaker 1: if they need to come home for something, if they 270 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:43,920 Speaker 1: have a day off, if you know, the after school 271 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,840 Speaker 1: hours and stuff like that. But if you don't have 272 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 1: that younger child, or your younger kid is in daycare 273 00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 1: and stuff. There's there's a big gap in what you know. 274 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 1: I know a lot of people if they've had their 275 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,400 Speaker 1: kids in daycare and once they're in you know, kindergarten, 276 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 1: they're like, woohoo, you don't have to deal with child 277 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,800 Speaker 1: care anymore. It's like, oh no, no, no, school is 278 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,560 Speaker 1: not childcare. And as we saw for sure during COVID, 279 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:07,520 Speaker 1: you can wind up completely up a creek if you 280 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:10,320 Speaker 1: are sort of depending on that, and particularly if you 281 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:13,800 Speaker 1: have parents who work outside of the house, both of you. 282 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: Then the inherent problem is this, there's very few people 283 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 1: who would like a job that goes from three to 284 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,560 Speaker 1: six pm every day, right that that's just not a 285 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:27,240 Speaker 1: good job unless you are paying like triple the hourly 286 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 1: rate so that they're earning a full time salary for 287 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,440 Speaker 1: working three to six pm, and then you'll get a 288 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 1: lot of people interested in But if you are looking 289 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:37,200 Speaker 1: to pay sort of a going hourly rate for childcare, 290 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,840 Speaker 1: that is not a job that a lot of people 291 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:43,480 Speaker 1: are all that interested in getting. And then your kids 292 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 1: have after school activities often and you need somebody driving 293 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 1: them around, which is you know, one of the reasons 294 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,320 Speaker 1: people don't wind up just doing straight up aftercare. So 295 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,920 Speaker 1: it's a challenging thing. Let alone, you know, a long 296 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 1: summer and you know, having ten days off for Christmas 297 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 1: and you know, a week off in the fall or 298 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:02,440 Speaker 1: whatever it is that they have. I mean, you are 299 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,840 Speaker 1: dealing with this more specifically, then, yeah, I mean we're 300 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 1: definitely right there, And you know, I don't have any 301 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: immediate plans to change anything, but I definitely think about 302 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:16,080 Speaker 1: it more and more. My kids' school does actually offer 303 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,400 Speaker 1: a pretty decent aftercare program, and they all go to 304 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,560 Speaker 1: the same school, and they can all go to the 305 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:26,080 Speaker 1: same school for multiple years from now so, and they 306 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 1: also have like a lot of camp options, like if 307 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:33,440 Speaker 1: there's a teacher workday off in the offer camp, and 308 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 1: same with like spring break and winter break. So I 309 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:40,400 Speaker 1: do feel like I am in a situation where almost 310 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 1: at the point where it would make sense to do that. 311 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:46,360 Speaker 1: But then there are certain things that we really rely 312 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,200 Speaker 1: on our nanny to do for us, like if I 313 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,640 Speaker 1: have to work late one night, which sometimes I do 314 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 1: have meetings that go late, or if my husband I 315 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,600 Speaker 1: want to go away for two nights. It's very difficult 316 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,320 Speaker 1: to make that happen if we didn't have a provider 317 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:01,360 Speaker 1: that works for us, like we know really well and 318 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,400 Speaker 1: trust and is willing to do things like that. So 319 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 1: but it becomes it becomes more challenging, and you at 320 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,200 Speaker 1: least in our case, I found myself like paying for 321 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,800 Speaker 1: a lot more care. I mean she does everything and more, 322 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:16,240 Speaker 1: but like we didn't want to cut her down to 323 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,320 Speaker 1: a part time salary. But we truly don't have full 324 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:21,680 Speaker 1: time childcare or even housekeeping needs at this point. So 325 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,880 Speaker 1: it's it can be difficult. Yeah, it's definitely a rough 326 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 1: thing because it's this age they're not really old enough 327 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,440 Speaker 1: to care for themselves. I mean, maybe like an older 328 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,520 Speaker 1: elementary school kid for you know, thirty forty five minutes 329 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,440 Speaker 1: while you have to run an errand or something. That's 330 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,520 Speaker 1: that's fine. And certainly some families by the time the 331 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,920 Speaker 1: kid's fourth fifth grade might feel comfortable with them coming 332 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,200 Speaker 1: home for a little bit, maybe off a bus and 333 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:45,080 Speaker 1: checking in with the parent and then the parent gets 334 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 1: home in another forty five minutes or an hour or something, 335 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,400 Speaker 1: so they're you know, by the end of it. It 336 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 1: could work, but certainly for the younger ages of it 337 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,960 Speaker 1: it is just a hard stage to figure out what 338 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:56,080 Speaker 1: child care would work. We know a lot of our 339 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:59,160 Speaker 1: listeners have suggested O pairs if that is something that 340 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,600 Speaker 1: could work for your f family, if you have the space, 341 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 1: if you have say a basement bedroom, or you know, 342 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:07,119 Speaker 1: an office that could be a bedroom or something in 343 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,520 Speaker 1: your house. The upside of an O pair, especially for 344 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 1: families where both parents work in jobs that are mostly 345 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,280 Speaker 1: outside of the house that they don't have the work 346 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:18,320 Speaker 1: from home option, is that you know, then you have 347 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:20,400 Speaker 1: the flexibility. The O pair can help with the getting 348 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,200 Speaker 1: ready in the morning, so if both of you needed 349 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:23,879 Speaker 1: to be at work at eight, for instance, then you 350 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,360 Speaker 1: wouldn't have to do both before care and after care. 351 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,399 Speaker 1: You have the flexibility to have somebody there when the 352 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,600 Speaker 1: kids get home from school, or to pick them up 353 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 1: and drive them around, as the case may be. But 354 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,040 Speaker 1: it's not the issue of somebody who lives somewhere else 355 00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:40,080 Speaker 1: not wanting to have a job that goes from seven 356 00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:41,520 Speaker 1: to nine in the morning and three to six of 357 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,679 Speaker 1: the afternoon, which again is just not a job that 358 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:48,040 Speaker 1: most people would want to take. So that's that's certainly 359 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:51,640 Speaker 1: an option that a lot of people have done. One 360 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:55,199 Speaker 1: specific issue for our family, just because we do have 361 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,639 Speaker 1: a younger kid who needs a lot of attention. Is 362 00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,520 Speaker 1: trying to get sort of the individual attention to the 363 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:04,199 Speaker 1: elementary school kids because they do still need and crave 364 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,320 Speaker 1: some of that. But it's harder to do when you've 365 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,560 Speaker 1: got a little guy around two. But we have tried 366 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,000 Speaker 1: to do stuff. I mean, Michael and I certainly do 367 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,960 Speaker 1: a fair amount of the activity, driving as one way 368 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:20,359 Speaker 1: to get that one on one time with our older kids, 369 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 1: and then doing some of the travel. Michael actually took 370 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 1: Alex to California at the beginning of spring break. They 371 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,400 Speaker 1: were going to a family funeral for part of it, 372 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,360 Speaker 1: but then they stayed for a few days and went 373 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,480 Speaker 1: to Disneyland and all that, so you know, it was 374 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:37,439 Speaker 1: good for them to spend that time together. Yep. That 375 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,440 Speaker 1: was like Josh taking Cameron snowboarding this year, great father 376 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,199 Speaker 1: son time and he did a good age for travel, 377 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:46,280 Speaker 1: so might as well take advantage. So yeah, Well, the 378 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:47,720 Speaker 1: next thing I want to bring up, I don't know 379 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,159 Speaker 1: if you have this struggle as much is to me. 380 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 1: This is when homework, particularly during the upper years, I mean, 381 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,840 Speaker 1: it gets worse as time goes on. I struggle with 382 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,960 Speaker 1: how much to help, how much to push, how much 383 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 1: to care, not because I am worried about fifth grade. 384 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:10,280 Speaker 1: I mean, actually my kids school doesn't even have grades 385 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,840 Speaker 1: in the elementary school years, so there's really no pressure 386 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:14,840 Speaker 1: in terms of that, but I do want to make 387 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:19,199 Speaker 1: sure they're like learning the basics. And my kids do 388 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:20,240 Speaker 1: go to a school with a little bit of a 389 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:23,000 Speaker 1: less structured curriculum, So sometimes I do worry about these things, 390 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 1: especially if they're not pushing themselves a little bit. And 391 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:30,879 Speaker 1: sometimes every subject doesn't come easily to every kid. And 392 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,440 Speaker 1: I've had different kids struggle with different subjects so far, 393 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,560 Speaker 1: so that's also been really interesting to see how like 394 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,440 Speaker 1: one kid does this effortlessly and that's hard, and the 395 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,959 Speaker 1: other kid it's like swaps. So yeah, just like that 396 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,399 Speaker 1: homework conflict while you still have the other kids, and 397 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 1: even if you have childcare, it's like so hard to 398 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,320 Speaker 1: like isolate yourself and help the one kid, and then 399 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:52,120 Speaker 1: then you have them like wanting you to sit there 400 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,920 Speaker 1: while they do it because they you know, you can 401 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,760 Speaker 1: prompt them to be helping with math problems or whatever 402 00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,359 Speaker 1: it is, and like but you want them to learn 403 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,240 Speaker 1: how to do it in dependently. I don't know. I'm 404 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 1: new with this obviously, and I don't think the pandemic 405 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:09,639 Speaker 1: helped things because we just had that weird rocky school situation, 406 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:13,400 Speaker 1: you know, certainly in twenty twenty and early twenty twenty one, 407 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 1: and you know, now it's more normal. But I just 408 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,399 Speaker 1: feel like we never establish certain rhythms and habits that 409 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:22,520 Speaker 1: we would have otherwise, and I just think it's hard. Yeah, no, totally, 410 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,600 Speaker 1: it can be. I mean this, I am in a 411 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,959 Speaker 1: way in a good place right now with the homework 412 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,400 Speaker 1: in this for the elementary age, which is the subject 413 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:34,480 Speaker 1: of this. We will leave aside other ages which we 414 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:37,560 Speaker 1: may also have in our family in terms of the 415 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,920 Speaker 1: school work and what goes on with that. But I 416 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:44,359 Speaker 1: don't think anyone needs to be reminded that high school 417 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,280 Speaker 1: and middle school could be challenging on an academic front 418 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 1: for many kids, particularly if you're in a competitive school. 419 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 1: But the elementary has not been as bad for us, 420 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,800 Speaker 1: I mean partly, And it's just where we are right 421 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:59,359 Speaker 1: now in terms of our kids, because my fourth grader is, 422 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:04,639 Speaker 1: you know, very academically oriented and is you know, a 423 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 1: wee bit you know, you recognize elements of yourself and 424 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,280 Speaker 1: certain like this is there other work I could be doing, 425 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,840 Speaker 1: Like let's go see what else I could do while 426 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 1: I'm at this, So that has not been an issue. 427 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,360 Speaker 1: There will be others, I am sure with that. So 428 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,200 Speaker 1: that the only place that's requiring any effort right now 429 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 1: is with the first grader who just doesn't want to 430 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:24,920 Speaker 1: do it and gentlemen has to be dragged, kicking and 431 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,399 Speaker 1: screaming to do it. But on the other hand, it's 432 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:30,639 Speaker 1: like first grade homework is not exactly really elaborate. He 433 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,080 Speaker 1: doesn't grow up to have a rebel personality type I 434 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:37,520 Speaker 1: will be shocked. Yeah, I mean he's yeah, there's a 435 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 1: fair amount of that. But like for his homework, all 436 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,520 Speaker 1: it is is it's one it's a weekly assignment, so 437 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,280 Speaker 1: you can do it any of the nights. You can 438 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:50,719 Speaker 1: pick four or five things from the list, so usually 439 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,040 Speaker 1: there's like at least three that could be done in 440 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,880 Speaker 1: like two minutes. So it's just sort of getting down 441 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,640 Speaker 1: and saying, like on Wednesday or Thursday, like sit down, 442 00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,720 Speaker 1: you have to do it for a few minutes and 443 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 1: then then it's done. But yeah, it's it's it's not enjoyable, 444 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,639 Speaker 1: but at least it's not so elaborate at this point 445 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,639 Speaker 1: that we'll see how that develops in future years. I 446 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,920 Speaker 1: feel like there's a trend towards that like weekly homework situation, 447 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,159 Speaker 1: and I get how it can be good for kids, 448 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,359 Speaker 1: but oh my god, we struggle with it on a 449 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:24,040 Speaker 1: weekly basis because I think for both of my kids, 450 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,040 Speaker 1: it's like a sign, you know, for Annabelle, it's a 451 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,480 Speaker 1: signed on Thursday and do on Thursday, and so it's like, oh, 452 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,600 Speaker 1: it's Thursday, I just got my homework. Oh it's Friday. 453 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,840 Speaker 1: It's the weekend. I'm not going to do it on 454 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,359 Speaker 1: the weekend. Oh it's Monday, and it's like Tuesday, I 455 00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:36,880 Speaker 1: have horseback and was it. It's like every single week. 456 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,359 Speaker 1: I mean I yeah, we're working on it. Yeah understood. 457 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,800 Speaker 1: I think in our case it's almost it's like Monday 458 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,560 Speaker 1: assign and then do Friday, which is like a more 459 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,119 Speaker 1: manageable thing because it's mean it's a weekly thing, but 460 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:53,840 Speaker 1: there's no weekend gap in it. So that is something 461 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:59,280 Speaker 1: that could make it more difficult. Another fascinating aspect to 462 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:04,960 Speaker 1: me is deal with age appropriate emotional intensity and behavioral 463 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:10,440 Speaker 1: stuff from kids who are also relatively like bright which 464 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,399 Speaker 1: what comes out then is that they have adult vocabularies, 465 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:17,199 Speaker 1: so they're talking to you in a way that is 466 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 1: like having a conversation with a normal person, and then 467 00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:25,200 Speaker 1: all of a sudden, they're like lying on the couch screaming, 468 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,239 Speaker 1: which is what a young child will do if they 469 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,040 Speaker 1: don't get their way on something. And it's slightly a 470 00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:34,639 Speaker 1: jarring experience. I got to say that you've, like, you know, 471 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,239 Speaker 1: just been talking about all sorts of things, you know, 472 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:42,480 Speaker 1: using normal adult language and all that, and then yeah, 473 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:46,120 Speaker 1: you have this outburst. So I don't know what there 474 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:47,919 Speaker 1: is to be said about that other than that, I 475 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:51,480 Speaker 1: guess you continue to try to have conversations where you're 476 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 1: asking them questions about the world and seeing out how 477 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 1: they're processing things, and you know, exposing them to cool 478 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,160 Speaker 1: new things they might want to learn about, and then 479 00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:02,760 Speaker 1: just trying to be understanding when the actual six to 480 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:06,560 Speaker 1: ten year old behavior comes out. I love it. That 481 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:10,920 Speaker 1: sounds like the understanding. That's actually a really nice that's 482 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:12,480 Speaker 1: a nice word to use. I like that, And it 483 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,280 Speaker 1: sounds like some of the doctor Becky good Inside type 484 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,040 Speaker 1: philosophy that I've been listening to a little bit more recently. 485 00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:21,679 Speaker 1: Which I find fairly challenging to implement, but incredibly at 486 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 1: least valuable when it does work. And understanding is a 487 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,520 Speaker 1: nice word. Is always happening in the moment, but it 488 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,479 Speaker 1: is a nice word, isn't it. It's a nice thing 489 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,480 Speaker 1: to aim for, Like, Okay, this is what they're capable 490 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:36,800 Speaker 1: of right now? Yeah? Yeah, no, that was a just 491 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:40,760 Speaker 1: children of mine have you know, had this huge discussion 492 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,040 Speaker 1: of like the dyce in sphere or something, which is 493 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 1: with some astronomical term, and then there was, like, you know, 494 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:51,520 Speaker 1: a bathroom accident shortly thereafter. It's like, come on, oh, 495 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:56,679 Speaker 1: the dextaposition of every day that is fascinating, fascinating. So 496 00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:00,359 Speaker 1: in terms of screens, because this is of course like 497 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 1: when we were in elementary school, obviously there's tons of 498 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:06,480 Speaker 1: television available, but it was pretty much limited to I 499 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,280 Speaker 1: don't know, well, I watched a lot of TV though, 500 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,960 Speaker 1: just to like be clear that, like, I don't know, 501 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,920 Speaker 1: I think I turned out okay, and I totally I mean, 502 00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,840 Speaker 1: it's hard to remember elementary school as much. Certainly by 503 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:19,720 Speaker 1: the time I was in middle school, I came home 504 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,480 Speaker 1: from school, put on trashy comedies and did homework while 505 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:27,119 Speaker 1: watching said shows, and then they were on until we 506 00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,359 Speaker 1: had dinner, and then I didn't watch it at night, 507 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,200 Speaker 1: I guess because I didn't have a TV in my room. 508 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,080 Speaker 1: Good job parents. So screens were just like very much 509 00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 1: off at a certain point, and I went to bed 510 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,239 Speaker 1: because I've always been easy to go to bed kind 511 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,159 Speaker 1: of person, even in the years when you shouldn't be. 512 00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:42,520 Speaker 1: So I wasn't like on screens late at night. But 513 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,400 Speaker 1: it's not like I didn't have a lot of screen time. 514 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,960 Speaker 1: There was like a plenty. Yeah, there's a lot of 515 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,720 Speaker 1: screen time in this house too. I mean there's a 516 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 1: lot of devices. There's televisions, there's computers, and it's something 517 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:57,239 Speaker 1: everyone likes and you know, we all need downtime and 518 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,320 Speaker 1: some kids, you know, they all have books they like too, 519 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:04,800 Speaker 1: so there are books being read. There is outside playtime, 520 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,600 Speaker 1: but you know, there's also a lot of hours to fill, 521 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:11,040 Speaker 1: and inevitably screens are going to be part of that. 522 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:15,040 Speaker 1: I've also been fascinated to see it. Just interactive video 523 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,439 Speaker 1: games are one of the ways that little boys in 524 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:22,800 Speaker 1: particular do play with their friends. So we've set up 525 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:26,680 Speaker 1: you know, video play dates right that they're both agreeing 526 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,679 Speaker 1: to be on a game at the same time and 527 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,280 Speaker 1: playing that way, and so, you know, I want to 528 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,640 Speaker 1: appreciate that that's just, you know, not that it's ever 529 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,840 Speaker 1: something that I didn't have the capability of obviously doing 530 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,480 Speaker 1: that as a as an elementary school child, because we 531 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:43,880 Speaker 1: didn't have games on the internet. But it is something 532 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,399 Speaker 1: I want to appreciate as the way people are playing 533 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,000 Speaker 1: together and socializing. And I don't want to, you know, 534 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,240 Speaker 1: be like, well, that's not what I did, so therefore 535 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:55,640 Speaker 1: if they're not playing kick the Can, it's terrible or something. Well, 536 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,400 Speaker 1: I was going to say that the difference in why 537 00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,480 Speaker 1: I think screens are a little trickier today is that 538 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,919 Speaker 1: there's so much much more fun and exciting than they 539 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,159 Speaker 1: were back then, and so I don't think there was 540 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,199 Speaker 1: that much of a risk of nine year old me 541 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,639 Speaker 1: getting so obsessed with watching Charles in Charge that it 542 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,239 Speaker 1: was like the only thing I wanted to do. But 543 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:16,520 Speaker 1: I do think for our kids today sometimes I see 544 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,960 Speaker 1: that where like it's like they live for it and 545 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,119 Speaker 1: it's all they think about, and like everything else is 546 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:22,640 Speaker 1: just like what do I have to do to get 547 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:24,879 Speaker 1: to my screen time? And I hate that. I hate 548 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 1: that it makes me want to do things like I 549 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:28,760 Speaker 1: did in March and do a screen free month, Like 550 00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 1: I don't mind you enjoying screens, but I really need 551 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,919 Speaker 1: there to be like some balance there and for that 552 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,919 Speaker 1: not to be like your only goal in life. And 553 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,240 Speaker 1: I don't blame the kids. I think that I don't 554 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,600 Speaker 1: and I don't really blame the technology. I mean, they 555 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,439 Speaker 1: were trying to make it as fun as possible, but 556 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:48,400 Speaker 1: I do feel like it's like almost too good. Yeah, well, 557 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,679 Speaker 1: and one of the saings we have, like Michael not 558 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:54,680 Speaker 1: Michael Alex would get into certain video games and play 559 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,000 Speaker 1: them and that's fine, and then you know, but want 560 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,719 Speaker 1: to watch videos of other people playing the games in particular, 561 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,280 Speaker 1: and you know, some of that is okay, and some 562 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,960 Speaker 1: of them it just you know, it's a bit more adult, 563 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,000 Speaker 1: like the way they're interacting with things and talking about it. 564 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,880 Speaker 1: And it's just so hard to draw the line because 565 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,679 Speaker 1: I don't want to watch all of it with him, right, 566 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:18,239 Speaker 1: like if you know, it's it just sounds terrible, but 567 00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:20,240 Speaker 1: I it's like if he gets an hour of screen time, 568 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,520 Speaker 1: like that's what he's gonna go find. And there's no 569 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,680 Speaker 1: real good way to like say, well, it's a Minecraft video, 570 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:27,320 Speaker 1: but I know that it's a Minecraft video that's an 571 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,880 Speaker 1: okay Minecraft video as opposed to a Minecraft video that's 572 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,719 Speaker 1: like somebody talking in a way I wouldn't want my 573 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:35,399 Speaker 1: seven year old exposed to. So it's just been really 574 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:39,160 Speaker 1: hard to kind of figure out with that one. Yeah, 575 00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,720 Speaker 1: I could totally see that the Minecraft is hard. I 576 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,160 Speaker 1: feel like we've stuck to a couple of specific creators 577 00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 1: that my husband has vetted more than I have because 578 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:48,120 Speaker 1: I kind of stay out of the whole video game world. 579 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:50,840 Speaker 1: And I'm grateful that this for Annabel tends to trend 580 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:53,440 Speaker 1: towards things that don't bother me whatsoever. Did I like 581 00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 1: want to watch with her? So that's good. I mean 582 00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:59,040 Speaker 1: it helps that YouTube does have like their kids version 583 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,560 Speaker 1: should filter out some things. But yeah, it is. It 584 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,240 Speaker 1: is hard, and you don't know how much to police 585 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:07,520 Speaker 1: because in theory, I'm like, well, my kids have good judgment, 586 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:10,400 Speaker 1: But then I'm like, but there are some really horrifying 587 00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:13,520 Speaker 1: things on the Internet and I don't think they're ready 588 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:16,000 Speaker 1: to see them. Yeah, so it's hard. Yeah, So the 589 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:20,640 Speaker 1: screen thing is is harder. You know, activities and friendships, Oh, 590 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:24,760 Speaker 1: those are all challenging to manage because the friend drama 591 00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,880 Speaker 1: does start to rear its head, and you know whether 592 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:32,040 Speaker 1: kids are feeling excluded at various times. And I guess 593 00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,200 Speaker 1: for COVID, for a while, it was all sort of 594 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:37,400 Speaker 1: set because they had to set far apart from each other, like, 595 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:40,560 Speaker 1: which was terrible in its own way. But you know, 596 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,280 Speaker 1: people are navigating those rules again and figuring out the 597 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:50,200 Speaker 1: emotional aspect of relationship building, relationship maintaining, and it's hard. 598 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:53,120 Speaker 1: And you know, when you're little, you don't know how 599 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,440 Speaker 1: the world works, and you also don't know that this 600 00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,680 Speaker 1: is a short period of your life, and I think 601 00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:01,240 Speaker 1: that can be challenging as well. Absolutely, and it's hard 602 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:04,200 Speaker 1: to know, like you can't fix it, and it's almost 603 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,440 Speaker 1: like they'll tell you about something and you're like, are 604 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:08,120 Speaker 1: you looking for an answer, because I'm not going to 605 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,280 Speaker 1: like I can't call this person's mind, you know what 606 00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:13,479 Speaker 1: I mean. You get to a point where their friends 607 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:19,479 Speaker 1: struggles are real and you can't necessarily help them, and 608 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,800 Speaker 1: I mean, I think the best thing to do is 609 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 1: to really listen and acknowledge them as real, because I 610 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,440 Speaker 1: think the mistake you can make is like, oh, that's 611 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 1: just fifth grade whatever. But like no, if you think 612 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:33,719 Speaker 1: back to your own fifth grade stuff, I'm sure there 613 00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,200 Speaker 1: was stuff that felt really difficult back then, and so 614 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,720 Speaker 1: like giving it the power that it has to the kid, 615 00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:41,080 Speaker 1: or the value that it has to the kid, I 616 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,200 Speaker 1: guess is important. And that's why it's good that elementary 617 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,240 Speaker 1: school kids are probably still willing to snuggle with you, 618 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:49,200 Speaker 1: because you can then, you know, be the loving presence 619 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:52,160 Speaker 1: as they're upset about other things, and hopefully that will 620 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:54,640 Speaker 1: help with it too. So I want to just go 621 00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,479 Speaker 1: ahead and transition to our question here for the week, 622 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:00,480 Speaker 1: which is an interesting one but it is prote We 623 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:03,560 Speaker 1: get a lot on this podcast. When did you know 624 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:06,720 Speaker 1: you were done having kids? Although I should say that 625 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:08,480 Speaker 1: Sarah and I both had babies in the course of 626 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,080 Speaker 1: this podcast coming out, so I guess we weren't done 627 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:12,880 Speaker 1: when this started. When people are asking us this, but 628 00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,760 Speaker 1: this particular listener says, I'm thirty eight and cannot stop 629 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:23,000 Speaker 1: thinking about number three even though it is logistically difficult. So, Sarah, 630 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:29,080 Speaker 1: this is so reminiscent of my situation. I mean, I 631 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:32,320 Speaker 1: don't know the answer here, but I guess I will. 632 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,560 Speaker 1: I think the one thing people wonder is like, well, 633 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,960 Speaker 1: I never feel done. Will I just keep feeling this 634 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,640 Speaker 1: after each subsequent kid, Like what about a fourth? What 635 00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:41,600 Speaker 1: about a fifth? What about a sixth? I mean whatever, 636 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,760 Speaker 1: And I guess I can tell you at least that 637 00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:49,160 Speaker 1: in my situation, I really felt pulled for a third, 638 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:52,920 Speaker 1: even though I also knew logistically it was like, you know, 639 00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 1: a bad idea kind of or at least going to 640 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:59,960 Speaker 1: make things more difficult financially logistically having energy for each 641 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,080 Speaker 1: each kid, having attention for each kid, like how many 642 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:04,440 Speaker 1: moving parts, you know, how many rooms in our house, 643 00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,760 Speaker 1: et cetera. However, I just kept thinking about it and 644 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,720 Speaker 1: thinking about it and thinking about it, and the overwhelming 645 00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,600 Speaker 1: feeling I kept having was like, I think, I'm just 646 00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,360 Speaker 1: going to regret not doing this if I move forward 647 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 1: and with my two kids that I love very much, 648 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,160 Speaker 1: but like, I just want to see what that third 649 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,040 Speaker 1: one would be like and have a slightly bigger family. 650 00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:27,200 Speaker 1: And I did not have any of those feelings to 651 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:31,360 Speaker 1: any significant extent extent after Genevieve. So I guess there 652 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:34,920 Speaker 1: is a point, at least in my experience, one might 653 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 1: become saturated and be like, I am so grateful that 654 00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,200 Speaker 1: I have these kids, and I really am like it was. 655 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:43,160 Speaker 1: I mean, hindsight is like, it's hard to like, how 656 00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:46,160 Speaker 1: could you say otherwise? But I feel very very happy 657 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,280 Speaker 1: that we had a third child, and it feels like 658 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,360 Speaker 1: the right thing for our family, and I can't imagine 659 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:53,480 Speaker 1: it any other way. And yet after her, I was 660 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:55,200 Speaker 1: never like, oh, I think I want to have a 661 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,840 Speaker 1: fourth and I could have age wise, I mean, I 662 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,440 Speaker 1: had her at thirty seven. That's, you know, certainly on 663 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 1: the upper end, but people have kids lots older than that. 664 00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:06,240 Speaker 1: But I didn't want to and I definitely still don't 665 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:10,040 Speaker 1: want to and I'm not going to. So so that's 666 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:13,240 Speaker 1: my experience. Yeah, I think if this person is thinking 667 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,800 Speaker 1: about it a lot and thinking about it sort of wistfully, 668 00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:19,080 Speaker 1: like they cannot stop thinking about number three, that may 669 00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:23,200 Speaker 1: be a sign that you are really excited about the idea. Now, obviously, 670 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,120 Speaker 1: if your partner is dead set against it, that's an 671 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:29,680 Speaker 1: entirely different set of you know things, in which case 672 00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:31,920 Speaker 1: you know that's something the two of you would have 673 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:36,560 Speaker 1: to discuss. But if it's a possibility and both of 674 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,520 Speaker 1: you are interested and happy when you think about the idea, 675 00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,800 Speaker 1: then you're constantly thinking about it, it it is possibly an 676 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 1: indication that you would enjoy having another child in your life. 677 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:48,800 Speaker 1: So the aspect of it being logistically difficult, I think 678 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:52,560 Speaker 1: it might help to think through what logistics are going 679 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,760 Speaker 1: to be challenging for you, Like what is it that 680 00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:58,040 Speaker 1: you are concerned about and are there ways that you 681 00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:01,720 Speaker 1: can solve them? So you know, what aspects of having 682 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:05,360 Speaker 1: a baby the last time were most difficult. We'll throw 683 00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:07,840 Speaker 1: in here that you do not have to do a 684 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:12,440 Speaker 1: great many things that people do with babies during pregnancy whatever. 685 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:14,640 Speaker 1: We had a lot of people mentioned when we had 686 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,560 Speaker 1: a listener question a few weeks ago about somebody feeling 687 00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,239 Speaker 1: behind because they were pumping at work. You don't have 688 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:24,319 Speaker 1: to pump, Like if that made the first year of 689 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,920 Speaker 1: your last baby's life incredibly difficult and you know, parts 690 00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,839 Speaker 1: very unhappy, Like maybe you just don't do that, Like 691 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:33,319 Speaker 1: maybe that is something that's not an aspect of your 692 00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:36,760 Speaker 1: life with the third child and that could be great. 693 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:42,239 Speaker 1: Maybe it was that you really needed additional childcare at 694 00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:44,880 Speaker 1: a certain point and that you didn't have it and 695 00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,120 Speaker 1: that made it very challenging for you. Well, maybe that's 696 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:50,319 Speaker 1: something that you can not do something else financially and 697 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,399 Speaker 1: do this instead, you know, that you put money specifically 698 00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:57,839 Speaker 1: into that problem that you had. So I think if 699 00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:00,520 Speaker 1: you're you know, thinking through the logistics of of you know, 700 00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:04,440 Speaker 1: what are you most concerned about and is there a 701 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:07,640 Speaker 1: way that I can solve that problem, then that might 702 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:10,919 Speaker 1: you know, help with the decision making. If you are, 703 00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:14,960 Speaker 1: you know, leaning toward wanting another child but feeling just 704 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:19,400 Speaker 1: a little bit concerned about it, I like it permission, Yeah, yeah, Well, 705 00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:21,800 Speaker 1: we love to hear from other our listeners. Of course, 706 00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:23,680 Speaker 1: you know, how did you make the decision on how 707 00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:26,320 Speaker 1: many children you had? I'm sure there's a million different 708 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:30,280 Speaker 1: ways people thought about this. Sometimes it's not an active choice. 709 00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:34,399 Speaker 1: Sometimes it is just circumstance wines in both directions. People 710 00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:36,520 Speaker 1: have fewer babies than they want, people have more babies 711 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:39,480 Speaker 1: than they want. It can go both ways. So we'd 712 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,280 Speaker 1: love to hear from you on that. And in meanwhile, 713 00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:44,920 Speaker 1: our love of the week, so mine this week is 714 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:48,239 Speaker 1: going to be QR codes, which are just ubiquitous these 715 00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:51,040 Speaker 1: days but actually pretty cool, like the fact that you 716 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:54,160 Speaker 1: can scan something and like, you know, it's scanned, like 717 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,520 Speaker 1: you don't have to print stuff. And I feel like 718 00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:59,200 Speaker 1: QR codes got so much better once Apple made their 719 00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:02,200 Speaker 1: camera just instantly capture them versus before and you had 720 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,600 Speaker 1: to use like a QR reader. Yeah, that was ridiculous, 721 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,600 Speaker 1: but they became like elevated. Yeah. Now the fact that 722 00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:10,040 Speaker 1: you can just take a you know, put your phone 723 00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:12,440 Speaker 1: camera on it and then go straight to whatever website 724 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,040 Speaker 1: it is that you need to do or but also 725 00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,520 Speaker 1: just you know, for tickets and stuff like that, you know, 726 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:21,200 Speaker 1: having information encoded in that and you know, have it 727 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:23,239 Speaker 1: on your phone and don't have to print things and 728 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,560 Speaker 1: give them to people is just one fewer thing to 729 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,719 Speaker 1: get lost, although of course your phone could get lost 730 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:31,040 Speaker 1: or run out a battery whatever else. Not have internet access, 731 00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:33,359 Speaker 1: there's all sorts of things that could go wrong. So 732 00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:35,680 Speaker 1: sometimes if it's important enough, I print them anyway. But 733 00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,000 Speaker 1: we will. How about you, Sarah, what's your love of 734 00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:42,640 Speaker 1: the week? I have a new planner obsession. Oh we 735 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,880 Speaker 1: should tell listeners that you reordered your Oh yeah, have 736 00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:49,520 Speaker 1: reordered English planner and it seems functional. I mean, I 737 00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:52,279 Speaker 1: gotta say I don't really love the covers that they 738 00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:55,040 Speaker 1: have for the twenty twenty two twenty twenty three academic year. 739 00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:57,440 Speaker 1: But oh well, I mean I don't really look at 740 00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:00,359 Speaker 1: the cover that much. It just kind of is open time. 741 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:05,080 Speaker 1: So the cover is really yeah, it doesn't matter. For years, 742 00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:07,960 Speaker 1: I had wanted a hope we need you like layout 743 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,960 Speaker 1: on thicker paper, and I finally found like the best 744 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,600 Speaker 1: version of that, which is Hemlock and Oak. There's a 745 00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:15,919 Speaker 1: full review by the time this comes out on Best 746 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:18,200 Speaker 1: Laid Plans if you're interested in hearing like literally every 747 00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:22,240 Speaker 1: detail about this planner. But I am obsessed with nice, nice, 748 00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:25,120 Speaker 1: well Hemlock and oak. People have to check that out. Well. 749 00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,080 Speaker 1: This has been best of both worlds. We've been talking 750 00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:31,240 Speaker 1: mostly about the elementary ages ages six to ten a 751 00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,879 Speaker 1: period of time. This got upsides and it's challenges. We'd 752 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:35,319 Speaker 1: love to hear from you as well about what you 753 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:38,080 Speaker 1: are liking about this age, what you are not liking 754 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,360 Speaker 1: about this sage or finding challenging, what you're still trying 755 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:43,120 Speaker 1: to figure out. If you have advice, if your kids 756 00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:44,640 Speaker 1: are older than that and w'd like to share it, 757 00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:47,560 Speaker 1: please reach out to us as well. So anyway, this 758 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:49,640 Speaker 1: has been best of both worlds. We'll be back next 759 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,680 Speaker 1: week with more on making work and life fit together. 760 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,440 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the 761 00:37:56,480 --> 00:38:00,879 Speaker 1: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram 762 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:05,560 Speaker 1: and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 763 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:08,880 Speaker 1: This has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please 764 00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:11,560 Speaker 1: join us next time for more on making work and 765 00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:12,760 Speaker 1: life work together