1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:04,320 Speaker 1: Buckle up, hold on tight here It is all right, 2 00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:09,799 Speaker 1: Thank you. Subject lots of mess and no sex. Dear 3 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,719 Speaker 1: Stephen Shirley, I am a twenty five year old woman. 4 00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:15,920 Speaker 1: I married my husband when I was nineteen years old, 5 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,120 Speaker 1: and I am starting to believe that it was a mistake. 6 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:23,119 Speaker 1: We both work. His days off are consistent, but my 7 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:27,200 Speaker 1: days fluctuate. When I'm off, I clean and cook, I 8 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:29,920 Speaker 1: take care of our two children, and I make sure 9 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,559 Speaker 1: everyone has what they need. But lately I've been the 10 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,320 Speaker 1: one who needs to be checked on to make sure 11 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,240 Speaker 1: I'm good. He waits until I get home and ask 12 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,960 Speaker 1: me what's for dinner instead of trying to cook something 13 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,159 Speaker 1: for himself and the kids. I love my husband and 14 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,120 Speaker 1: we have fun together, but I don't want to keep 15 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 1: feeling depressed and stressed out. I just want him to 16 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:55,400 Speaker 1: take the darn trash out and pick up after himself. 17 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 1: Most of the messes aren't just from the kids. He's 18 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:03,400 Speaker 1: messy too, So I have started withholding sex from him. 19 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 1: I'm not in the mood to have sex when my 20 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,760 Speaker 1: house is not clean. Is it wrong for me to 21 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,319 Speaker 1: keep the cookie from my husband? Is there a better 22 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: way to get him to help me? Out around the house. 23 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:17,640 Speaker 1: Please help. Well, you guys have been married for six years. Um, 24 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:19,960 Speaker 1: you don't say you say you're twenty, You married when 25 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 1: you were nineteen, and you don't give his age. But 26 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:24,399 Speaker 1: I have to ask you. Have you talked to him 27 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:27,959 Speaker 1: about this? Um? Have you let him in on what 28 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 1: you're feeling, how unhappy you are and that you need 29 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: help around the house? Have you asked him to help? 30 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:36,360 Speaker 1: It sounds like these are feelings that you're having that 31 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: that you just haven't expressed to him. A lot of times, 32 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:43,479 Speaker 1: depending on how you say things, how you say things, 33 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,399 Speaker 1: you can get your man to do just about anything, 34 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 1: especially I mean and at the very least take out 35 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:53,320 Speaker 1: the trash. Um you start withholding sex and not telling 36 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:57,000 Speaker 1: him why. There could be a serious problem in uh, 37 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: in your marriage for sure. I just think you know 38 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 1: this is all inside you're feeling, this rage, this passive aggressiveness. 39 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,040 Speaker 1: Let it out. It's your house too, you know you 40 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,760 Speaker 1: guys are both working. Maybe you can, you know, talk 41 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 1: about having someone to come in and clean your house 42 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 1: so you won't be so tired, and then you know 43 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 1: you'll get the boast of both worlds. You'll have a um, 44 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 1: a clean house. You'll you'll be rested, not depressed, not 45 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:23,960 Speaker 1: stressed out. Perhaps you could do something like that, but 46 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,960 Speaker 1: first of all, above anything, you have to talk to 47 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 1: your husband and let him know how you feel. Steve, well, 48 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,880 Speaker 1: you know they're twenty five. She's been married six years. 49 00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 1: You got married at nineteen. That's young. That's very very young. 50 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 1: And so when you're young, Look, marriages work anyway, but 51 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,360 Speaker 1: when you're young, you've got a lot of work to 52 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,639 Speaker 1: put on yourself because you don't even know you yet. 53 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,239 Speaker 1: And what could have happened here, young lady, is that 54 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 1: do you that you have become at twenty five after 55 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 1: two children? You cannot be the same person you were 56 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:07,800 Speaker 1: when you were nineteen. That's absolutely impossible. You cannot be 57 00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: the same person. So you've changed into this other person. 58 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,800 Speaker 1: And what has happened in between you and your husband 59 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 1: is now now that you've grown up and you've got 60 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:21,040 Speaker 1: these two kids and you are twenty five and not nineteen. Well, 61 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:26,480 Speaker 1: this person that you've become without proper communication might not 62 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 1: be a good match for who he is. And if 63 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 1: he hasn't progressed like you, for example, he's still very messy. 64 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,240 Speaker 1: You just wanted to pick up behind himself. You want 65 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,320 Speaker 1: him to take out the trash your off days fluctuate. 66 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,600 Speaker 1: You want when you come home from work, he's been 67 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: sitting there all day instead of waiting you to come 68 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,480 Speaker 1: through the door. Time, what's for dinner? He could be 69 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 1: doing something now. Because he's doing it this way now, 70 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:52,600 Speaker 1: you're with holding the cookie from him. Is there a 71 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,400 Speaker 1: better way to get him to help out around the house? 72 00:03:55,800 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: Please help? Cookie withdrawal is very real. Come on, cookie, 73 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 1: Cookie withdrawal gets everybody's undivided attention. I've been placed under 74 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:21,880 Speaker 1: cookie panic before. It's stressful, you don't know when it's 75 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:27,120 Speaker 1: going in m It creates a lot of things. But 76 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,680 Speaker 1: before I get into the cookie part, let me just 77 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 1: tell you this right quick. You're building up a resentment now. 78 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:40,720 Speaker 1: You're starting to resent him for his lack of understanding 79 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,839 Speaker 1: of your needs and your wants. And like Shirley said, 80 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 1: she said it best right at the time. You know, 81 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 1: have you all even talked about it yet? You really 82 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 1: need to have a serious conversation. Now. Let's get back 83 00:04:56,040 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 1: to this cookie, never far from it, because this is 84 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:06,599 Speaker 1: what this letter really about. You were holding cookie. You 85 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:12,840 Speaker 1: heard the old thing, cookie crumbles. That's the way the 86 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:16,720 Speaker 1: cookie crumble. That's the way the cookie crumble. Well, if 87 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:18,919 Speaker 1: that's how the cookie gone crumbling, and that's how to manage, 88 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:22,919 Speaker 1: gonna crumble. But everybody's gonna be crumbling right now. That 89 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 1: was deep. Steve was right there. Say that again, I 90 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:35,440 Speaker 1: don't know what I said. That's how to manage, you 91 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:43,159 Speaker 1: know it was it was bearing repeating and it can't 92 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 1: do that. And you've got to You've got to understand that. 93 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:54,920 Speaker 1: And see, once you start using the cookie as a 94 00:05:55,000 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 1: pond in the chess game, then when do you stop this. See, 95 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: the best form of the way to handle this is, 96 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 1: like Shirley said, communication. So let's say you start with 97 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:14,360 Speaker 1: holding the cookie. Here's the danger of withholding the cookie. 98 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:18,440 Speaker 1: He gotta get some cookies somewhere, and it's cookies everywhere. 99 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 1: They got cookies at routes, they got cooking. See they 100 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:24,599 Speaker 1: got cookies that whole food route save on. They got 101 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 1: cookie down at the drugs. You can buy cookies at CVS. 102 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:32,040 Speaker 1: You get cookies at the hotel. Let's cookies on your job. 103 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,719 Speaker 1: It's cooking down there at the post office. They got 104 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:39,120 Speaker 1: cookies at the Apple store. You get cook you cooking 105 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: down and trying to rind a call. You go down 106 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 1: to the restaurant. I'll be damn, they got cookies. Talk 107 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,360 Speaker 1: about this cooking back he should have been here and 108 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:52,880 Speaker 1: the cooking right here. And let me tell you something 109 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 1: really quick, because I got time to come back. When 110 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:59,359 Speaker 1: I come back, I'll tell you what the different flavors 111 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:06,680 Speaker 1: the cookies mean and how cookie flavors affects our taste. Yes, 112 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 1: you know, I will put ages two of them and 113 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 1: everything when we come back. Part two of your response 114 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:20,080 Speaker 1: to today's letter. See we're talking about cooking right now. 115 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 1: Subject tied to this man not cooking clean, to help 116 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:29,360 Speaker 1: with with the kids. Nothing. So now what he wanna 117 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 1: do is now he wants to she she wants to 118 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,080 Speaker 1: get a better reaction from the man. So now she's 119 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 1: with holding the cookie, with holding the cookie, what kind 120 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 1: of cookie is she with holding? Let's start with my 121 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:50,720 Speaker 1: all time favorite cookie, chocolate chill. Nothing has mattered more 122 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:55,880 Speaker 1: to me than chocolate chill. The reason chocolate chipping had 123 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: been my favorite cookie is because of the chocolate chips 124 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 1: that's in the cooking. Lord, how good is a chocolate 125 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:08,560 Speaker 1: chip cookie? It's a good cooker, it's a good cooking 126 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 1: it's a good cooking. Then you got oatmeal cookies, oldmeal, 127 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 1: boat raisin with it, and there you gotta have raising 128 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 1: in that cause see oatmeal by yourself ain't nothing. See 129 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 1: it's like I worked with a dude I called oatmeal man. 130 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 1: He wasn't nothing. He needed something put on him all 131 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 1: the time. See oatmeal oatmeal man is like a dude 132 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:39,280 Speaker 1: that need honey, need brown sugar, needs some fruit. Because 133 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,959 Speaker 1: o'meal by yourself ain't nothing that I don't really carevil 134 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:45,280 Speaker 1: o'meal raising cooking. I eat it, but it's not my 135 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 1: favorite at oatmeal, and then that leads me to pee 136 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 1: can sandies is another favorite. But that's old cookie though, 137 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 1: because it's a little dusty when you bite into it. Yeah, 138 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:01,839 Speaker 1: old cookies. Pee can't say that's old cookies. Got a 139 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:05,360 Speaker 1: little dusty, got a little salt dust flavor to it. 140 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:09,080 Speaker 1: Then you got short bread cookie like my one of 141 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 1: my all time favorites with Lorna Dude. Yeah, you know, 142 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:19,559 Speaker 1: I loved I loved Lorna Dunes. And then you had 143 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: let's get into the specialty cookie. Oreo talking about maybe 144 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:29,720 Speaker 1: you're in an iterational relationship. That's Oreo cookie. Hell, that's 145 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,680 Speaker 1: the best right there. That's a little black and white 146 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:36,880 Speaker 1: love it talking about it. That's not for you. Your 147 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 1: favorite cookie vanilla cream Oreo outweigh vanilla cream all day long. 148 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,360 Speaker 1: But I must tell you this thing. I have had 149 00:09:53,400 --> 00:10:00,440 Speaker 1: some delicious vanilla cream cookies. I'm just talking about cookie 150 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:11,880 Speaker 1: yourself now, not not Jay's cooking. Now. I have seen 151 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 1: so vanilla cream cookies. Oh Lord, spell me, God me 152 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:25,160 Speaker 1: not fall that. I may not fall astraight. Let me 153 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: explain to you the other cookie. Throw out another cooking. 154 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:31,559 Speaker 1: I'll tell you what kind of cookie it is. Peanut 155 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 1: butter cookies. Who don't like them? I don't know anyone. 156 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 1: Everybody like him. Everybody like peanut butter cookie called peanut 157 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:49,120 Speaker 1: butter cookies. It's like the Janet Jackson or cookies. Oh 158 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:52,680 Speaker 1: what do you mean? Break that down? I didn't not 159 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 1: when Janet was on fire. I ain't. No, nobody didn't 160 00:10:55,280 --> 00:11:01,040 Speaker 1: like him. I just didn't know. Nobody didn't like it, 161 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:12,920 Speaker 1: didn't right, Girl scalp cookies that peppermint mints. Yeah, outstanding cooking. 162 00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 1: The Girl Scouts have some cookie they could quit sell 163 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:21,120 Speaker 1: it like what I don't know, but that was pretty good. Yeah, 164 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 1: they got a couple of them don't need to be 165 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 1: off the market. You know what in that, I tell 166 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,440 Speaker 1: you one of the great cookie makers of all time, 167 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:37,360 Speaker 1: the Keepler Elf. Yeah, they are made really huh. Yeah, 168 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 1: time had been in there. My god, Tommy had summer 169 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:52,200 Speaker 1: job in that one year. I used to take him 170 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,640 Speaker 1: down there. Man drives down there picking my black man. 171 00:11:54,720 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 1: How you do that for the rest of the day. Hid? 172 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:16,280 Speaker 1: Oh boy, Hey, we're working on filling over here about 173 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:22,800 Speaker 1: Oh those were yeah, I ain't a banging him down. 174 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:30,600 Speaker 1: Sugar cookie, Steve, sugar cookie. Sugar cookies was good nothing, 175 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 1: Nothing beats a chocolate chip. But I used to love 176 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:37,640 Speaker 1: chip Ahoyd until I found out that Archway made him 177 00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 1: soff Oh yeah, because I was used to snap and 178 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 1: bite them. But boy, when I found out they made 179 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:52,360 Speaker 1: them them chocolate chill soft. You don't had ginger snaps 180 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:58,319 Speaker 1: cheese boy, boy, you better shut your mouth. That little 181 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:03,760 Speaker 1: twin and the just snapped with some cheese. Dog. I 182 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 1: thought that was actually a meal. Yeah, ginger snap cookie? Right? Yeah? 183 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,440 Speaker 1: So what was cookie? Her keeping the cookie help her 184 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:14,000 Speaker 1: marriage something? It's not gonna help. No, it's not because 185 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 1: the man gonna go get some cookie. See that's the 186 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:19,840 Speaker 1: same thing about it. Are we still on the letter? Yeah? 187 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:27,199 Speaker 1: Back and forward? What about short bread? Oh yeah that 188 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 1: those are good you talked about that's the line he 189 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:40,280 Speaker 1: worked on. No, that's the line Tommy worked on. We 190 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:51,120 Speaker 1: knew that. Say Hello Tommy, Hi Tommy, dummy time. All right, listen, 191 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,360 Speaker 1: we gotta get out of here. You can email or instagram. 192 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,000 Speaker 1: What's your thoughts on today's Strawberry letter? Had my girls? Sir, 193 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,200 Speaker 1: you're listening to Steve Harvey Morning Show.