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Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's The Velvet's

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Speaker 1: Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson.

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Speaker 2: Monica Burg, international speaker, spiritual thought leader, author, and a

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Speaker 2: co host of Spiritually Hungry podcast is Here. Monica's mission

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Speaker 2: is to show individuals how to create a life that

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Speaker 2: not only feels like it's working, but most importantly, a

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Speaker 2: life in which they are living and loving as the powerful,

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Speaker 2: fulfilled person they've always wanted to be. Hi, Monica, Hello,

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Speaker 2: we just figured out we're both from Louisiana. I love

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Speaker 2: I love meeting a fellow Louisianian.

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Speaker 3: I know me too. I don't have the accent, but

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Speaker 3: I know, which is kind of odd.

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Speaker 2: You said you're from Thibodeaux, which is very like Cajun country.

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Speaker 4: Typically, I think in my house because English was not

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Speaker 4: the first language. My parents are from the released, and

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Speaker 4: then I think, if you mix everything together, you know,

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Speaker 4: I just I think I decided which I was going

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Speaker 4: to choose.

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Speaker 3: I'm somewhere all over the place.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Well, I was telling your rev when we

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Speaker 2: first started talking. I really wanted to get you on

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Speaker 2: the podcast this month, specifically because we have a Word

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Speaker 2: of the Month every month and this word is this

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Speaker 2: month's word is abandoned. And I love the work that

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Speaker 2: you're doing because what initially sparked my connecting with that

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Speaker 2: word and your work is that so much of your

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Speaker 2: work involves letting go of old narratives that don't serve

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Speaker 2: us and really adopting these new narratives that really help

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Speaker 2: people step into their own power. So if we could

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Speaker 2: just give the listeners a little foundation to start, what

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Speaker 2: are the best tools for internal growth?

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Speaker 4: Well, it starts with checking where your consciousness is at,

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Speaker 4: because everything starts their consciousness is power, and the strength

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Speaker 4: really comes from the ability to change the way we

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Speaker 4: think about things. And I think often people don't challenge

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Speaker 4: themselves in that way. They have a belief system, and

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Speaker 4: they don't often stop the question how did I adopt

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Speaker 4: that belief system? Where did it come from? Is it

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Speaker 4: really mine? Or is the thoughts that I was raised with?

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Speaker 4: And it's kind of somehow now a narrative for me.

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Speaker 4: So the first is consciousness. Check where you're at, check

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Speaker 4: your belief systems. Know that you have the power to

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Speaker 4: change any thought, and then from that anything's possible. So

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Speaker 4: if you catch the thought if it's not positive, you

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Speaker 4: change it and then you follow it with immediate action.

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Speaker 4: I think often we stay in our heads far too

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Speaker 4: long and we replace thought for action, and we think, oh,

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Speaker 4: if we're thinking about it and we're talking about it,

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Speaker 4: then somehow we're affecting change.

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Speaker 3: But it doesn't really work like that, right.

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Speaker 2: I love the idea of just being able to change

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Speaker 2: our thoughts, but I also know that for me it's

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Speaker 2: not as simple as that. Typically, you know, like it's

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Speaker 2: just like if I could just change it overnight or whatever,

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Speaker 2: then I would, But I can get stuck ruminating. So

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Speaker 2: what would you say to people who might struggle with

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Speaker 2: that same kind of like overthinking or ruminating or anything

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Speaker 2: like that.

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Speaker 4: I think we all have that to some extent. I

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Speaker 4: certainly understand what you're saying. I've been there. Sometimes I

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Speaker 4: can go and visit that place, but I'm not happy there.

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Speaker 4: So I think it's about understanding your purpose, which is

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Speaker 4: a much much broader topic I'm aware of, and most

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Speaker 4: people struggle their whole lives saying, well, I don't even

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Speaker 4: know who I meant to be or what I meant

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Speaker 4: to do. And we think of ourselves in terms of success,

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Speaker 4: like I'm success if I'm recognized in my job, or

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Speaker 4: if I have something to show for my life, or

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Speaker 4: if other people recognize me. And I think, if that's

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Speaker 4: the pursuit of your life, really it's understandable why it'd

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Speaker 4: be stuck in thought because all of that's about external right,

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Speaker 4: What do people think?

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Speaker 3: How do they see me?

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Speaker 4: How is my life viewed versus internal, which really is

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Speaker 4: how do I feel when I wake up in the morning,

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Speaker 4: How do I feel when I go to sleep? What

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Speaker 4: is my internal dialogue? Is it supportive? Is it kind?

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Speaker 4: Is nurturing? What is my prominent my primary emotion each day?

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Speaker 4: What's the thought that feeds that emotion? Right, So it's

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Speaker 4: really about the relationship you have with yourself. And I

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Speaker 4: think that when you start to be kind to yourself,

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Speaker 4: which is a work of a lifetime really. But the

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Speaker 4: good news is when you do these things that I'm saying,

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Speaker 4: it becomes natural, it becomes normal, and then that becomes

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Speaker 4: who you are.

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Speaker 3: That's how transformation occurs. So when you start to do this.

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Speaker 4: Then those thoughts you have it's kind of like, well,

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Speaker 4: your thoughts are now more positive and they're supportive, So

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Speaker 4: it's not so much that you have to fight in

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Speaker 4: changing and they are changing because the nature of them

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Speaker 4: are different.

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Speaker 2: Is this how we get to a place of being

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Speaker 2: able to manifest things like letting go of these old

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Speaker 2: narratives and then kind of getting ourselves into a place

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Speaker 2: of really looking at our purpose and having a relationship

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Speaker 2: with ourselves. Is that where we can start to manifest?

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Speaker 3: Absolutely?

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Speaker 4: Because the thing with manifesting sometimes people get stuck there too,

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Speaker 4: And why is that? You know, we have a goal

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Speaker 4: and then we forget the why behind the goal. So again,

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Speaker 4: everything that we pursue or anything that we want to manifest,

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Speaker 4: there's always going to be an attention that precedes that.

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Speaker 4: And in that intention, you have to be clear as

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Speaker 4: coming from soul or is it coming from ego? Why

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Speaker 4: are you pursuing the things that you're pursuing. The next

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Speaker 4: part of that is you have to have a clear

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Speaker 4: vision of what it is you want to create. So,

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Speaker 4: for instance, if somebody was going to build a house,

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Speaker 4: before you would hire even the you know, the contractor

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Speaker 4: maybe you purchase the land, but you would have even

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Speaker 4: before the architect, you'd have a vision of what that

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Speaker 4: house would look like. Right, you'd know that when you're

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Speaker 4: in the bathtub you wanted to see the sunset. Let's

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Speaker 4: say you want to have a perfect view of a mountain,

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Speaker 4: or you wanted the kitchen to be set up in

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Speaker 4: a way like you knew exactly what it would look like.

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Speaker 3: And in that vision it's perfect.

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Speaker 4: Now, in the process of creating that house, there's going

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Speaker 4: to be problems, there will be delayed, it's going to

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Speaker 4: be overpriced, and you know over budget, you're going to

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Speaker 4: all kinds of obstacles, going to take longer than you anticipated.

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Speaker 4: But in your vision, it's perfection. And I think that

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Speaker 4: we need to view our lives in the same way.

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Speaker 4: If we look at ourselves as a whole again, not

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Speaker 4: what we do, but.

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Speaker 3: Who we want to be.

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Speaker 4: Right, if we approach our lives with more of the

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Speaker 4: understanding of being rather than doing, and in that being

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Speaker 4: we have a perfected vision. Does I mean we're perfect

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Speaker 4: because I don't like that word, but perfected in the

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Speaker 4: sense that you really start to develop all aspects of

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Speaker 4: your self, body, mind, and spirit, that you're again creating

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Speaker 4: a kinder narrative, that there's transformation and sharing in each

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Speaker 4: and every day. And when you do that, your life

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Speaker 4: starts to really work in a way that supports you

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Speaker 4: So manifesting isn't out something that's outside that you're, something

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Speaker 4: that you're trying to pursue or chase after. It's something

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Speaker 4: that is building within you, and you're creating all the time.

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Speaker 4: You become the co creator of your life.

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Speaker 2: What emotions can get in the way of that? I

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Speaker 2: know you talk about that a lot.

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Speaker 4: Doubt for sure, imposter or syndrome, thinking that we can't

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Speaker 4: really achieve, and really not believing that we all have

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Speaker 4: the ability and are destined to be great. You know,

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Speaker 4: we often think that greatness is reserved for the really special,

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Speaker 4: unique people, when in reality, we all have greatness within us.

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Speaker 4: We all are meant to tap into what makes us

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Speaker 4: unique and authentic. But again, that requires thought and work

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Speaker 4: and effort. And I think a lot about what I

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Speaker 4: try to do with my work is I don't want it.

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Speaker 4: I want to get people to think in this way, right,

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Speaker 4: because we put a lot of time and energy into

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Speaker 4: the one percent reality, like physicality, what we came to,

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Speaker 4: you know, the five senses rightw look how they taste,

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Speaker 4: you know, and never in this other realm of like

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Speaker 4: am I exploring things that you can't see that are intangible?

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Speaker 2: Really, like what can you give us some examples.

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Speaker 4: Those those big words like can't kindness and empathy sharing,

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Speaker 4: it's the things that you know, at the end of

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Speaker 4: the day, when we may not be physically here anymore,

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Speaker 4: all that we've done, every love we've offered to somebody,

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Speaker 4: every action, every world that we've said, right, if it's

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Speaker 4: part of something bigger in a way to help the world,

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Speaker 4: remains after us. And it's not just reserved for Socrates

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Speaker 4: and Plato and Emily Dickinson. We all have the ability

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Speaker 4: to leave that in print. So that's really the ninety

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Speaker 4: nine percent realm. It's all the things that are unseen.

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Speaker 4: It's what's allowing us to speak right now while I'm

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Speaker 4: in New York and you're in Nashville, right, So it's

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Speaker 4: that frequency.

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Speaker 2: Well, you mentioned looking outside of yourself to find things,

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Speaker 2: and I think that's such a common thing that we

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Speaker 2: all do or have done at some point in our life.

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Speaker 2: And one of the things that really struck me about

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Speaker 2: something you said was that there are ways to rethink

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Speaker 2: the word loneliness. And I think that that is so interesting.

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Speaker 2: So can you tell us five different ways? I think

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Speaker 2: that's what your tips were, like, five different ways to

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Speaker 2: rethink loneliness, and again it goes back to us abandoning

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Speaker 2: these old narratives that we've thought of, Like I could

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Speaker 2: attach loneliness to being bad, but are there ways to rethink? Well,

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Speaker 2: here's the thing with loneliness.

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Speaker 4: It's something that especially during the pandemic and even after

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Speaker 4: so many people who are lonely.

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Speaker 3: I've seen it with people close to me.

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Speaker 4: You know, they lose a loved one or or their

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Speaker 4: partner that they've been married to for years, and even

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Speaker 4: if it wasn't the love of their life, still they

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Speaker 4: find themselves alone. So and then you know other people

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Speaker 4: who are physically alone, but they never feel lonely.

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Speaker 3: So they're very different.

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Speaker 4: Being alone and feeling lonely are two separate things because

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Speaker 4: you can also be in a room of thousands of

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Speaker 4: people and feel lonely. You can be in your relationship

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Speaker 4: and feel lonely. So I have found that really what's

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Speaker 4: at the heart of being lonely is when you don't

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Speaker 4: feel comfortable in your own skin, when you don't really

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Speaker 4: like who you are, and that's not enough for you.

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Speaker 4: So it's constantly looking outside of you know, feed me,

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Speaker 4: give me, making me feel whole, make me feel better.

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Speaker 4: And when a person has a great connection to self

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Speaker 4: and also something higher thanselves, I call it the creator.

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Speaker 4: Some people call it nature, you can call it God.

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Speaker 4: But there has to be that kind of I understand

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Speaker 4: that there's a bigger purpose to my existence and kind

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Speaker 4: of explore that and live that. So that's the overarching idea.

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Speaker 4: There are a few tips that I'll go through. One

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Speaker 4: is to take the mask off. Okay, So Shels Silverstein

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Speaker 4: in his book he wrote, wait, can I just look

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Speaker 4: at for a second, because that's such a good quote

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Speaker 4: from his poem. He said, if you wear a mask

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Speaker 4: to hide yourself, how will your friends find you? And

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Speaker 4: if they're wearing a mask to hide themselves, And if

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Speaker 4: they're wearing a mask, how will you recognize them? So

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Speaker 4: the point is we go through life with masks on.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 4: We want people to like us, we want them to

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Speaker 4: accept us, But then what we're showing them is not

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Speaker 4: really ourselves, not our true selves. We're walking with masks

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Speaker 4: and we think that nobody we're going through a hard time,

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Speaker 4: or let's say we're feeling lonely, we think we're the

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Speaker 4: only ones to be experiencing that.

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Speaker 3: But if we showed that part ourselves.

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Speaker 4: We'd be able to recognize those other people that are

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Speaker 4: feeling the same way, and they'll be able to see

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Speaker 4: us as well. So I think it's such a powerful idea.

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Speaker 4: Just take the mask off. I kind of butchered the poems.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to read it while more dime from it.

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Speaker 4: So he said, if you wear a mask to hide yourself,

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Speaker 4: how will your friends find you? And if they're wearing

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Speaker 4: a mask, how will you recognize them? Just so simple

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Speaker 4: and so profound. Yes, So abandon the mask. The other

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Speaker 4: thing is abandoned perfection. I was a perfectionist. I'm a virgo.

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Speaker 4: I'm very detailed oriented like I like the feeling of it,

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Speaker 4: like the way it looks and the way I'm organized.

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Speaker 4: It helps me navigate life. But that impossible goal of

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Speaker 4: me trying to be perfect led me to a debilitating

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Speaker 4: eating disorder.

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Speaker 3: In my teen years.

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Speaker 4: Young ag adult life, and I realized that it was

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Speaker 4: a source and cost for great unhappiness. So it's a

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Speaker 4: word that I never use. It's an impossibility. And when

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Speaker 4: we try to be perfect again, it's a way to

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Speaker 4: shut everybody out. Really look like you are, you know, untouchable,

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Speaker 4: and therefore you won't be hurt, right, So which leads

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Speaker 4: me to the third one, lose the facade, because part

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Speaker 4: of that perfection, I thought, you know, if I'm unassailable,

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Speaker 4: then nobody can ever hurt me. If I look like

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Speaker 4: I've got everything in control, nobody can tap into anything

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Speaker 4: that I don't want, then I'll be safe. And it

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Speaker 4: really it's it's a recipe for loneliness and for unhappiness.

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Speaker 4: So I think that for your listeners, really check where

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Speaker 4: you're at at this point in your life. You know,

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Speaker 4: how often are you wearing a mask and you really

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Speaker 4: wish that you could just show your authentic, true self.

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Speaker 4: You know how often you try to be perfect because

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Speaker 4: you think that then people won't hurt you or reject you,

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Speaker 4: or may like you and accept you. And it's the opposite,

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Speaker 4: because they're never really able to penetrate you and who

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Speaker 4: you are and tap into that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I always talk about this on the podcast, but

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Speaker 2: one of the greatest gifts that it's given me is

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Speaker 2: coming on to the podcast speaking to people like you,

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Speaker 2: and then also just connecting with the listeners because I

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Speaker 2: feel like, you know, sometimes I'll share part of my

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Speaker 2: story or a guest will share a part of their story,

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Speaker 2: and I'm getting so much feedback about how much that

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Speaker 2: resonated with some listener's exact story. And through that, you know,

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Speaker 2: that feeling of connection is one of the for me,

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Speaker 2: it's one of the most driving forces for anything in

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Speaker 2: my life because then it allows me to become more

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Speaker 2: authentic and just like you're talking about, I don't feel

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Speaker 2: lonely in this world, you know, like just that human

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Speaker 2: connection piece is so so so important for all.

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Speaker 3: Of us exactly. I mean, what is it all about

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Speaker 3: if not that?

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Speaker 4: That's why I think that, you know, I love sharing

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Speaker 4: my stories and even when I'm in the middle of

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Speaker 4: a process, not just the things that I feel like

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Speaker 4: I triumph, but my failures and faults. And I do

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Speaker 4: that because I understand something great when I get on

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Speaker 4: the other side of it, there's some kind of transformation

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Speaker 4: that's occurred, and I think that's inspiring. But I also

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Speaker 4: do it because I want to give people that permission

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Speaker 4: to do it for themselves. And really, you know, there's

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Speaker 4: nothing to be ashamed about. We're all in the middle

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Speaker 4: of a process.

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Speaker 3: I think.

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Speaker 4: Unfortunately, people think that they've arrived at some point in

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Speaker 4: their lives and we're forever changing, right, But by the way,

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Speaker 4: it's up to us if the change is positive or negative.

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Speaker 4: But know that you are always changing and every moment

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Speaker 4: of day.

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Speaker 2: What's that quote, It's like the one constant thing in

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Speaker 2: life is changed or something.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that one.

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Speaker 2: Well, you kind of touched on this, but I also

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Speaker 2: agree with you that every person here on this earth,

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Speaker 2: every human has an innate sense of power or an

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Speaker 2: innate power within. So I want to talk about how

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Speaker 2: we can step into owning our own power, and specifically,

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Speaker 2: like I don't know if you see this, but with

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Speaker 2: a lot of women in my life, I find that

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Speaker 2: it takes us a little bit longer to kind of

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Speaker 2: figure out how to step into our power. And I

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Speaker 2: don't know if that's programming or what it is, but

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Speaker 2: could you speak to both of those topics a little bit.

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Speaker 4: But I think as women, you know, all things were

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Speaker 4: not created equally in the world, and I think that

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Speaker 4: we had to do a lot more to have our

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Speaker 4: voices be heard and not sound, you know, like the

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Speaker 4: B word. And you know, men can get away with

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Speaker 4: things that I think that that women couldn't. I think

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Speaker 4: that there's still an aspect of that, but I think

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Speaker 4: we want to come off.

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Speaker 3: And we were raised this way right to be.

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Speaker 4: Liked and appropriate and not too loud or too bossy,

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Speaker 4: you know, kind of just take care of everything. So

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Speaker 4: I think we had a lot of things to kind

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Speaker 4: of change in that way. And the other part, I think,

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Speaker 4: just as women usually, we tend not to be as confident,

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Speaker 4: you know. And I think that idea of sisterhood happens

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Speaker 4: when we're young and we are girlfriends, and then when

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Speaker 4: we get older, we think we need to compete against

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Speaker 4: one another, and then we put all of our energy

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Speaker 4: into our romantic partner, you know, our spouse, and then

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Speaker 4: we don't realize that we actually need that female energy

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Speaker 4: in our lives. And so I think all of that

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Speaker 4: powers is not what we thought it was. It's not about,

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Speaker 4: you know again, seeming like you have it all under

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Speaker 4: control and not upsetting anybody. Power is to show your

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Speaker 4: rawness and your vulnerability and allow people in. I think

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Speaker 4: that's truly the biggest strength. So I think part of

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Speaker 4: owning your power is to know that you're resilient, that

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Speaker 4: anything that happened to you, you can choose your response.

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Speaker 4: And I think part of that is to really appreciate

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Speaker 4: challenges for what they are. There was a study done

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Speaker 4: where they built an ecosystem and they thought of everything

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Speaker 4: they built, you know, there were trees, and they put wolves,

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Speaker 4: and they put all of the insects, animals, everything you

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Speaker 4: would need for a perfect ecosystem.

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Speaker 3: And at first it was thriving.

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Speaker 4: Everything was flourishing, growing, and they're like, wow, we can

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Speaker 4: create these kinds of ecosystems and they're perfect. And then

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Speaker 4: a year into that study, the trees started to fall down.

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Speaker 4: And at first they didn't know what it was, like,

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Speaker 4: why are these healthy trees suddenly just completely falling over?

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Speaker 4: And they realized the one thing they didn't introduce into

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Speaker 4: the ecosystem was wind, because the wind allows the trees

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Speaker 4: to really ground their roots into such a strong way,

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Speaker 4: and that's what makes them strong and have you know,

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Speaker 4: last as long as they do. So I think it's

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Speaker 4: about appreciating the wind. I think even you know, to

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Speaker 4: your question in terms of women, like appreciate the opposition,

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Speaker 4: appreciate the adversity, and find your power and strength through that.

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Speaker 4: The second is you have the power to create your

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Speaker 4: own stories. We are all storytellers by nature, but you know,

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Speaker 4: sometimes we're the hero, sometimes we're the victim. Sometimes we're

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Speaker 4: a villain. Sometimes it's a love story. So what is

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Speaker 4: your story? Hear it? Understand that you can change it

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Speaker 4: if it's not positive. Like we said at the beginning

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Speaker 4: of this talk, if something's not working for you, have

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Speaker 4: the power to redirect your story at any time, but

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Speaker 4: you have to be clear about what it is. Desire

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Speaker 4: is a big one in terms of knowing your power.

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Speaker 4: Without desire, nothing happens. There's no action that follows that.

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Speaker 4: So make sure that you feature desire, and desire wanes

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Speaker 4: when you're not really doing what you were meant to do.

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Speaker 3: So let's say that.

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Speaker 4: You really have a dream job to be an actor,

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Speaker 4: but the safer thing is to be an accountant because

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Speaker 4: that's what people told you should do. That's what is

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Speaker 4: stable and secure, but it doesn't really make you happy.

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Speaker 4: You're not going to Your desire over time is going

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Speaker 4: to wane, and then you're not going to really want

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Speaker 4: to do the things that you want to do. You're

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Speaker 4: not going to feel very powerful. And another one is

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Speaker 4: the power of no. It's okay, and it's necessary to

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Speaker 4: create boundaries. Often we think that it might seem harsh,

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Speaker 4: and that person might be hurt. But boundaries are really

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Speaker 4: a way of you being clear about what you want,

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Speaker 4: being able to express that and also express what you

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Speaker 4: don't want. It's very necessary, it's very healthy, and you know,

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Speaker 4: I certainly encourage my children to do that at an

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Speaker 4: early age because for most of us we had to

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Speaker 4: learn it. We weren't raised in that kind of environment.

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Speaker 4: And the last which we did touch upon earlier is

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Speaker 4: the power of you and really knowing that you can

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Speaker 4: make a difference, knowing that you can be great, and

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Speaker 4: it doesn't matter how many times you feel it's part

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Speaker 4: of the process. It's necessary. It's more important than the winds,

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Speaker 4: even that you're going to have.

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Speaker 2: God that one got me tear out for some reason.

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Speaker 2: The power of you and the power of no those

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Speaker 2: are been Those have been two that I've been living

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Speaker 2: by the last year, and I so agree with that.

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Speaker 2: If we are wanting to really, like, if you have

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Speaker 2: that feeling in your life, if you've reached that point

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Speaker 2: in your life and you're thinking, I want to make

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Speaker 2: a lasting imprint, you know, I want to leave something here,

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Speaker 2: what are ways that we can tap into that with

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Speaker 2: our power? Well, the first is the sobering thought.

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Speaker 3: You know that.

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Speaker 4: People it's I think it's a Maya Angelo quote. You know,

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Speaker 4: people won't necessarily remember what you said, but then't remember

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Speaker 4: how you made them feel. So I really think that

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Speaker 4: we don't give enough importance to what you know, love

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Speaker 4: offered somewhere that it wasn't will do for somebody and

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Speaker 4: hell that will last even after you're gone, or a

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Speaker 4: kind word, but it has to be bigger than you.

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Speaker 4: I think that really for there to be something that's everlasting,

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Speaker 4: that's immortal, like you want to be immortal. It can't

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Speaker 4: just be that we live our lives and it's just

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Speaker 4: in the radius like whatever is you just our family,

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Speaker 4: my home, wherever I drive to each day. If that

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Speaker 4: is the entirety of your world, you know your mark

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Speaker 4: probably won't be as big versus if you go and

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Speaker 4: you and you really make you know, everything matters because

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Speaker 4: it does the real things, not the ego based things.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, we mentioned you were an author at the beginning

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Speaker 2: of this podcast. The book is called Fear Is Not

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Speaker 2: An Option? Rethink Love and the Gift of Being Different.

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Speaker 2: Can you tell the listeners a little bit about the book, So,

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Speaker 2: Fears Not An Option?

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Speaker 4: Is like the title, it's really about because the thing is,

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Speaker 4: there's there's In my book, I identify three different kinds

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Speaker 4: of fear and some are healthy, some are real, and

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Speaker 4: some are.

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Speaker 3: A waste of time basically.

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Speaker 4: So and I go through that, and really it's not

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Speaker 4: about it's not about learning to cope with fear or

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Speaker 4: live with fear. It's about eradicating fear from your life

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Speaker 4: because fear is an energy and it's something that needs

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Speaker 4: to be changed and used in ways that serve you.

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Speaker 4: And there's only one kind of fear that that is

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00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,120
Speaker 4: healthy and the rest you really can throw out the door.

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00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:32,040
Speaker 4: And I give it's semi autobiographical, so I talk about

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00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,199
Speaker 4: my journey through fear and how I got on the

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00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,440
Speaker 4: other side of it, and it gives tools and tips

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00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 4: and different exercises. At the end, Rethink Love is not

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00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,439
Speaker 4: just romantic love. It's a three part book. The first

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00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,560
Speaker 4: part is about the relationship you'll have with yourself. It's

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00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 4: the most important, longest relationship you'll ever have. It's the

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00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 4: one that people usually skip. They go into the second part,

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00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:58,399
Speaker 4: which is, you know, finding love and navigating through that relationship.

447
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 4: But I can't emphasize enough how important that first part

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00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,879
Speaker 4: is because it's everything. It's how you're going to be

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00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,560
Speaker 4: as a wife, a mother, a friend, a husband, whatever

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00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,400
Speaker 4: it is, and then of course as a romantic partner.

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00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 4: So there's eight chapters devoted just to that. And now

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00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:17,680
Speaker 4: the third part of that book is we and that's

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00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 4: how you make sure your relationship stands the test of time,

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00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,480
Speaker 4: but you also still want to be there. It talks

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00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 4: about spiritual sparring, that fighting is very necessary in a relationship.

456
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,120
Speaker 3: You just have to pick a fighting style. It talks about.

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00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 4: Vulnerability, and it really breaks down each topic and again

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00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 4: with exercises. And then The Gift of Being Different is

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00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:42,159
Speaker 4: a children's book, but adults have really actually written to

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00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 4: me about how much it's helped them because a lot

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00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,480
Speaker 4: of people have wounds from their childhood that haven't healed yet.

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00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,439
Speaker 4: And I co wrote that with one of my children.

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00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,960
Speaker 4: I have four children, so with my youngest. It's the

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00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,320
Speaker 4: first in a series of ten books on being and

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00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 4: this talks about how your differences and in this case,

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00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:04,400
Speaker 4: my daughter's difference was dyslexia. But your difference, no matter

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00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 4: what it is, is really your superpower. So it's not

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00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 4: something that you'll grow out of But it's something you

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00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 4: need to learn to grow into and really understand it

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00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:12,719
Speaker 4: and appreciate it.

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00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 3: And that's not really obvious. At first.

472
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:17,159
Speaker 4: We think superpowers are like, oh, that guy is a

473
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 4: great athlete, of that woman's a great and you know,

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00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:23,919
Speaker 4: we think it's very obvious and very natural. But most superpowers,

475
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 4: at first, we don't know what to do with them.

476
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 4: You know, if you look at Superman or Spider Man,

477
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,920
Speaker 4: they're clumsy with their powers. You know, you falls down,

478
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 4: lies that's are all over the place. It's like, what

479
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 4: is this? I don't want it? And that's usually what

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00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,399
Speaker 4: it is. It's not something you want, it's not something

481
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,399
Speaker 4: you know how to use. But once you understand it

482
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 4: and you learn to love yourself and appreciate that it's

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00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 4: part of what makes you unique, you can reframe it

484
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:45,440
Speaker 4: and you can make it something super powerful.

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00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,160
Speaker 3: Oof. I love that.

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00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 2: I'm going to put all of those links in the

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00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 2: description of this podcast. I also mentioned you are the

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00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 2: co host of the Spiritually Hungry podcast, so I will

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00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 2: put a link for you guys in the description of

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00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 2: the podcast as well. Where else can people find you?

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00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.

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00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:11,160
Speaker 4: My blog is rethinklife dot Today. And yeah, you can

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00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:17,360
Speaker 4: follow me there or on Monica Arberg seventy four on Instagram. Awesome,

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00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,399
Speaker 4: well you guys, I will put all of those links

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00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 4: in the description of this podcast. Monica, thank you so

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00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,879
Speaker 4: much for this. I'm going to take some notes. I'm

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00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 4: gonna go back and listen to our own podcast and

498
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:29,640
Speaker 4: take notes for myself. Really, I appreciate you being here.

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00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 4: Thank you again, Thanks for having me.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson,

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00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 1: where we believe everyone has a little velvet in a

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00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 1: little edge. Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty,

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00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:48,439
Speaker 1: and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.