WEBVTT - That's What He Said Part 3 with Ben Higgins 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:04.440 This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:08.840 to Grab and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to another 0:00:08.880 --> 0:00:11.200 episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like 0:00:11.480 --> 0:00:15.120 and we are live from the car Narows Resort in Napa. 0:00:15.520 --> 0:00:18.759 I have a new guest host here today. I'm missing 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:21.480 my good buddy, Mr Gavin DeGraw, but we have a 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:26.200 seasoned veteran of the podcast space, Mr Ben Higgins is 0:00:26.280 --> 0:00:29.320 co hosting with me. Yeah, they call me the I'm 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:33.199 the old pro, which is nice. It feels well. I 0:00:33.200 --> 0:00:35.000 mean a little hit to the little hit to the 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:37.160 system before we started. I mean, you're only thirty years old. 0:00:37.920 --> 0:00:40.760 I'm six years older than you. But yeah, that was Amy, 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:43.159 that was producer. Amy called you the old pro. And 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:46.480 I just think experience would have been a better word there. Yeah, 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:48.479 you know what, I'm pumped to be here because I 0:00:48.479 --> 0:00:50.279 have a feeling that your podcast is going to talk 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:52.240 about things that is gonna make me feel all sorts 0:00:52.240 --> 0:00:55.120 of awkward, which I'm excited about. That's what we try 0:00:55.160 --> 0:00:57.279 and do. That's why we love having Gavin on here. 0:00:57.280 --> 0:01:01.200 He'll make it awkward. But we're live NAPPA for Live 0:01:01.280 --> 0:01:04.640 in the Vineyard Music Festival. You've been here before, right, Yeah, 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:06.720 I have it. I was here in May. I've never 0:01:06.800 --> 0:01:11.039 been to Nappa before the event in May, and I'll 0:01:11.040 --> 0:01:13.360 be like, in all transparency, I came here not knowing 0:01:13.400 --> 0:01:15.920 what to expect and not being super excited for because 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:17.680 there's just a lot going on at the time. And 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:19.640 I left here going this is one of the coolest 0:01:19.640 --> 0:01:23.320 things I've ever done in my life. It is. Uh. 0:01:23.360 --> 0:01:26.720 There's the word I explained it to to my family 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:29.800 was it's a It's like a magical evening where it's 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:31.760 super intimate with some of the biggest stars in the 0:01:31.800 --> 0:01:35.720 industry and they're singing in this room, and there's wine 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:38.199 flowing and there's people dancing. It's just, yeah, there's nothing 0:01:38.240 --> 0:01:40.840 short of magic that's going on here. There's average my 0:01:40.880 --> 0:01:44.399 fellow Canadian Avril Levine. I hope we get to watch her, 0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:48.080 Kelsey Ballerini, Marion Morris, Adam Lambert. I'm kind of upset 0:01:48.120 --> 0:01:51.000 that Gavin Degara is and on this list. Uh, my 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:53.560 buddy Natasha betting Field is going to be here tomorrow. 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:55.240 Is a lot of great artists here that we can't 0:01:55.280 --> 0:01:57.720 wait to watch. Uh. I want to thank the new 0:01:57.800 --> 0:02:00.880 dating app scene Dating and Joan Kendall, who are gonna 0:02:00.880 --> 0:02:02.720 be on the show later for putting us here, because 0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:06.480 the next generation dating app that offers complete transparency to 0:02:06.760 --> 0:02:09.680 men and women looking for the perfect match. You've tried 0:02:09.680 --> 0:02:13.280 other dating apps to try this one scene dating. Transparent 0:02:13.440 --> 0:02:16.840 dating means a new, innovative and honest approach to dating, 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:19.880 which allows singles an opportunity to match on human connections 0:02:19.960 --> 0:02:23.520 and chemistry. Let yourself be seen and enjoy the safest, 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:27.200 most positive, and respectful dating environment ever created. So we'll 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:29.639 get into that later. We're gonna dig into some questions 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:32.799 uh that listeners have. I also want to bring in 0:02:32.919 --> 0:02:36.200 my dude, Dmitri, who's rocking the nicest flannel shirt I've 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:39.679 ever seen. What makes it the nicest? I know, but 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:42.639 it's dandy. I will take any compliment I can take 0:02:42.680 --> 0:02:45.200 from you. You're welcome, by the way, while we're adition 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:48.360 out compliments here. Is it just me? Or is Ben's 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:51.920 voice like a gift from justice? It's just me? You 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:53.640 know what it was like when the I thought he 0:02:53.680 --> 0:02:56.920 was introducing it sounded like Zeus was booming down from 0:02:56.960 --> 0:03:01.040 the heavens. Yeah, awkward. I actually want to take this 0:03:01.080 --> 0:03:03.480 second though, Dmitri. If you remember right, if I'm an 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:06.720 old pro at the podcast space then two years ago 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:09.240 and when the almost famous podcast started with I Heeart Radio, 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:12.959 everybody thought I was super funny. And it wasn't because 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:16.480 of myself. It was because Dmitri actually was working on 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:20.600 that podcast from day one. That's that Dmitri writing jokes. 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:22.120 And so now I get to sit down with him, 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:23.840 like kind of the world comes back around. I get 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:26.360 to sit down across from you and laugh once again 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:31.720 at you with that. That's what That's what we told you. 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:33.880 It was that I was ready. I had want a contest, 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:37.240 just to come and sit in the stage, and that's 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:41.320 what happened. We also are in the backyard of our 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:45.920 good friend Rick. What's this is your here? He walks 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:47.800 into the Carnaros resort here, but it's like, hey, Rick, 0:03:47.880 --> 0:03:50.160 what's up man? You're the mayor of this place, buddy. 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:52.440 But picked us up at the airport. Your car was 0:03:52.600 --> 0:03:55.760 nice and cleaned. I got a clean before he had 0:03:55.800 --> 0:03:58.800 waters for us. Like I told Dmitri. When we landed, 0:03:58.800 --> 0:04:01.000 I was like, Rick, better have that limo pulled up. 0:04:01.240 --> 0:04:05.000 All I did was take the uber signed out there. 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:09.520 The only way that happens if you're a Dad Rick 0:04:09.680 --> 0:04:12.760 is the Dad Ricks, the fantastic Dad Brooks sit in 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:15.880 a car seat, but I just sit in the back 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:17.680 and the car seat just buckled right up as one 0:04:17.680 --> 0:04:21.240 of the ones that come over the shoulder too. Yeah, 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:23.279 but we're gonna get into this is one of my 0:04:23.320 --> 0:04:25.360 favorite shows that we do. And Ben I want I'm 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:27.839 anxious to hear you chime in on this too. We're 0:04:27.880 --> 0:04:32.919 gonna do. That's what he said. Number three. So in 0:04:32.960 --> 0:04:36.240 our show band listeners listen, they send us questions. You 0:04:36.279 --> 0:04:38.520 can send us your questions at men at i heeart 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:41.360 radio dot com and they'll email us our questions and 0:04:41.400 --> 0:04:43.359 these questions are all over the map. We also have 0:04:43.400 --> 0:04:44.960 a new phone number that you can call. I don't 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:46.960 have a memorize, but we'll get it to you. So 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:50.640 these questions are from our how men think listeners. They 0:04:50.680 --> 0:04:52.800 write in and they want to get a man's perspective 0:04:52.839 --> 0:04:56.559 on what we think on this topic. So okay, yeah, 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:59.080 so I'm gonna I'm gonna put you on the question. 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:00.839 I'm gonna put you on a hot seat with the 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:06.280 very first one. This is from Christina Mazarole. She says, 0:05:06.320 --> 0:05:09.240 my question is about children. What would you do if 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:12.320 you found out the perfect woman is exactly what you 0:05:12.400 --> 0:05:16.039 want but did not want to have children. What would 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:19.040 you do so you find the love of your life 0:05:19.240 --> 0:05:21.159 but she doesn't want it. This is assuming. That's a 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:23.960 hard question. It's a super hard question. But here's I mean, 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:27.239 I think you have to weigh that. It's actually it's 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:29.520 you just to go about logically. You have to weigh 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:31.560 how important children are for me for you? So like, 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:34.120 if children are super important to me and the partner 0:05:34.120 --> 0:05:35.760 that I'm entering into life it doesn't want children, I 0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:38.039 don't think it's gonna work because there's always gonna be 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:39.880 a seed of resentment. And I think you have to 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:43.720 weigh if the relationship with this woman is more important 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:46.719 to you than the than your opportunity to have kids. 0:05:46.720 --> 0:05:49.039 One day, if those are reversed and the kids are 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:50.920 more important, you can't be with this person, no matter 0:05:50.960 --> 0:05:54.520 how perfect they seem at the time. Who So you 0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:58.200 can make that decision and I think gonna too. Yeah, 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:00.320 that's the thing. It says you found the perfect woman 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:02.080 if you want to have kids and she doesn't, is 0:06:02.120 --> 0:06:04.280 she the perfect woman for you? Know? And by the way, 0:06:04.279 --> 0:06:06.800 point as far as resentment, if there's a woman that 0:06:06.880 --> 0:06:09.200 settles down with you and doesn't want to have little bends, 0:06:09.440 --> 0:06:13.800 I will resent her because the world needs more you. There, 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:19.880 he goes, yeah, you're gonna be I gotta agree. I mean, man, 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:23.680 that's a sticky one. Like that's a because it's hard 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:26.400 to find a good match, and especially like like your 0:06:26.400 --> 0:06:28.160 soul what if this is your soul mate, Like this 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:31.240 is your undeniably, this is your person. And then she 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:34.400 says she doesn't want to have children. I think you 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:36.159 got to look at what I would do if this 0:06:36.240 --> 0:06:38.320 were me. I would go and look at my purpose 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:41.720 of this relationship. So in my relationship, I want to 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:45.120 enter my relationship to be a husband but also a father. 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:48.520 That's why I entered my relationship. Those were my two 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:50.760 Like I want to be a father. But if my 0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:54.040 wife or this person didn't want to have kids, man, 0:06:54.120 --> 0:06:56.880 I think that's I think it's too important to me. 0:06:57.080 --> 0:06:59.039 I think I want to have kids in my life 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:03.120 and I want to see a reflection of this person 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:07.560 in that kid and myself and that kid like and 0:07:07.600 --> 0:07:09.679 I think that's the important thing is is the wording 0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:12.280 is the perfect woman? I don't know if that's if 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:14.280 she doesn't want to have kids, then I don't I 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:17.640 wouldn't find her perfect if you want to have kids. 0:07:17.720 --> 0:07:19.600 By the way, there's a pitfall here too, because a 0:07:19.600 --> 0:07:21.440 lot of people correct me if I'm wrong. I think 0:07:21.480 --> 0:07:23.640 you can go in a relationship, Oh she doesn't want 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:25.320 to have kids, I'm gonna change her, or I'm gonna 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:27.480 change him. And you get in there and they don't change, 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:30.080 and then you're you're in this marriage and you're like, 0:07:30.440 --> 0:07:32.280 I told you I didn't want to have kids, and 0:07:32.320 --> 0:07:34.080 that other person thought, I'm gonna change you, and then 0:07:34.120 --> 0:07:36.560 it's just then you've just spent all these years thinking 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:38.720 you're changing things up. So I have a friend, a 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:42.119 good body of mine was in a committed relationship. Loved 0:07:42.120 --> 0:07:44.640 this woman, and I've talked to him since. Loved this woman. 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:48.200 She did not want to have kids, and he ended 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:50.720 it because in his life he wanted to have kids. 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:52.160 And he's like, I love her, I want to have 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:54.480 kids with her. I don't want to have kids with 0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:56.440 somebody else, because he can't see that right now. But 0:07:56.520 --> 0:08:00.640 he was like, she was adamant that she's not having kids, 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:03.280 and so I had to make a decision because I 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:06.120 think it is. Actually, I think Rick and Dmitriy have 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:08.760 sung this up really well with a lot of wisdom. 0:08:08.840 --> 0:08:12.080 I don't think it's that hard if she doesn't want 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:20.160 to have kids, like a compliments, They've made it. They've 0:08:20.160 --> 0:08:22.720 made it easy to understand. If you want to have 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:25.600 kids and she doesn't, she's no longer the perfect woman 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:29.440 for you. So I mean I think it's that easy. Yeah, Okay, 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:31.760 Moving on to the next one from Janna. I was 0:08:31.800 --> 0:08:34.400 introduced to a guy through friends. He hasn't committed to 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:37.520 a relationship, and I'm not good at being casual. I 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:39.160 know that I want to get married and have kids, 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:40.720 so I don't know, so I don't want to waste 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:42.520 my time. I told him I deserved to be a 0:08:42.520 --> 0:08:45.280 priority to someone, and I don't feel like I am. 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:47.520 He says, I think we should just be friends for 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:51.160 right now? What the hell does that mean? And why 0:08:51.240 --> 0:08:53.720 take me to your parents house? Oh? And we went 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:56.400 on a birthday dinner for me with my parents and brother? 0:08:56.640 --> 0:08:58.760 Why go do that? Did I just scare him about 0:08:58.760 --> 0:09:01.440 the future? I just know what to make about getting 0:09:01.480 --> 0:09:06.319 friends zoned after four months? This sounds complicated, It sounds complicated. 0:09:06.360 --> 0:09:08.120 But let's go back to that one thing. I think 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:10.360 we should just be friends for now. What the hell 0:09:10.400 --> 0:09:12.520 does that mean? It means we should just be friends. 0:09:13.320 --> 0:09:16.880 That's the point of this show. Was he keep it 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:20.120 simple stupid? Yeah, kiss keep it simple stupid? Yeah. I 0:09:20.120 --> 0:09:22.720 mean I think she's I mean, she's looking at twelve 0:09:22.760 --> 0:09:25.080 different layers here, where one's very simple. He's like, well, 0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:27.560 I'm just not there yet. Maybe we've had some good times. 0:09:27.600 --> 0:09:30.720 But like he's honest, He's he's straightforward with her. I 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:32.760 think we should just be friends for now. But on 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:34.440 the flip side of that, I mean, like, why is 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:36.960 he taking her his parents house? Why why are they 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:40.480 going to family dinners? You know they're friends, she said, 0:09:40.480 --> 0:09:41.880 I think, Well, he's like, I think we should just 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:43.880 be friends for now. Obviously looks at like a like 0:09:43.920 --> 0:09:46.439 a friend, but we also know at the time of this, 0:09:46.600 --> 0:09:49.079 like did did they go to the dinner before that? 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.960 And then she asked this question. He's like, hey, we 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:54.640 went to my parents house, and I realized I don't 0:09:54.679 --> 0:09:56.199 want you coming to my parents house for the rest 0:09:56.200 --> 0:09:58.160 of my life. Maybe that happened. He's like, we should 0:09:58.160 --> 0:10:01.400 just be friends. We don't know the timing of all this, man, 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:05.040 what do you think? You know? As as I've gotten older, 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:11.560 my my like gal pals have decreased, like you know, 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:15.040 and might have increased. I don't have as many like 0:10:15.160 --> 0:10:18.520 close girl friends that are just friends as I used to. 0:10:18.640 --> 0:10:20.719 I think for for some reasons, because when there's like 0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:22.679 chemistry as friendships, it's hard to the end this. I 0:10:22.960 --> 0:10:25.120 like to not feel some type of romantic connection. At 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:27.680 least it was for me, so it's healthy. Also, but 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:31.480 I have buddies who would have zero idea that a 0:10:31.559 --> 0:10:36.520 girl like is actually into him, like she can see that. 0:10:36.600 --> 0:10:39.280 I wonder if Jane is into this guy and he 0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:41.600 has no clue and he thinks they're just hanging out 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:43.439 as friends and it's cool for both of them to 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:45.720 just be friends and he has zero idea that she 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:48.760 has any romantic like chemistry. But but the thing is, 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:51.280 she says I deserve to be a priority, and I 0:10:51.320 --> 0:10:53.200 don't feel like I am. He said we should just 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:56.760 be friends. He knows he just doesn't want it. What 0:10:56.920 --> 0:11:00.280 and also what's wrong with like, um, what's on with 0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:03.880 bringing a friend to that kind of thing? Since mixed 0:11:03.880 --> 0:11:07.480 signals I don't want to go to like random friends 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:10.760 parents house just to kick it. That's a girl like 0:11:10.800 --> 0:11:14.040 that feels weird, I know. But he also was very straightforward. 0:11:14.120 --> 0:11:16.439 I think we should be friends for for right now. 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:19.199 I also wanted to welcome somebody that's going to give 0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:23.480 us the other side of female insight to this. Our 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:26.920 good friend Katie Mo is here, and she's just she's 0:11:26.960 --> 0:11:29.200 just jumping at this one. She's just like, no, you 0:11:29.200 --> 0:11:32.120 guys are all wrong. Katie Mo, what's up? How do 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:35.599 you look at this question from Joanna? Well, hey, guys, um, 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:38.880 so I'm looking at this question, and you're right, there's 0:11:38.920 --> 0:11:43.280 so many layers to it. Ultimately, she she was flat 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:47.280 out wanting to be a priority in his life and 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:51.280 he's saying you're not. You know, He's saying, I want 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:53.960 to be friends. And I've I've had guy friends. I've 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:55.800 always been a guy's girl for the most part. So 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:58.720 I've been to my guy friends houses when I was 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:01.480 in high school. Don't know, I don't know the age 0:12:01.520 --> 0:12:03.800 of this person, but when I was in high school, 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:07.559 I've been to, you know, a Thanksgiving celebration, like an 0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:09.880 early Thanksgiving with a guy friend or something, and it 0:12:09.960 --> 0:12:13.040 was just friends. Um, I think they're just on two 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:17.240 different pages, and it's a communication thing on And also 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:20.600 have they hooked up? I want to know the details 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:23.880 of this, because if they haven't hooked up, they definitely 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:26.079 are just friends. But if they have, it complicates it more. 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:29.760 That's a great point. And yes, but here, here's here's 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.360 the thing, she says, I I told him I deserve 0:12:32.440 --> 0:12:36.000 to be a priority. Percent you deserve to be a priority. 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:38.640 And if you're not with him, then he's not the one. 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:41.440 So you'll find the person that you'll be the priority with. 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:44.160 The part that scares me that I feel badly for hers. 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:47.040 Did I just scare him about the future? She's already 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:49.559 blaming herself. She's like, did I mess this up? That 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:51.240 I were he and I gonna be a thing? And 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:53.640 then I asked about it and then he decided just 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:55.560 to be friends. It's that's not the case. If he 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:57.760 wants to be friends, he's gonna say let's be friends. 0:12:57.800 --> 0:12:59.520 If he wants to be more, he's going to say that. 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.079 But don't go into did I just throw this whole 0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:05.280 perfect thing off track because I asked about us? There's 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:07.800 nothing wrong with asking about where you stand, right, That's 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:11.400 just good communication skills. And honestly, if he's not going 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:13.880 to prioritize her as more than a friend, she should 0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:16.800 either be accepting of just being friends or move on. 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:19.680 Very well said We're gonna move on to the next question. 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:21.800 Very well, said Katie Mo. That's why we have you 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:23.719 on here, girl, And you have the best boots in 0:13:23.760 --> 0:13:31.319 the entire nap You remember when Ben said comfortable and 0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:39.679 if you guys just boarding socks at least? Um. Next 0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:42.640 question is from Mary Beth. Thank you Mary Beth for 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:45.719 this question. Question to the married guys, sleep over here 0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:48.200 with you? To question to the married guys, good thing 0:13:48.240 --> 0:13:51.120 the winds blowing? Um, here we go. You guys all 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:53.960 sound so in touch with your families. You work hard, 0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:57.760 you cook, you clean, you're close with your kids. Um, 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:01.240 what do you and your spouse it about? So if 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:04.120 life is good, right, it's good life. You have a 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:08.920 good marriage, good relationship. What do you fight about? I'll well, 0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:12.800 you know, we we fight about finances. I live a 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:15.000 little more free, like, oh, don't worry about what we 0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:17.400 want this, let's do this, you know, we let's do 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:19.720 this and things will work itself out. And my wife 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:23.280 is a little a lot more business oriented. She went 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:25.720 to businesschool, and she's like, well, and she like will 0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:27.800 make a spreadsheet and she'll figure stuff out and be like, well, 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:29.280 we can do this, but in three years it could 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:31.360 be this, And I'm like, let's just live. Like so 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:34.560 we it's not that they're knocked down drag out fights, 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:37.400 but we we argue about money and and and and 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:41.360 how we're spending it. I argue about like, uh, I mean, 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:43.520 we we clean up after each other in the house, 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:47.600 but like clutter in the sense of there's like little 0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:50.280 we have obviously with the kids around, there's like key 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:53.840 chains and backpacks and whatever. And it's like, say something, 0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:56.240 I'll put the shoes or the backpacks on the stairs 0:14:56.240 --> 0:14:58.320 and it's like you take it back, take it up 0:14:58.360 --> 0:15:00.320 when you go upstairs right or where you go put 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:02.440 it away. Well, it's like you'll walk by it like 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:05.440 four times without just like dealing with it. So like 0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:08.160 my my argument to her what we kind of argue about, 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:11.360 which isn't the end of the world, but it's like, hey, 0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:13.520 why don't you just take that up? Why can't you 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:15.240 just put their clothes way? Why can't you just put 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:17.160 their backpack in the garage while you're going down to 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:19.320 the garage anyway or or whatever that may be. You know, 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:21.680 it's like, so those are the things that we sort 0:15:21.680 --> 0:15:24.440 of fight about. Obviously you don't want a more serious 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:27.680 note with Dmitri is is finances. And but I can 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:29.560 get on board with that clutter too. We we have 0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:31.640 the same thing, and it's like it joins me because 0:15:32.560 --> 0:15:35.280 kids leave stuff. But the problem is so every once 0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:37.760 in a while, uh, and I'm gonna get killed for 0:15:37.800 --> 0:15:40.480 saying this, but every like you won't Okay, great protection, 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:43.680 I didn't have to thank Sometimes my wife will leave 0:15:43.760 --> 0:15:45.800 stuff and it's just like, like, nothing drives me more, 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:48.120 nothing like eating an opening up like a lifesaver or 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:49.800 whatever and leaving the rapper there. It's like, just throw 0:15:49.840 --> 0:15:51.400 it right there, Just get up and throw it out. 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:53.160 You don't have to worry about it later. And so 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:55.640 the kids, so she's she's not like the kids just 0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:57.880 leave stuff, but she every once in a while we'll 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:01.240 do stuff and I feel bad. But sometimes they'll be like, hey, 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:02.600 which one of you is this? And the kids will 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:04.080 all be like no, and I'll be like and she'll know. 0:16:04.200 --> 0:16:07.080 Then she's like, oh yeah, so it's kind of like me. 0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:09.120 It's like you're taking care of three kids or five 0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:13.720 kids in your case, and mine with my wife, mine 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:17.760 is about time. So I'm sure it's about like my 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:20.320 wife works very hard, and I admire her for a 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:23.800 work ethic, but sometimes it's too much, and I'm like, 0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:26.840 I want to spend time with you, like my tank 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:29.800 is low. I want to see you like I know 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:31.320 you want to do this and that and that, but 0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:34.280 like you could have done that work earlier in the day, 0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:36.840 or like I don't know, just too many things like 0:16:37.320 --> 0:16:40.160 learn having her say no to some things. I try 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:42.960 and complete my day by five o'clock. So at five 0:16:43.000 --> 0:16:45.400 o'clock I'm off and I'm on family time. That's her dog. 0:16:45.840 --> 0:16:49.080 That's like time with her or friends, Like I'm not emailing, 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:53.280 I'm not doing anything after five o'clock. Um, and she 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:56.080 will push past that, well past that. And so time 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:58.240 is the one that I kind of argu and I 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:00.320 think the other thing when once you have kids, Brooks 0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:03.120 is having those kids, and how are you dealing with 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:05.439 those kids? Like my son is you know, he's falling 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:06.840 back in a little bit of a couple of his 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:08.840 courses at school, and so we're like, okay, so what's 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:11.280 the what's the strategy here, So it's getting on the 0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:13.520 same page with your wife. What's the strategy. Do we 0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:15.600 take away his phone? Do we make him come home 0:17:15.640 --> 0:17:18.120 after school and then work on a school until he's 0:17:18.160 --> 0:17:19.639 done with that and then let him go out with 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:21.480 his friends or whatever. And so like the other day 0:17:21.720 --> 0:17:24.320 class example, we kind of hammer down on him and 0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:26.560 was like, Okay, come home at four thirty, you're gonna 0:17:26.880 --> 0:17:29.760 give us your phone, any devices. You're gonna work until six, 0:17:30.080 --> 0:17:32.040 we're gonna eat dinner, and then at eight thirty, you 0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:33.760 can check your phone for half an hour. We'll like 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:37.440 it just happened to be that day where I came 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:39.080 home and we didn't have anything to do and he 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:42.719 had no homework, and so she was like, well, just 0:17:42.840 --> 0:17:45.480 you can be on your phone until five thirty, you know, 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:47.880 And it was like we immediately broke the rule, like 0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:50.560 what we put in place, and so it's like, you 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:52.159 need to be on the same page, and that's what 0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:53.639 we fight over. I'm like, well, why are we breaking 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:56.640 the rule if you're you know, why have the rules 0:17:56.680 --> 0:17:58.000 if you're going to break him on the very first 0:17:58.040 --> 0:17:59.760 day or the second day. It's just so those are 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:02.600 those are things with kids, it becomes complex. So I 0:18:02.600 --> 0:18:04.240 want to go one step further here though, for my 0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:07.040 own interests. So if you see these things that are 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:08.800 like annoyances to you or they kind of get into 0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:12.920 your skin, how then in a marriage or any relationship, 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:15.760 do you bring them up? Is there an appropriate way? 0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:17.560 Do you just let them go? Do you let do 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:20.400 you get you kind of build a callous yourself say 0:18:20.480 --> 0:18:22.560 you know what, I'm just let this go? Or do 0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:26.280 you how do you approach it? You one? You pick 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:29.719 your battles, So is it worth fighting with for that 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:31.680 one right there? You know, and the kids are home, 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:32.840 and is it worth it? Or do you let it 0:18:32.920 --> 0:18:34.960 kind of go and say, okay, let's see what happens tomorrow. 0:18:35.440 --> 0:18:37.879 That's that's what I do. It's kind of pick your battle. 0:18:37.920 --> 0:18:41.600 How important is that topic or that battle for you 0:18:41.720 --> 0:18:46.200 right now? Us the way? So that's that's a dance, man, 0:18:46.240 --> 0:18:49.920 And you're dating, I met your wonderful girlfriend. Um, that's 0:18:49.960 --> 0:18:52.879 a dance that you just kind of learn over time. 0:18:52.960 --> 0:18:56.720 You learn the the give and take of that. Um, 0:18:56.760 --> 0:19:00.560