Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin
Speaker 1: to Grab and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like
Speaker 1: and we are live from the car Narows Resort in Napa.
Speaker 1: I have a new guest host here today. I'm missing
Speaker 1: my good buddy, Mr Gavin DeGraw, but we have a
Speaker 1: seasoned veteran of the podcast space, Mr Ben Higgins is
Speaker 1: co hosting with me. Yeah, they call me the I'm
Speaker 1: the old pro, which is nice. It feels well. I
Speaker 1: mean a little hit to the little hit to the
Speaker 1: system before we started. I mean, you're only thirty years old.
Speaker 1: I'm six years older than you. But yeah, that was Amy,
Speaker 1: that was producer. Amy called you the old pro. And
Speaker 1: I just think experience would have been a better word there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm pumped to be here because I
Speaker 1: have a feeling that your podcast is going to talk
Speaker 1: about things that is gonna make me feel all sorts
Speaker 1: of awkward, which I'm excited about. That's what we try
Speaker 1: and do. That's why we love having Gavin on here.
Speaker 1: He'll make it awkward. But we're live NAPPA for Live
Speaker 1: in the Vineyard Music Festival. You've been here before, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have it. I was here in May. I've never
Speaker 1: been to Nappa before the event in May, and I'll
Speaker 1: be like, in all transparency, I came here not knowing
Speaker 1: what to expect and not being super excited for because
Speaker 1: there's just a lot going on at the time. And
Speaker 1: I left here going this is one of the coolest
Speaker 1: things I've ever done in my life. It is. Uh.
Speaker 1: There's the word I explained it to to my family
Speaker 1: was it's a It's like a magical evening where it's
Speaker 1: super intimate with some of the biggest stars in the
Speaker 1: industry and they're singing in this room, and there's wine
Speaker 1: flowing and there's people dancing. It's just, yeah, there's nothing
Speaker 1: short of magic that's going on here. There's average my
Speaker 1: fellow Canadian Avril Levine. I hope we get to watch her,
Speaker 1: Kelsey Ballerini, Marion Morris, Adam Lambert. I'm kind of upset
Speaker 1: that Gavin Degara is and on this list. Uh, my
Speaker 1: buddy Natasha betting Field is going to be here tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Is a lot of great artists here that we can't
Speaker 1: wait to watch. Uh. I want to thank the new
Speaker 1: dating app scene Dating and Joan Kendall, who are gonna
Speaker 1: be on the show later for putting us here, because
Speaker 1: the next generation dating app that offers complete transparency to
Speaker 1: men and women looking for the perfect match. You've tried
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Speaker 1: dating means a new, innovative and honest approach to dating,
Speaker 1: which allows singles an opportunity to match on human connections
Speaker 1: and chemistry. Let yourself be seen and enjoy the safest,
Speaker 1: most positive, and respectful dating environment ever created. So we'll
Speaker 1: get into that later. We're gonna dig into some questions
Speaker 1: uh that listeners have. I also want to bring in
Speaker 1: my dude, Dmitri, who's rocking the nicest flannel shirt I've
Speaker 1: ever seen. What makes it the nicest? I know, but
Speaker 1: it's dandy. I will take any compliment I can take
Speaker 1: from you. You're welcome, by the way, while we're adition
Speaker 1: out compliments here. Is it just me? Or is Ben's
Speaker 1: voice like a gift from justice? It's just me? You
Speaker 1: know what it was like when the I thought he
Speaker 1: was introducing it sounded like Zeus was booming down from
Speaker 1: the heavens. Yeah, awkward. I actually want to take this
Speaker 1: second though, Dmitri. If you remember right, if I'm an
Speaker 1: old pro at the podcast space then two years ago
Speaker 1: and when the almost famous podcast started with I Heeart Radio,
Speaker 1: everybody thought I was super funny. And it wasn't because
Speaker 1: of myself. It was because Dmitri actually was working on
Speaker 1: that podcast from day one. That's that Dmitri writing jokes.
Speaker 1: And so now I get to sit down with him,
Speaker 1: like kind of the world comes back around. I get
Speaker 1: to sit down across from you and laugh once again
Speaker 1: at you with that. That's what That's what we told you.
Speaker 1: It was that I was ready. I had want a contest,
Speaker 1: just to come and sit in the stage, and that's
Speaker 1: what happened. We also are in the backyard of our
Speaker 1: good friend Rick. What's this is your here? He walks
Speaker 1: into the Carnaros resort here, but it's like, hey, Rick,
Speaker 1: what's up man? You're the mayor of this place, buddy.
Speaker 1: But picked us up at the airport. Your car was
Speaker 1: nice and cleaned. I got a clean before he had
Speaker 1: waters for us. Like I told Dmitri. When we landed,
Speaker 1: I was like, Rick, better have that limo pulled up.
Speaker 1: All I did was take the uber signed out there.
Speaker 1: The only way that happens if you're a Dad Rick
Speaker 1: is the Dad Ricks, the fantastic Dad Brooks sit in
Speaker 1: a car seat, but I just sit in the back
Speaker 1: and the car seat just buckled right up as one
Speaker 1: of the ones that come over the shoulder too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but we're gonna get into this is one of my
Speaker 1: favorite shows that we do. And Ben I want I'm
Speaker 1: anxious to hear you chime in on this too. We're
Speaker 1: gonna do. That's what he said. Number three. So in
Speaker 1: our show band listeners listen, they send us questions. You
Speaker 1: can send us your questions at men at i heeart
Speaker 1: radio dot com and they'll email us our questions and
Speaker 1: these questions are all over the map. We also have
Speaker 1: a new phone number that you can call. I don't
Speaker 1: have a memorize, but we'll get it to you. So
Speaker 1: these questions are from our how men think listeners. They
Speaker 1: write in and they want to get a man's perspective
Speaker 1: on what we think on this topic. So okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna I'm gonna put you on the question.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put you on a hot seat with the
Speaker 1: very first one. This is from Christina Mazarole. She says,
Speaker 1: my question is about children. What would you do if
Speaker 1: you found out the perfect woman is exactly what you
Speaker 1: want but did not want to have children. What would
Speaker 1: you do so you find the love of your life
Speaker 1: but she doesn't want it. This is assuming. That's a
Speaker 1: hard question. It's a super hard question. But here's I mean,
Speaker 1: I think you have to weigh that. It's actually it's
Speaker 1: you just to go about logically. You have to weigh
Speaker 1: how important children are for me for you? So like,
Speaker 1: if children are super important to me and the partner
Speaker 1: that I'm entering into life it doesn't want children, I
Speaker 1: don't think it's gonna work because there's always gonna be
Speaker 1: a seed of resentment. And I think you have to
Speaker 1: weigh if the relationship with this woman is more important
Speaker 1: to you than the than your opportunity to have kids.
Speaker 1: One day, if those are reversed and the kids are
Speaker 1: more important, you can't be with this person, no matter
Speaker 1: how perfect they seem at the time. Who So you
Speaker 1: can make that decision and I think gonna too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the thing. It says you found the perfect woman
Speaker 1: if you want to have kids and she doesn't, is
Speaker 1: she the perfect woman for you? Know? And by the way,
Speaker 1: point as far as resentment, if there's a woman that
Speaker 1: settles down with you and doesn't want to have little bends,
Speaker 1: I will resent her because the world needs more you. There,
Speaker 1: he goes, yeah, you're gonna be I gotta agree. I mean, man,
Speaker 1: that's a sticky one. Like that's a because it's hard
Speaker 1: to find a good match, and especially like like your
Speaker 1: soul what if this is your soul mate, Like this
Speaker 1: is your undeniably, this is your person. And then she
Speaker 1: says she doesn't want to have children. I think you
Speaker 1: got to look at what I would do if this
Speaker 1: were me. I would go and look at my purpose
Speaker 1: of this relationship. So in my relationship, I want to
Speaker 1: enter my relationship to be a husband but also a father.
Speaker 1: That's why I entered my relationship. Those were my two
Speaker 1: Like I want to be a father. But if my
Speaker 1: wife or this person didn't want to have kids, man,
Speaker 1: I think that's I think it's too important to me.
Speaker 1: I think I want to have kids in my life
Speaker 1: and I want to see a reflection of this person
Speaker 1: in that kid and myself and that kid like and
Speaker 1: I think that's the important thing is is the wording
Speaker 1: is the perfect woman? I don't know if that's if
Speaker 1: she doesn't want to have kids, then I don't I
Speaker 1: wouldn't find her perfect if you want to have kids.
Speaker 1: By the way, there's a pitfall here too, because a
Speaker 1: lot of people correct me if I'm wrong. I think
Speaker 1: you can go in a relationship, Oh she doesn't want
Speaker 1: to have kids, I'm gonna change her, or I'm gonna
Speaker 1: change him. And you get in there and they don't change,
Speaker 1: and then you're you're in this marriage and you're like,
Speaker 1: I told you I didn't want to have kids, and
Speaker 1: that other person thought, I'm gonna change you, and then
Speaker 1: it's just then you've just spent all these years thinking
Speaker 1: you're changing things up. So I have a friend, a
Speaker 1: good body of mine was in a committed relationship. Loved
Speaker 1: this woman, and I've talked to him since. Loved this woman.
Speaker 1: She did not want to have kids, and he ended
Speaker 1: it because in his life he wanted to have kids.
Speaker 1: And he's like, I love her, I want to have
Speaker 1: kids with her. I don't want to have kids with
Speaker 1: somebody else, because he can't see that right now. But
Speaker 1: he was like, she was adamant that she's not having kids,
Speaker 1: and so I had to make a decision because I
Speaker 1: think it is. Actually, I think Rick and Dmitriy have
Speaker 1: sung this up really well with a lot of wisdom.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's that hard if she doesn't want
Speaker 1: to have kids, like a compliments, They've made it. They've
Speaker 1: made it easy to understand. If you want to have
Speaker 1: kids and she doesn't, she's no longer the perfect woman
Speaker 1: for you. So I mean I think it's that easy. Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 1: Moving on to the next one from Janna. I was
Speaker 1: introduced to a guy through friends. He hasn't committed to
Speaker 1: a relationship, and I'm not good at being casual. I
Speaker 1: know that I want to get married and have kids,
Speaker 1: so I don't know, so I don't want to waste
Speaker 1: my time. I told him I deserved to be a
Speaker 1: priority to someone, and I don't feel like I am.
Speaker 1: He says, I think we should just be friends for
Speaker 1: right now? What the hell does that mean? And why
Speaker 1: take me to your parents house? Oh? And we went
Speaker 1: on a birthday dinner for me with my parents and brother?
Speaker 1: Why go do that? Did I just scare him about
Speaker 1: the future? I just know what to make about getting
Speaker 1: friends zoned after four months? This sounds complicated, It sounds complicated.
Speaker 1: But let's go back to that one thing. I think
Speaker 1: we should just be friends for now. What the hell
Speaker 1: does that mean? It means we should just be friends.
Speaker 1: That's the point of this show. Was he keep it
Speaker 1: simple stupid? Yeah, kiss keep it simple stupid? Yeah. I
Speaker 1: mean I think she's I mean, she's looking at twelve
Speaker 1: different layers here, where one's very simple. He's like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm just not there yet. Maybe we've had some good times.
Speaker 1: But like he's honest, He's he's straightforward with her. I
Speaker 1: think we should just be friends for now. But on
Speaker 1: the flip side of that, I mean, like, why is
Speaker 1: he taking her his parents house? Why why are they
Speaker 1: going to family dinners? You know they're friends, she said,
Speaker 1: I think, Well, he's like, I think we should just
Speaker 1: be friends for now. Obviously looks at like a like
Speaker 1: a friend, but we also know at the time of this,
Speaker 1: like did did they go to the dinner before that?
Speaker 1: And then she asked this question. He's like, hey, we
Speaker 1: went to my parents house, and I realized I don't
Speaker 1: want you coming to my parents house for the rest
Speaker 1: of my life. Maybe that happened. He's like, we should
Speaker 1: just be friends. We don't know the timing of all this, man,
Speaker 1: what do you think? You know? As as I've gotten older,
Speaker 1: my my like gal pals have decreased, like you know,
Speaker 1: and might have increased. I don't have as many like
Speaker 1: close girl friends that are just friends as I used to.
Speaker 1: I think for for some reasons, because when there's like
Speaker 1: chemistry as friendships, it's hard to the end this. I
Speaker 1: like to not feel some type of romantic connection. At
Speaker 1: least it was for me, so it's healthy. Also, but
Speaker 1: I have buddies who would have zero idea that a
Speaker 1: girl like is actually into him, like she can see that.
Speaker 1: I wonder if Jane is into this guy and he
Speaker 1: has no clue and he thinks they're just hanging out
Speaker 1: as friends and it's cool for both of them to
Speaker 1: just be friends and he has zero idea that she
Speaker 1: has any romantic like chemistry. But but the thing is,
Speaker 1: she says I deserve to be a priority, and I
Speaker 1: don't feel like I am. He said we should just
Speaker 1: be friends. He knows he just doesn't want it. What
Speaker 1: and also what's wrong with like, um, what's on with
Speaker 1: bringing a friend to that kind of thing? Since mixed
Speaker 1: signals I don't want to go to like random friends
Speaker 1: parents house just to kick it. That's a girl like
Speaker 1: that feels weird, I know. But he also was very straightforward.
Speaker 1: I think we should be friends for for right now.
Speaker 1: I also wanted to welcome somebody that's going to give
Speaker 1: us the other side of female insight to this. Our
Speaker 1: good friend Katie Mo is here, and she's just she's
Speaker 1: just jumping at this one. She's just like, no, you
Speaker 1: guys are all wrong. Katie Mo, what's up? How do
Speaker 1: you look at this question from Joanna? Well, hey, guys, um,
Speaker 1: so I'm looking at this question, and you're right, there's
Speaker 1: so many layers to it. Ultimately, she she was flat
Speaker 1: out wanting to be a priority in his life and
Speaker 1: he's saying you're not. You know, He's saying, I want
Speaker 1: to be friends. And I've I've had guy friends. I've
Speaker 1: always been a guy's girl for the most part. So
Speaker 1: I've been to my guy friends houses when I was
Speaker 1: in high school. Don't know, I don't know the age
Speaker 1: of this person, but when I was in high school,
Speaker 1: I've been to, you know, a Thanksgiving celebration, like an
Speaker 1: early Thanksgiving with a guy friend or something, and it
Speaker 1: was just friends. Um, I think they're just on two
Speaker 1: different pages, and it's a communication thing on And also
Speaker 1: have they hooked up? I want to know the details
Speaker 1: of this, because if they haven't hooked up, they definitely
Speaker 1: are just friends. But if they have, it complicates it more.
Speaker 1: That's a great point. And yes, but here, here's here's
Speaker 1: the thing, she says, I I told him I deserve
Speaker 1: to be a priority. Percent you deserve to be a priority.
Speaker 1: And if you're not with him, then he's not the one.
Speaker 1: So you'll find the person that you'll be the priority with.
Speaker 1: The part that scares me that I feel badly for hers.
Speaker 1: Did I just scare him about the future? She's already
Speaker 1: blaming herself. She's like, did I mess this up? That
Speaker 1: I were he and I gonna be a thing? And
Speaker 1: then I asked about it and then he decided just
Speaker 1: to be friends. It's that's not the case. If he
Speaker 1: wants to be friends, he's gonna say let's be friends.
Speaker 1: If he wants to be more, he's going to say that.
Speaker 1: But don't go into did I just throw this whole
Speaker 1: perfect thing off track because I asked about us? There's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with asking about where you stand, right, That's
Speaker 1: just good communication skills. And honestly, if he's not going
Speaker 1: to prioritize her as more than a friend, she should
Speaker 1: either be accepting of just being friends or move on.
Speaker 1: Very well said We're gonna move on to the next question.
Speaker 1: Very well, said Katie Mo. That's why we have you
Speaker 1: on here, girl, And you have the best boots in
Speaker 1: the entire nap You remember when Ben said comfortable and
Speaker 1: if you guys just boarding socks at least? Um. Next
Speaker 1: question is from Mary Beth. Thank you Mary Beth for
Speaker 1: this question. Question to the married guys, sleep over here
Speaker 1: with you? To question to the married guys, good thing
Speaker 1: the winds blowing? Um, here we go. You guys all
Speaker 1: sound so in touch with your families. You work hard,
Speaker 1: you cook, you clean, you're close with your kids. Um,
Speaker 1: what do you and your spouse it about? So if
Speaker 1: life is good, right, it's good life. You have a
Speaker 1: good marriage, good relationship. What do you fight about? I'll well,
Speaker 1: you know, we we fight about finances. I live a
Speaker 1: little more free, like, oh, don't worry about what we
Speaker 1: want this, let's do this, you know, we let's do
Speaker 1: this and things will work itself out. And my wife
Speaker 1: is a little a lot more business oriented. She went
Speaker 1: to businesschool, and she's like, well, and she like will
Speaker 1: make a spreadsheet and she'll figure stuff out and be like, well,
Speaker 1: we can do this, but in three years it could
Speaker 1: be this, And I'm like, let's just live. Like so
Speaker 1: we it's not that they're knocked down drag out fights,
Speaker 1: but we we argue about money and and and and
Speaker 1: how we're spending it. I argue about like, uh, I mean,
Speaker 1: we we clean up after each other in the house,
Speaker 1: but like clutter in the sense of there's like little
Speaker 1: we have obviously with the kids around, there's like key
Speaker 1: chains and backpacks and whatever. And it's like, say something,
Speaker 1: I'll put the shoes or the backpacks on the stairs
Speaker 1: and it's like you take it back, take it up
Speaker 1: when you go upstairs right or where you go put
Speaker 1: it away. Well, it's like you'll walk by it like
Speaker 1: four times without just like dealing with it. So like
Speaker 1: my my argument to her what we kind of argue about,
Speaker 1: which isn't the end of the world, but it's like, hey,
Speaker 1: why don't you just take that up? Why can't you
Speaker 1: just put their clothes way? Why can't you just put
Speaker 1: their backpack in the garage while you're going down to
Speaker 1: the garage anyway or or whatever that may be. You know,
Speaker 1: it's like, so those are the things that we sort
Speaker 1: of fight about. Obviously you don't want a more serious
Speaker 1: note with Dmitri is is finances. And but I can
Speaker 1: get on board with that clutter too. We we have
Speaker 1: the same thing, and it's like it joins me because
Speaker 1: kids leave stuff. But the problem is so every once
Speaker 1: in a while, uh, and I'm gonna get killed for
Speaker 1: saying this, but every like you won't Okay, great protection,
Speaker 1: I didn't have to thank Sometimes my wife will leave
Speaker 1: stuff and it's just like, like, nothing drives me more,
Speaker 1: nothing like eating an opening up like a lifesaver or
Speaker 1: whatever and leaving the rapper there. It's like, just throw
Speaker 1: it right there, Just get up and throw it out.
Speaker 1: You don't have to worry about it later. And so
Speaker 1: the kids, so she's she's not like the kids just
Speaker 1: leave stuff, but she every once in a while we'll
Speaker 1: do stuff and I feel bad. But sometimes they'll be like, hey,
Speaker 1: which one of you is this? And the kids will
Speaker 1: all be like no, and I'll be like and she'll know.
Speaker 1: Then she's like, oh yeah, so it's kind of like me.
Speaker 1: It's like you're taking care of three kids or five
Speaker 1: kids in your case, and mine with my wife, mine
Speaker 1: is about time. So I'm sure it's about like my
Speaker 1: wife works very hard, and I admire her for a
Speaker 1: work ethic, but sometimes it's too much, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I want to spend time with you, like my tank
Speaker 1: is low. I want to see you like I know
Speaker 1: you want to do this and that and that, but
Speaker 1: like you could have done that work earlier in the day,
Speaker 1: or like I don't know, just too many things like
Speaker 1: learn having her say no to some things. I try
Speaker 1: and complete my day by five o'clock. So at five
Speaker 1: o'clock I'm off and I'm on family time. That's her dog.
Speaker 1: That's like time with her or friends, Like I'm not emailing,
Speaker 1: I'm not doing anything after five o'clock. Um, and she
Speaker 1: will push past that, well past that. And so time
Speaker 1: is the one that I kind of argu and I
Speaker 1: think the other thing when once you have kids, Brooks
Speaker 1: is having those kids, and how are you dealing with
Speaker 1: those kids? Like my son is you know, he's falling
Speaker 1: back in a little bit of a couple of his
Speaker 1: courses at school, and so we're like, okay, so what's
Speaker 1: the what's the strategy here, So it's getting on the
Speaker 1: same page with your wife. What's the strategy. Do we
Speaker 1: take away his phone? Do we make him come home
Speaker 1: after school and then work on a school until he's
Speaker 1: done with that and then let him go out with
Speaker 1: his friends or whatever. And so like the other day
Speaker 1: class example, we kind of hammer down on him and
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, come home at four thirty, you're gonna
Speaker 1: give us your phone, any devices. You're gonna work until six,
Speaker 1: we're gonna eat dinner, and then at eight thirty, you
Speaker 1: can check your phone for half an hour. We'll like
Speaker 1: it just happened to be that day where I came
Speaker 1: home and we didn't have anything to do and he
Speaker 1: had no homework, and so she was like, well, just
Speaker 1: you can be on your phone until five thirty, you know,
Speaker 1: And it was like we immediately broke the rule, like
Speaker 1: what we put in place, and so it's like, you
Speaker 1: need to be on the same page, and that's what
Speaker 1: we fight over. I'm like, well, why are we breaking
Speaker 1: the rule if you're you know, why have the rules
Speaker 1: if you're going to break him on the very first
Speaker 1: day or the second day. It's just so those are
Speaker 1: those are things with kids, it becomes complex. So I
Speaker 1: want to go one step further here though, for my
Speaker 1: own interests. So if you see these things that are
Speaker 1: like annoyances to you or they kind of get into
Speaker 1: your skin, how then in a marriage or any relationship,
Speaker 1: do you bring them up? Is there an appropriate way?
Speaker 1: Do you just let them go? Do you let do
Speaker 1: you get you kind of build a callous yourself say
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm just let this go? Or do
Speaker 1: you how do you approach it? You one? You pick
Speaker 1: your battles, So is it worth fighting with for that
Speaker 1: one right there? You know, and the kids are home,
Speaker 1: and is it worth it? Or do you let it
Speaker 1: kind of go and say, okay, let's see what happens tomorrow.
Speaker 1: That's that's what I do. It's kind of pick your battle.
Speaker 1: How important is that topic or that battle for you
Speaker 1: right now? Us the way? So that's that's a dance, man,
Speaker 1: And you're dating, I met your wonderful girlfriend. Um, that's
Speaker 1: a dance that you just kind of learn over time.
Speaker 1: You learn the the give and take of that. Um,
Speaker 1: it's communication and and my wife kind of it's not system,
Speaker 1: but my wife and I have found a couple tools
Speaker 1: almost to navigate that kind of a water because and
Speaker 1: we'll lead with this, this is uh, we lead with
Speaker 1: this sometimes when we're about to say something to the
Speaker 1: other person that might be jarring to them, I'll just say,
Speaker 1: like softly of like same team, Like we're on the
Speaker 1: same team. I'm on your team. I'll just say same team.
Speaker 1: But this is happening and it's making me feel this.
Speaker 1: And so whenever we say that's kind of a code
Speaker 1: word for us, same team means you're just laughing, like
Speaker 1: this is crazy, Like it's easy. It works for us,
Speaker 1: it's like And also we almost challenge each other. We
Speaker 1: challenge each other and almost compete with each other in
Speaker 1: our relationship to see who can listen and understand. I
Speaker 1: have a friend that challenge him and his wife challenge
Speaker 1: each other to see who could be the first to apologize.
Speaker 1: It's putting the other person ahead of your You two
Speaker 1: are looking this is this is a beautiful I don't
Speaker 1: have kids. I don't have kids, so I think parenting
Speaker 1: is a different kind that's prob something between two adults
Speaker 1: where it's your actions are my actions? Were growing up
Speaker 1: enough and love each other enough that we can listen
Speaker 1: and it's not like shoving it any I just think
Speaker 1: this is so like if I was in a if
Speaker 1: I was in a therapy session and somebody said to me, listen,
Speaker 1: when you guys are getting heated and you're getting at
Speaker 1: each other, say same team, I would be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I want my money back. That's because that's not a
Speaker 1: feasible way to live. Like I just I think it
Speaker 1: works completely. I think it's amazing if you can do it,
Speaker 1: But me personally, I can't see like I can't see
Speaker 1: that as something that me personally could do it. See
Speaker 1: to me, it sounds very very tailish. I disagree, man,
Speaker 1: It's like it's it's you're on the same too, Like
Speaker 1: you and your wife, no matter what you're on you
Speaker 1: might not be on this agree on something, but you're
Speaker 1: on the same team that But what if what if
Speaker 1: like something that you're gonna share is gonna be really jarring,
Speaker 1: really jarring, Like if it's something like hey, love, can
Speaker 1: you clean this up? Or like our Brooks, you left
Speaker 1: the toothpaste, I would something that's not that's you don't
Speaker 1: need that, but something like jarring. How are you gonna
Speaker 1: you text her and say we need to talk? You text,
Speaker 1: you text, or you can end a text, or you
Speaker 1: can just texted the whole thing out. I say, say
Speaker 1: to send an email and make the subject same team
Speaker 1: and then get in. No, I will say I think
Speaker 1: the same team. Is it? Is it? I get it.
Speaker 1: It's a good strategy and it probably works for you.
Speaker 1: But I mean, being married for fifteen years, it's just
Speaker 1: at the end of that, as you go, it doesn't
Speaker 1: work out that way. I'm calling yeah, but you can't
Speaker 1: say fifteen years. That just doesn't work like that. But
Speaker 1: fifteen years, okay, take me fourteen years, four kids. I
Speaker 1: know we're gonna get to the end of this argument
Speaker 1: whatever we're arguing about, but there's no way I can
Speaker 1: kick it into low gear at the beginning of an
Speaker 1: argument and be like, okay, honey, listen, same team. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna rush to see that I can apologize before you.
Speaker 1: That's that sounds like tips I'm get from a cereal box.
Speaker 1: So I'm listening. I'm listening to both of the arguments,
Speaker 1: and I'm what I'm hearing that's the same in them.
Speaker 1: Although you might not agree with exactly how he does it,
Speaker 1: and you might not agree with your Demitrian Brooks. But Um,
Speaker 1: what I'm hearing so far is it's not what you
Speaker 1: argue about or the frequency of your arguments, but how
Speaker 1: you argue. Yes, Um, and that's how you argue for
Speaker 1: that individual relationship. So it's how you guys argue Dmitri
Speaker 1: and how Brooks you argue with your wife. It's going
Speaker 1: to be different from each other. But it's ultimately not
Speaker 1: the frequency or what it's about. It's how it's done.
Speaker 1: That's what we've me It's not yeah, and there's just
Speaker 1: different methods. Um. You know, it's like they you know,
Speaker 1: I think, to be honest, I think it's your right.
Speaker 1: It's the it's the people involved in this. Honestly, if
Speaker 1: I was in an argument with my wife and I said, hey, honey,
Speaker 1: same team, she would probably want to slap me. But
Speaker 1: how you said that, you said, hey honey, same team,
Speaker 1: it's already like an offensive tone because I'm already on
Speaker 1: the offensive. If you were trying to kind of calm
Speaker 1: the situation, I was trying to com I said, listen, listen,
Speaker 1: we're arguing that we want the same thing, we want
Speaker 1: the same But the way you said it was Han,
Speaker 1: it didn't even sound like you were fighting truth. For me,
Speaker 1: I spent my whole life in locker rooms. I've been
Speaker 1: in shouting matches, like in people's faces, full dude shouting
Speaker 1: like and I don't want to live my life like
Speaker 1: that anymore. So I don't bring any of that to
Speaker 1: my relationship. My wife and I talk things through. I'll
Speaker 1: be fully transparent. We don't yell at each other. That
Speaker 1: doesn't When you're yelling, emotions are elevated and you're not
Speaker 1: receptive to listening. Listen that you came. You're right, you
Speaker 1: came from hockey. Some guy cuts you off on the ice,
Speaker 1: and you guys started throwing punches and knock each other.
Speaker 1: My own team. You never got up and went hey,
Speaker 1: same team. No, my own team, My arguments with my
Speaker 1: own team. Yeah, this is an interesting ben. What you
Speaker 1: got here? Oh? I think here's the here's the part
Speaker 1: of it. Each each relationship is unique in its own way.
Speaker 1: I think what we're getting to is the topics that
Speaker 1: make this podcast incredibly unique and compelling. Which are is?
Speaker 1: This is its core conflict resolution. So each person deals
Speaker 1: with conflict differently, and for Brooks, because of his background,
Speaker 1: how he has raised his career, it works. I think
Speaker 1: I'm hearing it works for you to associate it with
Speaker 1: a team. We're in this together. Let's settle the score
Speaker 1: for the other. It's just let's confront it. Let's dive
Speaker 1: in head first, because we know at the end of
Speaker 1: this we're gonna get out of it. It might get
Speaker 1: really ugly, it might not always be navigating the right direction,
Speaker 1: Tempers may get high, but at the end of it,
Speaker 1: the idea of being on the same team is always there.
Speaker 1: It just isn't said because for a little bit of time,
Speaker 1: I really don't like you, but I still love you.
Speaker 1: I think I think we're Demitri and I are coming
Speaker 1: from is. We don't need to say it because we
Speaker 1: already know that we're on the same team with that person.
Speaker 1: But also, I'm an emotional person. I'm Greek. I get heated.
Speaker 1: It's like I can't kick it down to same team.
Speaker 1: I have to be like, listen, I have to blow
Speaker 1: up my steam. Let me just say what I have
Speaker 1: to say. Well, I'll vent, you'll vent and I know
Speaker 1: will reach Epp. You just text her and say hey,
Speaker 1: just say hey, I've just been an appointment with a therapist.
Speaker 1: It's question for you, like when you say you need
Speaker 1: to vent. What will be your tone? Is it going
Speaker 1: to be like you just need you need to say
Speaker 1: what you need to say, or do you need to
Speaker 1: like say it the way you need to say it,
Speaker 1: like I mean, it depends on what it is. I
Speaker 1: never get to like a to like a screaming. I
Speaker 1: can't see you get into that. Thank you. But there
Speaker 1: are times when I will get I will get heated,
Speaker 1: and I'll be like, no, you're not. I'll give you
Speaker 1: an example. You know you're not listening to the point.
Speaker 1: Is what I'm saying, Brookes, is that you say same team.
Speaker 1: I can't be on the same team right now. That's
Speaker 1: me getting heated. Thank you. That's the best part about
Speaker 1: this podcast, um conversations like this because you can have
Speaker 1: them in a safe place and not everybody can have these,
Speaker 1: so it's a great conversation. I appreciate your appreciate the
Speaker 1: plugs you're throwing for how man think by a way,
Speaker 1: I feel like we are on the same team with Ben.
Speaker 1: This is nice. You're welcome. You're welcome anytime. This is
Speaker 1: so easy when gas on here because Gave would just
Speaker 1: be grizzled because Gavin's single Gavin's full on singles. So
Speaker 1: he's like this marriage thing, it doesn't sound so good
Speaker 1: to me. I think I gotta go to Vegas and
Speaker 1: Etta whenever you got our checked, Okay, more of your questions.
Speaker 1: We gotta take a quick break and then we'll get
Speaker 1: back with more of your questions. Back from break. My
Speaker 1: name is Brooks Like co hosted by Mr Ben Higgins,
Speaker 1: and we've got Katie Moe in the house here too.
Speaker 1: We are at Carnaro's resort at Live in Napa at
Speaker 1: the music festival. Now we're going to do something new
Speaker 1: that we have never done before. And it was hard
Speaker 1: on Easton and Amy to get this because I want
Speaker 1: you guys to have a microphone. We have a new
Speaker 1: voicemail where you can call in and ask us your
Speaker 1: questions instead of emailing him. So we have a question
Speaker 1: from a listener here. It is Hey, guys. So I
Speaker 1: was listening to this past episode with Tanya Um and
Speaker 1: I see I was like screaming in my car because
Speaker 1: I was a wondering man if it would be different
Speaker 1: if the man or the male or your partner at
Speaker 1: a relationship like making my money was not what it
Speaker 1: It's not even really about money, but I mean about
Speaker 1: the success or of that other person. So like Tanya,
Speaker 1: a well established woman in her career, Like, is that
Speaker 1: intmidating regardless of the money, regardless of the things, regardless
Speaker 1: of the trips. Um, I'm just thinking, like the success
Speaker 1: and what that feels like? Is that emasculating for men?
Speaker 1: Thank yous? So I want to bring this to you, Ben,
Speaker 1: I just want to let you take the lead on this.
Speaker 1: Is it? Do you think it will be emasculating to
Speaker 1: a man to be with a woman who is more successful?
Speaker 1: Just take the money out of it. But I think
Speaker 1: we have to define success. So, like I know Jessica's
Speaker 1: dream job, um would be to spend her time uh
Speaker 1: working with young women who have suffered with eating disorders,
Speaker 1: because that's what Jessica's backgrounds in. I don't think there's
Speaker 1: probably a ton of money in that field, but her
Speaker 1: impact as a person could be far greater than mine
Speaker 1: would be if I, for example, I don't want to
Speaker 1: even say a job, because every job can impact people.
Speaker 1: But so I think with the define success, So if
Speaker 1: Jessica's reach as a mentor as a person, that would
Speaker 1: give her time up to sit with young women as
Speaker 1: they're in there, like like heaviest times. I would love
Speaker 1: that for her. Um. Now, if we're talking monetary, if
Speaker 1: if my spouse is making more money than me, or
Speaker 1: if she is more well known than me and more
Speaker 1: more high up in her career, I would hope I
Speaker 1: would love her enough to actually I think I'd be
Speaker 1: super attracted to it. I think I could be her
Speaker 1: biggest fan. I think I would literally be like in
Speaker 1: awe that a woman that is is that driven, that focused,
Speaker 1: that passionate would want her to spend her downtime with
Speaker 1: somebody like me. So you think it's a turn on
Speaker 1: instead of something that's wow? Alright, Dmitri, what you got Listen,
Speaker 1: my wife is extremely successful. I mean, there's no question
Speaker 1: about it. There's nothing for me. It's not a masculate if.
Speaker 1: If you've got a problem with the fact that your
Speaker 1: spouse is is more successful or making more money, listen,
Speaker 1: it's it's our money. It's great, like work together, back
Speaker 1: to your thing, same team, same team, buddy there now
Speaker 1: it's now it's same team. Hey when it's argument, but
Speaker 1: it's like, no, my wife is extremely successful, and there's
Speaker 1: not one part of me that's like, oh, I wish
Speaker 1: I was more successful. I want to be equally successful
Speaker 1: like or I excuse me. I want to be successful
Speaker 1: in my own right. Like I don't want to be
Speaker 1: like hanging on her coattails type of thing, like I
Speaker 1: would not work and just hang out at home. But
Speaker 1: there's no part of me that's ever like, oh, like
Speaker 1: it's embarrassing that she makes more money than me. I
Speaker 1: think it's fantastic that we're that we're doing things and
Speaker 1: we're and and I mean, she's brilliant if she's being
Speaker 1: rewarded for it, I have no problem with that. Rick,
Speaker 1: What do you think, buddy? I think it's I mean,
Speaker 1: this is it's not really about the money. But the
Speaker 1: reality is it is about the money, and and it's
Speaker 1: about people feeling that way when somebody is making more
Speaker 1: money than the other person. And I think whether it's
Speaker 1: the wife or the husband, either one could feel emasculated,
Speaker 1: you know, And I don't think it's about so what
Speaker 1: about you? Would she feel emasculated? I don't. If she
Speaker 1: makes more money, drives a nicer car, better career, like
Speaker 1: she's like, would you feel emasculated? No, I would feel
Speaker 1: I would. Could you say that? Yeah? Oh, sorry, this
Speaker 1: is what I think. Tell me what I think, you guys,
Speaker 1: But I just think we're doing such a disservice by
Speaker 1: not acknowledging that this is emasculating. It makes me crazy.
Speaker 1: I do not for keep being the exception to what
Speaker 1: the rest of the world is because I've experienced it.
Speaker 1: So do you know how do you know you haven't
Speaker 1: experienced it with that bizarre little Listen, here's the thing.
Speaker 1: If I had if I couldn't get a job and
Speaker 1: I was and I felt like worthless and my wife
Speaker 1: was making Yes, maybe in that situation, but my situation,
Speaker 1: I'm saying, I am. I don't have a problem with
Speaker 1: her making a lot of money if I could not
Speaker 1: get a job and I felt like and everyone looked
Speaker 1: at me like, look at this guy, she's supporting it.
Speaker 1: You didn't say that because that's not my situation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree with trying to speak broader terms here, but
Speaker 1: for other people. But the culprit I think here because
Speaker 1: here's a unique thing that you as you said that, Amy,
Speaker 1: and and I don't think any of my married friends
Speaker 1: that are men make more money than their spouses because
Speaker 1: a lot of my friends and just because of where
Speaker 1: life's taken them, and a ton of things are like
Speaker 1: in like working for the church, or you know, like
Speaker 1: in like missions, working for ancient like humanian hop like
Speaker 1: the nonprofits and stuff, or like working for generous that
Speaker 1: you know, I don't get paid from that. That's my
Speaker 1: full time job outside his podcast. Luckily, that is my
Speaker 1: source of income. I think that the variable that is
Speaker 1: speaking to is it's not if your partner is making more,
Speaker 1: it's where is your worth being held. If you can't
Speaker 1: find a job and I'm at home feeling so inadequate
Speaker 1: to do anything of value, then yes, I would be
Speaker 1: incredibly like weak in my and and and like to
Speaker 1: feel completely demascuated. But but it's not because my spouse
Speaker 1: is thriving. It's because that's a big hanging. And I
Speaker 1: think the other thing is if your spouse is the
Speaker 1: one that's bringing in all the dough and doing being
Speaker 1: successful and they're not allowing that space for they're not
Speaker 1: letting you into that space of success, not from a
Speaker 1: money standpoint, but coming back home and being like, Hey,
Speaker 1: we're gonna engage in our life now. This is where
Speaker 1: we are. Instead they're like, oh, I'm hopping on a
Speaker 1: private plan to go to Salt Lake to go, you know, speak,
Speaker 1: get this conference, and yeah we'll chat later. Like I
Speaker 1: think that's where it becomes emasculating, where it's like, you
Speaker 1: know what, screw you? Like you right, Yeah, you touched
Speaker 1: on something there, Rick. I think I think if I
Speaker 1: actually firmly believe, if the woman is still so supportive
Speaker 1: of the man, Let's say I'm a school teacher and
Speaker 1: my dream is to be a school teacher. That's the
Speaker 1: greatest thing i could accomplish in my life. What I'm
Speaker 1: gonna max I'm gonna max out my earnings that maybe
Speaker 1: my dad was a school teacher became a principal, But like,
Speaker 1: if you get to six figures, that's unbelievable. It's gonna
Speaker 1: take you thirty years to get there. You all just
Speaker 1: made it about them. You made it about the money. Again,
Speaker 1: if you're the successful that's what this woman is asking about,
Speaker 1: successful school teacher, then you've achieved success in your field.
Speaker 1: So that wouldn't be emasculating because you're the success in
Speaker 1: that field, you know. So I think that's a different conversation.
Speaker 1: But also if she supportive of the man and what
Speaker 1: he's doing, would not would help a man not feel
Speaker 1: emasculated if he were. If if she made ten million
Speaker 1: bucks and he made fifty grand, but she loved him
Speaker 1: and supported him in his mission. If she makes yeah,
Speaker 1: if she says like what Rick said, like hell yeah,
Speaker 1: you're gonna feel emasculated, that's going to cause resentment. You're done.
Speaker 1: But if she supports him in his mission, like in
Speaker 1: my mission right now, my life is different. I used
Speaker 1: to make money playing hockey. Now I'm not, like my
Speaker 1: wife is greatly out earning me, but she been with
Speaker 1: this podcast. He doesn't even make any money on the
Speaker 1: podcast in the same respect. And sorry I'm talking. I
Speaker 1: try not to talk this episode. To all y'all with
Speaker 1: your letters and keep them coming. It's fine. But here's
Speaker 1: the thing. I think it's important too. If the woman
Speaker 1: is successful, to make her feel feminine, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like in this man should make her yes,
Speaker 1: because if she's working all day and that makes you
Speaker 1: feel sort of one way that just like you want
Speaker 1: the woman to be supportive of you, I think the
Speaker 1: man should also be supportive, even in a different way,
Speaker 1: of the woman who's sort of the ball buster and successful.
Speaker 1: A woman doesn't have to be a masculine energy to
Speaker 1: be successful. A woman could be successful feminine energy. We
Speaker 1: could argue that in a different show, because I we
Speaker 1: could argue that. I will tell you this, I truly
Speaker 1: believe this. The men that are sitting in this room,
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of men out there um
Speaker 1: would be incredibly supportive of a partner of a wife
Speaker 1: that is thriving. And I know, I know right now
Speaker 1: when Jessica has small victories or big victories, there is
Speaker 1: a joy there that I've never felt for any person ever.
Speaker 1: It's like everything's awesome, like when she thriving and she comes.
Speaker 1: She just did it today. She just called me and like, Ben,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be able to speak at this conference, uh
Speaker 1: and talk to women struggling with eating disorders. This is
Speaker 1: what I've dreamed of, she said, this is my dream,
Speaker 1: this is what I've always wanted to do, and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be able to do it. Like my feeling in
Speaker 1: that moment was unlike anything I've ever felt before because
Speaker 1: I knew how much she wanted it, and I knew
Speaker 1: that was her marker of success. Okay, I know people,
Speaker 1: I know women who are super successful. Now, the man
Speaker 1: might not work hard so I do think that becomes
Speaker 1: where the conversation takes place, that if the guy is
Speaker 1: kind of freeloading, for lack of a better way to
Speaker 1: say it, that becomes brutal and they just because she's
Speaker 1: not going to respect him at that point, Like she's
Speaker 1: out working and he's freeloading. She's not going to look
Speaker 1: at me and be like, oh, look like I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think you're right. I think that's the tough part there.
Speaker 1: And and it's also like we're not saying that there's
Speaker 1: no part of us that feels that, like in my life,
Speaker 1: I'm not earning right now, my wife is earning way
Speaker 1: more than I am. There is still a part of
Speaker 1: you that is like, yeah, like I am so happy,
Speaker 1: as as Ben said, love that she's thriving because I'm
Speaker 1: a part of that. I'm a part of her success.
Speaker 1: Absolutely love that. But yeah, there's still a part of
Speaker 1: you that doesn't compare yourself to her but uses that
Speaker 1: as motivation like damn, I want to I want to
Speaker 1: level up to Like is emasculating for you all? Then
Speaker 1: what is something that a woman does that makes you
Speaker 1: feel that question? That's the question. So, um, I can
Speaker 1: answer this. So let's take the same scenario and what's
Speaker 1: been mentioned, but I think it needs to be sat
Speaker 1: on for a second. Is if she was thriving and
Speaker 1: it comes back home and there is this like these
Speaker 1: passive aggressive comments, are these jabs making me feel less
Speaker 1: than there's there's nobody that could make me feel less
Speaker 1: of a man than my partner who'man trusting with my heart,
Speaker 1: with my with my identity, with my tears, with my
Speaker 1: with my moments that I don't feel super masculine. She
Speaker 1: could break me. I know this about anybody I've given
Speaker 1: my heart to. She could break me with a word
Speaker 1: in a second. So their words, their actions, um could
Speaker 1: could make me crawl up. And especially if you're especially
Speaker 1: if you're trying freeloading out, take that out of the
Speaker 1: equation for a minute. If you're trying and she comes
Speaker 1: home and she says, oh, what you want to go
Speaker 1: on vacations, Yeah, I'll do that for us, something like that,
Speaker 1: It's like, man, you know i'll do that for I'll
Speaker 1: do that for you. I'll do that first that yes,
Speaker 1: I agree with that. That's where it would hurt because
Speaker 1: then you're being felt to feel you're you're you're you're
Speaker 1: feeling like you're you're not worth it, You're you're you're
Speaker 1: less then, and that's when someone's doing that to you.
Speaker 1: That's tough. It's a it's a great question, Amy, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm like, don't even have an answer for that. It's
Speaker 1: a that's a nuclear question and like a very important question.
Speaker 1: How I'm trying to think in my relationship how I
Speaker 1: can feel emasculated. I think when guys feel disrespected. I
Speaker 1: think when guys when I feel that my efforts, even
Speaker 1: though they aren't paying off fruitfully right now, are not
Speaker 1: respected and seen, can make me feel emasculated. It's a
Speaker 1: really I'm I'm not trying to skirt this. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to like dig in and think hard on how I
Speaker 1: feel emasculated. But I do agree with Ben that you
Speaker 1: somebody that you love, you support, and you just want
Speaker 1: them to win. It's just it's not about you. You
Speaker 1: want them to win. But I'm really trying to think
Speaker 1: of how I mean, if they feel emasculated with somebody
Speaker 1: right in front of you and pretended like you weren't there,
Speaker 1: ye would destroy a thousand. I also think, Amy, your
Speaker 1: perspective on this, stuff is always interesting to me. And
Speaker 1: this is why, Um, there's a reason you get emails
Speaker 1: and letters from people who are like Amy doesn't need
Speaker 1: to talk in the podcast, because you are a powerful force,
Speaker 1: Like you have grinded and like you have a grit
Speaker 1: to you that is unlike many women in this world
Speaker 1: because of what you've been through. I also think you're
Speaker 1: playing in a playground full of people from a Los
Speaker 1: Angeles who I don't know. I've never dated in Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: But like you said, it's always what's better next, what's
Speaker 1: better next, and it's how do I get ahead? It's
Speaker 1: it's a very very selfish dating culture from anybody I
Speaker 1: talked to. Now, there's some some some really great people
Speaker 1: out there, but they aren't everywhere. What you would need
Speaker 1: is a man to come beside you and say, Amy,
Speaker 1: I love everything about your success. I love everything you've
Speaker 1: done to this point, everything you've built, everything, every opinion
Speaker 1: you have, every strong opinion you have, and I'm just
Speaker 1: here to tell you this. I want to be your
Speaker 1: partner and walking through this with you. I don't think
Speaker 1: you've ever had that, and it makes sense on why
Speaker 1: you don't see it. Damn, He's good yeah, it's true.
Speaker 1: By the way, it's the perspective of somebody that says,
Speaker 1: I've been through ship. I've seen it. I've been hurt
Speaker 1: too many times. I see everybody falls short. I see
Speaker 1: when I push harder, they move farther away. And if
Speaker 1: you never had somebody put their arm around you and
Speaker 1: say you're just doing great and I'm just really happy
Speaker 1: to be here, Yeah, then how would you know it exists?
Speaker 1: But how would you know what exists? It's not about me,
Speaker 1: but would you know it existed? Right? I think there's
Speaker 1: a lot to unpack on all both of what Brooks
Speaker 1: and Ben are saying, because it becomes super complicated. It's
Speaker 1: like Brooks even trying to think of what emasculates him.
Speaker 1: It's like you don't remember it until you experience it.
Speaker 1: And that's the same thing. It's like, I just have
Speaker 1: a gut feeling that there are people out there who
Speaker 1: everybody says, no, the woman can be at work and
Speaker 1: I'll be Mr. Mom, all good. Well, some some people
Speaker 1: can do that. I know I can't do that. There's
Speaker 1: there's some people, but yeah, there's yeah, there's but there's
Speaker 1: also that that can happen. I have I have a
Speaker 1: member in my family that's a stay at home dad,
Speaker 1: so that can happen. But I will say that that's
Speaker 1: not for me. Even though my wife is successful, being
Speaker 1: the stay at home dad is not for me. It's
Speaker 1: and it's not a comparison. It's not I need to
Speaker 1: go earn more money. It's just not my life that
Speaker 1: I want to live. Like, I hope when we have kids,
Speaker 1: I'll love them and whatever, but like, I cannot see
Speaker 1: myself being the stay at home Do you think you
Speaker 1: could do it? Do you think that you could be
Speaker 1: the stay at home dad and not feel emasculated and
Speaker 1: your wife is just ball busting out there and making
Speaker 1: all the money. Like again, I think it doesn't have
Speaker 1: to do with money. I think it has to do
Speaker 1: with respect. And when that person, your wife comes home
Speaker 1: from ball busting and making all the money or whatever
Speaker 1: and respects you the same and takes pride and is
Speaker 1: just as much as work that you've done, whether you
Speaker 1: were taking the kids, you were doing the lunches, whether
Speaker 1: you're doing the laundry, whatever, that is when you were
Speaker 1: at a stay at home dad, and you get the
Speaker 1: same amount of respect as that person who's out doing
Speaker 1: whatever maybe it's earning the money side of it, then
Speaker 1: it's okay. I don't I would not feel that way.
Speaker 1: I feel like if they came home and they were
Speaker 1: like like Dmitri saying like, well, well, well yeah, I'll
Speaker 1: take the family to Hawaii today, you know, or like
Speaker 1: once they do that and turn that switch on, then
Speaker 1: it's like okay, no, thanks, like all good, by the way,
Speaker 1: this isn't what two things. I am kind of living
Speaker 1: that life right now because my wife has a full
Speaker 1: time job, so she works all day long. My schedule
Speaker 1: is way more flexible, so I do pack the launches
Speaker 1: and I do take the kids to school. And there
Speaker 1: is that moment when you get to school and you
Speaker 1: and people looking like, oh, maybe he's not working. She's working.
Speaker 1: It's like, but whatever, I am working. It's just that
Speaker 1: that I I have the ability to do that as well.
Speaker 1: So whatever. But the other thing is, here's a question.
Speaker 1: How come you know when people say, oh, a mom
Speaker 1: is like a CEO job, right, so when they say
Speaker 1: stay at home mom, it's like a CEO job. It's
Speaker 1: the busiest job there is. That doesn't mean she's not working.
Speaker 1: But when a guy does it, it's looked upon as
Speaker 1: like he doesn't have a job. Yeah, he's a failure.
Speaker 1: Well that's what I was going to ask you. So
Speaker 1: even though you'd be okay with it, and your wife
Speaker 1: would be okay with it, what how are you going
Speaker 1: to feel when the town the neighbors are like, oh
Speaker 1: there's Rick, he doesn't work. I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: have any neighbors. Yes you do. How would you feel?
Speaker 1: Do you think that that would bother you? It's a
Speaker 1: great question. It would bother anybody. But it doesn't mean
Speaker 1: it has to change. But yeah, it would bother you.
Speaker 1: I think there's also men have a lot of pride,
Speaker 1: not saying women don't, but speaking for men, men have
Speaker 1: a tremendous amount of pride. What becomes interesting because that's
Speaker 1: how women probably feel when the neighbors say, oh, she
Speaker 1: doesn't work, she stays home, they probably feel like, screw you.
Speaker 1: It's gnarly. Here mark it up here. I think here
Speaker 1: is why are we? Why are we dismissing the value
Speaker 1: of a mom? What about the also dismissing the value
Speaker 1: of a debt? Next one? And I'll be quiet now,
Speaker 1: and I want to say I want to say to
Speaker 1: our listeners don't tell Amy not to speak because she
Speaker 1: had You had a tremendous amount of value, And that
Speaker 1: pisses me off when people read so nice. I tried
Speaker 1: not to talk today because I know next week I'm
Speaker 1: gonna really want to talk a lot. So just be ready.
Speaker 1: By the way, just to go back to earlier in
Speaker 1: the podcast, when Amy and I got heated a few
Speaker 1: minutes ago, there was no one part of me that
Speaker 1: was about to be like Amy, same team. I couldn't.
Speaker 1: My buddy was at close to being able to do that.
Speaker 1: Just well, I just want you to market research. That's
Speaker 1: all right, brother. The other thing we already we already
Speaker 1: passed it. But like, there's the stay at home mom
Speaker 1: that makes the lunch, wakes the kids up, does the laundry,
Speaker 1: drops the kids off, and then she goes to the
Speaker 1: country clubs and plays tennis and eats lunch and drinks
Speaker 1: wine until three o'clock and then rolls backs and takes
Speaker 1: a nap and then goes and picks him up at
Speaker 1: four o'clock. So what the hell do you call that? Well,
Speaker 1: you're gonna get roasted. I some moms out there, all right,
Speaker 1: we gotta take one more break. We'll be back. Man.
Speaker 1: Those are awesome, Ben. I appreciate you hanging out and
Speaker 1: those are some tough questions, man, The tough questions are
Speaker 1: the best part. Man. Thanks for let me be a
Speaker 1: part of this. And I think this podcast is doing
Speaker 1: and we'll do great things for a lot of people.
Speaker 1: We're trying to, man, we try and dig in deep.
Speaker 1: And now we have some guests with us. The reason
Speaker 1: we're here is because they have a new app Scene Dating,
Speaker 1: that put us here. We have some guests, Joe and
Speaker 1: Kendall in the house. Hey, Patrick, part of bachel Like,
Speaker 1: I kind of want to be part of it. No,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be part of Bachelor because I
Speaker 1: mean i'd be. I don't want to. Like, I've met
Speaker 1: so many awesome people that are part of the Bachelor family.
Speaker 1: And I watched the show. My wife sometimes hosts Batchelor
Speaker 1: viewing parties, so we watched the show and Joe, we
Speaker 1: watched you on Dancing with the Stars. How is that? Um?
Speaker 1: It was. It was a rough experience, but it was
Speaker 1: wonderful at the same time. I wasn't the best dancer,
Speaker 1: but I grew, you know, And I say this like,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm professionally trained now, so when I go anywhere,
Speaker 1: I'm probably the best dancer anybody else. Is your wife
Speaker 1: working on the show at that point? No, I think
Speaker 1: she was. But my my brother in law's girlfriend, Haley,
Speaker 1: he was on the show. Yeah, Um so yeah, I
Speaker 1: would love to try that though. I've wanted to dance,
Speaker 1: like I actually bought a dance DVD before I even
Speaker 1: met my wife to try and learn how to dance.
Speaker 1: Now we've been together six years and I still haven't competition.
Speaker 1: Joe might have to teach me tonight. No, she hasn't
Speaker 1: teached even for our wedding. I didn't even get taught
Speaker 1: dance for our wedding. So I mean you you don't
Speaker 1: know how to dance. I don't, brother, I don't know
Speaker 1: how to dance. Join the club. Let's talk about your
Speaker 1: new dating app because a lot of our community, we
Speaker 1: get a lot of right Tori, we get a lot
Speaker 1: of dating questions. Our community wants to know about dating.
Speaker 1: So you guys have a new dating app called Scene Dating.
Speaker 1: About this? Yeah, so Seene dating is um pretty much
Speaker 1: transparent dating. And what I mean by that is that
Speaker 1: all of your messages and all of your video chats
Speaker 1: that you have with people on the app are actually
Speaker 1: public for everybody to view that's using the app. Whoaha,
Speaker 1: So if yeah, if you guys say, you guys are
Speaker 1: just like you're on the app for the first time,
Speaker 1: you guys would have a conversation on video and Ben
Speaker 1: and I can tune in. Oh yeah, so anybody on
Speaker 1: the app can see everyone else's conversations. And um, what
Speaker 1: we've found is that the more public conversations are, the
Speaker 1: more people are there for the quote unquote right reasons.
Speaker 1: So there's no ghosting, there's no uh, unsightly pictures that
Speaker 1: are sent. Um. I mean, and Joe and I have
Speaker 1: had a lot of experience, and a lot of people
Speaker 1: in the Bachelor world have had a lot of experience
Speaker 1: with public dating and dating that other people can see. Um,
Speaker 1: And for us, I just felt like it was being
Speaker 1: transparent and how we are dating it. I think it
Speaker 1: just helped our relationships so much with the honesty part
Speaker 1: of it. In transparency, Yeah, I agree. And it's an
Speaker 1: app for people that actually want to meet someone seriously
Speaker 1: and want to date seriously, opposed to randomly hooking up
Speaker 1: or just putting yourself out there and wanting to get
Speaker 1: followers or whatever. This is for people that aren't scared
Speaker 1: to show who they are, you know, and they're not
Speaker 1: trying to hide behind the fake profile or catfish or
Speaker 1: whatever you call it these days. But let's say let's
Speaker 1: say I'm watching a date and I like the girl.
Speaker 1: Can I somehow get in touch with her or say like, hey,
Speaker 1: get rid of this guy? Come talk to me, Like,
Speaker 1: how does that happen? Um? I mean definitely. I mean
Speaker 1: as long as you're still on the app. I mean
Speaker 1: you have to be polite. You can't intrude in the
Speaker 1: middle of the house. All is fair in love and war,
Speaker 1: so you know, you gotta get the person you're meant
Speaker 1: to be with. But um, the cool thing is that
Speaker 1: they have the swiping element to it. So just like
Speaker 1: a traditional dating um dating app you can swipe, but
Speaker 1: also you can see other people's profiles, like anyone's profiles.
Speaker 1: So even if you're a girl, private profile, yeah, no
Speaker 1: private profile. So even if you're a girl looking for
Speaker 1: a guy, you can still see other girl profiles, create
Speaker 1: friendships with the other girls in the app. Um, and
Speaker 1: uh yeah, talk to pretty much anybody. What do you
Speaker 1: all see? Is the downside? To this form because I'm
Speaker 1: I'm reading this and this is also my brain. I
Speaker 1: typically get really excited about like kind of far out
Speaker 1: their ideas that could actually work, and I can see
Speaker 1: where this could work right. It eliminates a lot of
Speaker 1: the things that are issues in dating today, the ghosting, um,
Speaker 1: the kind of aggressive pictures and and comments and stuff.
Speaker 1: What are the downsides to this? I mean, well, I
Speaker 1: think it's you know, I'm naturally a shy person, so
Speaker 1: I think it's trying to over It's it's overcoming that
Speaker 1: right because you're going to have a conversation and other
Speaker 1: people are going to see it. But once you break
Speaker 1: that barrier, then it's it's free. I mean, that's what
Speaker 1: The Bachelor did for me, you know, because I was
Speaker 1: shy and it was hard, but once I was actually
Speaker 1: out there for the public to see, it was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this isn't a big deal to find strength and vulnerability.
Speaker 1: So I feel like, I mean, at least for Joe's
Speaker 1: and my relationship, this is now the longest relationship I've
Speaker 1: ever had, and I feel like that has a large
Speaker 1: part of that has to do with the fact that
Speaker 1: it was so public and I was forced to be
Speaker 1: so honest and up front of my feelings so quickly. Um,
Speaker 1: and you know, I don't know. I feel like it
Speaker 1: was just such a good way to start a relationship
Speaker 1: with complete transparency. Was that a problem for you in
Speaker 1: the past you weren't able to do so or you
Speaker 1: weren't able to open up for I think the only
Speaker 1: person wasn't. I definitely have used other dating apps before,
Speaker 1: and um, there's the whole I mean. But the thing is,
Speaker 1: you get so I feel he caught up in the
Speaker 1: next best thing and what's shiny and what's new, and
Speaker 1: you don't really put a lot of attention or focus
Speaker 1: a lot of energy towards the relationships that you already have,
Speaker 1: and so um, by having it being public, I felt
Speaker 1: like it was something that I wanted to put more
Speaker 1: attention towards because there were people that were watching and
Speaker 1: learning from my experiences. So, um, I was just very aware.
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, well, I can't mess this up.
Speaker 1: I have to you know, go completely true and honest
Speaker 1: with it. So some of the lessons from your relationship
Speaker 1: are laced into the fabric. Yeah. In developing it, I
Speaker 1: think we saw the benefit of our relationship being so
Speaker 1: public and we wanted to bring that to a broader audience.
Speaker 1: I see just how powerful, UH this app could be,
Speaker 1: and I also get where you're coming from, Joe. For
Speaker 1: the shy people out there, this might help hold them back,
Speaker 1: But what this will do is eliminate, um, the jerks
Speaker 1: of the world on both sides. I think that the
Speaker 1: people who aren't in it for the right reasons will
Speaker 1: stay away because they can't hide here. Vulnerability opens people
Speaker 1: up to a whole new world that's never been used to. UM.
Speaker 1: It's listed here and I need to I want to
Speaker 1: make sure to say because I think this is an
Speaker 1: awesome idea. UM hashtag real connections UH to to follow
Speaker 1: UH the datas around and UH and see what kind
Speaker 1: of connections are being made. So make sure, if you're interested,
Speaker 1: you you look up the hashtag real connections UM on
Speaker 1: on Twitter and Instagram. So I have a I have
Speaker 1: a Tori, our producer, Tori here smiling. We have your
Speaker 1: newest app. Remember Mr Gavin DeGraw, So my co host
Speaker 1: that is not here today, Mr Gavin DeGraw. We're gonna
Speaker 1: sign Gavin up. We are gonna sign Gavin up for
Speaker 1: Seene Dating. So walk us through this. I signed Gavin up.
Speaker 1: He doesn't know this, He's just going to get a
Speaker 1: notification later the buddy I signed you up for some dating. Um,
Speaker 1: I signed Gavin up. What happens now? He has to
Speaker 1: create a profile? Can you walk us through Gavin's journey here? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's very much like a traditional profile. So you put
Speaker 1: your pictures down, you put a bio down, UM, And
Speaker 1: I think the real meat of the profile is really
Speaker 1: when you start having conversations with other people that are
Speaker 1: on the app. So how does that start? So? UM
Speaker 1: you can match with people or you can reach out
Speaker 1: to people that you see on the on the app,
Speaker 1: so I have to be say, I'm like, do I
Speaker 1: scroll through people in my area? Do I? Yeah? There's
Speaker 1: so right now it's only in Los Angeles. Anybody in
Speaker 1: the country or I think the world can watch it,
Speaker 1: but you can only participate if you're in Okay, l A.
Speaker 1: And then you have too Now it is spreading to
Speaker 1: other cities as of now. But you can um swipe
Speaker 1: as the same thing as a traditional apps or swiping
Speaker 1: means like I like like I want to connect with someone,
Speaker 1: or you can just request and then if your request
Speaker 1: is accepted, then you can start a conversation, got you okay? Yeah? Wow.
Speaker 1: So it's like real dating. I mean I almost feel
Speaker 1: like it's closer to the real world than other apps.
Speaker 1: So what happens, Um, If I have too much to
Speaker 1: drink and I say something one night that I regret,
Speaker 1: you know, I've gone too far, I've loosened up too much.
Speaker 1: I wake up the next morning, I go, oh, no,
Speaker 1: I've ruined myself. Can I is it just out there
Speaker 1: for everybody's We've been there, We've all we've all done that,
Speaker 1: and you have the option to remove that. But then
Speaker 1: that's going to be like on your record, So people
Speaker 1: are going to say, oh, if you do that, do
Speaker 1: it once, it's not a big deal. But if you
Speaker 1: do it multiple times and people are like, oh, this
Speaker 1: guy has pulled down conversations and multiple videos, that's that's
Speaker 1: a red flag. So I don't know if I actually
Speaker 1: take this person serious. So there's a record of how
Speaker 1: many conversations I have had Candy conversations within thirty days.
Speaker 1: So it's very much like a story you would have
Speaker 1: on Instagram. Um, it just shows the recent conversations you've had,
Speaker 1: including the video chats, and then they'll automatically delete as
Speaker 1: time passes. Okay, so then let's say I like a girl,
Speaker 1: she likes me back or something. I can go on
Speaker 1: and watch her previous conversations. You kind of get a
Speaker 1: vibe for how she is and how she interacts with people. Wow,
Speaker 1: and if you're like, oh, you know she's attractive, I'm
Speaker 1: mentor I like you yeah, or oh I actually don't
Speaker 1: like her personality, or yeah, I don't need to connect
Speaker 1: with her, move to somebody is fascinating. And I like
Speaker 1: the idea of not being able to hide that you're
Speaker 1: talking to multiple people, you know, because I think that
Speaker 1: it's easy for people to get caught up and have
Speaker 1: multiple conversations with multiple different people. You're spreading yourself too thin,
Speaker 1: and I think there's a lot of uh, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of bath that can come from that. I think
Speaker 1: really focusing on certain people they really see a connection
Speaker 1: with um is the best way to go about relationships,
Speaker 1: at least personally speaking from my experience. Why are you
Speaker 1: all involved? You're together, you're not dating any longer. What
Speaker 1: what makes you want to get involved in the dating app?
Speaker 1: So Mike came to us with the initial idea and
Speaker 1: his initial idea was to create a reality TV show
Speaker 1: out of the app, and so, I mean, I thought
Speaker 1: it was really intriguing. But I felt like with Joe's
Speaker 1: and my experience being a couple that has found love
Speaker 1: publicly on the Professional Professional Daters UM and also with
Speaker 1: a new podcast that I have where I match people
Speaker 1: up on Down to Date UM, I felt like we UM,
Speaker 1: we had an experience. I mean, at least I personally
Speaker 1: had an experience with public dating and the effect that
Speaker 1: had on people in the positivity that it had. So
Speaker 1: we worked with Mike to create an app that would
Speaker 1: allow people to have the same experience. I like it
Speaker 1: because it's scary, you know, you hear it and you're like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I would feel comfortable doing that.
Speaker 1: And that was the first time in my life where
Speaker 1: everything kind of worked out. Is when I stepped out
Speaker 1: of my comfort zone. Life begins at the edge of
Speaker 1: your comfort zone. So it was like tagline, right, question
Speaker 1: there is that is it ever too intrusive? Does it
Speaker 1: go too far? Is it because I get you're trying
Speaker 1: to get people to open up, but is it ever
Speaker 1: does because it's such a public forum, does it push
Speaker 1: it too far? Well? Once you once you actually meet
Speaker 1: someone you like, you could take the conversation off of that,
Speaker 1: like you don't have to you can have private conversation.
Speaker 1: So you can choose private conversations, exchange phone numbers, or
Speaker 1: meet up in person. Not everyone can see your phone
Speaker 1: number or your address. Um, so it's just the initial
Speaker 1: meet up. It's more of a way to show that
Speaker 1: you're serious, like you're in this to actually meet someone
Speaker 1: or to date for real. Can you can you message somebody?
Speaker 1: Is it only video chat that you can do? It's
Speaker 1: mea video message? Okay, So if if you just you know,
Speaker 1: you don't feel comfortable at first jumping on camera video
Speaker 1: or whatever, you could just message each other and then
Speaker 1: be like willing to accept the video chat. I look
Speaker 1: like you. I'd be video chatting everybody that I ever
Speaker 1: wanted to right back at you. I encourage video chatting.
Speaker 1: I always feel like the bravest thing to do is
Speaker 1: to FaceTime somebody when you first match with them on
Speaker 1: a dating app, because you get to see like the true, genuine, unfiltered,
Speaker 1: unedited version of the person, a bunch of friends saying
Speaker 1: what should I say back? Which I do? You know,
Speaker 1: it's like breaking the ice. I like that, Candle. I
Speaker 1: agree with that. I FaceTime probably eight out of ten
Speaker 1: phone calls or FaceTime for me, just friends or people what.
Speaker 1: I love FaceTime, But I also think there is something
Speaker 1: to putting yourself being vulnerable, lowering your weapons on a
Speaker 1: FaceTime like you can see someone, you can be like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm just calling you. I just wanted
Speaker 1: to say hi, and I don't have any lines. It's
Speaker 1: I think it kind of lowers the weapons um and
Speaker 1: makes people more vulnerable and almost more engaging in what
Speaker 1: people deemed to be a somewhat awkward way, but it's
Speaker 1: actually a truthful way of like we're actually having a
Speaker 1: real conversation, and you know, what are you doing. I
Speaker 1: don't show me where you're what's your apartment? Look, we're
Speaker 1: giving some of your attention, which does not something that's
Speaker 1: very common. It's more of the traditional way to actually
Speaker 1: look at it. It's like we're taking technology and now
Speaker 1: we're going back to where there was no phones and
Speaker 1: I used to scream out your window and say, hey,
Speaker 1: you know it's me. I mean I didn't do that,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I think like Leonardo DiCaprio did, and the
Speaker 1: movie did so is it? So, UM, we're gonna sign Tori.
Speaker 1: We have to sign Gavin up on this thing. My
Speaker 1: sister is going on it too, Okay, Yeah, so I'm
Speaker 1: excited my twin sisters going on it. So I'm excited
Speaker 1: to UM to see her experience and kind of tell
Speaker 1: everyone about how how it is hurt with her going
Speaker 1: on the scene. Up. No age restrictions on this hed No, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah that's what I meant. But like, UM, is it
Speaker 1: a free app? Is a subscription based? It is free,
Speaker 1: so it's free for people who are viewing it and
Speaker 1: also people who are also dating. Um. You can also
Speaker 1: pay to have the deluxe version. Yes, yeah, you can
Speaker 1: pay for the deluxe version. You get more swipes, you
Speaker 1: have a lot of features. UM with that, so more features,
Speaker 1: unlock um upgrading the data plus unlock section features. Love it.
Speaker 1: I'm excited for Gavin. Gavin, my buddy has a tough
Speaker 1: time getting Yeah, Gavin Nagra. I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: heard of himbody the tough time dating. Uh, you know, Joe,
Speaker 1: you said something that hits with me. If I was single,
Speaker 1: i'd definitely been into this app because, uh, if you
Speaker 1: met me six years ago, I'm a different man then
Speaker 1: than I am today, UM, a lesser version of myself
Speaker 1: because I put myself out of my comfort zone. I
Speaker 1: did something that was incredibly scary, that made me insanely nervous.
Speaker 1: I was shaking during most of my time on The
Speaker 1: Bachelor at But I'm a better man because of it,
Speaker 1: because it opened my world up to a world I
Speaker 1: had never known I could first had existed. And also
Speaker 1: that I could even partake in something um and have
Speaker 1: the confidence to do something like a show like that,
Speaker 1: and probably like an app like this. I think this
Speaker 1: is awesome. I think this is great. I'm a fan
Speaker 1: of Scene Dating. I'm a fan of Kindall and Joe.
Speaker 1: Where where can we download this? End? Yeah? Apple Store,
Speaker 1: wherever you get your apps from? Okay, Tori, we have
Speaker 1: to get Gavin on this. Joe and Kendall, I appreciate you, guys.
Speaker 1: Scene Dating is the next generation dating app for online
Speaker 1: daters fed up with faked up profiles and time wasters.
Speaker 1: Scene is the first and only dating experience that offers
Speaker 1: complete transparency to men and women looking for the perfect match.
Speaker 1: Joe and Kendall told us so much about this. This
Speaker 1: app is gonna be amazing. Transparent dating means a new,
Speaker 1: innovative and honest approach to dating, which allows singles who
Speaker 1: are serious about dating an opportunity to match on human
Speaker 1: connections and chemistry. Chemistry so important, and that means more
Speaker 1: real connections. So if you're tired of relying on a
Speaker 1: contrived profile and a set of might look like me
Speaker 1: but probably really does not look like me, pictures scene
Speaker 1: reveals a potential partner's complete personality in charisma and lets
Speaker 1: you choose like yourself, be seen and enjoy the safest,
Speaker 1: most positive and respectful dating environment ever created. Ben, you
Speaker 1: are the man. Thank you so much. Um and also, guys,
Speaker 1: can I be like adopted as an honorary bachelor? Yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll give you a rose. Yeah, Okay, download Scene Dating
Speaker 1: and swipe to again go on a date with Gavin DeGraw.
Speaker 1: That's it for this episode. Joe and Kendall, thank you
Speaker 1: for coming by. Ben. I appreciate you. My brothers, yes,
Speaker 1: and I hope we'll come back. Uh and check out
Speaker 1: his podcast Almost Famous. It's I've learned so much from
Speaker 1: you actually, just from watching you the way you podcast
Speaker 1: good sir, So I appreciate everything you do. Best luck
Speaker 1: to you and your beautiful girlfriend, and to all our listeners,
Speaker 1: take care of one another, love one another, and we'll
Speaker 1: see you right back here next week.