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Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin

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Speaker 1: to Grab and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to another

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Speaker 1: episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like

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Speaker 1: and we are live from the car Narows Resort in Napa.

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Speaker 1: I have a new guest host here today. I'm missing

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Speaker 1: my good buddy, Mr Gavin DeGraw, but we have a

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Speaker 1: seasoned veteran of the podcast space, Mr Ben Higgins is

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Speaker 1: co hosting with me. Yeah, they call me the I'm

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Speaker 1: the old pro, which is nice. It feels well. I

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Speaker 1: mean a little hit to the little hit to the

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Speaker 1: system before we started. I mean, you're only thirty years old.

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Speaker 1: I'm six years older than you. But yeah, that was Amy,

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Speaker 1: that was producer. Amy called you the old pro. And

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Speaker 1: I just think experience would have been a better word there. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm pumped to be here because I

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Speaker 1: have a feeling that your podcast is going to talk

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Speaker 1: about things that is gonna make me feel all sorts

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Speaker 1: of awkward, which I'm excited about. That's what we try

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Speaker 1: and do. That's why we love having Gavin on here.

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Speaker 1: He'll make it awkward. But we're live NAPPA for Live

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Speaker 1: in the Vineyard Music Festival. You've been here before, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I have it. I was here in May. I've never

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Speaker 1: been to Nappa before the event in May, and I'll

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Speaker 1: be like, in all transparency, I came here not knowing

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Speaker 1: what to expect and not being super excited for because

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Speaker 1: there's just a lot going on at the time. And

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Speaker 1: I left here going this is one of the coolest

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Speaker 1: things I've ever done in my life. It is. Uh.

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Speaker 1: There's the word I explained it to to my family

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Speaker 1: was it's a It's like a magical evening where it's

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Speaker 1: super intimate with some of the biggest stars in the

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Speaker 1: industry and they're singing in this room, and there's wine

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Speaker 1: flowing and there's people dancing. It's just, yeah, there's nothing

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Speaker 1: short of magic that's going on here. There's average my

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Speaker 1: fellow Canadian Avril Levine. I hope we get to watch her,

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Speaker 1: Kelsey Ballerini, Marion Morris, Adam Lambert. I'm kind of upset

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Speaker 1: that Gavin Degara is and on this list. Uh, my

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Speaker 1: buddy Natasha betting Field is going to be here tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Is a lot of great artists here that we can't

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Speaker 1: wait to watch. Uh. I want to thank the new

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Speaker 1: dating app scene Dating and Joan Kendall, who are gonna

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Speaker 1: be on the show later for putting us here, because

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Speaker 1: the next generation dating app that offers complete transparency to

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Speaker 1: men and women looking for the perfect match. You've tried

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Speaker 1: other dating apps to try this one scene dating. Transparent

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Speaker 1: dating means a new, innovative and honest approach to dating,

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Speaker 1: which allows singles an opportunity to match on human connections

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Speaker 1: and chemistry. Let yourself be seen and enjoy the safest,

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Speaker 1: most positive, and respectful dating environment ever created. So we'll

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Speaker 1: get into that later. We're gonna dig into some questions

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Speaker 1: uh that listeners have. I also want to bring in

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Speaker 1: my dude, Dmitri, who's rocking the nicest flannel shirt I've

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Speaker 1: ever seen. What makes it the nicest? I know, but

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Speaker 1: it's dandy. I will take any compliment I can take

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Speaker 1: from you. You're welcome, by the way, while we're adition

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Speaker 1: out compliments here. Is it just me? Or is Ben's

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Speaker 1: voice like a gift from justice? It's just me? You

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Speaker 1: know what it was like when the I thought he

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Speaker 1: was introducing it sounded like Zeus was booming down from

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Speaker 1: the heavens. Yeah, awkward. I actually want to take this

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Speaker 1: second though, Dmitri. If you remember right, if I'm an

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Speaker 1: old pro at the podcast space then two years ago

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Speaker 1: and when the almost famous podcast started with I Heeart Radio,

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Speaker 1: everybody thought I was super funny. And it wasn't because

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Speaker 1: of myself. It was because Dmitri actually was working on

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Speaker 1: that podcast from day one. That's that Dmitri writing jokes.

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Speaker 1: And so now I get to sit down with him,

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Speaker 1: like kind of the world comes back around. I get

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Speaker 1: to sit down across from you and laugh once again

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Speaker 1: at you with that. That's what That's what we told you.

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Speaker 1: It was that I was ready. I had want a contest,

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Speaker 1: just to come and sit in the stage, and that's

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Speaker 1: what happened. We also are in the backyard of our

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Speaker 1: good friend Rick. What's this is your here? He walks

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Speaker 1: into the Carnaros resort here, but it's like, hey, Rick,

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Speaker 1: what's up man? You're the mayor of this place, buddy.

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Speaker 1: But picked us up at the airport. Your car was

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Speaker 1: nice and cleaned. I got a clean before he had

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Speaker 1: waters for us. Like I told Dmitri. When we landed,

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Speaker 1: I was like, Rick, better have that limo pulled up.

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Speaker 1: All I did was take the uber signed out there.

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Speaker 1: The only way that happens if you're a Dad Rick

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Speaker 1: is the Dad Ricks, the fantastic Dad Brooks sit in

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Speaker 1: a car seat, but I just sit in the back

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Speaker 1: and the car seat just buckled right up as one

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Speaker 1: of the ones that come over the shoulder too. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but we're gonna get into this is one of my

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Speaker 1: favorite shows that we do. And Ben I want I'm

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Speaker 1: anxious to hear you chime in on this too. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna do. That's what he said. Number three. So in

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Speaker 1: our show band listeners listen, they send us questions. You

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Speaker 1: can send us your questions at men at i heeart

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Speaker 1: radio dot com and they'll email us our questions and

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Speaker 1: these questions are all over the map. We also have

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Speaker 1: a new phone number that you can call. I don't

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Speaker 1: have a memorize, but we'll get it to you. So

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Speaker 1: these questions are from our how men think listeners. They

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Speaker 1: write in and they want to get a man's perspective

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Speaker 1: on what we think on this topic. So okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I'm gonna I'm gonna put you on the question.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna put you on a hot seat with the

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Speaker 1: very first one. This is from Christina Mazarole. She says,

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Speaker 1: my question is about children. What would you do if

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Speaker 1: you found out the perfect woman is exactly what you

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Speaker 1: want but did not want to have children. What would

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Speaker 1: you do so you find the love of your life

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Speaker 1: but she doesn't want it. This is assuming. That's a

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Speaker 1: hard question. It's a super hard question. But here's I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think you have to weigh that. It's actually it's

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Speaker 1: you just to go about logically. You have to weigh

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Speaker 1: how important children are for me for you? So like,

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Speaker 1: if children are super important to me and the partner

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Speaker 1: that I'm entering into life it doesn't want children, I

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Speaker 1: don't think it's gonna work because there's always gonna be

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Speaker 1: a seed of resentment. And I think you have to

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Speaker 1: weigh if the relationship with this woman is more important

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Speaker 1: to you than the than your opportunity to have kids.

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Speaker 1: One day, if those are reversed and the kids are

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Speaker 1: more important, you can't be with this person, no matter

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Speaker 1: how perfect they seem at the time. Who So you

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Speaker 1: can make that decision and I think gonna too. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's the thing. It says you found the perfect woman

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Speaker 1: if you want to have kids and she doesn't, is

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Speaker 1: she the perfect woman for you? Know? And by the way,

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Speaker 1: point as far as resentment, if there's a woman that

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Speaker 1: settles down with you and doesn't want to have little bends,

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Speaker 1: I will resent her because the world needs more you. There,

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Speaker 1: he goes, yeah, you're gonna be I gotta agree. I mean, man,

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Speaker 1: that's a sticky one. Like that's a because it's hard

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Speaker 1: to find a good match, and especially like like your

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Speaker 1: soul what if this is your soul mate, Like this

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Speaker 1: is your undeniably, this is your person. And then she

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Speaker 1: says she doesn't want to have children. I think you

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Speaker 1: got to look at what I would do if this

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Speaker 1: were me. I would go and look at my purpose

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Speaker 1: of this relationship. So in my relationship, I want to

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Speaker 1: enter my relationship to be a husband but also a father.

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Speaker 1: That's why I entered my relationship. Those were my two

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Speaker 1: Like I want to be a father. But if my

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Speaker 1: wife or this person didn't want to have kids, man,

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Speaker 1: I think that's I think it's too important to me.

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Speaker 1: I think I want to have kids in my life

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Speaker 1: and I want to see a reflection of this person

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Speaker 1: in that kid and myself and that kid like and

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Speaker 1: I think that's the important thing is is the wording

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Speaker 1: is the perfect woman? I don't know if that's if

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Speaker 1: she doesn't want to have kids, then I don't I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't find her perfect if you want to have kids.

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Speaker 1: By the way, there's a pitfall here too, because a

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Speaker 1: lot of people correct me if I'm wrong. I think

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Speaker 1: you can go in a relationship, Oh she doesn't want

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Speaker 1: to have kids, I'm gonna change her, or I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: change him. And you get in there and they don't change,

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Speaker 1: and then you're you're in this marriage and you're like,

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Speaker 1: I told you I didn't want to have kids, and

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Speaker 1: that other person thought, I'm gonna change you, and then

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Speaker 1: it's just then you've just spent all these years thinking

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Speaker 1: you're changing things up. So I have a friend, a

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Speaker 1: good body of mine was in a committed relationship. Loved

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Speaker 1: this woman, and I've talked to him since. Loved this woman.

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Speaker 1: She did not want to have kids, and he ended

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Speaker 1: it because in his life he wanted to have kids.

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Speaker 1: And he's like, I love her, I want to have

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Speaker 1: kids with her. I don't want to have kids with

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Speaker 1: somebody else, because he can't see that right now. But

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Speaker 1: he was like, she was adamant that she's not having kids,

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Speaker 1: and so I had to make a decision because I

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Speaker 1: think it is. Actually, I think Rick and Dmitriy have

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Speaker 1: sung this up really well with a lot of wisdom.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's that hard if she doesn't want

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Speaker 1: to have kids, like a compliments, They've made it. They've

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Speaker 1: made it easy to understand. If you want to have

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Speaker 1: kids and she doesn't, she's no longer the perfect woman

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Speaker 1: for you. So I mean I think it's that easy. Yeah, Okay,

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Speaker 1: Moving on to the next one from Janna. I was

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Speaker 1: introduced to a guy through friends. He hasn't committed to

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Speaker 1: a relationship, and I'm not good at being casual. I

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Speaker 1: know that I want to get married and have kids,

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Speaker 1: so I don't know, so I don't want to waste

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Speaker 1: my time. I told him I deserved to be a

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Speaker 1: priority to someone, and I don't feel like I am.

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Speaker 1: He says, I think we should just be friends for

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Speaker 1: right now? What the hell does that mean? And why

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Speaker 1: take me to your parents house? Oh? And we went

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Speaker 1: on a birthday dinner for me with my parents and brother?

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Speaker 1: Why go do that? Did I just scare him about

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Speaker 1: the future? I just know what to make about getting

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Speaker 1: friends zoned after four months? This sounds complicated, It sounds complicated.

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Speaker 1: But let's go back to that one thing. I think

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Speaker 1: we should just be friends for now. What the hell

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Speaker 1: does that mean? It means we should just be friends.

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Speaker 1: That's the point of this show. Was he keep it

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Speaker 1: simple stupid? Yeah, kiss keep it simple stupid? Yeah. I

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Speaker 1: mean I think she's I mean, she's looking at twelve

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Speaker 1: different layers here, where one's very simple. He's like, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm just not there yet. Maybe we've had some good times.

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Speaker 1: But like he's honest, He's he's straightforward with her. I

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Speaker 1: think we should just be friends for now. But on

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Speaker 1: the flip side of that, I mean, like, why is

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Speaker 1: he taking her his parents house? Why why are they

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Speaker 1: going to family dinners? You know they're friends, she said,

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Speaker 1: I think, Well, he's like, I think we should just

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Speaker 1: be friends for now. Obviously looks at like a like

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Speaker 1: a friend, but we also know at the time of this,

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Speaker 1: like did did they go to the dinner before that?

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Speaker 1: And then she asked this question. He's like, hey, we

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Speaker 1: went to my parents house, and I realized I don't

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Speaker 1: want you coming to my parents house for the rest

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Speaker 1: of my life. Maybe that happened. He's like, we should

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Speaker 1: just be friends. We don't know the timing of all this, man,

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Speaker 1: what do you think? You know? As as I've gotten older,

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Speaker 1: my my like gal pals have decreased, like you know,

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Speaker 1: and might have increased. I don't have as many like

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Speaker 1: close girl friends that are just friends as I used to.

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Speaker 1: I think for for some reasons, because when there's like

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Speaker 1: chemistry as friendships, it's hard to the end this. I

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Speaker 1: like to not feel some type of romantic connection. At

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Speaker 1: least it was for me, so it's healthy. Also, but

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Speaker 1: I have buddies who would have zero idea that a

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Speaker 1: girl like is actually into him, like she can see that.

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Speaker 1: I wonder if Jane is into this guy and he

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Speaker 1: has no clue and he thinks they're just hanging out

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Speaker 1: as friends and it's cool for both of them to

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Speaker 1: just be friends and he has zero idea that she

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Speaker 1: has any romantic like chemistry. But but the thing is,

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Speaker 1: she says I deserve to be a priority, and I

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Speaker 1: don't feel like I am. He said we should just

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Speaker 1: be friends. He knows he just doesn't want it. What

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Speaker 1: and also what's wrong with like, um, what's on with

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Speaker 1: bringing a friend to that kind of thing? Since mixed

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Speaker 1: signals I don't want to go to like random friends

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Speaker 1: parents house just to kick it. That's a girl like

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Speaker 1: that feels weird, I know. But he also was very straightforward.

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Speaker 1: I think we should be friends for for right now.

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Speaker 1: I also wanted to welcome somebody that's going to give

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Speaker 1: us the other side of female insight to this. Our

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Speaker 1: good friend Katie Mo is here, and she's just she's

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Speaker 1: just jumping at this one. She's just like, no, you

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Speaker 1: guys are all wrong. Katie Mo, what's up? How do

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Speaker 1: you look at this question from Joanna? Well, hey, guys, um,

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Speaker 1: so I'm looking at this question, and you're right, there's

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Speaker 1: so many layers to it. Ultimately, she she was flat

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Speaker 1: out wanting to be a priority in his life and

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Speaker 1: he's saying you're not. You know, He's saying, I want

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Speaker 1: to be friends. And I've I've had guy friends. I've

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Speaker 1: always been a guy's girl for the most part. So

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Speaker 1: I've been to my guy friends houses when I was

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Speaker 1: in high school. Don't know, I don't know the age

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Speaker 1: of this person, but when I was in high school,

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Speaker 1: I've been to, you know, a Thanksgiving celebration, like an

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Speaker 1: early Thanksgiving with a guy friend or something, and it

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Speaker 1: was just friends. Um, I think they're just on two

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Speaker 1: different pages, and it's a communication thing on And also

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Speaker 1: have they hooked up? I want to know the details

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Speaker 1: of this, because if they haven't hooked up, they definitely

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Speaker 1: are just friends. But if they have, it complicates it more.

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Speaker 1: That's a great point. And yes, but here, here's here's

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Speaker 1: the thing, she says, I I told him I deserve

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Speaker 1: to be a priority. Percent you deserve to be a priority.

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Speaker 1: And if you're not with him, then he's not the one.

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Speaker 1: So you'll find the person that you'll be the priority with.

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Speaker 1: The part that scares me that I feel badly for hers.

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Speaker 1: Did I just scare him about the future? She's already

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Speaker 1: blaming herself. She's like, did I mess this up? That

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Speaker 1: I were he and I gonna be a thing? And

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Speaker 1: then I asked about it and then he decided just

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Speaker 1: to be friends. It's that's not the case. If he

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Speaker 1: wants to be friends, he's gonna say let's be friends.

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Speaker 1: If he wants to be more, he's going to say that.

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Speaker 1: But don't go into did I just throw this whole

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Speaker 1: perfect thing off track because I asked about us? There's

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Speaker 1: nothing wrong with asking about where you stand, right, That's

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Speaker 1: just good communication skills. And honestly, if he's not going

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Speaker 1: to prioritize her as more than a friend, she should

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Speaker 1: either be accepting of just being friends or move on.

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Speaker 1: Very well said We're gonna move on to the next question.

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Speaker 1: Very well, said Katie Mo. That's why we have you

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Speaker 1: on here, girl, And you have the best boots in

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Speaker 1: the entire nap You remember when Ben said comfortable and

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Speaker 1: if you guys just boarding socks at least? Um. Next

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Speaker 1: question is from Mary Beth. Thank you Mary Beth for

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Speaker 1: this question. Question to the married guys, sleep over here

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Speaker 1: with you? To question to the married guys, good thing

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Speaker 1: the winds blowing? Um, here we go. You guys all

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Speaker 1: sound so in touch with your families. You work hard,

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Speaker 1: you cook, you clean, you're close with your kids. Um,

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Speaker 1: what do you and your spouse it about? So if

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Speaker 1: life is good, right, it's good life. You have a

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Speaker 1: good marriage, good relationship. What do you fight about? I'll well,

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Speaker 1: you know, we we fight about finances. I live a

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Speaker 1: little more free, like, oh, don't worry about what we

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Speaker 1: want this, let's do this, you know, we let's do

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Speaker 1: this and things will work itself out. And my wife

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Speaker 1: is a little a lot more business oriented. She went

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Speaker 1: to businesschool, and she's like, well, and she like will

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Speaker 1: make a spreadsheet and she'll figure stuff out and be like, well,

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Speaker 1: we can do this, but in three years it could

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Speaker 1: be this, And I'm like, let's just live. Like so

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Speaker 1: we it's not that they're knocked down drag out fights,

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Speaker 1: but we we argue about money and and and and

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Speaker 1: how we're spending it. I argue about like, uh, I mean,

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Speaker 1: we we clean up after each other in the house,

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Speaker 1: but like clutter in the sense of there's like little

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Speaker 1: we have obviously with the kids around, there's like key

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Speaker 1: chains and backpacks and whatever. And it's like, say something,

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Speaker 1: I'll put the shoes or the backpacks on the stairs

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Speaker 1: and it's like you take it back, take it up

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Speaker 1: when you go upstairs right or where you go put

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Speaker 1: it away. Well, it's like you'll walk by it like

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Speaker 1: four times without just like dealing with it. So like

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Speaker 1: my my argument to her what we kind of argue about,

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Speaker 1: which isn't the end of the world, but it's like, hey,

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Speaker 1: why don't you just take that up? Why can't you

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Speaker 1: just put their clothes way? Why can't you just put

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Speaker 1: their backpack in the garage while you're going down to

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Speaker 1: the garage anyway or or whatever that may be. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's like, so those are the things that we sort

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Speaker 1: of fight about. Obviously you don't want a more serious

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Speaker 1: note with Dmitri is is finances. And but I can

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Speaker 1: get on board with that clutter too. We we have

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Speaker 1: the same thing, and it's like it joins me because

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Speaker 1: kids leave stuff. But the problem is so every once

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Speaker 1: in a while, uh, and I'm gonna get killed for

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Speaker 1: saying this, but every like you won't Okay, great protection,

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Speaker 1: I didn't have to thank Sometimes my wife will leave

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Speaker 1: stuff and it's just like, like, nothing drives me more,

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Speaker 1: nothing like eating an opening up like a lifesaver or

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Speaker 1: whatever and leaving the rapper there. It's like, just throw

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Speaker 1: it right there, Just get up and throw it out.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to worry about it later. And so

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Speaker 1: the kids, so she's she's not like the kids just

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Speaker 1: leave stuff, but she every once in a while we'll

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Speaker 1: do stuff and I feel bad. But sometimes they'll be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: which one of you is this? And the kids will

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Speaker 1: all be like no, and I'll be like and she'll know.

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Speaker 1: Then she's like, oh yeah, so it's kind of like me.

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Speaker 1: It's like you're taking care of three kids or five

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Speaker 1: kids in your case, and mine with my wife, mine

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Speaker 1: is about time. So I'm sure it's about like my

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Speaker 1: wife works very hard, and I admire her for a

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Speaker 1: work ethic, but sometimes it's too much, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I want to spend time with you, like my tank

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Speaker 1: is low. I want to see you like I know

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Speaker 1: you want to do this and that and that, but

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Speaker 1: like you could have done that work earlier in the day,

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Speaker 1: or like I don't know, just too many things like

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Speaker 1: learn having her say no to some things. I try

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Speaker 1: and complete my day by five o'clock. So at five

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Speaker 1: o'clock I'm off and I'm on family time. That's her dog.

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Speaker 1: That's like time with her or friends, Like I'm not emailing,

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Speaker 1: I'm not doing anything after five o'clock. Um, and she

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Speaker 1: will push past that, well past that. And so time

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Speaker 1: is the one that I kind of argu and I

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Speaker 1: think the other thing when once you have kids, Brooks

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Speaker 1: is having those kids, and how are you dealing with

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Speaker 1: those kids? Like my son is you know, he's falling

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Speaker 1: back in a little bit of a couple of his

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Speaker 1: courses at school, and so we're like, okay, so what's

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Speaker 1: the what's the strategy here, So it's getting on the

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Speaker 1: same page with your wife. What's the strategy. Do we

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Speaker 1: take away his phone? Do we make him come home

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Speaker 1: after school and then work on a school until he's

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Speaker 1: done with that and then let him go out with

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Speaker 1: his friends or whatever. And so like the other day

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Speaker 1: class example, we kind of hammer down on him and

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Speaker 1: was like, Okay, come home at four thirty, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: give us your phone, any devices. You're gonna work until six,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna eat dinner, and then at eight thirty, you

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Speaker 1: can check your phone for half an hour. We'll like

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Speaker 1: it just happened to be that day where I came

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Speaker 1: home and we didn't have anything to do and he

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Speaker 1: had no homework, and so she was like, well, just

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Speaker 1: you can be on your phone until five thirty, you know,

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Speaker 1: And it was like we immediately broke the rule, like

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Speaker 1: what we put in place, and so it's like, you

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Speaker 1: need to be on the same page, and that's what

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Speaker 1: we fight over. I'm like, well, why are we breaking

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Speaker 1: the rule if you're you know, why have the rules

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Speaker 1: if you're going to break him on the very first

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Speaker 1: day or the second day. It's just so those are

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Speaker 1: those are things with kids, it becomes complex. So I

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Speaker 1: want to go one step further here though, for my

383
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:07,040
Speaker 1: own interests. So if you see these things that are

384
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Speaker 1: like annoyances to you or they kind of get into

385
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Speaker 1: your skin, how then in a marriage or any relationship,

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Speaker 1: do you bring them up? Is there an appropriate way?

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Speaker 1: Do you just let them go? Do you let do

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Speaker 1: you get you kind of build a callous yourself say

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm just let this go? Or do

390
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Speaker 1: you how do you approach it? You one? You pick

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Speaker 1: your battles, So is it worth fighting with for that

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Speaker 1: one right there? You know, and the kids are home,

393
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Speaker 1: and is it worth it? Or do you let it

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Speaker 1: kind of go and say, okay, let's see what happens tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: That's that's what I do. It's kind of pick your battle.

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Speaker 1: How important is that topic or that battle for you

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Speaker 1: right now? Us the way? So that's that's a dance, man,

398
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,920
Speaker 1: And you're dating, I met your wonderful girlfriend. Um, that's

399
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Speaker 1: a dance that you just kind of learn over time.

400
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Speaker 1: You learn the the give and take of that. Um,

401
00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,560
Speaker 1: it's communication and and my wife kind of it's not system,

402
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,880
Speaker 1: but my wife and I have found a couple tools

403
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Speaker 1: almost to navigate that kind of a water because and

404
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,199
Speaker 1: we'll lead with this, this is uh, we lead with

405
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Speaker 1: this sometimes when we're about to say something to the

406
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Speaker 1: other person that might be jarring to them, I'll just say,

407
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Speaker 1: like softly of like same team, Like we're on the

408
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,639
Speaker 1: same team. I'm on your team. I'll just say same team.

409
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:26,080
Speaker 1: But this is happening and it's making me feel this.

410
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,360
Speaker 1: And so whenever we say that's kind of a code

411
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,080
Speaker 1: word for us, same team means you're just laughing, like

412
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Speaker 1: this is crazy, Like it's easy. It works for us,

413
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:37,199
Speaker 1: it's like And also we almost challenge each other. We

414
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,560
Speaker 1: challenge each other and almost compete with each other in

415
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:44,080
Speaker 1: our relationship to see who can listen and understand. I

416
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,159
Speaker 1: have a friend that challenge him and his wife challenge

417
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Speaker 1: each other to see who could be the first to apologize.

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Speaker 1: It's putting the other person ahead of your You two

419
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:55,560
Speaker 1: are looking this is this is a beautiful I don't

420
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Speaker 1: have kids. I don't have kids, so I think parenting

421
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,440
Speaker 1: is a different kind that's prob something between two adults

422
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:05,080
Speaker 1: where it's your actions are my actions? Were growing up

423
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,000
Speaker 1: enough and love each other enough that we can listen

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Speaker 1: and it's not like shoving it any I just think

425
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,520
Speaker 1: this is so like if I was in a if

426
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,040
Speaker 1: I was in a therapy session and somebody said to me, listen,

427
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,600
Speaker 1: when you guys are getting heated and you're getting at

428
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,359
Speaker 1: each other, say same team, I would be like, Okay,

429
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,280
Speaker 1: I want my money back. That's because that's not a

430
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 1: feasible way to live. Like I just I think it

431
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,320
Speaker 1: works completely. I think it's amazing if you can do it,

432
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,760
Speaker 1: But me personally, I can't see like I can't see

433
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,440
Speaker 1: that as something that me personally could do it. See

434
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:36,480
Speaker 1: to me, it sounds very very tailish. I disagree, man,

435
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:40,560
Speaker 1: It's like it's it's you're on the same too, Like

436
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,600
Speaker 1: you and your wife, no matter what you're on you

437
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,800
Speaker 1: might not be on this agree on something, but you're

438
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:48,800
Speaker 1: on the same team that But what if what if

439
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:52,240
Speaker 1: like something that you're gonna share is gonna be really jarring,

440
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,800
Speaker 1: really jarring, Like if it's something like hey, love, can

441
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,240
Speaker 1: you clean this up? Or like our Brooks, you left

442
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,160
Speaker 1: the toothpaste, I would something that's not that's you don't

443
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:05,200
Speaker 1: need that, but something like jarring. How are you gonna

444
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 1: you text her and say we need to talk? You text,

445
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:14,119
Speaker 1: you text, or you can end a text, or you

446
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 1: can just texted the whole thing out. I say, say

447
00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:21,480
Speaker 1: to send an email and make the subject same team

448
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 1: and then get in. No, I will say I think

449
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 1: the same team. Is it? Is it? I get it.

450
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,600
Speaker 1: It's a good strategy and it probably works for you.

451
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,479
Speaker 1: But I mean, being married for fifteen years, it's just

452
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,600
Speaker 1: at the end of that, as you go, it doesn't

453
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 1: work out that way. I'm calling yeah, but you can't

454
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:43,040
Speaker 1: say fifteen years. That just doesn't work like that. But

455
00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:47,000
Speaker 1: fifteen years, okay, take me fourteen years, four kids. I

456
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 1: know we're gonna get to the end of this argument

457
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,200
Speaker 1: whatever we're arguing about, but there's no way I can

458
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,000
Speaker 1: kick it into low gear at the beginning of an

459
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,439
Speaker 1: argument and be like, okay, honey, listen, same team. I'm

460
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,639
Speaker 1: gonna rush to see that I can apologize before you.

461
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,000
Speaker 1: That's that sounds like tips I'm get from a cereal box.

462
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 1: So I'm listening. I'm listening to both of the arguments,

463
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 1: and I'm what I'm hearing that's the same in them.

464
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 1: Although you might not agree with exactly how he does it,

465
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:16,240
Speaker 1: and you might not agree with your Demitrian Brooks. But Um,

466
00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 1: what I'm hearing so far is it's not what you

467
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,879
Speaker 1: argue about or the frequency of your arguments, but how

468
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,760
Speaker 1: you argue. Yes, Um, and that's how you argue for

469
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 1: that individual relationship. So it's how you guys argue Dmitri

470
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 1: and how Brooks you argue with your wife. It's going

471
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:34,199
Speaker 1: to be different from each other. But it's ultimately not

472
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 1: the frequency or what it's about. It's how it's done.

473
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:42,119
Speaker 1: That's what we've me It's not yeah, and there's just

474
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:46,120
Speaker 1: different methods. Um. You know, it's like they you know,

475
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 1: I think, to be honest, I think it's your right.

476
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,959
Speaker 1: It's the it's the people involved in this. Honestly, if

477
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,159
Speaker 1: I was in an argument with my wife and I said, hey, honey,

478
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:57,000
Speaker 1: same team, she would probably want to slap me. But

479
00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,879
Speaker 1: how you said that, you said, hey honey, same team,

480
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,200
Speaker 1: it's already like an offensive tone because I'm already on

481
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 1: the offensive. If you were trying to kind of calm

482
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,400
Speaker 1: the situation, I was trying to com I said, listen, listen,

483
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,160
Speaker 1: we're arguing that we want the same thing, we want

484
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,880
Speaker 1: the same But the way you said it was Han,

485
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 1: it didn't even sound like you were fighting truth. For me,

486
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 1: I spent my whole life in locker rooms. I've been

487
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:27,679
Speaker 1: in shouting matches, like in people's faces, full dude shouting

488
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,199
Speaker 1: like and I don't want to live my life like

489
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,879
Speaker 1: that anymore. So I don't bring any of that to

490
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,560
Speaker 1: my relationship. My wife and I talk things through. I'll

491
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,679
Speaker 1: be fully transparent. We don't yell at each other. That

492
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,199
Speaker 1: doesn't When you're yelling, emotions are elevated and you're not

493
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:42,119
Speaker 1: receptive to listening. Listen that you came. You're right, you

494
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 1: came from hockey. Some guy cuts you off on the ice,

495
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,399
Speaker 1: and you guys started throwing punches and knock each other.

496
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,400
Speaker 1: My own team. You never got up and went hey,

497
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:51,560
Speaker 1: same team. No, my own team, My arguments with my

498
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: own team. Yeah, this is an interesting ben. What you

499
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:59,360
Speaker 1: got here? Oh? I think here's the here's the part

500
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,640
Speaker 1: of it. Each each relationship is unique in its own way.

501
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 1: I think what we're getting to is the topics that

502
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 1: make this podcast incredibly unique and compelling. Which are is?

503
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 1: This is its core conflict resolution. So each person deals

504
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 1: with conflict differently, and for Brooks, because of his background,

505
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:20,640
Speaker 1: how he has raised his career, it works. I think

506
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 1: I'm hearing it works for you to associate it with

507
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 1: a team. We're in this together. Let's settle the score

508
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 1: for the other. It's just let's confront it. Let's dive

509
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,720
Speaker 1: in head first, because we know at the end of

510
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,360
Speaker 1: this we're gonna get out of it. It might get

511
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 1: really ugly, it might not always be navigating the right direction,

512
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:39,920
Speaker 1: Tempers may get high, but at the end of it,

513
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,359
Speaker 1: the idea of being on the same team is always there.

514
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 1: It just isn't said because for a little bit of time,

515
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,800
Speaker 1: I really don't like you, but I still love you.

516
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 1: I think I think we're Demitri and I are coming

517
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:53,399
Speaker 1: from is. We don't need to say it because we

518
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,200
Speaker 1: already know that we're on the same team with that person.

519
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 1: But also, I'm an emotional person. I'm Greek. I get heated.

520
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 1: It's like I can't kick it down to same team.

521
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 1: I have to be like, listen, I have to blow

522
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:04,679
Speaker 1: up my steam. Let me just say what I have

523
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 1: to say. Well, I'll vent, you'll vent and I know

524
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 1: will reach Epp. You just text her and say hey,

525
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 1: just say hey, I've just been an appointment with a therapist.

526
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:17,959
Speaker 1: It's question for you, like when you say you need

527
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,480
Speaker 1: to vent. What will be your tone? Is it going

528
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:21,920
Speaker 1: to be like you just need you need to say

529
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 1: what you need to say, or do you need to

530
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:25,159
Speaker 1: like say it the way you need to say it,

531
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 1: like I mean, it depends on what it is. I

532
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 1: never get to like a to like a screaming. I

533
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,639
Speaker 1: can't see you get into that. Thank you. But there

534
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,639
Speaker 1: are times when I will get I will get heated,

535
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 1: and I'll be like, no, you're not. I'll give you

536
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 1: an example. You know you're not listening to the point.

537
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 1: Is what I'm saying, Brookes, is that you say same team.

538
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 1: I can't be on the same team right now. That's

539
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:48,640
Speaker 1: me getting heated. Thank you. That's the best part about

540
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 1: this podcast, um conversations like this because you can have

541
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:54,960
Speaker 1: them in a safe place and not everybody can have these,

542
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,960
Speaker 1: so it's a great conversation. I appreciate your appreciate the

543
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 1: plugs you're throwing for how man think by a way,

544
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: I feel like we are on the same team with Ben.

545
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:06,520
Speaker 1: This is nice. You're welcome. You're welcome anytime. This is

546
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 1: so easy when gas on here because Gave would just

547
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 1: be grizzled because Gavin's single Gavin's full on singles. So

548
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,640
Speaker 1: he's like this marriage thing, it doesn't sound so good

549
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 1: to me. I think I gotta go to Vegas and

550
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 1: Etta whenever you got our checked, Okay, more of your questions.

551
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:25,360
Speaker 1: We gotta take a quick break and then we'll get

552
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:35,040
Speaker 1: back with more of your questions. Back from break. My

553
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:38,159
Speaker 1: name is Brooks Like co hosted by Mr Ben Higgins,

554
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: and we've got Katie Moe in the house here too.

555
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 1: We are at Carnaro's resort at Live in Napa at

556
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: the music festival. Now we're going to do something new

557
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 1: that we have never done before. And it was hard

558
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:50,440
Speaker 1: on Easton and Amy to get this because I want

559
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 1: you guys to have a microphone. We have a new

560
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 1: voicemail where you can call in and ask us your

561
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 1: questions instead of emailing him. So we have a question

562
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 1: from a listener here. It is Hey, guys. So I

563
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:06,679
Speaker 1: was listening to this past episode with Tanya Um and

564
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,880
Speaker 1: I see I was like screaming in my car because

565
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 1: I was a wondering man if it would be different

566
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 1: if the man or the male or your partner at

567
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 1: a relationship like making my money was not what it

568
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 1: It's not even really about money, but I mean about

569
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 1: the success or of that other person. So like Tanya,

570
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:31,960
Speaker 1: a well established woman in her career, Like, is that

571
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:36,119
Speaker 1: intmidating regardless of the money, regardless of the things, regardless

572
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 1: of the trips. Um, I'm just thinking, like the success

573
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,640
Speaker 1: and what that feels like? Is that emasculating for men?

574
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:47,200
Speaker 1: Thank yous? So I want to bring this to you, Ben,

575
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,679
Speaker 1: I just want to let you take the lead on this.

576
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 1: Is it? Do you think it will be emasculating to

577
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: a man to be with a woman who is more successful?

578
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,680
Speaker 1: Just take the money out of it. But I think

579
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:05,120
Speaker 1: we have to define success. So, like I know Jessica's

580
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 1: dream job, um would be to spend her time uh

581
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 1: working with young women who have suffered with eating disorders,

582
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 1: because that's what Jessica's backgrounds in. I don't think there's

583
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:20,800
Speaker 1: probably a ton of money in that field, but her

584
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:24,360
Speaker 1: impact as a person could be far greater than mine

585
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:28,159
Speaker 1: would be if I, for example, I don't want to

586
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,359
Speaker 1: even say a job, because every job can impact people.

587
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 1: But so I think with the define success, So if

588
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:37,200
Speaker 1: Jessica's reach as a mentor as a person, that would

589
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,240
Speaker 1: give her time up to sit with young women as

590
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:43,720
Speaker 1: they're in there, like like heaviest times. I would love

591
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 1: that for her. Um. Now, if we're talking monetary, if

592
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,680
Speaker 1: if my spouse is making more money than me, or

593
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 1: if she is more well known than me and more

594
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 1: more high up in her career, I would hope I

595
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:59,240
Speaker 1: would love her enough to actually I think I'd be

596
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 1: super attracted to it. I think I could be her

597
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 1: biggest fan. I think I would literally be like in

598
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: awe that a woman that is is that driven, that focused,

599
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 1: that passionate would want her to spend her downtime with

600
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 1: somebody like me. So you think it's a turn on

601
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 1: instead of something that's wow? Alright, Dmitri, what you got Listen,

602
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 1: my wife is extremely successful. I mean, there's no question

603
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 1: about it. There's nothing for me. It's not a masculate if.

604
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 1: If you've got a problem with the fact that your

605
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 1: spouse is is more successful or making more money, listen,

606
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 1: it's it's our money. It's great, like work together, back

607
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: to your thing, same team, same team, buddy there now

608
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 1: it's now it's same team. Hey when it's argument, but

609
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 1: it's like, no, my wife is extremely successful, and there's

610
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 1: not one part of me that's like, oh, I wish

611
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 1: I was more successful. I want to be equally successful

612
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 1: like or I excuse me. I want to be successful

613
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 1: in my own right. Like I don't want to be

614
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 1: like hanging on her coattails type of thing, like I

615
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,240
Speaker 1: would not work and just hang out at home. But

616
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,280
Speaker 1: there's no part of me that's ever like, oh, like

617
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 1: it's embarrassing that she makes more money than me. I

618
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:07,239
Speaker 1: think it's fantastic that we're that we're doing things and

619
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: we're and and I mean, she's brilliant if she's being

620
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 1: rewarded for it, I have no problem with that. Rick,

621
00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 1: What do you think, buddy? I think it's I mean,

622
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 1: this is it's not really about the money. But the

623
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 1: reality is it is about the money, and and it's

624
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 1: about people feeling that way when somebody is making more

625
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 1: money than the other person. And I think whether it's

626
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 1: the wife or the husband, either one could feel emasculated,

627
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 1: you know, And I don't think it's about so what

628
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 1: about you? Would she feel emasculated? I don't. If she

629
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 1: makes more money, drives a nicer car, better career, like

630
00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 1: she's like, would you feel emasculated? No, I would feel

631
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:47,280
Speaker 1: I would. Could you say that? Yeah? Oh, sorry, this

632
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:49,479
Speaker 1: is what I think. Tell me what I think, you guys,

633
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 1: But I just think we're doing such a disservice by

634
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 1: not acknowledging that this is emasculating. It makes me crazy.

635
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 1: I do not for keep being the exception to what

636
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 1: the rest of the world is because I've experienced it.

637
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 1: So do you know how do you know you haven't

638
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 1: experienced it with that bizarre little Listen, here's the thing.

639
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 1: If I had if I couldn't get a job and

640
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 1: I was and I felt like worthless and my wife

641
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: was making Yes, maybe in that situation, but my situation,

642
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 1: I'm saying, I am. I don't have a problem with

643
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 1: her making a lot of money if I could not

644
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 1: get a job and I felt like and everyone looked

645
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 1: at me like, look at this guy, she's supporting it.

646
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 1: You didn't say that because that's not my situation. Yeah,

647
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:33,680
Speaker 1: I agree with trying to speak broader terms here, but

648
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 1: for other people. But the culprit I think here because

649
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 1: here's a unique thing that you as you said that, Amy,

650
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 1: and and I don't think any of my married friends

651
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 1: that are men make more money than their spouses because

652
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: a lot of my friends and just because of where

653
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 1: life's taken them, and a ton of things are like

654
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 1: in like working for the church, or you know, like

655
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 1: in like missions, working for ancient like humanian hop like

656
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 1: the nonprofits and stuff, or like working for generous that

657
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 1: you know, I don't get paid from that. That's my

658
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 1: full time job outside his podcast. Luckily, that is my

659
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 1: source of income. I think that the variable that is

660
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 1: speaking to is it's not if your partner is making more,

661
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 1: it's where is your worth being held. If you can't

662
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 1: find a job and I'm at home feeling so inadequate

663
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:23,959
Speaker 1: to do anything of value, then yes, I would be

664
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 1: incredibly like weak in my and and and like to

665
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 1: feel completely demascuated. But but it's not because my spouse

666
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 1: is thriving. It's because that's a big hanging. And I

667
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 1: think the other thing is if your spouse is the

668
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:43,440
Speaker 1: one that's bringing in all the dough and doing being

669
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 1: successful and they're not allowing that space for they're not

670
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 1: letting you into that space of success, not from a

671
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 1: money standpoint, but coming back home and being like, Hey,

672
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 1: we're gonna engage in our life now. This is where

673
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 1: we are. Instead they're like, oh, I'm hopping on a

674
00:32:56,840 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 1: private plan to go to Salt Lake to go, you know, speak,

675
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 1: get this conference, and yeah we'll chat later. Like I

676
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 1: think that's where it becomes emasculating, where it's like, you

677
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 1: know what, screw you? Like you right, Yeah, you touched

678
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 1: on something there, Rick. I think I think if I

679
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:20,520
Speaker 1: actually firmly believe, if the woman is still so supportive

680
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:22,240
Speaker 1: of the man, Let's say I'm a school teacher and

681
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:24,720
Speaker 1: my dream is to be a school teacher. That's the

682
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 1: greatest thing i could accomplish in my life. What I'm

683
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 1: gonna max I'm gonna max out my earnings that maybe

684
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 1: my dad was a school teacher became a principal, But like,

685
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 1: if you get to six figures, that's unbelievable. It's gonna

686
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 1: take you thirty years to get there. You all just

687
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,200
Speaker 1: made it about them. You made it about the money. Again,

688
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:45,000
Speaker 1: if you're the successful that's what this woman is asking about,

689
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 1: successful school teacher, then you've achieved success in your field.

690
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:55,239
Speaker 1: So that wouldn't be emasculating because you're the success in

691
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 1: that field, you know. So I think that's a different conversation.

692
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 1: But also if she supportive of the man and what

693
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: he's doing, would not would help a man not feel

694
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:10,680
Speaker 1: emasculated if he were. If if she made ten million

695
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:13,640
Speaker 1: bucks and he made fifty grand, but she loved him

696
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 1: and supported him in his mission. If she makes yeah,

697
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:20,239
Speaker 1: if she says like what Rick said, like hell yeah,

698
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,960
Speaker 1: you're gonna feel emasculated, that's going to cause resentment. You're done.

699
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 1: But if she supports him in his mission, like in

700
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 1: my mission right now, my life is different. I used

701
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 1: to make money playing hockey. Now I'm not, like my

702
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:36,799
Speaker 1: wife is greatly out earning me, but she been with

703
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,000
Speaker 1: this podcast. He doesn't even make any money on the

704
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 1: podcast in the same respect. And sorry I'm talking. I

705
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,239
Speaker 1: try not to talk this episode. To all y'all with

706
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:51,520
Speaker 1: your letters and keep them coming. It's fine. But here's

707
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 1: the thing. I think it's important too. If the woman

708
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:59,040
Speaker 1: is successful, to make her feel feminine, you know what

709
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 1: I mean, Like in this man should make her yes,

710
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:06,239
Speaker 1: because if she's working all day and that makes you

711
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:10,319
Speaker 1: feel sort of one way that just like you want

712
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 1: the woman to be supportive of you, I think the

713
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:15,319
Speaker 1: man should also be supportive, even in a different way,

714
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 1: of the woman who's sort of the ball buster and successful.

715
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,320
Speaker 1: A woman doesn't have to be a masculine energy to

716
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:25,319
Speaker 1: be successful. A woman could be successful feminine energy. We

717
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 1: could argue that in a different show, because I we

718
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 1: could argue that. I will tell you this, I truly

719
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:37,040
Speaker 1: believe this. The men that are sitting in this room,

720
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of men out there um

721
00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 1: would be incredibly supportive of a partner of a wife

722
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:48,440
Speaker 1: that is thriving. And I know, I know right now

723
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:52,759
Speaker 1: when Jessica has small victories or big victories, there is

724
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:56,399
Speaker 1: a joy there that I've never felt for any person ever.

725
00:35:56,480 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 1: It's like everything's awesome, like when she thriving and she comes.

726
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,520
Speaker 1: She just did it today. She just called me and like, Ben,

727
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,920
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be able to speak at this conference, uh

728
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 1: and talk to women struggling with eating disorders. This is

729
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 1: what I've dreamed of, she said, this is my dream,

730
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:13,000
Speaker 1: this is what I've always wanted to do, and I'm

731
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,360
Speaker 1: gonna be able to do it. Like my feeling in

732
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:18,760
Speaker 1: that moment was unlike anything I've ever felt before because

733
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 1: I knew how much she wanted it, and I knew

734
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 1: that was her marker of success. Okay, I know people,

735
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:29,719
Speaker 1: I know women who are super successful. Now, the man

736
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:33,720
Speaker 1: might not work hard so I do think that becomes

737
00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 1: where the conversation takes place, that if the guy is

738
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 1: kind of freeloading, for lack of a better way to

739
00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:43,759
Speaker 1: say it, that becomes brutal and they just because she's

740
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 1: not going to respect him at that point, Like she's

741
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,399
Speaker 1: out working and he's freeloading. She's not going to look

742
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 1: at me and be like, oh, look like I don't know.

743
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 1: I think you're right. I think that's the tough part there.

744
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 1: And and it's also like we're not saying that there's

745
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 1: no part of us that feels that, like in my life,

746
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 1: I'm not earning right now, my wife is earning way

747
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 1: more than I am. There is still a part of

748
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:07,000
Speaker 1: you that is like, yeah, like I am so happy,

749
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 1: as as Ben said, love that she's thriving because I'm

750
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,680
Speaker 1: a part of that. I'm a part of her success.

751
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,359
Speaker 1: Absolutely love that. But yeah, there's still a part of

752
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 1: you that doesn't compare yourself to her but uses that

753
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 1: as motivation like damn, I want to I want to

754
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 1: level up to Like is emasculating for you all? Then

755
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,359
Speaker 1: what is something that a woman does that makes you

756
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:33,480
Speaker 1: feel that question? That's the question. So, um, I can

757
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 1: answer this. So let's take the same scenario and what's

758
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 1: been mentioned, but I think it needs to be sat

759
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 1: on for a second. Is if she was thriving and

760
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:44,280
Speaker 1: it comes back home and there is this like these

761
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 1: passive aggressive comments, are these jabs making me feel less

762
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:52,760
Speaker 1: than there's there's nobody that could make me feel less

763
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:56,759
Speaker 1: of a man than my partner who'man trusting with my heart,

764
00:37:56,960 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: with my with my identity, with my tears, with my

765
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 1: with my moments that I don't feel super masculine. She

766
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 1: could break me. I know this about anybody I've given

767
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 1: my heart to. She could break me with a word

768
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 1: in a second. So their words, their actions, um could

769
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 1: could make me crawl up. And especially if you're especially

770
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:24,160
Speaker 1: if you're trying freeloading out, take that out of the

771
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 1: equation for a minute. If you're trying and she comes

772
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:28,400
Speaker 1: home and she says, oh, what you want to go

773
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 1: on vacations, Yeah, I'll do that for us, something like that,

774
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,480
Speaker 1: It's like, man, you know i'll do that for I'll

775
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,399
Speaker 1: do that for you. I'll do that first that yes,

776
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:37,720
Speaker 1: I agree with that. That's where it would hurt because

777
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 1: then you're being felt to feel you're you're you're you're

778
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 1: feeling like you're you're not worth it, You're you're you're

779
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:47,759
Speaker 1: less then, and that's when someone's doing that to you.

780
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,640
Speaker 1: That's tough. It's a it's a great question, Amy, I'm

781
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:53,839
Speaker 1: I'm like, don't even have an answer for that. It's

782
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:57,840
Speaker 1: a that's a nuclear question and like a very important question.

783
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 1: How I'm trying to think in my relationship how I

784
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:07,640
Speaker 1: can feel emasculated. I think when guys feel disrespected. I

785
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 1: think when guys when I feel that my efforts, even

786
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:16,359
Speaker 1: though they aren't paying off fruitfully right now, are not

787
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:23,279
Speaker 1: respected and seen, can make me feel emasculated. It's a

788
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:25,879
Speaker 1: really I'm I'm not trying to skirt this. I'm trying

789
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:29,040
Speaker 1: to like dig in and think hard on how I

790
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:31,279
Speaker 1: feel emasculated. But I do agree with Ben that you

791
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 1: somebody that you love, you support, and you just want

792
00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:37,920
Speaker 1: them to win. It's just it's not about you. You

793
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:39,799
Speaker 1: want them to win. But I'm really trying to think

794
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:43,400
Speaker 1: of how I mean, if they feel emasculated with somebody

795
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:45,200
Speaker 1: right in front of you and pretended like you weren't there,

796
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:49,239
Speaker 1: ye would destroy a thousand. I also think, Amy, your

797
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 1: perspective on this, stuff is always interesting to me. And

798
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 1: this is why, Um, there's a reason you get emails

799
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 1: and letters from people who are like Amy doesn't need

800
00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 1: to talk in the podcast, because you are a powerful force,

801
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:03,360
Speaker 1: Like you have grinded and like you have a grit

802
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 1: to you that is unlike many women in this world

803
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,279
Speaker 1: because of what you've been through. I also think you're

804
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:12,160
Speaker 1: playing in a playground full of people from a Los

805
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:16,240
Speaker 1: Angeles who I don't know. I've never dated in Los Angeles,

806
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 1: But like you said, it's always what's better next, what's

807
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,439
Speaker 1: better next, and it's how do I get ahead? It's

808
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 1: it's a very very selfish dating culture from anybody I

809
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:28,800
Speaker 1: talked to. Now, there's some some some really great people

810
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 1: out there, but they aren't everywhere. What you would need

811
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:34,960
Speaker 1: is a man to come beside you and say, Amy,

812
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:38,359
Speaker 1: I love everything about your success. I love everything you've

813
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:42,000
Speaker 1: done to this point, everything you've built, everything, every opinion

814
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:44,640
Speaker 1: you have, every strong opinion you have, and I'm just

815
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 1: here to tell you this. I want to be your

816
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 1: partner and walking through this with you. I don't think

817
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,960
Speaker 1: you've ever had that, and it makes sense on why

818
00:40:53,000 --> 00:41:01,799
Speaker 1: you don't see it. Damn, He's good yeah, it's true.

819
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,200
Speaker 1: By the way, it's the perspective of somebody that says,

820
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: I've been through ship. I've seen it. I've been hurt

821
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 1: too many times. I see everybody falls short. I see

822
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:14,239
Speaker 1: when I push harder, they move farther away. And if

823
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:16,560
Speaker 1: you never had somebody put their arm around you and

824
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:20,320
Speaker 1: say you're just doing great and I'm just really happy

825
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:25,360
Speaker 1: to be here, Yeah, then how would you know it exists?

826
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:27,279
Speaker 1: But how would you know what exists? It's not about me,

827
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 1: but would you know it existed? Right? I think there's

828
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:34,400
Speaker 1: a lot to unpack on all both of what Brooks

829
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:39,839
Speaker 1: and Ben are saying, because it becomes super complicated. It's

830
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 1: like Brooks even trying to think of what emasculates him.

831
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 1: It's like you don't remember it until you experience it.

832
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 1: And that's the same thing. It's like, I just have

833
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:53,080
Speaker 1: a gut feeling that there are people out there who

834
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:58,400
Speaker 1: everybody says, no, the woman can be at work and

835
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 1: I'll be Mr. Mom, all good. Well, some some people

836
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,880
Speaker 1: can do that. I know I can't do that. There's

837
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 1: there's some people, but yeah, there's yeah, there's but there's

838
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 1: also that that can happen. I have I have a

839
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:12,839
Speaker 1: member in my family that's a stay at home dad,

840
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:17,799
Speaker 1: so that can happen. But I will say that that's

841
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:20,719
Speaker 1: not for me. Even though my wife is successful, being

842
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:23,319
Speaker 1: the stay at home dad is not for me. It's

843
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 1: and it's not a comparison. It's not I need to

844
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 1: go earn more money. It's just not my life that

845
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 1: I want to live. Like, I hope when we have kids,

846
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 1: I'll love them and whatever, but like, I cannot see

847
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 1: myself being the stay at home Do you think you

848
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:38,319
Speaker 1: could do it? Do you think that you could be

849
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 1: the stay at home dad and not feel emasculated and

850
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 1: your wife is just ball busting out there and making

851
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:48,880
Speaker 1: all the money. Like again, I think it doesn't have

852
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:50,040
Speaker 1: to do with money. I think it has to do

853
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:53,879
Speaker 1: with respect. And when that person, your wife comes home

854
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 1: from ball busting and making all the money or whatever

855
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 1: and respects you the same and takes pride and is

856
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:01,759
Speaker 1: just as much as work that you've done, whether you

857
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:03,799
Speaker 1: were taking the kids, you were doing the lunches, whether

858
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:06,279
Speaker 1: you're doing the laundry, whatever, that is when you were

859
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 1: at a stay at home dad, and you get the

860
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 1: same amount of respect as that person who's out doing

861
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,839
Speaker 1: whatever maybe it's earning the money side of it, then

862
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 1: it's okay. I don't I would not feel that way.

863
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,400
Speaker 1: I feel like if they came home and they were

864
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:21,919
Speaker 1: like like Dmitri saying like, well, well, well yeah, I'll

865
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,680
Speaker 1: take the family to Hawaii today, you know, or like

866
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 1: once they do that and turn that switch on, then

867
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:30,799
Speaker 1: it's like okay, no, thanks, like all good, by the way,

868
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,359
Speaker 1: this isn't what two things. I am kind of living

869
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:35,399
Speaker 1: that life right now because my wife has a full

870
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,160
Speaker 1: time job, so she works all day long. My schedule

871
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:40,840
Speaker 1: is way more flexible, so I do pack the launches

872
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:42,839
Speaker 1: and I do take the kids to school. And there

873
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:44,320
Speaker 1: is that moment when you get to school and you

874
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 1: and people looking like, oh, maybe he's not working. She's working.

875
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:49,839
Speaker 1: It's like, but whatever, I am working. It's just that

876
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:52,279
Speaker 1: that I I have the ability to do that as well.

877
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:55,720
Speaker 1: So whatever. But the other thing is, here's a question.

878
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:59,280
Speaker 1: How come you know when people say, oh, a mom

879
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 1: is like a CEO job, right, so when they say

880
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 1: stay at home mom, it's like a CEO job. It's

881
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 1: the busiest job there is. That doesn't mean she's not working.

882
00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 1: But when a guy does it, it's looked upon as

883
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:13,760
Speaker 1: like he doesn't have a job. Yeah, he's a failure.

884
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:15,719
Speaker 1: Well that's what I was going to ask you. So

885
00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: even though you'd be okay with it, and your wife

886
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:20,719
Speaker 1: would be okay with it, what how are you going

887
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:24,280
Speaker 1: to feel when the town the neighbors are like, oh

888
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:29,120
Speaker 1: there's Rick, he doesn't work. I don't know. I don't

889
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:32,439
Speaker 1: have any neighbors. Yes you do. How would you feel?

890
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: Do you think that that would bother you? It's a

891
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:41,239
Speaker 1: great question. It would bother anybody. But it doesn't mean

892
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:43,120
Speaker 1: it has to change. But yeah, it would bother you.

893
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 1: I think there's also men have a lot of pride,

894
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 1: not saying women don't, but speaking for men, men have

895
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:50,719
Speaker 1: a tremendous amount of pride. What becomes interesting because that's

896
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:53,640
Speaker 1: how women probably feel when the neighbors say, oh, she

897
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 1: doesn't work, she stays home, they probably feel like, screw you.

898
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:01,839
Speaker 1: It's gnarly. Here mark it up here. I think here

899
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:04,359
Speaker 1: is why are we? Why are we dismissing the value

900
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:08,319
Speaker 1: of a mom? What about the also dismissing the value

901
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:13,080
Speaker 1: of a debt? Next one? And I'll be quiet now,

902
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:15,160
Speaker 1: and I want to say I want to say to

903
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:17,880
Speaker 1: our listeners don't tell Amy not to speak because she

904
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 1: had You had a tremendous amount of value, And that

905
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:21,479
Speaker 1: pisses me off when people read so nice. I tried

906
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:23,080
Speaker 1: not to talk today because I know next week I'm

907
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:25,240
Speaker 1: gonna really want to talk a lot. So just be ready.

908
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:27,880
Speaker 1: By the way, just to go back to earlier in

909
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:29,839
Speaker 1: the podcast, when Amy and I got heated a few

910
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 1: minutes ago, there was no one part of me that

911
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:34,560
Speaker 1: was about to be like Amy, same team. I couldn't.

912
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:36,680
Speaker 1: My buddy was at close to being able to do that.

913
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:40,640
Speaker 1: Just well, I just want you to market research. That's

914
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:42,800
Speaker 1: all right, brother. The other thing we already we already

915
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:45,200
Speaker 1: passed it. But like, there's the stay at home mom

916
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:47,640
Speaker 1: that makes the lunch, wakes the kids up, does the laundry,

917
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,080
Speaker 1: drops the kids off, and then she goes to the

918
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,360
Speaker 1: country clubs and plays tennis and eats lunch and drinks

919
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 1: wine until three o'clock and then rolls backs and takes

920
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,480
Speaker 1: a nap and then goes and picks him up at

921
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:58,759
Speaker 1: four o'clock. So what the hell do you call that? Well,

922
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:02,160
Speaker 1: you're gonna get roasted. I some moms out there, all right,

923
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 1: we gotta take one more break. We'll be back. Man.

924
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 1: Those are awesome, Ben. I appreciate you hanging out and

925
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:17,560
Speaker 1: those are some tough questions, man, The tough questions are

926
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:18,800
Speaker 1: the best part. Man. Thanks for let me be a

927
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 1: part of this. And I think this podcast is doing

928
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:23,359
Speaker 1: and we'll do great things for a lot of people.

929
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:25,279
Speaker 1: We're trying to, man, we try and dig in deep.

930
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:27,760
Speaker 1: And now we have some guests with us. The reason

931
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,520
Speaker 1: we're here is because they have a new app Scene Dating,

932
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:32,920
Speaker 1: that put us here. We have some guests, Joe and

933
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:39,560
Speaker 1: Kendall in the house. Hey, Patrick, part of bachel Like,

934
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:40,799
Speaker 1: I kind of want to be part of it. No,

935
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:42,520
Speaker 1: I don't want to be part of Bachelor because I

936
00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:48,319
Speaker 1: mean i'd be. I don't want to. Like, I've met

937
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 1: so many awesome people that are part of the Bachelor family.

938
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:54,280
Speaker 1: And I watched the show. My wife sometimes hosts Batchelor

939
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:56,759
Speaker 1: viewing parties, so we watched the show and Joe, we

940
00:46:56,840 --> 00:47:00,920
Speaker 1: watched you on Dancing with the Stars. How is that? Um?

941
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 1: It was. It was a rough experience, but it was

942
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:07,320
Speaker 1: wonderful at the same time. I wasn't the best dancer,

943
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:11,839
Speaker 1: but I grew, you know, And I say this like,

944
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 1: I'm I'm professionally trained now, so when I go anywhere,

945
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 1: I'm probably the best dancer anybody else. Is your wife

946
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:24,399
Speaker 1: working on the show at that point? No, I think

947
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:27,960
Speaker 1: she was. But my my brother in law's girlfriend, Haley,

948
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 1: he was on the show. Yeah, Um so yeah, I

949
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:33,440
Speaker 1: would love to try that though. I've wanted to dance,

950
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:36,439
Speaker 1: like I actually bought a dance DVD before I even

951
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:38,240
Speaker 1: met my wife to try and learn how to dance.

952
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:41,880
Speaker 1: Now we've been together six years and I still haven't competition.

953
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:44,239
Speaker 1: Joe might have to teach me tonight. No, she hasn't

954
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:46,439
Speaker 1: teached even for our wedding. I didn't even get taught

955
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:49,359
Speaker 1: dance for our wedding. So I mean you you don't

956
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 1: know how to dance. I don't, brother, I don't know

957
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:55,319
Speaker 1: how to dance. Join the club. Let's talk about your

958
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,759
Speaker 1: new dating app because a lot of our community, we

959
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:00,200
Speaker 1: get a lot of right Tori, we get a lot

960
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 1: of dating questions. Our community wants to know about dating.

961
00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:06,480
Speaker 1: So you guys have a new dating app called Scene Dating.

962
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:09,799
Speaker 1: About this? Yeah, so Seene dating is um pretty much

963
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:12,640
Speaker 1: transparent dating. And what I mean by that is that

964
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:15,480
Speaker 1: all of your messages and all of your video chats

965
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:17,600
Speaker 1: that you have with people on the app are actually

966
00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 1: public for everybody to view that's using the app. Whoaha,

967
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:29,920
Speaker 1: So if yeah, if you guys say, you guys are

968
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 1: just like you're on the app for the first time,

969
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:36,000
Speaker 1: you guys would have a conversation on video and Ben

970
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:38,319
Speaker 1: and I can tune in. Oh yeah, so anybody on

971
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:41,799
Speaker 1: the app can see everyone else's conversations. And um, what

972
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:45,440
Speaker 1: we've found is that the more public conversations are, the

973
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:48,960
Speaker 1: more people are there for the quote unquote right reasons.

974
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:54,360
Speaker 1: So there's no ghosting, there's no uh, unsightly pictures that

975
00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 1: are sent. Um. I mean, and Joe and I have

976
00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:58,839
Speaker 1: had a lot of experience, and a lot of people

977
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 1: in the Bachelor world have had a lot of experience

978
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:04,360
Speaker 1: with public dating and dating that other people can see. Um,

979
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 1: And for us, I just felt like it was being

980
00:49:07,719 --> 00:49:09,800
Speaker 1: transparent and how we are dating it. I think it

981
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 1: just helped our relationships so much with the honesty part

982
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:16,000
Speaker 1: of it. In transparency, Yeah, I agree. And it's an

983
00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 1: app for people that actually want to meet someone seriously

984
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 1: and want to date seriously, opposed to randomly hooking up

985
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:28,879
Speaker 1: or just putting yourself out there and wanting to get

986
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:32,000
Speaker 1: followers or whatever. This is for people that aren't scared

987
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 1: to show who they are, you know, and they're not

988
00:49:35,719 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 1: trying to hide behind the fake profile or catfish or

989
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:43,399
Speaker 1: whatever you call it these days. But let's say let's

990
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 1: say I'm watching a date and I like the girl.

991
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 1: Can I somehow get in touch with her or say like, hey,

992
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:52,840
Speaker 1: get rid of this guy? Come talk to me, Like,

993
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:54,600
Speaker 1: how does that happen? Um? I mean definitely. I mean

994
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:56,600
Speaker 1: as long as you're still on the app. I mean

995
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 1: you have to be polite. You can't intrude in the

996
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,719
Speaker 1: middle of the house. All is fair in love and war,

997
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 1: so you know, you gotta get the person you're meant

998
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:07,040
Speaker 1: to be with. But um, the cool thing is that

999
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,640
Speaker 1: they have the swiping element to it. So just like

1000
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:12,680
Speaker 1: a traditional dating um dating app you can swipe, but

1001
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,800
Speaker 1: also you can see other people's profiles, like anyone's profiles.

1002
00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:18,840
Speaker 1: So even if you're a girl, private profile, yeah, no

1003
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 1: private profile. So even if you're a girl looking for

1004
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 1: a guy, you can still see other girl profiles, create

1005
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:26,759
Speaker 1: friendships with the other girls in the app. Um, and

1006
00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:29,160
Speaker 1: uh yeah, talk to pretty much anybody. What do you

1007
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: all see? Is the downside? To this form because I'm

1008
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 1: I'm reading this and this is also my brain. I

1009
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 1: typically get really excited about like kind of far out

1010
00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:40,200
Speaker 1: their ideas that could actually work, and I can see

1011
00:50:40,239 --> 00:50:42,680
Speaker 1: where this could work right. It eliminates a lot of

1012
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:47,280
Speaker 1: the things that are issues in dating today, the ghosting, um,

1013
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:52,960
Speaker 1: the kind of aggressive pictures and and comments and stuff.

1014
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:57,360
Speaker 1: What are the downsides to this? I mean, well, I

1015
00:50:57,360 --> 00:51:02,879
Speaker 1: think it's you know, I'm naturally a shy person, so

1016
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:05,640
Speaker 1: I think it's trying to over It's it's overcoming that

1017
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:09,359
Speaker 1: right because you're going to have a conversation and other

1018
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:13,320
Speaker 1: people are going to see it. But once you break

1019
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:18,279
Speaker 1: that barrier, then it's it's free. I mean, that's what

1020
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 1: The Bachelor did for me, you know, because I was

1021
00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:23,280
Speaker 1: shy and it was hard, but once I was actually

1022
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:26,520
Speaker 1: out there for the public to see, it was like, oh,

1023
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:29,920
Speaker 1: this isn't a big deal to find strength and vulnerability.

1024
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 1: So I feel like, I mean, at least for Joe's

1025
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 1: and my relationship, this is now the longest relationship I've

1026
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:39,439
Speaker 1: ever had, and I feel like that has a large

1027
00:51:39,480 --> 00:51:41,319
Speaker 1: part of that has to do with the fact that

1028
00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:44,000
Speaker 1: it was so public and I was forced to be

1029
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:47,480
Speaker 1: so honest and up front of my feelings so quickly. Um,

1030
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:50,200
Speaker 1: and you know, I don't know. I feel like it

1031
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:53,200
Speaker 1: was just such a good way to start a relationship

1032
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:56,279
Speaker 1: with complete transparency. Was that a problem for you in

1033
00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:57,840
Speaker 1: the past you weren't able to do so or you

1034
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 1: weren't able to open up for I think the only

1035
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:03,560
Speaker 1: person wasn't. I definitely have used other dating apps before,

1036
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:09,719
Speaker 1: and um, there's the whole I mean. But the thing is,

1037
00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:13,520
Speaker 1: you get so I feel he caught up in the

1038
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:15,799
Speaker 1: next best thing and what's shiny and what's new, and

1039
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:17,960
Speaker 1: you don't really put a lot of attention or focus

1040
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:20,560
Speaker 1: a lot of energy towards the relationships that you already have,

1041
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 1: and so um, by having it being public, I felt

1042
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:28,640
Speaker 1: like it was something that I wanted to put more

1043
00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:31,360
Speaker 1: attention towards because there were people that were watching and

1044
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 1: learning from my experiences. So, um, I was just very aware.

1045
00:52:35,320 --> 00:52:37,000
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, well, I can't mess this up.

1046
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,520
Speaker 1: I have to you know, go completely true and honest

1047
00:52:39,560 --> 00:52:42,360
Speaker 1: with it. So some of the lessons from your relationship

1048
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:46,759
Speaker 1: are laced into the fabric. Yeah. In developing it, I

1049
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 1: think we saw the benefit of our relationship being so

1050
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:52,320
Speaker 1: public and we wanted to bring that to a broader audience.

1051
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 1: I see just how powerful, UH this app could be,

1052
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:01,440
Speaker 1: and I also get where you're coming from, Joe. For

1053
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:04,000
Speaker 1: the shy people out there, this might help hold them back,

1054
00:53:04,040 --> 00:53:07,160
Speaker 1: But what this will do is eliminate, um, the jerks

1055
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:09,080
Speaker 1: of the world on both sides. I think that the

1056
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:12,720
Speaker 1: people who aren't in it for the right reasons will

1057
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:17,280
Speaker 1: stay away because they can't hide here. Vulnerability opens people

1058
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:20,280
Speaker 1: up to a whole new world that's never been used to. UM.

1059
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:22,279
Speaker 1: It's listed here and I need to I want to

1060
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:23,400
Speaker 1: make sure to say because I think this is an

1061
00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 1: awesome idea. UM hashtag real connections UH to to follow

1062
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:32,440
Speaker 1: UH the datas around and UH and see what kind

1063
00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:34,840
Speaker 1: of connections are being made. So make sure, if you're interested,

1064
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:39,040
Speaker 1: you you look up the hashtag real connections UM on

1065
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:41,040
Speaker 1: on Twitter and Instagram. So I have a I have

1066
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:44,680
Speaker 1: a Tori, our producer, Tori here smiling. We have your

1067
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:50,560
Speaker 1: newest app. Remember Mr Gavin DeGraw, So my co host

1068
00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:54,359
Speaker 1: that is not here today, Mr Gavin DeGraw. We're gonna

1069
00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:57,759
Speaker 1: sign Gavin up. We are gonna sign Gavin up for

1070
00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 1: Seene Dating. So walk us through this. I signed Gavin up.

1071
00:54:01,160 --> 00:54:02,560
Speaker 1: He doesn't know this, He's just going to get a

1072
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:05,640
Speaker 1: notification later the buddy I signed you up for some dating. Um,

1073
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:08,279
Speaker 1: I signed Gavin up. What happens now? He has to

1074
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:11,640
Speaker 1: create a profile? Can you walk us through Gavin's journey here? Yeah,

1075
00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:13,879
Speaker 1: it's very much like a traditional profile. So you put

1076
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:16,440
Speaker 1: your pictures down, you put a bio down, UM, And

1077
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:18,839
Speaker 1: I think the real meat of the profile is really

1078
00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:20,759
Speaker 1: when you start having conversations with other people that are

1079
00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:23,399
Speaker 1: on the app. So how does that start? So? UM

1080
00:54:23,440 --> 00:54:26,279
Speaker 1: you can match with people or you can reach out

1081
00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:29,080
Speaker 1: to people that you see on the on the app,

1082
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:31,319
Speaker 1: so I have to be say, I'm like, do I

1083
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:34,400
Speaker 1: scroll through people in my area? Do I? Yeah? There's

1084
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:38,600
Speaker 1: so right now it's only in Los Angeles. Anybody in

1085
00:54:38,640 --> 00:54:41,880
Speaker 1: the country or I think the world can watch it,

1086
00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:44,880
Speaker 1: but you can only participate if you're in Okay, l A.

1087
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:47,640
Speaker 1: And then you have too Now it is spreading to

1088
00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:52,240
Speaker 1: other cities as of now. But you can um swipe

1089
00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:56,320
Speaker 1: as the same thing as a traditional apps or swiping

1090
00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 1: means like I like like I want to connect with someone,

1091
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 1: or you can just request and then if your request

1092
00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:06,320
Speaker 1: is accepted, then you can start a conversation, got you okay? Yeah? Wow.

1093
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:08,640
Speaker 1: So it's like real dating. I mean I almost feel

1094
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:11,280
Speaker 1: like it's closer to the real world than other apps.

1095
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:14,719
Speaker 1: So what happens, Um, If I have too much to

1096
00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:18,120
Speaker 1: drink and I say something one night that I regret,

1097
00:55:18,239 --> 00:55:21,080
Speaker 1: you know, I've gone too far, I've loosened up too much.

1098
00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:23,160
Speaker 1: I wake up the next morning, I go, oh, no,

1099
00:55:23,800 --> 00:55:27,440
Speaker 1: I've ruined myself. Can I is it just out there

1100
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:31,279
Speaker 1: for everybody's We've been there, We've all we've all done that,

1101
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:35,200
Speaker 1: and you have the option to remove that. But then

1102
00:55:35,360 --> 00:55:38,759
Speaker 1: that's going to be like on your record, So people

1103
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:41,120
Speaker 1: are going to say, oh, if you do that, do

1104
00:55:41,120 --> 00:55:42,640
Speaker 1: it once, it's not a big deal. But if you

1105
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:44,680
Speaker 1: do it multiple times and people are like, oh, this

1106
00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:49,880
Speaker 1: guy has pulled down conversations and multiple videos, that's that's

1107
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:51,520
Speaker 1: a red flag. So I don't know if I actually

1108
00:55:51,560 --> 00:55:54,160
Speaker 1: take this person serious. So there's a record of how

1109
00:55:54,200 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 1: many conversations I have had Candy conversations within thirty days.

1110
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 1: So it's very much like a story you would have

1111
00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:06,120
Speaker 1: on Instagram. Um, it just shows the recent conversations you've had,

1112
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:09,279
Speaker 1: including the video chats, and then they'll automatically delete as

1113
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:12,240
Speaker 1: time passes. Okay, so then let's say I like a girl,

1114
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:14,560
Speaker 1: she likes me back or something. I can go on

1115
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 1: and watch her previous conversations. You kind of get a

1116
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:20,360
Speaker 1: vibe for how she is and how she interacts with people. Wow,

1117
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:22,839
Speaker 1: and if you're like, oh, you know she's attractive, I'm

1118
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:25,439
Speaker 1: mentor I like you yeah, or oh I actually don't

1119
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:28,840
Speaker 1: like her personality, or yeah, I don't need to connect

1120
00:56:28,880 --> 00:56:33,080
Speaker 1: with her, move to somebody is fascinating. And I like

1121
00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:35,600
Speaker 1: the idea of not being able to hide that you're

1122
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:39,359
Speaker 1: talking to multiple people, you know, because I think that

1123
00:56:39,520 --> 00:56:41,120
Speaker 1: it's easy for people to get caught up and have

1124
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:44,680
Speaker 1: multiple conversations with multiple different people. You're spreading yourself too thin,

1125
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:48,040
Speaker 1: and I think there's a lot of uh, there's a

1126
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 1: lot of bath that can come from that. I think

1127
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,320
Speaker 1: really focusing on certain people they really see a connection

1128
00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:55,680
Speaker 1: with um is the best way to go about relationships,

1129
00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 1: at least personally speaking from my experience. Why are you

1130
00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:03,319
Speaker 1: all involved? You're together, you're not dating any longer. What

1131
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:05,319
Speaker 1: what makes you want to get involved in the dating app?

1132
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:08,080
Speaker 1: So Mike came to us with the initial idea and

1133
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:11,640
Speaker 1: his initial idea was to create a reality TV show

1134
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:14,399
Speaker 1: out of the app, and so, I mean, I thought

1135
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:16,480
Speaker 1: it was really intriguing. But I felt like with Joe's

1136
00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:19,479
Speaker 1: and my experience being a couple that has found love

1137
00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:24,360
Speaker 1: publicly on the Professional Professional Daters UM and also with

1138
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:26,200
Speaker 1: a new podcast that I have where I match people

1139
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:30,680
Speaker 1: up on Down to Date UM, I felt like we UM,

1140
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:32,560
Speaker 1: we had an experience. I mean, at least I personally

1141
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:35,800
Speaker 1: had an experience with public dating and the effect that

1142
00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:38,320
Speaker 1: had on people in the positivity that it had. So

1143
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:41,120
Speaker 1: we worked with Mike to create an app that would

1144
00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:44,320
Speaker 1: allow people to have the same experience. I like it

1145
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 1: because it's scary, you know, you hear it and you're like,

1146
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:50,360
Speaker 1: I don't know if I would feel comfortable doing that.

1147
00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:52,600
Speaker 1: And that was the first time in my life where

1148
00:57:52,680 --> 00:57:55,040
Speaker 1: everything kind of worked out. Is when I stepped out

1149
00:57:55,080 --> 00:57:56,840
Speaker 1: of my comfort zone. Life begins at the edge of

1150
00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:59,760
Speaker 1: your comfort zone. So it was like tagline, right, question

1151
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:02,800
Speaker 1: there is that is it ever too intrusive? Does it

1152
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:05,200
Speaker 1: go too far? Is it because I get you're trying

1153
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:06,640
Speaker 1: to get people to open up, but is it ever

1154
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:09,400
Speaker 1: does because it's such a public forum, does it push

1155
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:12,919
Speaker 1: it too far? Well? Once you once you actually meet

1156
00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:16,440
Speaker 1: someone you like, you could take the conversation off of that,

1157
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:19,240
Speaker 1: like you don't have to you can have private conversation.

1158
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 1: So you can choose private conversations, exchange phone numbers, or

1159
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:24,480
Speaker 1: meet up in person. Not everyone can see your phone

1160
00:58:24,560 --> 00:58:27,880
Speaker 1: number or your address. Um, so it's just the initial

1161
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:30,040
Speaker 1: meet up. It's more of a way to show that

1162
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:33,480
Speaker 1: you're serious, like you're in this to actually meet someone

1163
00:58:33,640 --> 00:58:38,360
Speaker 1: or to date for real. Can you can you message somebody?

1164
00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:40,880
Speaker 1: Is it only video chat that you can do? It's

1165
00:58:40,920 --> 00:58:43,920
Speaker 1: mea video message? Okay, So if if you just you know,

1166
00:58:44,040 --> 00:58:46,840
Speaker 1: you don't feel comfortable at first jumping on camera video

1167
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:49,080
Speaker 1: or whatever, you could just message each other and then

1168
00:58:49,120 --> 00:58:51,640
Speaker 1: be like willing to accept the video chat. I look

1169
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:54,560
Speaker 1: like you. I'd be video chatting everybody that I ever

1170
00:58:54,640 --> 00:58:58,360
Speaker 1: wanted to right back at you. I encourage video chatting.

1171
00:58:58,800 --> 00:59:00,800
Speaker 1: I always feel like the bravest thing to do is

1172
00:59:00,840 --> 00:59:04,400
Speaker 1: to FaceTime somebody when you first match with them on

1173
00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:08,400
Speaker 1: a dating app, because you get to see like the true, genuine, unfiltered,

1174
00:59:08,720 --> 00:59:11,600
Speaker 1: unedited version of the person, a bunch of friends saying

1175
00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:13,120
Speaker 1: what should I say back? Which I do? You know,

1176
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:15,920
Speaker 1: it's like breaking the ice. I like that, Candle. I

1177
00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:18,520
Speaker 1: agree with that. I FaceTime probably eight out of ten

1178
00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:21,240
Speaker 1: phone calls or FaceTime for me, just friends or people what.

1179
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:24,480
Speaker 1: I love FaceTime, But I also think there is something

1180
00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:30,240
Speaker 1: to putting yourself being vulnerable, lowering your weapons on a

1181
00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:33,000
Speaker 1: FaceTime like you can see someone, you can be like,

1182
00:59:33,240 --> 00:59:35,880
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm just calling you. I just wanted

1183
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:38,880
Speaker 1: to say hi, and I don't have any lines. It's

1184
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,760
Speaker 1: I think it kind of lowers the weapons um and

1185
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:45,120
Speaker 1: makes people more vulnerable and almost more engaging in what

1186
00:59:45,200 --> 00:59:48,880
Speaker 1: people deemed to be a somewhat awkward way, but it's

1187
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:51,160
Speaker 1: actually a truthful way of like we're actually having a

1188
00:59:51,200 --> 00:59:53,480
Speaker 1: real conversation, and you know, what are you doing. I

1189
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:56,080
Speaker 1: don't show me where you're what's your apartment? Look, we're

1190
00:59:56,080 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 1: giving some of your attention, which does not something that's

1191
01:00:00,800 --> 01:00:03,800
Speaker 1: very common. It's more of the traditional way to actually

1192
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:05,920
Speaker 1: look at it. It's like we're taking technology and now

1193
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:08,600
Speaker 1: we're going back to where there was no phones and

1194
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:10,960
Speaker 1: I used to scream out your window and say, hey,

1195
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:15,520
Speaker 1: you know it's me. I mean I didn't do that,

1196
01:00:15,560 --> 01:00:20,360
Speaker 1: but yeah, I think like Leonardo DiCaprio did, and the

1197
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:23,959
Speaker 1: movie did so is it? So, UM, we're gonna sign Tori.

1198
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:27,280
Speaker 1: We have to sign Gavin up on this thing. My

1199
01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:29,480
Speaker 1: sister is going on it too, Okay, Yeah, so I'm

1200
01:00:29,480 --> 01:00:31,560
Speaker 1: excited my twin sisters going on it. So I'm excited

1201
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:33,560
Speaker 1: to UM to see her experience and kind of tell

1202
01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:36,080
Speaker 1: everyone about how how it is hurt with her going

1203
01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:43,640
Speaker 1: on the scene. Up. No age restrictions on this hed No, yeah,

1204
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:45,560
Speaker 1: yeah that's what I meant. But like, UM, is it

1205
01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:48,479
Speaker 1: a free app? Is a subscription based? It is free,

1206
01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:52,080
Speaker 1: so it's free for people who are viewing it and

1207
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:54,439
Speaker 1: also people who are also dating. Um. You can also

1208
01:00:54,680 --> 01:00:58,200
Speaker 1: pay to have the deluxe version. Yes, yeah, you can

1209
01:00:58,200 --> 01:01:00,120
Speaker 1: pay for the deluxe version. You get more swipes, you

1210
01:01:00,440 --> 01:01:03,480
Speaker 1: have a lot of features. UM with that, so more features,

1211
01:01:03,520 --> 01:01:09,080
Speaker 1: unlock um upgrading the data plus unlock section features. Love it.

1212
01:01:09,720 --> 01:01:12,640
Speaker 1: I'm excited for Gavin. Gavin, my buddy has a tough

1213
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:15,480
Speaker 1: time getting Yeah, Gavin Nagra. I don't know if you've

1214
01:01:15,480 --> 01:01:19,280
Speaker 1: heard of himbody the tough time dating. Uh, you know, Joe,

1215
01:01:19,360 --> 01:01:21,480
Speaker 1: you said something that hits with me. If I was single,

1216
01:01:21,480 --> 01:01:24,280
Speaker 1: i'd definitely been into this app because, uh, if you

1217
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:26,560
Speaker 1: met me six years ago, I'm a different man then

1218
01:01:26,560 --> 01:01:29,560
Speaker 1: than I am today, UM, a lesser version of myself

1219
01:01:29,640 --> 01:01:32,440
Speaker 1: because I put myself out of my comfort zone. I

1220
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 1: did something that was incredibly scary, that made me insanely nervous.

1221
01:01:36,800 --> 01:01:39,360
Speaker 1: I was shaking during most of my time on The

1222
01:01:39,360 --> 01:01:42,800
Speaker 1: Bachelor at But I'm a better man because of it,

1223
01:01:42,880 --> 01:01:44,640
Speaker 1: because it opened my world up to a world I

1224
01:01:44,680 --> 01:01:47,360
Speaker 1: had never known I could first had existed. And also

1225
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:50,480
Speaker 1: that I could even partake in something um and have

1226
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:53,040
Speaker 1: the confidence to do something like a show like that,

1227
01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:55,000
Speaker 1: and probably like an app like this. I think this

1228
01:01:55,080 --> 01:01:57,080
Speaker 1: is awesome. I think this is great. I'm a fan

1229
01:01:57,280 --> 01:02:00,000
Speaker 1: of Scene Dating. I'm a fan of Kindall and Joe.

1230
01:02:00,520 --> 01:02:05,120
Speaker 1: Where where can we download this? End? Yeah? Apple Store,

1231
01:02:05,160 --> 01:02:09,040
Speaker 1: wherever you get your apps from? Okay, Tori, we have

1232
01:02:09,120 --> 01:02:11,960
Speaker 1: to get Gavin on this. Joe and Kendall, I appreciate you, guys.

1233
01:02:12,480 --> 01:02:15,960
Speaker 1: Scene Dating is the next generation dating app for online

1234
01:02:16,040 --> 01:02:19,200
Speaker 1: daters fed up with faked up profiles and time wasters.

1235
01:02:19,720 --> 01:02:22,680
Speaker 1: Scene is the first and only dating experience that offers

1236
01:02:22,720 --> 01:02:27,560
Speaker 1: complete transparency to men and women looking for the perfect match.

1237
01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:29,240
Speaker 1: Joe and Kendall told us so much about this. This

1238
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:32,720
Speaker 1: app is gonna be amazing. Transparent dating means a new,

1239
01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:35,560
Speaker 1: innovative and honest approach to dating, which allows singles who

1240
01:02:35,560 --> 01:02:39,200
Speaker 1: are serious about dating an opportunity to match on human

1241
01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:43,919
Speaker 1: connections and chemistry. Chemistry so important, and that means more

1242
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:47,440
Speaker 1: real connections. So if you're tired of relying on a

1243
01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:51,360
Speaker 1: contrived profile and a set of might look like me

1244
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:54,720
Speaker 1: but probably really does not look like me, pictures scene

1245
01:02:54,760 --> 01:02:58,800
Speaker 1: reveals a potential partner's complete personality in charisma and lets

1246
01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:01,680
Speaker 1: you choose like yourself, be seen and enjoy the safest,

1247
01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:05,720
Speaker 1: most positive and respectful dating environment ever created. Ben, you

1248
01:03:05,760 --> 01:03:10,000
Speaker 1: are the man. Thank you so much. Um and also, guys,

1249
01:03:10,160 --> 01:03:15,240
Speaker 1: can I be like adopted as an honorary bachelor? Yeah,

1250
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:20,080
Speaker 1: we'll give you a rose. Yeah, Okay, download Scene Dating

1251
01:03:20,320 --> 01:03:23,560
Speaker 1: and swipe to again go on a date with Gavin DeGraw.

1252
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:25,920
Speaker 1: That's it for this episode. Joe and Kendall, thank you

1253
01:03:25,960 --> 01:03:29,760
Speaker 1: for coming by. Ben. I appreciate you. My brothers, yes,

1254
01:03:29,800 --> 01:03:31,960
Speaker 1: and I hope we'll come back. Uh and check out

1255
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:35,680
Speaker 1: his podcast Almost Famous. It's I've learned so much from

1256
01:03:35,680 --> 01:03:37,720
Speaker 1: you actually, just from watching you the way you podcast

1257
01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:41,120
Speaker 1: good sir, So I appreciate everything you do. Best luck

1258
01:03:41,200 --> 01:03:44,000
Speaker 1: to you and your beautiful girlfriend, and to all our listeners,

1259
01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:46,360
Speaker 1: take care of one another, love one another, and we'll

1260
01:03:46,360 --> 01:03:47,640
Speaker 1: see you right back here next week.