1
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:07,160
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie. Hey, I'm Samantha and welcome to Stephan.

2
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:09,160
Speaker 1: I never told your production of I Hire Radio's House

3
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:22,960
Speaker 1: AFT works. So we're kind of doing one of our

4
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,880
Speaker 1: we we love an arc around here, like a mini series,

5
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:32,880
Speaker 1: and we're doing one on sexuality. Yes, and lately y'all

6
00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:35,080
Speaker 1: know that I've been struggling to nail down my sexuality,

7
00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:37,400
Speaker 1: which is really fun. As a thirty year old woman,

8
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:41,680
Speaker 1: I gotta say and specifically whether or not I'm a

9
00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:47,720
Speaker 1: sexual and it's it's funny because Peak behind the Curtains.

10
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,000
Speaker 1: We recorded this interview that we're about to play for

11
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,360
Speaker 1: you about a sexuality the same day we did an

12
00:00:55,400 --> 00:01:02,360
Speaker 1: interview about bondage and that goes hand in hand. Yeah. Yeah,

13
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:06,560
Speaker 1: part of this art it is to talk about this.

14
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,840
Speaker 1: We brought in Adua Danzo, who has written about her

15
00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:11,080
Speaker 1: experience of being an ace as it's often shortened to

16
00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:15,200
Speaker 1: in teen Vogue, and she also works on a podcast

17
00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:19,399
Speaker 1: called About South podcast that you should all totally check out.

18
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:24,640
Speaker 1: So let's get right into it. So I am Adua

19
00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,760
Speaker 1: Dance So also known as Joa Dance. So. Um that's

20
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:32,440
Speaker 1: a nickname with the storied history and um, I have

21
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:36,240
Speaker 1: a background in journalistic writing, born and raised in Atlanta.

22
00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:39,000
Speaker 1: Previously worked at Creative Loathing, and I currently work at

23
00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:42,760
Speaker 1: car U s a not the nanny ng and home

24
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:46,200
Speaker 1: care site, but the UH the inventor of the care

25
00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:50,480
Speaker 1: package that currently works to eradicate global poverty by empowering

26
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:55,960
Speaker 1: women and girls. Um, I'm on the social media team there. Yeah. Um.

27
00:01:56,040 --> 00:02:00,200
Speaker 1: And a couple of months ago, we had a friend

28
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:03,640
Speaker 1: of mine, son of Vashi, on to talk about Asian

29
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:07,640
Speaker 1: American identity and afterwards I picked her brain of like

30
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:10,640
Speaker 1: who should I talk to in Atlanta? And she recommended

31
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:15,080
Speaker 1: you for um a couple of things actually, because she said,

32
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:19,080
Speaker 1: you have very funny takes on pop culture, which I

33
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,440
Speaker 1: am intrigued, which I have a lot of a vature.

34
00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:23,519
Speaker 1: I think you and I could banter really well. That

35
00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:25,760
Speaker 1: could be fue but I won't. I won't put that

36
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,680
Speaker 1: there now, but I'm just saying that's a future episode. Yes,

37
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:33,799
Speaker 1: pop culture banter always welcome. But also, um, a sexuality,

38
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:38,000
Speaker 1: which is you You wrote a piece for teen Vogue

39
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:43,040
Speaker 1: about your your experience. Yeah yeah, so, Um, I am

40
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,240
Speaker 1: a sexual and that does not mean that I recreate

41
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:54,839
Speaker 1: or procreate with myself. That would be a popular UM. Basically,

42
00:02:55,080 --> 00:03:00,960
Speaker 1: a sexuals exists outside the standard spectrum of sexuality and

43
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:05,919
Speaker 1: sexual attraction. So we are all taught that, like, you

44
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,560
Speaker 1: are sexually attracted to people, and like that's what you do. UM.

45
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,240
Speaker 1: And I basically had a light bulb moment where I

46
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,760
Speaker 1: was like, wait, but you guys experienced and what I

47
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:17,000
Speaker 1: experienced are not the same thing at all, and it

48
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:20,000
Speaker 1: sent me into a Google spiral. I think I was

49
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,520
Speaker 1: like twenty three when I found out, so I was like, wait, no,

50
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,480
Speaker 1: how did I miss this? UM? I actually had a

51
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,560
Speaker 1: sexual friend when I was a teenager and it did

52
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,720
Speaker 1: not click at all that UM, she and I had

53
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,959
Speaker 1: more in common than other people that I was friends with.

54
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:40,240
Speaker 1: And UM, Basically, there are a lot of people in

55
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,400
Speaker 1: the world who will just look at another person and

56
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,200
Speaker 1: know that they want to have sex with that person.

57
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:48,320
Speaker 1: Maybe after a conversation they know, maybe they like see

58
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,160
Speaker 1: them at the coffee shop every day and they know

59
00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:55,680
Speaker 1: that's not me. I don't feel comfortable saying that I've

60
00:03:55,720 --> 00:04:01,720
Speaker 1: ever had sexual attraction towards someone in the way that

61
00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:06,360
Speaker 1: the majority of people do. UM. So, like, even when

62
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,320
Speaker 1: you like watch TV shows and stuff and you're like, man,

63
00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:11,080
Speaker 1: they started having sex like really fast, like Derek and

64
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,360
Speaker 1: Meredith on Grey's Anatomy One night Stands. I was like,

65
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,840
Speaker 1: I don't understand how you just like have sex with

66
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,960
Speaker 1: somebody like you don't have like questions about them. First, Um,

67
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:24,920
Speaker 1: I've that is not my experience. And um, while there

68
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,800
Speaker 1: are a sexuals who do have things that line up

69
00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:32,440
Speaker 1: with the norm or varied experiences across the spectrum, the

70
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:36,200
Speaker 1: gist is that there are what I call sexual people

71
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,599
Speaker 1: and then there are people who don't experience it in

72
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:44,160
Speaker 1: the same way. And I am under that umbrella. Um,

73
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:49,080
Speaker 1: would you mind expounding more on that that lightbulb moment?

74
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:56,719
Speaker 1: Trying to remember exactly what the moment was. Um. It

75
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,560
Speaker 1: was kind of a series of conversations, but one in

76
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:03,440
Speaker 1: partic killer was with one of my old roommates in college,

77
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:05,880
Speaker 1: where we would just like be up at night talking

78
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,240
Speaker 1: about like relationships and stuff like that. You know, like

79
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:12,040
Speaker 1: when you're like an ambitious young black woman and they're like,

80
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,640
Speaker 1: no people who match your vibe, You're just kind of like, oh,

81
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:20,279
Speaker 1: it'll come later, right. And then I graduated and she

82
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,000
Speaker 1: still lived in the dorm, and she sent me a

83
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,039
Speaker 1: photo of the lgbt Q history month board and the

84
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,800
Speaker 1: definition of a sexuality on that board and was like,

85
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,000
Speaker 1: you might be a sexual l O L. And I

86
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,880
Speaker 1: was like, con I know what a sexuality is, Like,

87
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,039
Speaker 1: that's not me. And then I read the definitions and

88
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:39,720
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that is me, um, And so

89
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:43,200
Speaker 1: I started googling, and like things just started clicking and

90
00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,919
Speaker 1: making sense. And the best analogy that I have for

91
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,719
Speaker 1: like that moment is, uh the spoiler alert episode of

92
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,680
Speaker 1: How I Met Your Mother when Ted's dating a woman

93
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:54,320
Speaker 1: who ends up being like a huge talker and at

94
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,320
Speaker 1: the end she's dating a deaf guy who doesn't notice

95
00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,760
Speaker 1: that she talks a whole lot. But throughout the episode,

96
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,440
Speaker 1: each person in the group like realizes something about somebody

97
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,800
Speaker 1: else in the group and it's like glass shattering place

98
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:07,320
Speaker 1: above their head. And that's like what it felt like

99
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,880
Speaker 1: from me. I was like, no, Like the world is crashing,

100
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,680
Speaker 1: Like how how did I get this far in my

101
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:15,760
Speaker 1: life and never have this kind of knowledge, especially because

102
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:21,320
Speaker 1: I've my primary identity primary and quotation marks, um, I'm black.

103
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,320
Speaker 1: You can like see it, like really clearly, So that's primary.

104
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:29,599
Speaker 1: Um is being queer. Like I identified as bisexual for

105
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:33,279
Speaker 1: several years. I still kind of do depending on the day.

106
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,080
Speaker 1: And um, I was just kind of like shocked that

107
00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:39,680
Speaker 1: like somebody is like in tune and like knowledgeable and

108
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,599
Speaker 1: conscious and like paying attention as I am did not

109
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:48,960
Speaker 1: know this thing. Yeah, and I kind of alluded to

110
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,719
Speaker 1: it in our communications, But as I have done this podcast,

111
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:57,080
Speaker 1: I've had a similar realization. It's it's so fun to

112
00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:01,400
Speaker 1: be researching something, um, And I say on not sarcastically,

113
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:03,800
Speaker 1: but also I don't know if that's the best word,

114
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:09,520
Speaker 1: but to be researching something and to be like, huh oh,

115
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:16,200
Speaker 1: maybe that describes me. Um. And so listeners have had

116
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,040
Speaker 1: the fun time of being with me on this journey

117
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:21,880
Speaker 1: of is an a sexual? I mean, and let's just

118
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,440
Speaker 1: have that conversation, is why do you feel like this

119
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,480
Speaker 1: is something that or a does it feel like? It

120
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:31,560
Speaker 1: kind of was a relief to understand yourself a little

121
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:35,040
Speaker 1: more in that way. Yeah, it definitely flipped my world

122
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:39,320
Speaker 1: upside down, but it was a huge relief. Um. Before

123
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,600
Speaker 1: I learned what asexuality is and that it fit for me,

124
00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,840
Speaker 1: I was like really concerned. I was like, is there

125
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:49,400
Speaker 1: something wrong with me? And I like represhing some childhood

126
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:52,680
Speaker 1: sexual trauma because they're like a reason for why I

127
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:56,880
Speaker 1: haven't um been on the same like wavelength that's my

128
00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:01,000
Speaker 1: peers in terms of relationships and stuff like that. UM.

129
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,800
Speaker 1: And then finding out I was a sexual, I was like,

130
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:06,120
Speaker 1: oh cool, there's my answer. UM. But at the same time,

131
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,880
Speaker 1: there is the part that's like still kind of unknown.

132
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:14,520
Speaker 1: There are a lot of people who don't believe in

133
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,680
Speaker 1: a sexuality or don't think that they would even be

134
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,600
Speaker 1: willing to be in a relationship with an a sexual person,

135
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,160
Speaker 1: And uh, those are the kinds of things where like,

136
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,800
Speaker 1: don't read the comments is like really real, because you

137
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,640
Speaker 1: know what you're going to get in the comments there,

138
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:32,520
Speaker 1: Like after like three or four different comments sections, you're like, Okay,

139
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:36,600
Speaker 1: there's clearly, uh, like line of thought that's connecting all

140
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:38,640
Speaker 1: of these things, and it does not serve me, So

141
00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:41,080
Speaker 1: I should probably just not look at it. Um. But

142
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,880
Speaker 1: I speak in metaphors, So I have a metaphor for this,

143
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,840
Speaker 1: of course, and I've thought about it a lot. Like

144
00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:48,679
Speaker 1: the metaphor that I'm giving here is not the same

145
00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,280
Speaker 1: one that's in my Team Vogue piece and is not

146
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,480
Speaker 1: the same one that was in the first draft, but

147
00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:55,920
Speaker 1: just bear with me. So I'm a huge Top Chef

148
00:08:55,960 --> 00:09:01,400
Speaker 1: fan and Richard Blaze of Top Chef. He opened Flip

149
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,160
Speaker 1: Burger in Atlanta and had wanted to go for years

150
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:07,679
Speaker 1: and watching the show, everybody always like did like their tartars,

151
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,600
Speaker 1: like steak tartar, and he had a steak tartar burger

152
00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,040
Speaker 1: on the menu, and I'm like, cool, I'm going to

153
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:15,439
Speaker 1: go for my birthday. I want the steak tartar burger.

154
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,520
Speaker 1: And I get there and I take a bite and

155
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,800
Speaker 1: it makes me nauseated immediately, and I was like, no,

156
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,600
Speaker 1: I can't enjoy this food that I've always wanted to enjoy.

157
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:27,679
Speaker 1: That is my worst case scenario basically. So it's yet

158
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:32,840
Speaker 1: to be determined, but um, yeah, I can't imagine. Like

159
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:37,040
Speaker 1: I consider myself very like sex positive person. I'm like, uh,

160
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:41,560
Speaker 1: pro like female orgasm, pro like sex toys, whatever you need,

161
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,240
Speaker 1: very anti like, uh, what is it? They say? Uh,

162
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:49,680
Speaker 1: parts not hearts. I feel like that's I don't subscribe

163
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:54,000
Speaker 1: to parts over hearts. Um, and so I feel like

164
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,199
Speaker 1: I need someone to explain it to me. What is this?

165
00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:58,679
Speaker 1: I was so I put like that was going to

166
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:02,240
Speaker 1: be like yeah, but I'm like not hard, I've not

167
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:06,480
Speaker 1: heard this, so It's basically a way of saying, uh,

168
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:10,360
Speaker 1: don't be transphobic in your selection of a partner. Like,

169
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,800
Speaker 1: just because you meet a woman who has a penis

170
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,800
Speaker 1: or a man who has a vagina does not mean that,

171
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:20,479
Speaker 1: like you guys cannot still find sexual satisfaction enjoyment with one. Okay,

172
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:22,640
Speaker 1: that makes more sense. I'm not gonna I have never

173
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:27,080
Speaker 1: heard that expression. Keep going. Um So yeah, I like,

174
00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:31,280
Speaker 1: I feel like this very sex positive person. I tell people, like,

175
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,199
Speaker 1: in my mind I could be Samantha from Sex in

176
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:39,280
Speaker 1: the City, but in reality I'm like the opposite. Um.

177
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:42,120
Speaker 1: And so I hope that like there will be a

178
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:45,120
Speaker 1: world in which people like understand what a sexuality is

179
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:48,960
Speaker 1: and that like there is uh as much as no

180
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:54,360
Speaker 1: means no, which it does, there is flexibility among a

181
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:58,920
Speaker 1: sexual people. So there are a sexuals who form a

182
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:03,360
Speaker 1: sexual attraction once they've formed a romantic attraction or once

183
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:06,719
Speaker 1: they've formed an emotional attraction. There's some people who will

184
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:11,959
Speaker 1: be like a sexual for years and then um just aren't.

185
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,640
Speaker 1: There are a sexual people who are sex averse and

186
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,200
Speaker 1: some who are like I don't really get the deal

187
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,559
Speaker 1: with sex, but I do it anyway. Um. Actually, Lane

188
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:24,200
Speaker 1: Kim from Gilmore Girls is uh, potentially an ACE icon.

189
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:28,960
Speaker 1: It is not, it's not canon, I don't think, but um,

190
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:33,520
Speaker 1: she famously like waits to have sex because she's been

191
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,600
Speaker 1: like brought up in strong Christian beliefs and it's like

192
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,040
Speaker 1: basically terrified of what happened if her mom caught her

193
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,720
Speaker 1: having sex. And so she gets married and has sex

194
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,480
Speaker 1: on the honeymoon and she comes back and she's like, yeah,

195
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:44,760
Speaker 1: I don't know what you guys were talking about, Like

196
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,240
Speaker 1: that was kind of like really awful, Like you guys

197
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,360
Speaker 1: were clearly this was all a conspiracy to keep me

198
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:55,080
Speaker 1: from having sex. Everybody like talking about how great it was. Um,

199
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:59,240
Speaker 1: And I don't know that there are many other ACE

200
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:04,439
Speaker 1: icons like that. But the caveat with Lane is that, um,

201
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,080
Speaker 1: you're not necessarily sex a verse if you are a sexual.

202
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,360
Speaker 1: And the other split there that was like mind blowing

203
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,760
Speaker 1: for me is that there are people who are romantically

204
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:18,439
Speaker 1: attracted and people who are sexually attracted. And I was

205
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,760
Speaker 1: kind of like, oh, we're taught that, like we're basically

206
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,560
Speaker 1: socialized that all girls are romantically attracted to every person

207
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,480
Speaker 1: they have sex with, and that's why I like you

208
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:29,120
Speaker 1: shouldn't have sex because he'll break your heart and leave you.

209
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:35,600
Speaker 1: But everyone experiences romantic attraction and sexual attraction or exists

210
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,320
Speaker 1: on that spectrum. There are people who don't experience romantic

211
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:41,480
Speaker 1: attraction or sexual attraction. There's some who have one but

212
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:45,559
Speaker 1: not the other. UM. I like to think of the

213
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:50,760
Speaker 1: people who find romantic long term relationships with the opposite

214
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:56,480
Speaker 1: sex even though they are homosexual or well, I guess

215
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,880
Speaker 1: that's the only other option really. Um. But like those

216
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,200
Speaker 1: old episodes of where she's like, how could you be

217
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,120
Speaker 1: with this woman for forty five years if you're gay?

218
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:07,240
Speaker 1: And it's like, well, maybe he was romantically attracted to her,

219
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:13,080
Speaker 1: or even just platonically attracted to her and not actually

220
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:16,840
Speaker 1: attracted to her, or vice versa, or none of the above.

221
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:20,360
Speaker 1: Like this is really just turned everything upside down because

222
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:25,200
Speaker 1: I'm like everything applies everywhere and nothing means everything. One

223
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:29,360
Speaker 1: thing I loved about your your piece and teen Vogue is, UM,

224
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:33,560
Speaker 1: you're talking about the questions you get and then kind

225
00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:38,760
Speaker 1: of for yourself still working through what Like someone would

226
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,200
Speaker 1: ask you something and then you have to kind of

227
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,640
Speaker 1: think about it, like, oh, yeah, what does that mean? UM?

228
00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:45,840
Speaker 1: Can you talk more about what your experience has been

229
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:50,719
Speaker 1: around that, and maybe some questions you get frequently and

230
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:56,480
Speaker 1: misconceptions things like that. Yeah, the number one misconception I

231
00:13:56,480 --> 00:14:01,600
Speaker 1: would say is that a sexuals are sex averse and

232
00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:06,160
Speaker 1: just like not interested in sex in any capacity, which

233
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,400
Speaker 1: like I'm a picture of like it not being true,

234
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,800
Speaker 1: like worst case scenarios that like in five years, I'm like,

235
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,200
Speaker 1: oh no, that a sexuality thing was totally just like

236
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,880
Speaker 1: a blip, like it didn't even happen. Um, But now

237
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,680
Speaker 1: I feel very strongly that, um, what is true today

238
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:21,640
Speaker 1: may not be true in ten years, and that I

239
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:26,920
Speaker 1: can still identify as a sexual the whole time. But um,

240
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:31,800
Speaker 1: people do often ask uh, like just basically like how

241
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,880
Speaker 1: does that work? Or like why is it like that?

242
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,640
Speaker 1: It's almost like I'm a little bit of a science

243
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:39,880
Speaker 1: experiment to other people and to myself, And I really

244
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:43,320
Speaker 1: only learned about myself through talking to other people because

245
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,120
Speaker 1: like everything for me is normal until I say it

246
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:48,280
Speaker 1: out loud. Um. One thing that I didn't mention in

247
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:52,960
Speaker 1: the piece was sexual fantasies and how like like wait,

248
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:57,160
Speaker 1: that's like a thing that everybody does, Yeah, but um,

249
00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,000
Speaker 1: mine aren't like everybody else's, like for me, it's very

250
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,560
Speaker 1: weird and uncomfortable to fantasize about like a real person

251
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,920
Speaker 1: I've met. And no, I'm like, wait, isn't that like

252
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,640
Speaker 1: a violation of like their privacy and comfort? Like I

253
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,000
Speaker 1: don't know, I feel like I need like consent to

254
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:15,400
Speaker 1: fantasize the value and then also, um, fantasizing about somebody

255
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:16,960
Speaker 1: then like seeing them and looking at them in the

256
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,560
Speaker 1: face the next day, Like isn't that weird? Like somebody's

257
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,960
Speaker 1: gonna have to Uh, your listeners should like let me

258
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,360
Speaker 1: know and like, yes, please share all of your sexual

259
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:31,640
Speaker 1: faces blood the endbox. Um. I think other people kind

260
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:36,520
Speaker 1: of want to know, like how does a sexuality fit

261
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:41,600
Speaker 1: with the rest of the queer alphabet, Like can you

262
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:44,560
Speaker 1: be a sexual and gay and a sexual and strain

263
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,160
Speaker 1: and a sexual and like attracted to different genders? And

264
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:50,600
Speaker 1: the answers yes, Um, they exist in parallel with each other.

265
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:55,280
Speaker 1: So like how somebody you can be a sexual and

266
00:15:55,320 --> 00:16:00,160
Speaker 1: trans and homosexual all at the same time. Um, they're no.

267
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,480
Speaker 1: I mean I've I really want to like talk to

268
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,960
Speaker 1: like a straight a sexual guy because I have no

269
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:09,040
Speaker 1: idea like what that experience would be like, And I

270
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:12,960
Speaker 1: just wonder how like they are socialized versus me. That

271
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,240
Speaker 1: would be an interesting because I know there's many times

272
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 1: where I've had conversations with people about um, heterosexual men

273
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:24,080
Speaker 1: and they're not sexual, and you start questioning, well, they're

274
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,120
Speaker 1: just gay, Like the automatic assumption is they're gay, UM,

275
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,600
Speaker 1: And there's a couple of moments I'm like, I think

276
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,320
Speaker 1: they're actually a sexual. I think there may be a

277
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,880
Speaker 1: whole different concept to this UM. And you're right. I

278
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,760
Speaker 1: don't know if I've known many or been any instances

279
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:40,240
Speaker 1: what I've heard heterosexual man say I'm a sexual. The

280
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,640
Speaker 1: only ones that, like, the one that comes to the

281
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:45,840
Speaker 1: mind immediately is Jim Parson's character on Big Bang Theory.

282
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,320
Speaker 1: But he's like, oh, he's a sexual because he's like

283
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:52,280
Speaker 1: on the autoism spectrum and like super intelligent, like that's

284
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,880
Speaker 1: what an ACE guy looks like. And it's like, no, uh,

285
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:59,680
Speaker 1: I am not particularly like gifted in the maths and

286
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:04,320
Speaker 1: sign answers, and I find myself to be like, uh,

287
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:09,800
Speaker 1: I'm better in social situations in Sheldon is UM, but

288
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:11,959
Speaker 1: I like, I'm still a sexual. Like it's not like

289
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,720
Speaker 1: it's um a symptom of something or like a sign

290
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:20,520
Speaker 1: of like a larger mental issue. It just kind of

291
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:25,520
Speaker 1: is a sexuality has um the research of it has

292
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:30,400
Speaker 1: roots and like female sexual dysfunction. Um, there's this fantastic

293
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,719
Speaker 1: and infuriating documentary called orgasm Ink that I watched not

294
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:35,560
Speaker 1: long after I realised it was a sexual I just

295
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,040
Speaker 1: kept making my room. May pose it like weight, but

296
00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:40,119
Speaker 1: all these things are wrong, Like don't they know that

297
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,760
Speaker 1: there are other ways to answer these questions and solve

298
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:47,400
Speaker 1: these problems. Um. And the doctor I spoke to for

299
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:51,040
Speaker 1: my teen folk piece, Lori Bratto, like she said that

300
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:52,920
Speaker 1: like that's where it came from, was just like not

301
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:58,080
Speaker 1: knowing how to really place people's different sexual preferences and

302
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,159
Speaker 1: non preferences, and so it was like, let's just study

303
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,040
Speaker 1: and see if there's something wrong with them. And basically

304
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:06,400
Speaker 1: it was like maybe these people just aren't experiencing things

305
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:10,040
Speaker 1: the way that we're expecting them to. Yeah, are you okay? An?

306
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,679
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's the question. So a sexuality began was

307
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,080
Speaker 1: an eye with an idea like that's you're dysfunctional. So

308
00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:19,359
Speaker 1: that for your a sexual if you can't have a

309
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:23,600
Speaker 1: normal reaction to sex, meaning you're not actually um pleasured

310
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:27,440
Speaker 1: and or h, where's the word when you're aroused, you're

311
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,119
Speaker 1: not actually aroused, so that it meant for your a

312
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:32,720
Speaker 1: sexual there's for there's something that's like not functional about you.

313
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:38,720
Speaker 1: Is that the context it was originated? Yeah? Yeah, Um,

314
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:45,200
Speaker 1: And I was researching earlier today kind of some common

315
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:49,920
Speaker 1: misconceptions because um, it's estimated that a sexual people or

316
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:53,199
Speaker 1: you know aces as they sometimes call themselves, as one

317
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:56,480
Speaker 1: percent of a population. Um. And it's also sometimes called

318
00:18:56,520 --> 00:19:02,000
Speaker 1: the invisible orientation. And um, some of the misconceptions I

319
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:07,520
Speaker 1: found one, Um, it's not like being in a petri

320
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:14,159
Speaker 1: dish or how god Zilla procreates Uh yeah, because Godzilla

321
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:20,720
Speaker 1: procreates a sexually. Another common misconception is it's not an

322
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:25,680
Speaker 1: abstinate spledge. Um, which I made this mistake in college

323
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,760
Speaker 1: because I don't know where I was, but they were

324
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:35,040
Speaker 1: doing this thing like how many people are abstinate? And

325
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:42,160
Speaker 1: I just stood up in a panic. Like me. Later,

326
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,800
Speaker 1: I was like, oh no, no, not me, this is

327
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:49,400
Speaker 1: my choice. I just don't want sex. It's different than

328
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:53,359
Speaker 1: like making an abstinence pledge. I'm sorry, keep going. Uh.

329
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:58,399
Speaker 1: Not a synonym for celibacy, not a disorder, um, not

330
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 1: a fear of sex or relationship ups. You can date,

331
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:06,960
Speaker 1: fall love, get married, have kids, masturbate, fantasize, orgasm, all

332
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 1: those things. It's not caused by a chemical or hormonal imbalance. Um.

333
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:14,520
Speaker 1: It's not a choice. It's an orientation. Um. And then,

334
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,440
Speaker 1: as some listeners have written in about this, since I

335
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 1: mentioned that, I was, you know, wrestling with is this

336
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 1: me the whole idea of corrective rape? Just no, it

337
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:28,960
Speaker 1: doesn't work. Correct is bad. Oh, it's like you you

338
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,960
Speaker 1: would like sex if you had it, even if you

339
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,840
Speaker 1: don't want to. Oh. So like when guys are like,

340
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,400
Speaker 1: I'm going to make you straight from being a lesbian

341
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:39,439
Speaker 1: by rad you Okay, Okay, that's boring and disgusting in itself.

342
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,840
Speaker 1: Let's just go ahead with that out there. And you

343
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:45,760
Speaker 1: are the worst you think that in the statement yes, yes,

344
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:51,040
Speaker 1: it's just um, I mean, are these are these things

345
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:55,359
Speaker 1: that you have encountered? Are um, that you had to

346
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:58,600
Speaker 1: think about when you were sort of coming to terms

347
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 1: with this? This is what I'm a sexual, less in

348
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,240
Speaker 1: coming to terms with it and more in talking to

349
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,240
Speaker 1: other people, because like I was in my mid twenties

350
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 1: or early twenties, I guess, um when I found out.

351
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,879
Speaker 1: So it was like I kind of already knew myself

352
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 1: in a lot of ways. I knew that I experienced

353
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 1: sexual desire. I knew that like I wasn't celibate or abstinate,

354
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 1: like oh no, sex, keep that away from me. It

355
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,919
Speaker 1: was more just like a thing that hadn't presented itself

356
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:32,040
Speaker 1: as an opportunity and um, but I also knew I

357
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,720
Speaker 1: wasn't like seeking sex either. I used to think that

358
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,720
Speaker 1: it was like one of those like light bulb moments

359
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,800
Speaker 1: that would be like, oh, I like hit twenty five,

360
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,399
Speaker 1: or like when I graduate and I'm not like bogged

361
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,920
Speaker 1: down by school and like college students around me, then

362
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,359
Speaker 1: maybe the light bulb will turn on and I'll be

363
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,440
Speaker 1: ready to go. And then I found this out and

364
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,120
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, well, I guess it's just not

365
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,960
Speaker 1: in me too for that to happen, although you know,

366
00:21:54,080 --> 00:22:00,760
Speaker 1: never know, could still happen. But in like with other people, Yeah,

367
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm educating people every time I bring

368
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:06,160
Speaker 1: it up. And it was kind of funny when uh,

369
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 1: you invited me here, I was like, wait, but I

370
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:10,119
Speaker 1: already wrote about it. Why do people still have questions?

371
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 1: And everybody just like googling and finding my words and

372
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 1: then like calling it a day. But no, people definitely

373
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 1: do not know. Uh, all of these misconceptions are not

374
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 1: things that are real phrase people, Yeah, so have you

375
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,159
Speaker 1: had any of these conversations with the head of a

376
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,680
Speaker 1: sexual man, like, is that ever been a thing where

377
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 1: they question and then it becomes a whole conversation. No. Um,

378
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 1: but that's mostly because I don't really like find myself

379
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 1: around heterosexual men A whole lot's fair. Um, with like

380
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,600
Speaker 1: friends and stuff, people will like have their questions and

381
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,199
Speaker 1: I'm usually it's like the most open part of me.

382
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:50,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, you guys, Like I just

383
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 1: learned this cool thing. I need to like ask you

384
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 1: about it so that I can understand it better. And

385
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,120
Speaker 1: so for probably like a year and a half there,

386
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,720
Speaker 1: like everybody I met, I was like in producing myself

387
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 1: and trying not to be like and I'm a sexual

388
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,120
Speaker 1: and I have questions, let's talk about how you feel

389
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 1: about sex. But it does influence the way I like

390
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 1: look at the world where I like, you know, like

391
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 1: when there's Derek and Meredith on Gray's Anatomy having sex

392
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:16,879
Speaker 1: again and I'm like, you, guys, but like he's married,

393
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 1: and like I don't understand, like what do you see

394
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,440
Speaker 1: in each other? Or uh, this thing blew my mind,

395
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 1: Like people stay in relationships when the partnership sucks and

396
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,280
Speaker 1: when the sex sucks. I'm like, what are you doing? Leave?

397
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,880
Speaker 1: Like I cannot imagine, Like you are a sex having

398
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 1: person and you are choosing to like stay with the

399
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 1: bad sex. Like what I want that term sex having

400
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 1: person to be coining for you? That's a fantastic A

401
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:49,679
Speaker 1: little yeah, I don't want that to be the statement

402
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 1: can put that in a spectrum. We have some more

403
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,520
Speaker 1: to discuss with you listeners, but first we're gonna pause

404
00:23:55,560 --> 00:24:10,040
Speaker 1: for a quick break for a word from responsors, and

405
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 1: we're back. Thank you. Sponsored Yeah. I mentioned recently on

406
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:18,639
Speaker 1: another podcast that for me, when I was growing up,

407
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 1: all my friends started to be attracted to people and

408
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:22,960
Speaker 1: talking about how much they wanted sex, and I would

409
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 1: just be like, uh huh yeah, and trying to fit in.

410
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 1: It just never happened. It never happened. Like for you,

411
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 1: it's been the last couple of years that you've been

412
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:41,160
Speaker 1: able because you've tried to have relationships. How to force

413
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 1: that level of like relationships means intimacy, intimacies For me,

414
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 1: design you as a sexual being and I'm like, and

415
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,560
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't. I don't. Yeah, that that's been

416
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:54,639
Speaker 1: a real because we never see representation of a sexuality

417
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 1: like I just assumed, um, And I've always identified as

418
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 1: bisexual as well. But I is to south, like eventually

419
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:03,439
Speaker 1: I would meet the person and I would want to

420
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,440
Speaker 1: have sex with that person. Yeah, and it just never happened.

421
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:11,159
Speaker 1: And I thought, well, I've honestly, I've gone through a

422
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 1: lot of guilt because I cared about these people and

423
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 1: I thought, with enough time, I probably will want to

424
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 1: have sex with you. And it just never happened. And

425
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 1: in our society, I think because we don't talk about

426
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 1: this because we don't see it. Um, there is this,

427
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 1: especially for women, obligation that you are going to give

428
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:41,639
Speaker 1: give sex like your's your duty exactly. And I felt

429
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 1: horrible about it because I did any of them make

430
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 1: you feel bad? No? Um, well some people did, but

431
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:51,120
Speaker 1: they I dumped him, but like exactly right. But I

432
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:56,200
Speaker 1: did have, um, a couple of relationships that were longer term,

433
00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 1: and they never pressured me, but I still could sense it,

434
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,879
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like, and I I felt

435
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,479
Speaker 1: bad because I knew they wanted it, and and I

436
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,879
Speaker 1: didn't know myself little enough to have been able to

437
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 1: communicate that too, you know what I mean. Like, so, yeah,

438
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,360
Speaker 1: that is the other question. How do you communicate that

439
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 1: with people today that you meet or maybe are interested

440
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 1: in platonically and or just emotionally. How do you communicate Hey,

441
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 1: I'm a sexual. This is who I am. This is

442
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 1: like is it just a normal conversation? Is the first

443
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,240
Speaker 1: thing you say? Like? What how do you do this? So?

444
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:32,439
Speaker 1: I actually had dinner with a friend and her friend,

445
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 1: uh SISS hetero woman and a SIS hetero man, and

446
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,960
Speaker 1: we were talking about relationships and stuff, and I think

447
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,919
Speaker 1: the guy asked me like if I had ever dated,

448
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:45,919
Speaker 1: or like do I date or something? And I was like,

449
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,199
Speaker 1: oh no, I don't do that. And my friend was like,

450
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 1: but you have to give the backstory, and so I

451
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 1: was like, here's the backstory. I'm a sexual, I'm not interested. Um,

452
00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 1: usually I just say it like that. I'm like, usually

453
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 1: nobody knows what it means. So I'm like gearing myself

454
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 1: up to have to explain it. But it's just easier

455
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,680
Speaker 1: than being like, hey, so you know, um, as far

456
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:13,640
Speaker 1: as relationships go, I've kind of deliberately stayed away from

457
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 1: them because I don't know how to approach it. I'm like,

458
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 1: do I say that, Like like when I walk in

459
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:23,119
Speaker 1: and we're like we're sitting down together, and I'm like, hey, hello,

460
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:26,239
Speaker 1: I'm a sexual Like like I feel like I need

461
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,399
Speaker 1: to have like a name tag on, put it on

462
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,840
Speaker 1: like my all my social media profiles, Like just so

463
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:35,280
Speaker 1: you guys know, um, do I assume that? Like they've

464
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:39,920
Speaker 1: googled me beforehand? And then like saw, I have no idea. Uh,

465
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 1: that's yeah, that's to be determined. I'll keep you guys

466
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 1: updated or not again, Like, that's not something that you

467
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,480
Speaker 1: would not want to do without a relationship. We're talking

468
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 1: about in general, just an emotional connection, whether it's to

469
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 1: go on dates or whether it's to have brunch with someone.

470
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 1: Because sometimes for me being new in any kind of

471
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 1: relationships in general, just like me and I just want

472
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:01,199
Speaker 1: someone to go with me to brunch and just have

473
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,960
Speaker 1: a conversation with and that's the relationship in itself, which

474
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:08,120
Speaker 1: would be nice. So I'm assuming that companionship. So how

475
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: do you even approach that? In understanding you're all sexuality

476
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,159
Speaker 1: and being good with what you are, but now you've

477
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 1: got to share it with the one as well. Yeah,

478
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 1: I actually do have. Um I call them my possibility

479
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 1: models because one is by and Ace but a demisexual,

480
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 1: which is the type of a sexuality where you gain

481
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:36,880
Speaker 1: sexual attraction after um emotional attraction, and she is with

482
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 1: a lesbian who she described as very much not a sexual.

483
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 1: And I'm kind of like, well, you guys are like

484
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 1: living the life you've got, like your house and your

485
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 1: four cats, and I like, I really want to be

486
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 1: just like you guys. Um, so I think it's possible.

487
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:53,640
Speaker 1: But at the same time that that relationship came out

488
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,719
Speaker 1: of like a long term friendship, and so I'm kind

489
00:28:55,720 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 1: of like looking more for my friends to like set

490
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 1: me up with people they know, because like the idea

491
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 1: of like swiping and like, oh it's ugly. It just

492
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 1: feels awful, especially when like everybody's like, oh, get on

493
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 1: Tinder and I'm like, isn't that the one that people

494
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 1: go to explicitly for sex? Like why are you telling me?

495
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 1: It feels like false adverage? Right, Yeah, that reminds me

496
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 1: of m seen Jack Horsemen. I haven't, but I heard

497
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 1: there's a really great a sexual character and yeah, a

498
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 1: sexual character and uh in the last season, the most

499
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:37,600
Speaker 1: recent season, they like develop an app for aces to

500
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:41,960
Speaker 1: meet other caces. Oh, that would be really cool. Yeah,

501
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 1: product idea. Yeah, let's do this, y'all. Here we go

502
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 1: start a business together. Is that, like, aren't the people

503
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 1: with that skill set like in this building? I would

504
00:29:52,720 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 1: the podcast goes silent app um so mentioned INMI sexual,

505
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 1: I wonder if you could um off the top of

506
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 1: your head and if not, totally cool. But the other

507
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 1: types of sexual a sexuality um so, I believe that

508
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: great a sexual or I think gray sexual because words

509
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 1: um is when you have sexual attractions sometimes. So those

510
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 1: should be the people who are like I guess like

511
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 1: your model a sexual for everybody who it's not a

512
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:29,560
Speaker 1: sexual and be like, oh no, sometimes you are interested

513
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 1: in sex. It's not quite like the woman who like

514
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:35,840
Speaker 1: has migraines a lot, or maybe she does have migraines

515
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 1: a lot because she doesn't know how to like disappoint

516
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 1: you by telling that she does not want to have sex. Right,

517
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 1: but the sex is bad where the sex with you

518
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 1: is bad? Stop having bad sex? You guys, like, why

519
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:52,520
Speaker 1: why are you this? Who's not doing it? Don't bad sex?

520
00:30:54,000 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 1: If you're bad at it kept better next episode. Um.

521
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 1: And then there is auto chorus sexual or ed geo

522
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 1: sexual a e g o sexual um, which is sexual

523
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,840
Speaker 1: attraction that's kind of like detached. And that's kind of

524
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 1: what I experienced. So like when I say, don't fantasize

525
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 1: about people I actually know, it's also like not me

526
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 1: in the fantasy either. I don't know something about it

527
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: just feels like really weird and gross and personal. Um.

528
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 1: So I guess it would be like when people read

529
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 1: erotic fiction and they're like identifying with the characters, but

530
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:36,160
Speaker 1: they're not like the character themselves. It's kind of like that.

531
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 1: It's really weird when you have one of those moments

532
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 1: and then you see them in real life you're like, oh,

533
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 1: that is not how I picked or do Now it

534
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 1: just killed everything. No, I just totally, I'm totally I'm

535
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 1: following you. Another another pop culture reference. I don't know

536
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 1: how many I have left before my card is full.

537
00:31:55,960 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 1: But Angela Chase on My Soul called Life, she I

538
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,800
Speaker 1: need to go back and rewatch the series to determine

539
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 1: for sure whether or not she counts as an as icon.

540
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 1: But she has a lot of thoughts about like making out.

541
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,880
Speaker 1: When she starts making out with Jordan Catalano, she's like amaze.

542
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 1: She's like I can't believe that this is like a

543
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:18,360
Speaker 1: thing that we're doing, and like she's very focused on

544
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 1: like it as part of her life versus everything else

545
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 1: that's going on. And then there's this like great scene

546
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 1: where she's talking about like I can't believe people just

547
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 1: like have sex, like they just like do it with

548
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:33,800
Speaker 1: each other. Like my teacher like he probably had sex yesterday,

549
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 1: and like this other teacher also probably did and like

550
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 1: isn't that weird though? We all just kind of like

551
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 1: do it and like that's just it. And I was like, yes, Angela,

552
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 1: that's so weird. I connect. I connect with this um

553
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 1: there there was when I was looking into some research,

554
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:58,239
Speaker 1: I found the term queer platonic, which is people who

555
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:01,480
Speaker 1: experience a type of non romantic relationship where there is

556
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 1: an intense emotional connection that goes beyond a traditional friendship.

557
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 1: And when I read that, I was like, I have

558
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 1: experienced that before. What's the what's the past a traditional friendship?

559
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 1: Is that? Like I think it's for me the way

560
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 1: I interpreted it, in the way that the relationship I'm

561
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,719
Speaker 1: connecting it to people look at us and said you

562
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 1: are in love. It was like, we are not um,

563
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 1: but it was more than a friendship, Like we just

564
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 1: experienced such an intense connection and there was never any

565
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 1: possibility of sex, neither of us and I am very

566
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 1: I have a very bad track record with this, but

567
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 1: I know this for sure in this relationship because we

568
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 1: discussed it. Also he was gay. That makes that that's

569
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 1: the same question for me. And like what goes from

570
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 1: beyond oh, we're best friends to queer platonic? I think

571
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: because for me UM, most of the time I'm with

572
00:33:54,320 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 1: a best friend. Me. Yes, it's it's doesn't have the

573
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 1: same level of like emotional intensity it has. It does

574
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 1: have an emotional intensity, but it's not like the same

575
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,319
Speaker 1: thing where people look at you in there like I mean,

576
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:12,840
Speaker 1: people would tell me you were the same side of

577
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 1: a coin, like you you two are meant to be together, like, no,

578
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:19,960
Speaker 1: we're not um, but I did experience it, like I felt.

579
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 1: I imagine that's the closest I'm ever going to feel

580
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 1: to what traditional love is UM in my lifetime. But

581
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 1: I could be wrong, I think in this in my

582
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 1: example in particular, and this is obviously very personal to me,

583
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 1: but it was something where I could recognize, like this

584
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 1: is perhaps the clinical thing that people feel. There's no

585
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,440
Speaker 1: I never wanted to date, like I didn't want sex,

586
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:48,880
Speaker 1: but I did feel that like I need to be

587
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:50,879
Speaker 1: with this person, I need to talk to this person

588
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 1: like all the time, just all the time. And he

589
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 1: felt it too, and it was a very strong um

590
00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 1: connection that we made. And actually, um, story behind my

591
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 1: tattoo or I won't get into now, but it is

592
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:06,920
Speaker 1: quite the story. Um. So just when I read that,

593
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:11,799
Speaker 1: I felt, I've had so many people from the outside

594
00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 1: look at that relationship and tell me you were in love,

595
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:17,799
Speaker 1: and I kept trying to express I wasn't, or at

596
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 1: least not in the way that you mean it. Um,

597
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 1: But I can I can understand looking from the outside.

598
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 1: I just I knew the feeling myself, and I was

599
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 1: very confident in like we might have loved each other,

600
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:34,760
Speaker 1: but we weren't. And wow, that makes sense to research

601
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 1: a queer platonic a little more. Should just like a

602
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 1: like a will in Greece filling up with you on

603
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,839
Speaker 1: that one, Yeah, the will you have a baby with

604
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:52,160
Speaker 1: me but we're not together together? Yeah, I haven't seen

605
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:53,520
Speaker 1: All Grace in a long time, but I'll have to.

606
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever watched more than two episodes

607
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 1: mm hmm. That's because growing up, I just never watched

608
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,719
Speaker 1: TV as much m hm. And that that was the

609
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 1: era I didn't watch a lot of TV. Because I'm

610
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,879
Speaker 1: trying to relate, I can't and now I know more,

611
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 1: I will say that, but Willing Grace was not in

612
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:13,439
Speaker 1: my forte. I'm trying to think of when what years

613
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 1: were those, like early two thousand's to late two thousands.

614
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 1: That was being religious. That was me being religious, and

615
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not watching TV all I watched. Princess

616
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:31,919
Speaker 1: Bride was my go to? What Princess Bride? Yeah, that's

617
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 1: I almost got really theheartened with you when you were

618
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:38,240
Speaker 1: I just say about Princess Bride. Okay, now I got here, Okay,

619
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 1: all right, we're okay, now, okay, good, We're okay. We

620
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:43,799
Speaker 1: have a little bit more for you listeners, but first

621
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:45,440
Speaker 1: we have one more quick break for word from our

622
00:36:45,440 --> 00:37:04,719
Speaker 1: sponsor and we're back. Thank you. Um So, I was

623
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:08,920
Speaker 1: looking at this website where it was like how to

624
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:11,839
Speaker 1: tell if you're a sexual and essentially if you don't

625
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 1: experience sexual attraction. That's pretty good. First question to ask um,

626
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:21,400
Speaker 1: would you have any advice for people who are maybe

627
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 1: newly discovering that they're a sexual or maybe questions they

628
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,839
Speaker 1: can ask themselves to find out if they are if

629
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 1: they think they might be. Now I want to do

630
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:37,720
Speaker 1: like are you a Spano or something that'd be awesome.

631
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 1: I want to encourage that. Yeah, I'm just gonna say

632
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 1: that I please play games. I love games. Keep going. Um,

633
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:49,200
Speaker 1: I would say definitely talk to the people around you,

634
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 1: like your friends, about like when they're in relationships with

635
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 1: people and how they feel about the person there with

636
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 1: versus how you feel, because, like I said, everything was

637
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 1: normal until I found out it was in and then

638
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 1: I guess pay attention to like TV shows and how

639
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:07,880
Speaker 1: relationships are presented there and like see that feeling of

640
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 1: like the natural progression of our relationship leading to sex

641
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 1: And are you kind of like yeah, I buy this,

642
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 1: Like I totally like that's how I feel about the

643
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:16,560
Speaker 1: person I'm with or are you kind of like I

644
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 1: don't get why every relationship is like ending its sex?

645
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:21,680
Speaker 1: Can we just like watch people like hang out, we

646
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:27,080
Speaker 1: watch people to be queerly platonic together. Yes, Um, that's

647
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:31,760
Speaker 1: the brand new sitcom queerly Platonic. That's gonna beyond thee

648
00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 1: in this episode clear botonic. I mean, that is freaking amazing.

649
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:44,279
Speaker 1: I I have to say, like, I grew up in

650
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 1: a very small town and it was very conservative, and

651
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:49,720
Speaker 1: so I just wasn't exposed to a lot of different

652
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 1: and a lot of us aren't through media anyway, but

653
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:55,399
Speaker 1: I wasn't exposed to a lot of different relationships. And

654
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 1: every time I see one like odd on bow Jack Horsemen,

655
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:03,839
Speaker 1: I'm it's just the most amazing thing. So I can't

656
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:07,959
Speaker 1: believe it took this long to see something like this. Um,

657
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,960
Speaker 1: do you have since you are so into pop culture

658
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:13,719
Speaker 1: and have you given several examples already, But do you

659
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:18,320
Speaker 1: have any other ace icons as you've been calling them?

660
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,399
Speaker 1: Not really, I look for them everywhere and then they

661
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:25,239
Speaker 1: have sex and it's like and it's like their whole

662
00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:29,399
Speaker 1: life changes. Like on Riverdale Jughead um was I still

663
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 1: can't figure out at what point he was declared a

664
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:33,799
Speaker 1: sexual and if it was supposed to be like jug

665
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,360
Speaker 1: Head of the comics or Junkhead of the show. But

666
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:38,279
Speaker 1: if you're supposed to be a sexual in the show.

667
00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 1: They completely botched it because they have not addressed anything

668
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:45,360
Speaker 1: around sex and then his relationship with Betty. Sorry spoilers.

669
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 1: I guess um they are just like any other team

670
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,600
Speaker 1: couple and have sex and like for like an episode

671
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:54,440
Speaker 1: before and a few episodes after. I was just kind

672
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 1: of like waiting for them to like address it, and

673
00:39:56,600 --> 00:40:00,840
Speaker 1: nobody ever did. Um. Yeah, most of I actually like

674
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 1: googled to see like um, to like jog my memory

675
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 1: and see if there was somebody I was missing, and

676
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:08,760
Speaker 1: Todd from BoJack Horseman was the only one who anybody

677
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 1: could agree was like actually a sexual and not like

678
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 1: on the spectrum or otherwise like had other reasons for

679
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 1: not being interested in sex or uh sex averse or

680
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:21,359
Speaker 1: just like somebody who never had sex. Like somebody put

681
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,400
Speaker 1: out there that Dumbledore is a sexual, and I was like,

682
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,480
Speaker 1: come on, you guys, like that's not just not seeing

683
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 1: somebody have sex. It's not a sexual. And if somebody

684
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,399
Speaker 1: were to be a sexual and an icon, it would

685
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:35,439
Speaker 1: be McGonagall, Like, let's be real, and then you would

686
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 1: say her in Doubledoors relationship could be clearly botonic. It's

687
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 1: all coming together. We just did it. And we have

688
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:52,960
Speaker 1: brought another Harry Potter reference. You're welcome Annie once per episode. Yeah,

689
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:59,640
Speaker 1: so right now, I would say YouTube are ace icon. Oh,

690
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,440
Speaker 1: I very like, I am so new to this, but

691
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,480
Speaker 1: I think because you're asking the right questions and you're

692
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:09,959
Speaker 1: having this conversation and you're making it very clear, as

693
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 1: well as the fact that there's a spectrum, you too,

694
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 1: in my humble opinion, are a psychon. Well, thank you.

695
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:20,879
Speaker 1: If I had an award for you, I'll give you one,

696
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 1: so pretend like I did. Thank you so beautiful, shiny,

697
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 1: so big. Sorry. Um, yeah, I feel I mean, there's

698
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 1: a lot to unpack in our media. Always we come

699
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:46,719
Speaker 1: back to that. But just I do think that, um,

700
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:50,400
Speaker 1: every time man and women are on screen together, they

701
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,839
Speaker 1: have to have sex eventually, and it's very right. Well,

702
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 1: that's also like the sad part of any kind of

703
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,959
Speaker 1: friend shows, the fact that opposite sex when they're together,

704
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:00,160
Speaker 1: I'm not going to have sex to less me is

705
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,200
Speaker 1: can't be just friends. They're going to have sex as well.

706
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 1: Or two homosexual men they're going to have sex as well,

707
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 1: even though they may just be fliving friends. Yeah. Um,

708
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 1: everything has to do with sex apparently in our media. Yes,

709
00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 1: But the fact is that having conversations like this to

710
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:22,399
Speaker 1: be able to um go beyond generalizations as well as

711
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 1: understanding that there are people that are seen like that's

712
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:28,319
Speaker 1: the biggest part is can I be seen and you

713
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 1: two are those who are like, I see you because

714
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 1: I am you, And that is a bigger part of

715
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:35,000
Speaker 1: the conversation that needs to happen, Whether it's you writing

716
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:37,719
Speaker 1: an article in Team Boat, which is fantastic because that's

717
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:40,879
Speaker 1: such a big medium in itself, as well as doing

718
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:45,919
Speaker 1: podcasts specifically specifically two girls about Hey, it's okay, you're

719
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:47,759
Speaker 1: not just here for sex and if you don't feel

720
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 1: sex with attraction, that's okay too. Yeah, because that is

721
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:57,640
Speaker 1: another common misconception, UM that people report feeling broken because

722
00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:03,120
Speaker 1: they don't because it is UM. Like I said, when

723
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 1: my friends all were experiencing it and I wasn't, I

724
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 1: thought something must be wrong. UM And yeah, it's just

725
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 1: it's on the spectrum. It's something and you can experience

726
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:18,440
Speaker 1: it in many different ways. You can never romantic attraction.

727
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:22,920
Speaker 1: You could sometimes be attracted. UM. So I'm very glad

728
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:24,920
Speaker 1: that you came on, you agreed to come on and

729
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 1: talk to us. Yeah, yeah, I'm open for all, any

730
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:33,480
Speaker 1: and all a sexuality questions because only there's nobody else

731
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 1: out here taking them, so I might as well put

732
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 1: myself out I mean, I've already put myself out there,

733
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:43,400
Speaker 1: but I'm still here. And then the other conversation is

734
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:46,840
Speaker 1: for people of color, myself included, we are so overly

735
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 1: sexualized to be that person be like nope, no, I'm

736
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:53,239
Speaker 1: good without it. I'm sure that's a whole different like

737
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,319
Speaker 1: shock factor for many of people in itself, because I

738
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:59,640
Speaker 1: think as an Asian woman who there's a damn fetish

739
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:04,920
Speaker 1: or which is by the way, um it is, it's

740
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:10,319
Speaker 1: hard to recognize separation of female specific race and sexuality,

741
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 1: and to separate that would be like cataclysmic from many men.

742
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:19,800
Speaker 1: And they're weird fantasy worlds. They're weird fantasy world that's

743
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:23,359
Speaker 1: fantasies are not bad. But I'm just saying, like I've

744
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 1: definitely had the weird people approached me, I would apologize

745
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:33,800
Speaker 1: for them. They should apologize the true story, true story.

746
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:37,799
Speaker 1: And again having that conversation again, women are not just

747
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:40,640
Speaker 1: for sex, which is the opposite of what we're seeing,

748
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 1: and the conversations in the world and around the world

749
00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:47,480
Speaker 1: and the value of women in general. Are people who

750
00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:50,680
Speaker 1: identify as women or identify as female or driven non

751
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:55,840
Speaker 1: binary and being seen as female. We are able to

752
00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 1: make our own decisions of who we are and what

753
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:02,360
Speaker 1: we prefer, what we don't prefer. Yeah, or just be

754
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:12,240
Speaker 1: treated like humans who are bored a certain way. What ridiculous. Um. Yeah,

755
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:15,800
Speaker 1: we really appreciate you coming on. Is there anything else

756
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 1: that you want to touch on before we close out?

757
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:22,400
Speaker 1: I don't think so, but I'm really good for remembering

758
00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:25,080
Speaker 1: stuff later, Like as I drive away, I'll probably think, God,

759
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:31,720
Speaker 1: that's what I said. Well, you're welcome back anything outside

760
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:35,640
Speaker 1: of now as his friends, but outside of us. So

761
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 1: I'll have your bagels and your coffee anytime, coming Tuesdays.

762
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 1: This is how I do things. I only come to

763
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 1: eat food. I mean that's that was then until I

764
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:49,680
Speaker 1: am um. But yeah, yeah, anytime you want to come back,

765
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:53,240
Speaker 1: whether it's to talk about this, our pop culture or whatever.

766
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 1: And also I would love to keep talking about care

767
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 1: because I think they do some really good things and

768
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,800
Speaker 1: really necessary things, especially right now and the fight for

769
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:05,440
Speaker 1: or um against poverty, and then just equal representation. If

770
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:09,040
Speaker 1: anybody wants to shoot a message to car on Twitter

771
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 1: or Facebook. That'll be me replying back to you. So

772
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:16,720
Speaker 1: ask me how to donate or how to get donate.

773
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 1: And speaking of um, where can people find you? And

774
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,360
Speaker 1: are there any project you're working on that you're excited

775
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 1: about on the horizon? Not currently working on anything because

776
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:32,920
Speaker 1: I left media and then just kind of like stayed

777
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 1: gone with like a toe in the door. So I'm

778
00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:37,680
Speaker 1: working on getting the rest of my foot and body

779
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:40,520
Speaker 1: through back through the door. Um. But people can find

780
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 1: me on Twitter and Instagram at joe a dance so

781
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 1: j o A d A n s oh my last name. Um,

782
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:53,080
Speaker 1: people say I'm funny. So I got an iPhone tent.

783
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 1: I keep taking pictures of my cats, so if you

784
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 1: want to see those, you're a cat person. Absolutely, I'm

785
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 1: a doctor parson. Sorry, here we go. I'm a neither.

786
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:08,560
Speaker 1: She doesn't like animals, fish. I don't mind how about this.

787
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:15,719
Speaker 1: I'm just generally neutral, animal neutral, animal neutral. Um, but yes,

788
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:19,000
Speaker 1: pictures of cats on the iPhone. Tain can't do better

789
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 1: than that, everybody right, right, And that brings us to

790
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:27,759
Speaker 1: the end of our interview. I have to tell you

791
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:31,320
Speaker 1: all the time, I am so amazed and I feel

792
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 1: so fortunate for the people who are willing to come

793
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:38,399
Speaker 1: into doctors. They're so awesome. Yes, and hopefully she will

794
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:40,640
Speaker 1: be back. I'm pretty sure we're bring her back. He's

795
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 1: too smart. We gotta put her on everything. Let's do that.

796
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:49,839
Speaker 1: If you want to hear more of Agile's work, don't

797
00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:53,799
Speaker 1: forget to check out her podcast about South podcast. Um.

798
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:55,839
Speaker 1: But in the meantime, this brings us to the end

799
00:47:56,040 --> 00:47:58,479
Speaker 1: of this episode. But we would love to hear from

800
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 1: you listeners, if you would like to email, as you

801
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:05,319
Speaker 1: can at our new emails. It is tough media mom

802
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:09,080
Speaker 1: Stuff at I Heart radio dot com and all anything

803
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:11,359
Speaker 1: you said to the old email address. We have had

804
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,280
Speaker 1: so many email addresses, and if I had the time

805
00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 1: and my boss wouldn't yell at me, I would talk

806
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:20,680
Speaker 1: about the history of the email address. But I'm sure

807
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:23,520
Speaker 1: no one is interested in it but me. Um. But

808
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 1: any of the old email addresses you email it will

809
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 1: eventually arrive at it that one. Sorry. Oh it is

810
00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:34,799
Speaker 1: a long and long interesting it is. Oh it is.

811
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 1: You can also find us on social media. You can

812
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:39,839
Speaker 1: find us on Instagram at Stuff I've Never Told You

813
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:43,960
Speaker 1: and on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always

814
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 1: to our super producer Andrew Howard, Andrew Hallward, Andrew, thanks

815
00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:50,759
Speaker 1: to you for listening. Steph, I've never told you. It

816
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:52,680
Speaker 1: was a production of I Heart Radios How Stuff Works.

817
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I

818
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:57,120
Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

819
00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:57,920
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.