WEBVTT - The Practice of Joy 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:02.160 Two months ago, but we didn't have a place, so 0:00:02.200 --> 0:00:04.720 we moved to storage, which is already stressful. So I've 0:00:04.720 --> 0:00:06.560 been living out of a suitcase for like eight weeks 0:00:07.000 --> 0:00:07.480 and then like. 0:00:08.200 --> 0:00:14.720 In the storage unit, moved to storage to storage. It 0:00:14.800 --> 0:00:16.240 was it was so stressful. 0:00:16.280 --> 0:00:19.160 I mean like I stayed by Erica, I stayed by friends, 0:00:19.239 --> 0:00:21.320 I was staying with my mom, and then she kicked 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:23.640 us out and then I was like, wow, I have 0:00:23.760 --> 0:00:27.640 no family, family support. And then we were like traveling 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:30.280 a lot. So I was like kind of like suppressing 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:35.320 the fact that I was like intermediate housing intermiture. I 0:00:35.400 --> 0:01:00.920 was homelessing, homelessing. Welcome back to good mone Bad Choices. 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:03.200 I'm Erica and I'm Miila. 0:01:03.400 --> 0:01:07.320 Happy hump Day, Happy Wednesday. How are you doing. I'm great. 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:10.880 How are you doing? I'm good, I'm good. Ah you guys. 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:15.640 It's August, and this month we're talking about birthing all 0:01:15.720 --> 0:01:20.520 different types of things, babies, ideas, and this month is 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:25.200 sponsored by our favorite black owned, woman owned brand, honey Pot. 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:27.160 Y'all know, y'all seen Honeypot. 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:30.560 They're in Target, They're everywhere because it's huge shut out 0:01:30.600 --> 0:01:34.120 to black woman owned feminine wellness products. 0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:38.440 And we're really excited because Honeypot has offered our tribe 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:41.800 twenty five percent off their entire website. 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:43.120 That's a huge ass discount. 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:45.080 It's huge, and they have a lot of stuff over 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:46.880 there because we care about you and we want you 0:01:46.920 --> 0:01:50.720 to prioritize your pleasure, just like and they. 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:54.960 We do care about you and we do want you 0:01:55.000 --> 0:01:58.600 to prioritize your pleasure. And Honeypot recently just launched their 0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:03.000 Pleasure collect which I love. They have a whole ritual 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:05.520 of products or the whole product line, so you can 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:08.520 create your own rituals around pleasure. So make sure you 0:02:08.560 --> 0:02:11.120 go and check out Honeypot and click the link in 0:02:11.120 --> 0:02:15.440 this episode description or go to honeypot dot co slash 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:19.160 GMBC to get twenty five percent off. 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:26.440 Or use GNBC twenty three at checkout. Speaking at pleasure, yes, 0:02:26.720 --> 0:02:28.200 I know we're both in the Tantra school. 0:02:28.240 --> 0:02:30.560 So on a scale of one to ten, where is 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:31.760 your pleasure today? I love? 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:34.640 On a scale of wonder ten one to ten, my 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:38.840 pleasure is I mean currently about it? I'd say it 0:02:39.080 --> 0:02:42.160 nine and nine and a half. Wow, pretty high on 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:43.000 my pleasure scale. 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:44.960 What do you need from me to bring your pleasure 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:49.480 to a solid tent to a ten spot. Today, I 0:02:49.560 --> 0:02:50.160 just needs. 0:02:49.960 --> 0:02:54.360 To be nice to me, Okay, am I usually nice? 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:58.720 No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, just remember, 0:02:59.200 --> 0:03:01.560 be kind to me. That's all I really need. That's 0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:03.919 all you can provide all episode. I'll be super kind. 0:03:04.440 --> 0:03:06.720 We forgot we have to do our tantric speech to 0:03:06.800 --> 0:03:10.000 each other. I know, just like how lovely we each 0:03:10.000 --> 0:03:13.440 other are and like to ourselves into each other is tantric. 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:15.960 I wonder if Debvi, just like all day long, is 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:18.280 just using tantric speach speech, because isn't that it's kind 0:03:18.280 --> 0:03:20.840 of supposed to be just a lifestyle, right, always using 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:21.720 it at all times. 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:24.760 It is a lifestyle, and she definitely is because her 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:28.679 husband is also a part of the practice and a 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:31.000 part of her school. So I'm assuming all day long though, 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:35.480 over there just love bombing each other. On the healthy note, 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:41.640 it's also about like pleasure, using tantric speech, being compassionate, 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:45.119 using nonviolent communication, which is also kind of like a lifestyle, 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:50.400 but also like using tantric speech to yourself, and like 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:54.520 nonviolent communication with yourself is really where it becomes transformative 0:03:54.600 --> 0:03:57.000 because I think so often we think about like the 0:03:57.040 --> 0:03:59.480 outwards the outward pouring of. 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:01.080 Things, and really it starts with you. 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:02.680 And I think we forget that because we're not like 0:04:03.000 --> 0:04:06.680 actively talking about ourselves, talking to ourselves out loud. But 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:09.160 if you know the inner voice, it's like how am 0:04:09.240 --> 0:04:11.800 I feeling? And what can I do for myself to 0:04:11.800 --> 0:04:13.760 bring myself to a ten spot? And like what are 0:04:13.800 --> 0:04:15.680 my needs? Because a lot of times people are not 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:18.960 asking themselves their own needs because we're always asking what 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:22.840 other people need. And so I think that's the most 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:27.080 transformative part for me because it makes me be like 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:29.919 hyper aware of my own feelings and my own needs 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:31.200 and like, for a long time, I even know what 0:04:31.240 --> 0:04:32.279 the fuck that meant. 0:04:33.279 --> 0:04:37.800 So the age old saying it all starts with you, 0:04:38.800 --> 0:04:39.440 it really does. 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:42.039 It's age old, but it takes us to almost old 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:43.160 to fucking figure it out. 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:46.360 Well, all the all the old age old sayings, they 0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:50.040 all they they're old, and they're sayings because they're real. 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.000 There's there's truth in all of them. 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:55.240 Sometimes you feel corny like saying those saying those things, 0:04:55.279 --> 0:04:56.760 but it's like, well, bitch, because it's true. 0:04:56.920 --> 0:04:58.000 You gotta love yourself. 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:01.719 Well, it's true, and you have to be like, I 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:03.440 don't know, you just have to be like really diligent 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:07.760 about like advocating for yourself and evaluating what the fuck 0:05:07.839 --> 0:05:11.520 you need. And also just fuck, was I gonna say 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:13.880 I forgot come back to me? 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:19.039 How are you? What's going on? I'm good. 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:21.760 Oh, that's what i's gonna say. Go ahead, we're gonna 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:26.760 say no. I was just gonna say that. I realized that, like, 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:29.400 if I don't feel stressed about something, then I'm like, 0:05:29.800 --> 0:05:30.839 I try to find something. 0:05:30.720 --> 0:05:31.479 That stressed about. 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:35.080 And I'm like, that's crazy, But that's that's adulting. When 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:37.960 you're constantly like go, go, go go, and then when 0:05:38.000 --> 0:05:40.840 everything's like not go, you're like, look at the color 0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:41.279 that pillow. 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:43.360 I hate it. You gotta change everything. 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:47.520 Yeah, Like it just like it's an active practice. Choy 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:48.720 is an active practice. 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:58.040 I recently started micro dosing daily because I just felt 0:05:58.080 --> 0:06:00.400 like it was something. I felt like I been on 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:04.839 edge a lot lately, and I don't necessarily. I mean, 0:06:04.880 --> 0:06:07.880 of course, there's always there's always things happening, there's always 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:10.400 moving parts of what I'm doing, whether that's the. 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:13.680 Business or motherhood or my relationship. 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:16.560 But I just realized that, like I'm not sometimes I 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:20.360 don't feel like I'm always coping well, and I need 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:23.880 to feel more grounded because I haven't really been feeling 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:26.279 super grounded lately, and I know, like for me, plant 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:29.359 medicine and just in general, plant medicine just grounds you. 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:31.520 And me and Mila talked about this on like a 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:34.520 few episodes ago that me and her we took mushrooms 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:37.880 just randomly one day in the office shout out to 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:40.800 Lizzie Jeff who left some mushrooms for us and the 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:43.200 refrigerator in April, and I just got around to eating 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:46.719 them and I ate a whole one because I thought 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:49.000 it was a micro dose, which it probably is a 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:49.640 micro dose. 0:06:49.720 --> 0:06:50.680 It's just I. 0:06:50.600 --> 0:06:54.400 Don't usually consume mushrooms in the micro dose setting. I'm 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:58.880 always like kind of going all the way. But after 0:06:58.920 --> 0:07:02.080 that experience, I I realized I needed to start microdosing 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:05.240 more often to feel more grounded because the work that 0:07:05.279 --> 0:07:07.640 we do, yes, there's a lot of grounding, but there's 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:10.760 a lot of things that happened behind the scenes that 0:07:10.840 --> 0:07:13.880 no one really knows and understands that can make you 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:18.680 feel super ungrounded. And so I feel I felt like 0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:22.120 I needed support from the plants. 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:24.440 And it's been helping, it's been supporting you. 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:26.840 Yeah, but it's been like I've been feeling like the 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:30.520 microdosing a like every day, kicking in at different times, 0:07:31.000 --> 0:07:35.040 like sometimes way late, or like when I least expect it. 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:37.920 But I like that though, because it kind of it 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:40.560 always kind of creeps up exactly when I need it, 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:44.920 And so I've been it's making me take lots of 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:52.800 deep breaths and be really patient because. 0:07:54.400 --> 0:07:56.600 Tantric speech is something I struggle with. 0:07:56.520 --> 0:08:01.800 I realize, and with myself and with other people too. 0:08:01.800 --> 0:08:04.280 My patients gets really thin, and I can be I 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:06.360 can say things that I don't really even mean. I 0:08:06.440 --> 0:08:11.880 just don't care in the moment sometimes, And that's just 0:08:11.880 --> 0:08:13.640 not how I want to be. It's not how I 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:16.320 want to be portrayed by other people. It's not how 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:18.400 I want to feel like I'm making leaving people feeling. 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:27.440 So Yeah, shout out to Mamma mushroom. Shout out to 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:30.760 Mama mushroom. Shout out to microdosing because it's been helping 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:33.079 me and I'm surprised, like I haven't really ever Like 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:35.320 we talk about mushrooms all the time, but I'm always 0:08:35.440 --> 0:08:37.960 using them in such an intense way. I've never just 0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:40.200 used them in casual in a casual way, and so 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:43.120 I've been enjoying the journey of microdosing. 0:08:43.679 --> 0:08:45.600 I need to tap into it more, like I haven't, 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:50.679 I think, because you have to surrender to it, you know, 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:53.319 like there's no not there's no control when it happens 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:54.840 because you're not like all over the place. But it's 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:57.280 just like it makes you sit down in ways, and 0:08:57.320 --> 0:08:58.880 I just sometimes I do avoid it because I'm like, 0:08:58.920 --> 0:08:59.800 I don't have time for that. 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:01.720 I don't have time for that right now. I have 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:02.560 other shit to do. 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:05.840 Everything's always prioritized over I guess micro dosing. 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:08.360 But it's a micro dosing. You still can be you 0:09:08.440 --> 0:09:09.319 still can get to the shit. 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:10.920 You gotta know, no, I know, And I think I 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:13.560 think it's just it's like an excuse too, Like sometimes 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:19.120 I feel like, uh, like subconsciously, there's attachment to the 0:09:19.320 --> 0:09:22.160 hustle and bustle, there's attachment to the go go go. 0:09:22.320 --> 0:09:25.800 There's almost attachment in weird ways to the stress because 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:27.880 like if you're not stressed, and like, are you even 0:09:27.920 --> 0:09:31.920 doing That's the most unhealthy thing I've ever said, But 0:09:32.559 --> 0:09:35.480 it's true, Like I think, like Western society is super 0:09:35.559 --> 0:09:42.439 attached to productivity, productivity, and because we're attached to productivity, 0:09:42.520 --> 0:09:48.880 I think sometimes we are confused about what protect productivity 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:51.320 actually means. You know, like if we're moving around that 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:53.319 we're like hustle and bustle in them. But I think 0:09:53.640 --> 0:09:55.680 we're most productive sometimes when we can chill the fuck 0:09:55.679 --> 0:09:58.160 out and we know that, but like it never feels 0:09:58.200 --> 0:09:59.760 like it's a good time to do that because there's 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:03.200 a lot shit that needs to be done. So yeah, 0:10:03.440 --> 0:10:09.160 I think that the most like beautiful part about getting 0:10:09.160 --> 0:10:12.160 older and about evolving is that like every time you 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:14.400 check in, there's still more work to do. Just like 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:17.720 you said, like, I'll curse some motherfucker out real quick, 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:20.800 Like I could be patient for like five four three two. 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:22.439 It suck my dack. 0:10:24.480 --> 0:10:27.360 I can go like from like super calm to like 0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:31.000 crazy and asc Orlando. I just cursed him out like 0:10:31.040 --> 0:10:33.680 seven minutes ago because he told me he wasn't going 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:35.160 to put the key where I told him to put 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:37.880 the key, and I called him all types of bitches. 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:41.240 And I was like, oh, I'm crazy, but I meant it. 0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:44.000 I was gonna beat his ass, but I realized, like 0:10:44.200 --> 0:10:46.920 it should not take zero to five to make me 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:49.839 turn into a different person. So I just you know, 0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:54.480 the evolution of like choosing who you are and then 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:57.640 like committing to that person and then actively being like, 0:10:57.720 --> 0:11:00.160 that's not kind of me. Do better, try better, and 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:02.920 like just self reflecting. I always do it like in 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:05.200 my head, and I'm like, only people could hear the 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:08.400 inside my inside thoughts. But I'm like, why don't I 0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:10.880 have patience for this conversation? Why am I not listening? 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:13.640 Does someone not listen to you as a child? This 0:11:13.720 --> 0:11:15.760 is how I think? And I'm like, listen and I 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:19.920 try to focus again. But I think that is I'm 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:23.680 enjoying not picking myself apart, but seeing like where there's 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:25.959 cracks or where I could do better or evolve better. 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:27.920 And I don't think everybody does that. I don't think 0:11:27.920 --> 0:11:28.720 it's easy to do. 0:11:29.600 --> 0:11:33.320 It's definitely not easy to do. It's challenging. 0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:38.120 Especially it's even more challenging to create new habits. And 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:44.200 I've been recently listening to atomic Habits. It's this world 0:11:44.280 --> 0:11:46.320 renowned book or whatever, and I'm listening to an on 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:48.440 Audible on top of listening to our own book. 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:52.760 Have you listened to our book yet? I've been listening 0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:54.080 to our book on Audible and. 0:11:55.720 --> 0:12:00.400 It's it's like kind of weird to hear even't know 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:03.520 we hear ourselves on the podcast. We don't, but we're 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:06.480 more like it's more this like casual bantering, not like 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:10.320 reading from something. But I've been I kind of I've 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:13.160 been enjoying it and it's been good. And then I like, 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:15.840 I haven't checked like the reviews, and I was like, 0:12:15.920 --> 0:12:18.440 oh my god, people like wrote nice things about Oh. 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:19.800 On audible there's different view. 0:12:20.160 --> 0:12:23.079 Yeah, I look on Amazon sometimes, but other than that, 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:25.320 I don't know what's going on in the world. But 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:27.720 I do want to listen to it. I hate hearing 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:31.400 my voice, so I have been avoiding it. But huh, 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:32.680 I guess I should do that. 0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:36.600 But you know, I think one thing that I learned about, 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:39.760 one thing that stuck with me while I've started reading 0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:45.400 this book, is that creating well habits really habits really 0:12:45.520 --> 0:12:49.720 define how we look at ourselves. Like the habits that 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:52.160 we have really define how we view ourselves. So if 0:12:52.200 --> 0:12:55.600 we have bad habits, then we have negative self. Yeah, 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:58.080 we have a negative view on certain things, like for example, 0:12:58.080 --> 0:13:01.720 if like I choose to you know, I have are 0:13:02.160 --> 0:13:04.320 I eat donuts every single day and I feel like shit, 0:13:04.360 --> 0:13:06.120 and I've gained weight or whatever the case may be. 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:08.120 I look at myself negatively in that way. 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:13.520 So creating new habits can drastically obviously change your life, 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:16.760 but they have to be simple. And I think, he said, 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:18.840 I think wrote it down. He said, Oh, it's a 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:21.600 habit loop. You have to there's a queue, there's a 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:25.200 craving a response, and then a reward. 0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:29.240 A que a craving a response, and then overward a 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:32.679 Q craving a response and then a reward. Okay, And 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:35.319 that's how habits are created, because the Q and the 0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:40.040 reward it's almost like it basically like one day I leave, 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:42.920 say I leave the studio today and I walk by 0:13:44.040 --> 0:13:46.600 a donut shop because as you can tell, I love donuts, 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:51.680 as you can tell, and then I maybe I don't 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:53.440 go in there at all, and then one day I 0:13:53.440 --> 0:13:55.760 decide to go in there, and then I eat it 0:13:55.800 --> 0:13:57.480 and I'm like, damn, that shit was fucking good. 0:13:58.120 --> 0:14:00.920 And then the response is, damn, I should just fucking go. Well, 0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:03.040 the reward is also that it's good and it made 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:05.960 my day for that moment. Now, every time that I 0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:08.280 I'm creating a habit. So when I walk to my 0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:11.480 car past that donut shop, I create a habit of like, oh, 0:14:11.520 --> 0:14:13.199 this is my thing. Like even in the morning when 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:15.280 you you have a habit of I have a habit 0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:17.480 of drinking coffee, Like that is my ritual. 0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:18.280 That is my habit. 0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:21.000 If I don't do that, like for some reason, it 0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:23.360 feels like my day is off a little bit. So 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:25.880 it's and the reward is is that I get to 0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:28.280 drink the coffee. I like the way it tastes, and 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:30.400 I get a boost of energy, or so I think 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:31.400 so in my mind. 0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:36.240 But then that's the thing. Like who determines whether it's 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:39.680 a like for instance, like say you did eat a 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:42.280 donut every day, and then the reward is that it 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:44.440 tastes good, and you know in that moment you felt good, 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:45.840 but like you're gonna be. 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:47.760 Like I ate all those fucking donuts blah blah blah blah. 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:51.120 So like who what determines whether the queue and the 0:14:51.120 --> 0:14:54.360 reward are worth like following into that habit, you know 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:57.680 what I'm saying, or like making like correlating eating donuts 0:14:57.680 --> 0:15:00.880 which the reward feels good and then later maybe being 0:15:00.880 --> 0:15:03.680 a negative self talk, you know what I'm saying, Like, 0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:08.360 because that's the thing about perception too, because like if 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:11.360 you didn't have these other feelings about what like donuts. 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:12.880 Are true sugary or they have too. 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:14.880 Many calories, if you're like, God, I fucking love these 0:15:14.920 --> 0:15:17.080 donuts and it makes me happy every day, like coffee does. 0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:20.600 Your relationship with coffee is that it gives me energy 0:15:20.600 --> 0:15:22.840 and it doesn't feel like you're doing anything wrong. But 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:24.800 if you in your mind, you've decided that you love 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:26.880 donuts and they taste good, but you don't like how 0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:28.760 they make your you know, they make your body feel 0:15:28.920 --> 0:15:32.640 right in the instant gratification, but tomorrow you're gonna be like, oh, 0:15:33.160 --> 0:15:37.400 I don't feel good. So it's like what dictates our 0:15:37.480 --> 0:15:39.600 perception of the thing. Because I've even heard that about 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:41.960 like people who diet, and it's like, sometimes it's not 0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:44.240 about the diet, it's about the energy around the food, 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:45.920 you know what I mean. Like if I don't feel 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:48.080 guilty eating the snakers every day and then I'm not 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:49.960 going to gain weight from it. But if I feel 0:15:50.000 --> 0:15:53.120 guilt about like the energetic relationship between me picking up 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:55.120 the thing and eating it, if it's like somewhere I 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:57.320 feel negatively about it, then it is going to make 0:15:57.400 --> 0:15:59.280 me have those negative outcomes. 0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:01.720 Yeah, I mean I think it is. 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:04.160 Well, it's your own perception of how it makes you 0:16:04.200 --> 0:16:06.840 feel afterwards. But I think even like okay for example too, 0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:10.880 like say I was sad that day and I decided 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:12.760 to have a donut and then it made me good. 0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:15.800 It made me feel good, like that becomes you start 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:18.360 to build that habit of Okay, when I feel sad, 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:23.280 I want something sweet to make me feel better. Same 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:26.160 with weed or same with alcohol. You know, like whenever 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:29.040 you have a stressful day, your go to is I 0:16:29.080 --> 0:16:31.920 need to fucking drink that is my and you create 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:33.680 that habit because that's the reward. 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:35.600 The reward, I was some shit. 0:16:35.800 --> 0:16:40.000 Yeah, so when I was I'm still I'm still very 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:40.720 early on in the books. 0:16:40.720 --> 0:16:41.960 I don't have all the answers at all. 0:16:43.480 --> 0:16:45.960 But he said that to create new habits, you have 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:48.360 to make it obvious, you have to make it attractive, 0:16:48.720 --> 0:16:52.320 make it easy, and make it satisfying. So you know, 0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:54.800 I've been thinking about just like some of the some 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:57.280 of the habits that I want to create in my life, 0:16:57.480 --> 0:17:00.240 Like things that i've struggled with, which is like just 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:04.520 certain routines that I know make me feel better long 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:07.280 long term, but there's a reason why I cannot maintain 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:09.600 them and they haven't become a habit, you know, So 0:17:09.680 --> 0:17:12.800 what is the missing piece? Is it because they're not easy? 0:17:12.960 --> 0:17:16.199 Is it because your perception of the it's not obvious? 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:17.520 Like I don't know, you. 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:24.080 Know, yeah, I need to. I'm definitely one who goes 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:28.040 with what feels good and so, like I do have 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:31.199 a problem like being in routine, and it's taken me 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:33.760 like thirty years to make my bed every day, you 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:34.280 know what I mean. 0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:37.320 But now I mean even for me, like I didn't 0:17:37.320 --> 0:17:40.000 always make my bed either, but I know when I 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:43.040 make my bed because it takes such a short amount 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:45.880 of time, it literally makes me feel like I've done 0:17:46.000 --> 0:17:48.000 one thing on my list that has made me feel 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:50.280 good today. It made me feel like a responsible adult, 0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:52.520 and that I know when I come back to that room, 0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:55.000 whether everything else on the is a fucking mess on 0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:57.639 the floor, at least the bed is made. 0:17:57.520 --> 0:17:58.280 No for sure. 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:00.560 And you know, my therapist told me, I don't know 0:18:00.600 --> 0:18:01.639 if it was Eve. I don't know if it was 0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:03.320 a therapist. Before that but like a long time ago, 0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:04.359 I was like, I have no discipline. 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:05.320 I have problems. 0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:07.359 She was like, start with this making your bed every day, 0:18:07.800 --> 0:18:10.120 and I was like, this seems dumb, but like somewhere 0:18:10.119 --> 0:18:12.240 along the way, I just started to do it because 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:13.800 I say, I like the way it feels when I 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:18.200 come back into my house. But yeah, like just even 0:18:18.240 --> 0:18:22.880 the routine, like just being even in routine of self reflection, 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:26.520 being in routine of being conscious of your feelings and 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:30.160 evaluating them. Like it's really just like having the conscious 0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:35.600 thought to like observe your feelings without judging them and 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:39.080 then name them, you know, how am I feeling? And 0:18:39.080 --> 0:18:41.679 then like what do I need in this moment and 0:18:41.720 --> 0:18:44.120 then like asking for that, requesting it even if it's 0:18:44.119 --> 0:18:44.800 from yourself. 0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:46.880 Right, So it's it's. 0:18:47.000 --> 0:18:48.800 Not as being thirty five and trying to go back 0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:50.399 to like emotional school. 0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:54.439 Well it's it's funny because it really again keep it simple, 0:18:54.800 --> 0:18:57.440 these age old sayings that we hear all the time, 0:18:57.600 --> 0:19:02.000 and it's fucking true. It doesn't have to be so difficult. Literally, 0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:04.880 just ask yourself a few questions and get the answer 0:19:05.160 --> 0:19:09.480 or you know. And I think society and like social 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:11.439 media makes you feel like you have to like do 0:19:11.640 --> 0:19:16.240 all these steps and it becomes overwhelming and it doesn't 0:19:16.240 --> 0:19:19.080 have to be. You just keep it simple day by 0:19:19.160 --> 0:19:21.119 day because I'm a bitch that will try to change 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:22.560 the world in one day and I'm like. 0:19:22.560 --> 0:19:26.439 Why is it not working? Have I failed? You know? 0:19:27.160 --> 0:19:29.720 So just a reminder to keep it simple. 0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:32.960 Also, Like one of the things that I appreciate about 0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:39.639 tantra like this this specific like lineage and like that 0:19:39.760 --> 0:19:43.800 I'm learning of authentic Tantra by Debbie word Ericsson. 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:47.720 There's really no batter no good. There's no batter no good, 0:19:47.760 --> 0:19:48.200 and it's like. 0:19:50.080 --> 0:19:52.679 Do you and then you you know, like obviously like 0:19:52.720 --> 0:19:56.280 be compassionate, do things in love, and be like morally 0:19:56.280 --> 0:19:58.560 and ethically, but like there's no such thing as like, 0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:01.760 oh you you smoke a joint every day, that's bad. 0:20:02.040 --> 0:20:03.919 Oh you had a bad day, so you went in 0:20:04.000 --> 0:20:06.639 like too, Margarita's that's not how you deal with it, 0:20:06.680 --> 0:20:08.680 you know what I mean. Like there's no judgment as 0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:11.399