Speaker 1: How I Suck At Dating with de Jared Haven I
Speaker 1: heart radio podcast. What's going on everyone, and Welcome to
Speaker 1: an all new episode of help I Suck At Dating?
Speaker 1: And boy we got a doozy for you. Today we
Speaker 1: have the one and only Becca Martinez. Want to say,
Speaker 1: I don't want to say Becca from R season because
Speaker 1: I feel like you don't you don't identify as that
Speaker 1: you did. But okay, that's I guess how people would
Speaker 1: maybe know the name Beca Martinez from ARI season but
Speaker 1: most importantly crushing life everywhere else? Becca, how's it going? Sing?
Speaker 1: Pretty good? How are you guys? Last time I saw
Speaker 1: each of you? Jared, I think I saw you at
Speaker 1: an in and out with Nick Vilan Ashley like four
Speaker 1: years ago in after like a boo who party so funny,
Speaker 1: and then Dean. Last time I saw you, I think
Speaker 1: I was like literally eight and a half months pregnant
Speaker 1: or something. Where was that I We recorded something for
Speaker 1: Colton season of The Bachelor, for which actually one of
Speaker 1: the two snarky people to come record something for them,
Speaker 1: I think is what it was. Yeah, the last time
Speaker 1: I saw you was we went to a bunch of
Speaker 1: us went to dinner somewhere like in Beverly Hills or something,
Speaker 1: and it was right before Paradise or something like that.
Speaker 1: I don't remember. I was about to push out a baby. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you were about to push out a baby. How are
Speaker 1: the babies doing? They're good, they're crazy. Two year old
Speaker 1: and a three year old, Jared. How is it being
Speaker 1: a dad? It's fantastic. Being a business owner is quite different. Um.
Speaker 1: My question to you is do you think that the
Speaker 1: first was harder or the second? First, I see the first.
Speaker 1: I think the first because life before kids, you're just cruising. Man.
Speaker 1: It's like your time is on your I mean even
Speaker 1: when you have like a full time job, you like
Speaker 1: leave your job. I mean I was in nanny so
Speaker 1: I was like I would leave my job, I would
Speaker 1: go home and then you know, after five pm, life
Speaker 1: was mine until like you know, eight am the next
Speaker 1: morning for the most part. And then when you add
Speaker 1: a y to the mix, suddenly it's like all these
Speaker 1: are factors. And also you think in your head like oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to bring them everywhere with me, like we're
Speaker 1: we're gonna do our normal life, Like yeah, we're gonna
Speaker 1: and then suddenly it's like you know you're like, I
Speaker 1: can't go to that party because it's at six thirty
Speaker 1: and we have to do the that time routine. And like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I felt like that was a big
Speaker 1: like a big shift. But then with number two, you're like,
Speaker 1: I've already been doing this, whatever, what's another one? So
Speaker 1: mine and Ashley's biggest fear because it's definitely more and Ashley,
Speaker 1: she's one of us pregnant again, which pregnancy, by far
Speaker 1: is I mean, it's a beautiful, wonderful thing, but it
Speaker 1: also is the worst from an outsider's perspective. But uh,
Speaker 1: it's just the idea of taking care of a baby,
Speaker 1: but adding in a toddler scares the sh out of me.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean I got pregnant when Frank was
Speaker 1: I mean I got pregnant when Ruth was seven months old,
Speaker 1: so that was a wild But also we were like, okay,
Speaker 1: we just did this, like we just did the crazy
Speaker 1: newborn phase and we already have all the gear, like
Speaker 1: let's go, and it was kind of nice. I like
Speaker 1: doing it. And now they play together, you know, like
Speaker 1: they're two and three and a half, they're like their buddies.
Speaker 1: So I don't know, I recommend keeping them close together,
Speaker 1: otherwise you have to start all over again. I know
Speaker 1: that's quite terrifying as well. So do you are you done?
Speaker 1: Do you think you want another? No? I definitely want.
Speaker 1: I mean I would have like four more. But I
Speaker 1: think Gray is like he after after even Ruth, He's like,
Speaker 1: I'm done, and then after Frank He's like, I'm done.
Speaker 1: Watch We're going to have like two more, and He'll
Speaker 1: keep saying that I'm done. But I feel like two more.
Speaker 1: But like in a few years, we want to live
Speaker 1: our lives a little more. By your own logic. You
Speaker 1: gotta start working on that pretty soon, because you wanted
Speaker 1: to be close together, right, I know, Well, no, I'll
Speaker 1: do another set of too, So I'll wait like four
Speaker 1: years and too close together nice and then they can
Speaker 1: be like best friends growing up, and then when they
Speaker 1: get to become adults, they can become best friends later
Speaker 1: exactly exactly. So, I don't know. I'm one of five,
Speaker 1: and I thought it was so much fun having a
Speaker 1: lot of siblings, and like I always said, I wish
Speaker 1: I had more brothers and sisters. So I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think it's fun, yeah, definitely, Um, what else is
Speaker 1: going on in the life of Becca. We haven't, like
Speaker 1: you said, we haven't all seen each other in a while,
Speaker 1: phill Us in. I mean, we all know. You've got
Speaker 1: your podcast over there. If I remember correctly, Chatty Brods
Speaker 1: we do. Yeah three Wait what did you say it
Speaker 1: was called chats Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought you
Speaker 1: said Braddy Broad's For a minute. How it's like, that's
Speaker 1: what my mom calls it. Um, we were doing like
Speaker 1: three episodes a week. It's crazy. This is gonna be
Speaker 1: our last Bachelor Bachelor's season that we're going to be
Speaker 1: covering on the show. We took a break for a
Speaker 1: couple of seasons and then we had to rev it
Speaker 1: up again for the Double Bachelorettes, which has actually been
Speaker 1: a blast. I've been loving it. Um. And then yeah,
Speaker 1: so we're doing that and otherwise, you know, we're talking
Speaker 1: about all kinds of life stuff as one does. How
Speaker 1: do you do three weeks? Because we struggle with with
Speaker 1: one a week, one a week. I mean, well, also,
Speaker 1: we're on a pretty set schedule. So like everyone and stay,
Speaker 1: I drive up about an hour away from where we record.
Speaker 1: I drive up to Eagle Rock and we do two
Speaker 1: episodes and then Actually it's really funny. Um, both of
Speaker 1: our partners. So my boyfriend and her husband do a
Speaker 1: third episode a week together and they call it Chatty Bros.
Speaker 1: So they do they kind of throw in a little
Speaker 1: extra segment. But I mean we've been grinding out at
Speaker 1: least two episodes for about three and a half years,
Speaker 1: and then about a year ago we threw in the third.
Speaker 1: But I think we've just been in the routine of it.
Speaker 1: And I am not the person who stays on top
Speaker 1: of the schedule in that relationship for sure. I'm definitely
Speaker 1: the one who's like, let's just take three weeks off,
Speaker 1: and she's like, let's know, we need to like banks
Speaker 1: some episodes and then we can go on vacations. So
Speaker 1: I feel like Jess, my co host, kind of keeps
Speaker 1: things in the check. I mean, that's kind of how
Speaker 1: it is with Jared too. If it wasn't for Jared,
Speaker 1: this podcast with Much, it basically is Much, but it's
Speaker 1: more of like a solid version of them. Yeah, It's
Speaker 1: like it's like when Dawson takes and like it's kind
Speaker 1: of mushy but kind of solid. That's our pod us
Speaker 1: right there. It's somewhat solid somewhat bushy, but then sometimes
Speaker 1: get crust on the outside and then it's just yeah.
Speaker 1: So there's some you know, hardness to it. But at
Speaker 1: the same time, there are times where it's just a
Speaker 1: complete blowout city where it's just mush. So how do
Speaker 1: you find that? How do you find the mush of
Speaker 1: how do you define the mush of the podcast? What
Speaker 1: do you mean? Like me doing recording in an empty
Speaker 1: basement right now, so there's a solid echo. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to talk as close to the mic as possible, but
Speaker 1: of course we're moving and uh, we're moving parking lot
Speaker 1: pretty much. Yeah, in him recording from a home parking lot.
Speaker 1: This is holed by Second Dating, UM that I got
Speaker 1: a question for you on the top of your kids.
Speaker 1: We have this page six article and I know it's
Speaker 1: page six and who they really knows what they're talking about,
Speaker 1: but it says Bachelor alum Becka Martinez reveals she's becoming
Speaker 1: a foster parent. No, not dude, people right there, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's so funny. There was a headline recently too, because
Speaker 1: I did have TikTok about how when I went on
Speaker 1: The Bachelor, Um, I had to buy a bunch of
Speaker 1: clothes at nordstom where and then I kept the tags
Speaker 1: on and I returned them after I got back in
Speaker 1: the Bachelor because I didn't I mean, I had to
Speaker 1: quit my job, you know it is. I had to
Speaker 1: quit my job to go on the show. I've been
Speaker 1: traveling this summer leading up to the show, so I'd
Speaker 1: spent like a lot of my savings. So I was like, well, like,
Speaker 1: I gotta do what I gotta do. And then this
Speaker 1: headline came out Bachelor star backap Martina Is admits to
Speaker 1: committing fraud. And then it was this whole thing about
Speaker 1: like how publication fraud. I think it was like page
Speaker 1: six or something. And then the article was so dramatic.
Speaker 1: It was like this is technically fraud, and like fraud
Speaker 1: can be an arrestable offense, and it was just like
Speaker 1: so dramatic. No, I'm not becoming a foster parent. I
Speaker 1: um used journalists need to do their research. I am
Speaker 1: volunteering for a program called COSA, And what it is
Speaker 1: is you become a court appointed special Advocate. It's a
Speaker 1: volunteer position and essentially what you're doing is your an advocate.
Speaker 1: UM you get paired with the foster youth and you
Speaker 1: become an advocate for them. So you know, a case
Speaker 1: worker will have thirty to forty kids at one time,
Speaker 1: which is actually crazy if you think about it, Like
Speaker 1: if you only have twenty work days in a month, Like,
Speaker 1: how much time can you actually dedicate to try to
Speaker 1: like figure out what's going on in each case. So
Speaker 1: like what a cost of might do is, um, you know,
Speaker 1: try to figure out and do some sleuthing, try to
Speaker 1: figure out there's family members that a child can be
Speaker 1: placed with, like trying to figure out make sure their
Speaker 1: educational needs are met, trying to make sure that their
Speaker 1: medical needs are met. Like they're basically the eyes and
Speaker 1: ears of the court. And then you have to do
Speaker 1: court reports and show up in court and give the
Speaker 1: report based on things that you believe are in the
Speaker 1: best interests of the child. You meet with a child
Speaker 1: once or twice a month. Um, so it's a pretty
Speaker 1: it's a pretty serious position. But yeah, we're not we're
Speaker 1: not fostering, although I would like to do that someday,
Speaker 1: but um, I'm kind of doing this cost of volunteering
Speaker 1: as to kind of get a better handle on like
Speaker 1: how the court system works and how the um, yeah, dependency,
Speaker 1: court works and all of that, and get some insight
Speaker 1: into that whole process. Why do you want to get
Speaker 1: insight into that? I mean I think that I've always
Speaker 1: had a passion for kids for sure, Like you know,
Speaker 1: I was a nanny for five years before going on
Speaker 1: the Bachelor, and it's just something I've always been really
Speaker 1: passionate about. And in the past year I was just
Speaker 1: learning a lot more about like foster care. How I mean,
Speaker 1: there's literally like millions, millions of kids that are in
Speaker 1: the foster system and it's just a mess up system,
Speaker 1: and it's messed up for kids, for parents, for resource families.
Speaker 1: So I don't know, I just kind of wanted to
Speaker 1: get involved. And I'm always sitting on the sidelines like
Speaker 1: kind of complaining about stuff, and I'm like, well, I
Speaker 1: should probably like actually take some of my time and
Speaker 1: invest some of my time and energy into doing something
Speaker 1: instead of complaining about all the stuff I think is up.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so you obviously have two kids, you with Grayston.
Speaker 1: So it's gray Ston, right, there's a t in there.
Speaker 1: I love that name. Good God. So how do you
Speaker 1: guys meet? I don't think because you are an anomaly
Speaker 1: within Bachelor franchise because you're so well known and every
Speaker 1: you know, Chatty Broads is a huge successful podcast, but
Speaker 1: people kind of you're like one of those people that
Speaker 1: like if you're a fan of the show, people are like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know Becca, and they're like, yeah, but how do
Speaker 1: I know Becca? You know, it's you've Like that's what
Speaker 1: I meant when you've kind of transcended. You're just someone
Speaker 1: who's like a part of the franchise, who is so
Speaker 1: well known within it, but like you don't have like
Speaker 1: a specific story Like I remember when you were on
Speaker 1: R season, there was like this whole thing about you
Speaker 1: you went missing or something like, I know, like craziness
Speaker 1: that you just like forget about when I was when
Speaker 1: I found out you're on the podcast, like yeah, that's right,
Speaker 1: she did, she did go missing or there was a
Speaker 1: storm out there, um so missing a wear. So after
Speaker 1: the show, how did you meet Grayston? Yeah? So, And
Speaker 1: I take it's money. I take that as a compliment,
Speaker 1: but then also it makes me kind of sad sometimes,
Speaker 1: like I sort of wish that I had some more
Speaker 1: time to be a part of the franchise. I don't know,
Speaker 1: like like I know but I don't know. I feel
Speaker 1: like I always do this thing where I like kind
Speaker 1: of like distanced myself from like people or like groups.
Speaker 1: And then I'm like and then I am like sad
Speaker 1: that I'm not a part of things, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Like I'm like, oh, man, I wish I
Speaker 1: was like in with more people, but I'm like I
Speaker 1: isolated myself and like didn't make myself a part of
Speaker 1: the community. And now I'm sad that I'm like not
Speaker 1: in on things, Like you know, why do you why
Speaker 1: do you think that is? Why do you think you
Speaker 1: isolated yourself? I don't know, And I don't think it's
Speaker 1: just in Bachelor, Like it's something that I find myself
Speaker 1: doing fairly often. Like I think I just get imposter
Speaker 1: syndrome and I get in my head and like I
Speaker 1: just went on this influencer retreat with my with my
Speaker 1: social media management team and they had like all their
Speaker 1: influences there and I was so like stressed out an
Speaker 1: anxious going into it. I was like, oh my god, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know this narrative that's such bullshit,
Speaker 1: Like oh, I'm not like these people and it's not
Speaker 1: a way of thinking I'm better than anybody. I'm just
Speaker 1: like I don't know how to relate, like, you know, what,
Speaker 1: what do we have in common? Like I don't like
Speaker 1: dress like that, or I don't whatever. And then of
Speaker 1: course I showed up and a bunch of other people
Speaker 1: were like, oh, I was anxious for the same reason,
Speaker 1: and we all got along and hung out and had
Speaker 1: so much in common, because like humans have a lot
Speaker 1: more in common than like the way they dress or
Speaker 1: like their hobbies, you know what I mean. So I
Speaker 1: just feel like I get imposter syndrome and I get
Speaker 1: in my head and I'm like, I won't have anything
Speaker 1: to relate to with these people for whatever reason that
Speaker 1: I've created in my mind, whatever narrative, and so I
Speaker 1: think I just get anxious and then I just kind
Speaker 1: of like, you know, closed myself off. Oh I feel
Speaker 1: the exact same way. I mean, I think a lot
Speaker 1: of that I've started to like go in. A big
Speaker 1: credit to that is Ashley, because she is the prototypical
Speaker 1: person of like just letting her walls down. We have
Speaker 1: movers here and she's just got out of the shower
Speaker 1: in a towel and she's walking around be like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know you don't have to do that, Like you
Speaker 1: can put that in. And my mother in law's here,
Speaker 1: her mom, and she's like, actually put clothes on. She's like,
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm in a towel. I'm covered. But she's
Speaker 1: that person who doesn't give a I love her so
Speaker 1: much for it. And yeah, and she's so welcoming also,
Speaker 1: Like and whenever I hung out with her, I'm just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I feel like totally you know, in with you. And
Speaker 1: that's such a good feeling. She's just the most endearing,
Speaker 1: wonderful peopan being. She's so welcoming, she's so down to earth.
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people ask me, you know,
Speaker 1: if they see me at Audrey's, you know, they asked
Speaker 1: about Ashley, and I'm like, Ashley is exactly what you
Speaker 1: think Ashley is. Like whatever you see Ashley on Instagram,
Speaker 1: that is who Ashley is. Um. But one of the things,
Speaker 1: like I remember when I want a bachelor or bachelor
Speaker 1: excuse me, and I would have the same vibe of
Speaker 1: like I'm not going to fit in with any of
Speaker 1: these guys. These guys are like g Q models, former
Speaker 1: NFL athletes, Like I'm a kid from a run with
Speaker 1: patri Facion here, like I'm not fitting, But then you
Speaker 1: go in and you realize, Like I remember talking to
Speaker 1: Ben Higgins and he was like so anxious and terrified,
Speaker 1: and all these other guys were like, I don't know
Speaker 1: what the hell I'm doing here, and I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: we all don't know what the hell we're doing. That's
Speaker 1: not so bad. Totally. Yeah, I had the same experience too.
Speaker 1: It's like I went in on The Bachelor, and I've
Speaker 1: made like so many friends. I had so much fun,
Speaker 1: and you know, it's like, I don't know. Bonding with
Speaker 1: people goes, like I said, way beyond what you're into
Speaker 1: or who you are. I mean, obviously I don't know
Speaker 1: you that well, but from what I know of your
Speaker 1: what I see from you, I feel like you're also
Speaker 1: someone who just very much obviously speaks your mind. And
Speaker 1: so I think with groups that are out, I think
Speaker 1: you just call it how it is. And so sometimes
Speaker 1: I think, specifically, whether it be Bachelor or anything else
Speaker 1: in life, you probably see both the rights and wrongs
Speaker 1: of something. So maybe that's why you distance yourself a
Speaker 1: little bit. We're like, oh, you're so cool, but also
Speaker 1: like I don't agree with what you do there, so
Speaker 1: I don't want to be super close to you totally.
Speaker 1: And I think I actually get in my head about
Speaker 1: that too. I'm like, oh my gosh, like did they
Speaker 1: hear what I say said about this? And like are
Speaker 1: they not going to like me because of that? And
Speaker 1: I've grown so much in the last four years, like definitely,
Speaker 1: especially getting off the shell, and it was like I
Speaker 1: was just saying whatever the opped into my head. And
Speaker 1: I look back, especially on those first couple of years now,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, damn, why was I trying to like
Speaker 1: fight everybody and like, you know, just say all these
Speaker 1: things for shock value. And it's like I still like
Speaker 1: doing that every now and then, but I definitely choose
Speaker 1: my battles a lot more. And I don't know, like
Speaker 1: I've just I guess, realized a lot more how words
Speaker 1: impact people and like how an offhand comment that I
Speaker 1: think is like funny or I don't think the other
Speaker 1: person is going to hear about dude. I did that
Speaker 1: for so long, Like I would be on a huge
Speaker 1: podcast and I would say something and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: they're never gonna hear me say that, and then of
Speaker 1: course everyone's in their d m sending that person that clip,
Speaker 1: and then that person's like, why would you say that?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't know, Like I don't know
Speaker 1: why I said that, just like word vomit um, and
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's something that I've definitely worked on
Speaker 1: and and I've been on the other end of that too,
Speaker 1: where someone says something off handedly about me and I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, like devastated, I'm like, how could they say
Speaker 1: that about me? And you know, being on the other
Speaker 1: end of it, it's like you got I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely a lot, a lot more, a lot more mindful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but let's be honest, it is it is a pretty
Speaker 1: fun thing to say outrageous and ridiculous things just to
Speaker 1: see what happens. It's so fun. And to troll people,
Speaker 1: I mean, to troll my audience on Instagram control and
Speaker 1: it's it's it's it's Alas my therapist I always just
Speaker 1: to tell me, she said, you're the kind of person
Speaker 1: that likes to dig themselves into as deep a whole
Speaker 1: as possible just to see if they can get themselves
Speaker 1: out of it. And it's not a good thing. I'm
Speaker 1: not like patting myself on the back about it. But
Speaker 1: it's a percent true and it extends like so many
Speaker 1: facets in my life as well. It's like, well, I
Speaker 1: don't understand why, but I know I think it's I mean,
Speaker 1: there's a part of it. It's positive. Like I love
Speaker 1: a challenge, so I'm always like, even just like in
Speaker 1: my personal life, I love doing little challenges, you know,
Speaker 1: like um, like let's go, let's do a hundred days
Speaker 1: of like no drinking, you know, or like let's do
Speaker 1: you a month of like no eating out at all,
Speaker 1: And like I always like doing those little challenges, and like,
Speaker 1: honestly I loved giving birth too because I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, like this is gonna be like the ultimate challenge,
Speaker 1: like let's prepare, let's overcome. And I don't know, I
Speaker 1: just I like, I enjoy that kind of thing, So
Speaker 1: I guess I can relate to that too, of that
Speaker 1: feeling of like, yeah, like let's diggle hole and see
Speaker 1: if I can get out of it. But I mean, also,
Speaker 1: attention is fun. Attention is fun. I also think we're
Speaker 1: living in kind of a new territory era where podcasts
Speaker 1: have just grown exponentially over the past five to ten
Speaker 1: years were in. Social media obviously has connected everybody. So
Speaker 1: you have taken what used to be just living room
Speaker 1: thoughts where you would just say things towards the TV
Speaker 1: and no one would ever hear you, and we've transferred
Speaker 1: that into a platform, whether it be social media or podcasting.
Speaker 1: And so I think a lot of times that I
Speaker 1: find myself doing it too, where you're watching Bachelor or
Speaker 1: recapping or anything in life, just saying Bachelor because obviously
Speaker 1: connects all three of us that you're like, oh, this
Speaker 1: person is so f and stupid, and then you say
Speaker 1: that out loud with other people hearing you, and then
Speaker 1: of course they tell them and they're like, why would
Speaker 1: you say that, And you're like, well, I didn't, I
Speaker 1: didn't mean it. I just said it. You know, you're
Speaker 1: a nice guy, yeah, Like I'm sure you're a great person. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you're wonderful, but in that moment, you were
Speaker 1: ff and stupid. And I would never tell you that
Speaker 1: to your face, but I just said it on a podcast,
Speaker 1: so I guess now I have to say it to
Speaker 1: your face. So now I'm in this awkward position. So
Speaker 1: it's just it's, you know, because we say things all
Speaker 1: the time that we don't mean I know, and I'm
Speaker 1: not very good at interpersonal confrontation either, which is the
Speaker 1: ironic thing. Like and then you know, it's like obviously
Speaker 1: you can talk magic online, and then when it actually
Speaker 1: when you actually come face to face with someone, I'm
Speaker 1: always like, I'm so sorry, like I really like you,
Speaker 1: and I also really like most people. Like when I
Speaker 1: meet most people and like I'm with them, like in person,
Speaker 1: one on one, I'm usually like, you're really cool, like,
Speaker 1: you know, know, anytime I have a fan interaction with
Speaker 1: the show, I always feel like I'm disappointing with my
Speaker 1: answers because they're like, what's this is like in real life?
Speaker 1: Like they're nice, Like I don't know what, They're fine.
Speaker 1: They're like, oh, they're probably such a big dick, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, they're fine, Like, you know, they did
Speaker 1: some things on the show, like I don't know, it's TV.
Speaker 1: What do you want from me? Who are you talking about?
Speaker 1: Specifically Dared Dean obviously, Well, okay, I guess that's fair. No,
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. Who would be a good example of that, Well, honestly,
Speaker 1: a lot of it was actually before we were together.
Speaker 1: People come up oh my god, just be like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, she cries all the time, and oh, I
Speaker 1: thought you meant you were talking on her. Oh no,
Speaker 1: before we together, people come up be like she's so crazy,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, she's not. She's awesome. She just cries
Speaker 1: as an emotional and they're like, oh, Like, I think
Speaker 1: that people expect me to be like, oh, she's out
Speaker 1: of her mind, she's insane. I don't know how long
Speaker 1: this is going to last. I know, yeah, I've got
Speaker 1: some questions about you and Grayston. So you guys are engaged, right, Yes, congratulation.
Speaker 1: I don't know where my ring is that. Yes, I haven't.
Speaker 1: You've already lost the ring. That's a good start. Well, so,
Speaker 1: as Jared was saying earlier, kind of toadded as like
Speaker 1: the the Bachelor contestant that goes against the grain. Right.
Speaker 1: So I was personally shocked to hear that you guys
Speaker 1: got engaged, not for very reason. I knew guys were
Speaker 1: in love, you have kids together, all that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: but um, can you talk us through that whole decision
Speaker 1: making process? Like yeah, so um oh, Also I never
Speaker 1: answered your question, Jared, like we met through we met
Speaker 1: through mutual friends in the rock climbing community. So actually
Speaker 1: he updated one of my good friends, um that I
Speaker 1: knew through climbing and so, and I knew him through
Speaker 1: like other people, and I just like always thought he
Speaker 1: was really hot. And then we met at like a
Speaker 1: friend's party and I was like, he's kind of weird,
Speaker 1: but you know whatever, and then uh, he just like
Speaker 1: I don't know, he just got my number. And then
Speaker 1: he was like, Hey, do you want to come over
Speaker 1: for dinner. I'll make you dinner, like on Wednesday night.
Speaker 1: And I love that directness because it was just something
Speaker 1: I hadn't experienced a lot, like in l A. And
Speaker 1: he was just like, you know, Wednesday night, come over,
Speaker 1: I'll make you dinner. I was like, okay, cool, and
Speaker 1: you know we did that day. It was great and
Speaker 1: it was crazy. I actually like wrote in my journal
Speaker 1: that night, um, really corny. But I was sort of
Speaker 1: like I know. I was like I know that I
Speaker 1: love him and not like I'm in love with him,
Speaker 1: Like I know that I love the person that he is,
Speaker 1: Like he's so himself and like it really doesn't care
Speaker 1: what other people think, Like people say that sometimes about me,
Speaker 1: but I really I care a lot about what other
Speaker 1: people think. I think about what other people think about
Speaker 1: me a lot. But he really was just like so
Speaker 1: free and being himself and I just loved that about him.
Speaker 1: And then yeah, I don't know. He was just like, hey,
Speaker 1: do you want to hang out next week on Monday
Speaker 1: and go do this? And I just love that intentionality.
Speaker 1: And UM loved it so much that three months later
Speaker 1: I found out I was pregnant. So there, there you
Speaker 1: have it. Um. But that first year in our relationship
Speaker 1: was really hard, like it sucks. Neither of us wanted
Speaker 1: We've talked about this before, like on the podcast and stuff,
Speaker 1: like neither of us wanted to be with each other.
Speaker 1: There was a lot of resentment. He did not want
Speaker 1: me to have the baby. We were sucking, pissed at
Speaker 1: each other. I I wanted him. I was like, I'll
Speaker 1: do this on my own, Like I want you to
Speaker 1: be out of the picture, like please just let me
Speaker 1: like a single parent. And he was like no, Like
Speaker 1: I am, no, I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be a part of your life and be a part
Speaker 1: of our child's life. UM. And it was really really hard.
Speaker 1: And then when she was born, you know, I feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of couples when they have a kid
Speaker 1: sometimes it can really kind of rock their world in
Speaker 1: their relationship, and for us it did, but in a
Speaker 1: really positive way because I felt like there was this
Speaker 1: concept of us having a child and that was really daunting,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden she was there and
Speaker 1: like she was perfect and we were both in love
Speaker 1: with her, and then we saw the other person being
Speaker 1: in love with her and watch and the other person
Speaker 1: parent was just like I don't know. It was just
Speaker 1: like immediately everything shifted in our relationship. Two weeks after that,
Speaker 1: he literally two weeks after she was born, he proposed
Speaker 1: to me and I was like what, like and and
Speaker 1: at first I was kind of like yeah, and then
Speaker 1: it was like two hours later we were like going
Speaker 1: to bed and I was like they'be like at not
Speaker 1: right now, like no, and and he wasn't like butt
Speaker 1: heard about it. I was just like, I know, like
Speaker 1: I want this to be I understand like the sentiment,
Speaker 1: but I want this decision to be about us, like,
Speaker 1: not about that we just had a kid together, and
Speaker 1: like you want to seal the deal and show me
Speaker 1: you're committed, Like I don't know. I felt so intertwined
Speaker 1: with like being parents together, and I was just like,
Speaker 1: I don't I don't want that. Um. So I don't know,
Speaker 1: like over the years, and I was like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: why do we even have to get married, you know,
Speaker 1: we had two kids, Like what's the point? Um? And honestly,
Speaker 1: like it came down to both of us really really
Speaker 1: want to have like a big party, and I guess
Speaker 1: we don't technically need a letting to do that. But
Speaker 1: I don't know. We were both like, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: let's get married. Why not, Like we're both committed to
Speaker 1: be together like for the rest of our lives, and
Speaker 1: I don't know, like who knows what our relationship might
Speaker 1: look like as the years go on. We can both
Speaker 1: be I mean, I guess I'm a little more unconventional
Speaker 1: than he is. His friend the other day was like, Becca,
Speaker 1: you always like say, talk about like having you know,
Speaker 1: like a non monouguous relationship, and great pretends to go
Speaker 1: along with it, but he's like the most traditional guy
Speaker 1: like ever at the heart of him. Um. But so
Speaker 1: we I don't know, we just had talked about getting
Speaker 1: married and all that, and and then we're like, you know, well,
Speaker 1: let's do it? Why not? And so we had talked
Speaker 1: about getting engaged, and I was like, I want to
Speaker 1: pick out the ring, like I want to be a
Speaker 1: part of it. And so I did, like at a
Speaker 1: point last year. And then yeah, I didn't know. I
Speaker 1: knew it was going to happen eventually. So I mean
Speaker 1: when he proposed it was like not a big surprise thing.
Speaker 1: And and and so for me, I guess to answer
Speaker 1: your question, it feels like something that's just for us.
Speaker 1: And I think like it's particularly meaningful because we have
Speaker 1: kids and doing it at this point in our lives,
Speaker 1: especially now as our kids are getting a little bit
Speaker 1: older and we can be a little bit more independent.
Speaker 1: It's like we're just now starting to do like more
Speaker 1: of the dating stuff, you know. Now we can go
Speaker 1: on trips together and like travel together, and and honestly,
Speaker 1: like it's funny. I was. I was kind of crying
Speaker 1: a couple of days ago, and I was just kind
Speaker 1: of mourning that where I was like, I feel really
Speaker 1: sad sometimes that like we didn't get to do the
Speaker 1: thing that other people like get to do, like doing
Speaker 1: what you and Kalin are doing, like traveling around just
Speaker 1: like living your lives together, Like I mourned that a
Speaker 1: lot for sure, where I'm like, oh my gosh, like
Speaker 1: we could have had you know, so much fun and
Speaker 1: we still can. But it just like looks differently. Um,
Speaker 1: and so I'm warned that. But I think that this
Speaker 1: is just kind of a special symbol of like, no,
Speaker 1: we're We're not just in this because we have kids together,
Speaker 1: Like this is a separate commitment that we're making to
Speaker 1: each other, a romantic commitment to each other, regardless of
Speaker 1: the kids. Yeah, that's a good way to look at it.
Speaker 1: I feel like to uh, I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: seen anything, but like Caylen and I are going through
Speaker 1: a similar process right now. It's funny to hear you
Speaker 1: talk about you and Grayson because it's kind of the
Speaker 1: same mindset I'm in as well, where it's like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm already I'm already gonna spend the rest of my
Speaker 1: life with this person. Anyways. Do I want to get married?
Speaker 1: Not really, but if the other person wants it, why not,
Speaker 1: let's just do it? You know? Yeah, what does that
Speaker 1: mean to you? I guess, like what is what is
Speaker 1: like is that just from like trauma, like family trauma,
Speaker 1: like not wanting to get married or I guess, like,
Speaker 1: what's the what's the thing there? Yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker 1: I guess my So, my parents had a really poor marriage,
Speaker 1: at least like in the latter part of it when
Speaker 1: I was growing up and old enough to realize kind
Speaker 1: of what was going on. Um, so I never had
Speaker 1: like a good example of what a good marriage looks like,
Speaker 1: I guess, which is pretty bad. And as much as
Speaker 1: I hate to say it, like I I just think
Speaker 1: I'm a contrarian, like to my core, and the fact
Speaker 1: that everyone expects you to get married, wants you to
Speaker 1: get married just inherently like makes me so like Auntie
Speaker 1: that idea. It's it's so annoying. It's like, you don't
Speaker 1: know what's best for me, and I'm going to prove
Speaker 1: it to you by showing you the exact opposite and
Speaker 1: still being happy, you know what I mean. Yeah, people
Speaker 1: ask all that time. I get that people ask me that, Alton,
Speaker 1: what are you guys getting married? Like the minute that
Speaker 1: you know, when I was since being of a relationship
Speaker 1: and when I got pregnant, like, what are you guys
Speaker 1: getting married? You know, dude, back off? Did you feel
Speaker 1: a big pressure for like just like socially from that, likease,
Speaker 1: obviously you know you're having kids and all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff, did you see, Like because you know, people
Speaker 1: comment the most ridiculous things, and it's like people you
Speaker 1: don't even know that have no input on your life,
Speaker 1: that have no like insight whatsoever, but they're saying that
Speaker 1: was outrageous, like a matter of fact, like this has
Speaker 1: to happen kind of thing. You know. Yeah that do
Speaker 1: that stuff doesn't bother me. I mean it also helps
Speaker 1: that we live in l A or like we're in Yeah,
Speaker 1: helps that we live in l A. Because that's just
Speaker 1: no one here. Like I felt when I got pregnant
Speaker 1: in l A. I felt like I was a teen
Speaker 1: pregnancy like before we're just like, oh my god, like
Speaker 1: and it was funny. People's reactions were sort of like, well,
Speaker 1: why did you keep the baby? Like that's so weird? Like, um,
Speaker 1: people were just like really shocked by that. In our
Speaker 1: community here, I guess like all of our so many
Speaker 1: of my friends are like in their thirties and don't
Speaker 1: have kids. Um, so uh no, I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: feel like I felt like that pressure online of course,
Speaker 1: like people are just always annoying and always have a
Speaker 1: lot to say. The only stuff that bothers me is
Speaker 1: when people feel like they know our relationship and like
Speaker 1: it's always the people that are more invested that bothered me,
Speaker 1: where they're like I've been listening to the podcast and
Speaker 1: I've just noticed how you always interrupt him and it
Speaker 1: just really seems like you have a lot of presentment
Speaker 1: and you haven't worked through you know, like those that
Speaker 1: kind of thing like it just like, oh, it makes
Speaker 1: me like so furious or like, oh someone the other
Speaker 1: day because I was like I was having like a
Speaker 1: panic attack, and I called him and he was out
Speaker 1: getting drinks with friends that he had seen a long time,
Speaker 1: and I called him. I was like, I'm freaking out
Speaker 1: right now. I have this paranoia that like I'm going
Speaker 1: to be dosed with like some sort of psychedelic accidentally.
Speaker 1: And I was like I was like sitting on the
Speaker 1: couch like doing one thing, and I started feeling really weird.
Speaker 1: And my first thought my friend had made me muffins
Speaker 1: and I know that she micro doses, and my first
Speaker 1: thought was like she used the shroom chocolate like in
Speaker 1: the muffins, and I started like panicking like freaking out.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna start tripping
Speaker 1: right now. And I was just like I'm losing my mind.
Speaker 1: And I called him and He's like, babe, we just
Speaker 1: got like a roundom beer, like can you wait like
Speaker 1: ten minutes? And I got so pissed. But then the
Speaker 1: funny thing was that me getting pissed at him like
Speaker 1: brought me down and I was like, wait, I'm not
Speaker 1: tripping right now, like totally fine. But of course I
Speaker 1: posted about that on Instagram and then someone DM me.
Speaker 1: It was like girl, just so you know, like you
Speaker 1: deserve someone who will actually show up shut that that
Speaker 1: kind of and I'm just like, shut the up, like
Speaker 1: you don't know us, leave me alone. But then I'm
Speaker 1: putting my life out there, so I'm inviting people to comment.
Speaker 1: You know, it is what it is. How do you
Speaker 1: feel about that, Dean? Do you are you always getting
Speaker 1: people who are commenting on your relationships? On your relationship? Yeah, relationships, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: my relationship with Alister too. I guess um. I we
Speaker 1: talked about a lot on this podcast, and I'm sure
Speaker 1: you deal with quite a bit of it as well.
Speaker 1: Where I'll say, like one thing you know, in context,
Speaker 1: it makes sense with the tone, and then some article
Speaker 1: or whatever, we'll take it out of context and then
Speaker 1: put it in print and it has like a completely
Speaker 1: different meaning. And then people will see that and then
Speaker 1: like either attack me or Kalin because of some you know,
Speaker 1: two sentenced thing I said snarkily on a podcast talking
Speaker 1: to Jared. It's my friend, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So it's like that really bothers me when they when
Speaker 1: they don't know anything, uh, and they see like one
Speaker 1: little headline and they're like, ope, I'm gonna go voice
Speaker 1: my disagreement with this on his Instagram page, you know.
Speaker 1: Uh huh I read. And also, things taken out of
Speaker 1: context are so frustrating. I've had that happen a lot
Speaker 1: with the podcast to where people even like you know,
Speaker 1: on YouTube or whatever, we'll isolate like a thirty second
Speaker 1: clip and make you sound like a total freak and
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, dude, like that's not oh my god,
Speaker 1: like listen to the full conversation here, and that's really frustrating.
Speaker 1: But no, I read one of those articles where it's
Speaker 1: like you said something like you don't like saying the
Speaker 1: word love or something like that, and it made you
Speaker 1: sound like really stupid, really look to be honest, I
Speaker 1: am really stupid, there's no question about that. But they
Speaker 1: make me sound even stupider, which is the more frustrating part.
Speaker 1: It's like, let me be as stupid as I am.
Speaker 1: You don't need like, you don't need Yeah, you don't
Speaker 1: need to help me make me look more stupid. Okay, exactly, So,
Speaker 1: so that's pretty frustrating. I guess there's like even a
Speaker 1: bigger problem with that too, Like who cares about some
Speaker 1: stupid reality TV people like that's happening on like a
Speaker 1: larger scale politically and geo politically and all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff, But there's a bigger issue there. It's just
Speaker 1: it's really frustrating. Um, it doesn't affect me so much,
Speaker 1: like I could mostly care less. What really bothers me
Speaker 1: is how Kaylin seems to be bothered by it a
Speaker 1: little bit more just because she you know, she always
Speaker 1: talks about It's It's funny. My relationship with Kayalin is
Speaker 1: a lot like Jared and Ashley's, like where Ashley will
Speaker 1: say anything for whatever reason and not care about the
Speaker 1: consequences and kind of had to get used to that
Speaker 1: whole lifestyle, and Kalen is scared in this case where
Speaker 1: I'll go out on a limb or a tangent and
Speaker 1: say something ridiculous because I don't really care about the
Speaker 1: three percussions. You know, you can talk about me all
Speaker 1: you want. I don't personally mind. But She's like, turn
Speaker 1: it down a little bit, like I don't want people
Speaker 1: talking crap about us as a couple, and I gotta
Speaker 1: I got to. I'm trying to reel it back in
Speaker 1: and respect that a little bit, but she definitely takes
Speaker 1: a little bit harder sometimes. Yeah, I mean there's stuff
Speaker 1: that I've had to be more mindful of just keeping private,
Speaker 1: just like I don't know, just certain struggles in the
Speaker 1: relationship or this or that. Like I've definitely set more
Speaker 1: boundaries over time where I'm like I don't need to
Speaker 1: let people in on this, like this is between us,
Speaker 1: or like this is between me and this person, whoever
Speaker 1: that is, and like I don't really need to talk
Speaker 1: about that to the world. It's not really any other business.
Speaker 1: But that takes that, I don't know, it takes thinking
Speaker 1: about it, which you know, there's a lot of things
Speaker 1: I say that I don't really think about before I do,
Speaker 1: so I feel like that's I'm important part of it.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of in the vein where it's like, if
Speaker 1: it's happening to me, unless there's like other people involved
Speaker 1: that are like very clearly saying they don't want it
Speaker 1: talked about. I'm like, if it's happening to me, I
Speaker 1: don't care to talk as long as real life, I'll
Speaker 1: talk about it to like the fullest extent of the truth,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Because a lot of people
Speaker 1: do like um, like cush like provide like a cushion
Speaker 1: for a lot of the stuff that they're talking about
Speaker 1: because they don't want to be like criticized. And honestly,
Speaker 1: I think the people that get the most upset about it,
Speaker 1: I think that they're I think that they feel jealous
Speaker 1: that they can't express themselves freely about the same thing,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like people project their issues,
Speaker 1: Like when you're talking about your relationship and being like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're struggling, and people are like, well, you need to
Speaker 1: dump him. I'm like, I always think, I'm like, what
Speaker 1: are you going through in your relationship? Or like, you know,
Speaker 1: like you're projecting something out of this situation because it's
Speaker 1: pretty normal to be in conflict, to have struggles to question,
Speaker 1: like how you want to be tied to someone just
Speaker 1: I don't know. Wait, so you guys just thinking about
Speaker 1: getting engaged and married though, Um, yeah, we are. That's
Speaker 1: that's kind of why I wanted to ask you about it. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, we are. We are going to do those things.
Speaker 1: It's funny because we've talked about it so much. Um,
Speaker 1: And I've talked about it on here quite a bit too.
Speaker 1: I'm always worried I'm like removing a bit of the
Speaker 1: romance from it to where it's like, you know, it's
Speaker 1: not much of a surprise anymore. It's like overcommunicated at
Speaker 1: this point. But we've agreed that we're both going to
Speaker 1: propose to each other at some point and then get married. Um.
Speaker 1: And because like you said, like you know, I have
Speaker 1: every intention to spend the rest of my life with her.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get married, but she does, and
Speaker 1: so it's like, well, we're already spending our lives together,
Speaker 1: why not just get married first. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: know what I'm doing it and where I'm doing it,
Speaker 1: but I have no idea when and where she's doing it. Well,
Speaker 1: that's fun. That's so much fun. Who's your money on, Dean,
Speaker 1: My money's on me doing At first, I think she's
Speaker 1: waiting for me to do it first before she pulls
Speaker 1: the figure. Think that's fun. I think, like, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: it's kind of funny. I I I understand what you're
Speaker 1: saying about taking the romance out of it too, for sure,
Speaker 1: because he was like telling me also about the plan
Speaker 1: that he had, Like at one point he was talking
Speaker 1: about doing a flash mob job and I was like, no,
Speaker 1: don't do that, like, please, don't do that. He's right,
Speaker 1: you're looking at him like Dodger stadium, Like no, absolutely,
Speaker 1: not propose to me with a flash mob. That sounds funny.
Speaker 1: Jared says, you could propose to him with a flash
Speaker 1: mom and Dodger stadium. He's down for it. Yeah, it's funny.
Speaker 1: I feel almost like self conscious or embarrassed about like
Speaker 1: our about like love. Like when someone asked me like, oh,
Speaker 1: are you guys in love? It's like such a we
Speaker 1: It makes me really uncomfortable for some weird reason and
Speaker 1: I don't really know why, or like when people are
Speaker 1: like oh my god, like tell me all about your
Speaker 1: engagement like not in this context, but like even like
Speaker 1: a close friend, I'm kind of like like there's something
Speaker 1: about it that just kind of makes me, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I feel like weirdly private when I'm talking about like
Speaker 1: expressing my affection or like our relationship. It just yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't like, yeah, I don't know, it just makes
Speaker 1: me feel weird. I don't care what other people do,
Speaker 1: but I just feel really weird about being like we're
Speaker 1: in love. I don't know. Do you think you feel
Speaker 1: weird about telling them because you're afraid that you're not
Speaker 1: going to live up to like their expectations, Because that's
Speaker 1: what I get. That's what I think about all the time.
Speaker 1: Not like it's there, but it's just like of course
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, how much are you in love with Ashley?
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm in love with her. I love my wife,
Speaker 1: I love her all the time, but like, you know,
Speaker 1: it's a marriage, so I don't I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think people just have this expectation, especially when you're on
Speaker 1: a dating show, that you're like constantly in the mindset
Speaker 1: of like being on top of the mountain with the
Speaker 1: loved one and like, oh my god, you know, just
Speaker 1: like every minute of every day being like do you
Speaker 1: know how much I love you? Do you know how
Speaker 1: much I'm in love with you? And it's like, of
Speaker 1: course I love my wife, but like there, you know,
Speaker 1: it's like a regular old marriage, guys, I don't know what.
Speaker 1: It's also like a part of your life, right like,
Speaker 1: and I think people get uncomfortable with this, but it's
Speaker 1: also like a part of my life. Like my relationship
Speaker 1: to him isn't like like I have a lot, I
Speaker 1: got a lot going on, Like it's a it's a
Speaker 1: part of my it's a part of my life, a
Speaker 1: really really important one of the most important parts of
Speaker 1: my life for sure. Um, But yeah, like I think
Speaker 1: especially it's like we're both business owners. Is like we're
Speaker 1: both like got so much going on, And yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know, but I think you're right. I think it's
Speaker 1: living up to Peuple's expectations. And I also think i'd
Speaker 1: compare myself to other people and honestly, like sometimes I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, like I don't think I could you know,
Speaker 1: ever have a relationship like that or like, you know,
Speaker 1: I think our relationship has already been through so many
Speaker 1: ups and downs in a few years that we've been together,
Speaker 1: and I feel super secure in it. But sometimes I'm like, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, like do we have like a relationship
Speaker 1: like they do, or like yeah, but you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm such a true like I think I'm sure all
Speaker 1: three it was probably in the same mindset. Anytime I
Speaker 1: see like a lovey dovey post when two people, I'm like,
Speaker 1: they're breaking up in a monk, like it's going to
Speaker 1: be over Seriously, I agree. I think it's ridiculous. I do.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm coporate number one when it comes to
Speaker 1: posting cut on Instagram. Um, But when it comes to
Speaker 1: the podcast, I'm always willing and happy to like talk
Speaker 1: about the things we're struggling with because not many people
Speaker 1: talk about that stuff. And to Jared's point, it's like,
Speaker 1: not every relationship is lovey dovey standing on the top
Speaker 1: up of the mountain with your loved one. Like, because
Speaker 1: I feel the same way Becca, whenever anyone asked me
Speaker 1: about like how much I love Kalin, which I love
Speaker 1: her to death, and you know, I'm I'm um, I'm
Speaker 1: crebbly lucky to be with her. I like, I like
Speaker 1: freeze up because I'm like, uh, like I don't know
Speaker 1: what to say, you know what I mean, I like,
Speaker 1: I don't. It's just like an awkward thing to talk
Speaker 1: about for me, so um and that kind of gets
Speaker 1: me in trouble sometimes. I think, Dean, you you I
Speaker 1: do this too. I express my love through humor. So
Speaker 1: like if somebody's like, how much are you in love
Speaker 1: with Ashley, I'm like, yeah, she's fine. Also, like I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's something my therapist has gotten on me
Speaker 1: about is she's like, you say everything with like a
Speaker 1: smile and a laugh. Like she she's like, you could
Speaker 1: be talking about your family member getting murdered and I'll
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, and that happened, and like yeah, crazy
Speaker 1: right like that she's and she's just kind of like okay,
Speaker 1: like you're saying that with a smile on your face,
Speaker 1: but like that's really serious for you. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I like, I'm not, like I'm not holding back tears.
Speaker 1: I just don't. And I think that's just a vulnerability thing.
Speaker 1: And it's like I think there's ways that I'm really
Speaker 1: good at being vulnerable, like what you're talking about, Dean,
Speaker 1: Like I can talk openly about the things that I'm
Speaker 1: going through and I'm not afraid to hide that. I'm
Speaker 1: not ashamed of like this or that that other people
Speaker 1: might be really scared to talk about. But um, it's
Speaker 1: difficult for me to get vulnerable. I mean, even with
Speaker 1: Gray sometimes, like it's difficult for me to like really
Speaker 1: get past the barrier and be like I don't know,
Speaker 1: to even recognize what I am going through sometimes and
Speaker 1: then to open up in that way. Like a lot
Speaker 1: of times my co host will like start talking about
Speaker 1: something and we'll cry on the podcast, and I'm just
Speaker 1: sitting there like like, uh, like I I feel it,
Speaker 1: but like my emotions are not caught up to the
Speaker 1: to the to the weight of the experience. So that's
Speaker 1: definitely something I just struggled with. In general, It's like
Speaker 1: I feel like you and I might be long lost
Speaker 1: brother and sister because everything you're describing him like yeah,
Speaker 1: right here too or here too. I think it's a
Speaker 1: protective mechanism, you know. It's like I think that, and
Speaker 1: I think I pride myself so much on being tough,
Speaker 1: like if that's something I really realized lately, Like you know,
Speaker 1: like I said, even when it comes to physical stuff
Speaker 1: like giving birth, I'm like I'm so tough, like I
Speaker 1: don't need you know, I don't need this. I don't
Speaker 1: need that, like I got it, and um, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think it's just like a protective thing in a
Speaker 1: way of and and and I've realized a lot on
Speaker 1: social media in the podcast too, I put off this
Speaker 1: like tough exterior, but I'm very sensitive, you know, like
Speaker 1: I get definitely get very in my head about what
Speaker 1: people say and and people It's so funny, like recently,
Speaker 1: I've had a couple of people comment just like super
Speaker 1: out of pocket and I and I don't really comment
Speaker 1: back a lot anymore, but I commented back and be like, yo,
Speaker 1: that's mean, Like sometimes I'll just do that now. Like
Speaker 1: that hurts my feelings and it's very disarming for people,
Speaker 1: I think. And someone commented commented back like, oh, I
Speaker 1: thought you like like when people are like kind of
Speaker 1: sparring with you, And I'm like, no, like that hurts
Speaker 1: my feelings. Like I'm a normal person, but I think
Speaker 1: I put up a tough exterior a lot, and people
Speaker 1: think that, like, you know, I'm just down with fighting
Speaker 1: with everyone all the time. And I'm like, no, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be loved too. And it's funny commenting back
Speaker 1: to those people too, because a lot of times I
Speaker 1: feel like they just threw up a control comment, not
Speaker 1: expecting to hear anything back, and then they see that
Speaker 1: the person is actually writing them back and they're like,
Speaker 1: oh wait, okay, sorry, maybe I should reconsider what I
Speaker 1: say before. Oh yeah. I've definitely gotten d ms and
Speaker 1: comments back that are like I'm so sorry, like I
Speaker 1: did not I did. Yeah, I didn't think you're gonna
Speaker 1: see what do you think you're doing? Who do you
Speaker 1: think you're talking to? Like, I'm a human being on
Speaker 1: the other side of this, I got one more question
Speaker 1: for you. So, um, now the guys are engaged. What
Speaker 1: is the wedding planning situation? Like, can you feel we are? Yeah?
Speaker 1: He and I are, so. I mean I'm excited because
Speaker 1: we're so on the same page. We're like we were
Speaker 1: like talking about it. I'm like, okay, like, what are
Speaker 1: the vibes you want for our wedding? He's like, see
Speaker 1: like great gats Beak, Carnival And I'm like, amazing, I
Speaker 1: want a Ferris Wheel at our wedding too, And we're
Speaker 1: like okay, sweet, So we just I don't know, we
Speaker 1: just want to. Like we're so into all these goofy
Speaker 1: ideas where we're like okay, walking into the ceremony like
Speaker 1: Champagne and caviare and then walking out of the ceremony
Speaker 1: like Mozza Realistics and corn dogs for everyone like before
Speaker 1: like we do photos or whatever, and we just like
Speaker 1: have this like all these fun ideas about like how
Speaker 1: we want to entertain people and like ultimately we just
Speaker 1: want like all of our loved ones to have a
Speaker 1: great time. And so I think it's really fun getting
Speaker 1: creative about that of like Okay, we gotta make sure
Speaker 1: there's food at all times. We're gonna have a taco
Speaker 1: truck like during the dance floor, Like I don't know,
Speaker 1: just like all of that stuff. We've just had a blast.
Speaker 1: We have literally no concrete plans, but we have a
Speaker 1: lot of concepts going around. So that's been fun. That's
Speaker 1: going to hear because I feel like every time I
Speaker 1: hear about people planning their weddings, they always talk about
Speaker 1: how stressful it is. So it's good to hear that
Speaker 1: you guys are having a good time. Plan We haven't
Speaker 1: done actual any plans people are do you have a
Speaker 1: day and I'm like, no, we don't know where we're
Speaker 1: having it or what we're doing, Like, no, absolutely not,
Speaker 1: So I guess we got to get on that. But
Speaker 1: that does sound a little bit. It's always it's always
Speaker 1: so much fun wedding planning and coming up with the
Speaker 1: concept and the ideas. But then it gets to like
Speaker 1: the money. Yeah, the money one, but also like, all right,
Speaker 1: uh so forks? What kind of forks do you want?
Speaker 1: You're like, you gotta be kidding me. We're really having
Speaker 1: a conversation about forks right now. Get the hell out
Speaker 1: of here. I want to talk about food and Ferris
Speaker 1: Wheels and the Dragon roller coaster. That's what your wedding
Speaker 1: were meant top Not pretty good? Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: think we have all these great ideas too, where we're
Speaker 1: like five hundred people Ferris Wheel and then we're probably
Speaker 1: looking at like a one hundred and fifty thou dollar
Speaker 1: wedding Like that's not going to happen, so we're probably
Speaker 1: going to have to tame down a lot of our ideas. Dean,
Speaker 1: do you think you guys will do something private or
Speaker 1: like something like do you think you have a big
Speaker 1: bash for the actual wedding we're gonna alope. I hope
Speaker 1: that's my dream. I told Calin original plan um actually too.
Speaker 1: I guess I could share this. I've never actually shared
Speaker 1: this before. Um. So, my brother just got married in Tahoe.
Speaker 1: He proposed on a Friday. They got married on a Saturday,
Speaker 1: and I'm kind of pissed because he's stole my idea.
Speaker 1: My original plan I told Calin this um was to
Speaker 1: take her to Patagonia in South America, propose at Torrestel
Speaker 1: Pining National Park down there, and then fly directly to
Speaker 1: Italy and get married in Italy and fly directly to
Speaker 1: New Zealand and honeymoon in New Zealand. And that was
Speaker 1: like my original romantic, huge gesture plan. But that's obviously
Speaker 1: not gonna happen anymore. I think it's why who cares well? No,
Speaker 1: I just I don't know. I because I was thinking
Speaker 1: I was. I thought I was being a little too
Speaker 1: selfish with that, Like I was like, oh, I don't
Speaker 1: want a big wedding, so let's just alope in Italy
Speaker 1: right now. Um. That was kind of like it seemed
Speaker 1: like really great up here, and I'm sure Calin would
Speaker 1: would have loved it. But I at least want her
Speaker 1: to have like a big say and how the rest
Speaker 1: of it happens. I guess that's true, and like actually
Speaker 1: wants her fan there and like that kind of thing
Speaker 1: is probably right, And that's that's the big part about
Speaker 1: it too. I've I've got like a big fear of
Speaker 1: um inviting people to stuff and not having them show up.
Speaker 1: So I don't imagine that's having a very big wedding.
Speaker 1: I think it'll be like family, only no one's gonna
Speaker 1: shop up to your wedding. I think everyone will know.
Speaker 1: I know they would. And then also like I never
Speaker 1: had in MySpace in middle school because I'm so scared
Speaker 1: of like ranking my friends and so to have like
Speaker 1: a best man and then groomsman is like terrifying to me,
Speaker 1: where it's like, hey, you're my number one best friend
Speaker 1: and you're my number three best friends. Okay. You know
Speaker 1: what someone did at a wedding recently that I really liked.
Speaker 1: They had, like, because we both have like a lot
Speaker 1: of close friends and we've had for a really long time,
Speaker 1: they had like ten bridesmaids and groomsmen, but they only
Speaker 1: had like they only chose like one person stand up
Speaker 1: there and it was like their sibling. So they had
Speaker 1: all these people that kind of dressed as like their
Speaker 1: in crowd, and then they just had like they're you know,
Speaker 1: they're simply like standing up next and at the ceremony.
Speaker 1: That's a good idea. Listen, It's not the groundsman or
Speaker 1: the bridesmaids that's going to give you stress. It's going
Speaker 1: to be the invitations, because there's gonna be people that
Speaker 1: you just can't fit into your wedding that wound that
Speaker 1: are like on the plan BT And that is by
Speaker 1: far the worst part because you really love them, you do,
Speaker 1: but it's like, especially like the people get ready for
Speaker 1: the people that you haven't spoken to in like five
Speaker 1: years that you used to be close with that you're
Speaker 1: not close with anymore, and you're like, I haven't talked
Speaker 1: to them like four years. Do I invite them or
Speaker 1: they canna like do what you know? Did you did
Speaker 1: you personally have any awkward encounters after your wedding where
Speaker 1: people were like upset that they didn't get invited. No, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, nothing like that, But like I had, I've
Speaker 1: I've been invited to people's weddings who I've been talked
Speaker 1: to in years that I didn't invite to my own
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, no, was I the biggest
Speaker 1: bill for not inviting you? I didn't even think about you.
Speaker 1: We haven't spoken in five years. Why you invited me
Speaker 1: to your wedding? Yeah, that's just trying to fill chairs,
Speaker 1: Just trying to fill chairs. I have. I had an
Speaker 1: experience like that to one of my best friends from
Speaker 1: high school got married and invited me and a couple
Speaker 1: of other friends to his wedding, and we both just
Speaker 1: kind of didn't go. But it's like, come on, we
Speaker 1: haven't talked in seven years, Like, what's the point. I
Speaker 1: just didn't go. We just didn't go. We like collectively
Speaker 1: decided we weren't going to go. Did you you know
Speaker 1: we are asp? No? Yeah, alright, that's good. But don't
Speaker 1: you think weddings are fun like weddings? No? Not really?
Speaker 1: I mean I guess do you think then we just
Speaker 1: sit there I mean, okay, dancing, drinking like with a
Speaker 1: bunch of I mean usually it's people that we know.
Speaker 1: I guess, So I guess if you're going, okay, I
Speaker 1: get that if someone you don't know very well, But
Speaker 1: I mean I feel like, even if you have friends
Speaker 1: from high school and you guys are all going, then
Speaker 1: it can like you can make it into a thing.
Speaker 1: I think that's fun. And then also the last wedding
Speaker 1: that Gray and I went to, we just sat there
Speaker 1: and we just like critiqued everything. We were like during
Speaker 1: the cere mony, like something went wrong and I was like,
Speaker 1: do you think they're gonna last? Like was that like
Speaker 1: a sign? Like it just started raining, like right after
Speaker 1: the ceremony ended, Like that seems like an omen you know,
Speaker 1: like I saw ravens flying up ahead and then like,
Speaker 1: you know, just I don't know. We're like, okay, I
Speaker 1: would like they took photos for way too long, Like
Speaker 1: let's not do that for ours. I mean, maybe it's
Speaker 1: just because we're talking about our wedding and we're having
Speaker 1: fun with that too, but don't Yeah, have you been
Speaker 1: to a wedding for we're great Stince friends like people
Speaker 1: that only his friends. He has so many friends, like
Speaker 1: everybody is his bestie and we've had we have like
Speaker 1: four weddings this summer. They're all his friends. And he
Speaker 1: has still has a giant crew of like twenty friends
Speaker 1: from high school and twenty friends from college that he's
Speaker 1: still super close with that, and I do. I mean,
Speaker 1: they're they're they're fun people. They are party people, that's
Speaker 1: for sure. Accept this wedding that we went to recently, Okay, wait,
Speaker 1: I gotta tell you guys this because this just really
Speaker 1: drove me ut. So the wedding that we went to
Speaker 1: recently was for his old roommate and she's very beautiful,
Speaker 1: and because he also has a tendency to overshare, he's like,
Speaker 1: you know, there was so much sexual attention when we
Speaker 1: were living together, and then after we and then after
Speaker 1: we stopped living together, one night we hooked up and
Speaker 1: it was like, oh my god, it was amazing, Like
Speaker 1: why haven't we done this sooner? And then she moved away,
Speaker 1: and then I went out to visit her. You know,
Speaker 1: he tells me like everything, and um, sometimes I asked
Speaker 1: for it, and sometimes I'm like, bro, why did you
Speaker 1: Why if I went to a wedding like that and
Speaker 1: I told Ashley that story, she would be we wouldn't
Speaker 1: be going to that wedding. So so then and then
Speaker 1: he flew out to go see her, but then she
Speaker 1: it was she had actually just started dating a new guy,
Speaker 1: and then that guy was the guy she was getting
Speaker 1: married to at this wedding, so I already know all this.
Speaker 1: By the way, also, this is kind of normal because
Speaker 1: he is friends with so many people that he's dated
Speaker 1: or slept with, and so I am around girls all
Speaker 1: the time who he's had some prior entanglement with. So
Speaker 1: I've had to just kind of buck up and deal
Speaker 1: with it. And it's just, you know, I guess it's
Speaker 1: a good sign. No. Two, he hasn't burned all these
Speaker 1: bridges with women that he used to date or thing with,
Speaker 1: so that's a that's a positive it. Anyway, I'm sitting
Speaker 1: there and it's like an hour of speeches during the reception,
Speaker 1: and they're all just talking about how wonderful she is
Speaker 1: and how amazing she is, and I'm just sitting there
Speaker 1: like just and then I'm watching him looking at her,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, I'll never be her, and I
Speaker 1: was just getting like so mad. And then one of
Speaker 1: his like a couple of his friends were at the
Speaker 1: table and they like look to each other crying. They're like,
Speaker 1: we're so lucky to have her in our lives. And
Speaker 1: I was like, that's it. I'm done. I'm done with this.
Speaker 1: And I actually kind of like freaked out for a minute,
Speaker 1: and I went back to the Airbnb and then I
Speaker 1: like laid down and scrolled on my phone for a
Speaker 1: little bit, recollected myself and went back out and party.
Speaker 1: But it was it just was the last straw for me.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm I am over this. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: the wedding weddings are only fun when that partner hasn't
Speaker 1: slept with the bright. Yeah, and everyone's talking about how
Speaker 1: wonderful she is. Yeah, that's not super fun to feel it.
Speaker 1: But hey, goodos to you for being able to deal
Speaker 1: with that. I'm in your own way to whatever extent
Speaker 1: you know, Like that takes a lot of willpower and
Speaker 1: a lot of I don't know. Look, bitch, at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, he's with me and the ring
Speaker 1: is on my fingers, So you know, what, what are
Speaker 1: you gonna do? Right? And then at your wedding they're
Speaker 1: gonna be saying the same about you, and there's gonna
Speaker 1: be a couple of girls in the audience that storm out,
Speaker 1: go to the Airbnb and sit on their phones. Um, Becka,
Speaker 1: we gotta let you well, I guess we gotta wrap
Speaker 1: up this episode before we do. I've I've wanted to
Speaker 1: ask this entire time. Um, do we expect the wedding
Speaker 1: before or after the next group of kids on the way?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's the thing. That's literally the thing.
Speaker 1: I want to do this wedding before we have more kids,
Speaker 1: for sure. But it's just, you know, there's a lot
Speaker 1: going on. We have to build. I want to Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I could just talk forever, but I just
Speaker 1: went to this workshop where I learned how to build
Speaker 1: houses out of cobbs. Do you know what that is?
Speaker 1: It's like clay and sand and straw, and you can
Speaker 1: build like these amazing thing houses out of just like
Speaker 1: materials that are on your property. And it's like an
Speaker 1: ancient building technique anyway. So now my big thing is
Speaker 1: I want to build a house on a property like
Speaker 1: in the mountains, out of cobb and I want to
Speaker 1: do that before we have our next babies, because I
Speaker 1: want to have one of the babies in the cop house.
Speaker 1: So we got to build a house. We gotta do
Speaker 1: the wedding, we gotta do a lot before we have work.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. This kind of sounds like the
Speaker 1: beginning of the Three Little Pigs. So I would just
Speaker 1: be careful if there's any like big bad wolves around.
Speaker 1: But other than that, sounds like a great idea. Thanks.
Speaker 1: Thanks for that advice. All right, so we'll keep an
Speaker 1: eye on the cobs, we'll keep an eye on baby
Speaker 1: number three, we'll keep an eye on the wedding. Lots
Speaker 1: to look forward to in Becca's life. Becca, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for joining us. We appreciate it. Um. If
Speaker 1: you're listening to this right now and you haven't listened
Speaker 1: to any of Becca's podcast, be sure to check her
Speaker 1: out and Chatty Brad's YouTube Spotify. I'm sure you're all
Speaker 1: over the place. Becca on Instagram. At Becca, you got
Speaker 1: just the straight up at Becca, I remember I saw
Speaker 1: you do that. I message you and I was like,
Speaker 1: how did you get that fifty bucks? Such a good
Speaker 1: deal for the guy that Dean just at Dean messaged
Speaker 1: me and try to sell it to me for ten
Speaker 1: thous dollars And I considered it. I really did, but
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I didn't. I'm a d right off, um,
Speaker 1: but thank you so much for joining us. We appreciate it.
Speaker 1: We had a blast. Bye, guys, Thank you, Thank you.
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