WEBVTT - Rumor Mill with Bekah Martinez 0:00:00.520 --> 0:00:05.200 How I Suck At Dating with de Jared Haven I 0:00:05.320 --> 0:00:11.040 heart radio podcast. What's going on everyone, and Welcome to 0:00:11.080 --> 0:00:13.920 an all new episode of help I Suck At Dating? 0:00:13.960 --> 0:00:16.000 And boy we got a doozy for you. Today we 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:20.560 have the one and only Becca Martinez. Want to say, 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:22.439 I don't want to say Becca from R season because 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:25.200 I feel like you don't you don't identify as that 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:28.600 you did. But okay, that's I guess how people would 0:00:28.600 --> 0:00:31.479 maybe know the name Beca Martinez from ARI season but 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:35.280 most importantly crushing life everywhere else? Becca, how's it going? Sing? 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:37.200 Pretty good? How are you guys? Last time I saw 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:39.120 each of you? Jared, I think I saw you at 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:42.360 an in and out with Nick Vilan Ashley like four 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:47.680 years ago in after like a boo who party so funny, 0:00:47.800 --> 0:00:49.440 and then Dean. Last time I saw you, I think 0:00:49.440 --> 0:00:52.360 I was like literally eight and a half months pregnant 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:56.400 or something. Where was that I We recorded something for 0:00:56.880 --> 0:01:01.520 Colton season of The Bachelor, for which actually one of 0:01:01.520 --> 0:01:03.880 the two snarky people to come record something for them, 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:06.520 I think is what it was. Yeah, the last time 0:01:06.560 --> 0:01:08.880 I saw you was we went to a bunch of 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:11.280 us went to dinner somewhere like in Beverly Hills or something, 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:14.200 and it was right before Paradise or something like that. 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:17.400 I don't remember. I was about to push out a baby. Yeah, 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:18.880 you were about to push out a baby. How are 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:22.880 the babies doing? They're good, they're crazy. Two year old 0:01:22.920 --> 0:01:24.679 and a three year old, Jared. How is it being 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:28.479 a dad? It's fantastic. Being a business owner is quite different. Um. 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:31.520 My question to you is do you think that the 0:01:31.520 --> 0:01:36.039 first was harder or the second? First, I see the first. 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:41.400 I think the first because life before kids, you're just cruising. Man. 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:44.280 It's like your time is on your I mean even 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:46.760 when you have like a full time job, you like 0:01:47.480 --> 0:01:49.160 leave your job. I mean I was in nanny so 0:01:49.200 --> 0:01:50.720 I was like I would leave my job, I would 0:01:50.760 --> 0:01:54.160 go home and then you know, after five pm, life 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:56.680 was mine until like you know, eight am the next 0:01:56.680 --> 0:01:59.720 morning for the most part. And then when you add 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:02.560 a y to the mix, suddenly it's like all these 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:04.880 are factors. And also you think in your head like oh, 0:02:04.920 --> 0:02:07.280 I'm going to bring them everywhere with me, like we're 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:10.320 we're gonna do our normal life, Like yeah, we're gonna 0:02:10.320 --> 0:02:12.200 and then suddenly it's like you know you're like, I 0:02:12.200 --> 0:02:14.079 can't go to that party because it's at six thirty 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:16.640 and we have to do the that time routine. And like, 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:18.280 I don't know, I felt like that was a big 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:21.040 like a big shift. But then with number two, you're like, 0:02:21.080 --> 0:02:23.520 I've already been doing this, whatever, what's another one? So 0:02:23.919 --> 0:02:26.440 mine and Ashley's biggest fear because it's definitely more and Ashley, 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:28.760 she's one of us pregnant again, which pregnancy, by far 0:02:29.639 --> 0:02:31.959 is I mean, it's a beautiful, wonderful thing, but it 0:02:32.040 --> 0:02:35.800 also is the worst from an outsider's perspective. But uh, 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:39.480 it's just the idea of taking care of a baby, 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:43.480 but adding in a toddler scares the sh out of me. 0:02:43.960 --> 0:02:46.120 Oh yeah, I mean I got pregnant when Frank was 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:48.600 I mean I got pregnant when Ruth was seven months old, 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:54.440 so that was a wild But also we were like, okay, 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:56.239 we just did this, like we just did the crazy 0:02:56.320 --> 0:02:59.440 newborn phase and we already have all the gear, like 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:01.720 let's go, and it was kind of nice. I like 0:03:01.840 --> 0:03:03.520 doing it. And now they play together, you know, like 0:03:03.560 --> 0:03:06.359 they're two and three and a half, they're like their buddies. 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:09.160 So I don't know, I recommend keeping them close together, 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:11.080 otherwise you have to start all over again. I know 0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:13.800 that's quite terrifying as well. So do you are you done? 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:16.280 Do you think you want another? No? I definitely want. 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:19.360 I mean I would have like four more. But I 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:24.160 think Gray is like he after after even Ruth, He's like, 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:26.200 I'm done, and then after Frank He's like, I'm done. 0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:28.119 Watch We're going to have like two more, and He'll 0:03:28.240 --> 0:03:30.919 keep saying that I'm done. But I feel like two more. 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:33.799 But like in a few years, we want to live 0:03:33.800 --> 0:03:35.880 our lives a little more. By your own logic. You 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:38.000 gotta start working on that pretty soon, because you wanted 0:03:38.000 --> 0:03:40.040 to be close together, right, I know, Well, no, I'll 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:42.040 do another set of too, So I'll wait like four 0:03:42.120 --> 0:03:45.520 years and too close together nice and then they can 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:46.960 be like best friends growing up, and then when they 0:03:47.000 --> 0:03:49.000 get to become adults, they can become best friends later 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:51.880 exactly exactly. So, I don't know. I'm one of five, 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:53.520 and I thought it was so much fun having a 0:03:53.520 --> 0:03:56.480 lot of siblings, and like I always said, I wish 0:03:56.520 --> 0:03:59.040 I had more brothers and sisters. So I don't know. 0:03:59.200 --> 0:04:03.160 I think it's fun, yeah, definitely, Um, what else is 0:04:03.200 --> 0:04:05.320 going on in the life of Becca. We haven't, like 0:04:05.360 --> 0:04:06.840 you said, we haven't all seen each other in a while, 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:08.520 phill Us in. I mean, we all know. You've got 0:04:08.520 --> 0:04:13.080 your podcast over there. If I remember correctly, Chatty Brods 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:16.040 we do. Yeah three Wait what did you say it 0:04:16.120 --> 0:04:18.680 was called chats Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought you 0:04:18.680 --> 0:04:22.080 said Braddy Broad's For a minute. How it's like, that's 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:25.840 what my mom calls it. Um, we were doing like 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:28.000 three episodes a week. It's crazy. This is gonna be 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:31.240 our last Bachelor Bachelor's season that we're going to be 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:33.680 covering on the show. We took a break for a 0:04:33.720 --> 0:04:36.440 couple of seasons and then we had to rev it 0:04:36.520 --> 0:04:39.280 up again for the Double Bachelorettes, which has actually been 0:04:39.320 --> 0:04:43.680 a blast. I've been loving it. Um. And then yeah, 0:04:43.880 --> 0:04:46.919 so we're doing that and otherwise, you know, we're talking 0:04:46.960 --> 0:04:50.680 about all kinds of life stuff as one does. How 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:52.760 do you do three weeks? Because we struggle with with 0:04:52.839 --> 0:04:57.000 one a week, one a week. I mean, well, also, 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:00.600 we're on a pretty set schedule. So like everyone and stay, 0:05:00.760 --> 0:05:04.320 I drive up about an hour away from where we record. 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:07.480 I drive up to Eagle Rock and we do two 0:05:07.480 --> 0:05:10.159 episodes and then Actually it's really funny. Um, both of 0:05:10.200 --> 0:05:14.200 our partners. So my boyfriend and her husband do a 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:16.520 third episode a week together and they call it Chatty Bros. 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:19.400 So they do they kind of throw in a little 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:22.440 extra segment. But I mean we've been grinding out at 0:05:22.520 --> 0:05:25.760 least two episodes for about three and a half years, 0:05:25.800 --> 0:05:27.880 and then about a year ago we threw in the third. 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:30.400 But I think we've just been in the routine of it. 0:05:30.480 --> 0:05:33.520 And I am not the person who stays on top 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:36.200 of the schedule in that relationship for sure. I'm definitely 0:05:36.240 --> 0:05:38.040 the one who's like, let's just take three weeks off, 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:40.919 and she's like, let's know, we need to like banks 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:43.040 some episodes and then we can go on vacations. So 0:05:43.520 --> 0:05:45.599 I feel like Jess, my co host, kind of keeps 0:05:45.640 --> 0:05:47.600 things in the check. I mean, that's kind of how 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:49.040 it is with Jared too. If it wasn't for Jared, 0:05:49.080 --> 0:05:52.719 this podcast with Much, it basically is Much, but it's 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:54.880 more of like a solid version of them. Yeah, It's 0:05:55.000 --> 0:05:57.880 like it's like when Dawson takes and like it's kind 0:05:57.880 --> 0:06:00.200 of mushy but kind of solid. That's our pod us 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:02.480 right there. It's somewhat solid somewhat bushy, but then sometimes 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:05.559 get crust on the outside and then it's just yeah. 0:06:05.600 --> 0:06:08.240 So there's some you know, hardness to it. But at 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:10.440 the same time, there are times where it's just a 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:15.000 complete blowout city where it's just mush. So how do 0:06:15.000 --> 0:06:16.599 you find that? How do you find the mush of 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:18.520 how do you define the mush of the podcast? What 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:22.480 do you mean? Like me doing recording in an empty 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:24.880 basement right now, so there's a solid echo. I'm trying 0:06:24.920 --> 0:06:26.479 to talk as close to the mic as possible, but 0:06:26.520 --> 0:06:31.120 of course we're moving and uh, we're moving parking lot 0:06:31.200 --> 0:06:33.720 pretty much. Yeah, in him recording from a home parking lot. 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:37.040 This is holed by Second Dating, UM that I got 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:38.559 a question for you on the top of your kids. 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:40.480 We have this page six article and I know it's 0:06:40.480 --> 0:06:42.640 page six and who they really knows what they're talking about, 0:06:43.480 --> 0:06:46.680 but it says Bachelor alum Becka Martinez reveals she's becoming 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:51.560 a foster parent. No, not dude, people right there, Okay, 0:06:51.760 --> 0:06:54.360 it's so funny. There was a headline recently too, because 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:56.120 I did have TikTok about how when I went on 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:59.080 The Bachelor, Um, I had to buy a bunch of 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:01.039 clothes at nordstom where and then I kept the tags 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:02.440 on and I returned them after I got back in 0:07:02.520 --> 0:07:04.520 the Bachelor because I didn't I mean, I had to 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:05.880 quit my job, you know it is. I had to 0:07:05.960 --> 0:07:07.720 quit my job to go on the show. I've been 0:07:07.760 --> 0:07:09.960 traveling this summer leading up to the show, so I'd 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:12.400 spent like a lot of my savings. So I was like, well, like, 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:14.440 I gotta do what I gotta do. And then this 0:07:14.520 --> 0:07:21.280 headline came out Bachelor star backap Martina Is admits to 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:24.120 committing fraud. And then it was this whole thing about 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:29.920 like how publication fraud. I think it was like page 0:07:29.960 --> 0:07:36.520 six or something. And then the article was so dramatic. 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:39.480 It was like this is technically fraud, and like fraud 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:42.440 can be an arrestable offense, and it was just like 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:45.080 so dramatic. No, I'm not becoming a foster parent. I 0:07:45.200 --> 0:07:49.800 um used journalists need to do their research. I am 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:53.880 volunteering for a program called COSA, And what it is 0:07:53.880 --> 0:07:56.480 is you become a court appointed special Advocate. It's a 0:07:56.680 --> 0:08:01.320 volunteer position and essentially what you're doing is your an advocate. 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:04.760 UM you get paired with the foster youth and you 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:07.200 become an advocate for them. So you know, a case 0:08:07.280 --> 0:08:09.880 worker will have thirty to forty kids at one time, 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:12.600 which is actually crazy if you think about it, Like 0:08:12.680 --> 0:08:15.200 if you only have twenty work days in a month, Like, 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:17.400 how much time can you actually dedicate to try to 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:20.360 like figure out what's going on in each case. So 0:08:20.720 --> 0:08:24.000 like what a cost of might do is, um, you know, 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:26.440 try to figure out and do some sleuthing, try to 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:28.760 figure out there's family members that a child can be 0:08:28.760 --> 0:08:30.760 placed with, like trying to figure out make sure their 0:08:30.840 --> 0:08:32.880 educational needs are met, trying to make sure that their 0:08:32.920 --> 0:08:36.000 medical needs are met. Like they're basically the eyes and 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:37.560 ears of the court. And then you have to do 0:08:37.640 --> 0:08:40.040 court reports and show up in court and give the 0:08:40.080 --> 0:08:42.280 report based on things that you believe are in the 0:08:42.320 --> 0:08:44.280 best interests of the child. You meet with a child 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:47.240 once or twice a month. Um, so it's a pretty 0:08:47.320 --> 0:08:49.959 it's a pretty serious position. But yeah, we're not we're 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:52.560 not fostering, although I would like to do that someday, 0:08:52.600 --> 0:08:55.880 but um, I'm kind of doing this cost of volunteering 0:08:55.960 --> 0:08:58.800 as to kind of get a better handle on like 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:03.160 how the court system works and how the um, yeah, dependency, 0:09:03.200 --> 0:09:05.439 court works and all of that, and get some insight 0:09:05.520 --> 0:09:07.400 into that whole process. Why do you want to get 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:11.040 insight into that? I mean I think that I've always 0:09:11.040 --> 0:09:14.040 had a passion for kids for sure, Like you know, 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:17.640 I was a nanny for five years before going on 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:21.520 the Bachelor, and it's just something I've always been really 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:23.400 passionate about. And in the past year I was just 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:26.719 learning a lot more about like foster care. How I mean, 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:30.440 there's literally like millions, millions of kids that are in 0:09:30.480 --> 0:09:33.280 the foster system and it's just a mess up system, 0:09:33.360 --> 0:09:37.240 and it's messed up for kids, for parents, for resource families. 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:39.520 So I don't know, I just kind of wanted to 0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:42.559 get involved. And I'm always sitting on the sidelines like 0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:45.000 kind of complaining about stuff, and I'm like, well, I 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.960 should probably like actually take some of my time and 0:09:48.000 --> 0:09:50.120 invest some of my time and energy into doing something 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:52.360 instead of complaining about all the stuff I think is up. 0:09:52.480 --> 0:10:07.600 So yeah, so you obviously have two kids, you with Grayston. 0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:12.040 So it's gray Ston, right, there's a t in there. 0:10:12.320 --> 0:10:13.920 I love that name. Good God. So how do you 0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:16.679 guys meet? I don't think because you are an anomaly 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:19.840 within Bachelor franchise because you're so well known and every 0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:22.680 you know, Chatty Broads is a huge successful podcast, but 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:25.240 people kind of you're like one of those people that 0:10:25.679 --> 0:10:28.200 like if you're a fan of the show, people are like, oh, yeah, 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:30.400 I know Becca, and they're like, yeah, but how do 0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:33.480 I know Becca? You know, it's you've Like that's what 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:35.240 I meant when you've kind of transcended. You're just someone 0:10:35.240 --> 0:10:36.640 who's like a part of the franchise, who is so 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:38.760 well known within it, but like you don't have like 0:10:38.840 --> 0:10:40.800 a specific story Like I remember when you were on 0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:42.680 R season, there was like this whole thing about you 0:10:43.120 --> 0:10:46.600 you went missing or something like, I know, like craziness 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:48.559 that you just like forget about when I was when 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:50.560 I found out you're on the podcast, like yeah, that's right, 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:53.160 she did, she did go missing or there was a 0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:59.520 storm out there, um so missing a wear. So after 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:03.760 the show, how did you meet Grayston? Yeah? So, And 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:05.720 I take it's money. I take that as a compliment, 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:07.680 but then also it makes me kind of sad sometimes, 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:09.320 like I sort of wish that I had some more 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:12.000 time to be a part of the franchise. I don't know, 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:15.439 like like I know but I don't know. I feel 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:18.320 like I always do this thing where I like kind 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:21.960 of like distanced myself from like people or like groups. 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:24.520 And then I'm like and then I am like sad 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:26.960 that I'm not a part of things, you know what 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:28.800 I mean. Like I'm like, oh, man, I wish I 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:30.720 was like in with more people, but I'm like I 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:34.120 isolated myself and like didn't make myself a part of 0:11:34.160 --> 0:11:36.079 the community. And now I'm sad that I'm like not 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:38.400 in on things, Like you know, why do you why 0:11:38.440 --> 0:11:39.640 do you think that is? Why do you think you 0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:42.800 isolated yourself? I don't know, And I don't think it's 0:11:42.800 --> 0:11:45.680 just in Bachelor, Like it's something that I find myself 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:48.240 doing fairly often. Like I think I just get imposter 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:50.760 syndrome and I get in my head and like I 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:54.080 just went on this influencer retreat with my with my 0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:57.959 social media management team and they had like all their 0:11:57.960 --> 0:12:01.200 influences there and I was so like stressed out an 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:04.559 anxious going into it. I was like, oh my god, Like, 0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:07.840 you know, I don't know this narrative that's such bullshit, 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:10.480 Like oh, I'm not like these people and it's not 0:12:10.720 --> 0:12:13.120 a way of thinking I'm better than anybody. I'm just 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:15.880 like I don't know how to relate, like, you know, what, 0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:18.160 what do we have in common? Like I don't like 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:20.040 dress like that, or I don't whatever. And then of 0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:22.160 course I showed up and a bunch of other people 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:24.040 were like, oh, I was anxious for the same reason, 0:12:24.080 --> 0:12:25.760 and we all got along and hung out and had 0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:27.840 so much in common, because like humans have a lot 0:12:27.880 --> 0:12:29.960 more in common than like the way they dress or 0:12:30.000 --> 0:12:32.320 like their hobbies, you know what I mean. So I 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:34.280 just feel like I get imposter syndrome and I get 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:36.520 in my head and I'm like, I won't have anything 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:40.480 to relate to with these people for whatever reason that 0:12:40.520 --> 0:12:42.840 I've created in my mind, whatever narrative, and so I 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:44.520 think I just get anxious and then I just kind 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:46.840 of like, you know, closed myself off. Oh I feel 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:49.040 the exact same way. I mean, I think a lot 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:50.480 of that I've started to like go in. A big 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:53.160 credit to that is Ashley, because she is the prototypical 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:55.680 person of like just letting her walls down. We have 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:58.400 movers here and she's just got out of the shower 0:12:58.440 --> 0:13:00.120 in a towel and she's walking around be like, oh, 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:01.320 you know you don't have to do that, Like you 0:13:01.320 --> 0:13:03.320 can put that in. And my mother in law's here, 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:05.280 her mom, and she's like, actually put clothes on. She's like, 0:13:05.400 --> 0:13:07.959 I'm just I'm in a towel. I'm covered. But she's 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:10.400 that person who doesn't give a I love her so 0:13:10.480 --> 0:13:13.760 much for it. And yeah, and she's so welcoming also, 0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:16.199 Like and whenever I hung out with her, I'm just like, oh, 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:18.840 I feel like totally you know, in with you. And 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:20.920 that's such a good feeling. She's just the most endearing, 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:25.240 wonderful peopan being. She's so welcoming, she's so down to earth. 0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:27.000 I know a lot of people ask me, you know, 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:29.240 if they see me at Audrey's, you know, they asked 0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:32.760 about Ashley, and I'm like, Ashley is exactly what you 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:36.000 think Ashley is. Like whatever you see Ashley on Instagram, 0:13:36.120 --> 0:13:39.400 that is who Ashley is. Um. But one of the things, 0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:41.480 like I remember when I want a bachelor or bachelor 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:43.679 excuse me, and I would have the same vibe of 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:45.280 like I'm not going to fit in with any of 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:47.400 these guys. These guys are like g Q models, former 0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:49.760 NFL athletes, Like I'm a kid from a run with 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:51.640 patri Facion here, like I'm not fitting, But then you 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:53.600 go in and you realize, Like I remember talking to 0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:57.120 Ben Higgins and he was like so anxious and terrified, 0:13:57.120 --> 0:13:58.840 and all these other guys were like, I don't know 0:13:58.880 --> 0:14:00.880 what the hell I'm doing here, and I'm like, Okay, 0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:02.600 we all don't know what the hell we're doing. That's 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:05.280 not so bad. Totally. Yeah, I had the same experience too. 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:07.000 It's like I went in on The Bachelor, and I've 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:09.600 made like so many friends. I had so much fun, 0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:13.160 and you know, it's like, I don't know. Bonding with 0:14:13.240 --> 0:14:16.240 people goes, like I said, way beyond what you're into 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:17.840 or who you are. I mean, obviously I don't know 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:20.200 you that well, but from what I know of your 0:14:20.880 --> 0:14:22.800 what I see from you, I feel like you're also 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:25.040 someone who just very much obviously speaks your mind. And 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:27.880 so I think with groups that are out, I think 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:30.480 you just call it how it is. And so sometimes 0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:33.720 I think, specifically, whether it be Bachelor or anything else 0:14:33.720 --> 0:14:36.200 in life, you probably see both the rights and wrongs 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:38.200 of something. So maybe that's why you distance yourself a 0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:40.480 little bit. We're like, oh, you're so cool, but also 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:41.840 like I don't agree with what you do there, so 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:43.640 I don't want to be super close to you totally. 0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:45.400 And I think I actually get in my head about 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:47.400 that too. I'm like, oh my gosh, like did they 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:49.360 hear what I say said about this? And like are 0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:50.960 they not going to like me because of that? And 0:14:51.320 --> 0:14:55.200 I've grown so much in the last four years, like definitely, 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:57.640 especially getting off the shell, and it was like I 0:14:57.680 --> 0:15:01.520 was just saying whatever the opped into my head. And 0:15:01.760 --> 0:15:04.800 I look back, especially on those first couple of years now, 0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:06.920 and I'm like, damn, why was I trying to like 0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:09.960 fight everybody and like, you know, just say all these 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:12.400 things for shock value. And it's like I still like 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:15.960 doing that every now and then, but I definitely choose 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:19.600 my battles a lot more. And I don't know, like 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:23.880 I've just I guess, realized a lot more how words 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:27.720 impact people and like how an offhand comment that I 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:30.000 think is like funny or I don't think the other 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:32.520 person is going to hear about dude. I did that 0:15:32.600 --> 0:15:34.640 for so long, Like I would be on a huge 0:15:34.720 --> 0:15:37.160 podcast and I would say something and be like, oh, 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:39.960 they're never gonna hear me say that, and then of 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:42.760 course everyone's in their d m sending that person that clip, 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:44.560 and then that person's like, why would you say that? 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:46.320 And I'm like, I don't know, Like I don't know 0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:49.840 why I said that, just like word vomit um, and 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:52.000 I don't know. It's something that I've definitely worked on 0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:54.600 and and I've been on the other end of that too, 0:15:54.600 --> 0:15:57.560 where someone says something off handedly about me and I'm like, 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:01.400 you know, like devastated, I'm like, how could they say 0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:03.600 that about me? And you know, being on the other 0:16:03.720 --> 0:16:05.680 end of it, it's like you got I don't know. 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:09.960 I'm definitely a lot, a lot more, a lot more mindful. Yeah, 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:11.840 but let's be honest, it is it is a pretty 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:14.760 fun thing to say outrageous and ridiculous things just to 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:18.080 see what happens. It's so fun. And to troll people, 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:21.680 I mean, to troll my audience on Instagram control and 0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:26.200 it's it's it's it's Alas my therapist I always just 0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:28.520 to tell me, she said, you're the kind of person 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:31.160 that likes to dig themselves into as deep a whole 0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:32.920 as possible just to see if they can get themselves 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:36.200 out of it. And it's not a good thing. I'm 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:37.800 not like patting myself on the back about it. But 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:40.560 it's a percent true and it extends like so many 0:16:40.560 --> 0:16:42.640 facets in my life as well. It's like, well, I 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:45.440 don't understand why, but I know I think it's I mean, 0:16:45.760 --> 0:16:47.400 there's a part of it. It's positive. Like I love 0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:50.640 a challenge, so I'm always like, even just like in 0:16:50.720 --> 0:16:53.320 my personal life, I love doing little challenges, you know, 0:16:53.600 --> 0:16:57.720 like um, like let's go, let's do a hundred days 0:16:57.760 --> 0:16:59.920 of like no drinking, you know, or like let's do 0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:02.360 you a month of like no eating out at all, 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:05.119 And like I always like doing those little challenges, and like, 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:07.760 honestly I loved giving birth too because I was like, 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:11.480 all right, like this is gonna be like the ultimate challenge, 0:17:11.520 --> 0:17:14.600 like let's prepare, let's overcome. And I don't know, I 0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:16.800 just I like, I enjoy that kind of thing, So 0:17:16.840 --> 0:17:18.600 I guess I can relate to that too, of that 0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:21.440 feeling of like, yeah, like let's diggle hole and see 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:23.360 if I can get out of it. But I mean, also, 0:17:23.400 --> 0:17:26.320 attention is fun. Attention is fun. I also think we're 0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:32.080 living in kind of a new territory era where podcasts 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:34.880 have just grown exponentially over the past five to ten 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:38.480 years were in. Social media obviously has connected everybody. So 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:41.520 you have taken what used to be just living room 0:17:41.560 --> 0:17:44.320 thoughts where you would just say things towards the TV 0:17:44.920 --> 0:17:47.240 and no one would ever hear you, and we've transferred 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:50.720 that into a platform, whether it be social media or podcasting. 0:17:50.960 --> 0:17:52.439 And so I think a lot of times that I 0:17:52.440 --> 0:17:54.760 find myself doing it too, where you're watching Bachelor or 0:17:54.840 --> 0:17:58.119 recapping or anything in life, just saying Bachelor because obviously 0:17:58.160 --> 0:18:01.160 connects all three of us that you're like, oh, this 0:18:01.200 --> 0:18:04.240 person is so f and stupid, and then you say 0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:07.000 that out loud with other people hearing you, and then 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:08.680 of course they tell them and they're like, why would 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:10.080 you say that, And you're like, well, I didn't, I 0:18:10.080 --> 0:18:12.920 didn't mean it. I just said it. You know, you're 0:18:12.920 --> 0:18:16.360 a nice guy, yeah, Like I'm sure you're a great person. Yeah, 0:18:16.359 --> 0:18:18.080 I'm sure you're wonderful, but in that moment, you were 0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:19.600 ff and stupid. And I would never tell you that 0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:21.240 to your face, but I just said it on a podcast, 0:18:21.240 --> 0:18:22.639 so I guess now I have to say it to 0:18:22.680 --> 0:18:25.680 your face. So now I'm in this awkward position. So 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:28.239 it's just it's, you know, because we say things all 0:18:28.240 --> 0:18:30.520 the time that we don't mean I know, and I'm 0:18:30.560 --> 0:18:33.199 not very good at interpersonal confrontation either, which is the 0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:37.040