WEBVTT - 3 AM 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:05.359 Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast. 0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:10.360 Hi girls, Hi, We started this off a little rocky, 0:00:10.400 --> 0:00:12.520 and I just feel like I have to apologize because 0:00:12.600 --> 0:00:14.680 I found something out about KB that I had no 0:00:14.760 --> 0:00:15.320 idea about. 0:00:15.440 --> 0:00:19.880 Oh I was, Oh there was Wait what shocked? You 0:00:19.920 --> 0:00:21.479 don't know this about me? I had? 0:00:21.760 --> 0:00:25.000 I mean, I guess when I think about it, And 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:29.320 if I was to take more of a empathetic moment 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:32.159 to think about the outcome, I would have gone, I 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:34.840 bet you she doesn't like this. But if I'm being honest, 0:00:34.880 --> 0:00:36.560 it was a little bit of a selfish, like, oh. 0:00:36.520 --> 0:00:38.959 This is gonna be fun moment for one of us. 0:00:39.040 --> 0:00:40.919 I'm trying to figure out what's happening. 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.639 Okay, it happened to you too this morning. Oh oh 0:00:43.760 --> 0:00:45.159 you did that? I scared. 0:00:45.640 --> 0:00:51.120 So I just was like, you know, do something fun. Yeah, 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:53.960 I was, And so I put my little camera up 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:59.640 and I scared. Kristen was first because you were right 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:03.520 behind me her and so I scared her and I 0:01:03.520 --> 0:01:04.840 think we almost broke up. 0:01:05.720 --> 0:01:06.800 Oh. 0:01:06.920 --> 0:01:10.360 I do not like being scared at all. If she 0:01:10.440 --> 0:01:12.160 was wearing a mask, we would. 0:01:12.000 --> 0:01:15.720 Actually I probably would have walked out. I don't like it. 0:01:15.760 --> 0:01:17.800 Which I honestly thought about it because those masks are 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:20.800 that I have those red leg mask. I literally thought 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:23.360 about that, or the mask from the Mass singer, you 0:01:23.360 --> 0:01:28.040 know the little visor thing. Oh Alan scared me with 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:32.600 that one time. He was scared though, But yeah, I'm sorry. 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:34.360 I had no idea. I just thought it was going 0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:35.760 to be funny and it was not for you. Oh 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:37.800 still still shaking, heart rates, still elevator. 0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:39.679 So what's so funny about this is I had no 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:43.520 idea that this happened before you scared me. And then 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:46.840 I go in immediately talking about how much I appreciate the. 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:49.240 Screw good scare and she's like, what do you do? 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:50.600 And I was like wait what. 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:52.920 I was like opposite day. I mean, we couldn't have 0:01:52.960 --> 0:01:55.400 reacted any more opposite. You were just like oh and 0:01:55.400 --> 0:01:59.280 then went and washed her hands. I'm like calling a 0:01:59.320 --> 0:02:02.320 counselor and debating a full friendship, and. 0:02:02.440 --> 0:02:04.520 I was like, high five grader, got job where we 0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:09.400 come from. I just never liked it. Yeah, yeah, I 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:09.760 don't know. 0:02:09.800 --> 0:02:11.760 I've never there's something deep down in there. 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:14.840 Can I tell you I started something really fast. This 0:02:14.960 --> 0:02:17.919 is the first thing you and my ex have ever 0:02:18.000 --> 0:02:18.639 had in common. 0:02:18.760 --> 0:02:20.600 I was thinking the same thing I. 0:02:21.800 --> 0:02:24.160 Will never forget when we were in when he was 0:02:24.200 --> 0:02:25.200 still living in Maryland. 0:02:25.360 --> 0:02:26.920 I love a good scare. I just do. 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:29.880 I again, I don't like being scared, but I appreciate 0:02:29.919 --> 0:02:32.480 a good scare, right because it's but there's also something 0:02:32.560 --> 0:02:38.440 so thrilling about to be scaring someone, do you know, Yeah, 0:02:38.560 --> 0:02:40.560 like if we do it the kids that we all 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:45.960 do it to each other, like it's a thing, right, Yeah, I. 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:54.679 Know this is right. So oh it's so opposite. 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:57.799 I remember the very first time he was downstairs and 0:02:57.840 --> 0:03:00.840 I'm by, I'm like in his room where he has 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:03.840 to come up the stairs, and I this should have 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:07.359 been like one of the first very big signs. 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:11.480 Of his reactions when you look back. I look back, 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:16.880 and I'm like, that's not how he was so mean. 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:22.120 He got angry, I mean angry, and I was like, 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:22.760 like slammed his saint. 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:24.920 I was like, it was the first time. I was 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:26.560 like again, thinking. 0:03:26.280 --> 0:03:29.079 Back now, I'm like, this is a foreshadowing moment I 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:31.240 should probably have paid a little closer attention to. 0:03:31.320 --> 0:03:33.119 But yeah, learning the lesson on that one. 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:35.600 So I'm like you and mic are actually I feel 0:03:35.640 --> 0:03:38.120 like in all the times we've talked about this about Mike, 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:39.600 I don't know about that we would. 0:03:39.440 --> 0:03:41.280 Have found out that you didn't like it. 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:43.040 I don't. I don't think i've ever shared the scare 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:46.119 part though. I don't getting angry, yeah, you know, because 0:03:46.560 --> 0:03:49.880 I get terrified. So I'm going to tell this really, 0:03:49.920 --> 0:03:52.600 really brief. But I was in high school and there 0:03:52.680 --> 0:03:55.400 was a haunted corn maze Michigan. Don't like those either, 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:57.839 Yeah you don't. I'm not a big because I don't 0:03:57.840 --> 0:03:58.480 want to be trapped. 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:02.560 Nothing scared. Yeah about being everything is scary to me. 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:05.040 So I were in the haunted corn maze and I'm 0:04:05.080 --> 0:04:07.520 walking and I'm they've they knew I was afraid, so 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:09.760 they put me in like a little huddle. So I 0:04:09.800 --> 0:04:11.320 was kind of like the middle of a little circle 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:13.440 of people in a little pod like minions, just going 0:04:13.440 --> 0:04:14.120 around whatever. 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:16.520 And there was this. 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:18.640 Girl that came up and she had a varsity jacket 0:04:18.680 --> 0:04:21.280 on from a town over and she was like, I 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:23.800 got lost for my group. She looked terrified, and so 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:27.359 you know, I've stayed consistent since eighteen seventeen year old me. 0:04:27.839 --> 0:04:29.880 So I say, come with us, you know, and I 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:31.719 pull her in and I've linked arms with her, and 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:33.520 she's walking with us in the little bubble and the 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:37.720 little minions boo boo boop. Two seconds later, chainsaw guy 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:39.560 pops out, grabs her. 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:40.360 And pulls her in. 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:45.120 She's part of it, And I don't know that that's good. 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:48.320 Mental breakdown, it's good. That's really good. Mental breakdown. 0:04:48.680 --> 0:04:52.760 Yeah, mental breakdown, fetal position, middle of the maze. 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:54.120 I say, this isn't funny. 0:04:54.160 --> 0:04:56.160 I want out, like I mean, I like lost it, 0:04:56.440 --> 0:04:58.599 and I've never I don't I've never been in a 0:04:58.600 --> 0:04:59.200 haunted house. 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:00.880 Since I've never seen that happened before. 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:04.520 It was I mean, honestly, objectively brilliant. Yes, Also I 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:05.839 think I still need trauma therapy. 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:07.839 Well, this might explain some things. 0:05:08.520 --> 0:05:13.320 So I remember going to the place it is Anaheim. 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:15.039 I can't remember the name now, but it was a 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:18.120 big haunted house. And again I'm not I don't love 0:05:18.200 --> 0:05:19.800 hant houses because I don't know where my exit is 0:05:19.880 --> 0:05:21.160 and I'm a very much like I need to normal 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:22.680 exitus and he needs to know how to get out. 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:26.559 Don't feel trapped, But I just I find it's so good. 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:30.039 I don't know. I love a good boo, happy happy 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:32.279 boo month. Guys, please don't do it to me. 0:05:32.640 --> 0:05:36.440 I know I wouldn't because. 0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:38.120 I know you hate it. No, it's not even like, 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:39.839 oh that was funny, got me. 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:42.200 I'm like, we have we have boundaries though, around our 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:45.279 booths in our house. So Alan is not allowed to 0:05:45.320 --> 0:05:48.400 boo me from he can't be outside because my one 0:05:48.440 --> 0:05:52.200 of my big that's fair, uh fears is when I'm 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:54.640 home alone, when I go to the lock up, because 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:57.359 that's it's wooded in the back right, and so my 0:05:57.360 --> 0:05:59.240 biggest fear of seeing someone just standing there. 0:06:00.000 --> 0:06:02.160 Ever since only we say these things out loud on here, 0:06:02.240 --> 0:06:06.760 because now I'm badly want to show up. Did you kidding? 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:09.640 I would never do that to you. I just would 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:12.040 never do that to you. Wouldn't do it. But gosh, 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:15.239 you're just tempting me so much. Catherarancy is a playbook. 0:06:15.279 --> 0:06:17.520 I see a safety hazard. I don't like. It's just 0:06:17.800 --> 0:06:21.080 what we are so also different. So it's and yeah, 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:23.120 it's it's terrifying. It's terrific. 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:24.520 I mean, I even now that I have my little 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:27.039 ring cameras in my backyard, I still will look to 0:06:27.040 --> 0:06:29.960 be like, you know, do I see anybody just standing there? 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:31.960 Because it just it's it's and that's been since I 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:35.280 was twelve years old babysitting, you know, of course, of course, yeah, 0:06:35.360 --> 0:06:36.919 and that's just kind of carried with me through my 0:06:36.920 --> 0:06:39.440 adolescent So that piece of it, I'm like, you were 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:42.480 not allowed to go outside and scare me like that. 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:45.400 Yeah, So but I could do it to him if 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:47.680 I want to do Yeah. 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:50.039 Yeah, but a fake murderer in the house is super 0:06:50.080 --> 0:06:50.679 fun to everyone. 0:06:50.720 --> 0:06:50.920 Yeah. 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:53.320 Sometimes when he goes out to his bathroom to go poop, 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:56.480 he's like a poop bathroom outside. I'll stand outside. But 0:06:56.520 --> 0:06:58.040 one time I'll stand out there for like twenty minutes. 0:06:58.080 --> 0:07:00.720 I was like, I say, I. 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:01.760 Was like, I'm tired. 0:07:02.240 --> 0:07:03.039 Oh my gosh. 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:03.320 Yes. 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:07.640 Anyways, Happy Boo month. Guys, do you have a well hold? 0:07:08.520 --> 0:07:10.160 I have a question? And you said there were two 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:12.160 reasons that started off rocky this morning. 0:07:12.240 --> 0:07:12.880 Oh yeah. 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:17.160 A couple of weeks ago, we posted a Instagram about 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:22.640 who was my ride or di Oh, and yeah, I 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:25.400 had a lot of people slide in being like Christen's 0:07:25.400 --> 0:07:29.679 going to be really upset about this and very insensitive. 0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:35.440 And oh I got a lot of messages really I'm sorry, and. 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:39.240 A couple of potstars. I did have a couple of pots. 0:07:39.400 --> 0:07:42.040 I'm a good potstar. I love it quote. 0:07:42.120 --> 0:07:44.480 You're obsessed with being her best friend. I was like, I, 0:07:45.200 --> 0:07:48.000 I mean, obsessed is a word I kind of like, 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:52.600 but I wouldn't use that. But I had to just say, 0:07:52.960 --> 0:07:55.280 I actually don't disagree that Kat's the rider. 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:57.119 Die. Oh I don't. 0:07:57.200 --> 0:07:59.800 I said, Catherine has been in a lot a lot 0:07:59.840 --> 0:08:02.200 of chapters, in a lot of spaces with Jana that 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:04.720 I couldn't be in for whatever reason, whether it was 0:08:04.760 --> 0:08:06.640 that we didn't know each other yet, or like family 0:08:06.760 --> 0:08:09.080 or whatever. And I said, I don't disagree. And I 0:08:09.120 --> 0:08:12.280 said Kat is a national treasure. Oh that's sweet. And 0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:13.480 she knows all my secrets. 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:15.880 She even said it when she's posting it. She was like, 0:08:16.000 --> 0:08:17.400 because she knows all my. 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:21.720 Secrets, every single one of my voice members, which drives me. 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:22.680 Why did she. 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:28.800 By the way, it is insurance, it says captain marriage 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:29.280 And I'm like. 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:32.959 Did you still say that? Yes, I changed the setting. No, MA, 0:08:33.240 --> 0:08:36.320 I think you say that, Yeah, Kit Cat doesn't. 0:08:36.559 --> 0:08:38.280 Everyone's hey, I'm here for it. But the sad thing 0:08:38.320 --> 0:08:39.440 is is I don't still have them. 0:08:39.720 --> 0:08:41.640 You know, That's not why I'm not really like, oh, 0:08:41.720 --> 0:08:41.920 I know. 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:46.280 I know, Hey, I am fine with being that, but 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:49.040 I think it's also important to note you can have 0:08:49.120 --> 0:08:50.520 lots of best friends. 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:53.200 And it be different. You know, oh for sure. 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:57.280 That's so I'm sorry, though, Oh I actually didn't, I 0:08:57.960 --> 0:08:59.040 have like zero feelings. 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:01.000 I was like, I would just a really agree people. 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:02.920 Yeah, but it's funny feelings. 0:09:03.120 --> 0:09:05.960 Other people have feelings or that people think you can 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:08.520 still only have one best friend, right right, right. 0:09:08.679 --> 0:09:10.559 Well, you chose to go to dinner with us, so 0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:12.760 I mean I could have put those true. 0:09:12.800 --> 0:09:14.400 She would have put both of us had you been there. 0:09:14.760 --> 0:09:17.560 It's fair. I know this about her though, I mean 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:19.520 she and I. 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:21.440 Love that about you, having said that you used to 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:24.120 call everybody, everybody your best friend. 0:09:24.120 --> 0:09:27.040 And this is when I was like, actually, just like. 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:32.679 Actually her only really best friend, okay, And I'm like. 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:34.720 Okay, now, I'm like actually kind of getting offended. 0:09:35.160 --> 0:09:37.600 But like you say, like we're saying it to you, 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:39.480 doesn't offend me in the least because you are a 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:39.960 best friend. 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:41.439 You know, you are her best friend. 0:09:41.720 --> 0:09:43.160 But like when she used to say it to like 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:45.200 the random people, and I was like, mmm, not no, 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:45.920 not cool. 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:47.719 Well, she used to say best friend, and then she 0:09:47.800 --> 0:09:50.440 used to say bestie, and I feel like the besties 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:52.559 were a tear down. Yeah, it's just an easy way 0:09:52.600 --> 0:09:54.640 of saying that truth. I love that we're talking about 0:09:54.640 --> 0:09:55.360 you like you're not. 0:09:56.200 --> 0:09:58.200 This is just I love this. I love that about you, 0:09:58.280 --> 0:10:02.080 though things I don't don't love about you? Are you 0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:02.839 scaring the sh. 0:10:04.720 --> 0:10:08.160 I just I love October? I do I hate October. 0:10:08.200 --> 0:10:10.640 I do love October. You don't like October. I'm ready 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:11.440 to get to November. 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:11.760 First. 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:16.000 Oh, everything is scary. You can't even walk into a Walgreens. 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:18.000 You're gonna hate the man that we put up on 0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:18.760 our front porch. 0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:21.280 Oh, I love that guy. Yeah, he's great. 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:26.640 Yeah, And honestly, everything is scary. I'm like, I'll just 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:27.920 be in my house until November. 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:28.280 First. 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:32.440 The kid at twelve years old, babysitting and watching no 0:10:32.679 --> 0:10:35.720 movies about the babysitter with the man outside. Now, it's 0:10:35.760 --> 0:10:38.880 so terrified me. But I just I'm messed up. I 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:41.800 guess I like to be scared. I don't know. 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:44.280 Yeah, I mean I will watch a movie with both 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:47.240 hands over my face, but still keep a. 0:10:47.280 --> 0:10:49.679 Little crazy to see you grease a little, a little 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:53.679 opening and people write, did have you watched Abbot Elementary? 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:55.960 And I'm like, is it scary? 0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:55.160 Is it? 0:10:56.280 --> 0:10:56.439 Oh? 0:10:56.480 --> 0:10:59.080 Abbot Elementary? I think it's a comedy. Yeah. She was like, 0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:02.760 my first question is it scary? Because I'm not even watching? 0:11:02.800 --> 0:11:02.880 Oh? 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:03.439 Yeah you did. 0:11:03.600 --> 0:11:05.920 I'd love to be in a movie like The Strangers, 0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:06.840 one of my favorite. 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:09.080 I love that movie. You haven't watched it? Watched the 0:11:09.080 --> 0:11:11.800 first one? It's so good, so good. Did you watch 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:14.280 the other one? The second one? I watched, Yeah, but 0:11:14.320 --> 0:11:15.280 it wasn't it wasn't as good. 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:20.319 Yeah, but yeah, it's it's a classic October movie. But 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:24.280 my mom didn't like Halloween ever, so we never had 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:27.600 any Halloween direct decorations. Really wasn't a fan of it. 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:30.480 So I don't know. I've all I think I've tried 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:33.520 to go opposite and just like really own into the season. 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:36.120 And this is I'm not gonna say what it is, but. 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:37.920 We have you know. 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:40.720 I always like to do a good family yeah costume. 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:42.439 We didn't do it the last year because you know, 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:44.360 the kids all kind of wanted to be telling something different. 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:46.920 But I got them on something this year. It's gonna 0:11:46.920 --> 0:11:47.720 be so fun good. 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:50.920 We picktars finally, I'm terrible that I I'll do so 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:54.960 that's what's weird. I actually dislike Halloween so much, but 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:58.559 Love loves the costumes, so I go all in for her. 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:01.040 We're not out, I don't, but it's gonna be tricky 0:12:01.080 --> 0:12:03.640 to find group costumes. That's where I'm stuck. So we 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:06.920 have one this year. I don't know that it's my favorite, 0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:07.679 but we're doing it. 0:12:20.440 --> 0:12:23.840 I have actually a questioned about Halloween because there's some 0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:26.280 that don't do it because the Christianity piece of it. 0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:28.200 What are you all thoughts on that? 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:32.360 I've never really dug into that. We've always either celebrated Halloween. 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:36.600 It's never been a huge, you know, holiday in our house. 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:40.080 But I guess I can see where they're coming from. 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:42.680 It's just not been something that I've necessarily dug into 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:43.160 a whole lot. 0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:45.880 I think the way we do it is just the imagination, 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:48.720 and that's it, because we're not doing anything spooky scary, 0:12:48.920 --> 0:12:49.800 like it's just pumpkins. 0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:53.240 And it could probably get to a point where it's like, Okay, 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:56.760 you know, this is a little our school demoonic and stuff. 0:12:56.760 --> 0:12:59.960 I can understand that, but it's just never been something. 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:04.880 That, yeah, anything else Oh yeah, Should I go into 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:07.640 my mind about it because I am like two hours 0:13:07.679 --> 0:13:08.360 of sleep y'all? 0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:12.240 Uh oh, I can't wait to see how the rest 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:12.679 of us went. 0:13:13.280 --> 0:13:17.960 Oh okay, it is also October, which is domestic violence 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:20.400 wearin this month, and there are some things coming up 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:24.880 this month. We're going I'm actually, guys, there's I'm gonna okay, 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:26.679 there's two pieces to this whole entire thing, because I 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:28.760 actually want to talk about one piece of it and 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:30.199 then the other piece. I want to talk about what 0:13:30.200 --> 0:13:33.400 happened a couple weeks ago. So I talked about this 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:38.720 in my book. But three am, when I was with 0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:41.000 my first abuser, he would take me out of bed, 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:43.640 throw me down on the floor, beat the living crap 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:48.640 out of me. So I was always really, you know, 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:54.079 terrified whatever, And when we broke up, it was always 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:56.360 when I was ever alone, three in the morning. Was 0:13:56.400 --> 0:14:01.160 my body trauma response to that happening. So, you know, 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:03.600 worked through a therapy, the whole thing got on medication 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:07.720 stopped for a while, but then it would happen again. 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:12.079 When you know, when I was married, the anxiety came back. 0:14:12.240 --> 0:14:16.960 I think because I was in a toxic situation that 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:21.560 was possibly reminding me of certain situations from my former abuser. 0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:24.640 One of the reasons, and this is so silly to admit, 0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:26.800 but like one of the reasons I didn't want to 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:28.600 leave Mike was because I was like, I don't think 0:14:28.640 --> 0:14:32.640 I can be home alone because I don't think that 0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:35.600 I can I can do it, like I need to 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:37.040 have him there, and I don't. 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:38.120 I won't be able to sleep. 0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:42.040 And so you know, I've had like you come over before, friends, 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:47.840 I've called a like emergency the trucks. Oh, I was 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:49.880 having it, yeah, a con panic attack because I would 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:53.840 like pass out, like and so freak out. So cut 0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:55.840 to all those things. Obviously, I worked through it with 0:14:55.880 --> 0:14:58.120 my divorce. I got to a part with Amy and 0:14:58.520 --> 0:15:01.200 just you know, from having to just forcing myself like 0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:02.480 I have to do this and you'll get through it. 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:04.280 So it took me a minute, but I was able 0:15:04.280 --> 0:15:06.040 to finally not wake up at three in the morning 0:15:06.240 --> 0:15:07.480 and I was able to be alone. 0:15:08.040 --> 0:15:08.240 Right. 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:13.520 So Alan was just out of town a couple weeks 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:15.360 ago and. 0:15:17.240 --> 0:15:20.960 Three am no, and I was like, damn it. 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:24.080 And now typically now this happens when he's out of town, 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:26.400 like I'll wake up at the three am, and typically 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:29.720 I know how to talk myself out of the panic attack. 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:31.920 I'm like, you know, you're not alone, like and I'll 0:15:31.960 --> 0:15:34.360 scroll or I'll look like my little Bible app like 0:15:34.360 --> 0:15:36.360 there's things that I'll do that gets my mind off 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:38.720 of it because i know now, like I'm good, I'm 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:40.480 actually not alone. And this is where I like lean 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:43.640 into my faith and do all that. But what happened 0:15:43.760 --> 0:15:47.360 was was that. So that happened. So we Catherine and 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:50.800 I went to this event, and in my mind, I'm like, 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:52.560 I'm going to trick the devil in this. What I'm 0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:56.160 going to do is I'm going to stay up late 0:15:56.760 --> 0:15:59.840 so that I don't wake up at three am, right, 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:04.120 because I'm like, surely I won't do that because I'll 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:06.480 be so tired. Well, the problem is is that I've 0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:09.440 now psyched myself out like everybody's going to sleep right 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:12.320 because it's now midnight, and I'm like, oh God, like 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:14.760 now now I'm over tired because I'm exhausted right, Like 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:16.560 I want to go to I usually go to sleep 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:19.400 like ten thirty. So this is a very long story. 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:22.200 So I'm texting Cat. I know she's awake because she's 0:16:22.240 --> 0:16:24.600 a night owl. And she even said in the car 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:26.160 that day, She's like, yeah, I don't what time do. 0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:28.040 You go to bed? At twelve? 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:31.480 Yeah, I'm like, hey girl, so I'm doing what you're doing, 0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:33.640 you know, I'm staying up. But then I started to 0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:35.320 panic because I'm like, all right, now everyone's going to sleep. 0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:38.120 Now I'm now I'm awake, you know. And now I'm 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:39.840 like now I'm rolling alone. And so then I start 0:16:39.920 --> 0:16:41.640 to just like have this like up and down panic moment. 0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:42.960 But I was like, cat, can you leave your phone on, 0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:44.440 like just if I like need to call you? And 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:45.960 I got back to that point where I was like 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:48.000 own a friend, Like I were just like I need 0:16:48.040 --> 0:16:50.760 I just need to know that like someone is awake, 0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:51.880 that would be awake. You know. 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:53.440 I'm actually never going to call you. 0:16:53.560 --> 0:16:55.240 Yeah yeah in the middle of the night, but like 0:16:56.080 --> 0:16:58.200 I know that if I did call, you'd be yeah, 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:00.280 oh maybe yeah. 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:02.480 Well then I was like really nervous because look, if 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:04.480 I don't hear this and it calls, like turn it 0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:04.960 up real loud. 0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:05.879 So you said, this is the first time. 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:08.080 That's the first time I have left my phone on. 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:12.200 I mean, if a kid was spending the night out 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:15.560 every now and then but Nick's is real is usually on, 0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:17.480 so I don't even worry about that because then they 0:17:17.520 --> 0:17:20.360 would call him. I never leave it on. I always 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:22.919 have it is silent. That's why I miss most calls 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:24.800 because my phone is just silent, so if I'm not 0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:27.080 looking at it, I don't hear it or no, it's 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:29.359 you know. But I was like, yes, I'll leave it on, 0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:29.640 and I. 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:31.720 Was like, turn it up, turn it up. I know 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:33.080 you generally don't call. 0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:36.240 Yeah, I mean we've done this several times through the years, 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:38.400 you know, and we're even in the same hotel room. 0:17:38.400 --> 0:17:41.359 If we're in a different hotel and same hotel in 0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:44.080