Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hi girls, Hi, We started this off a little rocky,
Speaker 2: and I just feel like I have to apologize because
Speaker 2: I found something out about KB that I had no
Speaker 2: idea about.
Speaker 3: Oh I was, Oh there was Wait what shocked? You
Speaker 3: don't know this about me? I had?
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess when I think about it, And
Speaker 2: if I was to take more of a empathetic moment
Speaker 2: to think about the outcome, I would have gone, I
Speaker 2: bet you she doesn't like this. But if I'm being honest,
Speaker 2: it was a little bit of a selfish, like, oh.
Speaker 3: This is gonna be fun moment for one of us.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out what's happening.
Speaker 3: Okay, it happened to you too this morning. Oh oh
Speaker 3: you did that? I scared.
Speaker 2: So I just was like, you know, do something fun. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was, And so I put my little camera up
Speaker 2: and I scared. Kristen was first because you were right
Speaker 2: behind me her and so I scared her and I
Speaker 2: think we almost broke up.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 4: I do not like being scared at all. If she
Speaker 4: was wearing a mask, we would.
Speaker 3: Actually I probably would have walked out. I don't like it.
Speaker 2: Which I honestly thought about it because those masks are
Speaker 2: that I have those red leg mask. I literally thought
Speaker 2: about that, or the mask from the Mass singer, you
Speaker 2: know the little visor thing. Oh Alan scared me with
Speaker 2: that one time. He was scared though, But yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I had no idea. I just thought it was going
Speaker 2: to be funny and it was not for you. Oh
Speaker 2: still still shaking, heart rates, still elevator.
Speaker 1: So what's so funny about this is I had no
Speaker 1: idea that this happened before you scared me. And then
Speaker 1: I go in immediately talking about how much I appreciate the.
Speaker 3: Screw good scare and she's like, what do you do?
Speaker 3: And I was like wait what.
Speaker 4: I was like opposite day. I mean, we couldn't have
Speaker 4: reacted any more opposite. You were just like oh and
Speaker 4: then went and washed her hands. I'm like calling a
Speaker 4: counselor and debating a full friendship, and.
Speaker 3: I was like, high five grader, got job where we
Speaker 3: come from. I just never liked it. Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 3: don't know.
Speaker 1: I've never there's something deep down in there.
Speaker 2: Can I tell you I started something really fast. This
Speaker 2: is the first thing you and my ex have ever
Speaker 2: had in common.
Speaker 1: I was thinking the same thing I.
Speaker 2: Will never forget when we were in when he was
Speaker 2: still living in Maryland.
Speaker 3: I love a good scare. I just do.
Speaker 2: I again, I don't like being scared, but I appreciate
Speaker 2: a good scare, right because it's but there's also something
Speaker 2: so thrilling about to be scaring someone, do you know, Yeah,
Speaker 2: like if we do it the kids that we all
Speaker 2: do it to each other, like it's a thing, right, Yeah, I.
Speaker 3: Know this is right. So oh it's so opposite.
Speaker 2: I remember the very first time he was downstairs and
Speaker 2: I'm by, I'm like in his room where he has
Speaker 2: to come up the stairs, and I this should have
Speaker 2: been like one of the first very big signs.
Speaker 3: Of his reactions when you look back. I look back,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, that's not how he was so mean.
Speaker 2: He got angry, I mean angry, and I was like,
Speaker 2: like slammed his saint.
Speaker 3: I was like, it was the first time. I was
Speaker 3: like again, thinking.
Speaker 2: Back now, I'm like, this is a foreshadowing moment I
Speaker 2: should probably have paid a little closer attention to.
Speaker 3: But yeah, learning the lesson on that one.
Speaker 2: So I'm like you and mic are actually I feel
Speaker 2: like in all the times we've talked about this about Mike,
Speaker 2: I don't know about that we would.
Speaker 1: Have found out that you didn't like it.
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't think i've ever shared the scare
Speaker 2: part though. I don't getting angry, yeah, you know, because
Speaker 2: I get terrified. So I'm going to tell this really,
Speaker 2: really brief. But I was in high school and there
Speaker 2: was a haunted corn maze Michigan. Don't like those either,
Speaker 2: Yeah you don't. I'm not a big because I don't
Speaker 2: want to be trapped.
Speaker 3: Nothing scared. Yeah about being everything is scary to me.
Speaker 4: So I were in the haunted corn maze and I'm
Speaker 4: walking and I'm they've they knew I was afraid, so
Speaker 4: they put me in like a little huddle. So I
Speaker 4: was kind of like the middle of a little circle
Speaker 4: of people in a little pod like minions, just going
Speaker 4: around whatever.
Speaker 3: And there was this.
Speaker 4: Girl that came up and she had a varsity jacket
Speaker 4: on from a town over and she was like, I
Speaker 4: got lost for my group. She looked terrified, and so
Speaker 4: you know, I've stayed consistent since eighteen seventeen year old me.
Speaker 4: So I say, come with us, you know, and I
Speaker 4: pull her in and I've linked arms with her, and
Speaker 4: she's walking with us in the little bubble and the
Speaker 4: little minions boo boo boop. Two seconds later, chainsaw guy
Speaker 4: pops out, grabs her.
Speaker 3: And pulls her in.
Speaker 4: She's part of it, And I don't know that that's good.
Speaker 3: Mental breakdown, it's good. That's really good. Mental breakdown.
Speaker 4: Yeah, mental breakdown, fetal position, middle of the maze.
Speaker 3: I say, this isn't funny.
Speaker 4: I want out, like I mean, I like lost it,
Speaker 4: and I've never I don't I've never been in a
Speaker 4: haunted house.
Speaker 1: Since I've never seen that happened before.
Speaker 4: It was I mean, honestly, objectively brilliant. Yes, Also I
Speaker 4: think I still need trauma therapy.
Speaker 3: Well, this might explain some things.
Speaker 2: So I remember going to the place it is Anaheim.
Speaker 2: I can't remember the name now, but it was a
Speaker 2: big haunted house. And again I'm not I don't love
Speaker 2: hant houses because I don't know where my exit is
Speaker 2: and I'm a very much like I need to normal
Speaker 2: exitus and he needs to know how to get out.
Speaker 2: Don't feel trapped, But I just I find it's so good.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I love a good boo, happy happy
Speaker 3: boo month. Guys, please don't do it to me.
Speaker 1: I know I wouldn't because.
Speaker 3: I know you hate it. No, it's not even like,
Speaker 3: oh that was funny, got me.
Speaker 2: I'm like, we have we have boundaries though, around our
Speaker 2: booths in our house. So Alan is not allowed to
Speaker 2: boo me from he can't be outside because my one
Speaker 2: of my big that's fair, uh fears is when I'm
Speaker 2: home alone, when I go to the lock up, because
Speaker 2: that's it's wooded in the back right, and so my
Speaker 2: biggest fear of seeing someone just standing there.
Speaker 3: Ever since only we say these things out loud on here,
Speaker 3: because now I'm badly want to show up. Did you kidding?
Speaker 3: I would never do that to you. I just would
Speaker 3: never do that to you. Wouldn't do it. But gosh,
Speaker 3: you're just tempting me so much. Catherarancy is a playbook.
Speaker 3: I see a safety hazard. I don't like. It's just
Speaker 3: what we are so also different. So it's and yeah,
Speaker 3: it's it's terrifying. It's terrific.
Speaker 2: I mean, I even now that I have my little
Speaker 2: ring cameras in my backyard, I still will look to
Speaker 2: be like, you know, do I see anybody just standing there?
Speaker 2: Because it just it's it's and that's been since I
Speaker 2: was twelve years old babysitting, you know, of course, of course, yeah,
Speaker 2: and that's just kind of carried with me through my
Speaker 2: adolescent So that piece of it, I'm like, you were
Speaker 2: not allowed to go outside and scare me like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So but I could do it to him if
Speaker 3: I want to do Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but a fake murderer in the house is super
Speaker 4: fun to everyone.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Sometimes when he goes out to his bathroom to go poop,
Speaker 2: he's like a poop bathroom outside. I'll stand outside. But
Speaker 2: one time I'll stand out there for like twenty minutes.
Speaker 2: I was like, I say, I.
Speaker 3: Was like, I'm tired.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 2: Anyways, Happy Boo month. Guys, do you have a well hold?
Speaker 1: I have a question? And you said there were two
Speaker 1: reasons that started off rocky this morning.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah.
Speaker 2: A couple of weeks ago, we posted a Instagram about
Speaker 2: who was my ride or di Oh, and yeah, I
Speaker 2: had a lot of people slide in being like Christen's
Speaker 2: going to be really upset about this and very insensitive.
Speaker 4: And oh I got a lot of messages really I'm sorry, and.
Speaker 3: A couple of potstars. I did have a couple of pots.
Speaker 3: I'm a good potstar. I love it quote.
Speaker 4: You're obsessed with being her best friend. I was like, I,
Speaker 4: I mean, obsessed is a word I kind of like,
Speaker 4: but I wouldn't use that. But I had to just say,
Speaker 4: I actually don't disagree that Kat's the rider.
Speaker 3: Die. Oh I don't.
Speaker 4: I said, Catherine has been in a lot a lot
Speaker 4: of chapters, in a lot of spaces with Jana that
Speaker 4: I couldn't be in for whatever reason, whether it was
Speaker 4: that we didn't know each other yet, or like family
Speaker 4: or whatever. And I said, I don't disagree. And I
Speaker 4: said Kat is a national treasure. Oh that's sweet. And
Speaker 4: she knows all my secrets.
Speaker 3: She even said it when she's posting it. She was like,
Speaker 3: because she knows all my.
Speaker 2: Secrets, every single one of my voice members, which drives me.
Speaker 1: Why did she.
Speaker 2: By the way, it is insurance, it says captain marriage
Speaker 2: And I'm like.
Speaker 3: Did you still say that? Yes, I changed the setting. No, MA,
Speaker 3: I think you say that, Yeah, Kit Cat doesn't.
Speaker 1: Everyone's hey, I'm here for it. But the sad thing
Speaker 1: is is I don't still have them.
Speaker 3: You know, That's not why I'm not really like, oh,
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 1: I know, Hey, I am fine with being that, but
Speaker 1: I think it's also important to note you can have
Speaker 1: lots of best friends.
Speaker 3: And it be different. You know, oh for sure.
Speaker 4: That's so I'm sorry, though, Oh I actually didn't, I
Speaker 4: have like zero feelings.
Speaker 3: I was like, I would just a really agree people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's funny feelings.
Speaker 4: Other people have feelings or that people think you can
Speaker 4: still only have one best friend, right right, right.
Speaker 2: Well, you chose to go to dinner with us, so
Speaker 2: I mean I could have put those true.
Speaker 3: She would have put both of us had you been there.
Speaker 3: It's fair. I know this about her though, I mean
Speaker 3: she and I.
Speaker 1: Love that about you, having said that you used to
Speaker 1: call everybody, everybody your best friend.
Speaker 3: And this is when I was like, actually, just like.
Speaker 1: Actually her only really best friend, okay, And I'm like.
Speaker 3: Okay, now, I'm like actually kind of getting offended.
Speaker 1: But like you say, like we're saying it to you,
Speaker 1: doesn't offend me in the least because you are a
Speaker 1: best friend.
Speaker 3: You know, you are her best friend.
Speaker 1: But like when she used to say it to like
Speaker 1: the random people, and I was like, mmm, not no,
Speaker 1: not cool.
Speaker 4: Well, she used to say best friend, and then she
Speaker 4: used to say bestie, and I feel like the besties
Speaker 4: were a tear down. Yeah, it's just an easy way
Speaker 4: of saying that truth. I love that we're talking about
Speaker 4: you like you're not.
Speaker 3: This is just I love this. I love that about you,
Speaker 3: though things I don't don't love about you? Are you
Speaker 3: scaring the sh.
Speaker 2: I just I love October? I do I hate October.
Speaker 4: I do love October. You don't like October. I'm ready
Speaker 4: to get to November.
Speaker 3: First.
Speaker 4: Oh, everything is scary. You can't even walk into a Walgreens.
Speaker 4: You're gonna hate the man that we put up on
Speaker 4: our front porch.
Speaker 3: Oh, I love that guy. Yeah, he's great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And honestly, everything is scary. I'm like, I'll just
Speaker 4: be in my house until November.
Speaker 3: First.
Speaker 1: The kid at twelve years old, babysitting and watching no
Speaker 1: movies about the babysitter with the man outside. Now, it's
Speaker 1: so terrified me. But I just I'm messed up. I
Speaker 1: guess I like to be scared. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I will watch a movie with both
Speaker 2: hands over my face, but still keep a.
Speaker 4: Little crazy to see you grease a little, a little
Speaker 4: opening and people write, did have you watched Abbot Elementary?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, is it scary?
Speaker 2: Is it?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Abbot Elementary? I think it's a comedy. Yeah. She was like,
Speaker 3: my first question is it scary? Because I'm not even watching?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah you did.
Speaker 2: I'd love to be in a movie like The Strangers,
Speaker 2: one of my favorite.
Speaker 3: I love that movie. You haven't watched it? Watched the
Speaker 3: first one? It's so good, so good. Did you watch
Speaker 3: the other one? The second one? I watched, Yeah, but
Speaker 3: it wasn't it wasn't as good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, it's it's a classic October movie. But
Speaker 2: my mom didn't like Halloween ever, so we never had
Speaker 2: any Halloween direct decorations. Really wasn't a fan of it.
Speaker 2: So I don't know. I've all I think I've tried
Speaker 2: to go opposite and just like really own into the season.
Speaker 2: And this is I'm not gonna say what it is, but.
Speaker 3: We have you know.
Speaker 2: I always like to do a good family yeah costume.
Speaker 2: We didn't do it the last year because you know,
Speaker 2: the kids all kind of wanted to be telling something different.
Speaker 2: But I got them on something this year. It's gonna
Speaker 2: be so fun good.
Speaker 4: We picktars finally, I'm terrible that I I'll do so
Speaker 4: that's what's weird. I actually dislike Halloween so much, but
Speaker 4: Love loves the costumes, so I go all in for her.
Speaker 4: We're not out, I don't, but it's gonna be tricky
Speaker 4: to find group costumes. That's where I'm stuck. So we
Speaker 4: have one this year. I don't know that it's my favorite,
Speaker 4: but we're doing it.
Speaker 2: I have actually a questioned about Halloween because there's some
Speaker 2: that don't do it because the Christianity piece of it.
Speaker 3: What are you all thoughts on that?
Speaker 1: I've never really dug into that. We've always either celebrated Halloween.
Speaker 1: It's never been a huge, you know, holiday in our house.
Speaker 1: But I guess I can see where they're coming from.
Speaker 1: It's just not been something that I've necessarily dug into
Speaker 1: a whole lot.
Speaker 4: I think the way we do it is just the imagination,
Speaker 4: and that's it, because we're not doing anything spooky scary,
Speaker 4: like it's just pumpkins.
Speaker 1: And it could probably get to a point where it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you know, this is a little our school demoonic and stuff.
Speaker 1: I can understand that, but it's just never been something.
Speaker 2: That, yeah, anything else Oh yeah, Should I go into
Speaker 2: my mind about it because I am like two hours
Speaker 2: of sleep y'all?
Speaker 1: Uh oh, I can't wait to see how the rest
Speaker 1: of us went.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, it is also October, which is domestic violence
Speaker 2: wearin this month, and there are some things coming up
Speaker 2: this month. We're going I'm actually, guys, there's I'm gonna okay,
Speaker 2: there's two pieces to this whole entire thing, because I
Speaker 2: actually want to talk about one piece of it and
Speaker 2: then the other piece. I want to talk about what
Speaker 2: happened a couple weeks ago. So I talked about this
Speaker 2: in my book. But three am, when I was with
Speaker 2: my first abuser, he would take me out of bed,
Speaker 2: throw me down on the floor, beat the living crap
Speaker 2: out of me. So I was always really, you know,
Speaker 2: terrified whatever, And when we broke up, it was always
Speaker 2: when I was ever alone, three in the morning. Was
Speaker 2: my body trauma response to that happening. So, you know,
Speaker 2: worked through a therapy, the whole thing got on medication
Speaker 2: stopped for a while, but then it would happen again.
Speaker 2: When you know, when I was married, the anxiety came back.
Speaker 2: I think because I was in a toxic situation that
Speaker 2: was possibly reminding me of certain situations from my former abuser.
Speaker 2: One of the reasons, and this is so silly to admit,
Speaker 2: but like one of the reasons I didn't want to
Speaker 2: leave Mike was because I was like, I don't think
Speaker 2: I can be home alone because I don't think that
Speaker 2: I can I can do it, like I need to
Speaker 2: have him there, and I don't.
Speaker 3: I won't be able to sleep.
Speaker 2: And so you know, I've had like you come over before, friends,
Speaker 2: I've called a like emergency the trucks. Oh, I was
Speaker 2: having it, yeah, a con panic attack because I would
Speaker 2: like pass out, like and so freak out. So cut
Speaker 2: to all those things. Obviously, I worked through it with
Speaker 2: my divorce. I got to a part with Amy and
Speaker 2: just you know, from having to just forcing myself like
Speaker 2: I have to do this and you'll get through it.
Speaker 2: So it took me a minute, but I was able
Speaker 2: to finally not wake up at three in the morning
Speaker 2: and I was able to be alone.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: So Alan was just out of town a couple weeks
Speaker 2: ago and.
Speaker 3: Three am no, and I was like, damn it.
Speaker 2: And now typically now this happens when he's out of town,
Speaker 2: like I'll wake up at the three am, and typically
Speaker 2: I know how to talk myself out of the panic attack.
Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, you're not alone, like and I'll
Speaker 2: scroll or I'll look like my little Bible app like
Speaker 2: there's things that I'll do that gets my mind off
Speaker 2: of it because i know now, like I'm good, I'm
Speaker 2: actually not alone. And this is where I like lean
Speaker 2: into my faith and do all that. But what happened
Speaker 2: was was that. So that happened. So we Catherine and
Speaker 2: I went to this event, and in my mind, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm going to trick the devil in this. What I'm
Speaker 2: going to do is I'm going to stay up late
Speaker 2: so that I don't wake up at three am, right,
Speaker 2: because I'm like, surely I won't do that because I'll
Speaker 2: be so tired. Well, the problem is is that I've
Speaker 2: now psyched myself out like everybody's going to sleep right
Speaker 2: because it's now midnight, and I'm like, oh God, like
Speaker 2: now now I'm over tired because I'm exhausted right, Like
Speaker 2: I want to go to I usually go to sleep
Speaker 2: like ten thirty. So this is a very long story.
Speaker 2: So I'm texting Cat. I know she's awake because she's
Speaker 2: a night owl. And she even said in the car
Speaker 2: that day, She's like, yeah, I don't what time do.
Speaker 3: You go to bed? At twelve?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, hey girl, so I'm doing what you're doing,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm staying up. But then I started to
Speaker 2: panic because I'm like, all right, now everyone's going to sleep.
Speaker 2: Now I'm now I'm awake, you know. And now I'm
Speaker 2: like now I'm rolling alone. And so then I start
Speaker 2: to just like have this like up and down panic moment.
Speaker 2: But I was like, cat, can you leave your phone on,
Speaker 2: like just if I like need to call you? And
Speaker 2: I got back to that point where I was like
Speaker 2: own a friend, Like I were just like I need
Speaker 2: I just need to know that like someone is awake,
Speaker 2: that would be awake. You know.
Speaker 3: I'm actually never going to call you.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah in the middle of the night, but like
Speaker 2: I know that if I did call, you'd be yeah,
Speaker 2: oh maybe yeah.
Speaker 1: Well then I was like really nervous because look, if
Speaker 1: I don't hear this and it calls, like turn it
Speaker 1: up real loud.
Speaker 3: So you said, this is the first time.
Speaker 1: That's the first time I have left my phone on.
Speaker 1: I mean, if a kid was spending the night out
Speaker 1: every now and then but Nick's is real is usually on,
Speaker 1: so I don't even worry about that because then they
Speaker 1: would call him. I never leave it on. I always
Speaker 1: have it is silent. That's why I miss most calls
Speaker 1: because my phone is just silent, so if I'm not
Speaker 1: looking at it, I don't hear it or no, it's
Speaker 1: you know. But I was like, yes, I'll leave it on,
Speaker 1: and I.
Speaker 3: Was like, turn it up, turn it up. I know
Speaker 3: you generally don't call.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean we've done this several times through the years,
Speaker 1: you know, and we're even in the same hotel room.
Speaker 1: If we're in a different hotel and same hotel in
Speaker 1: different hotel rooms, sometimes you'll ask me to leave it on,
Speaker 1: and I do you never call this?
Speaker 3: Is that rider or die territory. I'm talking about it
Speaker 3: because I am double magnesium and cozy. No chance of
Speaker 3: getting gave me up and I have been.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it was one of those things where it's
Speaker 2: like and then by the time that it was not
Speaker 2: then it was one o'clock, right, So I'm just like,
Speaker 2: then I in my mind it's like, now I'm gonna
Speaker 2: get it. No sleep because now I'm creeping up to
Speaker 2: that three o'clock. So it's like I built myself up
Speaker 2: to get to this point when I thought I would
Speaker 2: just you know, be fine. So I'm then you know,
Speaker 2: now I'm facetiming Alan because he's awake in London. You know, say, baby,
Speaker 2: what are you scared about? And I was like, it's
Speaker 2: not even I was like, I'm good, Like I'm not
Speaker 2: having a like, yes, my heart rates slightly elevated and
Speaker 2: you know, I'm getting anxious. I was like, but i
Speaker 2: know how to work myself out of it. I'm like,
Speaker 2: and I know I'm fine. I know, you know, Pam's
Speaker 2: just right there, and I know Catholics like, I know,
Speaker 2: I'm fine. I was like, but my body remembers it differently.
Speaker 2: And I was like, and I guess maybe that's my
Speaker 2: wind about it, as like I appreciate the body to
Speaker 2: always protect you, but what I don't love is that,
Speaker 2: Like I was like crying about it last night because
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm good, but I'm just me like
Speaker 2: really tired too. But I'm like it was like I
Speaker 2: was literally like screaming in my bathroom. I was like, God,
Speaker 2: just go to sleep, like you are fine. No one's
Speaker 2: gonna hurt you. Like you're good, and I'm just like discourage,
Speaker 2: you know, and I'm almost like texted Amy to be like, well, shit,
Speaker 2: we gotta work on this again. But it's like I
Speaker 2: don't love that piece where the where the body can
Speaker 2: make you go back into that place of like you
Speaker 2: got to protect yourself. I'm like I'm nothing to protect
Speaker 2: myself against. Like I know, I'm like safe and like
Speaker 2: it's all good, but like I it ficks me up
Speaker 2: when it like brings me back to that. So I
Speaker 2: finally fall asleep at like one thirty time to make
Speaker 2: up that three.
Speaker 3: I want to hold you.
Speaker 1: Well, and it's like your mind is telling you your
Speaker 1: first time that you're fine, but your body is still just.
Speaker 4: And you're tired, so that doesn't help. So then the
Speaker 4: more tired you get, the worse you can't get a
Speaker 4: good clear grip on yourself.
Speaker 2: So I'm like texting on and I'm like fuck me.
Speaker 2: I was like I'm like, I was like this is
Speaker 2: so frustrating, and like luckily I fell like to sleep fine,
Speaker 2: like I think, I like went to sleep at like
Speaker 2: three thirty and then you know, woke up at seven,
Speaker 2: so like great, but it's just that like why you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, Like what, like I know I'm safe,
Speaker 2: I know I'm good, and it's like and I was
Speaker 2: like trying to beat the system to stay awake later,
Speaker 2: so I just I don't understand.
Speaker 3: I think I to get it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think Also, and I've said this before too,
Speaker 4: there's like we attach a judgment to a feeling and that's.
Speaker 3: The danger for you.
Speaker 2: And like I was like why so many years post
Speaker 2: like you're weak when you said that story, I was
Speaker 2: that's the part I heard the most.
Speaker 3: It was like you should be over this. Why are
Speaker 3: you do It's like it's okay to just what are
Speaker 3: you scared of?
Speaker 4: Yeah, like the judgment attaching and judgment to the feeling
Speaker 4: is the really like dangerous part because you really are
Speaker 4: fine and you're also still human, it's okay. Like I
Speaker 4: feel that way with a loud noise, So I grew
Speaker 4: up or.
Speaker 3: Being scared like a hip friend like I was.
Speaker 4: To no no, no no no, like if I had
Speaker 4: like a trauma from being like jumped at or no.
Speaker 4: But like in my house even I feel a visceral
Speaker 4: reaction when something's really loud, because growing up was very loud.
Speaker 4: It was raid and it was holes and walls, things
Speaker 4: that were just really big noises, so that instant something's
Speaker 4: too loud, something drops, something falls, like I can feel
Speaker 4: it down my spine. It's like a fight or flight response.
Speaker 4: And I sometimes am like, why is that still a thing?
Speaker 4: Like I'm you know whatever, But I think we are
Speaker 4: still human. You know, if you were in the woods, right,
Speaker 4: we have to remember, like you're just still a human being.
Speaker 3: If you were, it's it's.
Speaker 4: Primal, Like if you were in the woods and know
Speaker 4: that in the middle of the night something could attack you, well,
Speaker 4: then your humanness is going to remember that to protect you.
Speaker 2: Because it's like everyone's sleep, Like who could actually help me?
Speaker 2: You know in the end of the night, like everyone's
Speaker 2: sill sleep. That's like just me.
Speaker 3: But I literally had to repeat Scripture to fall asleep, so.
Speaker 1: I often did your brain still tell you that when
Speaker 1: you wake up? Like initially, oh yeah, like you're alone,
Speaker 1: no one could help you.
Speaker 3: You're all like you're alone.
Speaker 2: You'll you'll like someone's like it's like it's like not
Speaker 2: saying someone's gonna come get you, but it's like if
Speaker 2: it's your waiting for the attack, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: You're waiting for someone to barge through the door. Like
Speaker 2: it's that like right right, yes, Like I'm like look
Speaker 2: at the camera, you know what I mean, Like and
Speaker 2: like listen, he's long gone, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: But one might creep you out, but I like to
Speaker 4: So I'm home alone a lot, you know, and I
Speaker 4: don't super love it, but I will envision like Jesus
Speaker 4: doing a prayer walk outside my house, Like I just
Speaker 4: envision like like like a night guard, like he's doing
Speaker 4: that just all around my house, like there's just no
Speaker 4: like love and protected. And then if I feel super
Speaker 4: anxious in the middle of the night, I imagine his
Speaker 4: hand against like my heart. Just calm, just like calm,
Speaker 4: and I just take a deep breath and I will say,
Speaker 4: and I these words always Jesus be near lowers everything
Speaker 4: in my body. Yeah, so I just I say it
Speaker 4: out loud, though I can't because sometimes even just hearing
Speaker 4: yourself instead of like our thoughts are so spirally. But
Speaker 4: then the minute you put a voice to it, like
Speaker 4: an actual like audio, you're like, okay, you're right, Like yeah,
Speaker 4: I'm okay.
Speaker 2: And I don't know if this is exact scripture, but
Speaker 2: I was like casting all your fears on him because
Speaker 2: he cares for you. Like I was right, I was
Speaker 2: just like saying I said over and over until I
Speaker 2: eventually fell back asleep.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like you're his and he wants to.
Speaker 1: Protect And I think seeing that, like it sounds like, yes,
Speaker 1: you still woke up, but you went to sleep quicker
Speaker 1: and seeing the positive and the you're moving forward, you know,
Speaker 1: and I understand that's probably frustrating. It's like your anxiety
Speaker 1: was gone after your divorce, you know, it was like
Speaker 1: miraculously gone.
Speaker 3: And it's not like I'm having anxiety.
Speaker 2: It's like but it's like, because I know how to
Speaker 2: work through it now, you're not having the moment where
Speaker 2: before like I would I would I would be so
Speaker 2: panicked that I would pass out instantly and have that
Speaker 2: dizzy because it's like my I was telling Amy, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'd go from like zero to one hundred.
Speaker 3: I can't stop it.
Speaker 2: We've worked on it to where I can wake up
Speaker 2: and have a little and be like I'm good, everything's fine.
Speaker 1: You know, well, so this is just another little blip
Speaker 1: that you're that you know how to handle it now,
Speaker 1: so just you.
Speaker 3: Know, augment to that couraging yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean I can see where that would be super
Speaker 1: but I want to like slurging because I think it's
Speaker 1: great that you can get yourself out of it. Like, well,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: To do that now, I would be like someone could
Speaker 2: hear now, like i'd be calling you, like begging you
Speaker 2: to come over in the morning.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1: But I think seeing the positives in it have to be,
Speaker 1: you know, important too. But I understand that that was
Speaker 1: I mean, I've I can't relate.
Speaker 3: I truly can't, and I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's why I asked these questions because I'm curious what
Speaker 1: it feels like, what that is, you know, and so
Speaker 1: I don't you know, I don't have advice, I don't
Speaker 1: have whatever. But to me, I'm hearing the positive in it.
Speaker 1: Like just when we were talking about it a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks ago, when it was I couldn't go to
Speaker 1: sleep for an hour.
Speaker 3: I couldn't.
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, great, we got thirty minutes, you know,
Speaker 1: so maybe new pre getting somewhere.
Speaker 3: It's a new PR personal record. Oh there we go.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, but I'm sorry that's frustrated.
Speaker 2: It's like I just wish that I don't know if
Speaker 2: it's just so. So this month we're going to to
Speaker 2: have Amy Alexander, our therapist, come on and we're going
Speaker 2: to talk about DV and you know, I'm interested because
Speaker 2: again we've talked about it, but I'm just curious why
Speaker 2: if it's something I just have to even rework the hour,
Speaker 2: you know, because I've got some friends that are like, no,
Speaker 2: my time is four twenty six or I don't know,
Speaker 2: it's like and then it's just a habit to then you'rely, does.
Speaker 1: It become like a habit? Yeah, well this was going
Speaker 1: to be my question. And it also happens i'm alone,
Speaker 1: that's okay. That was one of my questions, like a
Speaker 1: baby next time, And I didn't want to seem insensitive,
Speaker 1: but I have heard is it cortisol if you wake
Speaker 1: up like two or three in the morning, Like could
Speaker 1: there be a correlation? But yeah, my blood work is great,
Speaker 1: A been fine. So that's like just you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: when you're just alone.
Speaker 2: So but yes, so she's coming on and then we're
Speaker 2: going to try to get another survivor coming on and
Speaker 2: then you guys, this is the piece where I'm you
Speaker 2: don't bust say yeah, where I don't I don't know
Speaker 2: what to do. So back in when Dancing with the Stars,
Speaker 2: when I came out with the DV DV story, do
Speaker 2: you remember who recontacted us? Yeah, So one of the
Speaker 2: daughters that I had no idea about of my first
Speaker 2: abuser wanted to have a conversation and I, you know,
Speaker 2: I spoke to her a little bit, but then I
Speaker 2: stopped because it was just too traumatizing, too too much,
Speaker 2: and so on one of my like why what do
Speaker 2: you want to know? Wednesdays she had and I've I've
Speaker 2: been thinking about her to be like, I'm sorry I
Speaker 2: essentially ghosted you, like because I did. Like She's like
Speaker 2: I really would like to get on the phone, but
Speaker 2: I just couldn't handle it at time, Like I just
Speaker 2: was like, I'm out, I'm tapping out. But also it's
Speaker 2: like she never knew her father, you know, you know,
Speaker 2: I unfortunately knew him in a bad way, you know,
Speaker 2: So I'm like what. So basically, she she ended up
Speaker 2: being like could could I ever could we have a
Speaker 2: conversation on your podcast about it?
Speaker 3: Wow?
Speaker 2: And I'm like maybe, Like and then I'm you know,
Speaker 2: so I'm trying to think, like how can this help her?
Speaker 2: Because you now she's a grown woman in her thirties.
Speaker 2: But I'm like, is that going to be too is
Speaker 2: it too traumata? Is it too much? Or do I
Speaker 2: is there? Does it open a wound that isn't helpful
Speaker 2: or is there a piece in it? I don't know,
Speaker 2: you guys, I'm really torn and I don't know.
Speaker 3: What to do.
Speaker 2: Oh that's tough because she's the victim of someone who
Speaker 2: you know, and she's the How don't I say that?
Speaker 2: Like she you know, she's the child of an abuser,
Speaker 2: but that didn't know her father in that like ever
Speaker 2: in that way?
Speaker 3: Does she know him at all? I don't think so,
Speaker 3: I'm saying.
Speaker 1: She's also about it in just a different way.
Speaker 2: It's gotten like a multiple kids that I had no clue,
Speaker 2: but I only knew about one.
Speaker 1: What's hard for me? Sorry not to I don't know
Speaker 1: what's hard for me. Like my topics and my initial
Speaker 1: thought it's what can this do to help her? Not
Speaker 1: thinking about you, but what can this do to help her?
Speaker 1: And my fear in that is how does that help her?
Speaker 1: And maybe that's something we don't know. Maybe there is
Speaker 1: a way that that helps her, But are you. You're
Speaker 1: essentially coming with a bunch of negative things because it's
Speaker 1: your experience about her dad, and I have a hard
Speaker 1: time seeing how that helps her. I don't see how
Speaker 1: that's helpful. But maybe it is just because she needs
Speaker 1: to talk to someone that knew him in general.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And as far as you go opening up a way,
Speaker 1: you know, I.
Speaker 3: Always want to help people. I think it would be
Speaker 3: great for you.
Speaker 1: I don't know coming from a therapy point of view
Speaker 1: and how that opens up wounds, but in the way
Speaker 1: that you are and the way that you want to
Speaker 1: help people, I actually think it could be beautiful. I
Speaker 1: don't know how I feel about it on the podcast. Sorry, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest. I feel like there needs to
Speaker 1: be a discussion before orhand. Probably I would have a podcast.
Speaker 1: I kind of agree. Yeah, that's just so how can
Speaker 1: you be full? And I know we get really but
Speaker 1: can she really be fully authentic and without any kind
Speaker 1: of conversation before? I would worry about that for both
Speaker 1: of y'all.
Speaker 4: And almost like I want someone to mediate a little
Speaker 4: Yeah that was another someone like a trained professional, Yeah,
Speaker 4: you know, like maybe an amy or somebody that can
Speaker 4: really know and be detached and speak some life and
Speaker 4: keep it. I think with any conversation, you know, obviously
Speaker 4: you're in any conversation, you're talking to a different person,
Speaker 4: so you just never know their side. But if you
Speaker 4: can be prayerful about how you want it to be
Speaker 4: and at a therapist once it said it's all about
Speaker 4: how you walk into a room. So if you just
Speaker 4: have a posture of like, this is how I want
Speaker 4: it to be, not on her side, but your side,
Speaker 4: and how you want to show up, I think it
Speaker 4: could be good. But I think the mediation piece could
Speaker 4: be helpful.
Speaker 1: Well, I I mean being I'll just go ahead and
Speaker 1: say it too my other again, initial reac this is
Speaker 1: the first time I'm hearing about this is why does
Speaker 1: she want to come on the podcast to talk about it?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Same, And I think she has bad mentions intimately, But
Speaker 1: I'm like, if she genuinely just wants to get to
Speaker 1: know you and talk to you as her someone who
Speaker 1: was with her father, to me, that's a conversation not
Speaker 1: on the podcast at first. If it gets to a
Speaker 1: point where y'all go sit down with a therapist and
Speaker 1: y'all have kind of talked through some things and then
Speaker 1: y'all want to share what has come out of that
Speaker 1: on the podcast. I think that's great, But me being
Speaker 1: the person I am, I question why she's saying specifically
Speaker 1: can I come on the podcast?
Speaker 4: Like I'm having a hard time figuring out. Like Amy
Speaker 4: reached out to me and was like, you know, I
Speaker 4: know that you're part of these conversations and given like
Speaker 4: the history, you know, with the way you grew up
Speaker 4: in things like are you do you feel comfortable talking
Speaker 4: about this? You know you can always say no, She's
Speaker 4: so protective, And I said no, and Janma said the
Speaker 4: same thing, you know, like are you comfortable with it?
Speaker 4: And I'm having a hard time, not hard time, but
Speaker 4: I'm being very prayer for about how much I share
Speaker 4: what I share and I am a daughter of that well,
Speaker 4: and that's.
Speaker 2: The piece where yeah, And that's the piece where I'm like,
Speaker 2: you know, we've talked to other victims of DV I've
Speaker 2: shared some of my experiences, we haven't really talked to
Speaker 2: the people that were not directly like sure physically her.
Speaker 2: It's the people around like you the daughter of she
Speaker 2: was the daughter of, you know, and it's like, you know, again,
Speaker 2: she didn't see what you saw it, but it's like,
Speaker 2: you know, I saw my own things. So it's like,
Speaker 2: you know, it's I.
Speaker 4: Just wonder what her I would be. Maybe that's the question,
Speaker 4: like what is your goal? What in an ideal world,
Speaker 4: what would you get out of this conversation that could
Speaker 4: be helpful to you? Because I want to be able
Speaker 4: to provide that to you and also honor and protect myself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it could in the end be very
Speaker 1: helpful for a lot of people. I would just think
Speaker 1: if you are up for it, doing it first intimately
Speaker 1: and then maybe coming on here and.
Speaker 3: Talk for sure.
Speaker 2: And I was like, so I was thinking about it
Speaker 2: when she she had asked, I'm like, October is coming up,
Speaker 2: and you know, I do want to honor as much
Speaker 2: as I can because I don't talk about it a lot,
Speaker 2: you know. So yeah, I have some more conversations. Yeah,
Speaker 2: anybody else want to wind about it? Anyone want to
Speaker 2: bring it up a little better?
Speaker 3: Bring it up or lighter like light lighter wines.
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, all my wines are deep, so white wines,
Speaker 1: white wines, light wines. Yeah, I don't really I feel
Speaker 1: like we have kind of wind.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have something I'm pinning way too much.
Speaker 1: Another time we wind about waking up, I think we
Speaker 1: definitely got our wine in.
Speaker 3: We did. Okay, Yeah, that's like we can bring it up.
Speaker 3: And I'm really proud of you. Yes, very for real. Hijiana.
Speaker 2: Cat and I've been divorced for two years and I'm
Speaker 2: just starting to dip my toe back into dating. I
Speaker 2: have two kids, seven and nine, and I'm realizing how
Speaker 2: much the dating world has changed since I was last single.
Speaker 2: I'm overwhelmed by the apps and I feel like every
Speaker 2: guy I meet either once something super casual or is
Speaker 2: scared off by the mom label. How do I even
Speaker 2: start dating again without feeling like I have to hide
Speaker 2: half my life just to get a second date? Is
Speaker 2: this just what dating is now? And any advice I'm
Speaker 2: where to try and meet someone who isn't scared to
Speaker 2: date a single mom. You know this is hard because
Speaker 2: I actually have a girlfriend that I walk with sometimes
Speaker 2: and she's she's single, she's got two kids, and she
Speaker 2: actually just her and her boyfriend had broken up because
Speaker 2: he's got kids too, and you know, he's building a
Speaker 2: house and he's like, I don't have a room for you.
Speaker 3: Guys. And I'm like, what like a oh.
Speaker 2: Crushing And she's like and I go listen, someone will
Speaker 2: love you and your kids like their own and make
Speaker 2: the room the ones that really truly agreed. Yeah, but
Speaker 2: is it's such a because you do come as a
Speaker 2: package deal, you know, like I remember that same feeling
Speaker 2: being you know, datings with you know, single mom and
Speaker 2: the kids. It's like it's for those people that didn't
Speaker 2: have kids. But it's like these are this is this
Speaker 2: is my package. You come with it or you don't,
Speaker 2: but I don't. I don't say you hid to. It's
Speaker 2: like being a mom is beautiful and embrace it and
Speaker 2: the right person will love all of you.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I think the perspective shift needs to be that you
Speaker 4: are trying to find someone that is good enough for you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, don't be don't be on the juror be the judge.
Speaker 3: That's right. When I can imagine.
Speaker 1: Getting to a point, you know, like I would want
Speaker 1: to just say it right away, yeah, I wouldn't even
Speaker 1: go on a date with someone if they didn't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because at that point, what's the point in getting somewhere
Speaker 1: with somebody just for them to say, oh wait, you
Speaker 1: have kids.
Speaker 2: I remember when I was doing my Riyah profile, I
Speaker 2: had a picture of me and my two kids, and
Speaker 2: one of my girlfriends was like, change that.
Speaker 3: Immediately.
Speaker 2: I was like, but I'm I'm putting it right out
Speaker 2: there right now, like I'm a mom.
Speaker 3: Of two kids. Don't contact me if you don't want to.
Speaker 3: I did. I put it as like my second it's
Speaker 3: still there.
Speaker 1: Though it's still there, but I mean I'll told everybody.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean your uncle away.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I just feel like she Yeah.
Speaker 4: I love the idea of her walking down and setting
Speaker 4: the table and being like, we'll see if this one
Speaker 4: makes the cut, instead of her trying to make the
Speaker 4: cut for someone.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah for sure.
Speaker 4: Get in there, girl, and the right person is going
Speaker 4: to be like I actually love kids.
Speaker 3: Amen.
Speaker 2: The right one will love every piece of you, that's right.
Speaker 2: And he may be in Europe. We want to give
Speaker 2: you that disclaim.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's on her seat.
Speaker 4: We had a lot of rules when we were dating
Speaker 4: here in Hot Girls Summer, and one of them was
Speaker 4: we weren't going to go international.
Speaker 3: And now look at you, Cramer.
Speaker 2: Well, I think one of those things to people are like, oh,
Speaker 2: he lives in you know, Dallas or this place. I'm like,
Speaker 2: my husband was over Adees, like, if the man wants
Speaker 2: to be with you, he's going to be with.
Speaker 3: A will find a way. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I also love a good I mean, listen, you're talking
Speaker 4: to the chick that does it alone a lot. But
Speaker 4: I love a little space. I think it's lovely to
Speaker 4: have your own little.
Speaker 3: I do too. Once I get past my three am,
Speaker 3: I was like, she really did time. I still do
Speaker 3: not used.
Speaker 2: To having you know, like Alan, he's usually here, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I could get back in the rhythm of it. Anyways,
Speaker 2: Love you.
Speaker 3: Guys, Love you. See you next week. Don't scare me again.
Speaker 3: I will