WEBVTT - Red Table Whine with Jada Pinkett Smith 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:05.399 Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast. 0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:11.760 Okay, so this week we have Jada Pinkett Smith coming on. 0:00:11.920 --> 0:00:15.440 She has a new book out. It's called Worthy, a gripping, 0:00:15.480 --> 0:00:19.560 at times painfully honest and ultimately inspirational memoir from global 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:22.920 superstar and creator the Red Table Talk series Jada Pinkett Smith. 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:27.400 She talks about depression, She talks about the slap. She 0:00:27.520 --> 0:00:29.800 talks about childhood. 0:00:30.800 --> 0:00:34.640 She grew up with drug dealer, her in the streets. 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:39.240 On the streets yeah, Baltimore, m hm. I mean things 0:00:39.280 --> 0:00:42.239 that you think you know, you think you know. 0:00:42.320 --> 0:00:43.520 You have no idea. 0:00:44.320 --> 0:00:45.839 But now I'm reading the book though, too. I mean, 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:47.760 you guys definitely should pick it up. Because when we 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:52.200 got sent the advance copy, I couldn't put it down. 0:00:52.880 --> 0:00:57.840 I was surprised. Yeah, and I think the honesty is 0:00:58.240 --> 0:01:01.200 like the core of it for me, just how honest. 0:01:01.280 --> 0:01:04.360 And also we always think we know somebody, but we 0:01:04.560 --> 0:01:07.240 just you don't know why people are the way they are. 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:13.720 I know, Craamer, big, big deep bread. 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:14.640 Uh. 0:01:14.880 --> 0:01:16.720 But she's actually in the waiting room, so let's just 0:01:16.760 --> 0:01:17.640 get her one. 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:24.680 Hey, girl, you got your little fun. 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:29.760 I know how things have changed since that. 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:34.559 Girl. 0:01:34.800 --> 0:01:39.480 I know, thank you, congrats to you, thank you because 0:01:39.520 --> 0:01:41.640 this is about you, So. 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:44.520 Thank you, Jada. I feel better just being in this 0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:46.440 room with you. I needed to see your smile and 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:48.040 just have a minute with your energy. 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:49.640 Oh, thank you. 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:51.320 I did be with you. 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:51.800 Guys. 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:53.040 You're so sweet. 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:56.279 Yeah, I know we were just obviously we know it's 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:59.040 press week and you're you've got a lot going on. 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:01.120 So just thank you for spending your time with us 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:05.640 right now and just being open and so authentic. And 0:02:05.680 --> 0:02:09.239 that's something that I've always and I think it's interesting 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:11.560 as we were talking, because you know, you walked into 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:16.679 the this a little nervous, nervous, and you know, she's like, well, 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:18.680 how is she? And I'm like, she's great. And you know, 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:20.320 obviously I was nervous when I sat down with your 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:22.400 red table talk because you're you're Jada, and you're just 0:02:23.280 --> 0:02:25.560 you know, it's I was. I was nervous. And then 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:28.280 the second I met you, there's something about your energy 0:02:28.320 --> 0:02:32.919 that just made me feel safe. And I told Kristen, 0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:36.720 and that's safe. Safety for me is the biggest thing. 0:02:36.760 --> 0:02:38.400 That's when I can because I come from just that 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:41.640 really anxious and place and so when I felt that, 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:43.720 I was like, no, like she's she's cool. And you 0:02:43.960 --> 0:02:45.680 said something today that I was like, Oh, that's that's 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:47.320 interesting that you you felt that. 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:50.280 Yeah, it's it's interesting to me because what I know 0:02:50.360 --> 0:02:53.280 of you only is from media, right, which is so 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:57.440 often unfair, unkind, unjust for the most part. And I 0:02:57.480 --> 0:02:59.359 know that because this is my best friend. So I've 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:01.160 really been in the of it, on the backside of 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:04.840 a lot of things. But it's funny because I have 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:09.200 always You've always been perceived to me. I'm just you know, 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:13.320 forty two year old woman in America right right, always 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:18.760 perceived to me is this extra strong, can handle anything woman, right, 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:22.120 which I love and I identify with. I mean, there's 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:24.240 so many pieces of your book that I just felt 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:26.560 like were sentences that made me tear up. Also like 0:03:26.600 --> 0:03:31.399 wrapped your arms around me in words, so many things. 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:34.080 There's a safety quote I actually we cannot forget to 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:37.720 revisit in your book. But I was telling Janna, I said, 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:42.120 it's crazy how media can make you almost feel too strong, right, 0:03:42.400 --> 0:03:46.320 Like the perception is like you know, like I was like, 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:48.720 if I misspeak, is she going to you know? Also, 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:51.800 Hollywood mixed with all of our stories. Sometimes it gets like, 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:53.840 is this person going to be a kind person? You 0:03:53.880 --> 0:03:57.440 know where I'm extra lovey heart on sleeve. Listen, there's 0:03:57.680 --> 0:03:59.680 enough Detroit still in both of us that we can 0:03:59.680 --> 0:04:02.400 hold our own. But I'm like, you know, I just 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:04.600 want to make sure that I'm always being respectful. But 0:04:04.640 --> 0:04:07.960 then I do want to ask questions like who are you? 0:04:07.960 --> 0:04:12.760 You know, who's Jada real Jada? Not what we know? 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:15.280 And what they what the storyline or the agenda is, 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:17.400 or the PR people or who has the bigger, better 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:22.400 PR People like you are such a beautiful force in 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:23.320 so many ways. 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:24.839 Thank you. 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:27.640 I mean it, you made my heart. 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:29.480 You made my heart smile with that one. 0:04:29.720 --> 0:04:33.599 Yeah, well it's real. I mean Baltimore tough, I mean 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:38.040 be more as no jokes, this not at all. 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:41.160 And I think, you know, for me, I think, you know, 0:04:41.240 --> 0:04:44.280 I have to. I'm just learning as I get older 0:04:44.360 --> 0:04:47.920 to kind of let go of some of those defenses 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:52.480 that you know, I had to use to survive, you know, 0:04:52.760 --> 0:04:55.800 and they were so embedded in me. Sometimes it's difficult 0:04:55.920 --> 0:05:01.000 to to let those defenses down and just kind of 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:07.120 be more vulnerable, specifically specifically in media spaces, you know, 0:05:07.440 --> 0:05:12.520 because I don't consider media spaces safe spaces, you know. 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:14.200 So if you see me on the red carpet or 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:17.200 if you see me doing an interview, like, I'm always 0:05:17.720 --> 0:05:21.279 kind of, you know, in that survival mode. And so 0:05:21.400 --> 0:05:24.240 I've had to really learn how to in my process 0:05:24.320 --> 0:05:27.960 in my journey of worthy as like finding my strength 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:33.039 in my vulnerability, finding you know, finding my strength in 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:37.320 the heartbreak of it all. You know, it's like finding 0:05:37.400 --> 0:05:44.280 my strength in surrender, finding my strength in my softness, 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:48.920 you know, and not being afraid of those areas, you know. 0:05:49.160 --> 0:05:53.680 And so this, this whole journey for me has really 0:05:53.920 --> 0:05:56.800 like helped me with that. Like I don't have to 0:05:58.360 --> 0:06:03.039 I don't have to take on people's perception of me. 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:05.960 I don't have to defend myself. I don't have to 0:06:06.000 --> 0:06:07.919 do any of that, right, But it's taken me a 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:09.719 long time to figure that out. 0:06:11.880 --> 0:06:16.279 Yeah, And I think you know that's that's the beauty 0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:19.560 in with you too. And something where you wrote in 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:21.640 your book, and I'm gonna pull up my notes right here, 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:25.000 but you basically said when I saw this was also 0:06:25.000 --> 0:06:28.200 in one of the Red Table talks, is you brought 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:32.600 a lot to your relationship from your past and your upbringing, 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:33.360 which we all do. 0:06:33.440 --> 0:06:36.320 But I felt very in a way. I almost was like. 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:39.080 Protective, not protective, but I was like I wanted to 0:06:39.080 --> 0:06:42.560 be well, well, Jada, like so does the next one, 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:45.080 so so did so did Will or so did everyone 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:45.839 else that you're with. 0:06:46.960 --> 0:06:51.719 And so I felt like how do I say this? 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:55.920 Like there was a piece of me that, just like you, 0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:59.240 deserve to feel worthy and to feel loved, and I 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:02.200 know that no man can make us feel that way. 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:05.120 So where do you think we get lost in that 0:07:05.240 --> 0:07:09.000 piece of that self discovery and that self worth. 0:07:10.440 --> 0:07:17.600 Yeah, I think from my my journey, I really was 0:07:17.720 --> 0:07:23.960 expecting my relationships to substitute that which I didn't have 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:31.440 for myself, whether it was self consideration, self respect, you know, 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:36.920 coming from you know, being the child of my mother 0:07:36.960 --> 0:07:39.680 who you know was a heroin addict for most of 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:45.920 my childhood, codependency, you know, it was like, Okay, that 0:07:46.320 --> 0:07:51.320 was my symbol of love. You sacrifice yourself for the 0:07:51.400 --> 0:07:59.760 people that you love. You, you deal with your boundary 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:05.720 being you know, constantly violated or you know, so all 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:08.920 of these kind of aberated ideas of what love is, 0:08:08.960 --> 0:08:14.080 and so coming into a relationship, expecting that man to 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:19.200 fill every void that I had, and then also having 0:08:19.240 --> 0:08:25.280 these really false ideas of what love looks like, what 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:30.160 love feels like, and so just the combination of that, 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:33.280 and I think we all come with our stuff, right, 0:08:33.320 --> 0:08:36.440 And that's why in the book, I really spend more 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:43.839 time thinking about my part because to me, that is 0:08:43.960 --> 0:08:47.320 how that's how I define taking back my power because 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:51.160 for so long me looking at what somebody else was 0:08:51.200 --> 0:08:54.760 doing and trying to change that person's behavior is what 0:08:54.960 --> 0:08:58.320 kept me stuck in a cycle of pain, which kept 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:03.960 me stuck. So I've learned to recognize my part. First, 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:07.800 I can recognize what the other person, what their story is, 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:10.720 and what's going on over there. But I know ultimately 0:09:11.360 --> 0:09:16.040 that I have the power to change whatever's happening through 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:18.800 me being willing to change myself. 0:09:19.960 --> 0:09:23.000 Well, there's there's growth in that because I kind of 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:27.160 felt the same thing with my past. Like after my divorce, 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:28.920 I start dating something else, I'm like, I'm just repeating 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:29.520 the same pattern. 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:30.559 This is actually I could. 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:33.360 Blame the men so the rest of my life, and 0:09:33.400 --> 0:09:36.640 that's going to get me literally nowhere. The problem isn't them, Yeah, 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:39.320 they're maybe the stuff they brought to it was bad, 0:09:39.360 --> 0:09:41.520 but I was the one that had to look in 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:43.960 the mirror and do the work. Yeah, Like that was 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:47.440 on me to go, oh crap, like it's actually I 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:49.280 am the common denominator. 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:51.640 Right, And it is interesting because in your book, so 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:58.240 I severe independence is something a default too. Oh yeah, 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:01.800 hard and so so I mean, like you know, I've 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:04.080 like openly said, like my sweet husband, like, how do 0:10:04.160 --> 0:10:05.840 you hug a bag of razor blades? Like I want 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:08.280 to be hugged. But then also he's like, I don't 0:10:08.320 --> 0:10:10.600 know how to come at you right, right, Like girl, 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:13.200 like I'm trying, but I don't know. And there's something 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:15.560 you said. And I think this sentence is one of 0:10:15.559 --> 0:10:19.600 the sentences of so many I can't express to you 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:22.840 enough how much of this book is just like almost 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:25.839 parts of it reading my own diary, Like different characters, 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:29.720 different names, but so much similarity. There's a part in 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:33.080 the book, in the chapter University of the b Moore 0:10:33.120 --> 0:10:35.360 Streets where you say, and I think Janna and I 0:10:35.440 --> 0:10:39.920 both identify with this, probably to the core of our DNA. 0:10:40.640 --> 0:10:43.280 You say, what I needed was a level of independence 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:47.160 so that I could create my own safety. Yeah, and 0:10:47.200 --> 0:10:50.679 then you say home no longer gave me that. Yep, 0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:54.000 like I feel it makes me want to cry. Yeah, 0:10:54.160 --> 0:10:58.360 that feels almost like biblical to like me truth wise, 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:02.920 right you? So when you take someone as sturdy as you, 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:05.520 as independent as you, and I think that one of 0:11:05.600 --> 0:11:08.200 the things that three of us probably share in common 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:12.280 is maybe being scrutinized sometimes or maybe being two independent 0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:15.440 or blow you know whatever. The narrative is, how do 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:20.960 you drop that independence when you enter a relationship and 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:23.199 I mean you're you're it's not just a relationship. We're 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:25.960 talking like we're talking Will freaking Smith. I mean, this 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:28.240 is no you know, these are no these are people 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:30.719 we all know and well we all know of I 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:32.800 should say that's a more fair way to put it. 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:35.720 But how do you come into a relationship with someone 0:11:35.720 --> 0:11:38.120 who probably is also because he's a human being coming 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:42.240 in with his own things and go like what, how 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:45.600 do you own the pieces of it and say I'm sorry? 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:47.880 Is there a defining point for you where you go? 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:51.960 I know, in this moment, I did something that helped 0:11:52.000 --> 0:11:53.760 change the course of this for better or worse. 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:58.680 Yeah, I think for me really learning myself right, once 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:01.760 I started getting out of the blome game of oh 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:06.440 blaming will for you know whatever, for everything basically right, 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:11.320 And took some time to myself to realize, oh, no, chick, 0:12:11.400 --> 0:12:15.160 you're the common denominator, right, So once I really was 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:19.360 willing to embrace that and then really look at Okay, 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:26.199 let's look at how you function and how those particular 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:31.720 defense mechanisms, those particular defaults play a part in the 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:39.120 dynamic within yourself that also creates this dynamic with your partner, right, 0:12:39.320 --> 0:12:42.959 And I had to really break it down. So through 0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:47.800 my journey and therapy, through my journey with plant medicine, 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:52.920 I really had to create an intimate relationship with myself 0:12:52.960 --> 0:12:56.760 so that I could understand through and through what that 0:12:56.840 --> 0:13:03.080 common denominator was, right, and then really be willing to 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:07.800 be super like, to be really vigilant when I'm relating, 0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:11.040 so that I go, oh, there I go again, that 0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:15.200 judgment that tone that then triggers him, you know what 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:18.560 I mean, And then it's like, okay, pull it back. 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:22.199 Was that loving? Was that kind? No, you're being judgmental 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:24.240 and you're and the punisher is here? 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:28.959 Does that also feel unsafe too? Because when you are 0:13:29.040 --> 0:13:31.800 wired the way you're wired, and and from environment too. 0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:34.200 This is like a nurture over nature, Like this is 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:36.240 the ultimate right, Like you had to do what you 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:39.040 had to do to survive, to be I mean, through 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:42.440 your teens, through all of this. When when that's happening 0:13:42.559 --> 0:13:46.920 for you, are you then going like hold up, like 0:13:47.480 --> 0:13:49.280 I need I mean, is it Is it a moment 0:13:49.320 --> 0:13:51.240 where you just stop in your tracks and go, this 0:13:51.360 --> 0:13:53.840 is so vulnerable that now all the safety's gone. Because 0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:56.720 I think that is where I sometimes struggle. Right, if 0:13:56.760 --> 0:13:59.720 I get too vulnerable, if I get too honest, right, 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:02.640 then I'm not safe anymore because now you're seeing parts 0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:04.640 of me that the razor blade floor it gets used 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:07.240 against you, which has been right. 0:14:07.600 --> 0:14:10.679 So that's where that's where we have to develop a 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:17.120 deeper sense of security within ourselves and so and that 0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:21.920 that's a really deep subject because in order to feel 0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:27.120 safe in our vulnerability, we cannot expect that safety to 0:14:27.240 --> 0:14:31.720 come out from the outside, right. We can't expect our 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:34.120 partners to behave a certain way to make us feel 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:38.040 safe for us to go into these spaces within ourselves. Right, 0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:41.160 So I had to really learn how to create that 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:45.200 internal safety. I had to trust. Now for me, it 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:49.640 was more about getting in contact with a higher power, right, 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:58.200 and really sitting with some intense, vulnerable emotions alone that 0:14:58.320 --> 0:14:59.440 I thought were going to kill me. 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:04.160 Well, those were the thoughts in the ayahuasca, right, like ya, 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:05.840 kill yourself, kill yourself. 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:07.320 You don't you deserve to die? 0:15:07.760 --> 0:15:10.920 Right, those thoughts, And so that was one of that 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:17.440 was probably the beginning of me creating that intimate relationship 0:15:17.480 --> 0:15:20.440 that I'm talking about. And it took me and me 0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:24.160 to get through that. So this is where I started 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:28.040 to develop that emotional trust in those spaces of vulnerability 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:35.480 that were really dark, right, and really intense. And so 0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:42.680 I had to learn to practice being in those vulnerable, emotional, 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:46.440 intense spaces with myself. I had to learn how to 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:48.200 parent myself. I had to learn how to be my 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:50.400 own mother. I had to learn how to be my 0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:53.680 own father, my own lover, my own husband, all of it, 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:57.400 my own best friend. It's like, Jada, you are here 0:15:57.720 --> 0:16:06.000 alone with you that I could gather the understanding and 0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:13.520 the knowledge that I am my safety. So me being 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:18.840 my safety, I'm going to be okay when I want 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:22.280 to share my vulnerability and I want to share that 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:27.000 well of sweet honey within me with someone else. Because 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:30.480 no matter how they react, no matter what they say, 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:33.960 no matter how they misstep, I know, I got me. 0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:35.520 It's going to be okay. 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:39.040 You're loving the little girl and you that wasn't loved. 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:41.680 Right, Loving that little girl in me that wasn't loved 0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:46.560 and that little girl, loving her and strengthening her is 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:50.240 what creates that safe space within us to be able 0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:55.840 to share those spaces of vulnerability with other people. 0:16:56.680 --> 0:16:57.760 But we you know I. 0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:05.680 It's not based on it's not based on somebody else 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:08.320 creating that safe space for us. Now, we do have 0:17:08.400 --> 0:17:14.000 to have the We do have to have the the 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:15.280 understanding of. 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:16.119 Who does not. 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:22.359 Everybody deserves that that space. If you're speaking about a 0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:27.399 man that you've decided to be with, you know that 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:31.640 you're committed to, That's that's where the work is, right. 0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:35.280 I look at relationships as a holy path in that way. 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:37.040 That that that's really what. 0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:43.040 I feel as though that I'm learning on my journey. 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:46.360 I got married because I, you know, I was pregnant 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:50.600 and we wanted a family, but I also wanted I 0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:55.080 wanted I didn't want to deal with my ship. I 0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:58.920 expected that Will was going to be the savior, prince 0:18:00.720 --> 0:18:07.080 right and once I realize that, oh no, a marriage 0:18:07.240 --> 0:18:13.359 is about us having the fortitude to walk each other home, 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:17.840 walk each other to that sacred space without as well 0:18:17.920 --> 0:18:21.720 as the sacred space within, and that's what the conflict 0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:27.199 within our intimate relationships are supposed to do. We're running 0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:31.679 into ourselves where we have to ask those questions of 0:18:33.119 --> 0:18:35.760 what is the common donation, I'm the common denominator here, 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:38.480 what does that mean? And then really be able to 0:18:38.480 --> 0:18:40.880 look at our partners and go, Okay, for some of us, 0:18:41.680 --> 0:18:44.280 we didn't choose the right partners, and so it's time 0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:46.960 to move on. For some of us, we chose the 0:18:47.000 --> 0:18:51.840 perfect partner that is the perfect mirror that is consistently 0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:58.040 going to help us get through our shit, cleaning it 0:18:58.119 --> 0:18:58.960 up along the way. 0:19:12.080 --> 0:19:16.320 The piece too, that obviously, with your book out will 0:19:17.080 --> 0:19:19.919 when the stars it'll be out and the press talking 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:23.399 about how okay, you've been separated since twenty sixteen, and 0:19:23.440 --> 0:19:28.040 that's kind of been the the storyline of certain pieces 0:19:28.040 --> 0:19:33.920 of the book. And you know, I'm curious, it's listen, 0:19:33.960 --> 0:19:36.800 it's not. It's not for us to and even though 0:19:36.840 --> 0:19:43.720 I'm going to ask the question, but that's y'all's decision 0:19:43.800 --> 0:19:47.880 to do what you want to do, right as someone 0:19:47.920 --> 0:19:51.439 who I also that for me the in between and 0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:54.639 I've is where my depression comes in at times. And 0:19:54.680 --> 0:19:56.760 so I'm curious, like in your in between because right now, 0:19:56.880 --> 0:19:58.560 it's like I saw on the I think it was 0:19:58.600 --> 0:20:03.840 another interview, you said, we are life partners and that's 0:20:03.880 --> 0:20:06.840 a beautiful thing. Can you still have that and still 0:20:08.560 --> 0:20:11.359 like do you want to find a way to be 0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:15.520 the married couple again or is it something where do 0:20:15.560 --> 0:20:17.800 you have hope for love in a different area while 0:20:17.840 --> 0:20:20.160 still having a life partner yeah, or are you still 0:20:20.200 --> 0:20:22.119 just trying to figure it out? Because I'm like, I 0:20:22.119 --> 0:20:23.879 want you to have love and like you know, like 0:20:23.920 --> 0:20:27.240 my very you know tail heart, I'm just like I 0:20:27.320 --> 0:20:31.359 just want you to not feel that in between of like, well, 0:20:31.680 --> 0:20:35.359 yes we're not going to get divorced, but also that's fine, 0:20:35.640 --> 0:20:37.920 but you can also experience an amazing love too. 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:39.520 I don't know, does that make sense? 0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:43.600 It does make sense, and right now, you know I 0:20:44.040 --> 0:20:50.160 talk about it in the book, but the situation at 0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:55.040 the oscars definitely brought us closer in a different way, 0:20:55.760 --> 0:21:01.560 right and right now, just we're still figuring it out 0:21:01.680 --> 0:21:05.959 because there's such deep love between us, and we've just 0:21:06.080 --> 0:21:11.520 been going through such like the Oscar situation forced us 0:21:11.600 --> 0:21:16.440 to have to go into even a deeper healing process 0:21:16.480 --> 0:21:19.760 than ever before, right even though it was starting before 0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:23.440 the oscars, but after the oscars, it's when it was like, okay, 0:21:24.280 --> 0:21:28.000 this is all on the table, right And so right 0:21:28.040 --> 0:21:32.280 now we've just really been enjoying like healing together and 0:21:32.440 --> 0:21:37.440 really figuring out how we want to how we want 0:21:37.440 --> 0:21:42.040 to do this right now. We don't want to be divorced, 0:21:42.160 --> 0:21:49.280 and we are really moving closer together. And so I 0:21:49.320 --> 0:21:52.080 wish I could say that I knew exactly what the 0:21:52.200 --> 0:21:55.040 landing place was going to be, but I just don't 0:21:55.040 --> 0:21:57.480 know yet. We're still working at it. 0:21:57.520 --> 0:21:58.080 And that's okay. 0:21:58.119 --> 0:22:02.240 But I think there's something beautiful about a new relationship. 0:22:02.240 --> 0:22:04.280 And that's something that obviously mine and my ex we 0:22:04.280 --> 0:22:06.160 couldn't figure out because there was I think so much 0:22:06.160 --> 0:22:10.199 resentment and on all sides. But I think there is 0:22:10.280 --> 0:22:13.400 beauty in that new relationship. And obviously you stood by 0:22:13.440 --> 0:22:15.840 his side during that time when you were sitting there 0:22:15.960 --> 0:22:17.840 not with him, and no one knew that, so you 0:22:17.840 --> 0:22:19.680 were sitting there as a supportive wife. And then you're 0:22:19.720 --> 0:22:22.320 getting the comments and the hate and I you know, 0:22:22.320 --> 0:22:24.240 you obviously talked about in the book about the eye 0:22:24.320 --> 0:22:27.600 roll and all the things that people made up. And 0:22:28.160 --> 0:22:31.560 I can't even imagine I have like the point zero 0:22:31.640 --> 0:22:35.320 zero one percent of the haters. And for you, it's 0:22:35.359 --> 0:22:38.639 like having people and you even talk about this like 0:22:38.680 --> 0:22:40.320 of course they're going to blame the woman. It's the 0:22:40.359 --> 0:22:43.120 woman's fault that he went up and did that, and 0:22:43.520 --> 0:22:45.600 or it's you know, the iyrol, all all those things, 0:22:45.600 --> 0:22:47.800 and it's like, I hated that you even had to 0:22:48.480 --> 0:22:50.840 It's not that you defended yourself you talked about it, 0:22:51.320 --> 0:22:53.520 but that you it was even something that had to 0:22:53.520 --> 0:22:57.359 be spoken about because no one knows the crap that 0:22:57.400 --> 0:22:59.320 you have to deal with from all the public and 0:22:59.359 --> 0:23:02.840 all the opinions. So was there a piece of you 0:23:02.960 --> 0:23:06.480 that was like, I'm going to share my story because 0:23:06.520 --> 0:23:08.800 I want to, or because you just didn't want the 0:23:09.520 --> 0:23:11.720 narrative being told for you. 0:23:13.920 --> 0:23:16.760 I thought it was just a worthy story to share, right, 0:23:16.880 --> 0:23:24.679 because it was what my journey has been in regards 0:23:24.720 --> 0:23:28.159 to like coming from this space of lack of self 0:23:28.200 --> 0:23:33.320 worth to feeling so worthy that I could sit in 0:23:33.359 --> 0:23:38.840 that fire in that way and be okay, Right, and 0:23:38.920 --> 0:23:45.040 so to me it was almost like a culmination of like, 0:23:45.480 --> 0:23:48.840 all right, just when you think okay, Jata, you feel worthy, 0:23:49.119 --> 0:23:51.439 you're about to get really tested right now, right? And 0:23:51.480 --> 0:23:55.239 I think for all of us our journeys might not 0:23:55.280 --> 0:23:59.840 be that extreme, but those moments where we've done a 0:24:00.040 --> 0:24:03.000 certain amount of work and then we've landed and gone, 0:24:03.280 --> 0:24:06.520 oh man, I'm in a totally different place than I 0:24:06.760 --> 0:24:10.680 was five years ago. Right, we have these these points. 0:24:10.720 --> 0:24:15.639 So for me it was so important to share my 0:24:15.800 --> 0:24:19.520 worthy journey because I feel like that is the journey 0:24:19.640 --> 0:24:22.879 for all of us, trying to find that level of 0:24:22.920 --> 0:24:26.600 self worth where we can just be okay, we can 0:24:26.760 --> 0:24:32.280 feel okay no matter what is happening, because life is 0:24:32.320 --> 0:24:35.000 going to do what it's going to do. Life is 0:24:35.119 --> 0:24:41.280 never gonna always present itself as pleasurable, blissful, enjoyable. We're 0:24:41.280 --> 0:24:45.480