Speaker 1: All right, dating, let's talk about competition in relationships. It's
Speaker 1: a real thing, and it doesn't have to be so overt.
Speaker 1: But competition in relationships is a real, real thing for
Speaker 1: many reasons. It's often about insecurity and one person feeling
Speaker 1: either inferior or marginalized. And it could go both ways,
Speaker 1: because someone could be good in one way and the
Speaker 1: other person could be good in another way. But and
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be so overt. It could be subtle.
Speaker 1: But I have definitely experienced it, and I've also experienced
Speaker 1: someone having something to prove in a relationship where you
Speaker 1: have something going on and then the other person feels
Speaker 1: inferior and they have to have as much going on
Speaker 1: for them. They have to justify their value in themselves
Speaker 1: within the relationship, and it's a recipe for disaster. The
Speaker 1: ideal situation is two people are going in the same direction,
Speaker 1: but they each have different skill sets, different arenas that
Speaker 1: they operate in, and each your complimentary to the other.
Speaker 1: You could talk to each other about what you're doing,
Speaker 1: but you're not in some sort of like ancillary adjacent
Speaker 1: industry where you're going to feel self conscious if you're
Speaker 1: not doing as well as the other person. I think
Speaker 1: actually that guy, Craig Conover, if that's the one who's
Speaker 1: the one who was dating the girl page, I think
Speaker 1: it was Craig Conover.
Speaker 2: I think they.
Speaker 1: Alluded to that, like she alluded to basically, when something
Speaker 1: happened for her, he would either make it about him
Speaker 1: or she would feel self conscious about it because they're
Speaker 1: in similar businesses and they started out at the same place.
Speaker 1: So it's like two housewives starting out at the same
Speaker 1: place is going to be different than one persons working
Speaker 1: in a restaurant.
Speaker 2: The other person's a housewife, and they're both succeeding.
Speaker 1: I have friends that are in completely different worlds than
Speaker 1: I am, so there's no discussion about us starting at
Speaker 1: the same place. And it happens in relationships. They both
Speaker 1: started in reality TV in that example, and so it
Speaker 1: is probably awkward if one person is getting more opportunities
Speaker 1: or more vacations, or more money, or more fame or
Speaker 1: more whatever, and then their gender roles maybe a man's
Speaker 1: getting more than a woman or a woman getting more
Speaker 1: than a man in a career like modeling or something.
Speaker 1: And it doesn't mean it has to be that they're
Speaker 1: bad people. Like let's just pretend that the guy Craig
Speaker 1: could be triggered by how much was going on for her.
Speaker 2: First of all, it's a long road, it's a marathon.
Speaker 1: He's apparently now dating some gorgeous girl, Jimmy Buffett's daughter,
Speaker 1: and they have to live that publicly, and that's got
Speaker 1: to be hard for her, even if she's not still
Speaker 1: into him. It's just a whole mixed bag. But the
Speaker 1: point is it's no one's fault. It's just a dynamic
Speaker 1: that you really do want to avoid. And if you
Speaker 1: find yourself dumbing yourself down and dimming your own light
Speaker 1: because you're worried about what the other person doesn't have,
Speaker 1: or I've historically done this, tried to get the person
Speaker 1: i'm with the job, or get them some part of
Speaker 1: something that I'm doing because I want them to feel
Speaker 1: valued and part of it because I feel self conscious
Speaker 1: about all the things happening for me.
Speaker 2: So it's like, no, you would totally add value. Maybe
Speaker 2: you should get involved, Maybe you should invest.
Speaker 1: I could call them and ask, maybe I could get
Speaker 1: you a job, like I've done that, and it's a
Speaker 1: recipe for disaster.
Speaker 2: It's really a bad scene.
Speaker 1: I mean, there have been exceptions where opportunities have come
Speaker 1: to me and someone I've been in a relationship can
Speaker 1: add value because it's not my core skill set. It
Speaker 1: can be negotiating a deal or contracts or something. And
Speaker 1: then I mean, what has happened is opportunities have come
Speaker 1: to me. I've known conceptually what I want to do
Speaker 1: with them, and the person that I've with, I've asked
Speaker 1: if they can add value or negotiate.
Speaker 2: And make something happen.
Speaker 1: And then one situation they put up the money because
Speaker 1: the opportunity came for me, but I added the sort
Speaker 1: of marketing value and that was a good partnership. But
Speaker 1: even still I always end up with more equity than
Speaker 1: the other person, and they up feeling marginalized because they
Speaker 1: know that they're a secondary character in it. And it
Speaker 1: comes in many shapes and forms. It can come in
Speaker 1: real estate, it can come in the man's home watching
Speaker 1: the kids.
Speaker 2: It can come.
Speaker 1: But I just you gotta really be mindful of it
Speaker 1: because in the beginning, it may seem like it's going
Speaker 1: to be fine, and a man may seem like it
Speaker 1: doesn't care, but or it may not even be a man.
Speaker 1: It could be two women in a lesbian relationship, it
Speaker 1: will come up. If it's coming up at all, cracks
Speaker 1: become creators. It's a real thing. Competition and relationships is
Speaker 1: a real thing, just like it's a real thing with friendships.
Speaker 1: It could happen with sports. It could happen with pickleball,
Speaker 1: It could happened with tennis, It could happen with weight.
Speaker 1: I've heard situations where a couple is both overweight and
Speaker 1: one of them decides to lose weight, and the other
Speaker 1: one feels super self conscious, like they feel they used
Speaker 1: to eat together, they used to self deprecate together, they
Speaker 1: used to self loath together, they used to binge together,
Speaker 1: they used.
Speaker 2: To you know, review food together.
Speaker 1: Then one decides to get in shape and the other doesn't,
Speaker 1: and it's awkward and it's weird, and one person could
Speaker 1: be jealous, they could be competitive. You could hide that
Speaker 1: you're losing weight. I mean, it happens in so many
Speaker 1: different ways. You know, one person decides to just glow up,
Speaker 1: get into health and fitness and become a vegetarian or
Speaker 1: a vegan, and the other person wants us to lead
Speaker 1: fried chicken. Like it happens, so be mindful of it.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about something my therapist said the other day
Speaker 1: about dating someone different than you. So in my dating adventure,
Speaker 1: I've met so many different types, and depending upon who's
Speaker 1: setting me up, there are different types that I meet,
Speaker 1: and you know, I always I'm sort of attracted to
Speaker 1: a similar type. And I don't even mean physically, yes, physically,
Speaker 1: I like boys, charm, I like smarter, like conservative, I
Speaker 1: like has no social media opposite of me.
Speaker 2: I don't like a hot shot. I don't like a bragger.
Speaker 1: But I like a very successful person, a wealthy person,
Speaker 1: a person who I'm not going to have to hide
Speaker 1: what I'm buying and doing or feel self conscious about
Speaker 1: money as a character relationship. And I have met so
Speaker 1: many people that have like this sort of that East
Speaker 1: Coast you know, flight ball or has an edge, that person.
Speaker 1: And more recently I've been introduced to people that are
Speaker 1: a little more conservative in maybe like they're not New Yorkers,
Speaker 1: they're from you know, the South or the Midwest. They're
Speaker 1: more conservative, they're more kind, they might be religious, like
Speaker 1: just a different type of person.
Speaker 2: And we're usually if you listen, if you're Jewish.
Speaker 1: And your parents want you to marry someone Jewish, and
Speaker 1: that's something that's important to you, or you're Catholic, that's
Speaker 1: you know, that's one thing.
Speaker 2: But if if it's really just because of it's what
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: It means like you've only ever you've never tried eggplants,
Speaker 1: so you'll never try eggblup. But then if you start
Speaker 1: making egg plan in different ways, you might actually love it.
Speaker 1: And I mean by this that like, why not try
Speaker 1: to date people that are very different and be open
Speaker 1: because you might grow, you might learn something, you might change,
Speaker 1: you might become a better person. This person could have
Speaker 1: a good influence on you, could be a good influence
Speaker 1: on you. And particularly if you're like me and you've
Speaker 1: failed so many times and you've had the worst picker
Speaker 1: and you've made the wrong choices, why not try something
Speaker 1: new from a different place, from a different culture, from
Speaker 1: a different industry. And that's what I'm finding really fascinating,
Speaker 1: Like it's a nature versus nurture thing. What if two
Speaker 1: people are fundamentally similar, meaning they're both good people, they're
Speaker 1: both moral people, they both like to have fun, but
Speaker 1: one grew up one way and another grow up the
Speaker 1: other way. That's just really that's nurture. That means that's
Speaker 1: like society making who each person is versus nature, which
Speaker 1: is who we fundamentally are, you know, And yes, of
Speaker 1: course nurture creates a good person or a bad person.
Speaker 1: But I just mean I have met people that are
Speaker 1: from such different planets than myself. But I've found that
Speaker 1: maybe I'm super braggy, or maybe I, you know, am
Speaker 1: irreverent and outspoken and brash, and maybe someone's a little
Speaker 1: more conservative and controlled and quiet, but like we could
Speaker 1: fundamentally be the same. They may not have loud humor,
Speaker 1: they may have a quieter humor, but they get my
Speaker 1: sense of humor. I may be attracted to them because
Speaker 1: they're quiet and conservative. They may be attracted to me
Speaker 1: because I'm wild, and we would seem like an unlikely couple.
Speaker 1: So I've been more open, and I suggest that you
Speaker 1: are too, in the same way that you are with
Speaker 1: cuisine or visiting different cultures, or being open to different
Speaker 1: types of people, maybe body types, maybe different sports.
Speaker 2: So I am open.
Speaker 1: It happens too with people that are like I won't
Speaker 1: date someone bald, I won't date someone short, I won't
Speaker 1: date someone white, I won't date someone black. Like people
Speaker 1: have these things where I won't date someone Jewish, I
Speaker 1: won't date someone Catholic like and I think being just
Speaker 1: open minded about everyone is a great policy because, as
Speaker 1: my therapist says, you're dating an other, that means it's
Speaker 1: an other, a person they're not supposed to be you.
Speaker 1: You're not dating yourself or marrying yourself. You're trying to
Speaker 1: create a situation where you have a partner. The sum
Speaker 1: is greater than its parts. In work, in business, a
Speaker 1: good partner is someone who's good at very different things.
Speaker 1: They compliment your skill set. You're like a puzzle that
Speaker 1: fits together. They're not a mirror image of you. You
Speaker 1: don't need two people Bernie Topp and Ellen John they have.
Speaker 1: There are two different sides of this thing. It used
Speaker 1: to be Calvin Klein and Barry Schwartz, the business and
Speaker 1: the creative, Like those are the best marriages. So the
Speaker 1: best marriages are probably opposite sides of the coin. I
Speaker 1: actually don't know why, but I just thought of like
Speaker 1: Lisa and Harry Hamlin. They're going in the same direction,
Speaker 1: but they're very different. He's sort of more cerebral and
Speaker 1: you know, quiet, and she's been out there and outspoken.
Speaker 1: He appreciates her for who she is, he's not dumbing
Speaker 1: her down, and they celebrate each other. So I would
Speaker 1: just say for me, I am trying to be very
Speaker 1: open minded in this next chapter and learn and grow.
Speaker 1: Real estate brokers are scumbags. Let's talk about real estate.
Speaker 1: I've been going through a real estate transaction recently, and
Speaker 1: I am a trusting person, which is shocking because I've
Speaker 1: been so fucked over my whole life. It's shocking. But
Speaker 1: I met with some real estate brokers recently. One person
Speaker 1: showed me something that I really liked and did not disclose,
Speaker 1: which in my brief time trying to study for the
Speaker 1: real estate exam, which I failed every single quiz. I
Speaker 1: Paul and I were both failing the quiz he's in
Speaker 1: real estate.
Speaker 2: It was pserahical but not that funny. But I don't
Speaker 2: think it's that easy. And I didn't pass the test.
Speaker 1: I didn't even take the test, but I went ahead
Speaker 1: that course, paid one hundred something dollars for like fifteen hours.
Speaker 1: And but one of the things I remember is that
Speaker 1: you have to like disclose certain things, like if there's
Speaker 1: a dead body in the basement that you know about,
Speaker 1: you need to tell people if it's on a train track.
Speaker 1: You need to tell people things that they might not
Speaker 1: know blind spots, and one would be this thing is
Speaker 1: that the back of the house is on a cemetery.
Speaker 1: So I was about to offer something on his property,
Speaker 1: and the guy did not tell me that, and someone
Speaker 1: else in the neighborhood did, and that there was I
Speaker 1: guess a Starbucks right near, which didn't bother me because
Speaker 1: that would be convenient coffee. But it wasn't the best
Speaker 1: street in this particular neighborhood because of the Starbucks and
Speaker 1: a cemetery. For whatever reason, neither of that really bothered me.
Speaker 1: But the truth is, I want wanted to know it.
Speaker 1: That's frightening for but the price was disproportionately low for
Speaker 1: such an amazing house. And I came into the guy
Speaker 1: and I go, Hi, you didn't disclose it there was
Speaker 1: a cemetery. We were about to sign the contract. He's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: would have told you. I'm like, when when I fucking
Speaker 1: live in there on top of a caffeinated dead body.
Speaker 1: So I've had They're just just go into every real
Speaker 1: estate transaction discussion contract showing hiring fire. They're all scumbags, Okay,
Speaker 1: just go into it with that now there may be
Speaker 1: some exceptions like anything else, but really go into buying
Speaker 1: a car and real estate with the understanding that they
Speaker 1: are mostly many real estate professionals are scamming scumbags.
Speaker 2: And because of.
Speaker 1: The market right now and because of people's financial fears,
Speaker 1: real estate brokers are more like there's blood in the
Speaker 1: water than ever and they are shady creatures. They are
Speaker 1: just shady creep and they find a way in the
Speaker 1: contract to put in some shady language where they can
Speaker 1: get more And I'm not my friend just caught something
Speaker 1: in a contract where there's only supposed to be one
Speaker 1: broker's fee but they tried to slip in another. Or
Speaker 1: who's paying the closing costs, Like you have to be savvy,
Speaker 1: you have to have someone really good looking at every angle.
Speaker 1: You have to take your time, you have to be
Speaker 1: patient because they will screw you over