WEBVTT - Spicy Life feat. Spicy Mari 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:04.520 Welcome to the Women While Out podcast. You guys, the 0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:11.600 girl anybody she girl go pretty. Welcome to the Women 0:00:11.640 --> 0:00:13.680 While and Out podcast. These guys are the ladies and 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:20.600 wilding out control. They you goody, get your show. Hello ladies, 0:00:22.160 --> 0:00:24.040 Tonight we're gonna have the women a while in our 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:29.960 podcasts on the car. All right, guys, welcome back to 0:00:30.000 --> 0:00:33.080 another episode of the Women of Wiling Out podcast. I 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:35.239 am gree t C and I am here with the 0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:39.680 amazing pretty deep be and be some mode cold you 0:00:39.920 --> 0:00:43.040 good money, but they do. Okay, let's get into this 0:00:43.120 --> 0:00:45.040 toes you guys, jump right into it. I read this 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:48.760 quote on a G and says, once you realize the 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:52.879 proud of your presence, honey, you're won't be just anywhere. Okay, 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:56.840 I don't be nowhere, be on the couch. Same girl, 0:00:57.960 --> 0:01:00.560 What do you know about they go back to giving 0:01:00.560 --> 0:01:02.960 everybody your energy. That's going back to give me being 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:06.720 too accessible. I know that's venus not being to this 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:11.560 as well. Shouldn't we going nowhere everywhere? Did it? In Charlotte? 0:01:12.080 --> 0:01:13.920 So I was I was the only person I was 0:01:13.959 --> 0:01:19.080 hanging around, was like duchess because you know, I was 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:21.000 getting tattoos and all that. But other than that, I 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:26.200 was in the house. Oh black, Yeah, yeah, super sweet, 0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:28.680 super sweet individual. So I was. I was, and then 0:01:28.680 --> 0:01:30.759 I had a job, so then I went right at home. 0:01:30.800 --> 0:01:33.679 So the same mentality applies when I'm in the A. 0:01:34.360 --> 0:01:36.560 So I used to be out here, but I used 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:39.399 to but I used to be like, oh my god, like, 0:01:39.520 --> 0:01:42.240 am I missing some stuff? I'm I supposed to be networking. 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:44.280 I supposed to do this. I think that was my 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:46.280 main thing, networking. When I first got to Atlanta, I 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:48.720 felt like I had to be everywhere. Yeah I didn't 0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:50.960 do that. I would still be everywhere if I wasn't 0:01:50.960 --> 0:01:53.840 so tired. If I had energy to be lit and 0:01:53.920 --> 0:01:55.840 be everywhere, I would be out and about. Yeah, these days, 0:01:55.880 --> 0:01:59.680 I don't have the energy. I'm wiped. I just think 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:03.200 for that quote to me just means so much because 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:06.000 I'm just such an energy person too. So I just 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:09.160 like just protect my space because I'm a magnetic, like 0:02:09.200 --> 0:02:12.000 a magnetic to people. So I'll be like only my friend, 0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:14.519 you're hand And I had to know, like, girl, you 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:17.040 don't really like me or I don't know you. Yeah, 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:18.600 I don't know you. You don't like me, and you 0:02:18.600 --> 0:02:20.080 could tell with somebody don't really care for you, they 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:22.160 just want to know about you, like so they could 0:02:22.280 --> 0:02:24.840 know the good ugly, the pad to good, you know sides. 0:02:24.919 --> 0:02:26.400 And I just know that because I've been hurt by 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:28.880 friends if I give it my energy. Also, I just 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:31.519 like to just stay put you get you and less 0:02:31.600 --> 0:02:34.400 drama when you put. That's just that's just me and 0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:36.160 I've just been like that since I've been a kid. 0:02:36.320 --> 0:02:43.080 I just been talking to Barbie Dolls myself. I grew 0:02:43.160 --> 0:02:45.000 up with all my cousins in one house, six very 0:02:45.040 --> 0:02:47.320 momes and we had three of us, ten of us 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:49.080 in each room, like it was a bunch of us. 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:51.480 And it's so crazy. She's like that because she's also 0:02:51.520 --> 0:02:55.360 the opposite. Yeah, you're both literally yeah. So I'm just 0:02:55.400 --> 0:02:58.800 like I've best friends so and what's so crazy is 0:02:58.919 --> 0:03:01.919 like I got two really who I really really truly 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:04.240 like what I knew for a long time. So like 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:06.520 and then the rest of like be someone because it 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:08.880 has my sister like so for me, like it's my 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:11.200 best friend. Like there considered my sisters too, but I've 0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:14.399 known them for years. So I just college and then 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:16.200 two of them was from college and the other ones 0:03:16.240 --> 0:03:19.200 from Miami. But other than that, UM, I don't really 0:03:19.240 --> 0:03:21.080 talk to another one in Miami like that as much, 0:03:21.200 --> 0:03:24.880 but UM to one sometimes you gotta sometimes gotta shift 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:27.560 the room, so she could her shift room. So you're 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:29.560 you have ten and you only have two to call on. 0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:31.680 That's what I look at it. And I've always said 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:34.519 with friends, you have friends. That's got some friends, friends 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:37.960 that you could tell the team. Sometimes it's like friends, 0:03:37.960 --> 0:03:40.240 like I could really when I want to go out, Yeah, 0:03:40.320 --> 0:03:41.720 like probably when I go out, I want to call 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:44.040 you when I want to tell you my deep darkest secrets. 0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:46.080 Girl have the ship that my friends I didn't did 0:03:46.280 --> 0:03:49.160 they don't hear me. I'd be like, I'm just listening 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:51.960 to y'all talk talk if you want to. But I 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:54.160 did it too. But you know, but you whatever, because 0:03:54.160 --> 0:04:04.760 I'm just so bete girl. And then my Mount Vernon's 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:07.960 and my Brooklyn and you know my other guy best 0:04:07.960 --> 0:04:11.560 friend Ron Brown's. You know, um, I grew to love him, 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:14.080 he's my producer. I got friends. But you know there's 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:15.800 certain ones I call all. I think that's a big 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:18.520 one too, Like I have really close guy friends. Some 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:21.560 of them are more writer than females. I have. I 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:25.160 have some very close females. You know, some of that 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:28.320 is different they when they actually that's interesting. Some people 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:30.839 think you can't be platonic. I don't know, but people 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:33.520 think me and her both talk to Dessie. Yeah, I 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:37.320 feel like what and literally I don't even say even 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:39.600 like Dessie thinks we've grown to love each other, like 0:04:39.640 --> 0:04:42.680 that's like my brother, little Duval Charlottagne. We've grown. But 0:04:42.720 --> 0:04:44.839 like somebody could pick up the phone and will answer 0:04:44.880 --> 0:04:47.520 me at one o'clock in the morning. Ron Brown's all 0:04:47.600 --> 0:04:50.800 day every day, and you know that's it. Really well, 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:53.680 we have a good guest coming today, my relationship coach. 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:55.560 I'm so excited because she. I wish she was here 0:04:55.640 --> 0:04:58.679 when the guys be attacking, because I'd be like, well, 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:00.320 I don't have an answer for that, but I know 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:03.440 something right in your spirit. It's wrong with you. But 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:06.800 I can't explain. I can't articulate why. But my relationship 0:05:06.839 --> 0:05:09.800 coaches here, um um, I'm actually in a relationship, but 0:05:09.800 --> 0:05:12.120 I've been speaking about it more open. I haven't really 0:05:12.120 --> 0:05:14.560 posted my boyfriend, but I posted on my story. But 0:05:14.600 --> 0:05:16.520 we go to her, we go to therapy. I call 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:21.560 it therapy because it's basically therapy UM relationship um, not classes, 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:24.840 but help. Uh. We go every Wednesday. We'd be off 0:05:24.880 --> 0:05:27.200 scheduling stuff, you know. Sometimes we miss sometimes we have 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:29.279 to do solo. He just did his solo session with 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:31.000 her last week and they was telling me about it 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:32.760 how good it was. But we try to go at 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:35.159 least a couple of times a month, UM. But she'd 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:37.520 be on my ass like you're wasting your money because 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:40.240 you just ain't never in no session, you know. But 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:42.440 when we do go, it's we'll be on the phone 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:48.360 with her for hours hours talking, digging deep, crying, laughing, bonding. 0:05:48.400 --> 0:05:51.440 It's just so and we I didn't start going to 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:54.440 her because anything was unhealthy or wrong. You just want 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:56.400 to prevent that, like don't run and get a fire 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:59.159 extinguisher when the house is burning down, just prevent the 0:05:59.160 --> 0:06:00.960 house from being on fire. And there's so many people 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:03.159 that are not open to that. There ain't nothing wrong. 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:05.240 While we gotta go up why something gotta be wrong 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:07.040 to make sure we're on the same page and we're 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:09.240 not wasting our time. And you know, I'm thirty now 0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:11.920 we gotta get time clock boom. I learned so much 0:06:11.920 --> 0:06:14.440 about my boyfriend just listening to him to open up, 0:06:14.480 --> 0:06:15.880 and I'm like, damn, I didn't know that. I didn't 0:06:15.880 --> 0:06:18.920 know that, and it's just conversation. So I say therapy, 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:20.280 I don't. I know. She kind of don't like it. 0:06:20.360 --> 0:06:23.480 But her name is Spicy Matty. So right after this break, 0:06:23.640 --> 0:06:25.640 we will introduce her. Come out if you'll have any 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:28.760 relationship questions. I know, breathed up being married. She never 0:06:28.800 --> 0:06:31.480 wants to get married again. She does not believe in 0:06:31.520 --> 0:06:33.440 it anymore. She's like, I will never do it again. 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:40.920 Viena is single up and downside she don't know. And 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:43.160 I definitely a walking down the hour with my boyfriend. 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:46.599 We're gonna have little babies, chocolate brown caramel babies running 0:06:46.600 --> 0:06:50.080 around our mansion somewhere in Atlanta, our side house. And 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:52.920 definitely want to get married. I do. I definitely want 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:56.800 to have some kids. And but I'm up and down 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:58.839 as far as like, you know, want to rea ship 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:01.159 and you know not w do it right now? Oh yeah, 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:04.239 right now. So after this break, we will introduce Spicy 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:13.160 Mighty relationship expert and magnetic matchmaker Stay tunes only Hi 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:25.560 you come Hi, co Breen. We gonna get her Okay, 0:07:25.600 --> 0:07:27.920 so we are back with the one Where Not podcast, 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:30.560 Me Pretty V and my girl Bree. You guys, I 0:07:30.560 --> 0:07:33.280 am so excited to announce this guest. Introduce her. She 0:07:33.280 --> 0:07:36.000 has changed my life and I have been getting her help, 0:07:36.040 --> 0:07:39.840 her guidance through my love life, through my personal life 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:42.440 for almost a year now. Actually, um, we met during 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:45.880 quarantine through a mutual friend and she's my relationship coach 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:48.640 and she can help you too. She's gonna come out 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:51.000 and give us some advice. Give it up for spicy 0:07:51.240 --> 0:08:06.560 mighty O. Come on out a curtain first child soles 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:10.240 se BEAUTI I'm still trying to keep my sexy. I 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:15.680 know that's right. Oh my be some own beauty with 0:08:15.840 --> 0:08:20.480 the red color called baby Girl. Baby Girl, that's all 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:23.720 your entire color line is my favorite wear every single day. Yeah, 0:08:24.280 --> 0:08:26.720 I've been drawn a beautiful up top lip extra thick. 0:08:27.920 --> 0:08:30.160 I try my lips more full. So this is my 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:33.959 relationship coach. Um. She has changed my life. She has 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:36.439 made me do self work. And once you do the 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:37.920 self work, I feel like me and being to talk 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:40.160 about this like doing the self work before you try 0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:45.199 to attract you're perfect you know, spouse or perfect significant 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:48.720 other It's like, once you start healing and growing yourself naturally, 0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:51.240 you're going to attract better. You know what I'm saying. 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:54.240 So I did that and then I met my boyfriend. 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:57.960 And then I was like, well, well you can explain 0:08:58.000 --> 0:08:59.440 exactly what you do. But when I met her, I 0:08:59.440 --> 0:09:02.240 was already in a relationship. Were so introduce yourself and 0:09:02.280 --> 0:09:04.280 explain exactly what you because I'd be saying my therapy. 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:10.079 She'd be like, I am not a therapy, right, I'm 0:09:10.120 --> 0:09:13.040 not just promoting her. I pay this lady. Okay, I'm 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:15.720 not just like um promoting her because she's my homegirl. 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:18.360 She actually provides me a service and I pay her 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:22.199 what she's worked and I'm expensive and she's very expensive 0:09:22.240 --> 0:09:24.240 and she's worth I'll be calling her to am like, girl, 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:26.160 he just dida. She'd be like, all right, this is 0:09:26.200 --> 0:09:28.199 what you do. You do, not do this in your 0:09:28.200 --> 0:09:31.160 feminine energy. Stop being masculine. I know your boss. I'm like, 0:09:31.200 --> 0:09:34.120 oh my god, So explain and introduce yourself to other 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:36.480 people who you are. Yes, he has a right. I'm 0:09:36.480 --> 0:09:40.480 spicymody relationship expert and magnetic matchmaker. And so what that 0:09:40.559 --> 0:09:43.960 means is I have the ability to connect people through 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:47.440 my magnetic matchmaking, but also if you're in a relationship, 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:49.600 I'm capable of coaching you through it, becoming the best 0:09:49.720 --> 0:09:52.760 version of yourself while growing in the relationship so that 0:09:52.760 --> 0:09:56.240 that way you and your partner can reach relationship actualization. 0:09:56.679 --> 0:09:59.920 And what that is is you guys growing together, growing 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:02.400 in your ability to help each other walk in each 0:10:02.400 --> 0:10:06.760 other's purpose, and then reaching the highest level of consciousness 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:10.240 and power and success and love that you can have 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:13.800 in the relationship together as a team. Because a lot 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:17.880 of people go into relationships with preconceived notions about expectations. UM, 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:23.040 they're coming with family baggage, challenges. UM. There's several elements 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:25.280 that relate to like your attitude even when it comes 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:28.679 to relationships, such as your predisposed already to a certain 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:32.200 thinking and behaviors from your DNA to the environment that 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:35.199 you grew up in to the relationships that you experience 0:10:35.280 --> 0:10:37.600 in your adulthood along the way, those have all shaped 0:10:37.679 --> 0:10:41.080 your personality and your energy. And now you come into 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:45.240 this relationship expecting a partner to, you know, live up 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:47.080 to all of your needs and the things that you 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:50.040 need fulfilled. And oftentimes we start self sabotaging we get 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:52.560 in our own way. So became at a time when 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:55.000 she was like, Okay, I know I'm not perfect. I'm 0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:57.680 working on in constant growth. This is a relationship that 0:10:57.679 --> 0:11:00.800 I can really see myself in. Help me make it work. 0:11:00.880 --> 0:11:02.679 Like I met a good guy. I didn't want to 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:06.160 suck this up. Such a good guy, help both of 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:08.080 us grow, Like we're gonna do this. Because when I 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:10.680 met Chris, we you know, you came on his birthday, 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:13.320 you met him early. I was like, this is my husband, 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:15.800 you know, I knew instantly, like I wanted to be 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:17.719 with him for a very long time. So I was like, 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:21.040 we need to get a middleman because I'm not about to, 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:24.920 you know, not heal and be Be was just like, 0:11:25.000 --> 0:11:30.800 you hold my hand, You're my man. Then it was 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:40.160 that was back into that's the two thousand nineteen Yellow 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:43.320 Adorable together. What I love is that both of them 0:11:43.559 --> 0:11:47.040 are accepting and acknowledging like that growth is a process, right, 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:50.120 So I think that he realizes he's not perfect, and 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:52.800 that's like the first step is just acknowledging. Chris has 0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:55.480 a high level of self awareness. And then Be's also 0:11:55.679 --> 0:11:58.360 excited for his growth, so that makes him even more 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:01.200 attractive to her. And then when he's like, well, damn, 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:03.199 I'm turning to my girl on because I'm growing like 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:09.319 it's motivation for him to keep going. And she didn't 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:11.080 force it. She gave him no option. She's like, I'd 0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:12.880 like us to do this. He was a little you know, 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:14.440 resistant at first. He's like, I don't really know. I 0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:16.600 don't know if we need it because men oftentimes operate 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:21.040 and like, yeah, like I'm good, nothing is wrong with 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:25.000 us the honeymoon stage, like me fighting and stuff. Yet 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:27.679 he getting too little tits now I'll be calling I'm 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:32.439 talking to him. You know, I have a question for you. 0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:35.000 So when you give I mean when you sit down 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:38.160 and you coach b or just whomever you know, um 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:41.600 about the relationships and they're taking whatever you're teaching them. 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:44.280 You know, that's like a therapist, you know. Um. So 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:46.640 for me, do you is it like, Okay, I'm giving 0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:48.040 you the tools, I'm giving you what to work, and 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:50.560 I'll give you what to do, but okay, that's it. 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:52.360 Or do you like be said, I call you two 0:12:52.360 --> 0:12:54.360 clock in the morning, but she supposed is it like 0:12:54.480 --> 0:12:56.240 is that like normal to do that? Or it's like, girl, 0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:57.840 I didn't give you the tools in our last session. 0:12:58.160 --> 0:12:59.680 Why are you calling me again? Like I don't have 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:02.800 something they like, don't depend on them, but call him 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:04.400 when you need him. I don't know. I'm trying to 0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:06.440 get in very hands on. That's a great question. So 0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:08.800 the difference between me and a therapist and the reason 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:11.400 why and I love therapy is so important that everybody 0:13:11.440 --> 0:13:14.120 go to therapy. But what therapy is for is to 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:16.520 help you become more self aware, like why am I 0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:19.640 doing what I'm doing? Right? My goal is to not 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:21.920 just help you figure out why you're doing what you're doing, 0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:24.120 but then also how do we solve for this? So 0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:28.079 sometimes we don't and we can't do the behavior that 0:13:28.120 --> 0:13:31.040 serves our relationship goal. Our emotions take over. We don't 0:13:31.040 --> 0:13:33.840 always think logically. We saw our mama do it, so 0:13:34.160 --> 0:13:36.000 we're doing it. We don't know why because I'm like 0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:38.000 I'm leaving. She was like, well, what's the ultimate goal? 0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:40.280 That's your husband? Like, girl, one time me and Chris 0:13:40.320 --> 0:13:43.719 get into it, I sayd hotel and she was like 0:13:43.920 --> 0:13:46.960 that it's not serving your ultimate goal of being with 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:50.680 this man. Take your ass back. You're being You're living 0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:53.080 in this emotion, right, now and it's not serving. You're 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:56.360 trying to comb her chest and dominate. To marry him 0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:58.679 is the ultimate goal. So take yours back and that's 0:13:58.679 --> 0:13:59.800 your husband. You don't even need to be at the 0:13:59.800 --> 0:14:04.400 holte figure out how you know you're okay, So I 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:07.440 help you achieve the goal, which is like I'm holding 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:08.920 your hand because you so you can't always do it 0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:11.880 by yourself with a culture, the therapist and not everybody 0:14:11.880 --> 0:14:15.320 has my method. UM can tell you do this, but 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:16.920 for you to actually perform it. I mean you can 0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:18.200 look it up on YouTube and you're still not going 0:14:18.280 --> 0:14:21.680 to perform it. I'm holding your hand and holding you accountable. 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:24.160 And then I have my checks and balances of Okay, 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:26.360 I told you guys to do this. Where's my assignment? 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:28.560 Let me see you. You said you read it. Okay, 0:14:28.600 --> 0:14:30.520 what's the what's the giving the paragraph? Give me the 0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:33.560 synopsis of you saying that you give this exercise. And 0:14:33.600 --> 0:14:35.720 then I make you guys, like show me what you 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:38.200 did when it comes to what you learn from it 0:14:38.320 --> 0:14:41.400 or communicate to me articulate that you understand. And then 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:42.560 when you need me in the middle of the night 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:45.320 or seven, if there's like an emergency, I'm also talking 0:14:45.360 --> 0:14:49.320 you guys off of a ledge. Um, I'm walking you 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:52.240 through it step by step. And so when it comes 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:55.560 to boundaries, UM, I don't believe in them in the 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:58.600 beginning for me because I understand that I need to 0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:00.360 be more hands on in order to help you like 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:03.840 achieve your goals. So I'm very hands on twenty four 0:15:03.920 --> 0:15:06.480 call and couples need it because sometimes they will get 0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:08.480 in their own way and then it's like, what do 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:10.600 we were breaking up when really all we wanted him 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:12.760 to do was call us more. How do we get 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:15.560 that achieved? Yeah? Because I could definitely. I mean like 0:15:15.960 --> 0:15:18.240 like beans, my mom is a counselor, right, so her 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:20.600 phone goes off seven, So then I didn't get it, 0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:24.320 like did you already get him a little thing? But 0:15:24.360 --> 0:15:26.160 then she's like, well, that's what I'm called to do, 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:29.440 so I can't get upset. You know, who's who's ever 0:15:29.480 --> 0:15:31.320 on Instagram or who's of her clients because they reach 0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:33.720 out through I g then to connect whatever her whole business. Ye, 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:36.520 So for you, just if anybody just wanted to know, like, okay, 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:37.880 when you get the people to tools, do they have 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:40.800 to keep calling back? Thirty one thirty one years of 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:43.920 behavior and her trying to shift your mindset. It don't 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:46.520 happen in twelve months. And my singles, especially, sometimes I 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:48.680 gotta go snatch them up out of a bad situation 0:15:49.040 --> 0:15:52.600 when they're yeah, or just pulling up to his house 0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:54.880 and I'm like, no, we are not or you know, 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:57.000 I said I was going to be abstinent and now 0:15:57.040 --> 0:15:59.320 I'm you know, spending the night. No, we are not 0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:04.360 like very hands on it. So we're gonna pull out 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:11.360 of the juice jar. We just okay, So you guys, 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:13.920 I'm gonna asking this. I totally do not believe in this, 0:16:13.960 --> 0:16:16.200 but I want to know your opinion and your expertise, 0:16:16.240 --> 0:16:19.920 because she ain't give an opinion, she given facts. Should 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:23.920 we compromise commitment to have a man? Meaning should we 0:16:23.960 --> 0:16:26.400 be like, Okay, every guy cheats, I'm just as long 0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:29.120 as I don't find out, I'm fine. Okay he only 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:32.200 did it once, or okay he wants an open relationship, fine, 0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:34.200 I love him, he's good in every other area. I'm 0:16:34.240 --> 0:16:36.480 just gonna let him have sex with other girls because 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:39.960 he's good to me, or compromising that commitment to have 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:42.160 a man. And I absolutely do not believe in that. 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:53.280 What's your opinion start maybe maybe not the embrace. Spicy 0:16:53.320 --> 0:16:56.680 Breed doesn't want to get married. She's already been married. 0:16:57.160 --> 0:17:00.560 Never again, ain't happening. I don't care why. We had 0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:03.400 a little a side talk yesterday. We had our nails done, 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:07.960 and I mean, given who I married, I won't bash 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:11.240 him here. But you know, um, I signed up for 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:15.760 a very complicated tax and I kind of knew what 0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:17.880 I was getting into, but not to the full extent. 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:20.960 And definitely you know, I got a divorce two years ago. 0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:24.440 I'm still married. Why why am I still married? They 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:26.720 will not give me my divorce, He will not sign nothing. 0:17:26.960 --> 0:17:29.360 I can't buy a house, I can't move on. UM 0:17:29.840 --> 0:17:32.159 haunts all of my you know, it's not like a 0:17:32.200 --> 0:17:33.560 normal thing where like, you know, what you and I 0:17:33.560 --> 0:17:36.560 are done, let's separate and the luck in your life. 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:39.760 You know, it's this like real ball and chain that 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:43.360 you cannot get rid of. UM just talk about taxes 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:49.720 just like yeah or stuff that like you know, he's 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:51.520 not making money at the time, or you know he 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:53.360 took off work or not doing whatever. And then they're 0:17:53.440 --> 0:17:55.520 he's like, well, I can come after you for spousal support. 0:17:55.640 --> 0:17:58.920 I said, oh hell, no mean spousal support. You can't 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:01.800 get nothing from me? Okay at work neither that. It's 0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:03.880 like that put such a bad taste in my mouth 0:18:03.960 --> 0:18:07.480 of like the does the ball and chain? Like why 0:18:07.600 --> 0:18:09.320 if I, let's say, I love you and I want 0:18:09.320 --> 0:18:10.840 to be with you, why do I have to marry you? 0:18:11.000 --> 0:18:13.600 Why can't we just there's plenty of people that have 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:16.800 been together ten years get married and then they divorced 0:18:16.800 --> 0:18:19.560 and a month or a year or whatever whatever it 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:22.120 is about that, I just don't feel like it's necessary. 0:18:22.080 --> 0:18:25.640 What's your opinion on that? So I'm just be transparent 0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:27.560 with you. But because I don't know any other way. 0:18:27.640 --> 0:18:30.479 She is hurt. So she's saying this and operating from 0:18:30.520 --> 0:18:34.720 a place of of course, low vibrating energy because she's 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:39.720 currently going through and still involved in a very traumatizing situation. UM, 0:18:39.760 --> 0:18:41.280 I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, 0:18:41.320 --> 0:18:46.080 and then you're still going through that. However, Um, you're 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:49.520 basing your future off of past and present right now 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:53.760 versus the possibility of having a completely different man, A 0:18:53.800 --> 0:18:56.879 man who loves you, adores you, would never put you 0:18:56.920 --> 0:18:59.760 through that stuff. And so I believe that we date 0:18:59.800 --> 0:19:01.560 at our level of self esteem, and we attract where 0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:04.199 we're at when we're in it. And so not to 0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:06.639 say that you haven't come out of that, but at 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:09.080 the point in which you chose your partner, that was 0:19:09.160 --> 0:19:12.320 your mirror. So I have a question. I have an 0:19:12.440 --> 0:19:15.240 off again relationship I've had for a decade aside from 0:19:15.320 --> 0:19:18.080 my marriage. We obviously stopped during that time, but in 0:19:18.119 --> 0:19:21.320 that relationship where I would never consider a marriage, I've 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:25.760 had more of a beautiful relationship and openness and transparency 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:30.560 and no toxicity, no fighting, no anything. And I would 0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:34.119 be okay with living out like that and co parenting 0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:38.080 and doing different things versus I mean, like I'm hurt, 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:39.600 but I feel like I have done a lot of 0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:42.040 work and I just I never even growing up, I 0:19:42.080 --> 0:19:44.679 wasn't like I want to get married and you know, 0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:46.520 have this person. I think because I was raised by 0:19:46.520 --> 0:19:49.720 a single mom, I just never that wasn't really what 0:19:49.840 --> 0:19:52.680 I wanted to do. I wanted to it was business 0:19:52.800 --> 0:19:55.000 and all these things I wanted to do for myself. 0:19:55.000 --> 0:19:57.240 And I always wanted kids, still want kids, but I 0:19:57.320 --> 0:19:59.679 just never needed the man. I never felt like a 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:02.520 like a thing for me. But I want you to 0:20:02.560 --> 0:20:05.480 understand like your decision making isn't coming from the sanctity 0:20:05.520 --> 0:20:08.399 of marriage. It's not marriage's fault. Like marriage is supposed 0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:11.240