Speaker 1: Welcome to the Women While Out podcast. You guys, the
Speaker 1: girl anybody she girl go pretty. Welcome to the Women
Speaker 1: While and Out podcast. These guys are the ladies and
Speaker 1: wilding out control. They you goody, get your show. Hello ladies,
Speaker 1: Tonight we're gonna have the women a while in our
Speaker 1: podcasts on the car. All right, guys, welcome back to
Speaker 1: another episode of the Women of Wiling Out podcast. I
Speaker 1: am gree t C and I am here with the
Speaker 1: amazing pretty deep be and be some mode cold you
Speaker 1: good money, but they do. Okay, let's get into this
Speaker 1: toes you guys, jump right into it. I read this
Speaker 1: quote on a G and says, once you realize the
Speaker 1: proud of your presence, honey, you're won't be just anywhere. Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't be nowhere, be on the couch. Same girl,
Speaker 1: What do you know about they go back to giving
Speaker 1: everybody your energy. That's going back to give me being
Speaker 1: too accessible. I know that's venus not being to this
Speaker 1: as well. Shouldn't we going nowhere everywhere? Did it? In Charlotte?
Speaker 1: So I was I was the only person I was
Speaker 1: hanging around, was like duchess because you know, I was
Speaker 1: getting tattoos and all that. But other than that, I
Speaker 1: was in the house. Oh black, Yeah, yeah, super sweet,
Speaker 1: super sweet individual. So I was. I was, and then
Speaker 1: I had a job, so then I went right at home.
Speaker 1: So the same mentality applies when I'm in the A.
Speaker 1: So I used to be out here, but I used
Speaker 1: to but I used to be like, oh my god, like,
Speaker 1: am I missing some stuff? I'm I supposed to be networking.
Speaker 1: I supposed to do this. I think that was my
Speaker 1: main thing, networking. When I first got to Atlanta, I
Speaker 1: felt like I had to be everywhere. Yeah I didn't
Speaker 1: do that. I would still be everywhere if I wasn't
Speaker 1: so tired. If I had energy to be lit and
Speaker 1: be everywhere, I would be out and about. Yeah, these days,
Speaker 1: I don't have the energy. I'm wiped. I just think
Speaker 1: for that quote to me just means so much because
Speaker 1: I'm just such an energy person too. So I just
Speaker 1: like just protect my space because I'm a magnetic, like
Speaker 1: a magnetic to people. So I'll be like only my friend,
Speaker 1: you're hand And I had to know, like, girl, you
Speaker 1: don't really like me or I don't know you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know you. You don't like me, and you
Speaker 1: could tell with somebody don't really care for you, they
Speaker 1: just want to know about you, like so they could
Speaker 1: know the good ugly, the pad to good, you know sides.
Speaker 1: And I just know that because I've been hurt by
Speaker 1: friends if I give it my energy. Also, I just
Speaker 1: like to just stay put you get you and less
Speaker 1: drama when you put. That's just that's just me and
Speaker 1: I've just been like that since I've been a kid.
Speaker 1: I just been talking to Barbie Dolls myself. I grew
Speaker 1: up with all my cousins in one house, six very
Speaker 1: momes and we had three of us, ten of us
Speaker 1: in each room, like it was a bunch of us.
Speaker 1: And it's so crazy. She's like that because she's also
Speaker 1: the opposite. Yeah, you're both literally yeah. So I'm just
Speaker 1: like I've best friends so and what's so crazy is
Speaker 1: like I got two really who I really really truly
Speaker 1: like what I knew for a long time. So like
Speaker 1: and then the rest of like be someone because it
Speaker 1: has my sister like so for me, like it's my
Speaker 1: best friend. Like there considered my sisters too, but I've
Speaker 1: known them for years. So I just college and then
Speaker 1: two of them was from college and the other ones
Speaker 1: from Miami. But other than that, UM, I don't really
Speaker 1: talk to another one in Miami like that as much,
Speaker 1: but UM to one sometimes you gotta sometimes gotta shift
Speaker 1: the room, so she could her shift room. So you're
Speaker 1: you have ten and you only have two to call on.
Speaker 1: That's what I look at it. And I've always said
Speaker 1: with friends, you have friends. That's got some friends, friends
Speaker 1: that you could tell the team. Sometimes it's like friends,
Speaker 1: like I could really when I want to go out, Yeah,
Speaker 1: like probably when I go out, I want to call
Speaker 1: you when I want to tell you my deep darkest secrets.
Speaker 1: Girl have the ship that my friends I didn't did
Speaker 1: they don't hear me. I'd be like, I'm just listening
Speaker 1: to y'all talk talk if you want to. But I
Speaker 1: did it too. But you know, but you whatever, because
Speaker 1: I'm just so bete girl. And then my Mount Vernon's
Speaker 1: and my Brooklyn and you know my other guy best
Speaker 1: friend Ron Brown's. You know, um, I grew to love him,
Speaker 1: he's my producer. I got friends. But you know there's
Speaker 1: certain ones I call all. I think that's a big
Speaker 1: one too, Like I have really close guy friends. Some
Speaker 1: of them are more writer than females. I have. I
Speaker 1: have some very close females. You know, some of that
Speaker 1: is different they when they actually that's interesting. Some people
Speaker 1: think you can't be platonic. I don't know, but people
Speaker 1: think me and her both talk to Dessie. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel like what and literally I don't even say even
Speaker 1: like Dessie thinks we've grown to love each other, like
Speaker 1: that's like my brother, little Duval Charlottagne. We've grown. But
Speaker 1: like somebody could pick up the phone and will answer
Speaker 1: me at one o'clock in the morning. Ron Brown's all
Speaker 1: day every day, and you know that's it. Really well,
Speaker 1: we have a good guest coming today, my relationship coach.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited because she. I wish she was here
Speaker 1: when the guys be attacking, because I'd be like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't have an answer for that, but I know
Speaker 1: something right in your spirit. It's wrong with you. But
Speaker 1: I can't explain. I can't articulate why. But my relationship
Speaker 1: coaches here, um um, I'm actually in a relationship, but
Speaker 1: I've been speaking about it more open. I haven't really
Speaker 1: posted my boyfriend, but I posted on my story. But
Speaker 1: we go to her, we go to therapy. I call
Speaker 1: it therapy because it's basically therapy UM relationship um, not classes,
Speaker 1: but help. Uh. We go every Wednesday. We'd be off
Speaker 1: scheduling stuff, you know. Sometimes we miss sometimes we have
Speaker 1: to do solo. He just did his solo session with
Speaker 1: her last week and they was telling me about it
Speaker 1: how good it was. But we try to go at
Speaker 1: least a couple of times a month, UM. But she'd
Speaker 1: be on my ass like you're wasting your money because
Speaker 1: you just ain't never in no session, you know. But
Speaker 1: when we do go, it's we'll be on the phone
Speaker 1: with her for hours hours talking, digging deep, crying, laughing, bonding.
Speaker 1: It's just so and we I didn't start going to
Speaker 1: her because anything was unhealthy or wrong. You just want
Speaker 1: to prevent that, like don't run and get a fire
Speaker 1: extinguisher when the house is burning down, just prevent the
Speaker 1: house from being on fire. And there's so many people
Speaker 1: that are not open to that. There ain't nothing wrong.
Speaker 1: While we gotta go up why something gotta be wrong
Speaker 1: to make sure we're on the same page and we're
Speaker 1: not wasting our time. And you know, I'm thirty now
Speaker 1: we gotta get time clock boom. I learned so much
Speaker 1: about my boyfriend just listening to him to open up,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, damn, I didn't know that. I didn't
Speaker 1: know that, and it's just conversation. So I say therapy,
Speaker 1: I don't. I know. She kind of don't like it.
Speaker 1: But her name is Spicy Matty. So right after this break,
Speaker 1: we will introduce her. Come out if you'll have any
Speaker 1: relationship questions. I know, breathed up being married. She never
Speaker 1: wants to get married again. She does not believe in
Speaker 1: it anymore. She's like, I will never do it again.
Speaker 1: Viena is single up and downside she don't know. And
Speaker 1: I definitely a walking down the hour with my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: We're gonna have little babies, chocolate brown caramel babies running
Speaker 1: around our mansion somewhere in Atlanta, our side house. And
Speaker 1: definitely want to get married. I do. I definitely want
Speaker 1: to have some kids. And but I'm up and down
Speaker 1: as far as like, you know, want to rea ship
Speaker 1: and you know not w do it right now? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: right now. So after this break, we will introduce Spicy
Speaker 1: Mighty relationship expert and magnetic matchmaker Stay tunes only Hi
Speaker 1: you come Hi, co Breen. We gonna get her Okay,
Speaker 1: so we are back with the one Where Not podcast,
Speaker 1: Me Pretty V and my girl Bree. You guys, I
Speaker 1: am so excited to announce this guest. Introduce her. She
Speaker 1: has changed my life and I have been getting her help,
Speaker 1: her guidance through my love life, through my personal life
Speaker 1: for almost a year now. Actually, um, we met during
Speaker 1: quarantine through a mutual friend and she's my relationship coach
Speaker 1: and she can help you too. She's gonna come out
Speaker 1: and give us some advice. Give it up for spicy
Speaker 1: mighty O. Come on out a curtain first child soles
Speaker 1: se BEAUTI I'm still trying to keep my sexy. I
Speaker 1: know that's right. Oh my be some own beauty with
Speaker 1: the red color called baby Girl. Baby Girl, that's all
Speaker 1: your entire color line is my favorite wear every single day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been drawn a beautiful up top lip extra thick.
Speaker 1: I try my lips more full. So this is my
Speaker 1: relationship coach. Um. She has changed my life. She has
Speaker 1: made me do self work. And once you do the
Speaker 1: self work, I feel like me and being to talk
Speaker 1: about this like doing the self work before you try
Speaker 1: to attract you're perfect you know, spouse or perfect significant
Speaker 1: other It's like, once you start healing and growing yourself naturally,
Speaker 1: you're going to attract better. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So I did that and then I met my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, well, well you can explain
Speaker 1: exactly what you do. But when I met her, I
Speaker 1: was already in a relationship. Were so introduce yourself and
Speaker 1: explain exactly what you because I'd be saying my therapy.
Speaker 1: She'd be like, I am not a therapy, right, I'm
Speaker 1: not just promoting her. I pay this lady. Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: not just like um promoting her because she's my homegirl.
Speaker 1: She actually provides me a service and I pay her
Speaker 1: what she's worked and I'm expensive and she's very expensive
Speaker 1: and she's worth I'll be calling her to am like, girl,
Speaker 1: he just dida. She'd be like, all right, this is
Speaker 1: what you do. You do, not do this in your
Speaker 1: feminine energy. Stop being masculine. I know your boss. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, So explain and introduce yourself to other
Speaker 1: people who you are. Yes, he has a right. I'm
Speaker 1: spicymody relationship expert and magnetic matchmaker. And so what that
Speaker 1: means is I have the ability to connect people through
Speaker 1: my magnetic matchmaking, but also if you're in a relationship,
Speaker 1: I'm capable of coaching you through it, becoming the best
Speaker 1: version of yourself while growing in the relationship so that
Speaker 1: that way you and your partner can reach relationship actualization.
Speaker 1: And what that is is you guys growing together, growing
Speaker 1: in your ability to help each other walk in each
Speaker 1: other's purpose, and then reaching the highest level of consciousness
Speaker 1: and power and success and love that you can have
Speaker 1: in the relationship together as a team. Because a lot
Speaker 1: of people go into relationships with preconceived notions about expectations. UM,
Speaker 1: they're coming with family baggage, challenges. UM. There's several elements
Speaker 1: that relate to like your attitude even when it comes
Speaker 1: to relationships, such as your predisposed already to a certain
Speaker 1: thinking and behaviors from your DNA to the environment that
Speaker 1: you grew up in to the relationships that you experience
Speaker 1: in your adulthood along the way, those have all shaped
Speaker 1: your personality and your energy. And now you come into
Speaker 1: this relationship expecting a partner to, you know, live up
Speaker 1: to all of your needs and the things that you
Speaker 1: need fulfilled. And oftentimes we start self sabotaging we get
Speaker 1: in our own way. So became at a time when
Speaker 1: she was like, Okay, I know I'm not perfect. I'm
Speaker 1: working on in constant growth. This is a relationship that
Speaker 1: I can really see myself in. Help me make it work.
Speaker 1: Like I met a good guy. I didn't want to
Speaker 1: suck this up. Such a good guy, help both of
Speaker 1: us grow, Like we're gonna do this. Because when I
Speaker 1: met Chris, we you know, you came on his birthday,
Speaker 1: you met him early. I was like, this is my husband,
Speaker 1: you know, I knew instantly, like I wanted to be
Speaker 1: with him for a very long time. So I was like,
Speaker 1: we need to get a middleman because I'm not about to,
Speaker 1: you know, not heal and be Be was just like,
Speaker 1: you hold my hand, You're my man. Then it was
Speaker 1: that was back into that's the two thousand nineteen Yellow
Speaker 1: Adorable together. What I love is that both of them
Speaker 1: are accepting and acknowledging like that growth is a process, right,
Speaker 1: So I think that he realizes he's not perfect, and
Speaker 1: that's like the first step is just acknowledging. Chris has
Speaker 1: a high level of self awareness. And then Be's also
Speaker 1: excited for his growth, so that makes him even more
Speaker 1: attractive to her. And then when he's like, well, damn,
Speaker 1: I'm turning to my girl on because I'm growing like
Speaker 1: it's motivation for him to keep going. And she didn't
Speaker 1: force it. She gave him no option. She's like, I'd
Speaker 1: like us to do this. He was a little you know,
Speaker 1: resistant at first. He's like, I don't really know. I
Speaker 1: don't know if we need it because men oftentimes operate
Speaker 1: and like, yeah, like I'm good, nothing is wrong with
Speaker 1: us the honeymoon stage, like me fighting and stuff. Yet
Speaker 1: he getting too little tits now I'll be calling I'm
Speaker 1: talking to him. You know, I have a question for you.
Speaker 1: So when you give I mean when you sit down
Speaker 1: and you coach b or just whomever you know, um
Speaker 1: about the relationships and they're taking whatever you're teaching them.
Speaker 1: You know, that's like a therapist, you know. Um. So
Speaker 1: for me, do you is it like, Okay, I'm giving
Speaker 1: you the tools, I'm giving you what to work, and
Speaker 1: I'll give you what to do, but okay, that's it.
Speaker 1: Or do you like be said, I call you two
Speaker 1: clock in the morning, but she supposed is it like
Speaker 1: is that like normal to do that? Or it's like, girl,
Speaker 1: I didn't give you the tools in our last session.
Speaker 1: Why are you calling me again? Like I don't have
Speaker 1: something they like, don't depend on them, but call him
Speaker 1: when you need him. I don't know. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: get in very hands on. That's a great question. So
Speaker 1: the difference between me and a therapist and the reason
Speaker 1: why and I love therapy is so important that everybody
Speaker 1: go to therapy. But what therapy is for is to
Speaker 1: help you become more self aware, like why am I
Speaker 1: doing what I'm doing? Right? My goal is to not
Speaker 1: just help you figure out why you're doing what you're doing,
Speaker 1: but then also how do we solve for this? So
Speaker 1: sometimes we don't and we can't do the behavior that
Speaker 1: serves our relationship goal. Our emotions take over. We don't
Speaker 1: always think logically. We saw our mama do it, so
Speaker 1: we're doing it. We don't know why because I'm like
Speaker 1: I'm leaving. She was like, well, what's the ultimate goal?
Speaker 1: That's your husband? Like, girl, one time me and Chris
Speaker 1: get into it, I sayd hotel and she was like
Speaker 1: that it's not serving your ultimate goal of being with
Speaker 1: this man. Take your ass back. You're being You're living
Speaker 1: in this emotion, right, now and it's not serving. You're
Speaker 1: trying to comb her chest and dominate. To marry him
Speaker 1: is the ultimate goal. So take yours back and that's
Speaker 1: your husband. You don't even need to be at the
Speaker 1: holte figure out how you know you're okay, So I
Speaker 1: help you achieve the goal, which is like I'm holding
Speaker 1: your hand because you so you can't always do it
Speaker 1: by yourself with a culture, the therapist and not everybody
Speaker 1: has my method. UM can tell you do this, but
Speaker 1: for you to actually perform it. I mean you can
Speaker 1: look it up on YouTube and you're still not going
Speaker 1: to perform it. I'm holding your hand and holding you accountable.
Speaker 1: And then I have my checks and balances of Okay,
Speaker 1: I told you guys to do this. Where's my assignment?
Speaker 1: Let me see you. You said you read it. Okay,
Speaker 1: what's the what's the giving the paragraph? Give me the
Speaker 1: synopsis of you saying that you give this exercise. And
Speaker 1: then I make you guys, like show me what you
Speaker 1: did when it comes to what you learn from it
Speaker 1: or communicate to me articulate that you understand. And then
Speaker 1: when you need me in the middle of the night
Speaker 1: or seven, if there's like an emergency, I'm also talking
Speaker 1: you guys off of a ledge. Um, I'm walking you
Speaker 1: through it step by step. And so when it comes
Speaker 1: to boundaries, UM, I don't believe in them in the
Speaker 1: beginning for me because I understand that I need to
Speaker 1: be more hands on in order to help you like
Speaker 1: achieve your goals. So I'm very hands on twenty four
Speaker 1: call and couples need it because sometimes they will get
Speaker 1: in their own way and then it's like, what do
Speaker 1: we were breaking up when really all we wanted him
Speaker 1: to do was call us more. How do we get
Speaker 1: that achieved? Yeah? Because I could definitely. I mean like
Speaker 1: like beans, my mom is a counselor, right, so her
Speaker 1: phone goes off seven, So then I didn't get it,
Speaker 1: like did you already get him a little thing? But
Speaker 1: then she's like, well, that's what I'm called to do,
Speaker 1: so I can't get upset. You know, who's who's ever
Speaker 1: on Instagram or who's of her clients because they reach
Speaker 1: out through I g then to connect whatever her whole business. Ye,
Speaker 1: So for you, just if anybody just wanted to know, like, okay,
Speaker 1: when you get the people to tools, do they have
Speaker 1: to keep calling back? Thirty one thirty one years of
Speaker 1: behavior and her trying to shift your mindset. It don't
Speaker 1: happen in twelve months. And my singles, especially, sometimes I
Speaker 1: gotta go snatch them up out of a bad situation
Speaker 1: when they're yeah, or just pulling up to his house
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, we are not or you know,
Speaker 1: I said I was going to be abstinent and now
Speaker 1: I'm you know, spending the night. No, we are not
Speaker 1: like very hands on it. So we're gonna pull out
Speaker 1: of the juice jar. We just okay, So you guys,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna asking this. I totally do not believe in this,
Speaker 1: but I want to know your opinion and your expertise,
Speaker 1: because she ain't give an opinion, she given facts. Should
Speaker 1: we compromise commitment to have a man? Meaning should we
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, every guy cheats, I'm just as long
Speaker 1: as I don't find out, I'm fine. Okay he only
Speaker 1: did it once, or okay he wants an open relationship, fine,
Speaker 1: I love him, he's good in every other area. I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna let him have sex with other girls because
Speaker 1: he's good to me, or compromising that commitment to have
Speaker 1: a man. And I absolutely do not believe in that.
Speaker 1: What's your opinion start maybe maybe not the embrace. Spicy
Speaker 1: Breed doesn't want to get married. She's already been married.
Speaker 1: Never again, ain't happening. I don't care why. We had
Speaker 1: a little a side talk yesterday. We had our nails done,
Speaker 1: and I mean, given who I married, I won't bash
Speaker 1: him here. But you know, um, I signed up for
Speaker 1: a very complicated tax and I kind of knew what
Speaker 1: I was getting into, but not to the full extent.
Speaker 1: And definitely you know, I got a divorce two years ago.
Speaker 1: I'm still married. Why why am I still married? They
Speaker 1: will not give me my divorce, He will not sign nothing.
Speaker 1: I can't buy a house, I can't move on. UM
Speaker 1: haunts all of my you know, it's not like a
Speaker 1: normal thing where like, you know, what you and I
Speaker 1: are done, let's separate and the luck in your life.
Speaker 1: You know, it's this like real ball and chain that
Speaker 1: you cannot get rid of. UM just talk about taxes
Speaker 1: just like yeah or stuff that like you know, he's
Speaker 1: not making money at the time, or you know he
Speaker 1: took off work or not doing whatever. And then they're
Speaker 1: he's like, well, I can come after you for spousal support.
Speaker 1: I said, oh hell, no mean spousal support. You can't
Speaker 1: get nothing from me? Okay at work neither that. It's
Speaker 1: like that put such a bad taste in my mouth
Speaker 1: of like the does the ball and chain? Like why
Speaker 1: if I, let's say, I love you and I want
Speaker 1: to be with you, why do I have to marry you?
Speaker 1: Why can't we just there's plenty of people that have
Speaker 1: been together ten years get married and then they divorced
Speaker 1: and a month or a year or whatever whatever it
Speaker 1: is about that, I just don't feel like it's necessary.
Speaker 1: What's your opinion on that? So I'm just be transparent
Speaker 1: with you. But because I don't know any other way.
Speaker 1: She is hurt. So she's saying this and operating from
Speaker 1: a place of of course, low vibrating energy because she's
Speaker 1: currently going through and still involved in a very traumatizing situation. UM,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that you had to go through that,
Speaker 1: and then you're still going through that. However, Um, you're
Speaker 1: basing your future off of past and present right now
Speaker 1: versus the possibility of having a completely different man, A
Speaker 1: man who loves you, adores you, would never put you
Speaker 1: through that stuff. And so I believe that we date
Speaker 1: at our level of self esteem, and we attract where
Speaker 1: we're at when we're in it. And so not to
Speaker 1: say that you haven't come out of that, but at
Speaker 1: the point in which you chose your partner, that was
Speaker 1: your mirror. So I have a question. I have an
Speaker 1: off again relationship I've had for a decade aside from
Speaker 1: my marriage. We obviously stopped during that time, but in
Speaker 1: that relationship where I would never consider a marriage, I've
Speaker 1: had more of a beautiful relationship and openness and transparency
Speaker 1: and no toxicity, no fighting, no anything. And I would
Speaker 1: be okay with living out like that and co parenting
Speaker 1: and doing different things versus I mean, like I'm hurt,
Speaker 1: but I feel like I have done a lot of
Speaker 1: work and I just I never even growing up, I
Speaker 1: wasn't like I want to get married and you know,
Speaker 1: have this person. I think because I was raised by
Speaker 1: a single mom, I just never that wasn't really what
Speaker 1: I wanted to do. I wanted to it was business
Speaker 1: and all these things I wanted to do for myself.
Speaker 1: And I always wanted kids, still want kids, but I
Speaker 1: just never needed the man. I never felt like a
Speaker 1: like a thing for me. But I want you to
Speaker 1: understand like your decision making isn't coming from the sanctity
Speaker 1: of marriage. It's not marriage's fault. Like marriage is supposed
Speaker 1: to be this beautiful thing to experience, right, what you
Speaker 1: happened was And let's like relate this to a job.
Speaker 1: You had a horrible employer who took advantage of you.
Speaker 1: It didn't come with the benefits that they promised. You know,
Speaker 1: they won't let you out of your contract, and you're like,
Speaker 1: dang it, you know, why did I sign up for this?
Speaker 1: But we don't say I'm never gonna work again and
Speaker 1: I'm just like be unemployed. No, we say I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get back out there and I'm gonna keep applying because
Speaker 1: I know that there's a better corporate culture, a better fit,
Speaker 1: or a different calling for me. But we don't just
Speaker 1: give up. And I feel like oftentimes because we are
Speaker 1: hurt and we take it so personal because it is personal, right,
Speaker 1: it's the emotion of love that we decide that we're
Speaker 1: cutting ourselves off from, like the ultimate relationship of connection
Speaker 1: because somebody has hurt us. And I know you're saying,
Speaker 1: like you've done a lot of work. I think there's
Speaker 1: don't always work to be corn Um, but I don't
Speaker 1: want to cut you off. Do you say to people
Speaker 1: like breathing who don't want to get married, who are like,
Speaker 1: well it's just not for me, Um, not that she
Speaker 1: shouldn't get married. Then she does not want to be
Speaker 1: marriage not married. But I don't want her to not
Speaker 1: want marriage because she was hurt because of him. I
Speaker 1: still want to I'm okay with a partner. I just
Speaker 1: don't think that I I need a fully indulged And
Speaker 1: so there's multiple benefits of marriage. She just listed all
Speaker 1: of the things that could happen when a marriage goes wrong. Right,
Speaker 1: So she's like talking about children, she's talking about homes,
Speaker 1: and you know, when it comes to the partnership part,
Speaker 1: I believe that in order for us to stay motivated,
Speaker 1: just with anything, we need to feel like there's constant
Speaker 1: growth and elevation in the relationship, which is why we
Speaker 1: go from like puppy love to boyfriend and girlfriend, which
Speaker 1: is why we go then from a boyfriend and girlfriend
Speaker 1: to fiance to husband and wife to fifty year anniversary
Speaker 1: to chill. You know, there's all these elements that help
Speaker 1: you feel as if you were constantly, consistently growing in
Speaker 1: a relationship and we need that, We need motivating factors
Speaker 1: continuously in order to not app And I think that
Speaker 1: when it comes to partnership, because people are deciding, well,
Speaker 1: I don't need the marriage, but they are already telling
Speaker 1: themselves like, I'm afraid that this is gonna go downhill.
Speaker 1: I'm afraid that I'm a message of this is gonna
Speaker 1: go all wrong, and um, we're gonna have to wind
Speaker 1: up divorcing. People aren't not getting married because they don't
Speaker 1: believe in marriage. You're not getting married because they don't
Speaker 1: want to divorce. So if our fear of the unknown,
Speaker 1: our fear of the negative, is what's controlling us, then
Speaker 1: we're not really doing it from a place of love
Speaker 1: or doing a place of fear and hate. So what
Speaker 1: so if she's in this mindset of I don't want
Speaker 1: to be married, then she should not be someone's wife. However,
Speaker 1: if someone does come and they are incredible and she
Speaker 1: gets out of this mindset and they're like, I want
Speaker 1: to spend the rest of my life with you and
Speaker 1: take care of you and nurture your spirit and help
Speaker 1: you build your empire, then that is definitely somebody who,
Speaker 1: just like any partnership she should sign an agreement with
Speaker 1: saying I am bonded to you and I will uphold
Speaker 1: this contract and honor it verbally, physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, sexually,
Speaker 1: every single way. Why why but we oftentimes will withhold
Speaker 1: because we're scared more of that financial part. Like that's
Speaker 1: usually why we will. When we were talking about this
Speaker 1: prenup thing yesterday to um because I mean, I disagree
Speaker 1: with some of it as as we obviously I have
Speaker 1: just said. But the prenup thing for me was like,
Speaker 1: originally I was like, well, why the how are we
Speaker 1: gonna get married? Like what for you? You know we're
Speaker 1: gonna get divorced? Oh you think I'm gonna stay home,
Speaker 1: raise the kids, do x Y and Z build you
Speaker 1: as a man, and I walk away with nothing because
Speaker 1: my job is take care of the house or you know,
Speaker 1: I don't get as much time and energy for me
Speaker 1: or my business that type of thing. And it was like,
Speaker 1: I I would never sign a prenup. But then after
Speaker 1: going through it, I was like, I get why people
Speaker 1: have one right now because then and I also was
Speaker 1: saying I believe that something that should be done in
Speaker 1: the beginning of the relationship when you are in a
Speaker 1: good space, when you are in love, and that would
Speaker 1: be I'll be the only thing that's like a contract
Speaker 1: to me, It's like this is what the kids get,
Speaker 1: this is this, this is whatever. But I feel like
Speaker 1: that's just so such a business mindset, and I feel
Speaker 1: like the getting married in the paperwork is like a
Speaker 1: business play. And I just don't. I don't what's your
Speaker 1: opinion on that question? The compromising for I think for me,
Speaker 1: I haven't you know, like I said, I watched my
Speaker 1: mom getting married twice. Um, you know she didn't she
Speaker 1: didn't marry my dad, but she got married and got
Speaker 1: a divorce for my stepdad. Um. Now my mom, you know,
Speaker 1: she she's taught me too. You know, of course, love
Speaker 1: yourself first and get yourself together to depending on. Man said,
Speaker 1: I've seen my family do it so much without a man,
Speaker 1: you know, be so strong, get it done. But I'm like, look,
Speaker 1: I wanted best man. I ain't not the fight even more.
Speaker 1: But man, I like I like all that. I just
Speaker 1: love love. So I'm just like, look, I want the happy.
Speaker 1: I don't want all the confusion. And then my mom
Speaker 1: being a pastor to you know, she's single and I
Speaker 1: know she's she's like now, she's fifty something, and so
Speaker 1: she's not gonna walk around and I want this, So
Speaker 1: I'm a no, she has boundaries. She I've watched her,
Speaker 1: you know, set aside, you know, her situation to make
Speaker 1: sure we was okay. And for me, I've taken guys
Speaker 1: back when they cheated. I've taken guys back when they
Speaker 1: did horrible things to me. The space I'm in right now,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to tolerate that. I've been in places
Speaker 1: where I was a sick, when I was a secret,
Speaker 1: or I was this, So I'm like, no, so I
Speaker 1: you gotta go. Absolutely, you know you gotta go. That's
Speaker 1: how I feel. And I'm not gonna, you know, make
Speaker 1: myself small and belittle myself to make you feel good.
Speaker 1: As a man, I'm not gonna do that. So with me,
Speaker 1: I've watched, like I said, I watched my mom been loved,
Speaker 1: be loved on, get hurt at the same time, be
Speaker 1: aggressive with the people and be with the men. But
Speaker 1: those are a situation where you grow from. I'm not
Speaker 1: two years old on my ten, so that's her past
Speaker 1: and it's something that i've seen. So when I'm hard
Speaker 1: on guys. I used to fight my boyfriends like for
Speaker 1: no reason, Like I used to be like that, you're
Speaker 1: not gonna do that, saw for no reason. I think about,
Speaker 1: like why did I put my hands on you? Now
Speaker 1: in high school? So I know about all that, agreed,
Speaker 1: but you know what I'm doing. So what you see
Speaker 1: as you grow older and normal and as I get
Speaker 1: older now and I'm like, why did I ever put
Speaker 1: myself in that? My mom said, I don't know, I said,
Speaker 1: but I watched that happen, you know. So as my
Speaker 1: mom got delivered, you know, from all that, and became
Speaker 1: who she is now in ministry, she's like, I'm not
Speaker 1: that same person, but that's my testimony. And I could
Speaker 1: speak about it, speak about, you know, me being abused.
Speaker 1: I could speak about me being talked to like I
Speaker 1: was a child, you know, But now she's like, don't
Speaker 1: do that and don't be in that situation. Leave or
Speaker 1: once you see that's going left, you know, talk about
Speaker 1: it and you know, but don't let no man cheat
Speaker 1: on you and think that's okay because normal, it gets normal. Correct,
Speaker 1: So I don't agree with that. We talked about that
Speaker 1: on stage. I was like, no, man, do not believe
Speaker 1: that we should be compromising commitment. If we believe in commitment,
Speaker 1: If you are someone who wants commitment and that's one
Speaker 1: of your core values, if you were like, no, I
Speaker 1: need this in order to feel vulnerable. I need commitment
Speaker 1: in order to be attached to you to feel safe
Speaker 1: and secure, then you should not be doing something and
Speaker 1: making that grand decision with your relationship to keep him.
Speaker 1: Go find yourself somewhere with you. And you brought up
Speaker 1: the point earlier of like children emulating these behaviors, which is,
Speaker 1: you know, and I relate so much to that. My
Speaker 1: mom was married three times, she's about to be on
Speaker 1: husband number four. My mom gets it, okay, but when
Speaker 1: it comes to relationship, you know, she molded me and
Speaker 1: crafted me into the profession that I'm in, and she
Speaker 1: didn't have. She wasn't educated, she didn't know. She did
Speaker 1: the best she could with her level of consciousness, but
Speaker 1: she had been abused, she'd been cheated on, and I
Speaker 1: saw that, and she did everything in her power to
Speaker 1: make sure I didn't repeat that. However, you know, I
Speaker 1: then went on to get my own education and studies
Speaker 1: and get my masters in communication so I can prevent
Speaker 1: these communication breakdowns for other couples. And my goal and
Speaker 1: mission is to restore the family unit. I want to
Speaker 1: break generational curses. And so when we talk about not
Speaker 1: wanting marriage, and this is not a dig, this is
Speaker 1: like just my love for you. When we talk about
Speaker 1: not wanting marriage and we talk about you know, um
Speaker 1: that we may be open to these relationships, our children
Speaker 1: are going to see that, and they are too going
Speaker 1: to think that marriage is ridiculous and not important. They
Speaker 1: too are not going to have that strong foundation of
Speaker 1: a two parent home. They too are going to have
Speaker 1: And scientifically, a Miansteady show that if you come from
Speaker 1: a divorce home, your chances of divorces, so it automatically
Speaker 1: like skyrockets. So if we want our kids in the
Speaker 1: next generation to have a fighting chance, we have to
Speaker 1: set that example for them, which means we have to
Speaker 1: make better choices than the people who we choose, and
Speaker 1: not just who we attract, because we're gonna attract everything,
Speaker 1: but it's who we choose that makes the ultimate difference.
Speaker 1: And so you know, I want all of us to
Speaker 1: come to a place where we're operating not from fear
Speaker 1: but from love. Like does this person reciprocate the love
Speaker 1: that I have to give. And if he wants multiple women,
Speaker 1: if he feels like he's worthy of that, because you
Speaker 1: know he's a superior man or what people call high
Speaker 1: value man, you know, then he's not the man for you.
Speaker 1: If you want commitment, but you compromising swinging, open relationship.
Speaker 1: It's literally that unconditional love, not conditional you know for me,
Speaker 1: like give me unconditional love. Sometimes I don't even know
Speaker 1: what it was. I was like, is it when you
Speaker 1: say condition isn't me like you ain't gonna give me
Speaker 1: everything or give me your all? Is it? Or is
Speaker 1: it unconditional love? And like I said, spicy and being breathed,
Speaker 1: like I grew up in a home where like I told,
Speaker 1: bring us today. When we got pampered, it was just
Speaker 1: like every man that's yeah, yeah, why are you yelling?
Speaker 1: But I mean I get it. And like you said,
Speaker 1: your mom, you know, um taught you not to do
Speaker 1: what she did or how she and that's how mom,
Speaker 1: you know, grew me and my sister, like, don't make
Speaker 1: the mistakes I may, because there's love out there. You know,
Speaker 1: walk with God, you know, make sure he's you know,
Speaker 1: in your forefront, beside you and give you that disservice
Speaker 1: you know who needs to be for you. But and
Speaker 1: sometimes we do need people to talk to as well
Speaker 1: to help us through situations like love and friendships and business.
Speaker 1: It's like, that's why I get you. Sorry, let's wrap
Speaker 1: it up. We're gonna go to a break and we're
Speaker 1: talking with Spicy Mighty. You guys, you can find her Instagram,
Speaker 1: hit up her d M so she ain't gonna just
Speaker 1: talk to you for free. And one thing I love
Speaker 1: about her she doesn't take everybody. You actually not have
Speaker 1: to audition, but you have to apply to be in
Speaker 1: her program. She's like, maybe you're not ready, come to
Speaker 1: me in a year, because I'm not gonna waste my
Speaker 1: time on you not listening to me. She might like
Speaker 1: your comment podcast, and right after this break, we will
Speaker 1: talk with her a little more before she gets out
Speaker 1: of here and tend to that thingby you guys are
Speaker 1: back with the women while not podcast. I ain't be sumill.
Speaker 1: To my left is a beautiful pretty v to my
Speaker 1: right is Bree And we're not gonna forget Spicy Mighty
Speaker 1: Relationship coach and magnetic match that you're making accident. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what my baby is going to be. My husband's
Speaker 1: jam making. So it's gonna be a Mexican both of
Speaker 1: my parents. So you know the aggressiveness of Yes, he's
Speaker 1: a Capricorn so and I'm a Capricorn. So we're the
Speaker 1: best signs. Okay, the best. That's so funny. Yes, ask
Speaker 1: about us now we have a few minutes before we
Speaker 1: wrap up. Um, but I do want to ask about
Speaker 1: your relationship. You're married, having your first baby. UM, tell
Speaker 1: us about how how your dating life was before you
Speaker 1: met your husband, your mindset before the spicy mighty you
Speaker 1: are now in this happy marriage, and how your mindset
Speaker 1: is now beautiful question? Um with me. There's levels, right,
Speaker 1: Like I always speak to progress. So for my dating
Speaker 1: life prior to him, I went through every single phase
Speaker 1: that you're supposed to go through when it comes to relationships.
Speaker 1: I went through the celibate phase, the toxic phase, the
Speaker 1: situation ships, the whole phase. Um. I went through the
Speaker 1: you know, um, I only want to date Bailer's phase,
Speaker 1: and then I went through them the data broke guy
Speaker 1: from Trader Joe's phase. Like I went I tasted everything. Okay,
Speaker 1: I went through that I'm gonna date white guy's phase.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try an Asian. I'm gonna try, you know,
Speaker 1: like I tried everything, and because what I've always looked
Speaker 1: at as was I'm gathering research. Every single guy, every
Speaker 1: single relationship is a learning experience, and you want to
Speaker 1: know what you want, what you don't want. And of
Speaker 1: course along the ways I started to mature and come
Speaker 1: into my womanhood, um and my studies also supported like
Speaker 1: my growth and development and knowing clear of what I
Speaker 1: wanted as I came up with my method, which is
Speaker 1: spicy s P, I c y self, passion, intimacy, communication
Speaker 1: and learning to say yes. I've figured out early on, Okay,
Speaker 1: these are the tools that I need, the method that
Speaker 1: I need in order to have the healthy relationship. Now
Speaker 1: I need to start apple rating and acting like a wife,
Speaker 1: and you just start using applying my own method, my
Speaker 1: theories and everything that I know that I don't want
Speaker 1: and I do want, and start eliminating anything that is
Speaker 1: not in alignment with that. If you are not my purpose, mate,
Speaker 1: then I can't waste time with you. I don't care
Speaker 1: how much money you got, I don't care how you look.
Speaker 1: I don't care. You know what's purpose mate. So your
Speaker 1: purpose mate is your partner who it's different myself mate.
Speaker 1: So mad is dealing more with chemistry. Um, your hearts
Speaker 1: are connected, your souls are connected. But a purpose mate
Speaker 1: is someone who helps you reach the highest version of yourself.
Speaker 1: You're walking in your purpose and you attract someone who
Speaker 1: is walking in their purpose. And your purposes are both
Speaker 1: to help each other get to your destination, get to
Speaker 1: the mission at hand, what God puts you on this
Speaker 1: earth to do. So love is their chemistry is there,
Speaker 1: you feel a fire and desire for them, But more importantly,
Speaker 1: there's compatibility, and compatibility is the most important element that
Speaker 1: you need to make a relationship actually work. You have
Speaker 1: chemistry all day long, but your purpose that you have
Speaker 1: compatibility with our lives with Megan about that because she's married,
Speaker 1: she's been married for over ten years, my best friend
Speaker 1: of nineteen years. And she's like, you know, marriage is
Speaker 1: up and down. I love my husband and deaf he's
Speaker 1: about you know. But she was like, it's a bigger
Speaker 1: purpose here, you know, it's a bigger purpose. You're not
Speaker 1: doing this for you, She was like, she gave the
Speaker 1: example of Martin Luther king and his wife was like,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know the story, but supposly Martin
Speaker 1: stepped out. But she was like his wife knew there
Speaker 1: was a bigger purpose. This is not about me, Like
Speaker 1: it ain't we nit tip chat, I gotta stand by
Speaker 1: your side. You're trying to change the world. But when
Speaker 1: is the purpose in this relationship? So she talks about
Speaker 1: that all the time, like it's a bigger purpose when
Speaker 1: you find your purpose, mate, And do you also feel
Speaker 1: too that a man that that is loving you, loving
Speaker 1: on you at the time is to help you grow?
Speaker 1: But are y'all met for each other or he's just
Speaker 1: there for the time being, because some relationships are like that,
Speaker 1: or some couples, you know, get to a place where
Speaker 1: he just helped me to find me again or to
Speaker 1: love on me. Yeah, we don't because this is getting
Speaker 1: so good and we're running the time because you can't
Speaker 1: answer now, because it's gonna be a six minute answer.
Speaker 1: We're gonna say, okay, just to be on your side
Speaker 1: and play, you know, middleman, We're gonna do another episode
Speaker 1: where okay, right, okay, so don't get back said I
Speaker 1: need my question answered. But it's so good. We're gonna
Speaker 1: do a part two with Spicy right after this. You guys,
Speaker 1: this is a woman while in our podcast Pretty TV,
Speaker 1: bree Be Simone, Spicy MDY, we're gonna give you a
Speaker 1: part too, because I know some of y'all in the comments,
Speaker 1: like I wish I could ask today. I know y'all
Speaker 1: wish I was here. But we're gonna give your part too,
Speaker 1: maybe so we'll be right back after Well, actually this
Speaker 1: is not a break. This is our outro. Watch the
Speaker 1: next episode of Women a While in our podcast, and
Speaker 1: thank you for watching this one with Spicy Body sto