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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.

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Speaker 2: This Thursday Therapy, We've got Chloe Panta coming on. She

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Speaker 2: has a book coming out next year. It's called Untapped

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Speaker 2: Magic Manifestation Methods for Living a Limitless Life. She's worked

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Speaker 2: with countless men, women, and teens to help them cultivate

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Speaker 2: their limitless life. She's an expert in helping her clients

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Speaker 2: overcome limiting beliefs and low self worth. Also, October is

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Speaker 2: National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. She herself is a survivor

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Speaker 2: of domestic violence abuse. We wanted to make sure to

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Speaker 2: get her on to talk about that for this month

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Speaker 2: and then to talk about her new books. So let's

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Speaker 2: get her on. Hey. Hello, Okay, Chloe, Kristin just told

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Speaker 2: me a fun fact about you.

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Speaker 1: You're from Michigan.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm from Detroit.

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Speaker 1: You're so are we?

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Speaker 3: Well?

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Speaker 2: I guess I can't really claim I say Detroit because

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Speaker 2: we Detroit because it sounds more badass.

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Speaker 1: I can't feel like Register Hills. You definitely get Detroit.

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Speaker 2: I mean I was Washington Township, So I say that

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Speaker 2: because Rochester was like the rich kids, and I'm like, yeah, we.

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Speaker 1: Do right, right, right right?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Like I was an ann arbor, which has its idea,

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Speaker 4: but it also was not in the greatest part of

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Speaker 4: an arbor.

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Speaker 1: So do you still live in Michigan.

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Speaker 3: No, I'm actually in La so been out in LA

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Speaker 3: for the past six years now. Yeah, But I grew up,

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Speaker 3: born and raised in Detroit. So I thought that was

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Speaker 3: really cool that you guys are both from the metro

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Speaker 3: Detroit area.

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Speaker 4: So way to frame it for us, Chloe, we really

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Speaker 4: needed you the metro Detroit area. Are you a Tigers

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Speaker 4: fan Alliance fan all still? I'm bo runs deep right, yes,

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Speaker 4: forever I know.

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Speaker 3: Yes, and have the new stadium, the Caesars Palace. If

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Speaker 3: you've been to Detroit recently, yeah, and it's just downtown

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Speaker 3: is phenomenal.

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Speaker 1: I love It's crazy.

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Speaker 2: There's such a resurgence.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. Yep. And it was a re something usually.

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Speaker 2: You feel my words, you fill my gap. But so, okay,

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Speaker 2: obviously I want to jump into your book. But because

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Speaker 2: October is National Domestic Violencewareness Month, you did you speak

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Speaker 2: about your abuse in the book or is a separate entity?

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Speaker 3: This is separate. I do touch on it a little bit,

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Speaker 3: but in the book I do talk about toxic relationships,

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Speaker 3: abuse of relationships and how people can get out of it,

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Speaker 3: because I think it's really important, especially because I mean,

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Speaker 3: one in three women are victims of physical abuse, rape,

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Speaker 3: domestic violence, and it's just I want to get the

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Speaker 3: word out there to help people to know that there

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Speaker 3: is help, there is hope, and you can get out

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Speaker 3: of that situation. So yeah, definitely talk about that.

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Speaker 2: Would you mind sharing some of yours what you're comfortable

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Speaker 2: to share around that piece with us?

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Speaker 3: For sure?

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Speaker 2: Was it was someone? Was it a relationship? How did

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Speaker 2: it start? What was the you know, the how did

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Speaker 2: how did you get out?

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Speaker 3: So this was my very first relationship. I mean I

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Speaker 3: was a teenager sixteen, seventeen years old, and I stayed

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Speaker 3: with this person for a long time because I was

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Speaker 3: manipulated to This was when I had known. It was

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Speaker 3: my first everything. So in that situation, for me, I

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Speaker 3: didn't know, Hey, you can get out of this. You

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Speaker 3: don't have to stay with this person. They're brainwashing you.

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Speaker 3: There is a way out, You're not stuck. It took

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Speaker 3: me a long time to kind of get out of it.

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Speaker 3: So I met this person through a friend of a friend.

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Speaker 3: We went to high school together. He was older than me,

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Speaker 3: So I was a freshman in high school. This person was,

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Speaker 3: you know, out of out of high school. They were

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Speaker 3: basically first year in college, so much older. That was

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Speaker 3: attractive because you're young. So it's like, oh, yeah, you

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Speaker 3: know my friend or I'm dating this guy. He's a

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Speaker 3: college a college freshman, and I'm a freshman in high school.

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Speaker 3: So that was something that was impressive to me and

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Speaker 3: my friends at that time. And little did I know

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Speaker 3: that this person was just kind of grooming me in

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Speaker 3: a way where they could mold me to become whatever

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Speaker 3: they wanted me to become their little puppet. And it

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Speaker 3: took me a long time. Like I said, I was sixteen,

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Speaker 3: seventeen years old when I first started dating him. I

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Speaker 3: didn't break free from this until my early twenties when

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Speaker 3: I realized that there is something better. But I was

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Speaker 3: mentally abused, physically and also verbally abused. I remember one night,

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Speaker 3: this was senior year in high school for me at

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Speaker 3: this point, and I was coming back from something and

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Speaker 3: I stopped over to his house because he asked me

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Speaker 3: to stop over. We got into an argument and it

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Speaker 3: was nighttime and I was on my way to kind

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Speaker 3: of leave the situation. He wouldn't let me leave. He

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Speaker 3: threw me down. Were outside arguing in the neighborhood. He

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Speaker 3: threw me down on the ground and we were in

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Speaker 3: an altercation where he broke all of my fingernails. So

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Speaker 3: I had at this time, I used to wear fake fingernails.

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Speaker 3: I used to get my nails sent every couple of weeks,

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Speaker 3: and in this altercation, my nails were bleeding. I looked down,

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Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my gosh, my nails, my fingers are bleeding.

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Speaker 3: I can't go home like this. My face was swollen,

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Speaker 3: my fingers were bleeding, my nails were broken off. So

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Speaker 3: I struggled to drive to my best friend's house at

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Speaker 3: that time because I knew my mother, my brother they

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Speaker 3: would do something terrible to this guy, and I didn't

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Speaker 3: want to get them involved. I was ashamed. I felt embarrassed.

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Speaker 3: I didn't feel like I wanted them to know I

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Speaker 3: was struggling in that way. So I went to my

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Speaker 3: best friend's house and I told her what happened. I

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Speaker 3: stayed at her house or the night until I got

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Speaker 3: myself together because I couldn't explain to my mom, well,

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Speaker 3: why is your face messed up? Why do you have

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Speaker 3: a bruise under your eye? Why are your fingernails You

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Speaker 3: just got your nails done the other day, why are

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Speaker 3: they broken off? And you know, I felt as if

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Speaker 3: I was trying to protect my family from what I

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Speaker 3: was going through. So after a bit of time, I

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Speaker 3: realized this wasn't safe. Sometimes people will tell us they're

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Speaker 3: going to change, they're going to be a different person,

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Speaker 3: but that's lies. We can't make anybody change. And once

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Speaker 3: I realized that, I knew that I had no power

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Speaker 3: over this person, and I couldn't continue to give my

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Speaker 3: power away. So once I realized that that I have

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Speaker 3: the power to take back what's mine and get out

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Speaker 3: of that situation, I did. It took me eight years

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Speaker 3: to leave this person. And I know, Jane, that you

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Speaker 3: went through something similar, and I know you know what

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Speaker 3: you went through was terrible, And it took me five

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Speaker 3: additional years after you got out of your situation before

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Speaker 3: I would get out of mind. So it took me

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Speaker 3: that long to realize that this isn't the life that

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Speaker 3: you want to live. If you continue down the path

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Speaker 3: with this person, you're going to end up hurt. You're

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Speaker 3: going to end up in a situation where you may

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Speaker 3: not be able to get out of or walk away from.

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Speaker 3: So it took me that long to realize that and

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Speaker 3: to really just kind of break free from what was

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Speaker 3: keeping me stuck in a really deep dark place at

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Speaker 3: such a young age for me to experience that.

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Speaker 4: Did you slowly allow your family to know what was

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Speaker 4: happening and to like, where do you?

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Speaker 3: Then?

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Speaker 4: I mean that's young.

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Speaker 1: Clearly that's a young I mean.

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Speaker 4: You're a baby, And so you start to feel like

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Speaker 4: this is not good, this is not correctly you're knowing,

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Speaker 4: it's like you know that, And then who do you

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Speaker 4: wet in first? To say something's not right? And I

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Speaker 4: need to make a change, because making change is with

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Speaker 4: people like that feel nearly impossible. They feel impossible, and

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Speaker 4: it is nearly impossible.

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Speaker 1: So how did you what was your first step? Who's

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Speaker 1: your first person? Who do you? When did you go?

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Speaker 4: I can't do this anymore and this is what I'm

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Speaker 4: about to do.

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Speaker 3: When I was twenty two, So this was back in

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Speaker 3: two thousand and eight, and I was at a breaking point.

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Speaker 3: I kept trying to like get out. He would try

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Speaker 3: to come back, I'm change, take me back, and I

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Speaker 3: kept being vulnerable and gullible to allow that, and I

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Speaker 3: told my mom, I'm like, you know what, Mom, this

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Speaker 3: person they're not who they say they are to you.

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Speaker 3: You know, because when it's just us and it's just

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Speaker 3: around the family, the friends, perfect angel, nothing ever could

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Speaker 3: be wrong with him, just the most perfect gentleman in

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Speaker 3: the world. But as soon as we're alone, it's like

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Speaker 3: a completely different person has transformed. And she never saw

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Speaker 3: that side of him. It was really difficult for her

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Speaker 3: to imagine that this was going on. So when I

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Speaker 3: had my breaking point at twenty two, I told my mom, like, listen,

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Speaker 3: he isn't who he says he is. He's not who

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Speaker 3: he portrays to be around you and we're you know,

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Speaker 3: at family functions or gatherings, He's not that person. And

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Speaker 3: he's been abusing me for this many years. So my

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Speaker 3: mother was very upset because she works in the court,

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Speaker 3: you know, like she works alongside a judge, she works

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Speaker 3: alongside officers who can put people away, and she's like, Chloe,

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Speaker 3: you have all these resources, why didn't you tell me, Like,

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Speaker 3: you know what, I was afraid. I was afraid that

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Speaker 3: I had failed my mom as being gullible and I

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Speaker 3: let this happen to me I was afraid because I

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Speaker 3: thought everything was my fault, because in that situation, everything

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Speaker 3: was my fault according to this person, and I felt

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Speaker 3: as if it was and I felt I let my

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Speaker 3: mother down because I allowed myself to kind of be

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Speaker 3: trapped in this situation. So I told my mother first,

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Speaker 3: and and when I told her that, I felt as

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Speaker 3: if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders because

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Speaker 3: I had a support group in her. But it took

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Speaker 3: me seven years to tell her this is what has

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Speaker 3: been happening to me for this long because I was

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Speaker 3: just in a situation where he told me, if you

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Speaker 3: tell anybody, I will hurt you so that you won't

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Speaker 3: be able to tell anybody. And because of that threat,

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Speaker 3: I didn't want to have my family be in jeopardy

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Speaker 3: of him doing something to them or not, so in

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Speaker 3: my mind and like, I'm protecting them from his threats

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Speaker 3: and I don't want him to hurt them, so I

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Speaker 3: can't tell anybody. But once I just got the courage

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Speaker 3: to do so, my mother and myself we got a

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Speaker 3: restraining order placed against him, and everything seemed to just

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Speaker 3: kind of fall into place where I was able to

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Speaker 3: finally close that chapter and move on but those were

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Speaker 3: the darkest years of my life that propelled me to

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Speaker 3: know that if this is the worst that can happen,

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Speaker 3: then I am so deserving and so worthy of the

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Speaker 3: complete opposite of that. And that's what I focused on

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Speaker 3: going forward, because I knew that I never ever wanted

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Speaker 3: to deal with that ever again in my life.

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Speaker 2: I think too, like, just thank you for sharing your story,

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Speaker 2: and I'm sorry you had to go through that, but

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Speaker 2: I also think for me, and I don't want to

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Speaker 2: put this on you as yours, but for me, there

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Speaker 2: was a lot of shame around it. So that's why

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Speaker 2: I didn't tell people, because I felt like, again like

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Speaker 2: you felt, they make it seem like you're the problem,

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Speaker 2: You're the reason the abuse is validated because of what

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Speaker 2: they said we did, and there was then that's the

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Speaker 2: shame piece. And even when I have a book coming

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Speaker 2: out next week and it's that abuse chapter was the

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Speaker 2: hardest one to write because I still felt shame around it.

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Speaker 2: And then I also felt it not embarrassed, but like girl,

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Speaker 2: why were you hiding in the bushes?

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: Like why did you think so little of yourself to

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Speaker 2: not get up and get out of a situation. And

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Speaker 2: there's so many times when women will DM me and go,

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Speaker 2: you know, I'm in an abusive situation.

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Speaker 1: How do I get out?

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Speaker 2: And it's like I could tell you now, but you're

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Speaker 2: it's it has to be the thing that clicks inside

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Speaker 2: of you. And I struggle with what I even respond

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Speaker 2: with because I'm like, they're not going to change. I

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Speaker 2: know they're going to tell you everything, but when a

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Speaker 2: man hits you or emotionally abuses you or any things

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Speaker 2: like that's that is literally who they are. And it's

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Speaker 2: hard because they I remember the girl going, oh no,

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Speaker 2: but he says he's going to change. Everys going to

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Speaker 2: be fine, and you know, but I'm like, you will

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Speaker 2: end up in a dumbster most likely because he will

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Speaker 2: hurt you and continue to hurt you. But it's like

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Speaker 2: I don't like when someone reaches out to you. It's like,

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Speaker 2: what are the words that you say? Because I sometimes

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Speaker 2: I'm just like I remember being in that cycle and

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Speaker 2: continuing to go back to the abuser over and over

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Speaker 2: and over again because we are made to feel like

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Speaker 2: it was our fault and then the shame piece around

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Speaker 2: it not telling people no one knew. My mom still

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Speaker 2: doesn't know half of the stuff, like she will read

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Speaker 2: about it in the book. All she saw was just

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Speaker 2: the bruises and the cuts, you know, and that he

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Speaker 2: abused me. But for I didn't have open dialogue of

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Speaker 2: throwing me out of a car, X Y and Z.

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Speaker 2: So it's like, what do you like? What is your advice?

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Speaker 2: When women go, how do I get out?

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Speaker 3: You have to first know your worth? The thing with me,

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Speaker 3: and I know this is it's different for everybody. I

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Speaker 3: didn't know my worth. I had low self confidence. You know.

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Speaker 3: I went from a happy teenager, happy child to this

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Speaker 3: person that had low self esteem, thoughts of suicide, thoughts

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Speaker 3: of I don't want to be here anymore because of

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Speaker 3: what someone else put into my mind to believe was

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Speaker 3: true for me. So I would have to say, and

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Speaker 3: what I do say to some women who have reached

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Speaker 3: out to me, is that you have to understand your worth.

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Speaker 3: That person's worth is nothing compared to yours. But if

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Speaker 3: you believe, if your limiting beliefs allow you to believe

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Speaker 3: that this is all you're worthy of, this is all

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Speaker 3: that's going to continue to loop into your life. So

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Speaker 3: for me, I had to understand that I am worthy

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Speaker 3: of more, but not only saying that, but believing wholeheartedly

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Speaker 3: that I am deserving and worthy of more. Men are

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Speaker 3: not all like this person, this person.

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Speaker 2: That's so hard to do though, when you're in the

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Speaker 2: moment and you have someone telling you that that is

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Speaker 2: the opposite of what you are, it is.

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Speaker 3: Very difficult to do. But if you've been doing it

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Speaker 3: for years, years and years in years, and you know

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Speaker 3: this is not going to change, you have to come

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Speaker 3: to realize this is never going to change. So you

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Speaker 3: have to make the change, and the change has to

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Speaker 3: be you need to get out, because if I didn't

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Speaker 3: get out, I don't know where I'd be right now,

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Speaker 3: either incarcerated or dead, one of the two, because that's

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Speaker 3: the only option. When you're dealing with someone who is

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Speaker 3: an abuser to you. They only do that because they can,

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Speaker 3: because they are allowed to do that, and it's to

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Speaker 3: you suple to get out.

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Speaker 4: Do you realize how absolutely brave, profound and big that is.

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Speaker 4: Do you look back on younger you and go, I mean, says,

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Speaker 4: twenty two is still young. So for a twenty two

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Speaker 4: year old woman who has learned what a relationship is,

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Speaker 4: all she knows of what a relationship is is this.

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Speaker 1: Do you have.

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Speaker 4: Moments where you just go, I'm super proud of myself

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Speaker 4: because you really should be. I mean that is it's

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Speaker 4: not only brave, but it's just a huge perspective and

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Speaker 4: shift for someone that is young. I mean, I have

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Speaker 4: to be careful on how much I share of a situation.

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Speaker 4: But I grew up in a very tumultuous upbringing, and

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Speaker 4: I would say my dad passed away two years ago,

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Speaker 4: and I would say that my mom maybe still has

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Speaker 4: not had that realization. And so it's really profound and

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Speaker 4: huge to me that at twenty two years old, you

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Speaker 4: say this has got to change. So do you deeply

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Speaker 4: like you Chloing now the woman? Do you go, I'm

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Speaker 4: proud of myself.

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Speaker 3: You know, it's still hard because I've closed that part

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Speaker 3: off of me and I've locked it away and threw

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Speaker 3: away the key. All these years later, it's difficult for

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Speaker 3: me to go back and say I'm proud of you.

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Speaker 3: I look at it as an experience I had to

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Speaker 3: go through and this life to get where I am today.

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Speaker 3: If I never would have experienced that, I probably would

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Speaker 3: have struggled to find the perfect person for me, because

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Speaker 3: I would not have known what was available, what was

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Speaker 3: worthy of my time, my attention, what I'm deserving of.

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Speaker 3: So I think that that experience was just a learning lesson.

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Speaker 3: As difficult as it is to say that, I look

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Speaker 3: at it as an experience that has allowed me to

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Speaker 3: grow and morphed into who I am today. But I

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Speaker 3: don't look back and say I'm a hero or I'm

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Speaker 3: proud of myself. I look back and I get sad.

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Speaker 3: I just feel like I wish I would have done

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Speaker 3: so many different things at that time that I never

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Speaker 3: would have done before. And I don't know, I just

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Speaker 3: I don't feel proud of myself. For some reason. I

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Speaker 3: feel as if it's a part of me that I

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Speaker 3: don't want to visit ever again. I look at it

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Speaker 3: as I've dealt with the inner child. I've dealt with

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Speaker 3: having to, you know, unblock that part of me to

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Speaker 3: get to where I am today. But it's still a

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Speaker 3: painful experience because I can't even explain how I felt

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Speaker 3: waking up at sixteen or seventeen years old. You're supposed

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Speaker 3: to be excited to go to school, right you're high schooler,

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Speaker 3: you want to die, or you're like I don't want

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Speaker 3: to live anymore. That's how I felt. So for me

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Speaker 3: to have to go back and say, am I proud

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Speaker 3: of that? I'm not. I feel that I'm grateful that

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Speaker 3: I listened to small pings and intuition that got me

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Speaker 3: out of that situation. But I'm proud of you clearly, sadly, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: thank you. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's just a I mean, that's just young. Well

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Speaker 2: it's young, but it's also so real.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: Locking it away is one thing, and I hear you

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Speaker 2: when you say I've done the childhood stuff.

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Speaker 1: I've done this.

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Speaker 2: I've done so much emdr around abuse and everything, and

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Speaker 2: there's still moments in therapy when it still goes back

353
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Speaker 2: to that because my body still remembers and I'm like,

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Speaker 2: damn it, Amy, I don't. I've dealt with this. I've

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Speaker 2: moved on from this piece. And she's like, you have,

356
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Speaker 2: but your body still remembers you feeling trapped and unsafe,

357
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Speaker 2: and that is something that though I want to lock away, right,

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Speaker 2: it's still a piece of us that will always be

359
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Speaker 2: there and we have to remember that, you know, moving forward.

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Speaker 2: And the messages that I had to really find out

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Speaker 2: was like, oh wait, I don't deserve abuse. I was

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Speaker 2: made to feel like I deserve abuse, but I actually don't,

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Speaker 2: and I think that was the piece that was hard

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Speaker 2: for me. And I'm curious with what you went through.

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Speaker 2: Is that how you with your new book and what

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Speaker 2: you do now is for a living. Did that then

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Speaker 2: propel you to go? Okay, I'm going to help people

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Speaker 2: find their worth because I might have struggled with it

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Speaker 2: in the past.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely. I mean the reason that I wrote my book

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Speaker 3: on tapped Magic is because there are so many people

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Speaker 3: that struggle on all levels of life, and particular really

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Speaker 3: with toxic relationships and abuse. People feel that they're only

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Speaker 3: worthy or deserving this person because this person showed interest

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Speaker 3: in them, or oh yeah, they have a little bit

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Speaker 3: of things I don't like, but whatever they're they're okay.

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Speaker 3: I'm just going to see how things go. We'll get

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Speaker 3: over the hump. But it's only because we're dealing with

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Speaker 3: people that are not within what we want to truly

380
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Speaker 3: call in because we don't feel worthy of having that.

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Speaker 3: So for me, I had to do a lot of

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Speaker 3: mindset work, and once I got my mind together, I

383
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Speaker 3: knew I needed to help other people to get their

384
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Speaker 3: minds right and calling in whatever they want, the perfect partner,

385
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Speaker 3: the perfect career, business life in general, whatever. And I

386
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Speaker 3: really dived deep into doing the mindset work so that

387
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Speaker 3: I not only could excel and be a master of

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Speaker 3: the way that I think, but also to help other people.

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Speaker 3: And you know, I know that you mentioned Jana that

390
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,159
Speaker 3: when you do your therapy, you feel as if you

391
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 3: know your body hasn't fully healed from that, and for me,

392
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Speaker 3: I felt the same way. So one thing that I

393
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Speaker 3: do is that I always tell myself when I wake

394
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Speaker 3: up before I go to bed at night, right when

395
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Speaker 3: I'm in the bed getting ready to go to sleep,

396
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Speaker 3: I tell myself that I am safe, I am protected,

397
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Speaker 3: I am loved, I am secure, And I just imagine

398
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Speaker 3: this beautiful white light surrounding my entire home, my community,

399
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Speaker 3: and I believe that I am safe, I am protected,

400
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Speaker 3: I am loved, I am secure. And I say that

401
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Speaker 3: because that gives me calm, It calms my body, and

402
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Speaker 3: it lets me know that I have the power to

403
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Speaker 3: live a happy life. I'm the co creator of my happiness.

404
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,800
Speaker 3: Or if I'm feeling sad or whatever, I am the

405
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:55,160
Speaker 3: one that can change that. And that's helped me tremendously

406
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Speaker 3: throughout my life and a lot of my clients as well,

407
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Speaker 3: because we all deserve to be and just to live

408
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Speaker 3: a wonderful life, you know. And that's what I've been

409
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 3: just cultivating since then. Is I am happy every single

410
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Speaker 3: day when I wake up, I am ecstatic to get

411
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Speaker 3: my day started. I love what I do. I love

412
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Speaker 3: my life, and I love that I've been able to

413
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Speaker 3: transform from a really low point in my life to

414
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Speaker 3: going to somewhere that is just magical. And that is

415
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Speaker 3: why I wrote the book, because I want people to realize,

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Speaker 3: no matter where you are in this life, you can

417
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Speaker 3: make your life amazing. And that's what prompted me to

418
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Speaker 3: change to help other people.

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Speaker 4: I do think the gift of hope is just something

420
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Speaker 4: that is like irreplaceable for people. I think, you know,

421
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Speaker 4: it's biblical like hope defer makes a heartsick. And so

422
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Speaker 4: when people like you, Jana, you know, just it's incredible

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Speaker 4: to me because anybody that can go through what you

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Speaker 4: go through and then still find hope or want a

425
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Speaker 4: gift hope, I mean that to me is like that's

426
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Speaker 4: just what we're all supposed to do down here. To me,

427
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Speaker 4: that's the old saying walking each other home.

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Speaker 1: That's that's that for me.

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Speaker 4: So I think it's incredible that you've decided to take

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Speaker 4: what you went through and heal through it and then

431
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Speaker 4: create a life that you say you love. I mean,

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Speaker 4: that's a really exceptional that's an exceptional place to be.

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Speaker 4: Some people will live their whole lives and never be

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Speaker 4: able to say that sentence.

435
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Speaker 3: I know, and my heart goes out to them because

436
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,159
Speaker 3: it's an amazing life. You know, life is supposed to

437
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 3: be fun. And the thing I had to realize is

438
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,440
Speaker 3: that our purpose here on earth is to come back

439
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 3: to our whole, authentic, worthy selves. We go through layers

440
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:52,120
Speaker 3: of pain and shame and programming, but our whole purpose

441
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 3: in this world is just to have a life that

442
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:58,840
Speaker 3: is stilled of happiness and abundance and joy and prosperity.

443
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:00,920
Speaker 3: That is the purpose of our life. And that's what

444
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 3: I believe in and that's what I've been cultivated to

445
00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:05,320
Speaker 3: do every single day.

446
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:09,120
Speaker 2: So what do you think the biggest thread that you've

447
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 2: seen that causes the self esteem.

448
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:18,240
Speaker 3: Other people? I mean, like you know, someone can say, hey,

449
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 3: do you like my hair? Is it okay? Do you

450
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 3: think it looks good? We need external validation and I

451
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:28,400
Speaker 3: think that when we try to get external validation, we're

452
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:32,199
Speaker 3: giving away our power and we're not accepting ourselves for

453
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,639
Speaker 3: who we are. We don't value our own opinion of ourselves.

454
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,639
Speaker 3: We've given in a way to so many other people.

455
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 3: The media, our spouse, our friends, our family. We always

456
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 3: have to ask for permission, and I feel as if

457
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 3: when we do that, we're giving away our God given

458
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:54,399
Speaker 3: gift to understand that the power that we seek it

459
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 3: already lies within us. So low self worth, low confidence,

460
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 3: limiting beliefs, they stem from other people programming us and

461
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,400
Speaker 3: telling us, well, I think you should go and do

462
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 3: that job, or maybe change your dress to something else,

463
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 3: or I don't like your hair that way, or you

464
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 3: should lose about twenty pounds or whatever. It shouldn't matter

465
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 3: what someone else says about us. We only should allow

466
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 3: in what we think is best for us. Now, it's

467
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,680
Speaker 3: very difficult to do that in this type of culture,

468
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 3: this day and age. But once we understand that we

469
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:32,239
Speaker 3: are the ones that need to validate ourselves and not

470
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,240
Speaker 3: get that to external people, we'll live a much happier

471
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 3: life and limiting beliefs will be the thing of the past.

472
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,640
Speaker 3: So that's something that is a big issue the lot

473
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,800
Speaker 3: of people in the same age.

474
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 2: I think I screwed myself early on, because I'll never forget.

475
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 2: My high school boyfriend was like, like, I like you

476
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 2: with your hair up. I wore my hair up every day,

477
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:53,680
Speaker 2: and that is when I should have noticed the big

478
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:54,399
Speaker 2: red flag in me.

479
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,120
Speaker 1: That's like, love me. I'll wear my hair up every day.

480
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, my high school boyfriend said that my feet weren't cute,

481
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 4: So I mean, girl, I mean, now, I know those cute.

482
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 1: They're picked, they're so cute.

483
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:10,240
Speaker 4: But tell me this if you had if someone's listening

484
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 4: to this today, because a lot of people tune in

485
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 4: and they the therapy sessions like mean a lot to

486
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 4: them because they don't have the resources or they're just overwhelmed.

487
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,680
Speaker 4: I know I was super overwhelmed for a long time.

488
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 4: And how do I find the right person to like

489
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 4: walk me through as a therapist?

490
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:25,679
Speaker 1: Tell me?

491
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,640
Speaker 4: If I'm a person driving in a car taking kids

492
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 4: to school, whatever, how do I what's your what's the

493
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 4: step one you give them? What's where can they start

494
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 4: today to get towards this light life that they love? Like,

495
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 4: if you had to pick a maybe there isn't one step,

496
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 4: But if you had to say, like here's my two

497
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 4: second pep rally for you, what is that for them today?

498
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,200
Speaker 3: First, what I would say is we have to identify

499
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 3: and challenge our belief systems. So when I say the

500
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 3: belief systems, I'm talking about whatever we believe in, whatever

501
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:02,400
Speaker 3: we've been taught or programmed or a conditioned to believe

502
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 3: as true, even though it may not be the truth.

503
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 3: So if we're feeling just icky, or just not happy,

504
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 3: or just unfulfilled in some way, I would say, start

505
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 3: with identifying what is it that makes you feel that way?

506
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 3: Is it someone who's telling you something, is it something

507
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:25,120
Speaker 3: internally that you're going through, what's happening? And I would say,

508
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 3: identify those beliefs and then work on changing them by

509
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:32,400
Speaker 3: challenging your belief systems. The other thing I would do,

510
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:35,160
Speaker 3: or what I would recommend, is I would tell people

511
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 3: that you need to first understand your worth and know

512
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,880
Speaker 3: that you're worthy of everything. It can be anything. Maybe

513
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 3: you want to buy a bigger house, maybe you want

514
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 3: to get a better paying career, but you don't feel

515
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 3: worthy of having it. I would say start with a

516
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:54,159
Speaker 3: smaller goal, maybe a smaller house or maybe it's a

517
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 3: step above your current career right now, and work towards

518
00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 3: growing that and making it a bigger, more challenging goal

519
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 3: until it feels comfortable for you, where you can sit

520
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 3: in that space and feel as if you belong there,

521
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,359
Speaker 3: and just keep practicing with bigger and better goals until

522
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:15,359
Speaker 3: the big, better goals become your normal, everyday goals. That's

523
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:18,119
Speaker 3: something I would say for people who are struggling or

524
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 3: just don't know where to start or where to go.

525
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,160
Speaker 2: What in the book, what was one of your favorite

526
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 2: chapters that you wrote.

527
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:30,719
Speaker 3: I would say probably chapter eight. It's about toxic people,

528
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 3: and it's about how you can actually get rid of them.

529
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 3: And if you're in a situation, where.

530
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:37,200
Speaker 1: Can you tell us how?

531
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 2: I know we're going to wait to read it, but

532
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,360
Speaker 2: can you just give us, like, can you just give

533
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 2: us most of the tips on that one?

534
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure.

535
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 4: Points.

536
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 3: Oh, I mean it's a big deal. You know, toxic

537
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 3: people all around. So for some people, a lot of

538
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 3: people they work with people they can't get rid of

539
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 3: them because this is what they have to do their job.

540
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 3: But these people they feel like they drain their day,

541
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 3: they're not happy, they're unfulfilled, and they have to tolerate

542
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 3: these people. So a tip that I tell people to

543
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 3: do is to get a glass of water or a

544
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 3: cup of water, put it on your desk. If you

545
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 3: work remotely, this works as well, and leave that water

546
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 3: there for the rest of your day. At the end

547
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 3: of the day, what will happen is that all of

548
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 3: that toxicity, all of that negative energy, will go into

549
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 3: that water attracts all types of energy, but it'll pull

550
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 3: in the negative energy into that cup of water. At

551
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,880
Speaker 3: the end of the day, pour that water down the toilet,

552
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,720
Speaker 3: flush it, don't drink it, don't do anything with it.

553
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 3: So that way, instead of people's emotions and toxicity transforming

554
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,040
Speaker 3: into you and your energy, you then repel that to

555
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 3: go somewhere else away from your body. Another tip that

556
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 3: I have for people that are, let's say with the

557
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 3: family member or a partner that is toxic to them,

558
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 3: if you can't sit down and talk to them in

559
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:10,160
Speaker 3: a fashion that's going to be comfortable for you, maybe

560
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 3: you just are triggered by them or whatever, I would say,

561
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 3: what I would recommend is to write them a letter

562
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 3: and in that letter list out everything that you've been

563
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 3: trying to tell them that they haven't been able to

564
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 3: get through to you, or you haven't been able to

565
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 3: get through to them. This letter can simply be to

566
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:34,720
Speaker 3: your partner or your mom, or whoever. I've been trying

567
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 3: to do X, Y and Z, but I just feel

568
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:39,720
Speaker 3: as if this isn't working out for me, and right

569
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 3: now what I need is space. I need space to

570
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 3: kind of decompress and digest what's happening in my life

571
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 3: right now, and I need time to understand this is

572
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 3: going to work out for me. If you feel triggered

573
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 3: by talking to them or texting or whatever in that letter,

574
00:30:56,520 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 3: feel free to just write down everything that's bothering you

575
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 3: with that person and give them the letter. That way,

576
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 3: it's a non confrontational exchange, so that they can really

577
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 3: sit down and understand what you're going through. If they're

578
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 3: able to talk to you in a non confrontational way

579
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:17,600
Speaker 3: that isn't triggering at that time, have a conversation, talk

580
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 3: to them. If you absolutely cannot talk to them and

581
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:25,920
Speaker 3: it's a confrontational something that's going to happen, block them,

582
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 3: let them know I'm ending this relationship it isn't working

583
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 3: out for me. You block them, delete their contact information,

584
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 3: you block them on social media, you erase them from

585
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 3: your life. It's difficult for some people to go turkey

586
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:45,239
Speaker 3: like that because when you're dealing with someone, especially if

587
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 3: you've had years and years of a connection with them,

588
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:52,479
Speaker 3: it can be really hard. But once you close that door,

589
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 3: know that you're not able to go back through that door.

590
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:58,640
Speaker 3: Stepping back in time is impossible. We can't go back

591
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 3: in time. Treat any closed door for any person that

592
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 3: you've dealt with in the present right now, be treated

593
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 3: as if it's someone who's in the past, and you

594
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 3: never can go back to that door. You'll never look

595
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 3: back again, and you'll always go forward. So that's some

596
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 3: tips that I have in the book for people that

597
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:24,760
Speaker 3: are just in a situation where they can't get out

598
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 3: of a relationship with someone, or they're dealing with a coworker,

599
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 3: a friend, a family member that they have to have

600
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 3: some kind of contact with. This is the best way

601
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:38,600
Speaker 3: to protect your peace. I love that, Yeah, And that's

602
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 3: just something where people can in a non confrontational way,

603
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 3: confront that person. Another tip, if you have to face

604
00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 3: people in person, I always say, imagine that you're you know,

605
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 3: before you leave your house or wherever, you're going to

606
00:32:55,920 --> 00:33:00,120
Speaker 3: the event or whatever. Imagine you taking out your energy

607
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:04,480
Speaker 3: from your body, putting it in an imaginary box, closing

608
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 3: that box, locking it up. You go to your event,

609
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 3: go to wherever. So that way, that person has no

610
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 3: power over you. They can't penetrate your energy or make

611
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 3: you feel affected in any way. When you come back home,

612
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 3: you say I am safe, I am protected, I am secure,

613
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 3: and you put your energy back into your body. And

614
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 3: that way, if that person has anything connected to you,

615
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 3: it has not affected you in any way. So those

616
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 3: are some tips that can help people to go through

617
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 3: their daily lives or whatever and not have anyone who's

618
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:47,320
Speaker 3: toxic affect them. How they think, how they feel won't

619
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 3: be able to affect you.

620
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 1: If you do that, I love that, Chloe.

621
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:53,000
Speaker 2: Where can our listeners find you?

622
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:56,280
Speaker 3: You can find me on my website It's Chloeponta dot co.

623
00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 3: And if you pre order my book because it is

624
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 3: out now on tap Magic, I am giving away a

625
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:09,200
Speaker 3: free meditation audio on exactly how you can unblock limiting beliefs,

626
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 3: overcome low self worth, and get rid of toxic people

627
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 3: from your life once and for all.

628
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:18,879
Speaker 2: So everybody go pre order Untapped Magic right now. Thank

629
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 2: you so much Chloe for coming on Wine Down and

630
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:23,919
Speaker 2: sharing your story and just being open to everything you said.

631
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 1: So thank you, thank you.

632
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:26,960
Speaker 3: It's a pleasure to be here.

633
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:27,359
Speaker 1: I know.

634
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 3: Go Detroit Lions A Lions all right.

635
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:34,839
Speaker 2: Thanks girl, You're very strong. Thank you very much coming on.

636
00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:36,919
Speaker 2: Bye Chloe, Bye bye girl,