1 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:13,000 Speaker 1: Hey, hey, hey, we're back. We're black. I feel better 2 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:17,360 Speaker 1: and I'm wearing a brown and auditioning T shirt. Ambition, 3 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:19,279 Speaker 1: hey man. 4 00:00:19,239 --> 00:00:22,440 Speaker 2: Ambition, hayperthing girl, how you doing eggs? 5 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:24,959 Speaker 1: On top of the birthday. So it turns out I 6 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: had an upper respiratory infection that I had to have 7 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:31,360 Speaker 1: antibiotics for QQQ, I know, and for the first time 8 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,000 Speaker 1: in like twenty years, they actually had to issue me 9 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:34,760 Speaker 1: like an athma pump because I could not breathe for 10 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:39,920 Speaker 1: a oh. They were like, girl, yeah, the audio something going, 11 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:41,600 Speaker 1: this is a thing going around. 12 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,159 Speaker 2: Well how was Kelly? And now you're making me want 13 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:46,040 Speaker 2: to say Regis and Kelly? 14 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:46,800 Speaker 1: How was Kelly? 15 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,159 Speaker 2: Ryan saw you got to go on with her and 16 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 2: her husband? I do her husband. 17 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 1: It was only by God's grace because the night before 18 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,600 Speaker 1: I was still like I didn't because I didn't know 19 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 1: what was wrong with me. So I actually went some 20 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 1: of the all you know old head athmetics. Remember private 21 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 1: Team Missed. I remember back in the day when I 22 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:07,560 Speaker 1: didn't have like my my prescription pump, I would go 23 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 1: to the CBS and get a Private Team miss which 24 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,240 Speaker 1: is like a general pump, you know. So it's the 25 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,960 Speaker 1: only thing that kept me from like hacking up along 26 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my gosh, I can breathe. 27 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,679 Speaker 1: And so but they were. I have to say, I've 28 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,520 Speaker 1: been on a lot of sets and hands down the 29 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:25,960 Speaker 1: nicest crew. Everyone was nice every single step of the way. 30 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:30,200 Speaker 1: I you know, and shout out to is his name Eddie. 31 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,160 Speaker 1: He was like the producer of my segment, and he 32 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: was saying that they're known as like the nicest show 33 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 1: in television. I mean, Kelly, oh my gosh, Kelly. Kelly 34 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,959 Speaker 1: was saying, so Ryan is actually sick with COVID because 35 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:48,120 Speaker 1: you know, so it was her husband Mark. Mark was nice. 36 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,880 Speaker 1: Kelly was nice. I mean, it was almost to the 37 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 1: point like do they beat y'all here? Because everybody they do, 38 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,360 Speaker 1: they beat y'all like to be. 39 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:02,440 Speaker 2: I'm just like, if they did, I think that's what 40 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 2: happened to the Ellen Show. It wouldn't be that nice. 41 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: I know. But honest see what I tell you, they 42 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,160 Speaker 1: were so nice, and you know, I had such a 43 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:12,640 Speaker 1: good time and I had not felt that comfortable on 44 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:15,000 Speaker 1: set like probably ever, just because they were so nice. 45 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: And they're like, oh, we want you to come back 46 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 1: in January to do some tips. So I'll be back 47 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,000 Speaker 1: in black congurunce. 48 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 2: That's dope. Thank you, excited for you, and I'm glad 49 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 2: that you got better. Just some time for your birthday, girl, 50 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,040 Speaker 2: I was like. 51 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:29,240 Speaker 1: He had lived like this. I'm like, what is this yet? 52 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 1: It was so besides COVID because I got tested like 53 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,800 Speaker 1: four times. I'm like, it's got to be the VID. 54 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:36,760 Speaker 1: It wasn't. It was just like I said, there's this 55 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 1: upper respiratory you know, it's flu season. It wasn't the flu, 56 00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 1: but there's some infection that's like floating around. And so 57 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 1: because of like. 58 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,640 Speaker 2: No other words to get sick, y'all be safe girl, 59 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:47,360 Speaker 2: where I'm still. 60 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,760 Speaker 1: Going to mask? Yeah, no, honestly I would suggest it. 61 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,560 Speaker 1: So I'm still I'm not fully like over, I'm like 62 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 1: ninety percent so I feel pretty good. But yeah, yesterday 63 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 1: was my birthday, and honestly it was one of my 64 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:02,080 Speaker 1: best birthdays. Like it was nice because I had a 65 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,880 Speaker 1: bunch of family and friends come before. If you guys 66 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: have not seen, my friend Cabrell forced us off to 67 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:09,400 Speaker 1: do the cuffet challenge support I had the teach us 68 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:10,920 Speaker 1: how to do. I know it's on my I. 69 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 2: Did hard the way I finally did that trend and 70 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,320 Speaker 2: I it took me like twenty minutes. I'm like, yeah, 71 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 2: look hard, but it's like sick up your stomach and 72 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:21,920 Speaker 2: pat your head at the same time, kind of a. 73 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:23,840 Speaker 1: Cup it, you know, like that the Beyonce Like, no, 74 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 1: I know the challenge. 75 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,400 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, I just hadn't seen on your page yet. 76 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:26,840 Speaker 3: Yeah. 77 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,720 Speaker 1: So like, so first of all, he made us I'll 78 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,639 Speaker 1: watch the tutorio like thirteen thousand times. And then poor 79 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 1: Melissa had to guide all these old folks like how baby, 80 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 1: how do you put the news to go on? Hi? 81 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,000 Speaker 1: She was like, oh my god, so she's leading in 82 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 1: the front. But we had such a good time. Honestly, 83 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 1: it was such a fun birthday. Yeah, like I you know, 84 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,000 Speaker 1: it was like it's my first without Jarell. And it 85 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,080 Speaker 1: was nice because usually I would wake up in the 86 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,120 Speaker 1: morning and like downstairs, as soon as you come downstairs, 87 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,520 Speaker 1: it'd be like he would have a present and balloons 88 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 1: and whatever. And Tracy remembered that, so, you know, I 89 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 1: came downstairs and there were my balloons, which was really nice. 90 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 1: And I don't know, like it was just like I'm 91 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: in a space now where I'm simultaneously holding space for 92 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 1: both grief and gratefulness. You know, It's like I didn't 93 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 1: think you could hold both at the same time, and 94 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,920 Speaker 1: I'm doing that. And so it was just such an 95 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:20,800 Speaker 1: awesome birthday, just like really great food, Like all the 96 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: kids were here, like like I said, my Sunday's Supper crew. 97 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 1: So it was just a really really really nice time 98 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:30,920 Speaker 1: and I was just, yeah, it just was one of 99 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,360 Speaker 1: my birth best birthdays yet. 100 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,920 Speaker 2: And so I feel like getting sick was one of 101 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:36,480 Speaker 2: my you know how when you had something big coming 102 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:39,320 Speaker 2: up and you're like, please, lure not now. I had to. 103 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,160 Speaker 2: For the past two weeks, I have been cramming and 104 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:47,240 Speaker 2: like working so hard because my Maybe money Maker Academy finally, 105 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:50,000 Speaker 2: I was transitioning it from I used to teach live 106 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 2: and you know tip. Now I'm doing an on demand course. 107 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:56,479 Speaker 2: So I was transitioning everything onto the platform that I'm using. 108 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,919 Speaker 2: And it was a two week grind and I was 109 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,560 Speaker 2: up a launch day with Saturday, and you know, I 110 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 2: set the deadline myself and then but I got it 111 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:11,320 Speaker 2: done and I'm so happy. Yeah, everything is going smoothly. 112 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,000 Speaker 2: I'm so happy that I made this transition. Transitions are hard, 113 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 2: but I know, what's that thing you said, like you 114 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:21,560 Speaker 2: want to make decisions now for like when pre pivot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 115 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 2: So this was more like a pre pivot and an 116 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,360 Speaker 2: investment in like a you know, like a more expensive 117 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,680 Speaker 2: platform and all of that. But I think it was 118 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,400 Speaker 2: really smooth. I think all my experience as a manager, 119 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 2: trying to like, you know, people would change can be 120 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:36,640 Speaker 2: a little trying to tell the team, hey, we're going 121 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,440 Speaker 2: to change the way we do things. That's how I 122 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:41,440 Speaker 2: feel my bandy money Makers. I'm like, y'all, it's going 123 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,880 Speaker 2: to be some stuff going on. You're gonna have to 124 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:46,719 Speaker 2: think about what you're gonna do, and you're gonna have 125 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,279 Speaker 2: to let me know, and it's gonna be fine. Yes, 126 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 2: just do not be alarmed. And you know, I had 127 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,800 Speaker 2: a couple of people who were alarmed in Panama. Of course, 128 00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 2: there's always going to be there's always a couple. 129 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 3: I know. 130 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:00,120 Speaker 2: It's just like managing people, like it's just like being 131 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,240 Speaker 2: a boss. I realize that now. Yeah, I'm really proud 132 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,600 Speaker 2: of that. And a good friend of mine named Charity, 133 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,640 Speaker 2: she has a book that comes out tomorrow, so I 134 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:10,400 Speaker 2: want to give her a quick shout out. This book 135 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 2: is phenomenal. She she came and talked to my makers 136 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:17,119 Speaker 2: about it. It's called Power, The Rise of Black Women 137 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:21,240 Speaker 2: in America. It is out tomorrow, and it's how black 138 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:24,520 Speaker 2: women embody the American dream, defy oppression and win. 139 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: So it is. 140 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's a wonderful book and it's really it 141 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 2: was challenging for her to find, I know, to like 142 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 2: get the agent and get the publisher and all of 143 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,720 Speaker 2: that because I feel like we are so used to 144 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 2: stories of black women struggling. They were like, you want 145 00:06:39,839 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 2: to write a book about how black women are doing 146 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 2: great and thriving and you know, doing better than our 147 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 2: previous generations and all of that. And Charity is like, yes, 148 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,520 Speaker 2: I want to write a book like that. So she did, 149 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,760 Speaker 2: and I'm so proud of her. Can we put the 150 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,320 Speaker 2: link in our show note? Oh yes, I would love to. 151 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 1: Yeah. So does she have like a book page like 152 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,240 Speaker 1: you know, like or do we get you would directly from. 153 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 2: She does not have the budget needs to playbook for 154 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 2: a book. 155 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: And just because in case she had, like you know, 156 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,840 Speaker 1: like charity something such dot com or something like that, 157 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:10,480 Speaker 1: you know. 158 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,720 Speaker 2: But no, I know I wish I had, like I 159 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,880 Speaker 2: don't think so. But by the time you guys get 160 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 2: this episode, I will have the right link. If she 161 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,120 Speaker 2: does have a landing page, I will have it there 162 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:20,640 Speaker 2: for you. 163 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 1: Well, can we talk about another book by a black 164 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: woman that was so transformative? 165 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 3: Yeah? 166 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 1: So I recently read have you heard of the NAP Ministry? Yes? 167 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 2: Oh MG, of course I love it. 168 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 1: So so I've been following the nat Ministry on IGS 169 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,040 Speaker 1: just you know, I honestly just thought it was like, oh, 170 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,800 Speaker 1: fun memes, memes. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. So 171 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:46,080 Speaker 1: the woman's name who started the net Ministry, she calls 172 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:49,880 Speaker 1: herself then the NAP Bishop, and it sounds like, oh 173 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: cute and kitchen. No, it is a political movement. She's 174 00:07:56,840 --> 00:08:00,400 Speaker 1: got a manifesto, a book called rest is Resistant. And 175 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:04,040 Speaker 1: what I tell you, if you are a black woman, 176 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,840 Speaker 1: you need to read this. Get the Get the Get 177 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 1: the audiobook. It was so powerful. Like I'm someone who 178 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,120 Speaker 1: y'all know, like like to read a lot, you know, 179 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 1: listen to a lot of books. But I one day 180 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 1: Usually that's like unheard of. Usually I'll listen to over 181 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: a few weeks or a week or so. No, all 182 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,920 Speaker 1: in one day. I literally took a two hour walk 183 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 1: just so I can finish it. It was so powerful 184 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:32,199 Speaker 1: her her like mono or mantra is rest is resistance 185 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,559 Speaker 1: and we will rest. It is just so powerful. The 186 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:39,120 Speaker 1: book is really just about how we were all overworked 187 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 1: and overwhelmed and that how you do not have to 188 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 1: earn rest, that is your divine birthright, and like we're 189 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,560 Speaker 1: all doing too much and if we would all just 190 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 1: slow down just for a moment, you know that we 191 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,800 Speaker 1: can live more fully, deeper, happier, more centered lives. It 192 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:59,559 Speaker 1: is just it is a love letter to black women, 193 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 1: you know, and I just I cannot recommend it enough. Yeah, 194 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,760 Speaker 1: Like honestly, I almost wept when I finished it, honestly, 195 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,319 Speaker 1: Like that's how much it spoke to my spirit because 196 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,920 Speaker 1: you know, I mean you already know you know an entrepreneur, 197 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,719 Speaker 1: which just it's you work so hard. And I'm not 198 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:19,120 Speaker 1: saying you're not supposed to work hard, but sometimes we 199 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 1: lose sight of like wait, so when does it stop? 200 00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:26,720 Speaker 1: Like what is the end goal? Because sometimes work begets work, 201 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 1: you know, And where do you draw the line in 202 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:31,439 Speaker 1: the sand. And it was just such a beautiful book 203 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:35,120 Speaker 1: that helped me to reshape and rethink what is it 204 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 1: that I'm working toward. Then how do I integrate rest more? 205 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,440 Speaker 1: Because you hear me now, my voice sounds like this. 206 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:43,679 Speaker 1: I mean, if you're used to my voice, it's a 207 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 1: little huskier than normal. But I was sick because of 208 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 1: lack of rest. Honestly, I was getting sick. I felt it, 209 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 1: and instead of resting, I pushed and pushed and pushed 210 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 1: until I got upper respiratory infection and had to use 211 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,160 Speaker 1: an asthma pump for the first time in twenty years. 212 00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:59,439 Speaker 1: Like and meanwhile, I don't have to work if I 213 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,280 Speaker 1: don't want to. So it's not like, oh my gosh, 214 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,240 Speaker 1: s Tiffany, because how you gonna pay these bills? Girl? 215 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,880 Speaker 1: How are you gonna So it's like, so I really 216 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,079 Speaker 1: needed it, and I just I suspect that most of 217 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,920 Speaker 1: y'all listening could use that book too. I cannot recommend 218 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:14,160 Speaker 1: it enough. It's just it's just it's beautifully written. She's 219 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:17,200 Speaker 1: a poet, so there's a lot of that's the sense 220 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,679 Speaker 1: you get when you hear her read it to you. 221 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,280 Speaker 1: But it's just a really powerful book. Rest Is Resistance 222 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,400 Speaker 1: by Tricia Well, we'll put the link in our our 223 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 1: show notes too. Tricia hersey h e r s E y. 224 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,319 Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't wait. I that one's on my list. 225 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: I don't know how you get through so many books. 226 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,079 Speaker 2: TIF. I take walks too, but sometimes I just want 227 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,840 Speaker 2: to listen to the birds. And I have a bad 228 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,679 Speaker 2: habit of when I have a moment of peace, I'm like, oh, 229 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:45,960 Speaker 2: turn something on a podcast like audiobook and anyway, but 230 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 2: I will add it to the list. I will actually 231 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 2: listen to it, especially if it's only a couple hours long. 232 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,040 Speaker 1: Come on, yeah, it's only like about five And I'll 233 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:54,719 Speaker 1: say this that like, so usually when I walk, I 234 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,000 Speaker 1: usually I either listen to a book to your point, 235 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 1: listen to the bird, talk to her friend. But typically 236 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:02,679 Speaker 1: what I listen to books when i'm cleaning, you know, 237 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 1: because I'm not gonna lie, well, I'm sure most of 238 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,319 Speaker 1: us I hate cleaning, so a book helps me to 239 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 1: keep going. So that's what I was doing. I was 240 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 1: doing laundry and cleaning, and so it was like keep going, 241 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 1: keep going. So that's what it helped, you know, like 242 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:16,559 Speaker 1: to do so but yeah, so yeah, I just it 243 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:19,320 Speaker 1: just like I said, it was just it was a delight. 244 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,480 Speaker 1: But certainly it was definitely an eye opener of like, 245 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,280 Speaker 1: what are you working toward again, Tifney, slow down. 246 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:27,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm at this period now where I really get 247 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,840 Speaker 2: that and I've incorporated. I've created this lifestyle that I 248 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 2: just love. I'm so protective of it. Yeah, you know, 249 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,440 Speaker 2: my my afternoons, I do take a lot of naps. 250 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 2: I don't do this whole transformation of BNDY money Makers 251 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,920 Speaker 2: has created a space where I'm not going to be 252 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 2: I'm not going to have to repeat myself and do 253 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,960 Speaker 2: the same thing again and again unnecessarily, you know. So 254 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 2: we're always teaching lessons again and again. Live the fact 255 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,360 Speaker 2: that now I pre recorded that and I can show 256 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,440 Speaker 2: up and do the you know, do the group coaching 257 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,880 Speaker 2: and give that guidance fresh like I'm and able to 258 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:04,560 Speaker 2: say no to things and I but I also feel 259 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,640 Speaker 2: like we all sometimes we are good at the whole 260 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:10,040 Speaker 2: rest thing and the you know, taking care of ourselves, 261 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,160 Speaker 2: and then there's like these cycles and you kind of 262 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,000 Speaker 2: find yourself getting out of balance again, and that's where 263 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 2: you like need that book or need that reminder. So 264 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 2: I feel like this is going to be in my 265 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,520 Speaker 2: survival kit of when I start, because I'm I mean, 266 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:26,040 Speaker 2: I got some stuff planned. I'm like, oh God, the 267 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,480 Speaker 2: chaos is coming. So I can't wait to read that. 268 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:31,800 Speaker 2: I'm so grateful that not only that she that this 269 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 2: mystery is out there, but that their message seems to 270 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:38,160 Speaker 2: be hitting, like we're absorbing it changing because of it. 271 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,640 Speaker 2: Why don't we have a guest today? Yeah, I'm excited 272 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:44,000 Speaker 2: for you guys to meet. Well, we have a couple 273 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 2: of exciting things we have in house, B, a Q 274 00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:49,079 Speaker 2: and A. Finally, we are listening. We have our We've 275 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,720 Speaker 2: selected some listeners to join us live on the show, 276 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,640 Speaker 2: which we'll have our first today, and then we also 277 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:58,200 Speaker 2: have another special guest, Icobathia. And if you guys have 278 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 2: heard me rave about Ico. She is a diversity inclusion expert, 279 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 2: one of the originals, and she is currently working at 280 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:10,040 Speaker 2: like the biggest consulting firm I believe in Dee I Work, 281 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,760 Speaker 2: which is Brene Brown's organization. And if you know Brene Brown, 282 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 2: I Goo is right there with her and she's gonna 283 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,400 Speaker 2: come on and talk to us and I can't wait. 284 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,600 Speaker 1: Yes, she's up next. So we're gonna take a quick 285 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:26,559 Speaker 1: break and then bring back Ico and we're back and 286 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:31,959 Speaker 1: black from break, we have a special guest in our studio. 287 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,840 Speaker 1: I go, Bethia, Am I saying right now? 288 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:35,040 Speaker 3: Right? 289 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:38,600 Speaker 1: Last name? Right, Bethia, you are Yes, that's a very 290 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:41,960 Speaker 1: juicy black name. But Fia, I can. 291 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,520 Speaker 3: Tell you stories about that name. 292 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:48,440 Speaker 1: But yes, So we're gonna welcome her into Bana Vision 293 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:51,079 Speaker 1: and Mandra tell us a little bit bit more about. 294 00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:52,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, give me that, Mike. Let me tell you all 295 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:56,520 Speaker 2: about my friend Ico. I have been cyberstalking Ico for 296 00:13:56,559 --> 00:13:59,640 Speaker 2: probably the past couple of years, and it was when 297 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:02,079 Speaker 2: I listen into an episode of Brenet Brown's Dared to 298 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:05,040 Speaker 2: Lead podcasts and herd Ico on the podcast when I 299 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,959 Speaker 2: knew we needed to have her on Brown Ambition. But 300 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,840 Speaker 2: let me tell you a little bit about Ico. She 301 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,400 Speaker 2: started her career as a grassroots community organizer. She has 302 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,760 Speaker 2: worked for the City of Atlanta as an attorney alongside 303 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 2: someone y'all might know, Stacy Abrams. I don't know, little 304 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,880 Speaker 2: just throwing that out there. Worked for the Bill and 305 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:27,040 Speaker 2: Melinda Gates Foundations, where she started to first get where 306 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 2: she first started to get involved with the important work 307 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 2: of creating things like employee resource groups, leading some of 308 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:36,720 Speaker 2: the organization's first conversations around race. Not because it was 309 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 2: her job description, but because she knew that was at 310 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,240 Speaker 2: the core of what she wanted to demonstrate in her 311 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 2: life and work, she dove headfirst into that equity work 312 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:49,680 Speaker 2: full time when she founded her own consulting firm, We 313 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,600 Speaker 2: Love a Badass Entrepreneur. I Goo founded her very own 314 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,080 Speaker 2: consulting firm called Rare Coaching, where she has consulted with 315 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:59,440 Speaker 2: some of the biggest corporations globally around the country for sure, 316 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,520 Speaker 2: and today she is a part of the Berne Brown 317 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:07,440 Speaker 2: Education and Research Group, where she is also a senior 318 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:11,400 Speaker 2: director at Frontline Solutions, which is a black owned consulting firm. 319 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,480 Speaker 2: Ico says she's guided by her unique background as a 320 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:18,160 Speaker 2: black and Asian American woman, with her intrinsic values of 321 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,520 Speaker 2: justice and loyalty, and her role as a mama of 322 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:26,080 Speaker 2: two black sons. With this perspective, Iico's able to use 323 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 2: her passion and drive to create conversations and change around 324 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 2: race and equity in the communications and organizations. 325 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:34,360 Speaker 1: That she serves. 326 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 2: Glad to be here with y'all, So happy to have 327 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,520 Speaker 2: you whoo all right, I Goo so as someone who 328 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:44,120 Speaker 2: works with these organizations and helps them do better in 329 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 2: ways that make workplaces less hostile for black and brown workers. Right, 330 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:53,120 Speaker 2: what is that work like? And how do you are 331 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 2: you heartened by it? 332 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 1: Like? 333 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,400 Speaker 2: Are you optimistic by the changes that you're seeing these 334 00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,440 Speaker 2: corporations make? Can you talk about that a little bit. 335 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,960 Speaker 3: Yeah. So, one thing I probably say to distinguish some 336 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 3: of the work I do is that I don't solely 337 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,240 Speaker 3: center on when people say diversity equity inclusion work, but 338 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 3: I solely center on leadership development work period. And my 339 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,680 Speaker 3: belief is that if you're a strong, competent leader, you're 340 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:22,320 Speaker 3: going to have diverse, equable, inclusive teams and workplaces and 341 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,240 Speaker 3: higher retention. Like you can't do one if you're not 342 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 3: a stellar leader period, a competent leader. If I were 343 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 3: only focused on equity or racial equity work or gender 344 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,480 Speaker 3: equity work, I would probably be exhausted all the time. 345 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,400 Speaker 3: So you know, the emotional labor behind that mental labor 346 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:45,320 Speaker 3: behind that is concentrated in being the work and doing 347 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 3: the work can be exhausting. So I appreciate doing leadership 348 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,960 Speaker 3: work as well so that people can understand the sustainability 349 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,240 Speaker 3: part and not just segregate it and say all that 350 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 3: d I work is over there. This doesn't have thing 351 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,160 Speaker 3: to do with me. This is like the ex or 352 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,080 Speaker 3: curricular work. 353 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,360 Speaker 2: I think that's really powerful. I'm glad you said that. 354 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,920 Speaker 2: It's like the it's the foundation of great leadership. It's 355 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,760 Speaker 2: not something that you can just have your HR director. 356 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 3: Do exactly, Mandy. 357 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,879 Speaker 1: So where do you see like the biggest gaps where 358 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,800 Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like there were so many promises 359 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:24,479 Speaker 1: made during you know, after George Floyd and you know 360 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,800 Speaker 1: we're here now. Where do you see the biggest gaps 361 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,440 Speaker 1: where you find yourself saying this is where I need 362 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,640 Speaker 1: to put my time and effort and energy into. 363 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,320 Speaker 3: I think it comes down a lot of it, especially 364 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:40,000 Speaker 3: if I'm just focusing on the global north too. I 365 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 3: think it's about people not even having the time to 366 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:47,359 Speaker 3: be human, because to be connected to folks, for me 367 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,160 Speaker 3: to fully see Tiffany, for me to fully see Mandy, 368 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,600 Speaker 3: I need to actually not be so inundated in my 369 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 3: own brain about all the things I need to do. 370 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,880 Speaker 3: So when you're always just on a hamster will period 371 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 3: and there's not that space to one connect with people, 372 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:07,479 Speaker 3: and there really isn't that space to check yourself and 373 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,880 Speaker 3: also recognize the barriers that you're putting up for other 374 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:15,800 Speaker 3: people like that takes self awareness, pausing introspection, and then 375 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:21,240 Speaker 3: also the effort to retool and do something different. And 376 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 3: so I think in the workplace there just hasn't been 377 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,720 Speaker 3: enough space for one people to be humane to themselves 378 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,920 Speaker 3: or to other people. And then there's this other part 379 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,000 Speaker 3: about just accountability. You're going to say you're doing all 380 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:34,000 Speaker 3: this stuff, or we're this type of place to work, 381 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,280 Speaker 3: but when people don't show up that way, or they're 382 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:40,160 Speaker 3: really doing harm to other folks, and usually the same 383 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 3: people who look the same, who are less empowered in 384 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,480 Speaker 3: society are the ones who are experiencing that harm. But 385 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,960 Speaker 3: then there's no accountability. And sometimes in some workplaces there's 386 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:53,359 Speaker 3: actually a reward to that, right you're not spending time 387 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,040 Speaker 3: trying to hold the hands of your employees or get 388 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,400 Speaker 3: to know them. You're just getting stuff done no matter 389 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 3: what the cost. Therefore you're getting more of the kudos 390 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,959 Speaker 3: or the bonuses because you're selling more, you're working your 391 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:09,280 Speaker 3: people harder, they're producing more, versus thinking about the way 392 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,680 Speaker 3: that people experience the workplace, or that maybe you don't 393 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,919 Speaker 3: have the highest retention rates or do you even have 394 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,280 Speaker 3: lower retention rates when it comes to your brown and 395 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:23,240 Speaker 3: black folks, your women, other folks, and no one notices 396 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,240 Speaker 3: that because maybe there's only two in the organization anyway. 397 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,080 Speaker 2: How do you shift that perception? Because I mean, I 398 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,199 Speaker 2: work for publicly traded companies and when I tell you 399 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,520 Speaker 2: it's all about that quarterly you know report, What's Wall 400 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,320 Speaker 2: Street going to say? How do our what are our margins? 401 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,119 Speaker 2: What's profit look like? You know, quarter after quarter? And 402 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,240 Speaker 2: I know you've worked for some really big corporations, But 403 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,960 Speaker 2: how do you start to shift that mentality of this 404 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:49,240 Speaker 2: stuff matters retention rates of black and brown talent, engagement rates, 405 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 2: those other measurements that you talked about, How do you 406 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,560 Speaker 2: start to shift that mentality and convince them that this 407 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:55,600 Speaker 2: is good for business? 408 00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:01,000 Speaker 3: So I will say one thing is the avenue that 409 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,400 Speaker 3: I come from is that I don't really care about 410 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,000 Speaker 3: the business part, right, because that's always coming down to 411 00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:08,000 Speaker 3: how much can somebody produce? And our value is definitely 412 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,200 Speaker 3: beyond what we can produce, right, even though we think 413 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 3: about what's the workplace? Therefore people say profit. The other 414 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:18,120 Speaker 3: part I'll talk about is what we do know, especially 415 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,399 Speaker 3: since more research has been done about this with COVID, 416 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:24,040 Speaker 3: like why do people quit and leave? Is recognizing even 417 00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:27,160 Speaker 3: for the Great Resignation, the number one reason that people 418 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,040 Speaker 3: left didn't have to do with compensation, didn't have to 419 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,080 Speaker 3: do with COVID, didn't have to do with remote work. 420 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:33,960 Speaker 3: It had to do with people saying, I'm working a 421 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,639 Speaker 3: toxic culture. And the way they define toxic culture was 422 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:43,679 Speaker 3: about a culture of disrespect, lack of ethics, dismissing issues 423 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,400 Speaker 3: that pertain diversity, equity, inclusion. So you can't even keep 424 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,160 Speaker 3: your workforce. And how much does it cost to actually 425 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:52,200 Speaker 3: even hire and retain talent and to retrain talent. That's 426 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:56,040 Speaker 3: another thing. The other great thing is because there's podcasts 427 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,960 Speaker 3: like yours, there's things like classdoor all these other places, 428 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,840 Speaker 3: is where we can actually assess what an organization is 429 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 3: like before we buy from them as a consumer, before 430 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,440 Speaker 3: we even apply to work there. So there's a greater 431 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:16,240 Speaker 3: accountability beyond the walls of an organization. And you know, customers, consumers, 432 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,840 Speaker 3: people are getting savvier that get a line in a 433 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 3: heartbeat to look at what's happening or find out what 434 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:26,840 Speaker 3: happened on that runway that had either clothing products or 435 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,080 Speaker 3: what have you that was disparaging to us. Everybody knows 436 00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:33,800 Speaker 3: about black Twitter, the accountability looks really different, and it's 437 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,240 Speaker 3: very hard to recover a brand, especially when it's harmed 438 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:41,160 Speaker 3: by its own behaviors or ethics. So I appreciate those 439 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,360 Speaker 3: aspects of even the social media and people being more 440 00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:46,920 Speaker 3: willing to be transparent about what their experiences have been 441 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,920 Speaker 3: at different workplaces. 442 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,000 Speaker 1: So if someone is in a workplace right now, there 443 00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:56,879 Speaker 1: was We take the podcast Brand Ambition qbaqa earlier with 444 00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,840 Speaker 1: the young women woman who is a nerve and she 445 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,160 Speaker 1: said she looks around and no one looks like her, 446 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,400 Speaker 1: and she just feels like when she brings it up 447 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,480 Speaker 1: the hot, the powers that be react from a place 448 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:13,680 Speaker 1: of defensiveness. So what does someone like that do when 449 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,480 Speaker 1: they are trying to be part of the solution. You know, 450 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,800 Speaker 1: they're not looking to accuse, but just looking to create change. 451 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,199 Speaker 1: You know, what are the options for her? 452 00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:22,439 Speaker 3: Like? 453 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:23,560 Speaker 1: What should she be doing? 454 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,120 Speaker 3: So, Tiffany and Mandy, one of the things I'll tell 455 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,639 Speaker 3: you first is that when people come to me, especially 456 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:32,040 Speaker 3: folks of color, black and brown people, and they show 457 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:35,440 Speaker 3: those types six marriages. The first thing I am counseling 458 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,760 Speaker 3: and coaching people around is giving themselves permission not to 459 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:42,600 Speaker 3: have to fix everything with permission not to educate people. 460 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:46,080 Speaker 2: I feel good about our advice. Now tip the one 461 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:47,560 Speaker 2: I feel good about our advice. 462 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,440 Speaker 1: You don't have to carry the whole world to your shoulders. 463 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,920 Speaker 2: Sis, Yes, I'm pretty much to quit, but yeah, give 464 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:54,560 Speaker 2: us your take. 465 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,359 Speaker 3: I guess for yourself. I will tell you that after 466 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,720 Speaker 3: usually coaching engagements, I think last year or within the 467 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,920 Speaker 3: last eighteen months, probably two CEOs who I coach step down. 468 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:09,280 Speaker 3: So there's this idea also centering yourself and understanding what's 469 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,560 Speaker 3: my purpose? What are my values? Is this aligned? Is 470 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,240 Speaker 3: this aligned with who I want to be as my 471 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:18,040 Speaker 3: aspirational self? If it is not, the longer you stay 472 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,640 Speaker 3: on that Hampshire will the more you're going to get 473 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,679 Speaker 3: in a place where there's lower morale, maybe lower aspect 474 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:27,160 Speaker 3: of your self worth, maybe further from your purpose in life. 475 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 3: So I'm always centering the client about what do they want. 476 00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,720 Speaker 3: I'm not going to ever be coaching you to coach 477 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,760 Speaker 3: which assimilate and do all these other things. It's what 478 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,080 Speaker 3: do you want? Who are you? And who do you 479 00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:39,600 Speaker 3: want to be? What's your inspired self look like? So 480 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,880 Speaker 3: that's the first thing I'm going to say. The other 481 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,200 Speaker 3: part is there's a reality of what we have space 482 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,480 Speaker 3: to do and not do in a given moment. So 483 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,439 Speaker 3: everybody doesn't have a privilege to just walk off of 484 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,360 Speaker 3: a job or tell somebody what I really think about you, 485 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:55,560 Speaker 3: but the idea of how do you make it so 486 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,000 Speaker 3: in terms of what your inspired life looks like, what 487 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,720 Speaker 3: is steps you need to take? But most importantly, why 488 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:02,520 Speaker 3: are you at this workplace now? And how is it 489 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,480 Speaker 3: serving you? So now I'm making an intentional choice and 490 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:10,679 Speaker 3: informed choice of I'm staying here because maybe because you 491 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:14,160 Speaker 3: know what, my kids need health insurance, or maybe it's 492 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,359 Speaker 3: because X, Y and Z, or it's serving me because 493 00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:18,119 Speaker 3: I'm getting this experience is going to allow me to 494 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:21,440 Speaker 3: be a B or C later, But being intentional because 495 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,359 Speaker 3: one of the things that we often find ourselves doing 496 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,240 Speaker 3: is showing up by default because everybody said that's a 497 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,800 Speaker 3: good job, and I need to stay at it, because 498 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,400 Speaker 3: I should be grateful to be here, because I don't 499 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,719 Speaker 3: know if anybody else will take me, because I'm afraid 500 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 3: and what else could be out there, what people are 501 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:40,280 Speaker 3: going to say about me? And sometimes it is I'm 502 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,440 Speaker 3: more comfortable with the devil, I know. But at least 503 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,919 Speaker 3: if you intentionally know why you're doing it, now you 504 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,080 Speaker 3: have ownership over your choice and you're not just living 505 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,040 Speaker 3: a life by default. So those are the first things 506 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,679 Speaker 3: I'm telling people. It's the center of them versus whatever 507 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,600 Speaker 3: is happening in the system around you. You know, I 508 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,560 Speaker 3: want you to notice what's happening in the system, but 509 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,359 Speaker 3: I don't want to you to take the default route of 510 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,760 Speaker 3: I have to fix it, or it's my problem, or 511 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:04,160 Speaker 3: I need. 512 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:04,680 Speaker 1: To stay here. 513 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think one of the when we were talking 514 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,040 Speaker 2: to that listener. And then also in my work, so 515 00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:12,520 Speaker 2: I have a group coaching community for women of color 516 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:16,479 Speaker 2: professionals from across the country, and I also did one 517 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,680 Speaker 2: on one career coaching, just dozens and dozens and dozens 518 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,399 Speaker 2: and dozens of one on one calls, and one of 519 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,080 Speaker 2: the one of the I'm still trying to figure this out. 520 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,520 Speaker 2: I'm trying to encourage more women of color to look 521 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,480 Speaker 2: at leadership as an opportunity. And what I'm the response 522 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:38,280 Speaker 2: I'm getting is often politics, work, stress won't be supported. 523 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:40,880 Speaker 2: Fewer of us get at the top that look like us. 524 00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:45,360 Speaker 2: How can I expect to be any different? And I'm 525 00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:48,239 Speaker 2: just wondering if you have any if you've felt, if 526 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,959 Speaker 2: you've heard the same things, or if you have some 527 00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:53,520 Speaker 2: advice for me, and how I can I have my 528 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:56,359 Speaker 2: own way of encouraging that and trying to not push 529 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,480 Speaker 2: but just show the possibility of what can happen when 530 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,439 Speaker 2: we do sort of end up in those rooms and 531 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 2: get those leadership roles. But it is one of the 532 00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:07,000 Speaker 2: common things I hear again and again is I know 533 00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,920 Speaker 2: I could be a leader, but it seems like, damned 534 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 2: if you do, damned if you don't kind of proposition, 535 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:13,520 Speaker 2: I'm going to get there and I'm going to be 536 00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:17,040 Speaker 2: the razor thin margin for error is going to be 537 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,200 Speaker 2: like this, I'm going to screw up and get kicked 538 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 2: out or I'm not going to have any support. You 539 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,520 Speaker 2: know what would you say to that? 540 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:24,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I'm going to go back to the 541 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,320 Speaker 3: idea of what do you want? So one is not 542 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,560 Speaker 3: throwing it out because you feel like this is what 543 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:32,320 Speaker 3: it's going to be like before you get a chance 544 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:33,800 Speaker 3: to be in that seat of what is it really 545 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,200 Speaker 3: going to be like? I don't close your options off 546 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,560 Speaker 3: before you have the experience. You can always go and 547 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,840 Speaker 3: be at that high level of leadership and then decide 548 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,840 Speaker 3: this isn't for me. But if you jump off before 549 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:51,360 Speaker 3: it's even the opportunity, then we're allowing the diminished expectations. 550 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,640 Speaker 3: And also oftentimes, unfortunately what we've seen happen to other 551 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,919 Speaker 3: people dictate what our destiny is and that may not 552 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:02,119 Speaker 3: be the case. So still idea of my mantra for 553 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:07,040 Speaker 3: my folks, my clients and whatnot. It's really you're here 554 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:10,119 Speaker 3: to define success in your own terms. If it looks 555 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:12,199 Speaker 3: like being in that other seat, that higher seat, than 556 00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,800 Speaker 3: go after it. But know also who you are and 557 00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:16,959 Speaker 3: what your boundaries are about what you're not going to do, 558 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,560 Speaker 3: and if it's not what you want to do, then 559 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 3: understand why is it that you feel like this is 560 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,040 Speaker 3: a story to telling yourself and the life that you're 561 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,600 Speaker 3: creating for yourself, Because that's really important too, because more 562 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,800 Speaker 3: likely it's some kind of other boundaries that are probably 563 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,400 Speaker 3: that may be breached too. 564 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a story you tell yourself. And it's also no, 565 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:39,000 Speaker 2: I totally agree, it's like the fear of the unknown. 566 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:40,960 Speaker 2: It's also the fact that there's so many stats that 567 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:42,000 Speaker 2: tell us how bad it is. 568 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:43,080 Speaker 3: Love. 569 00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:46,639 Speaker 2: I was a journalist and my former career, and I 570 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 2: would write about those stats, the wage gap and the 571 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:53,280 Speaker 2: women in the workplace reports from Cheryl Sandburd's organization that 572 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,480 Speaker 2: show how few of us are as you get up the 573 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,040 Speaker 2: corporate ladder, and I would always just kind of be like, 574 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,280 Speaker 2: uh huh, not me. It can't be me, Like there 575 00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,480 Speaker 2: you know, exceptions to the rule. It's an act of survival, 576 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:06,280 Speaker 2: I think, to sort of be able to recognize the 577 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:10,480 Speaker 2: stats and then also say, in spite of that or nevertheless, 578 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:14,240 Speaker 2: you know what, my story can be different. And that's 579 00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:16,000 Speaker 2: one of the harder things I think it is for 580 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:17,440 Speaker 2: to get over that mindset hump. 581 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:20,920 Speaker 3: I think, and Tiffany's of course living proof of this too, 582 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:24,160 Speaker 3: is that there's also the idea of all the bright 583 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,520 Speaker 3: lights out there when it is done, Because if we 584 00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:30,399 Speaker 3: look at the stats around entrepreneurs, women who are entrepreneurs, 585 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:33,560 Speaker 3: black and brown women who are entreprepreneurs, none of us 586 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,280 Speaker 3: should be in the bracket we're in, right. Then there's 587 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,760 Speaker 3: on top of that, I always question data and how 588 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:41,080 Speaker 3: it's gathered anyway, So when I think about people in 589 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,800 Speaker 3: my community who are entrepreneurs and they're you know, cosmetologists, 590 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:47,920 Speaker 3: doing hair, doing it steta, they're making six figures. That's 591 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,800 Speaker 3: not necessarily calling the data. So I would have once 592 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:52,160 Speaker 3: upon a time been like, I'm not going to be 593 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,000 Speaker 3: doing hair. I'm not gonna blow because I can't make 594 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,960 Speaker 3: it living. And now I'm looking at some of my 595 00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,920 Speaker 3: friends and colleagues who make you know, three hundred thousand 596 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,440 Speaker 3: and more. They're doing hair, and that's not something that's 597 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:05,120 Speaker 3: necessarily looked at as a career for many folks. But 598 00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:07,280 Speaker 3: I'm like, you have got to be able to find 599 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:10,120 Speaker 3: success on your own terms of what you want and 600 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:12,320 Speaker 3: make it so. Because if I believed everything that was 601 00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:14,560 Speaker 3: written in the stats, because we know that there's so 602 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,800 Speaker 3: many stories about us that are not told because no 603 00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,640 Speaker 3: one's seeking them. And then there's the idea of what 604 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:23,360 Speaker 3: does a qualitative lifestyle look like. So there's also data 605 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,880 Speaker 3: that shows that many of us who work in corporate America, 606 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:30,120 Speaker 3: who were making great money economically, we went to all 607 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:32,320 Speaker 3: the schools that we're supposed to go to. We will 608 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,760 Speaker 3: die before somebody else who may be at a lower 609 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,960 Speaker 3: income bracket who looks like us. And I could give 610 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,160 Speaker 3: you a few guesses. I'm sure y'all know exactly why 611 00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 3: and where's that stress coming from, Tiffany. Is it coming 612 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:45,760 Speaker 3: from the fact that you may not be able to 613 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:48,760 Speaker 3: pay the light bill? No? Is coming from what. 614 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just we are tied. I needed to say this, 615 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:56,800 Speaker 1: I goo because I was just sharing with Mandy earlier 616 00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:01,680 Speaker 1: that I just read this book, this Resistance. Oh that's 617 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,320 Speaker 1: for taking out when I tell you, every brown woman, 618 00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:07,680 Speaker 1: I know she had the book, but two. 619 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,840 Speaker 2: Well you should send me one because Amazon's trip and 620 00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:10,760 Speaker 2: I haven't gotten mine yet. 621 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 3: To everybody, I am knowing tie everybody. 622 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:20,560 Speaker 1: I listened to it the day before yesterday, in completion, 623 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,800 Speaker 1: in one sitting, I took a walk, I did laundry. 624 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,840 Speaker 1: Yes it was I wept, I cried, and then I slept. 625 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 3: Yes, we will rest. 626 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 1: When I tell you, it spoke to my soul because 627 00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:38,240 Speaker 1: we are tired. I'm tired, you know, because you carry 628 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:42,560 Speaker 1: the whole weight of all things on your shoulders. And 629 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,760 Speaker 1: you're right, Like I didn't have stress when I started 630 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,560 Speaker 1: making really good money about you know, whether I could 631 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:51,280 Speaker 1: pay bills and everything else. But there was just this 632 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:54,960 Speaker 1: the stress of like, you know, success and making sure 633 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,560 Speaker 1: everybody else is okay, and and am I doing right 634 00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,800 Speaker 1: by my people, and am I doing enough? Yeah? And 635 00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:04,160 Speaker 1: I just this book gave me kind of like the 636 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,840 Speaker 1: permission that I needed that I was already starting to 637 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,760 Speaker 1: give myself is that you don't have to do anymore. 638 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 1: You do not have to qualify or quantify your life. 639 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:18,520 Speaker 1: You know, like if you had stayed a preschool teacher, 640 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:20,520 Speaker 1: it would have been enough. If you had just in 641 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:22,800 Speaker 1: the budget they said, it would have been enough. If 642 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,920 Speaker 1: you had been a mom and stayed at home, it 643 00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:27,920 Speaker 1: would have been enough. If you had never had children 644 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,320 Speaker 1: and stayed single and had your record, it would have 645 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:33,240 Speaker 1: been enough. You do not have to qualify your life. 646 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:34,960 Speaker 1: You don't have to add on too. I don't have 647 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,920 Speaker 1: to do anymore. I don't owe anyone, you know, and 648 00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:40,080 Speaker 1: then except to show up in the fullness of who 649 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,160 Speaker 1: you are. And so like we are tired, we will 650 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:46,600 Speaker 1: rest and I cannot. You know, that is the space 651 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:50,800 Speaker 1: that I'm navigating from, because it's just I mean, I 652 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 1: tell this to my mentees all the time, that the 653 00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,160 Speaker 1: real work is in the reaping, not the sewing. 654 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 3: You know, yes, yes, for the people in the back. 655 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,320 Speaker 1: Because when I tell you, it seems like in the beginning, 656 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,360 Speaker 1: I get it when you first started out, You're like, oh, no, no, 657 00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:06,920 Speaker 1: I'm putting in so much work to plant these seeds, 658 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:10,719 Speaker 1: you think, until those seeds grow trees, and those trees 659 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,600 Speaker 1: grow apples, and it's more apples than you could ever hold. 660 00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:16,000 Speaker 1: And at first it seems like such a blessing. And 661 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:18,360 Speaker 1: then you're like, well, where what what baskets about? What? 662 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,600 Speaker 1: How do I even harvest apples? And where do I 663 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,760 Speaker 1: put them? And so meaning that like for I'll give 664 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:26,120 Speaker 1: you guys an example. So my book comes out, it 665 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:28,360 Speaker 1: becomes a New York Times bestseller. More opportunities to hit 666 00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:31,200 Speaker 1: my inbox, I say yes to those opportunities. More opportunities 667 00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:33,720 Speaker 1: hit my inbox. I say yes, So I have more opportunity. 668 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,520 Speaker 1: I say more opportunity. And before you know it, you're 669 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:40,720 Speaker 1: drowning and all the goodness you are literally drowning and 670 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,080 Speaker 1: all the opportunities and it seems like such a good 671 00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,880 Speaker 1: problem to have, but it's it is. It is the 672 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,000 Speaker 1: reason why my blood pressure has shot up to places 673 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,240 Speaker 1: where I stopped taking it because I was scared to 674 00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:54,360 Speaker 1: even see the numbers one sixty over something. Can you imagine? 675 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:58,160 Speaker 1: And I was like terrified to like, I gart he 676 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,560 Speaker 1: a doctor and she was just like, girl, I knew 677 00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:03,040 Speaker 1: I was stressed out, but I didn't know that my 678 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,720 Speaker 1: body knew that I was stressed out, you know, and 679 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:09,800 Speaker 1: use the store. Yeah, so that's another book that I've read, 680 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,440 Speaker 1: Your Body Keeps the Score. And it was way before 681 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,440 Speaker 1: Drew had passed away, My husband had passed away, And 682 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:17,719 Speaker 1: it wasn't until he did that I was like, so 683 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,320 Speaker 1: what are we going to do, Tiffany? Are you next? 684 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:22,760 Speaker 1: You have to make a decision, girl, Like what are 685 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,200 Speaker 1: we going to do? You know, like, at some point 686 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:28,800 Speaker 1: you have to decide are you going to choose life 687 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:29,480 Speaker 1: for yourself? 688 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 3: Yes? 689 00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:32,240 Speaker 1: Yes, you know, are you going to choose life? I 690 00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:33,760 Speaker 1: get it. You want to help your people, you want 691 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,560 Speaker 1: to do good, But at what cost? Do you have 692 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,320 Speaker 1: to be a physical martyr for all the things? And 693 00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:43,080 Speaker 1: so I decided no that I said, you have to 694 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,200 Speaker 1: choose a struggle. Either you're grieving for your husband or 695 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,560 Speaker 1: you're going to grieve for your own life. And so 696 00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:52,400 Speaker 1: I decided to get healthier and I lost twenty five pounds. Yeah, 697 00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:56,080 Speaker 1: I eat better, you know, I work out well, I walk, 698 00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:00,160 Speaker 1: and I relax more and even like I have this 699 00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,800 Speaker 1: up respiratory like coffee because I've been doing too much 700 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,200 Speaker 1: the last couple of weeks. But and when I went 701 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:07,840 Speaker 1: to the doctor, she'd asked me, like, you know, do 702 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:11,799 Speaker 1: you have like high blood pressure, diabetes whatever? And I 703 00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:13,200 Speaker 1: was like, you know, black people, I'm not climbing it. 704 00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:15,800 Speaker 1: I was like, noil. And so she took my blood pressure, 705 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,880 Speaker 1: which I had not had taken in like months, and 706 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,359 Speaker 1: it was normal. It was like one twenty five over 707 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,920 Speaker 1: like seventy two. And I was like, yes, yes, because 708 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:27,000 Speaker 1: what that means is because although I am definitely going 709 00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:31,200 Speaker 1: through a seemingly stressful part of business right now, what 710 00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:34,360 Speaker 1: that means is I am learning to say you come first, 711 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,560 Speaker 1: and that although those things are happening, I'm not allowing 712 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:41,359 Speaker 1: it to tear down what's on the inside. And I 713 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:43,480 Speaker 1: just want to give all of us permission that as 714 00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:46,839 Speaker 1: you do the good work, it starts with you. You know, 715 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:48,719 Speaker 1: it really does start with you. That you are no, 716 00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:51,960 Speaker 1: you're not going to be helpful to anyone broken and 717 00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:54,560 Speaker 1: and tired and exhausted, and I just I'm just so 718 00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:57,520 Speaker 1: glad you're here so people can hear that, yes, we 719 00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,720 Speaker 1: want to do the good work. We want diversity and inclusion. 720 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:01,640 Speaker 1: You want to have a voice of you want to 721 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:04,080 Speaker 1: sit at the table, but you don't have to do 722 00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:05,360 Speaker 1: all the things by yourself. 723 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:09,319 Speaker 3: And really I have a question for you. I want 724 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:11,600 Speaker 3: to ask you in a minuta, and maybe Mandy too 725 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,440 Speaker 3: write it down here. Some don't forget, but that part 726 00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:19,120 Speaker 3: of starting with giving ourselves permission. Sometimes we don't even 727 00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:21,560 Speaker 3: know what we're giving our sales permission to do because 728 00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:26,200 Speaker 3: it's so unfathomable. So the idea of rest, many of 729 00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:27,839 Speaker 3: us think we know what it is, but have never 730 00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:29,960 Speaker 3: experienced it, never seen it, and we really don't know 731 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,319 Speaker 3: what it is. And I think on some level our 732 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:35,600 Speaker 3: body even rejects it because it's so unknown. So you're 733 00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:38,120 Speaker 3: sitting on a sofa, or you're doing some different things, 734 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,680 Speaker 3: you need to get up and do this. The to 735 00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:42,920 Speaker 3: do list is just right there, heyble, And we don't 736 00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:44,640 Speaker 3: know how to say no because six hundred people are 737 00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:46,719 Speaker 3: asking us to do stuff. So we think that if 738 00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:49,000 Speaker 3: we're not doing things that are on the job, then 739 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:52,520 Speaker 3: I'm resting, But you're really not. And so this idea 740 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:58,839 Speaker 3: of imagination and world building seeing other women do it, 741 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:03,239 Speaker 3: giving ourselves permission even to be in luxury and not 742 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,319 Speaker 3: feel guilty about it, but we have to start even 743 00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:08,120 Speaker 3: being able to imagine it because many of us have 744 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,439 Speaker 3: never even seen it or felt it before. So I'd 745 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:14,879 Speaker 3: ask you, Tiffany and Mandy, like, what is it that 746 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:17,200 Speaker 3: you had to be able to do to even imagine 747 00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,400 Speaker 3: what it looks like to rest? And one you already 748 00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:24,120 Speaker 3: give yourself permission, but then to do it and to 749 00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,600 Speaker 3: figure out what's working and that it's okay? What did 750 00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:27,000 Speaker 3: you do? 751 00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:31,959 Speaker 1: I had to take like time away, you know, after 752 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,120 Speaker 1: my husband passed away and I realized I was just like, 753 00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:34,800 Speaker 1: what is all this for? 754 00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:35,240 Speaker 3: Again? 755 00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:40,920 Speaker 1: And because I prioritized everybody, and I took like timer, 756 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:44,080 Speaker 1: I went to Bali for like two months just by myself, 757 00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:48,640 Speaker 1: and it was there then because there's a I had 758 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,960 Speaker 1: to literally see something different. My therapist calls it a 759 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,200 Speaker 1: corrective experience because we tell ourselves this is the way 760 00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:55,600 Speaker 1: you live life. That you go to Bali and no 761 00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,200 Speaker 1: one's living life that way. You know, they're eating food, 762 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:02,000 Speaker 1: they're taking walks, they're saying how they're you know, slowly 763 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:05,040 Speaker 1: going to the beach. And it was like, that is 764 00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:07,640 Speaker 1: a version of life that's happening in New Jersey. But 765 00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:10,520 Speaker 1: here's another version of life. This is a corrective experience. 766 00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:12,840 Speaker 1: You can live life in this way. And then quite honestly, 767 00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:15,560 Speaker 1: I had to burn it all down. That's an episode 768 00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:17,040 Speaker 1: that you said when you came on earlier, and you 769 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:18,560 Speaker 1: said that that was the one that you were like 770 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,920 Speaker 1: because people were upset with me for burning it all 771 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:26,160 Speaker 1: down because they didn't see that if I did it, 772 00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:31,000 Speaker 1: I would not be here, you know, yes, and so 773 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:34,560 Speaker 1: they did not know that, like I all that I 774 00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,839 Speaker 1: had been doing to make sure everybody was okay if 775 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,440 Speaker 1: I didn't burn it down, that all it was for 776 00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:42,640 Speaker 1: them was job loss. For me, it would have been 777 00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:47,120 Speaker 1: life loss. And I was just like, so sorry about 778 00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,359 Speaker 1: your job, but kind of want to live. So I'm 779 00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:52,880 Speaker 1: just I don't know what just else to say, you know. 780 00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:56,959 Speaker 1: And even after sharing that, there were still some people 781 00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,759 Speaker 1: that there were like, yeah, but you know, you know, you know, 782 00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:03,359 Speaker 1: I was depending on that money for dot dot dot 783 00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:07,400 Speaker 1: dot dot, And it was really like, it's a different 784 00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,520 Speaker 1: Tiffany now because I'm not nearly as nice as I was. 785 00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:14,279 Speaker 1: I'm still kind, but now not nearly as nice as 786 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,880 Speaker 1: I was, because I realize how people will pick at 787 00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:22,640 Speaker 1: the bones of your body and then walk over and 788 00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:25,520 Speaker 1: then eat off somebody else and I'm not here for it. 789 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,759 Speaker 1: And so I'm still super kind, like you know, like 790 00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,240 Speaker 1: that is a you know, but as far as nice, 791 00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:37,879 Speaker 1: no like meaning that like the posturing, the I don't 792 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:40,880 Speaker 1: want people to think badly of me, the let me 793 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:43,839 Speaker 1: behave from this from this perspective or or point of view, 794 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,160 Speaker 1: so that way, on the outside everyone is like, Tiffany's 795 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:49,719 Speaker 1: a good person. No, whatever you think about me, that's 796 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,440 Speaker 1: your business. I know how I operate. I sleep very 797 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:54,960 Speaker 1: well at night. I don't mistreat people. I try my 798 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,680 Speaker 1: best to navigate from a place of fairness and integrity 799 00:38:57,920 --> 00:38:59,560 Speaker 1: and in alignment with what I think is best for 800 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:01,800 Speaker 1: my people. You know, I don't take more than I 801 00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:05,400 Speaker 1: than I give. And so however you perceive me as 802 00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:07,360 Speaker 1: far as nicest or not, that that's not of my 803 00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:09,759 Speaker 1: concern anymore. And so that's what I had to do. 804 00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:11,920 Speaker 1: I had to burn it all down, and I had 805 00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:14,440 Speaker 1: to like let the chips fall where they may. My 806 00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:17,040 Speaker 1: biggest fear before it would always be what will they say? 807 00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,000 Speaker 1: And I'm sure there are lots of people out there 808 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,920 Speaker 1: now who say, you know things about me that are 809 00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:27,319 Speaker 1: not super flattering, and I don't care. Sorry, sist like 810 00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:29,560 Speaker 1: I paid well for a very long time. You should 811 00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:33,600 Speaker 1: save those coins when I was overpaying you to do underwork. Yeah, like, 812 00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:35,960 Speaker 1: let's speak on it, because I promise you wherever you're 813 00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:37,839 Speaker 1: working right now, you're not paying. They're not paying mode. 814 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:39,759 Speaker 1: I was paying because I was doing too much. 815 00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,799 Speaker 3: Tiffany, Yes, So I would just tell you that I 816 00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:47,319 Speaker 3: took many notes from that episode that you did, because, yeah, 817 00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:50,200 Speaker 3: it's about community. You want people to have this different experience, 818 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:53,880 Speaker 3: you want to do something different, pay people X amount, 819 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,120 Speaker 3: what have you. And then it was this idea of yes, 820 00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,239 Speaker 3: I still feel like, you know, we're going to be 821 00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:03,400 Speaker 3: generous this way, but I'm not doing it for your approval. 822 00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:07,680 Speaker 3: And this idea so we talked about one, you've got 823 00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:11,319 Speaker 3: to have give your self permission to imagine something that's 824 00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,480 Speaker 3: even possible, right, that you may not have ever even 825 00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:16,320 Speaker 3: seen or experienced. Then you got to give yourself permission. 826 00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:18,319 Speaker 3: The permission may actually come first to even give you 827 00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:21,719 Speaker 3: yourself permission to imagine, right. And then this other part 828 00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:24,880 Speaker 3: of this self worth that you're saying, which is it 829 00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:27,480 Speaker 3: can't be anchored into what the world thinks for what 830 00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:30,319 Speaker 3: other people think. So that idea of going back into 831 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,680 Speaker 3: who am I and what's my inspire self? Am I 832 00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:36,920 Speaker 3: creating a castle between that my purpose and my inspire yourself? 833 00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:40,760 Speaker 3: Or am I actually walking that? Because you're right that burnout. 834 00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:43,640 Speaker 3: If we're doing this in terms of pleasing other people 835 00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:46,720 Speaker 3: who were supposed to be always talk about it being 836 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:49,279 Speaker 3: their agenda, there's a point where we go away from 837 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:52,880 Speaker 3: their agenda to our agenda. That their agenda is you 838 00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:54,319 Speaker 3: need to do this right. You need to go to 839 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:57,040 Speaker 3: this school, work at this place, be this kind of 840 00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,799 Speaker 3: person in the community. Whatever that story of origin is 841 00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:02,880 Speaker 3: for you, you got to dismandle it and like you said. 842 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:03,279 Speaker 1: Burn it down. 843 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:08,600 Speaker 3: What is my story and my how I defining success? 844 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,040 Speaker 3: What does it look like on my terms? And it 845 00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:14,319 Speaker 3: takes a degree of courage and fearlessness to say it 846 00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:16,520 Speaker 3: looks like something I ain't never seen anybody else do 847 00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:19,279 Speaker 3: or anybody else say it was okay because I know 848 00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:22,479 Speaker 3: that Mama now or whoever is going to be saying 849 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:24,000 Speaker 3: you need to keep that good job or you need 850 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,720 Speaker 3: to help them people, and you have to be okay 851 00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:28,800 Speaker 3: creating a new story. 852 00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:31,480 Speaker 1: You have to allow adults to adult. That's what I 853 00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:33,440 Speaker 1: realized too. I said, girl, you ain't get birth and 854 00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:35,600 Speaker 1: no nan chick a child. The only person I am 855 00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:39,120 Speaker 1: I responsible for is my my my you know. I 856 00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,360 Speaker 1: look after my nieces and my nephews and my my 857 00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:46,160 Speaker 1: bonus daughter Lissa. And I'm like, these are adults, adults, 858 00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:49,160 Speaker 1: not adults adults, you know, because sometimes I take so 859 00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,760 Speaker 1: much responsibility for everybody's life that I'm like, that's YouTube, 860 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:54,440 Speaker 1: tak look at the beer says you step there. You 861 00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,080 Speaker 1: decided that you you the boss to everybody, you know, 862 00:41:57,200 --> 00:42:00,560 Speaker 1: And I'm just like, let grown people, grown people, you know. 863 00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:03,000 Speaker 1: And so that was a huge one for me too. 864 00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:05,640 Speaker 1: But like, I yeah, when she told me that my 865 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:09,239 Speaker 1: blood pressure was normal despite all of the shifts that 866 00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:11,520 Speaker 1: are happening, and now share some of that stuff with Mandy, 867 00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:15,400 Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm just like I was so like, yes, yes, 868 00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,800 Speaker 1: you are figuring it out, Tiffany. You are choosing, Tiffany. 869 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:21,960 Speaker 1: You know that you're allowing people to do what they 870 00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,799 Speaker 1: need to do. You are still showing up, you know, 871 00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:29,040 Speaker 1: in your purpose, and you are focusing on, yes, maintaining 872 00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:32,759 Speaker 1: your kindness and integrity without this people pleasing niceness that 873 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:35,520 Speaker 1: you used to bring with you, because it's harmful to everyone, 874 00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:37,800 Speaker 1: not just harmful to me, but honestly, it's harmful to 875 00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:40,799 Speaker 1: people that was being nice to because it props them 876 00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,680 Speaker 1: up for something that's unsustainable, you know. And so like 877 00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:48,040 Speaker 1: it's just such an interesting space because that's the struggle. 878 00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,759 Speaker 1: I feel like, this is why this this this conversation 879 00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:53,439 Speaker 1: of how do we show up for ourselves while doing 880 00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,080 Speaker 1: work good work for the community. It's such a hard 881 00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:59,520 Speaker 1: conversation to have because you know, it's like what do 882 00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:02,640 Speaker 1: we owe the larger community of black and brown folks 883 00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:04,960 Speaker 1: and what do we owe ourselves? You know, It's I 884 00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,960 Speaker 1: don't know any other race. I don't know because I'm 885 00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,520 Speaker 1: only black, you know, But I'm like this, do other 886 00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,319 Speaker 1: people carry so much of that heaviness of what we're 887 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:15,320 Speaker 1: supposed to do? Because Mandy and I struggle with that, 888 00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:19,400 Speaker 1: right Like Amani's are our show producer? Because Mandy was like, no, 889 00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:21,919 Speaker 1: I want a black show producer, you know, and it's 890 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,920 Speaker 1: just like, because like that's what I'm wanting. So it's like, 891 00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:29,439 Speaker 1: how many of those types of pushes are ours to have, 892 00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:32,160 Speaker 1: you know? Versus sometimes it's like I'm just tired. 893 00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,040 Speaker 2: So I asked for our show. I didn't go out 894 00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:35,880 Speaker 2: there and do a whole campaign for every podcast in 895 00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:37,480 Speaker 2: America to get you know what I mean, I'm like, 896 00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:41,719 Speaker 2: where can I bother? Someone? Iko? When you were when 897 00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:43,479 Speaker 2: you were asking that question. The first thing I thought 898 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:45,799 Speaker 2: it was when I had my son. My wake up 899 00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:49,919 Speaker 2: call was the intense postpartum anxiety, Like I needed to rest. 900 00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:51,880 Speaker 2: Everyone tells you sleep when the baby's sleeping, but I 901 00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:54,799 Speaker 2: couldn't because of the anxiety, and I couldn't shut my 902 00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:58,160 Speaker 2: brain off. And you know, I credit coming up with 903 00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:00,520 Speaker 2: Tiffany in a way, like Tiffany's like my big She's 904 00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:02,680 Speaker 2: ten years ahead of me in so many ways. And 905 00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:06,400 Speaker 2: I've gotten to absorb and I've listened to everything Tiffany 906 00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:08,080 Speaker 2: I said. So when I was building my business these 907 00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:11,680 Speaker 2: past couple of years, I made such great boundaries when 908 00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:14,000 Speaker 2: it came to my time and my schedule and charging 909 00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:15,839 Speaker 2: more so that I wouldn't have to work more, and 910 00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:18,480 Speaker 2: you know, all these changes. The thing is, what I 911 00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:21,279 Speaker 2: had to learn is other people haven't always been as 912 00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:23,560 Speaker 2: as comfortable with the way I operate. 913 00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:24,520 Speaker 1: And I'm going to. 914 00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:27,719 Speaker 2: Put my husband on blast. He's very confused about how 915 00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:30,040 Speaker 2: I can still be the breadwinner and take somebody naps 916 00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:32,560 Speaker 2: during the week, and I feel a tiny bit of 917 00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:35,759 Speaker 2: judgment even from him, when he finds he comes home 918 00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:37,960 Speaker 2: early and I'm like taking my afternoon nap because that's 919 00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,239 Speaker 2: what I do because I pick up that baby from 920 00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:42,120 Speaker 2: daycare of four thirty and I want to be on. 921 00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:45,239 Speaker 2: I want to be Times Square Lights on for him. 922 00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:47,560 Speaker 2: Disney World mom fun Like, I want to give him 923 00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:49,840 Speaker 2: my everything, and I have to give it to myself first, 924 00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,920 Speaker 2: So I work between ten and two thirty usually for ICO, 925 00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:58,320 Speaker 2: I show up okay at this time, but it's interesting. 926 00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:02,279 Speaker 2: And even my mom, my mom, who like I know 927 00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,240 Speaker 2: that the so many and my mom is white actually, 928 00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:08,719 Speaker 2: and she is still like she can't sit still. Laura Jane, 929 00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:10,160 Speaker 2: if you're listening to this, I know you listen to 930 00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:11,719 Speaker 2: the show you hate when I talk about you, But 931 00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:14,480 Speaker 2: the woman can't sit down. You never got to watch 932 00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:16,360 Speaker 2: a movie with her because she'd be doing laundry and 933 00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:19,560 Speaker 2: checking that and getting up and down. And I operate 934 00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:22,160 Speaker 2: very differently, and even from her, I feel that, like 935 00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:25,040 Speaker 2: nearly those dishes in the sink overnight, I'm like, yep, 936 00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:28,560 Speaker 2: and I deserve to sleep. And she's not that kind 937 00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:30,920 Speaker 2: of person. So if you're in a space where I'm 938 00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:32,319 Speaker 2: just saying, like, if you're in a space where even 939 00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:34,920 Speaker 2: other people close to you seem a little uncomfortable with 940 00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:37,400 Speaker 2: the space you're giving yourself, that that has nothing to 941 00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:39,600 Speaker 2: do with you, and I don't. I choose not to 942 00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:42,759 Speaker 2: feel an ounce of guilt about doing what needs to 943 00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:45,080 Speaker 2: be done for myself. So I keep my monthly massage, 944 00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:48,399 Speaker 2: I take my naps. I still bring home the damn 945 00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:50,440 Speaker 2: bacon and it's thick cut. It's not that cheap shit either. 946 00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:52,760 Speaker 2: It's a good bacon. Like, I'm still bringing it home, 947 00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:57,239 Speaker 2: and I'm trying not to sacrifice myself in the in 948 00:45:57,280 --> 00:46:00,520 Speaker 2: the in the middle of it all. Talk to me 949 00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:02,560 Speaker 2: in a year and maybe it'll be different, But I 950 00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:06,120 Speaker 2: that was the biggest barrier, that was the biggest challenge 951 00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:08,440 Speaker 2: for me, was like, wait, y'all don't necessarily want to 952 00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:10,719 Speaker 2: support me in this, like you judge it a little 953 00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:13,279 Speaker 2: bit because of issues that are not mine, and I 954 00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:22,040 Speaker 2: can't carry that with me. And Alsola, yeah. 955 00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:24,879 Speaker 3: Because it's family and origin one and sometimes the people 956 00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:26,840 Speaker 3: who are right in our space because it's different to 957 00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:30,200 Speaker 3: them and sometimes it makes them question their own way 958 00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:32,279 Speaker 3: or how they're showing up and I'm glad that you 959 00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:35,160 Speaker 3: also mentioned just also parenting or what have you, and 960 00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:38,720 Speaker 3: even post I had post farms probably with like two years, 961 00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:41,840 Speaker 3: but all that comes with that, and we just don't 962 00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:45,279 Speaker 3: get that space to rest to understand, you know, what 963 00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:48,200 Speaker 3: is going on with us, to be able to address it. 964 00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:50,600 Speaker 3: I mean, Tiffy, I'm glad that you, you know, went 965 00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:54,400 Speaker 3: to get medical, you know, help checking up seeing what's happening. 966 00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:57,360 Speaker 3: I just had a call from a close girlfriend today 967 00:46:57,400 --> 00:47:00,640 Speaker 3: about a man I'm pre diabetic. What is going on here? 968 00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:02,960 Speaker 3: And there's so many of us, many of us don't 969 00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:06,160 Speaker 3: even have a space to get to the doctor's appointment 970 00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:10,480 Speaker 3: and think about ourselves unless we literally steal it and 971 00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:14,480 Speaker 3: say I'm worth it and make it happen, because it 972 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:18,080 Speaker 3: is not one. We just are in a place where 973 00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:20,720 Speaker 3: everybody works, right, that's your worth, What are you producing? 974 00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:22,400 Speaker 3: What are you doing? And then to be a woman, 975 00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:24,520 Speaker 3: and then to be a black or brown woman and 976 00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:27,080 Speaker 3: be able to say I'm worth it and I deserve 977 00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:29,600 Speaker 3: this and I need to do this for me, that's 978 00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:33,040 Speaker 3: a whole other type of mental trip. To have to push. 979 00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:36,120 Speaker 2: Back on our struggle is just so damn romanticized that's 980 00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:38,000 Speaker 2: the thing. So what did you do to earn all this? 981 00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:41,160 Speaker 2: You must have struggled, right, Yeah. I won't name names, 982 00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:42,480 Speaker 2: but Tiff and I were on a call with a 983 00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:46,239 Speaker 2: you know, a businessman, and one of the first things 984 00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:48,920 Speaker 2: he said to kind of like was like, oh, well, 985 00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:51,400 Speaker 2: you guys know I had a really tough upbringing, like 986 00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:54,640 Speaker 2: almost like we also must have had one, and that's 987 00:47:54,680 --> 00:47:56,239 Speaker 2: how he was going to connect with us, you know. 988 00:47:57,640 --> 00:48:00,759 Speaker 2: And it just I still think about that commonversation and 989 00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:04,000 Speaker 2: it's like, is that what you think? That's everyone's story 990 00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:07,040 Speaker 2: that we must struggle. Yeah. 991 00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:09,000 Speaker 1: A woman tell me the other day she was like, yeah, 992 00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:10,319 Speaker 1: because you know, I grew up in the projects. I 993 00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:13,560 Speaker 1: was like, oh that's nice. I didn't so anyway, Sis, 994 00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:15,759 Speaker 1: what are you talking about? And I use the word 995 00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:17,759 Speaker 1: cis so lightly if you would you know what I mean. 996 00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:20,640 Speaker 1: I was just like, what is that? Even? That's how 997 00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:23,000 Speaker 1: you got to connect with me? Like you're black, you 998 00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:25,160 Speaker 1: must have grown up in the projects. And I'm just like, 999 00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:29,439 Speaker 1: I mean, no, no, you know, but what is that even? 1000 00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:32,760 Speaker 1: I just I don't even know if people realize sometimes 1001 00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:35,960 Speaker 1: we just be so tidy'll sometimes like oh my goodness, 1002 00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:39,759 Speaker 1: it's so tired. I'm like, I mean literally, I had 1003 00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:41,400 Speaker 1: a woman the other day. I was like sitting in 1004 00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:44,680 Speaker 1: a chair. I was taping some show, and she was like, 1005 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,640 Speaker 1: I thought she was doing my hair. She was petting it, 1006 00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:49,759 Speaker 1: and she even said, oh my god, I'm so sorry. 1007 00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:51,319 Speaker 1: I just love your hair. Don't mind me petting it. 1008 00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:54,120 Speaker 1: She uses the word pet and I pulled away to 1009 00:48:54,239 --> 00:48:58,480 Speaker 1: look at her, and I just was like, do you do. 1010 00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:01,920 Speaker 3: You like it's just like in a public class. No. 1011 00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:03,920 Speaker 1: I was doing a show, so I was getting my 1012 00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,799 Speaker 1: hair and makeup done, and so I was just like, 1013 00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:08,160 Speaker 1: you know, I thought, you know, I was like, okay, 1014 00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:09,680 Speaker 1: the makeup lady and I thought the hair lady was 1015 00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:10,879 Speaker 1: gonna but I was like I always come my hair 1016 00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:12,799 Speaker 1: done because what are you gonna do? You know? So 1017 00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:14,920 Speaker 1: I thought that she was just rearranging it, and I 1018 00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:17,040 Speaker 1: was like, this doesn't feel like that was just like 1019 00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:18,839 Speaker 1: so I looked at it was like, is everything okay? 1020 00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:20,880 Speaker 1: She was like, I just love your hair, don't mind me. 1021 00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:24,600 Speaker 1: I'm just petting it. And I just look like I 1022 00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:30,360 Speaker 1: just I'm like, h'all tied because I'm tired. I go, 1023 00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:31,000 Speaker 1: what do you do? 1024 00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:32,040 Speaker 3: Yes? 1025 00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:32,840 Speaker 1: What do you do? 1026 00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:36,520 Speaker 3: All the way rewind when you were saying, when some 1027 00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:39,880 Speaker 3: of your clients are saying, hey, but if I actually elevate, 1028 00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:44,840 Speaker 3: I have this razor thin space. And then there's you know, 1029 00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:47,280 Speaker 3: of course I'll hire you go the further you can fall. 1030 00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:50,880 Speaker 3: But there's also what's in that razor thin space. What 1031 00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:55,399 Speaker 3: are all the opportunities that are actually taken away from 1032 00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:57,520 Speaker 3: you to be humane? Because that's what that razor thin 1033 00:49:57,640 --> 00:50:02,880 Speaker 3: space is. So one you know, a certain way, talking 1034 00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:06,000 Speaker 3: a certain way, not being able to make mistakes, not 1035 00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:08,400 Speaker 3: being able to push back and ask certain questions, especially 1036 00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:11,560 Speaker 3: as a woman of color, not being able to hold boundaries. 1037 00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:13,840 Speaker 3: I mean, it's not just that it's a razor thin space. 1038 00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:18,160 Speaker 3: It's about what is all of the humanity, your humanity 1039 00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:21,879 Speaker 3: and opportunities is taking off the plate. You can't even 1040 00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:24,120 Speaker 3: have your hair a certain way without somebody wanting to 1041 00:50:24,120 --> 00:50:27,239 Speaker 3: touch it, or someone meaning what did you mean by that? 1042 00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:31,920 Speaker 3: Having to code twitch constantly. People don't understand the price 1043 00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:36,359 Speaker 3: behind that and even these other things. When you think 1044 00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:40,120 Speaker 3: about the experience of black people in the US, especially 1045 00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:42,000 Speaker 3: if you're thinking about deal, you know, to send us 1046 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:46,040 Speaker 3: a slave, there is this rooted history of trauma and 1047 00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:48,960 Speaker 3: it is hard for someone to actually accept and think, oh, wait, 1048 00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:51,839 Speaker 3: you had a different experience than me, because I can't 1049 00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:54,920 Speaker 3: even imagine it, because what could that be like? And 1050 00:50:54,960 --> 00:50:57,640 Speaker 3: it's that idea of modeling that this is what it 1051 00:50:57,640 --> 00:50:59,399 Speaker 3: could be like, and this is what you have to do. 1052 00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:02,000 Speaker 3: Are the decisions we may have to make that are different, 1053 00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:04,680 Speaker 3: that could be unheard of. And I know that I 1054 00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:08,279 Speaker 3: have to do constant unlearning because of how I was 1055 00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:11,960 Speaker 3: raised in a low income household in Spartanburg, South Carolina, 1056 00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:15,120 Speaker 3: and what was normal is not what should be normal 1057 00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:17,759 Speaker 3: for everybody. But I have to constantly tell myself that 1058 00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:20,840 Speaker 3: instead of looking at other people's sideways of what you 1059 00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:25,359 Speaker 3: do such a time, or you know, diminishing somebody because 1060 00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:28,680 Speaker 3: they didn't have this experiences considered the black experience, instead 1061 00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:31,560 Speaker 3: of thinking, I'm not trying to rewrite that story for 1062 00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:34,360 Speaker 3: my kids. Are imposting on other people or make them 1063 00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:36,520 Speaker 3: feel less than because they didn't have it? But that 1064 00:51:36,600 --> 00:51:39,799 Speaker 3: takes so much awareness to have to do that, because 1065 00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:41,759 Speaker 3: in the moments I do have these moments aside out 1066 00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:44,719 Speaker 3: like wait what and I have to say, but we 1067 00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:47,919 Speaker 3: do I want somebody else like me to have had 1068 00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:50,640 Speaker 3: that experience I don't want you to have had that experience. 1069 00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:53,040 Speaker 3: I'm glad you did, and that means we're getting closer 1070 00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:55,880 Speaker 3: to having more spaces where all of us didn't have 1071 00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:56,480 Speaker 3: that trauma. 1072 00:51:56,840 --> 00:52:01,279 Speaker 1: This was such a nut much needed conversation. Honestly, I 1073 00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:04,759 Speaker 1: just want to thank you so much for coming on, 1074 00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:08,200 Speaker 1: for pulling out of us like what so many of 1075 00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:12,920 Speaker 1: us are thinking and feeling, which is this diversity inclusion. 1076 00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:17,920 Speaker 1: Work starts within to decide what is it that you're wanting. 1077 00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:21,200 Speaker 1: It really starts with you. It's not external work. You know. 1078 00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:23,680 Speaker 1: That's the biggest takeaway that I took away. That is 1079 00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:26,200 Speaker 1: truly internal work. And you work from that place. If 1080 00:52:26,200 --> 00:52:28,200 Speaker 1: you don't have to solve every problem and fix every issue, 1081 00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:30,680 Speaker 1: and you know that if you do that internal work, 1082 00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:33,120 Speaker 1: and if everybody did that, you know that's how we 1083 00:52:33,120 --> 00:52:34,719 Speaker 1: moved the needle forward. So we just want to thank 1084 00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:36,359 Speaker 1: you for coming, thank you. 1085 00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:38,320 Speaker 3: For having me. Tiffany and Mandy. I appreciate it, and I 1086 00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:42,120 Speaker 3: actually appreciate you all just modeling and speaking these things 1087 00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:44,520 Speaker 3: over and over because more of us need to hear it, 1088 00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:47,200 Speaker 3: more of us need to see people doing it and 1089 00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:50,000 Speaker 3: modeling it for us to even think it's possible to 1090 00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:51,279 Speaker 3: live a different way. 1091 00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:54,279 Speaker 2: Thank you, koh. Where do you want people to find you? 1092 00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:57,719 Speaker 2: Send them to your website? What are we plugging? Tell 1093 00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:58,400 Speaker 2: us everything? 1094 00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:02,200 Speaker 3: Thank you. So website is rare r A r E 1095 00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:06,400 Speaker 3: Coaching dot net or on LinkedIn I coopathea or on 1096 00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:10,040 Speaker 3: Instagram at where are a r E Underscore Coach. 1097 00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:12,880 Speaker 1: We will follow all of that in our social media, 1098 00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:14,719 Speaker 1: I mean our description show notes. 1099 00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:17,800 Speaker 3: So okay, thank you again. Thank you both for having 1100 00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:19,359 Speaker 3: me here and also for the work that you all 1101 00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:22,400 Speaker 3: do and the honesty. I really appreciate the honesty. 1102 00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:24,720 Speaker 1: That's what. If there's one thing we were here is honest. 1103 00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:26,960 Speaker 1: Someone who forget I'll be at the shop write and 1104 00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:29,600 Speaker 1: someone be like, girl, I heard you. I'm like I 1105 00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:30,319 Speaker 1: said an me. 1106 00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:32,640 Speaker 2: There public floor specialists the other day and I'm like, oh, 1107 00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:34,480 Speaker 2: I did talk about how I have a week bladder. 1108 00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:39,200 Speaker 1: Okay. So because me and Manny we're just usually just 1109 00:53:39,239 --> 00:53:41,719 Speaker 1: talking to each other in an honest way because we're friends, 1110 00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:44,000 Speaker 1: like you know, for real in real life, and so 1111 00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:46,440 Speaker 1: it allows us to be honest, and so people get 1112 00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:49,799 Speaker 1: like a peekin to like what that's what that's like? 1113 00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:52,520 Speaker 3: So thanks, so thank you again for lighting me. 1114 00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:55,560 Speaker 2: Thanks so much for making it happen. Ico, take care 1115 00:53:55,840 --> 00:53:59,120 Speaker 2: you head into the nap to nap now. Heyba fam, 1116 00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:01,520 Speaker 2: we could not do this show without your support or 1117 00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:04,239 Speaker 2: the support of our team behind the scenes. The Brown 1118 00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:08,280 Speaker 2: Emission Podcast is produced by Cumulus Podcast Network. It's edited 1119 00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:12,080 Speaker 2: by the wonderful Imani Crosby and produced by Tanya Bustos. 1120 00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:15,719 Speaker 2: Dennis Stimplinsky is our in house tech guru, and I 1121 00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:18,680 Speaker 2: am Bandy Woodard Santos, your co host, and I will 1122 00:54:18,719 --> 00:54:22,040 Speaker 2: see y'all next week.