WEBVTT - S3:EP 9 - Jess 0:00:06.440 --> 0:00:09.000 Lindsay still has photos from when she was a maiden, 0:00:09.520 --> 0:00:12.400 when she lived in Alamoth and served as Lira, the 0:00:12.480 --> 0:00:15.560 keeper of music and the spiritual battle they all fought together. 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:19.919 Pictures of her in long dresses performing music, were huddled 0:00:19.920 --> 0:00:23.639 with the maidens around Victor in a big hug. A 0:00:23.680 --> 0:00:26.720 photo of Victor kissing her forehead as she plays the guitar, 0:00:27.720 --> 0:00:30.240 Victor embracing her in front of the bridge over the 0:00:30.280 --> 0:00:38.960 pond where Jesus was supposed to find them. But when 0:00:39.000 --> 0:00:44.080 she goes through her memorabilia, the photos, her diary, the 0:00:44.120 --> 0:00:46.800 thing most on her mind isn't the man who called 0:00:46.880 --> 0:00:50.879 himself an apostle, the man she obeyed no matter what, 0:00:51.640 --> 0:00:56.280 who raped her for ten years. She doesn't think first 0:00:56.280 --> 0:01:00.280 of her parents or her siblings. When she's reminded of 0:01:00.280 --> 0:01:04.120 her childhood. One thing is always at the four. 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:10.200 It reminds me of the maidens. And the day that 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:13.040 our parents dropped us off was July twenty third, two thousand. 0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:19.440 Victor did have a celebrate that anniversary every year with him. 0:01:20.520 --> 0:01:23.959 It wasn't just the anniversary of their commitment to Victor. 0:01:24.760 --> 0:01:27.480 It was when the ten girls found themselves bound together, 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:31.400 living as a family, for the next decade, ten girls 0:01:31.480 --> 0:01:34.880 and women aged twelve to twenty three, supporting each other 0:01:35.040 --> 0:01:36.000 through everything. 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:39.759 I still miss them, you know. I don't think there's 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:41.560 a day goes by that I don't think of the 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:45.080 maidens even more so than my own siblings. I think 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:51.520 of them as my sisters, And sometimes I just wish 0:01:51.640 --> 0:01:54.640 that I could have met them under different circumstances, you know, 0:01:56.400 --> 0:02:01.520 or that somehow we would invol and out and come 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:06.880 back together, you know, and been able to share in 0:02:06.920 --> 0:02:12.560 this grieving and healing process together. And it just really 0:02:12.600 --> 0:02:19.840 makes me sad that that didn't happen either sides with Jess. 0:02:22.000 --> 0:02:26.000 Jess, the youngest maiden, the girl with red hair, Lindsay's 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:28.480 best friend, who came forward with her to get Victor 0:02:28.520 --> 0:02:31.840 put away while the other maidens were still in River 0:02:31.960 --> 0:02:36.000 Road or even visiting Victor in prison. Jess and Lindsay 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:42.880 had each other through the questions, the police interviews, the 0:02:43.000 --> 0:02:48.520 media coverage, the manhunt, the plea bargaining sentencing. It was 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:57.440 always Jess. Three years later, in March of twenty twenty, 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:00.200 Lindsay was at home when she saw a post online. 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:04.240 It was from Jess's brother. She didn't know what it meant. 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:14.120 Her brother posted something on Facebook asking to pray for her, 0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:22.760 and I immediately messaged him what is going on? What 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:24.120 is going on with Jess? 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:45.080 From her Cocoa Punch and iHeart podcasts, This is the 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:48.040 Turning River Road. I'm Alan Lance. 0:03:47.880 --> 0:03:52.559 Lesser and I'm Erica Lance Part nine. 0:03:53.160 --> 0:04:03.120 Jess. The day of that sentencing hearing back in twenty 0:04:03.200 --> 0:04:06.560 sixteen was like coming out of a tunnel. You can 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:08.880 see it even now in the photos they took that day. 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:13.200 This is me and Jess after we were in court. 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:17.640 Oh wow, it was October twenty, twenty sixteen. Yeah, you 0:04:17.720 --> 0:04:26.800 both look really happy. We look really happy, you know, 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:28.599 And you can tell even from a picture that there's 0:04:28.600 --> 0:04:31.320 a light in somebody's eyes. You can see the light. 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:36.080 We're both smiling so big, and she's kind of in front, 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:39.520 and I'm standing behind her and my head is over 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:41.200 her shoulder and we have our heads together. 0:04:44.839 --> 0:04:48.000 They had both dyed their hair. Lindsay's, which is usually 0:04:48.080 --> 0:04:52.200 curly brown, was straight and black in this picture. Jess's 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:56.720 hair was short and platinum blonde, almost white. They had 0:04:56.720 --> 0:05:02.520 their survivor bracelets on the ones Jess had made. There 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:05.400 is something about that photo where both of you just 0:05:05.440 --> 0:05:06.800 looks so happy. 0:05:07.120 --> 0:05:07.400 M h. 0:05:09.080 --> 0:05:11.120 I'm glad you captured that moment. 0:05:12.839 --> 0:05:15.440 To see a comparison. I think I told you about 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:15.960 that play. 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:19.400 Lindsay pulls out another picture of her and Jess. This 0:05:19.520 --> 0:05:23.440 time they're young girls and pigtails and sailor costumes as 0:05:23.480 --> 0:05:26.520 from before they were maidens. When the Children of River 0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:29.119 Road Fellowship put on a musical set on a ship 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:32.640 the community built, Jess and Lindsay had a duet together. 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:38.800 This was when early nineteen ninety nine. Jess and I 0:05:38.839 --> 0:05:41.240 were in the crow's and as singing. I had just 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:42.880 turned twelve and she was eleven. 0:05:43.160 --> 0:05:46.760 Oh my goodness, that's us, and you've got little sailor 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:52.679 hats on, and we were in the middle of singing 0:05:52.680 --> 0:05:58.680 because our our mouths are open. They were already friends, 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:01.640 but that was the start of them really being a pair. 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:04.880 These two little girls caught up in the bigness of 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:08.440 singing a duet for the whole camp, so long before 0:06:08.480 --> 0:06:11.160 they'd have to stand together in front of another audience 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:12.640 in court years later. 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:15.760 We were so excited. We were the only ones who 0:06:15.800 --> 0:06:18.280 got to go up into this like huge tower that 0:06:18.320 --> 0:06:22.360 they had built. I remember being nervous, and I think 0:06:22.400 --> 0:06:26.560 she was nervous, but somehow we just helped calm each 0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:30.960 other down and climb up there and sing the song 0:06:32.640 --> 0:06:38.680 Like a ship so far from home, wandering gamesleep. 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:46.920 Alone, storm, tossed by the troubles of this world, dune 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:50.800 by the something in the Mutiny of Sin. 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:58.800 There I was alone, a singing man. Oh man, gosh, 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:00.760 I haven't sang this in a year. It's funny on 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:03.000 the brain, and I can't remember that. That's the word. 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:06.560 Really sweet memory that I have of the two of 0:07:06.640 --> 0:07:15.240 us from early on, before you know, things turned. But 0:07:15.360 --> 0:07:19.920 I look at this. This was early nineteen ninety nine, 0:07:19.960 --> 0:07:23.400 and by that summer, my parents are having me sleep 0:07:23.400 --> 0:07:28.960 in a camper with Victor. And I feel so sad 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:33.080 for these little girls because like they don't even know 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:37.720 that that innocence is slowly going to be ripped and 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:42.720 torn away from them. 0:07:42.920 --> 0:07:46.160 Jess was like a sister to Lindsay at age twelve 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:49.880 and at age thirty, and that was a big deal 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:53.760 because Lindsay's birth sisters weren't in their life anymore. They 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:59.040 supported Victor. But after Victor pled guilty, Lindsay and Jess 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:02.080 took that picture their black and blonde hair and bracelets 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:05.960 that said Survivor. They left Minnesota and went back to 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:10.040 their homes, Jess to Wisconsin and Lindsay to New Jersey. 0:08:11.200 --> 0:08:14.840 She kind of cut off contact with me. 0:08:15.600 --> 0:08:19.320 Lindsay tried to reach her again and again, her DMS 0:08:19.400 --> 0:08:22.360 and texts and calls went unanswered, and. 0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:24.080 When I didn't hear from her, I reached out to 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:27.200 her husband. I reached out to her brother, like, Hey, 0:08:27.320 --> 0:08:29.360 is everything okay with Jess. I've been trying to message 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:33.240 her and they'd be like, yeah, think she just needs 0:08:33.240 --> 0:08:38.120 some time to heal. And I kind of accepted that. 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:40.360 At the time. I was like, Okay, maybe this is 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:49.040 her way of moving on, which really sucked because I 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:51.760 wanted to move on with her. It was almost like 0:08:51.800 --> 0:08:55.040 she just kind of wanted to maybe forget, and unfortunately 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:56.800 that didn't include me. 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:01.360 It was almost four years later, in March of twenty twenty, 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:03.760 that Lindsay saw that post from Jess's brother. 0:09:04.520 --> 0:09:08.400 Her brother posted something on Facebook asking like to pray 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:12.880 for her, and I immediately messaged him, like what is 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:15.600 going on? I think it took him like two days 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:17.079 to get back to me, and when he did, that's 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:22.520 when he said, she is on life support and I 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:26.280 was like, what what happened? I Am coming out there. 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:30.840 They'd found Jess after she tried to take her own life. 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:33.400 It wasn't her first suicide attempt. 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:36.840 She was like, we found her. They tried to resuscitate her, 0:09:36.880 --> 0:09:39.400 but she had been dead for too like brain dead 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:43.960 for too long. And I messaged him back immediately saying, 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:48.760 please don't take her off. I want to come say goodbye. No, 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:56.120 he said it would be too late, there wasn't time, 0:10:00.960 --> 0:10:03.120 and nah, I think it was like an hour later 0:10:03.280 --> 0:10:08.360 he I sent me back and said that she was gone. 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:11.839 It didn't feel real. 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:22.440 Lindsay had cried many times over the previous decades. She'd 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:25.800 had a lot to cry about. Often it was silent, 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:29.120 with tears on her face or pooling on her pillow, 0:10:30.640 --> 0:10:33.080 tears that could have filled that tear bottle her dad 0:10:33.120 --> 0:10:36.880 gave her many times over. But that's not what happened 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:43.240 this time. This time she screamed, not in silence, not 0:10:43.400 --> 0:10:59.040 into a pillow. This time it was loud, just. 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:04.040 So sad, wishing I could have helped her, and that 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:06.280 wish she would have reached back out to me. And 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:12.280 you know, I we all went through a lot of 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:17.280 similar things, and of course we all had our own 0:11:17.320 --> 0:11:21.720 experiences being a maiden, things that others didn't, that I 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:33.760 didn't see, that she didn't see. For me, I felt 0:11:33.760 --> 0:11:37.320 like I had lost the only person who really knew 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:41.720 what I had went through, you know who I mean. Yes, 0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:45.400 the other maidens knew, but they weren't supporting Jess and I. 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:50.080 So it was like the only true sister who we 0:11:50.160 --> 0:12:14.319 had lived through this together, and she was gone. 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:29.000 It's hard for me every day because she was brilliant 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:36.040 and talented and just an absolute shining light of a person, 0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:40.720 and she had so much more to offer the world. 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:44.480 This is Justice's Sister. Gray odins twice. 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:48.040 She genuinely just wanted to close that chapter of her 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:55.000 life and move on, and she tried so hard to 0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:58.200 move past it and to build a life outside of it. 0:12:58.320 --> 0:13:02.199 She tried everything she could to run from her demons, 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:05.400 and she couldn't. 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:09.319 Unlike her older sister, Gray was born into River Road Fellowship. 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:12.520 Victor actually named her when she was born, a name 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:15.920 she doesn't use anymore. Gray was six when the announcement 0:13:16.000 --> 0:13:18.320 came that her sister had been chosen for something special. 0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:21.520 Jess who was twelve, would be a maiden. 0:13:21.600 --> 0:13:25.760 Now it was all of the firstborn daughters of the 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:30.079 head families. They were supposed to be basically like nuns 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:34.360 for our church. Like I don't understand, ah, Like how 0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:37.959 these people genuinely believed that none of this was nefarious. 0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:43.120 I don't. It makes me so livid, it's so angry. 0:13:44.040 --> 0:13:46.920 Of course, six year old Gray couldn't follow what was happening, 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:50.360 but the announcement was a turning point once it came 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:55.120 she lost her big sister. They exchanged letters the first year, 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:58.760 but then even that wasn't allowed anymore. Gray says they 0:13:58.760 --> 0:14:01.640 had no contact for six year years. The only time 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:04.200 Gray might see Jess was at big church gatherings on 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:07.720 days like Easter or Pentecost, but even then it was 0:14:07.720 --> 0:14:08.199 from afar. 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:13.520 We weren't even allowed to talk to her at those 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:17.240 gatherings because she was one of the maidens, Like they 0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:20.640 were like the nuns, and you know, we're just the peasants. 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:25.400 We weren't allowed to approach her. She was off limits. 0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:29.200 But there was a lot of brainwashing that first year 0:14:29.720 --> 0:14:32.400 after she left, to the point where by the time 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:35.720 I was like eight, I didn't know who she was, 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:41.480 or that I'd even had a sister. They went through 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:46.240 so much like work to get me to forget her existence, 0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:49.800 to the point that when she moved back when I 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:55.440 was twelve, I had no idea who she was. Who's 0:14:55.480 --> 0:14:59.960 there the like leaders in the cult, like the trustee, 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:05.640 these the elders were what we called them. 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:07.440 Why do you think they didn't want you to know? 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:13.280 One of the main tactics that they used was isolation, manipulation, 0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:21.040 twisting the narrative. And I think for the maidens because 0:15:21.080 --> 0:15:24.560 they were just terrified teenage girls. The more that they 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:29.320 isolated them and cut them off and made them, you know, 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:32.480 on a pedestal, the less the girls felt like they 0:15:32.520 --> 0:15:38.480 could leave, the more trapped and helpless, like he was 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:44.160 their protector and they weren't allowed to leave him. I 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:49.440 was robbed of my childhood. She was robbed of her childhood. 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:51.480 But we were also robbed of each other. 0:15:54.880 --> 0:15:57.600 At first, when Gray and Jess were both outside the cult, 0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:02.040 their relationship was rocky. They went some periods without speaking. 0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:05.280 Gray moved to Germany for her job in the military 0:16:05.720 --> 0:16:09.320 and Jess was back in Wisconsin. But then Jess reached out. 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:13.840 She said, Hey, I'd like to try to be friends. 0:16:13.920 --> 0:16:17.240 I know, we don't really know each other. We were 0:16:17.360 --> 0:16:22.400 robbed of being sisters, and we started to really become friends. 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:26.360 She remembers one time they took a long drive together 0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:28.480 and told each other everything that had happened in the 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:31.040 years they'd been apart, and. 0:16:31.000 --> 0:16:33.360 I think that was the day that we really started 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:41.920 to actually be sisters. The next two years were just amazing. 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:45.080 We would talk everay down on the phone, we would 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:50.240 video we got to know each other and just bond. 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:53.520 Just flew to Germany for a month when Gray's daughter 0:16:53.600 --> 0:16:56.560 was born. Gray and her daughter flew home to visit 0:16:56.640 --> 0:17:00.680 Jess four months later, and it was just. 0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:04.960 A glimpse of what we could have had and what 0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:08.200 was stolen from us. And I think it made it 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:13.080 so much harder to see the childhood that we could 0:17:13.080 --> 0:17:13.520 have had. 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:16.640 But the time was happy because they had found each 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:17.159 other again. 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:21.320 I finally got my sister back, like I finally had 0:17:22.000 --> 0:17:25.560 what I should have had my whole life, only to 0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:29.440 lose her two and a half years later. I think 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:33.880 that's the most unfair part of it. Obviously, a lot 0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:36.199 of is unfair and how much we were robbed of, 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:45.040 but just each other and what could have been. It 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:46.160 is really hard. 0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:50.240 Gray got a message from Jess one day that things 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:51.400 were not going well. 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:54.040 Because things were just she was in a really bad 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:59.480 place in Wisconsin, and she was like, I can't do 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:02.359 this anymore, like I'm tired, I can't keep fighting, like 0:18:02.400 --> 0:18:05.600 this is bad. And I was like, just come out here, 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:07.920 you can reset. Come stay with me for a few 0:18:07.960 --> 0:18:12.000 months or indefinitely. Europe is amazing and it has been 0:18:12.080 --> 0:18:14.359 so healing for me. And I was like, just just 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:16.600 come stay with me. I'll take care of everything like 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:19.320 I got you. I will save you. We'll figure this 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:29.080 out and face it together. And she killed herself five 0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:32.560 days before she was supposed to fly here to Germany. 0:18:32.720 --> 0:18:37.439 I thought I could save her, and it just I 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:42.240 couldn't save her, and it wasn't enough, and it should 0:18:42.280 --> 0:18:51.120 have been me. I have so much survivors and I 0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:53.960 I feel like I will never be even half the 0:18:54.040 --> 0:19:00.399 person that she was. I hope wherever her spirit and 0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:04.399 her energy is, that she is finally happy and at peace. 0:19:15.480 --> 0:19:19.320 We've heard lots of beautiful things about Jess, that she 0:19:19.480 --> 0:19:22.200 was kind, the sort of person who helps younger kids 0:19:22.240 --> 0:19:25.080 find frogs, who gives them her books so they can 0:19:25.119 --> 0:19:28.919 fall in love with reading too. Someone who liked tattoos 0:19:28.920 --> 0:19:32.639 and funky haircuts. Someone bold and artsy and beautifully weird. 0:19:33.320 --> 0:19:36.720 Someone with a massive Julia Roberts smile, too magnificent for 0:19:36.760 --> 0:19:46.680 the box Victor wanted to keep her in. There's some 0:19:46.760 --> 0:19:49.639 video footage of the press conference right after Victor was 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:52.760 sentenced the day of the survivor bracelets of the photo 0:19:52.800 --> 0:19:56.280 with Lindsay and Jess's heads pressed together, the photo full 0:19:56.280 --> 0:20:00.720 of light. Watching the video, I'm always by how frank 0:20:00.800 --> 0:20:04.880 Jess is. She seems so genuine, like grounded and honest, 0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:06.560 the way I think we all wish we could be. 0:20:10.240 --> 0:20:12.359 In the video, a reporter asks them, why do you 0:20:12.400 --> 0:20:15.000 think Victor agreed to the maximum sentence instead of going 0:20:15.000 --> 0:20:15.480 to trial? 0:20:16.359 --> 0:20:19.399 Jess answers, objectively, there seems to be nothing in it 0:20:19.480 --> 0:20:20.600 for him. 0:20:20.840 --> 0:20:22.640 Why do you think he really took this too? 0:20:23.080 --> 0:20:26.560 I think he wants to cover himself and his followers, 0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:28.119 and if we want. 0:20:28.040 --> 0:20:33.560 To trial, I mean every detail, every account, and everything 0:20:33.600 --> 0:20:37.080 that we remember would be put into record and be public, 0:20:37.520 --> 0:20:40.320 not just for us, but for him and for him 0:20:40.320 --> 0:20:42.199 to say, you know that he's trying to spare us. 0:20:42.240 --> 0:20:44.879 The pain of a trial, and I mean. 0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:48.760 We prepared for that, we were ready to do that, 0:20:48.840 --> 0:20:50.640 We were definitely. 0:20:50.680 --> 0:20:53.560 Going to go ahead with that, and so for him to. 0:20:53.080 --> 0:20:55.960 Say that he's doing it to spare us, it's very cowardly. 0:20:56.000 --> 0:20:58.040 It's offensive because. 0:20:59.800 --> 0:21:03.680 We are completely prepared. 0:21:03.359 --> 0:21:06.639 And want our story to be told and want the truth. 0:21:06.880 --> 0:21:11.159 And we've had each other to remind each other that 0:21:11.240 --> 0:21:12.880 we're strong, our survivors. 0:21:12.960 --> 0:21:24.000 Yet, when Jess went back to Minnesota with the TV 0:21:24.119 --> 0:21:27.000 reporter who broke the story and launched the pursuit of Victor, 0:21:27.960 --> 0:21:31.560 she stood in the road outside the camp. A field 0:21:31.600 --> 0:21:34.240 of shallow snow was like a flat white frame around 0:21:34.240 --> 0:21:39.280 her face. Here, Jess was back at the Shepherd's camp 0:21:39.320 --> 0:21:42.320 as an adult, and she started to choke on emotion. 0:21:44.119 --> 0:21:45.879 I don't know if I will ever get away from it, 0:21:45.960 --> 0:21:49.240 she said to the camera. Every day I can't get 0:21:49.280 --> 0:21:51.320 away from it. I mean, how do you you know, 0:21:52.160 --> 0:21:54.080 It's like you grow up somewhere and you go back 0:21:54.080 --> 0:21:58.040 to visit part of you is still there, that's your home. 0:22:04.520 --> 0:22:08.159 In the months after Jess died, Lindsay sort of shut 0:22:08.200 --> 0:22:11.800 down and shut others out. She knew they didn't get it, 0:22:12.320 --> 0:22:15.560 not really, No one but her could understand what she 0:22:15.640 --> 0:22:21.880 had lost by losing Jess. 0:22:25.080 --> 0:22:28.560 And it was right when COVID was starting, so everything 0:22:28.680 --> 0:22:31.600 was crazy, but it was almost like I wanted to 0:22:31.680 --> 0:22:34.119 live in the sorrow of it for a little while, 0:22:35.160 --> 0:22:41.639 feel all of those emotions. I remember, like months after 0:22:41.960 --> 0:22:43.560 just I'd wake up in the middle of the night 0:22:43.720 --> 0:22:46.840 and just like talk, you know, talk to her, even 0:22:46.880 --> 0:22:51.239 though I know like she couldn't hear me. But I 0:22:51.280 --> 0:22:56.080 remember vowing, I will never let our story not be heard. 0:22:56.119 --> 0:23:00.280 I will never let the story die. I will share 0:23:00.320 --> 0:23:02.359 it with whoever will listen until the day I die, 0:23:02.400 --> 0:23:06.280 because Jess is never to be forgotten. I will make 0:23:06.320 --> 0:23:10.160 sure the world hears of what we went through, of 0:23:10.200 --> 0:23:14.399 the amazing person you were. I am not going to 0:23:14.520 --> 0:23:20.160 let anyone forget about what happened to us, no matter 0:23:20.160 --> 0:23:21.960 what it takes. I want to be that voice and 0:23:22.040 --> 0:23:23.600 that light and. 0:23:24.000 --> 0:23:47.240 Share Jess as a nice story. 0:23:59.359 --> 0:24:02.120 The Maidens had been Lindsay's sisters since she was thirteen. 0:24:02.680 --> 0:24:07.040 They were her role models, her confidence, her friends. Jess 0:24:07.160 --> 0:24:12.600 was gone, but what about the others. Some of them 0:24:12.640 --> 0:24:16.000 had defended Victor after his arrest. Some were Facebook friends 0:24:16.000 --> 0:24:20.120 with Lindsay. Surreal acquaintances whose lives she could watch unfold 0:24:20.280 --> 0:24:25.960 in pieces and glimmers and Facebook posts and pictures. But 0:24:26.080 --> 0:24:28.040 talking about her past with us and all of these 0:24:28.080 --> 0:24:31.520 interviews reignited something in Lindsay. She wanted to reach out 0:24:31.520 --> 0:24:34.800 to them again. She sent Facebook messages to a few 0:24:34.840 --> 0:24:37.560 former Maidens and one of them told her she'd like 0:24:37.640 --> 0:24:41.280 to meet. We'll call her Kelsey to protect her identity. 0:24:42.280 --> 0:24:46.400 Kelsey still lived in Washington. In Seattle, Lindsay flew out 0:24:46.440 --> 0:24:50.359 there on the day of their meeting. Lindsay took forever 0:24:50.440 --> 0:24:53.440 to pick just the right outfit. Kelsey always had a 0:24:53.480 --> 0:24:55.720 great sense of style, and she wanted to impress her. 0:24:56.600 --> 0:24:59.440 She wondered if they could be friends, or if Kelsey 0:24:59.520 --> 0:25:02.520 might resis see Lindsay as the person who had betrayed 0:25:02.560 --> 0:25:04.560 her and the Maidens. 0:25:09.680 --> 0:25:13.640 Okay, I'm walking up to the coffee shop. Definitely so nervous, 0:25:14.359 --> 0:25:19.080 had butterflies in my stomach, freaking out kind of. But 0:25:19.160 --> 0:25:24.879 I think it's gonna be really good, hopefully. Yeah, what 0:25:24.920 --> 0:25:28.680 do you even say? Like? Hello? Is that a good starter? 0:25:28.760 --> 0:25:34.639 I guess that's a good starter. Okay, I'm just gonna 0:25:34.640 --> 0:25:41.000 go for it. I'm waiting in the coffee shop, just 0:25:41.119 --> 0:25:44.760 kind of sitting there and I see her at the 0:25:44.840 --> 0:25:47.360 corner across out the window, and I was like, oh 0:25:47.400 --> 0:25:49.880 my gosh, and I didn't want to just stare at her, 0:25:49.960 --> 0:25:54.200 so I kind of looked away. And then she walks 0:25:54.240 --> 0:25:59.840 in the door and she's like, Lindsay, we can give 0:25:59.880 --> 0:26:02.840 you each other hug, you know, like some tears came, 0:26:02.920 --> 0:26:06.720 and it wasn't that awkward. We got coffee, we sat 0:26:06.760 --> 0:26:08.080 down and. 0:26:08.040 --> 0:26:11.520 They started talking about their lives now Kelsey had gotten married, 0:26:11.600 --> 0:26:14.320 had a career. Lindsay told her how she'd gone to 0:26:14.359 --> 0:26:15.439 college and had a daughter. 0:26:18.720 --> 0:26:21.639 And she told me when we were meeting that the 0:26:21.720 --> 0:26:25.280 idea of travel always appealed to her. And she was 0:26:25.280 --> 0:26:28.320 telling me how back when we were maidens, she would 0:26:28.359 --> 0:26:30.960 read an atlass just for fun to see all the 0:26:30.960 --> 0:26:34.200 places in the world. I didn't know that about her. 0:26:36.080 --> 0:26:37.880 All of the maidens had had to keep some parts 0:26:37.880 --> 0:26:38.880 of them selves secret. 0:26:40.640 --> 0:26:44.600 She shared with me that once Jess and I went 0:26:44.640 --> 0:26:53.680 to the cops, things just got really crazy. People knew 0:26:53.680 --> 0:26:55.879 what was going on, but it was always hush hush. 0:26:56.440 --> 0:26:59.639 It was just rumors or maybe like if they had 0:26:59.640 --> 0:27:02.760 read an news article from somewhere being out and doing 0:27:02.800 --> 0:27:07.199 cleaning jobs or whatever. And in the beginning, she's like, 0:27:07.280 --> 0:27:09.880 we did think that you and Jess, you guys are 0:27:09.880 --> 0:27:13.080 bringing on like the persecution, that Victory was being persecuted. 0:27:13.880 --> 0:27:16.639 And at that time she still wanted to remain faithful 0:27:16.760 --> 0:27:22.920 and thought she was doing the right thing, she said. 0:27:22.960 --> 0:27:26.520 Eventually some of the other maidens started leaving. So many 0:27:26.560 --> 0:27:30.000 of the maidens left, things were really breaking up, she said. 0:27:30.000 --> 0:27:33.680 At the end, it was only her, I think one 0:27:33.680 --> 0:27:36.679 other maiden there. 0:27:41.040 --> 0:27:44.040 Lindsay's mom lived with the last two maidens at the time. 0:27:44.520 --> 0:27:47.800 And so she said that she went and bought a car, 0:27:47.880 --> 0:27:51.119 and my mother went and helped her buy a car, 0:27:51.200 --> 0:27:55.040 which it's not her fault at all, but it just 0:27:55.119 --> 0:27:58.320 kind of stung a little bit that here my mother's 0:27:58.320 --> 0:28:04.080 supporting her to go buy a car when she wrote 0:28:04.080 --> 0:28:08.200 a letter to the judge and said all those awful things. 0:28:09.920 --> 0:28:12.240 I don't know, it just struck a chord. 0:28:12.520 --> 0:28:17.439 Yeah with me, I'm sure that felt like a stab 0:28:17.520 --> 0:28:23.080 to the gut, yeah, Lindsay says. Kelsey told her she 0:28:23.080 --> 0:28:25.960 booked a ticket to Minnesota to visit Victor in jail. 0:28:27.119 --> 0:28:28.800 She was only able to see him, I think through 0:28:28.800 --> 0:28:32.440 a monitor but she was like, as I sat there 0:28:32.960 --> 0:28:36.760 looking at him and hearing him, I just got such 0:28:37.440 --> 0:28:40.000 the icky feeling and knew I never ever wanted to 0:28:40.000 --> 0:28:43.480 support this person ever again. And that was the last 0:28:43.480 --> 0:28:48.400 time she ever saw him ever, like put any time 0:28:48.480 --> 0:28:53.560 into defending him or anything like that. She made it 0:28:53.680 --> 0:28:56.600 very clear that she loved me, and she was very 0:28:56.600 --> 0:28:59.320 thankful for what we did. I think, which is healing 0:28:59.440 --> 0:29:00.560