1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her space. You know, sometimes 12 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:40,120 Speaker 2: we say, oh, just pray it away or like God, 13 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 2: and sometimes that seems so vague and so broad. But 14 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 2: the way she broke it down to me was, you know, 15 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,280 Speaker 2: when you have these experiences, think about how you've overcome 16 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 2: so that you can share that with someone else. And 17 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:52,160 Speaker 2: I feel like that moment down was so game changing 18 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 2: for me because ever since then, every time something happens, 19 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 2: like I'll give myself space to process it and then 20 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, how do I get through that? So 21 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 2: I can now either now write a blog post right 22 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,480 Speaker 2: or we talk about it on the podcast, or write 23 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 2: a post on social media to give back to someone else. 24 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:12,080 Speaker 2: Thanks Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, 25 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,800 Speaker 2: or even a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA 26 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:19,279 Speaker 2: moments or if you feel comforted throughout the episode, Lady, 27 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:21,280 Speaker 2: please leave us a review and tell us what we're 28 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,480 Speaker 2: doing right so we can stay on track. Also, we 29 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:26,720 Speaker 2: release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe on 30 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,760 Speaker 2: iTunes and visit her space podcast dot com and enter 31 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 2: your email address to get updates about our live events 32 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,480 Speaker 2: and all the new beginnings that we have for this year. Thanks. 33 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 1: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women 34 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:47,200 Speaker 1: like you. We're your Costs Doctor Dominique Brussard, a college 35 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,480 Speaker 1: professor and psychologist. 36 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and a motivational speaker. In 37 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:57,600 Speaker 2: a world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, 38 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:02,760 Speaker 2: please join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything 39 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 2: from fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space 40 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:09,480 Speaker 2: where black women can just flee. 41 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here from the Herspace Podcast. 42 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 1: Do you have a burning question you're dying to get 43 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:24,120 Speaker 1: feedback on. Do you want an unbiased perspective on a 44 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:29,680 Speaker 1: situation you're facing? If so visit herspacepodcast dot com and 45 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 1: click ask doctor Dom under the start here option. Every Tuesday, 46 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:39,320 Speaker 1: I'll choose a few questions and answer them at random. Lady, 47 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:45,680 Speaker 1: today you are in for a very special treat. Today 48 00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:54,239 Speaker 1: we are interviewing in her space our very own Terry Lomax. 49 00:02:55,600 --> 00:03:01,079 Speaker 1: Terry is a globally recognized podcaster, speaker, and brand strategists 50 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:06,800 Speaker 1: who empowers entrepreneurs to leverage social media and personal branding 51 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 1: to grow their audience, impact and bank accounts. Terry, Welcome 52 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:14,480 Speaker 1: to her Space. 53 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 2: Hi so weird. Oh my gosh, girl, I feel so nervous, 54 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 2: like I'm about to go on stage. 55 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:33,399 Speaker 1: Well, this is our space, so you know how we do. 56 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 1: You know how the energy flows. So I think that 57 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:42,720 Speaker 1: you should kind of take a deep breath and enjoy 58 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,560 Speaker 1: the ride. I think this is going to be fun. 59 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 1: I've personally been really excited about this. 60 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,800 Speaker 2: Oh, I think you doing so. 61 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: I am going to start us off with our quote 62 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:58,880 Speaker 1: of the day, which comes from you, Terry. Grow through 63 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:07,200 Speaker 1: what you go through. Grow through what you go through. 64 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 1: Now see. 65 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 2: That quote. 66 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 1: When you hear that, those are your words. But when 67 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:23,359 Speaker 1: you hear that, what do you think inspired that particular quote. 68 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,279 Speaker 2: Oh, Don, that is a good question. That is a 69 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,200 Speaker 2: really good question. It's funny because when I looked at 70 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 2: this quote, I was like, wait, I said that. When 71 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,840 Speaker 2: I say that, I didn't even remember. Sometimes quotes will 72 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:34,800 Speaker 2: just come to me in the moment or as I'm 73 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,000 Speaker 2: going through certain things in life, and I think for 74 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:41,040 Speaker 2: that quote, what it means to me is that there 75 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:47,320 Speaker 2: are always lessons rite or things that we can learn 76 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:50,720 Speaker 2: or use in our journey when we have different experiences 77 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 2: in life. Right, so, whether they are positive experiences, whether 78 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,240 Speaker 2: they are less than pleasant experiences. I think about a 79 00:04:57,279 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 2: lot of the adversity that I've faced, and there was 80 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 2: something that I've gained from each of those experiences. Sometimes 81 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,040 Speaker 2: it's very hard to see it in the moment, but 82 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 2: you know, hindsight is twenty twenty. Looking back on those things, 83 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I see what that was developing in me, right, 84 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 2: I see how that was serving me in this way. 85 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,040 Speaker 2: And so I think that's what I meant when I 86 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:17,839 Speaker 2: wrote that quote. 87 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 1: And so you know, I'm excited because we are going 88 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 1: to dive into some of those things that you have 89 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:31,159 Speaker 1: been through, and we hopefully will get to kind of 90 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:37,760 Speaker 1: see how you are coming through your journey. I was 91 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: you know, I was about to say, like what your 92 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,320 Speaker 1: journey has been, But you're still on a journey, right, 93 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:47,040 Speaker 1: we all are, and so let's just dive right in. 94 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 2: Let's do it. 95 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: Let's do it, so Terry tell us. You know, one 96 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,720 Speaker 1: of the questions we often ask guests when they come 97 00:05:55,760 --> 00:06:00,279 Speaker 1: on is for them to share with us their story. Right, 98 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 1: And I know that you and I have in different episodes, 99 00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 1: shared bits and pieces of our story, and you've shared 100 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 1: multiple pieces of your story in various episodes of the podcast. Right, 101 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:20,040 Speaker 1: but right now you have a book coming out and 102 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,440 Speaker 1: we'll dive more into that a little bit later, but 103 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 1: if you can kind of share with us, like, tell 104 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,160 Speaker 1: us your story. 105 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 2: Yes, Tom, So, I'll make a very long story and 106 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:35,479 Speaker 2: a very eventful story. I'll make it short, but I 107 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,279 Speaker 2: will say down when I think about my story, it 108 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,360 Speaker 2: has been filled with so much adversity. I mean, I 109 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:45,520 Speaker 2: think about back to when I was born. As a newborn. 110 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,520 Speaker 2: I believe I had meningitis or something and I stopped 111 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 2: breathing and my family had to rush me to the 112 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,839 Speaker 2: hospital and they didn't think I was gonna make it. 113 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,920 Speaker 2: When my mom told me that story, I was just like, damn. 114 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,039 Speaker 2: So ever since I was born, I've just struggling my 115 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 2: way through this life. And you know, basically, when I 116 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,160 Speaker 2: think about my upbringing, some of the most pivotal moments 117 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 2: for me, don were, you know, growing up in an 118 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:08,000 Speaker 2: abusive household where my mom was physically and reverbally abusive 119 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 2: and also in and out of jail ever since I 120 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:14,920 Speaker 2: was eight years old. So at eight years old, I 121 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:19,160 Speaker 2: had started to really become a parent because that's when 122 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,680 Speaker 2: my first little sister was born, and then a few 123 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 2: years later, my next little sister was born, a year 124 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,200 Speaker 2: later my next little brother, and then the year after 125 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,640 Speaker 2: that my other little brother. So I had four younger 126 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,080 Speaker 2: siblings that I was at home with, and ever since 127 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:35,440 Speaker 2: I was eight, I was basically raising you know them, 128 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 2: you know, at the different stages of their birth, because 129 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,120 Speaker 2: my mom was back and forth to jail, and so 130 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 2: my dad was there and he, you know, did the 131 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:46,000 Speaker 2: best that he could. He was the sole provider. He 132 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 2: really held things down for the family. But I had 133 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,120 Speaker 2: a lot of struggles, a lot of internal struggles, a 134 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:54,600 Speaker 2: lot of personal struggles that many people did not know about. 135 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 2: I remember one of my teachers was on my Facebook 136 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 2: and he was looking at one the stories I posted. 137 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,600 Speaker 2: I think it was about suicide, and he was just like, 138 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:04,960 Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I never knew that you were going 139 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,600 Speaker 2: through all that stuff. You always came to class with 140 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,600 Speaker 2: a smile. And I was like, well, you know, I 141 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 2: was thinking to myself, like, I grew up in a 142 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:13,480 Speaker 2: household where what happens in this house stays in this house. Right, 143 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,200 Speaker 2: So I had a smile on my face every day 144 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 2: although I was going through hell at home, right, And 145 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,200 Speaker 2: so that's kind of the long story short to kind 146 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 2: of sum it up. 147 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:28,560 Speaker 1: And so that's the foundation. Right, You're coming from an 148 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:35,720 Speaker 1: experience where you have dealt with trauma and an abuse, 149 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 1: and now that's not your life, right, You're not in 150 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 1: a space of on a day to day dealing with 151 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 1: present trauma and abuse personally on an individual level. Right. 152 00:08:56,480 --> 00:09:03,080 Speaker 1: Exactly how did you get from this household where you 153 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: were the parensified child who was suicidal to the Terry 154 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:13,680 Speaker 1: Lomax that we know today. 155 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 2: Oh, that is an interesting question. 156 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: Dom. 157 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:20,480 Speaker 2: I would say that for a long time I sort 158 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:23,440 Speaker 2: of had an identity crisis really when I was in 159 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 2: high school, and the reason was because I was raised 160 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,520 Speaker 2: with a different name. So anyone that knows me personally, 161 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,080 Speaker 2: they know that I was raised as Erica. Basically, everyone 162 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,360 Speaker 2: in my family calls me Erica. My siblings call me Erica. 163 00:09:35,559 --> 00:09:38,079 Speaker 2: People have recently started calling me Terry because that's the 164 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 2: name that I used for my profession in my career, 165 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,360 Speaker 2: and that's my given name. But I grew up with Erica. 166 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 2: And I think when I was about seven years old 167 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,559 Speaker 2: or so, my mom had asked me if I wanted 168 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 2: to change my name to Erica because my full name 169 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 2: is Terry Lynn right, And so I'm like, Okay, what 170 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,480 Speaker 2: seven year old doesn't want to change their name because 171 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,440 Speaker 2: I thought Terry Lynn always. I don't know, I don't 172 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 2: It's okay like that, but I didn't like it like that. 173 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,000 Speaker 2: And so I grew up as Erica. And my mom's 174 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:07,640 Speaker 2: husband's name was Williams, right his last name, and so 175 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 2: I grew up as Erica Williams Dowm. So literally in 176 00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:13,680 Speaker 2: school for twelve years and I'm Erica Williams. And I 177 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:18,160 Speaker 2: tell you this experience because when I was in twelfth grade, 178 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,440 Speaker 2: I was getting ready to get my I think I 179 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 2: was a junior or senior in high school. I was 180 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 2: getting ready to get my license and I was applying 181 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 2: for colleges. It had to be eleventh grade, and I 182 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:31,560 Speaker 2: got my birth certificate and my documents and my social 183 00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:34,679 Speaker 2: and I was like, wait, my actual name is Terry 184 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:36,840 Speaker 2: low Max, Like I didn't know that that was my actual, 185 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 2: like full name on paper because literally dom at the 186 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 2: dentist guess what my name was at the dentist dome, 187 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:45,600 Speaker 2: Erica Williams. That's a girl. So I literally had an 188 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,439 Speaker 2: identity crisis where I was trying to apply for colleges 189 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 2: with this name that didn't match my documents, and that 190 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:52,800 Speaker 2: just didn't feel right to me. I'm like, I got 191 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 2: to get myself together, and it just that was a 192 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:58,480 Speaker 2: very interesting experience for me because it really made me question, 193 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,240 Speaker 2: like who am I? And so I tell you that 194 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 2: story because in the midst of everything that I had 195 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,560 Speaker 2: been through, I just felt like I was having an 196 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:09,720 Speaker 2: identity crisis. Number One, I also didn't really come to 197 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 2: grips with all that I had been through. I did 198 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,959 Speaker 2: a lot of suppressing and so I didn't really talk 199 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 2: about the abuse because again, what happens in this house 200 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:21,400 Speaker 2: stayed in this house. I struggled with sharing my story 201 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,720 Speaker 2: because you know, my mom was at the focal point 202 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,079 Speaker 2: of that story, and I didn't want to make her 203 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:28,480 Speaker 2: look bad, right, And so it took a long time 204 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 2: for me to finally get to a place where I'm like, 205 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 2: you know what, these things happened, this is my truth, 206 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 2: these are my experiences, and they impacted me so deeply. 207 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,559 Speaker 2: And so I think it was when I went to 208 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,959 Speaker 2: grad school. I was in my early twenties and I 209 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,400 Speaker 2: had moved to Salisbury, Maryland, and I started going to 210 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,120 Speaker 2: therapy for the first time ever, which is so crazy 211 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,440 Speaker 2: to me down because when I think about all that 212 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,120 Speaker 2: I've been through, I'm like, I can't believe I was 213 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 2: in my twenties when I started therapy and I made 214 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 2: it this far without going to any formal support. But 215 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,520 Speaker 2: for me back in the day, journaling and my best 216 00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:00,839 Speaker 2: friend those were kind of the only list that I had. 217 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,960 Speaker 2: And music. I used to like write music and stuff 218 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,560 Speaker 2: to cope. But when I went to therapy, I started 219 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,320 Speaker 2: to revisit. You know howadays you start therapy and I'm like, so, 220 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,320 Speaker 2: tell me about your childhood, and I'm like, well, god, damn, 221 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:12,920 Speaker 2: you got tissues. And so I think for me, that 222 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:16,200 Speaker 2: was the time when I really started to unpack the 223 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,440 Speaker 2: things that happened and all the mixed emotions began to 224 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,160 Speaker 2: come up. So that was a long story, but I 225 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,840 Speaker 2: hope that kind of answers the question somewhat right. 226 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:29,240 Speaker 1: And so as I'm listening, like like you're taking us 227 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: in bits and pieces, right, so we understand the foundation, right, 228 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:41,679 Speaker 1: and we understand how you started transitioning in your twenties 229 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:46,360 Speaker 1: of like, okay, I'm trying to apply to colleges and 230 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,080 Speaker 1: recognizing that weight hold on who I thought I was 231 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 1: was not who I was who or who I am 232 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 1: on like a legal level, right, but then on a 233 00:12:57,080 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 1: psychological level, I'm not who everyone thought I was. I'm 234 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:08,320 Speaker 1: not who I may have thought I was. And so 235 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:13,080 Speaker 1: like that's when there's like this kind of transformation happening. 236 00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:20,600 Speaker 1: Mm hm. So we get to that point of this 237 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:29,439 Speaker 1: transformation and there's still a gap from that transformation to 238 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: Terry Lomax podcaster, speaker, brand strategists. 239 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, so you know what dom I will say, 240 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,960 Speaker 2: Ever since I was younger, I did have a vision 241 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 2: to share my story with the world. At some point 242 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 2: it dawned on me that you know, what I grew 243 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 2: up in a lot of dysfunction, like, this isn't normal. 244 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,120 Speaker 2: I used to think that, you know, a lot of 245 00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:00,240 Speaker 2: other people experienced the things that I had experienced. I'm like, oh, okay, 246 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,240 Speaker 2: everyone else does. And so it dawned on me that 247 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,520 Speaker 2: this isn't normal, and I want to share my story. 248 00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 2: And so I think that in an effort to share 249 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 2: my story and inspire other people, I started a blog 250 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,640 Speaker 2: and that was the first place where I actually shared 251 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,240 Speaker 2: my story in the midst of you know, going to 252 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:16,000 Speaker 2: therapy and really just I talk about this on some 253 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,120 Speaker 2: of our other episodes. Now, I'm spending two years in 254 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:22,240 Speaker 2: grad school dating myself, and you know, imagine you go 255 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,520 Speaker 2: through all these things. I was struggling with depression, anxiety, 256 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 2: low self esteem, suicidal ideations, and then you factor in, 257 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,960 Speaker 2: you know, teenage hormones and then relationships. And so I 258 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:36,400 Speaker 2: was getting into relationships where I mean, it was just 259 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 2: with bad people that meant me no good. Right, I 260 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,840 Speaker 2: was making very bad decisions as far as who I 261 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,040 Speaker 2: was partnering myself with. And so when I was in 262 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 2: grad school dating myself, I began to take all these 263 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:49,120 Speaker 2: personality tests. I began to really go within on a 264 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:52,440 Speaker 2: deeper level outside of just the journaling and understand like 265 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,920 Speaker 2: who is this person? Like who am I? And what 266 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 2: do I really want to do in my life? And 267 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 2: who do I want to be? And I think that 268 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,600 Speaker 2: point in life was a very crucial time for me 269 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,400 Speaker 2: to really discover who I am because it was a 270 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:08,680 Speaker 2: moment in life when I had moved away far enough 271 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 2: away from family and my siblings where I wasn't able 272 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,280 Speaker 2: to be their mom, right. I wasn't able to you know, 273 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 2: take them to school and pick them up and you know, 274 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 2: be there to give them baths and eyron their clothes 275 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 2: and do their hair. I wasn't able to do that 276 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,000 Speaker 2: because I had to work and go to school and 277 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,880 Speaker 2: I was farther. And so that period of time was 278 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 2: like the first time I got to choose me and 279 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:31,240 Speaker 2: really focus on me and what I wanted and not 280 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,480 Speaker 2: what other people wanted for me. And so I would 281 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 2: say that the Terry lomags and that people know today 282 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:41,520 Speaker 2: was really developed during that time of introspection, solitude, dating 283 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:45,440 Speaker 2: myself and really mapping out what my plan was going 284 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 2: to be. 285 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 1: Now, let's have a little deeper into that, right, because 286 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,400 Speaker 1: one of the things that you said kind of stuck 287 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 1: like hit me. And I know that I can identify 288 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,880 Speaker 1: with that as an older sibling. You said that in 289 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 1: grad school you were further away physically from home, right, 290 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: So that also kind of meant an ability to, because 291 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: you're not physically there, to emotionally kind of detach from 292 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 1: what's happening at home. But if you are similar to 293 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,880 Speaker 1: me in this way, it doesn't matter how many miles 294 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 1: away you may be from your siblings, you still are connected. 295 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:31,120 Speaker 1: And so as you're trying to go into this space 296 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:36,400 Speaker 1: of introspection and dating yourself and spending time with yourself, 297 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:44,800 Speaker 1: what was that like to disconnect or separate from your siblings, 298 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:48,640 Speaker 1: especially when you know the things that you went through 299 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:49,120 Speaker 1: at home. 300 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 2: You know what, Tom, I will say, even to this day, 301 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,680 Speaker 2: my siblings they are Okay. When I say this, I 302 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 2: say this facetiously. My siblings are like my babies, right. 303 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 2: I mean I changed all the night I literally raised them. 304 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,120 Speaker 2: So even today, we still have an emotional connection. And 305 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,040 Speaker 2: when I moved, we did as well. But what I'll 306 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,639 Speaker 2: say is the difference is when I was an undergrad, 307 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:11,000 Speaker 2: I was driving home almost every weekend and sometimes throughout 308 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,040 Speaker 2: the weekdim to be there for them, right. So I 309 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:15,679 Speaker 2: was going home on the weekends to make sure they 310 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,119 Speaker 2: had some type of stability, so you know, fixing them food, 311 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,360 Speaker 2: taking them to church, bathing them right. 312 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:21,480 Speaker 1: Like. 313 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,359 Speaker 2: I literally have pictures of me getting my little sister 314 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,840 Speaker 2: ready for her prom and graduation and stuff like that 315 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,800 Speaker 2: because our mom wasn't there. And I remember when my 316 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,399 Speaker 2: little brother was younger, we were going somewhere. We had 317 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:32,920 Speaker 2: so many beautiful moments, and I have a lot of 318 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:36,680 Speaker 2: those moments on video, and my little brother was like, Erica, 319 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,439 Speaker 2: can I call you mom? And I was just like, 320 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,560 Speaker 2: oh my god, and my heart just broke and I 321 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 2: was just like, no, brother, you can't call me mom. 322 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,880 Speaker 2: I'm not your mom. We have a mom, but she's 323 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,600 Speaker 2: just not here. And so when I was in grad school, 324 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,040 Speaker 2: it was also at a point where my mom did 325 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 2: get released and she was home for a period of time. 326 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:55,919 Speaker 2: And so when she came home. I actually have a 327 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,639 Speaker 2: video of me talking about this because I used to 328 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:00,280 Speaker 2: make vlogs back then dom and in the video, what 329 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:04,320 Speaker 2: I was saying is I wanted to create better boundaries 330 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,639 Speaker 2: and give my siblings a chance to reconnect with my 331 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,639 Speaker 2: mom in a different way because she was home, and 332 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,720 Speaker 2: so that gave me the ability to be a kid 333 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,359 Speaker 2: that I didn't really get a chance to be and 334 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,480 Speaker 2: really focus on me in a way. And so I'm 335 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,760 Speaker 2: still there for them, right. I'm still taking phone calls, 336 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 2: but I'm not going home every weekend. Right, I'm not 337 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,840 Speaker 2: like involved in every emotional aspect of their lives. And 338 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,720 Speaker 2: I had a chance to kind of fall back in 339 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,200 Speaker 2: that sense, but still very active, right, but just trying 340 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,680 Speaker 2: to hold space and provide space for them to build 341 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:30,359 Speaker 2: with my mom. 342 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:38,000 Speaker 1: That is so powerful and so meaningful, right, and so 343 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:46,879 Speaker 1: emotionally mature to make that decision, that selfless decision that 344 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:52,879 Speaker 1: you're going to give them that space, right, because I 345 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:57,280 Speaker 1: could see where you easily could have said, you know what, Mom, 346 00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:02,639 Speaker 1: you haven't been there for them, and I have, so 347 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:06,159 Speaker 1: I'm going to continue to be there, but you chose 348 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,119 Speaker 1: a different path, you know. 349 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:12,000 Speaker 2: Dom It's wild. Despite what I've been through with my 350 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:17,400 Speaker 2: mom and despite the journey, I have always held her 351 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:18,880 Speaker 2: in the highest regard. 352 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:19,120 Speaker 1: Right. 353 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 2: I can only imagine like with a track record like hers, 354 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 2: and I'm sure you know, with families saying things about 355 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,680 Speaker 2: her over the years and me witnessing everything. I've always 356 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,120 Speaker 2: tried to protect my siblings from that, and I feel 357 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:33,000 Speaker 2: as though oftentimes I was like a cushion to them, 358 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 2: sort of hitting the ground hard. Like there were a 359 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,400 Speaker 2: lot of things they saw a lot when they were younger, right, 360 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,119 Speaker 2: but they didn't feel the impact the way I felt it, 361 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 2: right because I was trying to protect them and I 362 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 2: was trying to mask the things that were going on. 363 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,119 Speaker 2: And so, you know, I've always just had this great 364 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,399 Speaker 2: respect for my mom because you know, she brought me 365 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 2: into this world and we did have a really great relationship. 366 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,920 Speaker 2: I mean, there were so many good moments that we had. 367 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 2: But when I was honest with myself and I was like, Okay, 368 00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,159 Speaker 2: if I'm not necessarily trying to protect her person and 369 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,440 Speaker 2: I'm just honest with myself about what happened, how did 370 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,359 Speaker 2: that impact me? And that made me feel some kind 371 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:06,520 Speaker 2: of way. I felt emotions about that, about the way 372 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,520 Speaker 2: that she, you know, just handled herself over the years 373 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:10,600 Speaker 2: and made certain decisions, and I had to be honest 374 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,359 Speaker 2: with myself about that. So I will say, even though 375 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,760 Speaker 2: I could have responded that way, and I totally hear 376 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,360 Speaker 2: you some people may have, I've always just had this 377 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,240 Speaker 2: admiration and respect for her potential and the good things 378 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:22,800 Speaker 2: about her. 379 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:29,359 Speaker 1: Again, that speaks to this level of emotional maturity that 380 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:39,360 Speaker 1: not all of us readily tap into. And so when 381 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 1: I think of this level of emotional maturity that you have, 382 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:48,200 Speaker 1: I think about, you know, the title of your book, right, 383 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:53,119 Speaker 1: how to Glow Up as you Grow Up? I have 384 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,399 Speaker 1: a sense, but I want our listeners to kind of 385 00:20:55,400 --> 00:21:00,400 Speaker 1: have an offense of you know, what inspired one the 386 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:05,399 Speaker 1: title of the book, but then too inspired you to 387 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:07,280 Speaker 1: actually write the book. 388 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:13,200 Speaker 2: Yes, so as far as the title, I originally set 389 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,080 Speaker 2: out to create a book for young people because I 390 00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:18,760 Speaker 2: am a motivational speaker and I'll go to different schools, 391 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,040 Speaker 2: you know, whether it's a middle school, high school, or 392 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:24,119 Speaker 2: colleges around the country and speak to students. And so 393 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,359 Speaker 2: I wanted to write a book for those kids that 394 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,399 Speaker 2: are especially going through a lot of the things that 395 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,359 Speaker 2: I went through. And so I know that we're in 396 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,200 Speaker 2: this stage of life where people are like the glow up, right, 397 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 2: the glow up is real? Or you glowed up and 398 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,080 Speaker 2: all that, and so I'm like, Okay, how can I 399 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,359 Speaker 2: encourage them to glow up as they grow up? Right? 400 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:42,399 Speaker 2: And really define like, what does it mean to glow up? 401 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:42,680 Speaker 1: Right? 402 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:46,040 Speaker 2: Because I think it's just important and the way that 403 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:49,720 Speaker 2: I define glow up is wholeness and a purpose driven 404 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,600 Speaker 2: life and evolution, not necessarily the physical. Right. It's cool 405 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:54,440 Speaker 2: to be looking good on the outside, but like, I'm 406 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,919 Speaker 2: more concerned about the inside. What inner work are you 407 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,600 Speaker 2: doing where your light is shining so bright that you 408 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:02,560 Speaker 2: are glowe right? Like you're glowing up, That's what that is. 409 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 2: And so I really wanted to capture them with that 410 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:08,280 Speaker 2: title and bring them in on that journey. But when 411 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:10,800 Speaker 2: I had a few women read the book to preview 412 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,359 Speaker 2: it last year, they were like, oh, I kind of 413 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,119 Speaker 2: feel like adults can really benefit from this too, And 414 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 2: I was like, we're I'm like, okay, let me shift 415 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,440 Speaker 2: it up a little bit. So I tried to make 416 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,879 Speaker 2: it a bit more universal in that regard and speaking 417 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,520 Speaker 2: about how we really can all glow up as we 418 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 2: grow up. And when you think about it, Dom, I know, 419 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,840 Speaker 2: you probably know some people that are grown. They quick 420 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:36,800 Speaker 2: to tell you I'm grown, but they haven't really grown up, right, Yep, 421 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,640 Speaker 2: they haven't really grown up, and they haven't even touched 422 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,159 Speaker 2: the surface of glowing up right, And like doing the 423 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:45,720 Speaker 2: internal work and like facing themselves, facing their truth, facing 424 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 2: what happened to them. And so my hope is that 425 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:51,040 Speaker 2: this book could be that conversation starter for people to 426 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,560 Speaker 2: really look at who am I, what happened to me? 427 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:58,480 Speaker 2: How is it impacting me? How can I address my shit? 428 00:22:58,520 --> 00:22:58,639 Speaker 1: Right? 429 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,199 Speaker 2: Because we all got some stuff we have to do, 430 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,359 Speaker 2: how can I address that in a safe space? 431 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:02,600 Speaker 1: Right? 432 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,720 Speaker 2: That's supportive? And so that's part of my hope. I 433 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:09,879 Speaker 2: would also say that, you know, the sort of tagline 434 00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:13,160 Speaker 2: of the book is your go to guide for overcoming 435 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,639 Speaker 2: obstacles and making lemonade. And the reason that I added 436 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,640 Speaker 2: that part and there's a heavy emphasis on the making 437 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:21,880 Speaker 2: lemonade process is because many of us have heard the saying, right, 438 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:22,920 Speaker 2: life gives. 439 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,679 Speaker 1: You lemons, make lemonade. 440 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:30,040 Speaker 2: Make lemonade. But houseway, they don't tell us how Like 441 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 2: nobody's saying like, well, this is how you make lemonade. 442 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,240 Speaker 2: You got to add this, and these are the ingredients. 443 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,760 Speaker 2: And so I literally mapped out like in the book 444 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:39,760 Speaker 2: there is a graphic of a picture. There are various 445 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,639 Speaker 2: ingredients to the lemonade, and there are different aspects of 446 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,639 Speaker 2: the journey that lead us to this glow up and 447 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,280 Speaker 2: this fulfillment. And so my question, I'm always like I 448 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,480 Speaker 2: need to see and I need to understand how something's done, 449 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,800 Speaker 2: Like don't just tell me, show me how. And so 450 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,199 Speaker 2: I wanted this to be right. I wanted this to 451 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,680 Speaker 2: be like a guide, so literally, through my success, through 452 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,479 Speaker 2: my struggles, through my stories, you could just see, Okay, 453 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,160 Speaker 2: this is Terry's story, this is what happened. I break 454 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:06,919 Speaker 2: down how I made lemonade, and then I put it 455 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,200 Speaker 2: back on the reader and I'm like, Okay, now I've 456 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,639 Speaker 2: showed you my process. What about you? What does it 457 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,760 Speaker 2: look like from your perspective based on what happened in 458 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,200 Speaker 2: your life. So it's very much a workbook style. I 459 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:19,080 Speaker 2: want to say, conversation between myself and the reader. 460 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:23,639 Speaker 1: That's fantastic. That is fantastic, And I can't wait to 461 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,680 Speaker 1: read it and share it with people. You know, as 462 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 1: I'm listening to you, you know some of the dots 463 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:33,320 Speaker 1: that I'm like connecting is okay. So you said that 464 00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:37,080 Speaker 1: you started journaling. Part of your healing process as a 465 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:41,439 Speaker 1: kid was to journal, and so it kind of sounds 466 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:45,359 Speaker 1: like this book is your grown up journal. 467 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,600 Speaker 2: Yes, for sure, I've been journaling for such a long time, dome, 468 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,080 Speaker 2: and I think that really is what saved me. Like writing, 469 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,200 Speaker 2: and I never thought I was a good writer. I've 470 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,399 Speaker 2: grown over the years as it released to writing, but 471 00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,320 Speaker 2: I never thought I was a good writer. But I've 472 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:00,520 Speaker 2: realized I've been journaling for such a lo time to 473 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,480 Speaker 2: process all these emotions because I went through some real 474 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,040 Speaker 2: hard shit dumb like, yeah, I look back on it, 475 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:09,719 Speaker 2: I am so just teary eyed and I and when 476 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:12,240 Speaker 2: I've been doing my inner child work, I've cried so 477 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,720 Speaker 2: many tears for that baby girl because I'm like, no 478 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,399 Speaker 2: little eight year old should have to go through this. 479 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 2: It's like no child should have to go through those experiences, 480 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,399 Speaker 2: and it breaks my heart that my younger self had to. 481 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,600 Speaker 2: But I've gone back and I've saved myself through visualization 482 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,480 Speaker 2: and different activities. Now, one part of your question, don 483 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,240 Speaker 2: that I didn't answer, was why I wanted to write 484 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:34,400 Speaker 2: the book, right, So I told you that I wanted 485 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:35,679 Speaker 2: to write a book for a long time, just to 486 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,320 Speaker 2: be an inspiration to share my story. But it wasn't 487 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,480 Speaker 2: until I wrote my first book. I had to be 488 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:43,760 Speaker 2: like seventeen or so at the time. It probably started 489 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:45,919 Speaker 2: before that. But I actually finished the book when I 490 00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:49,159 Speaker 2: was eighteen, and I remember going to my grandmother and 491 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:52,120 Speaker 2: I was like, my mom, I found this writer's conference. 492 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,679 Speaker 2: It's called the Sandy co Was Writer's Conference, and I 493 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,480 Speaker 2: think it was like three hundred dollars to go to 494 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,120 Speaker 2: the conference. So I was like, I really want to go. 495 00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:02,119 Speaker 2: And I remember my grandmother, bless her heart, she was like, okay, baby, 496 00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:05,199 Speaker 2: well I believe in you. And she always said, you know, 497 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,120 Speaker 2: you need to write Oprah letter so you could tell 498 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,480 Speaker 2: Oprah your story and tell her and Steve Harvey so 499 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,439 Speaker 2: you can be on their show. And I was like, okay, 500 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,440 Speaker 2: my mom. She always believed in me. I was like okay, 501 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,439 Speaker 2: my mom. So I remember her taking her money out 502 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,200 Speaker 2: her bra one day and she's like, here's a little 503 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,919 Speaker 2: something something and I was like okay. So I was 504 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,600 Speaker 2: on my way at eighteen. I got in my little 505 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,960 Speaker 2: truck that I had and I drove down to Maryland 506 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,080 Speaker 2: to go to this conference. And I had stayed with 507 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:30,359 Speaker 2: these two older black women because I wasn't I didn't 508 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,479 Speaker 2: have the money to get the hotel by myself, and 509 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,920 Speaker 2: so stayed with these women. I was in this place 510 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:39,639 Speaker 2: full of like professional authors and publishers, and I mean, 511 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:41,679 Speaker 2: I was probably one of the youngest people there. But 512 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,720 Speaker 2: I went and I was writing network and I'm like, 513 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:46,000 Speaker 2: I'm about to share my story and Auntie Oprah's gonna 514 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,479 Speaker 2: find me and it's gonna be history from there. And 515 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:51,360 Speaker 2: that is not what happened at all, Dome. I went 516 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,000 Speaker 2: to the conference and I shared my book with the 517 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,000 Speaker 2: publisher and I think we're still connected on LinkedIn, this 518 00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:59,560 Speaker 2: lady and I and basically she just marked up my 519 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:02,440 Speaker 2: whole book and she was just like, I mean, basically, Dom, 520 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,280 Speaker 2: it was trash. It was trash because I mean it 521 00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:07,439 Speaker 2: was very judgment too. I was still so young, it 522 00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,760 Speaker 2: was very judgmental and like, y'all got to do this, 523 00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:11,600 Speaker 2: you got to do this, and it's just I mean, 524 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:13,560 Speaker 2: I still have the book today with the red marks, 525 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,480 Speaker 2: and I'm so happy that nobody let me put that 526 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,280 Speaker 2: out into the world because they'd be there forever. 527 00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:18,560 Speaker 1: Dom. 528 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,240 Speaker 2: But the most important thing from that conference for me 529 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,760 Speaker 2: was a conversation I had with this radio host and 530 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,840 Speaker 2: I remember her pulling me over and she's like, wow, 531 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,520 Speaker 2: you at this conference. You're eighteen, You're by yourself. That's 532 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:31,680 Speaker 2: so awesome. Your story's inspiring. She's like, well, when you 533 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,360 Speaker 2: think about your story, you know what helped you make 534 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,080 Speaker 2: it through? And I was like, and I said this, 535 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,639 Speaker 2: like without even hesitating, I'm like, God, like God helped me. 536 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,840 Speaker 2: And she was just looking at me like Okay, that's beautiful. 537 00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:44,399 Speaker 2: She's like, well, what I want you to do is 538 00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,159 Speaker 2: I want you to really think about your story. I 539 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,359 Speaker 2: want you to think about what you can share with 540 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,080 Speaker 2: other people that will help them, because God is great, right, 541 00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:52,720 Speaker 2: and we want to I mean, you want to pray, 542 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:54,520 Speaker 2: you want to do all that, but like, think about 543 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,000 Speaker 2: the steps, think about the lessons that you've learned that 544 00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,760 Speaker 2: you can actually give to someone else, because you know, 545 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:02,240 Speaker 2: some we say, oh, just pray it away or like God, 546 00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:05,159 Speaker 2: and sometimes that seems so vague and so broad. But 547 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:06,919 Speaker 2: the way she broke it down to me was, you know, 548 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,400 Speaker 2: when you have these experiences, think about how you've overcome 549 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:11,240 Speaker 2: so that you can share that with someone else. And 550 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,280 Speaker 2: I feel like that moment down was so game changing 551 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 2: for me because ever since then, every time something happens, 552 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,239 Speaker 2: like I'll give myself space to process it and then 553 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,280 Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, how did I get through that? So 554 00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:24,520 Speaker 2: I can now either now write a blog post, right, 555 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,600 Speaker 2: or we talk about it on the podcast, or write 556 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:29,080 Speaker 2: a post on social media to give back to someone else. 557 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:37,080 Speaker 1: Wow. You know, one of my crazy is trust the process. 558 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:37,840 Speaker 2: Right. 559 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:43,959 Speaker 1: And so when you think back to that eighteen year 560 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:50,400 Speaker 1: old writing that first book, right, and you think about 561 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:55,680 Speaker 1: where you are now on the verge of releasing your 562 00:28:55,760 --> 00:29:01,400 Speaker 1: book a totally different book, right, and you think about 563 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,719 Speaker 1: that process that you went through from like eighteen to now, 564 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:09,320 Speaker 1: were there moments when you doubted that process? 565 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,840 Speaker 2: Absolutely done? That was about twelve years ago, because I'm 566 00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:16,200 Speaker 2: thirty now, Yes, I definitely doubted the process. I think 567 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,160 Speaker 2: for me, you know, my little eighteen year old feelings 568 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,840 Speaker 2: were really hurt in that moment because I'm like, damn, 569 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,800 Speaker 2: you know, they basically butchered my book. And I remember 570 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:26,760 Speaker 2: just putting it away and my little I had this 571 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,720 Speaker 2: little chest and I put it away and I didn't 572 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:31,560 Speaker 2: really revisit that idea that I can remember for a while. 573 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 2: And I had mentors and people that are always like, oh, 574 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:35,320 Speaker 2: you should write a book, you should write a book. 575 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,160 Speaker 2: I was kind of like, well, I already wrote a book, 576 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,240 Speaker 2: and it just it felt like opening up this old 577 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,160 Speaker 2: wound of like rejection, you know, And so I didn't 578 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 2: do it for a long time. And then when I 579 00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 2: got in grad school, during that two year period where 580 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,800 Speaker 2: I was dating myself, I was like, you know what, 581 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:50,960 Speaker 2: We're going to go ahead and do this book thing 582 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 2: again because I just felt like I had something to say, 583 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:55,280 Speaker 2: Like there was so much inside of me that I 584 00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:57,840 Speaker 2: was journaling about and I was creating vlogs about and 585 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,040 Speaker 2: I was like, people need to hear this because I 586 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,280 Speaker 2: was was really inspiring myself down and I'm like, I 587 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,720 Speaker 2: believe if you can inspire yourself, you can inspire other people. Right, 588 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:07,840 Speaker 2: Like you have to be your first testimonial. You have 589 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:11,240 Speaker 2: to be your first you know, use case or success story, right. 590 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:13,920 Speaker 2: And so as I began to do that, what I 591 00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:15,920 Speaker 2: did in grad school was because I was so serious 592 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 2: about my grades, I began to tie my goals and 593 00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,200 Speaker 2: writing a book to my academics. So I wrote an 594 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:25,240 Speaker 2: ebook in grad school called Breakup with Procrastination, and I 595 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,440 Speaker 2: just like put it online by myself, and that felt 596 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:29,920 Speaker 2: really good to put that online. And it's an ebook. 597 00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:31,920 Speaker 2: It never really felt official to me though. I was like, Okay, 598 00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:33,920 Speaker 2: that's a baby step. It's not a real book. You 599 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:35,640 Speaker 2: can't put it in your hands. But it was something 600 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,960 Speaker 2: that I produced, and so over the years, I would 601 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:40,959 Speaker 2: create blog posts and I would create work books. And 602 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 2: then I remember my mentor maybe last year or the 603 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 2: year before, he was like, okay, girl, you gotta write 604 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,920 Speaker 2: your book. And I was like okay, and I was like, well, 605 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:50,560 Speaker 2: that feels so scary, Like a book just seems like 606 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,360 Speaker 2: so much time. I don't have a lot of time. 607 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,760 Speaker 2: I work full time. We got the podcast, so I 608 00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:56,200 Speaker 2: was like, you know what, I'm going to write a 609 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,440 Speaker 2: work book. And I really tricked myself into writing the 610 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,280 Speaker 2: book down because I tried to write a work book, 611 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,360 Speaker 2: and then by the time I looked up, I was like, oh, 612 00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:05,640 Speaker 2: this is like one hundred and twenty plus pages. This 613 00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:07,800 Speaker 2: is an actual book. And so that's kind of how 614 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:09,880 Speaker 2: this actually happened. It was supposed to be a workbook 615 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,760 Speaker 2: because the book seemed to daunting for me, and then boom, 616 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:14,080 Speaker 2: the book came about. 617 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:20,880 Speaker 1: Wow. I continue to be amazed by you and your growth, 618 00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:26,120 Speaker 1: right and your story, and so you know, it sounds 619 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:28,320 Speaker 1: like there were a couple of things that you discovered 620 00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:31,040 Speaker 1: about yourself as you were working on the book, right, 621 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:36,200 Speaker 1: But are there specific things that really resonated with you 622 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:41,000 Speaker 1: that you discovered as you were going through this writing process, 623 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,440 Speaker 1: because as you mentioned, you were kind of running from 624 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:46,320 Speaker 1: the idea of actually writing a book. 625 00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:53,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, I was, you know, Dom, I would say one 626 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:57,200 Speaker 2: something that really stood out to me that I discovered was, 627 00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:01,920 Speaker 2: you know, anything I put my mind too, I really 628 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:03,880 Speaker 2: can achieve. And that's not just me, but like any 629 00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:05,760 Speaker 2: of us. It sounds so cliche, like we hear that 630 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:07,400 Speaker 2: kind of stuff all the time, but I feel like, 631 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:09,720 Speaker 2: you know, Dom, I was either going to write a 632 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:11,720 Speaker 2: work book or I was going to get a ghostwriter. 633 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:13,480 Speaker 2: Like I was not about to write a book because 634 00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:15,280 Speaker 2: I don't have time. That's what I kept telling myself. 635 00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:17,120 Speaker 2: I don't have time to write a book. I work 636 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,400 Speaker 2: full time. I got a podcast, I got a blog. 637 00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:21,920 Speaker 2: I don't have time. And so I think for me, 638 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,840 Speaker 2: it was just remembering the power of my mind and 639 00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:27,520 Speaker 2: the fact that if you put your mind to something, 640 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:31,360 Speaker 2: it can happen. Like whatever you believe and conceive you 641 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:34,160 Speaker 2: can achieve, right, And so I think that's one thing. 642 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:38,480 Speaker 2: I think. The second is that down that inner child 643 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:40,960 Speaker 2: work like part of me sometimes when I go out 644 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:43,400 Speaker 2: and tell my story, I'm like, damn, I'm thirty and 645 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:45,120 Speaker 2: I'm still talking about the stuff that happened when I 646 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,800 Speaker 2: was younger. And then I'm like, yeah, you are, because 647 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,120 Speaker 2: that shit really impacted you. Like you may not be 648 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:52,240 Speaker 2: that little girl, but you still have some of the symptoms, 649 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,680 Speaker 2: like the stuff that's exuding from you today, that depression, 650 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,560 Speaker 2: that anxiety, the toxicity, a lot of that stuff that 651 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,920 Speaker 2: those are symptoms from what you expe experienced. And I 652 00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,800 Speaker 2: never really processed that childhood trauma in a healthy way. 653 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,480 Speaker 2: And so yeah, it's important to revisit that. And so 654 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:10,440 Speaker 2: I think just holding space for myself to retell those 655 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:14,440 Speaker 2: stories and to not necessarily be a victim of that, 656 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:18,600 Speaker 2: but be a victor owning my story and going back 657 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:21,240 Speaker 2: to mother myself and going back to love on myself 658 00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:23,840 Speaker 2: and going back to those moments and replaying that and 659 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,280 Speaker 2: saving myself in the moment. And so I think that's 660 00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:27,720 Speaker 2: another thing that stood out to me. 661 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:31,680 Speaker 1: Dom Well, I think that that's powerful in and of itself, 662 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:36,720 Speaker 1: right of giving you that space to go back and 663 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:41,240 Speaker 1: like you said, to mother your inner child, to really 664 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:45,440 Speaker 1: take care of her, and that is a hard thing 665 00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:51,200 Speaker 1: to do. I know that there are people out there 666 00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:57,600 Speaker 1: in their forties, fifties, sixties that still have not done 667 00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:06,520 Speaker 1: that work and continue to search for healing because they 668 00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:10,439 Speaker 1: haven't done that inner work. And that inner work, you know. 669 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:12,000 Speaker 2: Is hard. 670 00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:17,520 Speaker 1: It is truly hard, because I could imagine for you 671 00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,920 Speaker 1: and correct me if I'm wrong, But part of that 672 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:26,400 Speaker 1: inner work and healing your inner child meant having to 673 00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:37,719 Speaker 1: both address aryan Erica right, but then also make a 674 00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:47,040 Speaker 1: determination of how you want to engage family who may 675 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:51,720 Speaker 1: have contributed to the abuse and the trauma. 676 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:55,520 Speaker 2: Absolutely, domb I would have beree with that hands down. 677 00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:58,279 Speaker 2: And what I will say is, as I have been 678 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:03,480 Speaker 2: on this journey of growth and self acceptance and self love, 679 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:09,440 Speaker 2: I'm working on no longer acting out of obligation because 680 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,120 Speaker 2: for a long time I would just put up with 681 00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:15,120 Speaker 2: shit because it's like, oh, it's this person, right, I'm 682 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:16,880 Speaker 2: just gonna put up with that. It's this person. And 683 00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:20,160 Speaker 2: then when I was in therapy recently, my therapist was like, well, 684 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:24,720 Speaker 2: if this person wasn't fill in the blank, your dad, 685 00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,880 Speaker 2: your mom, your cousin, your grandmother, whoever that person might 686 00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:30,600 Speaker 2: be for you, if this person didn't have that title, 687 00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:34,800 Speaker 2: would you still be connected to them? And I'm like, fuck, No, 688 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:37,480 Speaker 2: I wouldn't like. If I don't put up with toxicity 689 00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:39,920 Speaker 2: in my relationship, if I don't put up with abuse 690 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:43,480 Speaker 2: in my relationship, if I don't put up with manipulation 691 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,319 Speaker 2: and my friendships, then why am I tolerating it from 692 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,560 Speaker 2: a family member? Right? And so for me, I'm at 693 00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:52,040 Speaker 2: a point now where if your energy is not on 694 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,000 Speaker 2: the same wavelength, right, and if you're not ready to 695 00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:59,120 Speaker 2: have adult conversations and be cordial and be mature, then 696 00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,719 Speaker 2: we may not be able to coexist in this space 697 00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,239 Speaker 2: right now, right, I may have to just pray for you. 698 00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,080 Speaker 2: You do your thing and be over there. And I'm 699 00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,239 Speaker 2: over here because I love myself too much to let 700 00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,360 Speaker 2: myself be disrespected, number one, but to also be in 701 00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,040 Speaker 2: that energy and in that space. And what I want 702 00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:17,640 Speaker 2: to say to dom is, I believe that we all 703 00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,160 Speaker 2: deserve to heal. Someone that I love very very much, 704 00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:24,279 Speaker 2: and someone that's very close to me had experienced and 705 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:29,239 Speaker 2: assaults and they didn't tell people. I don't even think 706 00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:31,799 Speaker 2: they told anyone for years. I don't think they told 707 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:35,560 Speaker 2: anyone honestly, maybe except for me and another person. And 708 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:40,600 Speaker 2: this person lived with that guilt for so long and 709 00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:43,440 Speaker 2: when I say you deserve to heal, like you deserve 710 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,760 Speaker 2: to heal regardless of who might not like you telling 711 00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,279 Speaker 2: your story. It's not fair for you to hold that 712 00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:53,239 Speaker 2: story and just sit with that by yourself because you're 713 00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:55,640 Speaker 2: afraid that someone might not like what you said, right, 714 00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:57,920 Speaker 2: or someone might be mad at you, or someone might 715 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,319 Speaker 2: feel like you call them out. Because that's not fear 716 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,960 Speaker 2: to you to have to hold all that energy up 717 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,160 Speaker 2: in yourself and not release that, right, whatever that means 718 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,120 Speaker 2: for you. Some people want to tell that story publicly. 719 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,360 Speaker 2: Some people might just want to tell a friend. But 720 00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:11,720 Speaker 2: we all deserve to heal. 721 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:18,160 Speaker 1: Yes, yes we do. As you're speaking to like this 722 00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:21,920 Speaker 1: healing that's going on, and like I recognize that that 723 00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:26,959 Speaker 1: healing is a journey, right, and the work that you're 724 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:34,600 Speaker 1: doing didn't start yesterday, right, that you've been doing this 725 00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:38,040 Speaker 1: work for a long time. One of the things that 726 00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,799 Speaker 1: I'm aware of is that, like when we start doing 727 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:45,040 Speaker 1: the work on ourselves, it impacts the people around us, right, 728 00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:49,560 Speaker 1: for good or for bad, It impacts the people around us. 729 00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:53,879 Speaker 1: I'm going to get a little bit more personal, if 730 00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:57,120 Speaker 1: you can say that we haven't already gotten personal, right, right, 731 00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:03,279 Speaker 1: So you've been mad read for what five years now? 732 00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:06,239 Speaker 2: Yeah, butterly five years on the day of the book 733 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,040 Speaker 2: launched July twenty first. 734 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:19,000 Speaker 1: So, how has your journey as an individual impacted your 735 00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:21,440 Speaker 1: journey in your marriage? 736 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:24,160 Speaker 2: Ooh, that's a good one. Down. I want to tell 737 00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:27,400 Speaker 2: you how the journey has impacted me and my marriage 738 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:30,040 Speaker 2: because I think about this question a lot, and just 739 00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,480 Speaker 2: how I think about how it could impact other people, 740 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:35,560 Speaker 2: because this is something I often think about. I would say, one, 741 00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:38,959 Speaker 2: my journey of healing has just made me a better 742 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:41,920 Speaker 2: person overall, Dom, Like I will say, out of everything 743 00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,239 Speaker 2: that I've been through, like I really wouldn't take away 744 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,239 Speaker 2: anything from the journey. It really did make me who 745 00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:49,239 Speaker 2: I am. And I don't have any bad feelings toward 746 00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,920 Speaker 2: anyone in my life. Like I am genuinely happy, Dom, 747 00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:54,560 Speaker 2: And I've waited so long to get to this place. 748 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:56,960 Speaker 2: And I know we're still on a journey right, still 749 00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:59,319 Speaker 2: work in progress. But I mean the joy and the 750 00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:02,120 Speaker 2: happiness that I feel, the gratitude that I feel in 751 00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:04,960 Speaker 2: my life today is really unspeakable. And so when it 752 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:08,720 Speaker 2: comes to know me as a wife and my marriage, 753 00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:11,319 Speaker 2: I mean, it makes me a better communicator. Now I 754 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:15,320 Speaker 2: have grown so much by way of communication, Like it's crazy. 755 00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:17,640 Speaker 2: I have addressed so much of my own toxicity, so 756 00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:19,759 Speaker 2: when I talk about healing, it ain't always pretty okay. 757 00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:21,759 Speaker 2: It's not just pointing the fingers that everybody else saying 758 00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:23,520 Speaker 2: what they did to you. It's also looking in the 759 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:26,239 Speaker 2: mirror and be like, mm bue you guys. Some stuff 760 00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,600 Speaker 2: M to work on too. So I think about my toxicity, right, 761 00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:31,520 Speaker 2: my lack of communication, because I was the kind of 762 00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,919 Speaker 2: person where I would just shut down, or I would 763 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,279 Speaker 2: deflect or how about this down, get ready for this. 764 00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:40,400 Speaker 2: Because I was a victim for so long, I didn't 765 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:42,719 Speaker 2: wear the victim badge in a way that was very 766 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,040 Speaker 2: I want to say, noticeable. It was kind of discreet 767 00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:47,080 Speaker 2: the way I did it. Because though I was a 768 00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:50,160 Speaker 2: victim and I experienced all these things, I feel like 769 00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:55,239 Speaker 2: oftentimes in relationships in general and with communication, it was 770 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:59,239 Speaker 2: easy for me to sort of play a victim role 771 00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:01,480 Speaker 2: when I and did something wrong. Right, So I might 772 00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,800 Speaker 2: be in the wrong, but I'm moving into this comfortable 773 00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:06,600 Speaker 2: victim position because oh my gosh, me, the one who 774 00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:08,640 Speaker 2: was abused, the one who experienced all this, I can't 775 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:12,520 Speaker 2: possibly be being passive, aggressive, right now, I can't possibly 776 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:15,960 Speaker 2: be you know, communicating poorly right now, like oh my gosh. 777 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,520 Speaker 2: And so I think understanding that no boo, sometimes yo 778 00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,920 Speaker 2: shit sink too. I think that's something that I've been 779 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:26,000 Speaker 2: able to work on and realize and take responsibility and apologize. 780 00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:27,960 Speaker 2: I mean, Don, I had so much trouble doing all 781 00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:30,000 Speaker 2: of this, you know, eight years ago or so when 782 00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,920 Speaker 2: my husband I met, and through my journey of healing 783 00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,960 Speaker 2: it is really made a better communicator in general and 784 00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:39,759 Speaker 2: just a healthier person. So I would say that, but 785 00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:42,440 Speaker 2: I also want to speak to the other part of 786 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:46,800 Speaker 2: that where Donald, sometimes when you heal and you address 787 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:50,520 Speaker 2: your stuff, sometimes you outgrow your partner or the people 788 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:52,719 Speaker 2: that are around you. And what I'm thinking, what I 789 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,239 Speaker 2: mean by that is I know that there are some 790 00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:58,520 Speaker 2: situations where you may have an arrangement like a codependent 791 00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:03,600 Speaker 2: relationship right where, or situation where your partner they want 792 00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:05,839 Speaker 2: you to be good and successful, but they don't want 793 00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:07,640 Speaker 2: you to get to a certain place of just having 794 00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:09,920 Speaker 2: too much independence because then you won't need them anymore, 795 00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:13,200 Speaker 2: right or then you'll be too healthy to you know, 796 00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:15,759 Speaker 2: ask them for help or whatever it might be. And 797 00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:17,920 Speaker 2: so I think sometimes you just have to be aware 798 00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:20,359 Speaker 2: and mindful that, oh, dynamics might shift as I grow 799 00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:23,239 Speaker 2: into my independence, because I'm a very different woman than 800 00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:25,920 Speaker 2: I was back then when we met, right, And so 801 00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,160 Speaker 2: I think that's something to always just kind of keep 802 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:29,640 Speaker 2: in mind and be mindful of. Too. 803 00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:35,760 Speaker 1: You said a word, You said a lot of words, 804 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:40,480 Speaker 1: and I appreciate it, Okay, tease. So we've been talking 805 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:43,440 Speaker 1: a lot about this book right throughout this entire episode. 806 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:50,280 Speaker 1: Can you tell our listeners one just refrush their memory 807 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:52,879 Speaker 1: on the title of the book and then let them 808 00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:56,200 Speaker 1: know where and when they can find it. 809 00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:59,720 Speaker 2: Yes. Yes, So the book is called how to Glow 810 00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,400 Speaker 2: Up as You Grow Up, Your go to guide for 811 00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,840 Speaker 2: overcoming obstacles and making lemonade. And the book drops on 812 00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:08,960 Speaker 2: July twenty first, twenty twenty. But if you head on 813 00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:18,360 Speaker 2: over to glow upbook dot com glo wup bookay dot com, 814 00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:20,880 Speaker 2: you can get exclusive content. I'll be driving some behind 815 00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:24,000 Speaker 2: the scenes footage from my journey and just some exclusive 816 00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,560 Speaker 2: bonuses from the book. So go ahead and visit me there, lady, 817 00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:28,439 Speaker 2: and you can get your copy very soon. 818 00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:32,880 Speaker 1: So I want to kind of shift up the energy 819 00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:36,799 Speaker 1: a little bit. And I know that normally during this 820 00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:38,839 Speaker 1: portion is like when we say we're gonna shift up 821 00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:44,040 Speaker 1: the energy, we go into our ou clatchet segment. Right. However, 822 00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:54,279 Speaker 1: if listeners paid attention to season seven episode one, right, 823 00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:56,879 Speaker 1: and we're literally season seven episode three, so only two 824 00:42:56,920 --> 00:43:01,160 Speaker 1: episodes ago, you and I did the old u clatches 825 00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:05,120 Speaker 1: segment and we answered those questions, right, mm hmm, that's right. 826 00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:07,680 Speaker 1: So lady, if you want that old you clatchyness, you 827 00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:12,719 Speaker 1: gotta go and listen to season seven episode one. What 828 00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:16,759 Speaker 1: I want to do now, though, is kind of ask 829 00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:20,960 Speaker 1: a couple of questions to kind of tap into the 830 00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,040 Speaker 1: terry that we don't always get to see. 831 00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:25,160 Speaker 2: Ooh, okay, all. 832 00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:33,640 Speaker 1: Right, So let's say you have a Saturday where you're 833 00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:39,520 Speaker 1: on vacation, whether that's a staycation or just you're out 834 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:44,920 Speaker 1: of town. What is your idea of a fun Saturday? 835 00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:49,239 Speaker 2: Ooh, the ideas of a sun Saturday? Oh, dom so 836 00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,840 Speaker 2: many things. Like I am super open minded, I'm like 837 00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:54,960 Speaker 2: so into new experiences. So I'm thinking of vacation. I 838 00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:56,640 Speaker 2: don't know why. I'm thinking of like just being a 839 00:43:56,719 --> 00:44:00,400 Speaker 2: different location, like not in San Francisco. So for me, 840 00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,520 Speaker 2: I would want to go get some good food number one. 841 00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:04,600 Speaker 2: That's the highlight right there, and get some good food. 842 00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:08,719 Speaker 2: I want to go explore the area, maybe go like 843 00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:12,400 Speaker 2: on a hike, or I'm trying to think of what 844 00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,160 Speaker 2: we could actually do with real life right now too, 845 00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,160 Speaker 2: so I think I'm being too realistic. But I would 846 00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:18,120 Speaker 2: just say, like something new, something fun, like I've been 847 00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:20,240 Speaker 2: wanted to write a high air balloon for a while. 848 00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,719 Speaker 2: And then after I have fun and take on this 849 00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:26,600 Speaker 2: new experience, then I'll probably go back and read or 850 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,120 Speaker 2: do something a little nerdy because that's just my style, 851 00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:31,239 Speaker 2: or like learn something new like I'm down for like 852 00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:34,600 Speaker 2: Improv'm a cooking class. I like to go on groupon. 853 00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,239 Speaker 2: I mean, so I'm just down to explore. 854 00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:42,160 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I am with it. Okay, all right, so 855 00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,640 Speaker 1: we have your idea of fun. Essentially you have an 856 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:50,400 Speaker 1: open day. You're down to try anything, right, Yes, Okay? 857 00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:55,319 Speaker 1: Love that. For our listeners who are going to get 858 00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:59,839 Speaker 1: the book, what is one surprising thing that they may 859 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:02,000 Speaker 1: learn about you in the book? 860 00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:06,319 Speaker 2: Oh boy, Well, if I'm going to tell you the 861 00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:08,400 Speaker 2: surprising thing, domb I had to tell you a story. 862 00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:13,600 Speaker 2: I'm here for okay girls, So about two years ago, 863 00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:16,680 Speaker 2: almost two years ago. It was September fifteenth, well a 864 00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:21,040 Speaker 2: little before that, actually, I wanted to connect with my ancestry. 865 00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:23,440 Speaker 2: So I'm like, I want to get my ancestry results 866 00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:27,319 Speaker 2: because I feel like many of us, you know, black people, 867 00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:29,640 Speaker 2: African Americans, we don't really know where we come from, right, 868 00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:31,120 Speaker 2: many of us don't. I mean, we know that we 869 00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:33,640 Speaker 2: came from Africa, but we don't know like where our 870 00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,960 Speaker 2: family was down south, right, And so I wanted to know, like, 871 00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:39,440 Speaker 2: what part what is my genetic makeup? 872 00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:39,680 Speaker 1: Right? 873 00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:41,719 Speaker 2: I was still curious about that, and as I was 874 00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:43,879 Speaker 2: thinking about having children and things like that, I thought 875 00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,000 Speaker 2: this was very important for me to know. So my 876 00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:49,160 Speaker 2: husband and I we order our ancestry kits. We send 877 00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,000 Speaker 2: them in and I'm super excited out. I'm like, I 878 00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:53,080 Speaker 2: can't wait to see where part of Africa I'm from, 879 00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,120 Speaker 2: Like I'm about to spout on social media like yo, 880 00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:57,680 Speaker 2: I'm this right, because it's just such a sense of 881 00:45:57,719 --> 00:45:59,680 Speaker 2: pride that comes along with that. And I remember thinking 882 00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:02,919 Speaker 2: about a lot of my white counterparts where they would 883 00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:05,840 Speaker 2: always just have this sense of oh my family's Irish 884 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,239 Speaker 2: or I'm this percent that and I used to go 885 00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:10,279 Speaker 2: travel to this country, you know, back when I was 886 00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:12,000 Speaker 2: younger during the summers, and I'm like, damn, I never 887 00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:14,160 Speaker 2: had that. So I was very very excited DOM. And 888 00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:17,520 Speaker 2: on September fifteenth, I got my results and so I 889 00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:19,920 Speaker 2: was actually I remember being in bed and my husband 890 00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:21,840 Speaker 2: was sleep and I looked over and I opened the 891 00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:23,680 Speaker 2: app and I was like, oh strip my first I 892 00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:26,560 Speaker 2: was kay. I was super excited and I opened them 893 00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:29,080 Speaker 2: and what I saw on the page Dom, it made 894 00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,560 Speaker 2: my mouth drop. Okay, okay. I literally looked at my 895 00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:35,120 Speaker 2: screen and I was on pause for about five minutes, 896 00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:40,359 Speaker 2: and I remember texting my best friend because the Ancestry 897 00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:44,160 Speaker 2: app was telling me that this man that I never 898 00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:49,600 Speaker 2: saw in my life was my biological father. WHOA yeah. 899 00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:53,479 Speaker 2: And so I ended up texting my best friend. I'm like, hey, 900 00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:55,879 Speaker 2: I didn't even tell her the context. I was just like, Hey, 901 00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:57,719 Speaker 2: do me and this guy look alike? And She's like, oh, 902 00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:00,239 Speaker 2: my gosh, you look just like him, Airic, But who 903 00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:03,040 Speaker 2: is that your uncle? And I was like, oh my god. Fuck. 904 00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:05,920 Speaker 2: So long story short, DOM. I found out in the 905 00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:08,439 Speaker 2: midst of like preparing for the book and all that 906 00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:10,879 Speaker 2: I don't talk in detail about this in the book, 907 00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:12,440 Speaker 2: but I may have to share it in another book. 908 00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:16,800 Speaker 2: But I found out that I have a biological father 909 00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:20,040 Speaker 2: that I never knew and I found that out on 910 00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:22,200 Speaker 2: ancestry dot com. 911 00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:23,360 Speaker 1: Wow. 912 00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:26,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, I touched on it briefly in the book, but 913 00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:31,239 Speaker 2: that was like a huge shocker to me and my 914 00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:36,200 Speaker 2: family and everyone else because no one else knew about this, Like, 915 00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:37,960 Speaker 2: no one else knew this was just And to give 916 00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:39,600 Speaker 2: you a little context, I don't want to dive too 917 00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:42,080 Speaker 2: deep into the story just because it's still something that 918 00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:46,360 Speaker 2: I think is very sensitive for a lot of folks. 919 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:47,840 Speaker 2: But I will say the reason I put it in 920 00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:49,759 Speaker 2: the book and the reason that it inspired me. After 921 00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:52,160 Speaker 2: of course, I cried it out and had to call 922 00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:54,400 Speaker 2: my dad and call my mom and you know, figure 923 00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:57,440 Speaker 2: things out. I found out dom that I was a 924 00:47:57,440 --> 00:47:59,719 Speaker 2: one night stand baby. So I was basically like an 925 00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:03,480 Speaker 2: act is what people will say, right, And so when 926 00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:05,759 Speaker 2: I think about my story after I was able to 927 00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:08,239 Speaker 2: get over the emotional part of that experience, I was like, 928 00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:10,120 Speaker 2: you know what, God, Like, I literally I can't make 929 00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:11,880 Speaker 2: this shit up no more at this point my life 930 00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:13,960 Speaker 2: and my story, like this is this is all for 931 00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:15,759 Speaker 2: a greater cause, Like this is not even about me, right, 932 00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:18,040 Speaker 2: now this is about something greater, and it made me 933 00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:21,239 Speaker 2: so happy because I now when I go speak to 934 00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:23,960 Speaker 2: young people, especially young people that come from, you know, 935 00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:27,120 Speaker 2: tough backgrounds, and young people that may not have felt 936 00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,120 Speaker 2: wanted when they were younger, or young people that may 937 00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:31,520 Speaker 2: not know their parents, right, I can now tell a 938 00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,920 Speaker 2: story about how this is how I was conceived and 939 00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:35,960 Speaker 2: this is how I started out. But that doesn't have 940 00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:38,839 Speaker 2: to be your story. And so now that gives me 941 00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:41,719 Speaker 2: something to tell those kids that are in similar predicaments. 942 00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:44,440 Speaker 2: Because we aren't accidents. We made it here for a reason, 943 00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:46,920 Speaker 2: and so to think that someone like me could make 944 00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:48,719 Speaker 2: an impact in the world and go through all the 945 00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:52,200 Speaker 2: serversity and technically I'm using air quotes, wasn't even supposed 946 00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:53,560 Speaker 2: to be here or I was an accident. 947 00:48:53,880 --> 00:49:01,480 Speaker 1: I mean, come on, Mike Drop, Mike fucking Drop. 948 00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:05,879 Speaker 2: Dominicque. I can't make this up. Like at this point, 949 00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:07,440 Speaker 2: I'm just like, Okay, this is a movie, right now? 950 00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:09,719 Speaker 2: What the fuck? Like, what the hell? 951 00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:10,040 Speaker 1: Girl? 952 00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:12,120 Speaker 2: I literally was like when I saw that. Now, I 953 00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:13,640 Speaker 2: was like, this will be my life right now. I 954 00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:16,520 Speaker 2: can't do anything but cry and then laugh because what 955 00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:16,959 Speaker 2: the hell? 956 00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:24,359 Speaker 1: No, Yeah, I'm sorry, I stepped out of therapist mode, like, 957 00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:26,239 Speaker 1: and I'm not even supposed to be in therapist mode, 958 00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:29,440 Speaker 1: but I stepped out of like therapist language like or 959 00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:31,239 Speaker 1: professional language for a moment there. 960 00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:33,799 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I know. 961 00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:41,000 Speaker 1: I was literally unbelievable ready for that. Thank you though, 962 00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:44,760 Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing that, because 963 00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:48,040 Speaker 1: I think that's a great way for us to wrap up. 964 00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:59,160 Speaker 1: Is truly understanding that from the moment we are conceived, 965 00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:03,359 Speaker 1: no matter or what the story is behind our conception, 966 00:50:04,239 --> 00:50:07,759 Speaker 1: we do not have to be defined by that. 967 00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:09,000 Speaker 2: Mm hm. 968 00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:13,680 Speaker 1: However, we got here, we are destined to be here, 969 00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:19,400 Speaker 1: and team you are dustined for greatness. 970 00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:26,280 Speaker 2: Thank you, dom make me cry girl, Thank you. Hey lady, 971 00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:28,880 Speaker 2: It's Terry here from the Hurstace Podcast and I have 972 00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,520 Speaker 2: a question for you. Do you want to start your 973 00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:35,080 Speaker 2: own podcast? Have you been thinking to yourself, you know what, 974 00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:37,680 Speaker 2: I want to start a podcast, but you just haven't 975 00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:41,840 Speaker 2: taken the leap. If that's you, I got you. I'm 976 00:50:41,880 --> 00:50:45,359 Speaker 2: hosting a free podcasting masterclass where I'm gonna teach you 977 00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:48,120 Speaker 2: how to create your own podcast from start to finish. 978 00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:50,960 Speaker 2: I'll teach you how to format your show and pitch 979 00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:53,600 Speaker 2: great guests. I'll teach you how to stand out in 980 00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:56,480 Speaker 2: the crowd of nearly one million podcasts. But I'm also 981 00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:58,800 Speaker 2: going to teach you how to get your mind right. Okay. 982 00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:02,239 Speaker 2: We're gonna talk about how to overcome imposter syndrome and 983 00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:06,600 Speaker 2: how to deal with fear on your podcasting journey. So 984 00:51:06,719 --> 00:51:10,799 Speaker 2: even if you're not tech savvy, it's okay. This masterclass 985 00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:13,640 Speaker 2: is just for you. So visit Terrylomax dot com and 986 00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:15,480 Speaker 2: click on the pink link in the middle of your 987 00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:19,919 Speaker 2: screen and register for my free podcasting masterclass. Again, that's 988 00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:26,080 Speaker 2: Terrylomax dot com T E R R I L O 989 00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:30,080 Speaker 2: max dot com. I hope to see you there. 990 00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:35,200 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today in her space. Please note 991 00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:39,680 Speaker 1: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 992 00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:43,480 Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 993 00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:46,920 Speaker 1: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 994 00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:51,680 Speaker 1: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are 995 00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:54,600 Speaker 1: someone you know is in need of mental health care, 996 00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:59,280 Speaker 1: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today 997 00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:01,720 Speaker 1: or contact your insurance provider. 998 00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:03,960 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 999 00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:07,360 Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 1000 00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:12,520 Speaker 2: Twitter at herspace podcast or check out our website at 1001 00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:16,600 Speaker 2: herspace podcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat 1002 00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:20,400 Speaker 2: after me. I am not limited by any past thinking. 1003 00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:22,959 Speaker 2: I choose my thoughts with care. 1004 00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:26,640 Speaker 1: We'll see you next week, lady,